Original subtitles

♪ The end of the Civil War Was near ♪

♪ When quite accidentally ♪

♪ A hero who sneezed Abruptly seized ♪

♪ Retreat And reversed it to victory ♪

♪ His Medal of Honor Pleased and thrilled ♪

♪ His proud little Family group ♪

♪ While pinning it on Some blood was spilled ♪

♪ And so it was planned He'd command ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

♪ Where Indian fights Are colorful sights ♪

♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪

♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪

♪ Both turn chicken ♪

♪ When drilling and fighting Get them down ♪

♪ They know their morale Can't droop ♪

♪ As long as they all Relax in town ♪

♪ Before they resume With a bang and a boom ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

Troops, dismissed.

Oh, hi, Jane. Hi.

I got a telegram here for you from Washington.

Oh, thank you.

What does it say, Wilton?

Hm. A wagon train out of Dodge

reports that one of their wagons is missing.

That could be serious.

Got lost in Indian country.

You're right.

Sergeant O'Rourke, take a four-man detail,

and go see if you can locate that wagon.

Right, sir. Corporal Agarn,

you'll have to take over O'Rourke's duties.

Right, sir.

Wilton, you wanna go on a picnic

in the Dale Valley, near Kissing Rock?

Kissing Rock? I thought they called that Eagle Rock.

Mm, eagles can do what they want,

and we'll do what we want.

Jane, I've told you, not in front of the men.

All right, Agarn. Now, while I'm away,

you got a lot of work to do.

You're right. I'll be goldbricking for two.

No, I'm talking about O'Rourke Enterprises.

You're in charge. Now, the first thing,

you gotta collect the money at the saloon every night.

Make sure that those Hekawis keep the still going,

and see to it that they come up with some new souvenir items.

Don't worry, sarge, I'll take care of everything.

All right, now, in line with O'Rourke Enterprises'

new employee profit-sharing program,

all the money you collect while I'm gone is yours as a bonus.

Ah, sarge, you're too kind. I don't deserve such happi...

Don't go to pieces. Just remember, you're the boss.

Now, what's the first thing you're gonna do?

Cut out the employee profit-sharing program.

My people,

I would like to tell you how proud I am of tribe.

As your chief, I give you good report.

We have big pile buffalo skins, big pile deer meat,

big pile of corn...

And you biggest pile of corn we got.

Oh, Chief Wild Eagle.

Still practicing to be chief, eh?

Ho.

All right, all right, fellas,

what's everybody standing around for?

Look alive. Keep busy, busy, busy.

Work, work, work.

You practicing to be chief too?

I am chief.

Where's Sergeant O'Rourke?

He's out on an assignment,

and he turned the business over to me.

You see, Wild Eagle? Sergeant O'Rourke smart.

Him preparing Agarn to take over for him.

Indians don't have on-the-job training for chiefs.

Good thinking, chief.

Soon you go to last big rain dance in sky.

If I do rain dance in sky, you better learn how to swim.

Fellas, hold it, hold it.

We've got some business to talk over.

Now, have you come up with any new ideas for souvenirs?

How 'bout warpaint sets? Come in three sizes.

One for attacking wagon train, one for attacking fort

and giant economy size for attacking Washington.

Wait a minute, chief.

The hills are alive with the sound of music.

I hear it too.

Must be neighbor tribe of Towatsees.

Always dancing.

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la La, la-la, la, la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la La-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la La, la-la, la, la-la ♪

Them crazy-looking Indians.

They're not Indians. They're gypsies.

What's a gypsy?

An out-of-work Hungarian with a violin.

Hello, soldier, darling.

Hi there, gypsies.

I'm Corporal Agarn.

And I'm Marika.

And these are my sisters, Sonya and Tanya.

No, I am Tanya.

And I am Sonya.

Whatever they say.

Well, very glad to meet you, ladies.

I never saw a gypsy with blond hair before.

But I come from the north of Hungary.

Oh, is there anything I can do for you?

We got separated from our wagon train,

and we are looking for Fort Courage.

Then this must be the lost wagon.

I'm going back to Fort Courage, and I'd be happy to lead you.

That's nice, soldier, darling.

Are they friendly, darling?

Oh, sure.

Let me introduce Chief Wild Eagle and Crazy Cat.

This is Marika and her two sisters,

Sonya and Tanya.

Nice to meet you, chief, darling.

You want to have your palm read?

It already is.

Chief.

She reads palms.

She looks in your hand and tells your past, present and future.

Oh, you can?

Of course, I can.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

You're a brave warrior.

You're a very wise chief.

And your people love you.

You better look on other hand.

Why don't you go look for buffalo stampede.

Keep reading.

Good fortune will follow you wherever you go.

And you are going to live to be an old man.

Chief is old man now.

One dollar, please.

Be my guest, chief.

Uh, thank you, Agarn.

Thank you, Miss Gypsy.

You got long wait before I do that rain dance in the sky.

That not what medicine man tell me yesterday.

You read a nice, little palm, Marika.

Thank you.

I've got a business proposition for you.

Yes?

I'm the branch manager

for O'Rourke Enterprises,

and I can set you up on the fort.

You can?

That's right.

You can tell fortunes,

give dancing lessons, mandolin lessons.

Even have a gypsy chuck wagon. Goulash to take out.

We're gypsies.

We don't know anything about business.

What's the split?

Fifty-fifty.

You've got yourself a deal.

Interesting. Very interesting.

What do you see? What do you see?

You have a great financial future.

You're going to make much money.

It's all mine.

Do you hear? All mine!

Marika, it's not like you to split with anybody.

You don't even spilt with us.

Think a minute, sisters.

Would you really want to be my partner?

Is that music I'm hearing, sir?

Yes, Duffy, there certainly is music in the air.

Or maybe it's patrol from Fort Logan, sir.

Well, if it is, their bugler's playing the mandolin.

♪ La-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la ♪

I'll be darned. Gypsies.

Look at those beautiful girls.

I'll take the one with the mandolin.

I can see she's a music lover.

Uh, at ease. At ease, men.

This has to be handled in a strictly military fashion.

Hey!

As you were, as you were, men. As you were.

Corporal Agarn reporting, darling.

Uh, captain.

At ease, corporal.

Ladies, I'd like to present Captain Wilton Parmenter,

commanding officer of our post.

Captain, I'd like you to meet Marika.

Hello, captain.

How do you do?

And her two sisters, Tanya and Sonya.

I am Tanya.

And I am Sonya.

I'm happy to meet you, ladies.

This is the lost wagon, captain.

Oh, well, I'm happy to see you're all safe and sound.

Now, there'll be a wagon train

coming through here at the end of the week.

And in the meantime, if there's anything we can do

for you ladies while you're in town, don't hesitate to ask.

With the captain's permission, I'd like to suggest

that these ladies be given protection of the...

Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.

Be given the protection of the fort until that time.

Oh, you mean, have them camp here in the fort?

Oh, sir, they've been through a terrible experience.

Dodging Indians for three days.

Well, I-I can appreciate that, corporal,

but I don't think that's possible.

Have you ever had an arrow in your tambourine?

It's not my instrument.

But the kid the next door

once put his thumb through my harmonica.

Believe me, sir, these ladies are terrified.

Yes, terrified.

Well, it... It is only for a few days.

And we are supposed to protect civilians.

I knew you understand. I knew it, captain, darling.

It'll be good for morale, sir.

Excuse me, ladies.

I gotta go too. It's pay call.

Sisters, they're playing our song.

Corporal Agarn.

Yes, sir.

Captain.

Where is everybody?

Where's who, sir?

The troop.

Oh, the troop.

Yes, I don't see Duddleson in the lookout tower.

There are no guards on the gate.

Are they all in town?

Oh, no, sir.

I gave strict orders that nobody leave the fort.

Well, then I suggest you get them all out of the barracks

and back to duty immediately. Yes, sir.

Troopers, ho!

On the double.

On the double!

All right, you men, everybody back to duty.

Duddleson, back up into the lookout tower.

Duddleson, wake up.

Hogan, lead him back to the tower.

Now, the rest of you men

start cleaning tack and tidying up the corrals.

Dismissed.

Here, corporal.

I don't think it's working out with the gypsies.

They're upsetting the whole routine of the fort.

Ah, but, sir, the men were just taking a fortune-telling break.

Well, what about Dobbs? Dobbs, sir?

Yeah, this morning he played reveille on a mandolin.

Don't be too harsh on the boy, sir.

He just got carried away with the gypsy spirit.

Well, then, there's chow call.

What about chow call, sir?

Well, as soon as it's announced,

the whole troop rushes to the gypsy wagon.

It's healthy to have a change in diet, sir.

We're fighting scurvy, you know.

With goulash?

Have you ever heard of a gypsy with scurvy?

Oh, corporal, we're just going to have to order

the gypsies off the post.

Oh, but, captain, you can't do that.

Do you realize that if the inspector general

had arrived yesterday, he would have seen one of my men

guarding the fort wearing earrings.

That was Hoffenmueller, sir.

It just happens he has pierced ears.

They have to go, and that's all

there is too it.

I will not have my men dancing around a campfire all night,

singing, "My Little Gypsy Sweetheart."

But captain... Corporal, I'm ordering you

to get rid of the gypsies.

Corporal.

Oh, uh, corporal.

Sir.

Before you tell Marika they have to leave,

would you do me a favor? Yes, sir.

Ask her how soon I can expect that promotion

she saw in my palm.

Sir.

Who is it?

Marika, it's me, Agarn.

Come in, darling.

Hi, girls.

Hi.

I'm afraid I got some bad news for you.

What's the bad news?

Captain says you gotta leave.

Oh, but couldn't you talk him out of it?

No chance. Everything would have been all right

if we'd just hadn't sold those earrings to the men.

It was your idea, Agarn.

I know, I know.

I thought they were gonna send them home to their girls.

Well, goodbye, soldier, darling. Thank you for everything.

Hold it, hold it.

We've got a little settling up to do.

I tell you what we do.

I am going to give you a free palm reading,

and we call it quits.

Oh, no.

I've got it all written down here.

Let's see, "twenty-seven fortunes,

"18 pierced earrings, 16 plates goulash to go,

10 dancing lessons, five mandolin picks."

I figure you owe me $22.

You have a very good business head, soldier.

Well, here is your money.

Well, you were right.

You said I had a great financial future.

Ah, goodbye, soldier. I hope to see you again.

Likewise, Marika.

What's the matter?

That mark on your hand.

Do you know what that means?

I've got six months to live, right?

I knew it, I knew it.

I've had these terrible pains.

That's a sign of the long lost gypsy prince.

Prince Igor.

Gypsy prince?

Tanya, Sonya, look.

On your knees, before royalty.

I can't believe it.

I should have known.

Agarn. Igor.

They must have changed the name

when they came to America.

Come to think of it,

my grandmother had a tearoom in Passaic.

Do you realize with King Laszlo dead,

now you, Prince Igor, you are the king of all the gypsies?

Imagine, all these years trying to make sergeant,

and now I make king.

Come away with us, Your Highness.

Your people need you.

I can't leave the Army until my enlistment's up.

Of course. Of course, you are right.

You're much better off in the Army.

What kind of a life would you have as a gypsy king?

Traveling all around the world, singing and dancing

and being gay, and being married to a beautiful gypsy girl.

Married to a beautiful gypsy girl?

On your birthday,

you get your weight in gold.

My weight in gold?

How much do you weigh?

A hundred and fifty-five.

But I've been up to 200.

I love fat kings.

You do?

Come away with us, Your Highness.

You'll never regret it.

You want to resign from the Army, Agarn?

Yes, sir.

See that mark on my hand?

Yeah, it looks like a wart.

No, sir.

It's the mark of gypsy royalty.

Gypsy royalty?

I'm Prince Igor, king of the gypsies.

Corporal, you know we don't allow drinking on duty.

You don't understand, sir.

Marika has been searching for the long lost Prince Igor

ever since King Laszlo died.

King Laszlo?

I wouldn't expect you to be up on your gypsy royalty, sir.

Uh, look, corporal... Prince.

Prince, you can't just leave the Army.

But my people need me.

Oh, I-I-I must say, this is highly irregular, corporal.

Prince.

Uh, prince, prince...

Why are you eating all those bananas?

Next month is my birthday,

and my people are paying me my weight in gold.

Oh, I'm... I'm afraid I'm going to have to consult

territory headquarters on this.

Captain, if you don't give me my release from the Army,

I'm afraid things will go hard with you in Washington.

What do you mean?

This could mean war with Hungary.

Oh, well, I... All right, corporal... Uh, prince,

I, uh... I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll give you a two-week furlough

until I can straighten this all out with headquarters.

Is that fair enough? Fair enough.

I bet you'd never been saluted by a prince before.

Wilton, here's the wire from Fort Dodge.

Agarn, I think you better here this.

Excuse me, Janey. I'm not in the Army anymore.

What's he talking about, Wilton?

Oh, never mind, Jane. I'll explain later.

What's the news?

Well, it's about that gypsy wagon.

They didn't get lost.

They ran away from the train after fleecing soldiers

at three posts.

Well, this explains Igor.

Who's Igor?

Agarn.

Agarn is Igor?

No, Igor is Agarn.

Wilton, have you been drinking?

Yeah... No, no.

J-Jane, those... Those gypsies have convinced Agarn

that he's their long lost king.

Agarn, a king? He can't even make sergeant.

It all fits in now. It all fits in.

They arrived here on payday,

and they're going to fleece that poor prince

of every cent he has.

Well, why don't you go show him this wire.

That ought to bring Agarn or Igor to his senses.

No, no. He'd never believe it, Jane. He's too far gone.

Well, what are you gonna do about it?

I don't know, I don't know.

I, uh, I'll have to think of something.

You better think of something fast,

or they're fleece him of every cent he has.

Yes, I know.

That's it, that's it.

Well, what's it?

If we fleece him first,

they'll throw him out on his royal ear.

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La, la-la, la, la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

Hey!

Hold it. Hold it.

We're going to camp here for tonight.

I still think you shouldn't have sold the horse.

When you can get $6 for an old mare with only one good leg,

you grab it.

But I don't think a king should be pulling a wagon.

King Laszlo pulled our wagon, and he never complained.

Yeah, well, if he had complained,

he'd be alive today.

All right, Your Highness, start chopping the wood.

If this keeps up, I'll be skin and bones on my birthday.

Here, eat another banana.

Marika, don't you think you're overdoing it?

He might get mad and go back to the Army.

Sisters, all I want is to tire him out,

so he'll sleep like a baby.

Then we'll steal his money

and throw him out on his royal ears.

That sounds like horses.

Marika, who could it be?

What do you think I am, a mind reader?

Captain Parmenter, what are you doing here?

We've come to give you an escort, Your Highness.

Just until you get out of Indian territory.

It's... It's sort of a farewell gesture

to a wonderful comrade-in-arms.

Well, that certainly is a nice thing for you fellows to do.

Well, you never know when the Apaches might launch

another attack on the tambourine.

All right, men. Set up camp.

Duffy, you take care of the horses.

Yes, sir.

Dobbs, you get some wood for a fire

and break out the blanket rolls.

I think something is rotten in Budapest.

Oh, I certainly have missed you, Agarn.

I've only been gone an hour.

Ah, yes, yes. I-I forgot.

Yeah. Yes, sir, you... You certainly look wonderful

in your gypsy outfit, prince.

Or should I call you king?

No, no, it's prince until the coronation.

Yes, sir, that... That certainly is quite an outfit.

Never had a fit like this in the Army.

Hey, captain? No.

Prince Igor, can I see you in the wagon for a moment?

Oh. Excuse me, captain.

Uh, wait, wait, stop.

See, why don't you do one of those gypsy dances

for your buddies.

I don't know how.

Oh, I'm sure it'll come to you

with all that Hungarian blood.

Never mind the dancing, prince.

Just come inside.

Excuse me, captain.

I wouldn't take that if I were a prince.

You're right.

I'm gonna do a dance for my buddies.

Would you, captain?

All right, girls, let's have a little music.

Hit it, Tanya.

And a one, and a two.

Hey!

You certainly have a natural gypsy rhythm.

It's all in the blood.

Say, that looks like fun. Do you mind if I try it?

Oh, sure, captain. Just pick up the beat.

All right, Tanya. And a one, and a two.

Can I lead? Yes.

Hey!

Hey.

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, prince.

My... My hand got caught in your sash.

That's all right, captain.

You must be more careful with your money, prince.

Come on. Put it in the wagon.

Yeah, you wouldn't wanna lose a wad like that, Agarn...

I mean, prince.

This is nothing.

Next month they're giving me my weight in gold.

Uh, say, as long as you're so rich, prince,

y-you know what would be a nice gesture?

What?

Why don't you buy a piano for the enlisted men's club.

We could put a plaque on it that says: "Prince Igor slept here."

Great idea.

Keep the money.

Just promise me one thing:

the fist tune played on the piano

will be "My Little Gypsy Sweetheart."

I promise, prince.

Nah.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I gotta get my sash wound up.

That was quick thinking, captain.

Heh, thank you, Dobbs.

Should we get ready to leave now, sir?

Uh, no, Duffy.

No, he'll need a ride back to the fort.

You are no gypsy prince.

Oh, yeah? What about that mark on my hand?

That's a wart, darling.

A wa-wa-wa-wa... A wart?

Oh, here, now, don't feel bad, prince.

Corporal.

Oh, any man who donates a piano to the enlisted men's club

is a prince.

Hey, Corporal Agarn.

Yes, sir.

I'm leaving you in charge of the fort.

If any emergency should arise, I'll be at Eagle Rock, kissing.

Uh... Uh, Kissing Rock, eagling.

Uh, well, you know where I'll be.

Yes, sir.

Sergeant O'Rourke reporting, sir.

I looked for four days

and never saw a sign of that lost wagon.

Corporal Agarn found it.

Come on, Wilton.

We don't wanna keep those eagles waiting.

Sarge, you'll never believe this.

I started out with... Hey, hold it. Hold it, partner.

I didn't find that lost wagon,

but I got a new line of souvenirs

that'll make us millionaires.

Look at this. Genuine gypsies scarves.

A tambourine. Sarge.

Or we got... Sarge.

We got earrings and bracelets,

a crystal ball. Sarge.

Look at this. Gypsies, ho!

I think you're a little late, darling.