All language subtitles for Bless This Mess-01x06.MEMENTO-ION10

- You ready?
- Oh, yeah, girl..

Let's see those moves.

Okay, girl. You do you.

Priyanka, up.

- Ah!
- Watch this.

Two.

Oh! Oh!

Seven.

Four. Yes.

Oh, ho!

Up.

Wow! That was incredible.

- Yeah.
- This chicken is ready.

♪ Di-dee-dee ♪

- Hi.
- Hey.

- We are from Maggie's Farm...
- Yeah.

... and we have the best hen
in the whole damn county.

- I think it's... yeah.
- And I am so proud of you.

I love you.

Mm.

Mm.

Okay, most people just call, though.

But I'm glad you came down.

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

Her full name is Priyanka.
Levine. Hyphen. Young.

Maggie's... Farm's... Hen.

Is it weird to say that
I'm more excited about this

than anything ever in my entire life?

Are you kidding? This blows
our wedding out of the water.

Right?

Look at all these events.

I know. "Polka," "Best Hog."

Ooh. "The Wife Carry"?

What is a wife carry?

That seems kind of problematic.

It is. At the end,
the wife stands on a scale,

and then the husband
wins her weight in beer.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

They put you on a seesaw,

and then they put the
beer at the other end.

But that's the silly events.

Now, the farm ones, like "Best Hen"...

- Yeah?
- ... that gets heated.

Three days of farmers battling it out

for county-wide supremacy.

- Yeah.
- Total war.

Blue ribbon or death.

- Destroy. Dominate. Conquer.
- Carnage.

Take... Ooh. Hang on one sec.

What is it?

- I got to go. Scrapbooking.
- Oh, oh, right now?

Um, can you give
Priyanka her bubble bath?

- Can you?
- Oh, yeah. I'll give her a little treat

before she crushes dreams.

I still haven't told Beau

about our scrapbooking sessions.

The only thing that scares Beau more

than talking about his own feelings

is when I talk about my
feelings with someone else.

- Right.
- Oh, and dots.

Seeing a bunch of dots
really weirds him out.

Interesting. So, in our
last scrapbooking session,

you mentioned that you were gonna

- write a letter to Beau.
- Yeah.

We weren't gonna give it to him.

- It was just an exercise.
- Yes.

And then you did give it to him.

- I did.
- How did that go?

- It did not go well.
- Okay.

I was gonna use "I feel"
statements like you said.

- Yeah.
- But then he suddenly remembered

that he had something to do in the barn.

And then he stayed out there all night.

So I just watched "SVU" all by myself.

To tell you the truth, it was nice

not have all those dumb questions.

"Who's that? Is that the killer?"

Well, I don't know, Beau, okay?

You and I have the
same exact information.

Well, he can't avoid you forever, right?

I don't know. That barn's
got a cot, a fridge, a hot plate.

If he could get football and
dirty websites on his phone,

he could be out there
for three to four months.

You know what that barn doesn't have?

- Me?
- Okay.

There you go. Let it out.

Come here.

He'll have to come back to the Kay well

'cause he needs some Kay water.

That's really good stuff.

What'd I do without you?

Do you need a flamingo sticker?

I would like one. Thank you.

Oh, let's get these talons sparkling.

You're really giving that
bird the business, huh?

You know, Priyanka's up for "Best Hen."

If we get a blue ribbon...

... it would turn everything around.

That's a lot of
pressure for one chicken.

Well, when we moved here,

we really thought we were
gonna be farming the land.

Then we got our ass kicked
with the soil and the weather,

losing the tractor.

Well, your wife has done a
hell of a job with that bird.

Right, Priyanka?

When she first came here,
Rio was totally helpless.

I was sure one day I was gonna find
her dead at the bottom of a well.

Each morning, I'd go over
there and cry out, "Rio."

But she was never down there.

Your wife... she's a strong woman.

- She really is.
- Enough jibber jabber.

I need your honest opinion.

If you were Constance,
which pair of overalls

would really get you going?

I think I'd go with the
ones that were less stained.

Come on, don't jerk me around.

I need this date to go perfectly.

Then, I guess wear the ones
that you're most comfortable in.

Sorry. I'm all a-titter
about this date at the fair.

Constance has lit a fire in my belly

I haven't felt since Theresa left me.

Oh, yeah, you've never
really told me about her.

She left me for a pig farmer
a couple of towns over.

I used to catch myself thinking
about her all the time...

her kisses, sweet embrace,

her heaving chest crying out in ecstasy.

Okay, well, have fun, pal.

Sounds like you're completely over her.

Yeah, I am. I am.

Hey!

Ladies, get a load
of my county fair hat.

When I wear this, I am B-A-D bad.

Oh, I'll bet.

Ooh! Sookie, sookie. Come on, now.

Sorry. "Sookie, sookie"?

- It's like, "Sookie, sookie!"
- Yeah. "Sookie, sookie!"

- No.
- You think Rudy will like it?

Yes. He's gonna love it.

Don't you think he's
the most beautiful man

in the world?

- He is, uh...
- Well, he's...

- very t... tall.
- He is, uh...

He's a tall glass of buttermilk,

and I'm planning on taking a sip.

- Oh!
- Oh, my goodness!

- Come on, now.
- Constance!

It's the hat. I got
to take this thing off

before it gets me into trouble.

I got to take...

Oh.

Hi, Miss Rio.

Hey, Jacob. Beau, how are you?

You excited for your first fair?

- I am, actually. I'm really excited.
- Yeah, me too.

It's my last year competing
in the junior category, so...

- Oh, cool.
- ... starting next year,

in the eyes of the fair, at least, uh...

I am a man.

Cool. Well,

listen, buddy, in my eyes,
you're already a man.

Oop.

I have to go outside now.

Okay.

- Kay, um...
- Hmm?

... what are you doing here?
I thought you were,

uh, quilting over at Clara's?

The jig is up.

I've been scrapbooking with Rio.

Why don't I have eyes?

Wha... What's going on here?

You want the truth?

Rio and I have been meeting
and talking about my life

for a while now.

Her advice has been really helpful.

- Thank you.
- Oh, yeah? What kind of advice?

Putting diapers on the
photo of a grown man?

I'm sorry. It's highly unethical for me

to engage with you
regarding the scrapbooking

that may or may not
be occurring currently.

Beau, I wouldn't have to talk to
someone else about our marriage

if you didn't say "uh-oh"

- every time I said, "I feel."
- There you go.

Dots, Kay?

Dots?

I feel like you wanted him to find that.

I did. Is that bad?

We should probably talk
about that next week.

- Constance?
- Mm.

If I may be so bold,

you look absolutely stunning today.

Well, thank you.

I like your overalls.

- That stain looks like a heart.
- Oh, it's rust.

Mike said to wear clean ones,

but I think he was just
having fun with me.

Well, that makes two of us,

because I'm having so
much fun with you now.

Well, that makes three of us,

'cause I'm fun and you're fun, and...

Damn it. I can't think straight.

- I'm all a-titter.
- Just breathe,

and let all your titters out.

No, it's you, Constance.

You make me feel like I can't breathe,

like my heart is skipping beats,

like I'm about to die,

but it's sublime.

I haven't felt this good since...

Rudy?

I thought that was you.

- Hello, Theresa.
- Hello.

Oh, Theresa, you... you look great.

Aw, thanks.

And you look...

you look good.

So, it's been a long time.

And I've heard some disturbing rumors

that you built an underground bunker

for the apocalypse?

Yes, but it only sleeps two.

So good luck out there, Theresa.

And I always thought

that we'd be fighting
the zombies together.

So did I.

Well, uh, you all enjoying the fair?

Yes. We are enjoying it very much.

Constance is my date.

She makes me feel dead.

Something you could never do.

Well, the dog says hi.

Are you okay?

Think you need a minute?

The only minute I need is this minute

to let you know I don't need a minute.

Let's go get you sculpted in butter.

Come on.

What?

There you go, little lady.

Oh.

- Hi.
- The princess is here.

Hey, everyone.

What do you think we
should call her fans?

Should we call them, like, Priyonkers

- or, like, Beak babies?
- Oh, I like that.

Ah, yeah, it's... Um, whoa,
whoa, whoa, no, no, no.

Spectators, you sit over there.

- Oh, no, we're competing, Kent.
- I know.

It was just a little
friendly trash talk.

- Oh!
- Oh.

"Ha! Your bird stinks."

Oh, that's good.

I've met hay bales with more
charisma than that thing.

- Yeah.
- Okay, that's good.

Yeah, alright. My turn.

Hey, is that your hen,

or did your grandson suddenly turn cute?

We showed you his picture.

Boom.

- Ouch.
- Teach him to roll up

on some New Yorkers
with that weak sauce.

You walked right up to the line.

- Right?
- Maybe a little over it. Hey.

Good morning, neighbors.

I'm surprised you have time to compete,

given all the time you spend

trying to turn my wife against me.

Beau, I cannot discuss anything

that goes on between me and my patient.

Your wife has been doing

some scrapbooking
therapy stuff with Kay.

- Ah.
- Well...

20 perfect years of marriage,
and then she goes,

"Oh, let's now look below the surface."

Can you please remove your negative
energy away from this space?

Because Priyanka's about to get judged.

Well...

I am the judge.

When I heard you guys were competing,

I gave up my "Best Hog" post

so we could spend some
quality time together.

This is gonna be fun.

And hens to their marks!

I'm sure he'll be... unbiased.

I don't think so.

Priyanka, up.

Priyanka, up.

Up, Priyanka. Ah, ah, up.

- She's... She's feeling my energy.
- No, no.

- Hey, hey, hey. No, okay.
- She doesn't know that...

You got this, okay? Okay.

Think about where you've come from.

You were born on the mean streets

of the Upper West Side.

Now you're standing here
in front of all these folks

about to win your first
chicken competition

in the 10th biggest
county in eastern Nebraska.

Not to mention, you have
never fallen in a well.

I don't give myself
enough credit for that.

Since we moved here, every day,
I have been amazed by you.

- You can do this.
- Okay.

I love you. You're the best.

Okay. Okay.

Time to dance.

Priyanka, up.

Oh!

Whoo! Whoo!

Where my Priyonkers is at?

Where my Priyonkers is at?

Come on. Put your hands up!

What! Put your... No?
No one's doing it.

- I'm gonna take a quick lap.
- You know what? Take a lap...

and just like, get it
out of your system.

And the final chicken in
the "Best Hen" competition

is from Maggie's Farm.

Let's have a look.

Oh, ow! Disqualified. She pecked me.

- No. Beau...
- Dis...

- That is... That is not...
- Disqualified.

- No! My ass!
- Hey! Show me where.

- There. Right there.
- She did not.

And this is how I like them.

- One, two, three.
- No, no, no, no.

That's it. The competition is over.

Great. So you guys are just fine

with this blatant corruption?

Beau, you are better than this.

You cried on my shoulder.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, shove it, Beau.

You are the worst
neighbor we have ever had,

and the people above us in New York

- ran a musical school for children.
- It's over.

They're judging fruit
pies here in 10 minutes.

- Clear out.
- This ain't over.

You took a blue ribbon from us,

- we take one from you.
- Yep.

You name the event, we're there.

The wife-carry.

You name any other event,

- and we will be there.
- Any of them.

The wife-carry.

Whoo!

I always thought that
seeing Theresa again

would make me crumble, but, Constance...

... you make me feel like an
unbreakable block of granite.

Like Mount Rushmore
but with fewer heads.

I'm so glad you didn't crumble,

because I... I want
you all in one piece.

Go easy on this old horse.

Beep beep. Coming through.

Damn you, Clara.

Clara, it's okay. You didn't
do anything wrong, girl.

Sorry.

Will you be attending
the square dance tomorrow?

I might.

Then I will be attending as well.

So we'll be there at the s-same time.

If you're there between the hours
of 4:00 and 6:00, then yes.

Well, I'll put on my dancing boots.

Are you sure you don't want
to buy any cotton candy?

- It's for ch...
- Go, Clara! Get out of here!

I will never forgive you!

Sorry.

So this is the World
Wife-Carrying Competition...

- Okay.
- ... in Sonkajarvi, Finland.

Whoa. What is that wife up to?

This is called The Estonian Method.

Now, all the locals around here,

they're mostly gonna be using
that simple backpack hold.

This will give us an edge.

Look at Priyanka.

She's thirsty for revenge.

Husband, carry me like the
Estonian wife that I am.

So, limber up first. Limber up.

There's a way for us to just... Ow. Ow.

I think if I started
here. Oh! Are you okay?

Get down on the ground,

- I'll get into position.
- Oh.

- Spin around. 180, honey, 180.
- Honey, I'm doing it.

Come on. Just roll.

Is this something? Here it is.

Like, if I do this...

- Right.
- Oh, right. That's great.

And then I'll, like, stand.

Yeah, and then...

Hi.

Oh, No, no, no, no, we got
to focus. We got to focus.

We got to keep our heads in the game.

- Yeah.
- Defeat.

- Dominate. Destroy.
- Yes.

- Blue ribbon.
- Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

On second thought, let's just do it

- and get it out of the way.
- Yeah, just 'cause we don't want it

to happen tomorrow
in front of the crowd.

And just like...

Alright, all wife-carry
competitors to your marks.

The wi-fi in the barn went out

about midnight last night.

Why did you need wi-fi after midnight?

Barn stuff.

- Coming through, coming through.
- Go time.

Well, I'll be.

I didn't think you'd show up.

- Excuse us.
- Last call.

Racers to your marks.

- Yep.
- What in the...

- Ha!
- Ohh.

Breathe through your mouth,
baby, not your nose.

- Got it.
- This is a family event.

We get it, you're newlyweds.

- You surprised, Beau?
- Oh, my God.

It's called The Estonian Method.

And when you're staring
at the back of my thighs

and my wife's inverted back,

I want you to think of
one thing... Priyanka.

Why would he think about your chicken?

Why don't you ask your husband?

What was that?

I said... I said, why
don't you ask your husband?

What did you do to their hen?

They're just salty
'cause I disqualified her.

You ready? Hop on.

That hen was the one thing they had

on their sad, dilapidated farm.

- And you took it away out of spite.
- Yep.

- On your marks...
- Hop on. We'll talk about it later.

No, no. We're talking about it now.

Get set...

You can't tune me out when
I'm this close to your ear.

Now come together in groups of eight.

Go to your left and don't be late.

Doing this from day to morn,

come tomorrow, husk that corn.

Well, hello, there.

Oh, Theresa, hello.

We haven't seen each
other in over a decade,

and now it's twice in two days.

You were always good with numbers.

Hey, remember when we last
square danced together?

It was at my nephew's wedding,

and I wore white because
I hated the bride.

So, Rudolph Enoch Longfellow,

will you dance with me again?

I'm waiting for Constance.

Oh, she can have your heart.

I'm just asking for your body.

Okay.

Now roll away to a half-sashay.

Then come together and play!

Promenade with heel and toe!

Swing your partner high and low!

Whoo-hoo!

Big finish.

Yee-haw!

Ace of diamonds, jack of spades.

Get together, promenade.

Ohh! Watch the head.

- You're doing great, babe.
- Yeah, Rio!

It's me, Jacob!

I feel that you shut me out emotionally.

I feel that you hide behind your work.

I feel that I would like to try

one of those sideways positions.

I get it. Ease up on the neck a little.

Ohh! Ohh!

I... I can't see where I'm going.

All I see is butt.

Oh, God.

Wait, what? What'd I just hit?

Go left! Don't stop!

I can't see, but I trust you.

Brakes, brakes, brakes! Aah!

- My bad.
- I'm sorry.

- Honey.
- Yeah?

I feel like we got too competitive

with the whole county fair thing.

Yeah. Everyone hates us, for sure.

- I feel like I let Aunt Maggie down.
- What?

Well, you know, she left me this farm,

and I... and I just... I
wanted to make her proud.

Mike...

Aunt Maggie left you
this farm with dead soil,

and you figured out a way
to bring it back to life

and to make it our home.

And for that, I think
she'd be damn proud.

I mean, I know I am.

Oh, my gosh.

What?

Do you remember what we thought

living on a farm was gonna be like?

Oh, my God, were we wrong.

Oops.

I envisioned myself,
like, sitting on a porch,

drinking lemonade,
listening to wind chimes.

I thought I'd always have, like,

a piece of straw
hanging out of my mouth.

- You know, take a lot of naps...
- Yeah.

- ... with my hat over my face.
- Sure. Classic.

Here we are.

A bunch of patches of clover coming up,

chicken tractor, and...

a good-sized column of smoke.

That's, uh...

Oh, my God, Mike.

Oh, that's coming
from the Bowmans' farm.

Constance, can we talk?

Honey, it keeps going
to Connie's voicemail.

We got to get the animals out of here.

Even the cows?

Yes, even the cows, hon!

- It's only cows!
- I was just checking.

Yeah, I'm scared, too.

Shut up and let me save your life,

or I'll keep...

Oh, are you licking me?
Oh, that's so scratchy.

Oh, God. There's gratitude.

You and Theresa are quite the pair.

She is... was a big part of my life.

We have towels with
our initials on them.

It's hard to move on.

Every time you think you have,

you... you see that there's
a lot more moving to do.

I think we just took
on too much too soon.

Maybe we should just slow down.

There's a reason molasses is so sweet.

Constance, would you dance with me?

And...

There's a fire at the
Bowmans', come on, let's go!

Sorry, there's a real fire.

I've been calling the
square dance all day.

What the hell are you doing in there?!

Saving your barn.

You fought that fire?
Just the two of you?

We lost Rio, didn't we?

My 4H cows.

Are they...

Yeah, they're fine.

Except this one likes to lick,

and it's freaking me out.

Oh, my God.

- Please take these cows.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you two. Seriously.

Yeah, thanks.

Thanks for not standing by
and letting our barn burn down

like a couple psychos.

You're welcome, Beau.

It's what neighbors do.

Maggie would be so proud of you

for what you did here.

Thank you.

- How can we repay you?
- Oh, please, you know, just

- being able to help out's enough...
- Yeah, it feels good.

- ... for us.
- I can give you your tractor back.

- Yes, we will take that.
- Absolutely.

Sounds like overkill.

How about a nice, crisp $20?

Just give them the damn tractor.

Fine. It... It's yours.

- We're back to square one!
- We can plant again!

Oh! We did it!

Ahh!

- Beau's here, honey.
- Hmm?

Morning, neighbors.

Kay and I had an in-depth conversation

about her feelings,

so I thought I'd drop
by and let you know

how much I appreciate you
trying to help our marriage...

Oh, that makes me feel so happy.

... but she kicked me out
is the end of that sentence.

- What?
- Kay kicked me out.

So...

I figured I'd crash here

until you guys put this fire out, too.

- Uh...
- Thanks, neighbors.

Oh, uh...

I sleep in the raw.

So when you bring me
coffee in the morning,

you might want to knock first.

Hey, what time's supper?

I'll cook on Tuesdays.

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com