Original subtitles

Previously on The West Wing...

Toby keeps coming back at me with this.

He says I let the pitch go bye.

What pitch?

I smooth myself out publicly.

You're not "just folks."

You're not "plain spoken."

Do not... do not... do not act like it.

I don't want to be killed.

Then make this election about smart

and not qualified.

And not make it about heavy weight.

You're a heavy weight.

TV BROADCASTER: Good morning, Mr. President.

Good to have you with us.

PRESIDENT: Good to be talking to you.

You're talking to us from the Map Room this morning?

The Mural Room as a matter of fact.

Well, welcome to Sunrise Cincinnati, sir.

And I know you only have a few moments

and you want to talk to us about

Thursday's prime-time press conference.

That's right and Thursday night

we're going to talk about energy dependence versus independence

and cleaner burning fuels that get up to 80 miles per gallon

versus oil-based fuels

that pump billions of pounds of pollution into our air

and perhaps just as important are vulnerable

to very volatile price spikes.

We want to talk about controlling our destiny

through innovation instead of relying

so heavily on foreign oil.

Okay, now, you mention foreign oil.

Yeah. 65% of the world's oil reserves are in the Mid East.

Three percent are here at home.

I, for one, wouldn't mind

sending a little less of my money over there

and the only alternative is to use less oil.

Last question, Mr. President.

Governor Robert Ritchie of Florida

the likely Republican nominee for the fall campaign

in his new book A Promise to Lead

he says that we should be exploring

the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve

for new sources of energy.

Will this be a hotly-contested campaign topic?

I hope so, but there'll be

plenty of time for campaigning come the fall.

Thursday night is about America's energy future.

Thank you, very much, President Jed Bartlet.

It's 12 past the hour. Don't go away.

We'll be back with traffic and weather updates.

Thank you very much, sir.

Thank you, Kim.

Uh... Terry.

I'm-- Terry, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

That was my ninth interview this morning.

Are you ready to run against Ritchie?

Well, I guess we'll be ready to run against

whoever we have to run against.

What do you think of him?

Rob Ritchie?

I don't know him very well.

Well, good luck. Thank you.

TOBY: They all want to talk about

Ritchie's book.

We could talk about my book.

Theory and Design of Macro Economics

in Developing Nations? Yeah.

Okay, sir, we have two minutes and 20 seconds and we're at

WKZN in Philadelphia.

Thanks.

When they say "explore" you got to say "drilling."

There's a 12 point kick with ANWAR

between "exploring" and "drilling."

What else? Saudi Arabia, bad.

Got it.

How's it going?

Good.

Do you have a minute?

Well, that's all I've got.

Could you do me a favor?

I just got faxed a letter from Tabatha Fortis.

She says she's not comfortable

going ahead with the dinner next week

unless she gets to chastise

the administration for backing off its commitment

to banning land mines.

I'm sure it's just a matter of hand-holding.

Would you ask Sam to talk to her?

I'll do it.

I thought Sam 'cause he's more familiar with land mines.

I'll talk to her.

Why?

'Cause.

What?

Is it possible you've got a little touch of the poet?

Or would like a little touch of the poet?

Yes.

Okay, then learn something about land mines, would you?

We don't want to cancel.

About 300 of the finest minds in the country are coming

plus some congressmen.

It'll be fine.

Knock 'em dead, de Bergerac.

Okay.

Okay what?

Nothing, I just meant, you know, okay.

MAN: They're back from commercial in 20 seconds.

Drilling/exploring. Yes, sir.

And Saudi Arabia bad.

Saudi Arabia very bad.

Okay. Okay.

Why are you smiling?

Happiness is my default position.

TV REPORTER: And joining us now

from the Mural Room of the White House

is President Bartlet.

Good morning, Mr. President.

Good morning. Thanks for having me.

And you're here to talk about

Thursday's prime-time press conference.

And to shill for my new energy plan

which is about raising fuel economy standards

working with Detroit to develop hybrid cars

and using tax incentives to promote alternative energy.

Why is alternative energy important?

After a decade of wars with Iraq

and the spread of religious extremism in Saudi Arabia

we still rely on this very dangerous

very uncertain region for a quarter of our oil reserves.

And I, for one, wouldn't mind

not sending quite so much of my money there.

Now, wouldn't that suggest

that Florida Governor Robert Ritchie was correct

in his book A Promise to Lead

when he says we should be opening up the Arctic

for exploration?

Exploring is what Magellan did

and Balboa and Jacques Cousteau.

What you're talking about is drilling

which is the only way you know if there's oil there

and which will forever damage natural treasures like ANWAR.

What about Clean Coal?

Clean Coal is a term

that pollsters came up with

'cause it polls higher than regular coal.

What we want are real cleaner burning fuels.

We want to control our destiny through innovation

and that's what we're going to be talking about Thursday night.

Mr. President, thank you very much for being with us today.

My pleasure.

It's 16 past the hour.

We'll be back with traffic and weather

as Wake-up Philadelphia continues.

MAN: Okay.

Thank you, sir. That was terrific.

Leslie, right? Yes, sir.

Thanks a lot.

I mentioned Governor Ritchie's book

because I hoping you'd rise to the bait.

There'll plenty of bait in September-October.

Have you read the book? I'll read it when he does.

What's your read on him so far?

I don't know, Leslie.

I think we might be talking about a .22 caliber mind

in a .357 Magnum world.

Okay.

Okay, thanks again.

Who's next?

You were hot.

What?

When you said that just now. You were hot.

They've got on it b-roll.

How'd the tape get out already?

We were just talking about that.

There was a local AP reporter at the station in Philly.

They didn't want to keep it for an exclusive?

It's better for them to have their call letters

splashed on every-- and the networks

will carry it tonight.

This is amateur crap, Sam.

How did it happen?

Well, first of all, I wasn't there.

Who was there?

My boss.

The White House Director of Communications.

It wasn't his fault, either.

It was eight seconds.

It was his tenth interview.

He didn't see that the green light was...

All right, you're right.

What's first?

I have the briefing room in 20 minutes.

What do you think you're going to get?

Is the President saying Governor Ritchie's stupid?

Yes. No.

Yes is the only answer to that question.

Why not the President

has the highest regard for Governor Ritchie.

Believes he's a broad thinker

and a dedicated public servant?

Because it's the Press Briefing Room

not the Improv.

There's no way for her to walk this back.

She'll sound disingenuous at best.

Naive at worst.

I'm more concerned with how the President sounds.

I've got 80 boys and girls

who don't make the distinction.

And if I pretend Bobby Ritchie's a nuclear physicist...

Then don't answer it.

We're focusing on energy and dependence this week.

No. We're focusing on this this week.

I can try a non-apology apology.

Try it.

"The President didn't realize the camera was hot

"and he said something he shouldn't have

as we all do from time to time."

Nice.

Yeah. It's a head-fake towards contrition.

And we hold our heads high.

All right. Good.

We'll see how it goes.

Why do you suppose this one's so hard to spin?

'Cause it's the classic Washington scandal.

We screwed up by telling the truth.

All right. Let's try not to do that that much.

( whispering and giggling )

What's going on?

Hi, sugar lips.

I'm sorry?

Donna struck gold.

What is it?

LemonLyman.com.

What is it?

It's your fan site.

What are you talking about?

There's Web Site devoted

to all things "Josh."

You're kidding me? No.

LemonLyman.com?

You have fans, Josh.

Not many of them from the looks of it

but what they lack in numbers

they more than make up for in fervor.

What do they talk about?

You. You on Capital Beat. You on Meet the Press.

You in U.S. News and World Report.

Well, there's also the section

called "Sightings About Town."

DONNA: This is for reserved

for actual Josh encounters of the third kind.

Most of which seem to have taken place

in restaurants and haberdasheries

to which you've never been

unless you're leading a double life

and I think we both know you're not that clever.

LemonLyman.com.

Right now we're viewing

the section devoted to the Josh Fantasy Date.

This, it should be

painfully self-explanatory

is where the women, and more than a few men I've got to say

discuss what they would do with you if...

All right, can everybody who doesn't work here

please go work where they work.

I want to work here, now.

You can get this at your own desk.

You better believe it.

See you at lunch.

All right, you've got Senior Senior staff at C.O.S.

then Senior Staff in the Roosevelt Room.

There's a meeting with the economic team

to pre-brief for Fed Chair

and that's followed immediately by Advance, State and NSC

to go over the next six months of foreign travel.

Let me look at this thing.

Josh...?

Right. Yes.

Let me know when C.J.'s briefing starts.

Sorry I'm late.

Good morning, Mr. President.

We hearing from the Michigan delegation?

We will.

They'll want assurances no mandates, no timetables

make the whole thing voluntary

and industry-led.

Polluters aren't going to write

the environmental laws.

What about the Energy Workers Union?

They just want to know what Saudi jobs we're after.

It is.

The money's in raising

the CAFE standards to 40 miles per gallon.

That's the meeting that's coming to my door.

What else?

You're going to be reprimanded tomorrow night

on the house floor.

For what?

It's not nice to call people dumb.

Let me ask you something.

You're pretty dumb, did you take offense?

Look at that. I did it again.

CHARLIE: Mr. President? Yeah?

She's ready to start.

Seriously. The GOP's lining up

a bunch of people for order speeches.

Calling me impolite?

I guess.

AIDE: He's here. You can send her in.

Anyway, the Whip's got about 150 Democrats ready to rebut.

You have any special preferences?

I don't know.

I guess the biggest names.

You know what we'd do if we were smart?

We wouldn't send anybody.

We'd look so good by not showing up.

Let them whine by themselves.

REPORTERS: Good morning, C.J.

Good morning.

REPORTER 1: C.J., was the President saying

that Governor Ritchie isn't up to the job of being President?

The President didn't realize the camera was hot

and he said something he shouldn't have.

Something we all do from time to time.

Nice.

REPORTER 2: Isn't it early to be going negative?

C.J.: Yeah, again, he said something

he shouldn't have and he wouldn't have

if he knew it was going to be for public consumption.

REPORTER 3: C.J., has he made the same kind of remarks in private?

There's a reason they call it private, Stuart.

All right, I'm going back to work.

All right.

REPORTER 1: C.J., is the President saying

that he's smarter than Governor Ritchie?

The voters get to make those kinds of judgments.

REPORTERS: C.J.! C.J.!

Yes?

MARK: Governor Ritchie is calling

on the President to apologize.

C.J.: Yes. Will he?

As I said yesterday

the President didn't realize the camera was hot

and he said something he shouldn't have.

Katie? The Ritchie camp

is also challenging the President to sign a pledge

basically a promise to run

a positive, issue-oriented campaign.

Well, for one thing, while the Governor

is the presumptive Republican nominee, it's presumptive.

For that matter, so is the President's renomination.

But more important than that

the President has been a candidate

in seven statewide and national elections

and every one of them

has been a substantive, issue-based campaign

which is one of several reasons why the voters have elected him

each and every time his name has appeared on a ballot. Phil?

Were you aware that several news organizations

have been trying to obtain Governor Ritchie's transcripts

from the University of Florida?

You mean since yesterday? Yeah.

No, I wasn't. I guess my question is

does the President feel college transcripts

are an accurate barometer of a person's fitness

to hold a high public office?

I've never asked him, but my guess is

the President feels that a person's college transcript

is a reasonable barometer for how a person did in college.

For the record, the President graduated Summa Cum Laude

from the University of Notre Dame

with a major in American Studies and a minor in theology.

He received a Masters and a Doctorate

at the London School of Economics

and an honorary Doctorate in Humane Letters

from Dartmouth University

where he was a tenured professor.

I myself attended Cal Berkeley, go Bears.

Thank you very much, I'll talk to you later.

REPORTERS: Thank you, C.J.

( sighs )

( door opening )

All right, so far not bad. What's next?

Well, But Wachtell's in my office right now.

Of course he is. Don't give him what he wants.

I'm told I seldom give anybody what they want.

We can't hold a bipartisan summit

on bipartisanism, we'll look ridiculous.

We're used to that, aren't we?

Sam... I'm not giving him what he wants.

Is it me, or are Ritchie's people

handling this wrong?

It's not you. Why keep it alive?

There's no way for them to look good.

The President was mean to me? Let it go.

By the way, my Princeton Tigers

could whip your Cal Bears any day of the week.

At what?

Logarithms, possibly.

He's in your office.

Thank you.

Congressman.

There's a heavy stench of partisanism in the air, Sam.

Actually, you know, they just sprayed for bugs.

How in the hell did Ziegler let something like this happen?

Well, first of all, it wasn't Toby's fault, it was mine.

And it happened quickly and we regret it.

How's reaction been so far?

Our base is very happy, but when our base is happy

there's usually trouble someplace else.

The moderates are talking about bolting the party.

Nobody's bolting the party, it was an honest mistake.

And, by the way, had nothing to do with partisanism.

Well, something has to be done.

There's very little that can be done

from the Communications Office.

A summit...

Congressman...

A summit on bipartisan cooperation.

I can bring it up but it'll get laughed out of the room.

Why? It's an election year.

We want to be partisan. We're trying to beat them.

Well, I've got to be able to go back

and tell my moderate friends something.

What about a Republican appointment, or promotion?

We've got Ainsley Hayes.

That name sounds familiar.

She was Associate White House Counsel

got promoted to Deputy Counsel

and she's just slightly to the right of the Kaiser.

I'd make her visible right now.

Yes, sir, that's a good idea.

And learn to tell the difference between red and green.

Yes, sir.

Okay then.

Ginger...

I need to see Ainsley.

She's on vacation.

When's she coming back?

Next week. Mmm...

not so much, no.

JOSH: Donna!

Yeah?

Sit down we're going to post a response

on the site. What site?

LemonLyman... No.

Yeah, we got to post a response to someone.

It's a bad idea. Why?

You don't know these people.

Neither do you. Oh, yes, I do.

What's wrong with them? Nobody knows.

These are people taking a very healthy interest in government.

They should be applauded.

Then applaud them, but stay off the site.

These are the people talking. I'm not an elitist.

You are an elitist. I am an elitist

but I have respect for people who don't measure up.

People on these sites tend to be a little hysterical.

We've got to correct something. What?

Irmatrude writes, "Three nights ago on Nightline

"Josh said, 'We'll be asking for a GAO study

"of Medicare drug pricing.'

"Apparently, no one's told Josh

that only Congress can ask the GAO to do anything."

First of all, how cool is that

that they know what the GAO can and can't do?

Oh, it's cool as all giddyup.

Sit down. Please, don't do this.

Sit down.

( Donna sighing )

Irmatrude...

Thanks for watching me on Nightline.

Yes, I do know that only Congress can instruct the GAO.

When I said, "we'll be asking"

I mean Democrats and not the White House.

Thank you for your concern.

Josh "Lemon" Lyman.

Are you sure you want to sign off like that?

It's playful.

( softy ): Okay...

You could get more in the spirit of this, you know.

The people? Yes.

What Josh doesn't know is that some of these people

haven't taken their medication.

Let's watch what happens now.

( knocking )

Excuse me.

Hey! You're done.

( clears throat )

Is this tie all right?

I'm sorry?

This necktie, does it go with the jacket?

God, I don't know, Toby.

The tie, is it red or is it green?

Congratulations, you're the hundredth person

to make that joke.

The tie is fine, why? I'm meeting someone.

When?

Now.

Excuse me.

Ms. Fortis?

Yes.

I'm Toby Ziegler.

I've been thinking a lot about it since you called.

Yeah?

There's nothings that rhymes with Ziegler.

That's why no one write poetry about me.

They could write in blank verse.

Dylan could do it.

Yeah, but he hasn't yet.

Am I, uh, really weird right off the bat?

Do you want to be?

No.

Then you're not.

I think you're just being nice.

I think if you ask around you'll discover that's unlikely.

Do you want to come back to my office?

Yeah.

Uh, so, you know what everybody talking about out there?

The President's open-mike gaffe.

That's exactly what I was going to say.

Toby...?

Sam, say hello to the newly-minted

United States Poet Laureate, Tabatha Fortis.

Hi. Yes, indeed.

Poetry, I must tell you... That's fine.

Nice meeting you. You, too.

You guys poetry fans around here?

We can't get enough of it.

Oh, yeah, who's your favorite?

You.

Nice.

Come on in.

Nice office.

Exactly 63 feet from the Oval Office.

If you don't think we measure you're out of your mind.

Okay. So.

Hello. How are you doing?

We have a problem.

Yes.

We have arranged a dinner in your honor.

We've invited 300 important people

we've invited the press

we've shined our shoes...

You've got to sign the land mine treaty, Toby.

Whoa... What happened to the nuance of diplomacy?

Oh, sorry, the shoes are shined.

No, we-we're there now, you-you can't go back.

Sorry.

Right.

142 countries have signed it

84 have ratified, 12 destroyed their entire stock.

Yes.

You know who hasn't signed it?

Us and Cuba.

You know who initiated it? Us.

And the nations of the world rallied around it

in yet another impressive display of American leadership.

And then? We bolted.

Right.

And the reason we did is because we love

anti-personnel land mines. We love 'em.

And we think the government should be in the business

of selling them, like the Post Office.

In fact, the Post Office is the sales venue

we've been considering.

Toby, I-I... It's Korea.

Tabatha. There are 900,000 North Korean soldiers in the DMZ

and the only thing stopping them from walking into South Korea

are 37,000 U.S. troops

and about a million land mines along the border.

We have said over and over

that we would be thrilled to sign this treaty

if we could have an exemption for South Korea

and we have been rebuffed.

Rebuffed...

I say.

Look, so

we disagree on this...

clearly, what's the big deal?

Not a big deal at all.

Except?

If you voice your disagreement at a party in your honor

hosted by the President with the press in attendance

then it's a gigantic deal

which travels the 63 feet right to this office.

All right then.

I'm sorry we can't have the party.

But I like talking to you.

TABATHA: Yeah, you're cute, and, uh...

I love the way you write.

( door closes )

Was the President calling Governor Ritchie stupid?

Oh, my God, Day three.

Was he?

Well, I think this one may be unspinnable.

And that's certainly saying something

coming from my office.

Yeah, he was calling him stupid.

WOMAN: How's his mood been

the last few days? Has he regretted it?

He hasn't been able to feed or bathe himself.

( laughing )

The Governor's kicking off a ten-state tour

and his campaign has indicated that they'll be trying

to rally the nation around his clean campaign pledge.

I'm quoting a senior campaign official now.

"A different kind of politics is sweeping the nation

and once the President understands the hearts

and minds of the American people

he'll have no choice but to sign the pledge.

Mark, I swear to God, as soon as the President

needs help understanding the hearts and minds

of the American people, he'll call

the Republican Governor of Florida.

But this week, we're focused

on tomorrow night's press conference

wherein we unveil our national strategy

for energy independence.

Speaking of which, this country has been dependent on foreign oil

for far too long.

65% of our crude oil reserves come from the Gulf.

Only three percent here at home.

Policy is the President's forte.

Are you guys trying to bait Governor Ritchie

into an argument on energy 'cause you know you'll win?

Yeah, well, we all tried to convince the President

that talking about policy was just plain unsportsmanlike

but we didn't get anywhere.

Listen, I've had a lot of fun, and I know you have, too.

I'll see you later.

ALL: Thank you, C.J.

C.J.?

Chuckles.

The President would like another pre-brief

and another run-through tonight after dinner.

Sure. Full-blown run-through.

Yeah. Maybe that can be when you can explain

your problem with drilling ANWAR for oil.

Huh? If we want to be energy independent

if we've been relying too long on foreign oil

what's wrong with drilling in Alaska?

It will do huge and lasting damage to the environment

and will not, in the long run, reap that much oil.

It will have zero impact on the environment.

And how do you know how much oil is down there, until you explore?

"Explore?" Yes.

You mean, drill?

That's how you get where the oil's at.

You've been reading his book.

Excuse me?

A Promise to Lead, Ritchie's book.

Whoever ghosted it isn't bad.

Carol, would you put together a page

on the environmental impact of drilling

the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve?

Yeah. Make sure you note

exactly how many caribou we made unhappy.

Thank you.

You bet.

( knocking )

SAM: Come in.

Hey, welcome back.

What?!

How was the vacation?

It was 40 hours long.

Where'd you go?

Hilton Head.

What'd you do?

I unpacked, and then I packed.

By the way, congratulations.

Babish is promoting you to deputy.

When did this happen?

Right after I told Bud Wachtel that we already had.

What the hell is going on?

Well, Monday morning, there was a little incident

during the satellite interviews.

I read about it. How could you let

something like that happen?

( sighing ): Okay.

For everybody who works outside the building

I'll fall on the sword.

But for everybody who works inside the building

( shouting ): I wasn't there!

Okay.

Didn't get much of a tan.

What do you need?

Capital Beat, Capital Gang, Inside Politics.

To say what?

The President isn't an elitist.

He respects everyone.

And that's why he made a Southern Republican

who disagrees with him a deputy counsel.

Congratulations again, by the way.

He is an elitist.

Uh-oh.

It's elitist, geocentric, Ivy League snobbery

to think if you haven't written six journal articles

on monetary support mechanisms

you're not fit to lead.

We're of the belief

that if you're going to setpolicy

it'd be a bonus to understand it.

And at this point, we'd be astonished

to discover that Ritchie had read

as many as six journal articles

on anything other than athletic support mechanisms.

There's a difference between

intellect and instinct.

252 million people in the country.

You don't think we ought to be able

to elect somebody who's got both?

I'm saying

presidents can have good advisors.

Good advisors can better advise informed

and curious presidents.

But what happens when Ivy League presidents surround

themselves with intellectual snobs? All right.

Let's clear up a couple of things

'cause that's the second time you've invoked the "Evil Eight."

First of all, Notre Dame isn't a member of the Ivy League.

They play football as an independent.

They play basketball in the Big East.

Second, we're very interested in education in this White House

so can you tell me what's wrong with the Ivy League?

Should we be discouraging parents from hoping their kids

get into Princeton and Yale and Dartmouth?

All I know is, we got into Vietnam

courtesy of the Beltway Chapter

of the Harvard Alumni Association.

Yeah, except, that's not all you know

because you're bright and you're curious

and you worked hard, and you got into Smith

and you got your law degree where?

Cambridge, Massachusetts.

You lose, I win. 'Twas ever thus.

I was on vacation.

Life's tough in the aluminum siding business.

Check the press office on your TV schedule.

I will do the TV shows, because I serve

at the pleasure of the President

but I do not want a promotion that I didn't earn.

I'll talk to Babish. Well, let me check out

the pay differential first.

You bet.

C.J.: Toby? Yes.

We've gone from one network

carrying the press conference tomorrow night to four.

Are you kidding? No.

I guess we shouldn't be surprised.

No.

Where are you going?

Sightseeing.

Really?

Tabatha's never been to Washington.

You going to get that thing done

or you want me to talk to her?

It's going to be fine.

You sure?

She's a poet.

She's new to things like consequences.

Okay.

All four networks...

Listen, I have a crazy thought.

Is it possible...?

What?

Hmm, never mind.

I'll see you later.

Okay.

Donna?

Yeah?

Something weird has happened here.

Where?

LemonLyman...

No.

They don't seem to be taking my response

in the spirit in which it was intended.

Yeah.

Seems to be a very unusual social structure.

For instance, there's a leader

who seems to pride herself on her organizational skills

and a certain amount of discipline.

Right. That's what's called a control freak.

Well, she does seem to do

an awful lot of scolding.

"You've posted in the wrong place."

"Stay on topic, people." "Don't use capital letters."

"I don't have time to tell you twice"

when clearly, she does have time

to tell us twice.

But that's not the problem. No.

( clears throat )

"Someone needs to deal with Josh's planet-sized ego

"by teaching him government 101.

Who made him overlord of the Democratic party?"

And someone else writes

"Is Josh delusional, or is he actively trying

to destroy the separation of powers?"

Well, are you? No.

Then turn off the computer

shut these people up, and let's go back to work.

I think I need to clarify

my original post. Josh, there's

a prime time press conference tomorrow

and a new energy policy that you have spent months

shepherding down the field, and now, on the one-yard line...

Sit down in the chair. Has the pressure

for you to get the energy package...?

Sit down in the chair.

I think you've gone 'round the bend.

I'm dictating now.

I don't think it falls under the category of "outrageous"

to suggest that I might have friends

on the other end of the Avenue

who have the phone number of the GAO.

Let me put this more plainly.

The White House can get a GAO review of anything it wants

without posing a threat to the separation of powers.

And I believe I'll use capital, lower case or Sanskrit

right up until the moment

the Font Police cuff me and read me Miranda.

That'll show them.

See, I think these are good people, by and large

but they've come under the thumb of a dictatorial ruler.

So, as with a small, Central American country

my role is to incite the people to topple her.

Josh? Yeah?

You're way 'round the bend.

Can I get you a damp towel or something?

No, but do we have any Yoo-Hoo?

Yeah. I'll take one.

I'm on it.

What are you doing?

Crossing off the FDR Memorial

the Atrium and the Folger Library.

I like crossing off lists.

It's very satisfying.

You like lists?

Yes.

You like crossing things off?

I'll let you know if it happens.

Hey, how'd you know what hotel I was at?

We have you watched when you're in DC.

Are you serious?

No.

Oh.

We always have you watched.

Aha.

So, you know what I was thinking

might be fun?

If I came to the White House dinner and shut the hell up?

That's not what I was going to say at all.

Oh, what were you going to say?

If you came to the dinner

wore a beautiful dress and shut the hell up.

( laughs )

I got a list of nine former I-Corps Commanders

who served in Korea

who say that land mines aren't necessary

to protect our troops anywhere.

We're aware of all nine.

And we have, do we not, other weapons

that are more effective and less deadly to our side

that are already part of a U.S. response plan

to the North crossing the DMZ?

I work in communications.

And land mines would actually slow a counter-invasion.

You have an answer to any of this?

The President of the United States

requests the honor of your presence

and I'm sorry, but you show up.

And I'm sorry, but I tell the truth.

Not every minute of the damn day, Tabatha.

I've seen what I've seen.

And I've been told what I've been told.

And I have an audience with the person

who can do something about it.

To smile for a photo op and recite 64 couplets

on the American experience?

That's treasonous.

Can we stop with the drama?

Toby? Tabatha, you don't know

what you're doing.

This isn't kid's stuff.

If you stand up in the President's face

that's going to be the story

and nobody's going to care about what you care about.

Nobody is going to care about what you care about.

And... it'll be bad...

for you, for us

for the land mines, everybody.

Can we just not talk for a minute?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I-I got to give a lecture tomorrow night at Georgetown.

I just... I need to...

I need to not talk for a minute.

Yeah.

PRESIDENT: * Another sky *

* Another June

* Another something

* That rhymes with June

* Another reason, another season *

* For making... Wait a sec.

Yes, "sunny honeymoon" is what you were looking for.

No, wait a sec.

He's absolutely right. Hang on.

( knocks )

Excuse me. I'm sorry for interrupting.

No, no. Keep your seats.

Leo?

You're absolutely right.

About what? We shouldn't show up.

Tell the Whip we want to yield all our time.

While they're going in front of the cameras

complaining about me making fun of Ritchie

the Democrats will be caucusing on literacy

We want to yield and tuitall our time.ts.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

or more accurately, the walk down the red carpet

will happen at 9:01:30, per the network's request.

He'll deliver an opening statement

on his National Strategy for Energy Independence

we expect that'll last about 15 minutes

and then the President will take questions for 45 minutes.

C.J.?

A senior official in the communications office

of the Ritchie campaign

said if the President thinks his candidate is stupid

he should just come right out and say so.

Really.

Really.

Let's start a pool to guess

how long the senior communications official

is going to keep his job if once a day he suggest

that we call his candidate stupid.

Somebody's got to step in and stop this fight

'cause we're the only ones scoring points

and we're not even playing. Mark?

She's got a point there.

that the smartest Presidents have Dobeen the worst?ou

I don't grant your premise, but...

John Quincy Adams was so full of himself

he could hardly build a coalition

around having eggs for breakfast.

How many grand theories of international relations

did Wilson come up with

that were dead on arrival in Congress.

I don't care. Why?

Because before I look for anything

I look for a mind at work.

Nobody's saying a President

needs to have a tenured chair in semiotics

but you have to have...

What?

Gravitas.

And how do you measure that?

You don't, but we know it when we see it

and Republican tend to mock it when they do.

You think I'm wrong?

I do not. No you don't

and the way I know you don't

is I saw you say so

on television.

Hey, Toby.

Why are you here?

The TV isn't working in my office.

You did good on TV.

Thanks.

I'll be in my office.

How's it going with the poet?

I'm not sure.

Does she have a strong history of activism?

She has no history of activism.

She said something yesterday, when I was with her

she said-- she was talking about land mines--

she said, "From everything I've seen

and everything I've been told..."

You think

she's getting some pressure?

I don't...

GINGER: Toby? Yeah.

It's someone from Georgetown University.

I think there's a problem.

The Internet people have gone crazy.

You're kidding.

They're calling the GAO

"General Josh's Standing Army"

and saying I don't understand its mandate and purpose.

They're saying if I can get a review of anything I want

I should start by reviewing the job of Deputy C.O.S.

Then one guy compares me to a poor man's Clark Clifford

and a page and a half of posts debating whether or not

I was mocking Egyptians with the Sanskrit reference.

I told you they were hysterical.

I thought you meant they were funny.

They're not. I know they're not!

It's Lord of the Flies in there.

Well, who invited you in the first place?

It's got my name on it.

Look, I don't want to hear about it anymore.

We've got an energy plan in ten minutes.

I'm gonna... Oh, Josh!

Yeah? The Federal Page

of the Washington Post just called Carol to confirm

that you're the Josh Lyman

who stated on an Internet web site

that the White House could order a GAO review

of anything it wants.

Without threatening the separation of powers

is what I was saying.

You posted on a web site?

I was communicating with the people.

Really?

C.J., it's a... crazy place.

It's got this dictatorial leader

who I'm sure wears a muumuu and chain smokes Parliaments.

What did you go there for in the first place?

It's called LemonLyman.com.

Let me explain something to you

this is sort of my field.

The people on these sites?

They're the cast of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

The muumuu wearing

Parliament smoker? That's Nurse Ratched.

When Nurse Ratched is unhappy

the patients are unhappy.

You? You're McMurphy.

You swoop in there with your card games

and your fishing trips...

I didn't swoop in, I came in

exactly the same way everybody else did.

Well, now I'm telling you to open the ward room window

and climb on out

before they give you a pre-frontal lobotomy

and I have to smother you with a pillow.

You're Chief Brom... I'm Chief Bromden

yes, at this particular moment.

I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that web site.

They're going to check it every night before they go home.

If they discover you've been there I'm going to shove

a motherboard so far up your ass... What?

Well... technically, I outrank you.

So far up your ass!

Okay. Okay?

How you doing? Are we ready?

We are. I believe we are.

You want to walk over?

Donna, let's go, it's time!

Excuse me.

Are you Mr. Zeigler?

What happened?

Well, she was giving her lecture

and then towards the end, something... I don't know.

I think she's okay

but I asked her if there was anyone I could call.

Where is she?

She's sitting out on the steps.

Okay. Thanks.

Mm-hmm.

Was there any press there tonight?

For a poetry lecture?

Right.

There was a man in Banja Luka that I met.

He took his son and I... to go fishing in the Sava River.

And the little boy, uh... hooked a piece of garbage...

and when he tried to take it off the line, it blew him up.

Right in front of his father.

And, uh... right in front of me.

What happened tonight?

( sighs heavily )

Um... I decided to highlight poets

who were never chosen Poet Laureate

'cause they were too rebellious.

Adrienne Rich, Anne Sexton, Allen Ginsberg

and I went into "Howl."

I know "Howl" like you know voting districts.

"I saw the best minds of my generation

"destroyed by madness

"starving hysterical naked

dragging themselves through..."

and then, uh...

What?

I couldn't remember anymore.

I couldn't, uh...

you know, I-I couldn't remember anymore.

You think I think

that an artist's job is to speak the truth.

An artist's job... is to captivate you

for however long we've asked for your attention.

If we stumble into truth, we got lucky

and I don't get to decide what truth is.

What you said about South Korea makes sense

you know, uh, people know more than I do.

I... I shouldn't be, uh... you know...

I write poetry, Toby, that's how I enter the world.

I was think maybe, you know...

I-I don't know if you can do this, but...

I was thinking if I could get

a few minutes alone with the President

so that I could tell him

what I saw in Banja Luka?

Then it wouldn't have to be thing

you know, at the dinner... in there I could, uh...

I have 64 couplets on the American experience

that I think might be appropriate.

Yeah, we could do that.

What's that say?

"Meet Tabatha Fortis."

( chuckles )

I have to be at a press conference.

Right.

C.J.: So as a matter of cold fact, Chipper

you'll see that it's the Porcupine Caribou

and ANWAR's their calving ground

and you can't put a price tag on that

but that's hardly the point.

36 species of fish, 36 land mammals

160 different bird species.

I admit, this is a lot of wildlife.

Well, forget the wildlife

it hurts flesh and blood subsistence hunters in the area

changes migratory patterns

in ways we don't even understand

increases freezing depths of rivers and lakes...

And the emissions from drilling.

Welcome home, it'll cause pollutant haze and acid rain

and all this in exchange for?

Not a lot of oil to begin with.

PRESIDENT: All right, here we go.

What time is it?

9:00, sir.

We'll see you inside.

Thank you, everyone.

C.J.?

Yes, sir?

I've been meaning to tell you

you've done really well this week

with the open-mike thing.

Thank you. Didn't turn out too bad.

No, sir, it didn't turn out too bad at all.

In fact, the whole country's talking about whether

Ritchie's smart enough to be President.

And you didn't take a hit, 'cause it was an accident.

You know, it occurs to me

that even your choice of language was interesting.

"A .22 caliber mind in a .357 magnum world."

That's unusual for you, a gun metaphor.

Toby mentioned to me that when each interview was over

all the interviewers wanted to talk to you about was Ritchie

and you took a pass each time.

Until Philadelphia.

Mr. President

is it possible you saw the green light was on?

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen

the President of the United States.

That was old school.

Go knock'em dead.