Original subtitles

Crashed, it's for good luck!

Beautiful picture but the frame disappoints.

What do you think?

With the exception of "wild" era...

...dawn of early Impressionism ...

makes my heart flutter.

- Are you a connoisseur? - That's why I am here!

- Are you armed? - Why?

- Is it insured? - Certainly.

Give me the name of your insurance company.

To avoid unnecessary searches.

The faster it will be sold...

...the sooner this masterpiece will return to you.

- Lloyd Insurance Company, Boulevard des Capucines. - Well, they know me!

- I do not. - It's true.

I forgot to introduce myself... Alexander de Valambrez.

Madam, I bless this meeting.

My profession doesn't often give me such opportunity.

We're both fortunate with what happened.

Not all burglars are so considerate as you.

Monsieur Valambrez could you be so kind...

...and take me to the bedroom.

Sometimes I'm scared of the dark.

I was also afraid of the dark, when I was little!

In our vast estate...

...near forest Bondi...

...I was jumping from hummock to hummock, singing, counting...

Alexander, throw me on the bed!

Call me Irene!

- What is it? At this late hour. - Connect with me! Succumb to your feelings.

The idea is good, but... We just do not have time.

- No, I have time. The maid comes in the morning.

And your husband?

He is in Strasbourg, constructing new Europe.

In this world you can find anything!

So, Dupre. Are you going home?

Yes, boss. I brought you eclair.

Thanks Dupre.

Prison and Correction Facility

- Dupree? - Here!

- Thule? - Here!

- Robert? - Here!

- Victoria? - Here!

Mr. Director, all prisoners from 14th block returned from parole.

So, gentlemen, as you can see...

...despite what is written in some newspapers...

...there are honest people who come back.

Yes, Mr. Director.

Dupree?

Yes, Mr. Director. Prisoner #2712.

Tell me about your release, Dupre.

- My release... - Dupre, cautious!

My release, Mr. Director, was very usefull.

I've been to all emplyment offices...

...and learned that manual labor is again in high demand.

A good locksmith always will find work.

True Dupre, true.

I'd have to roll up my sleeves, Mr. Director.

Yes.

Thank you, Mr. Director.

Filled with such a good intentions...

...Alexander Dupree was released...

...long before end of initial sentence.

And our brave man...

...rolled up his sleeves in the Adriatic, aboard the "Odyssey"...

...on which rested a few billionaires...

...cruising between Sicily and Monaco.

Passengers do not take their eyes...

...of compelling Maharajah Dedudebishany Barbabadai.

But his attention was drawn to Mrs. Schwartz.

Mrs. Schwartz, Jeans and Jackets "Schwartz."

You look great! Every day more and more beautiful!

- How are you? - Very good.

Your miniatures are charming, dear.

But, in my opinion, you are asking too much for them.

40,000 dollars for eighteen drawings...

...of the adventures of the monkey god?

I wouldn't offer that price to anyone else!

Good, but I'll pay with three cheques

in period of three months.

Why not in period of whole life, if we get married?

Me, get married again being 43 years old?

Am I crazy?

The question remained unanswered.

Prince just noticed millions of dollars...

...of Mrs Pamela Igleton George.

And painful problem of returning to society...

...seemed to him not that difficult.

Signora, I present to you...

Maharajah Dedudebishany Barbabadai.

And when Pamela learned that three million of his citizens...

...annually present him gold bullion...

...in an amount equal to his weight, he looked very handsome.

Mmm... What a question. You surprised and confused me.

But why should I hide my weight? It is 75 kilograms.

You need to eat more white meat.

The next evening a beautiful widow became thoughtful.

My melancholy beauty... What are thinking about?

The arrival in Monaco.

There, our life's paths disperse.

I know too well the price of separation.

Especially if you leave forever.

Have you lost a loved one?

Worse... a spouse.

I experienced such a moments of despair,

when I lost my beloved white elephant..

I thought I'd never recover from it!

I lost weight... I walked along the bank of Brahmaputra.

My faithful servants worried...

when they learned that in the last weigh...

I weighed only 65 Bars!

So, you see, I'm here.

Now I'm here ... near you.

I do not want to open your wound...

But what did your late husband do?

Everything and nothing. - He developed the mines.

- Coal? - Diamond.

Deep mourning needs consolation.

Monte Carlo will not part us!

On the third evening Prince comforted inconsolable widow...

...in a whirlwind of a waltz.

- Dizzy? - I'm drunk...

Beautiful sea and the hot wind from Africa...

...helped overcome the last doubts of beautiful widow.

Spark of gold gleamed in the eyes of the prince.

Telegram.

My friend... I am devastated... I lost everything.

I have nothing else. Even for the smallest expenses.

Do not despair, after all you've got something left.

Several diamonds, I'm selling them cheap.

I do not leave you at the mercy of greedy individuals, Pamela!

My jewelary box is open for you.

No, no! Anybody else but not you.

They talked about money for another hour or two...

After that, the beautiful Pamela, said the Prince's name.

Bibudi, Bush...

After that, she passionately...

gave herself until the morning.

Hello, boss.

On the fourth day ship dropped anchor in Monte Carlo.

Pamela, can I enter? This Bibu.

Come in.

I want to say just one word.

Me too.

I feel remorse.

Do not make the situation complicated, Bibu.

Let's finish with the mercantile business.

You are right. We will not speak of banality.

This dollars... You do not have anything against it?

You are saving a ruined woman.

You are so sensitive, even in small things.

- What kind of man are you? - Sometimes I do not know.

Can not be!

Forgery!

Bitch!

Bastard!

Former prisoner number 2712...

bumped into Sophie Chapron...

repeatedly convicted for fraud...

theft and other petty crimes.

- Bitch! - Bastard!

Sophie, with your perversion...

and my depravity...

we can pluck whole chickencoop!

The first trophy was Helmuth von Offenburg...

...man with unusually expressive face.

He ​​fell madly in love in Pamela Igleton George...

...inconsolable widow of late king of diamond.

But will gusty Vicomte de Valambrez allow...

...to put his younger sister's honor in danger?

May I with your permission, cousin, call Venice?

- Of course, the phone is in the car. - Thank you.

He called me "cousin", it's a good sign.

He is so committed to the old principles.

Experienced player, Alexander learned to be cautious.

Venice wasn't considered a city with very high morals...

...but there had been good friends.

Ladies and gentlemen, you're in front of the painting of Antonio Canale...

...known as Canaletto.

It manifests the talent of old Venetian school.

I'm sorry.

Yes.

Achille, you still have in your museum that Canaletto?

You're not in jail?

The next time it will be you.

But, if you have the nerve to talk to about it...

I'll give you a chance to improve.

On the fourteenth you become my uncle.

You have to be at 15:30 in the Gondolieri Suite...

Hotel Danieli, Venice.

I hope this method will draw you away from sad thoughts.

If your brother does not mind, of course.

He's here.

Helmut kindly invited us to spend a day in his estate.

It seems, sir, my sister was not bored with you.

Wanting to impress, Helmuth von Offenburg...

Knight of the Golden Fleece, not stinted.

You'll be ready soon? I'm waiting.

Success of any operation...

...depends on careful preparation.

I repeat. We get a telegram,

We ruined.

You are unconscious.

Duke takes you to the bedroom.

You call your brother, run out into the hallway...

Cough loudly. - Good.

When I hear you, I hang!

You run out and scream: "Helmut"

And you pull me out of the loop.

If after that he did not do his duty...

It's too complicated.

I'm not working low class - I'm a romantic.

For charm and beauty!

- Dizzy? - I'm drunk.

My lovely sister!

I know, I have no other choice!

I am ruined.

Be mine... and all that I have is yours.

Be merciful, leave me alone.

I can not accept it. Or, in this case...

take as collateral my jewels!

It looks like you got better?

Yes.

Sorry!

What are you talking about?

What is he saying?

He is not pleased, but I do not know why.

- What are you talking about? - Bitch!

- What a luck! - He spoke!

And you shut up!

Do you know how long I was hanging?

- But why did you hang yourself? - Because you coughed!

- I didn't cough! - You coughed two minutes ago!

- I assure you, she didn't cough. - And you shut up!

Shut up!

How do you talk to my fiance?

- Yes, I am honored to ask for your sister's hand.

What? Hand of my sister?

Oh, how stupid!

Do not worry, Helmut. He got mad!

- How dare you, sir... - Me?

Let me go!

I've never seen such an idiot!

I'm talking about that swindler - Maharajah, and his white elephant.

Strangers don't have to know about our frictions!

It was a sealed deal, he signed the cheque!

Cheque, dammit!

Look, what I will do with that cheque!

Helmut, do something!

He wanted to give me the castle, land, estate!

How gallantly!

I will cure you, Helmut.

Count on me. I'll take care of you.

Who coughed?

- Me, Mr. Viscount. - You see?

Once again, please.

Cough!

I see. I was the victim of a imitator.

What a nonsense!

This will be quickly forgotten! My dear Helmut.

I leave you in good hands.

This is for you... tip!

The evening was simply wonderful!

Leaving shameless mistress with a fake cheque,

Alexander was alone again, but did not lose a spirit.

- Hello. - Good day.

- Venice. First class. Smokers.

- Just one ticket to Venice? - Yes, I'm going there on business.

Memory photo, sir? As you wish.

Sorry, sir, are you flying to Cairo?

Venice.

You were sent to me by the God.

Can you do me a favor?

Actually, no, but keep talking.

It may surprise you, but could you carry my suitcase through customs?

You have there bomb or drugs?

If you want you can take a look. Sorry.

Excuse me, I always believe people...

...especially when they are so nice.

My life, sir, is complex and confusing.

I have a beautiful wife, a lovely mistress...

- So what? - You see...

I do not see anything confusing.

Everything here is extremely harmless.

Too ordinary... It's even suspicious.

My wife is waiting for me at the airport.

Apple, nothing more unusual than apple.

But she is terribly jealous!

So: pajamas, handkerchief, pink lighter.

This suitcase... gave me... Angelina.

Angelina? The mistress.

Yes, and it would be very unpleasant...

...if Maria Teresa would see it.

Do not say another word, sir.

There is no need to apologize for love.

Just think... I searched your suitcase.

- Where do I have to carry, sir? - 3780 Santa Lucia Avenue.

Ask for Signora Pompini.

I do not know how to thank you.

I am so lucky to meet you.

Our plane is reaching Venice.

We would land in a few minutes.

We ask all passengers to bring chairs to vertical position and fasten your seat belts.

Thank you.

Monsieur, your suitcase.

No, not this one.

Thank you.

Disperse! Please!

- Taxi, sir? - Yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Hotel Danieli.

Almost there, give me a suitcase.

- No. - Why?

Because I have different agreement.

The death was also not a part of agreement.

Vain. In life you have to predict everything.

Dupree, Alexander Dupre!

- I had booked the room! - Your room is ready, Monsieur Dupre.

- Royal Apartment. - That's right, royal.

- The driver seems to be bad? - Small dizziness.

Will you carry up my luggage?

- Yes. - Thank you.

You see, I am on time.

How was the flight?

I immediately closed the museum...

...when my friend Alexander called.

So, the buyers are in the Gondolieri Suite...

...but you didn't tell me they are Japanese.

- What is the difference? - Nothing.

A jeweler arrives tomorrow at 10:30 am.

- What should I wear? - A horn.

Are you angry?

There is. Look at this picture. The unique thing.

A copy in your bedroom.

I also ordered a cake for you.

Do you still love sweets?

I can see you're angry!

If this is because of the case with widow Junot...

...I will explain.

When the police arrived, it was too late to warn you.

So I jumped out of the window. The rest you know.

Hit me! Honestly, only don't be angry!

Call me after ten minutes in the Gondolieri Suite.

- What should I say? - Nothing. I will speak.

How is your mother?

Monsieur Dupre? Your boatman is dead.

He doesn't have dizziness.

Management decided to notify the police.

Okay, but it would be better if they didn't do it.

- Mr. Viscount! - Mr. de Valambrez!

Sit down, gentlemen!

It will be necessary.

Antonio Canal "St. Mark's Square."

The artist's signature at lower right.

King Louis XVIII sold it to my cousin grandfather...

...for 18,000 francs in gold.

I'll be the same royalist as the King.

We are willing to pay a reasonable price.

Do you expect to hear higher price rather than reasonable one.

Viscount Dupre asked to the phone.

I told you not to call me, Mr. Viscount.

I stay here under the simple name of Mr. Dupre. Du-pre!

- I said Dupre, Mr. Viscount. - He loves to argue!

Yeah?

This is my uncle, what should I say?

That we think.

That we almost agreed.

Yes, Uncle.

Yes, Uncle!

But, uncle! I gave my word!

Yes uncle.

As I expected, it will not be easy.

You really expect to hear a very high price?

Could you give us the painting for examination?

We will return it tomorrow.

You give a word of honor?

Yes. My dear uncle just told me...

...that such a scum as Mr. Taramushi is still alive...

...only because he always keeps his word!

Well, tomorrow at 10:00 am.

We'll meet in my room with a painting and the money!

Alfonso Urbino. Hotel Detective.

So, tomorrow at ten o'clock.

- You have a wonderful profession. - My fate is not enviable.

Two, three thefts in the season...

...and people who steal gowns and towels.

I promise you absolutely other entertainment.

Me too.

These people are the police waiting for us.

- You know... - I'm just telling you, I don't.

You want to ask me, whether I knew this boatman? No, I didn't.

Were you familiar with Monsieur Louis Frechet?

Your countrymen, killed yesterday at the airport.

You see, in a lifetime...

I asked you, did you know Monsieur Frechet?

Strange, because Monsieur Frechet had your photo.

Me?

You want to say that this is Monsieur Dupre...

or Viscount de Valambrez?

Because you stay here under one name...

And the Japanese know you by others!

If I was a cop...

It's funny that you say it...

Because I am about to become a policeman.

I was taking three times the exam for Police Commissioner.

- So you almost become one of us! - Almost. I was short half a point.

That's why I trust you. I demand a Paraffin test!

Calm down, Mr. Viscount. Your innocence is obvious.

Both victims were killed from a distance more than one hundred meters.

Are you sure? If necessary, call me in for questioning.

I like the smell of the police station!

- Anyway, I'll get it. - You choke first!

- Yes, Monsieur Dupre? - My key.

- Madame arrived. - Yes, I see.

- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.

Madame Dupre arrived, Mr. Viscount.

She ordered dinner to the room?

Yes, Mr. Viscount.

Sorry.

Madame Dupre, in fact, was called Gina "downer."

European class salon crook.

An amazing actress, she was assisting Alexander.

When he was behind bars...

...she bothered him with oranges and love letters.

And that foreshadowed the tedious meeting.

I'm here! Waiting for you!

Come quickly!

- Darling, finally! - Good evening.

I realized that I missed you so much. I thought...

Since he sent me a telegram... he loves me.

You did not hear?

I forgot the quarrels, fights, harsh words.

We can go back in time...

Sensual light, but not too bright, champagne, but not too icy,

divine Mozart, but not too loud.

What's wrong with you? You don't look good!

I don't feel good.

My dear, relax!

Your nymph is with you.!

Although I sweared that... I never come back to you!

But couldn't keep your word!

Quiet. I've heard footsteps.

Shadow assassins follow me everywhere, Gina.

- Not all the Borgias are dead. - Still, I would say...

No, it was the metaphor.

Cops and killers circle like vulteres over the poor Alexander.

Unbutton the collar, relax... everything will be fine...

You've forgotten the address? - 3780 Santa Lucia Avenue.

We are waiting for the parcel.

It is here, but I'll throw it out the window. So leave me alone.!

- Don't do it. - I will not hesitate!

Why didn't you tell me that it's over?

You'll get your peace without throwing me out of the window!

I've always been affectionate towards you...

...but knew, you cheated on me!

No, no... I missed you very much. Very...

Breathe deeply... and think about it.

So, even you, greedy as money-lenders...

...would not have committed two murders because of handkerchief, pajamas...

...worn toothbrush and a half-empty lighter.

If you want to make me laugh, find something else, Alexander!

Find, find... I do not even know what I'm looking for.

In any case, if you wanted to break my heart...

...you have succeeded!

Farewell! Farewell!!!

But no! I'm generous, I'll give you one more chance!

Take me now, on the table!

Why not skiing? Or standing in a hammock?

In that state, I feel nothing!

- Yeah, what? - You thought about it?

You again. I thought about it? What was I thinking?

But tell me...

...if this suitcase interests you so much, means it is worth something?

No one and never denied that, prisoner number 2712.

What was that again?

My past just came back!

Well, let's have some fun.

I don't know...

Do you have a better idea?

Answer.

I would like to talk to Monsieur Alexander.

I'm sorry, but Monsieur Alexander is busy with a woman.

Some gloomy woman.

Signora Pompini speaking. I think you've heard about me?

- Yes. What do you want? - The same... suitcase.

I offer you a certain amount of money.

- What does a certain amount mean? - A significant amount.

That's it, I'm trapped.

Do not look at me like that, you do not understand.

It started in childhood...

My parents were crooks, but poor ones.

Father was one of the old school petty thief...

But they all disappeared, like other craftsmen.

This is tempting, but I will be scared to go outside at night.

You just need to get out on promenade...

...and go through the gondolas' marina.

I'll think about it.

It's tragic, but I'm always afraid of loosing.

Fear of the tomorrow.

How much?

Madam, I'm coming!

I got it.

The next time instead of ass, I'll show you a bill of 100,000 pounds!

I'm glad you're here, baby.

Honestly, I'm glad.

I am happy, very happy!

Honestly.

Come on, get up.

What? Yes.

Okay, I'll call you back.

Signora Pompini?

Yes, goodbye.

Madame Frechet...

The widow of Monsieur Frechet.

Please accept my deep condolences, madam.

Night walk went well?

You brought the money? - Sure.

I want to check the contents of the suitcase first.

Actually, I should give this suitcase to Angelina,

mistress of your late husband.

She probably would offer me a drink.

Serve yourself.

Madame Fréchet was supposed to meet her husband at the airport.

How is it that she wasn' there?

No, she wasn't supposed to be there.

Did you find what you are looking for?

Is missing the principal.

What do you call the principal?

You perfectly know it.

- Look! - What is it?

Red dot!

Close the window!

Window? - Now.

- Are you're in troubles, Monsieur Dupre? - Just some misfortune.

Do not be afraid. Stand up and look out the window.

On the other side of the canal is lit window. It's us.

Come to us, we have a party.

You see, I don't know anybody.

- Coming! - Just do not forget the suitcase.

You are confusing me with someone else... What suitcase?

Oh, suitcase! Of course, suitcase.

If you would participate in the magicians contest, you'd have won it. This is a trick of the year!

"Stum-Gebar." Rifle with optical sight and laser beam.

Used in prisons against the riotous prisoners.

Weapon of intimidation. Understand?

The prison is not so much fun.

Fred!

Monsieur Dupre !

I am Abdel Farad.

Is there something wrong with my tie?

Sport model? I have seen one like this.

It played Persian march and lit every fifteen minutes.

Please, follow me.

Yasser, check with the X-ray.

I want to warn you...

you will be surely disappointed.

Oh, this is a funeral march.

But the arrangement is no good.

It is better to perform at the funerals of the dead marshals than presidents.

Do not stop! Let me listen.

Thank you!

My name is Kamal. I'm attache.

My father called me, Excellency.

Excuse me, I'll call you Maestro!

About the suitcase... It is a dead issue!

How much the others offered you?

Twice the price.

Since you are in the position of the seller, sell it!

Explain to me what it's all about and I'll play Ravel's "Bolero" with one hand.

- Game over, Monsieur Dupre! - We're not playing anymore?

Why did you do it?

Good evening, Farad.

Good evening, Kamal.

Nobody moves!

- We now have three dead. - That's right, enough for today.

Let's start again tomorrow, with fresh mind!

I advise you to let Monsieur Dupre leave.

Okay, let this idiot go.

I laugh, because the mystery of this dark issue...

...becomes more mysterious...

...as the mist clears!

Gentlemen, this evening was for me an unshadowed joy!

Honestly, Joseph, who is he?

A clown.

Stop!

- You the only one being missed. - I'm sorry.

But Monsieur Joseph told me:

"If Monsieur Viscount will leave before me, let him wait".

Sorry, but Madame Dupre is waiting for me!

On the outside I seem overweight, but really I'm not a wimp.

My head on your laps reminds me the night on the Bosporus.

As I stroked your hair, one question tormented me:

What if Alexander Dupre became a spy?

If so, what is his role in the Frechet affair?

The most ungrateful role.

He knows that in his hands the whole state...

...but doesn't know what it is.

In short, in whose interests... - National interests.

Homeland is in danger! You hear thunder boots and roll of drums.

Rustle of slippers or gas prices rise?

It all depends on you.

Louis Frechet invented a new low-cost fuel.

That could put to the end the growing claims of Arab countries.

Rainwater, beet's juice?

Frechet graduated from Polytechnic Institute.

The Arabs from the Persian Gulf came to him...

...to buy his invention.

During the summit...

but we call it a trap, Frechet realized...

...that for them to buy the invention, means to destroy it.

He was outraged and then... - Asked for your help.

- You said "yes" and he died. - Died with his secret.

We are also ready to buy from you documents that were in the case.

And you would do anything to get them?

Yes.

One more time.

Pajamas, alarm clock, toothbrush, handkerchief.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Do not breathe.

Breathe.

You have air in the stomach. Here.

Don't you have meteorism?

Only when I got nervous! And you make me nervous!

Frechet could transfer the drawings on microfilm.

Nowadays they are so small...

...that they can be hidden in a hollow tooth.

Great idea! You could file down my teeth.

You have checked my nails, looked into my ears.

If you were allowed, you would have climbed into more intimate places.

- That's all? Am I free? - No.

- But you can go back. - Barefoot?

Hey, where are my shoes?

One minute.

Why did you drop a lid of the piano on Kamal's fingers?

He irritated me.

Why do you crawl before this crap?

Because he has diplomatic immunity.

On the day he would lose it...

...and we will present him with the statement.

Complete inspection.

Who are we?

We are temporarily called...

"Research Unit of Applied Geophysics and Coordination."

The Ministry of Defense, my name is Major Donnadieu.

Private Dupre, your honor.

Monsieur Viscount is not upset with us?

No, but Monsieur Dupre really wants to sleep!

But at this hour, Monsieur Dupre had no time to sleep.

At 10:00 o'clock puppet theater would start...

...in the order of following heroes:

cuckold, a jeweler and frivolous lady.

At 10:30 there will be two Japanese, two Canalettos, uncle from America and a locksmith.

The morning promised to be memorable.

Dupree, I forgot to ask you, What kind of person is your girlfriend?

Boring.

That's good, because I'm certain they will kill her.

What should I do?

Open!

Damn!

- Come and settle. - Now is not the time!

Gina, bullets are whistling over my head.

Women around me are dying like moths from the fire.

I am cold as ice. Touch it!

I will not touch you. Pack your luggage and go back to mom!

What got into you?

You can live well and in the dark!

I do not mind.

You like to make all so confusing.

We have half an hour till the arrival of jeweler.

What jeweler?

Remember your telegram from Monaco:

"We need your presence as wife in vaudeville with a jeweler.

Performance starts in Danieli on October 28th,

at 10:00 am sharp. Period. "

My dear, now is 9:35 am.

9:35! But we have to rehearse.

Go quickly, open, while I get changed.

I'm Achille Sureau, I've been involved in the submission.

I guessed it. Come in.

How beautiful is here.

I would never dreamed that I would play with you.

- Strange guy with the cage and the dove. - The dove?

Hello, Achille!

Window!

He says he can live well in the dark!

- Why they drew the curtains? - To upset us!

- There is no water! - It is possible to live well without water!

Can you tell me, why the bird?

Because her husband - it's you!

Who has a beautiful wife - it's her.

Who has a lover - it's me!

And to keep his adulterous wife happy...

...the husband must give her an expensive gift.

Hello, Reception? Let me ask you...

Can you live in a room without water?

But you are in Venice, sir.

I am to see Vicomte de Valambrez.

Whom should I announce?

Mr. Arklif, from "Arklif and Vanpels".

Well, let him wait!

Plumber will be here in five minutes.

Jeweler is here.

You go together with a jeweler.

- I will have a key? - Yes.

You will find me in the closet.

You'll take the revolver. - You'll find him in the box.

I put it there.

I asked you a question about the bird: what is "Victor" for?

Transportation. Has he flown?

Of course. "Victor" always returns home, that is, to me.

Once the ring from Gina's little finger...

goes on "Victor's" foot, the pigeon would fly home.

Take your places, the first act starts. Achille, you go, meet the jeweler.

Open the door.

I disappear, and you go through that door.

I'm going, going. I was in the bathroom.

- Good afternoon. I am a plumber. - How quickly.

- I'm a bit tipsy... - How funny!

My God, what a fool!

- Hello. - Hello.

Here!

Oh, shit!

Fourteen years of marriage, in love and faithfulness.

It should be marked with beautiful stone.

I forgot my key!

This happens Monsieur Viscount.

Honey, it's me!

- Honey! - Come in, my dear!

I can not, my dear, I forgot my key!

What an idiot!

It is, perhaps, or the table...

...if you didn't put into your purse...

No reply, may be she got offended?

My dear, you have beautiful complexion.

- Where did you get your tan? - I was on holiday in Capri.

Oh, Capri, Capri...

- With the wife, of course? - Not really.

What was that? Have you heard? - No.

I hear nothing.

You are not alone?

This is Monsieur Arklif, from "Arklif and Vanpels."

Good day.

Mr. Arklif brought the jewelry...

...so we can mark our anniversary!

Dear, you were always so attentive to me.

Oh, they're gorgeous! - I like this one.

Let's come to light.

I would like you to see the cleanliness of the stone.

Fred, they got someone else.!

Emerald will always remain an emerald!

Now, let's see the diamonds!

- Door! - The window!

- Door! - The window!

Here, look... - It is incomparable!

Look at the light.

- Have you heard? - No.

- Can you smell? - No.

This room smells like a betrayal!

Whose pants?

Not mine. - Shut up! I figured it out myself!

- Your lover is here! - No, no!

This is a cry of recognition. Where is that scumback?

The gun, where is my gun...

One bullet for him , one for you...

And the last one for me!

Something wrong, sir?

No, no, everything is fine.

Where is that scoundrel hiding?

Hello, Chief!

Here!

I know he's here, hunger and thirst will force him to leave.

Come out, or I'll shoot through the door.

- Monsieur. - Monsieur.

Who are you, monsieur.

Husband, monsieur.

You ruined my anniversary!

Come, monsieur! Get out of the closet!

Boss, they started shooting!

I do not understand.

Come out, come out. Out of the closet!

And cover those skinny legs. I can't look at them!

Come quickly, get out.

I know, one guy sets the microphones in the bedroom.

What are saying? You're denying everything?

No, you idiot, Japanese are here.

Canaletto ! 800,000 francs! Not a franc less!

I want to be buried with my ring.

You call this ring? What is this stuff?

This pink diamond, monsieur!

- You do not have anything better? - But, sir!

So, my dear Taramushi, What about Canaletto?

This is a unique thing. We buy.

Very well, you're doing right thing!

All right, boss! They struck the deal.

I've seen somewhere this Canaletto.

This is an amazing stone.

Madam wants to put it on her finger?

Where am I? What's wrong with me?

I understand your attachment to this painting, uncle.

- Uncle! - Of course!

Dove!

I'll explain everything.

Where have I seen this painting?

Do not try to change the subject!

Monsieur! If he's your uncle, you are his nephew.

And, therefore, that is your aunt's lover...

- It doesn't shock you. - No.

There's a plumber in the bathroom. Go there, I'm afraid.

Enough bargaining, we are not in the flea market!

But, uncle!

Mashavuan, signalman!

- Dove? - Gone.

- Damn it! - Okay!

Hello, Chief!

First, I do not understand,

And secondly, museum opens at 10:30!

Keep it simple!

With you, we agreed.

And with you, not yet!

Monsieur, it is very rare ring!

- To whom to write the cheque? - Valambrez.

- Is it you? - No, this is him.

Me?

You write a cheque for "Arklif and Vanpels".

Me? Of course not.

- Why? - Me. I'm a lover.

And me, uncle.

And I am a wife.

And I'm late!

In addition, the conversation turned into a standstill.

We do not understand what we're saying!

We are losing time, losing are heads, we do not understand anything!

Who fired?

Who fired?

What's going on? Who drawn the curtains?

- Do not touch! - What kind of conversation is that!

Some Japanese writes down a cheque.

Fire!

My cheque!

My picture!

My ring, Madonna!

Killed... Valambrez, you're under arrest!

- Me? - No, him!

Me?

Sorry, I have a dinner.

- Police! - Listen!

- Who coughed? - Me, Monsieur Viscount.

Boat is ready.

To the street, now!

Driven by land, driven by the sea...

...Alexander could be saved only by air.

Good day, mademoiselle.

Good day, Monsieur Dupre.

As you may have guessed, I am the daughter of an engineer Fréchet.

You are a copy of your father.

Come to me.

How long have you know my father?

- And you? - Me?

Is it true... what they're saying about you?

Say it, I will correct you.

They say that you are a thief.

Art dealer, is a thief...

registered in the Chamber of Commerce.

I am a spy.

You're doing well?

Today, yes. But day by day, however.

If you do not want to, do not answer.

Who do you work for?

For France!

Well, if for France!

I was afraid to become a traitor. Hence, my self-restraint.

But this changes everything, my girl.

Can you turn on the light?

Why?

You can not be seen in the dark.

Hello, boss, it's Mashavuan.

I hear you well.

Operation began. So far so good.

What are they doing?

It is difficult to determine.

But things are moving?

And yet, how!

If Dad's invention...

No, do not start again.

Good.

If the invention falls into the hands of Arabs, they will destroy it.

Did you know that?

Yes.

You know, of course, what's the oil is for?

To make nail polish, protein meat, stockings...

No, you forgot the main thing. Oil is a topic for conversation.

I know other reason.

What is it, Major?

I assigned you a task not the you'll be manipulated!

Start working, that's an order!

This fraudster leads you by the nose!

- Tell me, Monsieur Dupre... - What did you say?

Yes, my dear, because our fat womanizer,

greasy rabbit doesn't like it.

So, Monsieur Dupre, how much Japanese have offered you?

800,000 francs.

They fooled you, my kid.

It's worth three billion.

Three billion!

Just think how generous France is!

So, what really was in the suitcase.

One pajamas,

one alarm clock,

one toothbrush,

one handkerchief...

In general, you choose me already at the airport.

Click-clack, thank you "Kodak"?

Yes, my dear.

You looked at the list of passengers...

...with questionable past and uncertain future...

And who is left?

Monsieur Viscount!

In addition, he will do everything what he's told to do.

Otherwise, he will become again Monsieur Dupre, prisoner No 2712.

And on what Monsieur Joseph picked you?

What were you doing before "fall" in love with me?

What are you talking about? I do not understand.

So, more!

Pink lighter.

Pink lighter. ... And a half-empty lighter.

I do not like it when people make jokes about money!

It's true what you said about three billion?

Three. Could be more.

- Where do you go? - Shopping.

- I am very glad to see you! - Enough! Stop your tricks!

I know everything about you, Dupree:

You are insatiable, you sexual maniac.

By the way, Joseph, Caroline told me about three billion.

I hope this was not influenced by the syndrome?

Our agent should offer you the minimum amount...

Instead, she gave all the secrets...

..and become a toy in your hands.

I was at war Dupre, I visited the eastern brothels...

but what I just heard today in the headphones...

You said the lowest ammount. What does this mean?

Ammount... let's call it a bonus.

- Tip! - I would say compensation.

Here, I found the right word: compensation.

Petty pimp!

Here, I found the right word: petty pimp!

Good! Our agent flies tomorrow morning.

She will start again from a lower level.

She will print travel regulations.

That really shocked you?

You had such a moments, Monsieur Dupre, such a moments!

To amuse you, I was a little...

There will be no printing for our agent, she is killed.

She was a glorious girl.

What she would have been it she wasn't glorious?

You see, Joseph,

I do not know whether our ploy will bring any benefit...

I do not know whether it will reduce the price of oil,

I'm tired of Fredo's methods!

You are very hard to find, Monsieur Dupre...

Time goes by, the situation gets worse, list lengthens.

Maybe it's time to make a deal?

The deal with who, Farad?

You have to stop this! This is not funny!

You're right, all this is not funny.

Offer which you proposed me is your final price.

Final!

I'm going with this gentleman!

My dear Joseph!

One pajamas, one alarm clock,

one toothbrush, one handkerchief.

A Lighter!

Oh, the whole team here!

And you too!

And you! How is your beard?

Here's Fred, the joker!

Santa Claus with a laser beam.

You know you're my favorite?

And where is my dear partner? My Kamal?

Here he is! With bandaged fingers!

Given the importance of what you have brought, Monsieur Dupre...

I withstand anything.

But if you ever come to visit my country...

...remind me, please...

...to tell Yasser to cut off your testicles.

Here is the charm of the East!

Half Turkish delight, half poison!

Indifference and cruelty. In short, the alternative Koran.

Your wit fascinates me.

But we have to talk business. Come into my office.

Can I tell you my request?

I wish that we would go to the music room.

There are so many memories.

Painful memories...

I will not play with you!

You are unpleasant partner...

So, how much do you want for the documents?

Well, if you do not want to talk in a friendly way...

...get into the details.

Do not you think that we rather should be alone?

Some amounts may cause dizziness in subordinates.

Joseph offered me three billion...

Farad raised to six.

I do not hide from you, that if we round it to ten...

...then the case will move off dead center.

Honestly, I admire this salon!

I would like to receive payment...

...in the form of 2500 chequebooks.

For those names that I'll tell you.

In exchange, the microfilm will be given to you..

...in the basement of the shop "Three shells" in Saint-Cloud.

This is the sixteenth district of Paris.

Man will be in the cap with a handkerchief in the cage.

Saint-Cloud, Paris, sixteenth district,

Cap and a handkerchief in the cage?

Yes.

In exchange for ten billion?

Yes.

You have no documents, Monsieur Dupre...

...because they cost more than ten billion.

They are priceless.

You're just petty crook.

Farad, Yasser, Hussein!

You could get for them, the entire Persian Gulf.

What will I do with it?

If I want to buy a castle Saint Mande?

Why should I buy a sand if I want to buy a castle?

Is this reasonable?

You start to annoy me.

You are very tiring.

Even if you have no documents, you know something.

Maybe something what you do not understand.

But this is something you'll tell us.

No, no!

Damn!

No, higher!

Here you go.

Here! Follow me!

Stay with the group. Here!

Here's the infamous Bridge of Sighs.

Do not be shy!

Prisoners were held right...

Go ahead!

Yes, the prisoners were held directly from the court to jail.

The thickness of the grating gives an idea...

...about art builders of that time.

But tell me, did the architects of our French prisons,

are different from them in anything?

This is bold!

Yes.

And now we will go for a visit to "Rialto".

If you are not afraid!

Right.

Please follow me.

Alexander thought that he was safe...

...but informed by notorious Arab phone call...

...people of the Gulf have been nearby.

- Are you going to Paris? - To Gennevilliers.

God himsel has sent you!

I knew immediately you're smart man.

Could I ask you for a small favor?

Monsieur Dupre, give me a lighter.

- To grab him, Major? - Yes!

Monsieur Dupre, I insist. Lighter!

Too late, I swallow it.

We'll have to do a gastric lavage to Monsieur Viscount.

I'm sorry, Monsieur Viscount.

Good to see you in France, Farad.

Go!

He has nothing, Major.

Stop playing! I'll trash you!

We stopped at ten billion.

And before you break the law... From June 22, 1945...

...on the protection of the individuals...

I ask to transfer my account to higher powers!

Do you think it would bother be because of Colonel Bazaar?

General Dessena?

But higher?

Minister of the Interior?

No, higher!

- But not to the... - Yes.

I might call for a car!

Call for a car! What a smart ass!

If you had not smashed our car...

Do you think he will lead us to a lighter?

Yes.

Truck driver was heading to Perpignan...

...but agreed to make a small detour...

...and after two days, Alexander was in Gennevilliers.

But they were waiting for him.

Bye, thank you.

Large tanks are under the sun.

Good. Begin.

Hello, Mashavuan?

Slam the trap.

He is there. See? Thank you.

I was just thinking about you.

You did not come, and I ate your sausage!

- Do not joke with this Mashen. - I swear, I'm telling you!

Your sausage is in the locker room, fourteenth cabinet.

- They completely clinked! - Do not be afraid!

This wasn't a needle in a haystack.

It was a microfilm in a loaf of bread.

What are you waiting for? Go on!

Tell your boss, that I had no time to check.

Sabers at guard.

On behalf of the President of the Republic...

I assigns you a rank Chevalier of the Order of the Legion of Honor.

Sabres! In the sheath!

My dear friend, I want to introduce you to my wife.

She wants you to dine with us today.

You see, I have a bunch of commitments, meetings...

Put ​​them aside, my dear.

It's easy!

Honey, Monsieur Dupre agreed to come to us...

...and talk about his adventure

I tremble with anticipation.

Excuse me, I'll leave you for a moment.

If you do not mind, we would have early dinner.

My husband has to leave at ten o'clock for Strasbourg.

I am afraid that will have coffee without him.

I'm glad you warned me. I'll bring the milk and croissants.

Tell me why no one talks to me about money?

It seems you do not understand.

The choice was not between winning and money...

...but between a reward and a prison.

I would have put you in prison. Strict regime!

You know, what's the difference between an idiot and a thief?

No!

Thief is not always a thief! But idiot... It's for life!

Subtitles courtasy of YAFI. JAGA BKS.