Original subtitles

You are an important adult

with an impressive life.

CHIP: Maybe I should return to clowning,

you know, as a, as a hobby.

I'll change this into a housewarming party, honey.

Well, if there's no wedding, there's no wedding gift.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

ANITA: You'd be getting in on the ground floor

of a really great investment.

Especially in seven to nine years from now,

when the bullet train's completed.

Oh.

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com

All right, Lynn,

you ready to get this thing rolling?

To whom it may concern,

if you find yourself in receipt of this letter,

you are in ownership of property or acreage

along the official route

of California's new high-speed rail system.

Please find the enclosed map

illustrating the state-sanctioned land seizures

required to execute this project.

You will be compensated

for your property at competitive market pricing.

[TAPS KEYBOARD]

♪

[DOOR SQUEAKS]

I'm the captain of my own ship...

- Chip? - [GASPS]

God.

Hey, Marcus.

You scared me.

I just need you to sign right there.

Yes, sir. Um...

I don't have a ship. I was just doing affirmation stuff.

Okay.

- Thank you. - Yeah. Thank you.

"You are in ownership of property

"along the official route of California's

new high-speed rail system."

What?

"You will be compensated for your property

at competitive market pricing."

[QUIETLY]: Oh, God.

[WATER GURGLING]

MRS. BASKETS: Oh, can you believe all this?

It happened during our housewarming party.

You know, my son did it. He's a loose cannon.

- [LAUGHS] - You must think we're all lunatics.

No, you'd be surprised. I see this quite often.

- You're kidding. - CRYSTAL: Hello!

Back here!

Grandma!

I was ringing the doorbell.

Oh, honey, you can't hear it back here.

This is Craig, honey. He's trying

to get your dad's golf cart out of the pool.

No, you should leave it in. It looks cool.

You know, I thought about it, but honey, the rust.

Mm-mm.

Anyway, are you ready for our interview?

Of course. Is it gonna be like

- my Channel 9 interview? - Kind of.

I have this list of questions I'm supposed to ask you

about, like, our family ancestors.

- Ugh. - And then I have to draw this,

like, family tree diagram.

Well, our family tree is full of nuts,

- so I hope you know that. - Oh, I do.

Hey, do you want an AriZona Iced Tea?

I got some of that AriZona Iced Tea.

- I love the cans. - Yeah.

- Hey, Craig? - Yeah?

You want a can of AriZona Iced Tea?

Uh, maybe later, but thank you.

All right. Let us know if we can be of any help.

We can't, but let us know, anyway.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hi. Yes, can you, uh,

tell me what room this seminar is in right here?

You have to register for that. You can't just go in.

Oh, but, uh, Tammy, uh... she-she's a friend of mine.

The leader, Tammy...

She's... she's a close friend. I just wanted to say hi.

Okay, don't tell anyone I told you,

but it's right in that conference room

- right there. - Over there? Okay.

TAMMY: This is your life plan

for success, and it's shaped as the petals of...

What is this?

Chip.

- Just take a seat in the back... - Sorry.

- and I'll get to you in a minute. - Hold on one second.

Thanks a lot, dickhead.

This is the life plan for success,

as I was saying, and as you can see,

it's in the shape of a flower, and there's...

Can we get technical in here?

It was in the shape of a flower.

When technical comes.

Now, take out your workbooks.

MRS. BASKETS: Oh, here's my Aunt Zella.

She never had a date her whole life

because her mother was a religious fanatic.

But she was such a sweet person.

- Well, that's good to put in my report. - Yes.

Our teacher told usour ancestors were real people,

you know, even though they didn't have color photos.

Yeah, but they had color, honey.

[CHUCKLING]: They were full of it.

And your Aunt Zella was from Bakersfield, too?

Uh-huh. We all were, honey.

We've always paid our taxes, and we've never had a foreclosure.

Except one time when, uh...

It was a mobile home, I think, so...

You want me to put that in my report?

[QUIETLY]: No.

- Okay. - Oh.

And is any of our family "associated

with Bakersfield landmarks or points of interest?

Explain how."

What about the Baskets Family Rodeo?

I'm pretty sure that's gonna be considered

an historical site at some point.

Put that in there.

- Okay. - What's the next thing?

"How has Bakersfield changed

since our ancestors settled here?"

Ah! God.

Honey, we better go for a ride. [CHUCKLES]

That Home Depot, you know, it used to be a JCPenney.

You could get anything there... Your hair done, get some coffee.

Wow. They had the cutest robes there.

I still think about it. I got one once. I love it.

Are you a robe person, honey?

Grandma, we don't wear robes anymore.

You don't? How sad.

Oh, there's Tico's Tacos,

which is now Tacos Ticos.

My mother used to love to get a chile rell-eno there.

[CHUCKLES]

And then she'd say, "All the restaurants

in Bakersfield are Mexican restaurants."

You know, 'cause of the cooks.

You get it?

Grandma.

You can't say stuff like that anymore. It's 2019.

I'm just saying, all the restaurants in town

have Mexican chefs.

I love their food, and I love them.

- Well, just say that, then. - Okay.

That you love the Mexican people.

I love them. And I love you.

It's like we're Thelma and Louise here, isn't it?

- [CHUCKLES] - Who?

Uh. Oh, never mind, honey.

Oh! There's Uncle Chip's Bullet Towers apartments.

Named after the bullet train, of course.

What's the bullet train?

Well, it's a train that's gonna go

from Bakersfield up to Fresno,

and hopefully, over to Sacramento.

And is it going to L.A.?

L.A.? Who are you, Sally Struthers?

Who?

What year were you born, honey?

- 2003. - 2003.

That's the last time I got my nails done.

Sally was some kind of actress, and she was a great pitchwoman.

She got a little chunky, but what the hell.

Oh! There's the antique shop.

CRYSTAL: What did that used to be?

It was always an antique shop, honey,

but they have a gumball machine.

Ooh, let's go!

[CHUCKLES]

Youth.

You know, I-I tried to be a successful businessman,

and I... and I was getting the hang of it,

and right when I was getting the hang of it,

I find out the state is seizing the rodeo.

And I can't go back to clowning.

It's like clowns are-are the new horror,

and-and-and superheroes are-are funny...

The world's gone insane.

It's like everything that I've worked for

is just being taken away from me.

So you came here to complain?

No, I came to, you know, get one of those...

you know, don't you do life plans?

[LAUGHS] That's not the way it works, Chip.

I am not the master of your destiny, you are.

[STAMMERS]

I'm no... I'm not good at it.

What do you really want, Chip?

Did you see these people working?

They were working to create their own life plans.

The only way out of the woods

is to become your own compass.

Is that symbolism? 'Cause I didn't go to no college.

- [GROANS] - Well, I did...

- I mean, is that symbolism? - Look.

I really want...

You keep talking about everything that you don't have.

Have you ever thought about figuring out what you do have,

and then making something out of that?

Okay, this is what I want you to do.

Sit here.

I want you to write up

your own life plan for success.

And then present it to me.

You mean, be my own compass,

not worry about anything and just do something?

Mm-hmm.

- Good luck, hon. - [PATTING CHIP ON SHOULDER]

♪

Oh! Love it.

Oh, why would someone get rid of this cute thing?

That'd look so good on you.

A cowgirl?

Well, like Annie Oakley.

- Who is that? - First woman of the West.

She used to ride horses, shoot guns...

So, I'm Filipino on my mom's side,

but, uh, what are we on my dad's side?

Scotch-Irish, honey.

Heavy on the Scotch. No, that's a joke.

Just say that we're, uh,

you know, we're like a mu... we're mutts.

We're, like, Bakersfield white.

- Just put that, honey. - Okay.

And if we've been in Bakersfieldfor six generations,

where is everybody?

They're gone, honey.

We're full of diseases.

We got cancer.

We got whooping cough.

We got diabetes.

We got it all.

Rosacea.

How do you spell that?

R-O...

R-S...

- Uh, R... - There's a silent

something in there.

Oh. Aw.

Oh, why would anyone throw out

all these beautiful family photos?

So many memories.

Maybe they all died together in a fire.

Oh, honey.

Wouldn't the photos be burned?

[CHUCKLES]

I'm gonna go buy this for my report.

- Okay, honey. - Okay.

- Hey, honey? Don't let, uh... - Yeah?

Don't let our photos end up in a place like this, okay?

Or at a garage sale or something like that.

Okay.

Don't let us f... be forgotten.

You know?

Okay, I-I won't.

Thank you, honey.

[SIGHS]

Ah, Remington!

Ah.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, I don't think so.

That's a little high.

DANIEL: Hey, Chip.

Did you, did you get this?

I did, yeah.

Um...

At first, I was real mad

when I saw this, and then,

and then suddenly I started thinking.

We're bursting at the seams, right?

We could use the money, we could get another church.

We could buy two parking lots.

We could...

I mean, m-maybe you could get another rodeo?

[CLEARS THROAT]

We'll probably just put this one on the back of a flatbed truck.

Just haul it somewhere.

You making fun of me?

No, I just... We-we would have to start from scratch.

Well, maybe, c-could you take the money

and-and... find something else?

Like, maybe a-a...

... chain of craft stores, or...?

I mean...

M-Maybe there's another rodeo that needs a CEO?

I don't think that exists.

Being a CEO of a rodeo was just kind of made up here.

Plus, I-I'm really a clown.

I mean, I'm a... I'm a c...

You know, I'm a clown and somehow I ended up...

Right.

I mean, I'm just here trying to...

keep things together.

So, it's not the same for us. [SNIFFS]

Listen, I'm-I'm sorry.

[STAMMERS] I'll leave you to it,

but any time you want to talk,

I'm always here for you.

- I appreciate that, Reverend. - Until we have to sell.

But-but I'll still be here.

- Yeah. Mm-hmm. - You know...

on Skype or video or...

Chip.

That-that train is-is-is coming,

and I hope you find peace with it cause...

you don't really have a choice.

Right?

[QUIETLY]: Here comes the choo choo.

MRS. BASKETS: Oh, my old junior high.

Hey, do the girls still smoke in the bathroom?

We used to smoke up a storm back then.

Grandma, smoking is terrible for you.

- Well, not back then. - [BOTH CHUCKLE]

Oh, Grandma. That's my friend Zoe.

Zoe, come here!

MRS. BASKETS: That's a funny name for a boy, honey.

- It's a girl. - Oh.

She just has short hair.

- Hi. - Hey! This is my grandma.

Grandma, this is Zoe.

- Hello. - Hi, Zoe.

- What are you doing here? - I'm waiting

for my mom to get back from work.

Can she come over and swim?

Well, if Craig got the golf cart out of the pool, she can.

- Get in. - [CRYSTAL CHUCKLES]

What does your mom do that she works so late?

ZOE: She's a nurse.

MRS. BASKETS: Oh, I love nurses.

Let's get out of here, girls.

[HORN HONKS]

Oh, he got it out of the pool.

Good job, Craig.

Well, you didn't clean the pool, though, Craig.

I guess that doesn't come with it, huh?

Well, I hope you girls have a lot of fun swimming.

Is that a chili can?

Pick some of that up for me, will you?

- Ah! - [CRYSTAL LAUGHS]

You crazy girls!

I'm going to, uh...

put a couple Salisbury steak dinners in for you.

♪

- [CRYSTAL AND ZOE LAUGHING] - [MRS. BASKETS HUMMING]

[WATER SPLASHING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[BOTH LAUGH]

♪

[RINGTONE PLAYING "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"]

Hey, Chip.

Hey. Listen, have any of you or your trailer park friends

heard anything about this bullet train coming through town?

Yeah, I know about the bullet train.

It's a cover story so liberals can raise all that money,

and you know what they're gonna do with all that money?

[WHISPERING]: They're gonna make a supermax prison

for us conservatives like me.

Dale, it's-it's real. It's real.

Well, you've got your opinion, and I've got my facts.

Hey, listen, I'm doing an emergency family meeting.

Be at the rodeo in less than an hour, you understand me?

I'll be there, locked and loaded.

No, do not lock and load. Just show up, okay?

Bye.

Idiot.

ZOE: Thanks, Mrs. Baskets.

Oh, take care, sweetheart.

CRYSTAL: Bye. I'll call you later.

Thank you for taking her home.

Oh, you're welcome.

Hey, Crystal, honey,

you know, I saw you and your friend

kissing in the pool.

Yeah?

And I know

things can be confusing when you're your age,

and I just want you to know that I'm available to talk

- if you ever need to talk. - Oh, my God. Grandma!

Please, we were just messing around.

It's no big deal.

Well, I mean, it is a big deal.

I mean, I love Ellen. She's terrific.

Most of my friends are bi.

Bi?

Oh, bisexual.

Oh, yeah, well...

Well, you know, I just...

worry about you, and I want you to be happy,

and I want you to know l'll go to any parade you want.

Except I won't be able to walk

'cause I have that darn plantar fasciitis.

And it's no fun. It hurts like hell.

Don't worry.

- Okay. - All right?

This generation of yours is moving so fast.

- I can't keep up with it. - [LAUGHS]

No, you're cool, though.

You're, like, the coolest grandma out there.

Oh! And you're the coolest grandchild,

- but don't tell your sister. - [LAUGHS] Okay.

[CHUCKLES] She'll be mad at me.

- [RINGTONE PLAYING] - Oh.

- Hello? - CHIP: Hey, Mom? Chip here.

Hey. Chip, what's up?

Hey, I need you to come over to the rodeo.

Oh. We'll be right there.

- Thanks. See you. - Okay, honey.

Oh, we got to go.

Your uncle needs us.

MRS. BASKETS: Seizing the rodeo?!

- What?! - Yeah.

- Read that again. - Okay.

- "To whom it may concern..." - Let me see this, please.

Oh, my God.

This is just the government infringing on our rights

just because some pinko liberals

voted on a speed train to get up to the Gay Area

so that they can have their San Francisco treats.

Dale. Don't say that.

It's okay to be gay or bi.

O-Okay, can we get back on track here?

[SIGHS]

Maybe we should've never bought the rodeo.

Okay? But we did,

and we've almost killed ourselves to keep it open.

- Amen to that. - So I don't think we should lay low.

I think we should fight this.

- Let's fight it. I love that. - Yeah, right?

And then, listen, I think the next thing we should do

is go to Assemblyman Brian Von Vogel's office

and let him know we're not gonna take it laying down.

I'm in.

- I'm in. - I'm in.

- I'm in. - You're in school, fool.

All right, let's make some protest signs.

Meeting adjourned. Thanks, everybody.

DALE: Let's do it. Pretty good leadership there, Chip.

Pretty good leadership.

CRYSTAL: And then on my fraternal side of the family,

we're Scotch-Irish,

sixth generation Bakersfield-ian.

My great-great-grandfather William Scott Baskets

emigrated from Ireland to California in 1814.

He married and had three children.

He bought a plot of land

and then planted a date palm orchard on it.

And one by one, his family members came over to America,

and together they built one of the first successful

dried fruit businesses in the Central Valley.

Today, that tradition of hard work, determination

and family unity continues,

especially in the face of adversity.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

- CHIP: Ow! - MRS. BASKETS: Oh!

DALE: Well, get those seat belts on.

City hall, here we come!

[HORN HONKING]

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com