Original subtitles

- All rise. - Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat,

and I know the inside of a courtroom.

Man, that girl is innocent!

You ain't the damn judge.

Get ready to see real cases.

I want you out of my house.

Real drama and real money on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends to court as my jury.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have started this mess,

but you know I'm gonna settle it.

Ms. Pat, Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

See, that's my tooth.

You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have a good time together.

- We do. - [laughter]

All rise, because court is back in session.

This is the only courtroom where petty can get you paid.

All rise for Ms. Pat.

♪♪♪

MS. PAT: Y'all can have a seat.

So, jury, I want you to treat this case

the same way you treat

the potato salad at your potluck at your job, okay?

- What, don't [bleep] with it? - Throw it away?

No! Question every damn thing.

- Oh, okay. - Who made it? What's in it?

All that good stuff.

- This is our job. - Right.

And I definitely wouldn't eat potato salad here.

Bailiff, please start bailiff-ing

before we have to arrest Karlous.

This is the case of Jackson versus Shaw.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Daphne Jackson

is suing her neighbor, Chyna, for $836.80,

claiming she's owed months of back payments

for trash removal.

She look like she about to say,

"Your real teacher won't be with us today."

- [laughter] - I might.

ANNOUNCER: Defendant Chyna Shaw says the trash ain't even hers,

but the messy buildup caused her to get hit with

a $2,500 sanitation fee.

And now she's countersuing for full reimbursement.

Before we get started, I just want to let you know

this is a jury of my peers,

so don't you get too snappy with them, okay?

Yes, ma'am.

Ms. Jackson, you want to tell me why you're here today?

I'm here because I moved into a two-family home.

Ms. Shaw is my neighbor.

We share the property upkeep, which is, you know, the lawn,

front and back, and take care of the trash.

That hasn't been done.

I have been paying for four months of payment,

and when I come to ask her for my money,

it's a problem.

And she has a two-year-old that I just love,

but when I need my money, she keeps the baby from me,

and I'm the evil auntie now.

And it's time I need my money.

She owes me $836.80

for lawn care and trash removal.

- That's $836.80. - Eighty cents?

Mm-hmm.

And you concerned about that 80 cents?

Yes, ma'am, because I want it all.

Okay.

All right, well, Ms. Shaw, tell me why you're here.

What's your side of this story?

So I'm here to countersue for $2,500.

I was there first, right?

Everything was mine.

Took my trash out, made sure my yard looked nice.

I made sure it was done.

Me and baby daddy. She came in,

I told her, like, yeah, we can split the trash can.

You can use it this week, I can use it that week.

Within a month, all that went downhill.

My week came,

her trash still in the damn trash.

So I got hit with a $2,500 sanitation fee...

Whoo!

...because the outside of the house

looks like a "bando."

Nene, do you know what a "bando" is?

- [laughter] - MS. PAT: No?

Now, what is that?

It's an abandoned house that looks nasty

and raggedy and tore up.

It's an abandoned house.

It's short for "abandoned".

Oh, abandoned?

Oh, I would never know that one.

So, let me see the proof and evidence.

CHYNA: That's a lot of money taken from me.

MS. PAT: What I want to know is,

did you agree to split the trash in the lawn bill?

- Yes, ma'am. - Where did it go wrong at?

When she stopped paying.

No, eh, eh, wrong.

I can't use my trash can.

It's filled to the brim.

Somebody show me this damn trash can.

- DAPHNE: Yes, ma'am. - [laughter]

- MS. PAT: What the--? - Yes.

- NAVV: Oh, man. - Yes.

That there, come on, man.

KARLOUS: The more I look at the pictures.

NENE: It's some [indistinct].

It's a carton of chocolate milk.

- It's a-- - We don't drink dairy.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

We don't eat cereal.

Your baby daddy eat them, then.

- We don't eat cereal. - [laughter]

Hold up, hold up. Is the baby daddy here?

MS. PAT: Sir, please stand up.

Do you eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

- [laughing] Yes. - Oh.

[laughter]

Case solved, case solved.

I'm sorry.

No further questions, Your Honor.

MS. PAT: What I want to know,

if she set up the trash service

and she was there before you,

how the hell are you paying the bill all by yourself?

She couldn't pay it because she doesn't work.

I'm a home-based hairstylist, I'm good at it.

I don't got no clients because the outside

of the house look like this.

So, all right, just take the money out of it for one second.

Let's talk about the relationship.

Let me just say this-- family ain't always

what you're born into,

and it look like y'all have become a family.

- Mm-hmm. - And y'all literally have

torn a family damn near apart over a trash bill.

I'm gonna ask my jury.

Come on, y'all, help me out here.

Well, first of all, y'all are three grown people.

To be going back and forth about some trivial stuff

- like this is petty. - Okay.

But still, with that overflow,

y'all could be neater with that.

That's just, come on.

Y'all nasty.

So I've come to my final decision,

and I'm gonna settle this once and for all.

I'm gonna rule in favor of...

...neither one of y'all.

- Aww. - [applause]

But I do have something for you.

Calimar.

Y'all live in this two-family home.

Mm-hmm.

But why a two-family is sharing one

- curby-curby is insane. - It is.

So I decided to buy you a trash can.

[applause]

DAPHNE: Thank you.

Give it to the baby daddy, he can take it.

Boy, they gonna use the hell out of you.

And this one is much bigger.

HUSBAND: I'm grateful.

You know, I really hope y'all

put this relationship back together.

- [trash can bumps] - [laughter]

- I settled it. - WOMEN: Thank you.

- Bye. - [applause]

Thank you.

- My feet hurt, come on. - Ooh, Lord.

Y'all ever had any beef with your neighbors?

- No. - Nene don't have

no damn neighbors, she own the whole neighborhood.

[laughter]

So you couldn't pay $20

to go to your girlfriend's birthday party?

I ain't know if I was her boyfriend.

[laughter]

That's not right, Ms. Pat!

I would like to countersue him for $124,000.02.

- What? - Here we go.

A scroll?

What the hell is this? A Declaration of Appendixes?

Ain't nobody read all this.

How y'all doing, jury?

I feel good as you look, Ms. Pat.

Oh, well, you feel good, then.

[laughter]

Let's do it, bailiff.

This is the case of Zellers versus Norman.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Sharonda Zellers

is suing her ex-boyfriend Kleon for $1200,

claiming he promised to cop the expense

for her birthday celebration.

But he ended up ditching the party and the bill.

Defendant Kleon Norman says he doesn't owe Sharonda squat.

He didn't promise to pay for anything.

Plus, they weren't even official.

No label, no cash.

- All right, Ms. Sharonda? - Yes.

Do you want to tell me why you're here today?

So, Ms. Pat, I'm here bringing

my ex-boyfriend, Kleon to court,

because he owed me $1200 for not paying

for my birthday party section last year,

and I want my money.

What made you think he was gonna

pay for your birthday party section last year?

He said he was gonna do it.

So, what did he do?

Nothing, because he didn't even call me.

Yo!

Kleon, what's your side of the story?

I never told her I was gonna pay for no section.

I attempted to go, but they told me $20 to park,

so, I just kept on moving.

So, you couldn't pay $20 to go

to your girlfriend's birthday party?

I ain't know I was her boyfriend.

[laughter]

Now, how long did you date him?

Over a year.

Okay, you dated him over a year?

Yes. Ms. Pat, I had keys.

What?

I never gave a girl keys.

I gave her a garage door opener before.

He don't trust anybody.

That don't mean nothing.

CARMEN: So, you're just giving keys out

to chicks that you date?

You gotta lock my door.

I don't want to leave my door unlocked.

CARMEN: Yeah, but you gave her keys.

- Ah! - You better rob his ass.

This is what I'm talking about.

Was this exclusive?

Yeah, we even had a threesome, so...

What?

Hey! Oh, my-- what? A threesome?

- We never did that. - [laughter]

Did you ever call him from the club and say,

- "Baby, where you at?" - Yeah, we was texting.

Can I please see the text message?

Let Nene and Deray reenact that.

Welcome to Negro Readers Theater.

What you wearing, my baby? LOL.

NENE: I'm wearing that red that you like, baby.

DERAY: Send me pictures.

CARMEN: Bam.

Come on, Nene! Come on, Nene!

NENE: You coming?

DERAY: I'm not coming.

You can come over after, though.

NENE: Why not?

SHARONDA: Straight up like that.

That's not right, Ms. Pat, that's not right.

So, let me back up a little bit.

So, did you ever talk to Kleon about

having this party and what you wanted for your birthday

was a section at the club?

Because I'm gonna tell you,

with that uncle sweater he got on,

I don't think he was gonna pay for no section.

SHARONDA: Ms. Pat, we talked about it.

That was the first conversation.

What did he say?

"I'm coming to the party and I'm gonna

help you pay for the section."

I'ma help you.

But that's no money amount, so "I'ma help you"

could be the whole thing.

Or I'ma just help you drink the bottles.

I just said "help."

[laughter]

And it was an older dude there

who probably paid for it anyway.

Sounds a little jealous to me.

You saying it was already paid for or she just trying to...

Trying to get extra money.

I got a video that I'm paying the waitress.

We could play that. Can we play that in court?

Yes.

DERAY: That's you flexing.

Look, you posted it, because you was flexing.

Is that you dancing, too?

CARMEN: Oh, you dancing.

DERAY: You dancing like you paying it?

Because I'm in the moment, it's my birthday,

I'm having fun.

There's an older bald-headed dude in the back

who gave her that money, I'm telling you.

He don't know that.

Yes or no, did some man give you money that night?

That don't have nothing to do with what

we're talking about right now.

MS. PAT: You are under oath.

I don't even know who you're talking about.

You know what? Let me say this to you.

It's her birthday.

And for you not to show up, that had to hurt her.

And I understand that

you didn't want to pay for the section.

Whether it's $1200 or not,

even if you showed up with that ugly-ass sweater on

she would have understood if you didn't have it.

- Mm-hmm. - Do you still like her?

- That's my baby. - Okay.

Have you tried to make it up to her?

I brought her something to the courtroom.

Oh, you did?

It's the small things that matters.

- NAVV: Kleon! - Whoo!

[applause]

She'll be back tonight, Kleon!

So is this your apology, Kleon?

Yeah, it's a happy birthday again, Sharonda.

CARMEN: Happy birthday again.

DERAY: Bald-head guy gonna jump out the cake.

CARMEN: Tell us how this makes you feel.

You got tears in your eyes.

- No, not really. - NENE: Yes, you do.

- That was sweet. - SHARONDA: I'm appreciative.

It's the small things.

You up.

All right, I'm gonna go to my jurors.

Tell me what you think, baby.

He should have been there and he should have paid.

I would want my man to come in and flex

and let all my girlfriends know,

we got it, we up, we up, we up.

You didn't even have a good excuse.

You could have at least got yourself locked up

and then you was in jail, you know?

So, I'm gonna settle this once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

- ...the plaintiff. - [applause]

Sharonda, I'm giving you something called a girl tax.

Kleon, you are ordered to pay Sharonda $1200.

And the reason why I'm making you pay her $1200,

that's an asshole tax for you.

What you did was lowdown and dirty.

You're too old to be playing these games

with such a beautiful woman.

- Dang. - I just settled it.

Get out of my courtroom.

- CARMEN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. - [applause]

She like that toxicity, because he toxic,

that's why you like him.

MS. PAT: I wouldn't put up with that crap.

I would beat him up.

[laughter]

All right, bailiff, next case.

Do you have proof of what she asking you?

MAN: Yes, I do.

KARLOUS: Money owed.

Gas $31.20.

$75 for car maintenance.

You charged this boy $1.67 to drop him off

at the Hertz rental car?

He literally getting charged

every time he move or breathe in this house.

MS. PAT: How y'all doing jury?

- CARMEN: Amazing. - JASMIN: Hanging in there.

Ha-ha!

I cannot-- I need to switch seats next time.

I can't deal with this shit.

Bailiff, please start bailiff-ing.

This is the case of Brown versus Brown.

Oh, these better not be my cousins.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Chase Brown is suing his mom,

who is also his landlord, for $2400 because he said

she is overcharging him for rent.

It's taking a toll, and he's starting to unravel.

Defendant Courtney Brown says she doesn't owe him

any money and that what he pays barely

covers his portion of the billS.

She is also countersuing Chase for $124,000.02,

and has brought a mountain of evidence.

...nothing but the truth, so help you, God?

- COURTNEY: Yes. - CHASE: Yes.

Chase, tell me why you're here today.

I'm here to sue my mother, Courtney Brown,

for $2400 due to rent overcharge.

Started off at $25 a week and now it's $300 a week.

I'm only 20 years old and I'm a college student.

I cannot afford $300 a week.

Hmm. Well, let me hear your side of the story.

- Your Highness... - [laughter]

...first of all, I don't even think he got the amount right.

How much you charging?

$210 a week.

- He just said it was $300. - He's lying.

He's a liar. And he lied under oath.

Throw him in jail, immediately.

What was your original agreement

with you and your mom, Chase?

Back in 2021, she was like,

okay, you can't just live here for free, right?

- COURTNEY: True. -Got to pay $25 at least a week.

But when I saw this year that it went up to $300

every single week, I was like, okay, I can't afford that,

it's draining me financially.

She has my information.

She'll just go in my bank account and take it out.

MS. PAT: You take it out of his bank account?

He won't give it to me if I don't.

Where you work at?

I'm a door dasher.

Okay, and are you in school full-time?

Yes. I'm in school to be a therapist.

I have a psychology major.

Why are you charging him so much rent?

The reason why I was charging him

was for the bills that he accrued

because all the bills in the house went up.

The mortgage went up, electricity went up.

And he has a high car note and high car insurance.

What kind of car you have?

He got a Toyota Camry.

What year is your car?

2020.

Well, how is a car note high? It's a 2020.

- That's what I'm saying. - It's $500.

That's about right.

Plus, it's around $300 for his car insurance.

Oh, and Ms. Pat, I would also like to counter-sue him

for $124,000.02.

What?

And, and I have evidence right here in my briefcase.

- Bailiff, give me that. - Here we go.

- Here you go. - [laughter]

A scroll?

Is this a Declaration of Appendixes?

[laughter]

Defamation of character, $50,000.

Busted my body up after giving birth to him, $30,000.

COURTNEY: Amen!

I want my body back. I want my body back.

Credit card interest, $5,000.

My Delta SkyMiles, $5,000.

Personal assistance, $5,000.

Unpaid living expense, $3,530.

AMEX reimbursement, $750.

I ain't about to read all this.

Do you have proof of what she asking you?

- Yes, I do. - Okay, let me have it.

Can Carmen read this?

"Good morning, my handsome king.

"I hope you slept well and have a wonderful, blessed day

and accomplish all your goals and are successful."

Wow, I don't need to read nothing else.

A loving and supportive mother.

This is a gift from God right here.

Look at the message under it.

Please look at the message under it.

SAFAREE: Money owed.

Gas, $31.20.

$75 for car maintenance.

Chick-fil-A, $7.33.

KARLOUS: He getting charged for everything.

You charge this boy $1.67

to drop him off at the Hertz rental car?

He literally getting charged

every time he move or breathe in this house.

He is being selfish and ungrateful and don't

understand how good he has it.

You better respect me up in this courtroom.

Don't make me come over there,

because that bailiff can't save your ass.

[laughter]

ANNOUNCER: Chase Brown is suing his mom,

Courtney Brown, for $2400,

he says she's overcharged him in rent.

Courtney says he's an ungrateful son

and is countersuing for $124,000.02 for, well,

just about everything.

Ms. Pat's done kidding around

with this kid versus mom dispute.

Chase, did you ever ask your mother,

why does she keep going up on your rent?

I try to, every single time I do,

"You owe me, you owe me,"

That's why.

And then the conversation's over.

Is that what you say to him?

He does owe me.

You got to pay me back.

You have to pay me back.

Do you need the money from him?

Yes, if I didn't need it, I wouldn't ask for it.

I have lupus, I'm on disability,

and I have a set income every month.

Well, let me go to the jury.

Now, if he was 42, you'd be doing everything right.

Well, he's 22.

Give him a little bit more time.

KARLOUS: You do got to understand that

your son is going to have to go into the world one day,

and you don't want him to develop

a bitterness or a hatred.

[applause]

So I've come to my final decision,

and I'm going to settle this once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the defendant, Courtney.

You don't owe Chase anything.

But listen, listen.

I'm going to be, from one mother to the next.

Just like Karlous said, the boy can't even breathe.

- You're killing this boy. - He is killing me.

I always make sure his stuff is taken care of...

- But listen to me. - ...before mine is.

Can you shut the hell up?

Courtney, give him a little slack and let him stay there.

He's in school.

He's a-- Listen to me.

He's a Black man in school,

and he's the first Black man

that walked in this courtroom

that's not trying to be a [bleep] rapper.

And I'm serious.

And I'm asking you, from one Black mama to the other.

Stop beating on him before he give up

because we're running out of Black men.

- I'm sorry. - I've been there.

I see myself in you.

And somebody had to pull me to the side and say that.

I thought I was teaching him how to be responsible.

No, it's not, because we're the only race of people

that try to teach our kids

by throwing them out of the door.

COURTNEY: I didn't realize I was doing that.

I don't want him to feel bitter towards me.

I want him to know that I am his safe space.

- Pull back off your baby. - I will.

And I'm telling you, once he become this doctor

or whatever he's going to school to be,

I truly believe he's gonna look out for you.

- Am I right, Chase? - Yes.

Don't you disappoint me.

So, the countersuit, though.

I threw that shit so far out of here.

[laughter]

- Okay. - Ain't no countersuit.

Okay, okay.

Can I see y'all hug?

- You're an amazing mother. - I love you, baby.

- I love you, too. - I love you.

Now, that settles it.

Get y'all ass out of my courtroom.

- Love y'all. - Thank you.

Yo, what was in the garbage bag?

Receipts. Receipts.

Stop. Twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk.

[singing] ♪ Mirror, mirror, on the wall ♪

♪ Break that mirror, make it pop ♪

Regina decided that she was going to gamble away

all the profit.

She spent $3300 playing two-cent slots.

She was there for two weeks.

KARLOUS: She was there for two damn weeks!

CARMEN: I'll be damned.

Hold up, those are her kids.

What in the hell?

I came here to get away from y'all.

But why y'all came here?

- To settle our case. - [laughs] Okay.