Original subtitles

Do you find me sadistic?

You know...

I bet I could

fry an egg on your head right now,

if I wanted to.

You know, Kiddo...

I'd like to believe

you're aware enough, even now,

to know that there's nothing sadistic

in my actions.

Well, maybe towards those other jokers...

but not you.

You know, Kiddo, at this moment...

this is me...

at my most

masochistic.

Bill...

it's your baby...

Coming!

Sarah, I cannot believe you are early.

What you got?

Okay, come on, bitch.

Come on.

Bring it on.

Mommy, I'm home.

Hey, baby. How was school?

Mommy, what happened to you and the TV room?

That good for nothin' dog of yours

got his little ass in the living room and acted a damn fool,

that's what happened, baby.

Barney did this?

Baby, now, you can't come in here,

there's broken glass everywhere and you could cut yourself.

This is an old friend of Mommy's I ain't seen in a long time.

Hi, honey.

I'm... What's your name?

Her name is Nikki.

Nikki.

Such a pretty name for such a pretty girl.

How old are you, Nikki?

Nikki, ... asked you a question.

I'm four.

Four years old?

You know, I had a little girl once.

She'd be about four now.

Now, baby,

me and Mommy's friend got some grown-up talk

to talk about.

So you can go in your room now

and I want you to leave us alone till I tell you to come out.

Okay?

Nikkia!

In your room, now.

You want some coffee?

Yeah. Sure.

This Pasadena homemaker's name is Jeanne Bell.

Her husband is Dr. Lawrence Bell.

But back when we were acquainted, four years ago,

her name was Vernita Green.

Her code name was Copperhead.

Mine, Black Mamba.

Do you have a towel?

Yeah.

Thanks.

You still take cream and sugar, right?

Yeah.

So I suppose it's a little late for an apology?

You suppose correctly.

Look, bitch,

I need to know if you're gonna start any more shit

around my baby girl.

You can relax for now.

I'm not gonna murder you in front of your child, okay?

That's being more rational

than Bill led me to believe you were capable of.

It's mercy, compassion, and forgiveness I lack.

Not rationality.

Look, I know I fucked you over.

I fucked you over bad.

I wish to God I hadn't, but I did.

- You have every right to want to get even. - No.

No.

To get even, even-Stephen,

I would have to kill you,

go up to Nikki's room, kill her,

then wait for your husband, the good Dr. Bell,

to come home, and kill him.

That would be even, Vernita.

That'd be about square.

Look, if I could go back in a machine, I would.

But I can't.

All I can tell you is that I'm a different person now.

Great.

- I don't care. - Be that as it may,

I know I don't deserve your mercy or your forgiveness.

However, I beseech you for both on behalf of my daughter.

Bitch, you can stop right there.

Just because I have no wish to murder you

before the eyes of your daughter

does not mean that parading her around in front of me

is gonna inspire sympathy.

You and I have unfinished business.

And not a goddamn fucking thing

you've done in the subsequent four years,

including getting knocked up, is gonna change that.

So when do we do this?

It all depends.

When do you want to die?

Tomorrow?

The day after tomorrow?

How about tonight, bitch?

Splendid. Where?

There's a baseball diamond

where I coach our Little League about a mile from here.

We meet there around 2:30 in the morning,

dressed all in black, your hair in a black stocking.

And we have us a knife fight.

We won't be bothered.

Now...

I have to fix Nikki's cereal.

Bill always said you were one of the best ladies

he ever saw with an edged weapon.

Fuck you, bitch.

I know he didn't qualify that shit.

So you can just kiss my motherfucking ass,

Black Mamba.

Black Mamba.

I should have been motherfucking Black Mamba.

Weapon of choice? If you want to stick

with your butcher knife, that's fine with me.

Very funny, bitch.

Very funny!

It was not my intention to do this in front of you.

For that, I'm sorry.

But you can take my word for it.

Your mother had it coming.

When you grow up,

if you still feel raw about it...

I'll be waiting.

Come on out to Dallas, do you hear?

This is Rockabilly Rhythms on KTRN, Wichita Falls.

And next, we got some record.

Very own wild man, Charlie Feathers.

Well,

give me the gory details, son number one.

It's a goddamn massacre, Pop.

They wiped out the whole wedding party,

execution style.

Give me a figure.

Nine dead bodies.

And we're talking the whole shebang.

Bride. Groom.

Reverend.

Reverend's wife.

Hell, they even shot that old colored fella that plays the organ.

It would appear to me somebody objected to this union

and wasn't able to hold their peace.

Good gravy, Marie.

What'd I tell you, Pop?

It's like a goddamn Nicaraguan death squad.

You better shit-can that blasphemy, boy.

- You're in a house of worship. - Sorry, Pop.

Well, this is definitely the work of professionals.

I'd guesstimate Mexican mafia hit squad.

Four, maybe five strong.

How can you tell?

Well, a sure and steady hand did this.

This ain't no squirrelly amateur.

This is the work of a salty dog.

You can tell by the cleanliness of the carnage.

Now, a kill-crazy rampage, though it may be,

all the colors are kept inside the lines.

If you was a moron, you could almost admire it.

Who's the bride?

Don't know.

The name on the marriage certificate

is Arlene Machiavelli.

That's a fake.

We've all just been calling her "The Bride" on account of the dress.

You can tell she was pregnant.

Man would have to be a mad dog

to shoot a goddamn good-looking gal like that in the head.

Look at her.

Hay-colored hair.

Big eyes.

She's a little blood-spattered angel.

Son number one?

Yeah?

This tall drink of cocksucker ain't dead.

I might never have liked you.

Point in fact, I despise you.

But that shouldn't suggest that I don't respect you.

Dying in our sleep is a luxury

that our kind is rarely afforded.

My gift to you.

For fuck's sake.

Hello, Bill.

What's her condition?

Comatose.

Where is she?

I'm standing over her right now.

That's my girl.

Elle, you're going to abort the mission.

What?

We owe her better than that.

You don't owe her shit!

Will you keep your voice down?

You don't owe her shit!

May I say one thing?

Speak.

Y'all beat the hell out of that woman.

But you didn't kill her.

And I put a bullet in her head,

but her heart just kept on beating.

Now, you saw that yourself

with your own beautiful blue eye, did you not?

We've done a lot of things to this lady.

And if she ever wakes up, we'll do a whole lot more.

But one thing we won't do

is sneak into her room in the night like a filthy rat

and kill her in her sleep.

And the reason we won't do that thing

is because that thing would lower us.

Don't you agree, Miss Driver?

I guess.

Do you really have to guess?

No.

I don't really have to guess. I know.

Come on home, honey.

Affirmative.

I love you very much.

I love you, too.

Bye-bye.

Thought that was pretty fucking funny, didn't you?

Word of advice, shithead.

Don't you ever wake up.

At this moment, this is me...

at my most masochistic.

Bill, it's your baby.

My baby.

Four years.

Four years.

The price is $75 a fuck, my friend.

You getting your freak on or what?

Yeah, boy.

Twenty, 40, 60, 75.

Now, here's the rules.

Rule number one. No punching her.

Nurse comes in tomorrow and she got her a shiner or less some teeth, jig's up.

So no knuckle sandwiches under no circumstances.

And by the way, this little cunt's a spitter.

It's a motor-reflex thing. But spit or no, no punching.

Now, are we absolutely, positively clear

- on rule number one? - Yeah.

Good. Now, rule number two. No monkey bites, no hickeys.

In fact, no leaving no marks of no kind.

After that, it's all good, buddy.

Now, her plumbing down there don't work no more.

So feel free to come in her all you want.

Keep the noise down. Try not to make a mess. I'll be back in 20.

Yeah.

Shit.

By the way...

Not all the time, but sometimes

this chick's cooch can get drier than a bucket of sand.

If she dry, you just lube up with this and you'll be good to go.

Bon appetit, good buddy.

God damn.

You are the best-looking girl I've had today.

Yo, stud! Time's up, buddy.

Coming in, ready or not.

Hey, buddy, did you have yourself a good time, man?

Where's Bill?

Where's Bill?

Please stop hitting me.

Where's Bill?

I don't know who Bill is!

Bullshit!

Well, ain't you the slice of cutie pie

they said you was?

Jane Doe? We don't know shit about you, do we?

Well, I'm from Huntsville, Texas.

My name is Buck, and I'm here to fuck.

Your name is Buck.

Right?

And you came here to fuck.

Right?

Wait a minute. Wait.

"Pussy Wagon."

You fucker.

Texas. Okay.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

As I lay in the back of Buck's truck,

trying to will my limbs out of entropy...

Wiggle your big toe.

I could see the faces of the cunts who did this to me.

And the dicks responsible.

Members all

of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad.

When fortune smiles on something

as violent and ugly as revenge,

it seems proof like no other that not only does God exist,

you're doing His will.

At a time when I knew the least about my enemies,

the first name on my Death List,

O-Ren Ishii, was the easiest to find.

But, of course, when one manages the difficult task

of becoming queen of the Tokyo underworld,

one doesn't keep it a secret, does one?

O-Ren Ishii was born on an American military base

in Tokyo, Japan.

The half-Japanese, half-Chinese American army brat

made her first acquaintance with death at the age of nine.

It was at that age she witnessed

the death of her parents at the hands

of Japan's most ruthless Yakuza boss, Boss Matsumoto.

Mommy.

She swore revenge.

Luckily for her,

Boss Matsumoto was a pedophile.

At 11, she got her revenge.

Two years later, at 13,

she enacted her final act of bloody revenge

against Matsumoto's diabolical second lieutenant,

Pretty Riki.

The name's...

O-Ren!

O-Ren managed to salvage

two items of her father's.

One, his samurai shortsword,

and two, hand grenades.

The first was used against

Matsumoto's pursuing bodyguards.

The second one was used right now.

By 20,

she was one of the top female assassins in the world.

At 25, she did her part in the killing

of nine innocent people, including my unborn daughter,

in a small wedding chapel in El Paso, Texas.

But on that day, four years ago,

she made one big mistake.

She should have killed 10.

However, before satisfaction would be mine,

first things first.

Wiggle your big toe.

Hard part's over.

Now, let's get these other piggies wiggling.

Welcome to Air O. May I help you?

Okinawa. One-way.

Hi.

Welcome.

You English?

Almost. American.

American. Welcome, American.

Domo.

My English very good.

You said "domo". Can you speak Japanese?

No, no.

Just a few words I learned since yesterday.

May I sit at the bar?

Sure, sure, sure. Please sit.

What other words did you learn?

Just a minute.

Shut up!

Get your ass out here!

Excuse me.

What other Japanese do you know?

Let's see.

"Arigato".

"Arigato". Good!

I already said "domo", right?

"Konn-itch-iwa."

"Kohn-nee-chee-wah."

Konnichi wa. Please repeat.

Konnichi wa.

Perfect.

Good, good, good.

You say Japanese word like you Japanese.

Now you're making fun of me!

No, no, no, no. Serious business.

Pronunciation very good.

You say arigato like we say arigato.

Well, thank you. I mean...

Arigato.

You should learn Japanese.

Very easy.

No kidding. I heard it was kind of hard.

Most difficult.

But you have Japanese tongue.

Oh, my God.

I beg your pardon?

Drink.

Oh, yes.

A bottle of warm sake, please.

Warm sake?

Very good!

Do you understand?

Do you understand me?

Sorry.

First time in Japan?

What brings you to Okinawa?

I came to see a man.

Oh, yeah.

You have a friend live in Okinawa?

Not quite.

Not friend?

I never met him.

Never?

Who is he?

May I ask?

Hattori Hanzo.

You must have big rats,

you need Hattori Hanzo's steel.

Huge.

May I?

You may.

Wait.

Try the second one down.

Funny.

You like samurai swords...

I like baseball.

Then give me one of these.

These are not for sale.

I didn't say, "Sell me."

I said, "Give me."

Why should I help you?

Because my vermin is a former student of yours.

And considering the student,

I'd say you have a rather large obligation.

Domo.

It was one year

after the massacre in El Paso, Texas,

that Bill backed his Nippon progeny financially and philosophically

in her Shakespearean-in-magnitude power struggle with the other Yakuza clans

over who would rule vice in the city of Tokyo.

When the final sword was sheathed,

it was O-Ren Ishii and her powerful posse...

The Crazy 88, that proved the victor.

The pretty lady to O-Ren's right,

who's dressed like she's a villain on Star Trek,

is O-Ren's lawyer, best friend,

and second lieutenant.

The half-French, half-Japanese Sofie Fatale,

another former protegee of Bill's.

The young girl in the school-girl uniform

is O-Ren's personal bodyguard, 17-year-old Gogo Yubari.

Gogo may be young, but what she lacks in age,

she makes up for in madness.

See what I mean?

The bald guy in the black suit

and the Kato mask is Johnny Mo,

the head general of O-Ren's personal army, The Crazy 88.

And just in case you were wondering

how could a half-breed Japanese-Chinese American

become the boss of all bosses in Tokyo, Japan...

I'll tell you.

The subject of O-Ren's blood and nationality

came up before the council only once.

The night O-Ren assumed power over the crime council.

The man who seems bound and determined

to break the mood is Boss Tanaka.

And what Boss Tanaka thinks is...

As your leader...

I encourage you from time to time,

and always in a respectful manner,

to question my logic.

If you're unconvinced

a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest,

tell me so.

But allow me to convince you.

And I promise you, right here and now,

no subject will ever be taboo.

Except, of course, the subject

that was just under discussion.

The price you pay

for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage

as a negative is

I collect your fucking head.

Just like this fucker here.

Now, if any of you sons of bitches

got anything else to say, now is the fucking time!

I didn't think so.

One ticket to Tokyo, please.

Moshi moshi.

Gogo.

So, O-Ren...

Any more subordinates for me to kill?

Hi!

Bingo.

Gogo...

I know you feel you must protect your mistress.

But I beg you...

Walk away.

Is that what I think it is?

You didn't think it was gonna be that easy, did you?

You know, for a second there,

yeah, I kind of did.

Silly rabbit.

- Trix are for... - Kids.

This is what you get

for fucking around with Yakuzas!

Go home to your mother!

Except you, Sofie!

You stay right where you are.

Your instrument is quite impressive.

Okinawa.

This is Hattori Hanzo steel.

Silly Caucasian girl

likes to play with samurai swords.

You may not be able to fight like a samurai...

but you can at least die like a samurai.

Sofie...

Sofie...

My Sofie...

I'm so sorry.

Please. Please forgive my betrayal.

No more of that.

- But still... - But still nothing...

Except my aching heart over what she's done

to my beautiful and brilliant Sofie.

I've kept you alive for two reasons.

The first reason is information.

But I am gonna ask you questions.

And every time you don't give me answers,

I'm gonna cut something off.

And I promise you,

they will be things you will miss!

Give me your other arm!

I want

all the information on the Deadly Vipers.

If you had to guess...

What they've been doing...

why she left you alive...

and where I can find them.

What would be your guess?

Guessing won't be necessary.

She informed me.

She said I could keep my wicked life

for two reasons.

As I said before,

I've allowed you to keep your wicked life for two reasons.

And the second reason is...

so you can tell him, in person,

everything that happened here tonight.

I want him to witness the extent of my mercy

by witnessing your deformed body.

I want you to tell him all the information you just told me.

I want him to know what I know.

I want him to know I want him to know.

And I want them all to know

they'll all soon be as dead as O-Ren.

Now, the incident that happened

at the Two Pines wedding chapel

that put this whole gory story into motion

has since become legend.

"Massacre at Two Pines."

That's what the newspapers called it.

The local TV news called it

"The El Paso, Texas, Wedding Chapel Massacre."

How it happened, who was there,

how many got killed and who killed them

changes depending on who's telling the story.

In actual fact,

the massacre didn't happen during a wedding at all.

It was a wedding rehearsal.

Now, when we come to the part where I say,

"You may kiss the bride," you may kiss the bride,

but don't stick your tongue in her mouth.

This might be funny to your friends,

but it would be embarrassing to your parents.

We'll try to restrain ourselves, Reverend.

Y'all got a song?

How 'bout Love Me Tender? I can play that.

Sure.

Love Me Tender would be great.

Rufus, he's the man.

Rufus, who was that that you used to play for?

Rufus Thomas.

Rufus Thomas. Rufus Thomas.

I was a Drell. I was a Drifter.

I was a Coaster.

I was part of the Gang. I was a Bar-kay.

If they come through Texas, I played with 'em.

Rufus,

he's the man.

Have I forgotten anything?

Yes. You forgot the seating arrangements.

- Thank you, Mother. - Yes.

Now, the way we normally do this,

we have the bride's side,

and then we have the groom's side.

But since the bride ain't got nobody comin',

and the groom's got far too many people comin'...

Well, yeah, they're comin' all the way from Oklahoma.

Right. Well, I don't see no problem with...

the groom's side sharing the bride's side.

Do you, Mother?

I don't have a problem with that. But...

Honey, you know, it would be good

if you had somebody come.

You know, as a sign of good faith?

Well, I don't have anybody,

except for Tommy and my friends.

You have no family?

Well, I'm workin' on changing that.

Mrs. Harmony, we're all the family

this little angel's ever gonna need.

I'm not feeling very well,

and this bitch is starting to piss me off.

So while y'all blather on,

- I'm gonna go outside and get some air. - Okay.

Reverend, sorry...

She's gonna go out and get some air.

Yeah. Given her delicate condition.

She just needs a few minutes to get it together.

- She'll be okay. - Right.

Hello, Kiddo.

How did you find me?

I'm the man.

What are you doin' here?

What am I doin'?

Well,

a moment ago I was playing my flute.

At this moment...

I'm lookin' at the most beautiful bride

these old eyes have ever seen.

Why are you here?

Last look.

Are you gonna be nice?

I've never been nice my whole life.

But I'll do my best to be sweet.

I always told you,

your sweet side is your best side.

I guess that's why

you're the only one who's ever seen it.

See you got a bun in the oven.

I'm knocked up.

Jeez, Louise. That young man of yours

sure doesn't believe in wasting time, does he?

Have you seen Tommy?

- Big guy in the tux? - Yes.

Then I saw him.

I like his hair.

You promised you'd be nice.

No, I said I'd do my best. That's hardly a promise.

But you're right.

What does your young man do for a living?

He owns a used record store here in El Paso.

Music lover?

He's fond of music.

Aren't we all?

And what are you doing for a j-o-b these days?

I work in the record store.

So...

It all suddenly seems so clear.

Do you like it?

Yeah. I like it a lot, smartass.

I get to listen to music all day,

talk about music all day. It's really cool.

It's gonna be a great environment

for my little girl to grow up in.

As opposed to

jetting around the world, killing human beings

and being paid vast sums of money?

Precisely.

Well, my old friend,

to each his own.

However,

all cock blockery aside,

I am looking forward to meeting your young man.

I happen to be, more or less, particular

whom my gal marries.

You want to come to the wedding?

Only if I can sit on the bride's side.

You'll find it a bit lonely on my side.

Your side always was a bit lonely.

But I wouldn't sit anywhere else.

You know,

I had the loveliest dream about you...

Here's Tommy! Call me Arlene.

You must be Tommy!

Arlene's told me so much about you.

- Honey, you okay? - I'm fine.

Tommy, I'd like you to meet my father.

- Hi. - Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, this is great!

I'm so glad to meet you, sir... Dad.

The name's Bill.

Well, it's great to meet you... Bill.

Arlene told me you couldn't make it.

- Surprise. - That's my pop for ya.

Always full of surprises.

Well, in the surprise department,

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

- When did you get in? - Just now.

Did you come straight from Australia?

- Of course. - Daddy, I told Tommy

that you were in Perth mining for silver,

and no one could reach you.

Lucky for us all, that's not the case.

So, what's this all about?

I've heard of wedding rehearsals,

but I don't believe I've ever heard of

a wedding dress rehearsal before.

We thought, "Why pay so much money for a dress

you're only gonna wear once?"

Especially when Arlene looks so goddamn beautiful in it.

So I think we're gonna try

to get all the mileage we can out of it.

Isn't it supposed to be bad luck for the groom

to see the bride in her wedding dress

before the ceremony?

Well, I guess I just believe in living dangerously.

I know just what you mean.

Son, some of us have places to be.

Sure do.

Look, we gotta go through this one more time,

so why don't you have a s...

Oh, my God.

What am I thinking? You should give her away!

Tommy, that's not exactly Daddy's cup of tea.

I think Father would be much more comfortable

sitting with the rest of the guests.

Really?

That's asking a lot.

Okay. Well, forget it.

But how about we go out to dinner tonight to celebrate?

Only on the condition that I pay for everything.

Deal. We got to do this now.

Can I watch?

Absolutely. Have a seat.

Which is the bride's side?

Right over here.

Mother, here we go!

Now, son, about them vows...

Bill... I just want...

You don't owe me a damn thing.

If he's the man you want,

then go stand by him.

Do I look pretty?

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

Oh, good.

What the hell?

No! Bill!

You tellin' me she cut her way through 88 bodyguards

'fore she got to O-Ren?

Nah, there wasn't really 88 of 'em.

They just call themselves "The Crazy 88."

- How come? - I don't know.

I guess they thought it sounded cool.

Anyhow, they all fell under her Hanzo sword.

She got a Hanzo sword?

He made one for her.

Didn't he swear a blood oath to never make another sword?

It would appear he has broken it.

Them Japs sure know how to hold a grudge, don't they?

Or maybe you just tend to bring that out in people.

I know this is a ridiculous question before I ask it,

but you haven't, by any chance, kept up with your

swordplay?

I...

I pawned that years ago.

You hocked a Hattori Hanzo sword?

Yep.

It was priceless.

Well, not in El Paso, it ain't.

In El Paso, I got me $250 for it.

I'm a bouncer in a titty bar, Bill.

If she wants to fight with me, all she's gotta do

is come down to the club and start some shit

and we'll be in a fight.

I know we haven't spoken in some time,

and the last time we spoke wasn't the most pleasant,

but you've got to get over being mad at me

and start becoming afraid of...

Because she is coming, and she's coming to kill you.

And, unless you accept my assistance,

I have no doubt she will succeed.

I don't dodge guilt,

and I don't Jew out of paying my comeuppance.

Can't we just... forget the past?

That woman

deserves her revenge.

And

we deserve to die.

But, then again,

so does she.

So I guess

we'll just see.

Won't we?

Late again.

Budd, can't you tell time?

There ain't nobody in here, man.

- Is that Budd? - Yeah.

Tell him to get his fucking ass back here!

Okay.

Budd, Larry'd like a word with ya.

Take a hit. Be somebody, baby.

You looking for me?

I don't know what car wash

you worked before you came here

that let you stroll in 20 minutes late,

but it wasn't owned by me and I own a fucking car wash.

Do you want me to leave?

No, I don't want you to leave. I want you to sit and wait.

Larry,

there ain't nobody out there, so...

"There's nobody out there, Larry."

What's your point? That you're not needed here?

My point is I'm the bouncer,

and there ain't nobody out there to bounce.

You saying that the reason

that you're not doing the job

that I'm paying you to do

is that you don't have a job to do?

- No... - Is that what you're saying?

What are you trying to convince me of, exactly?

That you're as useless as an asshole right here?

Well, guess what, Buddy?

I think you just fucking convinced me.

Let's go to the calendar. It's calendar time.

Calendar time for Buddy.

- Okay. You working tomorrow? - Yeah.

No, you're not.

You don't even know what fucking day you work.

Here. You're not working tomorrow.

You're working Wednesday. Here you are. There you go.

- Workin' Thursday? - Yeah.

I don't think so. Friday?

- I don't... There's your name. - If you say so.

There used to be your name. Okay?

Saturday. There used to be your name.

Monday... Here, how about that?

Fucking with your cash is the only thing

you kids seem to understand. Okay?

Now, I want you to go home till I call you.

Till I call you.

Before you leave, talk to Rocket.

She's got a job for you to do.

And...

the hat,

that fucking hat.

That fucking hat.

How many times have I told you,

don't wear that fucking hat here?

How many?

Customers wear hats.

Well, I'm not the boss of the customers.

I'm the boss of you.

And I'm telling you that I want you

to keep that shit-kicker hat at home.

Budd, honey, the toilet is at it again.

There's shitty water all over the floor.

Okay, Rocket.

I'll clean it up.

Now,

that gentled you down some, didn't it?

Yep.

Ain't nobody a badass

with a double dose of rock salt

dug deep in her tits.

Not havin' tits...

is fine

or as big as yours,

I can't even imagine how bad that shit must sting.

And...

I don't want to, neither.

I win.

Bill.

Wrong brother, ya hateful bitch.

- Budd. - Bingo.

And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?

I just caught me

the cowgirl ain't never been caught.

Did you kill her?

Well, not yet, I ain't.

I shot her full of rock salt.

She's so gentle right now,

I could perform a coup de grace with a rock.

Anywho...

Guess what I'm holdin' in my hand right now?

What?

A brand-spankin'-new Hattori Hanzo sword.

And I'm here to tell ya, Elle,

that's what I call sharp.

How much?

That's hard to say, bein' that it's

priceless an' all.

What's the terms?

You get your bony ass down here

first thing in the morning

with a million dollars in folding cash,

and I'll give you

the greatest sword ever made by a man.

Now, how do you like the sound of that?

Sounds like we got a deal. One condition.

What?

She must suffer to her last breath.

Well...

that, Elle darlin',

I can pretty much damn well guarantee.

Then I'll see you in the mornin', millionaire.

All right.

Wakey-wakey.

Eggs and bakey.

I'm done!

Get me outta this hole!

Good.

Look at those eyes.

This bitch is furious.

What did I tell ya?

Is she the cutest little blond pussy you ever saw?

Or, is she the cutest little blond pussy you ever saw?

I seen better.

You got anything to say?

White women call this "The silent treatment."

And we let 'em think we don't like it.

You grab the feet, I'll get the head.

Wiggle worm, you see this?

You see it, don't ya?

That's a can of mace.

No.

You're goin' underneath the ground tonight.

And that's all there is to it.

I wanna bury ya.

I was gonna bury ya...

with this.

But if you're gonna act like a horse's ass...

I'm gonna spray this whole goddamn can

right in your eyeballs!

I'll burn 'em right outta your fucking head.

Then you're gonna be blind

and burnin'...

and buried alive.

Now, what's it gonna be, sister?

That's a wise decision.

This is for breakin' my brother's heart.

Once upon a time,

in China,

some believe around the year

one, double aught, three,

head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei,

was walking down a road

contemplating whatever it is

that a man of Pai Mei's infinite powers

would contemplate.

Which is another way of saying, "Who knows?"

When a Shaolin monk appeared on the road,

traveling in the opposite direction.

As the monk and the priest crossed paths,

Pai Mei,

in a practically unfathomable display of generosity,

gave the monk the slightest of nods.

The nod

was not returned.

Now, was it the intention of the Shaolin monk

to insult Pai Mei?

Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture?

The motives of the monk remain unknown.

What is known

were the consequences.

The next morning,

Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin temple

and demanded of the temple's head abbot

that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult.

The abbot, at first, tried to console Pai Mei,

only to find Pai Mei was...

inconsolable.

So began...

the massacre of the Shaolin temple

and all sixty of the monks inside,

at the fists of the White Lotus.

And so began the legend

of Pai Mei's five-point-palm exploding-heart technique.

And what, pray tell,

is the five-point-palm exploding-heart technique?

Quite simply, the deadliest blow in all of martial arts.

He hits you with his fingertips

at five different pressure points on your body,

and then lets you walk away.

But once you've taken five steps,

your heart explodes inside your body

and you fall to the floor, dead.

- Did he teach you that? - No.

He teaches no one

the five-point-palm exploding-heart technique.

Now...

one of the things I've always liked about you,

Kiddo...

is you appear wise beyond your years.

So, allow me to impart a word to the wise.

Whatever Pai Mei says, obey.

If you flash him, even for an instant, a defiant eye,

he'll pluck it out.

And if you throw any American sass his way,

he'll snap your back and your neck like they were twigs.

And that will be the story of you.

He'll accept you as his student.

- What happened to you? - Nothin'.

Get in a fight?

Friendly contest.

Why did he accept me?

Because he's a very, very, very old man.

And, like all rotten bastards,

when they become old, they get lonely.

Which has no effect on their dispositions,

but it does teach them the value of company.

Just seein' those steps again makes me ache.

You're gonna have a lot of fun carrying buckets of water

up and down that fucker.

When will I see you again?

That's the title of my favorite soul song of the '70s.

- What? - Nothin'.

When he tells me you're done.

When do you think that might be?

That, my dearest, depends entirely on you.

Now remember, no sarcasm, no back talk.

At least not for the first year or so.

You're gonna have to let him warm up to you.

He hates Caucasians, despises Americans,

and has nothing but contempt for women.

So in your case, it might take a little while.

Adios.

A little.

Yes, he is.

I am proficient in Tiger-Crane style,

and I am more than proficient

in the exquisite art of the samurai sword.

No, please don't!

Yes!

Come on, you bitch.

Okay, Pai Mei.

Here I come.

May I have a glass of water, please?

So that's a Texas funeral?

Yep.

I have to give it to ya, Budd.

That's a pretty fucked-up way to die.

What's the name on the grave she's buried under?

Paula...

Schultz.

Can I look at the sword?

That's my money right there in that red bag, isn't it?

It sure is.

Well, then, it's your sword now.

What's that you said?

So this is a Hattori Hanzo sword.

That's a Hanzo sword, all right.

Bill tells me you once had one of these of your own.

Yeah, once.

Yeah? How does this one compare to that?

If you're gonna compare a Hanzo sword,

you compare it to every other sword ever made

wasn't made by Hattori Hanzo.

Here you go. Wrap your lips around that.

So...

which "R" are you filled with?

What?

They say

the number one killer of old people

is retirement.

People got a job to do,

they tend to live a little bit longer so they can do it.

I've always figured that

warriors and their enemies

share the same relationship.

So now that you're not gonna have to face

your enemy no more on the battlefield,

which "R" ya filled with?

Relief?

Or regret?

A little bit of both.

Horseshit.

I'm sure you do feel a little bit of both.

But I know damn well that you feel one

more than you feel the other.

And the question was,

which one is it?

Regret.

You know, you gotta hand it to the old girl.

I never saw anybody Buffalo Bill

the way she Buffaloed Bill.

Bill thought she was so damn smart.

And I tried to tell him

she was just smart for a blonde.

Thanks a bunch.

I'm sorry, Budd.

That was rude of me, wasn't it?

Budd, I'd like to introduce my friend, the black mamba.

Black mamba, this is Budd.

You know, before I picked that little fella up,

I looked him up on the Internet.

Fascinating creature, the black mamba.

Listen to this.

"In Africa, the saying goes,

"In the bush, an elephant can kill you,

"a leopard can kill you,

"and a black mamba can kill you.

"But only with the mamba,

"and this has been true in Africa since the dawn of time,

"is death sure.

"Hence its handle, Death Incarnate."

Pretty cool?

"Its neurotoxic venom is one of

"nature's most effective poisons,

"acting on the nervous system, causing paralysis.

"The venom of a black mamba

"can kill a human being in four hours

"if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb.

"However, a bite to the face or torso

"can bring death from paralysis within 20 minutes."

Now, you should listen to this,

'cause this concerns you.

"The amount of venom

"that can be delivered from a single bite

"can be gargantuan."

You know, I've always liked that word "gargantuan."

I so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence.

"If not treated quickly with antivenom,

"10 to 15 milligrams can be fatal to human beings.

"However, the black mamba can deliver

"as much as 100 to 400 milligrams of venom

"from a single bite."

Now...

in these last agonizing minutes of life you have left,

let me answer that question

you asked earlier more thoroughly.

Right at this moment,

the biggest "R" I feel is regret.

Regret that maybe

the greatest warrior I have ever met

met her end at the hands of a bushwhackin', scrub,

alky piece of shit like you.

That woman deserved better.

Bill.

I have some tragic news.

Your brother's dead.

I am so sorry, baby.

She put a black mamba in his camper.

I got her, sweetie. She's dead.

Let me put it this way,

you ever start feeling sentimental,

go to Barstow, California.

When you get here, walk into a florist

and buy a bunch of flowers.

Then you take those flowers to Huntington Cemetery

on Fuller and Guadalupe,

look for the headstone marked "Paula Schultz,"

and lay them on the grave.

'Cause you will be standing at the final resting place

of Beatrix Kiddo.

Marty Kitrosser?

Here.

- Melanie Harrhouse? - Here.

- Beatrix Kiddo? - Here.

Look... I can be there in about four hours.

Do you want me to come over?

No, no. You need me, baby, I'm there.

Okay. I'm leaving now.

You go smoke some pot or somethin'. I'll be there soon.

Gross.

"To my brother, Budd. The only man I ever loved.

"Bill."

What's that?

Budd's Hanzo sword.

He said he pawned it.

Guess that makes him a liar now, don't it?

Elle?

Bea.

Somethin' I've always been curious about.

Just between us girls,

what did you say to Pai Mei to make him snatch out your eye?

I called him a miserable old fool.

Bad idea.

Know what I did?

I killed that miserable old fool.

How do you like the fish head,

you miserable old fool?

I poisoned his fish heads.

And I told him,

"To me, the word of an old fool like you

"is worth less than nothing."

That's right.

I killed your master.

And now I'm gonna kill you, too.

With your own sword, no less.

Which, in the very immediate future,

will become my sword.

Bitch.

You don't have a future.

You bitch!

You fucking bitch!

I'll kill you! Give it back!

You... You bitch!

I'm going to kill you, you bitch!

I'll get you!

I'm gonna...

Where are you? Lemme at you!

Where are you? I'm coming, you fucking bitch!

You're fucking dead! You're dead!

Bitch!

Like most men who never knew their father,

Bill collected father figures.

The first was Esteban Vihaio.

Esteban was a pimp and a friend of Bill's mother.

He ran a brothel in Acuna, Mexico, for over 50 years.

His army, the Acuna Boys,

made up of the fatherless offspring of his whores,

ran Acuna.

He ran the Acuna Boys.

Now, at the age of 80,

it would be this retired gentleman of leisure

who could point me in Bill's direction.

Senor Esteban Vihaio?

Yes.

May I join you?

Only on the condition that you call me Esteban.

May I join you, Esteban?

Please.

Americana?

Yes.

I speak a little Spanish, if you prefer.

No, no. I prefer English.

I haven't spoken it in a while,

but I would relish the opportunity to converse

with such a pretty companion as yourself.

It's my pleasure to be in the company

of such a fine gentleman as yourself.

I must warn you, young lady,

I am susceptible to flattery.

How may I be of service to you?

Where's Bill?

You must be Beatrix.

I can see the attraction.

I remember when Bill was only 5 years old,

I took him to the movies.

It was a movie starring Lana Turner.

The Postman Always Ring Twice, with John Garfields.

And whenever she would appear on the screen,

Bill would begin compulsively to suck his thumb

to an obscene amount.

And I knew from this very moment

this boy was a fool for blondes.

You know,

being a fool for a woman such as yourself

is always the right thing to do.

If we had met when I was back in business,

you would have been my number one lady.

Well, I'm flattered.

You goddamn well better be.

This... I heard you were driving a truck.

My Pussy Wagon died on me.

The pussy died.

Bill shot you in the head, no?

Yes.

I would have been much nicer.

I would have just cut your face.

You must forgive me.

Please, you have a drink with me.

Clara!

Coming.

Dos anejo.

Gracias.

What were we talking about?

Bill.

Where's Bill?

Where's Bill? Yeah...

Bill is at the Villa Quatro, on the road to Salina.

I will draw you a map.

Bill is like a son to me.

Do you know why I help you?

No.

Because he would want me to.

Now, that I don't believe.

How else is he ever going to see you again?

Freeze, Mommy.

Bang, bang!

She got us, B.B. Mommy got us.

I'm dying.

I'm dying.

Fall down, sweetheart. Mommy shot us.

But little did Quickdraw Kiddo know

that little B.B. was only playing possum,

due to the fact that she was impervious to bullets.

I am pervious to bullets, Mommy.

Get back down there.

- You're playing possum. - Oh, yeah.

So, as the smirking killer advanced on what she thought

was a bullet-ridden corpse, that's when little B.B. fired.

Bang, bang!

You're dead, Mommy. So die.

B.B.

Oh, B.B.

I should've known.

You are the best.

Mommy. Don't die.

I was just playing.

I know.

I told her that you were asleep,

but that one day you'd wake up and come back to her.

And she asked me, "If Mommy's been asleep since I was born,

"then how will she know what I look like?"

To which I replied, "Because Mommy's been dreaming of you."

That's what I said.

Did you dream of me? I dreamed of you.

Every single night, baby. Every single night.

I waited a long time for you to wake up, Mommy.

Now, let me look at you.

My, my, my, what a pretty little girl you are.

You're pretty too, Mommy.

Tell Mommy what you said when I showed you her picture.

Come on, shy girl.

Come on. You know what you said.

Come on. Tell Mommy. It'll make her feel good.

Come on.

Yeah. Come on.

I said... I said,

"You're the most beautifulest woman

"I ever saw in the whole wide world."

That's the truth. That's what she said.

B.B, don't you think Mommy has the prettiest hair

in the whole wide world?

Yes, I do.

Matter of fact, it's better than pretty.

What's better than pretty?

Gorgeous.

Very good. Gorgeous.

Mommy is gorgeous.

You know, sweetie, Mommy's kinda mad at Daddy.

Why, Daddy? Were you being a bad Daddy?

I'm afraid I was. I was a real bad Daddy.

Our little girl learned about life and death the other day.

Wanna tell mommy about what happened to Emilio?

I killed him.

Emilio was her goldfish.

Emilio was my goldfish.

She came running into my room,

holding the fish in her hand and crying,

"Daddy! Daddy! Emilio's dead."

And I said, "Really? That's so sad."

"How did he die?"

And what did you say?

I stepped on him.

Actually, young lady,

the words you so strategically used were

"I accidentally stepped on him."

To which I queried,

"And just how did your foot accidentally

"find its way into Emilio's fishbowl?"

And she said, "No, no, no.

"Emilio was on the carpet when I stepped on him."

The plot thickens.

"And just how did Emilio get on the carpet?"

And, Mommy, you would've been so proud of her.

She didn't lie.

She said she took Emilio out of his bowl

and put him on the carpet.

And what was Emilio doing on the carpet?

Flapping.

And then you stomped on him.

And when you lifted up your foot,

what was Emilio doing then?

Nothing.

He stopped flapping, didn't he?

She told me later

that the second she lifted up her foot

and saw Emilio not flapping, she knew what she had done.

Is that not the perfect visual image of life and death?

A fish flapping on the carpet,

and a fish not flapping on the carpet.

So powerful, even a four-year-old

with no concept of life or death knew what it meant.

You loved Emilio, didn't you?

Well, I love Mommy, too.

But I did to Mommy what you did to Emilio.

- You stomped on Mommy? - Worse.

I shot Mommy.

Not pretend shooting like we were just doing.

I shot her for real.

Why? Did you want to see what would happen?

No, I knew what would happen to Mommy if I shot her.

What I didn't know was,

when I shot Mommy, what would happen to me.

What happened?

I was very sad.

And that's when I learned

some things, once you do, they can never be undone.

What happened to Mommy?

Why don't you ask Mommy?

You okay, Mommy? Does it hurt?

No, sweetie.

Doesn't hurt anymore.

Did it make you sick?

No.

It made me sleep.

That's why I haven't been with you, B.B. I've been asleep.

But you're awake now, Mommy. Right?

I'm wide awake, pretty girl.

B.B., would you like Mommy to watch a video with you before sleepy time?

Mommy, do you wanna watch a video with me before sleepy time?

Oh, yeah! I would love to.

- Which one do you wanna watch? - Shogun Assassin.

No, B.B. Shogun Assassin is too long.

No, it's not.

Well, then,

I'll leave you ladies to it.

When I was little, my father was famous.

He was the greatest samurai in the empire.

And he was the shogun's decapitator.

He cut off the heads of 131 lords.

My father would come home to Mother,

and when he would see her

he would forget about the killings.

He wasn't scared of the shogun,

but the shogun was scared of him.

Maybe that was the problem.

One night, the shogun sent...

I was just admiring your sword.

Quite a piece of work.

Speaking of which, how is Hanzo-san?

He's good.

Has his sushi gotten any better?

You know, I couldn't believe it.

You got him to make you a sword.

It was easy.

I just dropped your name, Bill.

That'd do it.

I suppose the idea is we cross Hanzo swords.

Am I right?

Well, it just so happens

this hacienda has its own private beach.

And that private beach just so happens

to look particularly beautiful bathed in moonlight.

And there just so happens to be a full moon out tonight.

So, sword fighter,

if you want a sword fight, that's where I suggest.

But if you wanna be old school about it,

and you know I'm all about old school...

then we could wait until dawn

and slice each other up at sunrise

like a couple of real-life, honest...

Now, if you don't settle down,

I'm gonna have to put one in your kneecap.

And I hear tell that's a very painful place to get shot in.

I'm just fuckin' with you.

Now, when it comes to you,

and us,

I have a few unanswered questions.

So, before this tale of bloody revenge

reaches its climax,

I'm gonna ask you some questions,

and I want you to tell me the truth.

However, therein lies a dilemma.

Because when it comes to the subject of me,

I believe you are truly and utterly incapable of telling the truth.

Especially to me. And least of all, to yourself.

And when it comes to the subject of me,

I am truly and utterly incapable of believing anything you say.

How do you suppose we solve this dilemma?

Well, it just so happens,

I have a solution.

Gotcha!

God damn!

What the fuck did you just shoot me with?

My greatest invention. Or at least my favorite.

Don't touch it, or I'll stick another one right in your cheek.

What lies within that dart,

just begging to course its way through your veins

is an incredibly potent and quite infallible truth serum.

I call it "The Undisputed Truth."

Twice as strong as sodium pentothal,

with no druggy aftereffects.

Except for a slight wave of euphoria.

You feel it?

- Euphoria? - Yeah.

- No. - Too bad.

As you know,

I'm quite keen on comic books,

especially the ones about superheroes.

I find the whole mythology

surrounding superheroes fascinating.

Take my favorite superhero, Superman.

Not a great comic book. Not particularly well drawn.

But the mythology,

the mythology is not only great, it's unique.

How long does this shit take to go into effect?

About two minutes.

Just long enough for me to finish my point.

Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is,

there's the superhero and there's the alter ego.

Batman is actually Bruce Wayne,

Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker.

When that character wakes up in the morning,

he's Peter Parker.

He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man.

And it is in that characteristic

Superman stands alone.

Superman didn't become Superman.

Superman was born Superman.

When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman.

His alter ego is Clark Kent.

His outfit with the big red "S,"

that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby

when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes.

What Kent wears, the glasses, the business suit,

that's the costume.

That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us.

Clark Kent is how Superman views us.

And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent?

He's weak,

he's unsure of himself,

he's a coward.

Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race.

Sorta like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plympton.

Ah, so.

The point emerges.

You would've worn the costume of Arlene Plympton.

But you were born Beatrix Kiddo.

And every morning when you woke up,

you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo.

You can take the needle out.

Are you calling me a superhero?

I'm calling you a killer.

A natural-born killer.

You always have been, and you always will be.

Moving to El Paso,

working in a used-record store,

goin' to the movies with Tommy,

clipping coupons.

That's you

trying to disguise yourself as a worker bee.

That's you tryin' to blend in with the hive.

But you're not a worker bee.

You're a renegade killer bee.

And no matter how much beer you drank or barbecue you ate

or how fat your ass got,

nothing in the world would ever change that.

First question...

Did you really think your life in El Paso was gonna work?

No!

But I would've had B.B.!

Don't get me wrong.

I think you would have been a wonderful mother.

But you are a killer.

All those people you killed to get to me

felt damn good, didn't they?

Yes.

Every single one of them?

Yes.

That was the warmup round.

Now comes the $64,000 question.

Why did you run away from me with my baby?

Do you remember the last assignment you sent me on?

Of course.

Lisa Wong.

The morning I left, I was sick.

On the plane, I threw up.

So I started thinking

maybe I was pregnant.

"Easy to use. Remove cap and urinate

"on the absorbent end for 5 seconds."

"Accurate results in only 90 seconds.

"You can read the results

"as soon as the line appears in the window."

Fuck.

What I didn't know

was that somewhere on my journey I had been spotted.

With me in L.A, it didn't take Lisa Wong long

to send an assassin of her own.

Hello, can I help you?

Hello, I'm Karen Kim.

I'm the hospitality manager of the hotel.

I have a welcome gift from the management.

Oh, that's nice...

Can you just leave it by the door?

You pretty good with that shotgun?

Not that I have to be at this range,

but I'm a fucking surgeon with this shotgun.

Well, guess what, bitch? I'm better than Annie Oakley,

and I got you right in my sight.

I could blow your fucking head off.

Not before I put one right between your eyes,

so let's talk.

Karen...

I just found out

right now,

not a moment before you blew a hole through the door,

that I'm pregnant.

What is this?

On the floor by the door

is a strip that says I'm pregnant.

Bullshit.

Any other time you'd be 100% right.

But this time,

you're 100% wrong.

I'm the deadliest woman in the world.

But right now,

I'm just scared shitless for my baby.

Please.

Just look at the strip.

Please!

Stay where you are and don't move.

I don't know what this fuckin' shit means.

The box with the directions is right there.

"Easy to use.

"Remove the cap and urinate on the absorbent end."

Blue means pregnant.

I'll read it myself, thank you.

Okay.

Say I were to believe you. What then?

Just go home.

I'll do the same.

Congratulations.

Before that strip turned blue,

I was a woman. I was your woman.

I was a killer who killed for you.

Before that strip turned blue,

I would've jumped a motorcycle onto a speeding train.

For you.

But once that strip turned blue,

I could no longer do any of those things.

Not anymore.

Because I was gonna be a mother.

Can you understand that?

Yes.

But why didn't you tell me then, instead of now?

Once you knew, you'd claim her.

And I didn't want that.

Not your decision to make.

Yes.

But it's the right decision, and I made it for my daughter.

She deserved to be born with a clean slate.

But with you she would've been born into a world she shouldn't have.

I had to choose.

I chose her.

You know, five years ago,

if I had to make a list of impossible things that could never happen,

you performing a coup de grace on me

by bustin' a cap in my crown...

would've been right at the top of the list.

I'd have been wrong, wouldn't I?

I'm sorry.

Was that a question?

Of impossible things that could never happen,

yes, in this instance, you would've been wrong.

Well?

When you never came back,

I naturally assumed Lisa Wong,

or somebody else, had killed you.

And for the record,

letting somebody think somebody they love is dead

when they're not is quite cruel.

I mourned you for three months.

And in the third month of mourning you

I tracked you down.

I wasn't tryin' to track you down.

I was tryin' to track down the fucking assholes I thought killed you.

So I find you.

And what do I find?

Not only are you not dead,

you're getting married to some fucking jerk.

And you're pregnant.

I overreacted.

You overreacted? Is that your explanation?

I didn't say I was gonna explain myself.

I said I was gonna tell you the truth.

But if that's too cryptic, let's get literal.

I'm a killer.

I'm a murdering bastard. You know that.

And there are consequences

to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard.

You experienced some of them.

Was my reaction really that surprising?

Yes. It was.

Could you do what you did?

Of course you could.

But I never thought you would, or could,

do that to me.

I'm really sorry, Kiddo,

but you thought wrong.

You and I have unfinished business.

Baby, you ain't kiddin'.

Pai Mei taught you

the five-point-palm exploding-heart technique?

'Course he did.

Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

Because I'm...

a bad person.

No.

You're not a bad person.

You're a terrific person.

You're my favorite person.

But every once in a while

you can be a real cunt.

How do I look?

You look ready.

Well, well, well. If it ain't the little flower.

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America

and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press. Flash.

Do you have a magpie in your home?

If you do, you are most fortunate.

The magpie is the most charming bird in all the world.

He is the best friend a farmer ever had.

Treat him gently. Treat him kindly.

And always remember, the magpie deserves your respect.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Now, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I ain't got no headache.

Oh, yes, you have, brother.

And action!

Cut.

Come on, let's do it again.