Original subtitles

Previously on The West Wing:

AMY: Honey, Simon Donovan was shot and killed.

PRESIDENT: You think the strike against me is

"nobody likes the smartest kid in the class."

It's not a strike unless you watch it as it sails by.

I've been a soldier for 38 years

and I've found an enemy I can kill.

PRESIDENT: We can make it look like the plane went down

but they're going to find out it's us

and I'm going to be running for reelection

while I'm fighting a war against Qumar.

LEO: You have two minutes, sir.

Take him.

( crowd cheering wildly )

PRESIDENT: You know the story about...

( cheering and whistling continue )

There's a guy down here holding a sign

that says, "Eight More Years."

Don't get me wrong, I like your thinking

but I've probably tested the Constitution

about as far as Abbey's going to allow me to

for a little while.

( cheering and whistling )

You know the story

about the guy whose car gets stuck in a muddy hole.

A farmer comes along

and says he'll pull the car out of the mud

but he's going to have to charge 50 bucks

'cause this is the tenth time

he's had to pull it out of the mud today.

The driver says, "God, when do you have time

to plow your land, at night?"

The farmer says, "No, no.

Nighttime is when I fill the hole with water."

( laughing )

We need to find energy alternatives.

We're getting our cue.

We're getting it right now.

The Republicans are busy.

They're trying to convince us that they care about new energy

and that they're not in the vest pockets of big oil

and that's a tough sell.

I don't envy them, 'cause their only hope is

that we don't notice that they're the ones

who are filling the hole with water every night

and I think Americans are smarter than that.

I think we noticed.

( cheering )

Where are Josh and Toby?

They're in the soybean fields, talking to Cathy. Cathy...?

The daughter, but I like saying

Toby and Josh are in the soybean fields.

He's wrapping up and we're getting right in the car.

We're already late for Unionville.

I'll get them from the soybean fields.

Thanks. PRESIDENT: This isn't a time

for people whose doomsday scenario is

a little less at the pump for Texaco and Shell.

This isn't the time for people who say

there aren't any energy alternatives

just because they can't think of any.

This is a time for American heroes

and we reach for the stars.

( cheering and whistling )

( distant cheering )

CATHY: He seems a little tense.

JOSH: Yeah. Yeah.

Why?

Because the President's speaking.

Why aren't you there?

It's tough to explain.

No, it's not.

Shh.

( President continues speaking indistinctly )

Okay.

JOSH: The President has his blood pressure taken every morning.

On higher blood pressure days, Toby's not allowed to be

in the President's sight line while he's speaking.

( chuckling ): Why?

Stepped on it.

He has trouble concealing his displeasure.

Stepped on it and he knows it, too.

Look...

What do I say to people who ask why we subsidize farmers

when we don't subsidize plumbers?

Tell them they can pay $7 for a potato.

( chuckling ): Okay.

This is 200 acres of soy fields.

It nets my family $30 an acre

which is $6,000 a year.

Shh.

( President continues indistinctly )

Okay.

Toby... TOBY: I worked with the Conference Committee

to increase payment limits for small farmers

and we'd have done it, too

but no one could agree what "small" meant.

DONNA: Josh!

I think we better head back.

He's wrapping up.

CATHY: You seem pissed that I brought it up.

TOBY: No, we're just talking.

We've really got to go now.

Donna's a little nervous.

A couple of weeks ago, some guys got left behind

by the motorcade in Kentucky.

It was in Tennessee

and they were never heard from again.

They took a cab.

Look... I think the real point is

whatever Toby and the Conference Committee...

whatever definition they came up with

would've just created more business for the lawyers of the big farm corporations.

I wish we could've had more time to talk, but...

There's no way you guys could stay a little

meet some people... maybe catch up

with the campaign at the next stop?

Nah, we've got one more stump in Unionville

and then we get on the plane.

It's a full schedule at the office.

We've got some voters here, Josh-- did you forget?

No.

They're voting for Ritchie.

What?

Indiana's voting for Ritchie.

If there was someone less competent than Ritchie on the ballot

that's who Indiana'd be voting for.

Why'd you come out here?

When somebody can give me an answer to that question

I'll let you know.

Toby... Listen...

write off Indiana, but don't write off the small farmers.

It's getting bad out here. It is bad out here.

We paid farmers $67 billion over the last three years.

( sighing ): Oh, God.

You want to lighten up a little?

I am lightened up.

This is me lightened up.

You're saying lighter?

Yeah. Okay.

CATHY: Josh... the $67 billion bought this country

the least expensive food and the greatest variety of it in the world

and surely that's got to register...

Hang on.

And it's got to register...

No... she's right.

Where is it?

Where's the motorcade?

Hey, excuse me.

Where's the motorcade?

It's out there.

Hey!

Hey!

You guys need a button?

"Bartlet for America."

we got to get the trailer car. Hang on.

Call Campaign Scheduling and Advance and tell them...

Hang on.

You got to hang up with whoever you're talking to.

Call Campaign Scheduling and Advance...

Unless you're already talking to Campaign Scheduling and Advance.

Thank you. There is no trailer car today.

Really? Yeah.

Good budget cut. Good item.

( clears throat )

Cathy, where's the closest cab?

About 110 miles

as the crow flies. All right.

What's the best way for me to get these guys to Unionville?

We'll take you. Really?

Yeah. It'll give me a chance to show you the soy diesel car.

Okay, this car... it can...

It's a regular car.

Toby!

It's actually Cap's car.

He'll come along. Meet us in back of the house.

Thank you very much.

Who's Cap?

I don't know.

Toby!

Yeah?

JOSH: We got a ride.

Excuse me. Yes?

You heard the speech, right? Oh, yes.

The section on HMOs, did he land it?

I'm sorry?

He didn't, did he?

I thought he was very good.

The muddy hole joke?

JOSH: Toby. Okay, thank you.

Let's go.

Never heard from again, Josh.

MARGARET: They're on their way to Unionville.

Is the First Lady still in Madison?

I'm pretty sure. I'll check.

Tell me again when the President's back.

3:00, wheels down.

What's his first?

Treasurer of the United States

not to be confused with Treasury Secretary.

The Treasurer of the United States deals

with the color of money.

What's the meeting about?

Color currency.

Push it and push his meeting on health and fitness.

I want the Trade Rep

and as many of the economic advisors as we can at the 3:30.

Speaking of health and fitness...

Oh, merciful God.

What did you have for...?

I had half a grapefruit.

Really?

You think I'm lying?

No.

Okay.

Yes.

I'll be in the Sit Room for a minute.

I'd like him when he's done at the site.

Good morning.

Leo. Morning, Leo. Good morning, Leo.

The Dow's down 260.

Is it going to rebound?

What do I know?

Could somebody get me half a grapefruit?

I got Jack LaLanne working for me this week.

Let's go around the table for the quicksheet.

A small force of North Korean soldiers may stage

an incursion into the DMZ.

That's a reaction to the President's trip to Seoul, right?

Yeah. Okay.

South America?

General Garcia has declared himself

in rebellion against Carlos Velasco.

Is Velasco's government in danger

or is this just another crazy general with guns?

No offense, Fitz.

Yeah.

The Venezuela Desk still says wait'll Garcia calls

for the elections. Okay. Africa.

The government of Mozambique is requesting

a peacekeeping force to help distribute grain.

A peacekeeping force to distribute grain.

Yes, sir.

Middle East.

Nothing really.

We got a communiqué from the new Ambassador.

To where? I'm sorry.

Qumar.

About what?

Well, a month ago, they reopened the investigation

into Shareef's missing plane.

They find anything?

I don't know, but the Emergency Locator Transmitter

never went off, so...

Yeah.

FITZWALLACE: We'll assemble all the military

rescue efforts and feed them into State.

They can give the Ambassador and the Sultan another report.

Yeah. All right.

Eastern Europe.

Warsaw transit workers are threatening to go on strike.

Why?

Well, they haven't been paid in four months.

Whoa, whoa, you're not supposed to be here.

Yeah, I just wanted to check with...

The orders were very strict.

I just... Hey, go home.

I am.

You haven't had a day off since the Convention.

You've been up the past two nights

and I don't want a zombie.

Right.

The energy book is done; the Midwest poll is out.

Pawn off the surrogate movements and get a few hours sleep.

I just came to check on the Southern Governors.

Somebody's got to be watching the politics.

Somebody is-- the White House Office of Political Affairs.

Where is he?

He's about to go on at Ft. Bristol.

You know the Dow's down 270.

Go to sleep.

I'm not fighting with you.

( plane engine whining )

BRUNO: He should remind them about the military pay raise.

C.J.: He won't.

He should. He won't.

Of course not.

We're adding a hundred outpatient clinics

to the VA hospitals.

Is he going to mention...? No.

Of course not. Military housing upgrades?

Bruno...

He should say

"We don't give these people anything.

They earn it." Yeah?

Gehrman-Driscoll announced before the bell

it was filing for bankruptcy;

an hour later, Jennings-Pratt and DWA.

They had exposure in the fund?

Yeah. I'm amazed it's only down 270.

It's early.

That's what you want to say to me?

BRUNO: Mr. President...

Driscoll announced it was filing

and Jennings and DWA are in the fund.

Pay raises, military housing, outpatient clinics.

It's against the law to campaign on a military base.

Yes, technically.

No, legally.

Sir... These army guys are DRF-1.

They're Division Ready.

They can be deployed in two hours.

These Navy guys are going to deploy overseas

for six months.

Yes, sir. I didn't realize...

C-bag and M-16, they're on a C-130, going wherever I tell them.

And that's when their wives are told.

I don't want to screw around with them.

I didn't realize they were Division Ready. Yeah.

You-You-You could always wink an-and...

( march music continuing )

I'm kidding. That was a joke.

I kid because I love.

MAN: ...the President of the United States.

( cheering wildly )

Good morning. We haven't met.

I'm your Commander in Chief.

( laughing )

It's just a regular diesel engine.

There's no retrofitting.

The glow plugs heat up the fuel, but from there

the soy diesel just keeps exploding on itself

like any engine.

You did it yourself?

Aw, it's easy.

He's out there right now.

He started.

We really need

to get this guy to Unionville.

He's going to wig.

He's out there.

Take your mind off it.

Think about the lovely Cathy-- farmer's daughter

with a master's degree?

Wholesome but... maybe not too wholesome.

I think she liked you, too.

How do you know Cathy?

She's my girlfriend.

That's great.

She's really nice.

Is that corn out there?

Nope.

What is it?

Trees.

Okay.

PRESIDENT: So, what will I remember?

What will I tell my grandchildren?

I'll tell them that I stood on the Great Wall of China

and that I stood in the well

of the U.S. House of Representatives.

I'll tell them I sat with kings and cardinals

and made an appointment to the Supreme Court

and I'll tell them that one morning in September

I got to spend a few minutes

with the men and women of Air Wing One.

God bless you and your families

and may He continue to shed His magnificent grace

upon the United States of America.

Thank you so much.

( cheering and whistling )

CHOIR: * Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord *

* He has trampled out the vintage *

* Where the grapes of wrath are stored... *

Charlie? Yeah?

Leo McGarry for the President.

Thanks. C.J.?

( clearing throat ): I need to talk to you about something.

In a minute, okay?

I've got Leo for the President.

* ...Glory, glory hallelujah

* Glory, glory hallelujah...

You've got the President.

Good morning, sir.

How's it going?

You tell me.

It feels good.

You know about the Dow?

Jennings-Pratt was in the fund?

Yeah.

It'll rebound. Yeah.

No kidding, it feels good out here.

Good.

What are you doing?

I'm going to meet with Fitzwallace for a minute.

About what?

Nothing.

You don't meet with Fitzwallace about nothing.

Just something from the quicksheet briefing.

What? Nothing.

Leo...

Qumar's reopened the investigation.

* ...marching on

* Glory, glory...

Mr. President?

Yeah, all right.

Well, we're coming home now.

Yes, sir.

* ...glory hallelujah

* Glory, glory hallelujah

* His truth is marching on.

( cheering )

( engine thrumming )

You sure we're not taking you away

from something you need to be doing?

No. Actually, this is on the way to my job.

You have a second job?

I'm a claims adjuster.

That's unusual, isn't it?

It has benefits.

You get to meet people?

No, I meant job benefits. Health insurance.

It covers your father.

Uh-oh...

What is it? You guys are going to kill me.

Is it out of gas?

There's a gas station

about a thousand yards down the road.

Why are we slowing down?

Uh-oh.

Are we out of gas? Diesel.

Are we out of it?

CATHY: We're out of gas. Diesel.

Nobody cares.

Cathy said there's a gas station

about a thousand yards down the road.

CAP: They don't have diesel.

They don't have diesel.

Did we run out of gas

because I said she was wholesome but not too wholesome?

I can't make a car run out of gas.

I don't know, you can make glow plugs explode things.

Where's the closest diesel?

About ten miles.

All right, can I suggest this: we've missed Unionville.

We've got a little over an hour till the plane leaves

and we can make it if we call a volunteer

and have them pick us up at the gas station.

You guys can have the tow truck meet you there.

Oh, we're not calling a tow truck.

It's just out of gas. Diesel.

JOSH: What are you going to do?

We'll hitch to the farm and pick some up.

Somebody's going to pick you up out here?

( truck approaching )

You guys run out of diesel?

CAP: Yeah.

Need a lift back to the farm?

CAP: Thanks!

Sy, these guys work for Bartlet.

How you doing?

Didn't vote for him the first time.

Don't plan to the second time.

Have a good trip back.

Remember some of that stuff I said, okay?

Thanks for all the help.

Okay, call the State office.

Tell them to send a local volunteer.

Tell them we don't have time...

You're doing it, right?

Yeah.

( birds chirping )

This is fun. We're roughing it.

( birds chirping )

This is fun.

The Chairman's here. Thanks.

( door closes )

The tracks are covered.

Yeah.

We did a legitimate SAR

with the UK and Royal Qumari Guard.

This is a plane that went down in the Bermuda Triangle.

Plain and simple.

And that really happens.

What do you mean? The Bermuda Triangle.

Does it really happen?

I thought maybe it was like Toscanini landing in a cornfield.

Planes, boats, about 200 of them--

including five Navy Avenger Bombers

and the rescue plane that went in after them.

Is there a chance they're going to find the plane?

We dismantled the ELT

left the plane in 27 pieces, scattered among other wrecks

buried in underwater landslides and limestone cliffs.

And if they find the plane

there's still no evidence of anything being anything.

These were SEALs and these were Special Ops

and these guys know what they're doing.

Okay.

Let's obviously stay in touch during the day.

Yeah.

Just out of curiosity

what do you think would happen?

I don't know what would happen to you and me

but I'm pretty sure the President would be invited

to see the inside of the Hague.

Yeah, well, they can invite all they want.

He ain't going.

Perhaps this would be a good time

for you to reconsider your position

on an international war crimes tribunal.

Perhaps this would be a good time

for you to... Get out of your office.

Yeah. Talk to you later.

Thank you.

C.J.: We've got a new addition to our running list

of things Robert Ritchie's not.

Speaking this morning at the Philadelphia Financial Council

the Governor said, "I'm no scientist, but I know

a thing or two about physics."

So, for the week, you can add "scientist"

to "doctor," "mind reader" and "Chinese."

C.J., do you have any idea

why there were women at the First Lady's rally this morning

who were dressed in... aprons and rolling pins?

They were dressed in rolling pins?

They were holding them, I guess.

This is from the Milwaukee Sentinel.

I don't know. Find out, though, would you?

Is the President coming back for questions?

He's going to try, but he's got to spend

some time in his office

interviewing secretary candidates.

Steak sandwiches for lunch. I'll see you later.

PRESIDENT: It's still mostly transportation

and technology?

And energy.

Have Josh and Toby weigh in at some point, okay?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Yeah.

Sir, this is Meredith Walker.

Come on in. Nice to meet you.

Likewise, Mr. President.

It's crazy, I know

but sometimes the schedule gets so tight

that we have to schedule meetings on the plane

so we ask you to fly with us and hit you on the way back.

Yes, sir.

Were you impressed by the plane?

It's an airplane, sir.

I'm not very easily impressed.

It's got an apartment and an operating room.

Yes, sir.

Okay.

Well, you've met with Donald McKittridge--

he directs the Office of Presidential Personnel.

Yes.

You had a moment to meet with Charlie Young? Yes.

He probably mentioned that this was a job

where you need to be able to hold a lot of names and dates

and numbers in your head.

Yes.

You were told what the pay scale is?

Yes. And some of the perks?

Like what? Well, for instance

we have our own 747, and it's flown by an Air Force general.

Yes.

Okay, let's talk about your last job.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Forecast at 904 million bushels.

A 21% drop from last year to 1.14 billion bushels.

Production costs have risen to $325 per acre of production.

Total loss of production represents over 600 million dollars.

Good morning. Good morning.

We're stranded and waiting for a ride.

Do you mind if we wait here?

How did you get stranded?

Well, we work for the President, actually

and he was campaigning nearby this morning and...

Oh, yeah.

...we got left behind by the motorcade, then our ride

ran out of diesel...

Didn't vote for him the first time.

Don't plan on voting for him the second time.

Okay.

Well, we'll just wait outside, if that's all right.

I don't like loitering.

Well, we'll just be a few minutes, I'm sure.

Can we just call ahead and make sure

the plane's going to be there when we get there?

It'll be there.

Will you call ahead?

I've been calling.

I can't get anyone on their cell.

They're in a bad calling area.

Keep trying.

( loud clang )

See that?

( clang )

First guy to miss?

What's the bet?

First guy to miss

has to shave his beard.

For the rest of the day...

first guy to miss...

anytime he says his name, has got to follow it with

"I work at the White House."

Alright.

But I don't think you've met our current host.

Here we go.

( clang )

( clanging )

You didn't say if you thought it was a good event this morning.

Well, I didn't see the President speak this morning.

I know.

I was out there talking with Cathy-- I was asked to.

Yeah.

I was.

But you read the remarks.

Yeah.

( clanging )

What was your problem?

You know what, Toby?

I don't want this to be

a high blood pressure day for me, either.

( country music continues )

( dull clattering )

( rock music on radio )

DONNA: It's great that you're volunteering, Tyler.

You're not even old enough to vote, and here you are

working for a campaign. That's great.

They give us school credit.

Well, good for your school.

I mean, that's not the only reason

I did it or anything.

You like the President?

Yeah, I think he's okay.

I mean, most of my friends are for Ritchie.

Not that they're that political

or anything, I guess

but their parents are for Ritchie

so, you know, I guess...

Yeah.

"He pretends there are no energy alternatives

'cause he can't think of any."

That wasn't in the staff copy yesterday.

How did it make it into the speech today?

"He pretends there are no energy alternatives

because he can't think of any."

They. They can't think of any.

JOSH: When we were touring flood damage

in Missouri last Thursday

four times the President said

"Emergency management's complex."

It is complex.

What does that matter to people

who just lost their house?

Finding a place

for their kids to sleep tonight is complex.

Thanks, 'cause I was having a tough time

prioritizing that one.

Sustainable growth in Michigan

new economy in Ohio.

Information technology in Pennsylvania.

That's what you talk about in September.

That's what we mapped out a year ago.

You and Bruno and the President are calling audibles.

That's 'cause we're coming to the line

and we're seeing a hairdo from Florida in pass coverage

and so that's where we want to put the ball...

What's your concern?

I have any number of concerns

not the least of which is we'll lose.

I don't think so. When did we decide

to make this about being the smartest kid in the class?

What meeting did I miss?

I have to pull over for a minute.

Let me tell you something.

What did he say?

This will just take a minute.

Kiki!

TOBY: What the hell... ?

You don't return phone calls anymore.

KIKI: I return some.

Thanks a lot.

You know, we have to get back to school.

What about the stuff I sent to your house?

Yeah, could you stop sending stuff to my house?

It's kind of creepy.

Yeah, you know what?

Sue me, I guess, 'cause I love you.

Place me under arrest, Kiki.

Let's everybody do that.

Let's everybody get a-a writ

of injustice, lock me up and throw the book.

Tyler...

Just a second, Mr. Lyman.

You can't be creepy stalking guy, okay?

You're not that guy, Tyler.

You're better than that.

Not that much better.

Would you get in there?

GIRL: You have to move on, Tyler.

You have to live in the now.

You're totally stressing her.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry to interrupt

in what obviously is a private moment between the two of you

and your... two friends.

We came in this morning...

We know who you are. We're not rednecks.

Okay. Well, I'm Donna Moss

and this is my boss.

Josh Lyman.

Toby Ziegler.

Anyway, we're very crunched for time

and we think that you...

I work at the White House.

GIRL #2: Wow, humongous whoop.

JOSH: Come on. He's Communications Director.

It's a decent-sized whoop.

How many unborn babies did you guys kill today?

Whoa, hey, danger, Will Robinson.

Tyler, no fooling around.

We've got 15 minutes to get to a plane

that is three miles from here.

That plane-- I swear to God-- is taking off at 1:00.

It's taking off at 1:00?

Yes, it is. Are you guys stupid or something?

It's 12:45.

No, not here it's not.

Oh, my God, she's right.

See, we crossed over from Unionville

into Dearborn County

which doesn't observe Daylight Savings Time.

GIRL: I think it's the other way around, genius.

What did I ever do to you?

DONNA: It says on the schedule, "All times are local."

This is why I couldn't get anyone on their cell.

Wait, wait. No, no. You're not...

We changed time zones?

We changed time...

We changed time zones?!

TYLER: It's a-a common mistake.

Not for the U.S. government!

What kind of schmuck-ass system can this possibly...

That's good! That's perfect!

How did... ? I don't understand.

JOSH: Perfect. Just the break I'm looking for.

TOBY What do... what do... ? People, they just...

They reset their watches when they commute?

I can't take working here!

They just change their watches

every time they cross a time zone?

What is this, a joke?!

JOSH: Serving my country.

Okay, this is a whole new thing now.

My guys are going to need

to walk this off a little bit

before they can regroup.

Kiki, you and your friends get back to school.

Tyler, you and I are going to come up with a plan

to get us to a commercial airport.

Okay.

How long are they going to be?

A couple more minutes.

Okay.

( knock at door )

CHARLIE: C.J.?

Yeah.

You wanted to talk to me?

I'm sorry?

You said back at the base

that you wanted to talk to me.

Oh, yeah. Listen, I wanted to ask you something.

Simon was a Big Brother to a kid named Anthony Marcus.

I met him a couple of times.

I've been trying to spend a little time with him.

He's not wild about me.

He's associating you with Simon's death.

I did that for a while

with some of the cops my mom worked with.

Yeah?

Well, he was arrested for stealing a car.

He stole his homeroom teacher's car

drove around for a few hours

and left it in front of a strip club.

You could chalk it up to a stupid prank

except Anthony had a string of shoplifting incidents

before Simon came along

so the ADA sees it

as an escalating problem which is...

Graduating from a misdemeanor to a felony?

Right, and she's pushing juvenile detention.

I've spoken to her

and if a White House staffer will play a role in his life

she's willing to reconsider.

God, C.J....

I know.

I just got Deanna off to school.

I know.

And with the campaign now

the days are even longer.

I didn't even think that was possible.

I know, it was a long shot.

I just don't think

I'm the right guy for the job.

C.J.? Yeah?

I'm sorry.

I've got an answer on the rolling pins.

Okay.

I shouldn't have asked you.

I'm glad you did.

Listen, you're not just going

to ask the people who look like me, right?

'Cause a Big Brother's a Big Brother.

It doesn't...

Sam's next.

( phone ringing )

Hi, it's Sam.

I'm sleeping for a few hours right now

so you can leave a message or if you really need me

you can shout into the machine, and I'll wake up.

JOSH ( shouting ): Sam!

( metal clanging )

It's all right.

It's all right. Hang on.

No problem.

Hi. Sorry.

No, I'm sorry, buddy.

I know you're supposed to be sleeping today.

No, it's no problem.

What's going on?

I'm with Toby and Donna

and we are stranded somewhere in Indiana.

You got left behind by the motorcade?

Yeah.

And then we ran out of gas

and then there was a time zone foul-up

and also, we were waylaid by some mean schoolgirls.

Alpha girls, you know what I'm saying?

Josh. They were.

So, what are you doing now?

We're getting a lift to the Connersville Metro

which is going to take us to Indianapolis

where we're going to get a flight

to either Dulles

BWI or La Guardia.

Listen, if you want to give me your call sheets

and I can farm out a few memos for you.

I actually need you to do more than that, Sam.

I need you to staff the President.

He's got one of those days.

I don't know

what it is you do in there.

Yeah, you do.

Anything ceremonial

security related or personal, you leave the room.

As it gets later in the day

he's going to start to talk to you.

You're going to tell him

how the meeting he just had with his Council

of Economic advisers relates

to the meeting he had with the Agriculture Secretary

relates to his intelligence briefing

relates to the environment

relates to jobs, relates to education

relates to the campaign.

You're his wide-angle lens.

There are going to be any number of areas

in which I can't give him expert advice.

Welcome to the club, partner.

We got jackets.

All right.

I'm not going to let you down.

You never do.

Get dressed... now.

Let's get to the train station.

You ever love so much it hurts?

Like, physically hurts?

Get in the car.

PRESIDENT: There's a tremendous amount

of information you'll need to keep track of:

dates, names, numbers, things I'm not good with.

That's unusual, isn't it?

What's that?

A man of your intellect

not being good with names and numbers.

Especially an economist of your stature.

It's not intellect, it's memory.

It's a different gift.

A wonderful one.

I've never had it.

There are exercises you can do.

Well... okay, I'll try and find that time

but let's get back to you.

What would you say was the most

challenging part of working

for the Ambassador to France?

The pliable relationship the French have with time.

Mmm.

Yes, sir?

I make fun of the French as much as anybody

and I don't even know what that meant.

I meant... Nah, that's okay.

I think you're terrific

and I appreciate you coming in

and talking to us.

Thank you, sir.

I look forward to hearing from your office.

Thanks again.

I'll be right with you.

Can you see Bruno?

Yeah.

Hey.

You want some good news, Mr. President?

Please. The market's down 425 points.

Well, I think it's going to rally

but even if it doesn't

this one isn't attributable to anything...

I know. I'm saying...

425 points represents billions of dollars

which aren't there anymore heading into the fourth quarter

which is Christmas.

Well, I think it's going to rally.

What's your good news?

We've held or made slight gains

in almost all the polls.

ABC/Washington Post, Bartlet 50, Ritchie 44.

I'm all right referring to you colloquially?

CBS/New York Times

Bartlet 50, Ritchie 43.

NBC/Wall Street Journal, Bartlet 49, Ritchie 43.

You said almost all.

CNN/USA Today/Gallup, Bartlet 46, Ritchie 45.

Why does Gallup have it a one-point race?

It's 'cause...

'Cause they're polling likely voters

and not registered voters.

That's why

they're getting the same numbers we do.

Wait till the debates.

Election's in six weeks, Mr. President.

The world was created in a lot less time.

Well, one day I'll buy you a beer

and you'll tell us all how you did it.

Thank you, sir.

Bruno.

Yup.

Yesterday, the First Lady appeared on KCAL

which is a local L.A. station.

She was asked about the suspension

of her medical license

and she said something like

"I'm just a wife and a mother."

And that has been interpreted in some circles

as merely a wife and mother?

This is Flint Aldridge, a Southern Baptist radio host.

"This is another sign that Abbey Bartlet is

a liberal elitist feminist."

Elitist, feminist--

you can't do that to the English language.

And this is from Janet Ritchie.

Janet Ritchie went on the record?

"Being a wife and mother

"are the most rewarding roles

"I've ever played.

"I think Abbey Bartlet and I

have two different ambitions."

Ooh, she won $50.

Said the magic word right there-- ambition.

Phylis Schlafly and Ann Coulter

are going to have a square dance.

Anyway, it's waiting for us down on the ground.

Then let's stay up here and have drinks.

PILOT: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Janet Ritchie really went on the record?

Yeah.

I love it when the women get involved.

and I'm going to ask those who are so inclined

to take their seats and fasten their seat belts.

SAM: It's Bryce.

Then it's Peter Lien and a photo-op.

What's the photo-op?

It's a man who's shaken the hand of every President

since Herbert Hoover.

All right.

Do we have some sort of condensed

Reader's Digest index of... well, all human knowledge?

We usually just use Margaret.

Okay, well, we'll have to talk about that

but we'll do it another time.

Yeah.

Soon, though.

Why don't you get me my notes

from this morning's speech in Bloomfield?

I've got them out.

Hey, were there women with aprons and rolling pins

at a rally in Madison, Wisconsin, this morning?

Yeah.

Why?

Abbey Bartlet's a lesbian.

What the hell does that mean

"I love it when the women get involved"?

She's talking to me, right?

Abbey...

I'm not talking about Abbey and Janet Ritchie.

I'm talking about the women, the voters

continuing their unbroken streak.

The biggest nonsense issue in the campaign

will belong to the women.

Does Abbey Bartlett love her children?

Next week, Grandpa: friend or foe?

This is not a woman's issue.

This is a dumb woman's issue.

I think anybody who's got a five-point majority

and still doesn't control the agenda

might be spending a little too much time

reading about how to get a man over his fear of commitment.

Remind me to mention that to the population of South Africa.

You know what? In the scheme of things?

Took them about five minutes.

Can we start?

Yeah.

Has anybody seen tape on this?

C.J.: I still haven't.

CAROL: We're getting it.

She was asked about her license.

She said, "Right now, I'm just a wife and a mother."

Option one is we make a joke out of it.

BRUNO: We make a joke out of it?

What would we have to do to it to make...?

Yeah, the rolling pins took care of that.

It is prêt-à-porter. Remind to get Josh in on this.

Option two?

It's Monday.

Yeah, why?

Nothing. It was just something I said.

All right, ten minutes.

We get the stuff to go.

( sighs )

Tyler?

Yes, sir?

What's a Hoosier?

A Hoosier's someone from Indiana.

Afternoon.

Yes.

We'd like some food to go.

What would you like?

What's good?

Everything.

What's your specialty?

Taking someone's order and giving it to them.

Okay.

I saw you drive up.

You people going to cause trouble.

I swear not on purpose.

Every time he comes around here, there's trouble.

I don't want leaflets in my place.

You handing out leaflets?

No, uh, we just want the food.

Yeah, well, what do you need?

You wouldn't say there was some sort of local delicacy...

I'm getting my husband.

Right, uh...?

( slaps menu )

Excuse me.

Would you mind terribly

if I changed the channel to CNN for just a minute?

I've, uh, been a little out of touch today.

I would like to check in with what's been going on.

Earl and Fiona don't get cable TV.

Three channels are enough.

The picture's fuzzy today.

I think there's going to be weather.

What the hell, boy?

I was just asking what's good.

Yeah?

We'll take four cheeseburgers.

The dry rub is good.

Dry rub?

Yeah.

You dry rub the beef with spices for a day or two.

Sauce is a myth.

Okay.

See, Fiona, this is

exactly what I was talking about.

Shut up!

We'll take it to go.

She's been in a bad mood for...

well, about 45 years now, I guess.

DONNA: Out in the parking lot

when you said it's Monday, I flashed on the song.

A few days ago, someone told me that

a girl shot up her school one morning

and when they asked her why, she said, "I don't like Mondays"

and that's where the song comes from.

Yeah.

You knew that? Yeah.

That's where the song comes from? Yeah.

I'm sorry about the time zones.

Why is it we cite

Ritchie's advisors by name?

The Milton Friedman economic plan?

The Leonard Tynan education plan?

It's our way of calling him a puppet, right?

Josh, he cites them more than we do

which is his way of saying

"I want to be President

the same way you want a cold beer."

No. It's his way of saying

"I think it's great

that Bartlet's a Nobel Prize winner.

When I'm elected, I'm going to hire me some of those."

No, no.

Should be what he's saying.

What he's saying is

"Eastern education isn't for real men, but don't worry.

I'll have Jews for the money stuff."

You mind calling C.J. for me?

That line from the convention speech--

"challenges too great for a Potemkin presidency"?

It is true.

Most people weren't the smartest kid in the class.

Most people didn't like the smartest kid in the class.

Yeah?

I don't care how subliminal it is.

This can't be a national therapy session.

C.J.

Thank you.

Hello.

Hey, before I forget, if you see Josh

could you ask him to stop by my office?

Toby?

What?

She'd like you to stop by her office.

Toby, are you there?

C.J., it's me.

Did you happen to notice that we weren't on the plane?

You weren't on the plane?

We missed the plane.

What happened between Unionville and the plane?

We missed Unionville. We missed the motorcade.

Bummer.

Yeah.

FIONA: Dry rub's up!

I love dry rub.

They take the meat and...

Good afternoon, Mr. President.

Seth Weinberger's assistant

has come forward with the information

that he was having an affair with a colleague

and a newspaper has printed it.

What's the assistant's thing?

You tell me.

He'd already stepped down over OSHA.

It's been two months.

This is an assistant getting her name in the paper

and it's unbelievably hurtful to his wife.

I don't understand it.

I don't understand the paper printing it, either

but that's another day.

This is terrible.

Yes, sir.

Secretary Bryce.

Good.

Is there a place you'd like me to stand or sit?

Hmm? BRYCE: Mr. President.

Mitch, come on in.

Just rock and roll, Sam.

Hey.

Josh likes to stand over there.

BRYCE: I wanted to mention first of all, Mr. President

that I think you could seek

Commerce's input on, uh...

I'm not going to say what you could seek.

Actually, Mr. Secretary

if you're talking about the stump speech

and energy in particular

that's not the President's fault

that's mine.

I was just looking at my notes from...

We have your input.

You're talking about the exemption.

It is sheer lunacy

to suggest America takes unilateral steps

while exempting

80% of the world's nations from the same obligations.

Developing nations, and I think what's lunacy

is a nation of SUVs telling a nation of bicycles

that they have to change

the way they live before we'll agree

to do something about greenhouse emissions.

Among our economic competitors

there's the principle of fairness.

Well, in international law

there's a principle called differentiated responsibilities.

We're the ones making the greenhouse gas!

You're losing the support of the business community.

PRESIDENT: Mr. Secretary

it's not your job to tell me whose support I'm losing.

We have people who do that.

It's your job to tell me whose support

you just got for me. Yes, sir.

Okay.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Ed.

Well, I'm Larry, sir.

Whatever. Seth Weinberger's old assistant... I saw that.

I don't think a lot of blind loyalty

but I think a lot less of blind betrayal.

That's why I haven't gotten married yet, sir.

Yeah, that's probably why.

Congressman Lien.

Could somebody get Leo for me, please?

Peter, you hear that?

He called you "Congressman."

Yes, sir.

( chuckling )

You think when your folks got you out

in '74, they imagined they were taking you

to a place that'd be willing to make you a Congressman?

As a matter of fact, sir

I think that's exactly what they imagined. Me, too.

How's fishing? It's been a good season.

You catch any marlin?

Marlin's a game fish, sir.

Not a lot of people eat them.

Takes a fisherman to catch one, though, right?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, I'm just saying.

LEO: Good afternoon, Mr. President.

Leo, meet Congressman Peter Lien, Texas 22nd.

Peter, this is Leo McGarry

U.S. Air Force, 144th Fighter Wing.

Pleased to meet you, Congressman.

Peter's family fishes in Galveston Bay

but they don't catch marlin.

It's a sore spot, and he doesn't like to talk about it.

Peter's 34 years old.

I'm sorry it's been two months

and we haven't been able to get you up here until now.

No, please, it's a busy time.

If there's any help I can give you in Texas...

Ordinarily I would tell you

that Jim Coor was a good public servant

and you've got big shoes to fill, and he was

and you do, but obviously

you have a bigger symbolic responsibility than that.

Yes, sir.

But your biggest responsibility isn't symbolic, right?

Yes, sir.

What is it?

It's to my district, my country

and the Congress of the United States.

Welcome, my friend, to the show that never ends.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Isn't that a hell of a thing?

( chuckles )

What's next?