Original subtitles

Okay, you know what? Fine. Great. Here you go. This is what happens.

-You cannot do this. I am a Roman general. -Sorry.

-I have rights. -And you.

-Hey, no! Put me down! -Keep heaving, men.

You can't stop progress!

We're gonna have a little talk, okay?

I told you, I don't like to be manhandled.

No, I will manhandle you, Jedediah. Now, listen, guys.

What is your problem, huh? Why can't you just get along?

Look, we're men. We fight, okay? That's what we do.

It's kind of how we pass the time.

You're, like, a giant. A freak, if you will. We can't expect you to understand that.

You got the whole room to run around in. You don't have to be near each other.

-What, you mean...? -You're gonna let us out?

What, and just roam free?

Yeah. Yeah, I might, if you promise to behave.

That means no fireballs, no explosions, okay?

You have my word, my liege.

Yeah, no problemo, Gigantor.

My name's Larry, first of all. Okay, Jed?

So I call you Jed. I don't call you Tiny, right?

What's that supposed to mean?

-"Hey, Teeny." How does that sound? -I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.

"Gigantor" makes me feel like some sort of freak, so....

I don't. I just call you Larry.

Don't be a kiss-ass, okay?

Look, I'm trusting you guys, all right?

If you don't do what I say, you can end up like the Mayan world there.

Locked up. Take a look.

-Do they look happy? -No.

They look sad.

They can't do what they wanna do. Now, I'm letting you guys...

...have a little bit of leash here. Don't choke me with it, okay?

I gotta run. You guys play nice, okay? Okay. Good. Thanks.

Hey, how's that gum treating you, dum-dum?

Good.

Oh, hey, Dexter. I'm just locking up. You want in?

Yeah?

All right.

What's that? You got my keys?

I don't think so.

Looks like Uncle Larry pulled a fast one on little Dexie.

Those are baby keys for a little baby.

Have fun with your baby keys, little baby monkey.

Tomorrow I'll bring you a little baby diapy so you can go poo-poo in it.

I'll give you a tickle because you're a cute baby.

While you cry all night long about how Uncle Larry fooled you, huh?

I told you there was a storm coming.

-Hey, Teddy. -Lawrence.

You impertinent pup. I knew you'd come back.

-You look like a man on a mission. -Yeah, I'm gonna give it another shot.

-You...? -What?

-You checking her out? -The nerve.

Checking her out. I've never heard of such a thing.

No, no, no. I'm just-- I mean because, you know, she's very beautiful.

-Beautiful? -Yeah.

-Rather handsome woman, I suppose. -Yeah.

I don't know, maybe you should go talk to her.

-lndeed. Bless you, lad. -Yeah. All right.

-Carry on. -Good. See you.

I....

Hey, hi.

No! It's okay! It's okay. You guys speak English?

No?

Right. I don't know what that means...

...and I know that you and I got off on the wrong foot last night, but...

...a little birdie told me that somebody likes...

...magic.

-Magic? -Magic.

Sorcery.

Ah, sorcer--

Yes. Illusion.

Everybody likes magic.

And flowers. People like flowers.

There you go. Those are for you.

You know what else people like? Money.

The almighty dollar, right? But money can sometimes...

...disappear.

At least that's what l...

...hear.

No wonder you can't understand me. You got a coin in your ear.

Check this out. Anybody need a hanky?

Well, I wouldn't suggest this little feller because he has a nasty habit...

...of vanishing...

...into thin air!

No, no. Don't. That defeats the-- Don't!

Not the limbs. Guys, please, do not tear the limbs.

Cortes, right?

How?

You! Don't even think about it. Don't you--

Dexter!

Come on, guys!

Hey, guys!

Hey, guys. Hey, guys!

Sorry. What's going on? What happened here?

I thought we had a deal.

We will never coexist with these buffoons.

We're past words, Laredo.

Now it's time to let Smith & Wesson do the talking!

Those guns don't even work.

They don't? Take a look at this.

Dexter!

Why?

Ho! Dexter.

End of the line, cool breeze.

End of the line.

I am not playing games here.

Just hand them over.

Easy. That's it, Dexter.

Nice and easy, Dex. That's it.

Good Lord, Lawrence! Why are you slapping a monkey?

Teddy, this guy's been pushing me, and I'm sick of it!

Poppycock. This little creature is your primate brother.

Without him, there's no us.

Are you rabid?

Wipe that off.

You have to deal with this creature with love and respect.

May I have the keys, dear friend?

Thank you. Lawrence?

Well, you know what?

You seem to know what you're doing, so I'm gonna let you take over.

No, no. My dear boy, you can't put up the white flag now.

The museum is on the verge of total anarchy.

I tried! I came back tonight, didn't l?

Tried? That was one night. I didn't build the Panama Canal in one day.

That's great, but I'm dealing with the most ridiculous job in history.

Some men are born great, Lawrence--

Yeah, I know. Others have greatness thrust upon them.

You hit me with that chestnut last night.

The thing is, not everyone is great.

That's the problem. Some of us are just ordinary.

No, you're not, Lawrence. Stop wallowing in self-pity.

Every journey begins with a footstep.

Teach the inhabitants to get along, they wouldn't need to be locked up.

That means a lot coming from a guy who's spent the last 50 years...

...spying on a girl he's never even talked to.

I was going to make contact. Lawrence, please.

I'm done, all right?

No, Rexy! No!

Oh, no.

All right.

No one comes here anymore. Besides, I took this tour in second grade, Daley.

I'm telling you, my dad's gonna hook us up.

-Mr. Daley? -Yeah?

-Foam. -Yes, I know.

In the Neanderthal display.

There was an incident last night with the fire extinguisher.

I was on my way to go clean it up.

Okay, don't bother. You're fired.

I don't think we're getting a tour today.

Your dad just got canned, dude.

Excuse me?

Mr. McPhee?

Excuse me, Mr. McPhee?

Can I talk to you about this, please?

-Sir? -What?

I know I screwed up, but I finally understand how to do this job.

-You obviously don't. -No, I didn't, but now I do.

-Really, Mr. McPhee-- -Doctor.

Dr. McPhee.

Can you please give me one more night?

-One more night. -Okay, thank you.

And if anything is the tiniest...

...after your shift:

Because....

-Got it. -Okay?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....

Shame on me. Fool me-- Shame on me.

-You. -Fool me twice.... Got it.

-Take it or leave it. -Okay. Thank you.

-Hey. -Hey.

-What's wrong? -Maybe you should ask Nicky.

Hey, buddy. What's going on?

You got fired.

What are you talking about? I didn't get fired.

I came to the museum this morning. I saw your boss yelling at you.

Why didn't you tell me? Everything's fine.

We just had a little misunderstanding.

Why?

It's hard to explain. I mean, you wouldn't bel--

You know what? Let me show you.

-Show me what? -Come to work with me tonight.

Larry?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Am I in trouble?

Larry, what are you doing?

I just wanna show him what I do. That's all.

I love that you wanna share that with him, but I gotta tell you...

...I don't think Nicky has any room in his heart for more disappointment.

He won't be disappointed.

Larry.

He won't be disappointed.

Listen, hang out in the security office till everyone's gone.

Then I'm gonna come get you. All right?

Hey, miss? I'm gonna have to ask you to vacate the premises.

-Hey there. -Hey.

-Good place to think, huh? -Yeah. Definitely.

So no big plans tonight?

Yeah, no, I'm not really a big-plan person.

I prefer hanging out with people who are dead for 200 years.

It's the live ones that throw me.

That's cool. Seriously though, you do have to leave.

-Seriously? -Yeah, sorry. It's museum rules.

We're sort of locking everything up.

You're really taking your job seriously.

You know, once I clip on the tie, I'm all business.

-I get it. -Yeah.

How's that dissertation coming?

I've hit a dead end. I mean, research can only get me so far.

I'm never gonna know who she really was.

So I think it's time that I move on to another subject.

I'll let you get back to work.

-Good night, Larry. -Yeah, okay.

Night.

Hey.

Rebecca!

-Hey, Rebecca. -Hey.

Hey. Listen, I don't think you should give up on your paper.

Okay. Why?

All right, look, this is gonna sound crazy, all right?

I mean, it's gonna sound, like, really, really crazy.

-Okay. -No, I mean insanely crazy.

-I can handle it. -Okay.

You know how they say in certain museums, history comes alive?

-Yeah. -ln this museum...

...it actually does.

What are you talking about?

Everything in this museum comes to life at night.

-Really? -Yeah, really. I'm not kidding you.

You know that tablet? The Tablet of Ahkmenrah?

It actually brings things to life. It's like some ancient spell.

Since the '50s, every night everything's been coming to life.

Teddy Roosevelt told me. Seriously. The monkey, Dexter? The cute little--

-What is he? -Capuchin.

A capuchin. Right. The capuchin. He urinated on me and bit my nose.

And Sakagawea is in her case, alive every night...

...just listening to Lewis and Clark argue.

So if you really wanna get inside her head...

...I can hook that up.

That's cool.

Yeah, it's cool. It's freaking awesome.

Make fun of the history geek.

-No. Rebecca! -Good night, Larry.

No, I'm not making fun of you. Rebecca.

-Here you go. Best seat in the house. -What's going on?

If I told you, you'd think I'm crazy. I'm gonna show you.

-What? -You'll see in about 20 seconds.

-Okay, you like Tyrannosaurus Rex? -Yeah.

Yeah? Well, I call him Rexy.

And he's about to come to life, Nicholas, in...

...five, four, three, two....

-Dad? -Hang on a sec.

Say hello to Rexy!

Dad, are you okay?

This is weird.

Guys! Come on!

Sundown!

Hey, T.R., come on, rise and shine. Buddy, I need you to wake up.

Come on, my kid is here. I need you to wake up.

Texas? Texas! Come on! Texas! Come on! Get on, Texas!

Get on, Texas! Get up.

Just stop, okay?

No, Nicky, I'm telling you, there's this tablet, okay?

Called the Tablet of Ahkmenrah. Every night--

-Now there's a tablet? -Yeah, there is.

Come on, Dad.

Come on.

-It's gone. -What's gone?

The tablet. I think somebody stole it.

Yeah, right.

I'm not kidding, Nicky.

Nicky?

Hey, Nicky!

Hey! Hey, Nicky! Where are you going?

-Home. -What? Wait a minute.

Come on.

You guys shouldn't be here.

Give us the tablet, son.

Wait a minute, Nicky. What are you guys doing?

We're not gonna hurt you. Give us the tablet.

I'm sorry to tell you this, son, but your dad doesn't work here.

He got fired this morning. Couldn't hack it.

Dad? I thought you said you weren't fired.

I did. They're lying, trying to steal that thing.

Turn the middle piece, you'll see what I was talking about.

That is museum property, son. Give it back.

Nicky, trust me. Just turn it.

-Give us the tablet! -Nicky?

Trust me.

Nick? Run. Now.

Get back here, kid!

Bad idea, Larry.

You wanna dance, hot dog? You wanna dance?

Gus, you're an old man. I don't wanna hurt you.

You see, Larry, a few years into the job, the three of us realized that...

...Iike everything else in this museum, we got new life at night.

Sundown to sunrise, we felt young again.

Okay. Did not see that coming.

Gave us an energy boost.

We love the nightlife, Larry.

So when we found out they were gonna fired us...

...we had to steal the tablet.

Everyone knows you need the money.

Add the stuff we planted in your place...

...pretty obvious you committed the crime.

Take care of that cut.

Come on, guys, let's go find that kid.

-Sweet dreams, cupcake! -No!

Pile driver!

Let's get our tablet.

Thank you very much. We'll take it from here.

Nicky!

Just in time, Larry. We were just locking up.

Sleep tight, hotshot.

Let's grab everything we can fence.

I don't know about you, but I'm planning on a long retirement.

Teddy! Teddy, if you're out there, I need you, pal!

Someone call my name?

Theodore Roosevelt, at your service.

Teddy, can you get us out of here?

Can't do it, man. This is your moment.

Will you save the lectures, please? I'm not you. Okay?

I didn't build the Panama Canal, I wasn't president of the United States!

I need some help. Come on.

Actually...

...I never did any of those things. Teddy Roosevelt did.

I was made in a mannequin factory in Poughkeepsie.

I never shot a wild beast.

I'm not even brave enough to tell that beautiful woman I love her.

But you...

...you gotta finish the job this time. You can't quit.

I'm made of wax, Larry.

What are you made of?

-Wait! That's all you got for me? -That's it!

That's it. Come on.

Duck!

Go over there!

Hey. Hi. How you doing? Sorry to bother you...

...but your guys there? Your jackal guys?

Do you think you could ask them to back off, please?

We're not trying to hurt you, they think we are. Could you do it like now?

Thank you. Nicky.

Thank you.

Dad?

You would not believe how stuffy it is in there.

-How come you speak English? -I went to Cambridge University.

You went to Cambridge?

I was on display in the Egyptology Department.

I am Ahkmenrah, fourth king of the fourth king...

...ruler of the land of my fathers.

I am Larry...

...son of Milton...

...and this is my son, Nick.

And we hail from Brooklyn.

Well, I do. I mean, he comes out and stays with me on Wednesdays...

...and every other weekend.

That was the custody agreement that we had.

Larry, Nick, guardians of Brooklyn...

...I am forever in your debt.

Now bestow the tablet upon me...

...so that I may assume command of my kingdom.

Oh, yes. Okay, the tablet. I would...

...Iove to bestow it upon you, but we don't actually...

...have it.

Thanks, guys. Don't worry. I'll watch out for him!

Thank you.

What is that?

Huns.

I gotta deal with this guy.

Pardon me, Larry. I speak Hun.

He says that he wants to rip you apart.

All right. Again with the ripping. Listen, I understand.

I get it. Ripping for you.... You want to rip things, okay?

And I think maybe that's because somebody ripped you a long time ago.

In here.

Somebody ripped little...

...baby Attila a long time ago, right here.

They ripped something out, didn't they?

They ripped the love.

They ripped the love right out of you, didn't they?

A little baby all alone in a tent...

...whose daddy went off...

...to pillage some town...

...or go and plunder somewhere, just doing his job.

But who was left alone?

You.

Let it out. Let it go. Let it go.

It's okay. It's okay.

You're next.

Good. That's good. Just breathe.

-Larry Daley. -Yeah.

Good. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. Good, good.

All right! I need everybody to listen up!

Guys! Come on!

Quiet!

My dum-dum want to speak.

Thank you.

Now, this here's King Ahkmenrah.

His tablet is what brings you to life every night.

And those old night watchmen? They stole it.

Now, we need to find those guards and get the tablet back...

...and we need to do it before morning.

Civil War guys, head over to the Planetarium Wing.

My explorer friend whose name escapes me.

-It's Columbus. -Right, Columbus! Right, I'm sorry.

There's no nameplate, so.... Columbus, take the Neanderthals...

...and do a sweep from lnvertebrates all the way through Reptiles.

Jed and Octavius, their van's parked out back. Go take care of it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no! No, sir. I ain't working with toga boy.

Romans work alone.

-That didn't hurt. Don't be a baby. -Yes, it did.

Come on.

That was much harder!

Guys, come on!

Jed, Octavius.

Take away the fact you were born 2000 years apart...

...you guys aren't that different.

You're both great leaders.

You just want what's best for your people, right?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Civil War dudes.

You guys are brothers, for God's sakes. You gotta stop fighting.

North wins. Slavery's bad. Sorry.

Don't wanna burst your bubble. But, South, you guys get Allman Brothers...

...and NASCAR, so just chill!

Look, without that tablet, all of this...

...this whole coming-to-life-at-night thing, it all goes away.

Now, I don't wanna let that happen, but I need your help.

We can get this done, but we gotta do it together.

So who's with me?

Yeah.

-Who's with me? -Yeah!

-Yeah! -Charge!

All right! Now, let's do this, people!

And animals!

And weird, faceless puppet creatures. Come on, let's go! Let's do it!

Come on! Follow me, boys!

Geronimo!

Oh, jeez.

Now, boys, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.

I guess it's gonna be the hard way.

Right, men, we're almost there.

Save yourself!

I ain't quitting you!

Gus?

Reginald?

Fellas, where are you?

Guys?

That's what I'm talking about. Good job, gentlemen.

Loving the teamwork!

They've vanished. How will we find them?

I know someone who can help. Come on.

Watch out!

Hey, Sakagawea, or wea. Listen, I need a favor. Somebody stole his tablet.

You think you can track the guys who took it?

He went east but he lost control and crashed.

You're amazing. How can you tell that?

He left the wagon...

...and went back.

He went back?

Why would he go back?

Get out of the way!

You saved me.

You're worth saving, my dear.

-That's problematic. -Teddy. Oh, man.

Larry, relax. I'm wax.

You gotta do something. Dawn's approaching.

-Half the museum's running amuck outside. -He's got my tablet.

Come on, Ockie!

At your service, Gigantor!

How can we be of assistance, my liege?

Just give me a second, guys.

Rexy?

Here, boy.

Teddy, I need a horse.

Do it, man.

-Come on, boy! Let me hear you yell! -Yeah!

Just living the dream, baby!

I'm loving this!

Pull the stagecoach over now!

Can I make this turn up here?

I'll take that as a yes. Hang on!

I can't hold it!

Come on, Tex, let's finish this.

Come on!

Give me the tablet, Cecil!

Can't do it, son.

Pull over!

It ain't gonna happen. Moving on.

Last chance, Cecil. Stop the horses or I will!

They can't be stopped, Larry.

Don't you know your history?

These are money carriers. They were trained not to stop for anything but a secret word.

Really? You mean a word like...

..." Dakota"?

Come on, Tex.

I read up on my history. Thanks for the tip.

Oh, and by the way...

...don't ever talk to me like that in front of my son.

Moving on.

-Hey, Huns. -Tell Attila to have his boys...

...take him back. Put him with the guards.

Oh, and no limb ripping, okay?

Hey, boy. Wait, wait, hold the phone.

What's makeekaka mean? Wait. Translation, please.

The year was 1 909. I was going up the Zambezi River in Africa.

And our river guide was a brilliant Pygmy who spoke only by clicking.

There we are.

-Oh, boy. -What is it?

I gotta get you guys back to the museum.

How?

Ahkmenrah, I'm gonna need your help.

This is your tablet. You know the instructions. You get everyone back.

Come on. There's somebody who's gotta see this.

What I'm saying is, for the type of money that they pay A-Rod...

...he ought to be bringing home a World Series trophy every season.

You know what I mean?

Now, who they gonna get to clean up all that doo-doo?

-lnuit. -Yeah.

One terracotta soldier.

-Vikings. -Right.

-Alpaca. -Welcome back, ladies.

-Llama. -Hey.

Viking guys.

Do me a favor. Your fellows made some funeral pyre...

...in Petrified Wood. Go clean that up.

Okay? Thank you.

-He's back. -All right, I'll deal with this joker.

Hey, hey, Moose. It's not gonna happen, buddy. All right?

I told you, you can't come through with those antlers.

So you and your caribou buddy gotta go around to the loading dock.

-Lawrence! -Hey, Teddy.

Great to see you in one piece.

Sakagawea, a little hot wax, and I'm a new man.

Larry?

I told you I wasn't making fun of you.

-I know. -Teddy?

Oh, my God.

Wanna meet her?

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Okay, come on.

Excuse me. President Roosevelt, this is my friend Rebecca.

-An honor. -Hi.

And this is Sakagawea.

-Wea. -Wea.

Wea.

I think she has a few questions she wants to ask you.

You rock. I am a big fan.

What would you like to know?

Well, I mean, I don't know where to start, but....

-One Buddha. -Check.

Two zebras.

-Right. Check. -Dexter! Welcome back.

Hey, Dex, so look. No hard feelings, all right?

-Lawrence! -You saw!

-You saw what he did just then! -Who's evolved?

-I am. -Who's evolved?

I am!

Good.

Well, they're all here.

Well done. Everyone's in.

Yeah, well...

...not everyone.

We lost a couple of good, little men out there tonight.

With great victory comes great sacrifice.

Yeah.

Dad, look.

Bully!

You ain't getting rid of us that easy.

Until tomorrow evening, Lawrence?

Yeah. I don't know about that, Teddy.

It's gonna be tough to talk my way out of this one.

Well, if that's indeed the case...

...then it's farewell, my friend.

Nick?

Your father's a great man.

I know.

Told you.

All right. Good night.

No, Lawrence. Good day.

Hey, Teddy?

Thanks.

You're watching New York 1. News all morning.

Thanks for joining us. There is a fresh blanket of snow.

But it's not the snow that's got New Yorkers talking.

It's what's in the snow. There are dinosaur tracks along West 81st Street.

Here's the remarkable video. These appear to be Tyrannosaurus Rex tracks...

...and they lead straight to the Museum of Natural History.

Authorities have found what appear to be cave drawings in the subway.

Neanderthals atop the museum roof. Elaborate hoax or publicity stunt?

You be the judge, but one thing's for sure:

The folks at the Natural History Museum have really outdone them--

Any explanation at all?

No. Got nothing.

Good.

I'll take your keys and your flashlight.

Folks, this way.

My name is Nick Daley. My Career Day parent is my dad.

He's the night watchman at the Museum of Natural History.

Hey, how's it going? Well, Nicky said it:

I'm the night watchman at the Museum of Natural History.

Let me tell you something: That's when history comes alive.

How many of you guys have been over to the museum?

Goal!

Hey, it's getting late. Are you ready to go home?

Nope.

Let's ride.

It was nice of Larry not to rat us out, but this is ridiculous.

We're night watchmen, not janitors!

Gentlemen, you're doing a terrific job.

I'll gonna catch a few Z's.

You ain't going nowhere.

Start mopping, hot dog.

Over here.