All language subtitles for Episode 6-eng

WALTER:
Previously on Scorpion...

You married Happy.

It was six years ago;
his visa was up.

If I divorce him now

before he has citizenship,
he'll be deported,

Walter's gone,
Scorpion over.

But I kind of need
that divorce now,

because I'm pregnant.

Help you?

I am looking for
Walter O'Brien.

Who's asking?

Joyce Linehan. I'm with U.S.
Citizenship and Immigration,

and I am going to be
handling your case.

Today's mission? It's perilous.

The adversary is our worst yet.

A nuclear threat?
An evil dictator?

We wish.

It's a pencil-pushing
bureaucrat.

So, guys,
we take this seriously.

HAPPY: Just take
the picture, dimwit.

Apple, little closer
to Sir Isaac Newton, please.

Okay, hurry up;
this kid I'm cooking

will be birthed by the
time you take the picture.

I can't hold this smile
much longer.

Smile? Looks like he's...

Enduring a medical exam
for men over 40?

Next costume!
(sighs)

I get this isn't
mentally taxing,

but, guys,
Linehan's first impression

of your marriage
was... Happy?

Not good.
So, if you want her

to buy marital bliss,
you need to fake more

than just your
Halloween history.

So, you'll need to show
some real emotion.

How do we know
she's coming?

I thought her visits
were unscheduled.

First time she showed up,

I spoofed her cell,
checked her calendar.

Now, would that be a state crime
or an additional federal offense

on top of the
fraudulent marriage?

Both.
Great.

Well, the federal crimes
are nearly over.

We've done our homework.

Happy's favorite
Halloween dance:

The Halloween Hustle.

Favorite candy: Nerds.

And favorite monster:

Frankenstein.

He's held with nuts and bolts.

And, Happy, what about Walter?

Walter's favorite
Halloween beverage is water.

Beyond that, I have no idea.

He won't make anything up.
WALTER: Come on,

let's get this
over with.

Uh, maybe you could save
that costume for our honeymoon.

Can it and take
the photos.

Come on, let's go.

Over here.

Picture by the desk.

Now, Walter, people in love know
details about their partner,

so what did you do for Halloween
when you were a kid?

We didn't celebrate
in Ireland.

Aw, that's a shame.

You know, I've always
loved Halloween.

It's a chance to be
whoever you want.

I used to take
my dad's letterman's jacket,

I'd put it on,
and I'd slick my hair back,

pretend to be cool.

That has me a second away
from breaking into tears.

My self-image has
evolved, thank you.

Now I spend Halloweens
at The Warlock's Chest

for games night.

Which reminds me, I need
to set an alarm on my phone

for the Super Fun Guy
Halloween Special.

Sometimes we get so wrapped
up in the ten-sided die,

we lose track of time.

And that made it worse.

Guys, we need normal
Halloween stories.

Anyone?

You're the human.
Regale us.

(camera clicking)

All pretty standard.

Uh, Mom made theme costumes
for the family:

Igor, Frankenstein,
Bride of Frankenstein.

We'd trick-or-treat
together,

um...

hand out candy,
and it was fun.

WALTER:
I cannot comprehend

an evening spent that way
with my family.

Walter, we need something
to make you... human.

PAIGE:
Ralph.

Ralphy.

You're supposed
to help decorate,

not help yourself
to the decorations.

By stacking
the candy corn kernels,

it actually resembles
a corn cob.

It's so simple and logical.

Candy. Corn.

And I think you're done
with the candy.

No more sugar. Come on.

I'm not sure
I can pull this off.

I'm finding that...

(whispers): faking emotion
is nearly impossible.

Pal, you specialize in
the nearly impossible.

The first step is to
not beat yourself up.

Faking emotion
is a hard chore

even for the most
naturally demonstrative.

You saw how bad
a job Paige did.

What?

Sometimes I forget
how much more I see

as a brilliant behaviorist.

Her Halloween story?

The short,
fragmented sentences,

'cause people like to get
through lies quickly.

And she scratched her nose,

which contains erectile tissue
that expands

because blood rushes to
the head and brain when lying.

Her tale of
matching costumes

and family night?

It's phony baloney.

Why would she, of all people,
fabricate a story?

Well, think about it:

You have a terrible relationship
with your parents,

Sly's dad is a dictator,

my mom's bat poop crazy,

Happy was in foster care;
we talked about this.

Paige?
She's just a stranger

we took from a diner.

We know nothing,
except that she just lied.

Maybe her upbringing
was lupinus.

I highly doubt
she was raised by wolves.

Well, there's something
she's ashamed of.

All right, team, gear up!

We're moving out in five.

Who are you,

Belushi in
Animal House?

Who?

Never mind.

Cabe, are you here
for the party?

What's in the bags?
Decorations?

We have a mission.

What? No.

We have candy and costumes,
and we're gonna have a party.

And the Knights
of West Altadena

will be playing

Fantasies and Frolics
at The Warlock's Chest.

You didn't tell him?

You know how he gets.

What's going on?

Kid, we're going to a remote
location outside of Tempe,

where we're spelunking
to save bats.

I am not spelunking to save
a disease-ridden flying rodent.

We all are, except for Happy,

who's gonna QB us from
the garage speakerphone

while she keeps an
eye on Ralphy-boy.

I got it covered.

Caves are dangerous
for pregnant women.

Listeria grows
in the ubiquitous rat urine.

Rat pee is dangerous
for anybody.

Come on.

There's nothing
to worry about.

SYLVESTER:
I am terribly worried.

I also resent that I wasn't
informed of this case sooner.

We didn't want you
to freak out

until it was
absolutely necessary.

I resent that you assume
that I will freak out.

Dude, you're checking your pulse
as we speak.

WALTER:
Sly, we wouldn't be here

unless it was
absolutely necessary.

Like fate of the free world,
Sly, no joke.

Yeah, well, I'm still waiting
on an explanation.

The bats in this cave suffer
from WNS-- White Nose Syndrome.

It's a fungal disease wiping out
bats from across Latin America

to the U.S.

This cave houses

a particularly large population
from all across the continent,

who come here
to breed and to hibernate.

So, treating these bats will
have a large geographic reach.

Bats are filthy animals.

They are veritable flying sacks
of viruses.

They're veritable flying,
insect-eating machines,

natural insecticide,

an amazing feat of
evolutionary biology,

and the second most
important pollinator.

Millions of them jam together
so tightly

that they poop on one another.

WALTER:
If WNS wipes out

bat populations, it could
threaten Western civilization.

I would love to hear that math.

In Syria, a ten-year drought
ruined subsistence farming,

so scores of young men
fled the countryside

and moved to the
cities-- aimless youth,

no jobs, no direction.

It was the perfect breeding
ground for radicalization.

If the bats
in this cave succumb to WNS,

then they might not return home
to, say, Latin America.

The insect population
will increase,

and subsistence farming
will be ruined.

I guess that math adds up.

And we're not gonna be alone;
the zoologists who hired us

are supposed to be
meeting us here.

Yeah, Dr. Bryce
and Jody MacMillan.

They went in earlier
to clear the cave of any hikers,

and they'll meet us
in chamber one.

This note on their truck...
HAPPY: Then giddy-up.

You have a party to throw
and a bureaucrat to impress.

Linehan will be at
the garage at 8:00,

so let's not
miss our window.

(snaps fingers)

SYLVESTER: All right.
(stutters) E-Everybody wait.

Why are we here?

Can't the zoologists
save the bats?

Uh, because the last time those
caves were properly surveyed

was over 40 years ago, and due
to the limestone structure,

they're what we called
"geologically fluid."

TOBY:
Caverns that were there

three weeks ago
might not be there today.

WALTER:
And...

I've designed
a laser mapping device

to canvass the cave system,
calculating the square footage.

You told me it was
a Halloween decoration!

I lied. It's to work out

the perfect placement
for the Fungiblaster.

A flea bomb that'll aerosol
fungicide throughout the cave

to kill the virus
causing White Nose,

while leaving the bats unharmed.

And do I want to know
its toxicity to humans?

No.

TOBY:
We'll have it on a timer,

and we'll already have exited
when it goes off.

Well, we can't exit until we
enter, so let's get going.

Uh, bats have unique

optical rods and cones.

They're agitated by white light,
but not red.

Stick these to your flashlights.

(bats chirping quietly)

(wings flapping)

TOBY:
Now, this sensor disc

will pick up disbursement
efficacies of the fungicide.

CABE:
Step carefully.

Supposed to drop off
in about 15 feet.

TOBY:
Where's the zoologists?

WALTER:
They might be further in,

but calling for them
will only agitate the bats.

PAIGE:
Wow. It's... It's dark.

Really dark.

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My God, it's beautiful.

WALTER: It's also a long way
to the bottom.

So, let's keep moving.

Elevator going down
to spooky town.

CABE:
You guys, quit playing grab-ass

and get over here...

and get down this rope.

(equipment beeping)

HAPPY:
Receiving data.

So, Sly,

once Happy
collates the data,

double-check the
calculations.

It's one of
the reasons

why we need you here.

PAIGE:
Um, while we're waiting,

how's it going with Ralph?

How hard is it to handle
an 11-year-old genius?

The kid can take
care of himself.

He's a self-driving car.

Yeah, well, those things
make me nervous.

So does my son on three bags

of candy corn.

Genius brains process glucose

faster than normal brains.

Could cause
hyperactivity.

Guys,

he's under control.

Okay, that cavern is scanned.

Laser fluctuations show
micro currents

blowing east to west
out of a bigger hollow

about 40 yards away.

Was that on the map?

Not that I can see, but
the readings are what they are.

I told you,
limestone shifts and changes.

Okay, let's go.

We got to scan
that hollow.

CABE:
Step carefully.

There's a two-foot-wide
chasm here.

It's like a fault line.

(grunts)

TOBY:
Okay, we'll scan this hollow,

then move on to the next cavern,

and we'll be back in L.A.
sooner than we thought.

(rocks rumbling in distance)

What was that?

I didn't hear
where it came from.

It's crumbling limestone,
nothing more.

Or some unknown evil unleashed

after centuries
of lying dormant.

You watch horror movies?

I've seen the commercials.

And if something bad
was going to happen,

this would be the perfect spot.

So, I am just going to sit
right over here...

Quit being such a baby.
It was just a sound.

Oh, because scary things
are always silent.

Where's the logic in that, Cabe?

(gasps) Cave zombie!

PAIGE:
Oh! Oh, no! The laser!

MAN: Help me!
Grab his hand!

No! Push him back into hell!

Guys? What's going on?

TOBY:
Newton found the zoologist.

(panting)

W-We were attacked.

You got a lot
of bites on you, Doc.

Assume it was the bats
that attacked you?

Man, you are sweating
something awful.

You have to help my
wife. Promise me.

Promise me you'll
help my wife.

Add in rapid-fire
response speech.

He's got the symptoms of rabies.

BRYCE:
We found a new crack,

led to an unexplored area.

W-We followed it through to
make sure no hikers had gone in.

And that's when
we were attacked.

Doctor, where's your wife?

I-I don't know.

Sh-She fell down.
I-I couldn't reach her.

SYLVESTER:
Instead of asking the rabid man,

how about we check the
film on his harness cam?

WALTER:
Great idea.

Here, Sly, grab a cable,
and then hook it up

to your tablet.

Happy, you catch all this?

Loud and clear. Not good.

Ralph hear?

No. I've patched your comms
into the speaker phone,

and he's all the way
back in the kitchen.

Okay, do me a favor:
don't-don't tell him, okay?

I don't want him getting scared.

Copy that.

Okay, we're ready.

(Bryce and Jody panting)

BRYCE:
There's an entire world in here

that no one's ever seen before.

Look at them.

(bats chirping)

Follow me through here.

BRYCE: Jody... what do you think
we should name this place?

I think "bat cave's"
already taken.

Whoa, you okay?

Yeah. Just...

(bats squawking)

They're becoming
very active.

I've never seen
behavior this aggressive.

(bats squawking loudly)

They're attacking!

(yells)
Be careful!

Take cover! Go back!

Get off me! (grunts)

Be careful!

(screams)

Jody!

Can you hear me?!

I hid under a ledge until
the bats went back to roosting.

Then I-I wandered through
the cave until I heard you.

See the white nose?

The bat's infected with

Pseudogymnoascus destructans,

the fungus that causes
White Nose Syndrome.

They all are.

So how did Bryce get rabies?

WNS compromises
the bats' immune system,

makes them susceptible
to other diseases, like rabies,

which makes them
more aggressive.

WALTER: Must've slipped
and bumped into the cave wall.

That knocked out the red filter,
exposing the white light.

PAIGE:
That's why the bats attacked.

SYLVESTER:
So, just to clarify,

we are surrounded by
psychotic flying killers

that will go off at the
slightest provocation.

CABE:
Our mission is now twofold.

First, we got to rescue Jody,
and then we got to get

the Fungiblaster where it needs
to be so we can save the bats.

Third, while getting Bryce
to a hospital.

This guy is suffering
from a virulent rabies strain

like Duvenhage, Kotonkan

or Rochambeau; if he
doesn't get the right serum

in the next half hour,

he doesn't ever get
to trick-or-treat again.

No, n-no. I have to
go back for my wife.

PAIGE:
We'll find her.

TOBY:
Happy, closest hospital?

HAPPY:
I am working on it.

CABE:
Good luck, Doc.

TOBY:
You, too. Be safe.

All right.

We're gonna have to go
deeper in, find this woman.

(grunting)

SYLVESTER:
So...

into the darkness
with the killer bats.

This is how
every scary movie starts.

♪ Scorpion 3x06 ♪
Bat Poop Crazy
Original Air Date on October 31, 2016

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Okay, Toby,
I just sent directions

to East General, the closest
Level III trauma center.

It's 25 minutes,
if you drive like a madman.

I'm doing 78 on bald tires!

(chuckles) That's funny.

You're fun.
Thanks, buddy.

And you're delirious, so just
keep it together until we can

get you to the hospital.

HAPPY:
Guys, I'm trying to calculate

approximate cave system layouts

based on where you've been
and 40 year-old data,

but all I can tell you is:
watch your step.

Hey, what's with the knife?

I stenciled designs
on my pumpkins.

It's a little dangerous.

No mas.

Am I smelling ammonia?
What is in that syringe?

I'm inducing a simple
double replacement reaction

that'll produce a
uniform outward force,

displacing the weakened patterns
on the pumpkin surface.

You're injecting the pumpkins
with explosive chemicals?

So I can carve
four pumpkins at once.

No exploding pumpkins!

CABE:
You okay?

(panting)

WALTER: Happy, we need
to know the incline

of the initial drop off.

Uh, I'm looking
at your GPS signals.

You're off the grid.

Don't inject that pumpkin!

What? Wh-What is
Ralph injecting?

Nothing! All good over here.

Uh, but regarding the cave,
I am out of ideas.

CABE: Blind as bats in here,
pun intended.

That's it.

You're as blind as a bat,
so you need to act like bats.

Echolocation.
Exactly.

Cabe, pick up the biggest
rock that you can find,

and throw it out
in front of you.

And then, Sly, give
us a time to impact.

Okay.

(grunts)

Here we go. (grunts)

(rock clatters)

1.43 seconds.

That's about a 50-foot drop.

Based on the polarimetric
asymmetry of the returning echo,

I'd say that this decline,

based on the likely underlying
geographic morphology,

either lets us slide

into the cavern,
or we fall 50 feet and die.

But I'm 74% sure
it's option one.

Not the best odds.

Whoa!

(screams)
SYLVESTER: Walter!

(groans)

Uh...

Thanks for, um,
breaking my fall.

My pleasure.

HAPPY:
You guys all okay?

Uh, yeah,
just a little banged up.

(explosion, pumpkin splatters)

PAIGE:
Wh-What was that?

Just the TV.
Watching scary movies.

Well, I need to make sure
it's okay for Ralph.

What are you guys watching?

I think it's the one
with that kid, Damien.

The big clown out there
is gaining on us.

I need you to stay with me,
okay, pal?

Okay.

But that clown can't have
any of my birthday cake.

I can get you
all the birthday cake you want

once we get you better.

Right now I need you to
concentrate on what's real.

And that's getting you
to the hospital.

And this truck has no GPS, and
these back roads have no signs.

You know this area!

So, help me navigate.

Okay.

Right after
I get my birthday cake.

I'll get it.

Whoa! What the hell?!

(tires screech)

(gasps)

I need you to keep it together,
man, all right?!

Of course you're not all right.
Just stay here!

(groans):
Oh!

Happy, I need something medical
closer than the hospital.

There is a small town clinic
a half a mile ahead.

That help?

Yeah, clinics in bat country
should have a supply

of rabies serum on hand.

I like you.
(sighs)

SYLVESTER: We keep on moving
deeper into this cave,

and there's still no sign
of the zoologist lady.

Maybe she found her own way out.

PAIGE: After being bitten
by bats? I doubt it.

SYLVESTER: Okay, well, we still
don't know if we're even going

in the right direction.

Oh, yeah. We are.

Look.

Blood.

That must be where Bryce and
Jody got attacked by the bats.

And that's got to be the chute
Jody fell in.

WALTER:
Jody? Jody?

(bats chirping)

She could be
unconscious by now.

(bat squeaks)

(gasps)

We are not alone.

CABE:
It's just like The Birds.

Probably didn't see that film.

Oh, I did.

I thought it was about
ornithology,

and I was
unpleasantly surprised.

MAN (over ringtone):
It's time for fun!

(alarm rings)

- Ringers are supposed to be off.
- It is off.

This is my alarm for the
Super Fun Guy Halloween special.

I was supposed to be
watching it this afternoon,

instead of on a mission

that you guys
didn't me about.

WALTER (whispers):
Quiet!

Guys...

they're moving.

(bats squawking)

What's moving?

(screaming):
Bats...!

Everyone, this way!

(Sylvester gasping)

(grunts)

(rocks clattering)

(shrieking)

This is my nightmare!

This is my
actual nightmare!

SYLVESTER:
Cabe, get under here!

CABE:
I'm under!

(bats continue squawking)

They're not stopping!

SYLVESTER:
Happy!

Trip the fire alarm!

Turn the alarm on? Why?

Because high-pitched noises

repel bats!

(smoke alarm beeping)

Hey!

What are you doing?!

You said you wanted
the alarm turned on.

Get down before
you break your neck!

But first hold this
phone to the alarm.

Is something going on?

Halloween prank on Sly.

Sweet.

(beeping continues)

(squawking stops)

It worked.

(beeping stops)

Is everyone okay?

(grunts)

CABE:
Sound off.

(panting): We're fine,
but we're... we're cut off.

We can't get back to you.

(panting): You know,
we're gonna have to

go deeper
into the cave,

see if we can find an exit.

HAPPY: I will look
for geological formations

that might signal a way out.

This looks like the ravine
in Bryce's video.

(whispering): Jody? Jody?
Jody?

I don't see her.

Yeah, well, she's got to be
down here somewhere.

Yeah. Only one way to find out.

Rappel down. Get your rope out.

TOBY: All right,
we're almost there.

Just a few more steps.

Just a few more
steps, huh?

Are you kidding me?!

(Toby grunts)

(Bryce groans)

Happy, the clinic's locked,

and this guy's dead
if I don't get him serum.

Okay, take a bobby pin and I can
walk you through the lock pick.

I always wear a hat.
Why would I have a bobby pin?

I-I don't know.
I'm thinking.

Ralph, please!

She's teaching me to tango.

Doc?

Doc, I'm having trouble
hearing you.

Never mind.

There's your bobby pin!

You know how to do this?

Yeah. I watched a
spelunking video.

See, the trick is
to manage your speed

so that you don't descend too...

(whoops)

That was fun.

Um... yeah.

Oh, I got to tighten
your lightbulb.

Oh.

Turn.

Just... okay.

What's that look?

Hmm?

I was just thinking
about my dad.

He was adept at
fixing lights.

When the headlamps on his
combine malfunctioned,

he would correct
it within minutes.

What about your dad?

Well, he certainly wasn't

fixing combines.

Why-why do you ask?

Huh?

Toby said that
you were untruthful

about how you spent
Halloween with your family.

Is that... correct?

Only-only 'cause I know
you're not a deceitful person,

so, logically... you lied,

then something's
bothering you and...

that bothers me.

My dad was a good man,
um, but my mom...

had some trouble.

When she, um,
left him, it...

he was crushed.

She was the love of his life.

So, for Halloween, he'd buy
a gross bag of no-name candy

from the dollar store

and leave it in a basket and
turn off all the house lights,

and so he'd... no one
would think we were home.

And then, uh, we'd sit
on the couch together

and watch It's the Great
Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

You never went out
with the other kids?

Seeing families
having fun together,

that was just too much for him.

I lied. Sorry.

No.

All right.

We have work to do.

Bryce? Bryce?

Stay awake.

(Bryce groaning)

Ooh, Frankenstein noises.
That's good.

Means your brain's
still working.

So, even though
you can't understand me,

I'm gonna keep talking to you.

My voice will keep your brain
active, so that you can

fight off the virus.

You know what happens when
rabies reaches your brain?

You die. And that's bad.

Um... rabies serum,
rabies serum...

Rabies serum.

Okay.

Spotted bat,
Mexican long-tongued,

Townsend's big-eared.

Ten vials, ten species,
ten strains of rabies.

Problem is, if I pick
the wrong one, you also die,

so I got to choose
very carefully.

(groans loudly)
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I am hurrying!

Uh, so you didn't get bit
by a coyote,

raccoon or fox.

(groans)
Shh.

Um, okay, that leaves
seven species of bat.

Video footage.

(groans)

Uh, okay.

Uh, brown fur,
round nose.

(vocalizing)

And four left. Um...

Come on, I need
wing structure!

Uh, Sly, you're not
gonna like this,

but I need your photographic
memory to pluck a bat

that looks exactly like
the one in Bryce's video.

CABE: Open your eyes
and find a damn bat.

They are disgusting. (groans)

CABE: They're more afraid of you
than you are of them.

I don't believe that's true.

(Walter chuckles)

I think we're getting
closer to finding Jody.

We are?
Yeah.

Glowworms.

They're amazing creatures.

Luciferin's the chemical
that makes them illuminate.

But they only live
in wet conditions,

so water must be nearby.

And Jody's a zoologist,

so she knew where
there's running water,

there might be a way out.

Look, there's another worm.

And here are drag marks.

I think she went
through here.

PAIGE: Through that tiny crevice?
- Yeah.

Well, cavers
call them "squeeze."

Well, if Jody can do it,
we can, too. We have to.

She needs us, right?

There's no other way out.

Ladies first.

Yeah.

(whimpering)

Oh. Stop.

The bats are right
above my head.

(whispering):
All right, just get to it.

Don't mind me.

I'm just a friendly,
giant bat with glasses.

(Sylvester whimpering)

Oh, Cabe, I got it.

Cabe, I got it. Bring me down.

Great. What's the bone structure
of the wing?

Three bones or five?

I'm about to look.

(exhales)

Five bones in the wing.

And the winner is...

lesser leaf-nosed bat

carrying the Lyssavirus
type three!

Well done, kid.

Good work, Sly.

You saved his life.

You know, he's actually
not that bad.

I mean, he helped me
save somebody's life today.

Hey, there, Mr. Bat.

You're actually kind of cute.

You want to be a part
of Team Scorpion?

Me and Ferret Bueller...

(bat hisses, Sylvester screams)

The bastard bit me!

SYLVESTER:
Man down! Man down!

Don't worry, Sly.

I'll have rabies serum to you
soon enough.

More glowworms.

WALTER (grunting): Must be
close to a water source.

Happy, any luck
finding a way out?

I am looking through satellite
images of those mountains

in the winter.

Sometimes snow can reveal
a sinkhole or hot spring

or some other sign of a way out.

Nothing so far.

(groaning)

But I'm still
working on it.

Did you have more candy?

A lot more.

Uh...

uh... hang on there.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Hey, Happy. I'm calling you
on your cell phone,

so Paige can't hear us
on the party line.

How's babysitting?

You sounded stressed today.

I'm a little on edge.

Ralph's almost killed himself
a few times.

Now he's nauseous.

Normally, it wouldn't bother me,

but now I'm worried
about every move he makes.

Well, maternal instincts
are kicking in.

It's the natural
mothering process.

It's like wider hips,

crepy skin
and your hair falling out.

That is not helping my mania.

See ya.

I was gonna give you
this present tonight,

but in front of the Airstream,
under a tarp,

is something I built for you.

Okay, I don't have time
for surprises.

There's always
time for surprises.

Do I have to look now?

Yeah, right after you tell me

how to hot-wire a Ranchero.

(grunting)

I made it.

I'm through.

I think I found Jody.

WALTER:
Oh, great.

Yeah, it's her.

Okay.

Oh, man.

She's not bitten
as badly as Bryce,

but she's very sick.
Is there water?

Yeah, just a stagnant pond...

that won't lead to an exit.

We have to figure out a way
to get Jody out of here.

(grunts loudly)

Oh, no.
Oh, no, Paige.

The Fungiblaster.

It broke. And it's spewing gas.

You mean the incredibly
toxic fungicide?

The one that kills humans?

Yes, and given the confines
of this space,

we have roughly ten minutes

before we see how effective
it really is!

(grunts)

Solid rock.

Solid rock!

HAPPY:
You climbed down,

then curved to the southwest.

That put you closer
to the outside walls,

but you still have two and
a half feet of solid granite

between you and blue sky.

Great. All we have to do
is figure out a way

out of an impenetrable dead end
in a few minutes.

We need to see if she has
something we can use.

Like a gigantic backhoe?

That'd be useful right now.

Here. A lighter.
Do you still have the candy

that you took from Ralph?

Yes.
Okay.

Here.

Great.

Now...

Paige, we need to scoop up
as much guano as we can.

Guano. Right. You're...

We're talking about the...
Bat feces.

They have a high concentration
of nitrates.

Combined with the sugar
in the candy,

we can make an explosive

and hopefully blow
through the limestone.

Or kill the three of us.

The more likely scenario,

but death is guaranteed
if we don't.

Give me the flares.

Oh. Speaking of death,
I think I might be really close.

I've got a 103 fever, minimum.

Toughen up.
You got bit by one bat,

and Toby's on the way
with the serum.

TOBY:
Hey-ho.

This Ranchero's a major beater.

HAPPY:
Go to the far side

of the mountain-- that's the
closest external approximation

to Walter, Paige
and Jody's location.

We got it!

(engine revs)

WALTER:
Okay.

Now you take Jody
behind the boulder.

Lift up for me.
I'm gonna pull you back.

(Jody groans)

That's fine.

Okay, light the fuse!

WALTER:
Heads down! Brace yourselves!

Seven, six,

five, four, three,
two, one!

How the hell they gonna blow
through all that?

Brace for debris!

Am I hallucinating this?

Oh, boy. Big kaboom!

Walter?

Paige?

(coughing)

(chuckles)
It worked. It worked.

Why is it
still burning?

Years of piled-up
guano are on fire.

Here. Get her up.

Get on the other
side of her.

(Jody coughs)

(panting)

This is how every
scary movie ends.

We've opened a portal to hell.

Well... damn near normal.

Hey, keep an eye out later,
just in case you start to,

you know, crave blood.
Funny.

If you do start to turn,

I will drive a stake
through your heart personally,

because we're pals.

You're gonna be fine.

Both of you. Actually,
all three. I spoke to Bryce.

He's okay, too.

The bats, too.

The sensors we planted

are showing wide disbursement
of the fungicide.

So the bomb blast
must have created

an artificial air current

permeating every crevice
of the cave system.

The granite walls of
the last cavern you were in

took the brunt of the blast,

so the limestone
didn't collapse.

So we saved the bats.

Did a lot more than that.

Well, let's hurry up and
reunite Jody and Bryce

and then get
to the airport.

We've got a Halloween
party to start.

Ooh, I need a second.

Thanks.

♪ ♪

♪ Mr. Wolfman,
go tell Frankenstein... ♪

Sly as a vampire.
Makes sense.

Happy and Walter
are something science-y.

Dark and
illuminated matter.

Together, we make up
the universe.

Are you are... Wait.

Pi squared.

Nailed it.

Scientist.
Bingo.

Doesn't look like any scientist
that I've ever seen.

And you are...

German psychologist.

Discovered the learning curve.

And the spacing effect?

The father of Neo-Kantian
philosopher Julius Ebbinghaus?

Come on, I'm Hermann Ebbinghaus!

How could I be so dense?

At least we're
wearing costumes.

I'm wearing a costume.

Just soak me in;
you'll get it.

Sunglasses at night?

From the Corey Hart song.

Corey Hart?

"Sunglasses at Night."

It's on oldies radio.

It's not an oldie.

It's from the '80s.

Aw. You know what year it is?

♪ And he looked so sweet... ♪

TOBY:
So?

You like my gift?

A rocking chair.

Yeah.

It's good for rocking
a baby to sleep.

(sighs)

Honestly, I was overwhelmed
with Ralph.

Worried constantly.

Yeah.

That is a sign
of good mothering.

Or mental collapse.

We're gonna make it.

Well, we have to;

there's someone very small
depending on us.

And we have
each other, right?

(footsteps approach)

Happy, thanks for
taking care of me today.

You're gonna be a good mom.

TOBY:
Well,

you're a natural.
He seems fine.

'Cause he booted.

Kids boot.

It's good for 'em.

PAIGE: Did you tell 'em
what I told you to say?

Yes.
Good.

Nice boot and rally, kid.

(phone ringing)

Oh, hey, hey.

I-I have, uh...

I have a George Washington
costume collecting dust.

After the INS agent
comes through,

maybe it would make
your mom feel

all good and Halloweeny
if you, me and she

went out and...
PAIGE: Ralph, good news!

Tim came home early
just to trick-or-treat with us.

He's driving in
from the airport.

Wh... What'd I interrupt?

Walter wants to trick-or-treat
with us.

No, Ralph,
what I was saying was that...

I have a costume that
maybe you, me and your mom

might donate to your-your
school's drama department.

So... that sounds great.

Sounds... odd.

Is that really
what you wanted to say?

Mm-hmm.

SYLVESTER:
Uh, guys?

(door closes)

Ms. Linehan.

What... what a...
what a surprise.

Ah.

Happy Halloween
to everyone.

Sweetheart. Sweetheart!

Look who's here.

So nice to see you again.

You're having a party.

That's fun.

More for the kid,
but we all just love Halloween.

Always have.

Thank you.
Mm-hmm.

Candy corn?

Candy corn's one of my favorite
memories of Halloween.

What about you,
Happy?

What's your favorite memory of
Halloween with your... husband?

You know...

um...

I like dressing up with Walter.

What's fun about that
for you as a couple?

Yeah... um...

costumes...
She does it for me.

I-I'm the one
who likes to dress up

and have these parties.

I'm not a...

I'm not a trick-or-treater,
per Se.

Isn't that right?

Yep.

When I was a boy,

we would stay in every year,
pretend that no one was home

and watch
It's the Great Charlie Brown.

It's actually The Great
Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

Loved it.
Anyway, my friends thought

that I was crazy
for not going out.

But I knew the reason
why we stayed in

was that my father didn't want
me running five houses ahead

with my buddies,
while I tried to acquire

as many double polysaccharide
nougat treats as possible.

He wanted me home with him.

He knew that when kids
get older, you lose them,

so he wanted to spend
the time together.

I didn't understand it then,
but I... I get it now.

So... it's a favorite memory.

Father sounds like
an interesting guy.

He gets more interesting
all the time.

You know, don't mind me.
I'm just gonna look around.

That was Paige's story,

reimagined to make her
feel warm and fuzzy.

That's very acute of you.

I just needed
something to say.

I'm doing this
charade for you.

It's not your job to make her
feel warm and fuzzy;

it's Tim's job.

Well, if I'm guilty of anything,
it's plagiarism.

Nothing more.

Dude, you're playing with fire.

You know, I'm not gonna linger.

Clearly, there's
a lot of love here.

I mean, proton, electron...

"Sunglasses at Night."

Exactly!

Clever. For 1985.

You know, this album
is dated 2014

and has a reflection
of that monitor over there,

of that calendar
from 2016.

That's funny.

You know,
I took that picture,

uh, but I must've put it
in the wrong album,

'cause I had four
Nutsy Clusters...

Okay.

...and, uh,
candy brain. Oh!

LINEHAN: A genius
with candy brain.

You know, a suspicious person
might think that

things in this garage
were staged.

Oh, no, absolutely not.

I mean, you're not
a suspicious person.

You're-you're a very
trusting person.

I can tell.

I'm a genius behaviorist.

I'm not done here.

Happy Halloween.

TOBY:
Uh...

TOBY:
Uh, she didn't buy it.

Guys, we are in deep guano.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

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