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1
00:00:00,060 --> 00:00:01,060
Hello.
2
00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:03,040
My name is Eli Pettyfog.
3
00:00:03,730 --> 00:00:04,780
I'm 13 years old.
4
00:00:06,315 --> 00:00:07,820
Today is my first day of college.
5
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:20,010
Where you got that bag, Eli?
6
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Books?
7
00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:23,630
Don't they have a library at that place?
8
00:00:26,290 --> 00:00:27,530
She's a terrible mother.
9
00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:30,370
But it's not her fault that I'm a genius.
10
00:00:50,910 --> 00:00:52,510
Please tell me this is a joke.
11
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I wanted to Tokyo, but I'm just so tired.
12
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Remember the electric bill is the most
important.
13
00:01:07,290 --> 00:01:08,290
And the rent.
14
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,740
Make some friends out there, okay?
15
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:32,360
Bye mom.
16
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:33,520
Later.
17
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:29,390
I welcome you to Whitman College.
18
00:03:29,715 --> 00:03:33,190
The 37th best small liberal arts college
in the East Coast.
19
00:03:39,530 --> 00:03:40,090
This is the place I love to be.
20
00:03:40,091 --> 00:03:41,091
Lots of stuff to know.
21
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:46,290
How about some exercise for the lazy
student?
22
00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:50,370
Some people go to college because they
graduate from high school, like me.
23
00:03:52,950 --> 00:03:54,950
Others go and they self-destruct.
24
00:03:55,070 --> 00:03:56,070
Like this guy.
25
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:57,170
Qi Gong.
26
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:01,670
Badminton?
27
00:04:01,910 --> 00:04:02,910
Or squash?
28
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,810
He had a business once.
29
00:04:08,425 --> 00:04:14,711
He used to sell this stuff to these
people, and then he bailed on these things.
30
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:18,290
Put your shuttlecock away.
31
00:04:18,670 --> 00:04:19,670
It's squash.
32
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Let me get that for you.
33
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,240
Give me my bag back.
34
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,760
I'm Leo Searly, late bloomer.
35
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Me like Pettyfug, child prodigy.
36
00:04:38,241 --> 00:04:39,441
Please can I have my bag back?
37
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You a freshman?
38
00:04:40,301 --> 00:04:41,301
Unfortunately.
39
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:41,780
Me too.
40
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,240
What room you in?
41
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,380
212 Camden.
42
00:04:44,420 --> 00:04:45,420
Oh good, it's right here.
43
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:46,700
I'm right across the hall.
44
00:04:48,060 --> 00:04:49,100
Well, take care.
45
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:50,680
Brush your hair.
46
00:04:53,305 --> 00:04:55,740
I need the oldest undergraduate in the
world as a friend.
47
00:04:56,350 --> 00:04:57,660
Like I need a hole in my head.
48
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,260
And I don't need a hole in my head,
if that's what you were wondering.
49
00:05:12,110 --> 00:05:13,230
Hey, want to get a burger?
50
00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:14,570
No.
51
00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:15,850
My treat.
52
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:17,690
Thanks, but no.
53
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Eli.
54
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:19,870
It's your first day of college.
55
00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:22,550
You're gonna have plenty of time to sit
alone and hate yourself.
56
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I'm on.
57
00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:48,080
Wow, that's good.
58
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:50,785
That is old-fashioned American genius.
59
00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:53,220
Haven't you noticed everything is genius
these days?
60
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:54,770
How can food be genius?
61
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,300
Try the fries.
62
00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,920
It's good.
63
00:06:00,990 --> 00:06:02,470
It may be great, but it's not genius.
64
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,790
I was just checking you out, man.
65
00:06:09,190 --> 00:06:10,190
Oh,
66
00:06:16,950 --> 00:06:18,970
that was a complete meltdown of the man
nerve.
67
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:20,850
I'm wearing my hairnet.
68
00:06:23,210 --> 00:06:24,210
Safety first.
69
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:25,970
I hear you.
70
00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:28,650
I'm
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00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,320
gonna go get us some more beers.
72
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:52,500
Yes, interesting.
73
00:06:53,140 --> 00:06:54,140
Have fun.
74
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,320
Hello, how do you guys hear me?
75
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:09,580
Light blue.
76
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,600
You look like you bloom to me already.
77
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,760
Are you Eli Petipa?
78
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,160
Yeah.
79
00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:24,940
The 13-year-old freshman?
80
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:32,020
Well, Eli, I want to have your really,
really smart baby.
81
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:34,481
What makes you think
the nine months in your
82
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:37,040
womb will make the
baby really, really stupid?
83
00:07:57,090 --> 00:07:59,390
You think your sperm is too good for my
girl or something?
84
00:07:59,650 --> 00:08:00,650
No.
85
00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:02,930
Why do you do this shit?
86
00:08:03,010 --> 00:08:04,010
Because I'm a dick.
87
00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:07,170
Say, my sperm is not worthy of Eve Hansen.
88
00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:08,170
Who's Eve Hansen?
89
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:08,830
My girlfriend.
90
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,526
You know, the one you were just tanning
on?
91
00:08:10,550 --> 00:08:11,750
She's out of your league, pal.
92
00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:13,150
Yeah, I know she's out of my league.
93
00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:14,170
I don't even like girls.
94
00:08:14,350 --> 00:08:15,350
Somebody's fibbing.
95
00:08:18,930 --> 00:08:19,970
What's it like down there?
96
00:08:20,110 --> 00:08:20,470
Awesome.
97
00:08:20,530 --> 00:08:21,746
I've been there a thousand times.
98
00:08:21,770 --> 00:08:22,770
Yeah, I'll bet you have.
99
00:08:25,770 --> 00:08:27,930
Say, my sperm is not worthy of Eve Hansen.
100
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:28,330
Hold on.
101
00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:29,050
I can't hear you.
102
00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,051
My ears are blocked.
103
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:31,610
Yeah!
104
00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:33,690
Have some ebola, asshole.
105
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:42,870
I'm gonna make this the worst year of your
shitty little life.
106
00:08:43,350 --> 00:08:44,450
So are enemies?
107
00:08:44,910 --> 00:08:45,950
Mortal enemies.
108
00:08:46,950 --> 00:08:47,990
Let's drink to it.
109
00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,490
Oh, Jesus!
110
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Ow!
111
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Stop!
112
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Remember, I bought the first round.
113
00:09:01,530 --> 00:09:02,530
Yeah.
114
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,330
I've never been so happy.
115
00:09:16,570 --> 00:09:18,490
Happy as can be.
116
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Everything is buzzing.
117
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Like honeybees.
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Okay, come on.
119
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:29,050
Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.
120
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:33,390
I want a perfect dream.
121
00:09:34,170 --> 00:09:35,950
Nothing is real.
122
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Alright.
123
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,010
Alright.
124
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Nothing else matters but the way I feel.
125
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I don't feel so good.
126
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Really?
127
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It's perfect, Clara.
128
00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:19,510
There's something I want to tell you.
129
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What?
130
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Come closer.
131
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I'm a genius!
132
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I remember my first beer tip.
133
00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:51,500
Ever since I was a little baby,
all I ever wanted to do was go to Harvard.
134
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:54,750
To my spiritual home.
135
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,240
So...
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without really trying, I skipped five
grades.
137
00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:03,640
Wore all the science fairs.
138
00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:05,870
Got my Mensa card.
139
00:11:07,820 --> 00:11:08,900
But you know what happened?
140
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:13,640
Harvard rejected me.
141
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They didn't want me.
142
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Well then, screw them.
143
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,120
You don't understand.
144
00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:24,900
It just...
145
00:11:25,915 --> 00:11:26,915
killed me, you know?
146
00:11:30,185 --> 00:11:31,305
You want to know the most...
147
00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:36,120
This is the most awful, humiliating part
of the whole entire story.
148
00:11:39,890 --> 00:11:40,890
You still love the bitch?
149
00:11:41,420 --> 00:11:42,420
Yeah.
150
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,080
How'd you know?
151
00:11:49,730 --> 00:11:52,440
If you're gonna puke again, close one eye.
152
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:53,380
You know that better, right?
153
00:11:53,381 --> 00:11:54,381
Leo, Leo, Leo.
154
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:57,720
When the room starts to spin, you put one
foot on the floor.
155
00:11:57,940 --> 00:11:58,940
Yeah.
156
00:11:59,160 --> 00:11:59,600
Leo?
157
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:00,320
What?
158
00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:01,020
Leo?
159
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:01,120
Leo.
160
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:01,620
Good night.
161
00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:03,501
No, Leo, just...
You'll be all right.
162
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Hang in there.
163
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:19,940
Never mind.
164
00:12:35,330 --> 00:12:36,330
All right, dear.
165
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:37,420
Check in down the hall.
166
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,320
Harvard's coming?
167
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,080
Good evening, and welcome to Collegiate
Mastermind.
168
00:13:44,060 --> 00:13:45,300
The varsity sport of the mind.
169
00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:50,760
Tonight's two contestants are the Whitman
Warringhairs...
170
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:55,980
versus the Harvard Crimson Squad.
171
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:03,400
First question is a toss-up worth ten
points.
172
00:14:03,860 --> 00:14:05,300
The first question.
173
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:07,050
That should be the first one on the stack.
174
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,480
Okay.
175
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:17,600
How far can the Queen Mary II travel on
one gallon of diesel?
176
00:14:18,530 --> 00:14:19,530
Whitman Warringhairs.
177
00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:20,780
We forfeit.
178
00:14:22,980 --> 00:14:23,980
Incorrect.
179
00:14:24,150 --> 00:14:25,700
No, I mean we forfeit.
180
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:26,920
You can't forfeit.
181
00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:29,260
We haven't won a match since 1971.
182
00:14:34,310 --> 00:14:35,880
Oh, Harvard to steal.
183
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,210
Six inches.
184
00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:41,821
Six inches is... Correct.
185
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:44,680
I
186
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:51,030
caution Harvard at this time for
showboating.
187
00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:53,710
Six inches.
188
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:59,950
Man, if I were on the Whitman team,
my dad would send me into the woods to
189
00:14:59,951 --> 00:15:03,010
find the perfect piece of birch to split
my ass with.
190
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,070
Hey, there's the little dude.
191
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,150
Thanks for the support, little dude.
192
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:10,830
What's your name?
193
00:15:11,050 --> 00:15:12,050
Eli.
194
00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:13,380
You the man, Eli.
195
00:15:16,235 --> 00:15:17,235
How old are you?
196
00:15:17,590 --> 00:15:18,590
Thirteen.
197
00:15:18,630 --> 00:15:19,630
Uh-oh.
198
00:15:20,150 --> 00:15:21,150
He's a genius.
199
00:15:21,410 --> 00:15:21,770
Yeah.
200
00:15:21,771 --> 00:15:21,870
Huh?
201
00:15:22,090 --> 00:15:22,390
Huh?
202
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:23,210
Yeah.
203
00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:24,170
Yeah.
204
00:15:24,370 --> 00:15:24,830
Yeah.
205
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:25,350
Yeah.
206
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:26,490
Yeah.
207
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:28,310
Thirteen.
208
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,040
Walking around Harvard with hair like
that?
209
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:31,370
That's badass.
210
00:15:33,170 --> 00:15:34,670
You want a ride back to campus?
211
00:15:35,610 --> 00:15:36,490
To Boston?
212
00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:37,610
Yeah, let's roll.
213
00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:44,490
Yo, Eli, get in.
214
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:46,860
Or we aren't gonna haze you.
215
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,120
I can't.
216
00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:51,420
Why not?
217
00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:55,020
Because I don't go to Harvard.
218
00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:57,980
We're freshman year women.
219
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,840
But my soul belongs to Harvard.
220
00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:03,620
Don't worry about it.
221
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,120
The important thing is we part company
like men.
222
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,060
Listen to me, you freak.
223
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:11,960
Ow!
224
00:16:11,961 --> 00:16:12,400
Oh, my God!
225
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,980
Harvard doesn't want your soul.
226
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:15,460
Your soul is cheap.
227
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,600
And it's mediocre.
228
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:17,540
Ow, stop!
229
00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:18,460
It's a Whitman soul.
230
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:19,360
Ow!
231
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:20,380
Ow!
232
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:20,780
Ow!
233
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:21,000
Ow!
234
00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:22,001
Ow!
235
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:23,440
Ow!
236
00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:24,620
But
237
00:17:03,670 --> 00:17:04,930
they went on to win that year.
238
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:06,570
How does that help us right now?
239
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:08,866
I'm just saying you should learn,
you know, perseverance.
240
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:09,290
That's the tip.
241
00:17:09,350 --> 00:17:09,650
Oh, yeah.
242
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:12,130
If you didn't know the answer,
why did you buzz?
243
00:17:12,690 --> 00:17:14,450
Cause, well, uh...
You can't do that.
244
00:17:14,470 --> 00:17:15,070
You don't know.
245
00:17:15,170 --> 00:17:15,650
Don't buzz.
246
00:17:15,950 --> 00:17:16,150
Don't buzz.
247
00:17:16,151 --> 00:17:16,410
Don't buzz.
248
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:16,450
Hey.
249
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:18,250
I heard something about you about
ringing...
250
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,000
My name is Eli Pettifog.
251
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,440
This is Leo Cerny's last chance at a
classy future.
252
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,290
I'm gonna take a nice nap.
253
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:36,410
He's not afraid to gamble at all on a hole
and a ball.
254
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:39,520
It's the putt.
255
00:17:42,170 --> 00:17:43,390
Oh, it's on the lip.
256
00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:44,190
No, no, no.
257
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:44,850
It's rolling in.
258
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:45,750
It's rolling in.
259
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:46,930
Oh, yes!
260
00:17:47,570 --> 00:17:52,230
Leo Searly takes home $100 million in
one-dollar bets.
261
00:17:52,490 --> 00:17:53,530
Hey, how are you?
262
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:55,066
Can I tell you something super important?
263
00:17:55,090 --> 00:17:55,390
Okay.
264
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,940
Well, this is no teenage stuff.
265
00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:58,030
Don't worry.
266
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,206
This is as grown up as it gets.
267
00:17:59,230 --> 00:17:59,430
Huh?
268
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:03,810
First, I now hate Harvard with the
fanatical rage of a freedom fighter.
269
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:05,950
That sounds pretty teenage to me.
270
00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:08,450
And I've sworn my life to its destruction.
271
00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:10,550
The entire university?
272
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,390
No, just the college.
273
00:18:12,430 --> 00:18:13,430
I'm only one man.
274
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:16,164
Second, I'm now
the new captain of the
275
00:18:16,165 --> 00:18:19,031
Whitman-Warring-Harris
Collegiate Mastermind Team.
276
00:18:19,380 --> 00:18:21,290
Oh, I love that game.
277
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:23,730
When I was a kid, you know, that's the one
with the pegs.
278
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,000
Like, the colored pegs and then you get a
combination.
279
00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:27,030
No.
280
00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:29,410
It's a quiz show in which two colleges
compete.
281
00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:31,630
They see which one is smart and which one
is dumb.
282
00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:34,590
It's like the show Jeopardy with no money.
283
00:18:35,270 --> 00:18:36,270
No money?
284
00:18:36,370 --> 00:18:37,370
Forget the money, Leo.
285
00:18:38,405 --> 00:18:40,190
I've found the instrument of my revenge.
286
00:18:52,110 --> 00:18:53,853
What makes him think he
can walk in here and say,
287
00:18:53,854 --> 00:18:56,291
I'm Millie Pettifog and
I'm your new captain?
288
00:18:56,355 --> 00:18:58,715
Because none of us walked in and said,
I'm your new captain.
289
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,810
The first four digits of pi are 3.141.
290
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,810
What is the billionth digit of pi?
291
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:08,250
Nine.
292
00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:09,010
Right you are.
293
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:10,330
Dude.
294
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:14,880
Here's your bonus.
295
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:18,305
Assuming Rudolph was
in front, how many ways
296
00:19:18,306 --> 00:19:20,800
are there to arrange
the other eight reindeer?
297
00:19:21,980 --> 00:19:23,180
40,320.
298
00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:24,920
Right you are.
299
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:25,960
You're fast, kid.
300
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:27,940
Dude.
301
00:19:27,941 --> 00:19:28,400
Captain.
302
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:29,280
Sick, dude.
303
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,100
Viral pandemic.
304
00:19:30,101 --> 00:19:31,101
Sick.
305
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:32,640
Or not.
306
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:35,360
Shh.
307
00:19:53,990 --> 00:19:54,990
I'm trying to study.
308
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:13,290
You should have a package for Eli
Pettifog.
309
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:14,930
Pettifog.
310
00:20:14,931 --> 00:20:15,931
Okay.
311
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,870
P-E-T-T-I-F-O-G?
312
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:19,630
Yeah.
313
00:20:19,810 --> 00:20:20,450
Weird name.
314
00:20:20,730 --> 00:20:21,730
What's it mean?
315
00:20:22,990 --> 00:20:24,270
Okay, here we go.
316
00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,970
Pettifog means you bicker over everything.
317
00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:29,350
That's ridiculous.
318
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,280
Second definition.
319
00:20:33,340 --> 00:20:36,030
To practice deception or trickery.
320
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:38,210
Do you have a package for me and a package
for me?
321
00:20:38,230 --> 00:20:38,350
You're not.
322
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,630
There's no package for you, Pettifog.
323
00:20:41,385 --> 00:20:42,385
No lying or complaining.
324
00:20:44,030 --> 00:20:45,030
Okay.
325
00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:47,350
Hey.
326
00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:48,550
Can I use your phone?
327
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:49,790
Yeah, sure.
328
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:00,750
It's private.
329
00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:01,910
I understand.
330
00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:12,960
Hey, Mom.
331
00:21:15,145 --> 00:21:17,505
Just calling you to remind you you forgot
my birthday again.
332
00:21:20,470 --> 00:21:21,470
It's your birthday?
333
00:21:21,670 --> 00:21:22,230
Yep.
334
00:21:22,610 --> 00:21:23,610
Big one of four.
335
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:25,650
What's the plan?
336
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,150
Hey, thanks, Leo.
337
00:21:58,450 --> 00:21:59,450
It was really fun.
338
00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:00,750
Happy birthday, Eli!
339
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,280
Faster!
340
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,480
What's wrong with this thing?
341
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,080
Hey, Fuzzy.
342
00:22:32,490 --> 00:22:33,570
That's my favorite machine.
343
00:22:34,980 --> 00:22:35,980
Hi.
344
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,040
Happy birthday.
345
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:39,560
Thanks.
346
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:41,100
I wish I can go to Whitman.
347
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:43,480
There's no mall studies major at Whitman.
348
00:22:44,235 --> 00:22:45,380
I'm not a mall girl.
349
00:22:46,230 --> 00:22:48,760
I only shop at the most exclusive
boutiques.
350
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:50,520
Mm-hmm.
351
00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:54,220
You want a shotgun?
352
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,000
What's a shotgun?
353
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:57,800
Let me show you.
354
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:00,640
I know
355
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,510
you have a thing for me.
356
00:23:13,090 --> 00:23:14,330
What are you gonna do about it?
357
00:23:15,730 --> 00:23:16,910
What are you talking about?
358
00:23:17,620 --> 00:23:20,170
I see you checking out my boyish curves.
359
00:23:22,590 --> 00:23:23,110
Come.
360
00:23:23,270 --> 00:23:24,270
Lay down with me.
361
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,120
You wanna know a secret?
362
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,000
Okay.
363
00:23:37,845 --> 00:23:38,845
I've never kissed anyone.
364
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:42,300
So what?
365
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:43,400
Neither have I.
366
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:46,500
I'm worried I might suck at it.
367
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:50,500
How hard can it be?
368
00:23:53,050 --> 00:23:54,810
I guess something's too important to be
easy.
369
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:07,040
Well, stop squirming.
370
00:24:07,085 --> 00:24:09,300
Are you supposed to be drooling directly
into my mouth?
371
00:24:19,690 --> 00:24:20,690
Toss-up.
372
00:24:21,340 --> 00:24:23,602
Which state, in
order of entry into the
373
00:24:23,603 --> 00:24:27,511
Union, is Bruce the Boss
Springsteen not from?
374
00:24:29,610 --> 00:24:30,610
Whitman.
375
00:24:31,390 --> 00:24:36,510
Not Delaware, Pennsylvania, Georgia,
Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maryland,
376
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:42,070
South Carolina, New Hampshire,
Virginia, New York, North Carolina,
377
00:24:42,270 --> 00:24:45,850
Rhode Island, Vermont, Kentucky,
uh...
378
00:24:46,050 --> 00:24:47,050
Keep going.
379
00:24:47,550 --> 00:24:53,110
Not Tennessee, Ohio, Louisiana,
Indiana, Mississippi, Illinois,
380
00:24:53,490 --> 00:24:59,930
Alabama, Maine, Missouri, Arkansas,
Michigan, Florida, Texas, Iowa,
381
00:25:00,170 --> 00:25:04,231
Wisconsin, California,
Minnesota... Fifteen seconds.
382
00:25:04,630 --> 00:25:05,630
Um...
383
00:25:05,870 --> 00:25:11,290
Not Oregon, Kansas, West Virginia,
Nevada, Nebraska, Colorado, North Dakota,
384
00:25:11,450 --> 00:25:12,810
South Dakota... Do it, weirdo!
385
00:25:13,090 --> 00:25:14,090
Yeah, do it!
386
00:25:14,310 --> 00:25:20,070
Montana, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming,
Utah, New Mexico, Arizona, Alaska,
387
00:25:20,470 --> 00:25:21,910
North Hawaii.
388
00:25:24,275 --> 00:25:25,390
By God, he's done it.
389
00:25:27,770 --> 00:25:28,770
Nice.
390
00:25:29,310 --> 00:25:30,310
Very nice.
391
00:25:32,710 --> 00:25:34,070
And friggin' conceivable.
392
00:25:34,730 --> 00:25:35,730
Friggin' magnificent.
393
00:25:38,190 --> 00:25:40,230
Friggin'... Friggin'!
394
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:41,520
I want a piece of your action.
395
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:42,936
You can't have any of my action.
396
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:44,440
Do you even know what your action is?
397
00:25:44,910 --> 00:25:46,856
You're the one who started talking about
my action.
398
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:51,830
Your action is blowing people away with
your genius and your bizarre charisma.
399
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,400
You're a college star in the making.
400
00:25:56,810 --> 00:25:58,210
My quest is private, Leo.
401
00:25:58,750 --> 00:25:59,790
It's not for other people.
402
00:26:02,410 --> 00:26:03,850
Do you think I should start a blog?
403
00:26:55,620 --> 00:26:56,620
Whoa.
404
00:27:00,460 --> 00:27:01,460
Nice try, Leo.
405
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:02,680
Hmm?
406
00:27:02,770 --> 00:27:04,660
This jacket is from Sweatshop City.
407
00:27:05,060 --> 00:27:06,140
What are you talking about?
408
00:27:06,345 --> 00:27:08,300
It was hand-stitched in Beacon Falls,
USA.
409
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,826
It makes me look like I have old man
shoulders.
410
00:27:10,850 --> 00:27:11,960
Man shoulders are a perk.
411
00:27:13,100 --> 00:27:14,100
Oh.
412
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:16,680
And how come the waist is so tight?
413
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:18,440
I don't know.
414
00:27:18,980 --> 00:27:20,060
What are you talking about?
415
00:27:20,790 --> 00:27:21,790
It's form-fitting.
416
00:27:22,970 --> 00:27:24,050
It flatters the silhouette.
417
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,040
Oh.
418
00:27:27,500 --> 00:27:28,900
Well, what about the collar?
419
00:27:29,550 --> 00:27:30,590
The jacket's perfect, Eli.
420
00:27:31,580 --> 00:27:32,580
You promise?
421
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:34,440
Yeah.
422
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,260
Must be why I love it so much.
423
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:40,240
I hope
424
00:28:03,060 --> 00:28:03,900
you all enjoyed your lunch.
425
00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:08,140
Today we're offering $1,000 to anyone who
can stump...
426
00:28:08,665 --> 00:28:11,500
the Whitman Warringhairs Collegiate
Mastermind Squad.
427
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:12,880
Okay.
428
00:28:13,060 --> 00:28:13,700
Perky girl.
429
00:28:14,005 --> 00:28:16,080
Okay, why does he have pubic hair on his
head?
430
00:28:17,820 --> 00:28:19,500
Not the sort of question we're looking
for.
431
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:20,160
Next!
432
00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:21,620
But the people want to know.
433
00:28:21,810 --> 00:28:22,540
Don't you want to know?
434
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:23,640
Yeah!
435
00:28:25,050 --> 00:28:26,056
Okay, the people want to know.
436
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:27,860
Why does your hair look like down there
hair?
437
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:30,320
It's a great question.
438
00:28:31,650 --> 00:28:34,640
My hair resembles pubic hair because it's
designed to protect my brain.
439
00:28:35,150 --> 00:28:36,310
Protect your brain from what?
440
00:28:37,430 --> 00:28:38,430
From stupidity.
441
00:28:41,390 --> 00:28:42,390
You calling me stupid?
442
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:44,320
They're calling you stupid.
443
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:46,420
What about you?
444
00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:48,240
I'm calling you stupid, too.
445
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:51,280
Yeah?
446
00:28:52,100 --> 00:28:54,300
Who will be stupid when I'm eating your
brain, Pettyfog?
447
00:28:56,910 --> 00:28:57,910
Grilled with sea salt.
448
00:29:00,630 --> 00:29:01,750
You're gonna grill my brain?
449
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,120
He's gonna grill your brain.
450
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:09,760
Caveman.
451
00:29:10,330 --> 00:29:11,660
You can't even start a fire.
452
00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:15,160
I'll rub your bones together.
453
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:16,580
Name one bone.
454
00:29:16,780 --> 00:29:17,780
Your skull bone.
455
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:18,260
All right, kids.
456
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:18,720
Come on.
457
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:19,320
Not a bone.
458
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:20,580
Thank you very much.
459
00:29:20,700 --> 00:29:22,980
Don't forget to come see the warring
hares.
460
00:29:23,100 --> 00:29:23,640
I can take them?
461
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:24,120
Put me down.
462
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:25,160
Buster tables.
463
00:29:29,490 --> 00:29:31,190
I want to thank you for benching me.
464
00:29:31,420 --> 00:29:32,986
I've never felt so confident in my life.
465
00:29:33,010 --> 00:29:34,010
What are friends for?
466
00:29:37,230 --> 00:29:39,130
Hey, sexy genius.
467
00:29:39,450 --> 00:29:40,770
Hey, sexy lady with socks.
468
00:29:40,771 --> 00:29:42,150
She's not talking to you.
469
00:29:42,270 --> 00:29:43,346
What are you talking about?
470
00:29:43,370 --> 00:29:45,310
Hey, you teach me.
471
00:29:46,150 --> 00:29:47,010
I'll teach you.
472
00:29:47,130 --> 00:29:50,630
A little quid pro blow, as they say in
modern Latin.
473
00:29:55,030 --> 00:29:56,050
See you at Vassar.
474
00:29:57,390 --> 00:29:58,390
Bye, boys.
475
00:29:58,850 --> 00:29:59,890
It's quid pro quo.
476
00:30:00,090 --> 00:30:02,630
The collegiate mastermind that might be
quid pro quo.
477
00:30:03,035 --> 00:30:06,230
But in the game of life, her interpretation
is right on the sticky button.
478
00:30:06,490 --> 00:30:07,490
You're so cool.
479
00:30:07,860 --> 00:30:09,026
I think I'm gonna call you the Fog.
480
00:30:09,050 --> 00:30:10,050
Please, don't call me the Fog.
481
00:30:10,051 --> 00:30:10,710
This makes me sad.
482
00:30:10,770 --> 00:30:11,770
Sorry.
483
00:30:12,170 --> 00:30:13,170
Hey, baby.
484
00:30:13,890 --> 00:30:14,690
Hi, Gertrude.
485
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:15,760
Hi, ladies.
486
00:30:15,790 --> 00:30:16,190
Gertrude.
487
00:30:16,210 --> 00:30:17,210
Where's Leo?
488
00:30:18,610 --> 00:30:19,970
Looks like we got a ride.
489
00:30:20,210 --> 00:30:21,210
Nice.
490
00:30:23,590 --> 00:30:24,590
So sweet.
491
00:30:24,750 --> 00:30:25,150
Awesome.
492
00:30:25,190 --> 00:30:25,810
It's so cool.
493
00:30:26,050 --> 00:30:26,370
Lucky.
494
00:30:26,750 --> 00:30:27,150
Awesome.
495
00:30:27,650 --> 00:30:28,570
You have a bed in this thing?
496
00:30:28,590 --> 00:30:29,210
I like this car.
497
00:30:29,390 --> 00:30:30,390
Nice, isn't it?
498
00:30:30,570 --> 00:30:32,370
It feels kind of like a land couch.
499
00:30:32,750 --> 00:30:33,310
Hey, Leo.
500
00:30:33,390 --> 00:30:34,390
Guess what?
501
00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:35,230
Eli has a groupie.
502
00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:35,790
Shut up, bro.
503
00:30:35,870 --> 00:30:36,250
Jesus Christ.
504
00:30:36,290 --> 00:30:36,870
What's her name?
505
00:30:37,030 --> 00:30:37,650
Eve Hanson.
506
00:30:37,790 --> 00:30:38,430
She's a senior.
507
00:30:38,530 --> 00:30:38,790
She cute?
508
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,750
She looks like Gertrude if you gave her a
name.
509
00:30:40,751 --> 00:30:42,431
We're gonna have a blotting hour of money.
510
00:30:42,510 --> 00:30:46,430
Romeo, the only groupie you're ever gonna
have is your hand.
511
00:30:49,250 --> 00:30:49,850
That really hurt.
512
00:30:50,050 --> 00:30:50,410
Good.
513
00:30:50,590 --> 00:30:51,590
Buckle up, kids.
514
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,360
Rhino Telexamania is compulsive
nose-picking.
515
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,860
Gynecomastia means man boobs.
516
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:09,680
The naked mole rat is immune to cancer.
517
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:11,440
Whitman College has won the match.
518
00:31:12,620 --> 00:31:13,760
Oh, we did it.
519
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:18,180
And for the match... What syndrome
does pop star Lily Allen have?
520
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:19,000
Whitman.
521
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,960
The supernumerary nipple syndrome.
522
00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:22,640
The triple nipple.
523
00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:23,900
Correct.
524
00:31:26,140 --> 00:31:28,960
Abalone is not a musk, but a large marine
snail.
525
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:29,680
That's correct.
526
00:31:29,820 --> 00:31:31,020
Match goes to Whitman College.
527
00:31:32,380 --> 00:31:35,820
The aquatic scrotum resides primarily in
Lake Titicaca.
528
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,400
Whitman wins!
529
00:31:37,740 --> 00:31:38,740
Yes!
530
00:31:43,900 --> 00:31:44,900
Warrior!
531
00:31:49,180 --> 00:31:50,180
Warrior!
532
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:52,880
Hi.
533
00:32:52,060 --> 00:32:53,380
Can you please stay away from me?
534
00:32:55,180 --> 00:32:56,180
Don't worry.
535
00:32:56,260 --> 00:32:57,580
Laird never comes to the library.
536
00:32:58,760 --> 00:32:59,760
I find you fascinating.
537
00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:00,920
No, you don't.
538
00:33:02,020 --> 00:33:03,140
And dangerous.
539
00:33:06,355 --> 00:33:07,355
I'm very safe.
540
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:10,720
Do I scare you?
541
00:33:11,020 --> 00:33:12,020
Yes, very much.
542
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:19,420
Well, just try to look past my breasts and
everything else and see the real me.
543
00:33:20,740 --> 00:33:21,740
Look past your breasts?
544
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:24,380
I can't even look at them.
545
00:33:24,940 --> 00:33:25,940
Just...
546
00:33:26,340 --> 00:33:27,340
Right?
547
00:33:27,540 --> 00:33:28,540
Do you need...
548
00:33:29,140 --> 00:33:30,340
I'm not gonna look at them.
549
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:35,320
Don't worry, Romeo.
550
00:33:35,321 --> 00:33:36,321
We can be Yale.
551
00:33:36,380 --> 00:33:37,380
It's not that.
552
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:38,560
Well, what is it?
553
00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:40,460
My brother goes to Yale.
554
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:41,800
Oh, really?
555
00:33:41,940 --> 00:33:42,940
That's a bummer.
556
00:33:43,025 --> 00:33:45,105
It's only because he's a non-threatened
Puerto Rican.
557
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,599
I did not get into Yale
because my mighty mas macho
558
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,201
terrifies the white man
to his balls like raisins.
559
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:53,460
But it still hurts, you know?
560
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,240
Every night it still hurts.
561
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:58,780
So you have a smarter brother?
562
00:33:59,660 --> 00:34:01,080
Is he better looking, too?
563
00:34:02,535 --> 00:34:03,840
Yeah, but only a little bit.
564
00:34:07,730 --> 00:34:08,730
Eli?
565
00:34:09,570 --> 00:34:12,390
Can you dedicate this one to Romeo?
566
00:34:14,205 --> 00:34:15,405
He's really hurting back here.
567
00:34:15,450 --> 00:34:16,450
Sure.
568
00:34:16,770 --> 00:34:18,430
This one's for you, big guy.
569
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:26,880
Good evening.
570
00:34:27,450 --> 00:34:29,620
And welcome to the Yale Bulldogs...
571
00:34:31,220 --> 00:34:33,760
versus the Whitman Warring Hairs.
572
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,340
First question is a toss-up for ten
points.
573
00:34:38,530 --> 00:34:41,500
How many names are listed on the Vietnam
War Memorial?
574
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,520
58,652.
575
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:44,820
Wrong.
576
00:34:45,420 --> 00:34:46,420
Whitman for the steel?
577
00:34:47,720 --> 00:34:49,000
58,256.
578
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:50,900
That is oh-so-right.
579
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:52,520
Bonus to Whitman.
580
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,120
The memorial is built from black granite.
581
00:34:55,330 --> 00:34:56,920
Where does this granite come from?
582
00:34:57,740 --> 00:34:58,740
Bangalore, India.
583
00:34:58,940 --> 00:34:59,940
Right again.
584
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:01,520
Toss-up.
585
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,560
Who invented the roulette wheel and why?
586
00:35:06,300 --> 00:35:08,995
French philosopher and
mathematician Blaise Pascal
587
00:35:09,045 --> 00:35:11,310
invented roulette for a
perpetual motion experiment.
588
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:12,900
That is oh-so-right.
589
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:14,320
Bonus to Yale.
590
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,260
Why is roulette called the Devil's Game?
591
00:35:19,610 --> 00:35:21,820
Because all the numbers on the wheel add
up to 666.
592
00:35:22,180 --> 00:35:23,180
Correct.
593
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:25,280
Hello.
594
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:26,040
Huh?
595
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:27,320
I'm not kidding.
596
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:27,800
What's up?
597
00:35:28,020 --> 00:35:29,260
Some girls know about roulette.
598
00:35:29,765 --> 00:35:30,826
Other girls know about the Devil.
599
00:35:30,850 --> 00:35:32,010
But no girl knows about both.
600
00:35:32,050 --> 00:35:33,290
Especially not girls like that.
601
00:35:34,220 --> 00:35:34,980
She's cheating.
602
00:35:35,220 --> 00:35:35,900
How do you know?
603
00:35:36,110 --> 00:35:37,356
Check out the receiver in your seat.
604
00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:38,380
It's right there.
605
00:35:39,100 --> 00:35:39,840
Yeah, I see it.
606
00:35:39,945 --> 00:35:41,305
Someone's feeding you the answers.
607
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:43,240
I bet she cheated to get into Yale,
too.
608
00:35:43,810 --> 00:35:44,810
I bet she took your spot.
609
00:35:46,460 --> 00:35:47,240
Whitman breaking news.
610
00:35:47,241 --> 00:35:47,560
You wanna check her huddle?
611
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:49,340
Guys, here's your choice.
612
00:35:49,820 --> 00:35:51,200
We can beat them fair and square.
613
00:35:51,420 --> 00:35:52,460
I promise we can.
614
00:35:52,860 --> 00:35:55,640
Or we can put an eternal stain on their
lives.
615
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:57,680
It's your call.
616
00:35:57,740 --> 00:35:58,740
Yale's your white whale.
617
00:35:59,540 --> 00:36:00,540
Eternal stain.
618
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:01,800
Alright, just be cool.
619
00:36:01,940 --> 00:36:02,780
I can't be cool.
620
00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:03,300
Oh, God.
621
00:36:03,420 --> 00:36:04,420
Oh, no, no,
622
00:36:37,620 --> 00:36:39,340
I know you saw that sign.
623
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:42,880
Yeah, I saw it.
624
00:37:31,050 --> 00:37:32,050
Here we are at Harvard.
625
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:34,640
The smartest place on earth.
626
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:41,560
This is the freshman dorm at Adam's house.
627
00:37:42,655 --> 00:37:44,015
Some of the rooms have fireplaces.
628
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:45,400
Get over it.
629
00:37:50,330 --> 00:37:51,330
What are you doing?
630
00:37:52,500 --> 00:37:53,820
What does it look like I'm doing?
631
00:38:12,410 --> 00:38:13,930
What's the high score in this machine?
632
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:27,620
The flavor is disappearing.
633
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:28,360
Can you put on some more?
634
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:29,560
I have cherry too.
635
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,180
No, this is the one.
636
00:38:31,220 --> 00:38:32,300
This is definitely the one.
637
00:38:42,140 --> 00:38:43,420
Really good kisser, Eli.
638
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:44,800
Thanks.
639
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:47,060
I can't do this all day.
640
00:38:47,900 --> 00:38:49,200
I'll just sleep somewhere else.
641
00:38:50,980 --> 00:38:51,980
Like where?
642
00:38:52,340 --> 00:38:53,340
Like my neck.
643
00:38:55,100 --> 00:38:56,100
What about your neck?
644
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:57,640
Kiss it.
645
00:38:58,420 --> 00:38:59,420
Okay.
646
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:09,880
It looks so good.
647
00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:13,500
And now the other side.
648
00:39:14,740 --> 00:39:15,740
Okay.
649
00:39:29,140 --> 00:39:30,140
Eli?
650
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:31,640
Yeah?
651
00:39:32,585 --> 00:39:33,660
Do you have a roommate?
652
00:39:34,220 --> 00:39:35,220
No.
653
00:39:36,405 --> 00:39:37,720
You shouldn't invite me over.
654
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,120
You know.
655
00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:43,420
Me being on campus might make me into a
crazy woman.
656
00:39:50,340 --> 00:39:53,160
Did you know that every
time you recall a memory,
657
00:39:53,161 --> 00:39:55,280
you're making the whole
thing up from scratch?
658
00:39:55,580 --> 00:39:56,240
It's ridiculous.
659
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,400
My memories are exactly the same every
time.
660
00:39:58,620 --> 00:39:58,720
Oh.
661
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,000
Okay.
662
00:40:01,110 --> 00:40:02,590
Well, what was I wearing when we met?
663
00:40:03,460 --> 00:40:04,460
Nothing.
664
00:40:04,580 --> 00:40:05,200
Come on.
665
00:40:05,201 --> 00:40:06,401
I'm trying to do science here.
666
00:40:06,805 --> 00:40:08,725
Don't you need test tubes or something
like that?
667
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,620
What color lipstick did your wife wear at
your wedding?
668
00:40:13,020 --> 00:40:15,420
How did you know that I was married?
669
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:17,320
It's written all over you.
670
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:19,680
Divorced guy goes to college.
671
00:40:20,340 --> 00:40:21,480
Not a good look, is it?
672
00:40:22,660 --> 00:40:23,520
It's not a look.
673
00:40:23,580 --> 00:40:24,080
It's a life.
674
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:24,980
Okay.
675
00:40:25,420 --> 00:40:26,420
Wanna go back to my room?
676
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:26,980
Sure.
677
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,120
I still have 20 more pages before we have
a sex break.
678
00:40:30,300 --> 00:40:30,720
Okay.
679
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:31,000
Fine.
680
00:40:31,140 --> 00:40:32,140
No highlighting.
681
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:33,420
No looking stuff up.
682
00:40:33,460 --> 00:40:34,460
No dog-earing pages.
683
00:40:35,180 --> 00:40:35,600
Deal.
684
00:40:35,820 --> 00:40:36,820
Deal.
685
00:40:38,660 --> 00:40:39,460
Divorce is sexy.
686
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:39,940
Really?
687
00:40:39,980 --> 00:40:40,380
Yeah.
688
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,600
As long as you don't have any brats
running around you.
689
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:43,960
Uh...
690
00:40:45,100 --> 00:40:45,520
Yo.
691
00:40:45,670 --> 00:40:46,640
Laird wants a truce.
692
00:40:46,641 --> 00:40:47,641
He's all...
693
00:40:48,260 --> 00:40:49,500
...fruity for you or something.
694
00:40:49,860 --> 00:40:50,860
A truce, huh?
695
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,000
Okay.
696
00:40:52,380 --> 00:40:53,380
Take this.
697
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:54,480
You need it.
698
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:56,200
Laird!
699
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:57,280
Steady, boss!
700
00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:04,820
Tell me we're going to be Princeton.
701
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:06,320
We're gonna be Princeton.
702
00:41:06,540 --> 00:41:08,060
Tell me we're going to the Final Four.
703
00:41:08,380 --> 00:41:09,020
Final Four?
704
00:41:09,100 --> 00:41:09,780
We're going all the way.
705
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,340
Did you just promise me a national
championship?
706
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:13,760
I'm guaranteeing it.
707
00:41:15,020 --> 00:41:16,020
I believe you, Hila.
708
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:18,620
I believe that you can restore me.
709
00:41:18,621 --> 00:41:21,276
I believe you can restore our glory to
Whitman Athletics and make us whole again.
710
00:41:21,300 --> 00:41:22,300
Yeah, I promise.
711
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:27,380
But if you fail, I will make you retarded
with my fist.
712
00:41:28,660 --> 00:41:29,660
Okay.
713
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:51,020
I'm gonna make this the worst year of your
shitty little life.
714
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:56,820
But if you fail, I will make you retarded
with my fist.
715
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,160
We're not dumb!
716
00:41:59,650 --> 00:42:00,650
We're not dumb!
717
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,040
We're not dumb!
718
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,420
I'm Eli Pettyfog.
719
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:09,920
Ask me anything.
720
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:13,760
We're not dumb!
721
00:42:13,761 --> 00:42:14,940
Yo, that's total commitment.
722
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:16,920
What are you talking about?
723
00:42:17,300 --> 00:42:17,860
Pettyfog.
724
00:42:18,100 --> 00:42:19,100
He named it.
725
00:42:19,660 --> 00:42:20,660
Let me see that.
726
00:42:25,820 --> 00:42:26,440
Oh, please.
727
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:27,680
That's Kiss.
728
00:42:27,740 --> 00:42:28,760
We're the Beatles.
729
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:31,400
Tiger!
730
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:32,680
Tiger!
731
00:42:34,580 --> 00:42:35,760
We're not dumb!
732
00:42:35,940 --> 00:42:37,020
We're not dumb!
733
00:42:37,260 --> 00:42:38,300
We're not dumb!
734
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:38,940
We're not dumb!
735
00:42:38,941 --> 00:42:39,340
We're not dumb!
736
00:42:39,341 --> 00:42:40,500
We make it to the last one.
737
00:42:40,501 --> 00:42:40,940
Rubin.
738
00:42:40,941 --> 00:42:41,941
The father won't kill me.
739
00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:43,720
69 team lost to Princeton.
740
00:42:56,780 --> 00:42:57,780
Good
741
00:43:06,570 --> 00:43:13,510
evening and welcome to Collegiate
Mastermind by Whitman County.
742
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,040
All right.
743
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:24,240
The first question is a toss-up worth ten
points.
744
00:43:25,140 --> 00:43:29,300
Which president created a company slogan
by describing a certain brand of coffee as
745
00:43:29,450 --> 00:43:32,020
being good to the last drop?
746
00:43:32,690 --> 00:43:33,690
Teddy Roosevelt.
747
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:34,880
Correct.
748
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,260
Here's your bonus.
749
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:44,260
In Italy, what is the average age of a
barista?
750
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:45,620
Forty-eight.
751
00:43:45,780 --> 00:43:46,780
Nicely done.
752
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,000
Toss-up now.
753
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:56,280
What is the longest word ever used by a
presidential press secretary?
754
00:43:58,340 --> 00:43:59,396
Fluxinoxonihillipillification.
755
00:43:59,420 --> 00:44:00,420
That's the word.
756
00:44:01,140 --> 00:44:02,300
Here's your bonus.
757
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,890
What is the longest word
in the English language
758
00:44:05,891 --> 00:44:08,901
whose letters can be
played on the piano?
759
00:44:13,450 --> 00:44:14,090
Cabbage.
760
00:44:14,230 --> 00:44:15,230
Musical.
761
00:44:17,050 --> 00:44:18,050
Toss-up.
762
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,688
How much money did
Abraham Lincoln have in
763
00:44:20,689 --> 00:44:23,451
his pocket at the time
of his assassination?
764
00:44:23,970 --> 00:44:25,430
Five dollars in Confederate money.
765
00:44:25,690 --> 00:44:26,890
Nice shot, Whitman.
766
00:44:26,891 --> 00:44:28,910
All the way to the back.
767
00:44:38,340 --> 00:44:39,340
Here's your bonus.
768
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,120
What is the average lifespan of a U.S.
769
00:44:42,121 --> 00:44:43,400
dollar in circulation?
770
00:44:44,340 --> 00:44:45,340
Eighteen months.
771
00:44:45,380 --> 00:44:46,380
Correct.
772
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:52,660
Such an intense bloat.
773
00:44:52,860 --> 00:44:53,640
It's all the coaching.
774
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:54,340
Toss-up.
775
00:44:54,460 --> 00:44:56,320
Who wrote Fart Proudly?
776
00:44:57,100 --> 00:44:58,100
Benjamin Franklin.
777
00:44:58,280 --> 00:44:58,480
Exactly.
778
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:00,100
Nostalgie de la boule.
779
00:45:00,180 --> 00:45:00,440
Bingo.
780
00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:02,356
Twenty-eight thousand, four hundred and
twenty.
781
00:45:02,380 --> 00:45:03,380
Well done.
782
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:04,960
Bella Abzug.
783
00:45:04,961 --> 00:45:07,560
The Stockholm Syndrome.
784
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:09,280
The number one.
785
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:12,620
Banging your head against a wall burns 150
calories per hour.
786
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:16,720
On average, right-handed people live nine
years longer than left-handed people.
787
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:18,120
Mike Huckabee.
788
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,080
The mainland tiger snake.
789
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:25,940
The two presidents whose names contain the
letters that form criminal are Richard
790
00:45:25,941 --> 00:45:28,700
Milhous Nixon and William Jefferson
Clinton.
791
00:45:29,620 --> 00:45:34,320
If Barbie were life-size, she would stand
seven feet, two inches.
792
00:45:39,620 --> 00:45:43,530
It is a tight race, and if I do say so
myself.
793
00:45:44,770 --> 00:45:45,770
61.
794
00:45:46,060 --> 00:45:50,590
This final question will determine which
team will go to the final four.
795
00:45:53,290 --> 00:45:54,290
Teams, set your buzzers.
796
00:46:05,110 --> 00:46:09,630
Who first said Elvis has left the
building?
797
00:46:10,490 --> 00:46:11,050
Whitman.
798
00:46:11,250 --> 00:46:12,270
Horace Lee Logan.
799
00:46:12,470 --> 00:46:13,670
Holy shit, that's right.
800
00:46:13,790 --> 00:46:14,790
Yes!
801
00:46:16,030 --> 00:46:18,910
The first sentence is...
The first sentence is...
802
00:46:19,470 --> 00:46:25,030
The first sentence is... The first
sentence is... The first sentence is...
803
00:46:25,031 --> 00:46:29,270
The first sentence is... The first
sentence is... The first sentence is...
804
00:46:29,271 --> 00:46:32,450
The first sentence is... The first
sentence is... The first sentence is...
805
00:46:32,451 --> 00:46:35,471
The first sentence is... The first
sentence is... Whoa, whoa, whoa!
806
00:46:35,570 --> 00:46:37,510
Get over the line.
807
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:07,360
Yo.
808
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:09,560
Yo.
809
00:47:11,940 --> 00:47:12,500
Yo!
810
00:47:12,740 --> 00:47:13,300
Yo!
811
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:24,940
Hey, Pettyfog.
812
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:26,720
I registered mail.
813
00:47:29,070 --> 00:47:30,070
You know what, Pettyfog?
814
00:47:30,910 --> 00:47:31,910
You're no Pettyfog.
815
00:47:32,460 --> 00:47:34,300
You're an angel of knowledge with a kinky
halo.
816
00:47:35,310 --> 00:47:36,310
Saw you the other night.
817
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:37,680
Awesome.
818
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,000
Thanks.
819
00:47:40,420 --> 00:47:41,480
Hey, Pettyfog.
820
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:43,040
Hi-yah!
821
00:47:53,390 --> 00:47:54,390
Oh, shit!
822
00:47:55,250 --> 00:47:56,830
...to the academic building.
823
00:47:57,430 --> 00:47:59,050
And the first thing we're
gonna do... Question.
824
00:47:59,370 --> 00:48:01,910
What is the student bathroom ratio on this
campus?
825
00:48:02,770 --> 00:48:03,770
Sophie?
826
00:48:03,930 --> 00:48:04,930
Yes?
827
00:48:05,690 --> 00:48:06,730
Who are you?
828
00:48:07,670 --> 00:48:08,670
Um...
829
00:48:09,410 --> 00:48:10,470
I'm Leo Surly.
830
00:48:14,930 --> 00:48:15,930
My bio dad?
831
00:48:16,010 --> 00:48:17,010
Your father.
832
00:48:19,050 --> 00:48:20,050
No.
833
00:48:20,805 --> 00:48:21,850
That's my father.
834
00:48:23,220 --> 00:48:24,740
Don't tell me you're a professor here.
835
00:48:24,890 --> 00:48:25,250
No.
836
00:48:25,530 --> 00:48:26,530
Uh, yes.
837
00:48:27,220 --> 00:48:28,220
I'm not tenured yet.
838
00:48:28,270 --> 00:48:31,170
Well, it's a... You
left when I was seven.
839
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:35,210
And now you're teaching at my top college
choice?
840
00:48:35,700 --> 00:48:38,310
You're ruining my life all over again.
841
00:48:38,430 --> 00:48:41,630
And you don't even care that you're
ruining my life.
842
00:48:42,045 --> 00:48:45,010
All you care about is Leo Surly.
843
00:48:45,150 --> 00:48:49,570
Three-time loser and pathetic Peter Pan.
844
00:48:52,690 --> 00:48:54,911
So... So... Sophie,
just give me the chance.
845
00:48:59,780 --> 00:49:00,910
She ain't here, fuzzy.
846
00:49:08,690 --> 00:49:09,690
Read it.
847
00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:11,580
Read the letter.
848
00:49:18,820 --> 00:49:19,820
Collegiate Mastermind.
849
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:24,920
Dear Eli Pettifog, the Collegiate
Mastermind committee hereby suspends you
850
00:49:24,921 --> 00:49:28,840
from the semifinal match of this year's
Final Four for Actions Unbecoming.
851
00:49:29,810 --> 00:49:34,320
La la buzz section 4 code 93 you're not
even allowed in the building.
852
00:49:34,740 --> 00:49:35,500
Is this for real?
853
00:49:35,620 --> 00:49:36,620
Yes, it's for real.
854
00:49:37,090 --> 00:49:38,180
This is your fault, Leo.
855
00:49:39,010 --> 00:49:40,130
You got me the team jackets.
856
00:49:40,230 --> 00:49:41,230
You got me the van.
857
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:42,620
You made me popular.
858
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:44,360
How could you do those things?
859
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:47,536
I knew I shouldn't have enrolled you in
karate classes.
860
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:49,240
That's typical Leo Surly sarcasm.
861
00:49:49,300 --> 00:49:51,340
You just don't care about anyone or
anything.
862
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,600
Jesus Christ, I can't believe this is
happening.
863
00:49:56,601 --> 00:49:59,200
I had Harvard dangling over the falls,
Leo.
864
00:50:00,340 --> 00:50:01,780
You have to do something about this.
865
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:03,280
You have to go to the
Collegiate Mastermind
866
00:50:03,281 --> 00:50:04,700
headquarters and you
have to set them straight.
867
00:50:04,860 --> 00:50:05,860
I can't do that.
868
00:50:06,020 --> 00:50:07,020
Why not?
869
00:50:07,590 --> 00:50:09,607
You just burst into their
offices you tell them you're my
870
00:50:09,608 --> 00:50:11,820
father and they're messing
with my destiny or something.
871
00:50:12,810 --> 00:50:15,900
You know there are some things that you
just can't change.
872
00:50:23,390 --> 00:50:24,990
I thought you were afraid to talk to me.
873
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,280
I've been suspended from the semifinal
match.
874
00:50:29,710 --> 00:50:30,710
For karate?
875
00:50:32,650 --> 00:50:33,650
You idiot.
876
00:50:35,890 --> 00:50:36,890
No.
877
00:50:37,530 --> 00:50:38,730
But they never even warned me.
878
00:50:38,870 --> 00:50:40,586
I really hope you consider coming to
Whitman.
879
00:50:40,610 --> 00:50:41,706
You're a wonderful candidate.
880
00:50:41,730 --> 00:50:42,730
Thank you so much.
881
00:50:43,450 --> 00:50:47,070
Did you ever consider the possibility that
maybe you're the patsy in all this?
882
00:50:49,150 --> 00:50:50,770
If I was set up, why would I be set up?
883
00:50:51,150 --> 00:50:54,710
Look, they used you to bring attention to
the mastermind, but at the end of the day
884
00:50:55,310 --> 00:50:56,750
they were never going to let you in.
885
00:50:57,290 --> 00:50:58,490
You're collegiate white trash.
886
00:50:58,900 --> 00:51:00,340
You're even more paranoid than I am.
887
00:51:00,950 --> 00:51:02,350
I think this happened all the time.
888
00:51:07,260 --> 00:51:08,260
Hi.
889
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:09,920
Hello.
890
00:51:10,820 --> 00:51:11,820
Hello.
891
00:51:12,370 --> 00:51:13,770
I've been looking all over for you.
892
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:15,080
What are you doing here?
893
00:51:16,765 --> 00:51:20,500
Um, I just finished my interview and then
the campus tour.
894
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:22,400
Now I'm in the library, which is awesome.
895
00:51:23,450 --> 00:51:24,490
I'm a little bit confused.
896
00:51:24,990 --> 00:51:27,036
Are you applying for an after school job
or something?
897
00:51:27,060 --> 00:51:28,060
No.
898
00:51:29,180 --> 00:51:31,300
I'm applying as a student to Whitman
College, Eli.
899
00:51:31,301 --> 00:51:32,660
I thought you were 15.
900
00:51:34,350 --> 00:51:35,990
Have you been lying to me about your age?
901
00:51:36,180 --> 00:51:39,620
I... I am 15 and I'm
a high school senior.
902
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:44,520
Why wouldn't you tell me that?
903
00:51:45,850 --> 00:51:47,410
Because I thought you wouldn't like it.
904
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:48,640
And...
905
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,236
Why didn't you tell me about the
collegiate mastermind?
906
00:51:53,260 --> 00:51:54,260
Hmm?
907
00:51:57,125 --> 00:51:58,453
Is it because you wanted
to keep your townie
908
00:51:58,454 --> 00:52:00,601
girlfriend as far away from
your real life as you can?
909
00:52:00,830 --> 00:52:01,960
I'm a townie too, you know.
910
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:03,880
Then act like one.
911
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:08,400
You better go get her, Eli.
912
00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:10,360
Girls like that don't grow in chat rooms.
913
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:14,760
And brush your hair.
914
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:50,380
And we can sing the same songs into the
sky.
915
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:06,390
Good shot.
916
00:53:09,610 --> 00:53:10,610
Hey, Leo.
917
00:53:10,790 --> 00:53:11,890
How are your testicles?
918
00:53:12,390 --> 00:53:13,490
I'll get in there.
919
00:53:29,730 --> 00:53:30,730
Petty fog.
920
00:53:32,300 --> 00:53:33,300
Petty fog.
921
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:37,000
Petty fog.
922
00:53:38,900 --> 00:53:41,280
Dude, I am one gloomy dick.
923
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:42,320
Petty fog.
924
00:53:46,510 --> 00:53:47,510
What's wrong?
925
00:53:48,155 --> 00:53:48,850
What's wrong?
926
00:53:48,950 --> 00:53:49,950
You got suspended.
927
00:53:50,290 --> 00:53:51,290
We're gonna lose.
928
00:53:53,770 --> 00:53:54,810
Where'd you hear that?
929
00:53:56,290 --> 00:53:57,290
Everywhere.
930
00:54:00,975 --> 00:54:02,030
That's not true.
931
00:54:03,030 --> 00:54:04,030
It's not?
932
00:54:06,390 --> 00:54:07,390
No.
933
00:54:08,030 --> 00:54:09,030
It's...
934
00:54:10,670 --> 00:54:14,490
It's a ruse to lull the opponent into a
false sense of security.
935
00:54:15,950 --> 00:54:17,610
Nobody knows but you and me.
936
00:54:20,730 --> 00:54:22,050
That's ingenious.
937
00:54:24,965 --> 00:54:28,490
So, still guarantee complete annihilation
and total victory?
938
00:54:32,070 --> 00:54:32,730
100%.
939
00:54:32,731 --> 00:54:34,490
How about another 10?
940
00:54:35,820 --> 00:54:37,090
That's 110%.
941
00:54:39,470 --> 00:54:40,470
There's no such thing.
942
00:54:41,050 --> 00:54:42,050
I don't care.
943
00:54:48,860 --> 00:54:49,860
Sophie?
944
00:54:54,300 --> 00:54:56,570
This was the car you were gonna teach me
to drive in.
945
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:05,440
Well, why don't we do that right now?
946
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:07,290
I already know how to drive.
947
00:55:12,900 --> 00:55:14,540
You know I'm not really a professor here.
948
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:15,760
Right?
949
00:55:16,780 --> 00:55:17,780
I know.
950
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:19,280
You're a freshman.
951
00:55:20,290 --> 00:55:22,180
Which is 50-50.
952
00:55:22,780 --> 00:55:23,780
Creepy to cool.
953
00:55:28,050 --> 00:55:29,120
I was sure you hated me.
954
00:55:29,220 --> 00:55:30,440
I did.
955
00:55:32,490 --> 00:55:33,490
Until I saw you.
956
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:36,540
But you're such a lost goofball.
957
00:55:36,660 --> 00:55:38,660
I can't help but not hate you.
958
00:55:39,500 --> 00:55:40,500
So you feel sorry for me?
959
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:42,480
Yeah.
960
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:43,800
Well, that's sweet.
961
00:55:45,780 --> 00:55:47,300
Are you thinking of coming to Whitman?
962
00:55:47,850 --> 00:55:49,080
How would you feel about that?
963
00:55:49,830 --> 00:55:51,080
I mean, it could be weird.
964
00:55:51,770 --> 00:55:57,760
Well, I'm thrilled that my daughter is
following after her scholarly father.
965
00:56:01,150 --> 00:56:02,580
What kind of grade did you get?
966
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:03,760
Straight A's.
967
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:04,660
Yeah?
968
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:05,920
It's no big deal.
969
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:07,160
It's public school.
970
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:07,780
Still?
971
00:56:08,100 --> 00:56:09,100
That's great.
972
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:10,160
Straight A's.
973
00:56:12,460 --> 00:56:13,620
Can you afford it?
974
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:15,200
No.
975
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:16,840
Can't afford it.
976
00:56:17,615 --> 00:56:20,636
Well, you know, maybe there's something I
can do to help you out tuition-wise.
977
00:56:20,660 --> 00:56:21,660
Are you serious?
978
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:23,800
You would do that?
979
00:56:24,060 --> 00:56:24,480
Yeah.
980
00:56:25,020 --> 00:56:26,240
I'm not making any promises.
981
00:56:26,955 --> 00:56:28,100
But I'll see what I can do.
982
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,080
Um...
983
00:56:31,620 --> 00:56:35,080
I didn't come here for that, you know.
984
00:56:35,180 --> 00:56:35,340
I know.
985
00:56:35,500 --> 00:56:36,120
I know.
986
00:56:36,180 --> 00:56:36,480
I know.
987
00:56:36,500 --> 00:56:36,940
I know.
988
00:56:36,941 --> 00:56:37,941
I know.
989
00:57:19,710 --> 00:57:22,410
I know.
990
00:57:24,430 --> 00:57:25,510
I know.
991
00:57:27,630 --> 00:57:29,190
I know.
992
00:57:32,350 --> 00:57:34,110
Excuse me.
993
00:57:34,111 --> 00:57:36,270
Come here.
994
00:57:41,140 --> 00:57:42,140
Hi.
995
00:57:45,180 --> 00:57:45,740
I'm sorry.
996
00:57:45,980 --> 00:57:46,980
Can I come in?
997
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:49,040
Yeah, why can't you see me anymore?
998
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:55,960
Well, because I just ran into my daughter
and I haven't seen her in a long time.
999
00:57:58,740 --> 00:58:04,640
And it's just a little bit creepy because
she kind of looks like... you get it?
1000
00:58:04,810 --> 00:58:05,810
That is so psychological.
1001
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:11,620
Some kind of pathological narcissistic
father-daughter disorder or something.
1002
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:13,820
Well, thanks very much.
1003
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:16,880
And I'll see you around campus.
1004
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:20,480
You sure you don't want to hang out and
study for a while?
1005
00:58:20,870 --> 00:58:21,940
Well, um...
1006
00:58:25,885 --> 00:58:28,280
Gosh, I'm gonna go.
1007
00:59:16,040 --> 00:59:17,040
Leo?
1008
00:59:18,030 --> 00:59:19,350
What the hell are you doing here?
1009
00:59:20,580 --> 00:59:21,580
Hey, Benny.
1010
00:59:22,980 --> 00:59:23,980
How are you?
1011
00:59:24,485 --> 00:59:26,527
Well, I've got a lot of
things I could complain
1012
00:59:26,528 --> 00:59:28,280
about, but I try to
only say good things.
1013
00:59:28,740 --> 00:59:29,740
So, all right.
1014
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:31,780
What's up with you?
1015
00:59:32,075 --> 00:59:33,315
I'm here to place a bet, Benny.
1016
00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:36,280
Leo, you know that I'll never take your
bet.
1017
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:36,760
Not ever.
1018
00:59:37,095 --> 00:59:38,655
What kind of bookie doesn't take a bet?
1019
00:59:38,940 --> 00:59:40,860
The kind who feels guilty for ruining your
life.
1020
00:59:41,430 --> 00:59:42,430
But this is a good bet.
1021
00:59:43,030 --> 00:59:44,520
It's a bet with conscience.
1022
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:46,600
Look, I'm sorry.
1023
00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:46,840
All right, Leo.
1024
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:47,920
Can't do it.
1025
00:59:49,820 --> 00:59:50,820
Benny, take my bet.
1026
00:59:51,540 --> 00:59:52,876
Would you please get up off the ground?
1027
00:59:52,900 --> 00:59:55,080
The sight of you down there is very
disturbing to me.
1028
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:56,880
I'm not getting up until you take my bet.
1029
00:59:58,620 --> 00:59:59,120
Oh, yeah?
1030
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:00,480
Yeah.
1031
01:00:00,860 --> 01:00:01,380
Oh, yeah?
1032
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:01,840
Uh-uh.
1033
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:03,440
Really?
1034
01:00:05,020 --> 01:00:06,900
I'm not getting up until you get out of
here.
1035
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:07,180
You understand?
1036
01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:08,700
Look at you, Benny.
1037
01:00:08,930 --> 01:00:10,660
You're on your knees in your own office.
1038
01:00:10,940 --> 01:00:11,940
Look at you.
1039
01:00:11,985 --> 01:00:14,720
You're begging me to ruin your life all
over again.
1040
01:00:15,140 --> 01:00:16,840
Trying to pay for my daughter's tuition.
1041
01:00:17,340 --> 01:00:18,340
Yeah?
1042
01:00:18,710 --> 01:00:20,896
Do you have any idea how much it costs to
go to college these days?
1043
01:00:20,920 --> 01:00:21,380
I don't know.
1044
01:00:21,450 --> 01:00:22,450
Like... like 20 grand?
1045
01:00:23,030 --> 01:00:24,080
Try 50 large.
1046
01:00:24,390 --> 01:00:25,080
50 large?
1047
01:00:25,380 --> 01:00:25,720
Yeah.
1048
01:00:25,780 --> 01:00:26,876
Who the hell can afford that?
1049
01:00:26,900 --> 01:00:27,620
I got 25.
1050
01:00:27,820 --> 01:00:30,020
If I double it, then Sophie can go to
school for a year.
1051
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:31,860
All right.
1052
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:32,880
What's the bet?
1053
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:35,720
Harvard to take it all.
1054
01:00:36,460 --> 01:00:36,860
Harvard?
1055
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:37,720
What are they gonna win?
1056
01:00:38,100 --> 01:00:39,100
Collegiate Mastermind.
1057
01:00:40,190 --> 01:00:41,620
The hell is Collegiate Mastermind?
1058
01:00:41,830 --> 01:00:43,520
Well, it's kind of like Jeopardy,
but without the money.
1059
01:00:43,521 --> 01:00:44,680
No money?
1060
01:00:45,940 --> 01:00:46,940
What's the point?
1061
01:00:47,750 --> 01:00:51,720
You are going to win the Collegiate
Mastermind National Championship.
1062
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:52,880
Say it.
1063
01:00:52,970 --> 01:00:56,540
You are going to win the Collegiate
Mastermind National... Stop.
1064
01:00:56,620 --> 01:00:57,100
Stop.
1065
01:00:57,310 --> 01:00:57,920
Not me.
1066
01:00:58,020 --> 01:00:58,420
You.
1067
01:00:58,720 --> 01:00:59,720
Please say it again.
1068
01:00:59,950 --> 01:01:03,640
How can we win the Collegiate Mastermind
National Championship when we haven't
1069
01:01:03,641 --> 01:01:06,020
answered one single question during the
whole season?
1070
01:01:06,905 --> 01:01:08,896
Well, you didn't answer the questions,
but you knew the answers, right?
1071
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:09,920
I didn't.
1072
01:01:10,230 --> 01:01:11,590
Not even one third of the answers?
1073
01:01:12,130 --> 01:01:13,450
One out of every three questions?
1074
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:14,460
I did.
1075
01:01:14,580 --> 01:01:15,580
I knew about a third.
1076
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:19,660
Yeah, I guess I did too.
1077
01:01:20,150 --> 01:01:21,586
Okay, and Alan knew the other third.
1078
01:01:21,610 --> 01:01:23,860
So the three of you guys make up one of
me.
1079
01:01:23,980 --> 01:01:25,440
Look at your pussies!
1080
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:27,400
You guys are total pussies!
1081
01:01:27,950 --> 01:01:28,950
And pussies need balls.
1082
01:01:29,500 --> 01:01:31,140
So get some balls, guys!
1083
01:01:33,285 --> 01:01:35,240
Can you seriously picture Alan with balls?
1084
01:01:38,020 --> 01:01:38,500
Eli!
1085
01:01:38,501 --> 01:01:39,501
Eli!
1086
01:01:41,260 --> 01:01:42,260
Alan?
1087
01:01:42,620 --> 01:01:43,620
Up here, Eli.
1088
01:01:45,060 --> 01:01:46,700
Last night, I had a dream.
1089
01:01:48,695 --> 01:01:49,935
At the Poughkeepsie Music Hall.
1090
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:51,680
Poughkeepsie, New York.
1091
01:01:53,450 --> 01:01:54,450
Semi-final match.
1092
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:55,520
The Final Four.
1093
01:01:56,655 --> 01:01:59,580
I was nailing question after question.
1094
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:01,960
How did it end?
1095
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:03,120
Your triumph?
1096
01:02:03,780 --> 01:02:04,780
Oh.
1097
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:08,280
It ended when I mutated into a rabbit.
1098
01:02:08,850 --> 01:02:10,360
And shitted all over the stage.
1099
01:02:11,090 --> 01:02:12,400
You weren't a rabbit, you idiot.
1100
01:02:14,180 --> 01:02:15,220
You were all warring hair.
1101
01:02:16,760 --> 01:02:17,320
Really?
1102
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:18,720
Yes.
1103
01:02:20,370 --> 01:02:21,610
What does this shit sing about?
1104
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:23,480
Purging of your doubts.
1105
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:26,320
Man.
1106
01:02:28,170 --> 01:02:29,170
I got a lot of doubts.
1107
01:03:07,930 --> 01:03:09,250
I was gonna burn it.
1108
01:03:09,850 --> 01:03:10,850
Turn
1109
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:37,760
off the municipal water system.
1110
01:03:37,980 --> 01:03:39,480
Cause Harvard's burning.
1111
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:41,060
Something smells good.
1112
01:03:41,540 --> 01:03:43,280
Cause Harvard's burning.
1113
01:03:43,740 --> 01:03:44,740
I'm alive.
1114
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:52,400
You're not here.
1115
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:54,900
Look at how I'm nervous.
1116
01:03:55,220 --> 01:03:56,620
I'm gonna try and get in anyway.
1117
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:57,920
Good luck to us all.
1118
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:04,820
Warren Harris from Leafy Whitman College.
1119
01:04:07,540 --> 01:04:07,900
Sir.
1120
01:04:08,020 --> 01:04:09,020
Sir Lee Leo.
1121
01:04:10,060 --> 01:04:11,060
Pettifog.
1122
01:04:11,100 --> 01:04:13,096
I can't let you in the building until
after the semi-finals.
1123
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:13,760
What are you talking about?
1124
01:04:13,820 --> 01:04:14,280
He's the best.
1125
01:04:14,460 --> 01:04:15,740
What are you talking about?
1126
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:16,320
I'll watch the guys.
1127
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:17,000
Can't let you in.
1128
01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:18,400
Sorry.
1129
01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:20,440
Something very different about you this
year.
1130
01:04:20,540 --> 01:04:22,300
My mustache came in.
1131
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:24,080
Mustache is in.
1132
01:04:24,710 --> 01:04:26,900
Something that I can't quite run my
fingers through.
1133
01:04:26,901 --> 01:04:27,640
Nope.
1134
01:04:27,740 --> 01:04:28,520
We're on guys.
1135
01:04:28,740 --> 01:04:29,180
Spencer.
1136
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:30,220
I'm sorry.
1137
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:30,780
Here we go.
1138
01:04:30,940 --> 01:04:32,060
Hello everybody and welcome.
1139
01:04:32,340 --> 01:04:37,720
We're coming to you live for the
final four of the... We have arrived.
1140
01:04:41,410 --> 01:04:42,530
You know Shrek's wife Fiona?
1141
01:04:43,455 --> 01:04:45,120
I bet her hoo-ha looks just like this.
1142
01:04:45,970 --> 01:04:48,010
Why'd it take you so long to say something
romantic?
1143
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:50,560
Hey guys.
1144
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:51,880
Let's bring it in.
1145
01:04:52,060 --> 01:04:53,720
Into a square.
1146
01:04:55,290 --> 01:04:56,370
Circle, triangle, whatever.
1147
01:04:56,900 --> 01:04:57,700
I guess up instead of Eli?
1148
01:04:57,880 --> 01:04:58,880
In my own way.
1149
01:05:00,070 --> 01:05:01,270
You made it to the final four.
1150
01:05:01,500 --> 01:05:02,500
You're already winners.
1151
01:05:02,680 --> 01:05:03,680
Right?
1152
01:05:03,820 --> 01:05:04,340
Right?
1153
01:05:04,500 --> 01:05:04,980
Right?
1154
01:05:05,240 --> 01:05:06,240
Right.
1155
01:05:06,660 --> 01:05:08,220
Let's take a moment to cherish that.
1156
01:05:15,890 --> 01:05:18,410
This is something that you're going to
share with your children.
1157
01:05:19,260 --> 01:05:23,120
The foundation of good character is based
on losing.
1158
01:05:24,390 --> 01:05:30,580
In fact, what makes a good winner is a
good loser.
1159
01:05:33,730 --> 01:05:38,700
What's the difference between winning and
losing?
1160
01:05:40,130 --> 01:05:41,130
Except joy and pain.
1161
01:05:42,410 --> 01:05:46,720
So let's go out there with our heads held
high and lose one.
1162
01:05:47,820 --> 01:05:49,100
In that old Whitman style.
1163
01:05:51,810 --> 01:05:54,560
We're coming to you live from the
Poughkeepsie Music Hall.
1164
01:05:54,640 --> 01:05:56,060
What a beautiful venue this is.
1165
01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:56,920
Gorgeous down here.
1166
01:05:57,020 --> 01:06:00,360
Where the Stanford Cardinal will be taking
on the...
1167
01:06:00,361 --> 01:06:02,300
Whitman Warringhairs of Whitman College.
1168
01:06:02,570 --> 01:06:07,020
Who are playing without their star, Eli
Pettifog, who is... He's been suspended.
1169
01:06:07,275 --> 01:06:09,180
He's been suspended one game for
showboating.
1170
01:06:09,340 --> 01:06:11,580
He's going to be back if they advance to
the finals.
1171
01:06:12,460 --> 01:06:13,660
What's up with this guy?
1172
01:06:13,860 --> 01:06:15,736
The Whitman thong is itching me something
fierce.
1173
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:17,120
Does anybody have tickets?
1174
01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:18,200
I really need tickets.
1175
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:19,440
Shit!
1176
01:06:21,300 --> 01:06:22,300
Shit.
1177
01:06:31,180 --> 01:06:32,940
Why were you acting so creepy in the
library?
1178
01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:35,880
I don't know.
1179
01:06:37,350 --> 01:06:39,110
Why were you acting so creepy in the
library?
1180
01:06:42,310 --> 01:06:43,310
Just...
1181
01:06:44,650 --> 01:06:45,690
I just came over to write.
1182
01:06:45,750 --> 01:06:46,750
Just...
1183
01:06:47,510 --> 01:06:48,510
I'm sorry.
1184
01:06:49,130 --> 01:06:50,130
Yeah, sorry.
1185
01:06:50,390 --> 01:06:51,390
I...
1186
01:06:53,750 --> 01:06:54,750
Oh!
1187
01:06:54,890 --> 01:06:55,890
I have a glass.
1188
01:06:55,950 --> 01:06:57,650
No, screw the lip gloss, okay?
1189
01:07:02,590 --> 01:07:06,360
Yo, good luck, Stanford!
1190
01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:15,280
Remember, guys, even without Pettifog,
the hares are still dangerous.
1191
01:07:16,180 --> 01:07:17,180
Bullshit.
1192
01:07:17,570 --> 01:07:20,620
Without Pettifog, they can't even spell
Pettifog.
1193
01:07:21,060 --> 01:07:22,740
Hey, watch the karma violation.
1194
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:26,820
Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma
chameleon.
1195
01:07:28,380 --> 01:07:30,320
You come and go.
1196
01:07:31,590 --> 01:07:33,500
You come and go.
1197
01:07:34,800 --> 01:07:37,680
You come and go.
1198
01:07:37,681 --> 01:07:38,280
Oh, shit.
1199
01:07:38,281 --> 01:07:39,281
That's it.
1200
01:07:41,300 --> 01:07:42,300
Stanford Cardinal.
1201
01:07:42,410 --> 01:07:43,850
Please report backstage to check in.
1202
01:07:44,080 --> 01:07:44,660
Final call.
1203
01:07:44,920 --> 01:07:46,380
Final call, Stanford Cardinal.
1204
01:07:48,245 --> 01:07:50,680
We're currently waiting for the Stanford
Cardinal to arrive.
1205
01:07:50,760 --> 01:07:51,760
I think it's a mind game.
1206
01:07:51,840 --> 01:07:53,820
I think what Stanford's doing is a mind
game.
1207
01:07:53,900 --> 01:07:57,540
I think they're just trying to upset these
Whitman warring hares by not showing up.
1208
01:07:57,600 --> 01:07:58,600
I think it's bad karma.
1209
01:07:58,710 --> 01:08:00,220
I don't know where they are.
1210
01:08:00,260 --> 01:08:01,976
I saw them in the hotel this morning at
breakfast.
1211
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:05,680
A little bleary-eyed, probably from
studying and slash or partying.
1212
01:08:05,681 --> 01:08:08,240
They did last night, but they look great,
these kids.
1213
01:08:08,410 --> 01:08:10,050
We all shared some of the cottage cheese.
1214
01:08:10,140 --> 01:08:11,880
They got a bowl of cottage cheese there.
1215
01:08:12,540 --> 01:08:13,740
Put some sugar on it yourself.
1216
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:17,700
Grab yourself a pineapple ring and put the
cottage cheese on there and load that
1217
01:08:17,701 --> 01:08:20,392
sucker with sugar and
have yourself some delicious
1218
01:08:20,393 --> 01:08:22,440
French roast that they have
at the continental breakfast.
1219
01:08:22,660 --> 01:08:23,660
A croissant, maybe.
1220
01:08:23,710 --> 01:08:26,480
Do not let them get into your head,
Gertrude.
1221
01:08:26,940 --> 01:08:28,336
The match should have started 20 minutes
ago.
1222
01:08:28,360 --> 01:08:30,040
Those Stanford fools are driving me crazy.
1223
01:08:33,610 --> 01:08:34,610
Good afternoon, Whitman.
1224
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:39,740
The Stanford Cardinals have failed to
appear and are disqualified.
1225
01:08:42,620 --> 01:08:43,620
Congratulations.
1226
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:46,840
You advanced to the finals.
1227
01:08:53,980 --> 01:08:54,980
Benny Greenberg.
1228
01:08:55,280 --> 01:08:56,700
Hi, Benny.
1229
01:08:56,860 --> 01:08:57,860
It's me, it's Leo.
1230
01:08:58,540 --> 01:09:00,460
It would really be good if I could talk to
you.
1231
01:09:01,160 --> 01:09:02,720
Hey, so what's Eli's bedroom like here?
1232
01:09:04,460 --> 01:09:05,580
Cut it out, you jerk.
1233
01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:06,680
Okay?
1234
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:09,720
Seriously, we're about to play the match
of our lives.
1235
01:09:10,060 --> 01:09:11,060
What should we do?
1236
01:09:11,820 --> 01:09:12,900
Well, practice celebrating.
1237
01:09:13,810 --> 01:09:16,360
Create a mental picture of Harvard lying
on the stage.
1238
01:09:16,560 --> 01:09:17,560
You know, they're crying.
1239
01:09:18,255 --> 01:09:19,375
They're fouling their pants.
1240
01:09:20,010 --> 01:09:21,330
They're bleeding from their ears.
1241
01:09:21,610 --> 01:09:24,260
And you all are gyrating obscenely over
their fallen bodies.
1242
01:09:26,380 --> 01:09:27,380
Okay?
1243
01:09:29,480 --> 01:09:30,560
I want some pie.
1244
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:31,720
Do you want some pie?
1245
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:32,720
Yeah.
1246
01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:33,880
Do you want blueberry?
1247
01:09:35,680 --> 01:09:36,560
Awesome peach one.
1248
01:09:36,620 --> 01:09:37,620
Banana.
1249
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:39,540
I actually have to pee.
1250
01:09:39,660 --> 01:09:39,980
Oh.
1251
01:09:40,580 --> 01:09:41,580
You're over there.
1252
01:09:50,140 --> 01:09:51,180
Vivimus vivamus.
1253
01:09:54,620 --> 01:09:55,660
While we live, let's live.
1254
01:09:57,260 --> 01:09:58,260
Porcelain Club.
1255
01:09:59,240 --> 01:10:00,440
Harvard's most secret society.
1256
01:10:01,050 --> 01:10:03,700
Members often call it the PC.
1257
01:10:04,500 --> 01:10:05,500
And the pork.
1258
01:10:07,630 --> 01:10:10,960
I'm not a member, so I just call it the
Porcelain Club.
1259
01:10:11,620 --> 01:10:13,660
Nobody is a member until they become a
member.
1260
01:10:13,900 --> 01:10:16,600
But once a member, always a member.
1261
01:10:17,960 --> 01:10:18,960
Like an alma mater.
1262
01:10:22,470 --> 01:10:23,600
Only much, much better.
1263
01:10:24,805 --> 01:10:25,805
Maybe next time around.
1264
01:10:26,740 --> 01:10:27,760
Look at me, Eli.
1265
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:31,300
There is no next time around.
1266
01:10:34,130 --> 01:10:37,360
If you let Harvard win, I can make you a
Harvard student.
1267
01:10:46,790 --> 01:10:47,790
Consider it.
1268
01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:55,761
He said that if I take
a dive in the final
1269
01:10:55,762 --> 01:10:58,601
match, I go to Harvard
on a full scholarship.
1270
01:10:59,070 --> 01:11:00,510
Does that include a graduate degree?
1271
01:11:00,810 --> 01:11:01,740
Who needs a graduate degree?
1272
01:11:01,741 --> 01:11:02,741
What's your answer?
1273
01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:03,800
I didn't have one.
1274
01:11:04,390 --> 01:11:05,420
I still don't have one.
1275
01:11:08,660 --> 01:11:09,480
I gotta go.
1276
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:10,520
Just don't follow me.
1277
01:11:10,560 --> 01:11:11,640
Don't try to find me.
1278
01:11:12,720 --> 01:11:13,720
I'm job reading.
1279
01:11:14,880 --> 01:11:16,140
I'm job reading.
1280
01:11:16,400 --> 01:11:16,440
No, no.
1281
01:11:16,460 --> 01:11:17,460
Now it's like this.
1282
01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:21,380
Your rice in my beans, baby.
1283
01:11:24,050 --> 01:11:25,050
Hey, is Eli back?
1284
01:11:25,080 --> 01:11:26,336
You guys don't know where he is?
1285
01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:26,940
Is something wrong?
1286
01:11:27,180 --> 01:11:27,720
Everything's fine.
1287
01:11:27,910 --> 01:11:29,416
He's probably just getting in the zone all
by himself.
1288
01:11:29,440 --> 01:11:29,940
What's going on?
1289
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:30,420
What's going on?
1290
01:11:30,440 --> 01:11:30,620
What?
1291
01:11:30,750 --> 01:11:31,750
He's obviously not here.
1292
01:11:31,820 --> 01:11:32,640
I know he's not here.
1293
01:11:32,680 --> 01:11:33,260
So let's go.
1294
01:11:33,640 --> 01:11:34,640
Let's go.
1295
01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:36,720
Katie!
1296
01:11:56,450 --> 01:11:57,450
Eli?
1297
01:11:58,430 --> 01:11:58,790
Eli.
1298
01:11:58,950 --> 01:11:59,950
Eli!
1299
01:12:00,150 --> 01:12:02,106
We should go back and wait for him in the
dressing room.
1300
01:12:02,130 --> 01:12:03,470
What are you talking about?
1301
01:12:03,590 --> 01:12:04,826
He's not going to the dressing room.
1302
01:12:04,850 --> 01:12:05,850
He could be anywhere.
1303
01:12:08,860 --> 01:12:11,551
We are live in Poughkeepsie,
New York for the 49th
1304
01:12:11,552 --> 01:12:14,290
annual Collegiate Mastermind
Tournament Championship.
1305
01:12:14,650 --> 01:12:17,390
And right off the bat, we have a shocker.
1306
01:12:17,391 --> 01:12:17,810
Oh boy.
1307
01:12:18,030 --> 01:12:22,010
Whitman College's star player,
Eli Pettifog is a no-show.
1308
01:12:22,300 --> 01:12:26,470
I think that their chances have gone from
long shot to no shot here against the
1309
01:12:26,620 --> 01:12:28,250
Harvard Crimson ruling elite.
1310
01:12:36,270 --> 01:12:37,270
What are you doing, Eli?
1311
01:12:37,550 --> 01:12:38,550
Eli.
1312
01:12:39,525 --> 01:12:40,525
He can't talk.
1313
01:12:40,765 --> 01:12:42,165
But his Lego skills are ridiculous.
1314
01:12:42,650 --> 01:12:43,650
Hmm.
1315
01:12:44,570 --> 01:12:45,570
Come on, let's go.
1316
01:12:45,710 --> 01:12:46,710
The match is starting.
1317
01:12:49,550 --> 01:12:50,550
Keep on building.
1318
01:12:54,030 --> 01:12:55,030
Holy shit.
1319
01:12:55,230 --> 01:12:56,230
No Pettifog.
1320
01:12:56,330 --> 01:12:56,750
Oh no.
1321
01:12:57,050 --> 01:12:58,530
I forgot to go to the bathroom.
1322
01:13:02,100 --> 01:13:03,960
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
1323
01:13:04,120 --> 01:13:08,320
And welcome to this year's Collegiate
Mastermind Championship match.
1324
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:10,840
Featuring the Harvard Crimson.
1325
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:18,860
Against the Whitman Waring Hare.
1326
01:13:23,330 --> 01:13:25,390
The first question is a toss-up.
1327
01:13:26,880 --> 01:13:28,430
When was the stethoscope invented?
1328
01:13:28,810 --> 01:13:29,870
And by whom?
1329
01:13:31,650 --> 01:13:35,290
1816 by René Théophile-Hyacinthe Leinec.
1330
01:13:35,730 --> 01:13:36,890
That is right.
1331
01:13:38,350 --> 01:13:39,450
Here's your bonus.
1332
01:13:41,230 --> 01:13:45,070
Despite her French-sounding name,
Marie Curie was from what country?
1333
01:13:45,410 --> 01:13:45,770
Poland.
1334
01:13:46,050 --> 01:13:47,050
That is right.
1335
01:13:49,890 --> 01:13:51,010
Here's a toss-up.
1336
01:13:51,650 --> 01:13:56,590
Who was the only Major League pitcher to
throw a no-hitter while on LSD?
1337
01:13:58,140 --> 01:13:58,750
Doc Ellis.
1338
01:13:59,130 --> 01:14:00,130
That is correct.
1339
01:14:01,090 --> 01:14:02,370
You Pettifog!
1340
01:14:02,570 --> 01:14:03,570
Here's your bonus.
1341
01:14:04,400 --> 01:14:06,950
What was the last country to stop legally
producing LSD?
1342
01:14:08,010 --> 01:14:09,550
Czechoslovakia in 1975.
1343
01:14:10,330 --> 01:14:11,330
That is right.
1344
01:14:12,870 --> 01:14:14,950
This humiliation is going to go viral.
1345
01:14:16,100 --> 01:14:20,290
It was Michigan in the semifinals and now
it is the young plucky band of kids from
1346
01:14:20,291 --> 01:14:23,450
Whitman College who are feeling Harvard's
wrath.
1347
01:14:25,190 --> 01:14:26,230
It's not pretty out there.
1348
01:14:26,830 --> 01:14:29,413
I didn't think they had a
chance from the beginning,
1349
01:14:29,414 --> 01:14:34,450
but now this sad Cinderella
story is coming to a close.
1350
01:14:37,490 --> 01:14:38,490
Eli?
1351
01:14:39,970 --> 01:14:40,970
Eli!
1352
01:14:41,230 --> 01:14:42,230
Excuse me.
1353
01:14:42,580 --> 01:14:45,470
I made the decision that is going to
determine my future and yours.
1354
01:14:46,640 --> 01:14:50,410
I reject friendship, I reject love,
and I reject collegiate mastermind.
1355
01:14:51,345 --> 01:14:55,090
Iron Chef Michael Simon attended which
Cleveland area high school?
1356
01:14:58,220 --> 01:14:59,910
St. Edward High School in Lakewood.
1357
01:15:00,170 --> 01:15:01,170
That is right.
1358
01:15:05,840 --> 01:15:07,720
I think the cookie buzzers don't work.
1359
01:15:09,380 --> 01:15:10,380
Toss-up.
1360
01:15:10,740 --> 01:15:13,380
What animal is incapable of seeing the
sky?
1361
01:15:16,740 --> 01:15:17,740
I take it back.
1362
01:15:20,180 --> 01:15:21,180
Five seconds, Whitman.
1363
01:15:21,500 --> 01:15:23,600
Something in my head is saying cajon,
cajon, cajon.
1364
01:15:24,380 --> 01:15:25,200
What the hell is cajon?
1365
01:15:25,360 --> 01:15:25,740
It's a pig.
1366
01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:27,200
The pig!
1367
01:15:28,440 --> 01:15:29,440
That is right.
1368
01:15:33,980 --> 01:15:34,980
Here's your bonus.
1369
01:15:35,890 --> 01:15:38,526
These ancient people were
sometimes accompanied
1370
01:15:38,527 --> 01:15:41,441
to the grave with
their herds of pigs.
1371
01:15:42,970 --> 01:15:44,650
The southern white quacker loves his
swine.
1372
01:15:45,190 --> 01:15:46,540
The quacker is an ancient.
1373
01:15:47,015 --> 01:15:48,420
Polish people are true pig lovers.
1374
01:15:50,260 --> 01:15:51,280
The Chinese.
1375
01:15:52,830 --> 01:15:53,830
That is correct.
1376
01:15:55,900 --> 01:15:56,820
Uh-oh.
1377
01:15:56,860 --> 01:15:57,860
The
1378
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:06,820
ugliest sight in the world is the sight of
simple people being happy.
1379
01:16:07,320 --> 01:16:08,320
Toss-up.
1380
01:16:09,075 --> 01:16:13,801
What ill-fated computer platform was
released on the 23rd of April, 1983?
1381
01:16:15,190 --> 01:16:16,320
The Apple III.
1382
01:16:17,180 --> 01:16:18,180
That is right.
1383
01:16:18,760 --> 01:16:19,900
How did you know that?
1384
01:16:19,980 --> 01:16:20,980
I didn't know I did.
1385
01:16:21,760 --> 01:16:22,760
Here's your bonus.
1386
01:16:23,400 --> 01:16:25,723
Who was the forgotten
founder of Apple, and what
1387
01:16:25,724 --> 01:16:27,480
was his greatest
contribution to the company?
1388
01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:28,200
Ron Wayne.
1389
01:16:28,600 --> 01:16:29,680
He designed the first logo.
1390
01:16:30,180 --> 01:16:31,180
You nailed it.
1391
01:16:35,700 --> 01:16:36,700
Wow.
1392
01:16:37,660 --> 01:16:40,400
A sign of life from these Whitman hairs.
1393
01:16:40,401 --> 01:16:43,240
Now, I think it's going to be too little,
too late, Spencer.
1394
01:16:43,460 --> 01:16:46,480
Coming up on the two-minute warning, and
I think Whitman's fate is all but sealed.
1395
01:16:46,520 --> 01:16:48,420
Let's not get too excited yet.
1396
01:16:48,540 --> 01:16:51,560
Harvard's been answering questions like
this for five, six hundred years.
1397
01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:52,240
It's all over.
1398
01:16:52,310 --> 01:16:53,750
They could beat Harvard without you.
1399
01:16:59,770 --> 01:17:00,770
Toss-up.
1400
01:17:01,560 --> 01:17:05,550
Who performed the only instrumental song
to have been banned from American radio,
1401
01:17:05,970 --> 01:17:07,330
and what was the name of the song?
1402
01:17:12,670 --> 01:17:13,670
Holy spastication.
1403
01:17:14,450 --> 01:17:14,850
Oh!
1404
01:17:15,350 --> 01:17:16,370
Down and out.
1405
01:17:16,430 --> 01:17:17,738
I'll tell you what,
that's the most exciting
1406
01:17:17,739 --> 01:17:19,911
moment of Collegiate
Mastermind history, that is.
1407
01:17:19,990 --> 01:17:20,990
Wow, let's do that again.
1408
01:17:21,250 --> 01:17:21,750
Tim, here he goes.
1409
01:17:21,810 --> 01:17:22,130
Hold it.
1410
01:17:22,150 --> 01:17:22,570
Wait for it.
1411
01:17:22,590 --> 01:17:24,030
He's going to clip the podium right.
1412
01:17:25,370 --> 01:17:25,770
Oh!
1413
01:17:25,950 --> 01:17:30,670
Oh, man, that's going to shave a few
points off the old GPA.
1414
01:17:31,190 --> 01:17:32,510
Oh, don't you know it.
1415
01:17:32,530 --> 01:17:34,790
He is a bleeder, that little kid.
1416
01:17:34,940 --> 01:17:35,940
That's smarty.
1417
01:17:36,230 --> 01:17:42,511
Ladies and gentlemen, a member of the
Whitman side has sustained a serious injury.
1418
01:17:44,110 --> 01:17:47,310
Whitman has three minutes to produce their
alternate.
1419
01:17:48,300 --> 01:17:49,500
You're now the alternate, Eli.
1420
01:17:50,270 --> 01:17:54,370
If you're not on that stage in three
minutes, Whitman will be disqualified.
1421
01:17:54,870 --> 01:17:56,030
I'll stay where you are, Eli.
1422
01:17:56,590 --> 01:17:57,910
The king always needs his castle.
1423
01:18:03,650 --> 01:18:04,870
I put it in context.
1424
01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:09,330
How long have you dreamed of going to
Harvard?
1425
01:18:11,070 --> 01:18:12,110
My whole life.
1426
01:18:12,700 --> 01:18:15,670
How long have you dreamed of beating
Harvard?
1427
01:18:21,615 --> 01:18:23,535
You're going to have to honor the big
dream, Eli.
1428
01:18:24,170 --> 01:18:25,170
Yeah.
1429
01:18:25,370 --> 01:18:28,210
Wait, what the hell are you doing?
1430
01:18:28,350 --> 01:18:32,810
I mean, do you really want to screw your
school, your team, and your friends?
1431
01:18:34,100 --> 01:18:35,450
Get some balls, Eli.
1432
01:18:36,230 --> 01:18:38,090
And go out there and win it.
1433
01:18:39,270 --> 01:18:40,270
She's right.
1434
01:18:41,090 --> 01:18:42,090
How's your brain feeling?
1435
01:18:49,160 --> 01:18:50,400
I can't do this.
1436
01:18:50,580 --> 01:18:51,240
Get out there.
1437
01:18:51,460 --> 01:18:53,340
I don't know what the fuck else to do,
guys.
1438
01:19:12,090 --> 01:19:13,290
Things just got interesting.
1439
01:19:13,450 --> 01:19:16,930
Eli Pettifong, the Whitman Hairstyle
player, just stepped onto the stage.
1440
01:19:16,950 --> 01:19:20,110
That boy has not missed a question all
season long.
1441
01:19:20,430 --> 01:19:21,430
He has got brains.
1442
01:19:21,530 --> 01:19:21,710
Yes.
1443
01:19:22,070 --> 01:19:23,070
He's got hair.
1444
01:19:23,870 --> 01:19:25,030
Who the hell are you playing?
1445
01:19:25,470 --> 01:19:26,470
I don't know.
1446
01:19:26,530 --> 01:19:27,530
Yes, you do.
1447
01:19:31,810 --> 01:19:34,070
Whitman has produced their alternate.
1448
01:19:34,430 --> 01:19:35,430
So let's resume.
1449
01:19:37,450 --> 01:19:38,090
Betty here.
1450
01:19:38,340 --> 01:19:39,130
Betty, it's me.
1451
01:19:39,230 --> 01:19:39,590
It's Leo.
1452
01:19:39,810 --> 01:19:39,990
Yeah?
1453
01:19:40,330 --> 01:19:41,210
I want to take the bet back.
1454
01:19:41,310 --> 01:19:42,310
The Harvard bet?
1455
01:19:42,390 --> 01:19:44,070
Leo, I never put the bet through.
1456
01:19:44,260 --> 01:19:45,260
It doesn't exist.
1457
01:19:45,510 --> 01:19:46,830
You should be thanking me.
1458
01:19:50,150 --> 01:19:51,150
Hey, Leo.
1459
01:19:52,010 --> 01:19:53,010
You're welcome.
1460
01:19:56,780 --> 01:19:57,780
Thank you, Betty.
1461
01:19:58,460 --> 01:19:59,460
Toss-up.
1462
01:20:00,350 --> 01:20:05,040
Who said a whale ship was my Yale College
and my Harvard?
1463
01:20:10,120 --> 01:20:11,080
I can't.
1464
01:20:11,081 --> 01:20:11,580
You better.
1465
01:20:11,860 --> 01:20:12,860
Five seconds.
1466
01:20:13,680 --> 01:20:14,460
Come on, guys.
1467
01:20:14,660 --> 01:20:15,660
I want to say Melville.
1468
01:20:15,720 --> 01:20:16,200
Then say it.
1469
01:20:16,280 --> 01:20:17,420
Herman Melville.
1470
01:20:18,860 --> 01:20:19,860
That is right.
1471
01:20:24,300 --> 01:20:29,640
For your bonus, at the time of his death,
Herman Melville was so obscure,
1472
01:20:30,110 --> 01:20:32,660
the New York Times misidentified him in
his obituary.
1473
01:20:32,880 --> 01:20:33,360
I know this.
1474
01:20:33,870 --> 01:20:35,200
What name did they use?
1475
01:20:35,340 --> 01:20:36,340
Henry Melville.
1476
01:20:36,480 --> 01:20:37,480
That is right.
1477
01:20:37,660 --> 01:20:37,820
Oh!
1478
01:20:38,260 --> 01:20:39,260
Yeah!
1479
01:20:48,070 --> 01:20:49,550
We have a tie score.
1480
01:20:50,530 --> 01:20:52,830
I can't believe they're tied with Harvard.
1481
01:20:53,110 --> 01:20:54,890
I can't believe they're tied with Harvard.
1482
01:20:54,930 --> 01:20:57,170
I can't believe they're tied with Harvard.
1483
01:21:00,590 --> 01:21:03,470
This next question will determine the
championship.
1484
01:21:06,070 --> 01:21:07,070
Toss-up.
1485
01:21:07,770 --> 01:21:11,630
Iceland and England broke off diplomatic
relations in 1976.
1486
01:21:12,870 --> 01:21:15,110
What dispute caused the split?
1487
01:21:21,380 --> 01:21:22,380
Do you know?
1488
01:21:22,480 --> 01:21:23,480
No.
1489
01:21:25,560 --> 01:21:26,560
20 seconds.
1490
01:21:28,180 --> 01:21:32,100
Dude, come on, Eli.
1491
01:21:32,520 --> 01:21:34,100
Set yourself free, man.
1492
01:21:40,660 --> 01:21:41,840
10 seconds.
1493
01:21:53,920 --> 01:21:54,920
Fishing.
1494
01:21:56,100 --> 01:21:57,100
Rights.
1495
01:22:05,300 --> 01:22:06,740
That is...
1496
01:22:07,560 --> 01:22:08,560
right!
1497
01:22:09,580 --> 01:22:10,580
Yeah!
1498
01:22:13,160 --> 01:22:14,480
Oh, it's unbelievable!
1499
01:22:15,100 --> 01:22:16,120
Harvard goes down!
1500
01:22:16,220 --> 01:22:17,240
Harvard goes down!
1501
01:22:18,740 --> 01:22:24,220
The Whitman-Warringhams are this year's
champions of the Collegiate Mastermind.
1502
01:22:27,410 --> 01:22:29,080
We did it, you guys.
1503
01:22:29,120 --> 01:22:33,580
Oh, my God!
1504
01:22:34,320 --> 01:22:37,180
We're the greatest athlete Whitman will
ever have!
1505
01:22:40,140 --> 01:22:42,600
Go to the league office and tell them
we're getting the shaft.
1506
01:22:42,760 --> 01:22:44,780
They wrote a whole rule book for moments
like this.
1507
01:22:50,500 --> 01:22:52,120
How many stitches did you get?
1508
01:22:52,700 --> 01:22:53,140
Seven.
1509
01:22:53,580 --> 01:22:55,140
Can I take them out when they're ready?
1510
01:22:55,800 --> 01:22:56,800
Yeah.
1511
01:22:58,740 --> 01:22:59,740
Nice brain.
1512
01:23:00,000 --> 01:23:00,660
You see this brain?
1513
01:23:00,860 --> 01:23:01,040
Yeah.
1514
01:23:01,410 --> 01:23:02,980
My left ball is bigger than this brain.
1515
01:23:03,490 --> 01:23:04,690
That's why you're so artistic.
1516
01:23:07,120 --> 01:23:08,120
Oh, God.
1517
01:23:08,480 --> 01:23:08,920
Woo!
1518
01:23:08,921 --> 01:23:09,440
Huh?
1519
01:23:09,680 --> 01:23:10,680
Huh?
1520
01:23:30,700 --> 01:23:31,880
Jordan, get a picture.
1521
01:23:40,530 --> 01:23:40,970
Speech!
1522
01:23:40,971 --> 01:23:41,410
Speech!
1523
01:23:41,450 --> 01:23:41,790
Speech!
1524
01:23:42,090 --> 01:23:42,850
Stop, stop.
1525
01:23:43,030 --> 01:23:43,450
I'll do a speech.
1526
01:23:43,550 --> 01:23:44,010
I'll do a speech.
1527
01:23:44,170 --> 01:23:44,490
I'll do a speech.
1528
01:23:44,670 --> 01:23:45,350
Excuse me.
1529
01:23:45,390 --> 01:23:46,010
Excuse me.
1530
01:23:46,290 --> 01:23:47,290
Excuse me.
1531
01:23:48,950 --> 01:23:54,210
I, uh, I'm afraid I have some unpleasant
business regarding today's final.
1532
01:23:56,850 --> 01:24:01,510
According to Rule 324 of the book of
Collegiate Mastermind, an injured player
1533
01:24:01,511 --> 01:24:04,570
cannot be replaced with less than one
minute remaining in a match.
1534
01:24:04,571 --> 01:24:07,630
The team must complete the match with two
players.
1535
01:24:09,550 --> 01:24:11,470
Today, Whitman College broke that rule.
1536
01:24:13,310 --> 01:24:16,997
I'm sorry to have to tell
you that Harvard College
1537
01:24:16,998 --> 01:24:19,691
is this year's Collegiate
Mastermind Champion.
1538
01:24:27,990 --> 01:24:28,990
Excuse me.
1539
01:24:29,110 --> 01:24:30,110
Excuse me.
1540
01:24:40,830 --> 01:24:42,110
We all know what happened today.
1541
01:24:44,350 --> 01:24:46,440
We beat Harvard fair and square.
1542
01:24:49,730 --> 01:24:50,840
But they stole it from us.
1543
01:24:53,240 --> 01:24:54,240
Do you know why?
1544
01:24:56,690 --> 01:24:57,690
Because they fear us.
1545
01:25:00,120 --> 01:25:01,380
We're the beautiful bums.
1546
01:25:03,310 --> 01:25:04,470
We're the people's champions.
1547
01:25:11,830 --> 01:25:13,480
So let us be history's secret.
1548
01:25:14,400 --> 01:25:16,360
... ...
1549
01:25:38,340 --> 01:25:46,340
A little pause...
1550
01:26:02,300 --> 01:26:03,300
and we are back.
1551
01:26:06,400 --> 01:26:07,860
Are you sure you can do this?
1552
01:26:08,980 --> 01:26:10,320
I'm not even a student yet.
1553
01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:12,680
Don't worry.
1554
01:26:13,260 --> 01:26:14,260
You're with me.
1555
01:26:42,440 --> 01:26:43,440
Leo?
1556
01:26:46,800 --> 01:26:47,800
Leo?
1557
01:26:59,750 --> 01:27:00,750
Where's it going?
1558
01:27:02,130 --> 01:27:03,130
Let's go down.
1559
01:27:03,290 --> 01:27:04,290
Hey, Leo!
1560
01:27:05,550 --> 01:27:06,550
Where are you going?
1561
01:27:09,490 --> 01:27:10,730
Going back to being a civilian.
1562
01:27:11,150 --> 01:27:12,150
You're not a civilian.
1563
01:27:13,230 --> 01:27:14,230
I'm gonna get a job.
1564
01:27:15,770 --> 01:27:16,886
I'm gonna pay for my daughter's education.
1565
01:27:16,910 --> 01:27:21,190
And I'm gonna find an age-appropriate fox.
1566
01:27:22,650 --> 01:27:23,790
Did I mean that?
1567
01:27:28,240 --> 01:27:30,240
It's been a pleasure making bad decisions
with you.
1568
01:27:31,890 --> 01:27:32,970
I'll miss you too.
1569
01:27:50,130 --> 01:27:51,410
Take care.
1570
01:27:51,640 --> 01:27:52,640
Cut your hair.
1571
01:28:00,910 --> 01:28:01,510
Thank you.
1572
01:28:01,511 --> 01:28:06,190
You can see it in the way that you still
run through the canyon When you're trying
1573
01:28:06,191 --> 01:28:11,310
really hard not to speak It's not your
fault It's the ghosts that you keep And
1574
01:28:11,311 --> 01:28:17,190
they tell you to run Please don't cut your
hair.
1575
01:28:18,550 --> 01:28:19,690
Of course I won't.
1576
01:28:21,250 --> 01:28:22,570
It protects my brain.
1577
01:28:24,160 --> 01:28:25,160
What did you say?
1578
01:28:26,530 --> 01:28:27,530
Nothing.
1579
01:29:18,500 --> 01:29:20,440
So stay for not today.
1580
01:29:23,360 --> 01:29:25,660
So stay for not birthday.
1581
01:29:46,200 --> 01:29:50,680
What do you think the future of this
Whitman team will be?
1582
01:29:51,010 --> 01:29:56,100
I think the sky's the limit for these fine
young kids.
1583
01:29:56,180 --> 01:30:00,900
I think I see a lot of big jobs in their
future.
1584
01:30:01,040 --> 01:30:03,680
I see maybe perhaps a couple internet
startups.
1585
01:30:03,860 --> 01:30:05,220
I see a Nobel Prize or two.
1586
01:30:05,670 --> 01:30:09,860
I see some trash collection.
1587
01:30:09,861 --> 01:30:11,520
Some of them are expecting work,
some of them obviously they're not going
1588
01:30:11,521 --> 01:30:16,100
to excel like the others, some of them
brains are too much, they're going to
1589
01:30:16,101 --> 01:30:19,400
waste it, there's going to be some drug
problems, but by and large I see a lot of
1590
01:30:19,401 --> 01:30:25,760
these kids making it big if they don't,
you know, hit the pipe.
1591
01:30:26,140 --> 01:30:27,640
Well that's all from Poughkeepsie.
1592
01:30:28,360 --> 01:30:29,580
You keep learning, America.
1593
01:30:30,320 --> 01:30:31,320
You do it.
1594
01:31:03,210 --> 01:31:04,710
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