Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON THE WEST WING.

C.J....

THEY'RE PISSED AT ME, THAT'S HOW PISSED THEY ARE AT YOU.

THEY WANT TO KNOW HOW THE HELL I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE MEMO.

THESE AMATEUR MISTAKES MAKE ME CRAZY.

I JUST CALLED AMATEUR TWICE IN TEN SECONDS.

THE WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF

CAN DO IT TO ME WHEREVER HE WANTS.

YOU DON'T DO IT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

JOSH, GET LEO TWO CANDIDATES

WHO BACK AGGRESSIVE CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM.

TO FIGHT TO RESTORE AMERICAN DEMOCRACY

BEGINS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW IN THIS ROOM.

ANYTIME YOU'RE INTO SOMETHING, YOU DON'T KEEP IT FROM ME.

I'M FRIENDLY WITH A WOMAN.

YOU CAN'T SPEND TIME WITH A CALL GIRL, SAM.

YOU'RE GOING TO GET CAUGHT.

Donna: THEY GOT TO START THE POLL, JOSH-- IT'S 7:05.

Josh: IT'S TEN TO 7:00.

NO, IT'S REALLY NOT.

Josh: IT'S 7:05?

YEAH.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

I'M NOT MAKING IT UP.

MY WATCH SAYS TEN TO 7:00.

THAT'S 'CAUSE YOUR WATCH SUCKS.

MY WATCH IS FINE.

YOUR WATCH SAYS TEN TO 7:00.

HOW DO I KNOW IT ISN'T TEN TO 7:00?

BECAUSE THOSE LARGE CLOCKS IN THE HALL RUN BY THE NAVY

SAY YOUR WATCH SUCKS IN FOUR DIFFERENT TIME ZONES.

QUESTION SIX IS ASYMMETRICAL.

QUESTION SIX IS FINE.

WOULD YOU SAY, "THINGS IN THIS COUNTRY ARE GOING

IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, OR DO YOU THINK THEY'VE GOTTEN OFF ON THE WRONG TRACK?"

HE'S GOT A GOOD POINT.

NO, HE DOESN'T.

DO YOU KNOW IT'S FIVE AFTER 7:00?

IT SHOULD BE RIGHT DIRECTION OR WRONG DIRECTION.

"DIRECTION" AND "TRACK" ARE DIFFERENT WORDS.

THANK YOU, FUNK & WAGNALLS.

WHAT DID SHE CALL ME?

THEY MAKE THE DICTIONARY.

I KNOW WHO FUNK & WAGNALLS ARE.

THEN WHY DID YOU ASK HER?

GUYS, IT'S FIVE AFTER 7:00.

THE QUESTION IS ASYMMETRICAL.

THAT MAY BE SO, BUT THE QUESTION ORIGINATED TWO DECADES AGO

AND HAS PROVEN TO BE A CONSISTENT PREDICTOR

OF THE VOTERS' POTENTIAL BEHAVIOR, SO IT STAYS THE WAY IT IS.

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH 14.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

"WHEN MAKING POLICY DECISIONS

"DO YOU THINK THAT PRESIDENT BARTLET

PUTS THE NEEDS OF AVERAGE PEOPLE FIRST?"

"AVERAGE PEOPLE" IS A PEJORATIVE PHRASE.

IT OCCURS ABOUT SIX TIMES IN THE POLLING MODEL.

THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU

BUT 80% OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY

WOULD USE THE WORD "AVERAGE"

TO DESCRIBE THEMSELVES.

THEY DO NOT FIND THE TERM DEPRECATING.

BEING CONSIDERED AN "AVERAGE AMERICAN"

IS SOMETHING THEY FIND TO BE POSITIVE AND COMFORTING.

Leo: C.J.?

YES.

"JED BARTLET CARES ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME."

LEO, WE WENT OVER THIS.

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT QUESTION SIX.

WE REALLY DON'T.

SINCE WHEN ARE YOU AN EXPERT ON LANGUAGE?

IN POLLING MODELS?

OKAY. 1993.

SINCE WHEN ARE YOU A PAIN IN THE ASS?

SINCE LONG BEFORE THAT.

"JED BARTLET CARES

ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME. AGREE OR DISAGREE?"

AGAIN, WE WENT OVER THAT.

CAN'T "PEOPLE LIKE ME"

BE TAKEN TO MEAN PEOPLE LIKE THE INTERVIEWER?

WHEN WE ASK THAT QUESTION, WE SAY

"PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF."

OR "PEOPLE LIKE YOU."

I'VE SEEN IT BOTH WAYS.

"YOURSELF" IS A LITTLE SOFTER.

Ed: AND SOFTER IS BAD?

SOFTER IS BETTER. THE POINT IS...

THE RESPONDENT ISN'T CONFUSED AND SEPARATING

THE RESPONDENT FROM THE

INTERVIEWER WITH "PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF"

IS PEJORATIVE

SO, ED, LARRY, YOU CAN TAKE THIS UP WITH JOSH.

LEO, EASTERN STANDARD TIME IS SITTING DOWN TO DINNER.

THE POLL IS FINE.

IT'S AN IMPORTANT POLL, C.J.

I'M AWARE OF ITS IMPORTANCE.

AND IF WE DON'T START

THE PHONE BANKS, I MIGHT NOT HAVE

TIME TO LEAK THE INTERNALS TO MEDIA OUTLETS

BEFORE WE HIT THE WEEKENDS

SO, IT TURNS OUT

THAT OVER THE LAST THREE WEEKS

WE'VE MANAGED TO CLIMB OUT OF THE HOLE

ONLY WE CAN'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT IT TILL MONDAY

BECAUSE WE STOOD HERE ALL NIGHT ARGUING ABOUT ASYMMETRY.

( sighs )

IT'S TIME.

ANYBODY WANT TO MAKE A PREDICTION?

WE'LL HOLD AT 42% JOB APPROVAL.

WE'LL HOLD STEADY.

I'LL BE HAPPY IF WE HOLD STEADY.

WE'LL DROP A FEW POINTS

BUT IT WILL BE INSIDE THE PLUS OR MINUS.

C.J.?

WE'RE GOING TO GO UP FIVE POINTS.

PRESIDENT THINKS WE'RE GOING TO HOLD STEADY.

THE PRESIDENT IS WRONG.

YOU THINK?

YES.

LET'S FIND OUT.

TOBY, TELL SAM TO START THE BANKS.

( phone rings )

SAM SEABORN.

OKAY.

LET'S GET OUR REPORT CARD.

OKAY, HERE WE GO...

HEY, SAM. HEY, GINGER.

HOW'S IT GOING IN THERE?

I POPPED MANDY WITH MY TRANQUILIZER GUN.

SHE'S DOING FINE.

BONNIE WANTED TO KNOW WHY IT TAKES 48 HOURS.

WE NEED 1,500 RESPONSES.

IT TAKES 30 PEOPLE 48 HOURS

TO MAKE 1,500 CALLS?

IT TAKES THEM ABOUT 12 HOURS TO MAKE 1,500 CALLS.

WE NEED 1,500 RESPONSES

WHICH MEANS WE NEED TO MAKE 6,000 CALLS.

SAM? YEAH?

ONLY ONE IN FOUR PEOPLE DON'T HANG UP?

THAT'S IF YOU'RE LUCKY.

THE G.W. LAW SCHOOL GRADUATION IS TOMORROW.

YEAH.

WERE YOU GOING TO GO SEE YOUR FRIEND?

LAURIE?

YEAH.

I WISH YOU'D CALL HER LAURIE.

WERE YOU GOING TO GO SEE HER GRADUATE LAW SCHOOL TOMORROW?

YEAH.

YOU CAN'T.

OKAY.

I REALLY DO BELIEVE STEVE ONORATO KNOWS AND HE'S...

YEAH.

HE'LL TRY AND USE IT TO EMBARRASS US.

OKAY.

THEY KNOW WHO THIS GIRL IS.

THEY KNOW SHE'S GRADUATING LAW SCHOOL TOMORROW.

THEY KNOW IT'S SOMEPLACE YOU'RE LIKELY TO BE.

MAYBE THEY WANT TO SNAP A PICTURE...

LAURIE. WHAT?

YOU CALLED HER "THIS GIRL."

SAM, YOU CAN'T.

I SAID OKAY, TOBY.

DO YOU SEE ME ARGUING WITH YOU?

NO.

ANYTHING ELSE?

NOPE.

( sighs )

BIGGEST DAY OF HER LIFE.

HUGE DAY.

I MEAN, SHE PUT HERSELF

THROUGH LAW SCHOOL, AND I KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE

IN SOUTH CAROLINA THAT DON'T LIKE HOW SHE DID IT...

NOT JUST SOUTH CAROLINA, SAM.

THEN BOTH CAROLINAS, TOBY

THOUGH I'VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT BUSINESS IT IS...

YOU CAN'T GO, SAM.

I'M NOT GOING.

THANK YOU.

LEO.

IS HE HERE? YEAH.

WAIT IN HERE FOR A MINUTE

THEN GO BACK OUT AND SEND HIM IN.

OKAY. WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO WAIT IN HERE?

BECAUSE I DO.

OKAY.

IT FEELS WEIRD NOT DOING ANYTHING.

YEAH...

IT FEELS WEIRD, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THE INSTINCT...

OKAY, GO OUT AND SEND HIM IN.

OKAY.

BARRY.

YES.

LEO McGARRY.

BARRY HASKEL.

GOOD TO MEET YOU.

IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME IN THE WHITE HOUSE?

IT'S MY FIRST TIME IN THE WEST WING.

YOU'VE BEEN ON THE FEDERAL ELECTION COMMISSION FOR NINE YEARS

AND NO ONE'S EVER INVITED YOU TO THE WHITE HOUSE?

NOT TO THE WEST WING.

THERE HAVE BEEN...

I GO TO THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY AT O.E.O.B.

AND LAST CHRISTMAS THE VICE PRESIDENT

STOPPED IN FOR A MOMENT AND IT WAS VERY NICE.

BARRY.

MM-HMM.

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM

AND, SPECIFICALLY, SOFT MONEY CONTRIBUTIONS.

RIGHT. I HAD A HUNCH.

COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE A GLASS OF FRUIT JUICE?

ARE YOU THIRSTY?

I'LL BE PERFECTLY HONEST, MR. McGARRY.

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN CALLED

TO THE OFFICE OF THE WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF.

YOU'RE A LITTLE NERVOUS?

YOU KNOW YOU WALK PAST A DRESS MARINE

WHEN YOU COME IN HERE?

RODNEY.

I DIDN'T CATCH HIS NAME, BUT...

OH, RODNEY'S GREAT.

RODNEY!

YES, MR. McGARRY.

COULD YOU DO THAT THING YOU WERE DOING BEFORE?

THANKS, RODNEY.

ANY TIME, SIR.

IT'S AMAZING, AND THAT RIFLE'S REALLY LOADED, TOO.

MR. McGARRY...

CALL ME LEO.

LEO...

THERE'S NO NEED TO BE NERVOUS, BARRY.

WE KNOW YOU'RE ONE OF US.

I'M SORRY?

I SAY

WE KNOW YOU'RE ONE OF US.

SIX COMMISSIONERS ON THE F.E.C.

TWO JUST RESIGNED, LEAVING FOUR, INCLUDING YOU.

THE BELIEF HAS ALWAYS BEEN THAT NONE OF THE FOUR OF YOU

FAVOR A BAN ON SOFT MONEY CONTRIBUTIONS

BUT THE TRUTH IS, YOU DO.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YES, IT IS.

AND THE WAY THAT I KNOW THAT IT IS

IS 'CAUSE YOU SAID SO.

YOU SAID SO TO THE NEWARK STAR-LEDGER

ON MARCH 13th, 1995--

"MONEY ISN'T SPEECH."

AND YOU SAID SO TWO YEARS BEFORE THAT

TO THE DETROIT FREE PRESS.

"WE MUST REVERSE THE 1978 REGULATORY DECISION

ALLOWING SOFT MONEY."

THOSE QUOTES WERE ANONYMOUS.

NOT ANYMORE.

I GAVE THOSE QUOTES

ON THE CONDITION OF ANONYMITY.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

I WENT TO DRUG REHAB ON THE CONDITION OF ANONYMITY.

MAYBE YOU READ ABOUT IT IN THE PAPERS.

BARRY, BARRY!

YOU WANT TO BAN SOFT MONEY, YOU'RE ONE OF US.

YOU'VE BEEN OUTED.

IT NEVER MADE MUCH.

BEING OUTNUMBERED FIVE TO ONE ON THE F.E.C.

IT NEVER MADE MUCH SENSE TO ME TO SWIM AGAINST THE GRAIN.

I WOULD HAVE BEEN... I UNDERSTAND.

I WOULD HAVE BEEN IRRELEVANT...

PLUS, YOU'D HAVE HAD A HARD TIME GETTING RE-UPPED

BY THE SENATE WHEN YOUR TERM EXPIRED.

EXACTLY. ON THE OTHER HAND

IF WE HADN'T GONE OUT AND FOUND YOU

YOU PROBABLY NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN INVITED TO THE WHITE HOUSE.

SEE, NOW... WHEN I GOT THE CALL FROM YOUR OFFICE

MY WIFE AND HER FRIENDS SAID

THIS IS WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

WHAT'S THAT?

THAT YOU WERE GOING TO USE

THE TRAPPINGS OF THE WHITE HOUSE.

THAT THERE WAS GOING TO BE A SORT OF, UM... INTIMIDATION.

NO ONE'S INTIMIDATING YOU, BARRY.

YOU'RE WITH US.

YOU WERE WANDERING FOR YEARS IN THE DARKNESS

BUT WE CAME AND FOUND YOU.

AND WELCOME BACK TO THE PACK.

COERCION, THEN?

AND I NOTICED THAT I'M SITTING HERE

IN THE CHIEF OF STAFF'S OFFICE

WITH ALL THE TRAPPINGS OF THE WHITE HOUSE

AND MY WIFE AND HER FRIENDS SAY

ITS NOT UNCOMMON FOR PEOPLE TO GET LIGHTHEADED AND STARSTRUCK.

AND I'VE HEARD THE SAME THING FROM OTHER PEOPLE, TOO.

NONSENSE.

LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND THE PLACE.

IF I COULD JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER.

NO PROBLEM. WE KEEP IT IN HERE.

( men laughing and talking )

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M SO SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

NOT AT ALL. WE'RE JUST HAVING A NIGHTCAP.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET BARRY HASKEL FROM THE F.E.C.

OH, MAY I PRESENT TREASURY SECRETARY KENNETH...

HOW ARE YOU?

MR. ATTORNEY GENERAL.

DAN LARSON.

OF COURSE, CIA DIRECTOR, ROB KONRAD.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

BARRY, I'M JED BARTLET.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT HELPING US OUT.

THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY.

IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET YOU, SIR.

BARRY'S A LITTLE THIRSTY.

WELL, LET'S GET HIM A DRINK.

THEY'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU.

COME ON, BARRY.

SIT DOWN AND HAVE A DRINK WITH US.

LEO...

JUST PUT HIM IN THE BOAT.

THIS COULD ALL BE FOR NOTHING.

YEAH.

I MEAN, IF THE NUMBERS...

YEAH.

DID WE START?

WE PUT THE POLL IN THE FIELD THREE HOURS AGO.

ALL RIGHT.

DID THE GUYS MAKE ANY PREDICTIONS?

NO, I DIDN'T ASK.

YES, YOU DID.

THEY THINK WE'RE GOING TO HOLD AT 42.

TOBY THINKS WE DROPPED A FEW POINTS

BUT INSIDE THE MARGIN.

IT COULD BE WORSE. YEAH.

I MEAN, IT COULD BE WORSE THAN HOLDING AT 42.

'CAUSE IF THESE NUMBERS KEEP GOING DOWN

I'M JUST A GUY WITH BARRY HASKEL IN HIS OFFICE.

I'LL STOP BACK IN TEN MINUTES.

A DRESS MARINE GUARDING YOUR DOOR?

TO SHOWY?

MY THING IS WHAT'S HE SUPPOSED

TO BE GUARDING RIGHT NOW?

I'LL BE RIGHT IN HERE.

THANKS.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

Woman: YOU ARE GRADUATING TOMORROW.

SHH.

YOU'RE GRADUATING TOMORROW.

JANEANE...

AND YET YOU ARE IN A LIBRARY STUDYING.

THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED THE BAR EXAM.

OH, ARE YOU TAKING IT TONIGHT?

NO.

WELL...

THEN LET'S GO OUT.

JUST GIVE ME TEN MORE MINUTES.

( phone rings )

OH, GOD, IS THAT ME?

THAT'S ME.

SEE THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING A WAITRESS?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE BAR EXAM?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE A WAITRESS FOREVER.

ANSWER YOUR PHONE.

HELLO.

Sam: Are you in the library?

IT'S YOU.

Are you in the library

ON THE NIGHT BEFORE?

Three years of law school-- I do not understand real estate.

NOBODY DOES. LISTEN...

YOU CAN'T COME TOMORROW.

No.

I UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S REASON TO BELIEVE

A STAFFER IN THE MAJORITY LEADER'S OFFICE KNOWS ABOUT YOU.

HE KNOWS THAT I KNOW YOU

AND HE'S PROBABLY KNOWN THE INFORMATION FOR SOME TIME

BUT HAS BEEN WAITING FOR THE MOMENT

when that information will cause the most trouble.

AND THAT MOMENT'S NOW?

Yeah.

THAT'S OKAY.

NO, IT'S NOT OKAY, BUT...

Baby, don't guilt yourself over this.

I KNOW YOU'LL BE THINKING ABOUT ME.

I will.

YOU GO KNOCK 'EM DEAD TOMORROW.

OKAY.

Okay.

HE CAN'T MAKE IT.

YEAH, I KIND OF GUESSED.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S YOUR WEEK.

( chuckles )

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUN?

THE POTOMAC IN THE MORNING.

JOGGING ALONG THE POTOMAC OR SCULLING.

WERE YOU JOGGING THIS MORNING?

NO.

WERE YOU SCULLING?

NO, I WAS SITTING ON A BENCH HAVING A BAGEL.

BUT FROM WHERE I WAS, BOTH JOGGING AND SCULLING

LOOKED GOOD TO ME.

BONNIE, I NEED YOU TO ARRANGE A MEETING WITH ROSS KASSENBACH.

FOR WHEN? SOON AS POSSIBLE.

ALSO, I NEED THE NEXT TWO MINUTES THE PRESIDENT'S GOT.

YOU FOUND ONE? YEAH.

AMBASSADOR TO THE FEDERATED STATES OF MICRONESIA.

IS THAT A REAL COUNTRY?

YEP. THE FEDERATED STATES

OF MICRONESIA? YES.

'CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A PLACE

THE MARX BROTHERS... REAL COUNTRY.

TOBY, THE PRESIDENT'S GOT TWO MINUTES IN TWO MINUTES.

COME WITH ME FOR THIS.

President: BASED ON WHAT?

BASED ON WHAT IS HE MAKING THAT CLAIM?

BASED ON A MEMO...

WE'VE BEEN OUT THERE FOR THREE WEEKS.

GOOD MORNING, CHARLIE.

WE'VE BEEN OUT THERE FOR THREE WEEKS.

CROSSFIRE, MEET THE PRESS, CHARLIE ROSE

THE TODAY SHOW, THE TONIGHT SHOW

GOOD MORNING, SCOTTSDALE.

TIME, NEWSWEEK, POPULAR MECHANICS.

WE'VE BEEN OUT THERE SAYING

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT LEGALIZATION--

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TREATMENT.

SIR, THERE'S A MEMO.

IT'S THE SAME MEMO THAT'S BEEN GENERATED

BY EVERY ADMINISTRATION FOR 30 YEARS.

WELL, HOW DO YOU WANT TO HANDLE IT?

BY SAYING IT'S THE SAME THAT'S BEEN GENERATED

BY EVERY ADMINISTRATION FOR 30 YEARS.

IT SOUNDS LIKE WE'RE SOFT

ON THE ISSUE. GOOD MORNING, MR. PRESIDENT.

STEVE ONORATO'S SAYING I WANT TO LEGALIZE DRUGS.

Sam: THAT'S THE SAME MEMO THAT'S BEEN

GENERATED BY EVERY ADMINISTRATION FOR 30 YEARS.

C.J., THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD SAY.

THANKS.

LEO WAS IN HERE LAST NIGHT.

HE SAID YOU GUYS PREDICTED

WE'D HOLD STEADY AT 42.

WERE YOU JUST BEING OPTIMISTIC

OR YOU REALLY THINK WE HELD OUR GROUND?

Toby: I SAID WE MIGHT DROP A COUPLE

BUT INSIDE THE MARGIN.

I THINK WE HELD OUR GROUND.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT, SIR.

SORRY?

I DIDN'T SAY WE'D HOLD STEADY AT 42.

I SAID WE'D GAIN FIVE POINTS.

YEAH?

YES, SIR.

WELL, OKAY.

ANYBODY WANT TO OFFER C.J. THE ODDS?

TALK TO THE PRESS.

YES, SIR.

TELL THEM EVERY ADMINISTRATION

FOR THE PAST 30 YEARS HAS GENERATED THAT MEMO.

YES, SIR. THAT'S IT.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU.

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

THE FEDERATED STATES OF MICRONESIA.

TOBY SAYS IT'S A COUNTRY.

IT IS. YOU KNOW WHERE?

I ASSUME IT'S A SMALL ISLAND

IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC.

IT'S ACTUALLY 607 SMALL ISLANDS

IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC.

INTERESTINGLY, WHILE ITS TOTAL LAND MASS

IS ONLY 270 SQUARE MILES

IT OCCUPIES MORE THAN A MILLION SQUARE MILES

OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN.

POPULATION'S 127,000

AND THE U.S. EMBASSY IS LOCATED IN THE STATE OF POHNPEI

AND NOT, AS MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE, ON THE ISLAND OF YAP.

WHY WOULD A PERSON HAVE THAT INFORMATION AT THEIR DISPOSAL?

PARTIES.

Toby: UM, SIR?

I LOOKED AT THE FEDERATED STATES OF MICRONESIA.

I CAN'T FIRE OUR AMBASSADOR.

WHY NOT? SOMEBODY'S GOING TO ASK ME

WHY I FIRED HIM AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO COME UP

WITH THE ANSWER THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

SAM'S GOT YOU COVERED.

HOW?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIRE THE AMBASSADOR.

YOU'RE GOING TO PROMOTE HIM.

TO WHAT?

AMBASSADOR TO PARAGUAY.

AND WHAT HAPPENS TO THE AMBASSADOR TO PARAGUAY?

YOU MAKE HIM AMBASSADOR TO BULGARIA.

HEY, I LIKE THIS.

OF COURSE, IF EVERYBODY KEEPS MOVING UP ONE

THEN I GET TO GO HOME.

THE BULGARIAN AMBASSADOR'S

BELIEVED TO BE HAVING AN AFFAIR

WITH THE DAUGHTER OF PRIME MINISTER

TODER LUKANOV.

THAT AMBASSADOR IS KEN COCHRAN?

YES, SIR.

HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE DAUGHTER

OF THE BULGARIAN PRIME MINISTER?

WHO THE STATE DEPARTMENT IS SAYING IS UPSET.

I CAN IMAGINE.

DO YOU KNOW HIM, SIR?

THE PRIME MINISTER OF BULGARIA?

AMBASSADOR COCHRAN.

I KNOW HIS WIFE.

OUCH.

I GOT TO FIRE KEN COCHRAN?

YES, SIR.

I DON'T WANT IT TO BE BECAUSE OF THE GIRL.

WHY NOT?

I KNOW HIS WIFE.

WE CAN CREATE LEGITIMATE GROUNDS FOR INCOMPETENCE.

WELL, IT LOOKS TO ME

LIKE THERE ARE LEGITIMATE GROUNDS FOR INCOMPETENCE

BUT COME UP WITH DIFFERENT ONES, WOULD YOU?

YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT.

Both: THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

CHARLIE.

YES, SIR.

I NEED TO MEET WITH AMBASSADOR COCHRAN.

HE CAN BE FOUND IN HIS OFFICE

AT THE U.S. EMBASSY IN BULGARIA, OR NOT.

EITHER WAY, I'D LIKE THE STATE DEPARTMENT TO PUT

HIS ASS ON A PLANE AND HAVE IT IN THIS OFFICE TOMORROW.

YES, SIR.

THANK YOU.

IS THAT KEN COCHRAN, MR. PRESIDENT?

YEAH.

OKAY.

WHAT?

I'M SORRY, SIR?

IT LOOKED LIKE WHEN I SAID KEN COCHRAN

THAT YOU KNEW WHO HE WAS.

NO, SIR.

OKAY.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

Josh: THEY MIGHT PUT IT ON THE TABLE.

THEY WON'T PUT IT ON THE TABLE.

THEY MIGHT.

THEY WON'T. I'M SAYING

IF THEY DO PUT IT ON THE TABLE...

THEY WON'T. IS THERE

ANY POSSIBILITY YOU'LL LET ME

FINISH A SENTENCE?

ANY CHANCE AT ALL?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW IF I'M RAISING MY VOICE AT YOU?

I GUESSED.

YOU'RE HERE TO GIVE ME A COUNTERARGUMENT ON ENGLISH

AS THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE UNITED STATES; YOU ARE NOT HERE

TO SPECULATE ON WHETHER OR NOT THE REPUBLICANS

WILL PUT THE ISSUE ON THE TABLE.

OKAY.

GOOD.

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

THEY WON'T.

OKAY, LOOK...

JOSH. WHAT?

YOU WANTED ME TO LET YOU KNOW WHEN C.J. STARTED

TALKING ABOUT THE DRUG MEMO.

C.J. STARTED ALREADY?

A HALF HOUR AGO.

THE BRIEFING'S NOT SUPPOSED TO START TILL 11:00.

GUESS WHAT? MY WATCH SUCKS?

WHEN I GET BACK, YOU'RE GOING TO ARGUE WITH ME.

WE'RE GOING TO ARGUE ABOUT THINGS I WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT

AND YOU'LL DO YOUR BEST NOT TO ANNOY ME.

IT'S ALMOST HARD TO BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT MARRIED.

OH-HO-HO!

MANY HAVE TRIED.

DID TOBY FIND A COUNTRY?

THE FEDERATED STATES OF MICRONESIA.

IS THAT A REAL COUNTRY?

YES, IT'S LOCATED 2,500 MILES SOUTHWEST OF HAWAII

WHERE YOU'VE NEVER TAKEN ME.

WHEN WAS I SUPPOSED TO TAKE YOU TO HAWAII?

ANYTIME. IT'S SOMETHING BOSSES DO.

THE FEDERATED STATES OF MICRONESIA.

THEY HAVE SOME OF THE BEST SCUBA DIVING IN THE WORLD.

THE MANTAS, FOR INSTANCE, ON THE ISLAND OF YAP

ARE PRIZED AMONG THOSE WHO...

STOP TALKING NOW.

...with the point being

that the mandatory minimum sentencing guidelines

applied to crack cocaine as opposed to powder cocaine

are fairly transparently racist.

A GUY TAKES HIS ASSISTANT ON A QUICK TRIP TO MAUI.

IT'S NOT, LIKE, UNHEARD OF. SHH.

Hang on.

Woman: C.J.

HANG ON.

MANDATORY MINIMUMS REQUIRE A FEDERAL JUDGE

TO SENTENCE ANYONE CONVICTED OF POSSESSING FIVE GRAMS OF CRACK

TO AT LEAST FIVE YEARS IN PRISON.

IT TAKES 100 TIMES AS MUCH POWDER COCAINE

AND 20 TIMES AS MUCH HEROIN TO GET THAT SENTENCE.

70% OF ALL DRUG USERS ARE WHITE.

80% OF ALL CRACK USERS ARE BLACK.

FEDERAL MANDATORY MINIMUMS FOR CRACK USERS

ARE A WAR ON THE BLACK COMMUNITY.

DANNY.

IS THE WHITE HOUSE MAKING A CRUSADE

OUT OF DEFENDING THE RIGHTS OF DRUG USERS?

OH, PLEASE. KATIE, YOU HAD A QUESTION.

DO YOU HAVE...? HANG ON, C.J. I WAS ASKING IF...

THE WHITE HOUSE IS COMMITTED TO REVERSING

THE DEVASTATING EFFECTS OF DRUG ABUSE.

WE BELIEVE THE BEST WAY

IS TO TREAT DRUG ADDICTION

AS WHAT THE A.M.A. HAS SAID IT IS-- A MEDICAL PROBLEM.

WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN A PHONY WAR ON DRUGS

THE CHIEF ACCOMPLISHMENT OF WHICH WOULD BE

TO EITHER KILL OR INCARCERATE BLACK DRUG USERS.

C.J., ARE YOU AWARE...? STEVE ONORATO'S SAYING

THE WHITE HOUSE SUPPORTS LEGALIZATION?

YES. HOW SURPRISING THAT IN THE MIDST

OF AN IMPORTANT DEBATE, THE PRESIDENT WOULD BE ACCUSED OF BEING SOFT ON DRUGS.

STEVE ONORATO HAS A MEMO WRITTEN BY THE ASSISTANT SURGEON GENERAL.

I'D BE HAPPY TO PRODUCE SIMILAR MEMOS

WRITTEN FOR EVERY PRESIDENT

IN THE LAST 30 YEARS

INCLUDING FOUR REPUBLICANS.

THAT'S ALL. THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

HI. THERE WASN'T, I DON'T THINK

A HUGE REASON TO SNAP AT ME.

IT WAS A RIDICULOUS QUESTION.

NO, IT WASN'T. IS THE WHITE HOUSE

CRUSADING FOR THE RIGHTS OF DRUG USERS?

YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

I DO, BUT I DON'T COUNT ON EVERYBODY ALWAYS UNDERSTANDING

WHAT THE HELL COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

WHEN I CAN'T HALF THE TIME.

SO YOU WERE JUST HELPING OUT.

YES. YOU CAN'T STAY PISSED AT ME FOREVER.

LET'S FIND OUT. MANDY'S THING WENT AWAY.

SEE ANYBODY WRITING OR TALKING ABOUT IT?

IS THERE REALLY A NEED TO CONTINUE PUNISHING ME...?

HANG ON.

THEY TALK ABOUT IT HERE, DANNY.

THEY TALK ABOUT IT HERE.

AND THEY BLAME YOU?

THEY DON'T SAY IT.

BUT THEY BLAME YOU.

YES.

AND YOU THINK YOU'VE LET THEM DOWN.

( knocking )

C.J., YOU'RE LATE FOR THE G-7 BRIEFING.

I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK.

OKAY.

C.J.?

CALL THE PHONE BANKS, CHECK IN WITH THE POLL.

I CHECKED IN WITH THE POLL A HALF HOUR AGO.

CHECK AGAIN.

LEO...

YEAH?

C.J.'S HERE.

OKAY.

WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?

UH... OKAY.

YOU KNOW WHY

THEY EAT ONLY ONE EGG FOR BREAKFAST IN FRANCE?

WHY?

'CAUSE IN FRANCE, ONE EGG IS AN OEUF.

OKAY, C.J.'S HERE.

OKAY.

HI.

HEY.

THE LID IS ON.

YOU TOLD ME. HMM?

YOU CALLED ME AN HOUR AGO AND TOLD ME IT WAS A FULL LID.

YEAH.

I'M GOING TO GO OVER

TO THE PHONE BANKS, CHECK IN WITH THE POLL.

OKAY.

LEO, THIS IS A SMALL THING AND I HATE TO BRING IT UP...

WHAT?

I WAS IN WITH THE PRESIDENT THIS MORNING

AND HE MENTIONED THAT YOU TOLD HIM

THAT WHEN YOU ASKED FOR PREDICTIONS

EVERYONE SAID WE'D HOLD STEADY AT 42.

YEAH?

BUT I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I SAID WE'D GO UP FIVE POINTS.

I MEANT IN GENERAL... ON AVERAGE.

YEAH...

C.J., LIKE LOPPING OFF THE SCORE

FROM THE EAST GERMAN JUDGE.

IT WASN'T WOMAN'S INTUITION.

DON'T READ TOO MUCH...

I'M SAYING IT'S STRANGE MY TAKE WASN'T...

I'M SAYING, DON'T READ TOO MUCH INTO IT.

ALL RIGHT?

OKAY.

ANYTHING ELSE?

NO. I'M GOING TO GO CHECK THE PHONE BANKS.

Josh: THEODORE ROOSEVELT SAID...

JOSH...

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT ROOSEVELT SAID.

WHAT DO I CARE WHAT THEODORE ROOSEVELT SAID?

BECAUSE THE REPUBLICANS ARE GOING TO BRING IT UP.

THEY AREN'T GOING TO PUT IT ON THE TABLE.

HE SAID "WE HAVE ROOM FOR BUT ONE LANGUAGE HERE

"AND THAT IS THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

"FOR WE INTEND TO SEE THAT THE CRUCIBLE

"TURNS OUR PEOPLE OUT AS AMERICANS

"AND NOT AS DWELLERS

IN POLYGLOT BOARDING HOUSE."

WHAT KIND OF BOARDING HOUSE?

POLYGLOT. IT MEANS...

HAVING KNOWLEDGE OF OR SPEAKING...

I KNOW WHAT POLYGLOT MEANS.

THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME?

HE ASKED YOU.

MY POINT IS...

WOULD THE TWO OF YOU

SHUT UP-- OR THE THREE OF YOU?

HOWEVER MANY OF YOU ARE TALKING

COULD HALF OF YOU STOP?

MANDY'S WOUND A LITTLE TIGHT DURING POLLING WINDOWS.

C.J.: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

ANOTHER LAID-BACK MEMBER OF OUR TEAM.

WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE?

MANDY'S HERE

'CAUSE SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

JOEY'S HERE BECAUSE AL KIEFER...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M KIND OF IN CHARGE OF MORALE.

CALLS ARE GOING GREAT.

I'M TRYING TO MEET A DEADLINE, JOSH.

I'VE GOT A 48 HOUR WINDOW

AND YOU CAN'T STAND HERE DISTRACTING THE FEMALE CALLERS.

HAVE I BEEN DISTRACTING

THE FEMALE CALLERS?

All: NO.

NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT? THIS IS WHAT I'M SAYING.

THE WINDOW'S FINE; IT'S A GOOD RESPONSE RATE.

THEY'RE MAKING THEIR QUOTAS. STOP BOTHERING ME.

DID JOSH MENTION HE'S IN CHARGE OF MORALE?

YES, I AM, AND AS SUCH

I'M GOING OUT TO GET COFFEE FOR EVERYONE

'CAUSE A FEW HUNDRED VOLTS OF CAFFEINE

IS JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED AROUND HERE.

AND YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE IMPRESSED

THAT I WAS ABLE TO QUOTE THEODORE ROOSEVELT.

I WAS IMPRESSED THAT YOU KNEW

WHAT POLYGLOT MEANT.

760 S.A.T. WORD, BABY.

( women laughing )

YOU ARE BOTH DRUNK AND DISORDERLY.

OH, MY GOD.

HAPPY GRADUATION.

HOW DID YOU...

SURPRISE! JANEANE?

WE WORKED IN CAHOOTS.

WE DID. YOU PLANNED THIS?

THIS IS WHY YOU DRAGGED ME BACK TO YOUR APARTMENT?

ARE YOU GLAD THAT I DRAGGED YOU BACK?

YES.

WELL, THEN, BE QUIET.

AND I'LL BE UPSTAIRS.

GOOD NIGHT, JANEANE.

GOOD NIGHT, JANEANE.

WHAT DID YOU GET ME?

A GRADUATION GIFT.

IS IT A BRIEFCASE?

DID I JUST RUIN IT?

I ONLY ASKED

BECAUSE A BRIEFCASE

IS THE TYPICAL LAW SCHOOL GRADUATION GIFT

AND WHEN I SAY TYPICAL

I DON'T MEAN BORING, I JUST MEAN BASIC.

AND WHEN I SAY BASIC I DON'T MEAN BORING EITHER.

OPEN THE BOX.

YOU BOUGHT ME A PEN?

IT'S A GOOD ONE.

IT WRITES UPSIDE-DOWN AND YOU CAN USE THAT PEN

IN OUTER SPACE.

( chuckles )

WHERE'S MY PRESENT?

HAPPY GRADUATION, COUNSELOR.

THANK YOU.

WAY TO GO, LAURIE.

THANK YOU.

I HAVE TO GO.

YOU SPENDING THE NIGHT HERE?

NO, I'M GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS...

( car engine starts )

DID YOU SEE ANYBODY GET INTO THAT CAR?

( tires squealing in the distance )

HE'S READY TO SEE US.

WHAT'D HE SAY?

HE SAID, "GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE."

I'VE DRAFTED A LETTER OF RESIGNATION.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE IT TO HIM, SAM

'CAUSE THAT WOULD DENY ME THE PLEASURE

OF THROWING YOU OUT THROUGH A PLATE GLASS WINDOW.

YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY THAT.

THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING THAT RIGHT.

I SHOULD KEEP YOU ON A LEASH...

LEO?

I'M TALKING TO C.J., THEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.

TEN FOOT CHAIN AROUND YOUR NECK

I BOLT YOU TO YOUR DESK

I HAVE SOMEONE COME IN AND FEED YOU.

I'M GOING TO CHECK, BUT I'M ALMOST CERTAIN

THE PRESIDENT WAS REFERRING TO THE NASDAQ COMPOSITE

AND NOT THE 30-YEAR TREASURY YIELD.

NOT THE DOW INDUSTRIALS, THE NASDAQ COMPOSITE.

OKAY, SOMEONE HERE'S GOING TO GET BACK TO YOU.

HOW DO YOU NOT TELL ME UNTIL THIS MORNING?

LEO...

HOW DO YOU NOT CALL ME LAST NIGHT?

WE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING LAST NIGHT.

HE MET THE GIRL AND SAW A SUSPICIOUS CAR.

I'M NOT GOING TO CALL UP THE WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

BECAUSE SOMEONE STARTED A CAR.

I WAS HANDLING IT, LEO.

IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS

TO CONFIRM THERE WAS A PICTURE

AND ANOTHER HOUR TO FIND OUT WHO HAS IT.

WHO HAS IT?

THE LONDON DAILY MIRROR.

THEY PAID A WAITRESS FRIEND OF HERS

$50,000 TO SET IT UP

AND CONFIRM SHE WAS A CALL GIRL.

WHEN IS IT RUNNING?

IT'LL RUN LATER TODAY.

AMERICAN PRESS HAS IT TOMORROW MORNING.

HE WAS GIVING HER

A GRADUATION PRESENT? YEAH.

WORK THE POST AND THE TIMES.

YEAH.

President: YOU NEVER PAID THIS GIRL

TO HAVE SEX? NO, SIR.

Toby: THEY DIDN'T HAVE THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP, SIR.

EXCEPT ONCE AND THAT TIME

HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

SAM HAS ALWAYS BEEN COMPLETELY ABOVE BOARD

ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH LAURIE...

LAURIE'S THE GIRL? YES, SIR.

HE TOLD US ABOUT IT RIGHT AFTER HIS FIRST CONTACT

WITH HER NINE MONTHS AGO.

THE FACT THAT SHE WAS PUTTING HERSELF THROUGH LAW SCHOOL

UNDER CIRCUMSTANCES THAT WERE LESS THAN GOOD

HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING, AS DOES THE FACT

THAT SAM'S WORD IS UNIMPEACHABLE.

TOBY, ARE YOU IN HERE STICKING UP FOR SAM?

I KNOW, IT'S STRANGE, SIR.

BUT I'M FEELING

A CERTAIN BIG BROTHERLY CONNECTION RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY I'D LIKE THAT FEELING

TO GO AWAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

BUT FOR THE MOMENT

I THINK THERE'S NO DANGER IN THE WHITE HOUSE STANDING BY SAM

AND AGGRESSIVELY GOING AFTER THE PEOPLE WHO SET HIM UP.

( sighs )

SAM, YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THE MORNING

IN THE WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL'S OFFICE

FINDING OUT IF YOU BROKE ANY LAWS.

YES, SIR.

YOU SHOULD CALL THE GIRL-- WHAT'S HER NAME?

LAURIE. LAURIE.

YOU SHOULD CALL HER AND TELL HER

THE WHITE HOUSE DEEPLY REGRETS

THE PHENOMENAL INCONVENIENCE SHE'S ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE.

YES, SIR.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO POINT OUT TO HER SHE PROBABLY

HAS A CAUSE OF ACTION AGAINST THE PAPER.

YES, SIR.

YOU SHOULD TELL HER THAT IF SHE PASSES THE BAR EXAM

THE U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL

WILL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT THAT SHE'S ADMITTED TO THE BAR.

YES, SIR.

TELL HER THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

SAYS CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING HER DEGREE.

YES, SIR.

THAT'S ALL.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

IT'S NICE WHEN WE CAN DO SOMETHING FOR PROSTITUTES

ONCE IN A WHILE, ISN'T IT?

YES, SIR.

MR. PRESIDENT... WE READY TO GO?

AMBASSADOR COCHRAN'S IN THE MURAL ROOM

AND TED MITCHEL'S WAITING OUTSIDE.

WHERE ARE WE PUTTING LOBELL AND HIS PEOPLE?

IN THE ROOSEVELT ROOM.

HE'S GOING TO HAVE

A LOT OF STAFF WITH HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THEM DO

BUT THERE THEY ARE WHEREVER LOBELL GOES

14-15 GUYS.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS FIRST.

I'LL SEE YOU ACROSS THE HALL.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

WHO'S IN THE MURAL ROOM? KEN COCHRAN.

YOU DID IT AGAIN.

WHEN YOU SAID THE NAME COCHRAN

IT WAS LIKE YOU KNEW HIM. NO, SIR.

I HAVE A SENSE ABOUT THESE THINGS. YES, SIR.

A FINELY HONED SENSE.

IT'S FAILING YOU, SIR.

COCHRAN'S IN THE MURAL ROOM?

YES, SIR.

WHY DON'T YOU GO SIT WITH HIM

AND SEND IN TED MITCHEL.

YES, SIR. THANK YOU.

MR. PRESIDENT...

YES, OF COURSE.

THANKS.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, SIR.

TED.

HEY, MR. PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

OH, IT'S MY PLEASURE.

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.

OH, I FEEL GOOD.

HOW IS MARY?

SHE SENDS HER LOVE.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO IN THE NEXT ROOM.

LET ME JUST TELL YOU THAT I NEED A FAVOR.

OH, OF COURSE, SIR.

I NEED YOU TO HIRE A GUY. WHO, SIR?

THE FORMER AMBASSADOR TO BULGARIA.

WHO IS THAT, SIR?

KEN COCHRAN.

ISN'T COCHRAN THE CURRENT AMBASSADOR?

NOT FOR LONG.

HE'S A GOOD MAN-- A SMART MAN.

I THINK HE'D MAKE A GOOD CORPORATE OFFICER.

WHY IS HE BEING FIRED?

GROSS INCOMPETENCE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

GOOD MORNING, SIR.

GOOD MORNING, NANCY.

SENATOR LOBELL'S IN THE ROOSEVELT ROOM.

YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT IN.

MR. PRESIDENT. KEN.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, SIR.

THANK YOU FOR FLYING IN ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

OF COURSE, MR. PRESIDENT.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

RESIGN.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU'VE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR

WITH THE DAUGHTER OF THE PRIME MINISTER

AND THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME

BUT NEITHER DOES A NEWSPAPER ARTICLE

SAYING YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR

WITH THE DAUGHTER OF THE PRIME MINISTER

SO I NEED YOU TO RESIGN.

YOU'RE GETTING A JOB OFFER FROM TED MITCHEL

FOR A LOT MORE MONEY THAN YOU'RE MAKING NOW.

THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT THE EMBASSY.

I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

WELL...

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS

AND I'LL EXPLAIN THAT TO HIM WHEN HE COMES BACK IN HERE.

YES, SIR.

HAVE WE MET?

SIR?

YOU LOOK VERY FAMILIAR TO ME.

HAVE WE MET?

YES, SIR.

WHERE?

I WAS A WAITER AT THE GRAMERCY CLUB.

CHARLIE?

YES, SIR.

( laughing )

CHARLIE...

YES, SIR?

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

YES, SIR.

UNDER STRANGE CIRCUMSTANCES

WHICH, WHEN THE PRESIDENT COMES BACK, I'LL...

YES, SIR.

I RESIGNED MY MEMBERSHIP IN THAT CLUB, BY THE WAY.

DID YOU?

OH, YEAH.

I FIND EXCLUSIVE CLUBS TO BE REPUGNANT.

I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE

IT DIDN'T STOP YOU FROM JOINING UP IN THE FIRST PLACE.

NOW, THAT'S OUT OF LINE.

THAT'S OUT OF LINE AND THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SAID

YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT YOU'RE ADDRESSING A U.S. AMBASSADOR.

I APOLOGIZE, SIR.

I'M SORRY TO DO THIS

BUT I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR.

WELL, I'M PERSONAL AIDE TO THE PRESIDENT

SO MY SUPERVISOR'S A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW

LOOKING FOR A BACK DOOR TO THIS PLACE TO SHOVE YOU OUT OF.

BUT I'LL LET HIM KNOW YOU'D LIKE TO LODGE A COMPLAINT.

( door opens )

THANKS FOR WAITING.

MR. PRESIDENT...

CLEARLY, THIS YOUNG MAN WHO WORKS FOR YOU

HAS TOLD YOU SOMETHING

ABOUT OUR PAST AND I'D LIKE TO SAY HERE AND NOW...

IT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT.

WAIT A SECOND...

YOU TWO HAVE A PAST?

Charlie: SIR...

YOU MOCKED MY FINELY HONED SENSE.

YES, SIR. YOU STOOD THERE IN MY FACE--

SIR...

IT'S DONE, KEN-- TED MITCHEL'S

GOING TO PUT YOU ON THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS.

AND PLEASE REMEMBER

THAT I HAVE A LOT OF AFFECTION FOR YOUR WIFE

AND I WOULD HATE TO SEE HER

BE MADE A FOOL OF.

I THINK IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE AT THIS TIME, MR. PRESIDENT

TO MAKE A CONFESSION.

WHAT'S THAT?

I NEVER VOTED FOR YOU.

WELL, THANKS FOR TRYING, BUT HERE I AM, ANYWAY.

GOTTA GO.

( door closes )

ALL SET?

LOOK AT THAT-- 14 STAFFERS IN THERE.

YOU HAVE QUITE A LARGE STAFF, TOO, MR. PRESIDENT.

YEAH, BUT I DON'T WALK AROUND WITH THEM, YOU KNOW?

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, MR. PRESIDENT.

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE BOB SIMONS, PETER RATHBURN...

MAX, I DON'T NEED TO KNOW ALL THE NAMES.

THAT'S OKAY. PLEASE SIT DOWN.

Lobell: ALL RIGHT, THEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE, RIGHT?

WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT SOFT MONEY.

WE'RE GOING TO DO MORE

THAN TALK ABOUT IT. OKAY.

WE AGREE ON NOTHING, MAX.

YES, SIR.

EDUCATION, GUNS, DRUGS

SCHOOL PRAYER, GAYS, DEFENSE SPENDING, TAXES--

YOU NAME IT, WE DISAGREE.

YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE I'M A LILY-LIVERED, BLEEDING-HEART LIBERAL, EGGHEAD COMMUNIST.

YES, SIR.

AND I'M A GUN-TOTIN', REDNECK SON OF A BITCH.

YES, YOU ARE.

WE AGREE ON THAT.

WE ALSO AGREE ON CAMPAIGN FINANCE.

YES, SIR.

SO, MAX... YES, SIR?

LET'S WORK TOGETHER ON CAMPAIGN FINANCE.

YOU DON'T HAVE THE VOTES IN THE HOUSE.

I DON'T NEED THEM.

1978, THE F.E.C. VOTED A REGULATORY RULE

THAT OPENED THE DOOR TO SOFT MONEY.

THE F.E.C. CAN CLOSE IT AGAIN WITH FOUR OF THE SIX VOTES.

WE DON'T NEED A LAW.

AND HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE FOUR VOTES?

TWO SEATS OPENED UP.

I NOMINATED BACON AND CALHOUN.

THAT'S TWO.

BARRY HASKEL WAS WITH US ALREADY.

WE TOOK HIM OUT OF THE CLOSET.

HOW YOU GOING TO GET THE FOURTH SEAT TO OPEN UP?

TOBY'S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THAT RIGHT AWAY.

MAX...

CAN I COUNT ON YOUR SUPPORT TO CONFIRM MY CANDIDATES?

AND WHAT DO I GET IN EXCHANGE?

THE THANKS OF A GRATEFUL PRESIDENT.

GOOD ANSWER, SIR.

GO.

THANK YOU.

MR. KASSENBACH.

YES.

HI, I'M TOBY ZIEGLER.

VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

THE PRESIDENT THINKS YOU'VE DONE AN EXCELLENT JOB

ON THE FEDERAL ELECTION COMMISSION

AND WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND HIS WARMEST CONGRATULATIONS.

ON WHAT?

ON BEING NAMED THE NEXT AMBASSADOR

TO THE FEDERATED STATES OF MICRONESIA.

IT'S IN.

YEAH.

YOU TALK TO HIM?

THEY SEALED IT IN AN ENVELOPE

AND SENT IT BY COURIER.

SO, JOEY MENTIONED SHE TALKED TO YOU.

YEAH.

SHE SAID YOU THINK YOU ONLY HAVE SO MANY TIMES LEFT

YOU CAN WALK INTO THE OVAL OFFICE AND SING A SONG.

SHE SAID, "SING A SONG"?

NO, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID.

I'M TRYING TO PICK UP SOME SIGN

AND RIGHT NOW WE'RE DOING IT BY LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET.

SO I HAD KENNY COME OVER AND INTERPRET IT

AND IT TURNS OUT THAT SHE SAID

YOU THINK YOU ONLY HAVE SO MANY TIMES LEFT

YOU CAN COME INTO THE OVAL OFFICE AND SAY, "YOU'RE WRONG."

HE HASN'T BEEN CALLING MY NUMBER THAT MUCH, JOSH.

HE DID ON THIS-- THIS LAST THREE WEEKS

THE MEDIA STRATEGY WAS YOURS.

I KNOW.

JOEY SAYS HOLDING AT 42 IS A GOOD NUMBER.

YOU SHOULDN'T EXPECT A FIVE-POINT BUMP.

I DO EXPECT IT.

OKAY.

HE THINKS OF YOU LIKE A DAUGHTER, C.J.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO KEEP ME HERE.

YOU'LL COME AS SOON AS YOU GET IT? YEAH.

'CAUSE WE'RE ALL WAITING OVER THERE.

YEAH.

THEY'RE DELIVERING IT TO HER.

YEAH.

AND THEN SHE'S GOING TO BRING IT RIGHT HERE.

YEAH.

OKAY.

THANK YOU.

KASSENBACH WAS OKAY?

I'M SORRY, SIR?

KASSENBACH WAS OKAY.

HE'S GOING TO BE AN AMBASSADOR.

HE FEELS PRETTY GOOD.

DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT THE WEATHER?

YES, SIR.

SCUBA DIVING?

( chuckling ): YES, SIR.

FULL DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY?

YES, SIR.

THOUGH THERE REALLY AREN'T A...

A LOT OF LAWS IN MICRONESIA, SIR.

SURE.

GOOD EVENING.

EVENING, JOSH.

I JUST SAW C.J.

SHE'LL BE HERE WITH IT IN A MINUTE.

OKAY.

JOEY AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING

ON A COUNTERARGUMENT TO ALEXIS DE TOCQUEVILLE.

WE'RE HAVING A FIGHT

WITH ALEXIS DE TOCQUEVILLE?

MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE DON'T GET HIM STARTED.

JOEY, WHAT SAY YOU TO THE POSITION

THAT, WITH ETHNIC WARFARE SPREADING AROUND THE GLOBE

AND PARTICULARLY, IN EASTERN EUROPE

IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE IT REACHES OUR SHORES

AND MAKING ENGLISH THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE UNITED STATES

WITH SAFEGUARD AGAINST THE DESTRUCTION

OF OUR NATIONAL IDENTITY

AND HELP US AVOID ETHNIC STRIFE?

WHAT SAY YOU TO THAT?

YOU SEE THAT?

THAT'S WHAT I BEEN DEALING WITH ALL WEEK.

MR. PRESIDENT, 72% OF HISPANICS

ARE STRONGLY OPPOSED TO SUCH A LAW.

THE REPUBLICANS WILL NEVER PUT IT ON THE TABLE

BECAUSE THEY'LL RISK LOSING

THE SECOND LARGEST ETHNIC BLOC

OF VOTERS IN THE COUNTRY.

BUT, IF YOU DID NEED A COUNTERARGUMENT

THEN I'D MENTION

TO MONSIEUR DE TOCQUEVILLE OVER HERE

THAT, ASIDE FROM IT BEING BIGOTED AND UNCONSTITUTIONAL

IT'S LUDICROUS TO THINK THAT LAWS NEED TO BE CREATED

TO HELP PROTECT THE LANGUAGE OF SHAKESPEARE.

THERE, THAT'S ALL I WAS LOOKING FOR-- THAT ONE LINE.

IT TOOK YOU FOUR DAYS.

SHE DID IT AGAIN.

YEAH.

WHAT KIND OF BRIEFCASE DID YOU GET HER, SAM?

SIR?

WHAT KIND OF BRIEFCASE?

THE COACH BEEKMAN IN BRITISH TAN WITH BRASS HARDWARE.

THAT'S NICE.

YES, SIR.

ANDARE MAKES A NICE MODEL.

COMES IN BLACK OR BROWN.

HAND-STAINED.

YOU CAN FIT A LAPTOP, NOTEBOOKS...

THIS CONVERSATION IS SURREAL.

TRIESTE IN MILAN MAKES A NICE BRIEFCASE.

GOOD EVENING, MR. PRESIDENT.

THE FULL POLLING BOOK IS 400 PAGES LONG

AND IT'S STILL BEING PUT TOGETHER.

I HAVE THE TOP SHEET RESULTS.

WHAT DOES IT SAY?

I WAS WRONG.

WE WENT UP NINE POINTS.

OKAY.

WHAT'S NEXT?

( all talking )