Original subtitles

HURRY, TATTOO, HURRY.

YOU KNOW THIS IS MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK.

I KNOW, BOSS.

IT'S WHEN THE CHILDREN COME. I LOVE IT.

IT IS THE BEST TIME ON FANTASY ISLAND.

OH, IT'S TIME TO GO.

HI, MR. ROARKE. HI, TATTOO.

- HI, CHILDREN. - GOOD MORNING, JIM.

- GOOD MORNING, CINDY. - GOOD MORNING, CINDY.

HURRY, CINDY, WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR THE BALLOON.

GOODBYE, CHILDREN.

BYE.

BYE.

SMILES, CHILDREN, SMILE!

YOUR TURN TO GUESS FIRST THIS WEEK, TATTOO.

I SAY, SHE LOOK LIKE A SCHOOLTEACHER,

LIKE THE ONE WHO ALMOST FAILED ME IN THE FIFTH GRADE.

WELL, THAT'S VERY CLOSE.

MISS RUTH EWELL HAS, FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS,

OPERATED AN ORPHANAGE NEAR CLEVELAND, OHIO...

A SMALL ORPHANAGE WHICH IS NOW BEING PHASED OUT.

THOSE CHILDREN YOU SEE WITH HER ARE REBECCA AND MARK,

HER LAST TWO CHARGES.

WHAT'S THEIR FANTASY, BOSS?

ONE THEY GOT FROM MISS EWELL'S, SOMETHING SHE'D DREAMED ABOUT

WHEN SHE WAS A CHILD AND ALSO IN AN ORPHANAGE.

JUST ONCE, FOR THE CHILDREN

TO BE ABLE TO HELP SELECT THEIR OWN PARENTS,

AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

CAN WE REALLY DO THAT, BOSS?

CAN WE GIVE THEM THE PARENTS THEY WANT?

WITHIN REASON, TATTOO, WITHIN REASON.

IT'S YOUR TURN TO GUESS, CINDY.

TALK ABOUT THE ODD COUPLE. BAD COMEDY ACT?

I'M AFRAID THERE IS NOTHING COMEDIC

ABOUT THOSE TWO, MY FRIENDS.

CORNELIUS KELLY WORKED FOR ME

HERE AT THE HOTEL ON FANTASY ISLAND

UNTIL I DISCOVERED HE WAS A PETTY CHISELER AND FIRED HIM.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING ON FANTASY ISLAND?

WELL, CORNELIUS CLAIMS TO WANT A QUIET VACATION FOR HIS FRIEND

BUT I KNOW HE HAS RETURNED TO FULFILL A FANTASY...

TO REVENGE HIMSELF ON ME FOR HAVING DISCHARGED HIM YEARS AGO.

COULDN'T THAT BE DANGEROUS?

DANGER COMES IN MANY DISGUISES, CINDY.

MY DEAR GUESTS, I AM MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

WELL, CORNELIUS, HOW DOES IT FEEL

TO BE BACK ON FANTASY ISLAND?

OH, DELIGHTFUL AS USUAL, MR. ROARKE.

I DO HOPE OUR PAST DIFFICULTIES CAN BE FORGOTTEN.

I'D LIKE NOTHING BETTER

THAN TO THINK THAT WE COULD BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

AS YOU KNOW, ONE OF MY CARDINAL RULES

IS ALWAYS TO TRY TO FORGIVE AND FORGET.

IF I WERE TO HAVE ANY DOUBTS

AS TO WHICH WAY TO CHOOSE,

YOUR SINCERITY HAS CERTAINLY CONVINCED ME.

MY TRUSTED ASSISTANT, TATTOO.

OH, YES, I HAVE HEARD

QUITE A LOT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND TATTOO.

IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET YOU.

CHARMED.

AND THIS IS CINDY, WHO HELPS ME ON THIS SIDE OF THE ISLAND.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, MR. KELLY.

PLEASURE IS ALL MINE, MY CHILD.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU OR YOUR FRIEND, PLEASE...

YES, THERE IS, CINDY, THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

I'VE ALWAYS TOLD ALPHONSE HERE

ABOUT THE BEAUTIFUL INTERIOR OF THIS ISLAND.

AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE HIM FOR A LITTLE PICNIC TO SHOW HIM.

BUT I'VE BEEN AWAY SO LONG

AND I KNOW THE ISLAND HAS CHANGED SO MUCH,

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

WELL, I'M SURE TATTOO WILL BE HAPPY TO DIRECT YOU

TO A PLEASANT SPOT, WON'T YOU, TATTOO?

CINDY AND I HAVE OTHER GUESTS TO ATTEND TO.

BON APPETIT. CINDY?

WELL, YOU WANNA TAKE US TO A GOOD PICNIC PLACE

OR ARE WE GONNA STAND AROUND HERE ALL DAY?

THIS WAY, PLEASE.

COME ON, WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?

OH, IT'S JUST THAT IT'S ALL SO LOVELY.

SEEMS TO BE VERY SECLUDED HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I HATE TO GO ON A PICNIC

WHERE PEOPLE ARE LIABLE TO COME TRAMPING THROUGH AT ANY MOMENT.

OH, DON'T WORRY, NOBODY EVER COME HERE.

THEN THIS WILL DO JUST NICELY.

- ALPHONSE. - HUBBA-HUBBA!

ALPHONSE, HOLD HIM, HOLD HIM.

I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, BOSS.

MISS EWELL, CHILDREN, THIS WILL BE YOUR HOME

DURING YOUR STAY ON FANTASY ISLAND.

YOU MEAN THEY'RE IN THERE?

THEY?

HE MEANS OUR NEW PARENTS.

OH, MY DEAR CHILDREN.

YOUR FANTASY WAS FOR YOU TO HAVE A HAND

IN CHOOSING YOUR OWN PARENTS.

BUT I THOUGHT THEY'D ALREADY DONE THAT.

ALL THOSE QUESTIONS THEY ANSWERED.

OF COURSE, I KNOW YOU RESERVE THE RIGHT TO FINAL AUTHORITY.

AS I STILL DO.

AFTER THE CHILDREN MAKE THEIR WISHES KNOWN,

I'LL HAVE TO DECIDE IF THEIR DECISION IS THE BEST FOR THEM,

AND I'M SURE IT WILL BE.

THE CHILDREN'S ANSWER

CERTAINLY DID GIVE US A GOOD INDICATION,

BUT THE QUALITIES MARK AND REBECCA

LISTED FOR FUTURE PARENTS WERE RATHER EXTENSIVE.

I'M AFRAID EVEN MR. ROARKE COULDN'T FIND

ANY ONE SET OF PARENTS WHO POSSESSES ALL OF THEM.

HOWEVER, TWO COUPLES DID EMERGE THE STRONGEST.

YOU MEAN WE HAVE TWO SETS OF PARENTS?

TWO SETS OF PROSPECTIVE PARENTS...

ONE WHICH LEANS TOWARD AESTHETICS,

MUSIC, ARTS, AND EDUCATION,

THE OTHER COUPLE ARE VERY ATHLETIC, OUTDOOR PEOPLE.

WHEN WILL WE BEGIN?

AS SOON AS YOU AND REBECCA

CHANGE INTO MORE APPROPRIATE CLOTHES

BECAUSE RIGHT ABOUT NOW...

AH, YES, THERE THEY ARE.

ENJOY YOURSELVES, CHILDREN.

THESE MAY BE YOUR NEW PARENTS.

- REBECCA. JOE DRAKE. HI. - HI.

- I'M EVY. - HI.

MR. AND MRS. DRAKE, MAY I INTRODUCE MISS EWELL.

- HELLO. - HELLO.

MR. AND MRS. DRAKE ARE HERE TO TAKE

MARK AND REBECCA FOR THE DAY.

GO ON, SMART GUY.

TRY TO MAKE A BREAK FOR IT.

THE THINGS I COULD DO TO STOP YOU

WOULD MAKE STRONG MEN WEEP.

BIG TALK, BIG MOUTH, YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE CREEP.

WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP, YOU WEIRDO.

WEIRD, YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU SAID THAT.

ALPHONSE, PICK ON SOMEBODY YOUR SIZE.

FIELD TELEPHONE IS ALL HOOKED UP.

IT'S TIME TO MAKE A CALL.

- YOU'RE LUCKY. - COME ON!

YOUR STRUGGLES ARE USELESS.

YOU'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED

AND THIS CASTLE IS IN THE MOST REMOTE

AND INACCESSIBLE SPOT ON FANTASY ISLAND.

ROARKE, WILL NEVER GUESS WHERE YOU ARE.

HUBBA-HUBBA!

YES.

WE'VE GOT YOUR SIDEKICK.

YOU WHAT?

THERE IS NO NEED FOR DRAMATICS, MR. ROARKE.

WE ARE DESPERATE MEN AND WE MEAN WHAT WE SAY.

UNLESS YOU PAY THE RANSOM WE ASK YOU,

YOU'LL NEVER SEE TATTOO AGAIN.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU'VE KIDNAPPED TATTOO?

YOU REALLY FELL FOR THAT OLD BUDDY-BUDDY ROUTINE

HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER, DIDN'T YOU?

YOU BETTER BELIEVE WE KIDNAPPED TATTOO,

AND WE MEAN WHAT WE SAY.

YOU MUST NOT HARM HIM.

NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?

THE DEED TO FANTASY ISLAND.

THE DEED TO FANTASY ISLAND?

DO I HEAR AN ECHO?

BUT HOW DO I KNOW THAT TATTOO IS ALIVE AT THIS MOMENT?

UNTIE HIM, BRING HIM TO THE PHONE.

HUBBA-HUBBA.

HERE WE GO.

YEAH. GET HIM UNTIED.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

SPEAK.

I'LL MAKE HIM TALK.

SPEAK.

I SAID TALK.

IT'S OUR TATTOO, ALL RIGHT.

IS THAT YOU, TATTOO?

HOW ARE THINGS IN RED CHIEF?

I COULDN'T GET HIM TO SPEAK,

BUT PERHAPS YOU RECOGNIZE THE RASPBERRY?

TO GIVE YOU THE OWNERSHIP OF FANTASY ISLAND

IS AN INCREDIBLE PRICE, CORNELIUS.

I'LL HAVE TO LOOK INTO METHODS OF LIQUIDATING

MY HOLDINGS AND TRANSFERRING OWNERSHIP STOCK.

IT WILL BE COMPLEX AND TIME-CONSUMING.

TAKE YOUR TIME, MR. ROARKE.

WE'LL CALL YOU BACK IN TWO HOURS.

TWO HOURS WON'T BE SUFFICIENT.

I'M SORRY, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE CAN SPARE.

BUT I'M SURE YOU'LL MAKE THE MOST OF IT,

PARTICULARLY SINCE YOUR FRIEND'S LIFE

IS HANGING IN THE BALANCE.

HAVE A NICE DAY, MR. ROARKE.

HOLD IT!

THAT SOUNDED PRETTY FINAL.

DON'T WORRY, CHESTER.

THERE ARE THREE SIDES TO EVERY TRIANGLE.

WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A HAND?

HEY, ALL RIGHT!

SCUBA GEAR. IS IT YOUR HOBBY?

OH, NO, NOT WITH US.

EVY AND I ARE MARINE BIOLOGISTS.

MARINE WHAT?

BIOLOGISTS. WE WORK WITH UNDERSEA LIFE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE FISHES AND THINGS.

YOU'LL SEE IN A MINUTE.

MISS EWELL GAVE US YOUR SIZES.

THESE RIGS HAVE THE LATEST GIZMOS,

UNDERWATER COMMUNICATORS.

LAST ONE IN THE WATER IS A JELLYFISH.

WOW, IS THIS EVER NEAT.

REAL NEATO.

HEY, IT'S A SUNKEN SHIP.

WELL, KIDS, DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?

CAN WE BRING IT OUT?

WE CAN TRY.

WOW! WE'RE RICH!

WELL, NOT EXACTLY. I THINK...

THESE LOOK MORE LIKE CANDY COINS TO ME THAN GOLD ONES.

CHOCOLATE.

QUIT COMPLAINING, IT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING.

HEY, MR. DRAKE, YOU BURIED THAT CANDY ON THAT SHIP, DIDN'T YOU?

IT'S A POSSIBILITY. WELL, LATER FOR THE CANDY, KIDS.

RIGHT NOW WE'RE GONNA BUILD A FIRE AND ROAST HOT DOGS.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MR. DRAKE,

THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING DAY IN OUR ENTIRE LIFE.

GET COMFORTABLE, MY FRIEND.

THIS WILL BE YOUR HOME

UNTIL ROARKE COMES UP WITH YOUR RANSOM.

GO AHEAD, TRY TO ESCAPE.

THIS ROOM IS A GOOD 200 FEET ABOVE THE ROCKS AND SEA.

AND ANOTHER THING,

SINCE YOU WOULDN'T TALK TO ROARKE ON THE PHONE,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET ANYTHING TO EAT,

NOT EVEN A CRUST OF MOLDY BREAD UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO COOPERATE.

NO FRATERNIZING WITH THE PRISONER.

COME ON.

GIVE ME ANOTHER CARROT.

AND WE WENT SCUBA DIVING

DOWN UNDER THE WATER WITH ALL THE FISH.

AND WE FOUND A SUNKEN TREASURE.

OF COURSE IT WAS ONLY CANDY.

AND AFTER THAT WE BUILT A HUGE BONFIRE AND ATE HOTDOGS.

WELL, I'M GLAD THAT YOU BOTH HAD A VERY ENJOYABLE DAY.

IT WAS REALLY SUPER.

AND MR. AND MRS. DRAKE ARE REALLY NICE.

I'M SURE THAT YOU AND REBECCA

WOULD HAVE A VERY WONDERFUL LIFE WITH THEM

AS I'M SURE YOU WOULD WITH MR. AND MRS. SAMUELS

WHO YOU'LL MEET TOMORROW.

OH, YEAH, I KIND OF FORGOT ABOUT THEM.

WELL, I DON'T EXPECT THEY'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU.

MR. SAMUELS IS A 5TH GRADE TEACHER

AND HIS WIFE TEACHES PIANO.

UGH, THEY'RE TEACHERS?

SOUNDS PRETTY DULL, HUH?

SUPPOSE I TOLD YOU THAT MR. SAMUELS

IS ALSO A MAGICIAN AND A VERY GOOD ONE.

REALLY?

MM-HMM.

NOW YOU TWO TAKE A BATH

AND I'LL HAVE DINNER FOR YOU WHEN YOU'RE DONE.

GO ON.

ROOM SERVICE.

OH, HO, HO.

GREAT LOOKING GRUB, CHIEF.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO ENJOY MORE...

HAVING A MEAL FIT FOR A KING

OR KNOWING THAT THAT LITTLE CRUM IN THERE IS GETTING NOTHING.

MAYBE WE SHOULD LET HIM HAVE A LITTLE WATER, HUH?

HE'S GONE.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH THE WINDOWS,

AND THAT'S A 200-FOOT DROP TO THE ROCKS BELOW.

AND I TELL YOU, HE IS NOT IN HIS ROOM.

COME ON.

IF HE JUMPED TO HIS DEATH, I'LL KILL HIM.

WHERE IS HE?

COME OUT!

I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE.

I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT.

I SELECTED THIS TOWER ROOM CAREFULLY MYSELF.

THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THE DOOR EXCEPT...

- AHA. - UP THE CHIMNEY.

UP THE CHIMNEY.

I KNOW YOU'RE UP THERE, TATTOO.

IF YOU DON'T COME RIGHT DOWN,

WE'RE GONNA LIGHT A NICE LITTLE FIRE UNDER YOUR CARCASS.

HOW WOULD YOU PREFER IT, RARE OR MEDIUM?

HOW ABOUT WELL DONE?

WELL DONE.

NO, NO. DON'T FIRE ME.

OH, PLEASE DON'T FIRE ME, DON'T BURN ME.

COME ON DOWN, YOU TERMITE.

I'M STUCK, GET ME OUT OF HERE.

OH, PLEASE, GET ME OUT OF HERE.

HELP!

HOW DO WE UNCORK HIM FROM THE CHIMNEY, CHIEF?

QUITE SIMPLE.

- YOU AND I WILL CLIMB UP ON THE ROOF. - YEAH.

I WILL LOWER YOU DOWN THE CHIMNEY ON A ROPE.

YEAH.

THEN DEPENDING ON HIS PREDICAMENT,

YOU WILL EITHER PULL HIM OUT...

- YEAH. - OR PUSH HIM BACK DOWN.

- LET'S GO. - HEY, WAIT, WAIT!

THE ROOF, YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHT.

THEN DON'T LOOK UP.

- OH. - COME ON, LET'S GO.

ARE YOU CLIMBING WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED?

WILL YOU OPEN THEM UP AND GET DOWN THE CHIMNEY?

I'M GONNA FALL.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA FALL.

OPEN YOU EYES, GET UP THERE, AND GET DOWN THE CHIMNEY.

YOU DON'T FORGET TO HOLD ON TO THE ROPE.

I'LL HOLD ON TO THE ROPE. HERE, YOU HOLD ON TO THIS ROPE.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, AT LEAST I DID GET A CHANCE TO EAT OUT.

NOT BAD.

NOW GET DOWN THAT CHIMNEY.

I CAN'T DO IT.

HEY, BOSS, WAIT A MINUTE.

NO, NO, NO. WAIT A MINUTE.

OH!

HELP!

ALPHONSE, GET ME DOWN!

BONJOUR. HAVE A GOOD DAY.

WHAT?

I THINK I'M STARTING TO LIKE IT HERE.

HA, HA, HA.

IT ISN'T OVER YET.

YOU STILL CAN'T GET AWAY.

- OKAY, GOOD NIGHT. - GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE.

MISS EWELL, CAN I ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?

CERTAINLY.

WELL, SINCE WE'RE THE LAST OF YOUR KIDS

AND WE'LL BE GOING SOON,

AREN'T YOU GONNA BE, YOU KNOW, LONELY?

YES, WELL, I... I EXPECT I WILL BE A BIT LONELY

AT FIRST BUT THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED

AFTER BEING SURROUNDED WITH CHILDREN FOR SO MANY YEARS.

SOMEONE ONCE SAID, "PEOPLE ARE LONELY

BECAUSE THEY BUILD WALLS INSTEAD OF BRIDGES."

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO BUILD SOME NEW BRIDGES, WON'T I?

WELL, TIME FOR PRAYERS AND LIGHTS OUT.

YOU HAVE A BIG DAY TOMORROW.

HOW DOES ONE BUILD NEW BRIDGES?

BUT I EXPECTED YOUR CALL HOURS AGO.

WHEN I DIDN'T HEAR FROM YOU,

I ASSUMED YOU HAD A CHANGE OF HEART

AND WERE RELEASING TATTOO.

RELEASING HIM? ARE YOU DEMENTED?

THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL SEE HIM AGAIN IS IF YOU PAY THE PRICE.

WELL, THAT'S BECOME DIFFICULT.

THE PAPERWORK IN TRANSFERRING THE ISLAND IS MUCH MORE COMPLEX

THAN I FIRST ANTICIPATED.

IT MAY TAKE WEEKS.

WEEKS?

UH, LOOK, I DON'T THINK WE WANT FANTASY ISLAND AFTER ALL.

THAT COULD BE A VERY WISE DECISION.

EXACTLY.

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE KEEP IT ON A STRICTLY CASH BASIS, HUH?

TEN MILLION DOLLARS

FOR THE LIFE OF YOUR LITTLE FRIEND.

A BARGAIN REALLY WHEN YOU CONSIDER

THE PRICELESS WORTH OF A HUMAN BEING,

PARTICULARLY A RARE INDIVIDUAL LIKE TATTOO,

BUT I'LL NEED TIME, AT LEAST UNTIL NOON TOMORROW.

OH, AND ONE THING MORE...

THIS TIME I MUST SPEAK WITH TATTOO,

TO BE SURE HE'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU GOT IT, NOON TOMORROW, HERE HE IS.

- HI, BOSS. - HOW IS IT GOING, RED CHIEF?

WELL, YOU... YOU HEARD HIM.

START COLLECTING THE TEN MILLION.

HELLO.

- OH, GOOD MORNING, PEPPER. - GOOD MORNING.

I WAS HOPING YOU FLY BY.

OH, CHESTER, YOU CAME TOO.

WHAT'S A MAN WITHOUT HIS FRIENDS FOR COMPANY.

NOW COME ON, PEPPER, UNTIE MY HANDS.

CHESTER, UNTIE MY FEET.

HURRY UP. GOOD.

COME ON, YOU GOT IT.

WELL, HERE WE ARE FOR TODAY'S SAMPLE PARENTS.

HEY, WHY SO GLUM?

OH, HE GETS LIKE THAT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

I GUESS WE BOTH DO.

I MEAN, THOSE PEOPLE WANT TO ADOPT US...

BUT YOU WISH YOUR REAL MOM AND DAD WERE STILL ALIVE?

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I FIRST CAME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

JUST ABOUT WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.

YOU MEAN, YOU'RE AN ORPHAN TOO?

MY PARENTS WERE KILLED IN A PLANE CRASH.

MR. ROARKE WAS THE BEST FRIEND THEY EVER HAD AND THEY ASKED

THAT IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO THEM THAT HE WOULD RAISE ME.

MR. ROARKE SEEMS VERY NICE.

OH, HE IS, BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP ME FROM CRYING

MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT, UNTIL ONE DAY I REALIZED,

THAT WASN'T WHAT MY PARENTS WOULD WANT FOR ME.

THEY WOULD WANT ME TO BE HAPPY AND TO GO ON WITH MY LIFE.

AND THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM AND DAD

WOULD WANT FOR YOU TOO.

YOU JUST GOT TO BE HAPPY, GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

THEY'LL HELP CHOOSE YOUR NEW PARENTS.

BUT WHAT IF WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO PICK?

YOU'LL KNOW, MARK, IN YOUR HEART YOU'LL KNOW.

BUT WHAT IF WE DON'T?

WELL, THEN YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TRUST MR. ROARKE.

HE VERY RARELY MAKES MISTAKES. COME ON.

I'LL GET IT.

HI, COME IN.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE. DON'T TELL ME, LET ME GUESS,

SUPERMAN AND WONDER WOMAN.

HI, I'M CRAIG AND THIS IS ELLA.

- HI. - HI.

WELL, I THINK YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS

FOR THE TIME BEING ANYWAY.

- THANK YOU, CINDY. - BYE, BYE.

- BYE, CINDY. - BYE, CINDY.

BYE.

OH, I'VE GOT A FRESH BATCH OF COOKIES

COMING OUT OF THE OVEN RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY WIFE,

NO SUBTLETY AT ALL.

SAY, A COUPLE OF YEARS FROM NOW YOU TWO COULD BE IN MY CLASS.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECTS?

- RABBITS. - RABBITS?

YEAH, THE KIND THAT COME OUT OF A HAT.

OH, I SEE. MY REPUTATION PRECEDES ME, HUH?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT RABBITS,

BUT TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S A CONE.

I'LL NEED A LITTLE MILK.

OH. OH, NO.

NOW THE MILK INTO THE CONE.

NOW WATCH, VERY, VERY CAREFULLY.

I'LL ADD A LITTLE MORE.

OOPS. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH MILK.

OKAY, HOLD IT DOWN THERE.

THAT'S WHAT I CALL EVAPORATED MILK.

THAT'S NEAT.

WHEN IT COMES TO MAGIC

THERE'S VIRTUALLY NOTHING CRAIG CAN'T DO.

I'M AFRAID MR. ROARKE FEELS THE SAME WAY.

HE'S ASKED ME PUT ON A MAGIC SHOW AT LUNCHTIME,

BUT THERE'S NO WAY.

WHY NOT?

I NEED A COUPLE OF ASSISTANTS, CAN'T DO THE SHOW WITHOUT HELP.

WE'LL HELP.

YEAH, I THINK I'LL USE MY SHARE OF THE TEN MILLION TO TRAVEL.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE UGANDA.

CAN'T BE.

THERE HE GOES, COME ON!

THERE HE GOES. AFTER HIM.

BUT, BUT, BOSS, YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HEIGHTS.

HUBBA-HUBBA, I'LL CUT HIM OFF DOWNSTAIRS.

HUBBA-HUBBA, HUBBA-HOOBA, HUBBA-HEEBA.

I'M GONNA GET YOU. ALL RIGHT.

STEADY, STEADY.

I'LL GET YOU.

I GOT YOU. WHO ARE YOU?

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

DID WE GET THE TEN MILLION? HUH, HUH?

WHAT DID ROARKE SAY?

HE SAYS HE WON'T PAY OVER ONE MILLION

AND HE INSISTS ON SEEING TATTOO ALIVE.

HE WANTS US TO MEET HIM ON THE OLD SWAMP ROAD

AT THE NORTH SHORE OF THE ISLAND THIS AFTERNOON.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?

ALL RIGHT CHILDREN, NOW WATCH VERY CAREFULLY

AND SEE IF YOU COULD FIGURE OUT HOW THIS IS DONE.

AH.

A DOVE.

NOW WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT MY LITTLE GIRL IS IN THIS BOX?

NO.

ALL RIGHT THEN, WHAT ABOUT THIS BOX?

DO YOU BELIEVE SHE IS HERE?

NO.

OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS BOX?

SHE'S GOT TO BE IN THIS BOX, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

NO.

ALL RIGHT THEN, YOU KNOW AND I KNOW

SHE'S GOT TO BE IN THIS BOX.

AND THIS MAGIC WAND WILL CONFIRM IT.

REBECCA, ARE YOU IN THIS BOX?

YES.

REBECCA, WOULD YOU PLEASE COME OUT NOW?

I ASKED FOR REBECCA, YOU'RE MARK.

NOW, REBECCA, WILL YOU PLEASE COME OUT THIS TIME?

- ROARKE, ARE YOU ALONE? - OF COURSE.

NOW WHERE'S TATTOO?

STAY THERE.

I'LL LET YOU HAVE A LOOK AT HIM.

ALPHONSE, BRING HIM FORWARD. HUBBA-HUBBA.

YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID. MARCH.

NOW WHEN I GIVE YOU THE ORDERS

STICK YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE BUSHES

SO ROARKE CAN GET A GOOD LOOK AT YOU.

REACH FOR THE SKY, MEATBALL.

YOU HEARD ME, REACH FOR THE SKY.

HEY, HEY, COME BACK HERE! COME BACK HERE NOW!

IGNORE THAT COMMOTION, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US.

WE HAVE THE SITUATION COMPLETELY UNDER CONTROL.

WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU?

- TATTOO, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? - COME BACK HERE.

HI, BOSS. I'M HAVING A BALL.

GOOD, TAKE CARE, TATTOO.

HE IS IN THE CLEARING.

YOOHOO, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE.

COME OUT, COME OUT.

YOU WON'T BE FREE FOR LONG, TATTOO.

YOU CAN'T GET AWAY. YOU MIGHT AS WELL COME OUT.

HELP! HELP!

I THINK WE LOST HIM, CHIEF.

ME RUNNING OUT ON MY BUDDIES WHEN I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN?

HEY, GUYS, I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU ALL THE TIME.

HA, HA, HA.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR BEING A PERFORMER.

WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS EATING, YOU'RE WORKING.

THAT'S OKAY. WE DIDN'T MIND, IT WAS FUN.

SO YOU LIKE MR. AND MRS. SAMUELS, HUH?

OH, YES.

AND THE SAME COULD BE SAID FOR MR. AND MRS. DRAKE?

YEAH, WE LIKE THEM TOO.

WELL, TONIGHT WHEN WE SEE MR. ROARKE,

YOU'LL HAVE TO DECIDE WHICH COUPLE YOU LIKE BEST,

WHICH COUPLE YOU WANT TO BE YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER.

WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE, MISS EWELL?

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

I'M NOT GOING TO INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE.

MISS EWELL, HOW COME YOU NEVER GOT MARRIED AND HAD KIDS?

OH, I DID HAVE KIDS, REBECCA. I HAD HUNDREDS OF THEM.

BUT THEY WEREN'T YOUR OWN.

WEREN'T THEY?

WHAT MARK MEANS IS THAT THERE WEREN'T ANY

THAT YOU COULD HANG ON TO, EITHER THEY WERE ADOPTED

OR THEY GREW UP AND MOVED AWAY.

WELL, THEY WERE MINE FOR A TIME AND I WAS GRATEFUL FOR THAT.

NOT EVEN A PARENT CAN HANG ON TO A CHILD FOREVER,

ESPECIALLY IF YOU LOVE THEM,

YOU MUST GIVE THEM THEIR FREEDOM.

- I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. - WHAT'S THAT?

NOW THAT YOU WON'T BE STUCK WITH US ANYMORE,

YOU'LL HAVE TIME TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE YOUR OWN FAMILY.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

UNTIE HIM.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO YET.

THERE IS SO MUCH STUFF WE CAN DO TOGETHER.

I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN.

HOLD HIM.

OH, NO, I'M SORRY,

I DON'T GIVE HANDOUTS TO VAGRANTS.

HOWEVER, IF YOU'RE WILLING TO WORK,

THERE IS PLENTY TO DO IN THE KITCHEN.

IT'S ME... CORNELIUS.

OH, I AM SO SORRY. I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.

WHY, YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.

NEVER MIND THE WAY I LOOK.

WE BROUGHT HIM BACK.

LOOK, FORGET THE MILLION DOLLARS,

GIVE US $10,000 AND HE IS YOURS FREE AND CLEAR.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I... I REALLY DON'T THINK I WANT HIM BACK JUST NOW.

EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SO NICE AND PEACEFUL

DURING HIS ABSENCE, YOU KNOW.

FIVE THOUSAND.

UH, OKAY, A MEASLY THOUSAND BUT THAT'S MY LAST OFFER.

NO, I THINK THE $10,000 FIGURE IS ACCEPTABLE.

I ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE A VERY FAIR MAN.

THEN WE HAVE A DEAL.

YOU PAY ME $10,000 TO TAKE HIM BACK.

- WHAT? - THEN WE HAVE NO DEAL?

BUT HE IS YOUR FRIEND, YOU GOT TO TAKE HIM BACK.

I'M AFRAID NOT, I'M SORRY.

BUT... BUT WHERE DO YOU EXPECT ME

TO COME UP WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY?

WELL, THERE IS PLENTY TO DO IN THE KITCHEN.

TWO OF YOU WORKING THE DINNER SHIFT FOR TONIGHT,

BREAKFAST AND LUNCH FOR TOMORROW,

ROOM SERVICE ORDERS,

YOU DO THAT AND I'LL CALL IT EVEN.

WHY QUIBBLE OVER A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS?

NEVER!

- TOMORROW MY PRICE GOES UP. - DONE.

ALPHONSE, BRING HIM IN. HUBBA-HUBBA.

HOW MUCH DID YOU GET, CHIEF?

HE GOT 600.

SIX HUNDRED BUCKS?

NO, 600 CHICKENS.

THAT'S HOW MANY YOU HAVE TO CLEAN

FOR THE BANQUET TONIGHT.

UH, YOU CAN'T MISS THE KITCHEN, IT'S RIGHT DOWN THE CORRIDOR.

OH, AND HAPPY CHICKEN FLICKING.

I NEVER FLICKED A CHICKEN BEFORE.

WHAT DO YOU DO, FIRST YOU FLICK THE CHICKEN,

THEN YOU BOIL THE WATER OR BOIL THE WATER

AND THEN YOU FLICK THE CHICKEN?

I DON'T KNOW.

- MISS ME, BOSS? - OH, YES.

YES, MY FRIEND,

OUR HOME JUST WASN'T THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.

GO ON.

- MR. ROARKE? - YES.

WE THINK WE KNOW WHO WE WANT FOR OUR PARENTS,

IF YOU AGREE OF COURSE.

TELL ME.

I THINK YOU HAVE MADE A VERY WISE DECISION.

NOW I THINK IT'S TIME TO TELL THE OTHERS. GO ON. GO ON.

MR. AND MRS. DRAKE, MY SISTER AND I,

WE BOTH THINK YOU ARE SUPER.

WE LOVED THE SCUBA DIVING AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF.

MR. AND MRS. SAMUELS,

MARK AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN BEING A PART OF THE MAGIC SHOW,

AND WE BOTH THINK YOU ARE SO VERY NICE.

AND I DO WANT TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY THE PIANO, AND I...

NOW, CHILDREN, YOU MUST TELL US

WHICH COUPLE YOU WANT ME TO CHOOSE TO BE YOUR PARENTS.

- NEITHER ONE OF THEM. - HUH?

WHAT MARK MEANS IS THAT...

WE WANT MISS EWELL TO BE OUR PARENT.

BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I MEAN, MR. ROARKE HAS DONE SUCH AN EXCELLENT JOB

SELECTING TWO SETS OF PROSPECTIVE PARENTS.

AND ANYWAY, IF I WERE TO ADOPT YOU

THAT WOULD MEAN BREAKING A FIRM RULE I'VE ALWAYS HAD...

THE CHILDREN MUST HAVE BOTH FATHER AND MOTHER.

BUT YOU ARE OUR MOTHER AND FATHER.

YOU TAUGHT ME SWIMMING, HORSEBACK RIDING, AND BASEBALL.

AND SEWING, READING, AND EVERYTHING.

PLEASE, MISS EWELL. PLEASE ADOPT US.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, I... I CAN'T...

MISS EWELL, I THINK YOU HAVE TO.

FROM WHAT THE CHILDREN TOLD US ABOUT YOU THE ONE DAY WE HAD THEM,

YOU ALREADY ARE THEIR PARENTS.

I HATE TO BREAK IN NEW ASSISTANTS

BUT I'M AFRAID THE LADY IS RIGHT.

AS FOR YOUR ADOPTION RULES, DIDN'T THEY ALSO PROVIDE

THAT THE PARENTS BE SOMEONE THE CHILDREN LOVED VERY DEARLY?

ISN'T THAT REALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING?

WELL, YES, I... I ALWAYS TRIED.

THAT WAS PART OF...

YOU REALLY DO WANT ME?

MORE THAN ANYTHING.

WELL, THEN IT'S SETTLED. THE CHILDREN ARE YOURS.

- BYE. - GOODBYE, MR. DRAKE, MRS. DRAKE.

GOODBYE. PLEASANT JOURNEY.

- BYE. - THANK YOU.

MR. ROARKE, THANK YOU FROM ALL THREE OF US.

MY WISH WAS FOR THE CHILDREN TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN PARENTS,

BUT I NEVER DREAMED IT WOULD BE ME.

WHY NOT? THIS IS FANTASY ISLAND.

MISS EWELL, SOMEONE AS UNSELFISH AS YOU

DESERVES A FANTASY ALL HER OWN.

WE HOPE YOU LIKE YOURS.

OH, I LOVE IT, AND I LOVE THEM,

AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME AND CONGRATULATIONS, MISS EWELL.

REBECCA, MARK, GOODBYE.

- BYE-BYE. - BYE.

GOODBYE.

CORNELIUS, ALPHONSE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW

YOU DID A FINE JOB IN THE KITCHEN.

ANYTIME YOU WANT A STEADY JOB, IT'S YOURS.

FORGET IT.

ALL WE WANT TO DO IS GET ON THAT BALLOON

AND GET BACK TO THE MAINLAND.

OH, I'M AFRAID TODAY'S FLIGHT IS ALL BOOKED UP.

EVEN IF IT WEREN'T, THE BALLOON FARE

IS BEYOND YOUR POCKETBOOK.

WELL, AFTER ALL, YOU STILL OWE ME QUITE A BIT OF MONEY

FOR TATTOO'S RESCUE.

BUT DON'T WORRY, I'VE MADE ALTERNATE ARRANGEMENT

FOR YOUR TRIP BACK.

YOU CAN WORK YOUR WAY OVER ONBOARD A BOAT.

THE S.S. DUMPOIL IS A GARBAGE SCOW.

YES.

OH, HERE COMES THE SKIPPER NOW.

DON'T... DON'T MAKE HIM MAD.

HE HAS A HORRIBLE REPUTATION.

OH, AND IF YOU HAVE ANY TIME,

WHICH I DOUBT VERY MUCH YOU WILL, TRY READING THIS.

SNAPPIN' UP, YOU LOVERS,

AND MAKE READY STOW YOUR GEAR.

WE SAIL WITH THE TIDE,

AND I'LL BE WANTING THE BILGES DRAINED BEFORE THIS.

HEAVE TWO! HEAVE!

I NEVER CLEANED A BILGE BEFORE, WHAT DO YOU DO?

FIRST YOU BOIL THE WATER THEN YOU...

GEE, BOSS, I'M GONNA MISS THEM.

IT'S NOT EVERYDAY THAT I'VE GOT SUCH GOOD GUYS TO PLAY WITH.

BY THE WAY, BOSS,

WHAT WAS THAT BOOK YOU GAVE THEM?

ONE THEY SHOULD HAVE READ BEFORE THEY CAME HERE

THE RANSOM OF RED CHIEF BY O. HENRY.

- BYE. - BYE.

- BYE. - BYE, EVERYONE.

GOODBYE, EVERYBODY.