Original subtitles

Previously on The West Wing:

President: You go out with Zoey, you better get your picture taken.

There's going to be a lot of people not wild

about the sight of you and the President's daughter.

Charlie, you've been getting death threats.

Are they white supremacists?

I know what I'm looking for.

What happened?

It's a gunshot wound! No exit!

They didn't hit anything. They'll make sure.

President: The guy the Secret Service have in custody is named Carl Leroy.

Josh, a bullet collapsed your lung.

I'm putting in a tube to re-expand it.

They tried to kill the President because Zoey and I are together.

No.

Charlie, the President

wasn't the target.

Josh: It's called The Theory of Everything.

The Theory of Everything?

Yes.

Is it comprehensive?

C.J.!

That was a joke there, pal of mine.

I want you to lead with it.

Carol, I'm missing the OMB stats.

C.J., I want you to lead with it.

I'm not going to lead with it.

Yes, you are.

Okay. So you got it?

Sure.

You got what you're supposed to say?

The EPA committee won't be out till 3:00.

He's making me crazy.

You know, I heard that.

I understand how a speaker phone works.

Say it for me.

Joshua, I have to get to the briefing room.

Say it, please?

Psychics at Cal-Tech

and the Fermi National Accelerator Lab

are close to announcing...

Physicists! Theoretical physicists at Cal-Tech.

Not psychics?

No! I should jot that down.

Please.

If it was psychics, I'd lead with it.

C.J....

Talk to you later, mi amor.

I don't think you understand how important this is...

Let Josh rant a little before you hang up the phone.

Toby: C.J.? Yes, ma'am?

The Bureau of Labor Statistics is going

to report that the CPI jumped 0.7 percent.

Okay.

It's the biggest one-month increase

since the bureau began tracking prices in '52.

All right, let me say this:

The market basket used to calculate the CPI is antiquated.

Say "outdated."

And doesn't include regular household items like computers...

Yes, the prices are always dropping.

And it doesn't reflect

significant technical improvements like airbags in automobiles

which increase the price of the car very slightly

but provide a much greater value to the consumer.

You've got all that?

Let's find out.

Look, C.J.... Leopold.

Mention the HUD secretary's announcing changes

in the underwriting criteria for the Federal Housing Administration.

Well, the network's going to want to break in

with special coverage for that.

The adjustments are in FHA-related lending.

They're going to need time

to put together a logo and theme music.

You know, the Bureau of Labor Statistics...

...reported the CPI jump by 0.7 percent.

Thank you.

Sam: C.J.?

Oh, Holy Interruptus, Batman!

Grant Samuels died.

Really? Yes.

He's really dead this time? Yeah.

Because last time you told me he was dead, he wasn't.

He's dead this time.

Somebody poked him a little to see...

He died, C.J.!

Okay, then I shouldn't have made a joke.

I'm almost certain he's dead.

Sam! I was making a joke, too.

What, you work alone?

He's survived by his wife, Eileen, son Robert

his two daughters Priscilla and Patty, and eight grandchildren.

I won't learn their names.

That's fine.

Eileen, Robert, Priscilla, Patty, eight grandchildren.

I'm assuming it was complications due to... Yeah.

Do you know anything about theoretical physics?

Ahhh, the Grand Unified Theory.

Do you know anything about it?

No. Okay.

Folks, take your seats. The briefing will start now.

Good morning, everybody.

I have to start with a sad announcement.

Congressman Grant Samuels finally succumbed

to pneumonia last night.

His wife, Eileen, his son, Robert, his daughters

Priscilla and Patty and his eight grandchildren

are all in the President's thoughts today.

I also want to talk this morning

about the Bureau of Labor Statistics

and the Federal Housing Administration.

And as a special treat for our friend, Josh Lyman

who is recovering very nicely at GW

the President's science advisor is telling us

that psychics at Cal-Tech

and the Fermi National Accelerator Lab...

You know what?

I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be physicists.

Toby: 81 percent.

Sam: Can you believe it?

C.J.: And all we had to do was get shot at.

81%, Those numbers are soft.

Do you think? You don't?

A week ago, the job approval's at 51

we get shot at, it's at 81?

Yeah, I think the numbers are soft.

Still, 81%.

All: Good morning, Mr. President.

Good morning, everybody.

Anybody know what

the word "acalculia" means?

It's an inability to perform arithmetic functions.

I'm sorry, Mr. President.

You wanted to answer the question, didn't you?

Yeah, but I'll get over it.

That's very mature.

Shut up.

Not over it yet, are you?

No. Okay.

Did we really poll at 81%?

Those aren't internals. It's CNN/USA Today.

That's soft. No.

When asked, "Whose approach on important national problems do

"you think is generally best

President Bartlet or the Republican leaders of Congress?"

Bartlet gets 61%.

Well, 19% of the country

has clearly made up their minds about me.

20% just feel sorry for me.

This is what you want

if you're the leader of the free world.

Give us an overview.

We've got an honest-to-God shot

at taking back the House.

Taking back the House and possibly picking up

two seats net in the Senate.

Two Governorships and maybe six state houses.

Where should we be looking? Indiana, Sixth

California Fourth and 14th.

Michigan 12th. Michigan 12th, Texas 12th.

Florida four, five, and nine.

They're won't elect a Democrat in the Florida Ninth.

I'm sorry. Florida Eighth.

They won't elect a Democrat there, either

but let's put some time into it. What else?

I can hold or you can call me back.

An inability to perform arithmetic function.

Sure.

Apparently, there's a specialized circuit

in the brain for numbers. You know where it is?

I'm sorry?

It's in the left parietal lobe.

Thank you. Hey, Zoey.

Hey, Margaret. Where's Mrs. Landingham?

A funeral. The President's in the Roosevelt Room.

I wasn't here to see my father.

I was here to see him.

Do you know what acalculia means?

Yes, because I got it at breakfast.

Okay. Thank you.

Hey.

Hi.

Mrs. Landingham asked me to ask you

to call Technical Support and have them look at her computer.

You're supposed to ask for a man

named Andrew Mackintosh

he's the only one she trusts.

Mackintosh?

Like the apple. Sure.

Thank you.

I called you at home last night.

I didn't get home till late.

Where were you? I was here.

I called here, too.

I'm not lying to you, Zoey.

I don't think you're lying to me, Charlie.

I just think you were either at home

or here and you didn't return my call.

I was here. I didn't get the message.

I was home, I got the message.

I didn't return your call because it was late.

I don't mind being woken up.

Well, now I know that.

Now you know that? Excuse me.

We have been dating for nine months.

I've got to go in there.

Cumberland, Monroe, possibly Stanwyck.

Since you brought up Cumberland and Monroe

can I say a word about the shooting?

It's been a week and the honeymoon's about to be over.

She's right.

We want to be sure it doesn't look like we're

taking advantage of the situation.

Why not?

Why not what?

The entire country was the victim of domestic terrorism.

Why not use the soft numbers before they disappear

and go after the guns and go after the hate groups?

It doesn't look good.

It looks good to me.

Well, you work for the White House, Toby.

I think we were counting on your support either way.

Mr. President...

C.J., if you get questions about the midterms

say we haven't thought that far ahead

due to recent events.

And when they ask

about the linkage between the approval numbers

and the shooting, the President's deeply gratified

by the public support

but eager to focus on the issues.

Which will be?

I'll let you know.

Thank you very much, everyone.

All: Thank you, Mr. President.

Mr. President.

It's fine. Tell him around 3:00.

Yes, sir.

Was Zoey out there?

Yes, sir.

Is she still here?

I don't know, sir. Okay.

Yes, sir? Leo.

Did you know Elliot Roush is running

for the school board in Manchester?

I didn't, sir, but then I don't know

who Elliot Roush is, so...

Elliot Roush. Yes?

My Elliott Roush.

I'm sorry, sir, but I'm still...

I beat him in my first Congressional campaign.

I can't believe I didn't commit

that piece of arcane information to memory.

I want some polling numbers on that race.

I don't want you focusing your attention

on the school board race in New Hampshire.

Yeah, looking at two numbers on a piece of paper

really takes the life out me.

I know where this is going.

Get me the numbers.

And let me tell you something...

I'm ready to go out there.

No.

I don't need to wait another week.

Sir, let's play a game

of "Who Do You Think I'm Going to Agree With?"

14 doctors say you should wait another week

before assuming a campaign schedule.

Who do you think I'm going to agree with?

Get away from me.

Yes, sir.

Sam.

Is he here?

Want me to bring him back?

Uh, I'll go get him myself.

Tom.

Sam, hello.

I hope you weren't waiting too long.

No. I mean, I don't mind.

Sam, this is my wife, Sarah.

Hi.

It's nice to meet you. You got married.

Two years, with a baby on the way.

Is it his?

Uh, yeah!

Okay. Follow me.

Tom and I had a contracts professor at Duke

who couldn't stand me.

"Those may be your thoughts, Mr. Seaborn

but that's not the law."

If he knew how many times I wanted

to tell him to take the law and shove it up his...

Have you guys ever been in the White House?

No.

We were looking forward to a tour.

Ah. Well, that's my office over there

and the President works in that round room over there

and nobody else really matters.

Come on in.

This is the Mural Room.

Can you tell us anything about it?

It's called the Mural Room. Have a seat.

You know why I wanted to talk to you?

I really don't.

Because the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee asked me to.

Grant Samuels died a few days ago.

Yeah, we saw on the news.

He wasn't going to be running again

anyway 'cause he was pretty sick

and the man who was going to be running in his place...

Seymour Worthen.

Right, isn't going to.

Sy Worthen's not running?

Tom, you are a phenomenally attractive Democratic candidate

for that district.

There are 162 games in a Major League baseball season

and the players have a saying:

"Every team's going to win 54 games

"every team's going to lose 54.

It's what you do with the other 54 games that counts."

In your district, you got Democrats

you got Republicans, and the other 54 games are women.

Specifically, young mothers

among whom the number- one issue is crime.

You are a graduate of Oberlin and Duke Law School.

You passed up many lucrative opportunities

to work in the DA's office.

You're a prosecutor with an exceptional conviction record

and certainly nobody can hang "soft on crime" around your neck.

You are active in local politics.

You are personable. You are articulate and energetic.

You are married and you are having a baby.

I thought you didn't know that.

I'm sorry? When we were in the lobby

it seemed as if you didn't know that Tom was married

and that there was a baby on the way.

Now it sounded like you had that information.

Sarah, there's very little information

about your husband that I don't have

and tell your mom happy birthday for me.

Sam...

Tom, you will have the full weight

of the Democratic National Committee

the Congressional Campaign Committee

the minority leader, whom we hope to make the majority leader

and the President of the United States.

What do you say? Do you want to run for Congress?

Well, there's a lot to consider, Sam.

How much time do I have to think about it?

Five minutes. I'll be outside.

You're pissed at me?

I'm saying I could have used your support in there.

You get my support the same way I get yours

when I agree with what you're saying

or when I don't care about what you're saying.

This time I disagreed.

You don't think we should use this moment

to get aggressive about guns and hate groups?

I think we were victims of a violent crime

and it's unseemly to use this moment at all.

We didn't get the country drunk, C.J.

We're not taking advantage of anybody.

And even if we were, who cares?

Every Republican spending the next 12 weeks

trying to keep control of the House.

Toby, if you and the FBI want to go after hate groups

I'm not the one you have to convince.

Go bag the President. I will.

I've gotten a lot of calls about pieces people want to do

on how staffers are handling the shooting in the aftermath.

Psychologically?

Yeah.

I don't think it's a good idea, do you?

We're not the story.

That's what I'm saying.

Leave me alone.

I've got it.

I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.

Bonnie, Ginger, I've got it.

Excellent.

Way to go.

Sam.

Do you know what?

No.

Sam?

Sam?

Right here.

Oh, I thought you were in there.

I wasn't.

I got it.

Got what?

How to avoid the appearance

that we're randomly and generically

going after extremist groups

in violation of their civil liberties.

We can avoid that appearance by not doing it.

Yes, or with this:

The shooting was the action was the action

at least three card-carrying members

of West Virginia White Pride.

They have cards?

What?

They actually have membership cards?

No, Sam, it's an expression.

The key phrase is that "at least" at least three members

there might be more, we don't know.

So therefore the FBI has grounds to investigate?

Yes, to investigate and curtail the activities

of all extremist organizations.

Under the cover of investigating

this one particular crime?

How do we know young Nazis of Delaware

weren't co-conspirators?

It's not an uncommon way to get around the Bill of Rights.

I'm surprised it took you three weeks to come up with it.

Possibly because I had no help from anyone else

who works in this building.

Toby...

I'm taking it to Leo.

Knock yourself out.

Toby: Donna.

Yes?

Are you going to see Josh?

I'm taking him his lunch.

Can I come? No.

Listen. No.

Donna. You know the rules.

The rules are dumb.

The rules are not dumb.

Donna, seriously.

He's recovering from an attempted murder.

He's supposed to be resting

and I don't want people going over there

getting him fuhtushed.

Fartoost.

Don't bring the Yiddish

unless you know what you're doing.

You know what word should be Yiddish?

Spatula. Also "far-fetched."

I need to talk to him about...

...the hate crimes

and how to bring it to the President.

He's got the papers you wrote.

He's got the materials you sent him.

You talk to him on the phone 93 times a day.

I would like to go to his apartment and talk to him.

No.

Donna.

Maybe if you hadn't said the rules were dumb.

Yeah.

Hey, Leo.

Hey, kid.

I was looking for my father.

He's making campaign calls.

He's not in the office.

He's making them from the residence.

Why?

Your father has a very

strict interpretation

of something called the Pendleton Act

which prohibits campaign donations

to be solicited on government property.

It's a little impractical for the President

to step across the street to use a pay phone, isn't it?

Exactly.

Isn't the residence government property?

Yes.

Then why does he bother?

Because your father is a demented, demented man.

I'm going over there.

Leo, these last few weeks

do you feel like Charlie...

Nope.

C.J.: Sir.

46 percent.

Yes, sir.

The guy is polling at 46%.

I didn't think they had polling data

on people running for seats on the Board of Education.

They don't.

I had to have our guys do it.

Do you think you're becoming obsessed with this race?

He's polling at 46%. He's not a joke.

He's polling inside the margin.

In a race for the Board of Education

in a school district that has 43 kids.

It has 1,100 kids.

You don't take these people seriously

because they don't get anywhere nationally

but they don't have to.

All they have to do is bit by little bit

get themselves on the boards of education

and city councils

because that's where all the governing

that really matters to anybody happens.

We do a little governing, Mr. President.

I'm on hold with a guy whose name I got on an index card.

How much governing do you think is going on around here today?

And can you believe I'm on hold?

You're not, sir. You finished the call.

I did? Yes, sir.

How'd it go?

Very well.

Good morning, Mr. President.

Elliot Roush is now polling at 46%.

How do you know?

I had our... ...people check.

I have three daughters

who grew up in that school district.

Leave Elliot Roush alone. You beat him already.

And he has come back, like crabgrass

pulled from the lawn, not by the root

but by the other thing.

I stopped by to see how the calls are going.

They're going fine. Then I'll leave.

Can't tell you how much I'm going to miss you.

You wanted to talk to me?

Not if you're in this mood.

( sighs )

This is real.

And a man who makes the Spanish Inquisition

look like a Barbara Walters special

is now polling at 46% in your school district

for which I have personally

baked things to raise money.

You can go, too.

You baked things?

You can go.

Thank you, Mr. President.

What do you want?

Dad...

The calls are going well.

Good.

Listen, Leo, we're still getting asked

to participate in aftermath stories.

Psychological effects?

Yeah, I was wondering...

Don't do it.

No, I know that, but I was wondering...

You were wondering what?

( pager beeping )

This isn't going to be good.

You were wondering what?

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

Hey, it's C.J. Cregg.

Step 3: Public disclosure of membership and contributor rolls

for all organizations

on the Attorney General's list of hate groups.

This allows the American public

to know who these people are

and where their funding is coming from.

Yes, and to do it in blatant violation

of their Right to Free Association.

Laws like that were passed in the South

during the Civil Rights movement to root out members

of such terrorist organizations as the NAACP.

I knew you were going to say that.

The Supreme Court struck down those laws as unconstitutional.

That was an ultra-activist Warren Court

that struck down those laws.

I think they'd see it differently today.

Toby, you're an ultra-activist.

And I was shot at and so I'm acting

right now!

Sam.

He wants everyone to have to register affiliation

with the FBI.

Any problems with the First Amendment?

I'll get around them.

I need to talk to you.

What's up?

There's a problem with your friend.

Which friend?

Tom Jordan, the guy you've got running in...

What's the problem?

His prosecutorial record.

It's great.

Not during jury selection.

Preemptive challenges?

Your friend likes white juries for his black defendants.

He's a prosecutor, C.J..

Not anymore.

Now he's a politician and this needs a save

so get into it, would you?

Yeah.

President: Do we know how Tokyo opened?

Charlie: I thought it was up three-eighths against the yen

but let me check with somebody.

Is that it for me?

No sir, you've got

four or five phone calls still to make.

Wyman, Frank Gates and MacNamara?

Yes, sir.

Those are campaign calls.

Mr. President

why don't you stay in your office

and make the damn...

Because I choose not to, Charlie.

Because however an empty gesture it may seem

I would like to take some Executive notice of the notion

that it's probably not a good idea

for the most powerful and influential person in the world

to be calling up the people whose laws he signs

and asking them for money!

I'm going to do it

but not behind this desk, not in this room.

What else?

I was asked to tell you that an event was added

for Tuesday the 7th--

a reception for talk radio, hosts.

I guess they're called, talk radio.

It's three weeks away.

You don't need to commit right now.

Yeah.

I'm going to make these calls from the residence.

Tell C.J. I want to see her in an hour.

Yes, sir.

Hello.

Are you a Cabinet Secretary?

Can you tell me your name?

Jeffrey.

Jeffrey what?

Jeffrey Mackintosh.

Like the apple?

Yeah.

You're here with your dad?

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Jeffrey when I tell you to sit and stay put

you know what I need you to do?

That. I need you to do that

not some variation on that, but that.

Sorry.

Sorry. Okay, see, now I've got to make you

rewire the house.

I'm Andrew Mackintosh. I'm from Technical Support.

I'm installing some new software...

Yeah, I thought that was a few weeks ago.

It was, but there were some bugs.

I hope nobody minds.

They said it was okay for me to bring my son.

My wife works some nights.

Sure.

Let's go, big man.

Take it easy, Jeffrey.

Take it easy.

Hey, man.

Hey.

Leo?

Oh, Sam, come in, close the door.

What's going on?

Josh is on the speaker.

Josh: Hey, Sam.

What's going on?

A guy who went to college

with Tom Jordan says he belonged

to an all white fraternity.

The local papers are going to carry it tomorrow.

I checked that out weeks ago.

It wasn't an exclusive fraternity.

They just didn't have any black pledges.

Still.

It's not uncommon on a college campus

to have black fraternities and white fraternities.

Yeah, but you put this together with the preemptive challenges

in voir dire and serious leaders

in the African-American community have a problem.

I'll talk to them. Nah.

Leo... No, it's over, Sam.

I'm going to... No.

...cancel the President's stop and shut down the money.

You can't cut and run.

Josh: We don't have a choice, Sam.

Of course we have a choice.

We've got a chance at the House.

We've got three weeks left.

Put the President and money

where they can win.

Tom Jordan is running against a man who...

You don't have to tell me.

We're handing it to him.

Which will matter less

if we get back to the House.

Jordan is down by seven

and he's not going to come back from this.

Not only that, but we stand by him

this is a national thing.

It could drag down black turnout

in districts where we're competitive.

I told him...

Yeah.

I told him we would stand by him.

I told him he would have our full support.

I was the one who asked him to run.

I know.

We walk away and that's it-- he's a racist.

The White House just said so.

We can't afford all the things we want, Sam.

It's over.

Hey, Leo, you know, there's something called

the Superstring Theory

which at its most basic level says that the universe

consists of these tiny loops of string

that vibrate at different frequencies.

How did that bullet not kill you?

Just lucky, I guess.

Yeah.

Toby?

Yeah.

Any chance I could see an advance copy

of the President's remarks

for Asia-Pacific?

Um, what?

Asia-Pacific?

I have a draft here.

I'm going to rewrite it.

I thought I was going to have it by the end of the day.

The day's not over yet.

You know, Toby

these pieces everyone wants to do

on the psychological aftermath of the shooting

for the staff, they've had me thinking.

Do you think there might be a psychological aftermath

and we're not paying attention to it?

C.J., I really don't have time to have this conversation.

I'm saying I think you should have

this conversation with somebody.

My problem is psychological?

You're Director of Communications

and you've been ignoring operational responsibilities.

That's crap.

So you can behave like the director of the FBI.

I'm waiting for the Director of the FBI to behave that way.

Toby.

I'm waiting for the Justice Department.

I'm waiting for Congress to behave that way.

I'm waiting for the White House to behave that way!

You want to lock up everybody with a white sheet?

Yes I do, yes I do. Who has a problem with that?

Bring them to me right now. Yes, I do!

( knocking )

He's ready for me?

In the residence.

Thank you.

I'll be here for awhile

so whenever you can get me Asia-Pacific...

Give me an hour.

( knocking )

Come in.

Good evening, Mr. President.

Hi, C.J..

Charlie said you wanted to see me.

Yeah.

Why has there been no press mention

of the fact that Elliot Roush

was an opponent of mine in New Hampshire?

Elliot Roush is the man...?

He's running for a seat

on the School Board up in...

Yes sir, I'm sure it's gotten local coverage.

I can have the News Office run...

Why isn't it

more than local?

It's a school board seat.

It's a human interest story.

Not a very interesting one.

I'm saying, if anyone in the press room

wanted to do this story

that I would comment on the record.

Sir...

the President can't publicly take sides

in a local school board election.

Why can't he?

Because it's not done

and it's not fair.

It's personal and it's irresponsible.

It will galvanize Republicans

and Democrats in Congress will think you've abandoned them

that you don't care about winning back the House.

I don't care about winning back the House.

Mr. President...

I don't care about

winning back the House!

Well, I don't believe that's true.

So let's just keep that between you and me.

C.J., I've known men of faith in my life.

Towering men.

Men of wisdom and compassion.

Men of all faiths, of healing and peace.

Pro-choice, pro-life

Republican, Democrat, men and women of God.

Elliot Roush...

...is polling at 53%.

He's polling at 53%.

He's the front-runner.

Then that's the way it is.

In a democracy, oftentimes other people win.

Yeah.

It was just a thought.

But I mean, obviously, you're right.

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Ginger?

They're still too close to call.

All twelve?

Yes.

Hey, get me somebody in the Midwest, would you?

I want to see everybody on telephones.

Okay, good, just like that.

God, Tom, Sarah...

I'm sorry, I forgot I was...

I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm glad you could make it.

Sarah: It was no problem coming, Sam.

It turns out there was really no reason for us

to stay in our district on Election Day.

Yeah, you've seen the exits.

You're going to lose, Tom.

No kidding?

Probably 58-42.

Yeah.

Forty-two percent's a very respectable number.

The district's 49% Democrat, Sam.

Well, we'll get them next time.

Shut up.

Sarah...

There's not going to be a next time, so shut up!

Not even a word from the White House.

Not even a word.

That's how we do it.

Sam...

Any time we have the opportunity

in the future to screw you...

count on getting screwed.

Good luck with the baby.

Man: No, no, that was K-TALK out of Minneapolis.

You're thinking of SLAM-100

serving the Great Lakes region--

"The number one station with the number one sound."

But then it was classic rock

or at least what our program director

thought was classic rock, Fleetwood Mac and whatnot.

Then they switched over to news and information

back in '82?

'82, '83.

Yeah, we started with drive time

then went to the four-hour format.

Say, is Howard showing up today?

Stern...

I heard he was going to show up

if Imus was coming, and Imus wasn't showing up if Howard was coming.

By the way, I was "Dave in the Morning"

before he was "Imus in the morning"

but that's water under the bridge.

Isn't Don Imus in his seventies?

I believe so, yes.

( laughs )

How were you "Dave in the Morning"

before he was "Imus in the Morning"?

It's very painful.

I don't like to talk about it...

Okay...

Fellas, I'm sorry, but it's Election Day

and I need to check in with the exit polls...

Sure.

...and whatnot.

Good meeting you both.

Good talking to you, C.J.

Who's that?

Jenna Jacobs.

That's Jenna Jacobs?

Carol: Yeah, she changed her hair.

What's the latest?

Twelve races too close to call

Thompson, Marinovich...

I'm going to go check in.

Good evening, Mr. President.

Toby, I'm drinking the most fantastic thing

I've ever tasted in my life--

chocolate syrup, cold milk, and seltzer.

I know it sounds terrible, but trust me

I don't know where this has been all my life.

It's called an egg cream

Mr. President.

We invented it in Brooklyn.

In Brooklyn.

Yes, sir.

Not New England?

There are some good things in this world

not from New England, sir.

Toby, don't ever let me hear you say that again.

Yes, sir.

What's on your mind?

Mr. President, I was thinking...

I was thinking it might...

You want to take a leave of absence?

I was thinking I might need some time off, yes, sir.

That's no problem, Toby.

Okay.

It's not a problem at all.

Thank you, sir.

Fifteen minutes.

It's time to get up off the mat, Toby.

Sir, what's so wrong with having the Attorney General

designate potentially dangerous organizations...

Toby.

...that promote violent acts?

I-I understand it's problematic

that there'd be no judicial review or legislative oversight

or even, for that matter...

legal finding of fact, but...

( sighs )

Okay, fine, fine.

( sighs )

Why does it feel like this?

I've seen shootings before.

It wasn't a shooting, Toby.

It was a lynching.

They tried to lynch Charlie right in front of our eyes

can you believe that?

What's this?

Keyhole satellite photographs.

It's the Headquarters for West Virginia White Pride.

Headquarters...

It's a diner outside Blacksburg.

Every night for the last 12 weeks

I've picked up the phone

and called the Attorney General

fully prepared to say two words: Take 'em.

And then I hang up the phone because I know

it'll be better tomorrow, and better the day after that.

We saw a lynching, Toby, that's why it feels like this.

I'm not sure I'm going

to come out of the other side of this thing.

I'm not sure I can, either.

But until we are sure

I think we should keep coming to work every day.

How's it going with your school board guy?

Yeah, he's going to win.

When you ran against him, how did you beat him?

I don't remember.

I've been thinking about it for weeks

but I honestly don't remember.

( knocking on door )

Excuse me, Mr. President, good evening.

Hey, Sam.

I wasn't sure whether you'd be stopping by

the talk radio reception.

I scratched out a few remarks for you.

Let me look at them while we walk.

Toby, go with us to this radio thing.

Oh, God, really sir?

There'll be crab puffs.

New England crab puffs, by the way

made in New England.

Actually, it's Alaskan crab, sir.

There's Alaskan crab in this White House?

He would've known the difference?

Have you tried them?

I... yes, reluctantly.

I think it was clear in the way I ate the crab puffs

that it was a gesture of protest.

Were they good?

Extraordinarily good, they're going very fast.

Let's get there.

I call myself Gary with a "G."

How else would you spell Gary?

No other way, I'm saying

that's what I call myself:

"Gary with a "G," talking to you on K.A.D.R. A.M."

Like Liza with a "Z."

Exactly.

Hokey?

Maybe so, but I have

900,000 listeners in the Rocky Mountain region.

Would you excuse me? Mmm.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen

the President of the United States.

( applause )

Thank you very much.

Thanks a lot.

I wish I could spend more than a few minutes with you

but the polls don't close in the east for another hour

and there are plenty of election results still left to falsify.

( laughter )

You know, with so many people participating

in the political and social debate through call-in shows

it's a good idea to be reminded every once in a while...

( clears throat )

It's a good idea to be reminded of the awesome impact...

of the awesome impact...

I'm sorry, you're Dr. Jenna Jacobs, right?

Yes, sir.

It's good to have you here.

Thank you.

The awesome impact of the airwaves

and how that translates

into the furthering of our national discussions...

but obviously, also, how it can...

( clears throat )

how it can...

Forgive me, Dr. Jacobs, are you an M.D.?

A Ph.D.

A Ph.D.? Yes, sir.

In psychology?

No, sir.

Theology?

No.

Social work?

I have a Ph.D. in English literature.

I'm asking 'cause on your show

people call in for advice

and you go by the name

Dr. Jacobs, on your show

and I didn't know

if maybe your listeners were confused by that and

assumed you had advanced training in psychology

theology, or healthcare.

I don't believe they are confused, no, sir.

Good.

I like your show.

I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.

Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality

is an abomination, Mr. President.

The Bible does.

Yes it does, Leviticus.

18:22.

Chapter and verse.

I wanted to ask you

a couple of questions while I had you here.

I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery

as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.

She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian

always cleared the table when it was her turn.

What would a good price for her be?

While thinking about that, can I ask another?

My Chief of Staff, Leo McGarry

insists on working on the Sabbath.

Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death.

Am I morally obligated to kill him myself

or is it okay to call the police?

Here's one that's really important

'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town.

Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean.

Leviticus 11:7.

If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins

still play football, can Notre Dame, can West Point?

Does the whole town really have to be together

to stone my brother, John

for planting different crops, side by side?

Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering

for wearing garments made from two different threads?

Think about those questions, would you?

One last thing.

While you may be mistaking this

for your monthly meeting of the ignorant tight-ass club

in this building, when the President stands

nobody sits.

( camera shutter clicks )

( camera shutter clicks )

Toby.

Yes, Mr. President.

That's how I beat him.

I'm just...

...I'm just going to take that crab puff.

( camera shutter clicks )

Jeffrey: Do you want one of my animal crackers?

I have... elephants

and I have lions.

( thunder rolling )

Andrew: You bugging the man?

No, we're okay.

Software problem again?

I think I got it.

Just want to run a few programs

and, then, I'll be out of here.

Pretty busy day around here, huh?

Yeah.

My name's Charlie Young, by the way.

Don't think I know who you are--

man who almost got the President killed?

Yeah.

That's going to look good on my resume.

( chuckles )

I'll just be a minute.

( thunder rolling )

( keyboard clacking )

My mother used to work nights, too.

Andrew: I'm sorry?

My mother used to work nights, too.

Oh. Was she a nurse?

A police officer.

Is she gone?

She was shot and killed in the line

a year ago June.

Ironically, she wasn't supposed to be on the shift.

She switched shifts that day 'cause I asked her to.

Hey, Charlie, um...

you know what I think she'd say if she was here right now?

What?

Same thing my father would say.

"If they're shooting at you

you know you're doing something right."

Yeah.

Yeah.

( thunder rolling )

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Aren't you Zoey Bartlet?

It's too much to happen to someone your age--

your father and your mother... and this.

I don't know, I...

Charlie, I mean...

What do you do?

I was going to go vote.

I could come.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi, Leo.

Uh, Charlie, I'm looking for the President.

Is anything wrong?

No, no. I, um...

I think he may have done a couple of numbers

at the talk-radio reception.

Okay. Zoey and I are going out.

I'll be on my pager.

You're going out?

Yeah. Charlie, you're taking extra protection, right?

Hey, Leo, I...

Secret Service protection, Charlie

but thanks for loading me up with that image.

Yeah, we'll have extra protection.

Okay.

Something about a dead pig's skin.

I need to find him.

Okay.

Everybody should have to stay inside for three months

so that they truly appreciate the outdoors.

I appreciate the outdoors now.

I'm an outdoorsman.

Josh? Yeah?

I said I'd let you outside

if you stopped talking about being an outdoorsman

and if you stopped talking

about theoretical... physics.

Aha! You thought I'd forget about it, didn't you?

Banner headline five days ago--

"Model for the Unified Theory Solved."

Banner headline in the New York Times.

You said it wasn't going to be news.

Hey, you're wearing my pajamas.

Yes, I am. Take your coat off.

Let me see.

Those are too big.

Yes, they are.

All this time I've been working with you

did you also think I was playing

power forward for the Cleveland Cavaliers?

I think they look good on you.

I think you're both freaks.

( beeps )

What do you have?

You're not going to believe it.

How'd they go?

12 races--

in none of them did the incumbent win.

In none of them did the party

that previously held the seat win.

You know how it went?

Seven/five.

You're kidding.

Seven Republicans, five Democrats?

Yeah.

The House stayed the same?

After... four months and $400 million

everything stayed the same?

Yep.

Tell me democracy doesn't have a sense of humor.

( chuckles dryly )

We sit here, we drink this beer out here on this stoop

in violation of about... 47 city ordinances...

I don't know, Toby, it's election night.

What do you say about a government

that goes out of its way

to protect even citizens that try to destroy it?

God bless America.

God bless America.

God bless America. Donna: God bless America.

God bless America.