Original subtitles

Whoa.

Drop the stick.

Who are you? How did you find this place?

Matthew.

For heaven's sake, why the hood?

Uh, you can never be too sure.

You should have sent word so we would be prepared.

I thought the point was people weren't supposed to find out where she was.

Zee has people who sneak letters in and out.

You know that.

Etienna, who is it? What's happening?

An impromptu guest, my lady.

Mary.

- Matthew. - Mary.

I hope this isn't an inconvenient time.

No.

Still unusually pleasant to look at.

I see your eyesight is starting to go.

All right. Inside, both of you.

It's getting cold.

The others will never forgive me if I let you catch your death.

Come.

Careful. It's very dark.

Watch where you step.

I can't believe you came all this way, Matthew.

With the danger.

And at your age.

Our age.

- It was important. - Mm-hm.

- Mary, I finished it. - Hmm?

- The book? - I couldn't risk sending it by courier.

I wanted you to be the first one to read it. Please.

And I want to hear your thoughts. I had to be here for it.

I can't believe it.

Oh.

You worked so hard and for so long.

This will be a treasure for all time.

I'm here to see about that.

It will outlive us. We know that much.

I know I'm right.

Over by the fire, you two. We've got to warm you up.

- Ah, yes. - Mm.

- Welcome. - Thank you.

Mary.

Before we say anything further, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

I've gotten used to that.

This I could have sent word of,

but I thought, since I was coming here to see you,

I would tell you in person.

Who is it?

Little James.

How did it happen? Where?

- Mary, you... - No, I want to know. I can handle it.

Tell me.

Lower Egypt.

King Hyrcanus had him run through with a spear.

What about Onya and the girls?

- Mercifully, they were not there to see it. - Thanks be to God.

Zee's men are moving them to stay with Nympha and her husband at Colossae.

- Paul's been sending letters to the church there. - They should be safe there.

I'll send a letter to Onya.

What would you say to her?

He's not suffering anymore.

He was in pain his entire life...

and he so rarely complained.

Yes.

- Thank you, Etienna. - Delicious.

I'm going to stay up all night and read your manuscript.

I want to relive it all.

Even the hard parts.

Is something wrong?

That is why you came, isn't it?

No. It is.

It's just something I noticed.

My desk?

I write letters there.

I apologize. I don't mean to pry.

I just noticed as I passed by, those scraps don't look like letters.

You read them?

No. No, no, no, Mary I would never.

I just...

The pieces sitting there struck me as odd.

Matthew, let me read your volume.

Don't busy yourself with my scribblings.

I'm sure they're more substantial than scribblings.

- Why are we talking about this? - Parchment is expensive.

You live in a cave on a mountainside far from merchants or civilization.

No one in your position or mine wastes paper.

It's true. I'm not wasteful.

Mary, I value your thoughts and I am eager to hear them all.

Will you allow me?

Mm.

It's fine.

You know I'm here for you, now and always.

I've been having dreams lately.

About some of the darker times.

In my life and his...

and others among us.

I wanted to write them down so I don't forget...

trying to...

assemble them into something.

I don't know. Just for me.

- No one else. - I understand.

I'm sorry to have pried.

I would only want you to share if you felt comfortable sharing. Hmm?

Perhaps I can share them with you.

My oldest friend.

♪ Oh, child, come on in Jump in the water ♪

♪ Got no trouble with the mess you been ♪

♪ Walk on the water, ooh ♪

♪ You walk on the water, ooh ♪

♪ You walk on the water ♪

♪ Oh, child ♪

♪ You walk on the water ♪

♪ Got no trouble ♪

♪ You walk on the water ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Walk on the water ♪

Oh, thank you.

Maybe just this other arm. There.

This is heavy. Want me to take some?

A little bit. I took stuff out. It's okay.

- Okay. - Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

- Okay. - Thank you.

- Here you go. - Thank you, Zee. Hmm.

James. I made this for you. For the journey today.

It'll be stronger than the one you had before.

You fought bravely yesterday when they came to arrest him.

Didn't even hesitate.

We were never going to let that happen.

What about me? Do I get a walking stick?

Are you badly injured?

- Just joking. - This isn't a day for jokes.

It remains to be seen. We'll either sit shiva or we won't.

- Is everyone checked out of their rooms? - Yes.

- Judas, you paid the innkeeper? - Yes, Rabbi.

- We're ready, master. - Hmm.

All right. Let's not waste any more time.

Please.

I was thinking about what you said.

Thank you, by the way.

What?

The new sandals.

I didn't realize how uncomfortable the expensive ones were.

I'm actually looking forward to the walk today.

That makes one of us.

So, what did you mean last night about going to Lazarus?

- I said what I said. - "That we may die with him"?

If we go back into Judea and they kill us, like they tried to yesterday...

then that is God's will.

And if it's God's will for us to die with Jesus, at least I won't have to feel anything anymore.

That's what I thought you meant.

Thomas, in our faith, it's generally frowned upon to wish for one's own death.

In the final words of the last Book of Moses,

God says that if it is between "life and death, blessing and curse..."

we should "choose life."

I wonder what that means when one doesn't have the choice.

I'm just saying you should hope to live.

It's the nature of life itself, John.

That's what everyone has been saying for weeks.

Only time differentiates one from the other.

We are in the middle of remarkably unusual circumstances, Thomas.

No, John, this isn't an unusual circumstance.

We have been forced to accept that death is a part of life.

Water?

Uh, I'm good. Thanks.

Peter.

Last night my mind was cloudy from being hit in the head.

- Did I say something about Jairus' daughter? - Keep your voice low.

I did.

Maybe it doesn't matter now.

Lazarus is dead.

Jesus said he's going to wake him and we both know what that means.

What that can mean. Yeah.

Jesus said he was glad that he wasn't there to prevent Lazarus' death,

that whatever's about to happen next will be his will,

which means we have nothing to fear.

You make it sound so simple. Hmm?

Pain has a way of flattening things.

What was it like before I got here?

Quieter.

You mean I talk too much.

Sometimes.

But I meant we were relatively unknown.

There was no fame...

or infamy.

No one had even tried to stone us yet.

That wasn't all your fault.

Well, if it's not me...

has something gone wrong?

I believe it has, Judas.

Lazarus is dead.

That's what I mean.

We're on the way to our third shiva in less than a year.

And?

He's the Messiah.

Shouldn't we be winning, not losing constantly?

This stumbling around in sackcloths and ashes all the time...

hardly looks like glory.

Hey.

Only Jesus knows what true glory looks like.

It certainly can't be this.

Perhaps.

"We'll sit shiva or we won't."

Weren't you the one who read the letter saying Lazarus is dead?

Yes.

But then there's what Jesus said after.

"Asleep. Awaken."

Are you familiar with the Song of David? "How long, O Lord"?

I've heard the first few lines. I don't have that one memorized.

Oh, Mary.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, but it's a good one to commit to memory.

Aren't they all?

Well, it starts with these big questions.

"How long, O Lord?"

Have you forgotten me forever?

"How long will you hide your face from me?"

Been there.

But it ends with acceptance and even praise.

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart will rejoice in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord because He has dealt bountifully with me."

Done that.

Although not very pretty.

But in the middle, there's this line.

"Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes,

lest I sleep the sleep of death."

Sleep and death.

Sometimes they're used interchangeably.

It appears only God knows the difference.

Hmm.

Does that answer your question about why I said, "We'll sit shiva or we won't"?

You know, before we went on our missions,

I asked Jesus about the irony of giving me the ability to heal others

while still bearing the burden of my limp.

Did he answer?

- He explained some of it, and it was beautiful. - Mm.

That doesn't mean that I'm not still in pain.

The pangs were already getting steadily worse even before what happened yesterday.

And...

I don't know. I guess what I'm getting at is...

if Jesus wakes Lazarus from his sleep...

won't that just present even bigger questions than the one that I've wrestled with?

Of course, it will.

And we'll deal with them then. There's no use agonizing about it now.

Is all of this what you expected?

Little James, I...

I wouldn't wish what I went through on anybody, but...

being lost to myself all those years means that I never expected anything.

Except darkness.

Constant shadow.

Screeches in the night.

Strange voices.

Even the daylight felt dark,

with only these rare moments where flecks of light would shine through.

And now it's flipped.

Ever since he called my name, everything has been light, more or less...

with the occasional moments of darkness that hurt just as much as before,

only now they're the exception and not the rule.

I've had so much practice with grief...

and loss.

Unanswerable questions.

Now I'm just grateful...

for the light.

I'm not special, of course. Please understand. This is not an enviable perspective to have.

- It's been gained only by torment. - Hmm.

Well.

I wish that my own torment would grant me

the same level of acceptance and wisdom that you found.

I still have a long way to go.

And you have grown.

I've known you and Thaddeus the longest,

ever since that first Shabbat in my tiny apartment when I had no idea what I was doing.

Well, to be fair, neither did Thaddeus and I, so...

I could tell.

None of us could have dreamed where all of this was headed.

We still can't.

Still.

Arnán.

Martha, may Adonai comfort you, together with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

This earth is a worse place without him. He was taken from us far too soon.

Mary, this is Arnán from Jerusalem.

An old business partner of my brother's.

The golden age of construction in the holy city has ended with the death of Lazarus.

Truly, there was no greater ironsmith in all of the land.

He was like family and the beloved friend of my son's.

He was beloved by all.

- Oh, Jabez. - Arnán.

Our family lawyer.

- Is everything in order? - As you would expect from Lazarus.

Martha, you and your sister will be well taken care of.

His property, assets, and all the money will pass directly to you

with a special clause that the resources be used,

in part to include the ongoing protection and care of one Mary,

daughter of Joachim of Nazareth.

Lazarus never said anything.

Why does it not surprise me that Lazarus is friends with people from Nazareth?

- He was never elitist, Arnán. - We grew up there.

Well, I apologize, sisters. I meant no disrespect by that comment.

Martha, most of the money is in the bank, but there is some in the safe

in the back of the office...

Can we do this later?

Certainly, if you need anything in the short term.

Oh, and as I was arriving to your house,

Nephtali told me to tell you there is a group approaching Bethany to see Lazarus.

- How many? - He said over ten, coming from the Jordan.

And he said, "Tell her he is coming."

He? Who is "he"?

Lord, if you had been here...

my brother would not have died.

- Martha... - I'm trying not to be angry

you didn't come sooner, Lord.

I'm just...

Confused.

And devastated.

I understand.

But even now I know...

whatever you ask from God...

God will give you.

- My child... - Right?

Whatever it is to give us hope or relief...

I know you can.

Your brother will rise again.

I know he will rise again with all of us in the resurrection at the end of the age.

That's a long time to wait.

That's not the resurrection I'm talking about.

I am the life that overcomes death.

I don't understand.

I am the resurrection and the life.

Whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live.

And whoever lives and believes in me shall never die.

Do you believe this?

I believe you are the Christ...

the Son of God, who is coming into the world.

So even what I do not understand...

I believe.

Now that I'm here...

physical death does not interrupt our eternal life.

I believe you're the Christ.

That I know.

That's all I need for now.

Quickly, go and get your sister.

- Master, should we...? - We will wait here.

Forgive me, Rabbi.

Are we supposed to be understanding what you are saying?

Yeah, I must admit, um...

I'm wondering the same thing.

I suppose not yet.

I don't trust my hearing, John.

And I'm too afraid to confirm what I thought I just heard.

No.

I'm okay.

For now.

He is here and is calling for you.

Me?

Now?

He's here?

- Who are they talking about? - I do not know.

Sister of Lazarus, may Adonai comfort you, together with all...

I guess she's gone to the tomb to weep there.

She ought not be alone.

What's wrong?

The family plot is that way.

Yes, but you said people are approaching Bethany from Jordan, right?

This is the eastern gate.

Lord.

If you were here, my brother would not have died.

We sent word.

Why didn't you come?

Why did you wait?

Why?

I will show you why.

Where have you laid him?

Lord, come and see.

Who is this man? Is he friends with Lazarus?

Is he family?

I've never seen him.

I've never seen him like that.

What did he mean?

"I'll show you why"? Who was that intended to?

- He said Lazarus wouldn't die from his sickness. - Shh.

- What is happening here? - Shh.

What did he mean?

He's healed countless sick people. He's opened the eyes of the blind.

- Couldn't he have kept Lazarus from dying? - Stay calm. Okay?

- He's weeping. - And what are you going to do about it, huh?

- Is he mad at us? - Both of you, stop asking questions.

We'll just watch.

Okay?

- Come on, brother. - We should go, Thomas.

Take away the stone.

- What did he say? - He said, "Take away the stone."

- Was I unclear? - Lord.

By this time there will be an odor.

He's been dead for four days.

Martha.

Surely you know that is a minor matter.

Did I not tell you that if you believed, you will see the glory of God?

Your only priority in this moment is faith.

I say to you again, remove the stone.

Ready? One, two, three.

Come on. Use your legs.

Father.

I thank you that you have heard me.

I know that you always hear me...

but I said this on account of the people standing around,

that they may believe that you sent me.

"Sent"?

What is he doing?

He already told us last night. Remember?

He said so that we and many others might believe in him.

- We already believe in him. - Not everyone for everything.

Lazarus, come out!

Laz! Lazarus!

Laz!

Unbind him.

Get him out of those wrappings.

Martha?

Yes, brother.

I'm here.

What has happened?

You're...

You're back.

Jesus.

Am I dreaming?

This is no dream.

You just woke up.

I was asleep?

Back in the land of the living, brother.

Thank you.

I'm sorry it had to be this way,

but also not, because there is a higher plan in all of it.

I trust you.

Um...

I know you like to keep me humble, but I am naked underneath these wrappings.

You could use a bath.

And I'm starving.

Don't be so dramatic. It's only been four days.

Four days?

The longest nap of your life.

Oh! Oh, gentle.

It's real.

The stories of Jesus of Nazareth are true.

Nazareth?

I have to go back to Jerusalem.

- What is it? - Jesus of Nazareth.

- You know who that is? - I've heard his name before.

I have to go back right now.

We have to find out what happened.

- I think it's clear what just happened. - But how?

Whoa. Everyone, go back to your homes. There is no longer a shiva.

Why aren't you telling people not to share this?

Why did you do this in front of so many?

Because it's time, Big James.

You'll understand.

This is everything.

Don't you see?

This miracle will bring everyone together.

I mean, now no one can deny him.

- Thomas. - It's all right. You'll be all right.

It's all right. Here.

Let's just get you some water. Get some water.

Have some water. Here, here, here.

What have you done?

Thomas.

Please. We'll talk.

When?

Soon?

I am tired of all this "soon" talk.

- Thomas, don't. Not, not here... - Yes. Right here.

Rabbi, look me in my eyes.

I am.

- I always will. - That's not an answer!

Why him and not Ramah?

Why not your own cousin John? This is... It's sick.

Sorry to interrupt, but we need a word with him immediately.

Our rabbi has things to attend to. Please, please.

Thomas.

I don't expect you to understand now.

I don't.

What the Father allows...

what I allow,

in order to bring about my Father's will,

and the faith and growth of His church...

it can be crushing for you.

And yes, even for me.

It's too much. It's too much. I don't understand.

I know...

and that hurts my heart.

But please.

Please stay with me, Thomas.

And you'll understand in time.

What you just did, the miracle, you made a Sadducee very upset.

Good.

The Sadducee has already left for Jerusalem.

I know his kind. He will make trouble.

I imagine he will.

And you don't care?

I do care.

It's why I did this.

Now, I must go be with our friend.

Thomas. Come on, brother.

Is your strength coming back?

More and more with every minute.

- What about the old aches? - The click in your knee?

Ah. Still there.

Wouldn't be you without it.

No.

Mm-hm.

Okay. That's enough.

What was it like?

I told you, it was a deep sleep.

You didn't see Eema or Abba? Uncle Lamech with his creepy one eye?

- Mary! - He terrified me when I was little.

Remember you used to call him Cyclops?

- Abba never liked that. - No.

Said the old Greek poems were pagan.

I wonder if he will have both eyes in the resurrection.

If there was only someone here we could ask.

- Rabbi. - How are we doing?

He still has the click in his knee.

- Ah. - Yes, we are grateful,

but we do have some ideas for next time.

Well, the Father only grants me one miracle per person, so...

Oh. Okay.

Uh, may I have a moment alone with Lazarus?

What are we going to say? "No"?

- Finish that. - I will.

- Stay warm. - I will, thank you.

- They take very good care of you. - It's like having two mothers.

Well, three with yours.

Well, must be nice.

It has its moments.

I almost just said out loud, "What a day."

Yeah.

That wouldn't quite cover it.

Why are you looking at me like that?

You're just sitting there.

And?

Look at this place in total disarray.

And you're not busying yourself trying to clean it up.

Give me some of that. Hmm?

I wish there was some way we could repay him.

What do you give to someone who can...

raise the dead?

And we've heard the stories of him multiplying loaves and fish in Decapolis.

What could he possibly need?

Well, surely he doesn't need anything.

Maybe that's the whole point.

So, feeling better?

Understatement.

Well, you certainly look better.

Thank you.

I should think I would look really refreshed after a four-day nap.

Mm.

Four-day sleep.

But it wasn't really.

I know that.

Why did you do it?

- I should have anticipated you'd have questions. - I'm serious.

Why me?

It was not so much "who" as "when."

- I'm glad it was you, of course. - I don't understand.

I'm out of time, Laz.

This was the last.

"The last" what?

Public sign.

You will do no more big miracles?

Not this side of...

"This side of"?

- I have a confession. - You have done no wrong.

Not a confession of sin.

Something to acknowledge you don't know.

Certainly, there is no depth to that.

Your sisters, they sent word of your illness to our lodgings in Perea,

before the end of the feast.

I told them not to do that.

Even so, I did not come to Bethany right away.

I had something to do, a sermon to preach in Jerusalem.

- In the Temple? - Mm-hm.

How'd that go?

Besides the attempted stoning from the leaders?

- Uh, I thought it was above average. - Stoning?

I guess you're not holding back anymore.

No.

I can't.

The time has come.

What they tried yesterday, they will soon succeed in doing.

The stoning or the arresting?

You will see.

No, no. Hold on. Don't do that to me again.

Lazarus, please, just listen.

The waiting, the four days that your sisters grieved and suffered.

- I need you to know it was not out of cruelty... - I would never think that of you.

But so that the glory of my Father might be revealed to all in what happened today.

That was painful for me to watch those of you who suffered through this.

Even more painful to know that it was necessary for those who witnessed it,

especially my own followers.

But there are those for whom this will set off a series of events.

Has it not been that way with the religious leaders since the beginning?

This is different.

They now have firmer grounds for punishment.

- They're men. They must save face. - You have become undeniable.

They can't have that.

And my followers will not understand.

I have told them three times.

It's as if they're incapable of hearing it.

I myself feel incapable of hearing it.

What...?

Even after what happened today?

- I'm human. - So am I.

But, my friend, you are the Son of God.

I am.

So I don't understand.

Most won't.

To be frustrated is human,

and I am frustrated that my students are constantly missing it.

And they're forgetting what I have done.

And I'm angry how the religious leaders

twist the faith into a craven theater of pretense.

And I dread...

I dread what is to come.

The cup I must drink to fulfill my Father's will.

- You're scaring me. - You've been to the grave...

and you're afraid?

For you.

I love you. I do not want to see you suffer.

The Son of Man must suffer many things.

No, I can't hear this.

The prophet Isaiah gave you many warnings.

Hmm?

Yes.

Yes.

"He was despised and rejected by men."

"A man of sorrows..."

"Acquainted with grief."

They were just...

words on a scroll.

Now that they are about you,

flesh and blood...

it's another story.

A story nearing its end.

Why don't you sit down?

Stop tell me to calm down. I am tired of you telling me to trust him.

I'm not going to trust him anymore.

- This is not the time... - You saw what he did!

- Keep your voice down. - All of you saw what he did.

- Have a seat... - No. Why don't you sit down?

I'm going to stand. Look what happened to your head.

- Look what happened to Peter. - Thomas...

- You all saw it! - Do you have to go out to them?

Don't touch me. I'm not doing this anymore.

I'll discuss everything in detail at the Passover dinner.

I ask him for one thing! One thing!

Nothing will be left unsaid.

As for the heartbroken, he cannot accept my love or words tonight.

- Don't touch me. I won't calm down. - His brothers will carry him.

- See the bigger picture. - There is no bigger picture here!

Come. Let's get you something to eat.

I'm not going to sleep on it, okay? I'm not tired. Stop it.

Thomas, I'm just... No! Don't, don't, don't!

- You'll have to replace that. - Yeah, Matthew? Why?

Because when Lazarus loses something, he deserves to have it restored?

- When other people lose... - It's the polite thing to do.

The polite thing to do is not break the jar in the first place.

- I am done with polite. I am done with all of it. - You don't mean that.

Tell me what I mean, Andrew.

Look, you're hurting. We get it.

No, you don't.

If you did, you'd be as offended as I am.

Thomas, there is no use putting suffering on a scale and weighing it.

What happened today should make us all more united than ever.

We need to set aside our personal grievances and be prepared for things to change in a big way.

Wait, wait, wait.

He doesn't mean you. He didn't say that.

Don't worry. Let's just take a moment, all right?

I hate what he's going through. I do.

But think about what happened today. Dozens of mourners saw it with their own eyes.

The religious leaders, they'll finally have to admit who he truly is,

and they'll work with him to unify us against our oppressors.

This is one of the greatest days in the history of our people!

I agree. We just need to be more sensitive around him.

The Jerusalem religious leaders don't like it when anyone is more powerful than them, Judas.

Hmm. I'm not sure this moment means what you think it does.

If they don't like him, he can snuff them out like a lamp with a single word.

- That's all it would take. - I'm still wondering about that myself.

- What? - "With a word."

Why didn't Jesus just speak healing from a distance, the way he did for Gaius' son?

He wanted us to see.

To see the stone rolled away...

to see Lazarus walk out of the tomb with burial strips.

He also wants us to participate.

He could have rolled the stone and unwrapped Laz with a word too.

He told us last night. "That we might believe."

It certainly worked for me.

If Jerusalem hears this and believes, could this be the beginning of the army?

When has he said anything about an army? Ever?

He threw away my dagger.

I'm sorry, but some of you are thinking too...

Look, the time for restraint and modesty has passed.

He has asked nothing from us but to come with him and to observe.

- Why are we discussing anything beyond that? - Because we could lose Thomas over this.

Look, he told us yesterday...

no one and nothing could snatch us from his hand.

Well, he said that of his "true sheep."

Those who hear his voice and believe.

Maybe Thomas isn't one of the "true sheep"?

Has the devil gotten into you?

- How dare you? - Take it back.

- Everyone, please! - I said, take it back!

Do not dishonor Jesus by acting this way.

She's right.

Look, the hour is late.

A lot has happened in the last two days. Let's just rest.

Yeah, you know, I am sorry. Truly, I...

No. I'm sorry! Truly. That's not how... how I meant it.

I love Thomas. I'm just...

I'm just excited. I don't...

James. James. Little James!

- Are you all right? - I'm all right. I'm fine, I'm fine.

Hey, hey.

- It's been coming in waves, the pangs. - From the fight yesterday?

His pain was already getting worse before the attack.

Thomas has a point.

Why everyone and everything else, but not Little James?

I don't want to talk about me tonight.

I think we just need to listen to what Peter said and get some rest.

How can you, in this condition?

That's between me and God.

As should be most of the things that people have been arguing about tonight.

- We want you to be okay. - Thank you.

But standing around and watching won't do anything about it.

Mary and Martha have prepared our rooms, the same ones we had last time.

They won't sleep until we do.

It's disrespectful to keep them up late like this.

She's right.

I'm going. Philip, Nathanael, we were in the same room last time.

Let's go.

- What about...? - I'll stay with him until it passes.

I just need a few minutes.

Go ahead. We'll be up.

Nathanael. Hmm.

Peter and I can collect John and Thomas.

Adonai in heaven knows it'll take all three of us.

Little James, you sure you're all right?

- We've got him. It'll be okay. - Thank you, Matthew.

- I just need to sit. - There we go. I got him. Hold on.

- I got you. I got you. - Come here.

Thank you.

I guess you got your answer.

What?

We won't sit shiva.

Not tonight.

But I still feel grief.

I feel it too.

I think that's because Judas was right.

This was his biggest public sign yet.

We no longer have to wonder or guess about when "soon" will be.

The more I read the Songs of David, the more I felt the need to write one of my own.

Please just know that whatever this is going to be, it's not finished.

You so rarely let people into your mind.

The times you did, I was always grateful.

"Darkness is not the absence of light."

That would be too simple.

It is more uncontrollable and sinister.

Not a place, but a void.

I was there once.

More than once.

And although I could not see or hear you,

you were there.

Waiting.

Because the darkness is not dark to you.

At least, not always.

You wept...

not because your friend was dead...

but because soon you would be.

And because we couldn't understand it...

or didn't want to, or both.

The coming darkness was too deep for us to grasp.

But, then, so is the light.

One had to come before the other.

It was always that way with you.

It still is.

Tears fell from your eyes, and then ours,

before every light in the world went out.

And time itself wanted to die with you.

I go back to that place sometimes,

or rather, it comes back to me uninvited.

The night that was eternal...

until it wasn't.

Bitter, and then sweet...

but somehow the bitter remained in the sweet and has never gone away.

You told us it would be like that.

Not with your words, but with how you lived.

The man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.

That grief wasn't what we wanted to see...

so we tried to look away, and in so doing fulfilled your very essence.

'One from whom people hide their faces.'

But soon we couldn't hide from it any more than we could stop the sun from setting.

Or rising.

I remember you wishing there could be another way.

And looking back, I do too.

I still don't know why it has to be this way.

The bitter often mingled with the sweet.

Maybe I never will.

"At least, not this side of..."