All language subtitles for Madeas.Big.Happy.Family.2011.720p.BluRay.X264-AMIABLE-eng_English_-ELSUBTITLE.COM-

Byron!

I don't even like
coming into doctors' offices.

I don't get sick ever.
I don't never get sick.

- Voc� sabe disso.
- Bem, obrigado por
ter vindo comigo.

You're welcome, honey.
You know I'm always on your side, honey.

I just don't get sick.
I don't never get sick.

You're... You sick, but I don't get sick.
I'm sorry.

- Voc� nervosa, querida?
- N�o.

It's gonna be whatever it's gonna be.

Your mama taught you well, baby.

You got strong faith, Shirley, strong faith.

Hello.

Good God. Lord have mercy.

Good God, he fine.

Doc, I'm sick.

It's in my chest, Doc.
Feel my chest. Come on.

Put your hands on my chest, Doc. Feel me.

Check my chest, Doc, please. I'm...

Tia Bam. Pare com isso.

She's cute.

Cute? Cute is for puppies.

You mess with me, Doc, I'll have you
somewhere sucking on your thumb,

calling for your mama!

Standing on your left leg,
bowing down on your right,

wondering what I'm gonna do
to you tonight.

Pop, pop, pop it off...

- Voc� se casou, Doc?
- N�o, senhora.

- Voc� reta?
- Tia Bam ...

What? You gotta ask
these questions nowadays, honey.

Will you please wait
out in the waiting room?

- Por favor?
- Estou constrangedor voc�?

I'm sorry, baby. I don't mean no harm.
Help me up, Doc.

Just help me up. I gotta bend up like this.

You see, Doc, listen, I don't even get sick.

I don't even like
coming into doctors' offices.

Porque todos voc�s gostam de fazer � apenas sonda todas
as pessoas maiores, sentimento, tocar todos eles ...

Two, four, six-pack.

Look at that?

What? Sorry.
Okay, and look, look at your little offices.

This is too small in here.
Ain't no room for nobody to turn around.

See, I like to turn it.
When I turn it around I like to...

- Ele � hetero.
- Tia Bam.

Okay. But look here, watch this, watch this.

Did you like that? I
know he did, look at him.

- Tia Bam, v� em frente, agora.
- Voc� corar. Ok, me desculpe.

E voc� n�o estar l� fora fumar.

You better be worried about
what I'm gonna be out here smoking.

Porque eu vou estar aqui de fumar.
Eu vou sair aqui de fumar.

E gosto do que eu vou estar de fumar.
Eu gosto de ver meu
nome no puff.

She's something else.

You don't know the half of it.

So tell me, Dr. Evans.

Well, Ms. Shirley,
I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

Just tell me.

The reason you've been short of breath
and having the headaches

is because the cancer is back.

It's much more aggressive this time.
I'm sorry.

I've called in a specialist who wants to try
another round of chemotherapy.

Listen, I'm tired.

We've been fighting this thing for, what,
seven years?

I really thought we had it beat.

Don't you look so sad.

What I know is that
every day that God gives us is a gift.

E quando ele p�ra de dar para mim,
ent�o eu tenho que estar com ele.

So it's all right.

You're an amazing woman, Shirley.

You're always smiling.

Your faith gives me hope.

Well, God bless you.

I'll call and make an appointment. Okay?

Thank you, Doctor.

Good kush, good kush,
good kush, good kush.

Good kush, good kush.

Hey. Christ, praise the Lord.

Good kush.

Baby, eu n�o iria l�.
Eu n�o iria l� se eu
fosse voc�, querida.

I told you.

Contact.

She's gonna be right
when she comes out of there.

- Cora. Cora.
- Tia Bam.

Baby, o que voc� est�
fazendo aqui?

Mr. Brown wasn't feeling well last night.

Well, you know he has diabetes, right?

- Ele faz?
- Yep.

- Senhor, que vai mat�-lo.
- N�o diga isso.

- Senhor, ele vai morrer. Ele vai morrer.
- Ele � ...

He's not gonna die with that.

- Bem, v� l� atr�s e v�-lo ent�o.
- Bem, tudo bem.

Well, wait a minute now, why are you...

I'm all right, honey, I don't get sick.
I'm here with Shirley. Shirley's back there.

- Como ela est�?
- Ela est� bem.

She's okay. She's got strong faith.

- Isso � o que precisamos.
- Ela tem uma parte traseira
forte, tamb�m.

That could have made a lot for her
back in the day...

Mas, ela poderia puxar o inferno
fora de um vag�o.

- O que voc� ...
- Sim.
N�o � mesmo ...
N�s n�o precisamos de cavalos.

Shirley was a horse all by herself.

She works like a horse,
she treats people nice.

Yeah.

It's just not good to get sick
and you treat people nice.

That just don't ever seem fair to me.

- Bem, I. ..
- Mas tudo bem, eu acho,

you know,
the Lord just moves in mysterious ways.

- Sim, ele faz.
- Para realizar Suas maravilhas.

Yes, well, okay.
I'll talk to you later, all right?

- Eu vou v�-lo.
- Por favor, porque voc� ...

- E eu vou cham�-lo. N�o me chame.
- Tudo bem.

Porque voc� fala demais
� o que voc� faz.

What you be saying, though.

Hey, baby. What the doctor say?

It's not good.

Girl, you gonna be all right.
You gonna be all right.

Not this time.
I need you to call all my children.

Okay, well, when we get home,
baby, I'll turn it on for you.

Assim que chegar � casa,
All My Children ...

Bam.

You know, Bam,
you need to stop smoking all that weed.

Every time you smoke that weed
you act like you crazy.

What are you talking about? You said
you wanted to see All My Children.

I said I was gonna turn it on for you.

I wanna see all my family.

Well, okay, make up your mind, hon.

Do you wanna see All My Children
or you wanna see All in the Family?

Which one?

- Bam.
- O qu�?

Come on, let's go catch this
bus before we're too late.

Wait, Shirley, baby,
did the doctor ask for my number?

Did he? Did he ask for my digits?

... Chegar ao hospital?

You just gonna come up here
and bring me like I'm a kid to the hospital.

You got diabetes and you wasn't feeling
well and I brought you to the hospital.

Well, I feel well now. Can we go?

- Bom dia.
- Bom dia, doutor.
Como voc� est� fazendo?

- Muito bem, obrigado.
- Bom, bom.

Now, Mr. Brown,
you have to take your insulin.

I've been taking.

- Agora, voc� est� comendo direito?
- Sim, com certeza, eu estou comendo direito.
Sim.

No, he doesn't. He's lying.

Cora, ain't nobody...
You don't call me no liar.

I'm your daddy.
You come here, you're gonna sit there

and look at my face and call me no liar.

- Voc� n�o sabe o que eu comer.
- Eu sei o que ele comeu.

He ate 10 pieces of bacon,
three eggs, a biscuit

and a pork chop with jelly and orange juice.

Just for your information
that's where you lie,

Porque eu nem sequer comer carne de porco.
Eu comi presunto. Obrigado.

See, the problem with a lot of people is
they think diabetes is just a little sugar.

It isn't. Now you have to eat right...

- Ele n�o faz isso.
- ... Voc� tem que exercitar.

He don't do that.

E deixe-me dizer uma coisa, h�
pessoas que perderam a vis�o,

their limbs, and even
died from this disease.

Now you gotta get serious about this,
lose some weight,

... Come�ar a se exercitar, ou as coisas podem piorar.
- Exerc�cio.

Exercising, losing weight...

I am... Doctor, I hear what you...

Voc� est� ouvindo o que
ele est� dizendo?

Cora, didn't I just say
I hear what he's saying?

Now you're gonna make me whoop you.
Get you some business.

You need to get you a husband,

maybe that'll keep you
out of other people's business.

- Voc� se casou, doutor?
- N�o, senhor.

Cora ain't married neither.

Why don't you ask her to marry you
and y'all live happily ever after

in a forest or something?

So she can leave me alone,
stay out of my business.

Stay out of my mental function.

What?

Now, Mr. Brown, I've also noticed
you've never had a colonoscopy.

Oh, yes, that's where you're wrong.

I drink colas all the time.
I like colas with ice and everything.

E ele n�o deve ser colas beber.
N�o h� muito a��car,
n�o est� l�, doutor?

Cora, you're too much sugar.
Looking like a bag of cotton candy.

Cora is the snack demon.

That's right. I caught her one day
sneaking to get some chips.

Under your bed, I found them chip bags.

E ela ficou sacos e copos de refrigerante
de �gua e tudo sob sua cama.

- Voc� ...
- Quantos Oreos seria essa?

- Voc� ...
- Voc� sabe quantos que �!
Diga-me.

- Voc� sabe quantos ...
- Cinco Oreos.

You can tell me 'cause you tried to tell me
the other night.

We're not in here about me...

Mr. Brown, I do have to tell you that
you are well past 40 now.

Way past!

Well, I ain't that much past. You're trying
to make it seem like 40 is down there,

and I'm way back... I'm close to 40.
Forty's over there and I'm right there.

You make it seem like I'm old or something.

The point I'm trying to make is that
you should be having

regular colon and prostrate exams.
It could save your life.

Okay. You go ahead and check my collasum
and my prostitute. All right?

It's prostate, Mr. Brown.

Cora, I know. It's the same thing.

Just go ahead and just check me.

Hold on. I had some of Cora's chips I found

and I might have some on my prostitate.

Go ahead and check.

Not that end, Mr. Brown.

The other end.

You talking about my beginning
and the end?

- Sim!
- O diabo � um mentiroso!

You can't be back there like that.

- Espere, doutor. Espere!
- Pegue-o, Doc.

I'm new! Please!

Hey, Madea.

What the doctor say about Brown?

He's better. He just has to watch
his diabetes, just like you.

Oh, yeah, he got to watch that, honey,
he got to watch that for real.

He's gotta stop eating all that foolishness
and start exercising.

You right.

You right.
I think I'm gonna have the number four.

Welcome to Snax. May I take your order?

Voc� est� em um daqueles
throughs-drive?

Yes, I'm at a drive-through. Hell, I'm
hungry. I'm trying to get some breakfast.

Didn't I just tell you,
you have to start eating healthier?

Cora, hell, I don't wanna hear that.

I know you're probably standing
right next to a vending machine right now.

What you got, a honey bun?

Byron!

Cora, listen, I got to go now.

Girl, I'm driving on the phone. You know
Oprah don't want me driving on the phone.

Goodbye.

I'm upset, or whatever the case may be.

I would like to have a ham,
egg and cheese biscuit and orange juice.

Chamada Dia de volta ...
N�o, voc� cham�-lo
em seu telefone,

I'm gonna keep callin' Byron, but
I'm gonna keep hanging up, answering,

"Nah, nah, nah".
Espere um pouco.

- Heller?
- Senhora, eu ouvi-lo.
Segure-se!

- � melhor voc� responder a essa telefone ou ...
- Tudo bem.

Tudo certo.
O servi�o n�o � o que costumava
ser, eu lhe digo.

It's Sabrina. Byron...

You need to go on
Maury for him, girl.

For real, dawg.

It's hot as hell in this Cadillac
and I don't have no air conditioner.

What do you wanna eat?

I want a ham and egg
and a cheese biscuit, okay? Heller!

We're out of ham.

You out of ham?

Okay. All right. Fine, fine.
Then give me an egg and cheese biscuit.

We're out of egg.

You're out of egg? You're just...

Fine! Then just give me a damn biscuit.

It's 10:31, ma'am,
and we just stopped serving breakfast.

Hold the hell on. I've been sitting here
for 15 minutes waiting on your... No, honey.

No, no, no. I don't care. I want breakfast.

You want something else
like lunch or something?

N�o � ningu�m dizer nada
sobre o almo�o.

I don't want no lunch. I want breakfast.

- Pequeno-almo�o terminou �s 10h30 ...
- Oh, n�o inferno.

Everybody's all screaming around me
or whatever.

- Eu n�o sei o que voc� est� falando.
- Garotinha.

What?

I'm about to get carbon peroxide poisoning
in this damn car,

waiting on you to get me my damn food.

This Cadillac is old as hell.

Where's my food at, honey?

We're out of egg, we're out of ham,
and we're out of cheese and biscuit.

So can you get out of line, please?

Where's your manager, honey?

Look, I am the manager.

Now move!

Move!

You hear these people, it's crazy! For real!

She got crazy.

What the...

Hell, you ain't got no damn sense.

I told you I want my damn food.

Oh, my God!

I'm taking everything you got.

You act like you ain't got no sense...

Lady, what is wrong with you?

- Oh, meu Deus!
- Que diabos h� de
errado com voc�?

You're gonna videotape me?
You're gonna videotape me?

I'm taking it out.

I'm trying to be patient, I don't
know what the hell's wrong with y'all.

Old people, y'all act like
y'all ain't got no sense...

- Estou falando de algum alimento ...
- Onde voc� est�?

... E eu estou alimentando minha filha fat-ass
e todos os outros e ver como voc� gosta disso.

You ain't seen nothing.

I can't wait for you. If you lookin' for me,
my name is Cora Simmons.

... Um, dois.

I called everybody.

- Bom!
- Yep.

You scared, Shirley?

N�o h� lugar para medo
quando est�s cansado.

Bam,

I don't want nobody screaming
at my funeral.

- Shirley. Eu n�o quero falar sobre ...
- Venha agora.

Listen to me. I can't
tell this to my children.

I want Reverend Jackson
to give an uplifting sermon.

E eu n�o quero que voc� deixe os meus
filhos brigam por qualquer coisa.

E eu quero Irm� Laura para cantar
essa can��o que eu gosto,

"O c�u est� esperando por mim."

Will you do that for me?

Yes, I will, baby,

but Shirley,
you're probably gonna outlive us all.

Only God knows.

Well, just in case you do,

... Quando eu morrer, n�o quero nem flores.
- N�o?

No, I don't want no flowers.
I want y'all to plant marijuana stalks

all around my grave.

- Eu sabia que ia fazer voc� sorrir.
- Go!

Instead of pouring some for the homies,
like the young folks there,

I want y'all to have a
puff, puff, pass, repass.

Just pass them all out. Just pass them.
I wanna say, "Puff, puff, pass, repass."

Put that down!

- Eu amo ouvir voc� rir.
- Deus vai te pegar.

- N�o. .. I.
- Puff, puff pass ...

- Eu quero que voc� inici�-lo fora.
- Todo o barulho que goin 'on aqui.
Hey, Mama.

- Hey. Oi, querida.
- Hi.

Give me little Byron.
Come here, little Byron.

- V� para a tia Bam.
- Byron.

Take little Byron. Take that baby.

Smell like a grown man
did it in that diaper.

- Mudan�a da fralda que beb�.
- Por favor.

- Obtenha que fora de mim.
- Ok, mam�e.

Let's go upstairs
and change you then, huh?

Get you fresh. Baby, can you hand me
a diaper out the bag?

I am not the nanny. Here.

- Bem, obrigado.
- Voc� � bem vindo.

Tudo bem, mam�e. Eu vou mud�-lo.

Don't you think
you need to be going with him somewhere?

Why? That is not my baby.

I don't like you.

- Desculpe-me?
- Eu disse que n�o
gosto de voc�.

- Ent�o?
- Bam, o beb� est� aqui.

Well, then I tell you what,
let's do a nursery rhyme for the baby.

Row, row, row your ho
Up and down the street

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
She's just a piece of meat

Whatever!

That's what I don't like about her.
That's why I get high.

That's why I have to stay high.

Tell me again why we're here.

Listen, my mother wanted
all of us to come over, okay?

I have better things to do
than sit at your mama's house.

I mean, I don't know what's worse,
the baby poop or the smell of moth balls,

or that Bam thing.

Listen, baby, will you...

Will you please let me just find out
what's going on first?

Depois que eu vou te
levar para casa.

How are you gonna take me home?
You ain't got no car.

Every time I come over here,
it's some drama.

You remember your apartment
and your Benz?

Don't you miss it?

Yeah. Yeah.
Just like I miss going to jail, right?

E eu n�o estava ali ao seu lado?

You? But you wasn't in there.

Tudo que voc� tem que fazer � uma pequena gota e nos
levar dinheiro suficiente para conseguir um lugar.

Instead of spending the night
at my sister's house

and me sneaking up here in your mama's
house in the middle of the night.

Come on, Byron, don't you wanna be
alone with me in our own place?

It's just one drop.

Listen, stop talking about that
kind of stuff around my son.

Menino, ele n�o sabe
o que estou dizendo.

- Renee.
- O qu�?

You are not gonna get caught.

Roscoe said you were one of his best guys
when you were slinging.

Come on, Byron.
See, when I first met you, you had heart.

Look, and I got heart!

E eu tamb�m tenho um emprego, tamb�m.
E isso � o suficiente
para n�s agora.

I'm out of the game.

Look, I love you, Byron, I really do,
but that little 10 an hour you're making

is not taking care of me or you.

I don't wanna talk about this no more.
Okay?

Okay. Fine.

I told you to go right and you go left.

- Tudo bem.
- Eu n�o suporto voc�,
�s vezes, Harold.

Had you did what I told you to do
we would have been here 15 minutes ago.

- Sim ...
- Eu disse que esse menino
tem de fazer xixi.

- Sim, mas ele est� bem.
- Que, as pessoas?
O que at�, Bam?

- Eu quero ir ao banheiro.
- Hey, baby.

You know where the bathroom is, boy.
Come on.

Wait a minute, that boy is 10 years old
and y'all still taking him to the bathroom?

I told her to stop babying these kids.

What did you say, Harold?

He said he told you
to stop babying these children.

I did not say...

- Cale a boca, que voc� fez.
- Eu n�o disse que ...

- Hey, Tammy.
- Por que voc� ...
Voc� � um mexerico.

- Calvin!
- Hey, Shirley, como vai voc�?

- Onde est� Kimberly?
- Voc� sabe que sua filha,
ela est� trabalhando,

... Mas ela vai estar aqui.
- Oh, bem.

- Harold.
- Shirley.

It's so good to see my two fine son-in-laws!

- Sim, senhora.
- Espere um minuto, eu s�
vejo um um bem, querida.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Aunt Bam.

Child, I don't smoke that much, shut up.

Don't turn that...
Don't... Leave that alone.

Now...

Thank you very much.

You didn't hear me say don't touch?

Harold, you better get your child.

H.J., stop that now,
you see grown folks talking now.

Punk-ass.

See this? Look at this right here.
I tell you what...

- Bam, n�o mat�-lo! N�o mat�-lo!
- Sente-se.

Touch it again.

Don't kill him, Aunt Bam!

Look, Harold can let that child act like
he wants to if they want to.

Oh, I got another one, honey.

Touch it again. Touch it.

Touch it, Shaka Zulu. Touch it.

- Harold, voc� n�o v� isso?
- Ele � apenas um garoto.

- Voc� sabe que essas crian�as novas, que fazem ...
- Cale a boca!

He's a kid that needs to know
who the parents are, Harold.

What do you expect, Aunt Bam?

They let these kids run around
like they have no home training at all.

That's why I don't allow my son
around these children.

Beb� ...

- O que ela disse?
- Tammy, acalme-se.

She said she don't want her children
around your children

Porque seus filhos
agir como tolos.

They look like fools, they dress like fools.

- Olhe para eles, eles s�o apenas tolos.
- Obrigado.

I know you're not talking about my children.

My boys that I'm raising?

She punked you. You look like a sucker.

See?

This is why I didn't even wanna
come over here to begin with.

Girl, you barely spend time
with Mama anyway.

Estar aqui � n�o te matar.

Come on, girls, now calm down.

Why are y'all
blowing up my phone up anyway?

Wait a minute,
your mama told me to call y'all over here.

- Para qu�?
- Eu s� queria te
ver, isso � tudo.

Mama, you know I got things to do.

Well, at least stay
and have dinner with me. Please?

- Por favor?
- No meio da semana?

It's bad enough we do this on Sundays.

Princess,

when was the last Sunday
that you came over here not to eat with us?

I'm sorry, I must not have been here.
What year was that?

You don't remember either, do you?
That's it.

Mama, I don't like you begging her.

Come on in the kitchen
and help me get this food together,

I need somebody to go into the garage
and get the ice.

- Me.
- Eu vou fazer isso.

Hey. Hey, wait for me.
Don't y'all leave me...

What am I supposed to do with it?

I don't know, hold it?

Sit... Don't play with me.

Sit down, baby, and hold the baby
over there. They'll be back, trick.

- O qu�?
- Voc� ouviu o que
eu disse, amplo.

I don't stutter.

Touch the TV. Touch it!

I don't like none of you.
You make me sick, all y'all.

- Cara, eu estou t�o feliz por estar fora da casa.
- Entendi, Calvin?

- N�o � verdade?
- Vou lhe dizer o que,

this ice is warmer
than your sister Tammy any day.

Hey, hey, hey. You better calm down.

Look, man,
I know it's your sister and I'm sorry,

but sometimes, man, she makes me so...

You better be quiet.
You know she can hear you.

Y'all be playing, but she can
really hear like that. I mean, like a dog.

What is wrong with your sisters, Byron?

Man, what is wrong with women period?

Sabrina, for instance, right?

Man, that girl know
I only make $1,000 a month.

E eu ainda mand�-la 300.

- Trezentos?
- Homem, a menina ainda
n�o est� satisfeito.

Assim que eu dar-lhe o dinheiro que
voc� sabe o que quer me dizer?

- O que ela disse?
- "Espere um minuto Levante!

"Hold up!
Isso n�o � suficiente!"

Got the weave and all.
"That ain't enough! I need more!"

- Ent�o voc� sabe o que eu fa�o?
- O que voc� faz?

I give her more.

Mas ent�o, olha, da pr�xima vez que eu vejo
que ela est� em algumas roupas novas.

Why don't you just start buying
the baby stuff and give it to her yourself?

I tried that. All she do
is take the clothes back and get the money.

- O qu�?
- Sim.

No, no, young buck.
You got to take the tags off the clothes.

What, did you think I didn't do that?
I did that, too.

Then she takes the clothes and tries to
sell them to everybody in the neighborhood.

I am telling y'all, man, she's crazy.

I just... I just want my son to know
that I'm out here doing the right thing.

Mas ela est� dizendo algo que
todo mundo diferente, sabe?

Man, what am I supposed to do?

You got to keep Peter in the gate,
you understand me?

Wait, wait, wait. Hold up.
I know you ain't talking.

Yeah, you ought to think about
that next time you and Tammy

decide to have some more
of them little demon seeds y'all got.

- Sementes Dem�nio?
- Sim, voc�.

My kids ain't bad like that.

Look, man, your kids are out of control.
You got to do better.

Well, she won't let me discipline them.
She won't!

E depois de um tempo eu
simplesmente parou.

Look, I don't know what's wrong with her.
We argue all the time,

every time I turn around,
I was trying to do something,

she's just driving me crazy!

I'm dealing with the same thing
with Kimberly.

She's always mad.
I don't know what to do with her.

E parece que quanto mais tempo que
estamos casados, pior fica.

You know what, maybe her and Tammy are
going through menopause or something.

No, it ain't no menopause. Tammy...
Tammy...

Tammy was like that when we first met.
Yeah.

Assim que ficamos juntos ela
estava gritando comigo.

Wow.

- O qu�?
- E voc� ainda se casou com ela.

Yeah. But it's worse now.

Porque agora ela n�o vai olhar para mim, eu n�o posso
toc�-la, n�o posso sequer chegar perto dela,

and we ain't had sex in over a year.

Oh, Lord Jesus, please kill the visuals.

I'm bound up.

Why do it sound like
both of y'all in prison?

I'd get more love in prison.

Coming home to a house that you're paying
for, and there's no peace, is prison.

I don't know
how much longer I can take this.

- Ent�o o que voc� est� dizendo, homem?
- Alguma coisa tem de dar.

- Bem, voc� ama a minha irm�?
- Sim.

- Tudo bem, cara.
- �s vezes isso n�o �
suficiente, Byron.

I hear you on that, but, dawg,
you ain't got but six years in.

Next week it will be 17 years for us.

- Voc� sabe o que, algo tem que dar.
- Sim.

- Voc� sabe, precisamos sair mais.
- Precisamos falar ao telefone

... Grupo de apoio e ou algo assim.
- Precisamos ir a um
clube de strip.

Wait, wait, wait, now,
hold up, hold up, hold up.

Antes de voc�s dois v�o saltar
para o fundo do po�o,

I know my sisters, all right?

Todos voc�s tem que fazer � apenas
fazer algo de bom para eles.

Calvin, por que voc� tomou Kim
a um deles voar spots, cara?

Nice restaurant, let her relax a little bit.

E Harold, encontrar minha irm� um bom presente
de anivers�rio ou algo assim.

Presente de anivers�rio?
Como o qu�?
O que voc� acha, ent�o?

I don't know. Some flowers, something.

Okay. Okay, I'm gonna try that.

I can't believe
I'm taking advice from an 18-year-old.

Hey, hey, I know something
about them ladies. You see how I do.

I got two fighting over me right now.

Yes, you do.

Hey, y'all smell that?

That's weed.

Tia Bam.
O que voc� est� fazendo?

Yes.

What? I'm hunting wabbits.
What the hell y'all think I'm doing?

- Byron?
- Sim, senhora.

I think your baby mama's about to kill
your girlfriend.

What? Baby mama?

Yeah. Sounds like she got her
in a choke hold.

- Tudo bem, Byron, � melhor voc� ...
- N�o. ..

- N�o, n�o, n�o, n�o!
- Byron.

Byron, como voc� vai me desrespeito por ter
um dos seus truques segurando meu beb�?

Listen, we ain't together, okay?

You know what, where my money at, Byron?

Who are you calling a trick, retard?

Byron, voc� disse a ela sobre a
minha pontua��o teste de QI?

For real? That's how you feel it?

- O que voc� est� falando?
- Voc� me deixa doente.

You so ugly with your yellow self,

and you, start with me.

Go ahead, start with me. Jump, frog, jump.

You know what, Shirley, I know
you wanted me to come to this dinner,

but I really can't do this. I can't have
my baby around this trash, I got to go.

I really wanted you to stay for dinner.

Mama?

No, Ms. Shirley, no. No, ma'am,
no ham, no turkey. Just let me go.

I already had a rough day at work
with some crazy old woman

that needs to be in jail, for real, though.

Speaking of jail,
I hear you're back on the streets, Byron.

- O qu�?
- Vendendo drogas.

You know what I'm talking about.

I wish.

Mama, she's lying.

Well, then the whole block is lying,
Ms. Shirley.

Don't listen to her, okay?

Look, she just wants you to be mad at me,
that's all.

I just wanna know if I can get a dime bag.

Oh, God, I got to check on my biscuits,
see if my...

Oh, my God, what I got a lie for, Byron?

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Girl... I swear to God!

Keep playing with me.
I'll have 5-O on your ass in 2.5 seconds.

I want my money.

How are you gonna give
this chick all this money

but you can't even give me
$300 for your son?

You're a trifling ass father, Byron.

- Parar. Pare com isso.
- Voc� foi um pai ass
insignificante, Byron.

Listen. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey. Shut up! Be quiet!

Listen.

- Cala essa boca.
- Por favor, obrigado.

You know I give you money every month.

Oh, my God, I'm so happy that I got
this little job at this little burger joint,

because it looks like I'm gonna have to be
the man of this relationship, too.

We? Us? We ain't in no relationship. At all.

Never. Ever.

Rapaz, voc� sabe que
voc� quer tudo isso,

this almondy stuff.

Listen, can I get that dime bag, though?

- Tia Bam ...
- Oh, meu Deus.

I gotta get out of here. Let me go.

Come on. Your father don't want you.
But it's all right.

We're gonna be all right. Excuse me.

- "Pai", com um "V"?
- Sim.

- "Faver," m�e ...
- Preste aten��o a sua boca.

- Desculpe-me.
- Tudo bem. Mant�-lo andar.

I did the best I could to raise you
and you're gonna do this again?

Mama, the girl is lying.

You are gonna go back to jail.

What is wrong with you, boy?

- Desde que seu pai morreu ...
- Olha, mam�e, ela
est� mentindo.

Look, if you don't believe me,
then I might as well go out here and do it.

That's if you believe her.

Mama, I'm not selling no dope.

Mama, look at me.

I'm not doing nothing.

I wouldn't keep no secrets from you.

Just like you wouldn't
keep no secrets from me.

I get it.

You can believe it if you want to.

Renee!

We out.

Shirley, look, look, look.
Look, look, look, look.

Quick, look, look, look.

Mother, we're leaving, too.
I have to pick up my son from daycare.

Mama wants to have dinner with you.
I don't get...

You have dinner with her.

I'm sure there's enough for you
and your herd.

Girl, I will stump a mud hole

... Na sua skinny, bougie ...
- A lama ...

- Mel ...
- N�o me toque, Calvin.

I'm sorry, Ms. Shirley. See ya.

- Tia Bam.
- Tudo bem.

Jiggle, jiggle, pull 'em apart.

You ain't had that happen in a long time,
have you?

No, but... Tammy.

Bye, Calvin.

I feel sorry for you
that you have to go home with that.

What's a mud hole? What is it?

Tia Bam, voc� est� muito alto.

I would love to see that, I tell you.

Harold, H.J., Will, come on.

Well, that went nice.

When am I gonna tell them
with them behaving that way?

Shirley, listen, I don't know,
we'll figure something out, baby, please.

Mas eu quero 'em todos juntos para
que eu possa dizer a eles.

You're gonna ruin my high, honey.
You're gonna ruin it. You're gonna ruin it.

I know you wanna tell 'em.

Hey, y'all, Mama wants y'all...
She's gonna tell y'all something.

Bam, voc� precisa parar
de fumar todos os que.

You need to smoke something.

We've been arguing...

- Cala essa boca.
- Tudo bem.

Now wait a second. All right? All right?
Okay. All of you be quiet.

Porque eu posso dizer
a verdade aqui.

We've got the results right here.

Okay.

In the case of Baby DeShawn,

neither of you are the father.

Lord, I knowed it, I knowed it.
I knowed that wasn't the daddy.

Mabel, get your big ass out the way.
You know it's fit for television.

That is trifling as hell.
How the hell she had all of them men

if she don't even know
who the baby daddy is?

Yeah.
You know who that remind me of? You.

You know you was a ho back in the day.
Yes, indeed.

Mas voc� sabe, olha aqui, esse menino, ele
nem mesmo sabia que n�o era o seu beb�.

Prestando apoio � crian�a
de 18 anos.

Giving, two, three, four hundred dollars.

Four hundred dollars
he's giving that girl a month.

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna start a company.

For every baby daddy who has been through
some trouble with baby mamas.

I'm gonna call it, "1-800-Choke-That-Ho."

How about 1-800-Choke-That-Ho?

That's a rap song, Mabel.

1-800-Choke-Que-Ho.

Joe, shut up. Just shut up.

Mabel!

Mabel! Mabel! Mabel! Mabel!

I'm right here, jackass!

Mabel, I went to the doctor,
and they say I'm dying.

Mr. Brown, you are not dying.

You had a colonoscopy
and they found a growth

and they wanted to
remove it and do a biopsy.

See, they wanna do a biopsy on me.
That means I'm dying.

They found a growth?

- Sim.
- Sim.

You had to go to the
doctor to find that out?

Hell, I'm looking at a growth
coming out of your shoes.

That's a good one, Mabel.
I see the growth, too.

Y'all laughing, but I
think I got the cancer.

You are the cancer!

Mabel, can you do something for me, baby?

- Sim. Sim.
- Fa�a uma coisa para mim.

Voc� pode apenas me abra�ar
mais uma vez?

- Madea! Madea!
- Eu n�o posso ver.

Don't get up on me, touching me like that.

You didn't have to do that, Madea.

Mabel, you got big old man hands.

E voc� n�o tem um nada
grande homem de idade.

That's a good one, baby.

You on a roll, girl. You on a roll.

What did the veterinarian say?

That girl said "the vet." She say "the vet."

You is funny. You are the next Lenny Bruce.
You funny. You funny.

Madea, that is not funny.

What did the veterinarian say?
I'm sorry. Okay.

It's not funny.
Y'all laughing, but I think I see the light.

I see the light, too.

Hell, all them colors you got on,
you are the light.

Taste the rainbow.
You look like a pack of Skittles.

MC Lyte, Crayola light,

Budweiser Light, luz jackass.

I know, I know it wasn't good, but I got it.

Madea, Uncle Joe, don't do that.
That is not nice.

Just say something nice to him for once.

I will say something nice to him for once.

Something nice to you for once.

Madea!

When I'm gone, they'll appreciate me.

Tudo bem, nem sequer se preocupar com isso.
Voc� vai ficar bem.
Voc� vai ser ...

- Eu sou?
- Sim, Brown.

Lots of people done had
to have colonoscopies.

You're supposed to get that done

when you get to be a certain age, anyway.

You're gonna be all right.

It's good to get your rooter checked.

That's all right, Brown. That's all right,
Brown. You're gonna be fine.

Todos os c�es v�o para o c�u.

So, I know they have room for silverbacks.

That is so mean, Uncle Joe.

Funny.

- Madea.
- Ele � prateado tamb�m.

He's just...

Hey, y'all. Joe! Madea, Mabel.

Hey, Bam.

Hey, Cora. Hey, Brown.

Hey, Bam.

Bam, eles dizer que
estou morrendo?

That's good to hear.

- O qu�?
- Tia Bam, ele disse
que est� morrendo.

Oh, sorry.

Help me.

What brings you by here, honey?

Shirley and her kids.

How's she doing?

Not good. Not good at all.

Help me. Help me.

You need to help her with her kids.

- N�o, filho. N�o, n�o, n�o.
- Eles fora de controle.

I don't know why folks
wanna run to the elders

after their children get out of control,

when the elders be telling them all along
y'all need to get these children straight.

Now that they're grown and out of control,
they want some help from us.

I'm sorry, honey. We have
two different styles of raising children.

She like to pray, I like to punch.

We can't do that.
She's my favorite niece and all,

but no, child,
I'm not fittin' to get into that. No.

Help me.

Abortar, aborta.
Evacuar. Abortar, evacuar.

- O qu�?
- Mabel, ela precisa de
sua ajuda, querida.

Pode n�o trazer ningu�m de uma fam�lia
juntos, como voc� pode.

E n�o pode comer um bife
ningu�m como voc� pode.

E n�o pode fazer ningu�m me como Jesus.
Ajude-me. Ajude-me.

Help me. Help me, please.
Somebody. Somebody, anybody...

- Joe, o que h� de errado com voc�?
- Algu�m me ajude.

What is wrong with you, fool?

Y'all don't hear that?

- Ouvi o qu�?
- Ouvi o qu�?

That's the floor. It's talking. Listen.

Help me.

It's saying that 'cause it got all y'all
big asses standing on that floor.

- S�o eles.
- Joe.

It's the truth.
Them floor joints is screaming...

- Eles est�o gritando como ...
- Cala essa boca,
Joe, cale a boca.

Don't shake like that, Mabel.

Hell, all that cellulite,
and look like you got hail damage

all over your legs when you shake.
Don't do that.

These stretch marks
is a road map to heaven.

You follow this GPS, it's gonna take you
somewhere you ain't never been before.

Your stretch marks about to make me...
I got to throw up.

You about to throw up
that cancer in your back.

Get it all out, get it
all out, let him use you.

Mabel, please. Please help Shirley.

Does Shirley know you're over here?

Well, she'll be fine with it.

She'll be fine with it.

Give me all their addresses and I will
go by there and try to help them.

Thank you. Yes!

- Voc� n�o vai me segurar ...
- Apenas cala a boca!

What the hell's wrong with you, Brown?

Talking about somebody...
Don't nobody wanna hold you here.

Your mama didn't even wanna hold you
when you was born.

I don't know what the hell
you always got something.

You working on my damn nerves.

Heller?

Hold on. Joe, your bookie on the phone.

I'll be damned if I come up in there
on that floor.

That floor getting ready to cave in.

The termites are saying, "Evacuate, run.
Everybody, man your battle stations.

"Sai fora, sai fora. � ..."

Come get the phone.

Whoever that is, they're gonna have
to call me back, 'cause I ain't stupid.

If I walk up in there,
that floor is gonna just go.

Porque eu estou a pena que vai
quebrar a espinha do camelo,

Porque voc�s que matar camelo.

Todos eles juntas est�
prestes a press�o.

The termites getting ready to run
from out of here, they're saying,

"Evacuar! Abortar! Abortar!"

The termites screaming, "Abort, abort!

"Como essas bundas gordas v�o
cair atrav�s do telhado."

- O qu�?
- Cale a boca, idiota.
Cale a boca.

Shut up.

How's it looking, Doctor?

I'm sorry.

No need to be sorry.

Is there anything I can do?

How long do I have?

Four, maybe six weeks.

E se continuarmos com a
uimioterapia, talvez mais.

Well, thank God for the days I have had.

You're the most amazing patient
I've ever had, Ms. Shirley.

Sempre sorrindo.
Sempre vendo o lado bom.

Well, living for God is the bright side.

E, doutor, Deus o aben�oe
por toda sua ajuda.

I brought you these brownies.
Bam loves these.

Thank you.

E n�o seja t�o triste.

I'm going to be fine.

Calvin, eu lhe pedi para v�-lo.

CJ, por que voc� deixa cair que
quando eu lhe disse que n�o?

Don't do that again, okay?

No more. Play with this. Here.

CJ, voc� est� bem?
Voc� est� bem?
Voc� vai ficar bem.

Don't baby him while I'm talking to him.
He needs to learn.

To learn what? He's 18 months, Kimberly.

- Eu odeio quando voc� faz isso, Calvin, eu odeio isso.
- Ele � um beb�.

E ele vai acabar como
filhos de Tammy.

- N�o, ele n�o �.
- Sim, ele �.

You show me no respect,
do you know that? None.

Babe, ouvir, eu m
strar-lhe respeito.

Mas voc� est� errado e voc� n�o deveria
estar gritando com ele assim.

Like the way you yell at your family.

I mean, what is up with that?

What's going on with you and your sister?

I don't wanna talk about her.

No, no. Something goes on every time
you're around your family.

Drop it.

I'm getting really tired of this, Kimberly.
Really tired.

Well, that makes two of us.

I think we need to see a marriage counselor.

I'm not going to any counselor.

So you're not interested
in trying to fix this.

Fix what? Tell me, what's broken?

Well, I guess if you don't know,
then we don't need to see one.

Who left these dishes in the sink?

H.J.

No, I didn't. Daddy left them.

Oh, you wait until he gets home.

You're gonna get it for lying on Daddy.

You better shut up.

I'm not a maid, you know.

You look like one.

Come wash these plates, H.J.,
and I'm not playing.

I don't feel like washing them plates.
Tammy, leave me alone.

- Rapaz, eu poderia te machucar �s vezes.
- Bl�, bl�, bl�.

Daddy's right. You nag too much.

- Ele disse isso?
- Sim.

He said you don't cook right,
it be burnt all the time.

- Ei, cara.
- Que se passa, punk-burro?

Did you bring me something home?

- Voc� fez sua li��o de casa?
- N�o, tolo.

Then I didn't bring you nothing home.

- Onde est� sua m�e?
- Em sua pele.

When you jump out, she jump in.

- Mexa-se! Voc� deslig�-lo.
- Porra.

Tammy, it's our anniversary, baby.

Good God.

Happy anniversary, baby.

You think I want some flowers you just
picked up on the side of the road?

N�o � nenhum pensamento posto em que, Harold.
"Feliz anivers�rio".

Why would I wanna spend
an anniversary with you?

There's nothing happy about the years
we've been together.

Tammy, I'm trying.

Yeah, I'm trying, too.

I'm trying to get the hell away from you.

E por que voc� deixar os pratos na
pia l� antes que voc� deixou?

What? I didn't leave no plates.

E voc� disse que eu nossos
filhos nag demais?

- Tammy.
- Cale a boca, eu estou falando.

- Mas, I. ..
- Eu n�o sei por que diabos

after I go to work all day
I got to come home and clean up after you.

Tammy, you need to have these boys
help you clean up around here.

Didn't I tell you I was talking?

Okay? What is wrong with you?

Posso responder a isso?

That is a question, Harold.

Never mind. Just leave me the hell alone.

Will you at least take the flowers?

- Oh, meu Deus, ele simplesmente me cortou.
- Deixe-me ver.

See? See? See? See?
That's what it is. That's what it is.

What did I do to you?

Don't start all that whining.

Look, I just want us
to spend some time together.

No, I'm going to bed.

Keep your stuff in your pants. Good night.

I don't wanna hear your voice.

Shut up.

Tammy...

Happy anniversary, Tammy.

Boy, abra a porta.
Pessoas que procuram
as suas janelas.

"Fique quieto."

You always trying to tell me to be quiet.

I swear,
you're getting on my nerves with that.

What? Are you serious?

You really have me sneaking

... Atrav�s da casa de sua m�e novamente.
- Pare! Pare! Pare!

I don't like this. Let my hand go.

- Menina ...
- O qu�?

You better hush your mouth.

Take me to a hotel with your cheap ass.

- Eu n�o tenho dinheiro para nenhum hotel.
- Claro que n�o.

You don't have money for a hotel,
to buy me shoes

... Ou qualquer outra coisa para essa mat�ria.
- Fique quieto!

- Voc� est� me dando nos nervos maldita.
- Pare com isso.

Why you got to... Pain in the ass.

Shut up.

- Cheira mal aqui.
- Fique quieto.

Look, do you love me?

Yes, I guess.

Tudo bem ent�o. Ficar comigo.

You work at a warehouse.
What am I supposed to do with that?

I don't know. How about you get a job?

If I got to get a J-A-B,
you ain't getting N-U-N.

Yes, you heard me.

See, when I first met you,

I told you that I needed to be kept.

You're not keeping me.

- Olha, Renee.
- O qu�? � apenas uma gota.
Eu n�o entendo.

No. The answer's no.

- Tudo bem.
- Sim.

Look, how about you be quiet
before you wake my mama up.

You're so worried about me
waking your mama up,

look like the police are about to.

What?

Damn!

Oh, this is so ghetto.

- Byron Watkins?
- Sim.

Put your hands behind your back.
We have a warrant for your arrest.

- Para qu�?
- O que ele est�
sendo preso por?

- O que est� acontecendo?
- O que eu fiz?

- Venha conosco, senhor.
- Mam�e, eu n�o fiz nada, ok?

- Minha senhora, por favor, volte dentro de casa.
- Espere um minuto.
Espere um minuto.

Officers, wait a minute.

- Ele nem mesmo vender drogas n�o mais.
- Oh, abafar todas as
drogas sobre eles.

What are you doing here?

Hi. I've been calling you.

Mother, what are you doing here this late?
How did you get here?

On the bus.

The bus?

Mama, there are no buses
in this neighborhood.

Well, I rode it as close as I could get,
then I walked the rest of the way.

What's going on?

- Byron foi preso.
- Outra vez?

Yes, and I need bail money for him.

No. Mama, I'm not giving you any money.

If Byron wants to walk around here
selling dope, I can't stop him.

He was not selling dope.

Then what was he arrested for?

I don't know, but it wasn't that.

How do you know, Mama?

I looked into his eyes. A mother knows.

A m�e sabe.

Mama, I'm sorry,
but I'm not giving you any money.

Just use my house, then, as collateral.

It's already paid for.

Yes, it is, but I just paid it off again.

Do you remember all the debt
from the second mortgage

and getting him the lawyer the last time?

- Ele n�o est� mentindo.
- Ele era antes.

- Sra. Shirley.
- Volte para a cama, Calvin.

Ms. Shirley, come on inside.
What are you doing outside?

- Eu s� estava ...
- Dinheiro.

Byron foi preso e ela
quer dinheiro.

I'm sorry. How did you get here?

On the bus. Can you help...

Look, Mama,
I told you I'm not giving you any money.

- Kimberly.
- Fique fora disso, Calvin.

Let me put some clothes on.
We'll go down there and bail him out.

Oh, really, with what?

Gosh, you are just going to disrespect me
and my wishes again?

That's your mother, girl.

What are you going to do,
let her walk home?

Well, she did find a way to get here.
I'm sure she can find her way back.

You are something else.

I don't know why she treats me that way.

I'm sorry, Ms. Shirley.

Tudo que eu sempre tentei fazer
foi am�-la, voc� sabe.

Oh, it's okay. Don't
cry, don't cry. It's okay.

I'm just tired, Calvin.

I'm just so tired.

- Cora, eu n�o quero ir.
- Mr. Brown ...

Cora, you can't make me go, no way.

Tudo bem, Mr.
Brown, ouvir, vamos torn�-lo
o mais confort�vel poss�vel.

Cora, you don't have to let him
do this to me.

You're gonna be all right, Mr. Brown.

I ain't gonna be all right.

You go in there and they tell you
it's gonna be all right,

... Voc� acorda morto.
- Oh, n�o ...

Y'all kill people in here.

Have anybody ever died in here?

- Exatamente. Cora, n�o fa�a isso comigo, por favor!
- Acalme-se, Mr. Brown.

- Cora, diga Madea ... Diga Madea eu a amo.
- Eu vou.

- Ok, Cora, diga Madea Eu vou sentir saudades dela.
- Tudo bem, Mr. Brown.

- Por favor, Cora, rogai por seu pai.
- Eu, Mr. Brown.

- Ore por seu pai.
- Eu estou rezando
por voc� agora.

- N�o deix�-lo fazer ... Ore por seu pai.
- Eu estou rezando por voc�.

Pray for your dad

I'm praying.

Pray for your daddy

- Cora, orar. Cant�-la.
- Eu estou rezando.

Pray for your daddy

Bam, � isso que eu n�o entendo.
Quando voc� come�ou
a ir � igreja?

Look, I had to go to church.

Bam, volta no dia usamos para
compartilhar o centavo.

We used to steal, kill, rob and stab
and now you run to the church house.

Yes, I had to.

Child, I ran up in that church house...

Stop that lying.

What? I ain't even told you the whole
story yet.

You done told three lies

just that quick, talking about "I ran up."
You're lying.

You ain't run up nowhere.

Look, everybody need run up in here
from this house.

These people, they're just a
mess up in here. It's just awful.

I got about $200 I can let y'all borrow.

Cerca de US $ 200, eu vou l�
e coloc�-lo em seu livro

or give y'all for bail,
but you can't get it till the 1st.

N�o pode obt�-lo at� o primeiro?

Got to get it on the 1st.

Well, we need it today, but it's okay.
It's all right.

We'll take what we can get, hon.

Mas eu estava apenas esperando que Kimberly
seria apenas dar tudo para ela.

That thing's still mean as hell, ain't she?

Mean as a junkyard dog.

E ouvir, os meninos Tammy est�o fora de controle.
Maneira fora de controle.

- S�rio?
- S� se comportando mal.

- Apenas horr�vel.
- Eu preciso encontr�-los.

Byron mama do beb�.

She's just ghetto. Real ghetto.
And then her voice just drives you crazy.

I don't know why she be doing
all that whining and carrying on.

She's just crazy.

I told Shirley, I said, "Let me talk
to them children," long, long time ago.

She saying,
"No, I'm just gonna pray for them."

The Bible say, "Faith without work is dead."

You got to do more than just pray
for them children, don't you?

- Voc� faz.
- Voc� tem que bater o
inferno fora deles.

- Isso � o que voc� tem que fazer.
- Os crist�os ...

The Christians need to know that.

That's right. From the top, from the top.

- Ding, h� o Senhor.
- Sim. Sim.

- Hey, Shirley. O que � que voc� est� fazendo, menina?
- Hey, Madea.

- Obtenha aqui e sentar-se.
- O que voc� est� fazendo aqui?

- Como voc� est�?
- Oh, justo m�dia.

Fair to middling.

Bam lhe disse, n�o �?

She got you $200 that she's gonna
bring by on the 1st. Is it 1st?

On the 1st. On the 1st.

- Na primeira?
- Porque eu n�o vou t�-lo
at� o primeiro.

Mas o que Kimberly dizer?

Well, did she give you some money for him?

No. She won't even let me borrow
on my own house.

Well, I called Harold and Tammy.

- Eles n�o t�m dinheiro.
- Voc� est� certo.
Eles n�o t�m dinheiro.

No, nothing.

Don't you get all worked up
about this, Shirley.

- Voc� n�o faz�-lo. Voc� n�o faz�-lo.
- Oh, Senhor, meus filhos.

That's all right, honey. You done raised
them children the best you can.

Let me tell you something,
parents shouldn't be putting themselves

on no guilt trip
after you done raised the child.

That's what they were supposed...
You're supposed to raise that child.

You get them to a place where they grown
and get the hell out

and take care of their own damn self.

That's what the children need to do.

You done did that.
That's your responsibility.

You did the best you could.

Don't get worked up about no damn child.

Hell, no. You did the best you could.

- Voc� n�o fez o melhor que podia?
- Sim.

Then that's all that matters.

I know, I know. But I just feel, you know.

I feel like you need to let that go.

Well, anyway, we couldn't get him out.

They wouldn't tell us anything.

They wouldn't even tell us
what he was arrested for.

That what the po-po do.
They don't tell you nothing.

Calvin vai voltar l� com um
dos amigos de seu advogado.

- Oh, oh. Ser� que voc�s chamam de trabalho de Byron?
- Sim. Eu chamei-os bastardos.

- O que eles disseram?
- Eles se livraram dele.

- Eles s�o bastardos. Eles s�o bastardos.
- Eu odeio isso. Eu odeio ele.

Bam, voc� sabe, eu
preciso lhe dizer.

I'm so tired. I'm running out of time.

Why don't you just let me call them?

No, no. I don't want you to call.

I wanna tell them.

I want them to all be together
and I wanna tell them at the same time.

I wanna sit down at a nice dinner
and then I'm gonna tell them.

You've been saying that you want
to tell them at the same time,

you wanna have dinner...

Bam, eu entendo isso.

You want all your children
so they can comfort each other, Bam,

when she tells them the bad news.

That's all right, honey. That's all right.

Mas, Shirley, deixe-me ajud�-lo
a essas crian�as por aqui.

- Oh, por favor.
- Posso ajud�-lo?

They will be here at dinner at 6:00.
Have dinner ready.

- Hoje?
- Hoje. Isso mesmo.

How are you going to get them over here?

See, y'all Christians is something.

Y'all gonna pull out that Bible,

but y'all don't know which prescripture
to use for which situation.

You've got to find the right prescripture.

There's a prescripture that says,

"Que os remidos do Senhor
dizer isso."

- Sim.
- Voc� foi redimido pelo Senhor?

- Sim.
- Isso mesmo.

So if you've been redeemed by the Lord

and somebody does something to you
that you don't like, even your kids,

you can beat the hell out of them
and just say, "So?"

So that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna beat the hell out of them
and say, "So?"

E eu vou traz�-los aqui porque voc� foi redimido.
Eu sou.

You know what?

- Faz sentido, n�o �? Deus � bom.
- Faz sentido.

Hallelujer. Hallelujer.

- Aleluia.
- Hallelujer!

- Obrigado, cara.
- Isso � o que a fam�lia � para.

- Voc� est� bem?
- Sim, o homem.

I just got to get to
work, though, that's all.

- Venha, vou lhe deixar.
- Byron! Byron!

Just keep walking.

- Ent�o, como foi sua noite na cadeia, Byron?
- Apenas continue andando.

I've been waiting for them to bail you out.
Hey, Calvin.

Hey, Sabrina.

You better get to work.
You gonna lose that little job.

You know what? You damn right.

Porque significa que voc�
n�o vai ter nada de mais.

I bet I will.

- Byron, vamos l�.
- N�o, n�o. N�o, espere.

Sabrina, come on.
What are you messing with me for, huh?

I'm trying.

Then what, you're gonna throw me in jail
over some back child support?

Where that little trick Renee at?

Come on, you gotta get to work.

Work? He ain't really working.

He's gonna lose that little job anyway.

Then he's gonna be back on the streets,
selling dope,

and I better have my money then.

- Vamos ...
- Vamos.

Bye. Byron ...

I can't take it no more, man.

Look, I got to deal with Renee on one ear,
I got to deal with Sabrina on the other.

Byron, ouvir, n�o deixe que essas
meninas se voc� cruzou para cima.

You got to think about your son.

You're doing good, man. You hear me?

- Apenas fique reta.
- Estou tentando, cara.

Throw your hands up.

Hey, Harold.

Hey, Ms. Madea. All right,
what's wrong with your car now?

Nothing.

- Para real?
- Nada h� de errado
com ele em tudo,

except the other day I went out there
and put my foot on the gas

and the trunk opened.
What the hell is that, Harold?

You are trifling as hell.

I'm so tired of bringing my damn car
up in here for you to fix.

I am not bringing it to you no more.
Do you understand?

Not ever again.

Every time I go out there in the morning
I try to start my car,

do you know what happens?
Do you know what happens, Harold?

It don't start. I have to pray.

You know God don't like me.
You know he don't like me.

Todo o inferno que eu fiz na minha vida, voc� sabe
que ele n�o gosta de mim em tudo, o inferno.

- Tudo bem. Deixe-me lidar com isso.
- N�o, sentar-se.

Do what you do best. Sit down.
Just stay right where...

Just plant your ass
right there in that chair.

Every time I come here,
you're sitting in that chair.

People waiting on their car,
you're sitting in that chair.

You're supposed to be changing oil,
you're sitting in that chair.

You're supposed to be changing
the windshield wiper blade,

you're sitting in that chair.

Supposed to wash a car,
you're sitting in that chair.

Let me tell you something,
when you die, tell them people

to bury you on your stomach
to give your ass a break.

Where is your wife?

In here, Madea.

- Oh, hey, Tammy. Como voc� est� fazendo?
- Oi, Madea.

I don't know how you married
that bastard, Lord.

I ain't seen your kids
since they were five years old.

What you been feeding
that big pumpkin over there?

Look like he been eating hay.

E parece que voc� andou comendo
no jardim zool�gico.

H. J...

Oh, it's like that. He's just going...

- Gostaria de ... Eu sou apenas ...
- O que o traz por, Madea?

- � seu carro agindo para cima?
- Meu carro est� bom.

Oh, okay.

Your mother told me to come over
and be nice to all the children.

She said she's having a dinter
tonight at 6:00,

and she want all of y'all
to come over and eat.

We were just over there. What's going on?

Nothing. She wants to see all of y'all.

Me and Harold can't loan her
no more money, Madea.

I mean, we're struggling.

Child, I know you're struggling.
I'm looking at the top of your head.

I see struggle written all over
that new growth.

It is like a miracle just spelling it out
across the top of your head.

Your mama want all of y'all
to come over there.

Now, that's all I'm supposed to say.
Y'all be there, bring the kids...

- Eu n�o vou.
- Voc� n�o vai?

Yes, you are.

I said, I ain't going, Tammy.

Okay. You're gonna let them
talk to you like that, Tammy?

Don't worry, Madea. He's just a kid.

Just kids end up being just adults
who are in just damn jail.

Don't let no child talk to you like that,
Tammy, that's...

Yeah, okay. I have a customer.
Don't go anywhere, okay? I'll be right back.

- Bem, v� em frente e lidar com isso ent�o.
- Tudo bem.

I'm gonna talk to the boys.

What are you looking at, old lady?

Come on... Hey...

Stop hitting me, old lady.

I don't wanna have this conversation
with you again.

Do you understand, son?

I see you learn fast.

Now look here.

You young folks are so damn disrespectful.
You're not gonna disrespect me.

I come from the school where you said,
"Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am."

"Sim, senhor.
N�o, senhor." Voc� mostrou
um pouco de respeito,

or you got your teeth
knocked out of your mouth.

Do you understand me?
I can't stand young folks

sitting around at the bus stop,

got old people sitting there,
they're cussing, pants hanging off.

You're gonna show me some respect.

I got silver hair,
but I also have silver bullets.

Do you want one of them?

Now, when a lady walk here
you say, "Heller." Heller?

- Heller.
- Heller!

- Heller.
- Heller!

Heller.

You be disrespectful again,
I'm gonna beat your ass.

I'm gonna beat your ass till you ain't gonna
have nothing but legs running up your back.

Do you hear me?
You're just gonna have legs, no more ass.

Porque eu vou venc�-lo.
Voc� est� me ouvindo, menino?

- Obrigado yer. Obrigado yer.
- Obrigado yer.

Good afternoot.

- Bom afternoot.
- Voc� est� Welker.

- Voc� est� Welker.
- Sim, voc� parece
muito bom agora.

- Vou para casa.
- Adeus, senhora.

That's wonderful.

Thought you was going to be slow,
like your daddy.

- Bye, Madea.
- Vejo voc� mais tarde.

Bye-bye, Madea.

Bye, Harold. Voc� larva.

Why is you face red, H. J?

You constipated?

Where were you, Byron?

- Olha, eu posso explicar, tudo bem?
- Eu estou ouvindo.

Look, I got arrested.

- Ou�a, ou�a. N�o � o que voc� acha, ok?
- Tudo bem.

Just a little back child
support. That was it.

Look, it wasn't even my fault.

Take some responsibility, son.
It is your fault, all right?

Life ain't happening just to you.

Your choices, they have consequences.
I'm sorry.

Mr. Mills, look, I need this job. Please!

You didn't act like you needed this job.

You were supposed to be here at 6:00 a.m.

Look, I'm sorry.

Please! Please! Come on.
Don't do this to me now.

Who's the only person that gave me a shot
when I got out?

Your chances with me, they've run out.
I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to let you go.

You're fired.

So what am I supposed to do now? Huh?

Take up track.

Por uma quest�o de fato, a pr�tica agora.
Executado em at� fora daqui.

Damn, man!

Look, I ain't say nothing about soccer.

Look, you better be glad I'm two classes
away from being baptized.

Todos voc�s voltar l�.
N�o fique para tr�s.

- Ei, menino.
- Hey, Madea.

Lord, I didn't know where the hell you work.
I done came way over here.

- Como voc� est� fazendo?
- Eu tinha uma longa noite, ok?

Look, I just got fired.
I just wanna go home.

Yeah, well, we all had a rough night here.

Your mama's having a rough night.

She want all of y'all at her house at 6:00.
She having a dinner over there.

- Mam�e n�o querem me ver.
- Sim, ela faz.

Now, be there. I'm telling you,
we're gonna have a nice dinner

and I wanna talk to all y'all,
she's gonna talk to you.

So be there at 6:00.

E se voc� n�o est� l�, deixe-me
lhe dizer algo.

You're gonna wish that the sperm

did a backstroke when it saw the egg
that created you.

Do you understand?

E puxar as cal�as para cima.

Why the hell you got
your pants on the ground?

I don't know what the hell is wrong
with y'all young boys with these damn pants

hanging down to your knees.

That don't look good. You look like a fool.

That's probably why you got arrested.

You can't run from the police like that.

I want to meet the jackass
that started pulling his pants down

and then everybody started following him.

Why can't you lead
and let everybody follow you?

Pull your damn pants up.
Look like somebody.

It's called swag. Just...

I got your swag.

Somebody looking at your ass
when you walk down the street.

That ain't no damn swag.

Get the hell on out of here.
You better be there at 6:00.

E puxar as cal�as para cima.

Now this house is sitting
on three acres of land.

So you have plenty of room
if you do plan on having little ones.

E quando voc� vir aqui,
quero dizer, � lindo.

We have excellent school systems.

On the outside,
we have the cobblestone driveway...

E uma infinidade piscina no fundo
que leva at� uma cachoeira.

Tamb�m uma �rea de pouco agrad�vel grelhar na parte de
tr�s se voc� quiser para entreter seus convidados.

- � uma bela casa.
- Homem, � t�o bougie.

We have the wooden...

- N�s temos os pilares de m�rmore aqui.
- Eu sei que ela n�o
apenas agir como

... Ela n�o me viu. Kimberly!
- Com todos os ribeirinhos
que voc� pode ...

I know you didn't just act like you didn't
see me when I looked through that window.

- Kimberly.
- Madea.

- Sim.
- Ol�.

You got clients.

I'm showing a house. Could we speak later?

Ner. I came over here
because I need to talk to you.

Excuse me. This will only take a second.
Just give me a moment, please?

- Tudo bem.
- Obrigado.

Madea, this is highly inappropriate.
How did you know I was here?

Porque seu marido disse-me
onde diabos voc� estava.

I am going to kill him.

Why haven't you returned
my telephone calls?

Porque eu estive ocupada.

You ain't been that busy that you can't
return my tetephone calls.

Now, listen, your mama...

No, this is not the time for that, okay?

Girl, don't you interrupt me...

Who the hell...
Look here. I talked to your mama.

Could you lower your voice?

Okay. Excuse me.

Your mama has asked me
to come over to this house

to get all of y'all to come over there
to dinter, okay?

6:00.
Ter sua bunda na mesa para dar gra�as
a Deus pelo que ele fez.

Do you understand me?

Don't make me have to come back
over here to find you.

Porque eu vou arrastar voc� para fora
daqui por seus dois dentes da frente.

That's all you will get for Christmas.
Do you understand me?

Do you understand
what the hell I am saying to you?

Do you understand the words
that are coming out of my mouth?

- Sim, senhora. Eu entendo.
- Deixe-me lhe dizer algo.

If you are not there, every house...
No, don't look at them.

Don't look at them.

Let me tell you something,
every house you get ready to sell,

I will be in the front window like this.

Do you hear what the hell I am telling you?

Fine. I'll be there.

- Eu vou te ver l�.
- Ok, tudo bem. Tchau.

So good to see all of you.

E eu espero que voc� goste e comprar a casa.
� uma linda casa.

Upstairs it looks like
it has three bedrooms,

two bathrooms
and everything else that people like.

Okay. Don't touch me.
Don't put your hands on me.

You better go handle your client.
Get the hell away from me.

Don't put your damn hands on me.

Got me coming over here
to this damn neighborhood.

You know I don't have
a driver's license, the first.

How the hell do I get out of
this bougie neighborhood?

- Ol�, Cora.
- Dr. Evans.

- Como ele est�?
- Ele est� bem.

Mas ele perdeu muito sangue.

Really? Is he gonna be okay?

Oh, yes, yes.
But, would you mind giving some blood?

It's always best from a relative.

Sure, sure. I will.

What's your blood type?

I'm really not sure of that.

- Bem, vamos l�. N�s vamos descobrir.
- Tudo bem.

Jiggling, jiggling, jiggling, and you know,
all these stretch marks.

What, they look like lightning.

Oh, look at that chicken.

You didn't tell me you was making chicken.
I love your chicken.

Let's bow our heads.

Oh, God.

- Celestial ...
- Byron!

- O que � isso?
- Essa � a m�e do
beb� do inferno.

What are you doing here?

Look, take this baby.
I got somewheres to go.

Look, and I got things to do, too.

Like what, Byron?
Come on. I need to get to the TV station.

What are you talking about? TV...
What are you doing?

Look, you need nots to worry about
what I'm doing, all right.

Hi, Ms. Shirley and everybody.
What's up? Hey, Calvin.

Hey!

Where that little trick at?

Now, look here. This is a very private
family moment right now, okay?

You got to come back some other time.
Take your child on out of here.

- N�o te conhe�o?
- N�o te conhe�o?

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

You that lady that tried to come up
to my store and drive through my window.

No, I didn't come up, I didn't try, I did,
'cause you ghetto as hell.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.
Who is she talking to?

Byron, ela ficou
a pessoa errada.

We're having a very private
family moment right here now.

You need to take that little baby
and y'all come on back some other time.

- Agora, v� em frente agora. V� em frente.
- Ok, ok.

- D�-me o meu filho, por favor. Tudo certo.
- Sim.

- Ser� que voc� sair daqui, por favor?
- Fico feliz em.

Mas tudo que eu sei � que voc� tem
mais melhor o meu dinheiro.

Man, she punk, and you look like...

- Grown neg�cios pessoas. Calem a boca.
- Voc� pode por favor
sair daqui?

Glad to.

You know what I know,
if you knew better, you'd do better.

You better have my money. Bye, y'all.

Have a nice day.

- Tudo bem.
- � melhor fechar a porta

... Antes que ela rouba tudo na cozinha.
- Oh, Jesus.

How the hell did you hook up with...

See, young boy, that's what happens
when you hook up with...

Oh, look who finally decided to show up.

I can tell you this,
I thought I was gonna have to go out there

and hunt you down like a rabid dog.

- Bem, eu fiz isso.
- Sim, voc� fez.

She's so burgie.

Did you tell Madea where I was?

She was trying to find you.

You're enjoying this, aren't you?

That's all right.
We'll deal with this when we get home.

- N�o. N�o, n�o ...
- Tudo bem, vamos orar.

Let's deal with this right now.

- Eu tenho um an�ncio a fazer.
- Calvin!

- N�o!
- Mantenha a sua voz ...

Family, I am sick of Kimberly's bull.

Do you think this is funny, Calvin?

- Problemas no para�so.
- Tammy.

What?

You need to get some help,
and if you don't, I'm leaving.

E eu estou levando
meu filho comigo.

You are not taking
my child anywhere, Calvin.

You think I'm gonna let you
put all this venom in my child?

You are not taking him...

Don't these look good, Shirley?
They sure look good. Y'all wanna eat some?

Yes, it does, yes, it
does. I just wanna eat it.

I can't do this.

I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't sit here

like we're one big happy family
when you know we can't stand each other.

- Kimberly ...
- N�o, mam�e.

If you want us to sit here, you eat it.

Kimberly, don't talk to
your mother like that.

Calvin, � melhor voc�
calar a boca.

I'll talk to my mom
how I wanna talk to my mother.

I'm not gonna tell you again
to show me some damn respect.

- O que est� errado com voc�?
- Voc� � o que h�
de errado comigo.

Everybody sitting here, like, playing nice.

This is wrong. This is ridiculous.

Kimberly, I just wanted to have a nice
family dinner, everybody together.

- Por qu�?
- Isso � tudo.

Girl, you better act
like you got some sense.

Shut up, Tammy. Nobody's talking to you.

Mas eu estou falando com voc�.

You are always in my business.
It is so obvious you're jealous.

Jealous of what?

- Kim, pare ...
- Cale a boca, Calvin.

- Tammy, voc� ...
- Cale a boca, Harold.

What I got to be jealous of?

Tammy, stop it.

No, no. No, no, Shirley,
you need to let this happen.

You need to let this happen and figure out

what the hell is going on
with these children.

Let it happen. Let it
get all out in the open.

Go on and say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say, Tam.

- Eu quero ouvir isso.
- De mim.

That's right. I said it. Me.

My family, my husband...

Oh, girl, please.
I don't want anything you got.

Mas voc� se livrar do que
voc� n�o quer, n�o �?

Like us.

- Qualquer que seja.
- N�s somos a sua fam�lia.

Todos Mama queria que fiz�ssemos
era sentar e jantar,

but you just can't do that.

Why, Kimberly?

Estamos muito gueto para voc�?

You don't eat greens and cornbread
no more?

- Tammy ...
- N�o, mam�e.

I need to say this.

I'm not jealous of you.

I'm not the one who got pregnant at 13

and had Mama to raise my child.

- Tammy!
- Diga alguma coisa agora.

Kimberly, what is she talking about?

You are too ghetto for me.

E voc� me deixa doente.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Now, Calvin.

I need to talk to... Kimberly!

I'm sorry, Mama.

This had to happen, Shirley.
Don't worry about it.

- Tinha que acontecer, Shirley. Vamos orar.
- Por favor.

- Venha, querida.
- Kimberly teve um beb� ...

Chamada em Jesus

Tia Bam, voc� costumava
assistir o beb�?

Baby, voc� ...
Sim, eu ainda estou
vendo o beb�.

- Voc� precisa de um beb�, conjuntos. Realmente.
- N�o, eu estou bem.

Mom! Mom!

Tell the pastor I say...

Come on in the room

Mom, you used to watch that baby?

Yes.

Jesus in my doctor

E ele

Writes out all of my scripture

I mean, we're here.

Where he at?

I mean, we're all here as a family, right?
You know...

You should look in the mirror.

So what are y'all trying to say?

Kimberly is my mother?

Yes.

Talk about don't tell lies.

Keeping secrets.

Mas voc� manteve uma de mim.

Tudo certo.

I'm out.

- Byron!
- Eu n�o quero ouvir
isso, tia Bam.

- Espere um minuto.
- Byron!

Excuse me, everybody. Madea, carry on.

Byron, deixe-me falar
com voc�, filho.

Not right now. I don't wanna hear it, Mama.

That wasn't the way to do that.

Shut up, Harold.

Stop talking to this man like that.

You're gonna stop
talking to this man like that.

That's why these children don't have
no respect for the either one of y'all.

Y'all sit there talking to each other
like y'all ain't got no sense.

Get up and go upstairs.
Let me talk to your mommy and daddy.

- V� em frente.
- Sim, senhora.

Very good.

Now what was I saying?

Harold, the only reason this woman is talking
to you like that is 'cause you let her.

Don't no woman want no weak, whiny,
wimp running behind her like a wet dog.

Put your foot down.
Stand up and be a man in your house.

That's why your damn children
run around here

act like they ain't go no sense,

talking back,
'cause you won't put your foot down.

The children are watching
the two of y'all disrespect each other,

so they're disrespecting you, too.

Set an example.

You used to love this man.
You used to love him to death.

Look at me when I'm talking to you.
He ain't playing football.

Y'all were gonna be together forever.
Remember that?

Running up in here talking about
you getting married

and how much you love him.

Now you done hit that patch in life
you don't know what to do.

Honey, everybody go through that patch.

It's rough. I call it
the traffic jam of life.

It happens between the age of 40 and 50.
That is a rough decade for anybody.

Do you hear me?

Now, I'll tell you why. 'Cause during
that 10 years a few things happen.

One, you go through menopause.

Secondly,
your husband having a midlife crisis.

If you got children, they start acting
like they ain't got no sense at all.

Ao mesmo tempo, seus pais est�o
ficando doentes e morrendo,

his parents are sick and dying.

You try to take care of them,
take care of your household,

that's enough to stress any marriage
apart, honey.

That's enough to stress it out
and make y'all break up.

That's why you're so angry, honey.

You've got to take some time and deal...

Mas ele s� me deixa
louca, Madea.

Get on up.
Go in the kitchen and have a conversation.

That wasn't the way to tell that boy
that that's his mama.

That wasn't the way to tell him that at all.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Tammy.

Ser um homem. Ser um homem.

She's right.

You got to stop being mean to me, Tammy.

Harold, you got to stop acting like we don't
have any problems, because we do.

E se n�o esclarecer
isso, estamos ...

You got to stop telling me what I got to do.

You're going to stop being mean to me.

You got it?

You got it, Tammy, huh?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

That's right you're sorry. And...

Sit down. Sit down.

Now, sit your ass down. You heard me.

You heard us...
I mean, you heard me. Sit down.

S-I-T.

Yeah. That's right.
It's gonna be a new day around here.

H.J., Will, get in here...

I'm glad I'm here. I got all this straight.

Madea, I'm so glad you're here.

You got all this straight.

- Sim, � verdade.
- Isso � maravilhoso.

Where are you going?

I love you.

Mas do jeito que voc� me trata e CJ e sua
fam�lia, eu n�o posso ag�entar mais.

I can't believe you've been hiding
all these secrets from me.

You think I need you? I don't need you.

I was fine before you,
and I'll be fine after.

- V� em frente.
- Voc� precisa de ajuda.

I feel sorry for you.

Go to hell.

You're not taking my son.

- Voc� n�o vai levar ele.
- Voc� me assistir.

Calvin ...

Get back here, Calvin. Don't leave me.

What do you care? You already
got one you left at the doorstep.

Don't take my baby, Calvin.

That's my baby. Don't take him from me.

Don't. Please.

So Kimberly is your mother. Are you okay?

Look, baby, I'm fine.

That is crazy.

Look, I don't wanna talk about that.

- Voc� quer ir para casa da minha irm�?
- N�o.
N�o.
Eu n�o quero estar perto
de todos eles.

Well, then where are we going, Byron?

Listen, babe, I'm gonna go holla at Roscoe,
a'ight? I'll make this last little drop.

I gotta do what I gotta do.

I'm so proud of you.

- Hey, yo, o meu homem. Apenas deixe-me conseguir um 40. E ...
- Ei, como voc� est� fazendo?

On the next Maury,
deadbeat dads.

You out there selling drugs,
selling on the corner,

working the block, pumping the strip,

and you can't even give me no money
for your baby?

Mas est� tudo certo, porque n�s
vamos ficar bem, Byron ...

I know I sound like a siren...

Mas voc� n�o vai cuidar
desse beb� ...

- Oh, diabos, n�o!
- E a� n�o vai haver talvez ...

Byron ...

Damn! Come on. Come on.

We're talking about your son
and whether his father is in his life.

That Byron baby mama
on The Maury Povich Show,

talkin' about that boy. Lord have mercy.

I don't even understand why that girl
would go on that television show

and do that to that boy.

Poor Byron. Lord have mercy.
I got to talk to him.

I need to give him my number.
"1-800-Choke-That-Ho."

Does he ever say, "It's not my child"?

- S� gueto no seu melhor.
- Eu n�o gosto mesmo deste show.
Transform�-lo ...

Turn it...

Turn it up. Turn it up.

- Sim, ela � louca.
- Quer cham�-lo de
pai caloteiro?

- Ela � louca. E ele louco para ficar com ela.
- Eu acho que eu faria.

- Cora.
- Estou indo.

Hey, Brown, how's your ass?

- � bom.
- Funky.

What y'all doing sitting here...
What's the matter?

Y'all look mad. What the doctor say?
Some bad news, Brown?

- Ele est� bem.
- Pergunte a ela, Cora.

- Voc� pergunta.
- Pergunte a ela.

Madea, who's my daddy?

I knew that was coming.
I knew that was coming.

What are you talking about?

Todo o dinheiro que lhe dei de apoio
� crian�a sobre esta crian�a

and you don't even know who her daddy is?

Oh, bastard. You gave me $18 in 18 years.

Shut the hell up. There wasn't no montey.

What y'all talking about?
What you talking about?

Madea, we had blood work
done at the hospital today,

and Dr. Evans said there's no way possible
Mr. Brown could be my daddy.

So I ask you, who is her daddy?

Ya'll need to go on
Maury, too. Call Maury.

The doctor say that?

- Sim.
- Sim.

Who's my daddy, Madea?

If Charlie Brown ain't your dad,
then I don't know who it is.

Madea, how could you not know
who my daddy is?

I hate to tell you this, honey,
but your mama was a ho.

I was a ho.

I put the "H" and the "O" in ho.

- Quem � meu pai, Madea?
- Ok, tudo bem.
Eu vou lhe dizer.

Joe, shut up. Don't you say nothing.

Who is it? He can tell me.
Who is it, Uncle Joe?

Now this was before Hilary and after Monica.

- O qu�?
- O qu�?

Bill Clinton � o meu papai?

Bill Clinton n�o foi o seu pai.

Okay. No, no.
It was before he started that show

with Sybil and J. Anthony on the radio.

I believe that might have been him.

Tom Joyner is your daddy.

Cora, I knew it. I knew it.

- Oh, oh, oh. Ho! Ho! Ho!
- Tio Joe.

Tom Joyner ain't you dad, hon.

Look, y'all stop asking me
all these questions, honey.

That's your daddy right there.
I'm telling you.

They made a mistake at the hospillar.
That is your daddy.

I'm gonna find out.

Dana'll tell you anything you wanna know.
Call Dana.

- Dana? Quem est� Dana?
- Sim, quem � Dana?

They both dumb as hell.
You don't know what Dana is?

They've been using Dana
to find people out for years

who the daddy or who the mama, Dana.

E quando voc� matar
algu�m, o crime,

they use Dana to get
all the evidence on you.

Dumbass. You need to watch
some television sometime.

Learn something.
Jackass don't know what Dana is. Hell.

D-N-A. D-N-A. That's Dana.
Lord, you're so dumb.

- Ningu�m chamou nenhum Dana.
- N�o Dana.

You know what here? That's your daddy.

I don't even want to be bothered
with this no more.

I done told you the truth. You don't like
what the hell I got to say, that's the truth.

I'm sorry.
I know you don't want him to be your daddy,

I didn't want him to be your daddy either.

That was the worst 36 seconds of my life.
Right there sitting next to you.

- Eu estou fora daqui.
- Voc� me disse que um minuto.

Girl, he messing with you.

Maury.

The DNA does not lie.

If you want to find out who the father
of your child is call this number.

- Mam�e!
- Sim, baby. Eu sou sua m�e.

Mama, why are you in here?

I've been sick a long time.

Mama, why didn't you tell us?

I tried to tell all y'all.

Tammy, quit all that crying.

Now, where Kimberly?

We've all been trying to call her.
She won't pick up her phone.

Mama, what's wrong?

I wanted to tell all of y'all together.

I guess that's too late.

I got cancer...

I let it go a long, long while.

I prayed the whole way over here.

I told God if you just
feel a little bit better,

I'll do right.

I don't care who my mother is, all right?

I don't.

Porque voc� � minha m�e.

I'm gonna do right. But
you gotta get better.

You gotta get better.

You're gonna have to get right on your own.

- Eu estou morrendo, baby.
- N�o.

- Eu estou t�o cansado.
- N�o.

Y'all got to get right with Jesus
so I can see you again.

Mama, let's just do
what you taught us to do.

We'll pray that God heals you.

I prayed he'd heal me,

but whether it's on this side or in heaven,
it's all right.

Don't talk like that.

Tammy,

now you look at me. I ain't scared.

You don't feel bad for me.

You feel bad for somebody
that don't know Jesus. Okay?

I'm just going home.

I'm just going home.

Jesus.

Where's Kimberly?

She's not returning my calls.

Tell her I waited on her.

Tell her I love her.

I love all of you.

You got...

You got to be strong.

E todos voc�s tem que vir junto.

You gonna come together.

- Mama.
- Mama. Mama.

Shirley.

I'll see you tomorrow morning, John.
Thank you.

No, I had to visit my
mother at the hospital.

I'm sure she's okay. Thank you so much.
I'll call you back. All right.

Where were you?

I had things to do. This
is my family, Calvin.

This is not your business.

I called you for hours.

Yeah, I know. I got your message.

What makes you think I would
return you or Tammy's calls?

- Onde est� minha m�e?
- Ela est� em 208. Ou�a ...

She died, Kimberly.

What?

She... She died.

Mama?

Mama. Mama!

No!

No, no, no. Mama, I'm sorry.
Mama, I'm sorry!

I've got to say, if we could
see Sister Shirley up in heaven,

this is what Shirley would say.

Come on, Sister Laura.

Glory to God! Thank you, Father.

We sang it at the funeral.

I don't want to hear, "This is your mommy."

I could've had grandkids.

I don't wanna hear that.
I don't wanna hear that.

Em tudo.
Por favor.
Mas eu s� quero agradecer a voc�s
todos por terem vindo.

- Foi um bom servi�o.
- Sim.

- Foi?
- Sim. Yeah.

You should've came, Madea. That nice
dress, you should've came to the funeral.

You know I ain't going to no funeral.
All that noise, that loud singing,

slow walking, working on my nerve, child.

I can't be bothered with that.
People dead, they dead.

I ain't fittin' to be bothered with all
that. All right now. Good to see y'all.

Voc� est� bem?

My mother just died. What do you think?

Look, I'm just trying to be here for you.

Well, I don't want you to be here for me,
Calvin.

- Kimberly.
- N�o. Por favor.

Lord have mercy...

See, no, you better get her, Byron.

Hey, stop that. Stop that. Stop that.
Hey, hey, hey. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it.

Lord have mercy. It's always the same thing.

Hey, hey! Shut the hell up!
Sound like a siren.

Come in here and sit. Shut up!

Sit down, you black leprechaun,

looking like you out of a box of
Chocolate Lucky Charms.

Whole family. I'm sick of this.

Now look here.
Your mama was a peaceful woman.

She did not want all this foolishness.
She did the best she could with y'all,

but all of y'all act like
y'all ain't got no sense.

You, little leprechaun.
Let me tell you something...

Stop using that baby to
make this man's life miserable.

That's right.

I didn't ask for no amen from you.
I will punch...

I will punch the hell out of you.
Say something else.

The man don't want you.
He done moved the hell on.

You can't get to what's in front of you,
'cause you're too busy looking

to see what the hell he
doing with this girl. Move on.

Stop or that child will grow up resenting
you for that. Do you hear me?

That is a human being.

That is not some pawn that you can use
to make this man's life miserable.

Stop doing it.

Porque se eu pegar voc� fazendo isso,
eu vou bater o inferno fora de voc�.

Do you understand? You don't know me.
You don't want none of this.

This is old "whoop your ass."

E o velho "grito seu burro" � muito
pior do que novo "grito seu burro."

New "whoop your ass" get up off you,
old "whoop your ass" have you in the grave.

Do you want some old "whoop your ass"?
Do you want some old "whoop your ass"?

E voc�, l� fora,
vendendo drogas.

Yeah, she's a snitch.
She told me you out there selling dope,

giving this girl all the money.
Can't give her $20 for some Pampers?

What the hell wrong with you?

Um homem cuidar de seu beb�
sem que ningu�m lhe dizer

he need to take care of his baby.

Get a job. Go to work.
Do you understand what I am telling you?

Y'all them young folk, born around the '80s,
something happened to 'em.

Y'all feel like y'all don't have to
work for nothing,

somebody's supposed to hand
something to you,

forgetting that old folks marched
for your dumb ass,

to get you where you can be and to be free.

That dope either gonna lead you to
one of two places:

to the grave or to prison.
Now you've already been to prison.

You ready to go back to jail?

You ready to go to the grave?
Which one you want?

Porque, logo que voc�
descer, este aqui

is going to be sold to the highest bidder.

Tudo o que ela est� procurando � algum dinheiro.
Dizer alguma coisa.
Atrevo-me a voc�.

I double-D dare you to say something.

I'm gonna tell you right now,
I will be checking in with

this side of the family from time to time.
And y'all better have it together.

You two. You better be F. Lee Bailey,
you better be Johnnie Cochran.

I want to see a settlement.

I want to know
who's going to have the baby,

who gonna pick him up,
who gonna have Pampers,

when you gonna come
and give the child support,

when is the money gonna be there.
You better write it all down.

Do you hear what I'm tellin' you, son?

Your mama did not want ya'll to know this.

- Madea.
- Cale a boca.

She wanted to keep this hidden from y'all,
but I'm gonna tell y'all.

You arguing and fussing with this girl,
she fussing.

She mad at the world.
Honey, you know why you be so mad?

This child was raped by your uncle
at 12 years old.

Qualquer coisa que est� encoberto n�o ser curado.
Isso � o que h� de errado
com as pessoas.

Keep trying to cover things up,
and covered up. That don't help nobody.

I can't stand nobody sitting around saying,

"O que se passa nesta casa
fica nesta casa."

Let me explain something to you.
Whatever went on in that house,

if you're getting hurt by it
and it's tearing you up in your adult life,

you need to go get some help.

This man is trying to love you
and you acting like a fool.

Sempre ranzinza e m�dia.
E a raz�o que voc� t�o
desagrad�vel, mel,

you ain't forgave the man that raped you.

You got to forgive those people, honey.
Not for them, but for you.

If you don't, they take power over you.

Do you hear me?
Forgive him for your own sake.

This man is trying to love you.

Go talk to him, act like you got some sense.

Go on upstairs and talk to the man.
Go on, talk to him.

You know, my mama used to
rock me to sleep in here.

No hospital,

she told me to tell you that she loved you.

E que ela estava triste e ela
sentiu como se n�o voc�.

She said that?

Yeah. Baby, why didn't you tell me?

I didn't know how.

I want to hold you. Can I?

Please.

We're going to get some help.

I love you.

I love you. I'm so sorry.

- Querida, eu te amo.
- Eu sinto muito, baby.

Come on, baby, let's go.
Roscoe's waiting for you.

- Eu n�o estou fazendo isso.
- Voc� ... O qu�?

I'm not doing it.

Byron, precisamos do dinheiro.

Listen, I don't need the money that bad.
All right?

Get some heart, Byron. Damn.

Voc� vai mesmo sentar-se aqui e deixe que
velha senhora lhe dizer o que fazer?

- N�s precisamos do dinheiro, Byron.
- Ou�a-me.

I just buried my mother today and you
wanna come in and you wanna talk...

You know what, move.

Get out, get out.

- Tudo bem. Com sua bunda quebrou.
- Sim.

I ain't need you anyway.

I'm so glad you here.

That's right.
They don't even know what to say.

I told you, I told you.

What's wrong with you?

It's nice what you did
for this family, Madea.

- Sim, �. Louvado seja o Senhor.
- �.

Mas voc� n�o pode mesmo faz�-lo
para a sua pr�pria filha.

- Ela acabou de sair de mim?
- Parece que ela fez.

What you talking about, Cora?

My daddy, Madea.
You don't even know who...

That is your daddy,
that silverback standing over there.

Madea... Well, prove it, then. Prove it.

- Prove-lo, ent�o?
- Sim. Prove para mim.

How the hell I'm supposed
to prove it to you?

Prove it. Yes.

How you doing, Marley Kovitch?

Yeah. Okay. Nice to see you, Mr. Brown.
I know this is very upsetting to you.

- Sim, senhor.
- Porque depois de
todos esses anos,

you're gonna find out
whether Brown is your father.

Todos esses anos, eu s� descobri
que ele era meu pai.

E agora ela est� tentando
dizer que ...

Cora e olhar apenas como eu.
Diga-me que ela n�o
olha como eu.

- S�rio?
- Sim. Olhe para os olhos.

You can't tell me her eyes and her hair...
Well, she didn't comb her hair that day.

Mas ela olhar como eu, Marley.

So, Cora, when you were growing up,
who did you think your father was?

I didn't know, Maury. I didn't know.

Mas o Sr.
Brown sempre agiu como meu pai, assim
foi f�cil uma vez que Madea me disse.

When did Madea tell you?

I was, like, 40-something.

- Quarenta e poucos anos?
- Sim.

- Ok, todos voc�s t�m falado muito sobre isso.
- Sim.

Mas n�o ouvimos a
partir de Madea.

E � isso que Madea tinha a dizer
para meus produtores.

Brown � um sujo lowdown ...
Ele � um mentiroso, ele
� um trapaceiro.

He ain't never did
like he was supposed to do for Cora.

He gonna act like he...
He wanted to act like

he done went to the doctor
and found out he ain't the baby daddy.

He is the baby daddy.
And I'm gonna tell you right now, Maury,

I'm gonna tell you right now
I know that's the baby daddy.

Porque esse � o pai do beb� s� que
eu tinha um beb� com o pai.

He is the baby daddy.
If he ain't the baby daddy...

I know he's the baby
daddy 'cause I know...

I know that was the worst
15 seconds of my life.

So I know that's the baby daddy.
You ain't even got to worry about,

Porque eu sei que foi o pai do beb�.
Cora n�o tem para
descobrir isso.

Mas quando eu vou at� l�, eu vou te mostrar ...
Eu vou dizer tudo.

Porque ele � t�o est�pido,
ele n�o quer nem ningu�m

to tell nobody
what the hell he's supposed to do.

Mas eu sei que � o pai do beb�.

Y'all ain't gotta tell me,
'cause I know that's the baby daddy.

I can't wait till I get up in there.
When I get on that stage,

I'm gonna tell Maury all the truth.

So why don't we just meet her?
Everybody, here's Madea.

Madea, come on out.

Traz�-la aqui, Marley.
Traz�-la aqui, Marley.

- Madea, prazer em v�-lo.
- Como voc� est� fazendo, Maury?

I've been trying to tell you,
you are the daddy.

You the daddy, you the daddy.
That's your baby. This is your baby.

Madea!

- Esse � o seu beb�! Esse � o seu beb�!
- Madea! Madea!

That's your baby! That's your baby!

- Esse � o seu beb�!
- Por favor! Madea, sentar-se.

- Por favor, Madea.
- Tudo bem.

Why did you wait until Cora was in her 40s
to tell her who her father was?

That's because she dumb.

- O qu�?
- Rum-dum-di-di burro.

Say one more thing. Say one more... thing.

- Madea, por favor.
- Voc� tem mais uma vez.

Now, I didn't tell her, I didn't tell her
'cause it wasn't important.

I took care of her.

I gave her everything she needed.
She didn't need to know.

She did not even need to know
who her daddy was.

I'm more interested now in Cora,
and having both of her parents in her life.

- Isso mesmo. Isso mesmo.
- Sim.

I don't know why.
Hell, she ain't five years old.

I don't even know why, Cora,
you all got me on this... television.

Agindo como se voc�
n�o tem nenhum ...

E I. .. Voc� disse ...

I know, Madea, who my...

... Dizer que, Madea.
N�o ser assim.

Right, this the father. He is the father.
You are the father.

- Voc� � o pai. Voc� � o pai.
- Ok, agora, espere um minuto.

You are the father. You are the father.

- Voc� � o pai.
- Madea!

- Voc� � o ... pai.
- Madea!

- Sente-se aqui com todos os ...
- S� h� uma maneira
de resolver isto.

Yeah, let's figure it out.
Bring it on, Maury. Bring it on.

- N�s vamos ter a resposta certa aqui.
- Bring it on.

He the daddy. You the daddy.
You the daddy. You the daddy.

You the daddy. Tell him, tell him, Maury.
Tell him. You are the father.

Tell him, Maury. Tell him.

In the case of
58-year-old Cora Jean Simmons,

Brown, voc� n�o � o pai.

- Madea!
- Madea, porque voc� tem
que fazer isso comigo?

Madea! Don't do that. Don't do that.

Don't embarrass yourself
on my show, Madea.

- Madea, Madea, Madea.
- Eu pensei que ele
era o pai, Maury!

- Eu pensei que ele era o pai, Maury!
- N�o, n�o, n�o.

- Eu pensei que ele era o pai, Maury!
- Ele n�o � o pai.

Ligue para 1-800-Choke-Que-Ho.
Eu gosto disso.

I'm a ho, Maury.
I'm just a no-good ho, Maury.

Marker.

Doc, are those your real eyes
or them contacts?

They're real.

- O qu�?
- Sim, senhor.

Doctor, are those your eyes?
Are those your eyes?

- Sim, senhor, eles s�o.
- O qu�?

You look like an albilo.

This could be the last time
that you get to hold me.

- Apenas ...
- Madea!

What the...

- Acho que quebrei meu ...
- Vamos fazer o tapa de novo.

Come on, reset. I'm getting warmed up.

Mabel, I went to the doctor and they say
I'm dying. I ain't got but a week left.

You are not dying, Mr. Brown.

You had a colonoscopy
and they found a growth

and they wanna remove it and do a biopsy.

Cora, you don't know
what you're talking about.

- Voc� n�o � m�dico.
- Isso � o que ele disse.

- N�o � isso que ele disse. Voc� � m�dico?
- �.

That's what I thought. You ain't no doctor
so you don't know doctor stuff.

Shut up! Heller? Yes. Hold on.

Kirk Franklin's calling you.
He wants you back.

Tudo bem, n�s cortamos.

E n�o seja t�o triste.

You're subject to walk out of here
and get hit by a bus.

You never know, baby.

That bus will run right over you,
just splatter you all over the pavement.

Honey, it could be ugly.

God does things like that.
You just never know.

Mas muito obrigado.

We cut.

E eu n�o � descobrir o que ele fez
descobrir porque ele n�o quer ...

- Bom, ele descobriu.
- Sim, bem que ele descobriu.

Porque quando voc� descobrir
o que voc� n�o descobrir

then you'd know what you didn't know.

E quando voc� sabe
que voc� n�o sabe

then it don't make no difference
what you don't know no more,

Porque ent�o voc� n�o descobrir
o que voc� n�o sabia.

E uma vez que voc� descobriu
o que voc� n�o sabe ...

- Bam, Bam.
... N�o faz diferen�a

... O que voc� n�o sabia mais nada.
- Bam.

Porque quando voc� descobrir ...

- Bam.
... Ent�o voc� pode
saber o que ...

Some smoking weed, Bam.
Stop smoking all that damn weed.

- Deixe-me lhe dizer algo.
- N�s cortamos.

- Oh, voc�s ...
- Cut.

Who's gonna pass us that?

Your lazy ass won't even get up
and go get the food and bring it down...

I'm not gonna get that. Harold!

Bam, voc� vai chamar Harold para
trazer a comida aqui em baixo?

- Pelo menos algu�m.
- Isso � pregui�oso
como o inferno.

Well, what do you want me to do?
Get up and get it?

Yes. Because I sure in
hell ain't gonna get it.

H.J., come here. Come here.

I got... This what children are for here.

That's why you don't buy a remote control,
you have children.

- Isso mesmo.
- Sim. � por isso que

you don't need vacuum cleaners or nothing.
Children do all that.

Well, they got two of them.
You use one, I use the other one.

- Sim, tudo bem. Qual deles voc� quer?
- Eu quero que um pouco.

Trazer o alimento para fora.
Cortamos.

We cut. Did you get it?

Sit down!

Sittin' there like you on a horse.

Let me tell all of you something,
and I want to make this clear.

If your mama ain't here

then your Daddy gonna tell you
what you need to do.

What?

Cut.

... Dizer o que est� acontecendo.
- O qu�?

You found out that this was your daughter
just like recently?

- Sim.
- Sim.

- Eu tinha 40 e poucos anos.
- Foi terr�vel.

What was that like?

I was happy, you know, but I was sad.

Porque foi a melhor coisa
que j� aconteceu.

Why was you sad, Cora?

Porque, num primeiro momento, eu n�o
queria que fosse ele ser meu pai.

- Por qu�?
- Mas ent�o ...

Porque, voc� sabe, olhar para ele.
Mas ele acabou sendo ...

- Cora, olhe para voc�.
- Funcionou.

You ain't no catch either.

Cora, I'm trying to help, do you a favor.

Mas o que Madea dizer-lhe toda
a sua vida sobre o seu pai?

Like you better than me.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

My security people, please.

N�o � ningu�m com medo de n�o seguran�a.
Porque eu posso lev�-los ...

Don't touch me. I will bust you in your head
with this hammer. Back the hell up.

- Madea, por favor.
- Eu n�o tenho medo.

I will bust you in your head
with this hammer.

- Madea, por favor.
- Minha senhora, v� l�.

We're not gonna stand for that on this show.
Come on now.

I don't wanna sit by her!

Get out of the way.
You're in front of the camera. Move.

- Tudo bem. Apenas sentar aqui.
- Eu n�o vou sentar.

You're in front of the camera.
Get your ass out of the way

... � o que estou lhe dizendo.
- Madea.

- Ela est� dizendo para voc� deslizar sobre.
- Ei, voc� ainda n�o
est� se movendo.

You're in the way.

I'm serious.
Your ass is in front of the camera. Move.

Tudo certo.
Voc�s v�o, agora, seguir em frente.
Obter o inferno fora do palco.

Y'all extras.

Why did you wait until Cora was in her 40s
to tell her who her father was?

That's because she's dumb.

I didn't tell her because
it wasn't important.

It was not important to her.

Porque eu cuidava dela.

- Voc� era como pai e m�e?
- Sim.

E ...

- Eu nunca bateu nenhuma mulher, mas eu vou ...
- N�o, n�o, n�o, n�o, n�o!

- N�o, deixe-me, deixe-me ...
- N�o, n�o, n�o!

No, we can't have that on my show.

- Eu te amo, cara.
- Eu sei.
Oh, gentil. Mr. Brown, eu sei.

- Eu sei. Eu sei. Eu sei.
- Eu estou tendo um
colapso nervoso.

I want you to be my daddy.

Mas eu quero ser
seu homem agora.

What? Now what...

Thank you for coming to this movie.