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1
00:00:00,985 --> 00:00:03,752
Oli, do you think we "dance" enough?
2
00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:05,954
We never dance. I hate dancing.
3
00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:07,341
No, remember?
4
00:00:07,376 --> 00:00:09,677
The code word we came up with
5
00:00:09,711 --> 00:00:11,979
so we can talk about sex stuff
without the girls knowing?
6
00:00:12,014 --> 00:00:13,981
Oh, right.
7
00:00:14,016 --> 00:00:16,884
"Dancing." [Laughs] Love dancing.
8
00:00:16,919 --> 00:00:18,753
Slow dancing, fast dancing,
9
00:00:18,787 --> 00:00:21,322
"surprise you in the shower" dancing.
10
00:00:21,356 --> 00:00:24,358
"Forget to lock the
bathroom door" dancing...
11
00:00:24,393 --> 00:00:26,527
Yeah, that was my bad.
12
00:00:26,562 --> 00:00:29,697
This says that 40% of couples
13
00:00:29,731 --> 00:00:31,499
dance four to five times a week.
14
00:00:31,533 --> 00:00:32,767
What?
15
00:00:32,801 --> 00:00:36,370
Who older than 25 dances that much?
16
00:00:36,405 --> 00:00:37,972
Readers of this magazine.
17
00:00:38,006 --> 00:00:39,674
Yeah, but you can't believe that.
18
00:00:39,708 --> 00:00:43,010
Look, they also say you
can restore your virginity
19
00:00:43,045 --> 00:00:46,981
with "these five easy stretches!"
20
00:00:47,015 --> 00:00:49,350
I'm just asking if we dance enough.
21
00:00:49,384 --> 00:00:50,685
I love dancing!
22
00:00:50,719 --> 00:00:52,854
I'll dance with anyone, anywhere!
23
00:00:52,888 --> 00:00:54,555
No, you won't!
24
00:00:54,590 --> 00:00:55,756
Not until you're married!
25
00:00:55,791 --> 00:00:58,993
And definitely never without protection.
26
00:00:59,027 --> 00:01:00,661
You mean like a helmet?
27
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,965
Yeah, actually.
28
00:01:03,999 --> 00:01:05,500
- It is like a helmet.
- [Chuckles]
29
00:01:08,637 --> 00:01:11,639
Man: Okay, everybody, look at me.
30
00:01:15,985 --> 00:01:23,245
Synced and corrected by OussLP
- www.addic7ed.com
31
00:01:26,855 --> 00:01:30,691
Hello, hello!
32
00:01:30,726 --> 00:01:34,395
Man, I hate saying that
when I don't have to.
33
00:01:34,429 --> 00:01:36,764
I still think it's so weird
your mom insists
34
00:01:36,798 --> 00:01:38,799
on taking your Christmas-card photo
35
00:01:38,834 --> 00:01:40,067
in the middle of summer.
36
00:01:40,102 --> 00:01:43,437
She says we all look fat in the winter.
37
00:01:43,472 --> 00:01:46,140
Come on. That's not true.
38
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:50,545
We both have sections in our
closet labeled winter pants.
39
00:01:50,579 --> 00:01:51,779
Hello, hello.
40
00:01:51,813 --> 00:01:53,614
Hello, hello.
41
00:01:53,649 --> 00:01:54,949
Who wants a candy cane?
42
00:01:54,983 --> 00:01:56,951
Both: I do!
43
00:01:56,985 --> 00:01:59,654
Is everybody getting into
the Christmas spirit?
44
00:01:59,688 --> 00:02:03,791
Because if you're not, it
will show on the card.
45
00:02:03,825 --> 00:02:05,493
I am, Mom.
46
00:02:05,527 --> 00:02:06,794
You made the Christmas cookies, right?
47
00:02:06,828 --> 00:02:08,162
They're in the kitchen.
48
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:11,499
I love July Christmas.
49
00:02:11,533 --> 00:02:13,668
This year's card has to be perfect
50
00:02:13,702 --> 00:02:15,836
because last year's card was a disaster.
51
00:02:15,871 --> 00:02:19,640
Everybody at the club said they loved it.
52
00:02:19,675 --> 00:02:21,142
And that's not good?
53
00:02:21,176 --> 00:02:23,911
No, it means they thought
the card was mediocre.
54
00:02:23,946 --> 00:02:27,081
If they really thought it was great,
55
00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:29,717
they'd have felt threatened
and said nothing.
56
00:02:31,053 --> 00:02:33,721
That's what I'm hoping for this year.
57
00:02:33,755 --> 00:02:35,823
Well, good luck.
58
00:02:35,857 --> 00:02:37,992
And I picked up our matching
Christmas sweaters,
59
00:02:38,026 --> 00:02:39,594
and they are beautiful.
60
00:02:39,628 --> 00:02:40,795
Hello, hello.
61
00:02:40,829 --> 00:02:42,663
- Hello, hello.
- Hello, hello.
62
00:02:42,698 --> 00:02:45,666
Oh, my gosh! I love your skirt.
63
00:02:45,701 --> 00:02:48,669
Thank you. I bought it special
for the photo shoot.
64
00:02:48,704 --> 00:02:50,004
[Both chuckle] Hmm.
65
00:02:50,038 --> 00:02:52,473
Hello, hello, Ricky.
66
00:02:52,507 --> 00:02:54,141
Oh, hello, hello, Claire.
67
00:02:54,176 --> 00:02:56,243
I must say, it was very smart of you
68
00:02:56,278 --> 00:02:58,779
not to change into your photo-shoot clothes
69
00:02:58,814 --> 00:03:00,715
until right before the picture.
70
00:03:03,118 --> 00:03:04,619
I still like it.
71
00:03:04,653 --> 00:03:05,953
[Sighs] You know what?
72
00:03:05,988 --> 00:03:07,655
It's okay because I came
prepared this time.
73
00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:08,990
I brought three outfits.
74
00:03:09,024 --> 00:03:11,192
'Cause she's got to like one, right?
75
00:03:12,371 --> 00:03:14,095
Hey, Mom, did you make
the Christmas cookies?
76
00:03:14,129 --> 00:03:16,197
They're in the kitchen.
77
00:03:16,231 --> 00:03:18,199
All the way in the kitchen?
78
00:03:18,233 --> 00:03:20,868
Man, I had a really tiring day today
79
00:03:20,902 --> 00:03:23,137
at the hospital being a doctor.
80
00:03:23,171 --> 00:03:27,208
I'll bring them right out to you, honey.
81
00:03:27,242 --> 00:03:29,844
And that is how you do it.
82
00:03:31,313 --> 00:03:35,282
Hey, I found my Santa hat. [Laughs]
83
00:03:37,052 --> 00:03:40,988
That insurance guy's gonna think I'm crazy.
84
00:03:41,023 --> 00:03:43,290
Oh, I don't think you need
the hat for that, Dad.
85
00:03:44,559 --> 00:03:46,694
I don't understand why you let your firm
86
00:03:46,728 --> 00:03:50,698
schedule your insurance
exam today of all days.
87
00:03:50,732 --> 00:03:52,033
Oh, it's gonna be fine.
88
00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:53,934
It won't take more than 10 minutes.
89
00:03:53,969 --> 00:03:55,302
It's really not a big deal, Mom.
90
00:03:55,337 --> 00:03:57,238
Some rent-a-nurse will
come over, prick him,
91
00:03:57,272 --> 00:03:59,040
draw some blood, and collect some urine.
92
00:03:59,074 --> 00:04:02,943
Maybe, if he's lucky, I
might introduce myself.
93
00:04:04,273 --> 00:04:07,815
Probably make his day to, you
know, meet a real doctor.
94
00:04:07,849 --> 00:04:10,818
Or ruin his day to meet a real douchebag.
95
00:04:10,852 --> 00:04:14,855
[Cellphone beeps] Oh, shit.
96
00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:16,057
What?
97
00:04:16,091 --> 00:04:17,758
My sister's coming over.
98
00:04:17,793 --> 00:04:19,760
- Not Dani.
- Yes, Dani.
99
00:04:19,795 --> 00:04:21,195
She needs to get my spare key.
100
00:04:21,229 --> 00:04:23,998
She lost hers again, either
at a club called Sexxx
101
00:04:24,032 --> 00:04:27,001
with three X's or Throbbb with three B's.
102
00:04:27,035 --> 00:04:29,336
Honey, Blake is here.
103
00:04:29,371 --> 00:04:31,706
Dani and Blake cannot be
in the same room together.
104
00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:34,208
Don't you remember what a
disaster it was when they dated?
105
00:04:34,242 --> 00:04:36,077
She ended up throwing him
through the front window
106
00:04:36,111 --> 00:04:38,179
of a RadioShack.
107
00:04:38,213 --> 00:04:41,682
I know. And they had like
four pregnancy scares.
108
00:04:41,717 --> 00:04:43,684
In three weeks!
109
00:04:43,719 --> 00:04:45,653
How is that even possible?!
110
00:04:46,855 --> 00:04:49,290
You got to just give her the
keys and get her out of here.
111
00:04:49,324 --> 00:04:49,975
For sure.
112
00:04:50,095 --> 00:04:53,728
We can't let them ruin your
family's weird summer Christmas.
113
00:04:53,762 --> 00:04:56,597
Okay, I'm gonna occupy Blake upstairs.
114
00:04:56,631 --> 00:04:57,898
I'll tell him he gained a few pounds.
115
00:04:57,933 --> 00:04:59,166
He'll spend the next hour planking.
116
00:04:59,201 --> 00:05:00,201
[Fingers snap]
117
00:05:02,104 --> 00:05:04,038
Hey, Dad, when does the "murse" get here?
118
00:05:04,072 --> 00:05:05,773
"Murse"?
119
00:05:05,807 --> 00:05:10,678
It's short for "man nurse."
"Murse". I invented it.
120
00:05:10,712 --> 00:05:15,182
I thought "murse" meant "man purse."
121
00:05:15,217 --> 00:05:17,151
No way. I just came up with that.
122
00:05:17,185 --> 00:05:19,687
You have no idea what you're talking about.
123
00:05:19,721 --> 00:05:21,255
They're gonna find weed, you know.
124
00:05:21,289 --> 00:05:22,656
What?
125
00:05:22,691 --> 00:05:24,158
When they test my urine,
126
00:05:24,192 --> 00:05:26,894
they're gonna find marijuana.
127
00:05:28,764 --> 00:05:31,398
Blake and I went mini-golfing yesterday.
128
00:05:31,433 --> 00:05:34,101
And, uh...
129
00:05:34,136 --> 00:05:37,671
He smoked me out in his car.
130
00:05:37,706 --> 00:05:39,974
What are you talking about?
131
00:05:40,008 --> 00:05:44,979
Mini golf... golf that's mini.
132
00:05:45,013 --> 00:05:47,014
I know what mini golf is, Dad.
133
00:05:47,048 --> 00:05:47,586
Oh.
134
00:05:47,706 --> 00:05:49,349
But it's a pretty big deal
to have drugs show up
135
00:05:49,469 --> 00:05:50,769
on your firm's insurance exam.
136
00:05:50,889 --> 00:05:54,088
They're not gonna do anything
to my insurance policy.
137
00:05:54,122 --> 00:05:57,391
I'm a superhero down there.
138
00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,760
You've been paying into
this policy for 40 years.
139
00:05:59,795 --> 00:06:01,095
You really want to take a chance
140
00:06:01,129 --> 00:06:03,097
by flushing all that money down the drain?
141
00:06:03,131 --> 00:06:04,265
Think about Blake.
142
00:06:04,299 --> 00:06:06,300
He might need that money someday.
143
00:06:08,403 --> 00:06:10,671
If something happens to
you, what's he gonna do?
144
00:06:10,705 --> 00:06:13,240
Well, he's pretty good at mini golf.
145
00:06:13,275 --> 00:06:14,942
[Doorbell rings]
146
00:06:18,079 --> 00:06:20,214
Heyyy! Here are the keys.
147
00:06:20,248 --> 00:06:24,752
Now go cut up your shirts or
whatever it is you do for fun.
148
00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:26,787
Is fun.
149
00:06:26,822 --> 00:06:28,255
So can I come in?
150
00:06:28,290 --> 00:06:32,126
I wanted to say "heyyy" to everyone.
151
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,427
Yeah, now's not a good time.
152
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,262
We're doing our Christmas-card photo.
153
00:06:35,297 --> 00:06:38,799
You know, 'cause people get
kind of fat during the winter.
154
00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:42,069
True. Like Santa.
155
00:06:43,872 --> 00:06:46,340
So, is Blake here?
156
00:06:46,374 --> 00:06:49,710
'Cause I broke up with Dylan this morning,
157
00:06:49,744 --> 00:06:54,014
and I maybe wanted to say "heyyy."
158
00:06:54,049 --> 00:06:58,285
Yeah, I think it's best that you
leave and don't say "heyyy."
159
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,421
Blake: Dani?
160
00:07:02,290 --> 00:07:03,958
Dani.
161
00:07:03,992 --> 00:07:07,394
Heyyy.
162
00:07:07,429 --> 00:07:11,165
Blake. Heyyy.
163
00:07:11,199 --> 00:07:13,133
What happened to the planks?
164
00:07:13,168 --> 00:07:14,802
He heard Dani's voice.
165
00:07:14,836 --> 00:07:17,204
I swear to God his ears shot
up like a hunting dog.
166
00:07:22,244 --> 00:07:24,011
Wow.
167
00:07:24,045 --> 00:07:26,814
You look hot. [Chuckles]
168
00:07:26,848 --> 00:07:28,949
I've been working out three times a day.
169
00:07:28,984 --> 00:07:30,251
You look hot, too.
170
00:07:30,285 --> 00:07:32,887
I weigh less than I did in middle school.
171
00:07:32,921 --> 00:07:34,388
Oh, wow.
172
00:07:34,422 --> 00:07:37,057
Have you guys not seen each
other since the breakup?
173
00:07:37,092 --> 00:07:38,525
Yeah, it's been a long time.
174
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,161
I'm totally over him cheating on me.
175
00:07:41,196 --> 00:07:42,863
Uh, you cheated on me
176
00:07:42,898 --> 00:07:45,366
with that Belgian deejay
with the face tattoo!
177
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,335
Because you slept with my best friend!
178
00:07:48,370 --> 00:07:49,870
Well, I didn't know she
was your best friend
179
00:07:49,905 --> 00:07:52,907
until like halfway through!
180
00:07:52,941 --> 00:07:54,808
You're a dick!
181
00:07:54,843 --> 00:07:56,310
You're insane! I can't believe
that you do this all the time!
182
00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:58,979
Okay! That's enough!
183
00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:01,115
Wow. You really do work
out three times a day.
184
00:08:02,517 --> 00:08:05,185
Okay, you're done, get out, go home.
185
00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:06,587
Bye-bye.
186
00:08:08,924 --> 00:08:10,891
Geez!
187
00:08:10,926 --> 00:08:12,226
That was close.
188
00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:13,961
I swear if we weren't here,
189
00:08:13,995 --> 00:08:17,464
they would have just done
it right in the doorway.
190
00:08:17,499 --> 00:08:19,333
That used to be us.
191
00:08:19,367 --> 00:08:21,035
What are you talking about?
192
00:08:21,069 --> 00:08:23,070
We didn't fight and scream at each other.
193
00:08:23,104 --> 00:08:25,239
And you and I only had
two pregnancy scares.
194
00:08:26,541 --> 00:08:28,976
And they both live down
the hall from us now.
195
00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:31,845
Not that part.
196
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:35,215
We used to not be able to keep
our hands off each other.
197
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:36,450
As insane as they are,
198
00:08:36,484 --> 00:08:39,019
there's something nice about their passion.
199
00:08:39,054 --> 00:08:41,855
Honey, that's not passion.
That's psychosis.
200
00:08:43,558 --> 00:08:45,225
I got this. You ready?
201
00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:46,961
We're gonna call this rent-a-murse
202
00:08:46,995 --> 00:08:49,196
and we're gonna reschedule for another day
203
00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:51,198
when the dope is out of your system.
204
00:08:51,232 --> 00:08:53,867
Whatever you say, son.
205
00:08:53,902 --> 00:08:55,869
What were you doing getting
high with Blake anyway?
206
00:08:55,904 --> 00:08:57,233
Well, everybody was doing it.
207
00:08:57,353 --> 00:09:00,341
I didn't want to feel like a dork.
208
00:09:00,375 --> 00:09:02,042
P.S... You were already a dork.
209
00:09:02,077 --> 00:09:04,211
You were playing mini golf.
210
00:09:04,245 --> 00:09:06,013
If you're so worried about this,
211
00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:07,581
why don't we just use your pee?
212
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,984
I wish we could. Mine's tainted, as well.
213
00:09:11,486 --> 00:09:13,320
A little advice... if you
ever find yourself
214
00:09:13,355 --> 00:09:15,322
with a friend named Shermanator,
215
00:09:15,357 --> 00:09:17,891
the brownies on his countertop
are not just brownies.
216
00:09:19,327 --> 00:09:20,627
So, I'll get the number of the
insurance guy from mom.
217
00:09:20,662 --> 00:09:22,162
What time's he supposed to get here?
218
00:09:22,197 --> 00:09:23,364
[Doorbell rings]
219
00:09:23,398 --> 00:09:25,099
Ricky: The insurance man is here!
220
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:27,501
I think right about now.
221
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:34,371
Oh, hey. You must be the murse.
222
00:09:34,405 --> 00:09:37,073
- Excuse me?
- You know... male nurse.
223
00:09:37,108 --> 00:09:38,475
Murse.
224
00:09:38,509 --> 00:09:41,978
"Murse" is short for "man purse."
225
00:09:42,013 --> 00:09:44,314
No, it's not. It's short for male nurse.
226
00:09:44,348 --> 00:09:48,151
I made that up, okay? Feel
free to spread it around.
227
00:09:48,185 --> 00:09:50,720
I'm not gonna do that.
228
00:09:50,755 --> 00:09:53,356
Okay, well, you can head right on
upstairs. My dad's ready for you.
229
00:09:53,391 --> 00:09:55,358
If I were you, I'd wait to do
the urine sample till the end.
230
00:09:55,393 --> 00:09:57,227
He's pretty dehydrated.
231
00:09:57,261 --> 00:09:59,295
I'm a doctor, B.T. Dubs.
232
00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:03,533
I don't give a shit, B.T. Dubs.
233
00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:09,372
[Clears throat] Hi, Ricky.
I changed outfits.
234
00:10:09,407 --> 00:10:11,374
I think this one is much better.
235
00:10:11,409 --> 00:10:13,510
Oh, is that different?
236
00:10:15,312 --> 00:10:17,347
Hey, Claire, I need a favor.
237
00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:19,682
Would you mind peeing into
a coffee mug for my dad?
238
00:10:19,717 --> 00:10:22,385
Oh, man, I really want
your parents to like me,
239
00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:25,121
but I got to draw the
line at weird sex stuff.
240
00:10:25,156 --> 00:10:28,358
Come on, honey. This is just
so he can pass his drug test.
241
00:10:28,392 --> 00:10:30,060
I wish I could help, but remember last week
242
00:10:30,094 --> 00:10:31,728
when I said I borrowed
sugar from the neighbors?
243
00:10:31,762 --> 00:10:33,596
- Yeah...
- It wasn't sugar.
244
00:10:33,631 --> 00:10:35,365
It was weed, and I smoked it!
245
00:10:38,302 --> 00:10:39,769
Hey, guys, dad needs to
246
00:10:39,804 --> 00:10:42,305
get his urine tested for
his insurance policy.
247
00:10:42,339 --> 00:10:44,307
Got a little sitch on our hands right now.
248
00:10:44,341 --> 00:10:48,111
He hit the O.G. kush with the B-man.
249
00:10:48,145 --> 00:10:50,004
I have no idea what you're talking about.
250
00:10:50,124 --> 00:10:52,415
You know, he got blunted, dude.
251
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:53,966
Still not following.
252
00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:56,686
Your dad toked the ganj with B-town.
253
00:10:58,122 --> 00:10:59,756
Oh, well, that I get.
254
00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:01,357
Well, we need clean pee,
and we need it now.
255
00:11:01,392 --> 00:11:02,625
Can you please help?
256
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:04,794
Actually, we went to the Darius Rucker show
257
00:11:04,829 --> 00:11:08,698
on Saturday so we probably shouldn't.
258
00:11:08,732 --> 00:11:11,668
Did anybody in this house not
get high in the past week?
259
00:11:11,702 --> 00:11:14,270
Hi, Dad.
260
00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:19,375
I think I heard a wild animal
outside in the bushes.
261
00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:29,486
Did you hear a wild animal
outside in the bushes?
262
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,722
Uh, nah, we're all good out there, bro.
263
00:11:32,756 --> 00:11:35,291
Heyyy.
264
00:11:35,326 --> 00:11:37,827
What are you doing here?
I thought you left.
265
00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,697
I did, but... I got lost.
266
00:11:40,731 --> 00:11:42,699
Blake found me in the bushes.
267
00:11:42,733 --> 00:11:47,270
He's like a hero or something.
268
00:11:47,304 --> 00:11:48,738
Oh, my God. Did they
just have sex out there?
269
00:11:48,772 --> 00:11:50,140
Of course they did.
270
00:11:50,174 --> 00:11:53,209
Hey, buddy. Do you need to pee?
271
00:11:54,512 --> 00:11:57,814
Dani, you really have to leave this time.
272
00:11:57,848 --> 00:12:01,518
No coming back, no getting
lost, no sex in the backyard.
273
00:12:01,552 --> 00:12:05,889
It wasn't sex. It was just a cazsh-y beej.
274
00:12:05,923 --> 00:12:08,691
Why is nobody speaking English today?
275
00:12:08,726 --> 00:12:11,861
Casual blowjob.
276
00:12:11,896 --> 00:12:16,633
O-kay. Cazsh-y beej. Kind of like that.
277
00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,434
You can't be with Blake.
278
00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:20,870
Bad things happen. You know that.
279
00:12:20,905 --> 00:12:23,706
I know. I know. You're right.
We're not good together.
280
00:12:23,741 --> 00:12:26,242
You have to go home. You promise?
281
00:12:26,277 --> 00:12:28,611
I promise. Okay.
282
00:12:30,414 --> 00:12:34,217
My God, they're like animals.
283
00:12:34,251 --> 00:12:36,452
- We should do that.
- We should do what?
284
00:12:36,487 --> 00:12:38,421
Have sex in the backyard.
285
00:12:38,455 --> 00:12:40,256
You know, to up our passion.
286
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:42,692
We used to do stuff like that all the time.
287
00:12:42,726 --> 00:12:44,394
Listen, I'm all about upping our passion.
288
00:12:44,428 --> 00:12:47,263
But I don't know if I could do that.
289
00:12:47,298 --> 00:12:51,868
I've got some beloved
dogs buried back there.
290
00:12:51,902 --> 00:12:54,871
You're talking about dead dogs?
291
00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:56,506
[Scoffs]
292
00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:59,375
That just cost you a cazsh-y
beej in the backyard.
293
00:13:01,312 --> 00:13:04,447
Hey, son. The nurse gave me this.
294
00:13:04,481 --> 00:13:05,848
I don't know what to do with it.
295
00:13:05,883 --> 00:13:07,750
All right, you ready to
see what a genius I am?
296
00:13:07,785 --> 00:13:09,752
- Mm-hmm.
- I got Jason Jr. in the bathroom
297
00:13:09,787 --> 00:13:11,754
peeing into a coffee mug right now.
298
00:13:11,789 --> 00:13:13,750
You're gonna take that
mug, do a little [Whistles]
299
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:17,293
and ba-bam. Bitchy murse
gets back into his '92 Subaru
300
00:13:17,328 --> 00:13:20,563
with a clean old cup of kid's pee.
301
00:13:20,598 --> 00:13:21,898
Wait a minute.
302
00:13:21,932 --> 00:13:24,934
You farmed this out to your 8-year-old son?
303
00:13:26,403 --> 00:13:28,338
Fantastic.
304
00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:30,940
I am so proud of you.
305
00:13:30,975 --> 00:13:32,809
Of course you are, Dad. I'm a doctor.
306
00:13:32,843 --> 00:13:34,377
Here you go, Dad.
307
00:13:34,411 --> 00:13:35,712
Great work, little man.
308
00:13:35,746 --> 00:13:38,414
You just earned yourself an "NBA 2k" game.
309
00:13:38,449 --> 00:13:41,284
- Awesome!
- Hi, Ricky.
310
00:13:41,318 --> 00:13:44,420
So, will this go with any of the sweaters?
311
00:13:45,856 --> 00:13:47,357
Yes?
312
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,525
- No.
- Oh.
313
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,927
Closer, though.
314
00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:52,395
Okay.
315
00:13:52,429 --> 00:13:54,464
Did you end up getting the pee?
316
00:13:54,498 --> 00:13:56,499
Right here. Jason Jr.
317
00:13:56,533 --> 00:13:57,634
Are you sure it's clean?
318
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:01,904
Dani: Can I slice you some cheese?
319
00:14:01,939 --> 00:14:03,906
Did you just hear that?
320
00:14:03,941 --> 00:14:06,542
Blake: I'd love you to
slice me some cheese.
321
00:14:06,577 --> 00:14:08,511
You got to be kidding me.
322
00:14:08,545 --> 00:14:12,248
Dani, get out here.
323
00:14:12,283 --> 00:14:15,652
What's up?
324
00:14:15,686 --> 00:14:17,453
What are you doing?
325
00:14:17,488 --> 00:14:18,888
And how did you get back in?
326
00:14:18,922 --> 00:14:22,859
Are there more doors in this
house than I know about?
327
00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:25,328
She came in through the
old cat door in the den.
328
00:14:25,362 --> 00:14:28,398
You fit through a cat door?
329
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:31,000
I know, right?
330
00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:33,369
We just discussed this.
331
00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:35,505
You and Blake can't be together.
332
00:14:35,539 --> 00:14:37,373
Blake and I were just talking about that.
333
00:14:37,408 --> 00:14:40,877
When we were together
before, it was so long ago.
334
00:14:40,911 --> 00:14:45,315
And now we're older and more mature.
335
00:14:45,349 --> 00:14:46,983
It was a year and a half ago
336
00:14:47,017 --> 00:14:50,586
and you just entered the
house through a cat door.
337
00:14:50,621 --> 00:14:52,755
I don't think it's gonna be
the same as it was before.
338
00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:55,758
We have a much deeper connection now.
339
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:57,060
True.
340
00:14:57,094 --> 00:14:58,628
Your rack is ridiculous.
341
00:14:58,662 --> 00:15:01,798
I know. Your biceps are insane.
342
00:15:01,832 --> 00:15:03,766
I know.
343
00:15:03,801 --> 00:15:05,968
Wait. You're kind of conceited.
344
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:07,537
You're the one who's conceited.
345
00:15:07,571 --> 00:15:09,739
[Laughs] What are you even doing here?!
346
00:15:09,773 --> 00:15:12,542
- This is my house!
- You think you own everything, don't you?!
347
00:15:12,576 --> 00:15:13,843
Oh, my God! We're back to this?! Really?!
348
00:15:13,877 --> 00:15:15,511
- Okay, you don't own me!
- No, you are crazy!
349
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:17,347
- I don't know what you're thinking!
- You... oh!
350
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:18,815
[Gasps] You stabbed me!
351
00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:23,419
- Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.
- Ohh! Oh!
352
00:15:23,454 --> 00:15:26,789
Oh, that's too bad. That
was some clean pee.
353
00:15:29,986 --> 00:15:32,221
Ricky: What in the world...
354
00:15:32,255 --> 00:15:34,523
oh, my God, what happened to my baby?
355
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,751
Mom. I'm okay, Mom. It's nothing.
356
00:15:36,871 --> 00:15:38,005
On three. Three.
357
00:15:38,039 --> 00:15:40,274
- Oh! Ooh!
- Aah!
358
00:15:40,308 --> 00:15:42,409
What the hell just happened?
359
00:15:42,444 --> 00:15:45,154
- Dani stabbed him.
- It was an accident.
360
00:15:45,274 --> 00:15:47,175
What are you even doing here?
361
00:15:47,209 --> 00:15:50,278
She's leaving right now
and not coming back.
362
00:15:50,312 --> 00:15:52,080
I'll block the cat door.
363
00:15:52,114 --> 00:15:54,783
Okay, byeee. Merry Christmas.
364
00:15:54,817 --> 00:15:57,318
And, Blake, I just wanted to say that...
365
00:15:58,454 --> 00:16:00,288
he's gonna be okay.
366
00:16:00,322 --> 00:16:02,290
She didn't get him that deep.
It's just a minor flesh wound.
367
00:16:02,324 --> 00:16:05,727
Kelli, you and your violent Irish family...
368
00:16:05,761 --> 00:16:08,396
Oh, for God's sake.
369
00:16:08,431 --> 00:16:11,366
And could someone please explain the urine?
370
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,735
Claire, I assume that was you.
371
00:16:13,769 --> 00:16:16,938
It was.
372
00:16:16,972 --> 00:16:19,140
What? It's just easier.
373
00:16:19,175 --> 00:16:21,843
Claire, I need you to go to
the upstairs bathroom,
374
00:16:21,877 --> 00:16:24,312
get me some alcohol, gauze,
and a 2x2" band-aid.
375
00:16:24,346 --> 00:16:26,714
Yes, Doctor!
376
00:16:26,749 --> 00:16:29,284
I love it when she does that.
377
00:16:29,318 --> 00:16:30,985
Hey.
378
00:16:31,020 --> 00:16:32,854
Maybe that's what we should
do to up the passion?
379
00:16:32,888 --> 00:16:34,189
A little role-playing.
380
00:16:34,223 --> 00:16:35,857
I'm a doctor, you're a nurse.
381
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,358
Why do you get to be the doctor?
382
00:16:37,393 --> 00:16:39,727
I want to be the doctor.
You can be the nurse.
383
00:16:39,762 --> 00:16:42,897
That's insane. I would be the doctor.
384
00:16:42,932 --> 00:16:45,800
And this is why we don't role-play.
385
00:16:45,835 --> 00:16:48,470
Ricky? It was me.
386
00:16:48,504 --> 00:16:50,472
- It was you?
- Jason: Yes.
387
00:16:50,506 --> 00:16:53,007
Dad smoked a little bit of weed
and he needs clean urine
388
00:16:53,042 --> 00:16:55,276
or else he won't pass
his insurance physical.
389
00:16:55,311 --> 00:16:56,978
Is that true, Louis?
390
00:16:57,012 --> 00:16:59,948
100%.
391
00:16:59,982 --> 00:17:05,019
Oh, for God's sake. Give me that.
392
00:17:14,864 --> 00:17:17,432
Here.
393
00:17:17,466 --> 00:17:21,035
Wow. Speedy Gonzales.
394
00:17:21,070 --> 00:17:23,838
Now we will never speak of this again.
395
00:17:23,873 --> 00:17:28,743
Here are the items you
asked for, Doctor, stat.
396
00:17:28,777 --> 00:17:30,411
[Doorbell rings]
397
00:17:30,446 --> 00:17:34,782
Oh, my God, she can't stay away!
398
00:17:34,817 --> 00:17:38,353
I told you to go home!
399
00:17:38,387 --> 00:17:40,188
Oh. Photographer's here.
400
00:17:40,222 --> 00:17:41,890
All right, get in. Come on in.
401
00:17:41,924 --> 00:17:43,291
You can set up right here.
402
00:17:45,427 --> 00:17:47,929
This is for you right
here, my father's urine.
403
00:17:47,963 --> 00:17:48,703
I supervised him.
404
00:17:48,823 --> 00:17:51,799
And in case I didn't
mention it, I'm a doctor.
405
00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:54,536
You did. Three times.
406
00:17:54,570 --> 00:17:58,072
Well, your services won't be
needed anymore, Murse.
407
00:17:58,107 --> 00:18:02,277
Thank you for your time, "Dicktor."
408
00:18:06,081 --> 00:18:07,148
What's that?
409
00:18:07,182 --> 00:18:11,519
"Dick doctor" "Dicktor."
410
00:18:11,554 --> 00:18:13,488
No one will ever use that.
411
00:18:13,522 --> 00:18:16,024
Oh, I think they might.
412
00:18:17,393 --> 00:18:20,862
All right, I want you all to go upstairs
413
00:18:20,896 --> 00:18:24,032
and get changed and be back down here
414
00:18:24,066 --> 00:18:26,534
for the shoot in two minutes.
415
00:18:26,569 --> 00:18:28,903
Mom, are we really still
wearing these sweaters?
416
00:18:28,938 --> 00:18:30,104
Well, why wouldn't we?
417
00:18:30,139 --> 00:18:32,874
Because they're all soaked in urine?
418
00:18:32,908 --> 00:18:35,410
It only got on one.
419
00:18:41,283 --> 00:18:42,617
Which one?
420
00:18:48,490 --> 00:18:52,160
I can't believe Dani stabbed Blake.
421
00:18:52,194 --> 00:18:54,529
I can't believe all Dani
did was stab Blake.
422
00:18:56,332 --> 00:18:58,166
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
423
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,568
You sure you need to put that on right now?
424
00:19:00,603 --> 00:19:02,537
What are you talking about?
425
00:19:02,571 --> 00:19:06,240
I don't know. Do you maybe feel like...
426
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,575
Dancing?
427
00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:09,877
Really?
428
00:19:09,912 --> 00:19:11,112
Yeah. Why not?
429
00:19:13,382 --> 00:19:16,451
And you... [Sniffs, groans]
430
00:19:16,485 --> 00:19:20,321
Where are Kelli and Oliver?
What is taking them so long?
431
00:19:20,356 --> 00:19:21,990
I sent Jason Jr. up to find them.
432
00:19:25,194 --> 00:19:28,029
I couldn't find uncle
Oliver and aunt Kelli.
433
00:19:28,063 --> 00:19:30,031
But I think that wild animal I heard
434
00:19:30,065 --> 00:19:32,200
is now in uncle Oliver's old bedroom.
435
00:19:33,902 --> 00:19:36,748
Hey. Sorry we're late.
436
00:19:36,868 --> 00:19:38,172
We were, uh...
437
00:19:38,207 --> 00:19:40,341
Dancing.
438
00:19:40,376 --> 00:19:43,311
Dancing. Exactly.
439
00:19:43,345 --> 00:19:46,147
Well, it certainly took long enough.
440
00:19:46,181 --> 00:19:49,017
Yeah, it did.
441
00:19:49,051 --> 00:19:51,486
Uh, everyone, ready?
442
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,422
Okay, everyone, look fabulous.
443
00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:14,683
Okay, how about this... college
professor and student?
444
00:20:14,717 --> 00:20:15,884
And you can be either one.
445
00:20:15,918 --> 00:20:18,219
Okay, I'll be the Professor.
446
00:20:18,254 --> 00:20:21,022
Ohh, I really wanted Professor.
447
00:20:21,057 --> 00:20:27,128
How about I'm a bored housewife
and you're a hot gardener?
448
00:20:27,163 --> 00:20:30,298
Hot gardener, yeah. I could
maybe... wait a second.
449
00:20:30,332 --> 00:20:32,300
Do you have a thing for Ramon?
450
00:20:32,334 --> 00:20:34,302
No, of course not.
451
00:20:34,336 --> 00:20:36,004
Oh, I have a good one.
452
00:20:36,038 --> 00:20:39,874
Let's be 24-year-old Oliver
and 24-year-old Kelli.
453
00:20:39,909 --> 00:20:42,210
[Gasps] I love that.
454
00:20:42,244 --> 00:20:44,112
I think I still have my juicy sweatpants.
455
00:20:44,146 --> 00:20:45,022
Yes!
456
00:20:45,142 --> 00:20:47,248
Oh, and I still have my Weezer concert tee.
457
00:20:47,283 --> 00:20:49,250
Yeah, this is gonna be so fun.
458
00:20:49,285 --> 00:20:50,495
Ha ha!
459
00:20:50,615 --> 00:20:52,887
Hey, kiddos, lights out
at 8:00 tonight, okay?
460
00:20:52,922 --> 00:20:53,923
Both: Okay.
461
00:20:54,724 --> 00:20:57,224
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