Original subtitles

[BUGLE PLAYS "CHARGE"]

♪ The end of the Civil War Was near ♪

♪ When quite accidentally ♪

♪ A hero who sneezed Abruptly seized ♪

♪ Retreat And reversed it to victory ♪

♪ His Medal of Honor Pleased and thrilled ♪

♪ His proud little Family group ♪

♪ While pinning it on Some blood was spilled ♪

♪ And so it was planned He'd command ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

♪ Where Indian fights Are colorful sights ♪

♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪

♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪

♪ Both turn chicken ♪

♪ When drilling and fighting Get them down ♪

♪ They know their morale Can't droop ♪

♪ As long as they all Relax in town ♪

♪ Before they resume With a bang and a boom ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

[♪♪♪]

PARMENTER: Whoop.

Oops.

Janie, what are you doing?

Well, as long as you ain't gonna sweep me off my feet,

I figured I'd sweep you off yours.

Janey, I've told you, not in front of the men.

I was bringing you a letter.

It's from the territory headquarters.

Oh, thank you.

I sure hope it ain't nothin' serious, Wilton.

I hate bringin' bad news, especially to you,

'cause every time, you get the longest face...

No, no, no, no, it's from Major Duncan.

He says he's worried about the Hekawis.

They've been quiet too long.

What's wrong with that?

Oh, well, you know the major.

I wouldn't worry none, Wilton.

Now, why don't we ride up to Kissin' Rock

and have a nice picnic?

Janey, I happen to be on duty.

Now, would you let me down, please?

All right, Wilton.

See ya later.

[♪♪♪]

Bye.

Bye.

[CHOKES]

Here comes the captain.

Don't let him hold us up.

We got a board meeting with the Hekawi,

talk over souvenir business.

Don't worry about a thing. I'll take care of this.

Oh, uh, Sergeant O'Rourke.

Oh, captain. Uh, sir, would it be all right

if Corporal Agarn...?

I-I-I'm sorry, sergeant, it'll have to wait.

I want the two of you to do a little spying on the Hekawis.

Well, you see, sir, something very important...

You want us to go up to the Hekawi camp, sir?

Yes, it's very urgent.

Well, of course any little matter of ours can wait, sir.

Oh, that's right. You know us, captain.

When duty calls, we're right there.

The Army comes first.

Our country, right or wrong.

The Stars and Stripes forever.

The rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air...

Corporal.

All I'm asking you to do is ride up to the Hekawi camp.

Sorry, sir, I just got carried away.

What is it you want us to do, sir?

Well, Major Duncan is very suspicious.

He feels the Hekawis have been quiet too long.

He's afraid that...

He's afraid they're planning an uprising.

Ooh!

Well, sir, we'll take care of it.

Good, good. Thank you, sergeant.

Yes, sir.

Did ya hear that, sarge?

Major Duncan thinks the Hekawi are gonna stage an uprising.

Is that a laugh?

[LAUGHING]

It's the best laugh I've had in a month.

[LAUGHING]

You want Hekawi uprising?

Who we uprise against?

We not care who,

but Hekawi must go on warpath.

Boy, have you got wrong tribe.

You hold your tongue, Crazy Cat.

You not forget you talk to me, Snake Eyes.

Inspector, Council of Indian Nations, West.

But we in good standing. We pay dues.

Money not everything.

Boy, have you got wrong tribe.

Look at Hekawi record.

Not one massacre.

Not one town wiped out.

Not one wagon train attacked.

For 20 years, you not even fight Indians.

That not true!

Last week, Crazy Cat have big fight with Apache.

And I beat 'em, single handed.

How many Apache?

One. My wife. She Apache on mother side.

Fight with wife not count.

You not see Crazy Cat's squaw.

Some tribes not that big.

Wild Eagle, I give you last chance.

I come back Saturday.

By then, you must have victory in fight.

Not care who. But Hekawi must fight.

Snake Eyes, who we fight?

Hekawi not mad at nobody.

Then... Then get mad!

Remember old Injun saying:

"Nice guys no win hunting grounds."

[♪♪♪]

What we do now, chief?

Only one thing can do.

We make surprise attack on old enemy, the Shugs.

But Shugs know Hekawis never use tomahawks,

never use flaming arrows,

and all our braves have chicken hearts.

That why it such big surprise.

CRAZY CAT: One, two, three, four...

What's goin' on?

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two three, four.

One, two three, four.

One, two three, four.

One, two three, four.

Take five.

Wild Eagle, what's with the calisthenics?

Got to get braves plenty tough.

Fight Shugs.

Shugs?

Boys, we in big trouble.

Indian Council give Hekawi till Saturday to win battle,

otherwise, get kicked out of Indian Nations.

But, chief, you can't stop being Indians.

You wanna blow our whole souvenir business?

Aw, this is ridiculous!

If your tribe gets in a fight, it'll be wiped out.

Not if get in condition.

Then maybe stand pretty good chance against Shugs.

You can't fight the Shugs.

I mean, they're tough.

No more. Only six braves left.

Others get wiped out by Geronimo.

Six Shugs.

Four-hundred Hekawi.

Chance? Forget it!

Now, Wild Eagle, ain't nobody in your tribe

knows how to fight.

Hekawis lovers, not fighters.

Wait a minute.

Now we got two good fighters in tribe.

Who?

You and corporal.

Why you think I make you honorary Hekawi?

Oh, no. Forget it.

I'm a member of the United States Cavalry.

And I ain't teaching no Injuns Injun fightin'.

You want to be honorary member of tribe that get wiped out?

Wait a minute, Agarn, think about this for a minute.

If they get wiped out, so does O'Rourke Enterprises.

Well, that's what I said, sarge.

Now let's get these wildcats on their feet

and into basic training.

All right, on your feet!

I wanna see a little life around here.

Up, down! Up, down!

Put your hearts and your liver into it.

AGARN: All right, there's your enemy:

The deadly Shugs.

[HEKAWIS GRUMBLING]

Now, pay attention.

This is a tomahawk.

One of the deadliest weapons in primitive warfare.

When thrown properly,

it can kill a man at 30 paces.

Who ever thought of such a terrible weapon?

Who ever thought of such a weapon?

It was your people who thought of it!

We did?

Craze, you've gotta think Indian.

I'll try, Agarn.

I will now demonstrate

the approved method of tossing the tomahawk.

Held tightly in the right hand, thumb meeting index finger.

The overlapping grip.

Forearm tight, wrist loose.

Eh? Eh? And follow through.

[CHEERING]

Another Shug bite dust.

[GIGGLES]

All right, you braves, let's see what you've learned.

Come on, now. Line up. Line up.

No, no, no. Next to each other.

This ain't a chow line. You wanna wipe yourselves out?

Two lines, two lines.

All right, now. Ready.

[DRUMROLL PLAYING] Aim.

Fire.

[♪♪♪]

Well, so much for tomahawks.

Next class... bow and arrow.

All right, now this shouldn't be too tough, Wild Eagle.

You're Injuns. You've all shot bows and arrows.

We never shoot at anybody who shoot back.

Well, this is a cinch.

You've watched your kids do it a million times.

Now just do like I taught ya.

Wait a minute, Craze.

It goes on top of the bow.

All right? Now, ready.

[DRUMROLL PLAYING] Aim.

Fire.

[♪♪♪]

O'ROURKE: Fellas, not one of ya hit the target!

Sarge, would you mind pointing them the other way?

All right. Now, remember this.

There is nothing that will put fear in the hearts

of the enemy like a good, bloodcurdling war whoop.

Good idea.

Any you boys know war hoop?

Hoop? Hoop? Hoop? Hoop?

Now, wait a minute. You're Injuns.

One of you must have... Agarn.

Craze. Let's hear from you.

[WHOOPS WEAKLY]

Trouble, sarge. Trouble.

Now, look, Craze.

Just remember a couple of things.

It starts here in the diaphragm.

Works its way up through the voice box

and in through the nasal passage.

Now, let me hear it, loud and clear.

[WHOOPS WEAKLY]

He's calling for sparrows, isn't that cute?

Come on, try it one more time.

From the diaphragm, let it come up through he larynx,

and out the... Try it one more...

No, no no. Pear-shape those, and...

Stay loose. Here we go.

[WHOOPS WEAKLY]

He's not giving me what I want.

[SCREAMS]

Now, that is a war whoop.

[ALL WHOOPING & SCREAMING]

[CHATTERING]

You're a wild eagle?

Your braves couldn't beat the Shug squaws.

Couldn't even beat their grandmothers.

Maybe we make attack on own tribe.

Yeah, I think you'd blow that one too.

Wait! Wild Eagle have idea.

Hekawis attack Fort Courage.

Are you outta your mind?

We'd wipe you out.

Not if Sergeant O'Rourke fix fight.

Wait a minute. The cavalry can't throw no fight.

That's unconstitutional.

This no big deal. Just between us.

What friends for?

He's right, Agarn. What are friends for?

Well, anybody knows that. To help you make money.

Yeah, I don't know how I'll arrange this,

but when do you wanna take the fort?

Snake Eyes inspector come back Saturday.

How about Friday?

That's a good day for a defeat.

What are we gonna do about Captain Parmenter?

I'll think of somethin'.

O'Rourke, you very good friend.

Indian finally gonna win.

Yeah, but don't make a habit of it.

Only one thing I feel kind of bad about, chief.

What that?

O'Rourke Enterprises gonna have to charge you

the cost of this little uprising.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Mmm. Mmm-mmm!

You know, Janey,

I'd say there isn't a better spaghetti cook than you

in the whole country.

Well, thank you, Wilton.

[CHUCKLES]

Getting it as almost as much fun as eating it.

Well, if you like my cookin' so much,

I... I know how you can get it all the time.

So do I, but they won't let me

sign you up for the cavalry. You're a girl.

Well, somebody must have told you.

Wilton Parmenter,

ain't you never considered gettin' married?

Sure, I have. Many times.

Well, what's holding you up?

Oh, because I always cry at weddings,

and nobody likes to see a grown man cry.

I swear, Wilton, I don't know why I come over here so much.

Sometimes, I just think I'm wastin' my time.

You are if you expect to get into the cavalry.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

Ah, wonderful news, captain, sir.

Take a look at that.

What? Oh, oh.

Sorry, sir.

Oh, this is marvelous. What is it?

Smells like spaghetti à la marinara.

It's a new treaty with the Hekawis, sir.

And this time we got them to include a no-massacre clause.

Oh, well, this makes it really binding.

Congratulations, men.

Shall we saddle your horse, sir?

Why? Is he going someplace?

O'ROURKE: You are, sir.

Territory headquarters has been worried about a Hekawi uprising,

and this solves the problem.

Well, couldn't I just mail it in?

And let someone else take the credit, sir?

No, sir. You have got to go and take the bows yourself.

They're right, Wilton.

And I'd be right pleased to go along as your scout.

Oh, no, that would mean we'd be out on the trail

all by ourselves.

How about that.

No, sir, we can't permit you to make the trip alone.

Every turn will be fraught with danger.

Fraught with danger?

And frit with peril.

You'd better take half the troop for protection.

Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll need it.

You wouldn't be safe if you brought the whole U.S. Cavalry.

Janey, please, not in front of the men.

Very well, sergeant. We'll select the proper escort

as soon as I finish my spaghetti.

One, two... upsie daisy!

[HORSE NEIGHING]

I was expecting you, sir.

[CHUCKLING] Yes.

Here we are, sir.

Corporal Agarn doesn't know his own strength.

Sir, uh... uh... Oh. Yes.

Yes. Yes, that... That's fine, sir.

Well, I guess we're all ready.

Have a nice trip, sir.

Thank you. Uh... Forward... Yo!

Yo!

[♪♪♪]

Vanderbilt, close the gate and then take the lookout tower.

You can trust me, corporal.

Do I look like a gate?

No.

You look more like the lookout tower.

Go close the gate, will ya?!

All right, come on, the rest of you guys.

O'ROURKE: I got a cleanup detail for ya.

SOLDIER: Not again.

I found it.

All right, get in there and start cleanin' things up,

and nobody gets out until everything shines.

How do you shine a blanket, sarge?

Come on, come on, move.

All right, that takes care of them.

Hey, sarge. Look. A leftover.

Don't worry about him. He ain't never gonna wake up.

Nobody suspects anything.

The Hekawis can attack any time they want to.

Sarge, a terrible thing is happening to me.

Oh? What?

Think my conscience is trying to tell me something.

Who? Little voice inside keeps saying to me:

"Agarn, you're a Benedict Arnold."

"Agarn, you're a Benedict Arnold."

I got a little voice tellin' me something too.

What does it say?

"O'Rourke, you're gonna get rich."

"O'Rourke, you're gonna get rich."

I like your voice better.

Come on, let's go check the saloon.

[♪♪♪]

[CHANTING]

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

Halt.

Ah!

Maybe nobody home.

They must be home.

Soldiers expecting this savage Indian attack.

I see soldier in lookout tower.

Soldier?

Open up gate.

Three o'clock and all is well.

Some lookout. He not see or hear.

Hard to believe Indian always lose.

How we get in fort?

That's why me chief and you just Injun.

Wild Eagle prepared for all emergency.

[♪♪♪]

This beats scale up wall any time.

[♪♪♪]

Charge!

[♪♪♪]

Wild Eagle, I getting scared again.

Okay. We don't do war hoop.

Oh, thanks, chief.

This it, boys. Load up.

Load up?

Put arrow in bow!

Oh!

Now watch this.

Trick I see once in medicine show.

[SCREAMS]

Hi, Wild Eagle.

All right, F Troop.

[GROANS]

This savage Injun attack.

You our prisoners.

Hey, what's goin' on?

Quiet! Line up against wall with others.

Me? Oh, no. I'm on floor duty.

You hear chief.

O'ROURKE: Hey!

What's goin' on here?

Heavens to Betsy, sarge, it's an Indian attack.

You under arrest.

Line up with other prisoners.

Oh.

Watch where you're putti" that arrow.

Tie everybody up.

And use double thongs on O'Rourke.

Hey, chief, you don't have to tie me up.

You know that.

Sorry, sarge.

Got to make it look good.

Sound pretty tough, huh?

Now hear this.

This is your chief speaking.

I, Wild Eagle,

leader of all Hekawis, claim victory.

Fort Courage now Fort Hekawi.

Hip hip!

ALL: Hooray!

Hip hip!

ALL: Hooray!

[ALL WHOOPING]

Yay, yay, yay... [♪♪♪]

Snake Eyes, we have met enemy, and they are ours.

I never think you do it.

Wild Eagle, you are bigger warrior than Geronimo.

Oh, some got it and some ain't.

Oh, I expect the chief will recommend you

for life membership in Council Indian Nations.

West.

East too.

Oh, this big victory. Two-point credit.

Oh, it nothing.

Just settle for small medal.

Injun hero, how you plan your next move?

What next move?

Injun have no use for fort,

except to run horses around and to shoot flaming arrows at.

So we go home to village.

Not yet. First, you massacre F Troop.

Burn fort to ground.

Four-point credit.

But this good fort.

Why burn down?

Sell back to paleface.

Get much wampum.

No sell. Burn! Kill!

How else Indian get country back?

Chief Wild Eagle, captain, soldiers coming.

[♪♪♪]

What we do now?

What do we do now?

I know what I do.

I Inspector, not fighter.

I getting outta here.

Snake Eyes, wait!

We go too!

You stay.

Defend Fort Hekawi.

I give you two-point bonus.

Some inspector.

Next to him, I am Geronimo.

Come on, Wild Eagle, untie us.

Maybe if we're lucky,

they'll kill us before the captain gets in.

Hurry up, I gotta get you outta here.

[♪♪♪]

Wilton!

Wilton, somethin' terrible's goin' on.

There's an Injun in the lookout tower.

PARMENTER: Those darn Hekawis.

They broke their brand new treaty.

Guys, we're gonna have to attack our own fort?

Dobbs, sound the charge.

To the parapets, men!

[PLAYS "CHARGE" OFF-KEY]

Charge!

Well, come on, men, the parapets, darn it!

What's the matter with you?

Well, captain, how we gonna man the parapets

when we're on the outside?

Oh. Well, there...

There must be something at...

There must be something in the manual under...

"forts."

"How to... "How to Get Back Into."

All right. Come on, you heroes.

Snap it up. I gotta get you outta here.

Here we go, up and over.

O'Rourke, you true blood brother.

For this, we throw in ten extra beads every moccasin.

Oh, thanks a heap. Come on.

You even talk like Injun.

Come on, come on, come on.

Hey, chief! Chief, look.

Me save flag!

Big deal.

Get the guys outta the guardhouse, will ya?

And put Vanderbilt back in the tower,

and I'll let 'em in.

Who we fightin' now, sarge? The captain?

Never mind, just go get 'em out.

Good, man. Good. Two-foot intervals.

Parallel to the ground.

Overlapping grip.

Good thinking, Wilton. I'm mighty proud of you.

Thank you, Janey, but you really have to give

some of the credit to the manual.

It's all right in there.

Uh, excuse me, captain,

but this thing's getti" mighty heavy.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Pardon me, Janey.

All right.

You ready, men?

Uh... on your marks.

Get... Ooh. Get set!

Go!

[♪♪♪]

[CRASH]

Well, it's nice to have our captain back.

[♪♪♪]

[CHOKING]

I'm fine.

[HIGH-PITCHED] Chief...

[NORMAL] Chief, you've got to honor this treaty we have,

otherwise, it's just a pile of birch bark.

Sorry about that attack, captain.

Me not know what come over me to go on warpath.

O'ROURKE: Captain, you've got to forgive him.

I mean, after all, for hundreds of years,

this wild, Hekawi blood has been pulsing through his veins.

[GRUNTS]

Yeah, he just didn't really know what he was doing, sir.

Could be it was spell of moon that make chief break treaty.

Say, it could have been the moon that kinda...

made the chief into a Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Buffalo Hyde.

Well, chief, I'm going to ask you for your word

that this treaty will not be broken.

You have my word, captain.

Good.

Now I think we can all be going back to the fort.

Yes, fine, fine.

Here we are.

Gladly.

Well... goodbye, all.

Oh, captain. Yeah?

Got a minute?

Yes, chief, what can I do for ya?

Would you like a good buy

on a slightly used Hekawi victory flag?

How much do you want for it?

Ten dollars.

Ten dollars?

Very rare.

Oh, well, I know...

This made by original Hekawi maiden.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]