Original subtitles

Hey.

I know you're one of my men

because I see you at briefing all the time.

Oh, yeah. See, I'm, uh, Frank Poncherello's partner.

Jon Baker! Ha ha! Sure.

Uh..

...whatever happened to Poncherello?

Oh, well, that happened.

You see, some sergeant, uh--

Yeah?

Made him chairman of the entertainment committee

for the CHP Benefit.

He's out looking for stars.

Well, what happened to the stars

we had last year?

Recording dates, rehearsal, on tour.

I mean, you know how it is with showbiz stars.

No, no, I don't, but I do know how it is in the highway patrol

biz, and he's supposed to be riding his beat.

Sarge, he only has a couple of days, and he's having trouble.

Now, give him a break, will you?

Alright, I'll give him a break.

And I'll do the same for you.

You will?

I'll ride with you myself.

Whoa!

I'm terribly sorry.

If it weren't for me, you might have caught him.

I've seen some smash-and-grab artists around here.

amateurs, mostly, but those guys were pros.

Know how much I had in that wallet, over 100 bucks.

Not to mention credit cards.

You know, you should carry

those traveler's checks.

Okay, did you get that, operator?

You didn't get it?

I put...I put $1.80 in!

Yeah!

I put in 6 quarters and 3 dimes.

'Oh, wonderful. Okay, fine.'

'We'll start over. You'll give it back.'

Okay, okay. Here we, here we go!

Are you ready, dear?

Alright, here is a quarter.

Aah! Stop him! Stop that boy!

Hey, lady, pull over!

You got a kid on the back!

Stop! Please stop!

Hey, pull over! Hey, lady!

'Hey, pull over!'

Stop! Somebody!

Hey, you got a kid on the back!

Stop!

You got a kid on the back!

Help!

Hey, pull over! Pull over!

Stop!

You guys clock me?

I must have been doing 50 at least!

Yeah, well, we'll get to that in a minute. You okay?

I'm cool. What's the problem?

I'll ask the questions. You just answer them. What's your name?

Mark, Mark Donalds.

Here, my student ID.

That's alright, you had no way of knowing

the boy was hanging on the back of your car.

Oh, my heavens! My heart's beating like a trip hammer.

Well, when you feel like it, you're free to go.

What I'd like to do is spank

the daylights out of that kid back there.

I understand.

'You were going too fast to let go'

and you were going too fast for the cars behind you to stop

'in case you spilled, they would have rolled right over you.'

Now you get the idea?

That's a pretty dangerous spot you're in, son.

How did it happen?

Uh, I hooked on to the back

of the car up on the pier

and, uh, some guy was chasing me.

I'll call for a car.

I want you to backtrack on this.

So, some guy was chasing you?

Why

Oh, some old lady got excited, but it was nothing.

Look, if you're trying to put a new twist on roller-skating

you better stop it right here, alright?

I'm 12 years old. What could you do to me?

Could help you make it to 13, for openers.

Destination is Santa Monica Pier.

10-5, Mary 4.

Poncherello will meet you at the pier.

You should have seen that kid's expression

when he came off that bumper.

I mean, not a nerve showing.

Yeah, well, confidence like that

will take him a long way.

Yeah, in either direction.

Yeah.

'Woman in a phone booth started yelling.'

'Claimed some kid tried to grab her change.'

I see. Is this kind of thing a problem around here?

Oh, no. It's a new one on me.

Okay.

Hey, Mark, your parents home?

Alright, get in the car, son.

We'll meet you over there, huh, bear?

Okay.

You're the brains of this outfit, Lita.

It's whatever you say.

I'm the brains?

You think it takes brains to grab a lousy 100 bucks?

What about the credit cards?

There are some pretty good ones here.

Yeah, Lita. They're worth something.

You bet...about, uh..

...two years a piece.

They go in the trash.

Okay, I'll do it.

Don't you two ever, uh..

...feel like you want to try something on your own?

What for?

I mean, we're doing pretty good.

A 100 bucks split three ways.

You call that good?

Oh, come on. We just had a little bad luck.

That's all.

But you'll think of somethin'.

Wipe off your...fingerprints

'wrap them in scrap paper'

and throw them in a closed-top trash can.

Okay, Lita.

Come on, now, you know you can depend on my man Romo.

He'll do exactly like you said.

I know.

I guess nobody's home.

So...why don't you guys just leave a note?

You live here with your parents?

Not exactly.

I'm staying here with my sister.

'Do you guys have to tell her everything?'

Yeah, everything.

She's the one coming up in the white pants.

Alright, let's go.

What happened?

- I'm fine.

Uh, Mark took a little skating trip on the freeway.

On the freeway?

But I don't think it was intentional.

'Are you kidding?'

You know how much these wheels cost?

I think I burned out a bearing!

Excuse me. I'm Frank Poncherello.

Could we talk?

My name is Bettina.

Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.

Mark, if you were my little brother

you'd be grounded for a month.

Everybody gets lucky sometime.

Our parents are going through a divorce.

Mark's staying with me until everything's settled.

I'm no whip-cracker

but...he's not allowed to run wild.

'I feed him well.'

And he's always in bed by ten o' clock.

Sounds like he's got a good home.

It's clean.

And I love him very much.

It's just that he's at an age

when he won't listen to women..

...you know, kind of a juvie-macho stage.

I'm gonna be the hottest eight-wheeler on the walk!

Then, man, I'll have it all!

You know what, I guess street skating

just wasn't around when you guys were kids.

No, no, no, no. That's a wrong guess.

You see, uh, freeway skating is a bad variation

besides being illegal.

But we won't see you again, will we, huh?

Okay, okay, can I split now?

I want you home for supper, and no excuses.

Thanks.

Okay?

'You guys made a big hit.'

He doesn't say thanks even

when I give him lessons.

What kind of lessons?

We teach skating, roller disco.

You'd be surprised how many important people

have taken it up.

Oh, do you have any, uh, celebrity students?

Sure, lots of them.

Have you girls heard about..

..."Skate with the stars"..

...charity spectacular?

Well, sure. We've seen the posters.

Oh, well, uh..

...I'm entertainment chairman.

And I got a couple openings.

Maybe some of your students might like

a chance to show their stuff, uh..

Maybe some name entertainers too

and, you, you'd really be helping a needy, needy cause.

Well, some of our pupils are giving demonstrations

at the Venice Pavilion.

Why don't you come on by?

Hey, yeah. I'd love to. Sure.

Great!

Great! We'll see you then.

- Alright, have a good day. - Okay! Bye-bye.

You know what I might do?

Take roller disco lessons.

What are you, a mind reader?

Hey, my pet rock could have figured that out.

Okay, let's try it out.

Carlin..

...are you sure you wanna do this?

Look, it's a neck-for-a-neck. Try it out!

Okay, down!

Up!

Those pneumatic shocks work just great.

The next guy that tailgates me

is in for a big surprise!

Hey, come on, let's give it a try.

Look, just don't stand there. Open the gate, huh?

Yeah, Jimmy's going over his...promos now, Merv.

Yeah. Oh, no! He'd love to do your show. Yeah!

Tell him I do a great sleepwalking act.

Yeah, well, I thought he could, you know

talk about his promos and, uh, do a couple songs.

Look, I'm telling you, Frankie, there's no way!

Oh, yeah, yeah. He really gets off doing your show.

Yeah, Merv. Yeah, yeah, great.

Yeah, looking forward to seeing you. Bye.

What are you trying to do, ruin my credibility?

I mean I've worked long and hard

in these arrangements, you knew that!

I don't care what I knew.

One more talk show could put me away. I'm exhausted!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, maybe you're right.

I think we're...both coming down with a little jet lag.

Look, I'm not indestructible.

My manager-agent should know that most of all.

I'm not indestructible!

Hello!

Oh, uh, hi, Mike. I'm sorry. I was just going to call you.

'Yeah, Jimmy's really high on doing your show.'

'Yeah, Thursday's fine.'

Yeah, right. See you.

Well, after this tour and we're caught up

on our financial commitments maybe we can, uh

talk about a rest, okay?

Jimmy?

Jimmy, are you listening to me?

- Lousy, just like always.

Well, I thought by now your, your neck

would be feeling a little bit better.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I got only half

the settlement I deserved!

It only took us a couple of weeks

to spend it, remember?

Sorry I asked.

Hey, hey, hey.

Check out that limo behind us.

What about him?

You see the look he's giving my...wheels, huh?

I mean, it's just like we were nothing, right?

Boy, you got good eyes.

Look, it's been Jimmy and me from the day one.

If I said he's going to do it, he's going to do it, okay?

Okay, okay, I'll let you hear from the big man himself.

'Jimmy.'

Jimmy?

Look, I'll get back to you, okay?

Jimmy?

Okay, Mr. Tailgater.

Ha ha! Did you see that?

Was that beautiful? Huh? Ha ha!

What if there's somebody dead back there?

If it was that tailgater, who cares? Ha ha!

LA 15, 7 Mary 3.

'Multiple 11-83 Ventura West of Joseph Avenue.'

Roll 11-41 and paramedics.

You just stay in your car while we get

this thing sorted out, sir.

Incredible!

Sparks everywhere. I, I couldn't see.

Sparks? Like from a dragging muffler?

Worse, much worse.

Never saw anything like it!

Alright, listen, I'm gonna wanna a statement from you, sir.

- Yes.

Help! Help! Mayday!

The medics are on their way. Just take it easy, sir.

Take it easy You know who this is?

This is Jimmy Tyler!

- Yeah.

I want him to have the finest medical attention.

He'll get it.

Just don't move him.

Mr. Balford.

Oh, give it to me straight, doc.

I mean, how is he?

Well, fortunately, he was asleep

and completely relaxed when the accident happened.

If there's a mark on him, I can't find it.

Ah, that's great, doc.

I mean...I mean, that's really great.

May I help you gentlemen?

- We'd like to see Mr. Tyler. - Oh, just routine.

For the accident report, okay?

If you can keep him awake

I can see no reason why not.

Mr. Tyler, uh, I'm Jon Baker.

I'm sorry to bother you, but, uh--

Hey, don't worry about it. I'm cool.

I'm Frank Poncherello. How's it going?

Going? Don't say that around here.

Because I'm not going anywhere.

Who's that?

Uh, the doctor said you were alright.

Not even a little bruise or anything.

Oh, well, it's Frank Balford, my manager.

Didn't recognize him without his whip.

Look, how about a truce till these gentlemen leave, okay?

As a rule, he's attached

to the phone always making promises about me.

Well, if I wasn't, you'd still be singing

to the pigeons in Central Park.

And loving every minute of it.

You better understand that

because there's going to be some changes.

Hey, look, uh, we'll let you get some rest.

We'll talk to you later, alright?

'Rest'

Are you joking? You guys stay.

Let him leave.

Yeah, well, I-I just might do that.

And I don't need this from you.

'Okay, go ahead.'

'Go back to booking carnival acts!'

Go ahead. Take a hike.

Hey, I'm...sorry about that.

We connected on one hit song.

He's been on my back ever since.

Um, it's not about business

but, uh, we thought he was worried about you.

Ha ha! You kidding?

In the last six months I've written 11 hit songs

done two albums and produced them.

'And I just came off a 23 city concert tour in the last month.'

'Now, I got to start thinking of new material'

'for the next recording session.'

And what does he want me to do?

He wants me to do four talk shows

in the next two days.

And what is he worried about?

He's worried about me getting to New York

on time the next day.

If I were dead, he'd have something to do

before I went into the box.

Now, look, Mr. Tyler, about the accident..

Was anyone hurt?

No, not seriously.

Do you remember anything?

Nothing. I slept right through it.

Okay, listen, why don't we check you later

in case, uh, something comes back?

Hey, weren't you the two that helped me out?

Uh, yeah. I'm one of your biggest fans.

Got all your records.

If there's anything I can do

to help you guys out, say thank you.

Well, do you, do you roller

- Uh, it's just a question.

Better let him get some rest, huh, Ponch?

- Alright. - Catch you later.

- See you later. - Later.

Listen, give the guy a break, would you?

He's flat on his back.

Oh, Jon, Jon!

I don't think you understand show business.

I don't suppose that Jimmy thought of thanking you guys.

I just want to tell you...I'm really grateful.

Oh, that's okay, Mr. Balford.

Uh, could I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah, sure.

Uh, excuse me. I'll wait outside.

Jimmy in there..

...he said that if there was anything that he could do--

Well, that goes for both of us.

Well, sir, it just so happens..

...I'm in a kind of a bind.

I need stars, celebrities

for a very big benefit show.

Celebrities? Hey, celebrities, I know 'em all.

I mean, I know what they had for breakfast!

I've had a lot of celebrities sign with me.

I need Jimmy Tyler like the mumps!

Here, take my card. Call me tomorrow morning.

I'll give you celebrities out the ears.

Oh, wow. Thanks, Mr. Balford.

Um, but it would really be great

to have Jimmy there too.

I'm sorry. That's out of my hands.

Hey, listen, whether you know it or not

you're still in emotional shock from the accident.

Jimmy's just plain beat out.

Yeah, well, I couldn't care less.

'Oh, come on, Mr. Balford.'

You were so worried when we got here.

You were sweating bullets.

Well, when you've been with someone

as long as I've been with him

I, I mean, he's been with me--

'You've been together, right?'

In business, on tour.

Together you've had a dozen hit records.

Yeah. I produced the first song he ever wrote.

"Give in."

You know that?

Ah, well, that's, uh, that's what brought us together.

It used to mean something to him.

Maybe it still does, Mr. Balford.

Uh, if you walk away, you may never know.

I'll call you, okay?

- Oh, hi! - Hi!

Oh, she's sensational.

We thought you might like her for your show.

Oh, and we got a maybe from Anthony Muscory.

He's the cellist with he Oxnard string quartet.

Terrific.

What other stars do you have?

Uh, well, I, I got a list

of really top-name celebrities

from a very big talent agent.

And I haven't had time to contact them yet

but, uh, everything's looking fantastic.

- Oh, good. - Great!

Hey, six-dollar. Come on, come on! Time is money.

Have a nice day. Yellow will look great on you.

Okay, go. Go!

Four big ones. Come on. Come, come, come, come!

Don't crowd. Don't crowd.

That's new this year.

Send your sister. That's seven bucks.

'Be sure and, hey, send your mother, okay?'

Okay, have a good day.

Hey, police! Stop him!

'Hey, stop that guy!'

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Well, I got a good look at him.

Yeah, me, too, from behind.

You know something? You guys sure got dumped.

Now, what do we do for an encore, huh?

Uh, Bonnie, six more skate clubs

sponsoring entrants to the beauty contest.

Okay, crime fighters, let's settle down.

I have here some accident reports

involving a 1970 green Chevy Sedan.

That's been raising Cain on the freeways.

Now, this vehicle's rear end is equipped

with hydraulics.

And there's a skid plate that's welded to the frame.

Now, the rear end can be lowered

so that the skid plate makes

contact with the surface.

The result can look like the fourth of July.

It's identical to a stunt Boulevard Cruisers

used to pull a few years back.

In fact, we used to call them skidders.

Now, this particular skidder has lowered its skid plate

on a couple of automobiles

and victimized some motorcyclists too.

Caused one multiple TC...with injuries.

Now, witnesses place two males in the car.

Now, what motivates them we don't know.

So if you see 'em, use caution.

Let's get them off the road.

'Okay, that's it.'

Oh, Poncherello!

LAPD copied in a couple of smash-and-grab reports

in the Venice area, I put them in your boxes.

- Oh, I'll get them! - Uh, Frank, here!

I'd like a list of the performers for the benefit.

We're running out of time.

Hey, you want performers?

Check this out.

Those are performers, sarge.

And I got an angle on skating stars.

Hey!

I'm impressed.

Hey, would I ever let you down, sarge, huh?

Oh, uh...does he, he really have

all those stars lined up?

Oh, yeah. He's...he's just finalizing.

Oh.

Finalizing.

Make a left and go right, then go..

Say.

Well, maybe you can help me. I got a big problem.

Well, how big is your problem, officer?

Well, my partner and I, we don't know Beverly Hills.

And we're looking for stars, celebrities

to appear at a CHP Benefit for charity.

Hey, listen, we're always happy to help the police.

Alright, well, first thing I'm looking for

an...emcee type, you know?

Uh, Regis Philbin, Army Archerd.

Ha ha! Well, personally, I like--

Does Michael Landon live here?

I thought you were looking for an emcee type.

What do you bet he's moved?

Probably. That map's over 20 years old.

Listen, I got a great idea for an emcee.

Or James Garner, you know, he'd be great.

Does he live here?

No. That...I'm sure of.

Oh, well, that's too bad. My partner Jon and I--

'Wait a minute.'

You got a partner named Jon?

- Right. - Ha ha ha!

I've had a partner named John for years.

Jon and I have been together...a long time.

Don't know what I'd do without him.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

Does your partner... he ride a motorcycle?

No, but if he hasn't

it's the only thing he's overlooked.

I appreciate your help.

Okay.

Officer..

...is that your partner?

Yeah.

Well..

...your troubles are over.

How's that?

Well, here's..

...Johnny!

Hey, aren't you..

Ed McMahon?

Jimmy?

Jimmy?

- I'm supposed to be resting. - So rest!

Well, how do you expect me to rest

with you hovering over me like a vampire?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just trying to make sure you were alright.

Why? Am I supposed to do "The Tonight Show?"

Hey, what's really wrong?

I'm tired!

So you've been working hard.

Oh, you've noticed!

Yeah, I noticed. I noticed.

Didn't think anybody ever noticed me.

Every time you step in front of that spotlight

I spend days setting up things

going over hundreds of details.

Look, I've heard this speech before a thousand times

and every time I hear it

I always end up feeling guilty, really!

Maybe I should be pacing and you should be resting.

Look, we made an agreement.

I mean, it's supposed to be a two-man operation.

And you were going to handle all the music

and I was gonna handle all the arrangements.

I mean, it worked pretty good so far.

Yeah, great agreement. You're tired and I'm exhausted.

Yeah. When we first met, you were exhausted with failure.

When I met you, you had some drunk juggler

'and you were thinking about selling real estate!'

That's the nature of the business!

It's a high energy drain.

I mean, valleys and peaks..

Are you saying a couple of days rest

is going to ruin my career?

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Go ahead and rest.

Go ahead and rest, okay?

I'll have to shade this to the press.

I'm tired!

Do you know what this is gonna look like in the trades?

"Rock star snaps under pressure."

'"Tries to make comeback in intensive care ward?"'

And worse than that they

won't mention your name at all.

Look, you're trying to lay this guilt trip on me again.

As if without you I'd become an overnight flop.

Would you be realistic? Rock stars burn out.

I mean, you gotta make it while you can!

I'm making it. I read about it in the papers!

I read about the concert grosses.

I read about the gold records.

But where's the money?

I try to explain the financial statements to you.

Oh, right, as if a dummy rock star's

supposed to do anything but read music.

Well, maybe I should do an outside audit.

Hey, what's wrong?

Do you think I'm stealing from you?

Well, then an outside audit shouldn't bother you.

- It's done a lot. - Yeah, but not with us.

Go ahead! Go ahead, okay? Go ahead! Look at everything.

Yeah! Look at everything! Look at the promos.

And look at the record dates! Look at everything!

Good! I want to see all the books!

Go ahead! Everything's in the office!

Well, then I'll send for 'em!

Yeah, well, my conscience is clear.

I can leave you where I found you, nowhere!

I've had it. That's it! I don't need you!

I can handle my own affairs! Cancel all the contracts!

Yeah? We didn't have a contract.

We did it all with a handshake.

Well, then cancel the handshake!

Brian, look, bring my Ferrari

to the hospital parking lot right now.

Right, and leave the keys over the visor.

Hey, you know who that is?

Jimmy Tyler.

- You know.

'He's lucid, rational, and coordinated'

but...I found him parked there crying.

Mind if I talk to him, Grossie?

No. Take over if you want.

Jon seems to understand him.

Excuse me.

Jimmy.

Want to tell me about it?

I don't.

It's confusion in my head.

I was trying to work things out.

Realized I was driving like an idiot.

So I pulled over.

Where were you going?

That's the part I didn't work out.

I was just trying to get away from Balford.

From everything.

There's got to be someplace.

Listen, uh.

Are you okay to drive?

That's the part I worked out.

Okay, why don't you follow Ponch and me, alright?

Hey, just pull it in there and lock it.

You're really a soft touch, Jon, you know?

Oh, come on. The guy's tired, he's wrung out.

I'm letting him use my apartment.

This is alright.

Listen, uh, if you're hungry

the kitchen's pretty well stocked.

And the bathroom is right back here, on the right.

Right here.

'If you want to take a shower'

'the towels are right up here in the closet.'

And I don't know what time I'll be home tonight

'so the bed's yours, I don't want to wake you up.'

Uh, Jon?

Yeah?

I wouldn't worry about it.

Hey, Lita, how do you get these wheels to come out?

Hey, that's neat. Let me try that.

It's not a toy.

The idea is, I can walk into a place and skate out.

It comes in threes, here.

Plus we have chains. Very feminine.

Excuse me a moment, please.

Certainly.

Every caper she thinks of is more dangerous

than the one before.

Wish we'd never taught her how to skate.

Yeah, but working on skates was her idea, Ty.

Yeah, after she met us.

Yeah, well, maybe we can make this big score today

and blow this town, huh?

Yeah, maybe.

Could I look at the pendant again, please?

Of course.

It's beautiful.

'Hey, somebody stop her!'

Stop her!

'All units vicinity Venice'

'a smash-and-grab 2-11, just occurred'

'at Fields Discount Jewellery, Pacific Avenue.'

Fuzz. Go!

Back it up!