Original subtitles

♪ The end of the Civil War Was near ♪

♪ When quite accidentally ♪

♪ A hero who sneezed Abruptly seized ♪

♪ Retreat And reversed it to victory ♪

♪ His Medal of Honor Pleased and thrilled ♪

♪ His proud little Family group ♪

♪ While pinning it on Some blood was spilled ♪

♪ And so it was planned He'd command ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

♪ Where Indian fights Are colorful sights ♪

♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪

♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪

♪ Both turn chicken ♪

♪ When drilling and fighting Get them down ♪

♪ They know their morale Can't droop ♪

♪ As long as they all Relax in town ♪

♪ Before they resume With a bang and a boom ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

What's going on?

It feels like I just got to sleep.

You did. It's 2:00 in the morning.

Two o'clock? Somebody's gonna hear about this.

Where they coming from, captain?

How many are there? Gentlemen.

Listen, if it's the Shugs, you hang on to your hats.

We're already three weeks into the scalping season.

At night, they don't always get you on the first swing.

You're jumping to conclusions. There's no attack.

No attack?

Right. Call the troop to order. I'll explain.

Atten... Attention.

Men, I know you're all wondering

why I've have assembled you out here at this hour,

so I won't keep you in suspense.

We are all about to go on night maneuver.

Night maneuver?

That's right.

Now, it's something we've all been neglecting,

but it is specifically covered in my manual.

Right here. Section 22, page five, paragraph 14.

He's reading from the manual again.

I thought I told you to burn that thing.

I quote:

"In order to keep troops at maximum efficiency,

"all outposts will be required to participate

in one night maneuver per month."

So there you have it, men.

Now, you have 10 minutes to reassemble here

wearing full field packs.

Any questions?

Sir? Yes, Vanderbilt?

May I be excused?

Why? I just can't do anything

till after I've had my coffee.

I can't coordinate.

I-I just don't feel like I'm all here until...

Captain, sir, there's a problem with these night maneuvers.

It's dangerous being out there, it's...

Well, it's loaded with poison oak.

I'm aware of the hazards, corporal,

but the manual is specific.

The captain's right. Rules are rules.

If we're gonna be good soldiers, we've got to go by the manual.

Thank you, sergeant.

Sir, my men will follow wherever you lead.

If it's night maneuvers you want,

night maneuvers you'll get.

I'll give the order.

Men, you heard the captain.

There'll be no questions asked, no one excused.

F Troop is going on night maneuvers,

and we're going first thing in the morning.

Troop dismissed.

Halt. Halt.

Corporal call the men to attention.

Sergeant, you can't go on night maneuvers in the daytime.

Oh, well, I guess you're right.

Must be the hour. I wasn't thinking clear.

Well, everyone's entitled to an honest mistake.

Men... you now have only six minutes.

Dismissed.

Night maneuvers, who needs it?

I just stepped on a bear.

Bear?

Feels like a bear and it smells like a...

Vanderbilt, get up!

I slipped. After all, I'm carrying your pack

and my pack too, sarge.

Well, watch it.

I told ya, I can't do anything till after I have my coffee.

Anyway, we're supposed to be cavalry.

How come we're walkin'?

How come we're walkin'?

The captain hadn't the heart to wake up the horses.

That's how come we're walkin'.

Now get movin'.

Boy, sarge, this is brutal.

You're slipping.

How come you couldn't talk the captain out of this?

Well, this was a tough one.

He knows the difference between day and night.

He keeps reading that manual...

Shh! There he is.

Men, one reason for these maneuvers

is too teach you the art of picking your way

through strange terrain in the darkness.

Now, I've read every book on mountain climbing

and hiking and tracking.

And the main thing is to always listen carefully,

to always be careful of your footing...

Are you all right?

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

See, those books also taught me how to fall.

You're supposed to go all sort of limp.

Hey, look, captain, don't you think

we ought to go back to the fort before somebody gets hurt?

No, no, we can't go back to the fort

until we complete our mission, which is to ford the river.

But you're heading in the wrong direction.

You're going toward the Hekawi camp.

Sergeant, if there's one thing I have learned,

it's how to direct myself by the stars.

Now, there is the Big Dipper and there is the North Star.

So we continue in this direction.

Follow me.

Captain!

Whoa, whoa.

All right, let's go, men.

And to make sure no one gets lost,

hold hands with the one on your left.

This way, men.

If he thinks he's heading toward the river, he's batty.

You see that?

Yeah. "General Custer hates Sitting Bull."

That's what's getting him mad.

Custer keeps putting it on rocks and trees...

That's not the point.

You remember passing that log before?

Yeah, on the way to our still

above the Hekawi camp. So what?

So what? Listen, with our luck,

he's apt to stumble onto that still

and find out those Indians have been making the whiskey

for my saloon in town,

then we're gonna be in real trouble.

You said it. And that manual's

got a whole chapter on court martials.

Wait a minute.

I'll try to lead him away, but just in case,

you circle around and get up to the still and be there

to divert him, if necessary.

Right.

Captain, I'm telling you,

the river's in the opposite direction.

You're headed right for the Hekawi camp.

Nonsense, sergeant, we're nowhere near the Indians.

Men, our destination was the river and we have arrived.

Did you hear that?

Three cheers for the captain.

Hip hip. MEN: Hooray.

Hip hip. MEN: Hooray.

Hip hip. Hooray.

Now, when we break through this brush,

you'll see the river bank.

What's with this "hip, hip, hooray"?

Wake everybody up.

Uh, I come in peace.

I was giving my men a night problem.

You give us night problem: How to get sleep.

This is outrage.

Hekawi not get sleep,

Hekawi not have energy to work.

Indian cannot work, cannot make living.

Indian go in red!

Indian go in red.

Not bad in middle of night, eh?

That's very clever. Heh-heh-heh.

You not laugh?

You should be shamed of self.

Now, chief, it's all right,

we'll just go right on along, let you go back to sleep.

Not easy to go back to sleep.

Chief, this was a mistake.

Believe me, I'm sure I can explain.

Let's powwow.

All right, we powwow.

Heap big rock fall.

Wild Eagle come close to being big heap.

That was a close one, all right.

Well, let's all get some sleep now, huh?

Wait, Roaring Chicken just see great deed of bravery.

What you talk about?

Well, really, that was nothing.

Not nothing. Roaring Chicken see with own eyes.

Wild Eagle owe his life to brave captain.

Thank you for saving life. Now we go to bed.

Good idea.

Wait, brave deed call for great ceremony.

It is written,

when life of the Hekawi chief is saved in full of moon,

then will thorns of the cactus soften.

I'm very touched, Roaring Chicken,

but really, we must be getting back.

Yeah. Wait!

Not until brave captain receives reward.

What?

Reward commanded by the tradition of our great tribe.

It 4:00 in morning.

I send gift later by messenger.

Hey, Red Arrow.

You deliver.

Okay, men. Let's start back.

Back!

Well, hundred pounds of oats

is gonna cost you all of $0.75.

Wilton?

Howdy, Wilton.

My, but I'm proud of you.

Me, Janey?

Yessiree, Bob.

Whole town's talking about the way

you saved Wild Eagle's life.

Oh, that. Well, actually, we...

We were... Excuse me.

We were out on night maneuvers...

You can't help being a natural-born hero, can you?

Oh, now, Janey.

Captain Parmenter, sir.

Oh, excuse me.

I'll see you later, Wilton.

Sir.

What is it, sergeant?

I was wondering if you could let the men off duty

a few hours early today, sir.

They're a little tired.

Tired, hm? Yes.

Well, I hope they got something out of those night maneuvers.

Yeah, well, they did, sir.

Three cases of poison ivy and one of poison oak.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah, but we found Vanderbilt.

Oh, good. Yeah.

I can't imagine how anybody stepped on him

and broke his glasses.

Have you got anything from the chief yet?

No. I wonder what they're going to send me.

I'm... I'm kinda tired myself.

Yeah, me too. I could sure use a good night's sleep.

"To Captain Parmenter: You saved chief's life.

"I happy to follow Hekawi tradition,

which say I give you a life."

Signed Wild Eagle.

Congratulations, captain.

You're a father.

Isn't he a cute little feller?

Yeah, he sure is.

Sarge.

He's smiling for me.

Did you ever see such cute dimples?

Yeah, it's a shame we have to give him back.

What do you mean, give him back?

We can't do that. Chief would be insulted.

Oh, but it's against regulations to keep a baby here.

I'll show you in my manual.

I didn't know you was sentimental.

Who's sentimental?

You're an old softy.

You're stuck on the kid.

You don't wanna give him back.

I just don't wanna get the chief riled.

He could put us out of business.

I never thought of that.

Now, I'll show you exactly... what...

Darn it, this is my diary.

I must have burned his address book.

Here it is. Under "dependencies."

"Due to the dangers of outpost life,

"under limited circumstances, the wives of officers

"will be allowed to accompany their husbands,

"but no children under 18 will be permitted

to live within the confines of the fort."

See? That covers it.

Wait a minute. I know these Indians, see,

and the worst thing you can do is to return

the personal gift of a chief.

Could mean only one thing, captain.

War with the Hekawi.

In that case, it would be folly to make a hasty decision.

We'll keep the baby until I figure something out.

Ah, good thinking, captain.

Well, let's all get some sleep.

Here you are, captain.

See you in the morning.

Uh, men, maybe it would be better

if you kept the baby with you tonight.

Well, no, that wouldn't fair to the baby, sir.

You see, I snore.

But I moan in my sleep.

Nobody wants you?

I'll take you, little feller.

You're coming with me.

Good. Yeah.

What woke up the little baby?

That's it.

What happened?

You woke him, you walk him.

Huh? Uh... Uh... Hello, little fella.

Here we go, baby.

Alrighty, now.

Here, now.

See that, this little piggy went to market.

This little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy had roast beef.

No? You don't like that one?

Uh... ♪ One little, two little ♪

♪ Three little Indians ♪

♪ Four little, five little, six... ♪

Ooh, nope, that's all right.

I know. Don't like that.

What's that other one?

Oh, you're a big help.

Uh... ♪ Rockabye baby ♪

♪ In the treetop ♪

♪ When the bough breaks, The cradle... ♪

No, that's not the right words, but I...

Well, the little fella is asleep at last, sir.

Good work, sergeant.

Now, let's make sure nothing disturbs him.

Duffy.

Here.

Duddleson.

Here.

Vanderbilt.

Who?

You.

That's me.

Of course. Of course.

F Troop all present and accounted for.

Present and accounted for, sir.

Raise the flag.

Easy.

Fire the cannon.

What's he doing in there?

Oh, we thought he might be happier in a teepee.

So why does he still look sad?

Who knows?

Yeah, we tried everything we can think of.

Captain, why don't you...

Why don't see what you can do with him, maybe, huh?

Uh, yeah.

Well, uh... I'll try a war dance.

Yeah, good.

Are you ready with that bathwater yet?

Yeah, bring him over here to me.

All right, come on, now, here we go.

Here we go. We're gonna get nice and clean.

There we go.

Aw, what did we do wrong?

We didn't do nothing.

Get the sponge.

What's up, Wilton?

They'd said you wanted to see me.

Yes, Jane, there's something I wanted to ask you.

Tell me, do you like babies?

I love babies.

And I love sewing and taking care of the house,

and I bake a cherry pie that can't be beat.

Cherry... Oh, no, no.

This baby's too young for cherry pie.

He might swallow the... What baby?

My baby. The one I want you to take care of.

Wilton Parmenter, you should be horsewhipped.

Oh, no. No, Jane.

Wild Eagle gave me this baby for saving his life.

Oh. For a minute there, I... Come on.

Come on, I'll show you.

It's the cutest little papoose you ever saw.

Oh, isn't he cute.

How long's he been crying?

That's all he does. He never stops.

Sometimes they cry like that when they have the cramps.

Why should he have the cramps? He eats the same stuff we do.

Ham and eggs and hotcakes.

Hoppin' horned toads!

You don't feed a kid things like that.

There, there.

There, there.

Now baby feels better.

Why don't you all leave, and I'll take care of him.

Yeah.

I don't suppose any of you buzzards had the brains

to give this kid a bath?

I bathed him.

You did?

Eight times. My skin is ready to peel.

Jane, we can't handle that baby.

You've got to take care of him for us.

Well, I don't have time with the store and all.

And besides, the best place for that baby

is with his mother.

I agree. And it's my fault for not taking him back

in the first place, as I wanted.

Yeah, but we can't insult the chief.

Jumpin' horned toads.

I say when that baby wakes up from his nap,

he should go right back to his mother.

She's right. She is right.

He's going back if I have to take him back myself.

Come on, Jane, I'll walk you back to your store.

Ever since he got his way on those night maneuvers,

there's been no stopping him.

There's goes the still.

I wonder how we'll do in the sarsaparilla business.

Oh, very funny, very funny.

I wonder what can we do to get that baby back to the chief.

Maybe Roaring Chicken can find us another proverb.

What? Like, "When lonely chipmunk cry

at full of moon, a papoose's best friend is his mother."

Yeah, yeah.

You might have something there.

Let's go see the man.

Give back?

You'll make chief scream like wild eagle.

Now, we don't want to insult the chief, but...

Well, now, the truth of the matter is...

Well, we just can't take proper care of the kid.

Roaring Chicken make no law.

There is only one way for captain

to giveum back baby to chief.

How's that?

Wild Eagle must save life of captain,

then captain give baby back.

Oh, if Wild Eagle saves the captain's life, then...

Yeah, thanks, Roaring Chicken.

Come on, Agarn. Let's get back to the fort.

Captain, we all agree that we should take the baby back,

but we don't want any trouble with them Hekawis.

That's true.

And Roaring Chicken says it's the only way we can do it

without insulting the chief.

Well, then, we'll just have to let him

save my life. But how? Here's the plan:

Now, we've been bickering with them Hekawis for years

over the fishing rights to the river.

So you and the chief go out to inspect the area.

The chief and I? Just the two of you, all alone.

Now, when you're fording the river,

you fall off your horse and pretend to drown,

he saves your life. When he brings you back,

we give him the baby.

Oh, I don't know.

We'll do it.

Captain Parmenter is here and he's ready

to go out with you right now.

And settle, once and for all,

the fishing rights on that river.

You wake me from nap for this?

Wild Eagle, you can take nap anytime.

Fishing rights important to whole tribe.

How come you not do your duty?

How come you not mind own business?

Now, you go to teepee or you get arrow in pants.

Aah! I go. I go.

Arrow a day keep doctor away.

Well, as long as sleep broken, might as well go with captain.

Now, just let him save you from drowning

and we'll wait for you right here.

All right?

Go on.

Giddap!

You ready?

Let's go. Off to the river.

Hey! River this way.

Here they come now.

Oh! Captain look like wet wash.

Chief, what happened?

Him fall in river, almost drown.

And you saved him.

Boy, was he lucky to have you around.

Me not save him. Me can't swim.

What? What?

In water, Wild Eagle sink like rock.

Him lucky fella.

Going down third time when horse drag him out.

How do you like that?

We can't give the kid to a horse.

Whoa!

Him very slippery.

Slide off horse six times on way home.

Are you all right, sir?

I think so. I think so.

But I... I think I lost my manual.

Oh, what a shame.

Why, captain. You're shivering.

Yeah.

Here, wrap this around your shoulders.

Oh, thank you.

Well, chief, we'll...

We'll settle the fishing rights some other time.

Right now, I have to get back to the...

Look out, chief!

You come with me.

Him do it again.

Save life of chief.

Hey!

You get brother now.

First time in Hekawi history.

Oh, b-b-but I didn't... I... All I did was...

Wrangler, you did it.

That I did.

What? The chief took the babies back?

You can bet a bucket of buzzards he did.

Oh, Janey, that's wonderful.

But how did you do it?

Easy as pie.

I just went to the babies' mother.

She was sure missing them kids dreadful.

But the ancient Hekawi tradition?

Me and that poor, lonely woman

found us another Hekawi tradition.

And Wild Eagle figured it was more important

than any of the rest.

What tradition is that?

It is written that when a baby

cries for its mother,

then the mother's gonna be crying so much louder

that nobody in camp gets any sleep.

Including Wild Eagle.

Janey, you're wonderful.

Yeah, thank you, Janey.

I'm sure gonna miss those little fellers.

Yeah, they... They were awfully cute.

Well, don't you critters fret none.

Roaring Chicken ruled that all three of ya

still got visiting rights.

What?

That's wonderful! We can build a crib.