Original subtitles

- All rise! - Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat,

and I know the inside of a courtroom.

That girl is innocent!

You ain't the damn judge.

Get ready to see real cases.

I want you out of my house.

Real drama and real money on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends to court as my jury.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have started this mess, but you know

I'm gonna settle it.

Ms. Pat, Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

MAN: See, that's my tooth.

You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have a good time together.

- We do. - [laughter]

All rise, because court is back in session.

Where the tea gets spilled,

the truth gets dragged, and the jury gets roasted.

All rise for Ms. Pat.

♪♪♪

Y'all have a seat.

How y'all doing?

We don't get roasted.

We do the roasting, right here.

SAFAREE: Yeah, what the hell are you talking about,

- you milk dud? - [laughter]

All right, do your damn thing.

This is the case of Humphrey versus Dogan.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Joseph Humphrey

is suing his ex-wife for $5,000

after he loaned her the money to get her car fixed.

But defendant Shaneeka Dogan says she found a better use

of the money, and doesn't owe her cheating ex a dime.

KARLOUS: You all right?

Your whole mood changed when she walked in.

MS. PAT: Before we get started,

I just want to let y'all know,

my jury might not have common sense,

but they got my back.

That's the only thing that matters.

- [laughter] - SAFAREE: Wow...

All right, Joseph, tell me why you're here today.

I'm here to sue my ex-wife, baby mama,

for $5,000 that she finessed me out of.

What was the $5,000 for?

To get her car fixed.

Talking about my three kids

couldn't get back and forth to school.

I got her to sign a promissory note,

and I'm just here to get my money back, that's it.

Shaneeka, tell me your side of the story.

Listen, Your Honor, yes, I borrowed $5,000.

Yes, I signed this promissory note,

but that was just to get him out of my face.

I felt like I earned it, because he cheated.

I don't owe him shit.

[laughter]

MS. PAT: How many years were y'all together?

JOSEPH: Off and on for about 13 years.

We met when we was working at Applebee's together.

Hard-working man.

JOSEPH: Lunchtime, in between time,

you know what I mean?

We get in where we fit in.

We moved in together and tried to make stuff happen,

but, you know.

Why is you the ex-wife?

I left his ass.

This man kept cheating on me over and over.

MS. PAT: How'd you end up giving her $5,000?

So, she called me, she needed to see me.

She dropped her location,

and I kind of see what area it is,

so I'm like, ain't nothing but some hotels around there.

She tell me what room to come to.

Come to the room,

she got it all decked out.

Rose petals, candles.

You got pictures?

- Yeah, I do. - Let me see them.

So, what y'all do?

You see.

♪♪♪

- CARMEN: Okay. - What I do.

Trying to get that old thing back.

What I do, I took her to the upper room.

[singsong] ♪ The upper room ♪

Upper room. You know it.

♪ With Jesus ♪

As soon as we finished, she asked me for $5,000.

That's how you do it, baby girl.

SAFAREE: That's wrong. You dead wrong.

Did she make you sign any type of contract for it?

I most definitely made her sign some paper.

I got it right here, I've been carrying it around since.

CARMEN: Hey, you know, they got the chain on the wallet.

You know what's up.

JOSEPH: Don't steal it from me.

It says, "I promise to pay BDB."

That's your name?

- SHANEEKA: No. - That's his little sex name.

I know what BDB stands for.

MS. PAT: What's that stand for?

It be [bleep] baby daddy, don't it?

[laughter]

"I promise to pay BDB, Joseph Humphrey

the $5,000 he gave me to get my car fixed."

So did you use the $5,000 to get your car fixed?

Hmm.

To be honest, I had a little boo thing going on

he didn't know about.

And he had got in a situation.

You used this money for another man?

Yes, ma'am.

- Lock her ass up! - [laughter]

SHANEEKA: Yes, ma'am, I did.

Yes, ma'am.

- No! - Now, y'all be quiet.

Let's get to the bottom, this might be okay.

No, it ain't.

MS. PAT: Shaneeka, you got the $5,000.

What did you do with it?

I bailed my new thing out of jail.

SAFAREE: Oh!

What?

And we went to Cancun.

Okay, okay.

How do you find out she had a little boo thing in Cancun?

She going live on Instagram.

This mother [bleep] running around the beach

with big, old glasses of margaritas.

On your dime.

I went to calling like crazy.

"I want my money, man. What's going on?"

Jasmin, go ahead and tell them that money was...

- "Spund." - [laughter]

This relationship give me flashbacks,

and I understand exactly where you come from, ma'am.

Help me out here.

Come on, Safaree.

She took money from him, bailed another man out,

and went to Cancun while this is a hard-working Black man.

- He was scammed. - Shut up, shut up.

- He was scammed. - Shut up, shut up.

Because I'm looking for the problem.

I'm trying to see the problem.

Come on, Jasmin.

I know it felt good to get your look back,

but at the end of the day,

y'all still ain't going to be done with each other.

Y'all got kids together.

MS. PAT: Now I come to my final decision,

and I'm going to settle this once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the plaintiff, Joseph.

- Yeah! Yeah! - [applause]

- Come on. - Yeah!

This shit bigger than the OJ truck.

MS. PAT: Shaneeka, you're ordered to pay Joseph $5,000,

only because Joseph's promissory note.

Why the hell did you sign, legit?

SAFAREE: Smart man, you're a smart man.

Joseph, you should do the right thing with this $5,000.

You should take her to Cancun.

- [laughter] - CARMEN: Hey...

Now, I just settled it, get out of my courtroom.

If anything, take her back to the Applebee's

y'all used to work there to get on.

They do got them unlimited appetizers going on right now.

[laughter]

MAN: Shar was supposed to make sure the girl's not dying,

and Shar is nowhere to be found.

She's too busy on her rapping career.

I'm gonna give to everybody my rapping.

- You guys... - [laughter]

What the hell are you doing?

- He got a food truck. - Damn.

A whole food truck?

She said, "Order anything you want."

What you say, Jay, I ain't hear you.

- SAFAREE: Hey, hey! - Oh!

- MS. PAT: Hey, jury! - Hi. Hey...

Hey, Deray, you made it.

Yes, I did, Ms. Pat, they let me out--

- I mean, I made it. - [laughter]

MS. PAT: Well, let's get the bailiff in then, bailiff.

This is the case of Angels versus Figueroa.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER: Plaintiff Manny Angels

is suing his employee, Shar,

for $4,300, after she ruined

a high-end event that he planned.

A performer nearly drowned, and in the process,

ruined a couture costume.

[imitating Scarface] Say hello to my little friend.

ANNOUNCER: Defendant Shar Figueroa

says the damages aren't hers to pay.

Manny's lawsuit just doesn't hold water.

- You wear them boots, Nene? - I can really work on it.

MS. PAT: All right, Manny,

tell me why we're here today, darling.

I'm here because Shar owes me $4,300.

I specialize in providing entertainment

for high-end events,

such as aerialists, contortionists.

In this particular event,

Shar was hired to be an event coordinator,

but instead, she was too busy running behind

a very famous ex-soccer player,

trying to get her demo tape to his pop star wife.

I ain't mad at you.

MANNY: All the costumes were damaged,

and I lost a lot of money on this.

- That's what he says? - [laughter]

MS. PAT: All right, come on, Figueroa,

tell me your side of the story.

I don't owe him nothing.

Yes, he hired me for that,

but I'm actually a performer, I'm a contortionist.

I don't know what a contortionist is either.

A contortionist is a person that is very flexible.

I will show everybody later.

No, you ain't the--

- I mean, girl, no. - [laughter]

Okay, I behave.

So why you accept the job if you know

this ain't something that you do?

Honestly, it was a favor for my friend,

but apparently he's not my friend.

Tell me about this Cirque du Soleil that she ruined.

For this particular event, she was in charge of costumes,

getting the girls dressed, and a human ball.

But she's not paying attention,

and she ruined four costumes

that were made out of ostrich feathers.

- Can I see it? - Yeah.

CARMEN: Oh, my goodness, this is so beautiful.

DERAY: Yeah, just love it.

MANNY: You can see how the fans came back.

NENE: Oh, I see them wet, yeah.

- You ruined an ostrich? - SHAR: Not me.

Somebody put the bubble, wet, on the costumes,

and the costume got ruined.

DERAY: She's good, she is good.

"It wasn't me, it was her."

[laughter]

What's a human bubble?

MANNY: So think of, like, a huge hamster ball

that floats on the water.

Oh, I've seen this before.

Ms. Pat, a lot of white people have fun, like,

on oceans in them, they just run in them.

[laughter]

When it comes to the bubble,

Shar was supposed to put her on the water

and then make sure the girl's not dying.

You only get about ten to 12 minutes

of oxygen inside of that bubble.

She can only breathe for ten to 12 minutes before she dies?

Yes.

People take these type of jobs?

- MANNY: Yes. - Time's hard.

[laughter]

MANNY: The ball has a hole,

and while the performer is inside,

it starts to get filled with water.

Oh, my God.

She cannot open the ball because it's only,

like, an outside person can open the zipper.

And Shar is nowhere to be found.

She's too busy on her rapping career.

I feel that I was finished my job, so...

Not Shar!

- Did she drown? - The girl is actually here.

MS. PAT: Can you stand up?

I got that same outfit, baby, go ahead.

Did this lady almost kill you?

Yes.

You almost killed her with your braid.

[laughter]

I want to see something.

Come on, do a little something.

Come on up here, baby.

You got to do something cool to get up here.

- Well, I'll be damned. - CARMEN: Oh!

Don't step on the ponytail now,

because we ain't got no insurance.

- Amazing. - That was amazing, though.

- Good job. - [applause]

- Come on, Shar. - Are you challenging her?

BOTH: Yeah.

Well, come on with the couture talk.

- Come on. - SHAR: Yeah, I can do...

I'm going to do my split.

All right, okay!

She quadruple jointed.

Damn!

[applause]

Amazing!

Shar, did you just do the event

so you can get close to the celebrity

that you was trying to get close to?

Maybe, yeah.

Did the soccer player get the demo tape?

Unfortunately, no.

CARMEN: Oh, my goodness.

She done near died and you didn't even get the gig?

All right, I'm going to go to my jury.

Come on, Nene.

I just think being a groupie never pays.

I can't vote you guilty, man.

There's just something about you.

You just seem like an innocent person.

You don't have a chance.

Shooters shoot, Ms. Pat, shooters shoot.

MS. PAT: Shooters shoot, Navv,

you need to close your eyes and wish.

you need to close your eyes and wish.

[laughter]

Well, can we hear you rap?

Well, I rap in Spanish.

Well, come on, Selena.

Yeah, come on.

[rapping in Spanish]

Oh, okay,

[singsong] ♪ You let her die, though ♪

[laughter]

[rapping] [bleep] ...is in the bubble,

she probably won't make it.

CARMEN: There you go, there you go.

MS. PAT: All right.

I've come to my final decision,

and I'm ready to settle this once and for all.

I'm ruling in the favor of...

...the plaintiff, Manny.

[applause]

Shar, you're ordered to pay Manny $4300

for ruining his costume.

And you almost killed that little girl over there.

You left her in a bubble, she could not breathe.

Before I go, I'm gonna give to everybody my rapping.

- You guys can listen... - [laughter]

What the hell are you doing?

NENE: I don't have anything to listen to her.

And you made this shit out of Xerox paper.

I just settled it, y'all get out of my courtroom.

She's exactly the reason why I don't like Miami.

Miami is just full of beautiful Puerto Rican brown women.

The nannies was out there

pushing babies in high-heeled shoes.

I took my big ass back in the house.

And I said, I'm going back to Atlanta where I'm a seven.

I told him to order food, like DoorDash

or something like that.

CARMEN: $2500?

WOMAN: It was like a party,

- and then he invited people. - What?

How many people were you trying to feed?

- Him. - [laughter]

MS. PAT: How you doing, jury?

- Hey. - Good.

You know, me and Ms. Pat got the same birthday.

Really?

One year, Ms. Pat texted me, "Happy birthday."

I texted back, "Happy birthday, Ms. Pat.

Love you."

"What do you mean, you love me?"

[laughter]

That's true, man, you traumatized me.

You can't even accept love.

Bailiff, start, bailiff.

This is the case of Lee versus Stielle.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER: Rapper, reality star,

and now plaintiff, Tommie Lee,

is suing her friend for $5,000.

After she flew him to L.A.,

he rented a food truck on her credit card.

Defendant and superfan, Jay Stiell,

isn't in the mood to "taco"-bout it,

because he says that Tommie knocked out his tooth

while they were filming a music video.

He's countersuing for $3,100.

Tommie Lee, please tell me why you're here today.

Ms. Pat, I'm suing for $5,000.

This guy, he was a friend of mine.

When I moved to L.A.,

he offered to help me move, like,

being the fan friend that he is.

So I flew him out for $2500.

- What? - He came to my house.

We, like, doing the closet.

I told him, like, get whatever you want to eat.

- He got a food truck. - Damn.

A whole food truck?

TOMMIE: $2500,

on my American Express.

He had a party, but I didn't know

that it was on me. You get what I'm saying?

We ain't not even finished unpacking.

Okay, Jay, tell me your side of the story.

Ms. Pat, she said, order anything you want.

She said it's gonna be a party, everything.

A bill for today. You've been working hard.

No, she was all in the kitchen with them, turning up.

I'm also countersuing her for $3100

because I go to her video shoot,

she knocked my whole damn tooth out.

What made you order a whole truck?

She like big events, that's what she like.

- MS. PAT: How did y'all meet? - He was a fan.

He was hanging off my car with a bottle of Hennessy.

I have videos.

- Can I see it? - Yes, ma'am.

Ah!

[laughter]

Oh, my Lord.

She love it.

Slam the brakes real hard, Tommie.

I was just like, wow, this is crazy.

This is like a real type fan.

I thought he was cool.

He started asking me to help out.

He wanted to be in my music video.

How did a crazy fan turn into a friendship?

I'm a nice person like that.

If you got a vibe and good energy,

like, you get what I'm saying? I give you a chance.

You call good energy a four-foot man

hanging off your windshield?

[laughter]

Did you pay for Jay's flight?

First class flights.

You got proof?

Yes, I do.

I don't even fly first class.

If she ain't hiring a moving company,

you know she ain't paying for no first class flight.

It ain't about what you say,

it's what you can prove, baby.

CARMEN: Tommie, you flew him out first class,

he don't even need no extra leg room.

Okay, let's talk about this taco truck.

I told him to order food like DoorDash

or something like that.

CARMEN: $2500?

TOMMIE: And it came with the people,

it was like a party, and then he invited people.

What?

How many people were you trying to feed?

- Him. - [laughter]

Like, what are you talking about?

Okay, Tommie, you suing for the food truck

- and the first class flight? - Yes, ma'am.

And Jay, you're countersuing for...

- My tooth. - Which is $3100.

Yeah.

How'd she knock your tooth out?

I go to her video shoot,

she playing with the gun with the video shoot.

It was a lyric, like, "Tommie gun..."

- Ooh, shit. - JAY: Ooh, my tooth.

See, that's my tooth.

ANNOUNCER: Tommie Lee is suing her friend, Jay Stiell

for a food truck he paid for with her Amex.

But Jay says Tommie knocked his tooth out,

so he wants 3100 bucks.

Ms. Pat's ready to tell these two

who's taking it all.

How'd she knock your tooth out?

I go to her video shoot, she playing with the gun.

It was a lyric, like, "Tommie gun in his mouth."

Ooh, shit.

- Ooh, [bleep] shit. - Ooh, my tooth.

See, that's my tooth.

CARMEN: Don't play us like that.

I was about to leap up out of here.

I ain't even got paid yet, don't play.

[banging gavel] Hey, hey.

Real evidence, real evidence.

Baby.

[laughter]

Wait a minute, are you smoking in the courtroom?

Oh, no, I don't smoke.

- What was that? - That was my asthma pump.

[laughter]

You dropping teeth, you smoking dope.

What is going on up in here?

Where the tooth fell from?

This one.

Tommie, why are you sticking guns in people's mouths?

Because my lyrics went, "Tommie gun in his mouth."

And so I thought it would be cute to, like,

put the gun in his mouth for real in the video.

[laughter]

Was this gun real?

- Mm-mm. - It was a prop gun.

- Mm-hmm. - Okay, Jay.

Do you feel bad for putting a food truck on her card?

She's got all this money, bangles and shoes, all this.

Girl, come on, now.

What you have to say, Jay? I ain't hear you.

SAFAREE: Hey, hey!

[shouting]

SAFAREE: Get her, Ms. Pat, get her.

MS. PAT: Stop, stop, stop, stop.

- Stop. - BAILIFF: Break it up.

Seriously. Hey.

Now, Tommie, you can't do that.

You see why I'm missing teeth, Ms. Pat?

Y'all gonna make me miss this ghetto shit.

The Ms. Pat show does not condone violence

in any form, viewer discretion is advised.

All right, I'm going to go over here to my jury.

Come on, Carmen.

I mean, she's already crazy--

no disrespect-- but what you're doing there,

that's a step up to the next level.

You do too much. Stop.

- Oh, my God. - She said you can get

anything you want.

That's how I know you ain't never had no money.

- Right. - Because if it was your money,

you wouldn't have did that.

Come on, man.

No, no.

[laughter and applause]

I'm going to jump right into it

like y'all jumped into it,

and I'm going to settle this once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...nobody.

This is a courtroom, not a circus.

He pranked you with a food truck,

and you knocked out his tooth,

so I pretty much think y'all are even.

And with that, I just settled it.

Get y'all crazy ass out of my courtroom.

Lord have mercy.

You shouldn't be so pretty and so crazy.

That was crazy, y'all.

You can't be picking up stray-ass fans,

- making them your friends. - You cannot.

And then give them access to the card and all that.

MS. PAT: Oh, Lord have mercy.

ANNOUNCER: Next time on "Ms. Pat Settles It"...

Dog got to the ham, the rice, macaroni.

Damn!

CARMEN: This dog must be ferocious.

- Is the dog here? - Yes, ma'am.

- Now, don't bring him in here. - Uh-uh, uh-uh.

- [dog barks] - CARMEN: Oh!

Qualitesha wanted to do my hair

in exchange for content.

I was at a big event, and my wig came off.

I am a celebrity hair stylist.

Have you did Nene Leaks hair?

Not yet.

- Honey, listen. - [laughter]

I'm a massage therapist.

WOMAN: He was about to smash.

MAN: Gentleman, gentleman.

That's called a fireman's carry.

SAFAREE: I see what you're doing, bro.

I see what you're doing, bro.