Original subtitles

You are the one supreme being

just dressed to kill

and fulfill just any dream

you are the one heart's desire

all hips and lips

made to trick just any fool

I could have sworn that you were an angel

'cause you're a sweet, sweet, sweet

divine thing

but I should have known

that you were the devil

dressed like a sweet, sweet, sweet

divine thing

You lack the one thing that is devotion

not always there, in your hair

in a daze

just too mixed up in your own emotion

your vanity

will always be your greatest thing

I could have sworn that you were an angel

'cause you're a sweet, sweet, sweet

divine thing

but I should have known

that you were the devil

dressed like a sweet, sweet, sweet

divine thing

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm.

Gin and tonic, please.

Another ginger ale.

And hurry, before they realize monkeys could do this job.

Get paid with scraps.

Pardon me, friend. Do we know each other?

I sincerely hope not.

I'm--I'm Victor thummell, v.P. Of mortgages.

Oh. Thank you.

Oh, that's cute.

You're cute. Have a treat.

Mmm.

Might I inquire

why you're crying?

This is the first new year's Eve I've spent on my own,

since my divorce.

Oh.

I was married to a man who used to make me feel like dirt.

Lord, I miss him so.

Cease those tears. And come join the party.

Lest people think I couldn't find a date for new year's Eve.

Moon river

wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style some day

oh, dream maker

you heart breaker

A thoroughbred owner from England!

I thought only drunken losers would be at tonight's party.

If you thought that, why did you come?

To meet somebody.

Here's to running with the in-crowd in the new year.

Oh! Oh, my god. Oh.

I'm sorry. Oh.

Oh.

Yes, it's...

It's--it's all right.

Oh.

Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.

There's a phone call for you at the front desk.

Gloria, what gives you the right to interfere?

You're late, and there's an emergency.

What's the problem?

This guy's credit card won't clear and he is really pissed.

Matthew, I want that Lincoln returned to me right now.

It was a mistake, letting you borrow it.

Well, it's about goddamned time.

You're using the access code for visa instead of American express.

What kind of ass-backward hotel are you runnin' here?

Well, my apologies, sir, but this little lady here, she's just--

she's just learning the ropes.

Sounds like you're from Lexington, son.

Born and raised.

Well, happy new year, boy.

And right back at ya.

Hi.

Where are you going?

Where am I going, Gloria?

I am not spending another new year's Eve behind this desk.

I am going to be dancing the night away

with the rest of North America.

Holiday palace.

Matthew!

Assistant manager for you.

Simon.

You have the night off. Why are you calling here?

Just checking in.

Why are you wearing a white dinner jacket?

I have got you by the balls this time,

you entry-level piece of shit. Yeah.

I've heard all about the, uh, little games you play while I'm not around.

Simon-- no.

No. You will go see Mr. Levine.

Matthew.

You know, you remind me of my own son.

Thank you.

That's not a compliment.

My own son is a putz.

What the hell is that?

Midnight.

Jesus.

The fireworks just gave me a flashback to Vietnam.

You were in Vietnam? No.

But there are a lot of movies.

Listen.

We've never had a problem before.

So why don't you just go back to work?

Farewell, loser.

I wasn't let go, Simon.

Levine didn't fire you?

Shit! Why are the Jewish people always so forgiving?

You're a pitiful fuck, Welsh.

I've hated guys like you all my life.

Heterosexuals?

What a dick.

Sir, you will never guess who is on the phone right now.

Simon, I am not in the mood to guess.

Just tell me.

I'll give you a hint. France.

Go on, take a shot. It won't kill you.

She's on line 2.

I'm calling it a night. Any messages for me?

I'm in 796.

No, sir. No messages for you.

What the hell are you doing back there?

Wait a minute.

You checked me in this morning.

You work here.

You work...

Hey. Hey, he works here.

Oh, my god, Matthew.

Don't say it, please.

Ok, I'm sorry. Ok. Just don't say it.

Look, she's everywhere.

I like men who dare to be different.

I like men who know how to play.

I like men who aren't afraid to take risks.

I like men to be indifferent.

Indifference.

For those who could care less.

From Pierre katz.

God, I wish I saw a face like that in the mirror.

Trust me. I've seen what hexina looks like in the morning.

It's grotesque.

You've slept with hexina?

Why do you always lie to me?

It just so happens that I happen to know...

Every time you see a celebrity on t.V...

...a lot of very, very famous people.

...you say you know them.

Yes, but they don't know you, right?

Yeah. Listen. Well, you know, it--it just so happens

that hexina's body used to be my old mailing address.

Boom. Shh.

Hey, levine needs us.

You, too, needle-dick.

Incredible as it may seem,

we're gonna have an important guest here tomorrow.

The fashion model from Europe. Velveeta.

Hexina.

Hexina. All right, hexina.

Now, you people are the only ones I'm telling.

The woman wishes to keep her visit to this country a secret.

...here!

That's why she picked this hotel.

Nobody gives a shit who stays here.

What the hell is goin' on?

What--what are you, the katzenjammer kids or something? What is it?

Well, sir, um, Matthew was just telling me that--

that he used to date hexina.

Oh, really? And Hitler owned a deli.

Matthew, come on.

Come on. It was such a coincidence.

I mean, why--why are you failing to see the humor in this?

Why?

Because I have been at this hotel for 12 years, Gloria.

Since I was 18.

And--and I've just allowed myself to become

like a permanent fixture here.

Besides, it's not a very good feeling being taken for granted.

I know.

You're it.

Hey, come on. Let's have some ice here.

Coming in, I realized the left engine was out.

I turned to my--my copilot and I said, "Hank..."

But I just said again, and again, and again:

"It is not my client who is on trial here.

It is the law that is on trial in this case."

Well, the--the courtroom went wild.

900-feel.

You must at least sound 18 to call.

The plane! The plane!

Some things are hard to swallow

while others are easy.

Yogaire.

The yogurt of France is now the yogurt of suburbia.

Mmm.

I can't explain

exactly what I'm doing standing in the rain

oh, this is so good.

Don't do it for fun

do it if you feel it kiss it on the tongue

I'm taking my thoughts

oh, no. Oh, please.

Am I supposed to believe that that's real?

Am I supposed to admire the craftsmanship that that took?

Well, you know something? You just play your cards right

and I may introduce you. She's very--

to who? Hey, hey.

Hey, Simon. Or is it "whom"?

Oh, Welsh. Uh-huh.

Simon-- oh, look at this.

Beautiful. I think the key word here is "realistic."

What do you think, huh?

And the winner is...

Not you, Welsh.

No comment.

I'm off to the airport to, uh, pick up the real thing.

Hey, maybe I'll invite hexina to dinner tonight, huh?

Let her sample this rare delicacy.

Jesus Christ. Here's a message I don't want to deliver.

This man is a pig.

He tells me that I remind him of the waitress at the house of pancakes

that he once boffed.

Here. Allow me to spare you the indignity.

Do, uh, all your rooms have one of those adult movie channels?

Oh, yes, they do. Is there a problem?

No, not in the least.

Hey, hotshot. What's up?

Message for you.

It's my wife.

She can call back later. I'm gonna be in all night.

Oh, by the way, Matthew,

when I get back up to my room,

I'm gonna call the manager and have you fired.

Just wanted you to know.

My neck! My neck!

You know, I can clearly see myself 50 years from now.

Old and gray,

still wearing this uniform,

barely able to walk.

Matthew, where do you come up with these images?

Pretty soon we're going to have the hexina under our roof.

Wonder what she's doing in town?

You know, she's in for a big surprise.

She has no idea that I'm working here.

Matthew, do you realize how unhealthy it is

that you cannot admit the truth?

Has the line between fantasy and reality

become so completely blurred to you?

Believe me, I know the difference.

He ain't payin' me shit,

and I gotta work for little or nothing.

God damn it, I'm sick of this fucking place.

So, babe. Can I call you babe?

You know, I'd be personally honored

to show you around town during your visit.

I happen to be familiar with all the finest restaurants in town,

especially this little Thai--

lesbian.

Clearly, this guy doesn't know his end of the totem pole.

I mean, he was runnin' around pretending to be a guest, for Christ's sake.

Sir, I apologize.

I'll be letting Matthew go at the end of the day.

Do I have your word on that?

Absolutely. As manager of the hotel,

you have my personal guarantee.

Schmuck.

Matthew.

The guy--

our special bitch guest

is peeved about a bag that's stuck in customs.

The second it arrives, you will send it up to her room.

Simon,

I have a confession to make.

I don't know hexina.

If you did, dickhead, I'd jump off a roof.

Look, she's already getting a call.

You get that.

Gloria? What?

Maybe you'd like to catch a movie later?

I would love to.

Great.

Uh, hello? The guest in 1204 is asleep.

Would you care to leave a message?

Asleep?

She just called a minute ago while I was in the shower.

Well, if you'd like to leave a message, sir,

you'll have to do it through me.

Tell her Pratt called back.

It's best to meet at my house for privacy reasons.

Besides, I don't want to have to describe what I look like.

I'll give her directions when she calls back.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So, Matthew,

what time you wanna go see the movie tonight?

Oh, I think I already have plans.

God.

Yes?

Hello. It's Mr. Pratt.

How prompt.

I just left a message on your answering machine.

So, what time are we meeting tonight?

How's 7:00-ish?

Be at the entrance to the side.

I'm really looking forward to this.

Not as much as I am, mon ami.

Jennifer. Emergency. I need a car.

No. I'm willing to pay.

Forget it. You're untrustworthy.

No, I didn't mean you, sir. I wasn't referring to you.

Prepared to jump off a roof?

Why don't you come outside tonight at around 7:00?

Hexina and I are going on a date

and I'd like you to witness a drive-by.

Hey! Hey!

You stay away from that woman, asshole.

I'm warning you.

Matthew, what on earth is going on?

Fantasy and reality have just met.

796.

A red corvette?

Unbe-fucking-lievable!

I gotta figure out who you are, Mr. Pratt.

Well,

I don't know what to say.

Just drive.

I would like to get this over with.

You promised this rendezvous would be secret, monsieur Pratt.

What's with this monsieur Pratt? Why don't you just call me

by my first name?

Why are you toying with me, Henry?

Let us just do what we need to do, so I may return home.

But I was hoping we could spend a nice,

quiet evening together.

Um, take me over there, please.

Pantomime.

Do you have any money?

Come here, little mime.

I have something for you.

What's wrong with you?

This is america. People just don't go around hitting each other,

except maybe the teamsters.

You know, I'm in a mind just to take you back to the hotel and...

Henry.

Henry. Who?

I mean, yes?

Let's go back to your place.

Whatever you say.

Can I offer you anything?

Hmm, do you have, um,

bleu de bresse, assiette anglaise,

perhaps a nice beaujolais?

Wednesdays I'm usually just out.

Hello. This is Matthew Welsh.

My work for the day-- beaujolais!

...assignment. I'd like to--

Henry, what is this?

All right. All right.

You've caught me.

Let me explain.

There's no need.

It's perfectly obvious why you doctored these photos.

You've been fantasizing about this moment for some time.

Being so close to me.

True.

Well, what are you waiting for?

You tell me.

No. No. No.

Get off.

Ah, be patient. It takes a while.

Oh, no!

Get off of me!

Mmm.

Would you mind if we did this in the bedroom?

No skin off my breast.

God.

Absolutely.

Oh, Henry.

Oh, Henry.

Oh, papa! Papa!

Work! Work! Work!

You were magnificent.

Can I have that in writing?

I am dying of thirst.

Do not move from the bed.

Henry Pratt.

I like who you are.

I, um,

I realize this is a little late to be asking,

but should I be using some sort of protection?

Uh-huh.

Close your eyes.

Why do you run, Henry?

Come here and let me cut you, you fucking swine!

Ow!

Oh, you cocksucker, Pratt!

I'm not Pratt.

The fuck you aren't.

Let me just...

My name is Matthew Welsh.

I work at the holiday palace.

Is everything all right in there, Mr. Welsh?

Everything's fine.

Well, keep it down in there.

You're disturbing the other tenants.

White trash.

I'm sorry.

I intercepted a message from Pratt tonight, and i--

I took his place.

Why the fuck did you do such a thing?

Well, see, I told people

that we've had a relationship in the past, that we were involved.

I'm--I'm a little bit of a liar.

You just attempted murder.

No, I was just trying to scare you. Him.

Oh, god.

Take me back to the holiday palace.

Fucking geek.

Figures. I'm walkin' around with her and nobody sees me.

Aw, life.

I don't wish to be disturbed.

Too late. You already are.

All right, lady. You got about 5 seconds

to tell me what's going on here,

or I'm gonna have a little chat with the police.

3 months ago, I received these in the mail.

Oh, boy.

That's me.

7 years ago. Before nutrisystem.

Where were these taken?

At a hospital around here where I was a patient.

What were you doing in the states?

I'm an American citizen. Born and raised.

My real name is Helen Spears.

Helen Spears?

And I thought I was the only one playing masquerade games.

So, how's Henry Pratt enter into this?

He says he's a clerk at the patient records.

He recently came across those old photos.

What's he asking for?

$400,000.

Hmm.

He also expects me to fuck him.

That's the part you got. Ha!

I know. I was there.

None of what you said justifies murder.

Look, i-- how many times do I have to tell you, I just--

i--i just wanted to scare the guy. Ok?

So he wouldn't--wouldn't ruin my image.

All I've achieved is at stake. Everything.

I mean, look at all the good stuff I do.

The charities, the telethons, Jerry's kids, I mean--

oh, god, that's him. What am I gonna do?

Answer it. I'll guide you through.

Hello?

You lousy whore.

You kept me waiting all night.

Apologize and ask to meet now.

I'm sorry. Um, would you like to meet now?

Be at my house in 20 minutes.

1163 carlotta drive.

Don't be late.

What am I gonna do? I didn't expect to pay.

Well, look. We'll drive over there together,

and we'll just sit down and we'll discuss this like adults.

Oh, like adults? The guy's a blackmailer.

Listen, for better or for worse,

I'm extremely good at manipulating people.

Oh, what now? Yes?

A piece of your luggage just arrived, ma'am.

Hi. Hi.

We're gonna have to hurry.

Let me just take something to calm my nerves.

Ok, but, you know, we gotta-- we gotta hurry up with this thing.

You ok in there?

You know, um, if it's one of those twist-off things,

I might be able to give you a hand. I'm very good with those.

My, uh, my--my dad i-invented them, actually.

Come on. We've really gotta go.

Carlotta. 1163 carlotta.

Fuck! What--what--what?

I left my earrings in your apartment.

They're fine. Don't worry--

they were designed for me by leneau. That's ok.

But they're worth a fortune.

Ok, we'll get 'em later.

Just let me do all the talking.

I happen to be very good in situations like these.

It's very important to be non-confrontational.

This must be the place.

Don't worry.

I'll explain my presence here.

I'll do all the talking, ok?

And remember, non-confrontational.

Wha...?

Don't just stand there. Close the door.

Hurry up.

Hey, hey.

I got the keys.

So you can just forget about taking a hike.

You said you were just gonna scare him.

I lied. But you gotta admit, I was non-confrontational.

Now help me look for the negatives.

You can start by searching that trash heap.

Jesus Christ.

Where was the bastard keepin' it?

You've just killed somebody.

Matthew, do not raise your voice.

I'm feeling very fragile at the moment, ok?

Besides, they didn't institutionalize me

just for having a yen for cheesecake, you know.

Tell me why they did.

When I was 16, I was seduced by an older man.

He was cruel and sadistic.

What did he do?

He sold insurance.

No. No. No.

Tell me what he did to you.

I was emotionally and sexually abused.

And then, one day, he just went too far.

What happened?

He refused to marry me.

So I set some shrubbery on fire outside his house as a prank.

Instead, he perished

along with 32 other people.

32 other people?

Yeah. A super bowl weekend.

I spent 6 fucking years in that institution!

6 fucking years!

Upon release, I jumped parole, fled to Europe,

changed my entire appearance, started modeling.

Hence hexina.

I picked the name myself.

Oh, that's good. You're a fugitive.

Yes. And the sole reason for all this unpleasantness

has been this ugly, stupid,

scumbag piece of shit.

Stupid-- ahhh!

I wanna see.

Ew!

Would you get... shh. Shh.

We'll go back, run a check on the vehicle, see if we can make it.

Mmm, Matthew.

Chh-chh-chh-chh.

What's wrong now?

Nothing. Just trying to keep my weight down.

Hey.

Hey, you found it!

Hmm, I love you. Let's go.

Wait a minute. Fingerprints.

I'm wearing gloves.

My fingerprints.

Come on.

Shit.

Well, talking to the police is now out of the question, Matthew.

You've just become an accessory.

And I want to thank you for your fine effort tonight.

And that includes making me come 15 times in bed.

The victim's name is Henry Pratt.

Mailman found the body.

Look what he was delivering.

Huh, some guys have all the luck, don't they?

Woman across the street heard somethin' around 2:00 A.M.

A black-and-white responded.

Identified a rental car out front.

Registration's to the local holiday palace,

to one Victor thummell.

All, right. All right, get out!

Get out, Matt! Get out, man, where you been?

Who said you could borrow this car, huh?

I've been lookin' for this car, man!

I could've been fired, Matt!

Man, what do you gotta say? Say something!

All right, that's wrong, man!

I'm checkin' out in 10 minutes.

Where the hell is my white suit?

I'm sorry, sir, they just can't seem to locate it. I--

here's your suit, sir.

Thank you.

The laundry must have lost the ticket.

God! If I wasn't in such a hurry, I would castrate you again!

So, Matthew, what--what did you do last night?

I don't understand the question.

Yes?

Oh, sorry. My mistake.

Ok.

Welsh? Who was in your car last night?

Car? I--i--i don't remember any car.

Idiot!

I didn't have a car or anything.

Yes?

Remember the story about the boy who cried wolf, huh?

Ok. Absolutely.

Oh, god.

I need you to call one of your guests, Victor thummell, down here.

Um, yes, hi.

Sir, your--your presence is requested in the lobby.

Uh, yes, right now. Thanks.

Some sort of trouble?

Well, we don't normally show up

to make a fashion statement, son.

All right, what the hell is goin' on? I'm trying to pack.

Are you Victor thummell?

Yeah, that's me.

Why don't we talk over there?

You rented a red '88 corvette from this hotel?

Yeah, I did. What's this about?

Where'd you go last night?

I didn't go anywhere. I went to bed early.

Sure you did.

My wife and I would like a room, please.

Fill this out.

I have got an 8-hour drive

back to west Covina, and I'm leaving.

Oh, no. You're not goin' anywhere.

This is a murder investigation.

A murder?

Look, I am leaving.

There's nothing you can do to stop me.

I'm not very happy with your attitude here.

Oh, yeah?

Ha.

Oh, come on. Come on.

Now, look, I want to go to my room.

I'm gonna pack up. You have no...

Ok, ok, it's cool. It's cool. I'll go.

Hah! Oh, shit.

Come on, look. God damn it!

Look, I am leaving, and you can't stop me,

you pussies!

Wait, I'm a republican! Ow!

Ow!

$150 for a double.

Bellman will show you to your room.

Please, folks. There's--there's nothing to see here.

Official police business.

I certainly hope you've learned

a little something here today, Mr. Thummell.

You never mess around with a fellow's hat like that.

The police just took an innocent man into custody.

No one is truly innocent.

What are we gonna do?

It's only a matter of time before the trail leads to us.

There is no "us." It's like I was never here.

You cold-blooded murderess!

What did you just call me?

Murderess.

Oh, I thought you said methodist.

For a moment, I was insulted.

I'm going to the police right now.

Your word against mine? No one will believe we've even met.

Oh, they won't, huh?

Well, you left proof behind in my apartment. Remember?

Oh, fuck! My fucking earrings! Fuck!

I've come to drive you to the airport.

What the fuck are you doing here?

I found this man rummaging through my belongings.

Simon, don't listen to her, she's lying.

Mine is an expert opinion.

My earrings are missing, and now I know who the culprit is.

What, are you crazy? Don't touch me! No!

That's it, that's it,

you're mine! Simon!

You're fucking mine, Welsh!

Your ass is mine!

Oh, god, Simon!

I've been waiting a long time for this. Do you understand me?

Simon, hexina was in my apartment last night,

and she tried to kill me!

I've seen her naked!

Shut up, shut up! Shut up.

You're nothing but a common criminal now, Welsh.

You've fucked yourself forever, buddy.

Simon, I've gotta stop her.

You just don't--don't get it, do you?

Oh, no!

It's free now.

As soon as we recover your earrings, they'll be shipped to you.

No. I mistrust parcel services.

Look, do you know where Welsh lives?

Maybe he is keeping my jewelry there.

I'll give you a ride home after the shift, not before. Ok?

Gloria, i--i have to go now.

I'm sorry. What can I do for you?

Can I borrow your car?

Let me just have the keys. I'll-- right.

I need to extend my stay here. Indefinitely.

Where's your bar? I think I'll go trash 6 years of fucking sobriety.

Thank you.

Look out!

Sorry to bother you.

I work with Matthew Welsh at the holiday palace.

Holiday palace?

I thought he worked for n.A.S.A.

We were wondering if you could let us into Mr. Welsh's apartment?

We're trying to retrieve something of a personal nature.

Well, normally I wouldn't.

But since I saw you here last night...

Lock up when you finish.

Strange,

that landlady thinking she'd seen you here last night.

I'll check this room.

Yeah, right.

Books.

We don't have time for a thorough search.

Your plane leaves in half an hour.

Wax. This guy.

Good news. I found my earrings.

What is that?

I was just about to ask you the same question.

I mean,

could Welsh, for once in his life, been telling the truth?

We'll get to that later, kitten.

Right now, Simon wants an explanation.

Simon.

It's actually very, very simple.

I mean, the whole thing is just so silly.

I'm waiting.

The answer is...

I'm fucking bonkers!

Where's that viking, Simon?

Simon's not back from the airport?

No, he's not back from the airport.

Yeah, and I got some priest in my office screamin' about--about lawsuits.

You know, these things happen to everyone.

Yeah, sure. Thanks.

Could you take me home right now?

Gonzales, that thing growing down the back of your neck? Cut it off.

You look like fucking Tonto.

I'm sorry. I have some more work.

I just-- I gotta go. Ok? All right.

Thanks a lot, bye. Go on. Go on. Talk to you later.

You can just go out this way.

Ok. All right. Bye. Bye--bye.

What a nightmare.

I dreamed I was giving birth to an autoworker.

What are you doing here?

I missed my flight.

I'll have to stay here until I can reschedule.

Where's Simon?

Oh, he's long gone.

We are gonna have so much fun.

There's so many sex games we can play.

Do you have mayonnaise and a rake?

11738 bellagio.

Please, as quickly as possible. Yeah.

Look, a cab is gonna be here in about 2 minutes.

But I don't care where you go, just--just get away from me.

I was so looking forward to making love.

What is wrong with you?

Why do you still want to have sex with me?

Because you're the best male lover I've ever had.

Thank you. I--

you've been doing some rearranging, I see.

Well, I was hungry. Your cupboards were bare.

Come on.

You know, no one would believe this.

I don't-- I don't-- I don't believe it.

What?

Oh, my god.

Oh, that.

Oh, Jesus!

I don't remember the number for 911.

Uh-uh. I need your help disposing of the body.

Absolutely not!

Oh, fine!

Just like a man. You take a girl to bed,

but when it comes time for the commitment, no!

What's going on in there?

Ow! Would you stop that?

Ow! Stop that!

Hey, I pay rent here, buddy!

Leave me alone, you bitch, or I swear I'm gonna kill you!

You hear me? I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

That's it!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

I've called the police on you.

They're on their way.

Good! I want them to see this!

I want everybody to see this.

The model, hexina, is in my apartment!

She's committed murder, and there is a dead body

in my refrigerator!

Shit! No!

Ta-ta!

Wait, driver! Stop!

Oh, god damn it!

Get out! Get out! Get out! Out! Out!

Run, run, run, run!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

No!

This feels like a rape! No.

This feels like a rape!

Wait until the police get here!

They'll beat you while I watch.

Jesus!

Oh, sorry, uh,

I'm the designated driver tonight.

Lovely evening.

What's the problem?

My steering column gave out.

I'm still pretty shook up about it. I was just--

driver's license, please?

Absolutely. It's right here, in the plastic.

You're wearing your hair differently than in this picture.

It looks better now.

Why are you telling me this?

I'm secure enough in my masculinity that I can give compliments.

That's good. That's very, very good.

It's my company car.

Vehicle can't remain on the road.

I'll have to call a tow.

You--you can't impound this car.

It--it belongs to the holiday palace. They...

Don't worry, it won't be impounded.

Base, copy?

Roger.

Where do you suppose you'll take it?

If you did, I'd jump off a roof.

God damn it!

My parents would be so proud.

Bye-bye.

Shit!

Please.

Oh.

Larry.

Yes, sir?

Has Simon returned yet?

Well, you know, I thought I saw the hotel sedan being towed back.

He's avoiding me. You know why?

No.

Because he knows that whenever I run into him, I'm gonna kill him.

No.

No.

You!

You!

Stop that bastard! He was robbing my room!

I'm gonna tear you apart, you little green-coated fuck!

Stop that bastard! He was robbing my room!

Holy shit!

The green boy! Ah! Ah!

Patriotism took a bizarre turn tonight

when a local hotel employee wrapped himself in an American flag

and apparently leapt to his death.

In 2 related incidents...

Nobody is to leave this hotel.

I'm questioning every last person.

Can you tell me what you saw, sir?

Well, I, uh...

W-W-Well, uh...

Yes, I need the destination of one of your cabs last night.

Um, Simon said something once about, uh,

throwing himself off a roof,

but it just sounded like sarcasm.

A reported 4-15.

His landlady phoned it in last night.

Uh-huh, that's exactly what I thought. Thank you.

That'll be all, little lady.

Yeah. Palm court hotel.

Ok. Thank you very much.

Matthew, I'm worried. They keep asking about the bad blood

between you and Simon.

My god! Why?

Because it's no secret that you two didn't get along.

Larry, I'm not asking you to lie,

just don't tell the cops that I took that car.

Larry, please.

You know, in prison I'm going to be considered relationship material.

Well, all right, all right, I'll tell you what.

I--i can dodge the truth, uh,

give evasive answers, but, uh,

you know, you're gonna owe me for this.

Absolutely. Anything.

Don't look at this as an interrogation,

more of a father-son chat.

You know, most of the guys down at the station

just fondly refer to me as "pappy" Ferguson.

Oh, what the hell. You can call me pappy.

Would you like that, son?

Play much basketball?

I just want to know who took the car, son.

No!

I'm sorry, Matthew, all right?

Gloria, it was hexina!

Matthew! What?

Gloria, Gloria, it was hexina!

Matthew!

It was always hexina!

She did it! She did it all!

It was always hexina!

She's staying at the hotel next door!

I'm innocent!

No! No, I'm innocent!

I'm innocent! It wasn't me!

There he goes!

I can't see.

He's got a knife!

Excuse me, pardon me, pardon me.

Oh! They killed my son!

It wasn't me! You gotta believe me!

It was hexina!

It was hexina! I'm telling you!

I'm not kidding! You got the wrong guy!

Oh, shit!

Son of a bitch hit me with a lead pipe. Huh.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go after him.

The night's top story is the manhunt

for suspected killer Matthew Welsh.

It's speculated now that Matthew Welsh may have a fixation

for the world-renowned fashion model hexina.

You're getting warmer. Come on.

No, you're cold.

Hey! Excuse me! Excuse me, would you answer a few questions for me?

I mean, what is your relationship... please.

...with Matthew Welsh?

Shut up.

Did you know that he was a psychotic killer?

Come on.

To the left. Left.

Come on. That's it.

Shh. Shh. Shh.

Listen. I'll take my hand away

if you promise not to scream, ok? Ok?

I promise!

Shh.

Gloria! Gloria, you have known me a long time.

Have I ever seemed like a homicidal maniac?

You're asking the wrong person.

I--i had a crush on Norman bates till the end of the movie.

Ok.

I--i might as well just give myself up, huh?

Would you-- would you please call the police now?

Oh, god!

Gloria, hey, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Prove it. Empty your pockets!

Come on.

Oh.

Matthew, what did you get yourself into?

All right. It's gonna take a while.

Hexina? She's behind all of this.

See, she came to town so she could kill this blackmailer...

She's probably still at the palm court even as we speak.

I swear to you on my life that everything

I have said just now is absolutely true.

There were just so many times

that I could feel him mentally undressing me.

You think, I'm making this up, I'm not.

He's come onto every woman in this building.

He'd made at least 20 of these.

Another peyote-chewin' sicko

screamin' for recognition.

Sir, look what I found.

Uh-huh, I knew that had to be here.

That's a gun.

Do you have any, uh,

any photos or any-- or any--any copies or...

No.

No.

Gloria, do you have a tape recorder?

Yeah.

Here. Be careful.

It's a Sony, and I'm still making payments on it.

Great.

Ok, how about a big envelope?

I was gonna send this to my parents.

Fantastic.

Anything else, master?

How about a sh-shower?

Grandpa, come on.

Pardon me, ma'am, uh, detective Ferguson

ordered all holiday palace employees

be given police protection.

They've apparently found

what they believe is the murder weapon during a sweep of Welsh's apartment.

Oh.

Um, excuse me, uh,

water conservation is so important.

God! Gloria.

Shh, Matthew. The police are here.

The police?

Oh, Jesus! What the...

You mind if I use this?

Oh, well, actually--

I've been drinking herbal tea all morning--

oh, it doesn't flush. It's--it's overflowing. It doesn't flush.

Come on.

Come on, man, I gotta go.

Come on, we've overstayed our welcome.

Matthew.

Matthew, you gotta get out of here.

They say that they found a gun in your apartment.

A gun? Yeah.

We use this trick on crack dealers.

You shouldn't leave your wallet out, mister.

I'll remember next time.

Whoa!

Oh, no, Matthew, run.

Oh, my god! Oh, my god, it's him!

Don't kill me!

Oh, fuck!

All right, where is it?

Hey, what's going on?

Where is it?

Where is it? Oh, I found it. I found it.

Prostitution's illegal here, too?

You were harboring a known criminal.

And I'm telling you that Matthew is not a murderer.

Oscar wilde said it best:

"Society often forgives the criminal.

It never forgives the dreamer."

I burned better books than that on sundays,

you filthy hippie.

Scratch that "hippie" thing.

Detective, the D.A.'s office is returning your phone call.

I am not to be interrupted. Is that clear?

God damn it!

Now, you can count on bein' in this room all night, little lady.

I'm divorced, with no charisma.

I've got nowhere to go.

Yes?

Front desk, ma'am.

You're confirmed for tonight's 10:30 flight to Paris.

Excellent.

By the way, I resent the cheap artwork in my room.

Hey, look, I know for a fact hexina's stayin' there.

Just put me through to her.

Ah, yes. Hello, uh, this is an emergency.

I need to page someone in the hotel.

Will Helen Spears

please contact the front desk?

Helen Spears, there's a message for you.

Hello?

Who is this?

This is a friend of Henry Pratt

who's been following you.

I am across the street.

Be on the roof of my hotel in 5 minutes.

How many fucking men do I have to kill

in this fucking town?

Operator, connect me to the nearest police precinct.

Yeah, Metro division.

This is Matthew Welsh.

My horoscope says that tonight

is a good night to make new friends

and then dismember them.

I'll be on the roof of the palm court

if you wish to try and stop me.

Hey, novak.

Run in and give this to Ferguson. It sounds like a crank.

No way. He just chewed my ass out royal.

I'll wait until he takes a break.

I want a room.

Helen Spears!

Is that you?

Haven't you learned?

Playing games with me can be fatal.

Well, for this rematch, I have a distinct advantage.

Evidence that you've lived a past life

as a crazed zeppelin.

By the way, you never did tell me exactly why you killed Simon.

When you've killed as many people as I have, it's easy to lose track.

Now, which one was Simon? Tall guy? Bad skin?

Matthew told me

that the model did the killing.

And I believe him.

He thinks she's staying at the palm court hotel.

I believe you've made a twisted love pact with that clown

based on your mutual admiration of Satan.

You always hear about celebrities

getting away with murder.

But who would think, literally?

Why does it seem like you're stalling for time?

Here you go.

You know, when it comes to duplicity,

you are a rank amateur.

What are you talkin' about?

I called the cops.

They'll take us both into custody and hear a full confession.

Yours.

When you've killed as many people as I have,

it's easy to lose track.

You can't do this to me.

No. Because you're nothin' but a front-desk clerk!

Sir, the watch commander thought you should see this.

The palm court.

Has a unit been dispatched?

You said not to make a move until you--

this is not the peace corps here, you idiots!

Mobilize some backup! Now!

Guess what?

That wasn't a police car.

Looks more like a small ambulance, you dork.

Huh.

Who the fuck is this nobody?

Some middle-class douche bag you date?

She looks like a pygmy.

You don't threaten me.

I happen to know for a fact

that you left your gun in my apartment.

True.

But I kept your knife.

Faggot holiday fuckin' palace!

Let me see your eyes while I kill you!

Forget it.

Oh, shit.

I don't want anybody else

when I think about you I touch myself

oh, I don't

for Christ's sake.

I have sinned against you, oh, god,

and I am sorry.

Sorry.

It's too late to make nice.

You found my g-spot. Thank you very much.

Oh, shit!

Guess it was a crank after all.

Attention all units, code 3.

Murder suspect spotted at holiday palace on bay St.

The son of a bitch

has returned to the scene of the crime.

We've received word

that suspected murderer Matthew Welsh

has just been sighted at the holiday palace hotel

where he was recently employed.

Matthew's back. Matthew's back.

Matthew's back. Matthew's back.

Matthew's back!

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, Matthew,

I'm pregnant.

What?

Just kidding.

Repeat. Suspected murderer Matthew Welsh

is somewhere in the holiday palace hotel.

Oh, how appropriate. "L" is for "liar."

Stop that! For god's sake, stop that!

Get that harsh light out of my face.

That looks like Welsh up there.

Who the hell's that with him?

I don't know, sir.

S.w.a.t. Team.

Hut! Hut! Hut!

Why won't you fall?

Please stop it!

I can't get a clear shot because of the woman.

Should I try anyway? There's no media.

No, god damn it!

Why won't you fall?

My face!

Hey, isn't that hexina?

Incoming!

Why?

Why?

Why?

Oh, god!

Let's go! What have we got here, sir?

Guy on the roof, sir!

Ok, let's go! Airbag!

Oh, my god!

I'm just a desk clerk.

Come on! Let's fill it up! Let's go!

Oh, my god!

Right there!

Thank you!

Oh, papa! Papa!

He's awake. I'll tell the doctor.

I'm looking at the most wanted man in america.

You've got the story of the year, my friend.

Hey, that hexina, alias Helen Spears

sounded like a real nightmare on legs.

She even attacked a mime. Just found out about it.

Seems the mime had been reluctant to talk.

Oh, by the way, you've got a real friend in that girl Gloria.

I mean, she believed in you when nobody,

and I do mean nobody, else did.

Have a good read.

After recuperating for nearly 6 months,

Matthew Welsh is being released today.

Matthew!

Gloria!

Gloria.

Gloria, how come you never came to visit me?

I tried, but i--i couldn't get through security.

Have you ever had sex with this woman?

Yeah. And has she ever tried to kill you in bed?

Matthew, do you think oswald acted alone?

Matthew. I need a break.

You know, I honestly don't recognize you.

You--you look different.

You're happy.

Well, I intend to stay that way.

What happened?

Um, had a little accident.

Sir, are you-- are you ok?

I'm terribly sorry. It's all my fault.

Oh, hi.

You made my life a nightmare!

No!

You're a maniac! Get off of him!

You! You!

Na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na

na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na

na, na, na, na, na

well I'm no angel, now, I'll admit

I made a few bad moves I should regret

I hurt you once or so you said

just one more chance is all you get

didn't mean to do you wrong again

worse things have been done by better men

baby, baby, don't, don't treat me this way

I know, yes, I've got to pay now

I'm still paying

well if I could walk on water

and if I could find some way to prove

if I could walk on water

would you believe in me

my love is true

na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

oh

all along, I told you lies

to err is human forgive is divine

don't be a fool don't settle the score

cause I can't take it no more

I can't take it

well, if I could walk on water

and if I could find some way to prove

if I could walk on water would you believe in me

my love is true

well, if I could walk on water, if I could

is that what i'm gonna have to do

if I could walk on water

would be you believe in me

my love is so true

na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

do I have to walk

walk, walk on water for you

you, you, you

hey, baby, baby there's a little time

let's spend it together

we'll get over what we left behind

there's our future together

yeah, well, let's stay together

Oh, yeah

I keep walking walking, walking

with you, with you

well if I could walk on water

and if I could find some way to prove