Original subtitles

- All rise! - Hey, y'all, I'm Miss Pat,

and I know the inside of a courtroom.

Man, that girl is innocent!

You ain't the damn judge.

Get ready to see real cases.

I want you out of my house.

Real drama and real money on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends to court as my jurors.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have started this mess,

but you know I'm going to settle it.

Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

MAN: See, that's my tooth.

You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have a good time together.

- We do. - [laughter]

All rise, because court is back in session.

♪♪♪

She's the only judge giving clap back,

side eyes, and sound advice.

All rise, for Ms. Pat.

♪♪♪

MS. PAT: Y'all can have a seat.

How y'all doing today, jury?

- Good. - We worked out.

Is there some type of dye you put on your chest, Safaree?

Oh, um, I'm in the middle of skin bleaching right now.

- JASMIN: What? - CARMEN: Never mind,

that's coconut oil.

[laughter]

See, we need guys like Safaree who gonna

go over and beyond so men like me

who don't do that much can be appreciated.

[laughter]

Bailiff, start bailiff-ing.

This is the case of Williams versus Honey.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Tracy Williams

is suing her former best friend for $630

for Nicki Minaj concert tickets,

claiming the defendant allegedly ghosted Tracy

after she bought them both tickets.

I know she drink beer out of the can.

[laughter]

ANNOUNCER: Defendant Akela Harrison says

she didn't go to the concert

because she decided to go to Vegas last minute.

In her defense, no concert, no cash.

Do y'all swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Before we get started, I just want to let you know

this is my emotional support jury,

so if you stress me out, they're gonna be on your ass.

All right?

Tracy, tell me why you here.

I'm here today because I am suing my former best friend

for ditching out on me on some concert tickets.

I paid $630 to go see Nicki Minaj.

Ooh.

[laughter]

CARMEN: It's okay, it's okay.

It's been ten years, baby, it's okay.

Oh, because it's Nicki Minaj.

- [laughter] - [overlapping dialog]

Her and you...

Hey, hey, hey! [bangs gavel]

Shut the hell up.

Wait a minute.

When did you buy the ticket,

and how much was the ticket?

$630 for both our tickets,

and I bought the ticket back in...

I'm gonna say, when she, uh, released the, uh...

- What the... - [laughter]

I think, I think I bought the tickets like, August.

Akela, what's your side of the story?

Every year, we actually go out and buy tickets,

for us to go, each other to go to concerts.

It's just this particular year,

I received an invite to Vegas.

MS. PAT: You knew she bought you these tickets?

Yes. I planned on going,

and then someone called me and invited me to Vegas.

Do you know who this someone is?

I don't, because at the point of when she did show up,

I ain't talked to her since then.

I always a dude that get her off her rocker, though.

Like, when she with the girls, we cool.

So she like everybody?

I'm an every-sexual, because I attract everything.

Ma'am, that's called pansexual.

- Y'all do it all. - No, no, no,

I'm not a pan-nothing, I don't cook anything.

[laughter]

MS. PAT: Okay.

Let's get back to the case.

You got a receipt for the tickets?

Yes, I have proof. I had a ticket purchased.

The agreement is for ten years now.

When it's your turn to pay, you buy both tickets.

CARMEN: So she was never supposed to give you

the money back, is what we're saying?

No. I spent that money, uh,

expecting her to be at the concert, yeah.

Okay, get me together, she spent that money paying.

- That money was spent. - That money already spent.

I did not even show up to the concert.

You didn't go at all?

But we wasn't gonna have the experience.

MS. PAT: Okay.

Y'all must have a good time together.

- We do. - [laughter]

MS. PAT: Wait a minute.

Why would you be scared to tell your best friend

about a man?

Because of who the man was.

- MS. PAT: What? - Ooh.

- Who's the man? - He's here.

Well, bring him in, then, let's see who he is.

CARMEN: Uh-oh. Surprise witness, baby.

[laughter]

Oh, my [bleep]...

Oh, heck no.

That's my brother.

Ooh!

MS. PAT: That's your brother?

Are you serious?

CARMEN: The plot thickens.

Can you please tell me why you didn't

tell your sister that she was coming to see you?

I know her reaction.

I just wanted to keep the peace

until I got further info

that this was a beautiful thing.

Look at that smile.

CARMEN: Said he wanted to keep the peace.

Kept a piece of ass, huh?

[laughter]

Was it good? Was it worth it?

Uh-uh, I cannot hear this, Your Honor.

Okay, fine. I won't tell you about him.

Can I call you about everybody else?

- JURY: Everybody else? - Hey, hey.

Really, brother? And you know she a [cough, bleep].

- [laughter] - Hey, hey.

You're welcome to step down, brother.

Okay. I'm gonna go to my jury,

because, ooh, Lord.

JASMIN: She's stigmatized, you know what I'm saying?

By the brother, came in, laid it down.

I do believe that that could've waited.

I mean, I feel like this argument would've

been better on Facebook.

Damn what the streets say.

If that's your [bleep], love her.

Tracy, how has this impacted your relationship?

I just feel like I lost my best friend.

How has this impacted your relationship?

She won't answer, so that's why we don't hang out.

If she would talk to me, we probably could hang out.

Brother, what was you raising your hand for?

I just wanted to keep the peace and just say

I would like to help out.

Come on up here, come up, stand next to your girl.

Okay, what you wanna take care of, baby?

Yeah, I just wanted to take care of the bill.

What is it?

$630.

[shouts] $630!?

- TRACY: Yeah. - [laughter]

Sit back down, stay out of this.

To keep the peace, I'm gonna go on--

I'm gonna still take care of it

because I want them to be happy again.

And I wanna see that smile again.

Look at that.

KARLOUS: Hey, hey, hey.

Don't be kissing her, though, you ain't a couple yet.

She's still in the streets, acting.

[laughter]

MS. PAT: Okay, okay.

I've come to my final decision

and I'm gonna settle this once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the plaintiff.

Court, you're ordered to pay Tracy $630

for skipping out on these Nicki Minaj tickets.

Yes, ma'am.

You was wrong.

And you know you was wrong, and she's selfish.

So you might need to find a friend that...

You wanna be my friend, Ms. Pat?

[Bleep] no.

[laughter]

Y'all get out of my courtroom.

Bye, thank you.

- Hold your head high, Queen. - Thank y'all.

Fight the power.

I met him at a adult company.

Can you show us what you do?

Yes, ma'am, I can.

- One, two, three, four. - [clapping in rhythm]

- Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Couch out, couch out.

Shut up, Deray!

Passsion, that's you?

Yes, ma'am, with three S's.

So it's spelled wrong.

Pat, she walked in, I seen her booty from the front.

I know he wanted that ass.

So how y'all doing today, jury?

CARMEN: I'm good.

I've been working on myself.

Becoming a better man, I love that about you.

- Do it, man. - [applause]

MS. PAT: Don't listen to that crap.

Baby, this man have turned over

so many new leaves, he's a tree.

[laughter]

Come on, bailiff, start bailiff-ing.

This is the case of Rich versus Browning.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Shacoria Rich

is suing her former friend

and roommate, Michael, for $2,000.

Uh-uh, move that folder, you pregnant.

ANNOUNCER: She claimed Michael stole her couch

and kidnapped her dog, Bruno.

Defendant Michael Browning denies stealing the couch

and claims he donated it

because she didn't want it anymore.

Look like Marvin Gaye nephew.

ANNOUNCER: He also claims she didn't take care of Bruno

and the dog is better off with him.

Y'all swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?

- Yes. - So, Shacoria, tell me why

we're here today, girlfriend.

Okay, well, today I'm here suing my ex-friend,

my ex-roommate

and my current employee for $2,000.

He's not your baby daddy, is he?

- He's not the baby daddy-- - Okay, okay.

...for $2,000.

When we lived together,

we were building our company together.

When he left, he took my dog and my couch.

So I want my couch back

and I want my dog back immediately.

What kind of company was y'all building?

A dance company.

We have a dance studio in Decatur, Georgia.

And, Michael, can you tell me your side

of this story, baby?

Well, Your Honor, I moved out

and I took the couch and the dog

because she didn't want the couch anymore.

She does not care about the dog that much at all.

She would not even buy dog food for the dog.

She said, "I found out dogs can survive

a couple days on water." I said, oh, no.

That was just a conversation.

And you didn't buy any.

How did y'all meet in the first place?

I was teaching dance at a high school

and I met him at a Christmas event here in Atlanta.

He was renovating his grandfather's house

and I said, well, we live right down the street

from his studio, how about you just come and live with me?

How long did he stay there?

A couple of years, some change.

And y'all wasn't dating?

No!

So he stayed with you a couple of years?

Yes. We ended up on the same adult company, so he--

Oh, what adult company?

It was just an adult dance company

where we just all danced together and stuff like that.

You just get your mind out the gutter, Karlous.

I know what you're thinking.

[laughter]

What kind of dance do y'all do?

Well, we do majorly hip-hop, jazz, ballet, tap.

- Same. - I teach gymnastics.

And I'm over the competitive majorette team.

Can you show us what you do?

Yes, ma'am, I can.

Nene, Carmen, why don't y'all go out there with him?

- I'll try. - All right.

So your first move,

you're going to go to the right.

- One, two. - One, two.

And then you're going to hit three, four.

- NENE: Oh. - CARMEN: Three, four.

Now you're going to roll it out

and then you're going to go seven, eight.

- From the top. - Okay, I'm ready, I'm ready.

Five, six, seven, eight.

MS. PAT: Come on, y'all, let's clap along, they got it now.

- One, two, three, four. - [clapping in rhythm]

Five, six, seven, eight.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

- hey, hey, hey. - [applause]

Okay, he's got skills!

At least he cleared your living room out

so you can dance.

I just imagined you and another taking the couch out.

You ready to take it out?

Five, six, seven, eight.

- Couch out, couch out. - [laughter]

Shut up, Deray!

Do you have any evidence?

Well, I have some pictures of my couch as well.

CARMEN: That's a nice couch, Pat.

She probably made that baby on this couch.

[laughter]

No.

Michael, what made you think you could take her couch?

I dealt with her for two years, almost,

complaining about a couch she didn't want.

So when I moved out,

I took it to a donation center.

But did she ask you to do that?

She was going to throw it out.

Did he tell you he was going to donate your couch?

No, me and my daughter, we walked in,

and the next thing you know, I'm like, um...

Ain't no couch.

Where's the couch?

- What about the dog? - He fell in love with the dog.

Now, I do admit some days, he'll go take the dogs out

and walk the dog and feed the dog and, you know,

stuff that I could do myself,

but he just got up first and did it.

So, Michael, what made you think

she wasn't taking care of the dog?

Every morning I had to wake up,

the dog was barking.

All Cruella did was yell and say,

"Shut up, shut up, shut up."

And even when she first got the dog, if I may...

Yes.

For you and the jury.

- Mm-hmm. - MICHAEL: There were issues.

Aw.

MICHAEL: That's one of the Facebook posts

that she made online,

basically saying that dog had to get the hell on.

Well, I didn't know that he was going

to get that big that fast,

and that day I was kind of frustrated,

and I didn't realize that he was a digger,

he was digging up my yard.

Why did you say he got to go,

and then you get mad when he take the dog, ma'am?

Well, I mean, I wasn't being for real,

I was just, you know, trolling a little bit.

And what's the dog's name, and where is he now?

His name is Bruno, because we don't talk about Bruno.

- Where's Bruno at, Michael? - Bruno is at home.

He's at home doing swell, he's doing great.

Oh, that's your dog now.

MICHAEL: Bruno has his shots.

He actually just got his teeth done.

They done gave the dog some veneer.

[laughter]

It's mine.

That she's allergic to.

- You allergic to the dog too? - SHACORIA: Some days.

- It just depends. - Some days?

That's why I wash him.

All right, I'm going on over here to the jury.

Come on, jury.

He stole it. Lock his ass up.

I would think that the dog should stay with him

because he's more stable with him.

You can go and get another dog when time is right.

How has this affected your relationship?

It's really cut off, really, a lot of our friendship.

We've been friends since 2012.

It's like, I didn't think that she would take that

without even asking me if I want it.

My dog, especially.

- That's my dog. - MS. PAT: And Michael?

It's distant, it's not as close as it once was.

I really would love to have my friend back

because I thought I was doing everything

- for the betterment of her. - Okay.

I've come to my final decision

and I'm going to settle this once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the plaintiff, Shacoria.

[applause]

Michael, you're ordered to pay her $2,000

for the couch that you donated

so she can get off the floor.

I'm going to leave the dog with him.

It sounds like the dog is in a better home

and that dog going to eat good, live good and sleep good.

So leave that dog where he at.

And plus, you are allergic to the dog.

So if you get the dog back,

all you're going to do is sneeze on the dog.

All right, that's it.

Well, dance your way on out of here, baby.

KARLOUS: Dance together on the way out.

- NENE: Yes, honey. - CARMEN: Okay.

He stole the hell out of that dog.

That dog sat on that couch like,

what are you doing?

Diverse owes me $500.

She kept coming in late.

Over 27 times.

Twenty-seven times?

We didn't even have 27 rehearsals.

I just feel like he got mad because

I was talking to somebody else in the cast.

JURY: Oh.

CARMEN: He was probably tall, wasn't he?

[laughter]

MS. PAT: How y'all doing today?

- CARMEN: Ready. - NENE: Mm-hmm.

You better be ready.

All right, bailiff, get to bailiff-ing, honey.

This is the case of Stewart versus Maul.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Passsion Stewart

is suing her former employer, Diverse, for $500.

That's what I'm talking about.

Passsion was cast as an understudy

in a play Diverse wrote and directed.

But when she was promoted to the lead cast,

she said she never got her lead cash.

Defendant Diverse Maul admits he didn't pay Passsion,

but says it's because she was a diva during rehearsals.

He walked in waving like we supposed to know him.

CARMEN: I know.

Got some haters in the room already.

ANNOUNCER: If you want to act on his stage,

you can't act like that.

All right, Passsion, that's you?

Yes, ma'am, with three S's.

- So it's spelled wrong. - [laughter]

Okay, Passsion, tell me why you're here today.

So, Diverse owes me $500.

So I was acting in one of his plays,

and I first came in as an understudy.

But because the main lead was not showing up,

he asked me if I could step up and be the main lead,

and I said, hell yeah.

And he never gave me my money.

MS. PAT: Diverse, what is your side?

I'm here because I gave her a chance.

You know, she came in not really having experience.

She came in as an understudy.

I lost my lead, so I gave her the role.

But then she started acting unprofessional

and all that different stuff like that.

So I end up, you know, offering her

what I thought she was worth, $150,

so I don't think I owe her nothing.

What was the pay for a lead role?

$500 for the production.

And did you tell her you was going to give her the $500?

Yeah, I talked to her about it,

once she got the lead role, she'd get the $500.

And so why didn't you pay her the $500?

She kept coming in late.

You get docked ten bucks for being late,

and then when you miss, you get docked again, $50.

You wasting my time, I'm taking your money.

- And you gave her a contract? - Yeah.

Let me see it.

So how many times were you late?

Like once, twice.

No, 27 times.

Twenty-seven times?

We didn't even have 27 rehearsals.

And you signed this contract, right, Passsion?

- Yes. - You signed a contract here

saying you would be docked if you was late.

- Yeah. - Did you know the rules?

I didn't read the contract.

So you signed a contract that you didn't read?

We had a verbal conversation about it.

But this is a contract, this ain't verbal.

These are letters on a paper.

See, I like you.

- Boy, stop. - [laughter]

Let me ask you something.

Was your other actors late at times?

- No. - All the time.

Are you the only one that didn't get paid all your money?

As far as I know, yeah.

Did you at least get the $150?

He sent me the $150 through cash app,

but I happily declined it

because we had an agreement that it was going to be

$500 that he was going to send me.

- Stand on business. - Exactly.

But a commitment is a commitment,

- is what I'm saying. - I mean, to be honest

with you, he right, a commitment is a commitment.

You signed a contract stating that you would not be late,

and if you're late, you're going to get your money taken.

I don't even feel like it's about that.

I just feel like he got mad

because I was talking to somebody else in the cast.

JURY: Ooh.

CARMEN: He was probably tall, wasn't he?

[laughter]

Little man, do you like her?

ANNOUNCER: Passsion Stewart is suing Diverse Maul for $500

that she claims she's owed for her work

as an understudy in his play.

But Diverse says Passsion was always late to rehearsal

and nearly ruined the show before opening day.

Ms. Pat's about to settle this theatrical drama.

Little man, do you like her?

I don't mix business with pleasure.

Now, after the production, she could have gotten it, yeah.

That's a good man, right there.

CARMEN: What does the contract say about hating?

Because that's what you're doing.

Okay, thank you.

It's $10 the first time, $50 the second time.

[laughter]

DIVERSE: Exactly!

- How old are you? - I'm 37.

- How old are you? - I'm 24.

I hate that y'all trying to turn us in there.

I didn't want her.

MS. PAT: You wanted her to play the role--

Pat, she walked in, I seen her booty from the front.

I know he wanted that ass.

Oh, Lord, let me go on over here

and let y'all talk to my jury.

Come on, Karlous.

As old dude to old dude,

stay away from the 20, 20-anything.

I think he was just looking for a way

to dock somebody's pay so he can make more money.

You know what, I've done a lot of plays in my day.

Baby, you should have definitely read that contract.

Do not sign nothing that you're not reading.

I've come to my final decision.

I'm going to settle this once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the defense, Diverse.

[applause]

Dang! He's happy as hell!

MS. PAT: Diverse, you don't owe Passsion anything.

She should have read her contract.

You got to be smarter than that.

Well, I've just settled it.

Now y'all get out of my courtroom.

Thank you.

MS. PAT: I don't have--

I'm just too big for a little, bitty man like that.

My bra is a 44H.

Ain't nothing I can do with him.

A "H," titties?

Where do you shop your bras at?

- AutoZone. - [laughter]

She was supposed to do an oil change,

- and she destroyed it. - Damn!

KARLOUS: Did you check the signal light fluid?

It wasn't in the YouTube video.

Ain't no such thing as no signal light fluid!

MS. PAT: You did a one-night stand with this man.

Did you ever go back for more?

It must have been horrible.

[laughter]

I got the contract, right here.

What contract?

The one that she did not give me

that's written in invisible ink

- that ain't got nothing on it. - Wow.

Had she did this to you, how would you be feeling?

I'd have took my money out of her ass. Excuse me.