Original subtitles

♪ PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS ♪

SOFTLY SNORES

GLASS SMASHES

♪ TRANQUIL ELECTRONIC MUSIC ♪

PHONE VIBRATES

Guys?

Guys, please get up.

Please?

(WHISPERS) Hello.

Cormac. Come in, I guess.

Oh my God.

So much sand. Ew.

Cormac, how do you sleep in this?

It's like a camel's vulva.

It's also as hot as a camel's vulva.

I am imagining.

Someone's after robbing my fucking fan.

Where did you go last night after the club?

Nowhere.

You hooked up with someone, didn't you?

What? No, I didn't.

Oh my God, you're fucking Glenn.

I'm sorry, what?

No, basically, I went home after the club last night

because I was feeling sick.

By the beach? CHUCKLES

Okay, yeah.

I did hook up with someone last night, actually on the beach.

Who?

A man, some man.

Does he have a name?

We have to assume, yes.

I don't know how you do that.

Is that not scary?

Is that your first? Mm-hmm.

Since...

Well, good on you...

... for getting back out there.

PHONE VIBRATES

Is that Felix?

Yeah.

Yeah, he'll be here in an hour.

You seem buzzing.

And how is your downstairs lady zone?

Yeah, fine.

Thanks. It's...

Mm.

Yeah, nearly.

He'll be wrecked from the cycle.

I'm whisking him off to the vineyard for a tour and a tasting.

Or you could just talk to him.

Like one human being to another

in the Western world in the 21st century?

I might try that at the vineyard, but he's...

..squeamish about this thing.

He's squeamish about sex?

No, like...

..dirty stuff.

You're not dirty, Ava?

(QUIETLY) I know that.

Unlike this gaff.

Please, will you get up?

Please, please, please, please, please help me clean up this dirt.

Let's just stay here.

It's like train spotting down there.

No, seriously, we have to get up, Cormac.

Okay, up.

I'm not fucking around.

Yeah. You got to get up.

Guys, time to wake up.

♪ LATIN GUITAR MUSIC ♪

It's the afternoon.

It's time to tidy this place.

Guys, please get up.

Felix will be here soon.

This place is an absolute tip.

Hello there.

Going somewhere?

I've been trying to book a flight home.

I think I booked a car by mistake,

and then when I tried to change that,

they threw me out of the website.

And also, I...

I appear to have mislaid my bedroom fan.

It's infernally hot in here.

Where are you going?

I'm going home.

When?

Today, I hope.

(SOFTLY) Why?

Do you want to talk about it?

I think it's best for all parties if I just go.

Could you help me with the app?

It's not you. This app is a disgrace.

It's a wonder the planes don't fall out of the sky.

We all... make mistakes, Father.

Yes, I know that.

It's just that I met Sandra Byrne last night

when I was in an awful state.

Really terrible example, it must be said.

Ah, Father, I wouldn't take anything Sandra said last night to heart.

Between you and me, she took a lot of drugs.

What?

(WHISPERS) A lot of drugs.

Drugs? Really?

Really, yeah.

A lot of people find weddings hard.

People want you here.

Otherwise, they wouldn't have flown you all the way down here.

Well, thank you, but it's more complicated than you know.

It's complicated because you're hung over to fuck.

Do me a favour.

Give it another day.

Today, get yourself well.

Don't drink.

Get a good night's sleep.

In 24 hours, if you still want to leave,

I'll help you reset your password and we'll get you home.

Thank you.

(SCREAMS) Guys, get up!

It's the afternoooon!

♪ LATIN GUITAR MUSIC RESUMES ♪

Hola, sweetie.

You have a res?

Will you fuckers help me clean up upstairs?

GROANS

So this is where all the fans are.

This dungeon is so hot and dark. Come on.

You'll get in so much trouble if anyone finds out.

No one comes in here.

The people upstairs don't need them.

We're like Formula One witches, in our cave.

Wait, did someone say Felix is coming today?

Yes, only a five-hour cycle today.

It's okay, Felix.

We know you're a man.

No, but are you really excited to have him here?

Yes. Yeah, buzzing.

Of course.

What is it?

Is everything okay?

Did you say something to Sandra last night?

I said a lot of things last night to a lot of people.

Yeah, but did you say something to Sandra about me?

I don't think so. No.

Why?

Because Sandra just texted to say

that she wants to put in reasonable deadlines

based on previous experiences.

Now, tell me,

how would she know about my previous experiences if I didn't tell her?

Do you not think she's talking about her own experiences?

Wait, read it again.

Honestly, I think that's what she means.

No, Margot, because it's more and she's clearly referring to me.

What did you say?

I asked her to give you help, Claire.

I did it for you.

Aha! You trashed my reputation with a potential investor,

and you did it for me.

You need to work with people who know what you need.

No, I did it with good intentions.

Sandra understands.

She understood.

Where are you going?

I'm going to sleep somewhere else.

You threw me under the bus because you are jealous

and you have fuck all going on in your own life.

Claire.

I'm sick of being held back by you.

Honestly, just stay the fuck out of my life.

EXHALES SHARPLY

I said it out of love.

I know, I know you did.

Come upstairs, please? No.

You can help me clean up upstairs.

Can I have my chocolate?

Can I have my chocolate? Can I have my chocolate, please?

Sorry, Ava. Can I...

..please have my chocolate? Can I have my chocolate?

Can I have my chocolate? Can I have my chocolate?! Thank you!

Sorry, Ava.

Don't worry at all.

It's so fine.

Fuck.

AARON: No, no.

Get in formation.

I can't stress that enough.

GLENN: I had no idea synchronised swimming was this hard.

When do we get a little break?

RORY: Now I know how the Chinese Olympics did that.

FEMALE VOICE: Hi, Ava. FEMALE VOICE: Hi, you.

RORY: Yo!

Hi.

Oh, my God. Can I get you guys anything?

Do you need, I don't know, a cocktail or a foot rub or anything?

It's your holiday. Don't let me disturb you.

Beans on toast, please.

AARON: Can we get three slices of that ibérico jamón?

See look, she's so nice.

She's on holidays and she's still doing stuff for us.

Thank you. Thanks.

AARON IN THE DISTANCE: ..a woman.

Suspension, yeah.

His carburettor was upside down.

And I was like, mate your carburettor and alternator...

Oh-ho-ho! Here he is now. Look.

Stephen Roche up in this bitch. How are you getting on,

Chris Hoy? FELIX: Yeah, hello, guys.

GLENN: Did you win your race, bro?

No, it wasn't a race.

RORY: How long have you been on the bike for?

It's a total of 15 hours of cycling from north to south.

Started to the near Punta del Hidalgo,

and then Tejina, Bajamar,

and then more south from there. Riveting.

Hell of a cycle also. Great story, bro.

Have you ever heard of cars? Yeah, here.

How's your arse? I'd say it's in ribbons, is it?

Give us a look there, will you? AVA: Hello!

CHUCKLES

"OOHING" FROM THREE MEN IN THE POOL

Thank you. I missed you.

So I booked us a tour of a great local vineyard today.

Uh... Um...

GLENN: The man is after cycling from the other side of the island.

Yeah, I'd really like a shower.

Yeah, I mean, later on.

Okay, I'll show you to our room. Yes.

Alright. Okay.

Do you have any talc for my chaffing?

Yeah, I'm sure I have something in the bag.

For sure.

Look.

AARON MOANS RORY BARKS

I missed you.

You, too.

I've got to run this list out to the guys real quick.

What, now?

Yeah, we're having a big welcome dinner for you tonight.

Special guest.

CHATTER

Okay, gang.

So I'm going to do all the cooking and the cleaning.

Yeah, I just need you guys to do the shopping while we're gone

and clean up the patio area and the pool.

What about the Huns of Navarone? What are they doing?

Okay, here's a list for the shopping.

All allergies accounted for.

Leave it right there, Ava. D'you know what?

And actually just consider it done. Alright?

Guys, I'm going to get some really nice wine for dinner tonight, okay?

Wine? I thought we could dress up.

Outfits. Make it civilised.

You know? Bueno.

Maybe not be catastrophically high and drooling for once.

Yeah?

I am so tempted to pull you into the pool right now.

Alright, don't.

Get her!

Can someone get the coals?

Can you move the coals whenever you get a chance?

Yes, Mum.

Love you, Ava.

Really?

Yeah, really.

I'm not sharing a room with that treacherous bitch.

Oh, just leave it.

I'll put that on.

It's just a wool wash.

Okay, are we ready to go...?

..oooh.

Hi. Hi.

How are you?

So good, how are you?

Very well.

Come here.

The Uber's on the way.

Really? What, you've called it already?

I did.

Your other bag is by the wardrobe.

Okay, alright.

And...

your suit for the wedding is hanging, too.

You know, um...

I did a lot of thinking about us on the cycle.

Really?

Yeah, next steps. Yeah?

You know,

me in London and...

..you in Dublin,

all those...

..flights back and forth.

You know?

I think it's time we do something about that.

The Dublin office is up and running now,

and, em...

Well, I just...

I really think...

(SIGHS) ..that you need to

come to London and move in with me.

Well, what about my life?

My job?

(SCOFFS) Well, you can just quit it.

I need to think about that one.

There is something I wanted to talk to you about, though,

while we're getting real about things and putting things on the table.

Yeah.

Em... it's just that...

Yo! There she is.

The Irish mermaid.

Oh, yeah! Hi.

Yeah! This is Felix, my boyfriend.

Felix, this is... this is St-Stuart, right?

Got it in one. Yeah.

And this is Molly. Mandy .

Well, we won't fall out over that.

(CHUCKLES) How's Felix?

Eh...

Hey, I got something for you.

New supply.

No, that's... Sorry, no, that's okay.

I'm not interested, as you know.

It's in here somewhere.

Unless it fell out when we were shagging in the disabled.

A few glasses of wine makes me such a randy old goat.

Ah! Here it is.

Have a go on this.

Now, it's not as oily as the last one,

but it's got a pretty smooth smoke to it.

Moroccan brown.

And the offer to go to Mas Paloma still stands, by the way.

Big gang of us heading over to the nudie beach tomorrow.

Come with. Both of you, more than merrier.

You've got my number. Thank you.

So thank you very much.

Thank you so much. Bye.

What in the name of Risen Christ was that?

What do you mean?

Oh, I don't know what I mean.

Aside from the fact that a loosh London vagabond

who seemingly has your phone number

just gave you a slab of drugs.

Silly me for asking.

Me and Cormac met him on the beach.

He's a harmless guy.

Did he just say they had sex in the disabled toilet?

I think so. SIGHS

That is disgusting.

Why?

Why?

♪ TENSE MUSIC ♪

It's quite cloudy.

Has it gone off?

Is this skin contact?

Mmm.

Mm. We should buy a few bottles of this.

(COUGHS) Aw, it tastes like a fucking mead.

Em...

¿Dónde es el baño?

Por ahí. Sí, por ahí.

Adiós.

Can I get a full glass of this?

Like now, I'll pay for it, just to drink.

Sí. Por supuesto, venga.

The colour.

Colours.

Very kind of fresh, philosophical.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I love that.

I love that one.

I love that one.

I love that measure.

That's a glass of wine.

SLURPS

Skin contact?

No.

Why not? Spontaneous.

You always say we should have more adventurous sex.

Not here, NOT now.

Or would you prefer it in the ladies or the men's?

No.

Mm.

Okay, well, I'm trying, Ava.

Plus you're always calling me a germaphobe.

I'm trying to be more earthy for you.

Let's just go home.

I've paid for the wine.

Yeah.

(QUIETLY) Sorry.

Hola, buenas!

It's hard for me as an Englishman,

among all of you,

but both my parents are from Wales,

so essentially I'm a Celt.

I know you are a Celt, but it doesn't matter either way.

But have you told the lads at the villa that I'm a Celt?

Don't think I have told them that you are a Celt, no.

Why not?

Because it doesn't matter to them either.

But I feel like it does.

I really am making an effort, Ava.

I make such an effort with them, too.

I cheer for Ireland all the time...

..when England get knocked out.

But... but you never cheer for us when we get knocked out.

And I don't understand that.

I don't understand why it's different.

(SIGHS) Still no signal.

Fucking Spain!

I told you we should just let them book us an Uber at the vineyard.

Ava, they wanted us to leave.

Listen, we went past the bus stop when we were on our way up.

I remember it.

You know, um...

you know the chafing that I mentioned?

I actually think it's fungal.

Can you check when we get back, please?

Okay.

I think it's cancelled.

(SIGHS) Christ.

SIGHS

INSECT BUZZING

What are you doing?

Give me your shoe.

What? Ava, d...

I need liquids.

What? Is that not for dinner?

Why do you need a shoe?

I need liquids, okay?

It's an old sailor's trick.

My dad taught me.

Ava, are you dehydrated?

Okay.

Ava, if you're dehydrated, you don't want wine.

You want electrolytes, which that you don't have here.

That wine is only going to make you thirstier long term.

And this is what I've been getting at.

You need to be thinking long term more.

Is it working?

Yeah, the cork is moving.

Yeah, come on, girl. Come on.

GLASS SMASHES

Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Shit.

Ava!

Sopping wet.

Car, car, car, car, car!

Car, car, car! Hide! Hide, Felix!

What?! Why?! Car! Hide!

They won't stop for a man and a woman,

they'll stop for a woman alone.

Oh, fucker.

RADIO PLAYS LOUDLY IN CAR

Is he stopping?

Hola. Buenas.

Thanks so much for the lift, guys.

Hey, Cormac. Hi, Felix.

Welcome to Spain. Thank you.

Felix, this is Jerry Byrne, the father of the bride.

Oh, nice to meet you.

I'm Felix Alkin.

I'm Ava's boyfriend. Hi, Felix.

Fellow Celt, by the way.

Ooh, that AC is so good.

I thought we were going to be stuck on the side of the road forever,

just until we died.

Where were you guys earlier?

We were playing golf.

You play golf? I didn't know.

We should play sometime. What's your handicap?

My handicap?

I usually get quite tired with all the walking.

He's off 18.

Not bad.

Which course are we playing at?

I should have brought my clubs, but I cycled down from the north,

so it was either the clubs or the bike.

Bit of a Sophie's choice, but the views were stunning on the ride.

A bit like the Peak District but, uh... brown.

By the way, I was looking for my AirPods when the car pulled up.

Like when I was down there, out of view for a minute.

I was looking for... (WHISPERS) my AirPods.

Amazing.

Thanks, Mr. Byrne.

Thanks, Mr. B- Mr. Byrne, how long you known him?

Call him Jerry, you're not a child.

LAUGHS

Babe, what are we going to do about this?

Can you do me in Cormac just one second, my love?

It's time sensitive, though, isn't it?

These are my wedding shoes.

I'll be up to you in literally two minutes.

It's bicarbonate of soda or white wine.

Fine.

Oh, it's hot.

Ow! I fucking hate wine.

What?

No.

What?

Don't what me, Cormac.

I don't know what you're insinuating,

but I don't love your tone.

You've taken up golf?

No, I... was sightseeing, and I thumbed the lift, and it was Jerry.

Cool.

Hey, can I see your AirPods a minute?

Thou shalt not covet Niamh's fucking dad, Cormac.

I'm so bad.

No, this is not a joke.

This is Niamh's wedding. Okay, whoa.

Didn't realise you were such a homophobe.

Do not play that fucking card with me.

No, it's not a card.

Ethical non-monogamy is a real thing.

A real-life choice.

Okay. But does Sandra know?

Because isn't that where the ethical part comes in?

I think Sandra knows.

Yeah, she gave me a bangle.

Cormac, please don't be insane.

Sandra doesn't fucking know.

Women aren't these iconic figures

drifting around and not giving a shit

that someone is fucking their husbands,

and they don't hand their bangles to people to say congrats.

And what about Niamh's and Jerry's 14-year-old daughter?

What happens in other people's relationships

is none of our business.

You should know that.

You're a potential home wrecker.

That home is already wrecked.

Ava, do I mix the white wine with the bicarbonate of soda?

I'll be up in a minute.

Yeah, but the shoe is already dry.

I'll be up in a minute.

I think I'm going to go equal parts of both.

I'll be up in a minute.

Alright.

Listen to me.

I am not the first man to be with Jerry Byrne,

and I sure as hell won't be the last.

Besides, if it wasn't me, it would be somebody else.

I didn't even know it was Niamh's dad when it first happened.

It was just some stranger, and now I'm in it.

Well, you need to get out of it.

I think you're doing this out of trauma.

Married, unavailable man.

Does this not feel like 10 years ago?

You did the work,

and now you're back here looking for safety in Daddy's arms.

I know.

I know it's bad, but...

..I can't help myself.

And you'll be glad to hear I do.

I do feel like absolute shit.

This is self-harm, Cormac.

Believe me, and the only way to stop feeling like shit is to bin him.

What's the alternative?

If I tell you, you'll laugh.

I won't.

I was going to try to...

..fuck my way...

..to the other side of it.

You were trying to fuck your way to the other side of this

during this man's own daughter's wedding.

Why do I have to make all the decisions here?

He's in it, too.

Oh, don't pay the fucking victim here.

You have all the power- No, I don't-

Of course you do. He's 50 something.

You have nothing to lose, and he's clearly gone mad.

I'm so dehydrated.

And it, okay?

This is people's lives.

Fine.

I'll end it. Do.

♪ ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS ♪

Have you guys...

Has anyone done the shopping?

Em, shopping...

No clue.

WOMAN: What you think?

CLAIRE: Because I can't get a read...

On Father Vincent?

LAUGHTER

The huns migrate to a woman in pain.

You haven't fixed things with Claire yet?

Nope.

She'll cool down. She's an artist.

You know what she's like.

Would you apologise first?

Apologise for trying to help her?

Yeah, I'm a tiny bit worried I'll be totally fucking insincere.

Okay.

Okay.

Aaron? Ready.

Did you do the shopping?

Ah...

I can't drive.

And my debit card got to client.

I'll go if someone gives me a lift and lends me money.

Stop, ya cheeky chicken.

Could you I don't know, maybe...

Do you think...

Could you ask maybe like Glenn and Rory or some random...

Yeah, ask Glenn and Rory.

I'm a bit busy right now. Yeah, huge shout. Huge shout.

Can someone... can someone move the coals?

AARON: I'm on it.

Hi. CLAIRE: Hi.

Hi.

Do you want to sit down?

It's... Thank you.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm grand.

Me and the girls are having the absolute craic here.

Yeah. CHUCKLES

Em...

..I was thinking.

I feel like there's loads of ways that Sandra could have found out.

She could have... Niamh could have told her,

or she could have found one of your references.

Margot's really sorry.

She, as good as told me, she's embarrassed.

You don't have to fix it, Ava.

That's on Margot.

Babe, your shoulders gone really red.

Oh, is it? Again? Oh my God.

Are you alright? I'm fine, love.

(SIGHS)

Hey.

♪ PLAYFUL MUSIC ♪

SIGHS

SIGHS

(INHALES SHARPLY) I feel like we're not close any more.

My hand is currently on your dick. That's pretty close.

Not that stuff.

You dropped everything to hang out with Cormac.

He always gets priority over me.

He's going through a lot. Honestly.

(SIGHS) Fucking hell, he's always going through a lot, Ava.

What about me?

Things that I'm going through.

What are you going through?

I don't know.

Do you love me?

I love you. Of course I do.

Okay. Okay.

♪ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS OUTSIDE ♪

CAMERA SHUTTER

KAREN: Oh.

Hi... oh. You just missed Niamh and Derek.

Has anyone gone shopping?

Cormac?

It's me. Will you help me?

I did it. Ya happy now?

Why would I be happy?

Honestly, my love, I think it's for the best.

Cormac? Yes.

Did you hear me ask you for help? I did.

Good. Okay.

The shop I'll be closing soon.

Do you need help?

I grew up in a house full of brothers, girl,

weaponising their incompetence against you all day and night.

I get it.

Some help would be great. Thanks.

Right.

Come on, then.

Please, please don't be closed.

No, no, no, no, no.

Nope, still open. Should be grand.

Okay. Perfect.

Barbecue with no meats.

Well, I saw some lovely chicken kievs back there,

and I can do up a big old blue cheese salad situation.

It's hardly a welcome to town barbecue without meat, though, is it?

Okay, well, your fella's just going to be delighted to see you.

Don't worry about the perfect dinner.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Yes, we're having a Niamh and Derek

over for dinner and the fridge is bare.

Actually, Elodie, would you mind running off

and getting some du pain?

Du pain?

Du pain? Du pain?

Bread.

Bread. Yeah.

So listen, about last night, I may have overdone it just a little.

We all did. That's what hens are for.

Oh, well, you can tell that to Karen.

She's been making my life a misery all day.

Well, she's happy out by the pool.

We don't mind having her around.

Actually, could you do me a favour?

Could you tell her what a nightmare boarding school is?

Because she won't believe me.

Happy to.

Yeah, I was sent there as punishment.

Well, could you tell her that and then send her home?

She's left me with that coy little yoke and my head pounding.

Onions. Onions.

We need onions.

Ava. Mm.

You seem preoccupied.

Yeah, the meat counter is closed.

No, I'm not just talking about that,

or I'm not just talking about now.

Oh, sorry. No, yeah.

Yes. I'm sorry.

I'm fine.

Because, you know, no one will ever give you the answer.

The answer to what?

The answer to...

Anything.

I think you think that, someday,

you'll reach an age where everything becomes clear.

What to do, who to love.

But it won't.

It just won't.

You know, all of us grown-ups, we're just groping along in the dark.

So go with your gut.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know what it's saying, but I know you do.

Yes, good girl. Into...

..le trolley.

Off we go.

I know just what we need.

♪ Eleanor McEvoy and Mary Black - "Only A Woman's Heart" plays ♪

What?

What?

Nothing.

Always reminds me of my mom.

LAUGHTER

She used to have it in the five-disk CD changer in the car,

on the school run.

Wore it out.

♪ ..only a woman's heart can be

Smoking a fag out the window.

Seatbelt half on.

Lovely.

♪ ..only a woman's heart can be

♪ As only a woman's heart can be

♪ As only a woman's heart can know

LAUGHS

♪ My heart is low, yes, my heart is so low

♪ As only a woman's heart can be

♪ As only a woman...

DOOR SHUTS, MUSIC ENDS

Hi. Oh my God.

You've got loads. You're a legend.

Here.

Loads of bits. Thank you.

I'll just get going with the dinner. Is that alright?

Does that work? That'd be fine? Thank you so much, guys.

♪ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC ♪

Ava.

Did you get vodka?

Could you guys maybe go and start up the barbecue?

Yeah, and if the other one could just tidy up the table,

that'd be great.

Thanks.

Oh, guys, look at this.

Where's the meat, guys?

The butcher counter was closed by the time we got there.

What are we going to eat?

Is that like chicken kiev?

Yes, Aaron.

We're going to have to put that in the oven, the breadcrumbs,

because of the food poisoning, like.

That's just going to break right off, no problem.

And then you're basically just barbecuing your bread.

Those tomatoes look fucking fuego.

Thank you so, so much, Ava.

Be good diced, I think more so.

We genuinely have no vodka.

I don't know, Glenn. Did you buy some?

Glenn, honey, can you set the table for us?

Please, please?

I don't know where all the little stuff is.

What's that?

Whoa.

Guys, I think I'm going to eat in my room.

CUTLERY CLATTERING

What room, Claire?

Claire, you're not eating on a lilo on the floor of a laundry cupboard.

You haven't spoken to Margot, no?

Could you maybe talk to her?

I feel like you could just apologise or something.

Could you say that you were hung over

and that maybe you overreacted or something?

I'm not lying to make you feel good at dinner.

I'm sorry, Ava.

CUTLERY CLATTERING

Okay. Okay.

(SIGHS) Okay.

Okay.

(SHOUTS) Okay, team.

I want to see everybody outside in...

..in 20 minutes, everybody fully dressed, smiling and sober.

Please.

CUTLERY CLATTERING

Just go.

Are those chicken kiev?

♪ PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC ♪

Sláinte.

Good man, Felix. Sláinte.

ALL: Sláinte.

AVA: Sláinte.

RORY IN AN ITALIAN ACCENT: Where's the meat?

So where's the priest?

He's missing.

A bit like your shirt.

I'm sorry, what do you mean he's missing?

I mean, we've been here all day.

We haven't seen him all day.

MARGOT: No, I saw him. He was going into town to Mass.

There's a priest here?

Yeah.

Is that like an Irish custom?

You bring a priest on holiday?

ALL: No.

GLENN: He's not gone to Mass.

He's gone to an AA meeting.

Really?

RORY: That man is not an alcoholic.

He's at best a median Irish drinker.

AKA an alcoholic.

GLENN: That's what I said to him

when he asked me to join him at an AA meeting.

CORMAC: What? Yeah.

Wait til yiz hear the conversation I had with him earlier on.

He thinks everyone should be forgiven for everything.

Pretty convenient for a group of serial paedophiles.

And then, oh, get this.

He asked me, was I in pain?

Do you know what make that fucking priest so happy?

If someone murdered him.

ALL GROANS

Guys, seriously, though.

Imagine how much he'd love that.

Sitting up in heaven, looking down on his body, floating in that pool.

Dead.

FELIX: Are priests allowed drink?

Yes.

I think he just got too drunk on the first night.

Good for him for taking care of himself.

Yes, totally his business.

CLAIRE: Yeah, it's the fucking worst when you have any vocation

and people meddle in your business.

Yeah.

I do think, though, that if you apologise,

then it's really nice when people accept the apology.

You can't really just click your fingers

and absolve yourself with an apology, so.

That's true.

I mean, sometimes people have a lot to apologise for.

CORMAC: It's pretty easy to tell people what to do.

A lot of people around this table should be going to AA.

A lot of people around the table should be going to confession.

Honestly, there's nothing worse when people don't understand

your culture or judging.

Thought you were over this business, Claire.

I was told you'd put it to bed.

Who told you that?

Ava.

How could I have put it to bed when you fully admitted

to having told Sandra?

I did?

Isn't that right, Ava?

No, I think what happened is that you apologised to Ava

for being a fucking psychopathic bitch.

I did?

SINÉAD: Wow, guys, everyone has to go easy on Ava, please.

Yeah, she's under a lot of stress.

Thanks.

Are you?

I didn't know that. What stress are you under?

You can't tell? I mean, she didn't tell you.

Tell me what?

Tell me what? What didn't you tell me?

Nothing.

No, no, no, no. Nothing, my love.

What haven't you told me?

It's not a big deal.

Felix, people make such a fuss about this stuff,

and that's the biggest problem with it.

The stigma.

The stigma?

Well, hang on. The stigma of what?

We are not talking about this right now.

What?

What are we not talking about?

We're not talking about nothing.

AARON: We ain't talking about nothing.

I mean, I've had herpes flare-ups maybe eight times.

Can I have the salad, please? Yeah, it's fine.

Herpes is fine. It's no huge deal.

Ava, you shouldn't be embarrassed.

It's the same as crabs.

When you find out, crabs isn't just a term.

It's actually tiny little crabs crawling all over your body,

you know, and that's fine.

Before you know it, you're at your niece's communion,

and everyone's looking at you

because you're scratching the fucking life out of your crotch.

Then before you know it, again,

you're sitting at the table having a meal

in your aunt is looking at you

and she's convinced that what she's wearing is turning you on.

It's not turning you on.

Your dad sits you down and he's like,

What's going on with you and your aunt Loreen?

He's like, That's my sister.

She's my sister.

You have an STI and you didn't tell me about it.

It's no big deal, Felix.

GLENN: Yeah. Herpes is nothing.

But if you get syphilis, you have to get this jab.

It goes on your ass and the needle of that is like a foot long.

AARON: It's a big jab. FELIX: Wait, wait.

How exactly d'you get syphilis?

Okay, when the man loves a lady very much, he gets a little excited.

Oh my God, I don't have syphilis.

Can we just stop with this chat at the dinner table, please?

But you do have herpes?

So how did you get that?

Maybe she got it from you, bro.

Everyone has herpes.

RORY: Everyone who's had sex with more than one person.

Yeah, so everyone at this villa.

Well, except maybe the priest.

Are you sure about that?

Herpes can be dormant for a very long time.

Flare-ups happen when you're under stress, so Ava just...

Weddings are very stressful for women.

You guys just don't get it.

AARON: Oh, preach.

So you do have herpes?

And you never told me about it.

I was going to.

You know what?

I always knew you were lying about your body count.

OTHERS GASP, GROAN

Sorry, what did you just say?

Don't start slut shaming Felix.

It's a pretty horrible thing to do. Hey, Cormac, idea.

Do you think you could just shut the fuck up for one minute?

Yeah, it's mad, but whenever you're around,

why is it that I feel like I'm in a fucking

three-way relationship with you?

Not my type babe. No, seriously, though.

I feel like you're having a fucking emotional affair with my girlfriend,

and I fucking have it. Felix, just...

Felix.

It's all happening.

Felix, come o-

GASPS

CLAIRE: Oh, my God.

Oh, Jesus. CLAIRE: Are you okay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's okay. RORY: It looks broken.

It's fine. I can't...

SINÉAD: Ava, honey, stay still. GLENN: Oh, God.

Did nobody move those coals? AARON: You know what?

I'll go right ahead and move those for you right now.

No problem at all. That's broken.

OVERLAPPING CHATTER

AARON: These coals are actually surprisingly heavy.

Ava, let me know if you... FADES OUT

Who can tell me what it takes to get into heaven?

PRAYING IN SPANISH

Am I dying?

You're okay.

I met the priest in the corridor.

We had a chat and I told him what happened.

He wanted to come in and say a prayer for you,

and I thought, since you are Irish, it would be a good idea.

You know I'm not Catholic, Felix.

Every little helps, no?

The decadence of young people.

The decadence of the Irish.

It is a perfect storm.

I'm praying for the storm clouds to pass.

I'm fine, Father. Thank you.

It's hard not to think that this wedding is cursed.

Why would you say that?

It's what I feel.

Okay, great. Can you leave us alone, please?

Gracias.

Your arm's set.

Everything's okay, we can go home in an hour.

Felix, I want to...

I want to apologise for today. Today was...

It was really difficult for me. I guess I just...

I find weddings so tricky.

Honestly, I was trying to make things easy for you.

That was you trying to make things easy for me?

The doctor told me that you'd said to him that you're taking drugs.

I smoked a tiny bit of a joint.

That has nothing to do with what happened.

The bag of barbecue coals was just... I asked you not to take drugs.

I asked you not to drink.

I mean, look at you, Ava.

This is no way to live your life.

Your friend group is absolutely toxic.

100 percent of them are bad influences.

Drug addicted, alcoholic, zero responsibility.

Just hedonistic.

Death wish people.

You have to change.

Make some adult decisions so you can stop

floundering with your loser friends.

And while we're at it, I have to ask,

precisely what the fuck is going on with you and Cormac?

Cormac doesn't own AirPods.

So? He doesn't play golf, Felix.

The father of the bride.

That is...

..just...

..beyond the beyond.

Tonight, we'll stay at the house because it's too late to change.

But from tomorrow,

I've booked us a nice room over at the golf course hotel.

Okay.

It'll be good to get away and be in a nice healthy environment.

And when the wedding comes round, you'll be feeling good again.

Okay. Alright?

Okay.

GLENN: I was like, This is the same.

What did you do in the course?

The same experience. What the first time?

CLAIRE: They're home.

RORY: Ava, are you alright?

FELIX: We're going to go to bed, guys.

Yeah, give her a bit of space. MARGOT: Poor thing.

Do you need anything?

Good night. Good night, everyone.

GLENN: D'ya want my Xanax? CORMAC: Guys, can we just talk?

Honestly, Cormac, we're tired.

We're just going to go to bed, and I think you've done enough.

Alright, just leave it, mate.

Ava.

Ava.

I heard about you. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, Father.

I just have herpes...

I mean, I slipped.

You sure you're okay?

Yeah.

Are you okay? How was your day?

It was, eh...

..good.

I did some thinking, some repenting.

I'll still sleep on it like you suggested, but I do feel better.

Good.

I'm happy to hear that.

And...

..I know it might not...

..look like it, but I'm trying so hard to be a good person.

I think you're doing great.

Ava, beddy byes.

I better go.

Ava.

You do a lot of things for a lot of people.

So remember to be kind to yourself.

♪ PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC ♪

♪ SONG: Alison Moyet - "Invisible" ♪

♪ Invisible

♪ I feel like I'm invisible

♪ You treat me like I'm not really there

♪ And you don't really care

♪ I know this romance

♪ It ain't going nowhere

♪ You've got me so confused

♪ And there's words I could use

♪ But I'm afraid to say them.

♪ I feel I've been had

♪ And I'm boiling mad

♪ Still, I can't live without you

♪ You don't have the time

♪ And you won't spend a dime

♪ Not even to call me

♪ Oh, you don't know I exist

♪ And I wouldn't be missed

♪ If I had the nerve to quit you

♪ Invisible

♪ I feel like I'm invisible

SUBTITLING RTÉ 2026.

♪ You treat me like I'm not really there

♪ And you don't really care... ♪