Original subtitles

Previously on The West Wing:

Josh was shot in the chest.

40% of the teachers in Kirkwood, Oregon

reported having insufficient textbooks--

Textbooks are important if for no other reason

than they'd accurately place the town of Kirkwood

in California and not Oregon.

We should hire her. She's a Republican.

Appeal to her sense of duty.

I'm offering her a job.

What the hell made you think

I wouldn't scream where there are people?

Did you meet anyone there who isn't worthless?

Don't call them worthless. They are patriots.

And I'm their lawyer.

Josh: Donna!

Donna: Don't shout.

Donna, come here!

Did you hear me say don't shout?

No.

You know why?

'Cause you weren't shouting.

That's right. That's right.

What's the problem?

They're still saying I owe them $50,000

and that "failure to pay

will result in a negative report on your credit."

On my credit?

On my credit. Sam!

Don't shout.

I got another letter.

Don't worry about it.

I am worried about it.

I called an insurance guy.

They're referring me to insurance code 4336.

You know what that means?

No.

Okay, there's $50,000 worth of hospital bills

they're saying they don't cover.

You know what that means?

You may have to get yourself

a job mowing lawns after school.

Sam.

Don't worry about it.

Sam!

Don't shout. Sam...

Hi.

I'm doing the radio today.

What's it about?

You don't know what it's about? No.

You're a speech writer.

I'm the Deputy Communications Director.

I don't do the radio address.

I think this one's about leaves turning.

Wouldn't be surprised.

Will he take it seriously?

The President?

Yeah.

Why wouldn't he take it seriously?

You don't take it seriously.

I'm not the one who has to read it.

I'm saying it's the end of the week. He gets a little punchy.

It's not live. He can do another take.

Yeah. Remember last April?

Eleven takes.

I remember. Eleven.

What did he say, insurance code 9336?

4336-- I had to give those people key chains.

What people?

The guests at the radio address were standing

in the Oval Office for an hour and a half.

I sent them home with White House key chains.

Knock 'em dead.

Oh, wait-- stay here for a second.

Why?

I'm gonna do my thing. I've seen it.

Yeah, but I'm adding a joke.

I'm sure it's great.

Just, you know...

Sure.

Excuse me.

( clears throat )

Good morning.

Welcome to the White House.

My name is Donnatella Moss.

I work here in the west wing as an assistant

to Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman

which, I guess, makes me Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff.

Okay, uh, we're going to go over to the Oval Office now

if you'll follow me.

As you probably know

the President does a regular Saturday morning radio address

which he records on Friday.

The address is usually two to three minutes in length.

when it's over, the President will be happy to stand for pictures.

I'm going to ask you to form a horseshoe against that wall.

Not an actual horseshoe

that takes special training as a blacksmith.

Okay.

Oh, thank God.

How's it going?

They didn't laugh at the blacksmith joke.

That's almost hard to believe, Donna.

How is everybody?

Good morning, sir. ( crowd murmurs )

We all set for the speech?

Not quite.

What do you need, sir?

The speech.

Right here.

Thank you.

Let's do this in one, shall we?

One-Take Bartlet-- that's what old Jack Warner used to call me.

Here we go, in three...

two...

"Good morning.

"This month, as autumn is in full bloom in much of the nation

"the weekends will be devoted, by many of you

to leaf peeping and football watch... ing..."

Cut tape.

I'm sorry.

"Leaf peeping," is that something

we do now?

Try another?

We better get some key chains in here.

I heard that.

Here we go, in three...

two...

Engineer: Okay, let's cut.

Sorry, everybody. This is going to be it.

Four is my lucky number.

This is take five, sir. Five is my lucky number.

Fifth-Take Bartlet.

That's what Jack Warner used to call me.

Did you really know Jack Warner, Mr. President?

Yeah, because I used to be a contract player in Hollywood

and I'm 97 years old.

Okay.

Here we go.

Engineer: In three, two...

C.J.?

How you doing, Toby?

I'm fine, thanks. Listen...

Have you noticed that I'm one of the few people around here

whose nose isn't bent out of shape over Ainsley Hayes?

Yeah. Listen...

I'm serious.

You heard the news

and you slammed a door so hard it broke, okay?

You heard the news and you broke the White House.

But I'm over it now, and other people aren't

and they should get over it.

I'll see what I can do.

In the meantime... I'm gonna tell you something--

I don't think it's that she's a Republican

It's that she's a Republican woman and she's good-looking.

Well, those are three things, when in combination

usually spell careerism, but...

Well, I think it's sexist in a bad way

and I'm coming down on her side.

Good for you. Look...

Toby, I am serious about this. Ed Barrie's doing

Meet the Press on Sunday.

Did you know that?

No. This Sunday?

Day after tomorrow. He's retiring.

Maybe it's just a farewell retrospective...

He's also doing Sam and Cokie

Late Edition, and Capitol Beat.

Are you sure about this?

Sam got it from Mark Gottfried.

Has anyone talked to Judy?

The DOD press office isn't confirming anything.

They won't confirm whether a three-star general

is going on television to beat up the President?

No.

Carol!

By the way

you are a beautiful woman...

and no one around here has ever assumed

you were either ambitious or stupid.

Toby? Yeah.

Took two years.

Carol: Yeah.

I need to see General Barrie.

Go to the Pentagon and get him

and I don't want him anywhere near a press line

when he comes into the west wing.

Earliest possible convenience?

I could give a damn if it's convenient or not.

He's the Army Chief of Staff, C.J.

And I work for his boss, so get him here.

Want some help?

No.

Have a nice day.

Hey, has Leo told Tribbey

about his new Associate Counsel yet?

I'll check the wire to see if any maimings have been reported

but I don't think he's told him yet.

Should be some decent dinner theater.

Let me know if you need me on Captain Queeg.

Ainsley: He was okay with it?

He thinks it's a great idea.

He can't wait to meet you.

Lionel Tribbey?

Yeah.

Lionel Tribbey thinks hiring me was a great idea.

Why are you surprised?

Well, because I'm a Republican

and Lionel Tribbey is... incredibly not.

Lionel Tribbey is the White House Counsel.

He is a brilliant and fair-minded attorney

and he will accept you on his staff because he is, well...

fair-minded, and because...

You haven't told him yet.

I have, in fact...

not told him yet, no.

So you lied to me just then.

I'm a politician, Ainsley.

Of course I lied to you just then.

My first day is getting off to a great start.

About to get better.

Why?

Leo.

Yeah. Lionel Tribbey

is on his way over.

I just want to die.

It's the White House.

You'll get used to that feeling.

Maybe I should go.

Ainsley... I'll go, so you two

can talk by yourselves... You'll meet him now.

It's going to be fine.

It's not going to be fine.

He'll yell and scream. I've seen him on TV.

Well, that's TV-- he's making a full-throated

defense of the President.

That's what we do.

In real life, when the cameras are off...

( loud slam ) Leo!

I will kill people today, Leo!

I will kill people

with this cricket bat which was given to me

by Her Royal Majesty Elizabeth Windsor

and then I will kill them again with my own hands.

Lionel...

Has anybody in this building

heard of "contempt of Congress"?

Look, if I may...

Congress will hold the White House

in contempt, which is nothing compared to the contempt

in which I will hold the White House

if this keeps happening.

What did we do?

Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline

testified at Governmental Affairs

that the White House

couldn't produce the Rockland memo

because the White House didn't have the Rockland memo.

Do we?

Holding it in my hand, Leo!

I'm sure there's... When your guys

go the Hill, they can't drop their testimony

on my desk at 9:15 and testify at 9:30.

I was ready to take a vacation, Leo.

I was going to go someplace warm, with a beach

somebody bringing me drinks with little umbrellas

in them.

I had this thing closed.

Now I've got to go back up there, hat in hand

because the circus is in town!

Who is this?

This is Ainsley Hayes.

She's scared of meeting you, so be nice.

The girl who's been writing the columns.

Yeah.

You're an idiot.

Leo...

She's not an idiot, Lionel.

She clerked for Dreifort.

Well, Dreifort's an idiot.

Dreifort's a Supreme Court Justice, Lionel

so let's speak of him with respect

and practice some tolerance for those who disagree with us.

I believe as long

as Justice Dreifort is intolerant

toward gays, lesbians

blacks, unions, women, poor people

and the First, Fourth, Fifth and Ninth Amendments

I will remain intolerant toward him.

Nice to meet you.

She's working for you, Lionel.

Excuse me?

She's working for you.

The President asked me to hire her for your office.

The president of what asked you to hire her for my office?

The United States.

( laughing )

Excuse me.

I thought it went pretty well.

"Our farming families stand for the values

that keep our nation strong: faith, calm perseverance and pa..."

Mr. President...

have you lost what little was left of your mind?

I can't possibly work like this!

Oh, dear God.

Cut.

I had it.

Sir, is this a bad time?

It's a bit of a bad time. Forgive me, sir

but when you have a few moments I would like to discuss

the hiring of blonde and leggy fascists

whose knowledge does not include the proper order of the alphabet

for positions in the White House Counsel's office.

And we will, Lionel, but right now

I don't know if you've noticed

but there are 30 or 40 other people in the room

many of whom have donated

significant amounts of money to the Democratic Party, so perhaps

you could get a tighter grip on your horses

and we will talk about it later.

Yes.

Well.

Good morning, everyone.

Thank you, Mr. President.

( door closes )

Well, obviously, Lionel Tribbey is a brilliant lawyer

whom we cannot live without

or there would be very little reason not to put him in prison.

Let's try again.

You've got two paragraphs on H-404 for the AFL-CIO.

I want you to re-think them.

Re-think them how?

Cut them.

Why can't he talk about Superfund?

Because it's the AFL-CIO

and they want to hear about how we'll protect their jobs.

How about we start by protecting the planet they live on?

How about you start by cutting

the paragraphs? Fine.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to help Josh with his insurance thing.

The hospital was "out of network."

Therefore, they're claiming responsibility

for only 20% of a life-saving medical procedure.

Also, he didn't get the procedure cleared beforehand.

His lung was collapsed and blood stopped flowing to his brain.

He was supposed to dial up

the automated 24-hour customer care service line?

If it keeps up like this, he'll have to sue these people.

I like a country where you can sue the insurance company

but not the people who shot you.

Anyway, cut the two paragraphs.

What?

He can sue the people that shot him.

The people who shot him are dead.

No.

Hardly any of them are.

till he went on elocution safari

during the word "protuberance."

When did he finally nail it?

Oh, he hasn't yet.

He hasn't done it yet?

There are matters of State to attend to, Josh.

He can't spend the day, you know

indefinitely in this room...

What about the audience?

I sent them home.

I'm going to bring in a new audience, you know

like the old Carson show.

What the hell are we talking about?

Did you know "leaf peeping" was a thing?

( phone rings )

Josh Lyman.

Leaf peeping?

Yeah.

Sam wants to see you.

Insurance victory.

"And the weak shall be made mighty," Donna

not "might is right," but rather "might for right."

This relates to leaf peeping how?

It doesn't.

Don't eat my French fries.

Hey.

Hey, good, come on in.

Did you beat them into submission?

No.

Did you beat them at all?

Forget about the insurance.

Unless the insurance company forgets

about the insurance...

The Southern Poverty Law Center.

Josh, I think you know

that for the three months you were out recovering

a lot of people were looking for a new legislative avenue

for Federal law enforcement to get the extremists.

You could throw out the Bill of Rights.

Toby tried.

I was kidding.

Josh, this is our way in, a civil action.

You could subpoena everything

membership rolls, donor rolls

minutes of meetings, weapons inventory, computer downloads.

And you depose every man and woman

who's every been to a meeting

and every man and woman they name.

Josh, the Southern Poverty Law Center wants you

to sue the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan

for $100 million.

Josh.

Yeah.

Donna called, she said don't be late for budget.

Yeah.

I got to go.

Charlie.

Good afternoon, ma'am.

Charlie, is the President free for a moment?

He's in the Roosevelt Room with the Far East advisors.

Would you like me to...

No, no, don't interrupt him.

Korea might have more plutonium.

Just give him a message for me. Sure.

You'll want to write this down. Yes, ma'am.

Your blood pressure is 120 over 80.

How did you know that, ma'am?

I'm saying his blood pressure...

...is 120 over 80.

Yeah, your EKG

shows a good sinus rhythm. Okay.

No evidence of ischemic changes.

How are we spelling...

Doesn't matter. Your electrolytes and metabolic panels

are within normal limits.

Chest x-ray's clear

and prostate screens are fine.

Okay.

So we can have sex now.

Okay, that's not me and you, right?

Go.

Yeah.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Bartlet.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Landingham.

How are you today?

Oh, I'm just fine. Thank you.

Are you looking for the President?

I imagine he'll be along in a moment.

( door slams )

Really?! Oh, yeah.

Good afternoon, Mr. President.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Landingham.

Is there anything I...

Go away right now.

You seem a little tense

Mr. President.

Not for long, Mrs. Landingham.

Why don't we go inside?

Absolutely.

Sir, would you like me

to inform Mr. McGarry and the advisors

that they could...

B.P. 120 over 80.

Who cares? It's been 14 weeks.

Do these curtains close? Not here, Jed.

Yes, you're right.

Where?

How about our bedroom?

New Hampshire's an hour and a half.

I don't have that kind of time.

How about our bedroom in the residence?

We have a bedroom right here in the building.

That was so smart.

Yes. Let's go.

Jed. What?

Korea, plutonium.

Oh... God. I hate plutonium.

We have to find time before 6:00.

What happens at 6:00?

I have to fly to Cochrane's Mills, Pennsylvania.

Where the hell is Cochrane's Mills?

Pennsylvania.

Right.

So, you talk to Charlie.

I'll talk to Lilly.

We'll coordinate our schedules.

We'll find a free hour.

I don't think it's going to take

more than a couple of minutes

but I like your confidence.

Just get back to work.

Can't we just close the curtains?

Just get back to work.

C.J. Is he here?

He sent... Carol.

He sent an aide, Lt. Buckley.

C.J.

Ms. Cregg.

Lt. Buckley. I'm a staff aide to General Barrie.

I understand you need to speak with him.

Yes, I do, so what are you doing here?

I'm an aide to Gen...

I heard you the first time.

Where's the General?

The General sent me.

Well, I'm going to send you back.

Ma'am, if I could just know the exact nature...

Is Ed Barrie doing the morning shows?

I wouldn't know that, ma'am. That's handled...

I would know, and I do

and so do you, so cut the crap.

Ma'am... He's going to go on TV

and trash the President.

That will be the last thing he does before he retires?

Once again, ma'am, it's...

Lieutenant.

He's going to trash

the President?

I don't think it's a surprise to you

that General Barrie has some very serious disagreements

with this administration, particularly your President.

My President is your President, too.

Additionally, he has some very real concerns

over the current state of readiness of our armed forces.

That shouldn't get too many people alarmed for no reason.

And so he feels that taking this opportunity

to express his opinions--

opinions which are considered at the most expert level--

taking this opportunity before he leaves the service

is his patriotic obligation.

It's called ring and run.

Ma'am? Go back to the Pentagon right now.

Tell General Barrie C.J. Cregg says he's a coward.

Leo: I'll be honest with you

I didn't even know we had offices down here.

That bodes well for me.

I wonder what else we got down here.

Bats possibly?

Room 442 is what we're looking for.

I wouldn't be surprised if we see it any second now.

You really didn't need to take me down here, Leo.

There's no way you'd find it yourself.

You're the White House Chief of Staff.

You shouldn't be...

Don't worry about it.

442... Where the hell is it?

You've been really decent to me, Leo.

I want to thank you for that.

Kid, the others are going to come around.

No, they won't.

See, you've got to remember

that the people you're talking about

live their lives under siege, 24 hours every day

at a time in their lives when they're trying

with all their might to do good.

You're in their foxhole.

Sam Seaborn had this innocent relationship with a girl--

Bam, here comes the enemy.

I'm a recovering alcoholic--

Bam, radio, TV, magazines, cameras in front of my house

people shouting at my daughter at the ball game.

Editorials, op-eds-- "He's a drunk.

He's dangerous. He should resign."

I wrote one of those op-ed pieces.

I know.

It's right over here, 442.

It's written down here.

This is the steam pipe trunk distribution venue.

I'm working in the steam pipe trunk distribution venue?

No, you're working in your office.

Well...

Thank you for the help.

Ainsley, don't worry

about Sam or Josh and Toby or C.J.

or the Democrats on the Hill

or the Republicans on TV.

You're here to serve the President.

Anyway...

welcome to the White House.

( footsteps )

Leo?

Mr. Tribbey.

I see they've found you an office.

Such as it is.

Good men and women have worked

in whatever room was available in this building

and have done so without complaint.

I don't believe you heard me complain, Mr. Tribbey.

I believe I did, Miss Hayes.

Now, why don't you

tell me what this is all about?

Sir?

These people here are

trying to do something.

I'll have their backs while they're trying.

What are you doing here?

Serving my country.

Why not join the Navy?

I was asked to do this.

And you said yes. Yes.

Why?

I feel a sense of duty.

I'm sorry?

I said I feel a sense of duty.

What, did you just walk out

of The Pirates of Penzance?

Sir?

"Why, he's an Englishman."

"He is an Englishman" is from H.M.S. Pinafore.

It's from Penzance.

Don't tell me about Gilbert and Sullivan.

It's from PenzanceorIolanthe-- one of the ones about duty.

They're all about duty, and it's from Pinafore.

Miss Hayes...

Is it so hard to believe, in this day and age

that someone would roll up their sleeves

set aside partisanship, and say what can I do?

Yes.

I want you to go up to the Hill this afternoon

and I want you to talk to the Associate

Majority Counsel at Governmental Affairs.

You're sending me to the Majority Counsel

'cause I speak Republican.

Yes. Two staffers in the Communications Office--

Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline--

The two you wanted to kill with your cricket bat

for screwing up on possession of the Rockland memo.

Yes.

Read about it, then fix it.

I will.

And thank you for asking me.

Yeah.

Mr. Tribbey?

I'd like to do well on this, my first assignment.

Any advice you could give me that might point me

the way of success would be, by me, appreciated.

Well, not speaking in iambic pentameter might be

a step in the right direction.

Yeah.

The President's way too moderate for your taste.

Excuse me?

Way too moderate...

on affirmative action, capital gains

public schools, free trade.

You left a lucrative practice in Chicago

and a seven-figure income.

It wasn't out of duty?

How are they tying the two shooters

and the signal guy to the Klan?

They're tying them to the Klan

West Virginia White Pride

the Brotherhood of Aryan Nations.

How does that...?

The following is in the possession of the FBI:

A map and the President's itinerary

given to the shooters by the chapter head of White Pride

a videotape of a meeting the shooters attended

with the leader railing against interracial couples

specifically citing Charlie and Zoey

using the term "lone wolf" over and over

which is the phrase they use when they want

their younger members to take matters into their own hands

a copy of Hunter, by William Pierce

bought at a Klan rally in Blacksburg.

In the book, Pierce encourages fellow supremacists

to rid the Earth of interracial couples

by shooting them.

This is enough, more than enough

to begin deposing witnesses.

You wanted to see me?

Uh, yeah-- I just wanted to tell you

that Joyce and Brookline are at it again.

What'd they do?

They told Government Affairs

that we never had the Rockland memo.

I think we did have the Rockland memo.

We did. Would you talk to the two of them?

Yeah-- I think I also better talk

to somebody in Government Affairs.

Tribbey already sent Ainsley Hayes.

To do what?

Talk to the Associate Majority--

That's something I couldn't do?

He wanted to send a lawyer.

I'm a lawyer; everybody in the room's a lawyer.

From the Counsel's Office.

Good-- and I'll tell everybody else to keep

their fingers crossed a story hasn't been leaked

we withheld evidence, then tried to cover our tracks.

Sam, that's enough.

Anything else?

No.

Thank you.

His point isn't wholly without merit.

What do you need?

Sam was talking to me.

The Southern Poverty Law Center...

We know.

What do you think?

Well, I'm not wild about it.

Why?

Our people can be deposed, too

which leaves them vulnerable

to embarrassing questions like...

"Have you ever tried cocaine?"

They can ask Sam has he ever slept with a prostitute.

Those questions are irrelevant.

That's why they'll ask them.

If one of our people

refuses to answer, it's a story.

So we're not wild about it.

That said, say the word, we'll take a leave of absence

and join your legal team.

Tribbey says it's from Penzance, by the way.

It's from Pinafore.

He says it's the one about duty.

They're all about duty.

I want to be very clear. I could give a damn.

Yeah.

Engineer: Okay, Saturday morning radio address, Take 21.

I have a really good feeling about this one, sir.

Is this still my first term?

Yes, sir, but I do take your point.

We've spent quite a bit of time on this.

Here we go.

In five, four, three, two...

"Good evening."

Cut.

What?! What?!

It's morning.

It's evening.

It's dark outside, Charlie.

It's evening now, Mr. President.

It's morning tomorrow.

What time is it?

It's 5:45, sir.

Here we go.

In five...

Excuse me.

No, I can't.

I got to go.

Sir, I...

Kids, I am so sorry.

I have to go now to a special meeting

of the government.

I will mail you all

an autographed copy of the picture we took together

and one day, you will all understand.

Mr. President.

Take a break, Charlie.

She's not there, sir.

I'm going to a special meeting--

Of the government. Yes, sir.

She had to go to Pennsylvania early.

Would you like to come back inside

and take another swing at the radio address?

Sure.

Would you like to get that smile off your face

before I send you

on special assignment to the Yukon?

Yes, sir.

I've ordered many men on assignment, Ms. Cregg.

I've sent them

to Hue City, Khe Sanh Village, Danang--

Sir...

Don't interrupt me, lady.

I've sent them to Grenada

I've sent them to Haiti

and I've sent them

to Iraqi-occupied Kuwait.

All acts of cowardice?

Sir...

You think sending my aide here

was an act of cowardice?

You think I have the time and inclination...

Sir, due respect--

that wasn't what I was referring to.

I think jumping up and down

on the Commander in Chief

and then beating a path out of town

is an act of cowardice.

I think alerting the public

to staggeringly dangerous vulnerabilities

of the current state of the military

is an act of conscience.

And I would, too, sir, except--

and again I say this with all due respect--

Shove your respect! I don't want it!

I say this with all due respect.

I think your motives are personal

and I'd like to discuss that, sir.

Sure-- How about we discuss new defense spending

being down to $300 billion from $400 billion ten years ago?

Is that personal?

No sir, I think that's about

the Cold War ending ten years ago

and America not needing to spend quite so much money

defending itself against a country that can't bake bread.

Kitten...

Op-tempo is up, which is fine

but the problem is, pers-tempo is up, too.

Do you know what that is?

It's the rate of turnover in individual jobs.

Yes, sir, pers-tempo is up

because higher-paying civilian jobs are luring men

and women trained in high tech.

We're more than happy to take the rap

for a booming economy, sir.

Two divisions:

the Tenth Mountain Division at Fort Drum

and the First Infantry in Germany

have been rated C-4.

That's the lowest of four possible readiness grades.

it means "unfit for service."

No, sir-- Again, with all respect, I hate to disagree

but it means unfit for service

based on the Pentagon's "two war" doctrine.

It's based on how fast these divisions would

be able to extract themselves from their peacekeeping mission

retrain on home bases, and ship off to a second of two

full-scale, Gulf-War-sized conflicts.

There are also some

both inside and outside the Pentagon

who question whether the C-4 ratings might not be

a political maneuver on the part of the DOD

to help Republican allies in Congress

secure more defense money.

Well, I'll be telling my story to Tim Russert.

No, I don't think you will, General.

I'm sorry?

I said I don't think you will.

I notice among your many decorations

is the Distinguished Combat Service Medal.

You're wearing it now

as well as in numerous photographs

including some taken with enlisted men in the field.

You won it while on temporary duty

with the Navy's U.S.S. Brooke.

The thing is, the Brooke was never fired on

and it never shot its guns.

Right now, and in photographs

you're wearing a medal you never won.

How does that usually go over with the boys?

He never served in uniform--

not once--

and he presumes--

Is there anything else, sir?

( door closes )

Excuse me...

I'm looking for Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline.

Woman: Steve? Mark?

Ainsley: Thanks.

Hi, I'm Ainsley Hayes.

Mark Brookline.

Steve Joyce.

Is there someplace a little more private we can speak?

What do you think, the Oval Office?

The Oval Office works.

Or the Cabinet Room.

Why don't we just step out into the hall.

Okay, we'll keep our voices down.

Okay.

Lionel Tribbey asked me

to take care of the false testimony

you gave to the Governmental Affairs Committee.

False testimony?

Regarding the Rockland memo.

Look at your watch, Steve.

17 seconds it took her to call us liars.

Fellas, that's not what I was saying...

I chose the wrong word and I apologize.

Mistaken testimony-- you're absolutely right.

Anyway, I spoke to the Associate Counsel

and I think we're going to be fine.

Two things I wanted to mention:

Mark-- I'm sorry, I have work to do.

Yeah.

No, this'll just take a second.

First of all, forgive me if I'm repeating somebody else

but I'd be remiss if I didn't make sure you understood

that Section 194 of the Federal Code

says Congress can turn your testimony over to a U.S. Attorney

and he'd most likely impanel a Grand Jury.

You don't want any part of that.

Thanks-- You know, we both went to high school.

Yeah... um...

The second thing is this:

Your attitude during your testimony is being taken

by some of the Republican committee members

as a sign of disrespect.

( laughing ): Oh, please.

No, hang on a second.

This is so easy to fix

we are going to pick up yardage.

Write a short note

have it delivered by messenger to the Majority Counsel

and copy the Chairman and the Speaker.

Your first act on the job

is asking us to apologize to the Republicans

on the Governmental Affairs Committee.

And the Speaker of the House, Steve.

Because they didn't like

our attitude?

Yeah, I know this doesn't look good.

But the fact is, it's the smart thing to do.

And if you don't do it at my suggestion

I know Lionel Tribbey is going to come down here

and you're going to have to do it at his.

I have work to do.

Yeah.

( door closes )

Agent: Good evening, Mr. President.

Guys, it's very important

that nobody tries to kill me in the next hour or so.

Yes, sir.

Where have you been?

I was on a conference call

with Cardinal Law and the Archbishop of Chicago.

You couldn't get off the phone?

Yeah, excuse me, Your Eminence

but the First Lady is a little randy

and she says I'm good to go.

I am a little randy, Jed. Good.

Take your clothes off.

Whatever happened to romance?

A couple of cocktails

Mel Torme...

Get 'em off.

Okay, I'll go into the bathroom

where I am going to change into a special little garment

I think you might enjoy.

Abbey, you have two minutes

or I swear to God

I'm going to get Mrs. Landingham drunk.

Loosen your tie. Loosen whatever you'd like.

What was that thing you were doing?

When?

Tonight, in Pennsylvania.

You know what it was.

It was a monument dedication. A statue.

Yeah.

A statue to who?

Nellie Bly.

You went all the way to Cochrane's whatever

to dedicate a monument to Nellie Bly?

Abbey, you can really pass that kind of thing along.

You don't have to accept every invitation

from every yahoo historical society

that knows someone in the social office.

If you want, I can have Charlie...

You haven't changed into the...

"special garment."

Cochrane's Mills is where I went.

Yeah.

You know what I did, just then, that was stupid?

I minimized the importance of the statue

that was dedicated to Nellie Bly

an extraordinary woman

to whom we all owe a great deal.

You don't know who she is, do you?

This isn't happening to me.

She pioneered investigative journalism.

Then she's the one I want to beat the crap out of.

She risked her life by having herself committed

to a mental institution for ten days

so she could write about it.

She changed entirely

the way we treat the mentally ill in this country.

Yes, Abigail--

In 1890, she traveled around the world

in 72 days, 6 hours, 11 minutes and 14 seconds

besting, by more than one week, Jules Verne's 80 days.

She sounds like an incredible woman, Abbey.

I'm particularly impressed that she beat a fictional record.

If she goes 21,000 leagues under the sea

I'll name a damn school after her-- Let's have sex.

When it comes to historical figures

being memorialized in this country

women have been

largely overlooked.

Nellie Bly is just the tip of the iceberg.

I couldn't possibly hear about

the rest of the iceberg

right now. Elizabeth Blackwell

was the first American woman

to be awarded an M.D.-- She founded

the Women's Medical College... Keep talking.

I'm just going to sit here

and think about plutonium and the things I can do with it.

Brown v. Invisible Empire, Knights of the Ku Klux Klan

the court found for the Southern Christian Leadership Conference

and the marchers attacked in Decatur. Sam...

Vietnamese Fisherman's Association

v. The Knights of the KKK.

A civil action enjoining the Klan

from operating the Texas paramilitary army.

They shut them down. Yeah...

Donald v. United Klans of America.

A suit on behalf of a black youth who was lynched.

The jury returned a $7 million verdict

and deeded the headquarters to the mother.

The court took the Bat Cave, Josh.

Sam, here's the thing: It's not just-- Hang on a second.

I'm kind of caught in a--

Hang on a second.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Did you talk to Steve Joyce and Mark Brookline?

Yes, I did.

See, I was told you'd just be working

in the Majority Counsel's Office

which I wasn't wild about

but it's my understanding that I'd be talking to them

seeing as how they work for me.

I was taking initiative.

Well, wasn't that spunky of you?

Sam, do you think there's any chance

that you could be rude to me tomorrow?

Tomorrow is Saturday; I will be here.

You can call me and be rude by phone

or you can stop by and do it in person

'cause I think if I have to endure

another disappointment today

from this place that I have worshipped

I am going to lose it.

So if you could wait until tomorrow

I would appreciate it.

( sighing ): Anyway...

the jury returned a $7 million...

I'll be back in just a second, okay?

Ainsley?

Look...

Can I talk to you for a minute?

All I was really trying to say...

Who did this?

Who did this?

I don't know.

Yes, you do.

Don't worry about it.

Who sent you this? Don't worry about it.

Ainsley?

Sam...

How did your meeting go with Brookline and Joyce?

It went great, Sam-- I talked to them

for a couple of minutes, and I think that--

Sam!

Did anybody order a pizza

and if they didn't, could they do it now?

You know what, guys?

When I write something, I sign my name.

Here, I'll show you.

Sam!

Do you have any idea

how big a harassment suit you just exposed us to?

She just...

She works here.

Which is more than I can say for either one of you.

You're fired. S. Seaborn.

Sam, I don't know who you think you are

but you can't fire us.

Oh...

yes, he can.

Leave here, and don't ever come back.

It's time for both of you to write your book now.

Lionel.

What are you looking at?

I'm... nothing.

I'm not... nothing.

Except it's from Pinafore.

It's from Penzance.

I hate to stick my head in the lion's mouth

but I got to ask you:

Were you the recording secretary

of the Princeton Gilbert and Sullivan Society for two years?

No, but then again, I'm not a woman, so...

I was just saying--

Little drinks I'm supposed to be having right now

umbrellas sticking out of them.

Shishkabob.

President: Belva Lockwood, for instance

the first woman to practice law.

She argued a case in front of the U.S. Supreme Court in 1879

decades before she'd have the right to vote.

Ellen Swallow Richards

the first woman to be a professional chemist.

Maria Mitchell, who discovered a comet in 1847

and was the first woman admitted

to the Academy of Arts and Sciences.

Oh, I could go on and on and on and on.

The fact remains that, of all of the monuments

built with public money

only 50 of them pay tribute

to the women who helped build this country

and open its doors to all our daughters who would follow.

In the coming months, I'll try to persuade Congress

to rectify that.

In the meantime, enjoy your weekend.

God bless you and God bless America.

We're out.

Do it live, that's what I always say.

Very nice, babe.

By the way, Sweet Knees, the Statue of Liberty.

Get upstairs.

Right there at the front door

to the country.

Get upstairs. Like a lawn jockey.

Mr. President?

C.J., the President's going to take

a little personal staff time... No, it's okay.

I'll be right behind you.

Special garment.

Go.

Mr. President.

Is this about Ed Barrie?

Yes, it is. I wanted to ask...

Go ahead and let him out of the box.

Say what you want about Barrie

and I can say plenty

but the man was the first one in and the last one out

of a war that I didn't want anything to do with.

The man's earned the right to say whatever he wants.

Let him out of the box, would you?

Yes, sir.

Anything else? No, sir.

I'm out of here.

Josh: It ties up the staff

indefinitely when there are...

I mean, there are other things they should be doing.

I'd appear to be using a high-profile position

for my personal agenda. I don't--

But mostly, I just think a lawsuit is too small.

I can't have it be like

I slipped in their driveway.

It's different than that to me.

I don't want to sue them.

Okay.

What about the insurance company?

Them I'll sue, no problem.

( phone rings )

Yeah.

We're on our way.

She's here, let's go.

Hello?

Hello?

Singers ( on tape ): * He is an Englishman! *

* He is an Englishman

* For He himself has said it

* And it's greatly to his credit *

* That he is an Englishman

* That he is an Englishman *

* So despite all the temptations *

( voices join in ): * To belong to other nations

* He remains an Englishman

* He remains an Englishman

* So despite all the temptations *

* To belong to other nations

* He remains an Englishman

* He remains an Englishman!