Original subtitles

This is just about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

That's tough.

At least have some consideration for us, Dad.

Oh, nonsense.

But you're behaving like a bloody fool, Dad, a bloody fool.

Never mind how I'm behaving.

Dad, you just can't do this to me.

Well, I'm doing it. Will you take the bags to the dormitories?

I'm going to be the laughing stock.

My heart bleeds for you.

Now, you listen, Dad.

You know, I'm pretty stubborn when I pushed.

So is your old man.

Isn't there anything we can do to convince you?

I've just come to the realization it's high time

somebody in this family got a college education.

Dad!

I'll see you next Christmas.

Bye.

Having a little trouble, sir?

No, nothing I can't handle.

Say, where do you go to register?

To register?

Yeah.

No, you're not supposed to register, sir.

All right, your kids have to do that.

They register for me?

What?

I want to register.

Now, you don't seem to understand.

You see, they're only registering freshmen.

Yeah, I know.

I'm a freshman.

General Robert E. Lee, sir.

Well, I'm mighty pleased to know you, General.

Could I borrow your white horse and ride over to the registration?

Yeah.

Thank you, sir.

Just tie 'm up outside the gym.

Yes, I'll see you at Appomattox.

Yeah.

Next student. Name? - Nixon.

Age? - 17.

Parent of Guardian. - Mr. Robert Nixon.

Taylor dormitory, room 12.

Next student. - Harvey Howard.

Age? - 51.

There must be some mistake.

Well, if there is, you just made it.

And this is where incoming freshman register.

Okay. Let's get on with it. - You can't be a freshman!

Find out. I'm a high school graduate. Class of '29

1929?

Is there some statute of limitations on education yet?

Certainly not. No, of course not.

You made excellent grades on your entrance examination.

It wasn't easy.

Why did you wait so long to come to college?

Oh, it was a matter of money. For a while, not enough. And then later, too much.

I had a business to run, kids to raise. I guess the years just got away from me.

They've got you down for a freshman dormitory, but we can fix that.

Oh no we can't. If all I wanted was a diploma,

I had contacted to the correspondent's school. I want the full treatment? The works.

Davis dormitory, room 11. - Have a cigar.

Hi. Hey, man. How long do I have to hold this thing out here?

Patience child Patience. The harmonious and formative our mutual

freshman experiences made a pen on the proper juxtaposition

of a stereophonic speaker that you and our new friend here

grasp so negligently in your innovative digital extremity.

You sure talk pretty for a Freshmen. - Bannerman Bob, N-M-I.

N-M-I? - No Middle Initial. He's a Navy brat. Son of an Admiral.

Gil Sparrow, South Turkey Creek. It's a town. - South-Turkey what?

Well, it's really just a crossroads. - Welcome country boy.

Well, are you and him kin? Or is that's some kind of uniform?

Merely social siblings at the moment we're a set. Gil meet Joy Elder.

Hi. Hi, how are you?

That's TJ.

-TJ Padmanagham. New Delhi. That's a city.

Pad-ma-nag-ham.

What you spell is four A's? What's TJ stand for?

Don't concern yourself.

My first two names are each considerably longer and more difficult to

pronounce than Padmanagham. - Oh, well ain't he a bird.

Oh, am I a bird too?

You are a shameless husband hunting by-product of six of the most

expensive finishing schools in the western hemisphere.

Right!

Well, I don't think husband hunting's a bad reason for a girl

to come to college. - Yeah, neither do I.

Hey, who belongs to these? - Don't know, they were here when we arrived.

Alligator. Very expensive.

I'd love a shot at a swamp gator that pretty.

It would appear that our missing member is the money type.

I wonder if his clothes are as expensive looking as his luggage.

Stand back, men.

Cashmere. Beautiful material. Kind of a square style, don't you think?

Square style.

Come on in.

Never looked that good on me!

Oh, hand me down? - How's that?

She means did you bestow yon seemly doublet on your male heir.

He means d'ya give the jacket to your son.

Oh, you're the interpreter for the group. - Gil Sparrow.

The Gil Sparrow from South Turkey Creek.

No? really?

And that's TJ Padmanagham.

- Mr. Padmanagham? With four A's, I suppose?

Yes, that's right. - Bob Bannerman, N-M-I.

Harv Howard. Also, no middle initial.

Oh, I'm Joy Elder, Mr. Howard.

Harv. - Mr. Harv

About that jacket, how did your son throw it out?

Oh, he doesn't. Junior's pure gray flannel.

Oh, he sounds conservative.

D-U-L.

Oh, I bet he'll brighten up the room.

Now, there's a bet you'd lose.

I'm sure Mr. Howard's son will make a most congenial roommate.

You're wrong again. Junior's on his way to Philadelphia. Home.

Oh slowing down already?

No.

Matter of fact, he'd come down here if you try to talk me out of it.

In a word, I'm your roommate.

You room here with them?

I'm a freshman, too.

How come?

Cha cha cha.

Can I come in?

Surely.

Harvey Howard, I presume.

Guilty.

Owner 1434 Harvey Howard's smoke house restaurants from coast to coast.

No, it's 1433.

The one in Biloxie just folded. Junior was running it.

Hope the one in Charlotte's still doing fine - 6533 dollars, last week.

Now, that's a lot of hamburgers.

Well, I'm Randy Pruitt from the old orange and black.

Covers the campus, life magnolia's

It do...

It's a university student newspaper.

I thought a subscription went along with your tuition.

Oh, it does, but eh.. Well I'm here after a story.

Mr. Howard you're news.

Oh, not if I can help it.

As your faculty adviser, feel free to call on me at any time.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Thayer!

Will you put her down, please.

Mr. Thayer is my chemistry teacher.

And their adviser.. The male members that is.

What are you two young ladies doing up here in a men's dormitory?

She a roving reporter... - I came up here to interview Mr. Howard.

All right, I'll accept that

What about you? - Ah, she's with me.

Well, they're a set, like

I just came up to help the boys unpack a little bit.

Dear, dear, dear, this is going to be another one of those years.

Got the punies, little fella?

Would you please get me a drink of water, son?

When I learned that this year's brood of ducklings included

a 50-year-old gander, I anticipated something like this.

Something like what?

Women in the rooms!

Dancing?

Erotic music?

Drinking?

Oh, that's water.

Did I say it wasn't.

Punies.

Oh, they're just letting off a little steam.

You know, youthful exuberance.

First day of school, no less.

Don't say it.

Now, a certain amount of youthful exuberance is to be expected from these youngsters.

After all, the transition from know-it-all everything, high school, senior,

to know-nothing college freshman is at best a difficult adjustment.

But Howard, after all man, you've had 30 years to adjust.

I dropped those 30 years when I enrolled here today.

I'm just another incoming freshman, and I hope you'll treat me as such.

Oh, that's very commendable.

Well, now, if any of you have any problems, and you will,

just feel free to bring them to me.

That is what I'm here for.

Now, if you young ladies will kindly adjourn to your separate dormitories...

Well, I have to get a story from Mr. Howard first.

Oh, Mr. Howard is just another freshman.

He is not news.

Okay.

Well, thanks, anyway.

Later.

And greater.

Right.

Oh, well, all of you men have busy days ahead of you,

beginning with the Dean's indoctrination lecture at 3 o'clock.

You won't want to miss that.

I'm right sorry about that.

He's a nice fella, isn't he?

Rugged.

Heave ho, my hearties.

Here we are. - Okay

Here we are. - Okay? Yeah!

Harv, get the door.

Get the door.

What's this? What's this? Drinking on the campus? You trying to corrupt an old man?

What old man? Nobody here but us freshmen.

Mes amis... A toast, huh?

Oh, we've only got four glasses.

Here, I'll drink right out of the bladder.

Okay.

What is that? - A Sauerkraut juice.

Oof.

Thins out the blood, Harv!

Yes, I can believe that.

To a successful freshman year.

Full of good fellowship. - And good fun.

I'll drink to that. - Good grades.

Yeah.

Ole.

Cha, cha, cha.

Members of the freshman class,

on behalf of the college, I bid you welcome.

We're delighted that you chose us.

And we trust that during the next four years,

we will continue to be equally pleased that we selected you.

Now, to begin your college education,

I'd like to discuss with you the facts of life.

The academic facts of life.

In the matter of cutting classes,

if you don't care enough about your education to attend class,

we have nine applicants waiting to take your place when you flunk out.

And like you, each one of them also stood in the top 12% of his high school class.

Look around you.

By graduation four years hence,

the person on either side of you will no longer be with us.

Class, can any one of you tell me what experimental basis there is

to substantiate the postulates of the special theory of relativity?

And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

All right, go to your assigned apparatus, men.

Howard, can I speak to you a minute, please?

Why sure, Coach.

As you know, physical training is a compulsory course for all freshmen.

Yeah.

However, I've had a little talk with your Dean, and we've decided that you can be excused.

Why?

Well, I'm afraid you've taken the wrong... - Well, I've paid my bills around here.

This is a rather strenuous course, and designed

for the more usual, let's say, the normal student.

I'm not normal? Is that what you're saying?

Oh, no, sir. - Sir?

Well, what I'm trying to say, maybe I put it badly.

Yeah.

This was designed more for conditioning than rehabilitation.

Rehab... well, holy.. Conditioning, huh?

Yes.

How many times is a fellow supposed to chin himself around here?

Well, the first term, we usually try to work it up to 10.

You start counting.

Excuse me for a minute.

Hey, Harv. Great.

Hey, come on.

Hey, pull those arms.

Come on, Harv.

Come on, Harv.

Come on, Art.

All the way to ten... He'll never make ten..

Six.

Come on, Harv.

Come on, Harv! Come on, Harv...

Seven.

Eight. Good job.

Come on, Harv. Come on, Harv!

Nine.

One more, Harv!

How many is that? Nine!

That was remarkable.

Oh, boy.

This demonstration on stoichiometry or weight relationships will show..

That mass can neither be created nor destroyed.

Now, I have weighed out here several different compounds, a few harmless substances,

that I will put... put into the solvent.

Eh... then I will.. eh... distill off the liquid and re-weigh, re-weigh...

All right, you freshmen.

If you want to be there tomorrow when our team beats the daylights

out of South Carolina, you had better get this and get it right.

You have until sundown tonight to build the biggest and the highest

and the hottest freshman bonfire this college has ever seen.

That means you got to top last year's Blaze or you're all in a whole lot of trouble.

Now, when I give you freshmen the word, I want you to scatter.

I mean, I want to look around and find myself completely alone.

All right, let's go!

Hey, what are you doing with that stuff?

Come on back here.

Hey, put me down. Put me down!

Hey, that's my wheelchair.

Hey!

You sure you won't be needing this? - We'd better not.

Mon Dieu!

Hey, Monsieur

I'm sorry.

J'ai regret...

But, but my porch.

Yeah, well.

Get yourself a new'un.

Au revoir.

Okay, Jim.

A foot short.

One foot too short.

One foot too short?

Man, I don't see how we're going to get him much higher.

So we're all on a stood goose now!

Gil, you are breaking my heart.

Well, isn't there some structural way we could brace it?

Hey!

What's the matter?

You're a foot too short.

Oh, yeah.

Listen, I'm big enough to take you on any time.

Wait a minute.

Don't you hear what he said? The fire.

The fire's a foot too short. And wobbles now.

It wobbles?

Where you been? Oh, it's a long story.

I got no time to worry about wobbles. You say a foot?

Yeah.

Gang way.

Gang way.

Harvey, what are you going to do? I'm going to the summit.

You're what?

They said they wanted a foot higher. I got a three-foot Chippendale here, boy.

- Stay here! You can't go up there.

I must. - It's too wobbly Harv.

Why?

Because it's there.

Here, take my coat.

Harv, you can't go up.

Yeah, you're right. It's too shaky.

But I'm committed.

Mr. Howard!

Mr. Howard, don't go up.

Don't do it.

How am I going to get down?

BEAT THE GAMECOCKS!

Get up, T.J.

Come on.

What's up?

Shape it up, Harv!

Fraternity bits.

We all made it.

You're kidding.

I made Alpha Kappa Phi.

I also.

What about you, Bannerman? Aren't you going to open yours?

It couldn't matter less.

What are you trying to do? Break up the group?

Come on, open it. Enjoy.

It's an important part of your freshman year, you know.

You can get blasé when you're middle-aged.

All right.

Alpha Kappa Phi.

That makes three for three.

Listen, joining a fraternity is a very, very wonderful experience.

It was designed for guys your age.

Gee, I never thought they'd want anybody like me.

And they don't.

They can't do that. - Oh, come on.

You're putting us on.

Dear Father, from my kids, they want an advance on their allowance.

Well, don't look so tragic. You've got your fraternity, I've got them.

Everybody belongs.

What will you do?

I'll write them a check.

Hi there Gil. - Hi Harv

Okay?

Pretty clever.

The Freshman finals are coming up Howard, and I find you unprepared.

The Freshman finals.

Rather than have you flunk out, I am prepared to take desperate measures.

Oh, no.

No.

Oh, no.

Oh. No!

Oh, no!!

What's the matter with you?

Hi, remember me?

Oh, you are Scoop Pruitt, dauntless girl reporter.

How's things in the world of journalism?

I'll let you know after they post final grades Monday.

How about you?

Well, history I'm so-so.

Math, borderline case.

Zoology, fluid and complete.

Well, cheer up. It may be worse than you think.

Couldn't be.

Dance with me?

My dancing might be even worse than you think.

No cracks in the paper now.

You know, you're really very good.

Oh, I got A in Minuet when I was at Brown.

Randy, may I rescue you from this freshman?

Do you mind, Coach?

Not at all. - Thank you.

Hello. - Hello.

I'm one of the... - I know.

You are the man who fixed my porch.

I'm Harvey Howard.

Helene Gauthier.

Yes, I know.

You're professor of French literature 1, right?

I've not seen you in my class. Why?

Well, I thought it'd be a good idea if I learned a little French first.

This point has not stopped most of my students.

And I also teach language.

Well, maybe next year then if I'm still here.

Mr. Howard.

Oh, professor, did you get your phone call from Cape Canaveral?

Cape... Cape Canaveral?

Yeah.

Line one at the coach's office.

Flee.

Grab it.

So when I knew for certain that there was no more hope,

that he would never come back, I thought, well, now I must leave France.

I couldn't face a life of living in a past with bad memories.

Uh-huh.

So...

You came here.

After his debts were paid, there was no more money.

So it was necessary to work.

A good friend of my husband found me this position.

And now you.

Oh, I'm very dull.

Oh, but you are not.

No?

Oh, a man who can climb a bonfire, as you did.

Ha.

You should have seen me when I tried to get down.

But I did. - Oh, you were there?

Of course.

You know, the student body considers you quite a hero.

Oh, I don't want to be a hero.

I just want to pass.

Is it so important?

You bet it is.

See, these kids here, they've got a lifetime ahead of them.

But me, I've given myself one chance to make it.

If I fail... fini!

This is the attitude of a businessman, not a scholar.

What's wrong with a businessman?

Oh, business is nothing.

Here everything.

If you fail something, you must try again.

I must, huh?

You do not impress me as the kind of man who gives up without a second try.

Say this looks pretty good now.

Thanks to your most generous contribution.

Oh, when I bust something, I fix it.

Mr. Howard, it is not very late.

May I invite you into my home?

I could fix us an omelet.

An omelet Parisienne?

You know what I'd do for an omelet Parisienne, yeah?

I would lay down, beat the floor, and cry like a baby.

You wouldn't do all that for one of my omelets?

Mm-hmm.

That I must see.

Of course, if you got near that good French bread, I could get wildly hysterical.

I would do flips and hip-ups, the neighbours would think you're entertaining the whirling derby.

So they... they raised the roof, both of them.

You never heard such carrying on.

Actually, the boy's not too bad.

He's a little on the stuffy side, I guess, but my daughter, Laura.

You know what's meant by spoiled? - Oh, yes. Spoiled.

Probably my fault, too, because after their mother died, I imagine I spoiled them both.

But about this, I decided to have my own way.

Surely it is not a new experience to you.

No, I guess not.

Mm, this is great. - You like?

You really got a good do on this.

Perfect ending to a crazy year, huh?

A challenging year, I think, for both of us.

What are you gonna do this summer?

Well, I know what I would wish to do. What?

French once again.

Well, why don't you go?

Perhaps another year.

And you, with your summer.

Well, it depends upon whether or not I'm coming back.

If yes, I'll go down to my place at Nagshead and study.

Mm-hmm.

You know, get sort of a head start on things.

And if not, I'll go down to Nagshead and I'll kill myself.

Mr. Howard, don't kill yourself.

I have done it, and it is very boring.

Ah... is that so?

And in any case for you, not necessary.

Hmm?

I am a person who believes in rules,

but now I'm going to break a rule.

Are you sure you want to?

No, but I'm sure I'm going to.

You have passed. Every course, you are on the top third.

I congratulate you.

Holy j... How do you know?

I'm a examiner, we have talked of your case.

I bet they were surprised, huh? - Pleased.

Well... well.

Madame Gauthier? - Yes?

I'm going to call you Helene. - Oh, by all means.

It was great omelet. - Thank you.

Thank you. Really good.

Thanks. Good night.

Good night.

Oh, it's good to be back.

I almost think you enjoy this.

You know, it surprises me, but I do.

Say, Dad, suppose you could lend me 50 for the trip home?

I hate these emotional farewells.

Giving away samples?

Hey, Randy.

This is Miss Randy Pruitt. She's an old dancing partner of mine.

The one with his mouth open is Junior. This is Laura.

Hi. Hello, Laura.

How do you do, Miss... - Pruitt.

You have to excuse Laura. She went to Miss Phoebe Fincher's charm school,

but she flunked charm.

Well, I'll see you around, Harv.

It was nice meeting you, if that's what you can call it.

Insolent child.

Child? She's a senior.

Say, would you drop the bags off at the Robert E. Lee Hotel?

I have to look up some young friends.

At least you're not living on campus this year.

It's only because I wasn't asked.

See you, kids. Now drive carefully.

ALPHA KAPPA PHI

Hey, men.

Hey. Harvey.

Good to see you.

Dear Harv.

Well, pretty sharp.

What's happened here?

It's a phase she's going through.

No, dear. It's just that I've outgrown younger men.

Oh.

Excuse me.

We're divorced. - No.

Yep. She got custody of the high five.

I also owe 85 dollars. But outside of that, no connection.

I must say, old man, you're taking it like a true champion.

I heal quickly.

How was India this summer?

India.

And Turkey Creek?

Creeky.

Oh, well, who ain't?

I happen to find the mature male absolutely irresistible.

Well, then, lady, you've come to the wrong place, 'cause

there ain't nobody around here except only us sophomores.

Harbor of the Backs. - In town.

I'm gonna live off campus this year. - Well, how come?

Oh, I just couldn't break in three new roommates.

How about three old ones?

What do you mean? - Welcome to Alpha Kappa Phi.

You're kidding.

No. We talked to the brothers. It's all set.

Well, it wouldn't be the same without you, Harv. - Oh, who make me study anyway.

Oh, this is great news.

Gentlemen. The toast.

What is this?

Beef tea out of deference to your ulcer. - I do not have a ulcer.

Well, you haven't been through initiation yet. - Oh, I just see what you're saying.

Here's to us. - Through thick and thin.

Good and bad. - Young and old.

Thanks a lot.

How you coming with those shoes, Pledge Howard?

Oh, I'll be all through in a jiffy, sir.

Good.

Oh, when you're finished, we have another little job for you to do.

Oh? - Big smile now.

Will you join me for dinner, Pledge Howard? - Oh, I'd love to, Mr. Padmanagham.

As soon as I finish the rest of these cars.

In that event, I'll bring you back a sandwich.

You've done fine up to now, so be of good cheer.

This is your final pledge assignment.

Judge Carter's Confederate Contain at a social event of the year in these parts.

Very exclusive.

Impossible to crash.

Here's your invite.

One of the advantages of being the son of an admiral.

And eh... here's your dance program.

Get it signed by Judge Carter.

The judge has the gout.

So naturally, he's going to hate to dance.

Now, get ready.

Here we are.

How do I look? - Divine.

For me, they match your eyes.

Flatterer.

Watch it, buster.

Mr. Robert Bannerman and Mrs. Ida May Pickett.

Where'd you get that name? - Off a jar of peanut butter.

Mrs. Carter, judge, may I present the ward of the Picketts.

My dear, you remember Admiral Bannerman's boy.

Mm-hmm.

And our daughter, Julie.

Uh, may I have a dance later in the evening?

Of course, Mr. Bannerman.

I'll save my first dance for you, Judge.

Oh, what a pity.

Mrs. Pickett, perhaps you'd like to come upstairs to my bedroom and freshen up.

Well, I...

Oh, hello there, Bannerman. Are you stagging it tonight?

Eh... No, Mr. Thayer eh...

That's eh... that's my date over there.

Mr. Harvey Howard, Jr. And Miss Harlow Borrelli.

I'd certainly love to meet her.

Miss Laura Howard and Mr. Raymond Hammond.

Uh, Mrs. Pickett, may I present Professor Thayer.

Hello there.

Delighted, I'm sure.

I wonder if I might have the pleasure of the next dance.

Well, really, rather fatigued.

Oh, now, Ida May, don't you be coy.

She's a little bashful.

Professor Thayer is one of the shining lights in our faculty.

I'm yours, Professor.

To the May Room

Mrs. Pickett... - Ida May.

Ida May. Well, haven't we met someplace before?

Mrs. Pickett, you're a woman of great strength.

I was raised on bone and sorghum.

Uh, Mrs... Mr. Howard!

There's a close shave in there, wow.

A fraternity initiation? - Yes, I have to dance with the judge.

Well, you had better forget that. Judge Carter is a trustee of our college.

Good night, Irene.

Oh, hello.

Eh... change partners?

Uh... hello?

Not so tight, junior. - Dad?

Shut up, and dance.

All the money I spent sending you to dancing school.

Is everything all right now?

Oh... lovely.

Fine.

There you are.

Thank you.

Now Miss Howard, you just come right out, in here with me and freshen up a bit.

It's really a wonderful party, Mrs. Carter.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Oh, Miss Pickett.

May I present Miss Laura Howard?

Her daddy owns all those darling restaurants.

Yes, I... I know them well.

Hello, daughter.

Daughter?

Well, I'm her mother by sort of a previous marriage.

Oh, I thought her mother was... - Anybody competing?

Ooooh. - There she goes.

Oh, dear.

Oh, I go get some smelling salts.

Is there anything I can do? - Uh, get me a glass of water.

Is she gone? - Yep.

How could you embarrass me so?

You should have seen what your brother did to me out there in the dance floor.

Thank you.

Ah.

Where are you going? - I have to dance with the judge.

With the j... Oh No.

Yeah!

My Cane!

Wait a minute. What are you doing?

Sign here.

Sign what?

Right there.

Atta boy! - Are you alright, dear?

No.

Take this and ride like the devil to General Hooker.

Come on, sir.

Hello, Harv. - Hi.

Congratulations. - What for?

Alpha Kappa Phi. - Oh, yeah.

It's a lovely pin. Would look a little nicer on a girl.

I think it does a lot for me.

Would you walk me to biology?

Yeah, sure.

Bye, Harv.

Oh, you guys. - Kids.

Too high.

Yes, but I don't know what's wrong.

Well, the condensation rate is not proper.

Let's just turn on the water, shall we?

Okay Gil, define these terms. First eh... ecology.

Ecology. The study... the study of plants and animals.

That's right, far as it goes, but there's more.

Oh. - In relation to...

In relation to...

To the environment.

Oh.

Next, cytogenetics.

cytogenetics... - Yeah

Cyt... cyto... cytogenetics.

That's it.

It is?

That's it?

Mr. Howard.

♪ When I was a bachelor, I lived by myself ♪.

♪ I worked at the Weaver's trade ♪

♪ And the only, only thing I ever did was wrong ♪.

♪ Was to woo a fair young maid ♪

♪ I wooed her in the summertime, part of the winter too ♪.

♪ And the only, only thing I ever did was wrong ♪.

♪ Was to keep her from the foggy, foggy do ♪

It is true as you see, Marivaux wrote 32 plays,

but Le Bourgeois Gent'ilhomme was not one of them. - No?

It was written by Molière. - Molière, huh.

What?

Oh, Marivaux, Molière, Hegel, Spinoza.

You know, sometimes, not now, but when I'm alone,

I really get that old, "What am I doing here?".

But it happens to everyone, that question.

Say, about this Bald Hair (Baudelaire). - What about him?

How'd he ever get time to do all he did?

He lived to be old.

Even so.

How many letters did he write?

Ooh, I don't know exactly. Thousands.

I can't remember when I even wrote one.

You should try.

Too late. I wouldn't know where to send it.

You can write to me next summer if you wish to practice.

Where are you going to be?

Perhaps New York. I have an offer to give a summer course.

New York, summer?

It'll be pretty hot. No Europe?

No.

Oh, wonderful.

The lights. - Where's the fuse box?

What's that? - Well, it's generally in the basement.

Oh, I have no basement.

Well, then it's on the back porch.

Oh, that I have. Come.

Be careful.

Let's see.

Ha, there you are.

You think that was a mailbox?

I didn't know.

Yeah, I get a little illumination.

I only got one match, and it's a stubby one, too. - Oh, wait.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's my pleasure.

Here, can I help you?

Yes, I have a lighter.

Ow. - Ooh!

Ooo, oh! - You all right?

Yes... And you? - Oh, I got a small concussion.

Now, this time you stay where you are, and I'll go solo for the lighter.

All right.

The electricity, you be careful.

Oh, I used to be a lineman for Tom Edison.

Get the odd it out of there.

And we put in the ret-a-ka-tet.

It triggers here. Like that.

There you are.

Yes. Here we are.

Well, oh, it's getting late-ish.

Better go take a swing at the books.

Is there any chance you're coming over to Raleigh for the Carolina game this weekend?

Perhaps.

Oh, say, you better try that again.

So?

Well, in case something's wrong with the switch, you know, it'll just keep blowing out.

Now?

But if it should happen again... Well, try it.

There you are.

Well, good night.

Good night, my friend. My very good friend.

Mon ami.

Come on, Gil.

Why don't they open up? - I don't know.

Oh, look at this.

You know, I've been thinking about you in New York.

I see.

That's no place to be in the summer, not if the...

Oh, no, come on.

He never misses, this fellow.

Say, I was thinking you know eh..., what if a better job came up?

Oh, like say, suppose eh... I have a tutoring or something like that.

What if eh... Go ahead, pick it up, shoot.

What are you waiting for?

Wouldn't that be better?

Perhaps.

You know, if something's showing up around here in Carolina, I think I know eh...

Look out!

Gil, look where you're going!

Oh, this is murder. What was I talking about?

About Carolina. - Yeah, would you do it?

Who?

Yeah, they. - They?

The job I was just talking about.

Well, I understood you said, like, say suppose.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, like, say, suppose. What about it?

I don't know.

It pays twice as much as New York, you know. How do you know how much is New York?

Well, whatever. It pays twice as much. Oh, look at this!

I see. - Is it a deal?

No.

No?

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go! Yeah, come on, it's more like it.

Go!

Now we're up for it.

Think it over.

Come on, Gil. Now you're working. Pour it on, boy.

Nagshead. - Pardon?

A place called Nagshead it's just off the coast.

Yes? - Tutoring me.

Ah, yes. - Ah, yes?

No.

Come on, come on.

I thought you cared whether I get through next year or not.

But I do. - Won't you come down and try it?

Thank you... no!

Would you like to see some pictures of the place?

No. - In color?

No.

But see, you don't even know...

Here they come, go Gil!

Go Gil!

Go, Gilmore!

That's where it's going now!

Well, what about it?

Let me think.

All right.

Hi taggers. Who are you tagging?

So whaddaya say? Have you thought about it?

I'm still thinking.

Oh.

Hey!

You know, if... if the money is bothering you, I'll pay you a half.

In fact I'll pay you nothing, you can pay me.

Please say yes.

All right, yes.

Yes!

Shh!

What's the score? - Shh!

Like getting out of a diving bell, isn't it?

Thank you.

Hey, Randy, didn't I see you graduate last June?

Oh, I decided to stick around and work on my master's.

Got a job with the local newspaper.

The local paper? Well, give the editor a cigar, will you?

I'll just do that.

Thank you. - Good seeing you, Harv.

Hey. - Madame Gauthier.

Well, I'll call you later, huh, after I check in with the group?

All right.

There he is. Harv?

Harv! - Harv! Harv!

How are you, Harv? - Hello, Harvey.

TJ.

Welcome.

Where did you get that? - In New york.

I just can't imagine what she's got her cap set for this term, can you?

It poses somewhat of a problem.

You see, I've been betrothed since the age of six.

But that doesn't count. - Talk about your long engagements

But, uh, when you gonna wise up then. Settle down.

Nah, leave her alone.

You know, she's just trying to figure out who she is, like the rest of them.

Oh, say, I got your note.

Whose brilliant idea was it to have our annual toast here of all places?

- I figured you'd like it. Besides, we plan on sticking you with the tab.

You are an operator, right? - That's right.

But first, the toast.

Oh, yes.

I wonder what kind of cuckoo juice she has for us this time.

Goat's milk.

Sounds like I'm one of the older goats, too.

Here we go again.

Come on. - Still indivisible.

Drink up, cowards.

Very nourishing. Yeah.

For goats.

What's your problem?

This is a restaurant.

Yes, and I hear it's rather a good one, too.

People in restaurants usually order food.

Yeah.

Well, I'm game.

Bring us five burgers with the special barbecue sauce.

It's too early for the special sauce. - It's eh... later than you think.

I beg your pardon. - Just bring the burgers, please.

You recommend these, huh?

Oh, I stand back of every hamburger served here.

How far back? - Oh, never mind.

You're getting pretty good.

There we are.

Ha.

Thank you.

Well?

Just great.

Uh...

Kind of burnt, but good.

I've read charcoal aids digestion.

You got the milk and the meat to match, I think.

Hey!

What now? - Take 'em back.

I beg your pardon. I watch those being cooked myself.

Deeper and deeper.

Is this the way you always cook hamburgers here?

Certainly.

Well, they're inedible.

Nothing wrong with that.

Okay, group, let's go somewhere else, huh?

Trying to play the big man for your young friends.

Well, uh, he is a big man.

You think you can cook them any better? - Hold my coat, Gil.

What are you gonna do? - Stand clear.

For just a moment there, Mr. eh... - Howard.

Mr. Howard.

Howard? - Harvey Howard.

Our Harvey Howard?

Kind of shakes you up, doesn't it?

Ah, that's delicious.

Mr. Howard, if this weren't your restaurant already, I'd hire you as chef.

Just like that.

You don't need another chef.

You just cook 'em the way I did, and they'll turn out that way every time.

You mean I'm not? - No, no, of course not.

I just don't push so hard. - Yes, sir.

Relax.

Take it easy.

Oh, wait. Please, it's on the house. - No, not on my house.

Bye.

Bye, Mr. Burdick.

Bye-bye.

Bye, Mr. Burdick.

Hi. Hi. Thanks for saving my place.

Hey.

I was here when the line started, and I asked him to save my place for me.

I've got a deadline to meet, and I couldn't get all hung up here.

I haven't seen a run on a bank like this since '29.

Yeah, it's always that way when they auction off the faculty.

You know, last year, I bought the head of the physics department for six dollars.

Six Dollars?

And he had to do my ironing for a whole week.

How does old Krause do on French cuffs?

My blouses never look better.

What are you shopping for? - Oh, nothing special.

Just gonna cash a check.

This looks pretty special. - Here.

It was right there. I couldn't help but peek. - It's okay.

Last summer, madame Gauthier was kind enough to tutor me.

Looks like you really enjoyed your study.

Well, I'll see you at the auction, teacher's pet.

Suffer.

Thank you.

Who's next on the program?

Professor Thayer.

A shining example... of higher learning.

Now, who's start the bidding?

I have 35, do I have 40? I have 35, do I have 40?

40.

I have 40!

I have 40, once..

40, twice... going - 50!

50!

Come, come, come, girls and boys,

A measly 50 cents for this sample of higher learning.

Ho, Coach!

Hey, Coach, how are you?

Hi, Harv.

I bought myself a week's transportation.

Of course, he's kind of scrawny, but I only paid 3 Dollars for him.

Come on, move. Giddy-up.

You gotta stick 'em down, man. Keep 'em interested.

125 once, 125 twice. Going at 125.

All done?

Sold to the girls of the Buswick dormitory for 125.

Ladies, come up and claim your prize.

Mr. Thayer, you've just hired yourself out, to do a mess of wallpaper.

Now, let's see, who's next on the program?

Madame Gauthier of the French Literature Department.

How much am I bid for a home-cooked Sunday dinner by Madame Gauthier?

100 Dollars.

100 Dollars? - 100 Dollars??

Now, there's a hungry man.

Knows how to spend his money, too.

No sense going any further with this.

Sold to the man with the gleam in his eye for $100.

And the children at the orphanage thank you, sir.

Hold it.

I was afraid something like this would happen.

Being around all those young students. Was bound to give Father young ideas.

Young ideas, nuts. They're the oldest ideas in the world.

You know, it's our duty to save Father from himself.

What you mean is save Father from that French cuisine.

I'd like to speak to President Byrne at Pinehurst College, please.

You're early. - Hungry.

How you're coming with my 100 Dollar dinner? - It may be ready soon.

How you feeling, by the way? - Oh, fine.

Your not... Oh?

Something around your eyes. Are you sleepy? - Not at all?

Got you a present. - Thank you.

Oh, I know I shouldn't have. What is it?

Well, it's from the old country. Pâte parisienne.

Oh, pâte foie gras

I will add this to the canapés.

Bon.

Be comfortable. I won't be long. - I'll check our reservations.

Hey, Garçon, don't you think the seating arrangement's here is too formal?

Peut-être, monsieur?

Perhaps you would like something a little more intime, eh?

Very good.

Comme ça?

Oh, that's much better. Now, what are we gonna do about these lights?

They're a little too harsh.

Oh oh, Monsieur...

Attendez, I fix.

Et voilà.

Monsieur would like perhaps some, uh, romantic music?

Oh, you rogue. You read my mind.

Love is lovelier.

The second time around

Just as wonderful.

With both feet on the ground

It's that second time You hear your love song sung

Makes you think, perhaps that love like youth is wasted on the young.

Love's more comfortable

The second time you fall Like a friendly home

The second time you fall.

Who can say, what brought us to this miracle we found?

There are those who'll bet.

Love comes but once.

And yet.

I'm oh, so glad

We met.

The second time around.

Can I do something to help?

What is it? - Nothing.

It's got to be something. My singing isn't that bad.

I suppose you must know it.

You will hear of it anyway. - I'll hear of what?

It is already settled. There is nothing you can do to change it.

I only seem to be getting part of this conversation.

Now, what are we talking about?

It is finished. I'm leaving the college.

What?

I've already sent my resignation to President Byrne.

Wait... wait a minute. What are you talking about?

Why are you resigning? - It's the only thing to do.

I haven't had my dinner yet. - Oh, please Harvey, do not joke.

Who's joking? I came here for a hundred dollar dinner.

Now you say you're leaving. - We shall have our dinner.

I don't want it.

What do you want? - I want to know why you're leaving.

President Byrne has found out about us. What about us?

That we spend the summer together. - Well, that's ridiculous.

Since when the decent, adult, respectable people have to account for their actions?

Since I became a teacher and you became a student at this college.

Come on.

What about the dinner? - I'm not hungry. Come on.

You must understand my position. I'm not prejudging.

However, when a report of the slightest impropriety - Impropriety?

in a faculty-student relationship reaches my

office, it's my duty to make a thorough investigation.

Such a report has come to me in regard to you and Madame Gauthier.

A report from who? - What does it matter?

Well, it matters a lot. It could have come from some crackpot.

A report came from your daughter.

There, you see.

When the accusation was made, naturally I confronted Madame Gauthier with a charge.

How come nobody confronted me?

Madame Gauthier asked that you not be involved. - But I'm already involved.

Certainly there's nothing wrong with a student

socializing with a member of the faculty, is there?

Certainly not.

Surely you don't consider it improper for a member of

the faculty to help a student with his studies, do you?

We encourage them. - Well, in other words, this impropriety that we're suspected of,

we're supposed to be carrying on an illicit affair, is that it?

In the bluntest terms, yes.

Well, it's just not true. I'm not happy about it, but that's it.

So Madame Gauthier has informed me.

Well, then what's all this shouting about her resigning and all this?

Mr. Howard, let me tell you something.

The normal procedure in these matters is for us to conduct an investigation

during which you would be suspended from all classes.

Madame Gauthier felt that were this to happen,

you might be unable, or unwilling, to make up the lost work.

Rather than jeopardize your chance of graduating next year, she has chosen to resign.

Well, I don't think this is a matter that concerns anybody else but Madame Gauthier and me.

Anything that threatens the morale of the student body is a concern to us all.

The morale of the student body? Why do they care what happens to us?

Dr. Byrne, I'm sorry to disturb you, but there's some students outside who want to see you.

Tell them to come in and wait in the parlor. - All of them?

Excuse me.

How many are there? - Well, I don't know, but it's a good group.

A very commendable turnout.

It would be nice to see this many faces at chapel tomorrow morning.

Mr. Padmanagham, I assume that you are acting as spokesman.

For what purpose are you assembled?

We are here, respectfully, to register our protest against

the dismissal of Madame Helene Gauthier from the faculty.

Your information is incorrect. Madame Gauthier has not been dismissed.

She has tendered her resignation voluntarily.

However, if it will ease your minds, at this time I have

no intention of accepting Madame Gauthier's resignation.

First protocol demands that there be an investigation.

Of course, as president, I have the prerogative of

deciding just when such an investigation should be held.

Since so many of you seem to have taken an active,

or should I say passive interest in the case,

I have decided to postpone the investigation until after final exams next June.

Madame Gauthier?

You will continue conducting your regular classes indefinitely.

Mr. Howard, I believe you have some studying to do.

Have a cigar.

Let's have one big one for Dr. Byrne.

You want to start it, Bob?

One more time.

May the spell holds.

Nobody flunks now.

Only 216 days till graduation.

And let's make the most of it.

Well, since the success of our senior year is assured, I have to look up an old friend.

And how's France?

Disappointing. - Oh?

My old friends had new friends. I found I didn't belong anymore.

One should never try to return to a position one has outgrown.

You know, I did some growing up this summer, too, belatedly.

Oh? Will you walk me to the library? - Oh, mais oui?

I thought I might have some word from you, if only a postcard.

Well, I wrote dozens of them. - I never got them.

I never mailed them. - What happened to them?

Oh, I suppose they're still at Nagshead.

Ah, that lovely place. - Hmm. What's so lovely this summer?

Thousands of house guests dropping in.

I finally got the boat out and went down the coast toward the Florida Keys.

You were lonely, too? It's good to be back.

You wanna split that last donut? - No, you kill it.

I wish learning came easy to me, like those two.

You're complaining.

I have to cram these facts through 53 years of solid ivory.

Rough. - You Know...

The only one at college that makes a big thing about your years is you.

Go on.

Some people, the older they get, the smarter they get.

With you, it seems to work the other way around. - Meaning?

How long you gonna keep that nice French lady waiting?

Oh, you kids these days, I'm telling you.

You think the only relationship a man and a woman can have is a romantic one?

That sure is what we think. You got something better?

Oh, romance is very nice.

It's a good thing for youngsters like you, but...

Helene and I have found something that we think's more appropriate to our stage of life.

Companionship. - Companionship?

I got a flea-bitten-old hound at home that'll give me that.

Maybe you're willing to settle for companionship, but she ain't.

Who, a flea-bitten-old hound?

No, you know who I mean. She's in love with you.

You through? - And you know something else?

You're in love with her. Now I'm through.

Thanks.

There's really just one thing wrong with your case, counselor.

At my age, I no more could get married again, than I could fly.

Ah, cut it out.

Here comes Banquo's ghost.

I'll put it where he can get it. - Yeah.

Back in the trunk. - Like some coffee?

You had a dream, well I have one too.

I have the best one because of you.

You know, I was just thinking, if I'd have met you when I was young, who knows?

You are one of the youngest people I have ever known.

When I look at them, I don't feel so young.

Oh, but they are much older than you in so many ways.

They take everything so seriously.

I'll tell you why.

What can I do for you, folks? - Fill her up.

Huh?

May we have some water for the mule?

Sure. Help yourself.

I'll get you a couple of buckets.

Thank you.

Do you wanna cheeseburger?

No, I don't want a cheeseburger.

Sorry.

Excuse us.

What's going on? - Oh, Gil and Joy beat us to it.

Now I ask you, is that friendly?

Come on, beat it.

Oh, no, you don't. - What's going on?

You know, they're rather a charming couple, a little hokey but attractive.

Harvey, it has been on my mind for a long time now.

To ask you something. - You go ahead. Ask away.

Would you like to marry me? - Say that again, slow.

Would you like to marry me? - Would I like to marry you?

Holy cow. - It's not unusual.

I think it is asked everywhere, every day. - Just like that from right out of left field?

Forgive me. Well, what kind of a crack is that?

Don't you think I've ever thought of it? - You have?

Dozens of times, maybe hundreds, but...

I never had the nerve to even dream it.

And here you... - Yes?

Of course I'd like to marry you.

I'd like to be 23 years of age again, too, but...

Gee Helene...

At my stage of life, it just wouldn't work out.

I no more could get married again, than I could fly.

Let us say no more. - Oh, yeah, let's talk a lot about it.

I think it's exciting, it's exhilarating, but...

But?

I just no more could get married again, than I could fly.

You said so before. - Oh, I did, he?

A moment ago.

Well, you see, it's a sign of age. I'm repeating myself.

Hey, what are you kids doing in there?

Come on out of there.

What's a big idea?

If we're engaged. See?

Hey, get that I might get phoned.

Hello?

Anyone here named Hunsucker?

It came upon a midnight clear.

That glorious song of old. From angels bending near the earth.

To touch their hearts of gold.

Peace on the earth, good will to men.

From heaven's all gracious King. The world in solemn stillness lay.

To hear the angels sing.

Peace on the earth, good will to men. From heaven's all gracious King.

The world in solemn stillness lay To hear the angels sing.

What's the matter, aren't you gonna study.

Ah, he's in love.

Hey!

What's thea big idea, fellows? Back, back, hit the books, study.

That's correct.

Mais enfin !

DANGER THIN ICE

Oh, everything happens to him.

Now, this is a relatively simple experiment,

but I must caution you.

Never attempt it during a rainstorm.

Okay, Sparrow, I'm going to ask you just one more time.

What is symbiosis?

Living together in more or less an intimate association.

Or even closer, that we're even closer,

a union of two dissimilar organisms.

All right, what is mutualism? - Mutualism...

A relation between two symbionts, which is beneficial to both.

What's parasitism? - Parasitism...

Any intimate association between between two living organisms...

in which one obtains food or... or benefits in other ways.

At the expense of the other. - Who discovered the principle of heterosis?

Heterosis.

Heterosis.

Heterosis.

Heterosis.

Dr. George W. Shaw.

H. H.

H.

When?

Uh... 1909.

Bingo!

I'm bird, right!

The valedictorian address will be delivered this

morning by Mr. Harvey Howard of the class of 1960.

Friends and fellow classmates,

how unfortunate that youth should be wasted on the young.

As was said by George Bernard Shaw,

I wonder if he was right.

Is youth ever given to us, or do we take it?

Does age overtake us or do we overtake it?

When I began, my son said to me, "Dad, what are you trying to prove?".

Well, I couldn't tell him then, but I think today I can.

I was trying to prove not to him or to the world but to myself,

that I wasn't washed up yet.

I was trying to prove that age isn't a matter of years, but of zest.

Isn't every waking day a lifetime,

and aren't we reborn every morning?

And isn't the human race still a youngster after all?

I came here, I admit it, to find my youth.

But instead I found something far better.

I found my life.

For a while I was a pretty odd duck, but there were so many odd ducks in this class,

pretty soon it didn't seem to matter. But I found in these halls and in these hills.

A warmth of friendship and a depth of understanding I never knew existed.

For 1,458 days, I waited for this day.

And now all at once, here I am.

I have a daughter, and when I told her I made it, she said, "Dad, it's a miracle.".

Well, maybe in a way it was a miracle.

Miracles sometimes happen, but more often they're

made of faith, from will and hope and imagination.

Say nothing of sweat.

Or maybe being a college graduate, I should say perspiration.

But as I was led gently through this exalting world of thought,

science, and feeling,

I learned that man struggled to better himself,

to better his lot and to better the world about him,

who was and is a noble and a worthy thing.

And I learned further, if there's anything which man cannot achieve by himself,

he shouldn't hesitate to join with someone else.

How often have any of you said why I no more could do this or that, than I could fly?

Well, how do you know you can't? Have you ever tried?

No, no, seriously, I mean it. Have you ever gone into it?

Have you ever explored the prospect?

I know I've said it myself, why I no more could do something or other, than I could fly.

But now look...