Original subtitles

[BUGLE PLAYS "CHARGE"]

♪ The end of the Civil War Was near ♪

♪ When quite accidentally ♪

♪ A hero who sneezed Abruptly seized ♪

♪ Retreat And reversed it to victory ♪

♪ His Medal of Honor Pleased and thrilled ♪

♪ His proud, little Family group ♪

♪ While pinning it on Some blood was spilled ♪

♪ And so it was planned He'd command ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

♪ Where Indian fights Are colorful sights ♪

♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪

♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪

♪ Both turn chicken ♪

♪ When drilling and fighting Get them down ♪

♪ They know their morale Can't droop ♪

♪ As long as they all Relax in town ♪

♪ Before they resume With a bang and a boom ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

[♪♪♪]

Wait a minute. Concentrate.

Give it one more time.

[PLAYS BROKEN, OFF-KEY NOTE]

Come in.

[DOOR RATTLES]

Come in!

[RATTLES]

Come in! Oof!

Oh! Are you all right, captain?

I'm just fine, corporal. Just fine.

What can I...? What can I do for you men?

It's Private Dobbs, sir. He wants to turn in his bugle.

I don't understand.

I'm a failure, sir.

You deserve a better company bugler.

Nonsense, Dobbs.

I think you're doing a splendid job.

But sir, I can't play "Reveille,"

I can't play "Retreat,"

I can't even play "Charge."

I can only play one tune on this bugle.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Well, sir, you can't play "Yankee Doodle"

at a military funeral.

It wouldn't be in good taste, captain.

No.

Well, you... You just keep practicing, Dobbs.

I'm sure you're going to become a first-rate bugler.

Well, I'm glad you think so, sir,

but I ain't so sure.

Dobbs is right, sir.

He's...

Well, he's just not built for the bugle.

Why not?

Well, for one thing, he's got a fat upper lip.

Oh, I never noticed that.

Well, here. Look.

Just a blob of fat!

Now, you, on the other hand, sir,

you'd make a great bugler.

I would?

With the captain's permission?

Well, yes, go right ahead.

Now, there... is a beautiful upper lip.

See that?

The Parmenters have always been thin-lipped.

Long-waisted, but thin-lipped.

Here, sir. Try my bugle.

Oh. I...

I've always wanted to be a bugler.

Here.

[PLAYS LONG, LOUD NOTE]

Uh! Blugh! Easy.

With the captain's permission...

Sometimes that happens to me, captain.

You sure fooled me, sir.

I knew you had a thin lip, but I...

I didn't see the fat tongue.

You'll get the hang of the calls, Dobbs.

It's just... Just keep practicing

and lose a little weight in your lip.

I'll work on it night and day, sir.

I'll make you proud of me yet.

That's the ol' spirit, Dobbs.

Ooh! Are you all right, sir?

Yes, I'm fine.

Take this bugle and get outta here before you kill somebody.

Right.

Uh, captain...

thanks for having so much faith in me.

That was beautiful,

the way you handled Dobbs, sir.

So... So gently.

Well, a good officer

should know when to be gentle

and when to be rough with his men.

They don't make 'em no better than you, sir.

Wilton, did you hear the news?

Bald Eagle was spotted near Fort Dodge.

When? I don't believe it.

It's true.

Bald Eagle on the loose!

And they say that he's headed for Fort Courage.

Bald Eagle headed for Fort Courage?

That's right. What are you gonna do?

Well, the first thing I'm going to do

is find out who Bald Eagle is.

Well, he's that Indian

who's working with Cochise and Geronimo

to stir up trouble in the tribes.

They say he's a killer.

Oh. Thank you, Jane.

Corporal, we'd better go right into action.

Where's Sergeant O'Rourke?

He's on scouting duty, sir. Very well.

Then you get the men together,

tell 'em I want to talk to them,

and have Private Dobbs blow "Assembly."

Yes, sir.

Oh!

I'm telling you right now

it's gonna sound like "Yankee Doodle."

[♪♪♪]

Squaws now make sandals

much faster than old way, sergeant.

Yeah, well, when you're in the souvenir business,

you got to find ways to step up production.

Since we have you for partner,

Hekawis eating high off the buffalo.

Yeah, well, you stick with O'Rourke Enterprises.

This is only the beginning, chief.

Only the beginning.

[DRUMS POUNDING]

[BELL CLANGS]

Where are they goin'?

Time for rest period.

Rest period?

Every hour, squaws get 15-minute break

to hang around the berry-juice barrel.

All right, but you make sure

they get back to work on time.

Here come your friend, Corporal Agarn.

Sarge! You better get back to the fort right away.

What's the matter?

Bald Eagle's been seen in the Fort Dodge area.

Where did you hear that?

Just come over the telegraph,

and they think he's headin' this way.

Oh, no!

Must get out of here right now!

Wait a minute. Where are you goin'?

Do not know.

But if Bald Eagle come this way, must go that way!

Have you ever met this Indian?

Yes.

Him not only have feathers around head,

but a few inside too.

Yeah, well, I'd better get back to the fort.

I'll see you later, chief.

Do not be surprised

if Wild Eagle not here when you get back.

Don't panic. Don't panic.

We'll take care of Bald Eagle.

[SHOUTING WILDLY]

Sergeant O'Rourke!

Tonto masanori ramakuma.

Poona rocko tembu.

Tataka mana... Speak English!

I want to talk the language of my father.

He's your son?

By a former marriage.

Oh, Father,

I see you catch two soldier dogs!

Rah!

Ah!

Ahhh!

Soldier dogs!

I think he's tryin' to tell us something.

Chief, you better call him off.

Bald Eagle, not burn soldiers!

Roll them down cliff tied to big rock?

No.

Throw them into buffalo stampede?

No.

Ah!

Bury them alive! Good thinking!

[LAUGHS]

No, no!

Sergeant O'Rourke, Corporal Agarn

friends of Hekawis.

That's right, your daddy and I are business partners.

Paleface speak with forked tongue.

Now, wait a minute, baldy.

We got a good thing goin' here.

You play your cards right,

and your dad will take you into the business.

I don't want to go in business with soldier dog!

I don't wanna be friends with soldier!

Want to be like brave warrior, Geronimo!

Kill! Kill!

Kill!

His mother spoiled him rotten.

I no kill you now because you are guests

in Hekawi camp, but we meet again, yes...

[GIGGLING]

Oh, that's a sick kid.

Shame Bald Eagle not like brother, Boy Deer.

Him dear boy.

I'll tell you one thing.

You better keep that one locked up,

or there's liable to be some bad trouble around here.

Don't worry. Wild Eagle still his father.

Yeah, well, if I were you, I'd put him up for adoption.

Good thinking, Daddy.

You setting up trap.

What trap?! We in souvenir business!

Wholesale and retail!

I not believe you are my father.

Me think they switch babies with you too.

You going to lead your people in attack on fort?

Not during big end-of-month sale.

Bald Eagle lead attack on fort.

You not find Hekawi warriors to go.

Then I attack fort alone.

Kill! Kill!

Kill!

Where did I go wrong?

All right, you men, look alive!

Optimist.

Duddleson, bring up those rifles.

Hightower, wheel out that ammunition cart!

On the double!

How are things going, sergeant?

I've taken every precaution you ordered, captain.

Good, good.

You're worrying unnecessarily, sir.

Don't you think Bald Eagle could get

Wild Eagle and the Hekawis to attack the fort?

Not during our month-end sale. What's that?

I said, "Here comes Jane, and she looks pale."

Sent for me, Wilton?

Yes, I want you inside the fort during this emergency.

You do? Yes, I don't want you outside

when there's a possibility the Indians will be attacking.

Wilton, I didn't know you felt that way about me.

Why, of course I do, Jane.

I've always said you were the best shot in town.

All right, stack it over there, men.

Vanderbilt, any sign of those Indians yet?

I'd love a cup!

With a little cream and sugar, please!

Agarn, go take a look yourself.

Right, sarge.

Men, we'd all better check our pistols.

Ooh!

It's like this, Wilton.

Ah.

Whippoorwill! Whippoorwill!

Bobwhite! Bobwhite!

Agarn, you see anything yet?

There seems to be some dust by the hills!

Hm. I'd better take a look myself.

See, Wilton?

It's all in the wrist.

It's all in the wrist.

There. You did it, Wilton.

Ha-ha! Hey, I'm getting to be a regular Wild Bill Hitchcock.

It's "Hickok."

Oh, yeah. Hickok.

Captain, it seems to be all clear!

I'd better take a look for myself!

Excuse me, Jane.

Captain, I don't think

the Hekawis are really gonna attack.

You can't be too sure, sergeant.

This Bald Eagle could really stir them up.

Wilton, I'm goin' back to town.

I want you to stay in the fort.

But I've gotta get back to the store.

I want you to stay here, and that's an order.

All right.

Oh, you ought to let her go, captain.

There ain't no danger now.

Agarn says Bald Eagle isn't within 20 miles of the place.

PARMENTER: Uh, maybe you're right.

Wilton! Oh!

Kill!

[CRASH]

Bald Eagle!

He attacked the fort single-handed!

And almost captured it!

Wilton!

Are you all right?

[GROGGILY] I'm fine. I'm fine.

Wilton, you captured Bald Eagle.

Huh?

You!

You're under arrest.

Put him in the guardhouse.

Yeah. Yes, sir.

Yeah, you're gonna come with...

You no have iron bars strong enough to hold Bald Eagle!

Kill!

Kill, kill!

Rah!

[♪♪♪]

Come in.

Well, gentlemen, what...?

What can I do for you?

Well, sir, it's about the prisoner, Bald Eagle.

Yes, we'd like to report that we shot him at sunrise, sir.

You didn't!

No, but that's what I'd like to report.

Some people think we should give things back to the Indians.

How about if we give 'em Bald Eagle?

What seems to be the problem?

Well, for starters, he...

He almost burned down the guardhouse last night, sir.

How did he do that?

Well, he took his bunk apart,

and he rubbed two bedposts together,

and set fire to the mattress.

Well, maybe he was cold.

I'll go have a little chat with him.

I don't think that's gonna do any good, captain.

Gentlemen, I have just received a directive from Washington.

It orders all frontier commands

to begin a program of friendliness toward the Indian.

It's called "Operation Bury the Hatchet."

Yeah, and I know just where I'd like to bury it.

Right in his head.

We have to give it a try.

It's our duty to cooperate with the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

Now, the first thing we have to do

is show Bald Eagle that we're friendly.

Well, how can you be friendly?

It's tough to be friendly

with a guy who keeps yelling, "Kill, kill, kill!"

It's our duty, corporal.

[THUMP]

Uh, hi, fella.

It's a lovely day, isn't it?

Uh... how are the eggs?

[CHUCKLES]

Eh... A little salty.

All right, put him to work on the rock pile, Dobbs.

Right, sergeant.

No, no, no, no, no.

Remember, Operation Bury the Hatchet.

Now, the best thing to do at a time like this

is just turn the other cheek.

Oh, you've got eggs on that one too, sir.

O'ROURKE: You cannot be nice to him, sir.

A day's hard work will take some of the orneriness out of him.

No can put me to work.

O'ROURKE: Why not?

Today Bald Eagle's birthday.

Oh, well, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

I would have baked you a cake.

Put him in the guardhouse, Dobbs!

See what we mean, sir?

Yeah, how do you like that?

Won't work because it's his birthday.

What'll we do, captain?

Throw him a party.

Men, we want to make this

the happiest birthday Bald Eagle has ever had, see?

So I've wrapped all these presents

with each of your names on them.

Listen, captain,

the only thing he wants for his birthday

is a gift-wrapped scalp.

No, no. Not if we show him kindness.

Now, we must show him that we're friendly

so he'll go back to the tribes

and spread the word that we want to live in peace, see?

So no matter how ornery he may be to any of you,

you be nice to him.

Yes, sir, captain. Right.

Duffy, bring in the birthday boy.

Yeah. Right over here.

Now, Bald Eagle, I think you know everybody.

Kill! Kill! Kill!

Uh, Bald Eagle, we all want to be your friends.

And just to show you that we mean it,

Duffy, take the chains off this man.

Yes, sir, captain.

Now, wait a minute...

Now, men, put away your guns.

Captain, you can't...

Sergeant, sergeant. That is an order.

Now, this is supposed to be a party.

Now, let's all be nice.

Do you want to play the bugle,

Mr. Bald Eagle?

[GRUNTS]

Isn't that a nice bugle?

Would you like him to show you how to play it?

[GRUNTS]

Don't you think you ought to give Dobbs back his bugle?

[GRUNTS]

Oh!

Now, all together, men.

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

Oh, gosh, talk about your good times, huh?

Now, close your eyes,

and we have a big surprise for you.

Me never close eyes, even when sleeping.

Well, suit yourself.

Come on.

Jane?

MEN: Awww!

Now, Bald Eagle, this is Wrangler Jane.

She baked this cake for you.

Happy birthday.

Me hate cake.

Now, Bald Eagle, blow out the candle.

First, you have to make a wish.

Me wish all soldiers dead.

Oh! You told your wish.

Now it'll never come true.

Blow out the candle.

There, there. That's a good boy.

Here, Wilton, you cut the cake.

Oh. All right.

What am I doing?

The honor of cutting the cake should go to the birthday boy.

Do not touch guns!

Do not try to follow me. I kill your captain.

Happy birthday!

Well, you certainly ruined a nice party.

Shut up, soldier dog.

We got you some very nice presents too.

Wrangler Jane knitted you a pair of argyle socks.

Me no want to hear no more about party.

No more.

Don't you even want to know what I got you?

No.

Give you three guesses.

No!

I got you a genuine handmade elk-bone shoehorn.

Me no wear shoes.

Shoes only for soldier dogs.

Well, it's the thought that counts.

Me now go to Chief Sitting Bull.

Bring him present.

I didn't know it was Sitting Bull's birthday.

What did you get him?

Ha! You.

Oh, he wouldn't like little, old skinny me.

It's the thought that counts.

All right, where is he?

Where who?

That mixed-up kid of yours.

He's run away with Wilton.

And I begged him to marry a nice Indian girl.

You might as well give him up,

or you're askin' for a lot of trouble.

Bald Eagle not here.

Are you sure nobody's hidin' him?

You crazy?

Since we hear Bald Eagle captured,

tribe have dance every night.

You have no idea where we can find him?

Might be near Skunk Mountain.

He always go there when young.

Well, that figures.

Yeah, come on.

Think we can find him at night?

Sure. Just look for big bonfire.

Kid always afraid of dark.

All right, come on.

[♪♪♪]

What you doing?

You rubbing on rock.

Huh? Well, I-I had an itch.

I-I think it's the hives.

No itch. You trying to escape!

You looking for trouble?

[HOWL IN DISTANCE]

What's that?

Why don't you go out and see?

In the dark?

Ah, you shouldn't be afraid of the dark.

Who's afraid? Bald Eagle not afraid.

Oh, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I used to be afraid of the dark myself.

You were?

Mm-hmm.

I used to sleep by candlelight.

You did?

Mm-hmm.

How you learn how to sleep in dark?

The other soldiers in my tent kept blowing out the candle.

Someday I learn to sleep in dark.

Well, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

I bet even a brave warrior like, say, Geronimo,

is afraid of something.

Geronimo!

Always Geronimo!

Geronimo this, Geronimo that!

I sick of Geronimo.

Do you know him?

He's my cousin.

We grow up together.

Everybody say, "Be like cousin Geronimo."

Oh, that's very interesting.

When I was a kid, they always used to say,

"Be like your cousin, Hercules Parmenter."

He's now a colonel.

Your cousin, he smarter than you?

Oh, yes, yes. He was always passing,

and I was always failing in military school.

Geronimo, he always passing,

me always failing in warrior school.

I failed map-reading. What did you fail?

Scalping.

You should have gone to summer school to make it up.

All young Indian girls, they like Geronimo.

Big, handsome, full head of hair.

Me always have head of skin.

You must have been prematurely bald.

That's why I get my first scalp.

Ugh!

You should be shot for that.

No.

The man who sell me this wig,

he should be shot.

That's a wig?

Cost me five dollars. Get it from mail-order catalog.

Man send me wrong hair.

Geronimo, he laugh me out of tribe.

Oh. I understand.

My cousin Hercules always laughs at me too.

When you little boy,

your father yell heap much at you?

Oh, heap. Heap much.

Yes, especially if I didn't salute him at breakfast.

My father, he treat me like little papoose.

I had that problem myself.

When I was 16-years-old,

I meet pretty little squaw girl.

I want to take her to Indian rain dance,

but father not trust me with family canoe.

You know, you won't believe this,

but my father would never trust me

with the family buggy.

They wonder why we so mixed up.

[GASPS]

Oh, he's burying poor Wilton!

Come on.

All right, you little cutthroat!

Now, I'm gonna hang you up by your thumbs

so the vultures can eat ya.

No, you can't! Today my birthday!

Agarn, go get the rope.

Right, sarge!

Hi, fellas!

Gee, what a pleasant surprise.

JANE: Oh, Wilton. He didn't kill you.

What? Kill me?

[WHIMPERS] Then who's in the grave?

What? Grave?

No, no, Bald Eagle's roasting some potatoes.

I went to gather some berries.

Yeah, you make Bald Eagle very happy

if you stay for dinner.

I ain't eatin' dinner with no killer.

No!

Bald Eagle turn over new scalp!

I wouldn't have believed it

if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

The way the captain straightened out

that wild Indian,

I tell you, you gotta hand it to him.

Bald Eagle really turned over a new leaf.

He had me up all night

trying to enlist in the Army.

Well, now that you know where the fort is,

don't be a stranger.

Me want to thank you for everything, captain,

especially birthday present.

Well, it's just a little something

from the men of F Troop.

I go now.

Bye, captain.

Bye, sergeant.

Bye, corporal.

Goodbye... Hairy Eagle.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]