All language subtitles for Ms.Pat.Settles.It.S03E03.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE_track3_[eng]

- All rise.
- Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat,

and I know the inside
of a courtroom.

Man, that girl is innocent!

You ain't
the damn judge.

Get ready to see
real cases.

I want you out of my house.

Real drama and real money
on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends
to court as my jury.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have
started this mess,

but you know
I'm gonna settle it.

Ms. Pat, Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

See, that's my tooth.

You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have
a good time together.

- We do.
- [laughter]

All rise, because court
is back in session.

Truth, justice,
and a whole lot of side eye.

All rise...

- [laughter]
- ...for Ms. Pat.

♪♪♪

Y'all can have a seat.

How you doing, jury?

- Great.
- Good.

You know, I hope
y'all hungry,

because we about to feast
on some foolishness.

- [laughter]
- Oh, we finna eat for real.

Come on, bailiff,

go and do your job
and get this shit started.

In this case, we have
Coleman versus Crosskey.

You may enter
the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Tiffany
Coleman is suing friend Shawn

for $2,000, the amount
she paid him to fix and finish

her hardwood floors.

She claims instead
he sent a homeless man

to her house
to nail down plywood.

The defendant, Shawn Crosskey,
says he and his partner

finished the floors.

He doesn't understand
all the fuss.

He thought she just
wanted to walk on the floors.

So why is Tiffany
walking him into court?

Before you start
flapping your mouth,

I just want to let y'all know
that I am off-limits.

But my jurors over there,
they asking for it.

So you can give to them, baby,
real, real hard.

- [murmuring]
- [laughter]

All right, Tiffany,
tell me why you're here today.

I'm here today because

I'm suing my ex-friend
Shawn for $2,000.

I gave him $1,000
up front to fix my floor.

When it flooded,
the floor started dropping.

So I thought it was just
a simple lift the floor up.

But he got me
and my floor messed up.

MS. PAT: Let me hear your side,
Mr. Crosskey.

I admit, Ms. Pat,
I ain't gonna lie to you.

I didn't finish the floor,

but I told her that
I had to go do another gig.

And I told her
I would come back and finish it.

So what was the other job
you went to do?

I need to know
what was that.

Oh, these white folks that
called me to do a mailbox.

- That's what they do.
- [laughter]

- That's what they do.
- Yo, my man, my man...

CARMEN: You left her for
a white man over a mailbox?

Ain't no mailbox gonna
pay you more than this floor.

The white folks did.

How much you made
for the mailbox, Shawn?

- $3500.
- Stop lying, man.

I'm trying to tell-- y'all
want to see the mailbox?

I got a picture
of the mailbox.

MS. PAT: You got proof for
the mailbox you made $3500?

So you did the mailbox.

Shawn, this mailbox
old as [bleep].

[laughter]

Oh, I know you lying.

I know you is lying.

You gonna tell me
this is a new installment?

SHAWN: They wanted their
old bricks,

because it was
sentimental to them.

MS. PAT: So do you have any
pictures of this floor?

Yes, ma'am.

He told me he would
knock an extra $500 off

if I helped tear
my own floor up.

[laughter]

She said she wanted
to do that.

He took a picture of you?

Yes, he took a picture of me
on the floor looking stupid.

So she helped you did this?

Yeah, she helped me--
you saw her on the ground.

So wait a minute, how far
did he tear your floor up?

All the way to the joists?

We tore the whole floor
out to the ground.

Uh, dang.

[laughter]

So let me
ask you this, Shawn.

So you a contractor?

Um, I'm a...

I'm a contractor,
but I'm not a contractor.

What?

[laughter]

It's a yes or no.
Are you a professional?

I don't want to hear no,
"I am and I'm not."

I'm gonna say yes.

[laughter]

He gonna say yes.

SHAWN:
I'm gonna say yes.

MS. PAT:
Do you have a license?

I got a driver's license.

I ain't got the license like
you think I need, but I got...

I don't even believe that
driver's license no good, Pat.

So you tore up the floor

and you just left
her high and dry?

No, I had sent somebody
over there to finish it.

The person
that you sent over,

did they do quality work?

- He can do quality work.
- [overlapping conversations]

Let me just say this,

I've never seen nobody
who was gonna install a floor

and took the whole
damn floor out.

SHAWN: We had to take
the whole floor up.

Her son fell through
the floor.

- Who did?
- Her son.

He didn't get far.
It's a lot of dirt there.

So after you demo-ed
the floor, did you fix it back?

- Did you put it back?
- Yeah, I put it back.

Brought my partner over there

and he was putting
half of it back together

and I'd check on him
every now and then.

Let me see the floor
that was finished.

- What they call finished.
- She can walk on it.

She can walk on it,
Miss Pat.

- Oh, hell no!
- NAVV: That ain't bad.

That is bad.

A little better
than it was.

MS. PAT:
This is a sub-floor, sir.

This is not a complete job.

All you got
was plywood at the end.

Shawn, did your help
finish the job?

Yeah, he was doing
his work.

I called him,
checked on him,

making sure everything
was good.

Who is this man?

- It's a cat named Retro.
- Retro?

His name is Retro.

- Is Retro here?
- Yeah, Retro right here.

- Come on up here, Repo.
- [laughter]

Oh, he just got out.

[laughter]

So, Retro, Shawn hired you
to finish Tiffany floor?

Did Shawn ever come back
and check on you?

Because you look like
you need to be checked on.

[laughter]

RETRO:
He know I'm a hard worker,

so he know he ain't have to
check like that.

Are you a contractor?

I'm a neighborhood man.

I do all the jobs
in the neighborhood.

I was just trying
to get a bag.

Shawn pulled up and said...

You were trying
to get a bag?

Yeah, I was trying
to get a bag.

Or you were just
trying to get some money?

I was trying to get
some money.

Did you know
what you was doing?

- Kind of.
- Okay.

He too [indistinct].

Shawn, you brought
the wrong witness, dog.

[laughter]

MS. PAT:
Thank you, Retro.

You can take your chain
and go and sit back down.

[indistinct]

He got a lot of tattoos.

He had some money
at some point.

[laughter]

And did you get your money?

Did you get the $500?

Oh, no, I'm still
waiting on mine, too.

Oh!

You owe
your witness money?

[laughter]

I'm going to go to my jury.
Come on, Carmen.

How dare you take from this
single mother,

her baby and had
already failed?

- [applause]
- Yeah, that's it.

How old was your son?

- He was 17.
- CARMEN: 17!?

He should have been down there
fixing that floor with Retro.

Ooh, lord,
I done heard enough.

I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the plaintiff, Tiffany.

[applause]

Shawn, you're ordered
to pay Tiffany $2,000.

Tiffany trusted you
as a friend

to finish her den,

and you left this lady
walking on raw wood.

And then not only that,

you didn't even
pay your friend back, there.

Retro, come up here
and stand next to her, please.

NAVV:
Take your time, Retro.

Shawn is going
to give you your $500.

I've settled this.

Y'all get the hell
out of my courtroom.

[applause]

Let me ask y'all something.

Y'all ever had somebody
do a job at your house

and screwed it up?

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, but it was
in a bedroom.

It was a different
type of job.

[laughter]

It's time to go,
we out of here.

- I gave her my kidney.
- What?

The thing don't even work
like it should.

- Give it back.
- [laughter]

I've been trying to.

I'm here to sue
my girlfriend.

Just do that spin,

you can get
that money back.

- [applause]
- Yeah!

Man, that girl innocent, man!

[laughter]

- Hey, jury!
- Hey!

You know,
they say don't judge,

but today I need you to do it
with your chest out.

[laughter]

Carmen,
don't you touch that man.

He ain't got time for you,
you calling him

in the middle
of the night, crying.

He gonna be the one crying.
Ha!

Come on, bailiff,
get to baliff-ing.

This is the case of Jackson
versus Davis.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Kimberly Jackson

is suing her niece,
Felicia, for $4,000,

claiming she owed
months of unpaid rent

after overstaying
her welcome.

Defendant Felicia Davis
argues that her auntie

is the one
who owed the bill.

She did it.

ANNOUNCER:
She credits herself

with saving
Kimberly's life years ago,

and that's a debt
that can never be repaid.

...tell the whole truth
and nothing but the truth...

Kimberly, tell me
why you here.

I'm here to sue
my freeloading niece, Felicia.

She owes me $4,000
in unpaid rent.

She came to visit
for a few days.

That turned into
a few weeks.

Now it's several months,

and I want her the hell
out of my house.

MS. PAT: Let me hear your side
of the story, lipstick--

I mean, Felicia.

You know, family is supposed
to help family.

- Bullshit.
- And what she's not

telling you is,
I gave her my kidney.

What?

So she owe me for life.

Girl, please.

Tell me about the kidney.

She was sick.

I have polycystic disease.

And I helped her out,
because that's what family do.

She gave me
a subpar kidney.

I can't even take
ibuprofen.

The thing don't even work
like it should.

- Give it back.
- [laughter]

I've been trying to.

Ms. Pat,
she's not playing.

KIMBERLY: That kidney was
ten years ago, honey.

She also failed to mention
that when she gave me the kidney

and I got well, I took her
on a full-paid cruise.

I paid for the flight
and everything.

Ms. Pat, do you know
that one single kidney

can cost up to $250,000?

Oh, my!

And your niece was
nice enough to give you one?

KIMBERLY:
I don't give a damn.

I want her
out of my house.

She wouldn't even
be here right now

if it wasn't for
my kidney.

Kimberly, how did Felicia
end up living in your house?

She came for Thanksgiving.

I host my family.

But then now
everybody gone,

you still here, and I'm like,
what's really going on?

So she's like, oh,
I want to be a comic.

You know, Atlanta
is the place to be.

Okay, this is like
Black Hollywood,

and I'ma be a big star.

I know how this gonna end.

Kimberly, did she ask,
can she stay with you?

After a month, I told her,
I'ma need $1,000.

My rent is $2,000,
and I want you to pay rent.

I don't even understand
why I even owe her money.

Have you tried
to have her evicted?

Um, no, I was hoping
not to do that because,

as you know,
that costs money.

I was hoping she would
just pack her big bags

and take her big ass
on somewhere.

- [laughter]
- Oh.

Oh, my.

- But then there's evidence.
- Tell her what it say.

"Eviction notice, you are hereby
required to evacuate..."

Evacuate?

It say vacuate, but I thought
it was evacuate.

See, it ain't even
spelled right.

- [all talking at once]
- That's why it say,

- get the hell out!
- Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

This ain't even spelled right.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.

That say "vacate."

I don't know
if you helpable.

KIMBERLY:
That's right.

MS. PAT: I mean, you living
in somebody's house

and the mortgage is $2,000,

and you got on that
little ugly lipstick.

Who bought that?

She did.

The glitter get everywhere.

I wish it would
get to the bank.

- Ooh!
- [laughter]

MS. PAT:
Do y'all like that?

Safaree, you like that
glitter on the lips?

I got lip tattoos,
right here.

That's what
I'm talking about.

I know he like big girls.

I've seen him
looking at me.

CARMEN:
Go ahead on, girl.

See, that's what
I'm looking for.

No dignity.

[all talking at once]

[laughter]

Safaree, I'm gonna
need you to pay her rent.

I got you in a month.

KIMBERLY: In a month?
Oh, yeah.

Two birds of a feather.

[laughter]

- Nah.
- MS. PAT: Okay.

I'm gonna go over
to my jury. Carmen.

Me and my aunt have a really
close relationship.

If she ever needed a kidney,

I would definitely
give it to her,

but you can't hold that over
somebody's head for ten years.

You didn't even tell us
about the cruise,

and I know you was
on that boat, eating.

I know you was.

My advice to you,
stay as long as she live.

She owe you $250,000.

Yes!

I don't owe this girl
nothing but a kick in her ass.

I want you out of my house.

I'm tired of talking
about this.

All right.

So I've come to my
final decision,

and I'm gonna settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in the favor of...

...the plaintiff, Kimberly.

[applause]

Felicia, you're ordered
to pay Kimberly $2,000.

You wanted $4,000 for rent.

And the reason why
I'm giving you $2,000

is because that kidney do have
some miles on it now.

And I know when she
gave it to you,

it was in fatty,
healthy shape.

Yeah, I just settled it.

Y'all get your crazy asses
out of here.

Bye, Felicia.

MS. PAT:
Ain't nobody calling you.

She almost bit your ass.

There definitely was some
teeth in there.

[laughter]

My dog has food allergies.
He's a pescatarian.

Why the hell you didn't
pack that dog no fish sandwich?

Who the hell breed a pit bull
with a pescatarian, anyway?

- SAFAREE: Make it make sense.
- NAVV: Make it make sense.

Hey, jury, how y'all doing?

- Hey...
- What's going on?

- Greetings, Your Majesty.
- What?

Up there looking like
Glorilla Mama.

[laughter]

I wish I was Glorilla Mama.

But Glorilla don't even
look like her mama.

[laughter]

Get to bailiff-ing,
bailiff.

This is the case
of Boone versus Powell.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff, Feniece Boone,

is suing her
girlfriend, Shay,

for $1,000 in vet bills

after her dog, Deuce,
started acting fishy

after Shay babysat him.

KARLOUS:
She used to work at Sonic's.

[laughter]

ANNOUNCER: Defendant,
Shay Powell, says Feniece

is skating around the truth

and it is Feniece
who owes her money

after Deuce urinated
on her couch.

Shay is countersuing
for $835.

...tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing

but the truth,
so help you, God?

- I do.
- All right, Feniece,

can you tell me
why we're here today?

I'm here to sue my girlfriend
for $1,000 in vet bills.

I'm a professional skater
and I went out of town for a gig

and I came back
and my dog was sick.

She had left food around

and he ate something
he wasn't supposed to.

After that, she's like,

"Well, you need to
give me my money.

I still watched your dog."

No, I'm not giving you
nothing because now

I have to spend a lot of money
to get him fixed.

Shay, what's your side
of the story, baby?

I'm countersuing
my situationship for $835.

$400 is for me
babysitting her dog

and $435 is for
the couch cleaning,

because her bad-ass dog
pissed on my couch.

Y'all not in a relationship?

- FENIECE: Oh, no.
- SHAY: We are, we are.

She asked me
to be her girlfriend.

- Did I?
- MS. PAT: Okay.

- And did.
- Blame it on the Patron.

Oh!

Let me ask you this, Shay.

How long did you keep
the dog?

I kept the dog
for four days.

Feniece,
set this up for me.

You was going out of town.

You came back
and your dog was what?

Sick.
He has food allergies.

He's a pescatarian,
for one.

What kind of dog is that?

[laughter]

He only eats
fish and seafood.

MS. PAT: Okay.
What's the dog's name?

Deuce.

What was wrong with "Deuce"?

[laughter]

He had a fungus
on his skin.

Can I see before and after
pictures for this dog?

Oh, yes, Your Honor,
you sure can, I have it.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

You sure this dog just don't
have eczema or alopecia?

FENIECE: That's all from
feeding him something

he wasn't supposed to eat,
Your Honor.

I gave her a list of things
that he cannot have,

and she knew that.

Y'all could have blurred
his nuts out

or something,
come on, now.

- [bell dings]
- [laughter]

Shay, can you please tell me
what did her dog get into?

I came home from
a long day at work.

I had a box
of fried chicken,

and I set it
on the table,

and I ran upstairs
for a quick second.

And when I came back down,
the dog is on the table...

- [gasps]
- ...eating my box of chicken.

MS. PAT:
Oh, my goodness.

So I'm like,
no, bad dog, bad dog.

And he got off the table,
and he went to the couch,

and he lifted his leg up,

and he started pissing
on my couch.

Let me see your evidence.

Here you go.

How much did it cost
to get your couch cleaned?

I got the evidence,
right here.

It was $435.

[stammering]
How many...

[laughter]

For $435, ma'am, you could have
bought a love seat

for $200 and threw
away this couch.

That's true.

MS. PAT: Let me get
one thing straight.

-She's watched your dog before?
- Yes.

The dog actually tried
to drag me into a lake

when I first watched him.

Do you have proof?

Yes, I got the video.

[in video]
No! No, Deuce!

No, Deuce!

[laughter]

Oh, my God!

That's what you get!

ANNOUNCER: Feniece Boone
is suing her girlfriend,

Shay Powell, because she said
her dog on a diet

got sick from Shay's
fried chicken.

Shay's countersuing because

the pescatarian pooch
peed on her furniture.

Ms. Pat's ready to settle
this pup-pee problem.

Why was she watching
your dog in the first place?

I literally went out of town
for a big gig,

- skating for Will.i.am.
- Okay.

We were shooting
a music video.

Okay. Do you have a video
of you skating?

I do.

Oh, let me see.

Oh, shit.

[music playing in video]

CARMEN:
Oh, she ain't playin'.

Hey!

Man, that girl is innocent, man!

[laughter and applause]

- We got you one.
- Come on, Boone.

We here for a dog,
not how she hit that split.

[laughter]

All right, come on,
help me out here, Karlous.

Look at this dog.

Don't he look like

he know he wasn't
supposed to have that?

You see
the anger in his face?

If you knew he had
a condition,

then you probably would have had
some medicine, just in case.

Yes.

Why the hell you didn't
pack that dog no fish sandwich?

[laughter]

- Make it make sense.
- Make it make sense.

I mean,
she can make him something.

And who the hell
breed a pit bull

- with a pescatarian, anyway?
- [laughter]

- Okay.
- I rest my case, Your Honor.

[applause]

Okay.

Ladies, I want you to know
I've come to my final decision,

and I'm gonna settle this
once and for all.

And I'm ruling in favor of...

...Shay.

What?

Feniece, you are ordered
to pay her $435

for your dog
pissing on her couch.

You don't have to pay her
for watching

because you did not do
a good job in watching that dog.

I really think
this dog was mad

because he didn't get to
finish his chicken dinner.

You lucky he didn't take
a [indistinct] on your couch.

[laughter]

The case is settled.

Get out of my courtroom.

Just do that spin, you'll get
that money back, easy.

Whoo!

Skate your ass on out of here,
get your girl,

get your girl.

That dog was two times
this woman's size.

Pulled her in a river,
he took her food.

And all she did was say,
"Bad dog."

Who says that?

[laughter]

- What the --?
- WOMAN: Yes.

- Y'all nasty.
- KARLOUS: It's a carton

of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

We don't eat cereal.

- Your baby daddy eating it.
- We don't eat cereal.

MS. PAT:
You couldn't pay $20

to go to your girlfriend's
birthday party?

I ain't know
I was her boyfriend.

[laughter]

That's not right, Ms. Pat!

Defamation of character,
$50,000.

Busting my body up

after giving birth to him,
$30,000.

WOMAN: Amen.

I want my body back.

He literally getting charged

every time he move
or breathe in and out.