Original subtitles

(Goosebumps theme playing)

♪ Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff

(Stairs creaking)

MATT: Alright.

’Kay, you ready?

Wh-where’s your costume?

We’re gonna clean this place up first.

Yeah, but trick-or-treating time’s now, the time’s now!

No, we’re not going trick-or-treating until

this place is cleaned up.

I’m not leaving this place like this.

Look, there’s crumbs everywhere.

Just imagine we come home with a bag full of treats,

and we put it on a clean ground.

We categorize all the candy.

Yeah, we can’t, man,

because there’s not gonna be any candy left.

We gotta go while the getting’s good.

You know that.

No, this place is too messy, Matt.

Yeah, you know what I realized?

We got a fucking Bolshevik in here.

You’re just trying to get out of cleaning.

Look what you’re doing, you’re making more of a mess!

And I’m gonna get a bag full!

Look what you did to the pillow!

It’s my bag!

My favourite pillow.

When I come back, it’s gonna be so big.

It’s gonna be a plump bitch bag!

Full!

Why don’t we just take it down a little bit.

Sure, you’re right, okay.

- And we’ll do a quick Lysol-- - No! That’s it!

No, we’re gonna clean now!

We’re going trick-or-treating now!

- Now we’re gonna clean! - No, now trick-treat!

We’re not going trick-or-treating.

Yep!

No, we’re gonna-- we’re gonna clean first.

You know what?

The Halloween spirit has left you,

and now you will be haunted.

- Hunted? - Haunted!

No, that’s not--

I’m gonna get a bag full of goodies!

A bag full of...

Don’t leave this house, Matt.

May Halloween put a curse on you!

(Gasping)

♪

(Thundering)

(Streetcar screeching)

(Howling)

(Thundering)

(Evil laughing)

(Screaming)

♪

♪

(Laughing)

Trick or treat!

How are ya doing?

Ah, Rockets!

Amazing.

Thank you, thank you.

Can’t believe Jay’s missing this, this is crazy.

Whoa!

That got me, I’m serious.

Ah, a little Spiderman.

(Kid shouting)

Ah, that’s good, the webs.

I’m the Grim Reaper of Death.

You’re a Minion?

Yeah. (Laughing)

Okay.

Trick or treat!

Hello?

I’m trick-or-treating.

Oh.

I just realized I’m the only... adult trick-or-treating.

I thought it was gonna be mostly...

like cool old people like us.

(Nervous laughing)

Okay, thanks.

Just starting to think that maybe it was a mistake

leaving my friend.

He’s cleaning by himself. (Chuckling)

You don’t have any cleaning supplies in there, do you?

Trick or treat without me?

Call me Bulkovich?

(Grunting)

(Clanking)

Oh, (Bleep).

(Ominous music)

What the hell is this?

(Ominous music)

(Ominous music)

It’s a music book!

(Knuckles cracking)

(Clearing throat)

(Notes playing)

(Notes playing)

That’s pretty simple.

(Piano playing)

(Electrical buzzing)

(Laughing)

Learned my lesson!

(Laughing)

Come on!

Jay!

(Door shutting)

Bird?

The hell?

He went out trick-or-treating.

I got to him.

I’m gonna clean the house before he gets back!

♪

(Loud booming)

(Gasping) Matt!

I’m small!

Matt!

(Whistling)

(Glass shattering) Oh, shit!

I’ll have to clean that up.

(Laughing)

This is gonna be great!

♪

Okay, what do I start with...

Ah, the piano!

What everybody knows is a piano...

needs a good spray.

Oh, (Bleep)!

(Crinkling)

You know, people get weird with wood.

Not me, I go water.

(Loud splashing)

(Screaming)

(Bottle spritzing)

Jay just does not maintain this piano!

(Gasping)

(Loud booming)

(Groaning)

(Laughing)

Yikes!

Woo!

See, when Bird gets home,

you are never gonna see a harder dick.

That dude...

That is a-- That’s a good guy.

That guy is my best friend.

I’m not kidding.

And the shit that I tried to pull on him today with the...

oh yeah, no Halloween for you...

(Screaming)

Of course he’s mad.

I’m outta the house two minutes, and he’s gone.

(Distant screaming)

Huh.

Uh, okay, time to get back to it.

(Groaning)

MATT: Look at this crap.

Yuck! Ugh!

Okay.

Oh, Matt! Matt!

- Aah. - Matt!

(Distant screaming)

(Distant screaming)

♪

I gotta get his attention!

MATT: What’s this from?

Someone was ripping a pillow apart.

Animals.

(Dinging)

(Sighing)

Time for a big Art Attack!

♪

Let’s see if I can figure out this one.

♪

Yeah, there we go.

♪

Oh, Matt’s gonna love this.

♪

What the hell?

(Uplifting music)

Now that is a piece of shit.

You don’t-- Jay didn’t make that, did he?

Oh my god.

(Bittersweet music)

(Sighing)

Guess I am just a Bulkovich.

Wait a second...

Oh!

I should vacuum up that stupid art.

(Dramatic sting)

(Vacuum whirring)

MATT: I’m gonna clean this table!

Oh, gotta get that Art Attack.

Here I go. Ah!

(Vacuum whirring)

Sweep this fucking table up!

♪

Whoa!

(Vacuum whirring)

JAY: Help!

(Vacuum whirring)

Did you hear that?

(Vacuum whirring)

Hello?

JAY: Matt!

(Vacuum whirring)

JAY: Matt!

Jay?

JAY: Matt, it’s me!

Yeah, Bird, where are you, man?

JAY: I’m in your head!

No kidding.

JAY: No, I’m in your head!

Yeah, okay, so what do you want?

You’re sending me on a mission?

Do I have to kill the person who killed you?

Jay, I’m sorry, are you dead?

JAY: Matt, your papier-mâché head!

What?!

JAY: Matt, you gotta get me outta here!

What do you mean, Bird?

You fit your whole body in there?

JAY: No, I’m small!

What the hell are you talking about?

JAY: You gotta help me!

We’ll get to the bottom of this.

JAY: Don’t step on me!

(Grunting)

Look at me.

What the hell?!

Oh my god!

I need help!

Hold on!

Oh, jeez.

(Panting)

Oh!

Can you see me?

Uh, yes, I do.

This is the body and the feet.

Um...

What happened to you, man?!

I played from that magical book over at the piano,

and it turned me small!

Oh.

Dude, that book looks pure evil.

What the fuck?

JAY: Yeah, it’s a cursed book!

So if it’s cursed, then we just have to play a different song.

Is that how this works?

JAY: Okay, okay okay okay okay.

Then we’ll change-- Yeah, then we’ll change you...

Hmm...

JAY: Okay.

Change you back...

(Lips smacking)

Why are you doing that with your mouth?

(Lips smacking)

What?

Oh, no no no, I’m saying we’re gonna change--

You’re licking your lips?

Uh, no no.

You’re thinking about eating me?

- What’s the matter with you? - Yeah, yeah, you know what?

It’s just-- You know what?

It was in case this is a dream,

and I would regret it if I woke up and I didn’t do it.

No! Come on!

Put me on the piano!

Okay, alright, okay.

This is a pretty fucked up situation

in... in many regards.

JAY: Matt, I just wanna get brought back to regular size!

Yeah, okay, alright!

Okay, so what are we gonna do?

I’ll pick you up! Ready? Here we go!

Climb up on my hand.

Okay. You’re not gonna eat me?

MATT: I already said I wasn’t.

Ugh, ’kay, just take me to the piano now.

MATT: What?

Look-- What a diva.

Okay, ready? Here we go.

(Grunting)

Whoa! Oh, (Bleep)!

(Laughing)

This is fun!

It’s like you’re a boy again!

JAY: I’m just a little baby!

Oh, you’re so cute!

(Screaming)

JAY: ’Kay, I’m gonna jump!

Whoa... Ha!

Hey, you did it!

Oh my god, I did it!

Okay, I’ll get the book.

Okay, alright, can you read this one?

- Yeah, that one looks good. - Okay.

It looks like a friendly song.

Yeah, dude, this is it!

Look, it’s got a body, and it turns into a bigger body.

This is the... This is the reverse-- revert.

JAY: Okay, here we go!

Oh, do... Tom Hanks, do the Tom Hanks.

Like, okay, yeah, so it’s like dun dun dun dun...

What the hell?

No, do Tom Hanks I’m saying.

It’s not making any sounds ’cause I’m small!

MATT: Oh, that movie’s called Big, this is the issue.

Okay, so then you gotta teach me how to do it.

So you show me what...

what to play, and I’ll fucking play the song.

Okay, yeah.

- Press this one! - Okay.

(Note playing)

Good, now all the way... here.

Okay, so...

Da, da, da, da, black one!

(Snorting)

Nice moves, man!

(Laughing)

No, okay, yeah, I will play it, okay.

(Notes playing)

Yeah, that’s good!

I’m good at this, Bird!

(Notes playing)

Okay, good, I remember this, I remember this.

What is that? Whoa!

- I think it’s working! - Whoa, whoa!

(Screaming)

(Panting)

Did it work?

(Gasping)

Did it work? Did it work?

I’m big!

I did it! I...

Bird?

Matt?

What are you in my body for?

(Gasping)

(Screaming)

(Spooky music)

Oh, (Bleep).

JAY: Matt’s body has got my mind in it!

Oh my god.

I’m... Matt.

Oh no!

I don’t wanna be Matt!

Oh God, look at him!

Let me out!

Let me o-o-out!

This is great!

(Laughing)

How is this great, Matt?

Now we can really get a show at the Rivoli!

What?

There we go.

No, no no no, no, no, Matt...

We’re not making a Rivoli plan, Matt!

Just think about it, Bird.

You get up there in my body and you start playing the piano!

They don’t know that you’re the piano player.

They don’t know us well?

It’s not gonna make any difference at all.

’Kay, what if we go to the Rivoli and--

No! We’re figuring out how to switch back!

That’s it!

(Buzzing)

You got a fly on you?

Because the bugs are attracted to how...

(Sniffing)

You stink!

Alright, so we’ll switch back.

We’ll work on switching back.

So how about a little bit of music?

- Pssh! - Bird, play the piano.

For what?

Little inspiration!

Okay, fine.

Okay, ready?

I’m only doing this once.

(Piano playing)

Okay, so we know that the book is cursed.

You’re playing songs from the book...

Right, and then you-- and then you played the...

the Freaky Friday song.

Played the Freaky Friday song.

We play that song again, and then we’re gonna switch back.

Bird, do you understand that--

I got it, yeah, okay, I’ll play the song again.

♪ Oh I’d like to be you for a day ♪

Put your arms down, nothing happened.

Play it again.

We used up the magic in this page.

Well, play a different song!

I don’t know, Matt.

Come on, there’s probably a nice song in here.

Maybe we’ll get something fun.

- Fun? - Play this one.

(Sighing)

- Come on, play. - Okay...

(Piano playing)

(Bongos playing)

Huh...

Whoa, Matt, I didn’t notice this before.

(Bongos playing)

"A hunter from the darkest wild..."

"...makes you feel just like a child."

(Laughing)

(Gasping)

BOTH: Van Pelt!

(Screaming)

(Gunshot)

Oh, shit!

You miserable coward!

Come back and face me like a man!

Oh, Jesus Christ!

(Gunshot)

(Glass shattering)

(Bleep)!

Jay, play another song on the piano!

W-What song? W-which song?!

Just play something!

Okay, okay, Matt, I got one!

(Piano playing)

Stand up.

(Piano playing)

Matt, it’s not working!

(Laughing)

You got him laughing, Bird.

You’re finally acting like a man.

Any last words?

9/11 was an inside job.

Investigate Building 7.

Jet fuel cannot-- (Gunshot)

Melt steel beams!

Jay?

I did it, I did it, I did it!

I played the right song!

You’re alive!

I thought you were gonna get shot!

I don’t actually-- I don’t really believe that.

So the 9/11 stuff...

We’re both alive! We’re back in our own bodies!

(Cheering)

(Shuddering)

(Sniffing)

Well, we went through something today.

I know!

And thank God it’s over.

(Electrical buzzing)

What was that?

Ah, I got a tummy ache.

A what-y ache?

Something in your ear? (Shuddering)

- What was that? - Oh!

What are you doing?

(Bleep)!

(Gasping)

(Screaming)

(Wincing)

(Screaming)

(Gasping)

(Gagging)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

(Gagging)

(Screaming)

(Growling)

(Screaming)

World Star!

(Growling)

(Roaring)

Hey, Bird, hey!

(Roaring)

Hey, hey, Bird!

It’s me, it’s Matt, it’s Matt!

Bird, it’s Matt, it’s Matt!

(Growling)

Bird?

Are you still Bird?

Matt...

- Matt. - Matt!

Hey, Jaybird!

Yeah, I can-- I can talk.

You’re still a human?

The best part of you is still there.

What happened?

Do you wanna be honest or kind?

Well, how do I look?

You’re a wolf.

Take me to the doctor.

I have a feeling, you go to a doctor,

and I’m never seeing you again.

How bad is it?

10 out of 10.

- Oh, (Bleep). - Yes.

Yeah, it’s a bit...

Wait a second, wait a second.

Is this a prank?

A prank?

Be honest, Matt, is this a prank?

How would I orc--

I mean, that’s the most insane prank of all time.

Well, what are we gonna do?!

We gotta turn me back!

P-play another song from the book!

That’s the last one.

What do you mean it’s the last one?!

Look: blanks, blanks, blanks.

Nothing left.

Who the hell wrote that book?!

What? Yeah, you think it was me?

I can’t speak Latin.

Well, somebody’s having a good laugh now!

(Sobbing)

Hey, you know what? No, no, this isn’t bad!

Hey, you know what? You’re a werewolf!

Who... Who’s gonna...

(Bleep) a werewolf?

Who’s gonna wanna...

(Sobbing)

...(Bleep) me?

You know what?

Maybe they will if you get a... show at the Rivoli.

♪

♪ Dark in the city night is a wire ♪

♪ Steam in the subway earth is a fire ♪

♪ Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do ♪

♪

♪ Woman you want me give me a sign ♪

♪ And catch my breathing even closer behind ♪

♪ Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do ♪

♪

♪ In touch with the ground

♪ I’m on the hunt I’m after you ♪

♪ Smell like I sound I’m lost in a crowd ♪

♪ And I’m hungry like the wolf

Yes, he is a werewolf!

It’s Nirvanna the Band and the Wolf.

Baby, this is the-- this is the show of a lifetime.

Plays the piano, sings, dances, anything you want.

Do I sound like I’m joking?

I’m watching him right now chasing fucking squirrels,

he’s gonna rip the thing apart.

He’ll do it all!

Dude, hey, for an extra 500,

I can get him to tie you up and fuck your wife for ya.

♪

We got a deal!

We did it!

(Laughing)

We got the show at the Rivoli!

I... I...

(Gunshot)

Huh?

(Gasping)

Bird?

Ah...

♪

♪