All language subtitles for Ms.Pat.Settles.It.S03E02.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE_track3_[eng]

- All rise!
- Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat,

and I know the inside
of a courtroom.

Man, that girl
is innocent!

You ain't the damn judge.

Get ready to see
real cases.

I want you
out of my house.

Real drama and real money
on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends
to court as my jury.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have started
this mess,

but you know
I'm gonna settle it.

Ms. Pat, Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

- MAN: See, that's my tooth.
- You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have
a good time together.

- We do.
- [laughter]

All rise, because court
is back in session.

♪♪♪

She looks like
your sweet auntie,

but she'll cuss you out
like your drunk uncle.

All rise for Ms. Pat.

♪♪♪

Y'all can sit
the hell down.

[laughter]

Now, jury, just remember,

if it sounds too stupid
to be true, it probably is.

Ms. Pat, keep your
game face on, too.

You been lettin'
these people trick you.

- Shut the [bleep] up.
- [laughter]

All right, bailiff,
go ahead and start, bailiff.

This is the case
of Taylor versus Guzman.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff William Taylor

is suing his
ex-girlfriend, Janesa,

for $1500, claiming she wrecked
his car in a fit of rage.

Defendant
Janesa Guzman says

William is just
a liar and a cheater.

Plus, he ditched out
on a vacation,

leaving her with the bill.

She's only paying
what he's worth, nothing.

Before we get started,
I just want to let y'all know,

this is a jury of my peers.

They got my back
like my breast wrap.

- Tight.
- Tight.

[laughter]

MS. PAT:
All right, Mr. Taylor,

why are you here
today, baby?

Your Honor,
we're here today

because I'm suing my
ex-girlfriend, Janesa,

for $1500
for the damage to my car.

Now, she's gonna claim
that I'm a cheater.

I'm not a cheater,
Your Honor.

And that's the reason
why she believes that

she won't give me
back my money.

MS. PAT: Janesa, let me hear
your side of the story.

I don't owe William
anything.

For most of our relationship,
he lied, he did me dirty.

He kept cheating on me
with different females

that supposedly
he "worked" with.

And we were supposed to take
a trip together,

but since we broke up,
we ended up not going,

and I had to pay off
by myself.

So I feel like we're even.

How long y'all been
together?

- Two years.
- Where did it go wrong at?

JANESA: I seen messages
between him and his clients.

He was being
very flirtatious.

Your Honor,
I work out of my house.

I'm a massage therapist,

and I specialize in
BBL recovery.

So I have the clients
come to me,

and I perform my BBL
massage therapy on them.

She claims I was cheating.

She put, like,
a hidden camera in my kitchen.

She saw me on camera
with a girl,

and I picked her up,
and I brought her upstairs.

So you just picking chicks up
and taking them upstairs?

No, Your Honor, look--

He was about to smash.
I'm not done.

Do you have any proof?

Yeah, I have the video.

CARMEN:
Oh, yeah, baby.

Oh, yeah, I'm ready.

WILLIAM:
Gentleman, gentleman.

I'm a gentleman,
I'm a gentleman.

KARLOUS:
Now, I seen that before.

That's called
a fireman's carry.

- Thank you.
- Had the legs wrapped around

- was for stability.
- Thank you.

KARLOUS:
I see what you're doing, bro,

I see what you're
doing, bro.

[laughter]

And that's with
a time-stamp.

You do your lymphatic
drainage at 10:30 at night?

They need my services,
and I'm performing that job.

- 10:30 at night.
- I'm performing on you.

I can test it out
if you want.

I'll get back with you.

[laughter]

Will you tell me
what she did to your car?

So, we got into an argument,
calling me a liar,

calling me a cheater.

She grabbed my keys,
and she left.

She comes back
to the crib,

the car is all messed up.

I got pictures of it, too,
Your Honor.

Yeah, let me see your proof.

Look at that.

MS. PAT:
[gasps] Oh, my God!

Oh, hell no!

CARMEN: Oh, my God!

You ain't got to do
all that to him, ma'am.

All you got to do
is take them glasses,

and you got control.

[laughter]

CARMEN:
Look at that.

William, how much damage
did she do to the car?

$1500.

Let me see your receipts.

Any proof.

Janesa, why don't you think
you owe him anything?

We planned a trip together,
and then we broke up,

and I paid for the Airbnb
when we were supposed to go

half on it, and he still
didn't give me the money.

Let me have the receipt.

Okay, how much
was the Airbnb, baby?

JANESA:
Total paid $1300.

CARMEN: You still trying
with this bill?

WILLIAM: That was after
she damaged my car.

Why would I want to go
on vacation

with somebody
who damaged my car?

Put yourself in her shoes,
and Safaree, pick her up,

and take her upstairs.

Boy, your glasses
are going to fog up so quick.

[laughter]

Stand up, Safaree,
open your jacket.

Ahh!

We're not doing that.

Hold on, let me touch it,
let me touch it.

We're not doing that.

Come on, come on,
come on, bro.

Come on, bro.

[laughter]

MS. PAT:
You see how that feels?

- Hold up, man.
- That's how she felt.

Okay, I'm going over here
to my jury, come on, Karlous.

He don't want it, but he don't
want nobody else to have it.

At the end of the day,
the same money

that it cost him
to get the car fixed

is the same money
that she spent at the Airbnb.

Y'all call it even,
go back to the hotel,

have sex, make up,
and everybody be happy.

have sex, make up,
and everybody be happy.

When was the last time
y'all had sex?

Probably like,
a few weeks ago?

We're not talking
about that.

[all talking at once]

Hey!

It's defamation
of character!

[all talking at once]

Where the hell
did y'all meet, at jail?

[laughter]

All right, with that,

I'm going to make
my decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the defendant, Janesa.

CARMEN: City girls up, baby!
Yeah!

What?

Janesa, you don't owe
William anything.

Uh-huh.

She damaged your car,
but she did pay for the Airbnb.

Now, I just wanted to say,
I know you love her,

because when she went over
there to touch him, baby...

- He turned into Usain Bolt.
- [laughter]

You were willing to get
knocked out

by a guy
with a fur coat on.

So it's some love there.

I hope y'all can
work this thing out.

Y'all go give her a hug.

- SAFAREE: Oh...
- ALL: Aw...

Now, I just settled it,

get your scary ass
out of here.

[laughter]

- JANESA: Bye.
- Bye, sweetheart.

Baby, you put that relationship
right on back together.

[laughter]

I wish y'all could have
seen her face as she said,

"Let me touch you,
let me touch you."

She was like this.

[laughter]

When you seen William,
he was like, no!

Dog got into the ham,
the rice, macaroni,

- the dessert.
- Damn!

CARMEN:
This dog must be ferocious.

- Is the dog here?
- Yes, actually.

Don't bring him in here.
- Uh-uh.

[dog barks]

I was at a really big event,
and my wig came off.

When I was doing your hair,

she's talking on the phone
to her boyfriend,

talking bull crap about me.

She was like,
as soon as she sit down,

this shit gonna slip out.

[laughter]

Hey, jury, how y'all doing?

- CARMEN: Great.
- Good.

Nene, I wish I was
as pretty as you.

I'm real regular.

And then she flipped
the hair when she said it.

That boy got so much hair
stuck in his gap.

[laughter]

He don't want
to tell you, Nene.

He just keeps
swallowing the shit.

Come on, bailiff,
let's get it started.

This is the case
of Pierre versus Valerius.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Winnie Pierre

is suing her cousin Cynthia
for $2,550,

the cost of her medical bills
and the Thanksgiving dinner

that Cynthia's
devilish dog devoured.

The defendant,
Cynthia Valerius,

says her cousin's being
dramatic.

It was her own actions
that ruined the holiday.

She's barking up
the wrong tree.

Y'all swear
to tell the truth,

the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth,

so help you, God?

MS. PAT: All righty, so, Winnie,
tell me why you're here.

I'm here to sue my cousin,
Cynthia Valerius,

for $2,550 for ruining
my first Thanksgiving

and sending me
to the hospital.

What happened?

This was my first
Thanksgiving ever.

I had family flying from
all over the United States.

She decides to bring her dog.

I didn't invite the dog,
mind you.

I'm not a dog parent, I don't
know what to do with a dog.

She put the dog in my
living room to, you know,

divide the dog
from being in the kitchen.

So I get a call,
I'm headed to my room,

and I go across the dog gate,
but I don't know

if I left it open
or what happened.

So on my way
coming back from my bedroom,

I'm going to the kitchen,
I notice that the dog

is enjoying
Thanksgiving dinner.

- Oh, hell no.
- WINNIE: Right.

What's your side, Cynthia?

He did not ruin the entire
Thanksgiving thing.

I think she's being
a bit more dramatic

than she needs to be
right now.

He only ate, like,
three or four things.

He didn't ruin
the whole thing.

How much food
did the dog eat?

The dog got into the ham,
the rice, macaroni.

- Damn!
- The dessert.

- Not the macaroni.
- That's a lie, that's a lie.

It was the lasagna,
it was a julienne...

and the fried turkey,
only those three.

BOTH:
The fried turkey?

Oh, no.

So, Winnie, walk me through
the second the dog

jump up on the table.

So I go to jump
over the gate.

I was trying to save
Thanksgiving.

Guess my housecoat
got stuck on the gate.

And then I go to catch
my balance,

and then my shoulder
hits the counter.

If she had properly
secured her dog,

I wouldn't have had to
struggle with that gate

and injured my life.

Injured your life?

I mean, my life
was jeopardized.

Did you go to the hospital?

I did, and my medical
bills are, like, $2,000.

Let me see
your doctor bills.

NAVV:
Be careful with that arm.

CARMEN: Oh, that say,
"final notice," baby.

Uh-uh, they want
their money now.

You wasn't paying nothing.

She got to pay it,
not me.

I'm still catching my breath
from that fall.

You probably got asthma.

[laughter]

MS. PAT: So, Cynthia, what made
you decide to bring the dog?

- He's a family dog.
- WINNIE: He's a bad dog.

Where else is Spirit
gonna go?

- MS. PAT: He's bad?
- He's horrible.

He's pissing everywhere,
he's sniffing everywhere,

he's in everything.

MS. PAT: So what did you
do with the food

after you caught the
vicious dog eating the food?

We had to dispose
everything.

All I know is the visual,

dog, dog, hair, food.
It was a wrap.

Let me see the receipt
for the food.

Girl, you knew
you bought that food,

and you couldn't afford it.

You gonna sue
to get the money back.

CARMEN: This big, old dog
was hungry, baby.

This dog done ate
a 12-pack of chicken wings,

a fried turkey,
a whole lasagna.

This dog must be ferocious.

Cynthia, did you offer to pay
anything towards the food?

No, I did not, because,
like, I helped her

cook the food, so my time
and labor was into that.

So let me ask you
something, Winnie.

Was you scared of the dog?

He gets a little, like,
grr, a little bit sometimes.

- What?
- This is a vicious dog.

KARLOUS:
You were probably terrified.

You scared of a dog
that you let in your own house?

I was bullied
into letting him,

because I didn't
invite the dog.

Is the dog here?

Yes, actually,
the dog is here.

- Don't bring him in here.
- Uh-uh.

Uh-uh, no, no, no.

Let's see the vicious dog.

♪♪♪

He's not that bad.

[laughter]

[laughter]

NAVV: Man, Carmen,
get over there.

Is this the vicious dog?

He is so cute!

Hi, buddy!

NENE: Oh, my God,
look at him.

Oh...

Hey, Spirit.

You got on your little
tuxedo jacket.

Now, you saying he mean?

What kind of dog is this?

A Shih Tzu.

Oh, shitty zoo.

[laughter]

This dog got the same little
gray beard you got, look.

This is so damn cute!
He's so damn cute!

Ma'am, this dog can't even
eat a macaroni and not be full.

All right, I'm gonna
go to my jury.

Carmen, tell me
what you think.

Listen, let's keep it real.

This dog probably ate
about 14 dollars worth of food.

That was it.

Now, listen, I'm with you
because it's my house.

I make the rules.

It's up to the owner
of the dog

to put the dog up
in a safe place.

Don't bring it over my house

where I'm about to break
my neck.

KARLOUS:
Let me see the dog.

Hold up, hold up.

He look like
he's still full.

NENE:
See what I'm saying?

Everything the sun touches.

CARMEN:
This is not "The Lion King"!

Put the dog down.

So, any final remarks
before I make my decision?

Your Honor, yes.

I did nearly lose my life.

I did lose a lot of money
on my food.

I'm just asking you to be fair
with me this evening.

And any final remarks
from you, Cynthia?

So, she's always had issues
with that shoulder, okay?

So, it was an actual sprain
due to reoccurring injury

when she fell over the gate.

MS. PAT:
All right, y'all.

So, I've come to
my final decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in the favor of...

...the plaintiff, Winnie.

Cynthia, you need to pay her
$225, half of that grocery bill

because your dog
messed up Thanksgiving.

And I'm not awarding you
anything for your doctor bill.

Shit happens.

Let's put all of this
behind us.

Y'all cousins.

Y'all fighting over a dog.

Don't you miss each other?

Give her a hug.

[applause]

All right, y'all,
I just settled it.

Get out of my courtroom.

Thank you, Your Honor.

KARLOUS: In Mississippi, a dog
will wind up in your yard,

and then you feed him,
and that's your dog.

Karlous, that's stealing.

Mid-interview,
my wig came off.

What celebrity hair
have you done?

I've done Rennie Rucci,
Big Licks, Mehgan James.

Have you did Nene Leakes' hair?

Not yet.

- Honey, listen.
- [laughter]

How you doing today, jury?

- I'm great.
- Uhh... be honest.

Who only here because
they owe me a favor?

[laughter]

I might--
Do I owe you favor?

MS. PAT: Come on, bailiff,
start, bailiff.

This is the case
of James versus Roberson.

Please enter the courtroom.

Plaintiff Mehgan James is suing
her friend and hairstylist

for $5,000 for lost wages
when her quick weave fell out,

preventing her from
completing interviews.

Defendant Qualitesha Roberson
asserts that Mehgan James

loved her hair
when it was finished.

She thinks
the weave fell out

because she sat on it
excessively

and didn't
properly care for it.

Therefore, Qualitesha
owes her nothing.

- ...so help you, God?
- Yes.

- So, Ms. James...
- Mm-hmm.

...and Qualitesha.

Qualitesha.

What you want your pronouns
to be in this courtroom?

He, she, they,
I'm God, bitch.

I don't care
what nobody call me.

Ms. James, tell me why
you're here today.

I'm here today suing
Qualitesha for ruining my hair.

I got booked to do
correspondence

for one of the biggest music
festivals in America.

And mid-interview,
my wig came off.

I had to cancel
the rest of my day

and I lost out
on my $5,000.

Did you get paid
per interview?

The minimum was ten
interviews per day.

I didn't complete
my ten interviews,

so I didn't get paid at all.

Oh, wow.

Tell me what happened,
Qualitesha.

I'm getting sued by her
for a service

that I did last minute.

And I drove three hours
away to come do her hair.

And also, she didn't even
pay for nothing.

She only paid
for gas and supplies.

So, you didn't pay anything
to get your hair done.

You paid her no money.

He wanted to do my hair
in exchange for content.

He got a million views
on that video,

so I did my part,
he didn't do his part,

and that's why
I'm suing him.

How many followers
did you have?

I have 1.2 million
followers.

Can you post
my show in Atlantic City?

Yes, ma'am,
I got you, Ms. Pat.

Is this what you do
for a living?

Yes, I am a celebrity
hairstylist.

I go by Qualitesha because
everything I do is qualified.

What celebrity hair
have you done?

I've done Rennie Rucci,
Big Licks, Mehgan James.

Have you did
Nene Leakes' hair?

Not yet.

- Honey, listen.
- [laughter]

MS. PAT: Can I see some of
your work, Qualitesha?

QUALITESHA:
Yes, ma'am.

- CARMEN: That's nice.
- MS. PAT: Okay.

So, do you braid
or do you do quick weave?

I'm a braider.

She asked me to do braids
in the front,

quick weave in the back.

Ms. Pat, that's a lie.

When he came to my house,
I was like, you know,

give me some cute braids.

He was like, no,
you're going on a red carpet.

Like, you need
to look the part.

He ends up doing
the hairstyle,

and any Black girl
that I know that gets weaved,

they leave out a slither
of hair to cover the track.

- Of course.
- [laughter]

How you know?

Qualitesha is going
to send me on my way

with my track showing
in that hairstyle.

Do you have any pictures?

Yes, ma'am,
I do have proof.

Oh, I see your
track showing.

- Yeah, you can see it.
- This ain't right, Qualitesha.

And I understand that.
However, I fixed that.

The next picture,
we couldn't see no tracks.

- Yes.
- Oh, the hair was cute.

Your track is covered here.

CARMEN: Yeah, that's how
an up-down looks.

That slipped down.

So I had to borrow
a hat from a stranger,

because I couldn't
secure the wig,

there was no hairstylist
in the middle of nowhere.

And this is text messages
after I told Qualitesha

what happened to my wig.

Okay.
Let's fix it.

- "Bitch...!"
- [laughter]

"I just sat down
to do my interview,

"and the entire back
of my wig came off.

I told you I did not
want this style."

"Girl, go put a hat on."

You sound like
you didn't care.

I didn't care no more
because of the fact

when I was doing her hair,
she's talking on the phone

to her boyfriend, talking
all types of bull crap about me.

What was she saying,
Qualitesha?

She was saying,
"I'm so tired of sitting here.

"He's taking so long.

He don't even know
what he's doing."

So I'm getting humiliated
while I'm doing her hair.

Were you talking about her
to your man?

Yes, because I'm not fake.

Girl, you don't even know.

Ooh...

ANNOUNCER:
Influencer Mehgan James

is suing hairstylist
Qualitesha Roberson

for $5,000 because
her weave fell out

when she was hosting
a red carpet event.

Qualitesha says she's
not to blame,

so she's not going to pay.

Miss Pat's going to untangle
this hairy mess.

Were you talking about her
to your man?

Yes, because I'm not fake.

Girl, you don't even know.

Ooh...

You was that bold to sit there
while she's doing your hair

and talk about her?

That was kind of rude.

She was like,
as soon as she sit down,

this shit going to slip out.

[laughter]

But again, I don't understand
how it came out.

You didn't glue it down
right, Qualitesha.

I used so much glue,
Ms. Judge Pat.

Listen,
I used the Elmer's glue.

CARMEN:
Well, that's the problem!

Jesus Christ.

- QUALITESHA: Not Elmer's glue.
- What?

It's black glue,
for the lashes.

You got to use hair glue.

- It was hair glue.
- You said, for the lashes.

All right, I'm going
to go to my jury-- Deray?

It's like driving a car
off the lot,

you gave her a car,
and the car was beautiful.

And then once
she pulled off the lot,

all the wheels fell off.

If this whole wig
fall off right now,

I'm going to sit
my bald-headed ass right here

and continue to tell
these jokes.

I'm not letting nothing
get between me and my bag.

You should have
toughed it out,

and because you made
the decision to not do that,

that's not her fault.

MS. PAT: And with that said,
I've come to my final decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the plaintiff,
Mehgan James.

Qualitesha, you're ordered
to pay Mehgan $5,000.

Your hair shouldn't
fall off on the red carpet.

You got to look your best,
because if not,

they'd be talking
about you the next day.

You made her miss out
on a whole day of work,

and you had the nerve
to say, "Girl, put on a hat

and keep going."

Next time, Qualitesha,
do more quality.

Good job, girl.
Crybaby.

Get out of here,
I just settled it.

- QUALITESHA: Bye, jury.
- [applause]

I keep everything
in my bag.

I even got false teeth,
and I don't even need them.

- [laughter]
- I'm serious.

One temporary crown
is in my bag

in case my teeth
start to fall apart.

I got a temporary
Crown Royal.

[laughter]

ANNOUNCER: Next time
on "Ms. Pat Settles It"...

My freeloading niece,
she owes me $4,000 in rent.

I gave her my kidney.

What?

The thing don't even work
like it should.

- Give it back.
- [laughter]

He got me
and my floor messed up.

MS. PAT:
Do you have a license?

MAN:
I got a driver's license.

I ain't got the license
license you talk I need.

I don't even believe that
driver's license no good, Pat.

My dog ate something
he wasn't supposed to.

He had a fungus
on his skin.

Y'all could have blurred
his nuts out or something.

- Come on, now.
- [laughter]