Original subtitles

Spread your arms, please.

Turn around.

Thank you.

Change.

Spread your arms, please.

Turn around.

Thank you.

See you.

- Get dressed. - What?

Get dressed.

You're fucked up.

I was supposed to call to say the weather is changing.

With Jesus in my heart I'm walking hand in hand

With Jesus in my heart I'm walking as a friend

No road or work is too hard When I have God in my heart

With Jesus in my heart as a friend I fear no storms

No road or work is too hard When I have God in my heart

And now our headmistress will take the floor.

My dearest...

you probably think that this retreat is important,

just because of its religious aspect.

And I would like this universal wisdom...

to reach each one of you.

Gustave Flaubert.

Godard, Jean-Luc.

And to balance it out, Polish female artists.

Katarzyna Kozyrar's Boys.

And Natalia Bazowska's installation, Birth Place.

Pass it on. The exhibition is in Warsaw until May and then goes to Paris.

And how is your French after the vacation?

No answer. So-so?

What does that mean?

“Le Mépris”.

Nothing?

Read it, please.

Not the word, just the definition.

An emotional state, in which we judge someone or his morality

as deserving punishment or indifference,

depriving the other person of respect and attention.

Repulsion?

Disgust?

- Contempt? - By Godard?

She was wet like a Syrian pontoon.

Your sister is stealing our Tomek away?

I'm just getting married.

Of course, I understand.

Please stay calm. I do talk to them about it.

Sir, I won't let them go there unprepared.

Of course, we discuss it.

Shit. Yes, I'm here.

Yes, we talk. It's part of the curriculum.

No, it's art, not sexual education.

I can't really talk right now.

I understand, but what does my mother have to do with that?

- Hello. Can I help? - Do you know her?

In a Biblical sense.

Nice, huh?

Nice, but a bit stressed. Have a look.

- She did that. - Did she?

- Will you call me? - You must be kidding.

- I'm a mechanic. - So “mechanic” it for me.

- That chick smashed my fender. - Which one?

The one in the black coat.

She is staring at me.

I'm not that hungry. Do we have the table upstairs?

- The kind to order hot water with lemon. - Skinny legs.

- Don't worry about it. - Weird last name too.

Fuck her.

Hurry up!

Had fun?

- Which coffee do you want? - Purple.

Stinker.

She's cute.

- Yep. Green eyed. - She doesn't need to have green eyes.

- From the agency? - No, classifieds.

- I want her to look like you. - She's done all her medical exams?

Of course. You think I wouldn't check?

I'm done drinking.

Take her number.

- Do you love me? - Do you love me?

Are you sure? Bye.

Hey, some stuff came up.

We're over budget.

So stop provoking them with this exhibition nonsense.

You know the situation.

I'm with Mom. I'll call you later, okay? Yes, I'll call you back.

It's all connected. If the school closes, I won't be able to participate...

you know.

And you'll be out of work too.

- Good morning. - Morning.

- Two juices, please. - Of course.

Goodbye.

Do you understand?

Come over here.

Take a look.

This one maybe? Nice.

- What do you think? - Nice.

Ah, hold on.

- I don't think it's his style. - He doesn't have a style!

And that's his style, Mom.

There's much to do.

Thanks.

I need to pee.

- Good morning. - Hey, boss.

I'm driving the client to the station, and I'll be right back.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Which year? - '87.

- It looks barely driven. - She. It's a she. Renia.

And that car? Which year?

'78.

It's the European model, right?

Of course.

All right. Keys and registration please.

I was a rainbow supporter myself.

Pity it's a left side. I have a nice right-hand blinker.

Sorry.

How long will it take?

If you want to do it right, you need to paint it all over.

So that ho other shades come through, like here.

- Any idea how can I get back to town? - Wait a sec.

Nina!

- Sure you don't want me to come along? - No, I want to go on my own.

Won't you give her a lift? I don't have a replacement car.

- I'll give you a lift. - Thanks.

Ciao!

Sorry.

Have you known each other long?

My husband? Since high school.

Not bad. Aren't you guys bored yet?

Just a little bit.

I'm going to turn here. Can I drop you off?

Sure. There's a bus stop right there.

Thank you.

I never get it right. I don't know all the Words in Polish.

- Nina. - Nice to meet you.

- You spend a lot of time in the park? - No, I have too much work.

When I was a kid, I used to walk along the railway tracks.

Old Russian tracks. My mom used to say: and where will it get you?

- Your fee is very high. Even for... - Even for what?

For giving birth to someone else's child?

- How often can I see it? - That's not how it works.

- I thought you knew. - Knew what?

It won't be your child. This child will be mine and my husbands.

- I have a husband too! - So how much do you want?

- I don't like your tone! - You don't like my tone?

No, I don't.

Are you kidding? Can't you see I have no other option?

You should calm down.

- Please. I'm begging you. - I'm sorry.

I opened it early, so it could breathe.

No, I don't want to drink.

I'll wipe up.

We'll find another one.

Morning.

Hey! How's the car?

- Coffee? - Great.

- You don't have change? - Not today.

It's straight! Leave it!

Got a few small ones.

Got a few small ones.

Great. Thanks.

Look, I know it may sound weird, but...

- would you come over for dinner? - Why?

Cause you have green eyes?

Not true.

Maybe she's no longer a virgin. I don't know.

Gee.

Good.

I said good. How am I supposed to feel? I'm not sick.

What do you mean?

- Yes, I have. - I bet she's gonna admire my bamboo.

No, Wojtek is cooking, and we're about to watch a movie.

We can't talk anymore. Very cool.

Bye.

We can call it off if you want.

Wait. Wait.

- Hi. - Hi.

It's nice you've made it.

Grand cru classée.

- Hi. - I'll take that coat.

Nice place.

It's not that cheap, you know.

- With sand? - I don't know.

First of all they need to scrub the old coat off that fender.

Then they apply copper, and on that copper...

White over red is all swell.

Red over white all comes back.

- Is this the last one? - The last one.

Thank you.

- How about a puff? - Good idea.

You smoke?

Where do you work?

I watched this amazing doc on TV.

Can't remember the channel.

About samurai swords.

- You know the story? - No.

Well, first of all you need to understand that

in order to test this swords...

- These. - ...they took a bunch of prisoners.

I beg you.

And they slashed them. But that's still nothing.

Those swords are made of steel whose...

“Which.”

...which is made in an ancient way using thin layers.

Such thin layers of metal,

plates put together.

They search for them in those Japanese streams and lakes.

It takes months.

It's a very tedious, magical ritual.

But the best part is, that this guy...

the one that was telling the story, he was tearful,

because they can't test those swords on people anymore.

And bamboo is the closest you'll get to the human spine.

I know another version of the story.

- About swords? - About bamboos.

Three hippies are sitting there, and a stick falls from the sky.

A bamboo stick?

- No, just a stick. - It's useless. We're not alike.

It turns out that this stick is in fact a guy,

a dead guy sent from heaven as a stick.

- Where did you get this stuff? - From the World Literature monthly.

You wanna have a threesome?

Nope, just me.

I gotta pee.

At the end of the corridor, on the right.

Tell me. I'm somewhat lost.

Did you think that the three of us would end up in bed together?

Stop it, please.

You thought you'd show her your bamboo...

and you two would fuck while I was having coffee?

- I'll fix you one. - What?

- A coffee. - Fuck.

- You're drunk. - Am I, really?

Don't call me!

Hello? Hi, Sylvia.

Yes, she is. Hold on.

Did you have to do that?

You could have had the better sister.

What if we were having sex right now? No, we aren't.

No, I'm not ovulating, Sylvie!

The cookware set is all that's left. I've never seen Malvie cook. Fuck.

- I'll make you a coffee. - I don't need coffee!

- Stop pacifying me! - Cut it out, please.

Don't hush me.

Sex! Insemination! Ovulation!

Examination! Grouping! In vitro!

Miscarriage! Surrogate! Fuck! Money! Prick!

- Nothing will come out of it! - Stop it. You'll regret it tomorrow.

Do you love me? Do you?

What are you asking me?

I love you! You love me!

Let's all love each other, for fuck's sake!

I thought it was somehow...

Maybe it's our last chance.

Maybe this is my last chance.

And if we don't make it this time, then I give up.

I'll take care of everything.

I can do it. You'll see.

- How long to fix it? - A week or so.

- Give me three. - What for?

I'll convince her! You'll see. I can't tell her straight away.

And I'll take care of her, help her.

I don't know how much we drank that night.

Nina, please.

I'll pay her three times more than those girls from the website.

You know it's not always about the money.

She walked out on us, remember?

She simply doesn't like us.

I don't like her either.

You don't?

Okay, three weeks is too long, but I can stretch it to two.

Great.

- Good morning. - Hi.

- Who's that? I don't know him. - He's new.

Samuel.

Nice.

- I'll just leave it here. - Thanks.

Could you pass me the sugar?

Three spoons.

Three.

Sweet.

What are you doing?

Can I help somehow?

- You can read the grades. - Sure.

Marcinkowska, Aneta first.

Ten points. An “A”.

- Goslawski? - Seven points, a “C”. Barely made it.

Milko. Lucas Milko.

Seven points.

Are you sure? I thought he got six.

Seven. Just write down seven.

Any illnesses in your family?

I mean any chronic, or hereditary illnesses?

I have no idea, why?

Just curious.

Do you have any childhood photos?

Where are they? Let's look at them together.

You don't have any plants. You don't like them?

- Nothing would survive here. - Why?

I don't have a green thumb.

Or maybe nobody's given me one yet. You can be the first.

I'm happy they didn't pass this legislation.

You kids are lazy.

I had thought we'd get married when I get the money, but...

Yes, but you are doing it now.

Have some more beets.

- Desert? - Yes, yes, yes.

Money can't buy happiness. It's happiness that brings money.

People don't have a plan. They just complain. Here.

You're becoming more like Mom every day.

- Mom, can I go play? - Of course, darling.

- Dad, are you done? - Yes, thank you.

It's cold in here.

- How is your dad? - Good. Thank you.

- How about movies tomorrow? Noon? - Uh-huh.

- You guys okay? - Yes, sure.

Regular baked potatoes. Salad.

And that's my mom's specialty.

Spécialite de la maison.

And how is your head?

And yours? Aperitif?

Try this one.

- That's for tomorrow. For work. - You can't work.

- I can't afford sick leave. - You mustn't.

With a concussion, you should stay in bed.

Yes, Mom.

Will you stay with me? A little longer?

We'll be fucked if it stops. Push!

Fuck.

One, two...

- One more push, Magda. - No fucking way!

Reinforcements. We're saved.

- Will she help us? - You'll see.

What are you two up to?

Taking a romantic ride in this old-timer.

- We are pushing. - Up to the knees in mud.

She's on sick leave.

- I'll call a cab. - Wait in the car. I'll drop you off.

- I'm working on it. - On what?

So that the child is conceived in love.

Don't mess it up, 'cause my mother won't pay for the next one.

- It was your idea. - No, it was yours.

From the very beginning. Stop it.

Wipe that smirk.

Jeez, can't you control yourself when she's around? What are you, 15?

- Can you stop, please? - What are you doing?

Screw it.

No! Screw you!

No need to be jealous. I'm safe.

- Where can I drop you off? - What's up with you?

Where can I drop you off?

- He's sleeping. - Sleeping. Okay.

Hi, Dad.

Up we go.

And back down.

Need a shave, huh?

We'll shave next time.

Hot in here?

I got you smokes.

Fruits. Tangerines. Pears.

Juice.

And more coins.

I'll put them in the can.

Speedway's fine?

Falubaz.

You seriously wanted to bring kids here?

Why not?

Hey, I was kidding.

You have to take off your shoes.

Wow.

So cool.

Nice.

“A woman's womb will calm even the sea.”

Or something like that.

Ana-suromai.

No, it's a Latin proverb.

Ana-suromai is an ancient Egyptian ritual...

in which women showed off their genitals.

There was a story about when the Persians fought the Medes,

and lost that fight.

They were fleeing down the road.

And suddenly ran into a row of raised skirts.

A row of twats.

The women lifted their skirts...

to show their internal strength.

The guys returned to the battlefield and won the war.

So simple.

You're sitting in a giant cunt, and you don't know that?

You like to hide?

To forget?

I remember everything.

Of course you do.

I have this dream.

I'm walking down a highway. Alone.

And I am terribly tired.

And I need to talk to someone.

But everyone keeps on driving. Nobody stops.

Right.

You can't stop on a highway.

Good girls. Keep up the pace.

Basia, keep your knees higher.

Carry on.

Magda! Are you nuts?

After your accident? No way!

- So what should I do? - I don't know. Go to Lola.

- If I don't train, I won't play. - So you won't play.

Damn.

What's up?

Is something wrong?

Another married woman?

That's it, Magda! Understand?

- You are going on a regular date! - Come on!

No bullshit, no straight girls.

- Bobbie is the best. - Okay, girls, let's pick up the poles.

Regular, laid back, consensual FF!

- FF? What the fuck is that? - Friends Fucking.

Consensual.

Fuckin' A!

All right girls, let's go!

Let's start the game.

Good!

- Well done! - On the left, what are you doing?

Hi.

Sorry. I'm in a hurry.

Where are you going?

To the “Intra” Cafe.

You know what time it is?

No.

Sorry, I have to say this. It's now or never.

It went awry back then at our place.

- I told you I'm safe. - Right.

I can't have children.

But I really want to.

We both do. Wojtek too.

Excuse me.

We've tried...

fertility treatment.

In vitro.

- In vitro twice. - You want to adopt me?

You don't.

We want you to give birth to our child.

Not for free, of course.

It takes a year, and we'd pay you a lot of money.

Wait. You won't have to sleep with Wojtek.

That's not how it works. Let me explain.

People do it. It's...

You're fucked up.

- I don't give a fuck about your... - Wait a sec.

...or Wojtek's kid.

Slam the door on your way out.

You are not my date.

- Wait. - Whatever. I'm too early anyways.

- What's your poison? - The usual.

What does he look like? Handsome?

Hair - platinium. Eyes - Shane. Looking for love. No car.

Assuming he knows what you look like?

She.

Why did you pick me?

Because you are very pretty.

We got to liking you.

- Wojtek likes you a lot. - Looks like you like me a lot.

And you've never been with a guy?

Sorry.

Hold it.

- Nikita 18? - I beg your pardon?

Nikita?

No. I mean..

- You look... - Oh, dear.

- I like it natural. - I don't think I do.

- Toys?

I'm sorry.

- Your friend... plays for the same team? - What team?

I'm sorry, ma'am. There's been a misunderstanding.

- Come. - Forgive me.

- This is Nina. - Hi.

Ada's out?

- Bobbie says thanks. - Who?

I should apologize.

Thank you.

- Loud, huh? - Come. I'll show you something.

This is all Lola.

Lisbon, Portugal, Australia? Would you go?

- No. - And where would you go?

I don't know.

And if you had all the money in the world? Then where would you go?

To visit my mother in Silesia.

- Where do you work? - At the airport.

What?

Silly you.

- Get me a ticket to Bali in July. - Okay.

Flying alone?

So it seems.

I'm afraid of flying, you know.

You'd have to hold my hand.

- Cool chicks, such a waste. - Fuck off.

Change of guards?

Go with them.

- Quit it. - Boys!

I'm back.

Watch out, or I'll get mad.

- Won't you ask me where I was? - Where were you?

Here and there.

I danced. Talked a bit.

But mostly I danced.

I talked to her.

All the women were looking at her.

At me too.

'Cause she's very pretty.

Too bad you don't always inherit beauty.

Did you convince her?

What if we just...

adopt some Nigerian baby?

- What if you come to bed? - Come on.

- I'll have some more wine. - Come to bed.

Don't talk to me like this.

And don't tell me I'm drunk. Because I'm not.

I just want to talk.

Red to the right, dry to the left.

I made a vow. In sickness and in health...

and... wait... I forgot.

In love.

I almost forgot. I don't love you anymore.

Now, that's good.

Here's the florist.

And here's my card.

- But? - Don't mention it.

That's nice, no?

So the main tables going to be here.

You and Tomek, me and Dad...

What about Wojtek's dad?

Whatever. He can sit next to Wojtek. You two don't have to sit together.

Keep in mind that Agnieszka and Robert should sit separately.

Children need an extra table too.

And for the school staff.

Let's separate everyone. Couples don't need to be together either.

- You think? - Your boobs got bigger.

Girls! How many children?

Your three...

- Helen, Sara, Lucy's... - Six.

- Six? - We can squeeze them at one table.

- Excuse me, ma'am! - Ma'am.

- You're going to love it. - I know.

How are you holding up?

I'm managing.

And you?

I'm happy to have that behind me.

We had this idea, but it didn't work out.

- You didn't like her? - It doesn't work like that.

She's gay.

- Crazy. - How?

How gay?

- How gay? - How masculine?

She's not masculine.

Something like Wojtek.

You're silly.

What defines...

our identity?

Marysia...

- who are you? - Myself.

Good.

Who would you like to be?

Pretty. I want to be pretty.

- I want to be beautiful. - I want to be beautiful.

Beauty.

Does beauty define our identity?

- And you, Karolina? - Fanfic heroine.

- Excuse me? - An actress. My dream.

Our dreams.

The dream. Gender: masculine.

- I dream to have two million. - He dreams to be a millionaire.

- I need a different chick every day. - Jesus, Michal.

My dad left my mom for a masseuse because he dreamed of big tits.

The need. Gender: masculine.

- He simply had such a need. - No. He was a coward and scrammed.

Fled.

Escape. Gender: feminine.

But why did she leave him in the film, since he was so sweet?

Like my Mateusz.

Because of his sweet ride.

And he was a film producer.

Would the heroes of The Contempt Paul and Camille split...

if Michel Piccoli did not put Brigitte Bardot in the producer's car?

I'm here for the school invoice.

- Delivery on the 25th? - Of course.

I'm looking for a plant that doesn't need watering.

A cactus?

Not all plants need watering, but all require talking to.

Hi.

- Never? - Never ever.

Never?

Never.

First time.

Not even a candy?

Especially not a candy.

I always steal candy from stores.

- Really? - Yep.

It's hot in here.

Hi.

I broke the flower.

I waited at the school. You okay?

Hey.

It's ready. Wojtek will give you the keys.

Thanks.

Here.

I don't want to see you ever again.

- Take care. - Thanks.

Be careful.

Change is good. I'll get you a new place.

Remember? I begged you to leave Mom when I was a kid.

Staying together for kids makes no sense.

Children can sense it.

I wouldn't have gotten mad if you guys had split.

Fuck.

Nina says hi.

She wanted to come, but...

Malvina, her younger sister, is getting hitched.

She's the beautiful one.

And Nina is turning into her mother.

And ours, you know.

Like I married our mom.

Soon I'll stop talking, like you.

I thought she'd be helpless without me.

That she'd fall apart.

Dad.

Yes?

Is this headmistress' room?

I'm sorry.

Wait.

Wait! I can't.

Wait for me outside. I need to drop off the keys.

Please?

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Sorry!

I'm sorry.

I'm going crazy.

Crazy!

So now what?

You'll invite her...

for dinner?

To your mom's?

You'll introduce her? Magda, my girlfriend?

Share the news at school?

Of course, that's so French of you.

Will you live together?

Will she inherit half the apartment?

I'm all for the rainbow.

You know I am.

Get yourself together. Talk to someone.

Your mother, a doctor, someone smart, I don't know.

I'm moving out for a week or so.

To the garage.

Call me...

when you want to talk.

We're teething, aren't we?

- Honey, cardamom? - Cilantro.

- Did you go to that boylesque? - Nah.

- I'd rather go to Home Depot. - Home improvement?

No.

Miecka and Bubbles are not getting along.

- It's their cats. - Kitty, where's the mortar?

Hey, buddy.

They have separate rooms, but the door is missing.

One, two, three, four, five, six, and the horse is ours.

- Now we get six! - Great.

- You're a teacher, right? - High school.

There's still not enough cool schools.

What do you tell in kindergarten?

The truth.

Can you see my feet? Do you like them?

Sure.

And my ankles?

And my knees?

Do you like my knees?

Answer me.

I like them.

They're very bony.

Don't be silly.

What about my back?

And my face? Do you like my face?

Such small ears.

You have beautiful ears.

But all of it. Eyes, lips, nose.

Yes.

It means that you love me entirely.

Fuck.

Who is it?

From the club or off the Internet?

I told you not to come back.

New piece of ass? It wouldn't be the first one.

Fuck!

I'm sorry!

Ada.

- Nina. - I'm sorry.

A drink?

Excuse me.

Nina.

Nina, wait a minute. What?

The others left on time.

- Nina. I'm sorry. - No, no, no.

Nina. Please stay.

Shit. What did you do with my phone?

Nina! Wait!

I'm sorry! I didn't have a chance to tell her!

You don't have to explain anything. It's none of my business.

Nina! Wait!

- I'm sorry! I'm sorry! - Let me go!

- I have my own life to live. - I'm sorry.

Go away.

Stop it. Just leave.

“I love you. I love you.”

- Hey. - Hey.

You know you forgot to pay for the flowers.

I kept calling you.

I even tried to reach Wojtek.

I fell in love.

I'm so fucked up.

- With whom? - Messed up.

With a student?

The surrogate.

I fell in love with my surrogate.

Come on. You're suddenly in love with a girl?

Sometimes she looks like a boy.

I fell in love with a person.

- So you're bisexual. - Jesus! Right now I'm Magda-sexual.

One beer, one vodka, please.

Keep the change.

She could have smaller tits.

You're being difficult.

There's nothing wrong with her tits.

They could be smaller, that's all.

Gentleman, you are absolutely right!

- Good evening. - Hello.

My friend didn't mean it.

Please. I know exactly what your friend meant.

Right.

- May I? - Absolutely! Go ahead.

- Magda. - Eryk.

Maciek. I'm kidding.

- Szymon. - Bogdan, hi.

Jedrek.

Indi.

I have an eye for those things.

Just an eye.

Just women.

Nice.

But tonight I've decided to sleep with a guy.

Just this once. First and last.

- Fucking A. - Black Friday sales!

- You should know I'm best hung. - But I'm serious.

So gentlemen?

- Should we draw straws? - Don't count when you're drunk.

Wait a second.

My game, my rules.

We'll chat, have a drink together, then I'll tell you who the winner is.

Up for it?

With pleasure.

My first girlfriend was a lesbian.

- Which one? - Which one you think?

Hela?

Hela! Third grade!

- No shit! - You never said!

She was never a lesbian.

Was and is!

She lives in New York with a Brazilian girlfriend, and a golden retriever.

I'll write about this night.

- How can you keep a dog in New York? - That's what's bugging you?

Anyway, I have some experience.

So do I.

- And three kids. - That I don't have.

Lots of business trips?

- Just in case, I'm out. - Why?

Ask his boyfriend.

- What? - You didn't know?

Better late than never.

Guys. Which one of you also has kids?

No?

You never said!

With my first girlfriend in college.

The little man is seven.

I'll show you.

Michael. After my first love.

He looks exactly like you.

Excuse me guys. Couldn't help but overhear. Can I join in?

Sure thing.

I'm sure I'm smaller than you.

- I'm Wojtek by the way. - Hi, Wojtek.

What's your story?

I'm quite a fixer.

- No surprises. - With what?

After nine months. I can't have children.

Hush, gentlemen.

Attention.

Me?

Oh, no.

Sorry, guys.

- You know him? - Hey!

Take it easy.

Magda.

- Wake up! - What?

How many times did you do it?

I'm asking you. How many times?

Tell me!

- Let me go. - How many?

- Were you laughing at me? - Let go.

- Making fun? - Let go.

Did she say I have a small one?

That I'm small?

What are you doing?

Stop it. Stop.

What are you doing?

Quit it. Please.

- That's what you wanted? Right? - Magda, don't.

Maybe she wants a child, just not with you.

Wait, wait.

Come.

Get out.

Get out!

You're wearing red socks?