Original subtitles

I want to write to you, Hal Bumbum.

Yes, sweetie.

I love you.

I will never forget you.

Why will you never forget me?

Because you talked to me.

There's no smoking in this car.

Hi, how's it going?

As good as can be expected.

Hey,

you won't happen to remember what they call that football team?

They made between the Eagles and some other team during the war.

They made a merger.

Which war?

World War II.

The war we won.

No, I was too young.

They got me for Korea.

Was that a war?

Hey, you won't happen to remember what they call that team?

They made it up during the war.

The merger was between the Philadelphia Eagles

and the Pittsburgh Steelers in 1943.

Officially they were called the Phil Pitt Eagles.

But sports writers referred to them by Portmanteau,

the Steagles.

Yeah.

Five wins, four losses, one tie.

And then they were dissolved.

The coaches were Greasy Neal and Walt Keesley.

The quarterbacks were Ben Kish, Ted Lowe, Leroy Zimmerman,

Bob Thurman, and Allie Sherman.

Hi, Rit.

Hi.

Hello.

How's everything?

Oh, fine.

- It's fine. - Good.

Sandy, don't butter your bread in the air, dear.

You haven't said a word about the convention.

Didn't it go well?

It was fine.

No excitement, but fine.

I met a few good people there.

Good person from Stanford and one from Berkeley.

How'd you like to live in California?

Well, if it's what you want, isn't it?

- It's a good move. - Don't sell it short.

I'm not selling anything short.

I just might phone you one day and say, let's go.

Everybody out to California!

Can we fly there? Alberts can fly there.

What's an Alberts?

Probably doesn't like to fly, Sandy.

You know that.

It's alright.

Communist China formally protested to India today against

massive attacks by Indian forces near the Tibetan border.

According to Xinhua,

the official Chinese Communist News Agency,

casualties have been heavy.

What are you looking for?

I can't find all of my Marla monographs.

Did you look in the car?

Nothing left in the car, isn't it?

Are you sure you didn't leave them somewhere, Professor?

All men are brothers.

You know what? I'll leave six pages from the middle of a monograph in Marla.

Don't ask me.

You look carefully in the car.

Maybe slipped in to the floor.

Where are you going?

I'll look in the car again.

President Kennedy is suffering from a mild...

Carefully.

Can't it wait until the morning?

... to fly back to Washington from Chicago.

...some speculation about possible urgent business here,

that require his attention.

There was even one report that he did not really have a cold.

But the White House did not say.

Strike!

... could say, emotional opportunity, and liberal benefits.

In the bulletin I've just been handed,

It's not there.

Shh, listen.

The President of the United States will address the nation

over all major television and radio networks

tomorrow at 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

In a matter of urgent concerns of all the people of the free world.

Do you have any idea what it's about?

In sports...

Who knows?

Cuba, the Russians...

the yellow pillows,

the leading college game.

Take your choice.

Sounds so serious.

Everything out of Washington sounds serious.

That's their job,

to make the world serious about democracy.

I wouldn't worry about it..

Harvard, 36, Columbia 14...

36 to 14, Jesus, what's happening to the world.

You think it's really as serious as it sounds?

We'll know tomorrow.

You think I should let the kids listen?

Harold?

Hm?

What?

Think I should let the children listen?

If they want to, why not?

I doubt they'll sit through it all anyway.

Lily adores it.

Looking at it.

Not to listen to it.

Stop worrying, Rita.

Good night.

I thought you were there.

I am here.

I meant your face.

My face is here.

Can you go to sleep with those things in your hair?

I have no time to set it in the morning.

I'd like to look like something at lunch for a change.

Does it bother you?

No. I just thought it might bother you.

No, it doesn't bother me.

Oh.

Okay.

Good night.

Oh.

On September 22, 1598, in Hogsden Field,

he killed an actor in Henslaw's company in a duel.

The loser was Gabriel Spencer.

Johnson was charged with manslaughter and while in jail,

converted to the Church of Rome.

After being imprisoned for a short while,

he was released by benefit of clergy,

forfeited his goods and chattel,

and was branded on the left thumb.

Dr. Plymile, Dr. Plymile, how are you?

- Alright. - Harold White.

We served together on the instructional council last month.

Oh.

Oh, yes, how are you, Weiss?

Fine, fine, thank you, sir.

And you?

When are you going to Africa?

Going to pick who?

No. Um,

When are you going to Africa, sir?

Next month, if I can get everything set up.

Well, you will if I know you, sir.

I will or I'll know the reasons why.

Come around before I leave.

Yes, I will. Thank you, sir.

Oh, if you're looking for Dr. Payne, he's over there next to Dr. McGuire.

Oh. Oh, yes.

I see them. Thank you.

Nice to see you again, Weiss.

Good luck.

Good luck to you, sir.

Nickelhead.

Brown nose.

wouldn't exactly hurt your cause.

It wouldn't help.

You seen right in the game on that thing.

My doorknob hits better.

What do you want to bet he shows up at the interdisciplinary

this afternoon and we go through the whole thing again?

You know he doesn't see too well either?

Where's it being held?

On the island.

You can meet some very good people at those functions,

people you may not meet for years.

Not me.

I've got a rich game.

Maxie.

An incurable provincial.

That's because I thought the whole point of teaching is the time off.

The time to play.

How many jobs do you have now?

- Six? - Three.

Hash, you're a pest.

You go to your church, I go to mine.

You're going t miss the President's speech,

which shows me your sense of priorities.

I'll get it in the car on the way home.

It has one of those radios you know.

You think it's as serious as it sounds?

How do I know? I'm not on the hotline.

How come you asked the same questions as Rita

and she didn't even finish college?

Well, give me away, will you, Hash?

Here.

Eat, Max, you need your strength for your bridge pen.

How you describe it,

I'm not a writer.

But the part of the curtain period is absolutely...

Prismatic.

I certaintly hope that the last season taught us something.

I think if we're going to play, we'll play to win,

o not play at all.

Meaning?

Who speaks of victories?

Endurance is all.

Wilke.

I agree, Mr. Wilke.

However,

we must regard that sentiment as the expression of a man

whose mother tried to convert him into a girl.

Isn't that right, Harold?

Uh-huh, but she failed.

Would it be any less true if she succeeded?

Good point.

I suppose not,

but in order to endure, one must first survive.

Good point.

Whose side are you on?

Side of reason.

Harold is our liberal.

Excuse us, Hugo. We really must be going.

I didn't realize the time.

Will you excuse us?

Certainly, Dean. Good to see you again.

Mrs. Briggs.

Dean Briggs.

Florence.

I have to catch the Polsky before he gets away.

- Would you excuse me? - Certainly.

Can I get you another drink?

No, thank you.

I have to be going myself.

Do you have any idea when the next train is?

No, no, I don't.

You live near LaGuardia Airport, don't you?

Yes.

It's on my way.

Can I give you a lift?

I'm not going to carry you.

We'll take the car.

I want to be able to hear the President speak.

Oh, yes, that's a must.

Um, give me a minute to say a few goodbyes, all right?

Of course, I want to say goodbyed to old Plymile by myself.

He's leaving for Africa soon, you know.

Well, it's time to see what the big mystery is all around.

But now further action is required.

And it is underway.

And these actions may only be the beginning.

We will not prematurely or unnecessarily

risk the course of worldwide nuclear war

in which even the fruits of victory would

be ashes in our mouth.

But neither will we shrink from that risk

at any time it must be faced.

Acting therefore in the defense of our own security

and of the entire western hemisphere,

And under the authority entrusted to me by the Constitution,

as endorsed by the resolution of the Congress,

I have directed that the following initial steps be taken immediately.

First, to halt this offensive buildup,

a strict quarantine on all offensive military equipment

under shipment to Cuba is being initiated.

All ships of any kind bound to Cuba,

from whatever nation or force,

These offensive military preparations continue,

thus increasing the threat to the hemisphere,

further action will be justified.

I trust that in the interest of both the Cuban people

and the Soviet technicians at the sites,

the hazard to all concerned of continuing this threat

will be recognized.

Third,

it shall be the policy of this nation

to regard any nuclear missile

launched from Cuba against any nation in the Western hemisphere

as an attack by the Soviet Union on the United States,

requiring a full re-territory response upon the Soviet Union.

Oh my God.

Fourth, as a necessary military precaution,

I have reinforced our base in Guantanamo,

evacuated today with the dependence of our personnel there,

and ordered additional military units on a standby alertly.

We are calling tonight...

I call upon Chairman Khrushchev to halt and eliminate

this clandestine, reckless,

and provocative threat to world peace

and the stable relations between our two nations.

I call upon him further to abandon this course of world domination

and move the world back from the abyss of destruction.

By returning...

Let no one doubt

that this is a difficult and dangerous effort

on which we have set out.

No one can foresee precisely what course it will take

or what course or casualties will be incurred.

The cost of freedom is always high,

but Americans have always paid it.

And one path we shall never choose,

and that is the path of surrender or submission.

Our goal is not the victory of might,

but the vindication of right,

not peace at the expense of freedom,

but both peace and freedom here in this hemisphere.

And we hope around the world, God willing,

that goal will be achieved.

Thank you, and good night.

You've just been listening to an ev...

It's like 1939 all over again,

just like that summer

way back

in 1939 A.D.

Oh, Harold, it's a thousand times worse.

It makes you feel so...

...so terribly...

...so terribly helpless.

Take it easy, Flo.

Easy, kid, easy.

What...

what do you...

what do you...

you don't think...

...do you think it will start?

Who gives a shit?

Yeah.

What happened, Harold?

I don't know.

I feel so funny.

I know.

I feel helpless and all excited.

I know.

Is going to stop?

I don't know, Flo.

Oh, girl, I hate that, Flo.

You know, a sweet face and a smart nose used to call me Flow and I love it.

Say it again.

Flo, Flocie, Flory, Flo.

Oh, oh.

Oh, I've got to jump out of my skin.

- Harold. - Uh-huh.

Do I catch a scene?

No.

That button.

What button?

That button is taller.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah?

I say it's so big.

Can I see it a lot?

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Oh, Harold, please.

Please.

Flo.

No, all this time I walked past your office.

I never, I look in and I've never dreamed that you would.

But you never even looked at me, Harold.

All this time.

- Harold. - Mm-hm.

Oh, God.

You know, I've never cheated on a friend.

- Uh-huh. - In eight years.

- Well. - Oh, Harold.

Harold, please.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

- Again? - Yeah.

- Watch the button. - Oh, yes, I'll watch the button.

We're still here.

Sure, honey babe.

Sure, honey babe.

We'll be here next month, next year,

and for the next 50 years.

Come on. Come on.

Let's get some breakfast. Come on now.

What's that problem?

You heard the speech, I guess.

I did.

You scared the daylights out of me.

I know.

I'm sorry I couldn't be here.

I held all I could do not to cry in front of the kids.

Oh here I'll...

Oh, come on.

Sit down. Sit down.

Everything's going to be all right.

Don't you worry.

Come on now.

Eat something before the kids get up.

Oh.

Okay.

Hey.

We're going to have to open up, aren't we?

I think we are.

Oh, good.

Wider, come on.

That's it.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Oh.

All right.

Hmm.

What took you so long?

They're steaming for the blockade, Harold.

Yeah, I know.

Thought it must be hot in the Caribbean.

Uh, 73 degrees, average mean temp.

Oh, you're so goddamn smart.

Yeah.

- You know something? - Mm-hmm.

I just get hot thinking about those ships, isn't it mad?

Hey, hey, not here, baby.

No, not here? But daddy It's just that I...

Harold, I feel better now.

I mean, I just want to play.

Okay.

- Harold? - A-ha?

Can I see you for lunch?

Yeah, I don't know.

Harold?

Uh-huh.

Can I see you tonight?

I don't know.

Oh, don't Harold.

I've already made up something just to spread.

Listen, baby, baby.

Come on. Come on.

I have a lecture.

We're on a very significant topic.

The mystique of the Elizabethan hero.

I can't do it justice if I'm all hot in the biscuit.

Oh, Harold. I hate you when you talk like that.

- I really... - Oh-kay!

Let's go, come on, come on.

Pick it up.

Let's move.

Get out of here.

- Oh, bastard. - Yeah.

Today's topic, as you know,

concerns the hero of Elizabethan literature

as reflected in the existing social action terms.

In the light of existing political action events, however,

I think a discussion of a more contemporary hero is an honor.

I cannot understand.

I never will if I live to be a kindred.

It's why Willie Mays did not get the most valuable player award last year,

or for that matter, the year before, and

God Damn it, he won't get it again this year.

How in the hell anyone in their right mind can overlook this man.

It's completely incomprehensible to me.

Look, just look at the goddamn record.

Here it is.

49 homers, 141 RBIs,

0.304 average,

131 score, 18 sets.

Who?

Who can touch him for glove work?

Who?

Who else has more in this pocket?

Who? No one.

John?

You don't have the chance for names, do you?

Sit down here.

They were named before the turn of the century when old

Jim Mutry, who preceded McGraw, said,

Oh, aren't they wonders, though?

My giants.

Larry Doyle said it for us all, didn't he?

When he said,

It's great to be young and a giant.

And they took them away.

And I protest.

With all that's in me.

For all of us,

the unequivocal minions from the Battery to Harlem, I protest!

You boo a band, Moby, a bad bogey, and a cabon.

Write!

Scrobooed, bo-bilt.

Bo bin, bo bist, be bist a binnabista for an alabobity.

Bo bit, bebich an apodopiting above the bogey.

Grobabist above the bam of all, the boo-cabors.

Obizz.

Robil bimo vez.

Yu bestt, mobi for bens.

Grobabist above the bens.

Moby-cab-big, Moby-cab-big, for bam.

Robolgier obot.

Gebo-the-be to veryz, to bam, to bed.

To bambi, to bakki, your best obi-bimo.

Bambino.

A band of biceve.

Moby-cab-all-bipos-esuse.

You boo about the bear.

Oh, bring, oh, bister, oh, bays, oh, bat, to boo a bus, oh, bend a bist for bitty.

A band of eyes obey for four of all of us.

The boo demand a bend, oh, bists.

For buck, you boo, oh, ball.

Well, congratulations, Harold.

My feedback informed me that you just delivered a very provocative letter.

The best.

Oh, well, very good at any rate.

I always knew you had the makings, but you know,

you're a little bit, if you don't mind some constructive criticism,

a little bit too didactic.

It was the best.

Yeah, all right.

All right, now, let's not stint, let's say the best,

the very best.

How the hell would you know?

What I mean is Worthington.

How the hell would you know a good lecture from a bad one?

What was that, Harold?

Oh, you heard me, Payne.

Are you implying that I'm insensitive?

Oh, for Christ's sake, Payne, Mandy Rakowski,

my dumb buddy when I was 12 years old was insensitive.

You?

You are a schmuck.

I don't understand that kind of language.

A schmuck, a schmuck is a schmuck, a schmuck.

I still don't understand.

The hell with understanding, just say it.

Come on, Schmuck.

Now, look, look, pal,

this Cuba business has gotten everybody a bit of...

Come on, you vegan advance and say it!

Schmuck!

Come on, God damn it, say it! Schmuck!

Schmuck!

Schmuck!

Okay, Schmuck, lead us.

Hey!

One more thing.

Keep your God damn eyes off Loretta Greenbaum, you understand?

Who?

Ooh, hu.

Loretta Greenbaum, you closet lads.

You know who.

All right, Harold.

Dr. Weiss.

All right, Dr. Weiss.

Okay, beat it. Up!

Schmuck.

Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oh!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Would you like...?

Would you care for a magazine?

Not unless you have Buck Rogers or the big little book.

I might have a copy of Chicken Little if that isn't too deep.

Miss, do you think anyone would mind if I smoke a little cigar?

- I don't mind, I don't mind. - Thanks.

All right,

but I'm afraid if anyone complains I'll have to ask you to put down.

Oh, that's okay, just ask.

I'm really obliged.

Thank you very much, my dear.

Ah, that's a real nice smelling cigar you have there.

It's a Monte Cristo.

I always smoke Monte Cristo.

Ah, is that a fact?

There's nothing quite like a cigar.

Yeah, yeah, I like a good cigar.

It's a real nice smoke.

Yeah, I like a good cigar.

Would you like to have one?

Here.

Wait a minute.

Use this chopper here.

Looks like a guillotine you know.

Put the head and it comes right off.

- Squeeze it, yeah. - Yeah.

There we go.

Oh yeah, okay wait, I'll do give a light.

Draw in, yeah that's it.

There we go, got a good one? Okay.

This is a nice cigar.

Yeah.

They're nice cigars, but I like the Montecristo.

It draws very well.

And it's mild.

Mm-hm.

I get them smuggled in.

Is that a fact?

Mm-hm.

I got a connection is right next to Castro's brother.

- The nutty one. - Raul.

Yeah, he's a real pussy chaser.

My connection takes care of them.

Is that a fact?

Listen, if you're gonna go, always go first class.

I believe in that.

You know if I ever get one of those...

What you would call it, those you know those quote of arms

that's what it's gonna say

Always go first class.

You have a point there.

What the hell?

You only lived once.

That crazy Castro down there on those goddamn missiles.

Who knows?

I thought you got your cigars from him.

His brother.

What's one thing has to do with the other?

That's a point.

And this is a good cigar.

First class, buddy.

You gonna live?

Live like there's no tomorrow.

What do you got to lose?

Screw it all, right?

Right.

Say, I'm Marty Panish from Oak Park.

I'm, uh, Hal, uh, Hal Winters from New York.

Pleasure, Hal.

You know, it usually it gets expensive on the three o'clock fight.

Yeah.

What do you do?

I'm, uh, I'm in, uh, promotion.

- Yeah? - Mm-hm.

I'm in lingerie, ladies' underwear.

I pull down about a thousand a week.

Oh, that's a good one.

I gotta remember that.

You wanna give up a girl a present?

It ain't like being in a lingerie business, right?

Right, Marty.

Listen, buddy, while you're here in Chicago,

when ou need something, you know, a little action or something.

Just give me a buzz, eh?

Well, thanks, fella.

What the hell?

We cigar smokers gotta stick together, right?

Right.

Hey, you gotta let me buy you a drink.

No kidding, no kidding, we'll have a few less.

You got any idea what it's like

to have a wife who's shacking up with your partner?

And your brother's screwing you out of 30% of the gross?

I do.

I wouldn't even have come back here,

except I got to kick him in the ass legally,

before they finish me off altogether.

And bring us some more peanuts, will you?

A couple of more drinks.

You know,

it's a funny thing

that when all I got,

the only thing that gave me any pleasure at all

was hold 'em.

You didn't keep your bald, bustin' American broads, buddy.

Give me a greeny anything, especially a Nazi broad.

Oh, boy.

They've been trained to do it all.

I mean, not a friggin' girl will merry-me.

It's all I need, right?

The Defense Department announced late last night that it will

search and sink, if necessary,

the ships of any nation that may be carrying offensive weapons to Cuba.

There is speculation that the first such ship would be the big

Russian transport over Tanya.

You want to know a terrible truth?

Sometimes I wish the goddamn missiles would come.

A goddamn rainstorm of missiles is what I wish sometimes.

Jesus.

I've got to get away to Miami for a while to think.

Hello.

So you still have the same number, huh?

Who is this?

It's Hal.

Hal Weiss.

Corporal Hal Weiss.

Hal from New York?

Hal of New York.

Emperor Hal.

I don't believe it.

You better believe it, baby.

It's me.

I want to come right over. Is that all right?

Of course it's all right.

Hal, darling, I don't believe it.

But come on over anyway, you remember where?

I could find it by feel, Countess.

I'll be right there.

A step toward the road of unleashing thermal nuclear war.

Calling the U.S. blockade of Cuba an act of piracy.

In a swift reaction to Kennedy's foreign team announcement,

the Russians canceled all military leaves

and called a meeting of the Communist Warsaw Pact nations.

And the official Soviet Union said measures were being taken

and increased program labels prepared.

The Kremlin also called for an immediate meeting

on the U.S. Security Council

and warned that if the oppressors unleashed war,

the Soviet Union will deliver the mightiest military blow.

The U.S., meanwhile,

carefully watched several Soviet ships on proof to Cuba

as they drew near the 500-mile quarantine for weapons.

If they are bound to be carrying offensive weapons,

they will be asked to go to non-Cuban ports.

If they resist, they will be fired upon.

Hello Hal.

Hello, Mary.

♪ Kiss me right. ♪

♪ And kiss me twice. ♪

♪ And kiss me once again. ♪

It's been a long long time.

♪ I don't walk alone. ♪

Because to tell you the truth, I am lonely.

♪ What a difference a day makes. ♪

Twenty-four little hours.

♪ I've got to buy a paper doll ♪

♪ that I can call my own. ♪

A doll that other fellas never steal.

Cannot steal.

Cannot, baby.

We've always lived that line.

What's your secret?

Tell me your secret, Marie Velasco.

Countess of Warsaw, beloved of the emperor.

I've waited so long.

Oh, darling.

Now will you tell me a secret, countess.

Hal, darling.

I'm not Marie.

I'm her daughter, Louis.

Louis Velasco.

Yes.

I never made it with your mother.

I know.

I had scruples.

Your father was on Guadalcanal.

We used to go crazy necking.

I'd stop and say it isn't right.

She cried every week.

I know everything about you.

I grew up hearing about you.

I was an idiot.

I really.

You heard about me?

Of course.

You were her life.

You heard about me?

You were her life.

You all right, father?

I'm not a father.

I'm a reverend.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Can I get you something?

No, thank you.

I'll be all right.

Ah, nonsense.

Sir, the seatbelt sign is still on.

- Here you are. - Oh, thank you.

You're very kind.

Are you feeling ill, Reverend?

I'm all right, thank you, Miss.

The gentleman has done all that can be done, I'm afraid.

Well, if you need anything else, just press this button.

It's all in the mind, you know, Reverend.

Oh, yes.

Yes, but my mind refuses to learn.

I wait, fatalistically, for the missiles.

That's what I pray, frantically, with a plain box.

Thank you.

Would any of you like anything to drink?

Reverend?

Just some water.

I'll have a Jack Daniels if you got it on the rocks.

If not, any bourbon would do.

Care for a smoke, Padre?

No, thank you.

Your lead.

Mmm, thank you, Reverend.

I'm Dr. Ernest Barrow from Rochester.

Pleasure.

George Guinamma, Jr., from Paris.

That is, my father was from Paris.

But that's a familiar name, somehow.

Have we met before?

- I've been to Paris. - Uh-huh.

I don't think so.

But you may have heard of my father, George Marie Guinamma,

the French ace of World War I.

Credited with 54 German planes.

Of course. How extraordinary.

He was one of the great knights of the air.

It would have been the greatest had it not been for Fonk,

who relied heavily on the air cannon.

Want to throw a little bit of that?

Uh-oh. Wasn't he shot down?

No.

But one evening,

he flew off towards Paris and was never heard from again.

Actually, he didn't die until...

nineteen twenty nine.

God rest his brave soul.

Do you fly also Mr. Guinamma?

George.

Since I was nine I specialize in spads.

Are there many around?

You'd be surprised how many.

Matter of fact I'm on my way to the coast right now

to consult in the remake of Hell's Angels.

Frank, uh, played the Ben Lyon part.

So I'm stopping in Vegas first.

You're in.

♪ Oh well, there's Flo on my left ♪

♪ and there's Mary on my right ♪

♪ And Janie is the girl with that I'll be with tonight ♪

♪ And when she asks me which one I love the best? ♪

♪ I tear open my shirt, I got Rosie on my chest ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a wanderer ♪

♪ Yeah, a wanderer ♪

♪ I roam around, around, around ♪

♪ Oh well, I roam ♪ ♪ from town to town ♪

♪ I go through life without a care ♪

♪ And I'm as happy as a clown ♪

♪ I with my two fists of iron ♪ ♪ and I'm going nowhere ♪

♪ I'm the type of guy ♪ ♪ that likes to roam around ♪

♪ I'm never in one place. ♪

♪ I roam from town to town ♪

♪ And when I find myself ♪ ♪ fallin' for some girl ♪

♪ I hop right into that car of ♪ ♪ mine and ride around the world ♪

♪ Well, I'm a wanderer. ♪

♪ Yeah, a wanderer. ♪

♪ I roam around, around, around ♪

♪ Cause I'm a wanderer. ♪

♪ Yeah, a wanderer. ♪

♪ I roam around, around, around ♪

You're wanted in the lobby.

Mr. Flog, you're wanted in the lobby.

The nation held its breath today as the United States Navy

seized and boarded the first ship to enter the quarantine area

surrounding Communist Cuba.

The Soviet reaction is still unknown,

but Washington is already speculating

on the high post of an invasion...

Did you have a nice flight Mr. Guinamma?

...setting the expected military casualties

I don't know. You were asleep when we got here.

That's life in Chicago.

I sure have made my arms tired.

Pretty bad.

Well, it's early yet,

and I'm not wearing my witty brother's suit.

Worse.

Are they really going to remake Hell's Angels, Mr. Guinamma?

That's right.

That's what I'm here to talk to Frank about.

Frank Polanski?

Oh, Marcie, there's only one Frank.

Oh, there's Frank Parris and Frank Roosevelt.

Frank Lynn.

And while we're doing names, what's yours?

I'm Joan Thompson, Mr. Guinamma.

And this is Marcy Martin.

You remind me of an acress named Winifer Shaw.

Who all the boys are crazy for.

That's right, she was the lady in red.

Marcy knows all about that stuff,

she was a history major.

Now tell us about Frank.

Oh, Jesus.

Well Frank's on a classical take, you know, all gun hunka ting sort of thing.

That's why he's interested in doing the Hell's Angels again

probably with Dean and Joan.

What about pride and prejudice,

- with Frank Dean, and Jenie Osborn. - Yeah.

Say, that's not a bad idea

I'll even tell them it was your suggestion.

Yeah, yeah, plus she's like, had one of those

personal relax sort of things, uh-huh,

yeah, yeah, I think he'd like it.

You think he will? - I think so.

Why not, after all, pig, pig, pig, pig.

Not bad, not bad.

How'd you two girls like to have dinner with me tonight.

Oh I'd love it, you think you can handle two of us.

I can try.

You think the history major will come?

Oh yeah she'll come.

I'll take care of her.

Fine, I'll have the guys in the lounge grab you.

Gee, that is great Mr. Guinamma.

Yours.

Chum baby, chum.

Reverend Barrow?

You are out of uniform.

Ah, yes, I decided this was a chance, you see,

a last chance for me to know if, uh, under circumstances...

Oh, no, say no more.

Say no more, let's just call it...

therapeutic, man's got to take care of himself.

After all, ministers have more nervous breakdowns than anybody.

Thank you.

Have another drink, Reverend, and relax.

Thank you.

Would you mind calling me Ernest?

Not at all, Ernest.

But with this Cuban business, who knows?

Might as well go out in the first name basement.

That's my sermon exactly.

You're very kind, George.

Not at all, Ernie.

Not at all.

What are you drinking?

Um, a Singapore sling, I think they call it.

Jack Daniels Rocks and a ring-a-ding sling from my friend here.

Seven!

Crabs, two, to lose out.

Okay, okay, darlig.

Okay, okay, now we have.

God, like, six point six.

Easy, come on now.

Let me hit six forty.

Let's see it.

Seven, lose out.

Be ready to make your bet.

There you go, sweetheart, come on baby!

Nine, nine points.

Good on the field.

Go Nina.

Nine, a winner!

Boy! How well did you do.

♪ Let me tell you about a place. ♪

♪ Somewhere up in New York way. ♪

♪ Where the people are so gay. ♪

♪ Twisting the night away. ♪

♪ Here they have a lot of fun. ♪

♪ Putting trouble on the run. ♪

♪ Man, you find the old and young ♪

♪ Twisting the night away. ♪

♪ They're twisting, twisting. ♪

♪ Everybody's really great. ♪

♪ They're twisting, twisting. ♪

♪ They're twisting the night away. ♪

♪ They're twisting, twisting. ♪

There we go.

I am the Sheik!

I am Valentino!

Don't do that!

Don't do that!

Oh, Rony, go!

In the desert, we'll make love.

In the desert, we'll make love!

Come on, history major, let's go for a walk.

Another Mendy.

Who's Mendy.

One of the boys from Hasbro Kaitis.

Oh, dear.

Jesus.

Oh, there's nothing that reminds me of Hiro.

Were you in Hiroshima?

Yeah, I was there.

After.

Christ.

I think about all those people at work going about the business of living.

And then overhead there's a plane.

They look up.

Like that one.

George.

Yeah?

Do you really think they can use me?

Huh?

Do you think they have something for me?

Do you?

What's that?

Do you think they have something for me?

Ah? Yeah.

Yeah. I think they do.

When?

Hmm.

This crisis thing, who can say?

But we can count on it, can't we?

We have to go in and make it happen.

Mm-hmm.

One finger, one button.

Show me.

It's on you.

When, George?

Tomorrow, baby.

Come on, first thing's first.

Okay, Georgie.

Tomorrow.

Come on.

Marcy, baby.

You're gonna be a big star someday.

Yes, really, babe.

If we make it through the week.

Cut the crap operator.

You're funny, well you'd be good for pride and prejudice.

- Well, it's all we know, isn't it? - Yeah, true

George.

Yeah.

We go together.

Oh, oh, say it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A part in Pride in Prejudice.

To hell with Pride and Prejudice, say it.

I love you, Marcy.

No, say it.

I love you, Winifred?

Say it, God damn it.

- Say what? - Say it.

What it?

Oh, oh, say it.

I'm Lawrence.

I'm taking you, Marcy.

I'm Lawrence, I'm taking you.

Who's Lawrence?

Oh, shut up.

Lawrence of Arabia, say it all.

I, I, uh, I, Lawrence of Arabia.

Some, some, some thing, some goddamn thing.

Oh, I'm taking you, Marcy, the whole thing!

God damn it!

I Lawrence of Arabia, I'm taking you, Mar...

I'll avenge and taking you Marcy.

I'll avenge and taking Marcy.

You're the only one, I've ever touched.

Oh Christ.

You have made me whole, whole, say it, say it.

Marcy, you're the only one I've ever touched.

You have made me whole.

Me who whole!

Oh Jesus!

I Lawrance of Arabia, am taking mercy.

You are the only one I have ever touched.

You, Marcy, have made me whole.

Oh!

Do me a favor.

Can I help you.

Excuse me.

I didn't mean to butt in,

but my wife and I have been wondering if you were Billy Hallepp, the movie actor?

No, I'm not.

Billy is shorter. He's only five foot eight.

Oh, is he?

I'm Robert Hardy.

Any relation to Judge Hardy?

I'm his son.

The Judge Hardy?

If you mean the Judge Hardy from out west

with the Hardy's and Andy Hardy finds love, yes, yes.

They made those pictures about my family, of course.

They changed my name in order to protect me.

We, Randy?

That's right.

You mean Mickey Rooney was you?

That's right, Mickey was me, uh-huh.

Yes, we were the average American family that MGM found in Massillon, Ohio,

where they had those great high school football teams.

They changed the name to Carvee,

but everything else remained authentic.

They even recorded those

heart-to-hearts they used to have with Dad.

No, didn't they?

Hey, I'm Mark Fauldson-Trenton.

Oh, Roberta.

Roberta, this is Robert Hardy.

Mr. Hardy, this is my wife, Roberta.

How do you do, Mr. Hardy?

Bob.

Bob.

Is thee Hardy, the real Andy Hardy.

Mickey Rooney played him, remember?

Oh, oh.

Uh, Mrs. Fauldson may be too young to remember those things.

No.

I've seen all the shows on TV.

I remember you.

Yeah, I love those films.

I used to have a crush on that.

What's her name? You know, from next door?

- Polly. - Yeah, yeah.

What a cute broad.

Yeah.

You know, he did have those hard-to-hards with the judge.

You know, like I'm trying to have with little Floyd?

Gee, Dad, I want to kiss every girl I see.

Dad, am I normal?

Yes, yes, yes.

That's it, exactly.

Boy, I remember it just like yesterday.

Hey, what are you doing now, Bob?

Well, MGM is thinking of remaking the series like they did with Dr. Kildare.

Oh, that's great.

I'm testing next week, if there is a next week.

Well,

we might be seeing you on TV.

Roberta, I wouldn't be caught dead television.

This deal is strictly movies.

How exciting.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're very excited about the project,

even with the missile thing.

Listen, listen, while we're shooting back East,

maybe I can work you two into a scene.

Well, we may be moving to California.

Can I have your autograph?

Gosh, I don't know why not.

Care for a drink, sir?

Ah, Jack Daniels on the rocks if you've got it.

- If not, any bourbon will do. - Yes, sir.

Anybody been in, tall guy?

Nah, nobody.

Not even Joel and the fat man?

The two Nazi bastards, they wouldn't dare show up here.

Is the falcon safe?

Sure, it's safe.

Gee, don't you think it wouldn't be safe with me?

- Can I see it? - Huh?

They're all right. I'll vouch for them.

He was never in the multi-stalk, and he's tall guy McCroy.

I know that, but he don't.

Ever since he lost a part in a petrified forest,

he thinks he's Bogart.

Do you see him, tall guy?

These guys are really big.

They can help you. No kidding.

Let's get out of here.

I don't want to watch no drunk auditions.

All right, I got mine.

I got the package.

Nah, you want to make a deal, sweetheart?

I got the collateral right here.

I really got my brains kicked out out there in the rain.

I don't care what happens to me.

Do you ever feel that way, sweetheart?

Nah.

You don't know what it's like

not to have that dough for a truck of your own.

Oh, I see arrows.

I never had a chance.

I never had a chance.

I never had...

I never had a chance.

That was great, broad guy.

Really great.

Wasn't that great?

Yeah, I think we got a take.

A take?

What, is he crazy?

Get him away from the door.

I got my dinner waiting for me.

Get up.

Nobody leaves here until tall guy says so.

You've got to be a...!

Shut up, Kevin!

Right, tall baby.

Gee, that's the way you used to say it.

Like in the last ride of Pecos.

Remember, tall, six against two, wasn't it?

I remember!

Remember how we cleaned their clocks.

Will you stop playing memory lane

with that drunk and get the hell away from the door?

First, the falcon.

Ah-ha!

The rest of the gang!

Hey, open the door!

Help! We're being held by two crazies.

Okay, ready?!

Now!

All right, let's clean them out.

Geronimo!

Give me a shot at him! Come on!

Wait a minute.

I've been thrown out of a lot better places than this.

Yeah, better places than this.

All right, boys, back to work.

Thank you, my darling.

You've been wonderful, grab this.

Wonderful.

Come on, old buddy.

The guy with that hat.

Hope I didn't kill that little fella.

Gee.

Nice wheels, tall guy.

You like it?

Yeah, I like it.

Cost a bunch.

That,

It's a gift.

Ah, I see that, Ross.

Remember, sweetheart.

Yeah.

Get in there, youngster.

Let's go. Go on.

Okay, tall.

Let's go, tall baby.

Go, go, go.

I don't know your name, partner.

Hardy!

Thank you, boss.

You're welcome.

That's it.

Take it away, lad.

Sure, tall, sure.

Why is you always...

Tall?

Oh, gee-ah!

Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.

I'm going to die in this car, I'm going to die in this car.

Look out! Get out of the way!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Holy Christ.

Oh, tall guy.

What'd you do?

What'd you do?

All right, Lui.

Drop the gun.

Tall baby, what the hell was that?

Lui, I said, drop the gun.

Uh, heh heh.

Sure, sure, fella.

Heh, it's dropped.

Honest, I'm clean, see?

Jesus, tall, you scared the hell out of me.

You're one of my best tricks, Andy.

Hey, I never used a double or a goddamn stuntman.

Could have killed yourself, tall.

Sure.

Buddy, boy, I done all that for you.

Gee, thanks, tall, I really appreciate it.

Uh-huh.

Gee, hey.

You know something, you,

you're gonna be in my next picture for sure.

Uh, have you got a commitment, option, or something like that?

No, tall, no commitments, no options.

I'm with you.

Say, tall, you want to turn around now?

Maybe go back to town, okay, tall?

Uh, no, we're going to the studio.

Oh, okay tall.

You're about to hear the motion picture world.

Right there.

- Take a hard left here. - Who's that?

Oh, gee golly, it's only me.

Hi, tall.

Who's your friend?

Shoot my old saddlebag pal, his name is Andy Hardy.

Oh, glad to know you, Andy.

Nice to meet you.

With tall, you're all right.

What you shooting tonight, Mr. McCoy?

Oh, I don't know. We'll see.

Just be sure and be careful now.

Sounds like everything nice and neat.

- Yeah. - You don't like no mess.

Oh, gee.

Oh, all right.

And not past three o'clock, remember?

Come on, tall guy.

Nevermind Mr. Chelvie.

Mm-hmm.

Adios, Wally.

You big stars always do what you want to do.

You don't care about us little guys.

You know, Andy, you will love being into cinema.

It's quite glamorous, I'll tell you that.

You'd get up early in the morning and ride that horse across

the prairie and holler, tie the river, and they'd just...

The pay is good and keeps you indoors.

Not outdoors a lot.

Come on Andy boy.

This place.

Yeah?

It's funny.

Is it?

I know it.

What you gonna do?

Tall guy, listen.

Yeah?

I've always known about this place,

always.

When I was out west with the family

or having a soda with Polly,

I knew about it.

You did?

Yeah.

All the time, I knew it was here.

I dreamed about it.

Only it had different names.

Belleau Wood.

Argonne.

You served in Europe, Andy?

Yeah?

Like Audie Murphy.

Only when I was AWOL,

it wasn't a dream anymore.

You was an AWOL, Andy?

Yeah.

I never had a chance to go to anybody's war.

They had me back here making them funky Western pictures all the time.

That's all right.

That's all right, tall, I don't hold it against you.

You had a punctured eardrum.

I read about it in my foxhole.

Yeah, ha, It's a live one.

Yeah, this is the lives set.

They're going to film a big battle scene here tomorrow.

Sons of bitches.

What's wrong with tonight.

You're my kind of guy.

Sons of bitches.

Get some of those grenades.

- Alright. - When I say go pull those rings.

I know how to pull the damn cords on these, Andy.

Sorry, OK pull the rings.

- Ready? - Yes.

Where do you want them put?

Yeah.

Go!

Ha! Light them all!

Change up, pretty.

Bring them all, tall guy.

Yeah!

Keep me covered, baby.

Hey.

Light me will you?

All right, you won't get ust.

You asked for it.

Hey, wake up.

Hey, come on, fella, wake up.

Hey!

Ain't you got a home?

What?

What are you doing here?

I'm planning to swim to Carolina, but...

I ran out of gas.

Oh, wise-ass.

Guess I'll just have to take your wise-ass in.

Him too?

He's my friend, tall guy McCoy.

Big deal.

Go away.

I'd take both of you in, wise-ass.

But I'm feeling too good.

And you can thank Kennedy.

Who?

The president.

That's who.

Why should I thank him?

Why?

Because he saved your wise-ass.

That's why.

He made the goddamn Russians pull out.

Excuse me, officer.

Andy?

Andy boy?

Don't overcook them, and the coffee is strong.

Yes, sir.

Nice day to be alive, wouldn't you say?

Oh, my name is Mayhew, Matt Mayhew, from Dallas.

Harold Weiss.

Pleased to meet you, Weiss.

Well,

what do you think about the whole thing now that it's over?

What thing?

The crisis, a Cuban crisis.

I'm glad nothing happened.

It will, next time.

Oh, we should have bombed the shit out of them.

Teach them a lesson.

Friggin' Cubans, they need a lesson once and for all.

That would have meant a war.

And then peace, once and for all.

What about the casualties?

They estimated that...

Oh, they make an awful stink about that today, don't they?

All the bleeding hearts.

People die, that's all.

They've always died and always will.

And let me tell you something else.

If death didn't exist,

some smart American businessman would invent it and sell it.

And you can bet your ass he'd make a bundle.

I'm the valentino!

Oh, Hal.

Now, run for your emperor man.

And I'm Dr. Hans Barrow.

Watch this.

You're as kind of a human as a man.

Who's Lawrance?