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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:46,102 --> 00:00:50,102 2 00:01:10,903 --> 00:01:14,304 Hello, my name is Eli Pettifog. I'm 13 years old. 3 00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:18,409 Today is my first day of college. 4 00:01:29,021 --> 00:01:31,819 What you got in that bag, Eli? Books? 5 00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:35,054 Don't they have a library at that place? 6 00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,328 She's a terrible mother... 7 00:01:39,398 --> 00:01:42,492 but it's not her fault that I'm a genius. 8 00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:50,908 " Can you hear me coming Feel it all around." 9 00:01:50,976 --> 00:01:56,608 " Feet are stomping On the ground." 10 00:01:56,682 --> 00:02:00,709 " It said something So familiar." 11 00:02:02,955 --> 00:02:07,051 Please tell me this is a joke. 12 00:02:07,126 --> 00:02:13,429 I wanted to take you, but I'm just so tired. 13 00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:20,765 Remember the electric bill is the most important, then the rent. 14 00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:34,776 Eli... make some friends out there, okay? 15 00:02:45,564 --> 00:02:47,395 - Bye, Mom. - Later. 16 00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,611 Beacon Falls, Whittman College. 17 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:48,919 I welcome you to Whittman College... 18 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:53,185 the 37th best, small, liberal arts college on the East Coast. 19 00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:02,591 Lots of stuff to know. 20 00:05:02,668 --> 00:05:05,831 How about some exercise for the lazy student? 21 00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:12,867 Some people go to college because they graduate from high school, like me. 22 00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:16,039 Others go and they self-destruct, like this guy. 23 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,946 Chi Gong. 24 00:05:21,086 --> 00:05:24,647 Badminton or squash? 25 00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:29,920 He had a business once. He used to sell this stuff. 26 00:05:29,995 --> 00:05:35,592 To these people... and then he bailed on these things. 27 00:05:37,936 --> 00:05:41,929 Put your shuttlecock away. It's squash. 28 00:05:53,018 --> 00:05:54,645 Here, let me get that for you. 29 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,348 - Give me my bag back. - I'm Leo Searly, late bloomer. 30 00:05:57,623 --> 00:06:01,081 I'm Eli Pettifog, child prodigy, please can I have my bag back? 31 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,184 You're a freshman? 32 00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:03,193 Unfortunately. 33 00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:04,627 Me, too. What room you in? 34 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,324 212, can I... 35 00:06:06,398 --> 00:06:08,478 Oh, good, it's right here. I'm right across the hall. 36 00:06:09,935 --> 00:06:15,305 Well, take care, brush your hair. 37 00:06:15,374 --> 00:06:18,707 I need the oldest undergraduate in the world as a friend... 38 00:06:18,777 --> 00:06:21,769 like I need a hole in my head. 39 00:06:21,847 --> 00:06:25,305 And I don't need a hole in my head, if that was what you were wondering. 40 00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,158 Hey, want to get a burger? 41 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:37,957 No. 42 00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:39,861 My treat. 43 00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:41,297 Thanks, but no. 44 00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,232 Eli, it's your first day of college... 45 00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:47,033 you're gonna have plenty of time to sit alone and hate yourself. 46 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,233 Come on. 47 00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,398 Wow, that's good. 48 00:07:13,465 --> 00:07:15,956 That is old-fashioned American genius. 49 00:07:16,034 --> 00:07:18,093 Have you noticed everything is genius these days? 50 00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:20,138 How can food be genius? 51 00:07:20,205 --> 00:07:22,332 Try the fries. 52 00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:28,077 That's good, it may be great, but it's not genius. 53 00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:33,082 Hey, look at that townie girl. 54 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:36,212 She's checking you out, man. 55 00:07:36,288 --> 00:07:38,085 See you later, Shauna. 56 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:39,385 See you. 57 00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:45,389 Oh, that was a complete meltdown of the man nerve. 58 00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:47,329 I'm wearing my hair net. 59 00:07:49,134 --> 00:07:52,467 Safety first. I hear you. 60 00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,826 I'm gonna go get us some more beers. 61 00:08:18,897 --> 00:08:20,922 Nice, I'll just stay here. 62 00:08:34,413 --> 00:08:38,509 I am Leo Searly, late bloomer. 63 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:41,309 I'm 'Milla, I have not yet bloomed. 64 00:08:41,386 --> 00:08:43,251 - Really? - Uh-huh. 65 00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:46,018 You look like you bloomed to me all right. 66 00:08:49,194 --> 00:08:50,525 Are you Eli Pettifog? 67 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,161 Yeah. 68 00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:56,065 The 13-year-old freshman? 69 00:08:56,134 --> 00:09:01,766 Well, Eli, I want to have your really, really smart baby. 70 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,126 What makes you think that nine months in your womb 71 00:09:04,139 --> 00:09:06,436 won't make the baby really, really stupid? 72 00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:11,074 Excuse me. 73 00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:18,283 Oh, jeez. 74 00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:29,526 You think your sperm is too good for my girl or something? 75 00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:31,068 No. 76 00:09:31,136 --> 00:09:32,569 Ow, put me down! Put me down! 77 00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:35,534 - Why do you do this shit? - Because I'm a dick! 78 00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:36,938 Say my sperm is not worthy of Eve Hanson. 79 00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:39,341 Who's Eve Hanson? 80 00:09:39,411 --> 00:09:40,981 My girlfriend, you know, the one you were just hitting on? 81 00:09:40,994 --> 00:09:42,574 She's out of your league, pal. 82 00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:44,816 Yeah, I know she's out of my league. I don't even like girls. 83 00:09:44,883 --> 00:09:46,180 Somebody's fibbing. 84 00:09:46,251 --> 00:09:47,183 Oh, god. 85 00:09:49,454 --> 00:09:51,046 What's it like down there? 86 00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:52,988 Awesome, I've been there a thousand times. 87 00:09:53,058 --> 00:09:57,256 Yeah, I'll bet you have. 88 00:09:57,329 --> 00:09:59,297 Say my sperm is not worthy of Eve Hanson. 89 00:09:59,364 --> 00:10:02,094 Hold on, I can't hear you, my ears are blocked. 90 00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:06,901 Have some Ebola, asshole! 91 00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:15,341 I'm gonna make this the worst year of your shitty, little life. 92 00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:17,006 So, we're enemies? 93 00:10:17,082 --> 00:10:22,213 Mortal enemies. Let's drink to it. 94 00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,521 Oh, Jesus, ow, stop. 95 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:33,326 Remember, I bought the first round. 96 00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:35,533 Yeah. 97 00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:57,010 Oh, my god. 98 00:11:13,271 --> 00:11:15,205 Oh, god. 99 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,607 I don't feel so good. 100 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:25,980 Really? 101 00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:31,319 Perfect timing. 102 00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:48,138 Thanks. 103 00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:58,547 Something I want to tell you. 104 00:11:58,617 --> 00:11:59,709 What? 105 00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:01,612 Come closer. 106 00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:11,329 You can come closer. 107 00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:18,728 I'm a genius! 108 00:12:21,239 --> 00:12:24,231 I remember my first beer, too. Yeah. 109 00:12:24,309 --> 00:12:29,576 Ever since I was a little baby, all I ever wanted to do was go to Harvard. 110 00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:33,610 My spiritual home. 111 00:12:33,685 --> 00:12:39,055 So, without really trying, I skipped five grades. 112 00:12:39,124 --> 00:12:45,427 Won all the science fairs, got my MENSA card. 113 00:12:45,497 --> 00:12:48,728 You know what happened? 114 00:12:50,702 --> 00:12:52,567 Harvard rejected me. 115 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,406 They don't want me. 116 00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,138 Well, then, screw them. 117 00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:06,208 You don't understand. It just killed me, you know? 118 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:12,240 You want to know the most awful and 119 00:13:12,253 --> 00:13:15,716 humiliating part of the whole, entire story? 120 00:13:19,364 --> 00:13:20,661 You still love the bitch. 121 00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:23,792 Yeah. How'd you know? 122 00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:33,607 All right, if you're gonna puke again, close one eye, you'll have better aim. 123 00:13:33,678 --> 00:13:35,373 Don't leave. 124 00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:38,211 If the room starts to spin, you put one foot on the floor. 125 00:13:38,283 --> 00:13:41,582 Yeah. Leo? Leo? 126 00:13:41,653 --> 00:13:43,518 - Goodnight. - No, Leo, just... 127 00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:46,113 You're all right. Hang in there. 128 00:14:00,205 --> 00:14:01,672 Never mind. 129 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,450 I'm here for my job. 130 00:14:17,522 --> 00:14:20,389 All right, dear, check in down the hall. 131 00:14:46,451 --> 00:14:49,386 Shit. 132 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,811 Harvard's coming? 133 00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,881 Good evening, and welcome to Collegiate Mastermind. 134 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,554 The varsity sport of the mind. 135 00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:38,331 Tonight's two contestants are the Whittman Warring Hares... 136 00:15:38,403 --> 00:15:41,861 versus the Harvard Crimson squad. 137 00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:49,877 First question is a toss-up worth ten points. 138 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:55,887 The first question, that should be the first one on the stack. 139 00:15:55,954 --> 00:16:00,618 Okay, how far can the Queen Mary 2... 140 00:16:00,692 --> 00:16:04,492 travel on one gallon of... diesel. 141 00:16:04,562 --> 00:16:05,961 Whittman Warring Hares. 142 00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:09,359 We forfeit. 143 00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:10,594 Incorrect. 144 00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:12,637 No, I mean we forfeit. 145 00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:13,898 You can't forfeit. 146 00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:18,341 We haven't won a match since 1971. 147 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,205 Oh. Harvard to steal. 148 00:16:23,281 --> 00:16:25,545 Six inches. 149 00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:29,410 Six inches is correct. 150 00:16:29,487 --> 00:16:32,422 Yes! 151 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:40,521 Caution, Harvard at this time for showboating. 152 00:16:44,035 --> 00:16:46,697 Man, if I were on the Whittman team... 153 00:16:46,771 --> 00:16:49,342 my dad would send me into the woods to find the 154 00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:51,936 perfect piece of birch to split my ass with. 155 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,570 Hey, there's the little dude. 156 00:16:57,549 --> 00:16:59,574 Thanks for the support, little dude. What's your name? 157 00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:00,640 Eli. 158 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,687 You the man, Eli. 159 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,381 How old are you? 160 00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:07,618 13. 161 00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:10,593 Uh-oh, he's a genius. 162 00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:13,426 Yeah. 163 00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:15,762 Yeah, you are. 164 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:22,296 13, walking around Harvard with hair like that? That's bad ass. 165 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:25,343 You want a ride back to campus? 166 00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:26,502 To Boston? 167 00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:28,478 Yeah, let's roll. 168 00:17:33,351 --> 00:17:39,620 Yo, Eli, get in... or we aren't gonna haze you. 169 00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:40,658 I can't. 170 00:17:40,725 --> 00:17:44,422 Why not? 171 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:47,021 Because I don't go to Harvard. 172 00:17:47,098 --> 00:17:52,627 I'm a freshman here at Whittman... but my soul belongs to Harvard. 173 00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:59,439 Don't worry about it, the important thing is we part company like men. 174 00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:03,539 Listen to me, you little freak. Ow, oh, my god. 175 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:08,484 Harvard doesn't want your soul. Your soul is cheap, and it's mediocre. 176 00:18:08,553 --> 00:18:10,316 - Ow, stop. - It's a Whittman soul. 177 00:18:57,735 --> 00:19:00,376 - But they went on to win that year. - How does that help us right now? 178 00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:02,497 I'm just saying you should learn, you know, perseverance. 179 00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:05,941 Alan, if you didn't know the answer, why did you buzz? 180 00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:07,773 Because... 181 00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,766 You can't do that. If you don't know, don't buzz. 182 00:19:10,014 --> 00:19:11,140 Hey. 183 00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:16,082 My name is Eli Pettifog. 184 00:19:18,089 --> 00:19:25,552 This is Leo Searly's last chance at a classy future. 185 00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:31,865 He's not afraid to gamble it all on a hole and a ball. 186 00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:36,906 Hits the putt. 187 00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:41,071 Oh, it's on the lip. No, no, no, it's rolling in. It's rolling in. 188 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:42,738 Oh, yes! 189 00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:47,945 - Leo Searly takes home $100 million... - Hey. 190 00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:49,486 Hey, how are you? 191 00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:50,816 Can I tell you something super important? 192 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,550 Okay. As long as it's not teenage stuff. 193 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:53,989 Don't worry. This is as grown up as it gets. 194 00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:56,117 All right. 195 00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:59,857 First, I now hate Harvard with the fanatical rage of a freedom fighter. 196 00:19:59,931 --> 00:20:02,559 That sounds pretty teenage to me. 197 00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:05,000 And I've sworn my life to its destruction. 198 00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:07,003 The entire university? 199 00:20:07,071 --> 00:20:10,165 No, just the college, I'm only one man. 200 00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:12,880 Second, I'm now the new captain of the Whittman 201 00:20:12,893 --> 00:20:15,543 Warring Hares Collegiate Mastermind Team. 202 00:20:15,613 --> 00:20:20,209 Oh, I loved that game as a kid. That's the one with the pegs. 203 00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,805 Like the little colored pegs, then you get a combination... 204 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:25,983 No, it's a quiz show in which two colleges compete... 205 00:20:26,057 --> 00:20:29,220 to see which one is smart and which one is dumb. 206 00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:31,894 It's like the show Jeopardy, with no money. 207 00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:33,658 No money? 208 00:20:33,731 --> 00:20:38,031 Forget the money, Leo. I found the instrument of my revenge. 209 00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:52,616 What makes him think he can walk in here and say... 210 00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:54,485 "I'm Eli Pettifog and I'm your new captain?" 211 00:20:54,552 --> 00:20:58,648 Because none of us walked in and said I'm your new captain. 212 00:20:58,723 --> 00:21:02,489 The first four digits of pi are 3.141. 213 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,619 What is the billionth digit of pi? 214 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:07,190 Nine. 215 00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:08,562 Right you are. 216 00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:09,600 Dude. 217 00:21:13,004 --> 00:21:14,767 Here's your bonus. 218 00:21:14,839 --> 00:21:16,864 Assuming Rudolph was in front... 219 00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:20,707 how many ways are there to arrange the other eight reindeer? 220 00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:23,576 40,320. 221 00:21:23,648 --> 00:21:25,673 Right you are. You're fast, kid. 222 00:21:26,918 --> 00:21:28,510 - Dude! - Captain. 223 00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:32,852 Shit, dude, viral pandemic sick! Or not. 224 00:21:53,945 --> 00:21:56,277 Ssh, I'm trying to study. 225 00:22:13,031 --> 00:22:15,056 You should have a package for Eli Pettifog. 226 00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:20,765 Pettifog, okay. P-E-T-T-I-F-O-G? 227 00:22:20,838 --> 00:22:21,862 Yeah. 228 00:22:21,939 --> 00:22:25,306 Weird name. What's it mean? 229 00:22:25,376 --> 00:22:30,712 Okay, here we go. Pettifog means you bicker over everything. 230 00:22:30,782 --> 00:22:33,114 That's ridiculous. 231 00:22:33,184 --> 00:22:38,952 Second definition, to practice deception or trickery. 232 00:22:39,023 --> 00:22:41,651 Do you have a package for me or not? 233 00:22:41,726 --> 00:22:46,720 There's no package for you, Pettifog. No lying or complaining. 234 00:22:46,798 --> 00:22:47,765 Okay. 235 00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:51,798 Hey. Can I use your phone? 236 00:22:51,869 --> 00:22:54,064 Yeah, sure. 237 00:23:03,247 --> 00:23:04,612 It's private. 238 00:23:04,682 --> 00:23:06,775 I understand. 239 00:23:11,055 --> 00:23:13,978 Hey, if you want to party, leave a message. 240 00:23:13,991 --> 00:23:16,925 All right, whatever. 241 00:23:16,994 --> 00:23:22,660 Hey, Mom, I'm calling to remind you you forgot my birthday again. 242 00:23:25,136 --> 00:23:26,125 It's your birthday? 243 00:23:26,204 --> 00:23:28,638 Yeah. Big 1-4. 244 00:23:28,706 --> 00:23:29,250 Hang on. 245 00:23:38,449 --> 00:23:39,939 Faster. 246 00:23:40,017 --> 00:23:42,679 Okay. 247 00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:43,914 Whoo! 248 00:23:43,988 --> 00:23:45,182 Faster. 249 00:23:46,124 --> 00:23:47,751 Faster? 250 00:23:47,825 --> 00:23:50,919 Yeah! 251 00:23:52,029 --> 00:23:53,792 Whoo! 252 00:23:53,865 --> 00:23:55,799 Faster. 253 00:23:55,867 --> 00:23:57,129 Whoo! 254 00:24:03,374 --> 00:24:05,865 Thanks, Leo, that was really fun. 255 00:24:05,943 --> 00:24:08,969 Well, happy birthday, Eli. 256 00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:12,946 - Leo! - Yo! 257 00:24:13,017 --> 00:24:15,713 Faster! 258 00:24:36,908 --> 00:24:38,307 What's wrong with this thing? 259 00:24:38,376 --> 00:24:42,005 Hey, fuzzy, that's my favorite machine. 260 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:44,975 Hi. 261 00:24:45,049 --> 00:24:46,141 Happy birthday. 262 00:24:46,217 --> 00:24:47,479 Thanks. 263 00:24:47,752 --> 00:24:49,276 I wish I could go to Whittman. 264 00:24:49,353 --> 00:24:52,186 There's no Mall Studies major at Whittman. 265 00:24:52,256 --> 00:24:57,888 I'm not a mall girl. I only shop at the most exclusive boutiques. 266 00:24:57,962 --> 00:24:58,986 Mm-hm. 267 00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:03,199 You want to shotgun? 268 00:25:03,267 --> 00:25:05,497 What's a shotgun? 269 00:25:05,770 --> 00:25:10,332 Let me show you. Okay. 270 00:25:17,949 --> 00:25:21,385 I know you have a thing for me. 271 00:25:21,452 --> 00:25:25,183 What are you gonna do about it? 272 00:25:25,256 --> 00:25:26,848 What are you talking about? 273 00:25:26,924 --> 00:25:31,293 I see you checking out my boyish curves. 274 00:25:31,362 --> 00:25:34,525 Come, lay down with me. 275 00:25:43,074 --> 00:25:45,167 You want to know a secret? 276 00:25:45,243 --> 00:25:47,143 Okay. 277 00:25:47,211 --> 00:25:49,907 I never kissed anyone. 278 00:25:51,582 --> 00:25:55,018 So what? Neither have I. 279 00:25:55,086 --> 00:25:59,921 I'm worried I might suck at it. 280 00:25:59,991 --> 00:26:03,518 How hard can it be? 281 00:26:03,594 --> 00:26:06,427 Kissing is too important to be easy. 282 00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:17,198 Not my lip. 283 00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:18,936 Well, stop squirming. 284 00:26:19,010 --> 00:26:23,208 Are you supposed to be drooling directly into my mouth? 285 00:26:31,856 --> 00:26:36,054 Toss up. Which states, in order of entry into the union... 286 00:26:36,127 --> 00:26:41,258 is Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen not from? 287 00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:43,927 Whittman? 288 00:26:44,001 --> 00:26:48,370 Delaware, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Connecticut... 289 00:26:48,439 --> 00:26:54,139 Massachusetts, Maryland, South Carolina, New Hampshire, Virginia, New York... 290 00:26:54,211 --> 00:26:59,148 North Carolina, Rhode Island, Vermont, Kentucky, uh... 291 00:26:59,216 --> 00:27:01,150 Keep going. 292 00:27:01,218 --> 00:27:06,952 Not Tennessee, Ohio, Louisiana, Indiana, Mississippi, Illinois... 293 00:27:07,024 --> 00:27:13,930 Alabama, Maine, Missouri, Arkansas, Michigan, Florida, Texas, Iowa... 294 00:27:13,998 --> 00:27:17,195 Wisconsin, California, Minnesota... 295 00:27:17,268 --> 00:27:19,202 15 seconds. 296 00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:23,468 Um, not Oregon, Kansas, West Virginia, Nevada... 297 00:27:23,541 --> 00:27:26,169 Nebraska, Colorado, North Dakota, South Dakota. 298 00:27:26,243 --> 00:27:27,574 Do it, weirdo! 299 00:27:27,645 --> 00:27:30,409 Yeah, do it. 300 00:27:30,481 --> 00:27:36,943 Montana, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, New Mexico, Arizona, Alaska, nor Hawaii. 301 00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:40,389 By god, he's done it. 302 00:27:43,260 --> 00:27:47,924 Nice. Very nice. 303 00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:53,335 In-frigging-conceivable. Frigging magnificent. 304 00:27:53,404 --> 00:27:56,896 Frigging, frigging. I want a piece of your action. 305 00:27:56,974 --> 00:27:58,168 You can't have any of my action. 306 00:27:58,242 --> 00:28:00,267 Do you even know what your action is? 307 00:28:00,344 --> 00:28:02,471 You're the one who started talking about my action. 308 00:28:02,546 --> 00:28:08,610 Your action is blowing people away with your genius, and your bizarre charisma. 309 00:28:08,686 --> 00:28:13,089 You're a college star in the making. 310 00:28:13,157 --> 00:28:17,184 My quest is private, Leo, it's not for other people. 311 00:28:18,996 --> 00:28:21,931 Do you think I should start a blog? 312 00:29:14,385 --> 00:29:15,977 Whoa. 313 00:29:19,423 --> 00:29:20,447 Nice try, Leo. 314 00:29:20,524 --> 00:29:21,718 Mm? 315 00:29:21,792 --> 00:29:24,317 This jacket is from sweatshop city. 316 00:29:24,395 --> 00:29:28,092 What are you talking about? It was stitched in Beacon Falls, USA. 317 00:29:28,165 --> 00:29:30,133 Makes me look like I have old-man shoulders. 318 00:29:30,201 --> 00:29:32,567 Man shoulders are a perk. 319 00:29:32,636 --> 00:29:37,471 Oh. Then how come the waist is so tight? 320 00:29:37,541 --> 00:29:41,295 What are you talking about? It's form-fitting. 321 00:29:41,308 --> 00:29:45,073 Flatters the silhouette. 322 00:29:45,149 --> 00:29:49,142 Oh. Well, what about the collar? 323 00:29:49,220 --> 00:29:52,121 The jacket's perfect, Eli. 324 00:29:52,189 --> 00:29:53,781 You promise? 325 00:29:54,058 --> 00:29:55,218 Yeah. 326 00:29:57,528 --> 00:29:59,291 Must be why I love it so much. 327 00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:25,484 Excuse me, hello, thank you very much. I hope you all enjoy your lunch. 328 00:30:25,556 --> 00:30:29,492 Today we're offering $1,000 to anyone... 329 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:34,657 who can stump the Whittman Warring Hares Collegiate Mastermind squad. 330 00:30:34,732 --> 00:30:36,290 Perky girl. 331 00:30:36,367 --> 00:30:39,564 Okay, why does he have pubic hair on his head? 332 00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:43,095 Not the sort of question we're looking for. Next! 333 00:30:43,174 --> 00:30:45,142 But the people want to know. Don't you want to know? 334 00:30:45,209 --> 00:30:47,507 Yeah. 335 00:30:47,578 --> 00:30:51,810 Okay, the people want to know, why does your hair look like "down there" hair? 336 00:30:51,882 --> 00:30:54,180 That's a great question. 337 00:30:54,251 --> 00:30:57,652 My hair resembles pubic hair, because it is designed to protect my brain. 338 00:30:57,721 --> 00:31:00,212 Protect your brain from what? 339 00:31:00,291 --> 00:31:01,815 From stupidity. 340 00:31:04,395 --> 00:31:05,794 You calling me stupid? 341 00:31:05,863 --> 00:31:08,855 - Mm, mm-mm. - They're calling you stupid. 342 00:31:09,133 --> 00:31:10,327 What about you? 343 00:31:10,401 --> 00:31:12,301 I'm calling you stupid, too. 344 00:31:12,369 --> 00:31:14,132 Ouch. 345 00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:19,199 Yeah? Who will be stupid when I'm eating your brain, Pettifog? 346 00:31:19,276 --> 00:31:22,404 Grilled... with sea salt. 347 00:31:24,415 --> 00:31:25,746 You're gonna grill my brain? 348 00:31:25,816 --> 00:31:27,408 He's gonna grill your brain. 349 00:31:32,790 --> 00:31:36,817 Caveman, you can't even start a fire. 350 00:31:38,596 --> 00:31:39,756 I'll rub your bones together. 351 00:31:39,830 --> 00:31:41,388 Name one bone. 352 00:31:41,465 --> 00:31:42,659 Your skull bone! 353 00:31:42,733 --> 00:31:44,792 All right, kids, come on, calm down. 354 00:31:44,869 --> 00:31:47,804 Thank you very much. Don't forget to come and see the Warring Hares. 355 00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:49,872 - I could take him. Put me down. - Bus your tables. 356 00:31:55,412 --> 00:31:58,292 I want to thank you for benching me. I never felt so confident in my life. 357 00:31:58,315 --> 00:32:03,218 Hey, what are friends for? 358 00:32:03,287 --> 00:32:04,879 Hey, sexy genius. 359 00:32:04,955 --> 00:32:06,786 Hey, sexy lady, what's up? 360 00:32:06,857 --> 00:32:10,190 - She's not talking to you. - What are you talking about? 361 00:32:10,261 --> 00:32:16,791 Hey, you teach me, I'll teach you. A little quid pro blow, as they say in modern Latin. 362 00:32:21,305 --> 00:32:25,264 See you at Vassar. Bye, boys. 363 00:32:25,342 --> 00:32:26,866 It's quid pro quo. 364 00:32:26,944 --> 00:32:29,344 In Collegiate Mastermind, it might be quid pro quo... 365 00:32:29,413 --> 00:32:33,281 but in the game of life, her interpretation is right on the sticky bun. 366 00:32:33,350 --> 00:32:35,841 You're so cool, I think I'm gonna call you the fog. 367 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,218 Please, don't call me the fog. That makes me sound dense. 368 00:32:38,289 --> 00:32:39,620 Sorry. 369 00:32:39,690 --> 00:32:40,816 Hey, baby. 370 00:32:40,891 --> 00:32:42,324 Hi, Gertrude. 371 00:32:42,393 --> 00:32:44,361 - Hi, ladies. Where's Leo? - Hey, Gertrude. 372 00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:47,655 Ha-ha, looks like we got a ride. 373 00:32:47,731 --> 00:32:50,894 - Nice. - Yes, the van. 374 00:32:50,968 --> 00:32:53,402 - So sweet. - Oh, my god, this is awesome. 375 00:32:53,470 --> 00:32:55,495 Neat, so cool. Fluffy and soft. 376 00:32:55,572 --> 00:32:57,267 - Do you have a bed in this thing? - I like this car. 377 00:32:57,341 --> 00:33:00,538 Nice, isn't it? Feels kind of like a land couch. 378 00:33:00,611 --> 00:33:02,841 Hey, Leo, guess what? Eli has a groupie. 379 00:33:02,913 --> 00:33:04,608 Shut up, Romeo. Jesus. 380 00:33:04,682 --> 00:33:06,309 - What's her name? - Eve Hanson, she's a senior. 381 00:33:06,383 --> 00:33:07,907 She cute? 382 00:33:07,985 --> 00:33:10,613 She looks like Gertrude, if you gave her blonde hair and money. 383 00:33:10,688 --> 00:33:16,217 Romeo, the only groupie you're ever gonna have is your hand. 384 00:33:17,661 --> 00:33:18,685 That really hurt. 385 00:33:18,762 --> 00:33:19,694 Good. 386 00:33:19,763 --> 00:33:20,787 Buckle up, kids! 387 00:33:32,443 --> 00:33:35,241 Rhinotillexomania is compulsive nose picking. 388 00:33:35,312 --> 00:33:37,371 Gynecomastia means man boobs. 389 00:33:37,448 --> 00:33:39,416 The naked mole rat is immune to cancer. 390 00:33:39,483 --> 00:33:41,007 Whittman College has won the match. 391 00:33:44,655 --> 00:33:48,887 And for the match, what syndrome does pop star Lily Allen have? Whittman. 392 00:33:48,959 --> 00:33:52,725 The super numerary nipple syndrome, the triple nipple. 393 00:33:52,796 --> 00:33:53,785 Correct! 394 00:33:56,567 --> 00:33:59,434 Abalone is not a mollusk, but a large marine snail. 395 00:33:59,503 --> 00:34:01,344 That's correct. Match goes to Whittman College. 396 00:34:03,774 --> 00:34:07,039 The aquatic scrotum resides primarily in Lake Titicaca. 397 00:34:07,311 --> 00:34:08,539 Whittman wins! 398 00:34:08,612 --> 00:34:09,738 Yes! 399 00:34:12,449 --> 00:34:14,349 Out of beer! 400 00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:18,313 Warriors! 401 00:34:31,068 --> 00:34:33,059 Safety first, safety first. 402 00:35:23,554 --> 00:35:24,714 Oh, my god! 403 00:35:24,788 --> 00:35:25,880 Hi. 404 00:35:25,956 --> 00:35:27,480 Can you please stay away from me? 405 00:35:29,426 --> 00:35:32,452 Don't worry, Laird never comes to the library. 406 00:35:32,529 --> 00:35:34,087 I find you fascinating. 407 00:35:34,164 --> 00:35:35,893 No, you don't. 408 00:35:35,966 --> 00:35:38,457 And dangerous. 409 00:35:40,704 --> 00:35:42,569 I'm very safe. 410 00:35:44,108 --> 00:35:45,575 Do I scare you? 411 00:35:45,642 --> 00:35:48,668 Yes, very much. 412 00:35:48,745 --> 00:35:55,514 Well, just try to look past my breasts and everything else, and see the real me. 413 00:35:55,586 --> 00:35:59,989 Look past your breasts? I can't even look at them. 414 00:36:00,057 --> 00:36:04,721 Just... right... do you need... 415 00:36:04,795 --> 00:36:05,876 I'm not gonna look at them. 416 00:36:10,033 --> 00:36:12,001 Don't worry, Romeo, we can beat Yale. 417 00:36:12,069 --> 00:36:13,764 It's not that. 418 00:36:13,837 --> 00:36:15,395 Well, what is it? 419 00:36:15,472 --> 00:36:17,406 My brother goes to Yale. 420 00:36:17,474 --> 00:36:19,032 Oh, really, that's a bummer. 421 00:36:19,109 --> 00:36:22,010 It's only because he is a non-threatening Puerto Rican. 422 00:36:22,079 --> 00:36:26,106 I did not get into Yale, because my mighty mas macho terrifies the white man... 423 00:36:26,183 --> 00:36:28,447 until his balls are like raisins. 424 00:36:28,519 --> 00:36:31,647 But it still hurts, you know? 425 00:36:31,722 --> 00:36:33,747 Every night it still hurts. 426 00:36:33,824 --> 00:36:39,126 So you have a smarter brother? Is he better looking, too? 427 00:36:39,196 --> 00:36:42,165 Yeah, but only a little bit. 428 00:36:44,902 --> 00:36:52,832 Eli, can you dedicate this one to Romeo? He's really hurting back here. 429 00:36:52,910 --> 00:36:56,107 Sure. This one's for you, big guy. 430 00:37:04,087 --> 00:37:09,616 Good evening, and welcome to the Yale Bulldogs... 431 00:37:09,693 --> 00:37:13,789 versus the Whittman Warring Hares. 432 00:37:13,864 --> 00:37:16,833 First question is a toss up for ten points. 433 00:37:16,900 --> 00:37:20,802 How many names are listed on the Vietnam War Memorial? 434 00:37:20,871 --> 00:37:22,930 58,652. 435 00:37:23,006 --> 00:37:25,736 Wrong, Whittman for the steal? 436 00:37:25,809 --> 00:37:28,141 58,256. 437 00:37:28,212 --> 00:37:32,080 That is oh, so right. Bonus to Whittman. 438 00:37:32,149 --> 00:37:36,882 The memorial is built from black granite. Where does this granite come from? 439 00:37:36,954 --> 00:37:38,182 Bangalore, India. 440 00:37:38,255 --> 00:37:41,713 Right again. Toss up. 441 00:37:41,792 --> 00:37:45,592 Who invented the roulette wheel and why? 442 00:37:45,662 --> 00:37:47,857 French philosopher and mathematician... 443 00:37:47,931 --> 00:37:51,264 Blaise Pascal invented roulette for perpetual motion experiments. 444 00:37:51,535 --> 00:37:55,027 That is oh, so right. Bonus to Yale. 445 00:37:55,105 --> 00:37:59,667 Why is roulette called the Devil's Game? 446 00:37:59,743 --> 00:38:02,507 Because all the numbers on the wheel add up to 666. 447 00:38:02,579 --> 00:38:03,546 Correct. 448 00:38:05,282 --> 00:38:06,749 - Huddle up. - What? 449 00:38:06,817 --> 00:38:08,785 - I'm not kidding. - What's up? 450 00:38:08,852 --> 00:38:10,979 Some girls know about roulette, other girls know about the devil... 451 00:38:11,054 --> 00:38:12,646 but no girl knows about both. 452 00:38:12,723 --> 00:38:15,556 Especially not girls like that. She's cheating. 453 00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:17,253 How do you know? 454 00:38:17,327 --> 00:38:19,921 Check out the receiver, it's hidden, it's right there. 455 00:38:19,997 --> 00:38:22,124 Yeah, I see it. Somebody's feeding her the answers. 456 00:38:22,199 --> 00:38:24,633 I bet she cheated to get into Yale, too. 457 00:38:24,701 --> 00:38:27,534 I bet she took your spot. 458 00:38:27,604 --> 00:38:29,936 Whittman, break your huddle. 459 00:38:30,007 --> 00:38:32,145 All right, guys, here's your choice. 460 00:38:32,158 --> 00:38:34,307 We can beat them fair and square. I promise we can. 461 00:38:34,578 --> 00:38:37,615 Or, we could put an eternal stain on their lives. 462 00:38:37,628 --> 00:38:40,676 It's your call. Yale's your white whale. 463 00:38:40,751 --> 00:38:42,582 Eternal stain. 464 00:38:42,653 --> 00:38:43,847 All right, just be cool. 465 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:44,909 I can't be cool. 466 00:38:44,988 --> 00:38:47,115 Oh, god. 467 00:38:48,759 --> 00:38:50,954 My earring. 468 00:38:55,599 --> 00:38:57,624 Whoo! 469 00:38:57,701 --> 00:38:59,134 Daniel, my brother, Turran. 470 00:39:01,838 --> 00:39:08,835 My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty. 471 00:39:21,625 --> 00:39:24,617 I know you saw that sign. 472 00:39:24,695 --> 00:39:27,630 Yeah, I saw it. 473 00:40:16,813 --> 00:40:21,409 Here we are at Harvard... smartest place on Earth. 474 00:40:25,455 --> 00:40:27,923 This is the freshman dorm, Adams house. 475 00:40:27,991 --> 00:40:30,926 Some of the rooms have fireplaces. 476 00:40:30,994 --> 00:40:32,962 Get over it. 477 00:40:37,300 --> 00:40:38,892 What are you doing? 478 00:40:38,969 --> 00:40:42,700 What does it look like I'm doing? 479 00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:21,871 What's the high score in this machine? 480 00:41:21,945 --> 00:41:26,439 I'm wearing watermelon lip gloss. 481 00:41:32,956 --> 00:41:34,753 The flavor is disappearing, can you put on some more? 482 00:41:34,825 --> 00:41:36,224 I have cherry, too. 483 00:41:36,293 --> 00:41:39,285 No, this is the one. This is definitely the one. 484 00:41:49,005 --> 00:41:50,768 You're a really good kisser, Eli. 485 00:41:50,841 --> 00:41:52,866 Thanks. 486 00:41:52,943 --> 00:41:58,108 We can't do this all day... unless it leads somewhere else. 487 00:41:58,181 --> 00:41:59,773 Like where? 488 00:41:59,850 --> 00:42:02,318 Like my neck. 489 00:42:02,385 --> 00:42:04,012 What about your neck? 490 00:42:04,087 --> 00:42:05,952 Kiss it. 491 00:42:06,022 --> 00:42:07,887 Okay. 492 00:42:16,933 --> 00:42:18,924 That feels so good. 493 00:42:20,837 --> 00:42:22,998 Now the other side. 494 00:42:23,073 --> 00:42:24,335 You mean... okay. 495 00:42:38,088 --> 00:42:39,817 Eli. 496 00:42:39,890 --> 00:42:41,551 Yeah? 497 00:42:41,825 --> 00:42:43,156 Do you have a roommate? 498 00:42:43,226 --> 00:42:45,456 No. 499 00:42:45,529 --> 00:42:47,463 You should invite me over. 500 00:42:47,531 --> 00:42:54,061 You know, me being on campus might make me into a crazy woman. 501 00:43:00,243 --> 00:43:02,683 Did you know that every time you recall a memory, 502 00:43:02,696 --> 00:43:05,146 you're making the whole thing up from scratch? 503 00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:08,343 That's ridiculous, my memories are exactly the same every time. 504 00:43:08,418 --> 00:43:13,355 Oh, okay. What was I wearing when we met? 505 00:43:13,423 --> 00:43:14,947 Nothing. 506 00:43:15,025 --> 00:43:16,959 Come on, I'm trying to do science here. 507 00:43:17,027 --> 00:43:20,485 Don't you need test tubes or something like that? 508 00:43:20,564 --> 00:43:24,864 What color lipstick did your wife wear at your wedding? Hm? 509 00:43:24,935 --> 00:43:26,493 How did you know that I was married? 510 00:43:26,570 --> 00:43:31,007 It's written all over you. Divorced guy goes to college. 511 00:43:31,074 --> 00:43:33,565 Not a good look, is it? 512 00:43:33,643 --> 00:43:35,838 It's not a look, it's a life. 513 00:43:35,912 --> 00:43:38,005 Hey, you want to go back to my room? 514 00:43:38,081 --> 00:43:41,346 Sure, I still have 20 more pages before we have a sex break. 515 00:43:41,418 --> 00:43:46,287 Okay, fine, no highlighting, no looking stuff up, no dog-earing pages. 516 00:43:46,356 --> 00:43:47,323 Deal. 517 00:43:47,390 --> 00:43:48,379 Deal. 518 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:51,957 - Divorce is sexy. - Really? 519 00:43:52,028 --> 00:43:54,519 Yeah, as long as you don't have any brats running around you. 520 00:43:54,598 --> 00:43:56,930 Uh-huh. 521 00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:02,097 Yo, Laird wants a truce, he's all fruity for you or something. 522 00:44:02,172 --> 00:44:06,871 Atruce, huh? Okay, take this, you need it. 523 00:44:08,078 --> 00:44:09,067 Laird. 524 00:44:09,145 --> 00:44:13,172 Pettifog. 525 00:44:16,453 --> 00:44:17,933 Tell me we're going to beat Princeton. 526 00:44:17,954 --> 00:44:19,251 We're gonna beat Princeton. 527 00:44:19,322 --> 00:44:21,051 Tell me we're going to the Final Four. 528 00:44:21,124 --> 00:44:22,955 Final Four? We're going all the way. 529 00:44:23,026 --> 00:44:25,620 Did you just promise me a national championship? 530 00:44:25,695 --> 00:44:28,323 I'm guaranteeing it. 531 00:44:28,398 --> 00:44:30,559 I believe you, Eli. 532 00:44:30,634 --> 00:44:34,661 I believe that you can restore glory to Whittman athletics and make us whole again. 533 00:44:34,938 --> 00:44:36,428 Yeah, I promise I will. 534 00:44:36,506 --> 00:44:42,035 But if you fail, I will make you retarded with my fist. 535 00:44:42,112 --> 00:44:43,943 Okay. 536 00:45:03,700 --> 00:45:07,466 I'm gonna make this the worst year of your shitty, little life. 537 00:45:07,537 --> 00:45:12,600 But if you fail, I will make you retarded with my fist. 538 00:45:15,078 --> 00:45:21,017 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 539 00:45:21,084 --> 00:45:22,346 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 540 00:45:22,419 --> 00:45:25,582 Hey, I'm Eli Pettifog, ask me anything. 541 00:45:29,392 --> 00:45:31,724 Yo, this is total commitment. 542 00:45:31,995 --> 00:45:33,326 What are you talking about? 543 00:45:33,396 --> 00:45:36,092 Pettifog, he means it. 544 00:45:36,166 --> 00:45:37,690 Let me see that. 545 00:45:42,138 --> 00:45:45,972 Oh, please, that's Kiss, we're the Beatles. 546 00:45:47,610 --> 00:45:48,110 Tigers! 547 00:45:52,048 --> 00:45:55,245 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 548 00:45:55,318 --> 00:45:57,582 Win this one, we make it to the Final Four. 549 00:45:57,654 --> 00:46:01,055 My father will kill me. '69 team lost to Princeton. 550 00:46:01,124 --> 00:46:02,648 You afraid of your father? 551 00:46:02,726 --> 00:46:04,159 Everybody is afraid of their father. 552 00:46:04,227 --> 00:46:05,387 I can't believe how nervous I am. 553 00:46:05,462 --> 00:46:07,487 You've got no reason to be nervous. 554 00:46:07,564 --> 00:46:10,260 No, I know, I was just trying to make you feel useful. 555 00:46:10,333 --> 00:46:15,532 Just get up there and give it all the brains you got. 556 00:46:15,605 --> 00:46:20,474 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 557 00:46:24,781 --> 00:46:29,582 Good evening and welcome to Collegiate Mastermind. 558 00:46:37,494 --> 00:46:43,592 All right, the first question is a toss-up worth ten points. 559 00:46:43,666 --> 00:46:48,694 Which president created a company slogan by describing a certain brand of coffee... 560 00:46:48,772 --> 00:46:51,366 as being "good to the last drop"? 561 00:46:51,441 --> 00:46:53,375 Teddy Roosevelt. 562 00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:55,138 Correct. 563 00:46:58,648 --> 00:47:04,484 Here's your bonus. In Italy, what is the average age of a barista? 564 00:47:04,554 --> 00:47:05,612 48. 565 00:47:05,688 --> 00:47:07,280 Nicely done. 566 00:47:11,194 --> 00:47:17,190 Toss-up now. What is the longest word ever used by a presidential press secretary? 567 00:47:17,267 --> 00:47:19,701 Floxinoxinihilipilification. 568 00:47:19,769 --> 00:47:23,296 That's the word. Here's your bonus. 569 00:47:23,373 --> 00:47:26,729 What is the longest word in the English language 570 00:47:26,742 --> 00:47:30,108 whose letters can be played on the piano? 571 00:47:34,417 --> 00:47:35,406 Cabbaged. 572 00:47:35,485 --> 00:47:39,182 Musical. Toss-up. 573 00:47:39,255 --> 00:47:42,309 How much money did Abraham Lincoln have in 574 00:47:42,322 --> 00:47:45,387 his pocket at the time of his assassination? 575 00:47:45,461 --> 00:47:47,088 Five dollars in Confederate money. 576 00:47:47,163 --> 00:47:50,826 Nice shot, Whittman, all the way to the bank. 577 00:47:55,905 --> 00:48:00,342 I want to have your baby! 578 00:48:00,410 --> 00:48:06,371 Here's your bonus. What is the average life span of a U.S. dollar in circulation? 579 00:48:06,449 --> 00:48:07,473 18 months. 580 00:48:07,550 --> 00:48:09,814 Correct. 581 00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:15,415 Such an intense sport. 582 00:48:15,491 --> 00:48:16,583 It's all in the coaching. 583 00:48:16,659 --> 00:48:19,423 Toss-up. Who wrote Fart Proudly? 584 00:48:19,495 --> 00:48:20,757 Benjamin Franklin. 585 00:48:20,830 --> 00:48:23,128 - Exactly. - Nostalgie De La Boue. 586 00:48:23,199 --> 00:48:25,224 - Bingo. - 28,420. 587 00:48:25,301 --> 00:48:27,166 Well done! 588 00:48:27,237 --> 00:48:33,176 Bella Abzug. The Stockholm Syndrome. The number one. 589 00:48:33,243 --> 00:48:36,337 Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories per hour. 590 00:48:36,412 --> 00:48:40,815 On average, right-handed people live nine years longer than left-handed people. 591 00:48:40,884 --> 00:48:42,215 Mike Huckabee. 592 00:48:42,285 --> 00:48:45,345 The mainland tiger snake. 593 00:48:45,421 --> 00:48:50,449 The two presidents who's names contain the letters that form criminal... 594 00:48:50,526 --> 00:48:53,825 are Richard Millhouse Nixon and William Jefferson Clinton. 595 00:48:53,897 --> 00:48:58,834 If Barbie were life-size, she would stand 7 feet, 2 inches. 596 00:49:04,374 --> 00:49:10,574 Whoo! It is a tight race, if I do say so myself. 597 00:49:10,647 --> 00:49:17,746 This final question will determine which team will go to the Final Four. 598 00:49:17,820 --> 00:49:19,651 Teams at your buzzers. 599 00:49:31,267 --> 00:49:36,261 Who first said, "Elvis has left the building"? 600 00:49:36,339 --> 00:49:37,271 Whittman! 601 00:49:37,340 --> 00:49:38,534 Horace Lee Logan! 602 00:49:38,608 --> 00:49:42,339 Holy shit, that's right. 603 00:49:42,412 --> 00:49:45,848 Princeton loses! Princeton loses! 604 00:49:45,915 --> 00:49:48,907 And Whittman College advances to the Final Four! 605 00:49:48,985 --> 00:49:52,216 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 606 00:50:01,631 --> 00:50:05,897 Whoa, whoa, whoa, kid, now that's over the line. 607 00:50:09,038 --> 00:50:10,869 I can't believe it. 608 00:50:34,831 --> 00:50:37,322 Yo. 609 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:38,492 Yo. 610 00:50:52,582 --> 00:50:54,709 Hey, Pettifog. 611 00:50:54,784 --> 00:50:57,947 I have registered mail. 612 00:50:58,021 --> 00:51:01,428 You know what, Pettifog? You're no Pettifog. 613 00:51:01,441 --> 00:51:04,859 You're an angel of knowledge with a kinky halo. 614 00:51:04,927 --> 00:51:07,987 Saw you the other night, awesome. 615 00:51:08,064 --> 00:51:10,624 Thanks. 616 00:51:10,700 --> 00:51:15,069 Hey, Pettifog? Hi-ya! 617 00:51:21,878 --> 00:51:26,440 What? Oh, shit, no! 618 00:51:26,516 --> 00:51:29,610 To the academic building, and the first thing we're gonna do is... 619 00:51:29,685 --> 00:51:32,205 Uh, question, what is the student bathroom ratio on this campus? 620 00:51:33,656 --> 00:51:34,850 Sophie? 621 00:51:34,924 --> 00:51:37,791 Yes. Who are you? 622 00:51:37,860 --> 00:51:41,956 Um... I'm Leo Searly. 623 00:51:44,667 --> 00:51:46,999 My bio dad? 624 00:51:47,070 --> 00:51:49,470 Your father. 625 00:51:49,539 --> 00:51:54,704 No. That's my father. 626 00:51:54,777 --> 00:51:56,574 Don't tell me you're a professor here. 627 00:51:56,646 --> 00:52:00,776 No, uh, yes? I'm not tenured yet, well... 628 00:52:00,850 --> 00:52:07,517 You left when I was seven, and now you're teaching at my top college choice? 629 00:52:07,590 --> 00:52:11,356 You're ruining my life all over again. 630 00:52:11,427 --> 00:52:13,987 And you don't even care that you're ruining my life. 631 00:52:14,063 --> 00:52:17,794 All you care about is Leo Searly. 632 00:52:17,867 --> 00:52:25,467 Three-time loser and pathetic Peter Pan. 633 00:52:25,541 --> 00:52:28,101 Soph... Sophie, just give me another chance. 634 00:52:33,049 --> 00:52:35,779 She ain't here, Fuzzy. 635 00:52:42,492 --> 00:52:46,394 Read it. Read the letter! 636 00:52:52,568 --> 00:52:56,470 Collegiate Mastermind... Dear Eli Pettifog... 637 00:52:56,539 --> 00:52:59,565 The Collegiate Mastermind Committee hereby suspends you... 638 00:52:59,642 --> 00:53:04,102 from the semi-final match of this year's Final Four for actions unbecoming? 639 00:53:04,180 --> 00:53:07,081 La-Ia-Ia... section four, code 93... 640 00:53:07,150 --> 00:53:10,085 You're not even allowed in the building. Is this for real? 641 00:53:10,153 --> 00:53:13,714 Yes, it's for real, this is your fault, Leo. 642 00:53:13,789 --> 00:53:16,121 You got me the team jackets. You got me the van. 643 00:53:16,192 --> 00:53:19,821 You made me popular. How could you do those things? 644 00:53:19,896 --> 00:53:22,490 I knew I shouldn't have enrolled you in karate classes. 645 00:53:22,565 --> 00:53:27,730 That's typical Leo Searly sarcasm. You just don't care about anyone or anything. 646 00:53:29,939 --> 00:53:32,601 Jesus Christ, I can't believe this is happening. 647 00:53:32,675 --> 00:53:35,803 I had Harvard dangling over the falls, Leo. 648 00:53:35,878 --> 00:53:38,210 You have to do something about this. 649 00:53:38,481 --> 00:53:39,550 You have to go to the Collegiate Mastermind 650 00:53:39,563 --> 00:53:40,642 headquarters and you have to set them straight. 651 00:53:40,716 --> 00:53:41,978 I can't do that. 652 00:53:42,051 --> 00:53:43,211 Why not? 653 00:53:43,486 --> 00:53:45,750 You just burst in their offices... 654 00:53:45,821 --> 00:53:48,688 you tell them you're my father and they're messing with my destiny or something. 655 00:53:48,758 --> 00:53:52,819 You know that there are some things that you just can't change. 656 00:53:59,769 --> 00:54:02,704 I thought you were afraid to talk to me? 657 00:54:02,772 --> 00:54:06,765 I've been suspended from the semi-final match. 658 00:54:06,842 --> 00:54:12,974 For karate? You idiot. 659 00:54:13,049 --> 00:54:16,246 I know, but they never even warned me. 660 00:54:16,519 --> 00:54:19,079 I hope you consider coming to Whittman, you're a wonderful candidate. 661 00:54:19,155 --> 00:54:20,144 Thank you so much. 662 00:54:20,223 --> 00:54:22,555 - Okay, see you. Bye-bye. - Bye. 663 00:54:22,625 --> 00:54:26,254 Do you ever consider the possibility that maybe you're the patsy in all this? 664 00:54:26,529 --> 00:54:28,690 I was set up? Why would I be set up? 665 00:54:28,764 --> 00:54:31,665 Look, they used you to bring attention to the Mastermind. 666 00:54:31,734 --> 00:54:34,828 But at the end of the day, they were never gonna let you win. 667 00:54:34,904 --> 00:54:36,565 You're collegiate white trash. 668 00:54:36,639 --> 00:54:38,664 You're even more paranoid than I am. 669 00:54:38,741 --> 00:54:41,209 Things like this happen all the time. 670 00:54:43,079 --> 00:54:45,775 Hi. 671 00:54:45,848 --> 00:54:47,611 Hi. 672 00:54:47,683 --> 00:54:49,548 Hello. 673 00:54:49,619 --> 00:54:51,177 Hello. 674 00:54:51,254 --> 00:54:55,281 I've been looking all over for you. What are you doing here? 675 00:54:55,558 --> 00:54:59,619 Um, I just finished my interview and then the campus store. 676 00:54:59,695 --> 00:55:02,186 Now I'm in the library, which is awesome. 677 00:55:02,265 --> 00:55:06,668 I'm a little bit confused. Are you applying for an after-school job or something? 678 00:55:06,736 --> 00:55:11,196 No, um... I'm applying as a student to Whittman College, Eli. 679 00:55:11,274 --> 00:55:16,576 I thought you were 15. Have you been lying to me about your age? 680 00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:20,309 I am 15, and I'm a high school senior. 681 00:55:23,352 --> 00:55:25,616 Why wouldn't you tell me that? 682 00:55:25,688 --> 00:55:28,020 Because I thought you wouldn't like it. 683 00:55:28,090 --> 00:55:33,551 And... why didn't you tell me about the Collegiate Mastermind? Hm? 684 00:55:36,799 --> 00:55:39,131 Is is because you wanted to keep your townie girlfriend... 685 00:55:39,201 --> 00:55:41,567 as far away from your real life as you can? 686 00:55:41,637 --> 00:55:43,662 I'm a townie, too, you know. 687 00:55:43,739 --> 00:55:45,570 Then act like one. 688 00:55:48,344 --> 00:55:51,905 You better go get her, Eli. Girls like that don't grow in chat rooms. 689 00:55:55,351 --> 00:55:57,182 And brush your hair. 690 00:56:35,825 --> 00:56:37,156 Shit! 691 00:56:42,698 --> 00:56:44,393 Dance. 692 00:56:49,205 --> 00:56:50,194 Good shot. 693 00:56:53,876 --> 00:56:56,845 Hey, Leo? How are your testicles? 694 00:56:56,912 --> 00:56:58,743 Hanging in there. 695 00:57:00,816 --> 00:57:02,807 Yeah, you are. 696 00:57:14,397 --> 00:57:20,802 Pettifog. Pettifog. 697 00:57:20,870 --> 00:57:23,930 Pettifog! 698 00:57:24,006 --> 00:57:29,444 I am one gloomy dick, Pettifog. 699 00:57:31,881 --> 00:57:33,439 What's wrong? 700 00:57:33,716 --> 00:57:39,712 What's wrong? You got suspended. We're gonna lose. 701 00:57:39,789 --> 00:57:42,087 Where'd you hear that? 702 00:57:42,158 --> 00:57:46,891 Everywhere. 703 00:57:46,962 --> 00:57:49,294 It's not true. 704 00:57:49,365 --> 00:57:52,425 It's not? 705 00:57:52,501 --> 00:57:59,373 No... it's... it's a ruse to lull the opponent. 706 00:57:59,442 --> 00:58:02,900 To a false sense of security. 707 00:58:02,978 --> 00:58:05,378 Nobody knows but you and me. 708 00:58:07,049 --> 00:58:09,017 That's just ingenious. 709 00:58:11,287 --> 00:58:18,819 So, you still guarantee complete annihilation and total victory? 710 00:58:18,894 --> 00:58:21,021 100 percent. 711 00:58:21,096 --> 00:58:23,064 How about another 10? That's 110 percent. 712 00:58:26,869 --> 00:58:28,962 There's no such thing. 713 00:58:29,038 --> 00:58:31,768 I don't care. 714 00:58:36,912 --> 00:58:40,780 Sophie? 715 00:58:42,485 --> 00:58:47,923 This was the car you were gonna teach me to drive in. 716 00:58:52,361 --> 00:58:54,124 Well, why don't we do that right now? 717 00:58:54,196 --> 00:58:56,460 I already know how to drive. 718 00:59:01,537 --> 00:59:05,530 You know I'm not really a professor here, right? 719 00:59:05,808 --> 00:59:09,300 I know, you're a freshman. 720 00:59:09,378 --> 00:59:13,542 Which is 50-50 creepy to cool. 721 00:59:17,953 --> 00:59:20,012 I was sure you hated me, I... 722 00:59:20,089 --> 00:59:23,422 I did, until I saw you. 723 00:59:23,492 --> 00:59:29,397 But you're such a lost goofball, I can't help but not hate you. 724 00:59:29,465 --> 00:59:31,865 Do you feel sorry for me? 725 00:59:31,934 --> 00:59:33,196 Yeah. 726 00:59:33,269 --> 00:59:36,204 Well, that's sweet. 727 00:59:36,272 --> 00:59:38,103 Are you thinking of coming to Whittman? 728 00:59:38,173 --> 00:59:42,234 How would you feel about that? I mean, it could be weird. 729 00:59:42,311 --> 00:59:45,633 Well... I don't know, thrilled that my daughter 730 00:59:45,646 --> 00:59:48,978 is following after her scholarly father. 731 00:59:52,521 --> 00:59:53,852 What kind of grades you get? 732 00:59:53,923 --> 00:59:56,255 - Straight A's. - Yeah? 733 00:59:56,325 --> 00:59:58,589 It's no big deal, it's public school. 734 00:59:58,861 --> 01:00:01,591 Still, that's great, straight A's. 735 01:00:04,266 --> 01:00:05,927 Can you afford it? 736 01:00:06,001 --> 01:00:09,437 No, I can't afford it. 737 01:00:09,505 --> 01:00:12,440 Well, you know, maybe there's something I can do to help you out tuition-wise. 738 01:00:12,508 --> 01:00:16,171 Are you serious? You would do that? 739 01:00:16,245 --> 01:00:23,083 Yeah, um, I'm not making any promises, but I'll see what I can do. Um... 740 01:00:23,152 --> 01:00:27,521 I didn't come here for that, you know? 741 01:00:27,590 --> 01:00:30,991 I know, look, I know, I know, I know. I know. 742 01:01:35,958 --> 01:01:37,949 - Hi. - Hi. 743 01:01:38,027 --> 01:01:42,964 I can't see you anymore. I'm sorry. Can I come in? 744 01:01:43,032 --> 01:01:45,330 Yeah, why can't you see me anymore? 745 01:01:45,401 --> 01:01:52,170 Well, because I just ran into my daughter and I haven't seen her in a long time. 746 01:01:52,241 --> 01:02:00,241 And it's just a little bit creepy, because she kind of looks like... you get it? 747 01:02:00,449 --> 01:02:02,644 That is so psychological. 748 01:02:02,718 --> 01:02:08,281 Some kind of pathological narcissistic father-daughter disorder or something. 749 01:02:08,357 --> 01:02:14,387 Well, thanks very much, and I'll see you around campus. 750 01:02:14,463 --> 01:02:17,557 You sure you don't want to hang out and study for a while? 751 01:02:17,633 --> 01:02:25,631 Wow, um, uh... gosh, I'm gonna go... 752 01:03:15,624 --> 01:03:20,254 Leo... what the hell are you doing here? 753 01:03:20,329 --> 01:03:23,696 Hi, Benny, how are you? 754 01:03:23,766 --> 01:03:26,172 Well, I've got a lot of things I could complain about, 755 01:03:26,185 --> 01:03:28,601 but try to say only good things. 756 01:03:28,670 --> 01:03:32,037 So, all right, what's up with you? 757 01:03:32,107 --> 01:03:34,200 Oh, I'm here to place a bet, Benny. 758 01:03:34,276 --> 01:03:37,336 Leo, you know that I'll never take your bet, not ever. 759 01:03:37,412 --> 01:03:39,092 Now what kind of bookie doesn't take a bet? 760 01:03:39,148 --> 01:03:41,673 The kind who feels guilty for ruining your life. 761 01:03:41,750 --> 01:03:46,483 But this is a good bet. It's a bet with conscience. 762 01:03:46,555 --> 01:03:48,750 Look, I'm sorry, Leo, can't do it. 763 01:03:50,325 --> 01:03:52,657 Benny, take my bet. 764 01:03:52,728 --> 01:03:54,480 Would you please get up off the ground? The sight 765 01:03:54,493 --> 01:03:56,255 of you down there is very disturbing to me. 766 01:03:56,331 --> 01:04:00,062 I'm not getting up until you take my bet. 767 01:04:00,135 --> 01:04:02,330 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 768 01:04:02,404 --> 01:04:03,701 - Oh, yeah? - Hm. 769 01:04:03,772 --> 01:04:06,400 Really? 770 01:04:06,475 --> 01:04:09,239 I'm not getting up until you get out of here, you understand? 771 01:04:09,311 --> 01:04:12,678 Look at you, Benny. You're on your knees in your own office. 772 01:04:12,748 --> 01:04:16,775 Look at you, you're begging me to ruin your life all over again. 773 01:04:16,852 --> 01:04:18,843 I'm trying to pay for my daughter's tuition. 774 01:04:19,121 --> 01:04:21,112 Yeah. 775 01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:23,181 Do you have any idea how much it costs to go to college these days? 776 01:04:23,258 --> 01:04:25,089 I don't know, like 20 grand? 777 01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:26,650 Try 50 large. 778 01:04:26,728 --> 01:04:29,322 50 large? Who the hell can afford that? 779 01:04:29,398 --> 01:04:34,131 I got 25, if I double it, then Sophie can go to school for a year. 780 01:04:34,203 --> 01:04:36,763 All right, what's the bet? 781 01:04:36,839 --> 01:04:39,103 Harvard to take it all. 782 01:04:39,174 --> 01:04:40,607 Harvard? What are they gonna win? 783 01:04:40,676 --> 01:04:42,507 Collegiate Mastermind. 784 01:04:42,578 --> 01:04:44,512 What the hell is Collegiate Mastermind? 785 01:04:44,580 --> 01:04:46,844 Well, it's kind of like Jeopardy, but without the money. 786 01:04:46,915 --> 01:04:50,952 No money? What's the point? 787 01:04:50,953 --> 01:04:51,248 No money? What's the point? 788 01:04:51,320 --> 01:04:56,280 You are going to win the Collegiate Mastermind National Championship. Say it. 789 01:04:56,358 --> 01:04:59,691 You are going to win the Collegiate Mastermind... 790 01:04:59,761 --> 01:05:03,629 Stop. Stop. Not me, you. Please say it again. 791 01:05:03,699 --> 01:05:06,668 How can we win the Collegiate Mastermind National Championship? 792 01:05:06,735 --> 01:05:10,364 We haven't answered one single question during the whole season. 793 01:05:10,439 --> 01:05:12,737 Well, you didn't answer the questions, but you knew the answers, right? 794 01:05:12,808 --> 01:05:14,799 I didn't. 795 01:05:14,877 --> 01:05:18,313 Not even one third of the answers? One out of every three questions? 796 01:05:18,380 --> 01:05:22,316 I did, I knew about a third. 797 01:05:22,384 --> 01:05:24,511 Yeah, I guess I did, too. 798 01:05:24,586 --> 01:05:28,317 Okay, and Alan knew the other third, so the three of you guys make up one of me. 799 01:05:28,390 --> 01:05:29,789 But... 800 01:05:29,858 --> 01:05:32,656 You're pussies. You guys are total pussies. 801 01:05:32,728 --> 01:05:37,563 And pussies need balls, so get some balls, guys. 802 01:05:37,633 --> 01:05:42,661 Can you seriously picture Alan with balls? 803 01:05:42,738 --> 01:05:43,796 Mm? 804 01:05:43,872 --> 01:05:46,864 Eli. 805 01:05:46,942 --> 01:05:47,909 Alan? 806 01:05:47,976 --> 01:05:50,570 Up here, Eli. 807 01:05:50,646 --> 01:05:54,309 Last night, I had a dream. 808 01:05:54,383 --> 01:05:57,318 The Poughkeepsie Music Hall... 809 01:05:57,386 --> 01:06:02,551 Poughkeepsie, New York, semi-final match of the Final Four... 810 01:06:02,624 --> 01:06:07,527 I was nailing question after question. 811 01:06:07,596 --> 01:06:10,360 How did it end? In your triumph? 812 01:06:10,432 --> 01:06:12,457 Nope. 813 01:06:12,534 --> 01:06:17,597 Ended when I mutated into a rabbit and shitted all over the stage. 814 01:06:17,673 --> 01:06:22,838 You weren't a rabbit, you idiot. You were a Warring Hare. 815 01:06:23,912 --> 01:06:26,278 - Really? - Yes. 816 01:06:27,516 --> 01:06:29,450 But what does the shit signify? 817 01:06:29,518 --> 01:06:31,543 Purging of your doubts. 818 01:06:32,854 --> 01:06:37,257 Man... I got a lot of doubts. 819 01:07:42,758 --> 01:07:46,421 Because Harvard's burning. 820 01:07:46,495 --> 01:07:48,656 Turn off the municipal water system. 821 01:07:48,730 --> 01:07:50,527 Because Harvard's burning. 822 01:07:50,599 --> 01:07:52,294 Something smells good. 823 01:07:52,367 --> 01:07:57,031 Because Harvard's burning. 824 01:08:02,844 --> 01:08:03,868 We're here. 825 01:08:05,547 --> 01:08:06,707 Okay, now I'm nervous. 826 01:08:06,782 --> 01:08:08,079 I'm gonna try and get in anyway. 827 01:08:08,350 --> 01:08:09,942 Good luck to us all. 828 01:08:14,756 --> 01:08:16,815 Warring Hares from leafy Whittman College. 829 01:08:19,528 --> 01:08:21,860 Searly, Leo. 830 01:08:21,930 --> 01:08:24,763 Pettifog, I can't let you in the building until after the semi-finals. 831 01:08:24,833 --> 01:08:25,959 - What are you talking about? - He's the best... 832 01:08:26,034 --> 01:08:27,695 - Excuse me. - Okay, you're b... 833 01:08:27,769 --> 01:08:28,827 - What are you talking about? - I'll watch the guys. 834 01:08:28,904 --> 01:08:30,963 I can't let you in. Sorry. 835 01:08:31,039 --> 01:08:32,870 There's something very different about you this year. 836 01:08:32,941 --> 01:08:34,465 The moustache... my moustache came in. 837 01:08:34,543 --> 01:08:35,510 It's not your moustache. 838 01:08:35,577 --> 01:08:37,044 Moustache is in. 839 01:08:37,112 --> 01:08:39,740 Something I can't quite run my fingers through. 840 01:08:39,815 --> 01:08:40,907 You know, Spencer... 841 01:08:40,982 --> 01:08:42,415 We're on, guys. 842 01:08:42,484 --> 01:08:43,416 I'm sorry, here we go. 843 01:08:48,390 --> 01:08:51,382 Ooh, we have arrived. 844 01:08:51,460 --> 01:08:54,452 Fruit plate. 845 01:08:54,529 --> 01:08:55,655 You know Shrek's wife Fiona? 846 01:08:55,730 --> 01:08:56,924 Mm-hm. 847 01:08:56,998 --> 01:08:59,023 I bet her hoo-hah looks just like this. 848 01:08:59,101 --> 01:09:02,366 Why did it take you so long to say something romantic? 849 01:09:02,437 --> 01:09:08,398 Hey, guys, let's bring it in. Huddle up... into a square. 850 01:09:08,477 --> 01:09:09,842 Circle, triangle, whatever. 851 01:09:09,911 --> 01:09:12,379 Are you gonna psyche us up instead of Eli? 852 01:09:12,447 --> 01:09:15,154 In my own way. You made it to the Final Four. 853 01:09:15,167 --> 01:09:17,885 You're already winners, right? 854 01:09:17,953 --> 01:09:23,858 Right, right? Right. Let's take a moment to cherish that. 855 01:09:30,532 --> 01:09:33,831 This is something that you're going to share with your children. 856 01:09:33,902 --> 01:09:39,169 The foundation of good character is based on losing. 857 01:09:39,441 --> 01:09:46,176 In fact, what makes a good winner... is a good loser. 858 01:09:49,084 --> 01:09:55,421 What's the difference between winning and losing? 859 01:09:55,490 --> 01:09:58,050 Except joy and pain. 860 01:09:58,126 --> 01:10:03,758 So, let's go out there with our heads held high... and lose one. 861 01:10:03,832 --> 01:10:05,891 In that old Whittman style. 862 01:10:07,903 --> 01:10:09,928 - We're coming to you live... - Coming to you live. 863 01:10:10,005 --> 01:10:12,132 ...from the Poughkeepsie Music Hall and what a beautiful venue this is. 864 01:10:12,207 --> 01:10:13,765 Gorgeous down there. 865 01:10:13,842 --> 01:10:16,936 Where the Stanford Cardinal will be taking on the... 866 01:10:17,012 --> 01:10:19,503 Whittman Warring Hares of Whittman College. 867 01:10:19,581 --> 01:10:23,483 Who are playing without their star, Eli Pettifog, who is... 868 01:10:23,552 --> 01:10:26,152 He's been suspended. He's been suspended one game for showboating. 869 01:10:26,221 --> 01:10:28,485 He's gonna be back if they advance to the Finals. 870 01:10:29,558 --> 01:10:30,923 What is up with you? 871 01:10:30,992 --> 01:10:33,688 This Whittman thong is itching me something fierce. 872 01:10:33,762 --> 01:10:36,060 Can we have tickets? I really need tickets. 873 01:10:36,131 --> 01:10:39,999 Shit! Shit. 874 01:10:48,910 --> 01:10:52,141 Why were you acting so creepy in the library? 875 01:10:52,214 --> 01:10:57,550 I don't know. Why were you acting so creepy in the library? 876 01:10:59,955 --> 01:11:05,257 I just... I just came over... 877 01:11:05,527 --> 01:11:07,222 I'm sorry. 878 01:11:07,295 --> 01:11:08,956 Yeah, sorry. 879 01:11:13,235 --> 01:11:14,862 Oh, I have lip gloss. 880 01:11:14,936 --> 01:11:17,598 No, screw the lip gloss, okay? 881 01:11:24,846 --> 01:11:26,814 Yo, good luck, Stanford. 882 01:11:31,753 --> 01:11:35,655 Remember, guys, even without Pettifog, the Hares are still dangerous. 883 01:11:35,724 --> 01:11:41,094 Bullshit. Without Pettifog, they can't even spell Pettifog. 884 01:11:41,162 --> 01:11:45,189 Hey, watch the karma violation. 885 01:11:45,267 --> 01:11:49,294 Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon. 886 01:11:49,571 --> 01:11:52,563 You come and go. 887 01:11:52,641 --> 01:11:55,838 You come and go. 888 01:11:58,346 --> 01:12:02,009 Oh, shit. 889 01:12:02,083 --> 01:12:06,110 Stanford Cardinal, please report backstage to check in. 890 01:12:06,187 --> 01:12:09,623 Final call, final call, Stanford Cardinal. 891 01:12:09,691 --> 01:12:12,051 We're currently waiting for the Stanford Cardinal to arrive. 892 01:12:12,060 --> 01:12:15,223 I think it's a mind game. I think what Stanford is doing is a mind game. 893 01:12:15,297 --> 01:12:19,165 I think they're just trying to upset these Whittman Warring Hares by not showing up. 894 01:12:19,234 --> 01:12:21,725 - I think it's bad karma, myself. - Yeah. 895 01:12:21,803 --> 01:12:24,101 I don't know where they are. I saw the in the hotel this morning at breakfast. 896 01:12:24,172 --> 01:12:26,492 A little bleary-eyed, probably from studying 897 01:12:26,505 --> 01:12:28,836 and/or partying they did last night. 898 01:12:28,910 --> 01:12:31,140 But they look great, these kids... 899 01:12:31,212 --> 01:12:33,840 we all shared some of the cottage cheese. I got a bowl of cottage cheese there. 900 01:12:33,915 --> 01:12:35,906 Really? 901 01:12:35,984 --> 01:12:38,043 Put some sugar on it yourself and grab yourself a pineapple ring... 902 01:12:38,119 --> 01:12:40,212 and put the cottage cheese on there. 903 01:12:40,288 --> 01:12:43,780 And load that sucker with sugar and have yourself some delicious French roast... 904 01:12:43,858 --> 01:12:46,258 that they have at the continental breakfast, a croissant, maybe? 905 01:12:46,328 --> 01:12:47,818 Right. 906 01:12:47,896 --> 01:12:50,228 Do not let them get into your head, Gertrude. 907 01:12:50,298 --> 01:12:52,026 The match should have started 20 minutes ago. 908 01:12:52,039 --> 01:12:53,778 Those Stanford fools are driving me crazy. 909 01:12:56,771 --> 01:12:59,171 Good afternoon, Whittman. 910 01:12:59,240 --> 01:13:01,458 The Stanford Cardinal have failed to appear... 911 01:13:01,471 --> 01:13:03,700 and are disqualified. 912 01:13:06,314 --> 01:13:11,251 Congratulations, you advance to the Finals. 913 01:13:17,759 --> 01:13:18,193 Benny Greenberg. 914 01:13:18,194 --> 01:13:19,820 Benny Greenberg. 915 01:13:19,894 --> 01:13:25,355 Hi, Benny, it's me, it's Leo. Really be good if I could talk to you. 916 01:13:25,433 --> 01:13:29,062 Hey, so what's Eli's bedroom IQ? 917 01:13:29,137 --> 01:13:31,367 Cut it out, you jerks. Okay? 918 01:13:31,439 --> 01:13:34,931 Seriously, we're about to play the match of our lives. 919 01:13:35,009 --> 01:13:36,374 What should we do? 920 01:13:36,444 --> 01:13:38,708 We'll practice celebrating. 921 01:13:38,780 --> 01:13:41,647 Create a mental picture of Harvard lying on the stage. 922 01:13:41,716 --> 01:13:44,879 You know, they're crying, they're fouling their pants. 923 01:13:44,953 --> 01:13:47,683 They're bleeding from their ears... 924 01:13:47,756 --> 01:13:52,386 and you all are gyrating obscenely over their fallen bodies. Okay? 925 01:13:55,397 --> 01:13:58,025 I want some pie. Do you want some pie? 926 01:13:58,099 --> 01:14:00,226 Yeah. Do you want blueberry? 927 01:14:00,301 --> 01:14:03,964 I heard they have an awesome peach one. Banana... 928 01:14:04,038 --> 01:14:05,699 I actually have to pee. 929 01:14:05,774 --> 01:14:08,709 Oh, I'll be over there. 930 01:14:16,251 --> 01:14:20,085 Dual vivimus vivamus. 931 01:14:20,155 --> 01:14:23,886 While we live, let's live. 932 01:14:23,958 --> 01:14:27,724 Porcellian Club, Harvard's most secret society. 933 01:14:27,796 --> 01:14:31,823 Members often call it "The PC". 934 01:14:31,900 --> 01:14:38,430 And "The Porc". I'm not a member, so I just call it the Porcellian Club. 935 01:14:38,506 --> 01:14:45,241 Nobody is a member until they become a member, but once a member, always a member. 936 01:14:45,313 --> 01:14:46,405 Like an alma mater. 937 01:14:50,218 --> 01:14:52,482 Only much, much better. 938 01:14:52,754 --> 01:14:54,984 Maybe next time around. 939 01:14:55,056 --> 01:15:02,292 Look at me, Eli. There is no next time around. 940 01:15:02,363 --> 01:15:06,322 If you let Harvard win, I can make you a Harvard student. 941 01:15:16,177 --> 01:15:18,475 Consider it. 942 01:15:22,317 --> 01:15:25,223 He said that if I take a dive in the final 943 01:15:25,236 --> 01:15:28,153 match, I go to Harvard on a full scholarship. 944 01:15:28,223 --> 01:15:30,088 Does that include a graduate degree? 945 01:15:30,158 --> 01:15:31,284 Who needs a graduate degree? 946 01:15:31,359 --> 01:15:33,020 Well, what was your answer? 947 01:15:33,094 --> 01:15:37,531 I didn't have one. I still don't have one. 948 01:15:37,799 --> 01:15:42,099 I gotta go, just don't follow me, don't try to find me, agh! 949 01:15:43,338 --> 01:15:46,034 I'm gyrating. I'm gyrating. 950 01:15:46,107 --> 01:15:47,972 No, no, no, it's like this. 951 01:15:50,245 --> 01:15:53,942 You're the rice in my beans, baby. 952 01:15:54,015 --> 01:15:55,505 Uh, hey, is Eli around? 953 01:15:55,583 --> 01:15:58,017 - You guys don't know where he is? - Is something wrong? 954 01:15:58,086 --> 01:16:00,145 Everything is fine. He's probably just getting in the zone all by himself. 955 01:16:00,221 --> 01:16:01,813 What's going on? What's going on, what? 956 01:16:01,890 --> 01:16:02,850 He's obviously not here. 957 01:16:02,891 --> 01:16:03,880 I know he's not here. 958 01:16:03,958 --> 01:16:05,084 So let's go, let's go. 959 01:16:05,159 --> 01:16:06,922 So, later. 960 01:16:29,484 --> 01:16:30,775 - Eli? - Eli. 961 01:16:30,800 --> 01:16:32,052 Eli? 962 01:16:32,053 --> 01:16:34,453 We should go back and wait for him in the dressing room. 963 01:16:34,522 --> 01:16:36,922 What are you talking about? He's not going to the dressing room. 964 01:16:36,991 --> 01:16:39,186 He could be anywhere. 965 01:16:41,129 --> 01:16:44,292 We are live in Poughkeepsie, New York... 966 01:16:44,365 --> 01:16:47,266 for the 49th annual Collegiate Mastermind Tournament Championship. 967 01:16:47,335 --> 01:16:49,360 And right off the bat, we have a shocker. 968 01:16:49,437 --> 01:16:51,234 Oh, boy. 969 01:16:51,306 --> 01:16:55,265 Whittman College's star player Eli Pettifog is a no-show. 970 01:16:55,343 --> 01:16:58,904 I think that their chances have gone from long shot... 971 01:16:58,980 --> 01:17:01,540 to no shot here against the Harvard Crimson ruling elite. 972 01:17:06,588 --> 01:17:09,989 There. 973 01:17:10,058 --> 01:17:11,252 What are you doing, Eli? 974 01:17:11,326 --> 01:17:13,055 Eli. 975 01:17:13,127 --> 01:17:16,290 He can't talk, but his Lego skills are ridiculous. 976 01:17:16,364 --> 01:17:19,026 Hmm. 977 01:17:19,100 --> 01:17:21,091 Come on, let's go. The match is starting. 978 01:17:24,272 --> 01:17:26,103 Keep on building. 979 01:17:28,443 --> 01:17:30,502 Holy shit, no Pettifog. 980 01:17:30,578 --> 01:17:33,206 Oh, no, I forgot to go to the bathroom. 981 01:17:37,151 --> 01:17:39,619 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen... 982 01:17:39,687 --> 01:17:43,589 and welcome to this year's Collegiate Mastermind Championship Match. 983 01:17:43,658 --> 01:17:46,058 Featuring the Harvard Crimson. 984 01:17:51,332 --> 01:17:54,324 Against the Whittman Warring Hare. 985 01:17:59,507 --> 01:18:02,374 The first question is a toss-up. 986 01:18:02,443 --> 01:18:07,346 When was the stethoscope invented and by whom? 987 01:18:07,415 --> 01:18:12,409 1816, by Ren�-Th�ophile-Hyacinthe Laennec. 988 01:18:12,487 --> 01:18:15,047 That is right. 989 01:18:15,123 --> 01:18:17,114 Here's your bonus. 990 01:18:17,191 --> 01:18:21,685 Despite her French-sounding name, Marie Curie was from what country? 991 01:18:21,963 --> 01:18:22,691 Poland. 992 01:18:22,964 --> 01:18:24,522 That is right. 993 01:18:27,035 --> 01:18:29,026 Here's a toss-up. 994 01:18:29,103 --> 01:18:34,939 Who was the only Major League pitcher to throw a no-hitter while on LSD? 995 01:18:35,009 --> 01:18:36,374 Doc Ellis. 996 01:18:36,444 --> 01:18:38,469 That is correct. 997 01:18:38,546 --> 01:18:39,945 Where's Pettifog? 998 01:18:40,014 --> 01:18:41,538 Here's your bonus. 999 01:18:41,616 --> 01:18:45,245 What was the last country to stop legally producing LSD? 1000 01:18:45,319 --> 01:18:47,947 Czechoslovakia in 1975. 1001 01:18:48,022 --> 01:18:50,252 That is right. 1002 01:18:50,324 --> 01:18:54,090 This humiliation is gonna go viral. 1003 01:18:54,162 --> 01:18:59,600 It was Michigan in the semi-finals and now it is a young, plucky band of kids... 1004 01:18:59,667 --> 01:19:02,227 from Whittman College who are feeling Harvard's wrath. 1005 01:19:02,303 --> 01:19:04,703 Ugh, it's not pretty out there. 1006 01:19:04,772 --> 01:19:09,368 I didn't think they had a chance from the beginning... 1007 01:19:09,444 --> 01:19:13,574 but now this sad Cinderella story is coming to a close. 1008 01:19:13,648 --> 01:19:17,311 Now the cards were stacked against Whittman to begin with, even with... 1009 01:19:17,385 --> 01:19:20,149 Eli? Eli! 1010 01:19:20,221 --> 01:19:25,284 Excuse me, I made the decision that is going to determine my future and yours. 1011 01:19:25,359 --> 01:19:30,422 I reject friendship, I reject love, and I reject Collegiate Mastermind. 1012 01:19:30,498 --> 01:19:37,199 Iron Chef Michael Simon attended which Cleveland area high school? 1013 01:19:37,271 --> 01:19:40,172 Saint Edward High School in Lakewood. 1014 01:19:40,241 --> 01:19:42,175 That is right. 1015 01:19:46,180 --> 01:19:49,547 Make it look like your buzzers don't work. 1016 01:19:49,617 --> 01:19:54,247 Toss up. What animal is incapable of seeing the sky? 1017 01:19:57,625 --> 01:20:01,789 I take it back. Five seconds, Whittman. 1018 01:20:02,063 --> 01:20:03,849 Something in my head is saying gashon, gashon, gashon. 1019 01:20:03,862 --> 01:20:05,658 What the hell is gashon? 1020 01:20:05,733 --> 01:20:09,499 It's a pig. The pig. 1021 01:20:09,570 --> 01:20:11,401 That is right. 1022 01:20:15,109 --> 01:20:17,407 Here's your bonus. 1023 01:20:17,478 --> 01:20:19,963 These ancient people were sometimes accompanied 1024 01:20:19,976 --> 01:20:22,472 to the grave with their herds of pigs. 1025 01:20:22,550 --> 01:20:26,611 The southern white cracker loves his swine. 1026 01:20:26,687 --> 01:20:32,387 The cracker is an ancient. Polish people are true pig lovers. 1027 01:20:32,460 --> 01:20:34,519 The Chinese! 1028 01:20:34,595 --> 01:20:36,688 That is correct. 1029 01:20:39,667 --> 01:20:41,692 Yeah! Uh-oh! 1030 01:20:44,872 --> 01:20:49,673 The ugliest sight in the world is the sight of simple people being happy. 1031 01:20:49,744 --> 01:20:51,803 Toss up. 1032 01:20:51,879 --> 01:20:58,546 What ill-fated computer platform was released on the 23rd of April, 1983? 1033 01:20:58,619 --> 01:21:00,450 The Apple 3. 1034 01:21:00,521 --> 01:21:01,749 That is right. 1035 01:21:01,823 --> 01:21:03,450 How did you know that? 1036 01:21:03,524 --> 01:21:06,322 - I didn't know I did. - Here's your bonus. 1037 01:21:06,394 --> 01:21:08,749 Who was the forgotten founder of Apple and what 1038 01:21:08,762 --> 01:21:11,127 was his greatest contribution to the company? 1039 01:21:11,199 --> 01:21:13,861 Ron Wayne, he designed the first logo. 1040 01:21:14,135 --> 01:21:18,094 You nailed it! 1041 01:21:18,172 --> 01:21:19,730 Yeah, Gertrude. 1042 01:21:19,807 --> 01:21:21,297 Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. 1043 01:21:21,375 --> 01:21:24,811 Wow, a sign of life from these Whittman Hares. 1044 01:21:24,879 --> 01:21:27,473 Nah, I think it's gonna be too little, too late, Spencer. 1045 01:21:27,548 --> 01:21:30,676 Coming up on the two-minute warning, I think Whittman's fate is all but sealed. 1046 01:21:30,751 --> 01:21:33,242 Let's not get too excited yet... 1047 01:21:33,321 --> 01:21:36,518 Harvard has been answering questions like this for 500, 600 years. 1048 01:21:36,591 --> 01:21:38,491 They could beat Harvard without you. 1049 01:21:44,465 --> 01:21:47,588 Toss up. Who performed the only instrumental 1050 01:21:47,601 --> 01:21:50,734 song to have been banned from American radio? 1051 01:21:50,805 --> 01:21:52,636 And what was the name of the song? 1052 01:21:57,445 --> 01:22:01,711 - Holy spasticature. - Oh! Down and out! 1053 01:22:01,782 --> 01:22:03,530 I'll tell you, that's the most exciting moment 1054 01:22:03,543 --> 01:22:05,302 in Collegiate Mastermind history, that is. 1055 01:22:05,353 --> 01:22:07,480 Wow, let's see that again. 1056 01:22:07,555 --> 01:22:11,582 Here you go, hold it, wait for it. He's gonna clip the podium right... 1057 01:22:11,659 --> 01:22:14,560 Pow. Bing. 1058 01:22:14,629 --> 01:22:17,393 That's gonna shave a few points of the old GPA. 1059 01:22:17,465 --> 01:22:22,425 Oh, don't you know it. He is a bleeder that little kid, that smartie. 1060 01:22:22,503 --> 01:22:25,677 Ladies and gentlemen, a member of the 1061 01:22:25,690 --> 01:22:28,874 Whittman side has sustained a serious injury. 1062 01:22:30,878 --> 01:22:34,644 Whittman has three minutes to produce their alternate. 1063 01:22:34,715 --> 01:22:37,343 You're now the alternate, Eli. 1064 01:22:37,418 --> 01:22:42,219 If you're not on that stage in three minutes, Whittman will be disqualified. 1065 01:22:42,290 --> 01:22:45,748 I'd stay where you are, Eli. A king always needs his castle. 1066 01:22:51,666 --> 01:22:58,435 Let me put it in context. How long have you dreamed of going to Harvard? 1067 01:22:58,506 --> 01:23:00,497 My whole life. 1068 01:23:00,574 --> 01:23:05,477 How long have you dreamed of beating Harvard? 1069 01:23:05,546 --> 01:23:08,879 A couple of months. 1070 01:23:08,950 --> 01:23:12,317 You're gonna have to honor the big dream, Eli. 1071 01:23:12,386 --> 01:23:13,944 Yeah. 1072 01:23:14,021 --> 01:23:17,320 Wait, what the hell are you doing? 1073 01:23:17,391 --> 01:23:23,261 I mean, do you really want to screw your school, your team and your friends? 1074 01:23:23,331 --> 01:23:28,462 Get some balls, Eli, and go out there and win it. 1075 01:23:28,536 --> 01:23:32,233 It's his right. How's your brain feeling? 1076 01:23:39,280 --> 01:23:41,339 - I can't do this. - Get out there. 1077 01:23:41,415 --> 01:23:44,748 I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do, guys. 1078 01:24:02,703 --> 01:24:04,762 Things just got interesting. 1079 01:24:04,839 --> 01:24:07,865 Eli Pettifog, the Whittman Hares star player just stepped out on the stage. 1080 01:24:07,942 --> 01:24:11,309 That boy has not missed a question all season long. 1081 01:24:11,379 --> 01:24:12,403 He has got brains. 1082 01:24:12,480 --> 01:24:13,412 Yes. 1083 01:24:13,481 --> 01:24:14,675 He's got hair. 1084 01:24:14,749 --> 01:24:15,249 Where the hell have you been? 1085 01:24:15,250 --> 01:24:16,682 Where the hell have you been? 1086 01:24:16,751 --> 01:24:17,683 You don't want to know. 1087 01:24:17,752 --> 01:24:18,810 Yes, we do. 1088 01:24:22,690 --> 01:24:28,287 Whittman has produced their alternate, so let's resume. 1089 01:24:28,362 --> 01:24:29,761 Benny here. 1090 01:24:29,830 --> 01:24:31,764 - Benny, it's me, it's Leo. - Yeah? 1091 01:24:31,832 --> 01:24:34,300 I want to take the bet back, the Harvard bet? 1092 01:24:34,368 --> 01:24:36,489 Leo, I never put the bet through. It doesn't exist. 1093 01:24:36,502 --> 01:24:38,634 You should be thanking me. 1094 01:24:42,576 --> 01:24:46,068 Hey, Leo? You're welcome. 1095 01:24:49,350 --> 01:24:50,783 Thank you, Benny. 1096 01:24:50,851 --> 01:24:52,716 Toss up. 1097 01:24:52,787 --> 01:25:00,057 Who said, "A whale ship was my Yale College and my Harvard?" 1098 01:25:02,830 --> 01:25:03,797 I can't, I can't. 1099 01:25:03,864 --> 01:25:04,796 You better. 1100 01:25:04,865 --> 01:25:06,560 Five seconds. 1101 01:25:06,634 --> 01:25:07,623 Come on, guys. 1102 01:25:07,701 --> 01:25:08,633 I would say Melville. 1103 01:25:08,702 --> 01:25:09,669 Then say it. 1104 01:25:09,737 --> 01:25:12,433 Herman Melville. 1105 01:25:12,506 --> 01:25:13,632 That is right. 1106 01:25:18,446 --> 01:25:23,679 For your bonus, at the time of his death, Herman Melville was so obscure... 1107 01:25:23,751 --> 01:25:26,618 the New York Times misidentified him in his obituary. 1108 01:25:26,687 --> 01:25:27,619 I know this. 1109 01:25:27,688 --> 01:25:29,019 What name did they use? 1110 01:25:29,090 --> 01:25:30,648 Henry Melville. 1111 01:25:30,724 --> 01:25:32,555 That is right. 1112 01:25:38,599 --> 01:25:41,591 Whittman! Go, Whittman! 1113 01:25:43,437 --> 01:25:45,667 We have a tie score. 1114 01:25:45,739 --> 01:25:47,969 I can't believe we're tied with Harvard. 1115 01:25:48,042 --> 01:25:49,771 I can't believe they're tied with Harvard. 1116 01:25:49,844 --> 01:25:53,644 I can't believe they're tied with Harvard. 1117 01:25:56,117 --> 01:26:01,680 This next question will determine the championship. 1118 01:26:01,755 --> 01:26:08,490 Toss up. Iceland and England broke off diplomatic relations in 1976. 1119 01:26:08,562 --> 01:26:11,463 What dispute caused the split? 1120 01:26:17,471 --> 01:26:18,403 Do you know? 1121 01:26:18,472 --> 01:26:19,837 No. 1122 01:26:21,876 --> 01:26:23,810 20 seconds. 1123 01:26:27,615 --> 01:26:31,483 Dude, come on, Eli, set yourself free, man. 1124 01:26:37,992 --> 01:26:39,619 Ten seconds. 1125 01:26:49,803 --> 01:26:51,532 Cod? Cod! 1126 01:26:51,605 --> 01:26:53,630 Fishing. 1127 01:26:53,707 --> 01:26:56,039 Rights! 1128 01:27:02,650 --> 01:27:06,916 That is... right! 1129 01:27:12,059 --> 01:27:17,725 It's unbelievable. Harvard goes down! Harvard goes down! 1130 01:27:17,798 --> 01:27:23,862 The Whittman Warring Hares are this year's champions of the Collegiate Mastermind. 1131 01:27:27,141 --> 01:27:28,836 We did it, you guys, we... 1132 01:27:31,779 --> 01:27:33,679 Oh, my god. 1133 01:27:33,747 --> 01:27:39,117 You are the greatest unbelievable ever now! 1134 01:27:39,186 --> 01:27:42,678 Go to the league office and tell them we're getting the shaft. 1135 01:27:42,756 --> 01:27:44,815 They wrote a whole rule book for moments like this. 1136 01:27:51,098 --> 01:27:52,531 How many stitches did you get? 1137 01:27:52,600 --> 01:27:53,931 Seven. 1138 01:27:54,001 --> 01:27:55,764 Can I take them out when they're ready? 1139 01:27:55,836 --> 01:27:58,134 Yeah. 1140 01:27:58,205 --> 01:28:00,036 Nice brain. 1141 01:28:00,107 --> 01:28:01,665 - You see this brain? - Yeah. 1142 01:28:01,742 --> 01:28:03,642 My left ball is bigger than this brain. 1143 01:28:03,711 --> 01:28:06,839 That's why you're so artistic. 1144 01:28:31,739 --> 01:28:36,938 Shauna, get in the picture. Yeah, Shauna. 1145 01:28:37,011 --> 01:28:42,208 Yo, Pettifog, tell us how awesome we are! 1146 01:28:44,084 --> 01:28:46,917 Stop, stop, I'll do the speech. I'll do a speech. 1147 01:28:46,987 --> 01:28:51,253 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 1148 01:28:51,325 --> 01:28:59,164 I, uh... I'm afraid I have some unpleasant business regarding today's final. 1149 01:28:59,233 --> 01:29:03,329 According to Rule 324 of the book of Collegiate Mastermind... 1150 01:29:03,604 --> 01:29:08,098 An injured player cannot be replaced with less than one minute remaining in a match. 1151 01:29:08,175 --> 01:29:12,271 The team must complete the match with two players. 1152 01:29:12,346 --> 01:29:16,339 Today Whittman College broke that rule. 1153 01:29:16,617 --> 01:29:22,021 I'm sorry to have to tell you that Harvard College... 1154 01:29:22,089 --> 01:29:24,956 is this year's Collegiate Mastermind champion. 1155 01:29:32,099 --> 01:29:34,761 Excuse me. Excuse me. 1156 01:29:45,145 --> 01:29:48,637 We all know what happened today. 1157 01:29:48,716 --> 01:29:54,245 We beat Harvard fair and square. 1158 01:29:54,321 --> 01:29:58,189 But they stole it from us. 1159 01:29:58,258 --> 01:30:01,250 Do you know why? 1160 01:30:01,328 --> 01:30:05,059 Because they fear us. 1161 01:30:05,132 --> 01:30:10,729 We're the beautiful bums. We're the people's champions. 1162 01:30:17,344 --> 01:30:21,212 So let us be history's secret. 1163 01:31:14,835 --> 01:31:18,464 Are you sure I can do this? I'm not even a student yet. 1164 01:31:20,274 --> 01:31:24,711 Don't worry, you're with me. 1165 01:31:24,778 --> 01:31:26,302 Ring it. 1166 01:31:52,539 --> 01:31:53,951 Leo? 1167 01:31:57,076 --> 01:31:58,476 Leo? 1168 01:32:10,190 --> 01:32:12,818 Where's he going? 1169 01:32:12,893 --> 01:32:14,224 Let's go down. 1170 01:32:14,294 --> 01:32:20,096 Hey, Leo! Where are you going? 1171 01:32:20,167 --> 01:32:22,260 Going back to being a civilian. 1172 01:32:22,336 --> 01:32:24,270 You're not a civilian. 1173 01:32:24,338 --> 01:32:29,139 Gonna get a job. I'm gonna pay for my daughter's education. 1174 01:32:29,209 --> 01:32:36,081 And I'm going to find an age-appropriate fox, and I mean that. 1175 01:32:39,820 --> 01:32:42,914 It's been a pleasure making bad decisions with you. 1176 01:32:42,990 --> 01:32:46,153 I'll miss you, too. 1177 01:33:03,477 --> 01:33:06,071 Take care. Cut your hair. 1178 01:33:29,937 --> 01:33:32,497 Please don't cut your hair. 1179 01:33:32,573 --> 01:33:37,272 Of course, I won't. It protects my brain. 1180 01:33:38,478 --> 01:33:40,844 What did you say? 1181 01:33:40,914 --> 01:33:44,111 Nothing. 1182 01:34:01,134 --> 01:34:04,126 Excuse me. 1183 01:34:21,221 --> 01:34:22,347 Uh, Miss? 1184 01:35:04,097 --> 01:35:08,500 What do you think the future of this Whittman team will be? 1185 01:35:08,568 --> 01:35:12,004 I think the sky is the limit for these... 1186 01:35:12,072 --> 01:35:14,165 for these fine... fine, young kids. 1187 01:35:14,241 --> 01:35:19,201 I think I see a lot of, uh, big jobs in their future. 1188 01:35:19,279 --> 01:35:22,112 I see maybe perhaps a couple internet start-ups. 1189 01:35:22,182 --> 01:35:23,945 I see a Nobel Prize or two. 1190 01:35:24,017 --> 01:35:26,383 I see some... some... some, uh... 1191 01:35:26,453 --> 01:35:28,717 I see some... some trash collecting work. 1192 01:35:28,989 --> 01:35:31,457 Some of them, obviously, they're not gonna excel like the others. 1193 01:35:31,525 --> 01:35:33,686 Some of them were injured too much. 1194 01:35:33,760 --> 01:35:36,627 They're gonna waste it. There's gonna be some drug problems. 1195 01:35:36,697 --> 01:35:41,259 But by and large, I see a lot of these kids making it big... 1196 01:35:41,334 --> 01:35:45,361 if they don't, you know, hit the pipe. 1197 01:35:45,439 --> 01:35:47,703 Well, that's all from Poughkeepsie. 1198 01:35:47,774 --> 01:35:49,674 You keep learning, America. 1199 01:35:49,743 --> 01:35:51,005 You do it. 90171