All language subtitles for Ms.Pat.Settles.It.S03E05.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE_track3_[eng]

- All rise.
- Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat,

and I know the inside
of a courtroom.

Man, that girl is innocent!

You ain't the damn judge.

Get ready to see
real cases.

I want you
out of my house.

Real drama and real money
on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends
to court as my jury.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have
started this mess,

but you know
I'm gonna settle it.

Ms. Pat, Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

MAN:
See, that's my tooth.

MS. PAT:
You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have
a good time together.

We do.

All rise, because court
is back in session.

♪♪♪

Her edges are laid,
and she always gets paid.

All rise for Ms. Pat.

♪♪♪

Hey, y'all.

- Hey.
- Y'all can sit down.

Jury, I want y'all
just to remember,

what had happened was
it's not a defense, okay?

- It's a lie.
- [laughter]

All right, bailiff,
let's get to bailiff-ing.

This is the case
of Speaks versus Smith.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Cocoa Speaks

is suing her former
best friend, Sarafina,

for $1,800 in damages
after a mirror was broken

during their trip to Vegas.

According to Cocoa, the two
were drunk and twerking.

The defendant, Sarafina Smith,
denies responsibility,

claiming they were
both equally drunk

and that that mirror
was in the wrong place

at the wrong time.

BAILIFF: ...the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth,

- so help you, God?
- WOMEN: Yes.

Before we get started,
I just want to let y'all know

that this jury might not be
legally qualified,

but they petty,
and that's why I love them.

[laughter]

All right, Cocoa,
tell me why we're here today.

I am here today to sue
my trifling-ass ex-homegirl

for $1800 for damage
to a mirror at an Airbnb

that I planned and paid for
for a girls trip in Las Vegas.

How did she break it?

Twerking, dancing, being wild.

That's seven years
of bad twerk.

- Mm-hmm.
- [laughter]

Okay, so let me hear your side
of the story, Sarafina.

I am here today being sued by my
petty bitch-ass of a friend

for suing me for $1800 on
a mirror she's claiming I broke.

And we both was drinking and
twerking and dancing together.

DERAY: Mmm...

What did y'all do when y'all
first got to Vegas?

We downstairs, pre-gaming
on the Don Julio.

Shot number one, shot number
two, shot number three.

Every shot I had,
you had two, right?

- COCOA: Right.
- She got it.

Shot for shot,
round for round.

- MS. PAT: Okay.
- Her song come on.

[scattered laughter]

"Ah, this my song!"

Pow, pow, pow!

"Ah, this my song!"

- Dang!
- Ya did all that?

There goes Frasier.

Did you back your ass
into the mirror?

I was dancing with her.

Was you twerking, too?

I don't really twerk
like she do.

I kind of do like...

What's that?

Just kind of like
a stand and a little...

You just throw a little bit,
like a burp.

Yes, ma'am.
From your ankles up.

- [laughter and applause]
- Okay.

Hold up,
you didn't see the mirror?

The mirror was in the wrong
place at the wrong time.

Yeah, who put that there?

MS. PAT: How pissed off
was the Airbnb owner?

Extremely.

He got my Airbnb
account locked.

Did they charge
your credit card?

- Yes, ma'am.
- Do you have proof?

I got an itemized receipt,
Miss Pat.

Okay.
Let me see your itemized.

You ever asked Serafina for
$1800 to pay for the mirror?

- Absolutely.
- And what'd she say, girl?

At first, she was like,

"Okay, I can't
pay it all together,

but I'm going
to make increments."

Girl, I gave you options.

It was a lot of options not
once didn't give me my money.

MS. PAT: What was the options
you gave her to pay the $1800?

It's an Airbnb thing
to cover, like, damages

that she could have
went through.

I feel like she just let
the Airbnb man get over on her.

Did you try to set up
a payment plan?

No.

I don't feel like
I broke the mirror.

Well, your seven years
of bad luck starts today.

[laughter]

What I'm going to do
real quick

is I'm going to give you
these drunk goggles.

This is what it feels like
when you drink five shots,

once you put these on.

And Deray's going
to give y'all a test

to see which one of y'all
can handle your looking

without stumbling and knocking
the mirror off the wall.

Come on up here, Deray.

CARMEN: Uh-oh, the truth
comes out now.

I'm going to pass.

DERAY: Oh, my God,
which one is Ms. Pat?

- Ladies.
- [music playing]

Line up,
join me over here.

Well, my knees don't
let me walk straight.

She's not me,
thank you.

Well, answer them.

All right, ladies,
in a straight line, halfway,

and then stop.

SARAFINA: Can we get
a key word to say stop?

DERAY:
Let's use "stop."

[laughter]

Start walking now.

COCOA:
Okay, you said halfway.

DERAY: Stop!

Now turn slowly
in a Michael Jackson turn.

Whoa!

One point off,
right there.

Now walk to me.

Stop.

Twerk, twerk, twerk.

[singing]
♪ Mirror, mirror on the wall ♪

♪ Break that mirror,
make it fall ♪

[laughter]

Back that ass up without
hitting Ms. Pat-- ready?

Twerk, twerk, twerk,
twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk.

She looked back first.

That means she was concerned
about a mirror.

NENE: Got your ass.

- [applause]
- Got your ass.

Come on, jurors,
help me out here.

CARMEN: It's simple.

She broke the mirror,
and she should pay.

That's your friend, man.

She was trying to do
something for you.

If you ain't got
all the money,

just throw her something.

And, Cocoa, you got
to ask her to teach you

some of the stuff
she was doing, too,

because that look, that ain't
going to get it all the time.

It might get you
a drink in the club, though.

MS. PAT: Ooh, Lord.

So I've come to my
final decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in the favor of...

...the plaintiff, Cocoa.

[applause]

[laughter]

Sarafina, you ordered
to pay Cocoa $900,

half of the $1800,
because both of y'all was drunk,

and don't nobody know
who broke the mirror.

One cheek apiece.

MS. PAT: Yeah, it's time
to put that ass out there,

because it's breaking
things, okay?

[laughter]

I just settled it.

Get out of my courtroom.

[applause]

[rapping]
♪ Cocoa puffs is good food ♪

♪ Cocoa puff's courtroom... ♪

[whooping and rapping]

NAVV: Ms. Pat, so Carmen
be dancing like that?

NENE:
Oh, Carmen, really?

What's funny about Carmen,
she get doing that shit

and her knees lock up on her,
she remembers she doing...

I always get back up.

WOMAN:
What in the hell?

Hold up, those are her kids.

I can just feel
the dysfunction in the air.

MAN: She's happy stealing money
and gambling.

- Borrow.
- MAN: Her own husband knows.

You done let this woman
gamble all the money away.

- I can't control her.
- [laughter]

MS. PAT:
How you doing, jury?

- Hey.
- Good.

These people about to come
in here is not your friends,

so make sure
you light their ass up.

I know that's right.

Now I'm inspired.

- MS. PAT: You ready, bailiff?
- BAILIFF: Yes, ma'am.

Get to bailiff-ing, please.

This is the case
of Laye versus Laye.

That's my kid's baby daddy
last name.

Please enter the courtroom.

♪♪♪

Hold up, those are her kids!

ANNOUNCER:
Ms. Pat's own kids are here.

- What in the hell?
- [laughing] Okay.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Ashley Laye

is suing her brother
for $500

she says she loaned him
to blow at the strip club.

Defendant Nikia Laye claims

mowing Ashley's lawn
for six months

more than covers it.

Ashley's hoping Ms. Pat
makes it rain in her favor

and that her brother
is sent home bone dry.

BAILIFF: ...nothing but the
truth, so help you, God?

I could just feel
the dysfunction in the air.

- I really can.
- [laughter]

All right, tell me
why you're here, Ashley.

Madam Vice President.

Ma'am, I'm not no
Madam Vice President.

Sorry.

Your Honor, I was
having a family night out

with my siblings and we went
to the strip club.

My younger brother, Nikia,
borrowed $500 from me

so that he could throw
on the strippers

because he didn't have
any money that night.

We made a verbal agreement

that he would
pay me my money back

when he got paid
on the Friday.

When the day came
to get paid, I'm texting him,

like, you know, what's up,
my money, yada, yada, yada,

and he has
all these excuses.

And so tell me
your side of the story.

I probably know it.

Mama, I mean,
Your Honor...

- Don't call me Mama.
- [laughter]

Your Honor, she never
said it was a loan.

You know, I assumed
it was a gift.

MS. PAT:
What was a gift for you to

throw money
on the strippers?

I've been to the club
plenty of times.

I ain't been
throwing my own money.

Shoot, them girls...

[scoffs]

He done ran out of breath.

[laughter]

No, to be honest,
I see it like it was even

because I was helping her out.

You know, I was driving
an hour there

and an hour back,
cutting her yard, so...

I look at her like this.

She gift me the money
at the club.

MS. PAT: Okay.

And I gift her yard
for six months.

Did you get this
in writing that it was a loan?

Actually,
speaking of writing,

I actually have
text messages between us.

- MS. PAT: Okay.
- Yes.

Injection.

- Injection?
- [laughter]

You mean insulin.

- "Injection!"
- [laughter]

Come on, Karlous and Jasmin,
read these up.

[Karlous clearing throat]

Nikia, when yo big back
ass gone pay me back

that money from the club?

You said you would
pay me when you got paid.

Ay... sis.

[laughter]

I had to pay for
daycare and feed my dog.

And pay rent.

JASMIN: I want my money in
two weeks on your next check

or you won't have a dog or kids
to feed or rent to pay

when I'm done
with your ass.

ALL: Ooh...

KARLOUS: You can have
the dogs and the kids.

[laughter]

You know what I like
about that, Karlous?

You read that text message
out of breath the whole time.

[laughter]

You sound
just like him, Karlous.

But you did say
you was gonna pay her back.

But I look at her,
it was even.

Because I cut her yard
for, what, six months for $60.

Normally, you know,
a yard costs about $150.

- MS. PAT: Yeah.
- I was giving off deals

- for $60.
- He did cut your yard.

- I got evidence.
- He did not cut my grass.

He don't have no proof
that he cut my grass.

I got cash apps,
they don't lie.

MS. PAT:
Let me see the cash apps.

JASMIN:
What's in the cash apps?

CARMEN: Grass, grass, grass,
grass-- six months.

NIKIA:
That's what it was.

"I cooked you food,
you cut the grass."

I'm like, well, what about
you paying me?

Well, I give you $60
if you cut my grass.

So it's like,
one or the other.

I wasn't gonna get both.

- Did you want both?
- Yeah!

Your Honor,
when he pulled up,

he had a box of crispy, crunchy
chicken from the gas station.

- And a large Sprite.
- That chicken be vital.

No, everybody know
those just appetizers.

MS. PAT: Since we're in the
midst of suing each other,

you never paid me for sending
you to the Dominican Republic

- to get your teeth done.
- That was a gift.

- That was a gift.
- MS. PAT: Yeah, okay.

- I have a message for the gift.
- No, I--

You said,
"You need your teeth done,

make an appointment,
and I left in two weeks.

But you were supposed to pay
for the flight.

ASHLEY: Now I see
where he gets it from!

But he owe you for rent--
you've been paying his rent

- for three years.
- I don't pay his rent.

- What you pay?
- Nothing.

His insurance.

- NIKIA: That's it.
- But I pay yours, too.

That don't count.

- We're talking about him.
- [laughter]

All right, help me out,
Safaree.

I've been in the strip club,
and any time

I've been with friends and,
like, they give me money,

they not getting it back.
Like, I keep it.

Sorry, Safaree's
with rich friends.

- I'm with Nikia.
- [laughter]

Ms. Pat, uh,
I'm siding with your son

because even if he do
owe her some money,

don't pay her,
because it ain't nowhere

in the state of Georgia

you can get your yard cut
for six months for $500.

You take advantage
of every situation.

Yes, Lord.

MS. PAT: And with that said,
I've come to my final decision,

and I'm ready to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...ain't nobody getting shit.

BOTH: What?

[laughter and applause]

CARMEN: Hold up!

Both of y'all owe me money.
Get the [bleep] out of here.

- I just settled it.
- [laughter]

My family ain't shit.

I cannot believe
they came here.

I was like, Laye?

You know who I actually
thought that was?

They daddy.

Let me tell you
how petty she is.

When the Ms. Pat show
came out,

she made them put a billboard
right by his job at Jiffy Lube.

- [laughter]
- So every time he get to work,

he got to see her ass in the
billboard with her new show.

MS. PAT:
When he was in the hospital,

I had them put one
outside to greet him.

KARLOUS: Gina was playing
two-cent slots,

so when she spent $3300
playing two-cent slots--

- She was there two weeks.
- KARLOUS: She was there

for two damn weeks!

MS. PAT: Ooh, Lord.
All right, jury.

On this next one,
I need some truth, honesty,

and a little bit
of pettiness.

- Got you.
- You got me, Karlous?

Oh, okay.

I know you the king
of that petty shit.

[laughter]

- I'm literally just a man.
- [laughter]

All right, bailiff,
start bailiff-ing, please.

This is the case
of Collins versus Jones.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Tremaine Collins

is suing his former friend
and business partner Regina

for $3,300,
claiming she took the profits

from their catering business

and gambled it away
at the casino.

Defendant Regina Jones argues

since she did most of the work,
she doesn't owe a dime.

They're throwing
their cards on the table,

and someone's gonna go bust.

BAILIFF: ...and nothing but the
truth, so help you, God?

- Yes.
- Yes.

MS. PAT: So, Tremaine, tell me
why we're here today.

I'm suing my former
best friend Regina for $3300

because we started
a catering company,

and Regina decided
that she was

gonna gamble away
all the money.

And Regina, what's your side?

I do admit that I did
borrow some of the money...

- All of it.
- ...but this business

started 50-50.

The business
was run out of my home.

I fronted the ingredients,

the supplies,
the pots, the pans.

I baked all the cakes.

I cooked all the food.

I do not owe him $3300.

MS. PAT: So who was
responsible for what?

I did most of the cooking.

I was mostly doing
social media,

so I was taking the pictures,

putting us out there
in order to get business.

She was responsible
for the money.

So let me see the cake
that you baked, Regina.

NENE: Oh, wow.

So this is the food
you made.

NAVV: Now, I ain't gonna lie,
that looks good.

- CARMEN: This is cute.
- No, it's some good stuff.

We do this.

So when did
the business go south?

We were supposed to do
a wedding cake,

and so she gave Regina
the money for her wedding cake,

which was $2500.

I even have the evidence,
right here.

Yeah, yeah, please.

So here's a text message
from Rachel W.

- Is that the friend?
- That's her friend.

Hi, Tremaine.

Just touching bases with you.

I haven't heard anything
from Regina

since I sent the money,

but she's on Facebook
at the casino.

Are you guys running
a scam or something?

My wedding is in a week,
and I want my money back.

You're just losing
the money and the business.

I'm not proud of this.
Okay.

I even have evidence
of her smiling at the casino.

Um, photo of her
at the casino.

- Oh, look.
- Yeah, baby.

The joy in your face
on this picture, baby.

That casino will get you.

Yeah, she's happy stealing
money and gambling.

Uh-uh-uh, that stealing word
is not gonna fly.

Thieves steal,
and you did that.

- Borrowed.
- Stole. Stole.

Very much, you stole.
You stole.

KARLOUS:
Wait a minute.

Ms. Pat, you look right here
in the bottom left corner.

Gina was playing
two-cent slots.

CARMEN: Yes.

So when she spent $3300
playing two-cent slots,

She was there for two weeks.

KARLOUS: She was there
for two damn weeks!

[laughter]

I had to start doing
Uber and Lyft on weekends

so that way I can get
this lady her money back.

That damn slot machine.

REGINA: Okay, I admit,
I would go to the casino.

He still does not
deserve it.

I was using my home.

I was using gas,
electricity.

Let me see
your electric bill.

Here's evidence.

NAVV:
Y'all brought the bill $35.

CARMEN: Thirty-five dollars?

Are you serious?

That's the worst evidence
you could have brought.

A gas bill for $35.22, $4.77.

You wasn't even cooking!

She was gambling.

Her own husband knows.

- Oh, where he at?
- He's here.

Well, can you
come on up, husband?

He drives me
to the casino, okay?

Ooh!

- What's going on?
- Husband!

ANNOUNCER:
Tremaine Collins is suing

his former business partner,
Regina Jones,

for $3300 worth of profits

he says she gambled away
at the casino.

But Regina says
she did most of the work,

so she wagers
it's her money to spend.

It's time for Ms. Pat
to deal out her verdict.

Well, can you come on up,
husband?

REGINA: He is here.
Come on, baby.

MS. PAT:
Is he your witness?

He's my witness.

Now, you done let this woman
gamble all the money away.

He drove her to the casino.

- He in on it.
- I can't control her.

Uh-oh, he gave you
that old man point.

Hey, Karlous.

[laughter]

What is your name, sir?

- Anthony Jones.
- You can have a seat.

Anthony, what are your thoughts
on Tremaine and Regina?

It started out real good.

I was kind of
a little jealous, you know,

because they was making
a lot of money,

and they weren't
giving me none.

[laughter]

Do you think your wife
have a gambling problem?

Yes, she do.

Tremaine, he had a fault
for trusting her.

[laughter]

Hallelujah.

How you gonna sell out
your own wife, sir?

Yes, because
he knows the truth.

Honestly,
I felt bad for him.

I object.
You felt bad for him?

You gonna object
to your own husband?

Go back over there
and sit down, Tony.

Well, let me go
to the jury.

Carmen, what you think, baby?

This is pretty much
a no-brainer.

She needs a gambler's
anonymous class, quick.

KARLOUS: There ain't gonna be
an anonymous.

Everybody done seen it
on TV.

[laughter]

I like the casino.

I can't even
get on you about the casino,

because I've been in there
by myself.

- REGINA: Thank you.
- So we can go any time.

Okay.
I'm gonna call you, girl.

- She ain't gonna answer.
- [laughter]

Any final remarks,
Tremaine?

Business is dissolved.

You know, I said,
I cannot do that.

I lost out on work
from my regular job,

having to do Uber to pay
these people back,

so I deserve
my $3300 from Regina.

Any final remarks, Regina?

No.

So, I've come to
my final decision,

and I'm gonna settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in the favor of...

...the plaintiff.

[applause]

Regina, you are ordered
to pay Tremaine $3300.

Regina,
let me tell you something.

You don't ever win
at a casino.

Do what white women do,
go rescue some cats.

That crap is free.

I've settled this.

Y'all get the hell
out of my courtroom.

- [applause]
- Yes, Tremaine.

Don't you hug her!

She gonna get
his ass again.

- Check for your wallet.
- [laughter]

- How old are you?
- Sixty-five.

- Okay.
- You look great.

She was 71 before
she took that.

What did y'all need to do
to get this bonus?

Stay for at least a month.

How long before you left?

Two weeks.

You remind me of myself,
only I was getting fired,

at least you quit.

She was like,
"I'm not paying you."

I actually got hit
by a car in December.

That's karma.

- Was it Holly?
- [laughter]

Y'all just brought a whole
new term to "breaking a leg."