Original subtitles

A little pause... and we are back.

A little pause.

..

and we are back.

The minister has returned and it is my turn.

Patrick Archibald McLeod.

Please, call me Paddy.

Yes, and why are you here?

I was just lying in my bed this morning thinking

how I must introduce myself to all the parish.

Open my arms, so to speak.

Ah, this will be your lad.

Dando, is it?

What a fine, handsome man you've grown into.

Aye.

Yes?

Well, I've heard about your lass, Mrs Mackay.

Willie was a fine man.

It must be coming up a year now since he was taken by the waves.

Fishing on the Sabbath as he was, I hear.

Willie was not a church man.

Nice meeting you.

Porridge is burning.

Please, do come back another time.

Adieu.

Clothes.

Best put your trousers on, boy.

I've found his boot.

You have faith.

There's nothing I would do to dampen that flame.

Dando!

Ah, well, maybe another time.

Who are you, Dan?

He's back.

The skyver returns.

Well, you've grown.

You have too.

And your voice has changed.

Ah, yeah, so has yours.

Sorry about your dad, by the way.

Backing him would be fine.

He's OK.

What do you mean?

He's not so bad, you know.

Saff!

Sir?

Those bangles have got to go.

Are you asking me to remove an item of clothing?

Saffach!

Next exam.

No bangles.

Highly distracting.

OK, sir.

But you have to shave your beard before the next exam.

The way you scratch it is highly distracting.

All right.

Bye, sir.

I'm warning you.

Welcome back, Dando.

You've been crying.

Tears of joy, sir.

Tears of joy.

Good man.

You've

been crying, sir.

Good job, sir.

I'm sorry, sir, but I can't hear you.

Good boy.

Yeah.

How are you feeling?

Not well, sir.

Your head's turning red.

Yeah, but I'm already racking my balls.

Sure, well, good luck there.

Where

are you guys from?

Planet Earth.

Solar System.

Milky Way.

Manganohe.

What about yourself?

Just here.

Right here.

Here?

Yes, right here.

Little grommet.

There she blows!

Is Oxford University in Oxfordshire?

No, it's Exfordshire.

No.

I don't know what you're missing out on.

Goodbye, Kenny.

Come on.

No.

My final answer is no, and that is my final answer.

There it is.

We can work with that.

I'm 100% waterproof.

Would you shag Dondo?

He's too weird.

It's like he's touched.

Touched.

Touched.

By something invisible.

All right.

John the Grom.

Here, check this out.

What's that?

It's 100% waterproof.

Yeah.

But what is it?

It's a Bible.

Mist gathers grey On moor London grey Me and my true love We'll never meet again

My, oh, my.

What are you doing here?

Searching.

Do you really pray?

I do.

Even on your own?

When nobody's looking?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

You'll be a swan before you know it.

Oh, so I'm an ugly duckling now, am I?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Poor Dondo.

He's having a rough crossing, Saoirse.

Show him some kindness, at least.

I'll be on my way now.

Hi.

Hi.

Who are you chatting with there?

Oh, some top-level gnarlers.

Cosmic alignment.

Where'd the new minister go?

I don't think I've frightened him off.

Oh, shame.

Well, you know where to find him.

Can you teach me to surf one day?

Why, I knew it, yeah.

Awesome.

Hello?

Shakalaka-zoola.

Dondo?

What are you doing up there?

Just...

looking about.

Right.

Can I walk you home?

All right.

Hello there, Dondo.

It's very kind of you to walk Sass home.

Come in, Sassy.

Come in, come in.

Will you come in for a tea?

No, I think I'll just... Never mind.

How's your mother?

Fine, thanks.

Good, good.

Back to her pottery.

She never stopped.

And you?

Back to your surfing.

You're not afraid of the sea.

I'd be terribly afraid, so I would.

Mum, he's got to go.

And finally back to your exams.

They'd be keeping you back the year, I'd imagine.

Grief can cause such a disruption.

Mum.

You give your mother my best wishes now.

Thanks, Mrs. McKenzie.

Bye, Sass.

Bye, guys.

Bye on the ship.

The power of nonsense between that poor boy's eyes.

I hope you can see it, can you?

See what?

He's not the one.

Stop.

They're just pants.

But they're dads.

They're good pants.

How would you feel if you survived a shipwreck...

and you come back to find someone wearing your underwear?

I'd hate to see them being thrown out.

Mum.

Yes?

What's church like?

Why do you want to know?

I might go on Sunday.

Why?

Just, you know, see what it's all about.

What?

Which church?

The old one, with the new minister in it?

Aye.

Well, the other one up the road has heating, I've heard.

Mum.

It's just churches.

It doesn't matter which one I go to.

MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC CONTINUES

MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC CONTINUES

MUSIC CONTINUES Thank you, now.

Wonderful.

Aye.

It's great to see you.

Here we are.

Another glorious Sabbath.

And a shipwrecked sailor has washed upon our shores.

Let us pray.

MUSIC CONTINUES Lord, hear our prayer for Willy.

Willy, wherever you may be, our prayers are winging their way to you.

Out!

Beyond our knowing.

Out!

Beyond the bounds of eternity.

Lord, please help Willy.

Summon the creatures of the ocean to return him safely on Porpoise,

by squid, stout, on Nahual.

Willy!

Will you come back, Willy?

Return.

Amen.

Amen.

Gondo, please, be seated.

Off you go.

There, take a seat.

There, there's a good lad.

Forgive us, Lord, for we know not what we do.

You know not what you do.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

God bless.

Thank you so much for coming.

Thank you very much.

Wonderful to see you.

Thank you.

Ah.

Paddy.

Norman.

Norman.

Sass.

It is so good to see the church alive again.

So good.

Paddy, I cannot tell you.

You're breathing life back into us after the great sickness it's taken so much.

Indeed, Norman.

Sassy.

Awesome gig, Paddy.

You nailed it.

You're too kind.

Thank you.

Thank you, Donny.

How good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.

Tell me.

I hear you surf upon the waves.

I do.

Oonga-oonga.

But not upon the Sabbath.

Not upon the holy day of rest.

No.

No, no.

Never.

Never.

No.

Not even as it's totally pumping.

No.

No.

No.

Good.

It is forbidden.

It is forbidden.

Hey, Dom the Grom.

Hi.

Donny, the Gromit.

Hi.

You coming in?

No, no.

Waves aren't big enough.

I think they're optimal.

They're not.

Don't go!

Why?

Today is the day of rest.

Who says?

God.

God?

Will I be struck by lightning?

Probably.

It's a pretty big chance of that.

I'll take that chance.

Solar System.

Starting on the Sabbath?

Your blood will boil.

I'm going to spread the word.

Why go to church if you don't have to?

Why not?

Do you really believe in God?

Sure.

Don't you?

I'm tempted.

There are less crisps in these new packets.

Pumped with air to make them look full, but...

they're just full of emptiness.

Nothing.

There's nothing out there.

Maybe he's testing you.

Maybe.

No, maybe he is a she.

Maybe my God is a woman.

God...

God doesn't have a sex.

What?

Like... like a ship?

I like a ship.

Well, they're always women.

All that sail in her.

She's seaworthy.

She's like without a trace.

Aye.

Sorry.

My point was that we all know ships don't have a vagina.

Do you think God has a penis?

What?

No.

No, Satis, I never think about that.

Well...

you have now.

And Lord, help us resist the dreadful darkness falling upon the land...

and fortify us against the next scourge.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Will you be wearing that to evening prayers?

The new minister suffers from terrible migraines, you know.

Prayers?

I've got feeding to do.

The old minister had migraines too, you know.

An answer to the question will suffice.

I think I'll stay behind and study for my exam.

Of course.

Oh my, it'll be so good to have a doctor in the family.

A vet would be far more useful in this household.

Oh Lord.

For...

what we are about to...

to receive.

May the Lord make us...

truly, truly thankful.

Amen!

What do you think...

about having a memorial service for Dad?

You know, something where...

everyone gathers to pay their respects and say goodbye.

Desert island survivors.

They do exist.

Mum, people can live off coconuts for a very long time.

I mean, ages.

Forever, probably.

Where is the nearest island with a good supply of coconuts?

Tenerife.

So Dad has just been...

hanging out in Tenerife?

All lands of Roddy.

Eat your soup.

Shouldn't it be drink?

We don't drink soup.

We don't eat liquid.

Right you are, don't do.

Right you are.

God...

if you can hear me...

show me some kind of sign...

then I might...

actually...

even consider...

believing in you.

Deal?

Deal.

Oh!

It's you.

Yes, it's me.

Hi.

Look... I'm not gonna ask you out, okay?

I've been thinking about you.

I can't stop thinking about you and I...

will probably think about you a bit too much to be honest.

I thought it was only right... that I ask you before I...

think about you again.

What?

I just... thought I'd be polite.

Do you want my permission so you can think about me when you wank?

Yes, please.

Fuck off!

Come on, Sash!

Only if I can watch.

If...

I hear a sign... thereof... but...

I cannot tell... when it's coming.

Planet Earth.

Planet Earth.

Solo.

Sister.

Looking away.

Manganui.

You sure?

No.

You'd be good.

How can you tell?

You're not afraid of danger.

You should be.

But you're not.

He says I should be afraid.

That...

are men in the grey suits.

Come

on!

You'll miss the bus!

What are you praying for?

Hmm.

Good exam results.

Bit late for that, surf bum.

I was praying for your exam results.

Not mine.

Did you ask him yet?

What?

If he has...

penis?

No.

I don't.

God does not have a penis!

No!

God

does not have a penis!

What?

I'm so glad to see you!

I've got a better idea.

We're gonna have to mind ourツ.

We've got to.

Hi.

Thanks.

What's that?

It's a wee thing for Willy.

Do you miss Willy?

Yes, of course.

What do you miss most?

I'm going to do a memorial service for him.

You should come.

For his dad.

I think it would help him.

Are you Jesus?

Yes, I am.

Are you American?

Oh, no.

I'm Swiss.

But I learned American at a young age.

So cute.

Amy.

Can you speak Swiss?

Nobody can speak Swiss.

Why not?

Dondo.

He's out there, Dondo.

To present the prizes today... Hello, hello children.

Hello.

It's okay, I'm here.

Okay.

Let us pray.

We also once lived in the lusts of our flesh.

We were by nature children of wrath.

But God, being rich in mercy, he loved us.

Amen.

Amen.

Oh, the praises.

The praises.

The praises.

Oh my gosh.

Sass.

Sass.

Sass.

Wear your fucking shoes.

Present

the final prize, Paddy.

The overall prize this year

for giving it their all.

For sheer graft.

And I must say, my own personal favorite member of the church.

Let's just call it grit.

The grit prize.

Goes to... Dondo McKay.

Dondo.

Johnny Bynum.

Me?

Yes.

You.

Come on, up you come.

He's been out in the wilderness.

Yes, Dondo.

And had a rough year.

Now the st... stars are shining.

I am stoked.

Go on, laddie.

Give a few words.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'd like to dedicate this to my dad.

He's still out there.

Somewhere.

He still lives.

And another thing I know is that he is still alive.

And he's coming back.

He's on his way.

I'm gonna bring him back.

Yes, you are, Dondo.

Hey, that's Kenny.

Hey, that's Kenny.

Kelly.

And now our head girl will give a short summing up of the year's highs and lows.

I only have a question.

Just one question for our beloved reverend here.

I would rather stick to the speech.

It's a theological question.

Oh?

Wonderful.

Yeah.

Dondo and I discuss it...

Dondo?

...in depth.

Does God have wings?

Do you have a penis?

Big stiffies for Jesus?

Are you coming in?

Cheer up.

Shin, you're going to be shagging human rights lawyers.

In ski shallots.

And I'll still be here.

Up the doff.

Married to...

a man.

I mean, what difference does it make?

We'll be fat and have bad sex.

Bless...

this meal... and the...

the animals and vegetables...

that have been summoned forth...

to be...

eaten by...

our mouse.

It's okay, Donny.

Amen.

Amen.

So...

I've organised...

a memorial... for tomorrow.

Oh.

Really?

Yes.

And you're coming.

Well, I'm actually going off to find Dad.

So you can cancel the memorial.

We are doing a memorial tomorrow!

End of story!

Don't you bloody dare.

Wrongo, wrongo.

Don't you ever

tell your mum you've got HIV.

And don't you ever reveal to your mum... who he is.

Don't talk nonsense.

who you've got HIV.

Well, of course I will.

I don't want to hear it anyway.

How do you know?

What's wrong?

I don't want to go to Sexfordshire.

I don't want to stay here either.

I don't know what I want to do.

Help me find my dad then.

Your dad's not here.

Who's that?

Oi, I found it in the church.

Nice tits.

Who is she?

Dunno.

Norma.

That's my mum's name.

Yeah, she does kind of look like you.

It is my mum.

Where did you find it?

It was up in the pulpit, inside the Bible.

Did you ever... you know...

What?

Never directly, like... It's weird.

Don't tell me.

Look, I only kept it because she looked like you.

What?

Beautiful.

Like you.

But it was my mum, Dondo.

Yeah, but I didn't know that.

Look, surely better that it was her and not someone completely unrelated.

Thanks, I guess.

Better and worse.

Yeah.

Let's head home.

A little pause... and we are back.

How is Tenerife?

We are gathered here today in the presence of God to honour the memory of a fine man,

a wonderful man, Willie Mackay.

Willie.

We prayed for his return.

We prayed and prayed and prayed, but nothing came of it.

Handsome devil, isn't he?

Days became weeks, weeks became months.

And now a year has passed with no return.

The waves have stolen Willie from us.

And now we must return.

And now we must accept his watery grave.

We will now hear from Dando.

It's all right.

Come on.

Come with me.

I want you to read a little bit.

Come on.

It's all right.

Come on, boy.

Those who go down to the sea,

who do business on great waters, they see the

works of the Lord and his wonders in the deep.

For he commands and raises the stormy sea.

They mount up to the heavens and they go down again to the depths.

Their soul melts because of trouble.

They reel to and fro and stagger like a drunken man and are at their wit's end.

He still lives.

Danny.

And they cry out to the Lord in their trouble.

And he picks them out of their distresses.

Amen.

Tell them he still believes.

Stop!

Please.

Danny.

Please.

I must go to them.

Poor boy.

Out there in the roaring ford.

The voice of the Lord is.

Come on!

We must follow him.

Come on!

Get your coats!

We'll go together!

Come on!

Don't serve for the Sabbath.

Don't serve.

You must leave.

We

must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, and pay attention to our deeds.

I shall show them that I am God.

Don't let him be put to death!

Leave the seas!

Children of wrath.

Doing the desires of the flesh and of the mind by nature.

Being rich in mercy.

He must return!

Leave the seas!

Donny!

Hold it!

Put the

knife down, Donny.

The wages of sin is death!

He's been taken.

No.

He's been taken.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

What should I do?

Don't let it go.

No.

Please.

Not now.

You're OK.

You're OK.

Oh.

Oh my God.

You're OK.

You're OK.

No, what?

You're OK.

What happened?

You're OK.

No.

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

So where are you going to go now?

I don't know.

Somewhere.

Out there.

Thanks for saving my life, by the way.

You're welcome.

There was nothing.

Let it go, let it go now It's okay It's okay Let

it come, let it take

Thoughts away

Let it go, let it go now It's okay

Let it come, let it take all Thoughts away

Let it go, let it take all