All language subtitles for Ms.Pat.Settles.It.S03E01.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE_track3_[eng]

- All rise!
- Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat,

and I know the inside
of a courtroom.

That girl is innocent!

You ain't the damn judge.

Get ready
to see real cases.

I want you out of my house.

Real drama and real money
on the line.

I gave her my kidney.

Give it back.

And I'm bringing my friends
to court as my jury.

Lock her ass up!

Y'all may have started
this mess, but you know

I'm gonna settle it.

Ms. Pat, Ms. Pat.

You droppin' teeth.

MAN:
See, that's my tooth.

You smokin' dope.

That was my asthma pump.

Y'all must have
a good time together.

- We do.
- [laughter]

All rise, because court
is back in session.

Where the tea
gets spilled,

the truth gets dragged,
and the jury gets roasted.

All rise for Ms. Pat.

♪♪♪

Y'all have a seat.

How y'all doing?

We don't get roasted.

We do the roasting,
right here.

SAFAREE: Yeah, what the hell
are you talking about,

- you milk dud?
- [laughter]

All right,
do your damn thing.

This is the case
of Humphrey versus Dogan.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Joseph Humphrey

is suing his ex-wife
for $5,000

after he loaned her
the money to get her car fixed.

But defendant Shaneeka Dogan
says she found a better use

of the money, and doesn't
owe her cheating ex a dime.

KARLOUS:
You all right?

Your whole mood changed
when she walked in.

MS. PAT:
Before we get started,

I just want
to let y'all know,

my jury might not
have common sense,

but they got my back.

That's the only thing
that matters.

- [laughter]
- SAFAREE: Wow...

All right, Joseph, tell me
why you're here today.

I'm here to sue
my ex-wife, baby mama,

for $5,000 that she
finessed me out of.

What was the $5,000 for?

To get her car fixed.

Talking about my three kids

couldn't get back and forth
to school.

I got her to sign
a promissory note,

and I'm just here to get
my money back, that's it.

Shaneeka, tell me your side
of the story.

Listen, Your Honor,
yes, I borrowed $5,000.

Yes, I signed this
promissory note,

but that was just to get him
out of my face.

I felt like I earned it,
because he cheated.

I don't owe him shit.

[laughter]

MS. PAT: How many years
were y'all together?

JOSEPH: Off and on
for about 13 years.

We met when we was working
at Applebee's together.

Hard-working man.

JOSEPH: Lunchtime,
in between time,

you know what I mean?

We get in
where we fit in.

We moved in together and tried
to make stuff happen,

but, you know.

Why is you the ex-wife?

I left his ass.

This man kept cheating
on me over and over.

MS. PAT: How'd you end up
giving her $5,000?

So, she called me,
she needed to see me.

She dropped her location,

and I kind of see
what area it is,

so I'm like, ain't nothing
but some hotels around there.

She tell me
what room to come to.

Come to the room,

she got it all decked out.

Rose petals, candles.

You got pictures?

- Yeah, I do.
- Let me see them.

So, what y'all do?

You see.

♪♪♪

- CARMEN: Okay.
- What I do.

Trying to get
that old thing back.

What I do, I took her
to the upper room.

[singsong]
♪ The upper room ♪

Upper room.
You know it.

♪ With Jesus ♪

As soon as we finished,
she asked me for $5,000.

That's how you do it,
baby girl.

SAFAREE: That's wrong.
You dead wrong.

Did she make you sign
any type of contract for it?

I most definitely
made her sign some paper.

I got it right here, I've been
carrying it around since.

CARMEN: Hey, you know, they got
the chain on the wallet.

You know what's up.

JOSEPH:
Don't steal it from me.

It says,
"I promise to pay BDB."

That's your name?

- SHANEEKA: No.
- That's his little sex name.

I know what BDB stands for.

MS. PAT:
What's that stand for?

It be [bleep]
baby daddy, don't it?

[laughter]

"I promise to pay BDB,
Joseph Humphrey

the $5,000 he gave me
to get my car fixed."

So did you use the $5,000
to get your car fixed?

Hmm.

To be honest, I had a little
boo thing going on

he didn't know about.

And he had got
in a situation.

You used this money
for another man?

Yes, ma'am.

- Lock her ass up!
- [laughter]

SHANEEKA:
Yes, ma'am, I did.

Yes, ma'am.

- No!
- Now, y'all be quiet.

Let's get to the bottom,
this might be okay.

No, it ain't.

MS. PAT: Shaneeka,
you got the $5,000.

What did you do with it?

I bailed my new thing
out of jail.

SAFAREE: Oh!

What?

And we went to Cancun.

Okay, okay.

How do you find out she had
a little boo thing in Cancun?

She going live
on Instagram.

This mother [bleep]
running around the beach

with big, old glasses
of margaritas.

On your dime.

I went to calling
like crazy.

"I want my money, man.
What's going on?"

Jasmin, go ahead
and tell them that money was...

- "Spund."
- [laughter]

This relationship
give me flashbacks,

and I understand exactly where
you come from, ma'am.

Help me out here.

Come on, Safaree.

She took money from him,
bailed another man out,

and went to Cancun while this
is a hard-working Black man.

- He was scammed.
- Shut up, shut up.

- He was scammed.
- Shut up, shut up.

Because I'm looking
for the problem.

I'm trying to see
the problem.

Come on, Jasmin.

I know it felt good
to get your look back,

but at the end of the day,

y'all still ain't going to be
done with each other.

Y'all got kids together.

MS. PAT: Now I come to
my final decision,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...the plaintiff, Joseph.

- Yeah! Yeah!
- [applause]

- Come on.
- Yeah!

This shit
bigger than the OJ truck.

MS. PAT: Shaneeka, you're
ordered to pay Joseph $5,000,

only because Joseph's
promissory note.

Why the hell
did you sign, legit?

SAFAREE: Smart man,
you're a smart man.

Joseph, you should do the right
thing with this $5,000.

You should take her
to Cancun.

- [laughter]
- CARMEN: Hey...

Now, I just settled it,
get out of my courtroom.

If anything, take her back
to the Applebee's

y'all used to work there
to get on.

They do got them unlimited
appetizers going on right now.

[laughter]

MAN: Shar was supposed to make
sure the girl's not dying,

and Shar is nowhere
to be found.

She's too busy
on her rapping career.

I'm gonna give to everybody
my rapping.

- You guys...
- [laughter]

What the hell
are you doing?

- He got a food truck.
- Damn.

A whole food truck?

She said,
"Order anything you want."

What you say, Jay,
I ain't hear you.

- SAFAREE: Hey, hey!
- Oh!

- MS. PAT: Hey, jury!
- Hi. Hey...

Hey, Deray, you made it.

Yes, I did, Ms. Pat,
they let me out--

- I mean, I made it.
- [laughter]

MS. PAT: Well, let's get the
bailiff in then, bailiff.

This is the case
of Angels versus Figueroa.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Plaintiff Manny Angels

is suing his employee, Shar,

for $4,300,
after she ruined

a high-end event
that he planned.

A performer nearly drowned,
and in the process,

ruined a couture costume.

[imitating Scarface]
Say hello to my little friend.

ANNOUNCER:
Defendant Shar Figueroa

says the damages
aren't hers to pay.

Manny's lawsuit
just doesn't hold water.

- You wear them boots, Nene?
- I can really work on it.

MS. PAT:
All right, Manny,

tell me why we're here
today, darling.

I'm here because Shar
owes me $4,300.

I specialize in providing
entertainment

for high-end events,

such as aerialists,
contortionists.

In this particular event,

Shar was hired to be
an event coordinator,

but instead, she was
too busy running behind

a very famous
ex-soccer player,

trying to get her demo tape
to his pop star wife.

I ain't mad at you.

MANNY: All the costumes
were damaged,

and I lost
a lot of money on this.

- That's what he says?
- [laughter]

MS. PAT: All right,
come on, Figueroa,

tell me your
side of the story.

I don't owe him nothing.

Yes, he hired me
for that,

but I'm actually a performer,
I'm a contortionist.

I don't know what
a contortionist is either.

A contortionist is a person
that is very flexible.

I will show
everybody later.

No, you ain't the--

- I mean, girl, no.
- [laughter]

Okay, I behave.

So why you accept
the job if you know

this ain't something
that you do?

Honestly, it was a favor
for my friend,

but apparently
he's not my friend.

Tell me about this Cirque
du Soleil that she ruined.

For this particular event,
she was in charge of costumes,

getting the girls dressed,
and a human ball.

But she's not
paying attention,

and she ruined
four costumes

that were made
out of ostrich feathers.

- Can I see it?
- Yeah.

CARMEN: Oh, my goodness,
this is so beautiful.

DERAY: Yeah, just love it.

MANNY: You can see
how the fans came back.

NENE:
Oh, I see them wet, yeah.

- You ruined an ostrich?
- SHAR: Not me.

Somebody put the bubble,
wet, on the costumes,

and the costume
got ruined.

DERAY:
She's good, she is good.

"It wasn't me,
it was her."

[laughter]

What's a human bubble?

MANNY: So think of, like,
a huge hamster ball

that floats on the water.

Oh, I've seen this before.

Ms. Pat, a lot of
white people have fun, like,

on oceans in them,
they just run in them.

[laughter]

When it comes to the bubble,

Shar was supposed to
put her on the water

and then make sure
the girl's not dying.

You only get about
ten to 12 minutes

of oxygen inside of
that bubble.

She can only breathe for ten
to 12 minutes before she dies?

Yes.

People take
these type of jobs?

- MANNY: Yes.
- Time's hard.

[laughter]

MANNY:
The ball has a hole,

and while
the performer is inside,

it starts to get filled
with water.

Oh, my God.

She cannot open the ball
because it's only,

like, an outside person
can open the zipper.

And Shar is nowhere
to be found.

She's too busy
on her rapping career.

I feel that I was
finished my job, so...

Not Shar!

- Did she drown?
- The girl is actually here.

MS. PAT:
Can you stand up?

I got that same outfit, baby,
go ahead.

Did this lady
almost kill you?

Yes.

You almost killed her
with your braid.

[laughter]

I want to see something.

Come on,
do a little something.

Come on up here, baby.

You got to do something cool
to get up here.

- Well, I'll be damned.
- CARMEN: Oh!

Don't step on
the ponytail now,

because we ain't got
no insurance.

- Amazing.
- That was amazing, though.

- Good job.
- [applause]

- Come on, Shar.
- Are you challenging her?

BOTH: Yeah.

Well, come on
with the couture talk.

- Come on.
- SHAR: Yeah, I can do...

I'm going to do my split.

All right, okay!

She quadruple jointed.

Damn!

[applause]

Amazing!

Shar,
did you just do the event

so you can get close
to the celebrity

that you was trying
to get close to?

Maybe, yeah.

Did the soccer player
get the demo tape?

Unfortunately, no.

CARMEN:
Oh, my goodness.

She done near died and you
didn't even get the gig?

All right, I'm going
to go to my jury.

Come on, Nene.

I just think being
a groupie never pays.

I can't
vote you guilty, man.

There's just
something about you.

You just seem like
an innocent person.

You don't have a chance.

Shooters shoot, Ms. Pat,
shooters shoot.

MS. PAT:
Shooters shoot, Navv,

you need to close
your eyes and wish.

you need to close
your eyes and wish.

[laughter]

Well, can we hear you rap?

Well, I rap in Spanish.

Well, come on, Selena.

Yeah, come on.

[rapping in Spanish]

Oh, okay,

[singsong]
♪ You let her die, though ♪

[laughter]

[rapping]
[bleep] ...is in the bubble,

she probably won't make it.

CARMEN:
There you go, there you go.

MS. PAT: All right.

I've come to my
final decision,

and I'm ready to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling
in the favor of...

...the plaintiff, Manny.

[applause]

Shar, you're ordered
to pay Manny $4300

for ruining his costume.

And you almost killed
that little girl over there.

You left her in a bubble,
she could not breathe.

Before I go, I'm gonna
give to everybody my rapping.

- You guys can listen...
- [laughter]

What the hell
are you doing?

NENE: I don't have anything
to listen to her.

And you made this shit
out of Xerox paper.

I just settled it,
y'all get out of my courtroom.

She's exactly the reason
why I don't like Miami.

Miami is just full of beautiful
Puerto Rican brown women.

The nannies was out there

pushing babies
in high-heeled shoes.

I took my big ass back
in the house.

And I said, I'm going back
to Atlanta where I'm a seven.

I told him to order food,
like DoorDash

or something like that.

CARMEN: $2500?

WOMAN:
It was like a party,

- and then he invited people.
- What?

How many people
were you trying to feed?

- Him.
- [laughter]

MS. PAT: How you doing, jury?

- Hey.
- Good.

You know, me and Ms. Pat
got the same birthday.

Really?

One year, Ms. Pat
texted me, "Happy birthday."

I texted back,
"Happy birthday, Ms. Pat.

Love you."

"What do you mean,
you love me?"

[laughter]

That's true, man,
you traumatized me.

You can't even accept love.

Bailiff, start, bailiff.

This is the case
of Lee versus Stielle.

Please enter the courtroom.

ANNOUNCER:
Rapper, reality star,

and now plaintiff,
Tommie Lee,

is suing her friend
for $5,000.

After she flew him to L.A.,

he rented a food truck
on her credit card.

Defendant and superfan,
Jay Stiell,

isn't in the mood
to "taco"-bout it,

because he says that Tommie
knocked out his tooth

while they were filming
a music video.

He's countersuing
for $3,100.

Tommie Lee, please tell me
why you're here today.

Ms. Pat,
I'm suing for $5,000.

This guy,
he was a friend of mine.

When I moved to L.A.,

he offered
to help me move, like,

being the fan
friend that he is.

So I flew him out
for $2500.

- What?
- He came to my house.

We, like, doing the closet.

I told him, like,
get whatever you want to eat.

- He got a food truck.
- Damn.

A whole food truck?

TOMMIE: $2500,

on my American Express.

He had a party,
but I didn't know

that it was on me.
You get what I'm saying?

We ain't not even
finished unpacking.

Okay, Jay, tell me
your side of the story.

Ms. Pat, she said,
order anything you want.

She said it's gonna be
a party, everything.

A bill for today.
You've been working hard.

No, she was all in the kitchen
with them, turning up.

I'm also
countersuing her for $3100

because I go to her
video shoot,

she knocked
my whole damn tooth out.

What made you order
a whole truck?

She like big events,
that's what she like.

- MS. PAT: How did y'all meet?
- He was a fan.

He was hanging off my car
with a bottle of Hennessy.

I have videos.

- Can I see it?
- Yes, ma'am.

Ah!

[laughter]

Oh, my Lord.

She love it.

Slam the brakes real hard,
Tommie.

I was just like,
wow, this is crazy.

This is like
a real type fan.

I thought he was cool.

He started asking me
to help out.

He wanted to be
in my music video.

How did a crazy fan
turn into a friendship?

I'm a nice person
like that.

If you got a vibe
and good energy,

like, you get what I'm saying?
I give you a chance.

You call good energy
a four-foot man

hanging off
your windshield?

[laughter]

Did you pay
for Jay's flight?

First class flights.

You got proof?

Yes, I do.

I don't even fly
first class.

If she ain't hiring
a moving company,

you know she ain't paying
for no first class flight.

It ain't about
what you say,

it's what
you can prove, baby.

CARMEN: Tommie, you flew
him out first class,

he don't even need
no extra leg room.

Okay, let's talk about
this taco truck.

I told him to order food
like DoorDash

or something like that.

CARMEN: $2500?

TOMMIE:
And it came with the people,

it was like a party,
and then he invited people.

What?

How many people were you
trying to feed?

- Him.
- [laughter]

Like, what are you
talking about?

Okay, Tommie, you suing
for the food truck

- and the first class flight?
- Yes, ma'am.

And Jay,
you're countersuing for...

- My tooth.
- Which is $3100.

Yeah.

How'd she
knock your tooth out?

I go to her video shoot,

she playing with the gun
with the video shoot.

It was a lyric, like,
"Tommie gun..."

- Ooh, shit.
- JAY: Ooh, my tooth.

See, that's my tooth.

ANNOUNCER: Tommie Lee is suing
her friend, Jay Stiell

for a food truck
he paid for with her Amex.

But Jay says Tommie
knocked his tooth out,

so he wants 3100 bucks.

Ms. Pat's ready
to tell these two

who's taking it all.

How'd she knock
your tooth out?

I go to her video shoot,
she playing with the gun.

It was a lyric, like,
"Tommie gun in his mouth."

Ooh, shit.

- Ooh, [bleep] shit.
- Ooh, my tooth.

See, that's my tooth.

CARMEN:
Don't play us like that.

I was about to leap up
out of here.

I ain't even got paid yet,
don't play.

[banging gavel]
Hey, hey.

Real evidence,
real evidence.

Baby.

[laughter]

Wait a minute, are you
smoking in the courtroom?

Oh, no, I don't smoke.

- What was that?
- That was my asthma pump.

[laughter]

You dropping teeth,
you smoking dope.

What is going on
up in here?

Where the tooth fell from?

This one.

Tommie, why are you sticking
guns in people's mouths?

Because my lyrics went,
"Tommie gun in his mouth."

And so I thought
it would be cute to, like,

put the gun in his mouth
for real in the video.

[laughter]

Was this gun real?

- Mm-mm.
- It was a prop gun.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, Jay.

Do you feel bad for putting
a food truck on her card?

She's got all this money,
bangles and shoes, all this.

Girl, come on, now.

What you have to say, Jay?
I ain't hear you.

SAFAREE: Hey, hey!

[shouting]

SAFAREE:
Get her, Ms. Pat, get her.

MS. PAT:
Stop, stop, stop, stop.

- Stop.
- BAILIFF: Break it up.

Seriously. Hey.

Now, Tommie,
you can't do that.

You see why
I'm missing teeth, Ms. Pat?

Y'all gonna make me
miss this ghetto shit.

The Ms. Pat show
does not condone violence

in any form,
viewer discretion is advised.

All right, I'm going to go
over here to my jury.

Come on, Carmen.

I mean, she's already crazy--

no disrespect--
but what you're doing there,

that's a step up
to the next level.

You do too much. Stop.

- Oh, my God.
- She said you can get

anything you want.

That's how I know
you ain't never had no money.

- Right.
- Because if it was your money,

you wouldn't have did that.

Come on, man.

No, no.

[laughter and applause]

I'm going to jump
right into it

like y'all jumped into it,

and I'm going to settle this
once and for all.

I'm ruling in favor of...

...nobody.

This is a courtroom,
not a circus.

He pranked you
with a food truck,

and you knocked out
his tooth,

so I pretty much think
y'all are even.

And with that,
I just settled it.

Get y'all crazy ass
out of my courtroom.

Lord have mercy.

You shouldn't be
so pretty and so crazy.

That was crazy, y'all.

You can't be picking up
stray-ass fans,

- making them your friends.
- You cannot.

And then give them access
to the card and all that.

MS. PAT:
Oh, Lord have mercy.

ANNOUNCER: Next time
on "Ms. Pat Settles It"...

Dog got to the ham,
the rice, macaroni.

Damn!

CARMEN:
This dog must be ferocious.

- Is the dog here?
- Yes, ma'am.

- Now, don't bring him in here.
- Uh-uh, uh-uh.

- [dog barks]
- CARMEN: Oh!

Qualitesha wanted
to do my hair

in exchange for content.

I was at a big event,
and my wig came off.

I am a celebrity
hair stylist.

Have you did
Nene Leaks hair?

Not yet.

- Honey, listen.
- [laughter]

I'm a massage therapist.

WOMAN: He was about to smash.

MAN: Gentleman, gentleman.

That's called
a fireman's carry.

SAFAREE: I see what
you're doing, bro.

I see what
you're doing, bro.