All language subtitles for The Impossible Years 1968-en

- What do we want?
- Free speech!

- When do we want it?
- Now!

- 'What do we want?'
- Student power!

- When do we want it?
- Now!

Impossible years

For you not for me

Impossible years

If you would only see

There ain't nothing
you can do to change me

You don't have
to rearrange me

If it's all the same to you

I'll be on my merry way

In time I'll see the things
I don't see today

I'll be on my merry way

And in time you'll find
you've nothing more to say

Impossible years

For you not for me

Impossible years

If you would only see

I am traveling
a different highway

And the only way
for me is my way

Oh don't you understand

As I look upon tomorrow

There are dreams I've had

And dreams that
I must borrow

And tomorrow
you will find me

With a little more
experience behind me

Impossible years

For you and for me

Impossible years

If you would only see

There ain't nothing
you can do to change me

You don't have
to rearrange me

I am traveling
a different highway

And the only way
for me is my way

Oh don't you understand

Impossible years

For you not for me

Impossible years

For you not for me

Impossible years

For you not for me

Quiet, please gentlemen.

Now then,
as budding psychiatrists

you have undoubtedly
recognized that disturbance

for what it really is.

The ancient rebellion
of youth against authority.

Would you term that
an unhealthy symptom, Doctor?

Definitely not.

Unless I happen to be
the father of one of them.

Now, we were discussing
the modern day teenager.

His habits, his problems
and his parents.

Above all his parents.

They come trooping through
my consulting room every day.

An endless parade of fuming,
frustrated fathers and mothers

who can no longer cope
with their..

...teeny bopper, hippie
offspring, with their..

...sit-in's, their lie-in's
and their love-in's.

"Doctor," they cry in anguish,
"can't you help our children?"

Of course I can.

By getting the parents on the
couch, with all possible speed.

'Oh, Dr. Kingsley?'

Dr. Kingsley,
for the campus press.

May I interview you
about the riot?

I'm very flattered.

Then would I be correct
in quoting you as saying

that there is no teenage
delinquency today?

You'd be quite incorrect.

I maintain merely, that in
a properly run household

with well adjusted parents

the problems of teenagers
are practically nonexistent.

Do you have any teenage
children yourself?

Linda, 17. Abbey, 13.

Doctor, is it true that
you're being appointed

head of the new university
psychiatric wing?

That is a question
for Dean Rockwell

- and the appointment board.
- But..

- ...you're under consideration?
- I sincerely hope so. Yes.

'Doctor, your wife's
on the phone.'

Oh, thank you.
Anything else?

Yes, one more question.

Your theories about
raising a family..

...do you really practice
what you preach

and if so, does it work?

I practice exactly
what I preach.

And I'm extremely proud
of my two daughters.

Hello, Alice.
What are you up to?

You'd better get
down here right away.

Linda's been arrested.

Did you hear me, John?
We're at the police station.

Linda's under arrest.

Mother, it's not
that big of a tragedy.

John, are you there?

You wanna talk
to your lawyer?

I stand on my
constitutional rights.

Oh? Well, stand
on 'em over there.

Next!

State your name.

'Alright, quite.'

Quite!

- Who's next?
- I am.

State your name.

Linda Kingsley.

- What are you charged with?
- I'm her mother.

Well, that alone could
get you ten days.

- Now, just a moment!
- I'll handle this.

- Oh, Jonathan.
- I'm Jonathan Kingsley, M.D.

Might I ask what my
daughter's being held for?

Disturbing the peace, inciting
to riot, resisting arrest

unlawful assembly
on university property.

She doesn't attend university,
still in high school.

Yeah, well she attended
the university today.

Carrying this.

You mean that all this fuss
is about a simple thing like..

- Oh, come now, sergeant.
- Captain!

Captain.

Captain, free speech is not
exactly a new concept.

And if you're accusing her of
believing in the bill of rights

I'm afraid you don't
have much of a case.

Oh?

How much is her bail?

'Linda!'

Hi, Freddie.

I heard about it,
over the air.

Groovy! Say, what was
the word on that sign?

- I'll tell you later.
- You won't tell him later.

You won't tell him ever.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Linda, guess what?

They just announced
your name over W.J.K.L.

You're a celebrity!

One of the few
who are out on bail.

- They mentioned you too, Daddy.
- What?

Linda Kingsley, daughter
of Doctor Jonathan Kingsley

- of the university faculty.
- What a proud day!

Linda, don't keep me
in suspense.

What was the word
on the sign?

That's enough, Abbey. Don't you
have some home work to do?

Yes, but I'd rather stay
and hear Daddy give it to Linda.

Daddy's not giving anything
to anybody. Go to your room.

Okay.

But the way you're gonna yell,
I'll hear it anyway.

'Daddy, may I say a few words?'

You'd better.

To begin with, I didn't know
there was anything on that sign

- except free speech.
- Oh, come on, Linda.

I never even saw
the other side of the card.

Somebody stuck it in my hand
and asked me to carry it.

You carry everything somebody
sticks in your hand?

Well, what's so wrong?

You believe in free speech,
don't you?

That word is not freedom, it's..

...license.

You don't even know
what it means.

I don't?

Try it on me!

Abbey.

I'm going, I'm going,
I'm going.

Daddy, you really surprise me.

I thought you were a Liberal.

I thought you were against
the establishment.

I'm also against
the establishment of pornography

as normal conversation.

I told you, I didn't
read the other side.

But you were demonstrating,
that's the point.

With a bunch of bearded baboons
you don't even know.

What were you doing over
on campus, anyway?

Weren't you making up
a math exam today?

Yes, Daddy.

- But you skipped it, huh?
- But this was more important.

Linda, much as I disapprove
of disciplinary measures

- I'm gonna have to punish you.
- Yes, Daddy.

I'm gonna take away
your car, for a month.

Might as well make
it two months.

That's how long the judge
suspended my driver's license.

She, uh..

She got another traffic ticket,
last Thursday.

Not for speeding again,
it couldn't be.

At a drive-in movie.

Speeding at a drive-in mov..

She's invented a new crime.

- The judge was a little upset.
- I wonder why.

Daddy, I couldn't help it,
my gas pedal got stuck.

Your gas pedal got stuck.

- Don't you believe me?
- Did the judge believe you?

The judge isn't my father.

So, he took away
your license. Alright.

We're gonna take away
your allowance for a month.

You did that two weeks ago.

That's right, I did.
Didn't I?

'How come you haven't
been complaining?'

I guess you'll find out anyway.

I've been using
the charge accounts.

The cha..

Linda, do you remember
what I said I would do

if you used the charge accounts
without permission?

You said you'd take away
my car for a month.

Would you like
to go around again?

There must be a brass
ring somewhere.

I think the time
is right for a..

...family counsel. Let us all
sit down calmly, discussion..

Why the devil couldn't
he have studied the harp?

Freddie!

Freddieee!

Would you mind aiming
that thing at somebody else?

Oh! Oh sure, Doctor. I should've
figured you'd be in a flap

about Linda getting busted.

Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Just as a bit frosting
on today's cake

I received this little
goodie in the mail.

"Dear Doctor Kingsley,
This is to notify you

that Linda is doing
failing work in gym."

I wonder how anyone
can do failing work in gym.

All you have to do is
show up and take a shower.

- I'll get it.
- I'll get it, dear.

Daddy, you have so many
important things on your mind.

I hate to see you get so hung up
over a silly thing like gym.

Look, pumpkin.

If you flunk gym...you won't
graduate from high school.

If you don't graduate
from high school

you won't be able
to go to college.

And if you don't go
away to college

I don't know what
your mother and I will do!

- Come in.
- Well, thank you, Alice.

- Is John busy?
- Well, actually--

Oh, John. Linda.

- Hello, Dr. Fleischer.
- How are you, Herb?

Well, I-I'm not sure.

I've come from a patient,
who coughed in my face

for a half an hour.

Can I have a glass
of water, please?

- I've to take an antihistamine.
- I'll get it.

Could I have a few minutes
of your time please, Jonathan?

Could we meet
down at the office?

Just three minutes,
that's all I ask.

Alright, come in the study.

Oh, Dr. Fleischer.

Oh!

Thank you.

John, I've had a bad, bad day.

Still have the idea of catching
all your patient's diseases?

What are we stricken with today?

Well, I don't know yet.

Last week, I broke a precedent
and made a house call.

I treated a child for pneumonia.

Don't tell me you
caught pneumonia?

No, I pulled the child through.

Now, out of gratitude
the mother kissed me

and gave me mononucleosis.

- But that's not why I'm here.
- I'm relieved to hear that.

A moment ago, I stood out there
on my doorstep in a cold sweat..

...shaking. I was afraid
to walk into my own house.

I couldn't bring
myself to face Freddie.

- You're afraid of your own son?
- I'm afraid I'll clobber him.

You don't know what
I've put up with, with that kid.

If he isn't lying around blowing
his brains into a trumpet

he's out smashing up the car.

If he isn't in the mood
for smashing up the car

he's scrounging around
for something to eat.

He's got his head in the fridge
so much, it's frostbitten.

Now, slow down, Herb.
Slow down.

In first place, you're not
gonna clobber your son.

What am I gonna do?

You'll view the situation
objectively, without prejudice

in an effort to see the teenager
side of the question.

Clobbering never solved
anything. Clobbering merely--

Hello.

Oh, Dean Rockwell.
Yes, put him on, please.

The Dean! Maybe he's gonna offer
you the psychiatric wing.

- Good luck, John.
- Hello, Harvey.

Sir John, what's this I've been
hearing about a Linda Kingsley

carrying a dirty word
all over campus today?

Now, that wouldn't be our
Linda Kingsley, would it?

Your daughter and my godchild?

- 'It couldn't.'
- I'm afraid it could be, yes.

Dandy, better get over
here tomorrow.

Four o'clock, my office.

Four o'clock, I'll be there.

Goodbye, Harvey.

Did he mention the appointment?

Not in so many words. No.

Oh, that's a shame.

Well, you still haven't told me.

What am I supposed to do
about Freddie?

Clobber the hell out of him.

- John.
- Hmm?

You're worried about
tomorrow, aren't you?

What makes you think that?

You can't sleep. Neither can I.

Try counting sheep.

I did. They're all carrying
free speech cards.

Darling.

Why don't you just tell
Harvey the truth tomorrow?

I mean the plain
and simple truth.

Linda didn't know
what she was doing.

I'll do that.

Could give him quite a giggle.

Why should it even matter?

The board isn't considering
Linda for the psychiatric wing.

They're considering you.

Probably as an inmate.

How can you joke about it?

I know how much this
appointment means to you.

How much you've wanted it.

Alice, either I get
the appointment or I don't.

It's as simple as that.

If I get it, fine.
If they turn me down..

What?

Just don't ever let Linda
get the idea it's her fault.

The man who's the head
of the psychiatric wing

will obviously be in a delicate
and sensitive position.

- True, Harvey, that's--
- Delicate and sensitive.

Which in plain language means,
he should have a daughter

who gets herself collared by
the fuzz as seldom as possible.

- About that ruckus yesterday..
- About that ruckus yesterday.

How would you like me to explain
that to the appointments board?

What sort of a cop-out
are you dreaming of?

No cop-out. Just the plain
and simple truth.

Linda didn't even know
what was on that sign.

You actually want me
to tell them that?

I guess not.

I'm pushing you for
head of the psychiatric wing

because I believe you're
the man for the job.

But there's an image
that goes along.

An image of dignity
and sober respectability.

- Have I lost the appointment?
- I don't think so, not yet.

But you're in the middle
of the tight rope.

So watch your step.

How's the new book coming?

Oh, fine. I'm almost
half way through.

I hope it has a better title
than the last one.

- "Sex Marks The Spot?"
- The publisher wanted that.

My title was

"The intelligent teenager
and the immature parent."

Well, I'm not sure
which one I like best.

That's all. I'll let you
know when the board meets.

Thank you, Harvey.

- Give my love to Linda.
- I will.

And incidentally, what was
the word on that sign?

No, don't tell me.

I'm sure the board will have
all the fascinating details.

"Didn't know what was on it."
That's a gas.

- Hiya, Doc.
- Oh, hello, Merrick.

You weren't gonna
pass me by, were you?

- I was hoping to, yes.
- Listen, I..

...just finished reading the
first chapter of your new book.

I've got some positively
brilliant suggestions for you.

Merrick, do you mind?
I'm coming in.

Come on in, Doctor.

- What's up?
- Look, Merrick.

If my publishers insist upon
my having your so called

literary assistance, that's
something I have to live with.

I'd rather you didn't
get or give the impression

that we're collaborating.
Either now or in the past.

Collaborating?
I wouldn't think of it.

I couldn't afford
to have my name on a book

with a title like
"Sex Marks The Spot."

That title was your idea, you
talked the publisher into it.

For a book by you, not by me.

I see you've the same ready wit,
which distorted my last effort.

It was a bestseller though,
you must admit.

- Yes, I admit.
- And not too bad for business.

I heard you raised
your price to $50 an hour.

- Where'd you hear that?
- From an ex-patient of yours.

A nymphomaniac,
I met at a party.

Incidentally, I got the distinct
impression you didn't cure her.

Why don't you save the jokes
for the class room?

I'm sure the students
find you quite a prize.

- Doc, have you had a bad day?
- Yes, don't make it worse.

I better not tell you about
my idea for the new title.

- I dare you to.
- "The Impossible Years."

That's not bad.

I expected you to come up
with something lewd.

Well, we can take care
of that on the cover.

We can show a teenage girl
struggling with a teenage boy

while he tries
to rip off her mini.

Stop it! Stop!

Oh, I'd like to analyze
you one day.

You don't think that sort
of things happens every day?

I'm sure it did with you,
but normal kids, no.

Freddie, cut it out!

Freddie, no. You pick
the darndest place.

- Freddie, we came here to swim.
- Not me.

Oh, didn't you say you had a few
notes on the first chapter?

Oh, yeah.

- Here we are.
- These are notes?

That's longer than
the first chapter.

Well, look them over. If there's
anything you don't care for

- let me know.
- What makes you think I won't?

Say, how about..

...how 'bout a picture of your
daughter Linda on the jacket

carrying a placard.

By the way, what was
the word on that sign?

Freddie! No!

Freddie, it's rough.
Cut it out!

Freddie, listen. Listen!
Did you bring your trumpet?

- What?
- Your trumpet,where is it?

- Why?
- They're playing our song.

Chapter 9.

The teenage daughter is a
constant reminder to her mother

that she is growing older.

During this time, it is
essential for the husband to be

as kind, gentle,
understanding and patient

- with his wife as possible.
- John.

Damn it, Alice. Would you
please stop interrupting?

You told me to tell you
when Linda came home.

I'm sorry, I'm far behind
with this thing.

Take a breather,
might do you good.

I'll take a breather on Linda,
and wind up full of smoke.

- Shall I send her in?
- No, she'll slop this room too.

They're a new group.
Aren't they great?

Okay, but make it early, the
folks are going out for dinner.

I gotta split.

Hello, Daddy.

Mother said you wanted
to speak to me.

I do.

Linda, in just a few short
weeks, you're gonna be 18.

You're standing on
the threshold of maturity.

I fell down the threshold,
three years ago.

- Step this way, please.
- What's the plot?

You'll see.

Your father and I would like
to show you something.

Oh, is it a birthday present
or something?

- Not exactly.
- Well, what is it then?

Your room, dear.

Well, what do you think of it?

'I don't see anything
different.'

'That's what I'm taking about,
nothing different.'

I was late for school, I didn't
have time to straighten up.

Were you late for three weeks?
It's been this way since then.

When you mother showed me
this charming landscape today

I could've thrown up, except you
never would have noticed it.

Mother, it seems if a girl
on the threshold of maturity

has her door closed,
it should remain closed.

It certainly should, to keep
the rats from running out.

How can you make a big deal
out of one little messy room

when this whole world
is flying apart?

Crime on the streets,
Strontium-90 in our milk.

Push button warfare.

Do you realize that any moment
we might be blasted off

- the face of this earth?
- Alright, so we'd be blasted.

But, when we are, you are
going with a clean room.

'Linda?'

Linda! Telephone!

May I be excused, please?

I asked you not to use
the telephone so much.

I'm not using it,
somebody else is using it.

Take it.

Thank you very much.

Hello.

Sometimes I want to
strangle that kid.

Oh, come on, John.

You know you don't
believe in spanking.

Spanking, no.
Strangling, yes.

Taking about
push button warfare..

...I think it's happened.

- What's the next move?
- Nothing.

You're not to make a bed, pick
up a shoe or empty an ashtray.

Let the cigarette butts
pile up on the floor

till the carpet dies
of nicotine poison.

And let those dishes stay
right where they are.

Till she realizes if she doesn't
take them down, nobody will.

That sounds like
a great idea..

...if we're not condemned
by the board of health.

You better stop calling
so much, Freddie.

- Storm clouds are gathering.
- Linda!

Oh, Linda. I don't have
a clean bra for tomorrow.

- May I borrow yours?
- Just use a band-aid.

Anyway..

Mother, Linda's
bugging me again.

Hey, somebody's at the door.
See you later. Bye.

Evening.
Is Dr. Kingsley at home?

Hello, Mr. Merrick,
It's been a long time.

- It is Linda, isn't it?
- Uh-huh, come in.

Well, hiya there, slugger.

Hi. Daddy, Mr. Merrick's here.

You know, I almost
didn't recognize you.

You've grown a little.

Oh, she's a C-cup now.

Abbey!

It's alright.
I already guessed.

I'm a shrewd judge
of character.

I was amazed to hear
that you and daddy

were collaborating again.

I thought you two couldn't
stand each other.

I've nothing against him. He
resents me 'cause I'm perfect.

Besides, I needed the money.

Do me a favor.

Try to sneak in some advice
about the, uh, awkward age.

And what do you consider
the awkward age?

Anywhere from 39 on up.

I'm serious.

That's when they
suddenly find themselves

with a grown up teenager.

Right away, they lose
their sense of humor.

- They can't think straight.
- Example?

Example, I do something wrong.

Something idiotic..

...which I manage to
do from time to time.

Do you know what they say?
I'm old enough to know better.

'And, they're right,
I am. So, I reform.'

So I decide, I'll
do something adult.

Like spend the fourth
of July weekend

at Catalina island, with some
of the kids from school..

...without a chaperone.

'Guess what their answer's
going to be to that?'

You're too young.

I'm too old, I'm too young,
all in the same 20 minutes!

What's your opinion,
Mr. Merrick?

Am I really too young?

- You won't quote me?
- Never.

Well, it's my opinion..

...that I'm working with
your father on a book.

The pay is good, and I'm going
to keep my mouth shut.

- Good evening, Doctor.
- Evening, Merrick.

I was passing by. I thought
I'd drop these notes off.

That's a little better.
These are on Chapter 2?

No, actually, some additional
thoughts on Chapter 1.

I can't wait to read them.

Linda? Put these on my desk,
would you, please?

I'd be happy to.

That's quite a girl
you've got there, Doctor.

Should be a real comfort
in your old age.

She should be.
She's what's causing it.

- I'd like to offer you a drink.
- Thanks, I'd love one.

- Anyway, just on my way out.
- Oh.

- Hello, Richard.
- Good evening, Mrs. Kingsley.

- I was, uh, just on my way out.
- Oh?

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- Goodnight, Richard.
- Goodnight.

I'll just be a moment, darling.

Goodnight, Abbey.
Goodnight, Linda.

- 'Goodnight, mother.'
- Goodnight, mother.

- Daddy.
- Hmm?

Aren't you going
to say goodnight?

Goodnight, kitten.

Hey! Hey, what happened?
Did I say something wrong?

You haven't called
me that in ages.

Ah, I guess
I just forgot.

No, it's because
I've been so b-i-zitchy, lately.

No, I deny that
you've been b-i-zitchy.

Daddy, what's the matter
with me these days?

- Why am I such a mess?
- I deny that too.

But I am!
I'm all mixed up inside.

I'm like a different person,
from one moment to the next.

And always so positive
about things.

Do you want me
to confess something?

What's that?

I'm not positive
about anything.

Let me confess.
I'm not either.

Oh, you. You're like a rock.

People like you and mother
and Dr. Fleischer..

Dr. Fleischer, yes.

You're like old trees.
Sturdy, straight and strong.

You know, there's one old tree,
called an Aspen, that goes Brrr.

Well, from now on,
I'm really going to try.

Wait and see.

From now on, I'm going
to be a changed woman.

Well, don't you change too much.
As a matter of fact..

...I could do with
a little change myself.

For one thing,
I've been intolerant.

I've been keeping a closed
mind about certain things.

From now on, my mind is open.

- Hi, Dr. Kingsley!
- It just closed again.

You ready, Linda?

Freddie, I'm sorry, but,
visiting hours are over.

Linda's studying
for her math final.

Well, so am I!
We're going to cram together.

- It's okay, daddy, isn't it?
- Fine.

I think I'll go get into
something more comfortable.

Well, Freddie,
how's your father today?

Oh, he's-he's got
the virus again.

It's hard to remember
when he didn't.

Yeah. He always catches
the virus from his patients.

Then he comes home,
hollers at me and I get it.

And you give it to Linda
and I get it.

I wish you'd stop smooching
Linda, during the flu season.

Oh, I can't, Dr. Kingsley. I..

I find Linda...irresistible!

It's only out of respect for you
that I keep my hands off her.

They'll probably stay
cleaner, that way.

John, we better get started.
Oh, hello, Freddie.

Linda, don't forget there's
chicken in the refrigerator.

Oh, don't worry about dinner.
I've got it right here.

Anchovy pizza, with salami.

I'd hate to get a whiff
of your geometry book.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

Oh, Freddie!

Freddie, we've got
studying to do!

Freddie, what's come over you?

I can't live like this
anymore, Linda.

You've got to make up
your mind one way or another.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

We kiss and kiss, for half
the night, and then...nothing!

That could ruin
a fella's health!

- Stop it! Stop!
- No!

I had a talk with
my hygiene teacher about it.

I'm sick of taking
cold showers.

Freddie, what flavor
pizza did you say?

- Huh?
- The pizza. What kind is it?

- Anchovy, why?
- With salami?

Yes, salami.

Why don't we have some,
before it gets cold?

Okay.

No, you don't!
Not this time.

Not again!

What, not again?

- No talking me out of it.
- Freddie, cool it!

What do you think you are?

A Christmas package all tied
up with ribbon or something?

- No! Yes!
- Well, you're not!

Freddie, quit it!

Time out! Personal foul!

Why didn't you say
you were here?

Since when do I have to announce
myself in my own home?

What are you doing, sneaking
up on me, you little sneak?

Sneaking up? I thought
the house was caving in.

What's going on, anyhow?

Freddie's teaching me karate.

Looks like he won
the black belt.

Will you please
go to your room?

Yes, I will please
go to my room. Goodnight.

The volume of a sphere

is equal to the product of
its area, by 1/3rd its radius.

Man, that sounds sexy!

I feel guilty, telling Linda
we're going out to dinner.

Yes. No use upsetting her
while she's studying.

This is it, I guess.

- Hello?
- 'Come in.'

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

I'm Mrs. Kingsley.

And this is Dr. Kingsley.

My name is Miss Hammer.
I hope you'll forgive me.

This is the only time
I get to work out.

I suppose you've come
to talk about Linda?

- Yes.
- And why she's failing in gym?

We can't understand it,
Miss Hammer.

Linda's very healthy.

Oh, she is.

- Too bad you aren't, Doctor.
- I beg your pardon?

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

You have a very
oily hand, doctor.

If I were you,
I'd watch my cholesterol.

I'll do that, thank you.
Um, about Linda..

Fine, young girl.

She must've been
a tower of strength

- during your convalescence.
- My convalescence?

When you were recovering,
from your heart attack.

I never had a heart attack.

Mrs. Kingsley thought you had.

'She signed the excuse.'

- What excuse?
- I have it right here.

I quote..

"Dear Miss Hammer,
please excuse Linda from gym

"for three weeks,
so she can visit her father

who's in the hospital,
due to a heart attack."

John, I never signed
any such thing!

But who did...Oh!

I rest my case.

Miss Hammer, just because
my daughter's a forger

doesn't necessarily
mean she's a liar.

The fact remains she's been
absent 26 times this semester.

- 26?
- On one excuse?

Oh, no! You should
see this collection.

"Please excuse Linda
as her father smashed his car

into a tree."

"Please excuse Linda
as her father suffered

"a broken collar bone

when he was attacked
by a patient."

Here's my favorite.

"Please excuse Linda
as her father is using her

"for LSD experiments

and she doesn't know
who she is in the afternoon."

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it!

I can't believe
you wrote those notes.

- Did you?
- Yes.

What sort of person are you?

I'm just a product
of your and mother's genes.

- Leave me out of this.
- The callousness of it!

"My father smashed his car
into a tree."

It's almost...like
a wish fulfillment.

I ran out of diseases.
I didn't know what to give you.

You gave me enough for a
complete re-run of Dr. Kill Dad.

Really John,
this is beside the point.

The hell it isn't! Not once in
those notes did she cripple you?

Furthermore,
the competition between

mother and daughter
makes you her natural enemy.

John, may we please knock off
all this psychological poop?

All this psychological poop
bought you this house

a mink coat in the closet, Henri
Matisse over your fireplace.

Alright, alright!

- Look, if you two want to--
- Sit right down where you were!

Daddy, instead of all
this talk, punish me.

Take something away from me.

Like what?
I can't find anything!

Please answer the telephone. I'm
anxious to know how Freddie is.

That can't be Freddie
because he just left.

Hello.

Just a minute, Freddie.

I'll take it
in the study, please.

I've got it.

- I've got the answer.
- 'What?'

Hello?
Mother, I have it!

I'm going to take away
something from Linda

that'll be really good for her.

I'm going to take away Freddie.

Oh, Jonathan, taking her car
and her allowance is one thing

but Freddie is her whole life.

That's the point.

Ever since he stamped his
bare footwear into her heart..

...Linda had deteriorated.

Her appearance is slovenly,
her grades are off.

She's been ditching classes
in order to go swimming.

With a pool outside, why do they
have to go to the beach?

Assuming they do go
to the beach.

You're not suggesting
that they--

Alice, the longer a girl
goes steady with a boy

the more liberties
she allows him to take.

Contempt is not the only thing
familiarity breeds.

You don't believe
they go swimming?

I don't know.

There's been an awful lot
of sand in her swimsuit lately.

You don't get sand in your
swimsuit from swimming.

You get it from thrashing
around on the beach.

As you well know.

But what happened
with us was different.

We knew we were going
to be married.

You knew, I didn't.

But you've always trusted Linda.

Your father always trusted you.
Have I made my point?

Shh.

Oh, Linda, darling. Your father
has something to say to you.

We want you to understand
that this is not to be regarded

as punishment, but something
for your own good.

- I understand, punishment.
- No, no, no, it's not.

We just feel..

...that you've been doing
yourself a great injustice

by confining yourself
to just one boy.

We want you to meet
all types of boys.

That's right.
Play the field a little.

You mean you want me
to give up Freddie.

- As a steady diet, yes.
- Okay.

I was going to stop
seeing him anyway.

You were? Why?

Well, he made me a kind
of a proposal.

- Of marriage?
- Don't be silly!

Dr. Fleischer would never give
Freddie permission to marry.

Not at his age!

Well, just what would Freddie
ask him permission for?

Mother, nobody asks
permission to--

Don't say it. I don't
want to hear it.

- How long has this been on?
- Nothing's been going on.

That's Freddie's hang up.

A couple of weeks ago,
he set sort of a deadline.

Either I had to make up
my mind by this Saturday

or he'd find himself a new girl.

Why that, pornographic,
little pizza-pusher!

Why didn't you tell
me this before?

Because I didn't want
to perpetrate a trauma

upon a person who has
a marked neurotic tendency

towards his stereo.

Would you knock off
that psychological poop?

Alright, it's because I didn't
want you to have a heart attack.

Why not? You've got
my note for it.

Get him on the phone
and tell him you're through.

Gee, Daddy, the deadline's
not till Saturday.

Now! If you don't, I will.

Alright, but at least let me
tell him face to face.

Face to face
and ten feet apart.

Yes, Mother.

Are you sure
we're right about this?

I'm a psychiatrist.
It's my business to be right.

Well, you may be a giant
in your office

but once you step
into your own home

you are about as
psychiatrically-oriented

as a plumbing contractor.

I've told you a hundred times,
no doctor can be as objective

with his family, as he
is with his patients.

Why not? There should be some
advantage in being married

to a psychiatrist.

If I'd married a plumber, I'd
at least expect good drainage.

So, we'll have to make
it a clean break.

No dates, no studying.
No calls, no nothing.

We've been grounded.

Well, don't take it like that.
You wrote the rules.

I'm sorry. Goodnight.

Oh, that's sweet.

Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Do you still think
we did the right thing?

Certainly. It will
not only help Linda

but from a purely
selfish view point

with Freddie out
of the picture

I'm finally going to get some
peace and quiet around here.

Parents of the teenager
must not expect their home

constantly to preserve..

...the peace and quiet
of a Buddhist monastery.

On certain occasions, the
household will be in an uproar.

Frighten me, will you?
I'm gonna sting you so good.

Oh, come back here!

But not every damn day!

Oh!

Oh! Hold that!

- Ohh! Hey gang, nourishment.
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Kingsley.

Have you any idea what the
decibel rating is around here?

Well, you told her
to play the field.

These are the noises
that go with it.

- I got you!
- Andy!

Oh, hi. I don't think
you ever met Andy McClaine.

Hi, Dad.
Hi, Mother.

I didn't realize you
brought your folks along.

- Oh, Daddy! Come on, Andy.
- Linda.

- May I have a moment, please?
- I'll be right with you.

- Yes, Daddy?
- I am trying to write a book.

On weekends, I have
to work at home.

Oh, and that's racket
time around here.

I'll get them to smooth
it out a little.

Look, folks.

I know since school's closed
I'm getting on your nerves.

Well, I'd like to do
something about it, really.

Like what?

Well, I thought,
that if I could get away..

...like four or five days.

Like over the fourth
to Catalina with the kids.

With them? I'd rather
put up with the racket.

- Linda, you are too young.
- I'm almost 18!

At 16 Cleopatra ruled Egypt!

Fine. When you get your
own country, you let us know.

Mother!

- Daddy!
- It's simple. You're too young.

Too healthy to go to Catalina
without a chaperone.

But we have a chaperone.

Helen Snider's aunt
is coming along.

She'll be in the house
with us every minute.

- What sort of person is she?
- She's a divine person.

And she has a marvelous
understanding of teenagers.

She ought to. She just
turned 17 last month.

- Oh, you little sneak!
- You're no better.

Trying to pull
a fast one like that.

But she is Helen's aunt.

She happens to be 17
because Helen's grandfather

got married a second time
and had a daughter

by Helen's mother's sister
only five months after--

Forget the family tree
and forget about Catalina.

- But I don't see why.
- Linda.

Good afternoon, Doctor.
Linda.

Good afternoon, Mr. Merrick.

I just dropped by
to discuss Chapter 6.

Family arguments...
and how to avoid them.

All I need this afternoon
is a few of your pithy remarks.

Let's go to work.
Will you listen to that?

- I'd throw them all out.
- Well, it's not your house.

So long as Linda's in the pool
with her friends, it's okay.

- You don't trust her?
- Of course, I trust her.

I just wanna know where she is,
who she's with, when she's home.

I'd call that trust, about
the way we trust Red China.

Hi, man.
This the Doc Kingsley pad?

If you mean do
I live here, yes.

My name is Bartholomew Smuts.
I'm a friend of Linda's.

I'd be disappointed
if you weren't.

Hey, you think it's safe to
leave my motorcycle out there?

Why take a chance?
Bring it in here.

I just don't want anybody
to steal it, daddy bear.

You know there's a lot of
kooks running around.

I hadn't noticed.

Hey, man, that's a pretty
groovy reproduction.

That is no reproduction.
That is an original Matisse.

An original copy, you mean.

Matisse never used a brush
stroke like that in his life.

Where did you buy this phony?

From a patient of mine
who's an art dealer.

That patient's cured, man.
You belong on a couch.

- 'Where's the little mama?'
- Where's the what?

Your daughter, man.
Your daughter.

Look, Mr. Smuts, don't you think
you're a little old for her?

Let's get something
straight, doc.

I didn't come here to marry her.
I'm just interested in her body.

I admire your honesty, it's not
gonna prevent me punching you.

- Stand up!
- Easy, doc, easy.

- You should see a head shrink.
- I am a head shrink! Stand up!

Cool it, daddy bear. You don't
have to worry about Linda.

She's a hard-nosed kid. She
wouldn't even come up to my pad.

You mean your apartment?

What's wrong with an artist
taking interest in his model?

I'm painting her.

How did you happen to meet
Linda, in the first place?

She was waiting for a bus.
I gave her a lift.

Very generous of you.
On that thing?

That thing has a very
generous backseat.

- Just like Linda.
- Look, Smuts.

Why don't you just leave quietly
without my calling the cops?

Daddy, I have a problem.
Oh, Bart! How nice!

I see you've met Daddy.

Yeah, I've met him.
I don't like him.

- You will. Give him a chance.
- Yeah, I grow on people.

- Go to the pool. I'll join you.
- Beautiful.

- Daddy, I have a problem.
- I don't believe it.

- Well, it's mine, really.
- He wants to go home.

That's too bad.
How soon can you leave?

He has to pick his guitar.

- We're having a hootenanny.
- Why am I being consulted?

The problem is, he can't get
his car out of the driveway.

Yeah, doc, I kinda hooked
bumpers with yours.

Let's unhook them.

I kinda smashed your
rear taillight, too.

That's almost impossible to do
without staving in my trunk.

I guess you got the whole
picture now, sir.

Fine, sir. Move ahead!

Keep rockin' it, sir!

Just once more, sir!

Now, back up, hard!

Gosh, sir, I must've shoved it
into forward instead of reverse.

You have insurance, I suppose.

Oh, I will have, sir,
as soon as I get my license.

Chapter 16.

One problem that often arises
is the teenage vacation.

Should you allow your daughter
to go away for a few days

with a group of her friends?

Your first impulse will be
to say, "No, you're too young."

Don't say it.

Demonstrate your trust in her.
By all means, let her go.

Be honest, you were
demonstrating how to get

her friends out of your hair.

Might I remind you,
she satisfied me completely

in the matter of a chaperone.

If that gym teacher can't keep
it in line, nobody can.

Anyway, a little vacation might
be a very good thing for her.

A healthy thing. In the first
place, she'll get some rest.

She'll be breathing fresh,
clean, smoke-free air.

And above all, she'll be
making new friends.

'Forging new relationships.'

'Probably, chaperone.'

Wow!

- 'How about a coffee break?'
- Hm. Malibu.

Paper cups?

The last of our three sets of
china is up in Linda's room.

We can hold out
as long as she can.

Except we're having
the faculty dinner party here

tomorrow night.

Would it be alright if I took
just enough dishes for that?

Certainly not.

After we dirty them I could..

...sneak them back
into her room again.

We're not giving
into Linda over this.

It's a matter of principle.

Buy a new set of dishes.

I knew you'd come up
with the answer.

Incidentally, have you noticed
how quite it's been around here

since she came back
from Catalina.

Yes, whatever happened to all
those poolside parasites?

They've been phoning and Linda
keeps brushing them off.

- She's even turned down dates.
- Strange.

If you think that's strange,
what do you suppose

she is doing right now.

- Reading.
- Not a book.

And what a book. The words
by Jean-Paul Sartre.

The cover is Sartre,
inside is Fanny Hill.

It's Sartre.

Abbey is reading
Fanny Hill.

Abbey, want to have a little
discussion with you

about literature.

Your mother..

Good morning, daddy dear.

Happy day, sister of mine.

Oh, mother,
where's the vacuum?

I'm doing my room.

She's sick.

She's on the verge of
some horrible disease.

What's the matter
with Linda?

She's sick. Get hold
of Dr. Fleischer.

Don't be silly. He gave her
a physical just yesterday

for her college entrance.

Then it's her head.
Daddy, that's your department.

You stay out of this.

I can't stand by
and watch my sister

having a nervous breakdown.

Just stop that,
go to your room.

Alright. But I still
think it's an emergency.

I can't believe the change.

I mean, not over night.

It's perfectly simple.

We treated her like an adult,
she's reacting like an adult.

Sending her to Catalina, was
the wisest decision I ever made.

Two minutes John,
two minutes.

I've a houseful of guests.
No time to put you on the couch.

- Have a drink instead.
- You know, I can't.

- I've ulcer problem.
- Well, sit down. Relax.

On that and slip
another disk?

Uh, come on, just
two minutes. One minute.

- Alright. What is it?
- Well, it's Freddie.

He's gone into
a complete tailspin

ever since Linda
broke off with him.

- Well, he'll find another girl.
- He doesn't want another girl.

He's even stopped
reading Playboy.

- Why won't you let her see him?
- I never said she couldn't.

I just said not
as a steady diet.

What's wrong with
my son as a steady diet?

You want this straight?
Not a doctor to patient.

- But doctor to doctor.
- Go ahead, doctor.

Well, to put it mildly.

Freddie was a very
bad influence on Linda.

My Freddie?

Frankly, the more she saw him,
the more stubborn she became.

Well, frankly since Freddie
started going out with Linda

he stopped combing his hair,
and stopped wearing shoes.

But I didn't try to break them
up just cause Linda's a slob.

What do you mean a slob?

A slob! If he happened to sit
down in her room it was usually

on a piece of pie.

I spent a fortune

sending that kid's
clothes out to be cleaned.

While you were at it

it's too bad you didn't send
his mind out to be cleaned.

What? Just what are
you implying?

Only that your son made
an indecent demand

upon my daughter.

I don't believe it.

Except for his feet,
he's a clean living boy.

What do you know? You spend
the all day long in the office

and at night you're running
around kissing strange women

and catching mononucleosis.

Good evening, doctor.
The guest of honor has arrived.

Merrick.

Do me a favor, tonight.
No jokes.

I was referring to our
illustrious straw boss

the Chancellor
of the University.

- Oh!
- J-John. John.

- Pleased to have you.
- Delightful.

- Good evening, Mrs. Fish.
- How do you do?

- Harvey.
- John.

Glad that you could
make it, Dr. Fish.

Come with me,
I'd like you to meet..

Dr. North, how are you?

If we're going to swing him
to our side, you're in.

Where does he stand now?

He'd like to know
more about you.

That's why I suggested
you throw this cheese dip orgy.

Martini, Dr. Fish?

Oh, well, I might
have one. Weak.

One weak martini,
coming up.

Now, there's
a lovely sight.

- Who is she?
- Well, I--

- That is my daughter, Linda.
- Oh, thank you.

- Charming, isn't she?
- Delightful.

You know, when I see
young people like that

poised and intelligent

then think of the
other young people..

She isn't the one who
was carrying that placard?

That's impossible.

Oh, yes. She was but
she told me she had no idea

what was on that sign.
Not the slightest.

- I believe her.
- Thank you, sir.

'Linda!'

- Linda Kingsley.
- No, Mr. Merrick.

Tonight, I'm someone
entirely different.

I'm sure you are.

What happened to
the blue Jeans and that

chic sweatshirt
you used to wear.

Oh, those I left
them at Catalina.

Mm.

- What went on over there?
- Went on?

Well, people just don't change
over night for no fair reasons.

Something must
have happened.

Something pretty
interesting.

Interesting, exciting
and terribly wonderful.

Would you care to confide in
an older man, me, for instance.

Please, sir.

Would you care to dance with
an older man? Me, for instance.

Among a man's greatest assets
are a beautiful wife

and a lovely daughter. I'd say
you had a real head start.

I'm glad you think so, sir.

Now, about the new
psychiatric wing..

John!

I believe you're
being paged.

Excuse me.

What is it now. herb?

You can't make a statement like
that, and then walk away.

Statement like what?

- Well, you accused my--
- Shh.

Just what do you imply
by an indecent demand?

Herb, for the love of..

I want to know what do you
imply by an indecent demand?

Doctor to doctor,
the works.

If he said anything like that,
then she led him on.

What are you implying by
"she led him on?"

My son is an innocent,
which is more than

I can say for your daughter.

Go on implying.
But keep your guard on.

Doctor to doctor, you better
know something, doctor.

Like what?

Well, I concluded
her medical yesterday

and to put it on medically

your daughter no longer
qualifies as a spinster.

Do you mean precisely
what I think you mean?

- Precisely.
- Get out of my house.

- Out of my sight.
- Have you lost your mind?

Out!

You may be a psychiatrist

but your attitude
is completely unprofessional.

Go on, you,
general practitioner.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

I'm glad they passed Medicare.

Did he say, he was sure?

In a case like this,
how can he be unsure?

It's like the mumps.

Either you have it
or you don't.

But Linda, our Linda.

How did it happen?
When? Where?

Don't forget who.

Catalina. That's when
it happened.

The weekend that we..

Now, don't panic.
Don't panic.

Gotta keep our heads
and think clearly.

That isn't going to help.

I'm a psychiatrist,
don't tell me what helps.

You always said that
liquor was just a crutch.

Right now, I could
use a wheelchair.

Hold it. Hold everything.

How'd we jump into conclusions?

- Hello.
- Jump then.

It's medically possible that her
condition or lack of condition

could be the result of physical
activity entirely unrelated to

social hanky-panky.

Of course, she could be
entirely innocent.

Yes, in our panic, we overlooked
the way we raised Linda.

How she may be noisy, a bad
student, a dangerous driver

a liar, a forger and a slob.

But I'll bet my right arm,
she's virtuous.

Smuts!

And don't forget, he gave her
a ride on your back seat.

Well, that hairy ape
is headed for the party.

- Maybe Linda invited him.
- I'll go uninvite him.

Hey, Linda.

Barth, for heaven's sakes,
what are you doing here?

Hey, look at you.

I finished the painting.

Thought you might
like to see it.

- Yes, but not right now.
- I don't need it.

John, you better make
the best of it.

The Chancellor's watching.

What do you think
you're doing?

Picture of Linda.
I'm giving a one man show, man.

Get it on the road.

- John, people are beginning--
- Out. Before I throw you out.

John, please.
Lets make the best of this.

Ah, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Mr. Bartholmew Smuts,
a friend of Linda's.

Well, he's not really a friend,
uh, he's an artist

and he's going to show you
a sample of his work

a portrait of our daughter.

I call it, Linda
as I knew her, a study.

Ta-da-da!

It's a lie. It's a lie.

Linda never posed for a thing
like this in her whole life.

- Did you?
- Yes, I did but--

- I say, you didn't.
- Okay--

Donno where you got this.
It's not my daughter.

You don't think
it looks like her?

- No!
- Yup. That's Linda, alright.

- Go to your room.
- I thought you'd buy it.

An original, original instead
of that phony copy in there.

Buy that-that oversized
dirty postcard?

Get it out of here before
we call the vice squad.

It's a masterpiece.
I'll let it go for 50 bucks.

I'll mail you a check.
It'll be worth it.

Just for the pleasure
for setting it on fire.

Just for that, it's withdrawn
from the market.

You leave it here.

Nobody sets fire to an original
Smuts. The painting goes.

- Stays.
- I say it goes.

Stays!

'A-ah!'

- Harvey, quick.
- 'Oh, no, no.'

Great baboon.
Why did you let go of it.

Doctor, swim.
Up the ladder.

Just another minute, Dr. Fish.
You'll be nice and dry.

As I was, upon my arrival.

Elliot, I hope you're not gonna
let this little mishap

influence you in any way.

Why should it? I often take a
refreshing dip off in evening.

But I must admit,
I have rarely been beaten

over the head
with the nude.

I did not pose in the nude.
I was wearing a bikini.

Why's the painting in the nude?

I don't know. May be he
thought I'd be more saleable.

That's a better excuse than
your gas pedal getting stuck.

It's no excuse. Didn't you know
that something was missing?

From where I viewed it, there
was absolutely nothing missing.

I'll tell you
what was missing.

- My birth mark.
- Now, what does that prove?

Barth's a realist. If he
would've seen the birth mark

he would have painted it in.

But he didn't see it because
I was wearing my bikini.

He saw the bikini.
Why didn't he paint that?

Daddy, you're not mad at me
because of the painting.

You're mad because
it happened in front of

the Chancellor and you may blow
your whole psychiatric wing.

Don't talk like that,
young lady.

I'm not your young lady.
I'm old enough to..

According to Dr. Fleischer,
you're not only old enough.

You already have.

So, he told you.
The old blabber mouth.

You're being pretty casual.

What should I be? Hysterical
because I'm finally a woman?

How do you talk like that after
the way we've raised you?

Oh, come on. You've always told
me to be a participant

and not a viewer.

Who was it? Smuts?

I'll pull his beard out
hair by hair.

What does it matter
who it was? It's done.

I'm in love.

What do you know about love?
You're a child.

Some people don't think so.

Linda, I give you
one more chance.

- Who was it?
- I won't tell you.

I won't. I won't.

Linda...for the last time.

Who was the man?

I'm in love. Can't you
understand that?

I saved myself like
a Christmas package

all tied up with ribbon.

Well, dammit, I'm here
to find out who untied you.

Boy, this beats the bejaggers
out of Fanny Hill.

Abbey, your father's
trying to sleep.

Sleep it off, you mean?

He was very upset last night.

I know. If my daughter wouldn't
tell me who untied her

and if I'd dumped
the Chancellor in the pool

- I'll get loaded myself.
- Oh, go, read your book.

Not that book. And stay away
from the hi-fi.

Wow! Did you hang one
on last night?

Abbey, please, whisper.

No, just move your mouth.
I read lips.

I heard somewhere that if you
take tomato juice and beer

and drop a raw egg in it that..

Daddy, if it'll make you
feel any better

you don't have
to worry about me.

I'm gonna stay an old maid
and live with you

for the rest of my life.

That makes my day.

- John, you're awake.
- I am. That's interesting.

Boy, he hasn't been
this hung-over

since the psychiatrist
convention.

Abbey, don't talk that way
about your father.

- I told you he's all on edge.
- I don't know why.

Linda's lost it
and that's that.

Abbey! Oh..

Boy, you haven't been
this hung-over

since the psychiatrist
convention.

Alice, please don't
try to be funny.

If you remember
you have Merrick coming over.

Oh!

What are we gonna do?

First, we find out
which boy it was.

Is that so important?

Well, I mean, isn't it
kind of old-fashioned?

No, it's not old-fashioned.

Anymore than having
a baby is old-fashioned.

We may have to know.

Are you suggesting
that she may be..

Oh, no.

Are you suggesting that she
possibly isn't? Oh, no.

You mean, you found more?

I forgot to look
under the bed.

I can't get over it.

Linda Kingsley breaking
the filth barrier.

- It isn't Kingsley anymore.
- Huh?

Abbey, I'm going
to tell you something.

Something so important
that if you ever read a--

What what? No, no,
don't tell me.

I'm a compulsive stool pigeon.

Oh, you're not. You're my sister
and I can trust you.

You can?

Abbey, I'm married.

- No.
- Yes.

- Married?
- Abbey, ssh!

Oh, Linda, how wonderful!

What's it like,
being married?

You just said it,
it's wonderful.

But that doesn't mean you're
going to leave home, does it?

- As soon as I can, yes.
- I'm going to miss you.

Well, you can always
come and visit me.

If you promise to keep
your room clean.

Linda, you haven't told me.
Who's the boy?

- The pizza pusher.
- 'What?'

Freddie. I'll bet
that's who it is.

- Oh, I don't think so.
- Why not?

He's still playing tabs,
I heard in this morning.

I don't think it's normal for a
boy to play tabs right after he

after he, it's not normal.

Playing tabs might be a blind,
just to throw us off the sin.

And he did go to Catalina.

There must have been hundreds
of boys over there. Thousands!

Do you think we'll ever find
out, which one it was.

No unless we dust of his
fingerprints.

Alice, we've got
to do this thing.

Scientifically and
psychoanalytically.

Now, who are the prime suspects?

The first trumpet, Freddie,
there's auto wrecker, Andy

motor cycle maniac, Smuts.

If it's Smuts,
I'll kill myself.

Try to find their
phone numbers.

I want to see these
three boys together.

The gathering of the suspects.
It's right out of Perry Mason.

Group therapy. I want
interaction among these boys.

They'll all deny it.

If I handle it right, one of
them is bound to make a slip.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You know who I just
had a call from?

- The cops.
- Your father.

My father? He must be feeling
sicker than I thought.

Entree.

- Hi, Andy.
- 'Hi, Abbey.'

I was just starting for the
beach. Your father called.

Boy, he really flipped out.

Entree.

- 'Hi, Andy.'
- Hi.

Hello, boys.

- Mrs. Kingsley.
- Mrs. Kingsley.

Why don't you just
sit down, over there

and the doctor
will be right with you.

Abbey, go take a swim.

- But I just had a swim.
- Go take another one.

E-e..

Did you just look at that?

Only an idiot will drive
one of those things!

Oh, no. I used to
ride one myself.

Well.

If he chews up that flower bed
again, I'll yank out his spokes.

Huh. That's better.

Dangerous place for
a thing like that, lady.

Somebody could get hurt.

I'll move that into
the cloak closet. Come on.

- You take that back.
- Take what back?

- That last crack.
- Why should I? It's true.

Boys, boys.
What's the problem?

Nobody puts down Linda
in front of me.

You freaked out or something?
I was building her up.

I said, "Linda kisses
very sweetly."

You did not! You said
it was like slurping

into a Boston cream pie.

Oh, alright. I'm sure
he meant it in a nice way.

Didn't you?

Well, how else?

You see? There's nothing wrong
with Boston cream pie.

- Hi there, fellas.
- Hello, sir.

Make yourselves comfortable.
Please sit down. Over there.

- Thanks for the check.
- Oh, for the painting, yes.

You didn't have to send it
special messenger.

I wanted to make it
quite sure you got it.

I showed your signature
to a handwriting expert.

- You did?
- He says you're insecure.

Oh. Well, I suppose you're all
wondering why I called you here.

Hey, that sounds like
right out of Perry Mason.

Would you please
keep your big mouth..

- Yes, Perry Mason, of course.
- Hey, where's Linda?

This discussion has
nothing to do with Linda.

- She's up in her room.
- Her room?

Her dog shouldn't live in that
room. It's all pies.

- Have you been in Linda's room?
- Uh-uh.

Abbey, showed me
a picture she took of it.

She was gonna send it to
Better Homes and Gardens.

You still haven't said
what this is all about.

Oh, yes. Now, as you probably
know, I'm writing a book.

Could you please
get to the point?

It'll be dark before
I get back from the beach..

and I don't have headlights
since I kinda

scratched your car.

And now you're
driving without lights?

I don't do much
driving at nights.

Personally,
I'm more of a parker.

I see.

Well, as I was saying,
I've been working on this book.

And there's one chapter that
deals with a teenage boy

and his attitude towards sex.

'And I thought I'd be able to
pick up a little'

'first hand information.'

You gotta be kidding?
Teenager? I'm 25.

Well, perhaps,
you can remember some things.

If you write what I remember,
you'll be arrested.

- Shall we go on?
- 'Yeah, let's get on.'

Thank you.

We'll start with,
with you, Freddie.

Freddie, when was your first..

What's your first experience?

- You mean with girls?
- 'Yes.'

Well, it's, it's kinda hard
to say, really. It's..

...it's been so long.

'How long?'

Well, let me see now.

Like a year ago,
two years ago?

Well, um..

- How about next week?
- If he get's lucky.

Why don't you knock it off?

If you're such a swinger,
how come you asked Ed Garvey

about some girl
who might be willing?

- How do you know that?
- He told me.

Eh, what girl
did he suggest?

Your sister.

- That's a dirty lie.
- Break it up. Oh!

Look what you did
to the old doctor.

- Ah, I'm sorry, sir.
- Are you alright?

Don't touch me.
Yes I'm fine. I just..

...not in very good condition
for this sorta discussions.

Phew! Now where were we?

He just said
that his sister--

- You shut your mouth!
- No, no, no, no. Oh!

You've hurt
the old doc again.

Gee doc, I wish you
wouldn't interfere so much.

This could get serious.

Serious? It's just getting
monotonous, that's all.

Wouldn't try to protect
him doc if he knew

how many times he tried to get
your daughter up to his pad.

- You did what?
- Cool it, daddy bear. Cool it.

It's your own fault. If you'd
allowed her to go with me

there would've been
nothing to worry about.

You made an indecent proposal
to her in the first place.

You should be flattered. If she
was a dog I wouldn't bother.

Oh, What sort of depraved kids
have your parents raised?

What are you so flipped
about doc?

Linda's my daughter,
that's what I'm flipped about.

Everybody's somebody's daughter.
Including Mrs. Kingsley.

Don't tell me you never
tried to score with her.

- Score? With Alice?
- Somebody called me?

Out, out, out.

Now let's just keep our heads.

I'm gonna conduct
a little experiment in..

...free association. You all
heard of free association?

Yeah.

I'm going to ask you
a simple question.

And you answer the first thing
that comes into your heads.

Don't think just answer,
like that. Understand?

- Right.
- Sit over there.

- Yeah.
- Right.

Black?

White.

Day?

Night.

- Who did it?
- One of them.

- He did.
- Why you..

No, no, no.

Hey, Andy, stop it.
Stop it, stop it.

Hey, what you doing doc?

Get off, get off my lap.

What's going on?

- Stop it.
- Stop it boys.

- Where's daddy?
- Huh?

The doctor, what have
you done with him?

Look, he's lying down.

- Jonathan, oh, John. John dear.
- Excuse me.

- I'm late for trumpet lesson.
- Me too.

Like your friend
said he's real insecure.

Has he been
drinking again?

Simply not, how dare
you suggest such a thing?

He's coming to..

- Oh!
- Doc, are you alright?

- Never better. Oh!
- That's better, come on.

- Daddy who hit you?
- Everybody. Ooh.

But why in heavens name? Why?

Your father was merely
trying to discover

which one is responsible
for your predicament.

My..

Daddy, how could you do
such a revolting thing?

What's revolting
about it?

It-it's-it's sneaky
and dishonest

it's-it's
positively indecent.

Look whose talking
about decency.

What about your behavior?
That's what I call indecent.

She is not indecent,
she's married.

I did it, I did it.
Oh I told you I was compulsive.

Married? How could you
be married?

- It's not difficult, just--
- You mean..

You married without telling
your mother and me?

I'm sorry, I-I didn't want you
to find out this way.

What I really--

How'd you get a license without
our consent? You're under age.

We left Catalina
and flew to Las Vegas.

You and who flew there?

If I told you,
you'd have it annulled.

Your damn right I'll have
it annulled. Who was it?

I won't tell you so
don't bother to ask.

Linda, I think you oughta
reconsider in this..

I actually side with
your father in this, I--

I don't care
what side you're on, no!

They've records in the Nevada.

All I've gotta do is make
a call to find out.

You can't. We got married
under assumed names.

Why didn't you mind your
own damn business?

John?

John, didn't you
have enough last night?

Last night I
was just beginning.

'Hello.'

Hello!

I have been holding on.

Alright, then switch me to
the bureau of vital statistics.

You've connected me
with everybody else in Nevada

except a blackjack
dealer in Reno.

- What's that?
- For what ails you.

And what ails you
is two hangovers in one day.

I can't understand why you
started drinking again.

My mistake was not
starting drinking again

it was getting
sober again. Hello.

Now look,
I am Dr. Kingsley

and I'm gonna give you
this just one more time.

Somewhere between the forth
and the eighth of July

my daughter was married.

He said congratulations.

My daugh--

My daughter was married.

Without my consent
and under an assumed name.

No I don't know
what assume name?

If I did, why
would I be asking?

Forget it, forget it.

Her real name
is Linda Kingsley.

She's very pretty. Five..

'Five six. Brown hair.'

No, I don't know, what
the fellow looks like. Hold it.

Has anyone up there been
married lately with a beard?

No he's not a Rabbi.

Look, who am I talking to?

Oh, why the hell
didn't you say so?

The Bureau of Vitals Statistic
is closed on Saturday.

- That was the janitor.
- If I were you--

If you were me, Jonathan,
you'd have a hangover.

You'd want to be left alone
in your misery. Thank you.

O-oh!

Who is it?

'It's me.'

Ah, just a minute.

Linda, I want
to talk to you.

There is no use asking
me who he is.

I won't tell you.

For the moment
let's forget him.

I want to know
who you are?

I don't recognize
you any more.

If you mean, I'm no longer
a child, you're right.

You're only seventeen.

I'll be eighteen next month.

Your age when
you married daddy.

That was entirely different.

Our marriage didn't
happen this way.

I'd have given anything if mine
hadn't happen this way either.

But it did.

Do you think that
your father and I

deserve to be treated this way?

Why is it when ever someone
tries to live her own life

she's suddenly
miss treating her parents.

All I want is
what you have.

What I have is a son-in-law,
who's name I don't even know.

You have everything.

You have a-a husband
who loves you.

A home, a family, a position in
the community, the whole works.

- What have I got? Nothing!
- Nothing?

Your father and I
have given you everything.

I'm just a boarder
in this house

with an allowance you pull
in and out, like a yo-yo.

You've a lot of nerve
to talk that way.

Mother whenever your
stuck for an answer

you'll pull rank on me.

I know the answer,
you are a spoilt, selfish brat..

...who doesn't care
that much who she hurts.

That's the answer.

Hey, mom, what's
got you scared?

Is it that I'm growing up?

Which means
you're getting older?

Well, that happens
to everybody mom.

Sooner or later,
every women in the world

with a daughter my age turn
out to be a grandmother.

And there's not a thing
we can do about it.

Believe me.

Oh!

Grandmother.

Grandmother.

Alice, for pete's sake.

It's 2 o'clock
in the afternoon.

Wait till you
see me at 4:30.

Do you have to go?
Really have to?

- I think it might be better.
- Not for me.

I've got a awful
bad feeling, Linda.

Like nothing will
ever be the same.

Like maybe when you walk out,
I'll never see you again.

I'm not being shot into
outer space you know.

I'll be just a couple
a blocks from here.

Now stop worrying.

I'll call you tomorrow
as soon as I can, okay?

Good night, bunny face.

What is this
supposed to mean?

What it looks
like I guess.

I found a little apartment
over on 8th street

this afternoon near
the campus.

You can stop me of course,
I realize that.

But I don't think you should.

I don't think you will.

Eighth street?

A swimming pool right
outside the door

and she's gonna
live over some..

...acid shop.

It's not that kind of a
neighborhood, it's just..

...inexpensive.

You'll need some
money I suppose I..

I'll make it a check.

I have what Aunt Aggie left me,
that'll do for ages.

Well, at least until
my 18th birthday.

Mom..

Try to forgive me
for what I said before.

I didn't mean it to hurt.

You're not old. I am.

Goodbye.

We've lost her.

- What did we do wrong?
- And what did I do right?

Honey?

Daddy?

Linda, said I could
have her room.

And I thought that..

If I slept in here that..

Maybe we all
wouldn't miss her so much.

Sweet dreams, kitten.

The subject for discussion,
madam, gentlemen

is the new head of
the psychiatric wing.

You have before you
a brief biography

of a possible appointee,
Dr. Jonathan Kingsley.

I have read it
with interest, Dean Rockwell.

But I fail to notice any mention
of his free-speaking daughter

being arrested
at our recent campus riot.

- I felt it was irrelevant.
- Oh, you did?

Incidentally, does anyone
happen to know

the word on
that placard?

Yes, it was..

Jonathan Kingsley, was not
carrying that placard, doctor.

His daughter was.

Does anyone here happen to know
Dr. Kingsley personally?

- I do.
- Yes.

Weren't you his dinner guest
just a few evenings ago?

- Yes.
- Yes.

Seems to me I heard a rumor
about that evening, Dean.

Didn't he knock you
in the pool?

There's a example about
the truth can be twisted.

No! he did not knock me
into the pool.

He knocked the chancellor
into the pool.

I suppose,
I should explain that.

Try.

Hello.

Oh, Linda, I'm glad
you called, you better..

It's for me mother.

'Okay Abbey.'

You better get right over
here, something's happening.

What?

'Mr. Merrick's coming,
he's got the whole scam.'

Abby, you're not making
sense, scam about what?

He just called daddy and told
him. He knows who you married.

'He said he'd bring your husband
here at 3 o'clock.'

It's 3 o'clock now.

Abbey! Abbey!

Hey, Abbey!

- Oh!
- Go to your room.

- Um, but daddy.
- Your room, your room.

What are you doing here?

With your kind permission,
I'll come in.

Thank you.

What do you want now?

I don't take cash for something
I don't really deliver.

So I painted another one.

Ta-da-ta!

I think it's improved,
don't you?

Get that thing
outta here.

Wait a minute.
The birth mark.

- What?
- Linda's birth mark.

When did you paint this?

Last night
and this morning, why?

Did Linda pose for it?

I haven't seen
Linda since the party.

I paint strictly
from memory.

Then how do you account
for the birth mark?

- Where?
- Right there!

That's no birth mark.

I was eating a hot dog, I must
have dribbled a little mustard.

Well, I'm gonna dribble
you right now. Right now!

How would I know
about Linda's birth mark?

You're the one who sneakedher
out and married her that's how.

You put your cold, daddy bear,
only because of the beard.

You, realize that girl's
under age, a minor?

Do you know what the law
is on a thing like this?

Let go! Let go!

- John, for heaven sake, John.
- You could do ten years.

Keep that freak away,
he's blown his mind.

- Doc, easy.
- You stay outta this.

Come on doc.

Dad, what
are you doing?

I'm having a nice conversation
with your husband.

- He's not my husband.
- He didn't marry, Linda, I did.

That's what I came
to tell you.

I'd like everybody
to remain calm, doctor.

I'm perfectly calm,
Merrick, I'm calm as I am.

- I'm gonna bash your face..
- No!

Daddy, I'm in love with him.
And he loves me.

I'm sorry, you had
to find out this way.

Why is it a secret?

I was afraid daddy might
do something silly

like throw Richard out
before the book was finished.

Richard.

I would've preferred smuts.

Daddy, I love Richard.

This isn't something
that happened over night

on Catalina it's
been going on a long time.

You Catalina her
over the fall?

Of course.

What is this country coming to?

Doesn't anybody stay
home anymore and..

...hang out a flag?

Look, ah, nobody's
said it yet, so..

...let me be the first,
congratulations.

The janitor said it first.

Daddy, if you don't stop this--

Easy, honey. Your father
has every right to be upset.

After all, what am I?

I could answer that but
there are ladies present.

- If this is the way it'll be.
- He asked , I didn't.

Well, then let me answer
it, he's my husband.

- 'Honey..'
- And I'm his wife.

And if you somehow
have this marriage annulled

it wont do any good because,
I'll go live with him.

Is that a good enough answer?

Hey, Linda! Wait!

John, John,
get her back.

Honey, listen.

I don't wanna talk
about it, please.

Linda, Linda,
come back.

Linda, we love you.

Linda, we-we even
love Merrick, we love him.

You hear that?
He loves me.

- Do you mean it?
- I mean it, now stop the car.

Oh, daddy.

Daddy!

What have I said wrong now?

The gas paddle,
it's stuck.

She was telling the truth.

Andy! get that heap outta here.

Yes, sir.

Man, I hope I don't do
that on my drivers test.

Hey, wait for me.

John, no! John!

Hey, what are you doing?
Bring that back. Hey!

- Aw!
- Keep your feet up.

Get 'em down.

Where is she?
We've lost her.

Get out of the way.
Get out of the way.

She's behind us.

Linda, turn of the ignition.

What?

The ignition.
Turn it off.

Hang on!

Good to know he has
a firm grip on reality.

The key! Turn the key!

The key, well
why didn't he say so.

'Daddy!'

Richard!

Are you hurt?

Okay, I'm okay.

- You okay? Okay.
- Yes, I'm okay.

- Merrick, okay?
- Oaky, you?

- Okay.
- I guess everybody's okay.

Uncle, Harvey.

Madam, gentlemen..

Permit me to introduce
the man you have just chosen

to head the psychiatric wing.

Don't say it. I resign.

To a happy, happy day.
I mean it.

Thank you, daddy.

There's only
one thing wrong.

A psychiatric wing.

It's a shame after
you've worked so hard.

Oh, forget it,
look at it this way..

I've not lost a psycho wing..

I've gained a psycho son.

- Daddy!
- No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

- Hello, is anybody home?
- Harvey, come on in.

- We're celebrating.
- Hi, uncle Harvey.

You should, you just
got five new patients.

Five new ones? Who?

The board they refused
to accept your resignation.

- Daddy!
- What?

I took them back and read 'em
the first two chapters

of your new book and they
decided you were the man.

John, it's a miracle.

It certainly is, since I never
sent it in the first place.

How'd I get it?
Somebody put it on my desk.

I never sent it.
Did you?

Not I.

- 'Linda?'
- 'Uh-uh.'

Well, then who'd..

You?

I figured you had
nothing to lose.

Oh, darling!
Oh you're a genius.

Admit it now, isn't he
an absolute genius?

Well, that's a matter of taste.

Anyway, here's to
the genius and his bride.

- Merrick, I mean, uh, son.
- Thank you. sir.

Just call me, daddy bear.

Linda kitten.

This is the first time
you ever offered me a drink

Might as well you've
done everything else.

- John!
- Oh, sorry, just another joke.

Well, here's to us all.

Thank god our troubles are over.

Hi everybody. Hinkie and I
are going up stairs to study .

The hell you are.

The Impossible years

For you not for me

The Impossible years

If you would only see

There ain't nothing
you can do to change me

You don't have
to rearrange me

Oh don't you understand