Original subtitles

$24 for a cab ride to the Bronx. I can't believe it.

Come to my parents' for Passover once a year without complaining, Vito.

Wait a minute, honey, let me help you.

- Will Adam be here? - I don't know...

...but if he is, be nice. It's a Seder, okay?

Don't worry, don't worry.

- Hi, Mom. - Hello, darling.

- Adam. Hi, darling. - Hi.

Come a little late like always.

Papa, hello, darling.

Traffic. There are so many Jews headed for Seder, Mama.

- Good day, sir. - Hiya, Nat.

I thought people were cutting down on meat.

How come the material gets more expensive every year?

Please, don't worry yourself.

I know the face, now. The face... The face looks familiar.

- Hey, Pop. - Adam, how are you?

Hey, who'd you get this year? I got Bernard Karlinski.

Let me see here. "The bar mitzvah of Owen Zuckerbrot."

Nat, Owen Zuckerbrot?

He brings the yarmulkes home from shul. You know, the extras.

You want it to say "Vito McMullen," you have to convert.

- Why not? - Not yet.

Did you see how Adam remembers his Hebrew? With a mind like that.

- Ma. - What did I say?

It's a shande to me that a boy with such a head...

...drops out of school six months before a master's degree.

- Drops out? Drops out of school? - Six months before.

- Three months. - Can we drop it?

We're not allowed to ask? You're back since January. I haven't seen you.

- I came here for a Seder. - Adam looks marvelous.

- We're glad you're here. - He's become a man.

- Look how beautifully he eats. - Ma, please. He's gonna be 23.

Stop bragging about how he gets all the food in his mouth.

- You try to kvell over your grandson. - I won't complain.

- After 24 years, it's still rough. - 23.

Forgot the year your goy son-in-law wasn't allowed up here.

- Time to let the angel in. - Nat, how come the angel...

...gets a bigger glass? - Your material is getting stale.

Better leave the chain on. This is the Bronx.

Instead of Elijah, some mugger is gonna charge through the door.

- Adam's right. - When you two gonna move out?

- You're too old to survive here. - How old are you, Grandpa?

- Nobody kept records. No one knows. - They'll never tell. Crazy superstition.

Not so crazy. You don't tempt God by bragging about your age. Sit.

Forty-two years here, the neighborhood is not so bad.

Then why can't I drive my Cadillac to your Seder? Nat...

...there are places in Flushing. If it's a matter of money...

...I can chip in a few bucks. - They wanna be the last.

We'll chisel it on your stone after the mugging.

"Nat and Rose Gruden, last Jews on Davidson Avenue."

Gruden residence.

Hi, Jessie.

Well, what time do you think you'll be out?

Okay, no problem.

Yeah, don't worry about it. All right. Take care, Jessie.

- Your grandfather? - What was that about, Adam?

Jessie wanted to wish us a happy Passover.

- Vito, your father knows our number? - Yeah, how come?

Well, the unexpected. Jessie doesn't change, huh?

No, he sure doesn't.

Take care, Nat.

Vito, see if you can get a cab, I'll be right out.

- So when are you moving, Grandma? - We don't take from our children.

You're like a couple of turkeys in these streets.

This neighborhood's a jungle.

I'm not coming to the next Seder unless you're living somewhere else.

Did you hear what your grandson said?

Well, what did he want?

Jessie wanted to wish us a happy Passover.

Come on, Adam, stop the crap.

Your old man needs bail money. I'm gonna go down there.

- And he calls you. - Yeah.

You been talking to my father while you been ducking me since you got back?

All right. Is it serious?

It's a bar fight. But it's an off-duty cop he whacked.

He whacked a cop?

Is the guy hurt?

Well, Grandpa says he "kicked the bull's ass...

...the length of the bar and halfway down 10th Ave."

When is he gonna let up? Oh, Christ.

Well, what the hell, it's nice to know I have strong genes.

Hope I'm getting pinched for bar fights in my 60s.

Just remember, Adam, along with those strong genes...

...my father passes on a lot of other crap to go with it.

- So stay away from him. - He's not looking to hurt me.

No, he's not, but it'll happen anyway.

He'll spend the night in the can. Fine with me.

- Lend me $800. - Forget it.

I stood bail for him three years ago. I haven't heard from him since.

- I don't stand bail for Jessie anymore. - You're not.

I'm borrowing the money. I've got $200, I'd like 800 more.

- So it's for you? - Right.

Adam, the last year my mother was alive...

...I was 7 years old. Okay?

Jessie took me along Christmas Eve to buy a tree, right?

Near midnight we're passing an Esso station up near Riverdale...

...and right on top of the garage is a perfect, all lit-up Christmas tree.

So Jessie hits the brakes and he says, "Wow, what a score, it's even got lights."

Wait a minute.

I'm standing lookout, I was 7 years old, while he climbs up the drainpipe...

...and pulls down the tree, lights and all.

What's so funny? I got a dozen stories like that.

Like helping him rob Lionel trains out of Macy's when I was 12 years old.

He's working there, I had to cut school because he decided...

...to take a box of engines out. Thought he'd get money for it.

- What happened? - It doesn't matter what happened.

- Just know who you're dealing with. - All right, all right.

- That's eight. - Thanks.

That was nice what you did in there for them.

Might get out of this cesspool because of you.

Well, I had them over a barrel.

Somebody loves you, you got a hell of a weapon in the relationship, you know?

Hey.

Listen, it's supposed to work both ways, kiddo.

I mean, if you love somebody back, then they got an equal weapon, no?

You're right. I guess we got a standoff.

- I guess we do. - They may move. I think you did it.

- I better get a cab. - Good.

- How about dinner next week? - Sure. What time should we be there?

- You did want Christine, no? - Of course, Adam.

You know Christine's always welcome. You wanna catch a ride with us?

- No, thanks. - Okay, good night, Adam.

- Bye, sweetheart. - Why doesn't he wanna ride with us?

- Bye, sweetheart. - Why doesn't he wanna ride with us?

Docket number 178649325.

The charge is second-degree assault, Your Honor.

At 6 p.m. yesterday, in a bar and grill at 50210th Avenue...

...Mr. McMullen assaulted an off-duty policeman.

Well, I'd love to hear about this in your own words, Mr. McMullen.

Your Honor, I'm a victim of police brutality.

Just tell us what occurred, Mr. McMullen.

Well, it all happened so fast, Your Honor.

I'll try to remember.

We had an argument. To be fair about it, I was as much at fault as he was.

Well, one thing led to another and somehow it comes out...

...that my mother was a Native American...

...a full-blooded Cherokee, Your Honor.

And this policeman yells, "It's too bad Custer made such a half-ass job of it."

- Well, I lost control. - What did you do?

I did what little I could for a man my age.

The little Mr. McMullen was able to do seems to have been pretty effective.

The officer has taken 18 stitches in his face, his nose is broken...

...and his jaw is wired up.

I must've hit him harder than I knew. Fright, fear, whatever it was, Your Honor.

Your Honor, here is the BCI on Mr. Jessie McMullen.

It begins in 1947 with a three-year term for assault just after he was naturalized.

It goes on and on and on and...

Your Honor, before the prosecutor sentences my client...

...perhaps he will agree to a trial?

We're only here to set bail.

I'd like to point out that the defendant's grandson is present in court.

My client has roots in this community.

Bail is set at $5000. A $500 cash bail bond is acceptable.

Next.

Docket number 178649326.

Did you bring the 500?

You don't travel light, I see.

Vito gave me 800. Good thing he had the cash.

Your father's always got a few grand swag money in his pocket.

He robs the tax collector, your father.

It's never been easy for me having a thief in the family.

You've grown, Adam. It's been a long time.

- Money. - Oh, money.

Look at this. It's become a shithouse.

Never been in a jail before.

You haven't missed a lot. It's got some good points too, when you're young.

- Like what? - It helps build character...

...like a hitch in the Army.

A wallet. A watch. A handkerchief, pure silk.

Not to mention $270,000. I'm just kidding. $270.

- Hey, Jessie. - Hi, John.

- This place keeps going downhill. - Yeah, just like the rest of the city.

You're looking good, Adam. These fancy schools must be agreeing with you.

MIT's not fancy. And they don't, Jessie.

They really don't agree with me at all.

Last night in the bar, did that cop land the first punch?

Adam, I've never been in a bar fight yet...

...where the other guy landed the first punch. It's a sure recipe for losing.

- So when did you get back in town? - I left school in January.

I was this far away from getting my master's in molecular biology.

- And your old man's paying for all this? - No way. I'm on full scholarship.

I was a Westinghouse Scholar.

It's a big deal. They only have six each year.

I hated it. It felt worse than that cell.

They've got your whole life mapped out for you.

You don't know the half of it. I would have had my own lab...

...terrific salary, the works.

They were already talking to me about a retirement plan.

I've been living with a girl up on 23rd Street. An older girl.

Nothing wrong with an older woman. For a young man.

My mother's okay. Vito tries, but he makes me feel guilty.

- Your father can be pretty good at that. - Hey, Jess.

Hi, Phil. Say hello to Adam, my grandson.

- Vito's boy. - Hi, Phil.

I remember you. What've you been doing with yourself lately?

Finding myself.

Well, I hope you've been getting laid in the process.

- What do you got? - Ferragamos.

300 a pair all along Madison Avenue, fell off a truck this morning.

- Fifty dollars a pair. 13C? - Right.

- You got it. - What do you take?

- 91 l2C. - No problem.

- There you go. - Thanks.

Say hello to your father for me.

Me and him used to cut a lot of corners when we were kids. Take it easy.

Not in the bar, bad luck. You can get trees for them.

You're a class act, Jessie.

I still remember those stretch limos out to Shea when I was 12.

Yeah, the driver was working off a gambling debt.

It was a wonderful way to travel, no?

Cheers.

Those piers used to hum. Half the West Side worked on the docks.

The pickings were great.

That's where I landed, right over there.

- September '46. - My grandmother?

Yeah.

Those happy years for the two of you?

Happy? Married to a Sicilian? Happiness is against their nature.

She spent every waking hour cooking pasta. She had me pissing olive oil.

You be careful, you got some of that blood.

Try to encourage the Scottish genes, Adam.

Wonder how Vito would've turned out if you'd married somebody Scottish.

He'd have had a proper first name, for a start. Instead of Vito.

And he'd have been at least five inches taller.

That was a terrific night, Jessie.

Some bacon and eggs, a couple drinks.

When I called, it wasn't just to get together after all this time.

- No? - No. I wanted...

I really wanted to ask you about something. Your opinion.

What?

There's an ex-professor of mine, he's a brilliant Chinese-American guy...

...and he's got a scam.

Says it's a good deal, as easy as could be.

Nobody ever tells you a deal's hard, kid.

Well, he needs an answer.

I've stalled him for a couple of weeks, but now he says he needs an answer.

Says it means a lot of money.

What's a Chinaman's idea of a lot of money?

A million dollars.

More coffee, fellas?

- Leave it to me. I'll get Vito here. - See you later.

I'm going upstairs for a shower and a shave.

- So I'll meet you here at 3? - Right.

Leave your old man to me. I know which buttons to press.

All right.

Hello, stranger. When they become a success, they forget their roots.

Vito, glad to see you back on the West Side.

I remember Vito here before he could talk.

Your grandfather was running numbers out of this bar.

He'd bring Vito down in his baby carriage and park him right here...

...then tuck his policy slips in your old man's blanket.

That's how I learned to count. How are you, Jessie?

- I pinched your father more than once. - You're Doheny the cop?

That's me. You were too little to run in.

He means Vito was too little to shake down. Danny here would pinch me.

Then when I made bail, he'd come upstairs and sell me back my own slips.

- You retired? - I took early retirement.

- The commissioner insisted on it. - Thank the good Lord...

...I had a little money put by. - You still hide it in the coffee cans?

- What do you drink? - Dewar's rocks, Danny.

- Nice guy. - You gotta learn to judge people better.

You two seem pretty cozy all of a sudden.

Hey, I'm his granddad, for chrissakes.

Whatever craziness you're cooking up these days, Jessie...

...Adam can do without.

I'm a man trying his best to enjoy his golden years.

Just keep my son away from your criminal schemes.

Criminal schemes.

It's eating you up that you're getting old.

Let no man say that Jessie Mac went out lying down.

Criminal schemes. That's a little rich coming from an ex-con.

You told him about that?

Pop, Pop, 20 years in the same house. Some things can't stay secret.

- Just don't fuck up his life too. - Too?

Any deal you ever made with me, you never saw a speck of trouble.

It's when you took off on your own, like an asshole with that retarded Polack...

...that you wound up doing your 27 months in the shitter.

And he's still blaming me.

If you'd stuck with me, you'd have been a part of that Westport Bank caper.

So sweet. 200,000 chopped up four ways.

Ask him where the money is now.

Just where it ought to be. It didn't have handles on it.

Always remember, Adam. It only costs 100% more to go first class.

Ask him about the downside, the couple of years you sit in the cage...

...then spend the rest of your life hiding it.

Anybody who's embarrassed about doing time is a goddamned snob.

You do your time nice, don't rat anybody out, never take it in the ass...

...what is there to be embarrassed about?

Vito, somewhere your values got screwy.

When did you get it in your head that it was so terrible to be a thief?

How do you get through to someone who thinks like a Gypsy?

- Right. Standup thieves, Gypsies. - Right.

Not a hypocritical bone in their bodies. Hey, Margie.

- You made bail. - Thanks to my grandson Adam here.

- And my wonderful son Vito. - How do you do?

It's nice to know you, Adam. Hi. Vito? Margie.

So how are the accommodations at the tombs these days?

- Three-star? Four-star? - I'll survive.

There was never any question about that.

But did the other prisoners survive? What about the poor guards?

I don't go on for 15 minutes. Can I buy you guys a drink?

- No, we'll take a rain check. - Oh, man talk.

- Okay, see you later. - Okay.

- Listen, we still on for tonight? - Yeah, sure.

It was very nice meeting you.

Jessie, are you involving Adam in something?

- Just the safest, sweetest deal of my life. - All right, stop right there...

And he's not involving me, it's my idea.

- Your idea? - My idea. That's right.

Adam, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about a lot of money, Pop. And it's not even dangerous.

- Lf it's against the law, it's dangerous. - No, no, this is a walk.

- And it just needs a third guy. - Needs a third guy, huh?

Are you crazy? I spent my life thieving with my father...

...and now I'm gonna thieve with my son? Crazy.

Must be a full moon I don't know about.

Tell me, what is it with these criminal genes?

Jesus, Vito. Don't get started with that criminal-gene crap.

Carnegie, Rockefeller. Those are the guys with criminal genes...

...the size of fucking grapefruits.

You never really bought that honesty shit.

You've just been running scared for 25 years.

I'm scared for him.

I'm not a baby. Let me be scared for me.

If they catch you, they lock you up. Listen.

I learned long ago it's not safe to be a thief.

- You wanna get safe? - Yeah, I wanna get safe.

Go sit in one of your walk-in refrigerators for the rest of your life.

Who put it in your head that being safe is what life is all about?

- I'm too young to play it safe. - And me too.

This is fucking cuckoo.

- Can I get another one? - Give him two.

Adam, let me get this straight. You'll jeopardize your whole life for money?

- For money? - Yeah.

If it was money I wanted, I'd think about the wholesale meat business.

Well, that was unfair.

You know I hate the meat business.

I broke my ass to give you what he never gave me.

- I never asked you for anything. - You never had to.

You had everything a kid ever wanted.

You didn't even need a scholarship. I could have paid for your college twice.

- Without blinking. - Pop.

This whole thing has nothing to do with money.

You've never understood me, you still don't.

- You're not doing this. - I'm doing it.

Whether you come or not. Whether he comes or not.

You wanna know something? There's nothing you can do about it.

- Nothing I can do? - Right.

There's nothing I can do?

Vito.

That won't get you anywhere.

Here.

Leave a 20. I don't want Doheny telling people I raised a cheapskate.

Come on. Hey! We got a deadline! Let's go, man.

Vito! Jesus, it's still dark out.

You know, it's the early worm gets caught.

If it's about bail money, Jessie, I'm about tapped out.

I got work to do.

I got bigger fish to fry than a few bucks bail money.

- Oh, yeah? - But first of all...

...who the hell smacks a 23-year-old in public?

Punish him if you really lose your temper, Vito.

But not a slap.

Look, Adam and I are meeting at the weekend with a third guy...

...for this score. You've got till then to decide.

No, there's nothing to decide. If anything happens to Adam...

This is why you should come along. Blood, Vito, blood.

And it's the kind of work you do to a turn. He's going anyway, you heard him.

- He'll find two other guys. - But you could talk him out of it.

- I doubt it. - Try.

I'm not gonna try something I don't believe in.

- Why not? - It's as sweet for me as it is for Adam.

It's your choice.

I have another guy lined up, he's not as good as you, but he's good enough.

Who?

- You've got till the weekend. - Wait a minute, who?

Who?

- Who? - Johnny Hunt.

Johnny Hunt.

Well, you remember. His kid brother got shot robbing a bank.

- Johnny Hunt! - He was never as bad as people said.

He was a weasel 30 years ago, he's still a weasel.

People get a bum rap sometimes. Johnny Hunt is a hell of a crib man.

- He stinks, Jessie. - I think you're wrong.

But I wanted to give you the shot at it.

Jessie! Jessie! The guy stinks.

- So, what's the story with Torres? - I checked the carton...

...he packed for Jimmy's Tavern. - I knew it.

It was marked for 20 pounds of short ribs and 30 pounds of chop.

There were three fillets in it. About an $80 difference.

You give the kid every break you can.

- What do you wanna do? - Send him in.

Tommy, he sticks a boning knife in his belt, you buzz me.

All right.

All right.

That fucking kid. Listen...

Figure out what we owe Torres as of yesterday afternoon.

- Stealing? - Yeah.

- Two-forty, gross. - What good is gross gonna do me?

You were a lot nicer boss when we used to get laid once in a while.

- The usual 12 fictitious dependents. - Come on, how much?

178.30. I don't think you get enough sex these days.

It wasn't meant to last. There's a saying...

"You don't crap where you eat."

Listen to 20 years in the world of commerce from the female point of view:

Every guy who told you that banged his bookkeeper.

- How much was it? - One seventy-eight and 30 cents.

Yeah, come on.

- Tommy says you wanted to see me? - Here's your pay through yesterday.

Today's money goes toward the meat you robbed.

Be out in five minutes or I'll break your fucking legs.

Robbing? Me, man?

Wanna open up the boxes for Jimmy's Tavern?

Go ahead. Go ahead, open them up.

Man, how am I gonna live on the shit wages you paying?

Where'd you come to borrow money when your baby had pneumonia, Julio?

Where? We treated you like family here, right?

Well, you just better hope your family all stay healthy.

- What did you say? - I said you take...

You busted my nose, man.

- You working for a maniac, lady. - Come on, go.

He busted my beak over a piece of meat.

Is this what's called a midlife crisis?

Goodbye and God bless you, Danny Doheny.

Come on. It'll make you feel better, Mrs. Doheny.

If you're here to start smacking me around again...

No. I'm sorry about that. I apologize.

Accepted. Let's forget it.

I didn't expect to see you here.

Guy was serving us drinks four days ago.

Yeah.

You can't wheel my casket dolly around the place.

This is a wake. There ought to be a little decorum.

There's a barrel of beer on its way, we need to set it on something.

Not in my place. The Board of Health can close me.

Neary, since you've gone AA, you're like a wet rag.

It's illegal to even bring beer in here.

Neary, the mortician.

His sister Margaret, an ex-nun, used to own a very classy, expensive...

...nursery school down on Gramercy Park. You interviewed for that.

- An interview for a nursery school? - It was very fancy.

- What did they ask me? - What you watched on TV...

...did you know your ABCs... - Of course I knew my ABCs.

Adam, you read an entire New York Times editorial on the U.N.

- Adam, you missed exactly five words. - Spare me the rest.

- They offer me a scholarship? - A scholarship?

They would have paid $ 1000 a semester just to get their hands on you.

They wanted me for what all the other schools did.

Solve geometry problems in the fourth grade for important visitors.

I used to feel like a performing seal at the blackboard.

- Adam, you were so gifted. - Let's just drop it, Pop.

A gift shouldn't be thrown in the garbage.

- This is not the time or the place... - This is the perfect time and place.

See, I was raised to be a thief. You weren't.

- You don't have to go along. - No, you, you don't have to go along.

- That's the real point. - I wanna go along.

Your mom and I had such enormous hopes for you, kiddo.

- Nobody's hopes work out, Pop. - Right.

I'm half your age, I already know that.

Well, a toast seems appropriate.

- To Danny Doheny. - To hell with him.

To McMullens.

Now then, lucky lads, let's catch up on a little family business.

Now then, lucky lads, let's catch up on a little family business.

Yeah. Nothing like a good robbery to bring a family close.

He's such a fucking wisenheimer, your father.

- Does he do the same to you? - Probably a little less than I do to him.

Let's make a decision.

- Let's. - Talk.

Are you familiar at all with DNA research?

Yeah, I read a couple of magazine articles.

Gene-splicing. You know, they're breeding chickens...

...that weigh more than you or me. Try to keep current, huh?

Well, nobody knows what's gonna happen yet...

...but the possibilities look limitless.

The small companies who are in it first...

...are hoping to be the IBMs and the Bell Telephones 20 years from now.

There's a new red-hot, very secret development.

It's an agricultural plasmid. Yeasts that are fixing nitrogen.

That means that you could raise wheat, corn...

...damn near anything to grow with no fertilizer.

The stakes are enormous. Farmers spend billions...

Fuck the farmers. Tell him what our end is.

Jimmy Chiu, an ex-professor of mine...

...he works at a biology lab out in Nassau County.

He helped found the company.

They screwed him out of his piece of the action.

- They fired this poor Chink. - Yeah, I hear him.

He's got some venture capital ready to set up a new company.

They need the new plasmids.

He gets us in easy. High stakes. Low risk. Nonviolent.

No worries about our partners robbing us or ratting us out.

Look, if we get the plasmids and the logbook...

...Jimmy Chiu pays us an even million.

You gotta sell a lot of veal cutlets to match that, Vito.

So this whole score is like one big fancy burglary.

Yeah.

- Does anyone else know about this? - No one, just the three of us.

What do you think, Pop?

What do I think?

When you were talking about yeast-fixing nitrogen...

...the look on your face... - You're in or you're out, but no lectures.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

You're happy now, huh?

- I'm in. - Yeah.

- To the Gypsies of the world. - Not a hypocritical bone in their bodies.

Come on. Let's pay our respects to the grieving widow...

...before she falls flat on her face, drunk.

- How you doing, Jess? - Hi, Phil.

Vito, it's been a long time.

Well, Phil, busy, busy, busy.

It's my crowd. Listen, these are Yves Saint Laurent.

They're 800 a pop in the better stores.

Fell off a truck. I'll let them go for 200 apiece.

Let's see here. You know, 38's on the left.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're supposed to be closing in a little bit...

...but I think it would be a crime to have a 10:00 last call...

...for Danny Doheny's wake, so closing time is extended.

Give me that back.

Kevin, Michael...

...the song for Danny.

This your basic old-fashioned Irish wake?

When it's run right.

Between the keycard and these cockamamie rent-a-cops...

...getting in will be a cinch.

- Vito, let's get out of here. - But first we'll go back to the motel.

I wanna take a dry run as soon as it gets dark.

Being back in action, it agrees with you. Puts a little bounce in your step.

You're giving me some sound advice on how to conduct my life?

- That's what fathers are for. - Right.

The bounce will stay in my step as long as I get my share.

Did I ever cheat you out of a nickel?

For starters, start with the $ 10 I never got out of that Lionel train...

Are you still whining about those fucking trains?

- I'll buy you a set for Christmas. - I'll hold my breath.

You can carry a grudge for 30 years.

That's the Sicilian genes.

Now, I'm pretty sure that the bar is over there.

It's in the restaurant, of course.

Let's have a drink.

After I shower.

- Honest work makes honest sweat. - You're a bad influence.

Now, I know this is gonna sound gross...

Now, I know this is gonna sound gross...

...but you've gotta accept the cab fare.

I hear they're very expensive in the suburbs.

So I figured 150 ought to cover it.

That sounds right for the meter, but we have to tip the driver too.

Jesus. We can't have some hard-working refugee...

...from Bangladesh going tipless.

Well...

...will 200 cover it?

We don't live near each other.

Separate cabs, of course. That was understood from the get go.

- Vito, Margo and Denise. - How you doing?

It was, "I was champion baton twirler of 19..."

1983.

I always thought that baton twirling ought to be an Olympic event.

What do you think, Vito?

No, I think the Chinese would dominate in no time.

Not against your all-American girl they wouldn't.

- Well, I could be wrong. - So the game is on?

Yeah, I just have to get rid of a previous appointment.

Why don't you order us another round?

Yeah, sure.

- Why don't you do that, Pop? - Jessie.

What are you doing sitting here talking to a couple of hookers?

It's a vulgar way to refer to a woman. I never brought you up to talk like that.

Are you gonna tell me those are not hookers?

- Well, who are we to judge? - All right.

I don't wanna put a crimp in your style...

...but it's been 10 years since I had to go home and lie...

...so I'm gonna pass. All right? - Vito.

Can't you ever just have a good time?

Yeah.

I mean, doesn't this beat cutting up cows on 14th Street?

Well, you know, we'll see.

Touch football, look at them.

Like a pack of kids playing soldiers.

- Did you ever play any sports, Jessie? - Yeah.

I ran the 100-yard dash with two cops behind me.

Vito thought he was an athlete though.

I remember having to stop your father from signing up for high school football.

Before that it was the Cub Scouts. Football, fucking Cub Scouts.

He had a lot of tendencies in that direction.

Sounds like your son wanted to be middle class.

He still does.

- You'll see that when you meet his wife. - Stop it.

It's where all the action is.

I just hope the co-op market holds up for another three years.

You know, Christine, there must be hundreds of people out there...

...buying up insiders' rights and selling them on the open market.

I mean, you must be pretty good at it.

How do you compete, dear?

Well...

- You gotta have a gimmick. - Yeah?

You do?

I have this friend named Gertrude...

...and she works at Sloan-Kettering Hospital in admissions.

And every time there's a new patient with one of the cancers...

...that nothing can be done for...

...if they live in Manhattan, I check it out.

While these people live in buildings that have gone co-op...

...and they haven't bought...

...you can buy occupied apartments at insider prices in those buildings.

But the problem is, the tenant's likely to stay there for 20 years. Right?

- Yeah. Right. - Well...

...Gertrude and I snap up an apartment that will be vacant in six months.

At which point, we double our investment.

We are sitting on seven prime Manhattan apartments...

...and every tenant terminal.

If I were you and Gertrude, I would hope...

...that God does not have a sense of humor.

Well, the apartment would just revert back...

...to the original building owner. What's the difference who turns the profit?

The difference is, you're mucking around in other people's misery.

When you rob someone legally...

...without risk, without sticking your neck out, that's immoral.

Where did you find this fucking parasite?

Parasite?

Yeah, it's...

- It's like a leech. - Did you hear that, Adam?

Your grandfather feels breaking the law would make Christine more moral?

It would. Like most people, Elaine...

...you confuse what's moral with what's legal.

No. Like most people, I recognize that in a reasonably just society...

"A reasonably just society." Well, tell me when you find one.

You agree with your paternal grandfather that legality means nothing?

Which means that you can go blithely through life doing just as you please.

- My "paternal" grandfather? - Yeah, he's a defendant in this case.

You still haven't answered, Adam. He's your guest.

- Well, I came here to eat. - Come on. Hey, more meat.

- You wanna make a fight over this? - You should have given me support.

No, you don't come on like a parent with Adam's idol sitting at the table.

Why are you such a dishrag with Adam?

We try and try to show him who Christine really is...

...and Jessie does it in two minutes. - Fine.

You see how he looks up to Jessie.

You, better than anyone, should know how destructive that can be.

Take a stand, Vito.

What will Adam do with himself?

It will break my heart if he doesn't go back and get his master's.

- So tell him. - He's 23 years old, Elaine.

It used to be, "He's 15 years old, Elaine."

Attention, shoppers. Socket wrench sets are on sale in aisle 26.

These are 55- piece sets complete with ratcheting carrier.

You sure all this stuff isn't overkill? I have a keycard.

Do you know what you'll find when you go in there?

Whatever we find inside, just leave it to your old man to get us through. Okay?

Hey, Vito. Tell him the Peewee Grogan story.

Please, we can do without the Peewee Grogan story.

Your father was 17 or 18.

Peewee was a couple of years older.

He was a tough little thief from 9th Avenue.

Couple of inches shorter and he'd have wound up in the circus.

Used to say, in a street fight, he could hit you with overhand left to the balls.

The three of us went after a load of French perfume.

- It was sitting in a warehouse out in... - Bush terminal.

Right.

God. We stripped Peewee naked.

We smeared him from head to foot with Vaseline.

Now, this kid squeezed through 25 feet of air-conditioning duct.

And when he opened the door for us...

...he was dripping blood.

Hundreds of little gashes where he'd ripped himself to shreds...

...on the heads of the nails going through.

- Vito, that dwarf had heart. - Yeah, that he did.

- We worked for six hours. - No, five and a half.

- Six. - Five and a half.

On an inside steel door...

...with 25 grand of French perfume on the other side.

We took turns with a sledgehammer. We battered it. We hammered it.

We tried everything. We even tried to cry our way through.

- Vito, am I exaggerating? - Just finish the story, Pop.

Finally, Peewee knelt down and prayed.

He swore this was gonna be his last burglary...

...if only God would let us open that fucking door.

You see, what the job called for was a three-foot pry bar.

Your old man hadn't brought one.

So we left empty-handed. Peewee left a pint of blood behind...

...and Vito swore he'd never go on another job under-equipped.

Your grandpa's moral is to be prepared like a Boy Scout.

But what he's forgetting is that it was him...

...that should have brought the pry bar.

- Bullshit. The tools were your end. - The tools were my end? I beg to differ.

Whatever happened to Peewee Grogan?

Peewee? Well, he wound up doing 15 to 30 as an habitual.

And that's tough time for a guy 4-foot-2.

You're really an asshole sometimes. You really are a fucking asshole.

What would you do for sex if I were gone for a couple of years?

- You planning on joining the Navy? - No, it's a hypothetical question.

Suppose, God forbid, I got put in prison for two or three years.

What would you do for sex?

- I hadn't really thought about it. - Yeah, well...

But now that you mention it, there is this one big good-Iooking kid...

...works the vegetable counter in Grand Union. He's crazy about me.

Oh, yeah?

You been overreaching on your tax-evasion schemes?

I'll bet the vegetable kid in Grand Union doesn't really love you.

Not gonna start moralizing, are you, robbing Uncle Sam for undeclared cash?

- No, I was just talking. - Don't go so far they really lock you up.

We're not as tough as we used to be.

I waited 27 months to marry you, Vito.

I rode on a bus six hours every Saturday and never missed a visit.

We were a couple of kids then.

But I couldn't take it if you went away now.

Besides, how would you be able to face Adam?

All right. All right. All right.

Everything's the same. One security guard.

- I told you this was gonna be a snap. - Yeah?

- He's armed? - His holster was on the back of the chair.

He's sitting there watching TV with his shoes off.

Guard had a gun?

Yeah, what did you expect?

- I didn't really think about it. - Well, welcome to the real world.

Relax. He's got one, we'll have three.

- Two. He doesn't carry a gun. - I don't wanna anybody carrying a gun.

What you think, they'll mail us the what do you call them? The plasmids?

- Lf you don't wanna do this, say so. - Vito, you're doing what you always do...

...you're treating him like a kid. Adam should go in there packing.

He's never done it, Jessie. He does not carry.

- We vote! - We don't vote. He doesn't carry!

If Adam carries, I walk.

Close the lid.

- Wait. Didn't you bring any gloves? - No.

Put that on. Come on, come on, come on!

Say when.

- All right? - Okay.

Go ahead.

Sit tight. I'll check out the guard.

Pull this. I can't see.

This is why I hated putting on your snowsuit.

I was on much tougher scores than this at your age.

All I saw out of them was a ham sandwich. You're starting at the top.

Yeah, that's America. Every generation does a little bit better.

- What if he's out making rounds? - He's snoozing somewhere.

The work ethic in America is dead and buried.

- Let's do it. - Here.

Freeze!

Where the hell is he?

He could be off taking a leak or making rounds.

Then we sit tight and wait for him.

- Did you close the hall doors? - I think so.

No. You can't think so.

You're sure you did or you're sure you didn't or you don't know.

I don't know.

If the guard sees an open door, it's all over.

I'll take this corridor. You take that one.

Adam, stay here in case he's on his way back with a six-pack.

Wait. What does he do if the guard walks in?

So let him take a piece.

No.

- You got a say in this too, you know. - No, he doesn't.