Original subtitles

THE PLANE! THE PLANE!

TATTOO, WHAT'S WRONG?

IT'S NOTHING, BOSS. IT'S NOTHING.

I'LL BE OKAY. I JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT SLOW AND EASY.

BUT YOU'RE WALKING LIKE A 90-YEAR-OLD MAN.

IT'S TRUE, THAT.

WELL, AGE "CREEP-UPS" ON YOU BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

ONE DAY YOU ARE YOUNG AND HEALTHY AND STRONG,

AND THE NEXT, HERE IS THE ROCKING CHAIR

STARING AT YOU.

ALL RIGHT, TATTOO. WHAT'S ALL THIS TALK ABOUT OLD AGE?

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S NOT ALL TALK, BOSS: LOOK.

WHAT?

LOOK, BOSS!

A GRAY HAIR?

MY FIRST. I FIND IT RIGHT HERE.

REALLY? WELL, UNLESS YOU ARE DUE AT THE OLD AGE HOME

IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES, I SUGGEST WE GREET OUR GUESTS?

OHH.

SMILES, EVERYONE! SMILE!

♪♪

AH, MISS ESTHER BOLLING AND MISS SALLY GLOVER,

ALL THE WAY FROM TERRE HAUTE, INDIANA.

WHAT'S THEIR FANTASY, BOSS?

ONE SHARED BY MILLIONS THE WORLD OVER, TATTOO.

THE TWO YOUNG LADIES WISH TO GO ON A SHOPPING SPREE.

ANYBODY CAN DO THAT.

REALLY? WITH HALF A MILLION DOLLARS TO SQUANDER?

- HALF A MILLION DOLLARS? - YES.

BUT, BOSS. WHERE ARE THEY GONNA GET THAT KIND OF MONEY?

FROM THE SOAP COMPANY, WHICH SPONSORED THE SPENDING SPREE.

A HALF-MILLION DOLLARS TO SPEND AS YOU WISH?

QUITE A FANTASY.

AH, BUT AT WHAT PRICE, MY FRIEND?

THE COST COULD PROVE QUITE DEAR.

HE LOOKS KIND OF FAMILIAR, BOSS.

WHO IS HE?

MR. CHARLES WESLEY, POSSIBLY THE WORLD'S FOREMOST BIG-GAME HUNTER.

AN ADVENTURER WITH FORMIDABLE CREDENTIALS,

HE'S LIVED FOR THRILLS, FOR THE CHASE,

PERHAPS THE INCALCULABLE RAPTURE

OF RISKING HIS LIFE AND WINNING.

NOW PROBABLY BORED WITH LACK OF NEW CHALLENGES,

HE'S COME TO US.

BOSS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET HIM HUNT THE BIG GAME

- ON FANTASY ISLAND, ARE YOU? - YES.

AND NO.

PERHAPS I SHOULD REPHRASE IT.

MR. WESLEY HAS COME TO THE ISLAND SEEKING

THE BIGGEST ADVENTURE OF HIS LIFE.

- AND THAT'S HIS REMEDY? - YES. HE'S ASKED ME...

TO CHOOSE THE QUARRY... HIS ONLY STIPULATION IS

THAT THE HUNT BE "EXCITING AND DANGEROUS."

UH, BOSS, WHAT HAVE YOU CHOSEN FOR HIM?

WELL, NATURALLY, I FOLLOWED HIS INSTRUCTIONS, TATTOO.

HIS EXPERIENCE WILL BE MORE EXCITING...

AND DANGEROUS THAN HE EVER IMAGINED.

MY DEAR GUESTS, I AM MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

UH, THIS IS OUR MAIN SHOPPING DISTRICT.

AS YOU CAN SEE, IT DOES HAVE ITS LIMITATIONS

AS TO THE NUMBER OF STORES.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY TO SPEND YOUR MONEY.

NO WAY. WE'LL SPEND IT LIKE HOUDINI, DON'T YOU WORRY.

WON'T WE, SAL? OH, YES.

UM, YOU DO REALIZE, OF COURSE,

THAT THE SQUEAKY-CLEAN SOAP COMPANY

WHICH SPONSORED THE CONTEST YOU WON

UH, LAID DOWN CERTAIN RULES.

I KNOW. WE HAVE TO SPEND ALL THE LOOT WITHIN 48 HOURS.

RIGHT.

AND IF WE DO, WE GET TO KEEP EVERYTHING WE BOUGHT.

- RIGHT. - AND IF YOU DON'T,

YOU WILL HAVE TO BRING EVERYTHING BACK.

- RIGHT. - WHAT ELSE, MR. ROARKE?

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO PURCHASE ONE OF EACH ITEM ONLY.

ONE. IN OTHER WORDS, ONE PIECE OF JEWELRY,

NOT THE ENTIRE STOCK OF A JEWELRY STORE.

AND, UH, SHOULD YOU WISH TO MAKE ANY SHORT-TERM INVESTMENTS,

THE MAXIMUM YOU CAN INVEST IS $25,000.

IS THAT ALL? NOT QUITE.

YOU MUST PAY FAIR MARKET VALUE

FOR ALL ITEMS PURCHASED.

THIS IS TO PRECLUDE, UH, THROWING YOUR MONEY AWAY

ON PALTRY ITEMS... IS THAT CLEAR?

CLEAR. CLEAR.

MY ABLE ASSISTANT HERE WILL ACT AS JUDGE.

HE WILL, THEREFORE, POP IN ON YOU FROM TIME TO TIME.

MERELY TO OBSERVE.

OH, I KNOW. TO SEE IF WE'RE CHEATING OR...

OH, WE WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT,

REALLY, WOULD WE, SAL? UH, NO, NO. NO.

OH, I AM SURE YOU WOULDN'T.

NO! UH, EACH BAG

CONTAINS $250,000, CASH.

AND THE CONTEST BEGINS RIGHT...

NOW.

- GOOD LUCK, LADIES. - GOOD-BYE, MR. ROARKE.

THANK YOU!

GOSH, LOOK AT IT FROM THERE.

HOLD IT, SALLY. BETTER TAKE A CHECK. JUST A QUICK CHECK.

I SAY!

OH, WOW!

LET'S START WITH THAT DRESS SHOP OVER THERE.

HOLD IT. DON'T FORGET THE GAME PLAN.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT. I'M SORRY, ESTHER.

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING ON THE LIST?

FIRST, WE HIRE A TRUCK TO CARRY EVERYTHING WE BUY.

HIRE A TRUCK? WE BUY A TRUCK!

AND A DRIVER TO GO WITH IT.

WHAT IF THE DRIVER'S NOT FOR SALE?

COME ON, LET'S GO. HE'LL GO.

AH, GOOD MORNING, MR. WESLEY.

MORNING, MR. ROARKE.

I HOPE I DIDN'T DISTURB YOUR OTHER GUESTS.

BUT I WANTED TO ZERO IN MY SIGHTS

BEFORE THE HUNT BEGINS. I SEE.

VERY PRUDENT.

AND VERY PRECISE.

WELL, I GUESS EVERYTHING IS TAKEN CARE OF,

OTHER THAN YOU TELLING ME WHAT I'M GOING AFTER.

TELL ME, MR. WESLEY, WOULD YOU CONSIDER...

A SIBERIAN TIGER TO BE A WORTHY ADVERSARY?

YES, I WOULD.

THEY'RE BIG AND FAST, AND AS DANGEROUS AS THEY COME.

BIG AND FAST, TRUE. BUT ARE THEY REALLY SO DANGEROUS?

I MEAN, THE ANIMAL MUST GET CLOSE TO ITS ENEMY

TO USE ITS FANGS AND CLAWS.

HOWEVER, WITH THIS CLAW,

YOU CAN REACH OUT AND STRIKE THEM AT, UH...

TWO OR THREE HUNDRED YARDS.

AND WHAT IS THE STOPPING POWER OF THIS CARTRIDGE?

A TON OF ENERGY, OR MORE?

COMBINED WITH YOUR DEMONSTRATED SKILLS,

THE ODDS AGAINST ANY ANIMAL

SEEM RIDICULOUSLY STACKED IN YOUR FAVOR.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, MISTER ROARKE?

I HAVE GIVEN...

YOU FANTASY MUCH THOUGHT, MR. WESLEY.

AND FOR A QUARRY THAT WILL TRULY...

I MEAN, TRULY... TEST YOUR SKILL.

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU STILL WANT.

I'VE CHOSEN THIS.

GENERAL LIN SUN OF THE REPUBLIC OF CHONG-TOO.

A MAN? YOU WANT ME TO HUNT A MAN?

AN UNUSUAL MAN, OF MANY REPUTATIONS.

HIS MANY SUPPORTERS CALL HIM THE GEORGE WASHINGTON

OF HIS COUNTRY, AN ENLIGHTENED BENEFACTOR

AND FORCE FOR THE FUTURE...

NOW, HIS ENEMIES CALL HIM A CORRUPT AND RUTHLESS DICTATOR.

IF YOU'RE ASKING ME TO KILL HIM, THE ANSWER IS NO.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO KILL HIM, MR. WESLEY.

JUST SHOOT HIM.

WITH THIS.

A CAMERA.

IT'S ALREADY BEEN ENGINEERED TO FIT ON YOUR RIFLE.

WELL, COME NOW, MR. WESLEY, WHY DO YOU HESITATE?

YOU DID ASK FOR A DANGEROUS HUNT,

DID YOU NOT?

AND IF GENERAL SUN'S ENEMIES ARE TO BE BELIEVED,

HE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ANIMAL

IN THE WORLD.

IF YOU ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE,

UH, THIS MAP SHOWS THE WAY TO HIS VILLA

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND.

THERE ARE SOLDIERS POSTED AROUND IT 24 HOURS A DAY...

ARMED, OF COURSE, WITH AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.

AND HAVE ORDERS TO SHOOT TO KILL.

I DID ASK FOR IT TO BE DANGEROUS.

- YES, YOU DID. - I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY MORNING, MR. ROARKE.

I SINCERELY HOPE SO, MR. WESLEY.

READY, SALLY? I'VE NEVER BEEN READIER, ESTHER.

GOOD.

MY MOST EXPENSIVE ITEM, YOU SAID?

YES.

WELL, I'M AFRAID, LADIES, YOU'VE CAUGHT ME

WITH MY INVENTORY RATHER DEPLETED,

BUT I DO HAVE ONE EXTRAORDINARY NECKLACE.

THE MOST PERFECTLY CUT DIAMONDS...

SET IN PLATINUM.

- WE'LL TAKE IT. - BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK HOW MUCH.

OKAY, HOW MUCH?

$40,000.

- SHE'LL TAKE IT. - OH, ESTHER.

I WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT.

BUT IT'LL LOOK DARLING ON YOU.

OH, ESTHER, I INSIST!

OKAY. JUST IN THE INTERESTS OF TIME.

BUT AFTER THE CONTEST, I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT FOR KEEPS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, ESTHER?

YOU'RE THE NICEST FRIEND A GIRL EVER HAD.

SAME FOR YOU, SALLY. SHE'LL TAKE IT.

WOW, WE CAN REALLY GO TO TOWN IN HERE, SAL.

YEAH, LOOK AT THOSE EXPENSIVE PRICE TAGS.

CAN YOU BELIEVE 'EM?

HE'S GOT A CASH REGISTER SO HOT IT SIZZLES!

EXCUSE ME. I'LL TAKE THAT.

AND THAT TOO.

HMM. SO FAR, SO GOOD.

ACCORDING TO THE LATEST COMMUNIQUÉ,

OUR FORCES ARE GATHERED HERE,

ANOTHER HERE.

THE CAPITAL MUST FALL, EXCELLENCY,

WITHIN THE NEXT FEW DAYS.

WHICH MEANS, WE SHALL SOON BE GOING HOME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, LI? DOES THAT PLEASE YOU?

IF IT PLEASES YOU.

THE NEWS PEOPLE ARE STILL WAITING FOR A STATEMENT

ON YOUR RETURN TO POWER.

ALL IN GOOD TIME, COLONEL.

NOW LEAVE US, PLEASE.

YOU, MY LITTLE FRIEND, ARE GONNA HELP ME DISTRACT

THOSE SOLDIERS AND THEIR DOGS.

HAVE NO FEAR,

YOU'RE FAR TOO CLEVER FOR THEM.

HEY!

EXCUSE ME.

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, MR. TATTOO.

YOU'RE SO WISE!

I WILL ADVISE YOU FURTHER TONIGHT,

AT DINNERTIME!

TATTOO! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TURNING WHITE OVERNIGHT.

YOU LIKE IT, BOSS?

WELL, UH...

IT'S PART OF MY NEW IMAGE.

THE MATURE MAN IS IN.

GIRLS TRUST A MAN WHO LOOKS EXPERIENCED,

AND ONE GRAY HAIR WOULDN'T DO IT.

I SEE.

BOSS, TRUST ME. IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM.

EXCUSE ME.

AH, MY DEAR. I'VE BEEN GIVING SOME MATURE THOUGHT

TO YOUR PROBLEM.

WHY DON'T WE DISCUSS IT NEAR THE LAGOON, HMM?

GET AWAY FROM ME.

YOU DIRTY OLD MAN.

WIN SOME, LOSE SOME.

WE WANT TO BUY $25,000 WORTH

OF YOUR MOST WORTHLESS STOCK.

BUT ALL MY CUSTOMERS COME HERE TO MAKE MONEY.

TRI-CONTINENTAL OIL COULDN'T FIND OIL

IN RUDOLPH VALENTINO'S HAIR.

GREAT! THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC!

LAST CHANCE, MR. DOW.

WILL YOU OR WON'T YOU SELL US TRI-CONTINENTAL OIL STOCK?

WELL, THE CUSTOMER'S ALWAYS RIGHT.

WOW! THIS IS GENUINE, HONEST-TO-GOODNESS...

MILLIONAIRE'S CRYSTAL!

HOW WE DOIN' ON TIME, SAL?

WHO CARES ABOUT TIME? JUST SPEND.

ARE WE GOING TOO FAST FOR YOU, TATTOO?

YEAH, WE DON'T WANT YOUR CALCULATOR TO BURN OUT.

WE CAN ALWAYS BUY HIM A NEW ONE.

ONE? WE'LL BUY HIM A CARLOAD!

YOU VERY NEARLY SUCCEEDED IN YOUR MISSION, MR. WESLEY.

YOU KNOW ME? FROM THE IDENTIFICATION IN YOUR WALLET.

WHO PAID YOU TO ASSASSINATE ME?

ASSASSINATE YOU?

I'M AFRAID THAT'D BE AWFUL HARD TO DO.

I ONLY HAD A CAMERA GUN.

THIS IS YOUR RIFLE.

YES.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

SOMEONE MUST HAVE LOADED IT.

OH, COME NOW.

THEN WHERE'S THE CAMERA?

I'M TELLING YOU, I ONLY HAD A CAMERA GUN.

UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS NO EVIDENCE

TO SUPPORT YOUR CONTENTION THAT YOU BROUGHT WITH YOU

ONLY A CAMERA-GUN.

WHICH LEAVES ME WITH BUT ONE ALTERNATIVE:

TOMORROW AT DAWN, YOU SHALL BE EXECUTED.

THE NEWSMEN HAVE HEARD OF THE ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION,

YOUR EXCELLENCY.

I SEE.

THEY KNOW HE'S AMERICAN?

THEY'LL FIND OUT, SOON ENOUGH.

THE SITUATION MUST BE HANDLED WITH DELICACY.

IT WOULDN'T BE GOOD PUBLIC RELATIONS

FOR ME TO SHOOT AN AMERICAN ON THE VERGE OF MY RETURN TO POWER.

IN POLITICS... IMAGE IS EVERYTHING.

DON'T YOU AGREE, MR. WESLEY?

I DO, IF IT'LL KEEP ME AWAY FROM A FIRING SQUAD.

TELL THE NEWS PEOPLE...

THEY CAN QUESTION HIM TOMORROW AT A NOON PRESS CONFERENCE.

THEY CAN SEE FOR THEMSELVES THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN MISTREATED,

AND WILL RECEIVE A FAIR TRIAL ONCE MY REGIME

- IS REESTABLISHED. - YES, EXCELLENCY.

WISELY HANDLED.

A FINE MAN, COLONEL CHANG.

MUCH MORE IDEALISTIC THAN THAT OLD BATTLE-SCARRED FACE

MIGHT SUGGEST.

SO MUCH SO, I'M NOT ALWAYS ABLE TO TELL HIM

THE WHOLE TRUTH...

BUT NOW.

AS I WAS SAYING, YOU'LL BE SHOT AT DAWN.

YOU KNOW, ESTHER, THIS IS MY IDEA OF FUN.

SOMETHING I DREAMED ABOUT ALL MY LIFE.

DID YA? I WAS BORN TO SPEND MONEY.

AND SPEND AND SPEND AND SPEND!

BYE! THANKS A LOT!

GOOD-BYE! COME ON, MIKE!

YOU KNOW WHAT, ESTHER? WHAT?

THIS IS JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS MORNING WITHOUT ALL THE SNOW.

YEAH.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL THE GUYS BACK HOME

SEE US WITH A HALF-MILLION DOLLARS' WORTH OF GOODIES.

YEAH. YOU LIKE THIS BLACK DRESS, SAL?

NOT REALLY. YEAH, IT IS RATHER TACKY.

I'LL TAKE IT!

WILL YOU KINDLY SIT STILL?

KINDA UPPITY, AREN'T WE?

FYI, MR. HUDSON IS NOT IN THE HABIT

OF MAKING HOUSE CALLS.

FYI, HE IS WHEN HE GETS A $1,000 FEE FOR IT.

AH, MR. HUDSON. I TRUST WE'RE NOT INTERFERING WITH

YOUR ENDEAVORS? WELL, WHY NOT?

EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.

GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES. GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. ROARKE.

WELL, IT SEEMS THAT YOUR SHOPPING SPREE

IS PROGRESSING VERY NICELY, ISN'T IT?

SMOOTH AS SILK. WE JUST STOPPED IN HERE TO RECHARGE OUR BATTERIES.

ME TOO. UH, YES.

WELL, I AM PLEASED THAT YOU DID,

BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING RATHER...

UNUSUAL TO TELL YOU.

THIS TELEGRAM ARRIVED A SHORT WHILE AGO.

IT'S FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE SQUEAKY-CLEAN SOAP COMPANY,

SPONSORS OF THE CONTEST...

IT SEEMS THAT, UH,

MY ORIGINAL INTERPRETATION OF THE RULES WAS IN ERROR.

YOU SEE, INSTEAD OF SPENDING THE HALF-MILLION DOLLARS AS A TEAM,

YOU TWO LADIES ARE... COMPETITORS.

COMPETITORS? COMPETITORS?

THAT'S WHAT MY BOSS SAID.

YOU MEAN, WE HAVE TO TRY AND OUTSPEND EACH OTHER?

PRECISELY.

BUT THAT MEANS...

IT MEANS THAT THE FIRST ONE TO SPEND ALL HER MONEY

IS THE WINNER, YOU SEE?

AND IF NEITHER OF YOU SPENDS IT BEFORE THE DEADLINE,

YOU BOTH LOSE!

BUT, MR. ROARKE, ME AND SALLY WERE FRIENDS, NOT COMPETITORS.

OH, I UNDERSTAND, MISS BOLLING, I UNDERSTAND.

I THEREFORE SUGGEST...

THAT YOU BOTH LOOK UPON IT,

NOT AS COMPETITION... NO, NO, NO, NO.

MERELY AS AN ENJOYABLE INTERLUDE.

WELL, GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU. TATTOO.

UH, LADIES? THE NAILS ARE VERY NICE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ESTHER, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

SIMPLE. YOU'RE GONNA WIN THE CONTEST.

WHY ME?

BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

BESIDES, YOU NEED IT MORE THAN I DO.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

OH. COME ON, NO OFFENSE, HONEST.

IT'S JUST THAT WE BOTH KNOW, YOU HAVE MORE TROUBLE

GETTING YOUR ACT TOGETHER THAN I DO.

IS THAT A FACT? SURE.

ADMIT YOU REALLY COULD USE THE MONEY.

LOOK, YOU COULD CASH IN SOME OF YOUR ITEMS,

AND GET YOUR FACE FIXED.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY FACE?

WELL, FOR ONE THING, YOUR NOSE IS CROOKED...

YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR YEARS.

AND BESIDES THAT, BOTH OF YOUR EARS ARE TOO BIG.

WELL, AS LONG AS WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT BIG,

HOW 'BOUT THOSE TWO GUNBOATS YOU WALK AROUND ON?

YOU COULD CASH IN YOUR WINNINGS AND GET YOUR FEET SHRUNK.

YOU KNOW THE CONTEST I WAS LETTING YOU WIN?

YEAH?

WELL, FORGET IT. I'M GONNA WIN IT.

HA. THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK! NO, THAT'S WHAT I KNOW!

GOOD-BYE.

NOW, YOU'VE COME A LITTLE BIT EARLY, HAVEN'T YOU?

IT'S NOT GONNA BE DAWN FOR A HALF-HOUR.

I HAD TROUBLE SLEEPING. YOUR CONSCIENCE BOTHERING YOU?

FOR SHOOTING AN INNOCENT MAN?

ACTUALLY, IT WAS ANTICIPATION OF THE HUNT.

AN EMOTION YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND VERY WELL, MR. WESLEY.

YOU SAID "ANTICIPATION OF THE HUNT."

NOT "ANTICIPATION OF THE KILL."

THAT SLIGHT DIFFERENCE...

THAT HAS SIGNIFICANCE?

OH, I THINK ONE FOLLOWS THE OTHER.

AS DAWN IS ABOUT TO FOLLOW THE NIGHT.

YOU KNOW...

THAT MY RIFLE WAS EQUIPPED WITH A CAMERA ONLY, DON'T YOU?

YES.

I'M BEGINNING TO...

TO SEE ALL THE WORST...

IN MYSELF, EXPOSED ANEW.

WITH A SMALL DIFFERENCE.

I GAVE THEM A CHANCE.

A SLIMMER ONE THAN I USED TO ADMIT, MAYBE,

BUT-BUT I NEVER STOOD THEM IN A CORRAL,

OR UP AGAINST A WALL AND SHOT 'EM!

OH, YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE, MR. WESLEY.

YOU HAVE A CERTAIN REPUTATION AS A HUNTER.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE HUNTED?

- I DON'T FOLLOW YOU. - YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG, MR. WESLEY.

YOU SEE, I'M GOING TO BE FOLLOWING YOU.

IN EXACTLY 20 MINUTES, I'M GOING TO WITHDRAW

THE SENTRIES GUARDING THE SOUTH WALL.

YOU SHALL BE ALLOWED TO ESCAPE.

YOU MEAN, YOU'RE GOING TO HUNT ME.

YES. WITH YOUR OWN GUN.

BECAUSE IN THAT TIME, YOU REALIZE WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO BE HUNTED.

TWENTY MINUTES, MR. WESLEY.

WELL, GENTLEMEN, SHALL WE BEGIN THE HUNT?

COME ON.

RELEASE THE DOGS!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE DOGS?

GUNPOWDER, GENERAL. TO GET IN THEIR NOSES

SO THEY LOSE THE SCENT.

HURRY. THE RULES SAY WE HAVE TO START SHOPPING TOGETHER.

IMPOSSIBLE. I HAVE TO WASH MY "GUNBOATS."

NOW SHE'LL NEVER RUN OUT OF MONEY.

THIS'LL FIX HER WAGON.

AH, THERE YOU ARE, MR. ROARKE. TATTOO.

I MUST THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY FANTASY SO INTERESTING THUS FAR.

WELL, I AM EXTREMELY PLEASED EVERYTHING

IS TO YOUR LIKING, MR. COLLINS.

OH, IT'S MORE THAN I EVER DREAMED OF.

UH, WE SAIL WITH THE TIDE.

YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE CAPTAIN AHAB IN MOBY DICK.

AHH. WELL, PARDON ME.

YES, SIR.

BOSS, WHAT'S HIS FANTASY?

HE WANTS TO CATCH THE GREAT WHITE WHALE?

NO, TATTOO. MR. COLLINS'S FANTASY IS...

TO BE MAROONED ON A DESERT ISLAND.

"MAROON"? HE MUST BE CRAZY.

NO, IT'S NOT SO CRAZY, NOT AFTER YOU SEE

MR. COLLINS'S CREW!

OH, CONTROL YOURSELVES, MATES.

WE'RE NOT EVEN MAROONED YET!

AS SOON AS WE GET TO THE ISLAND, WE'LL HAVE SOME CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.

HERE WE ARE.

HELP ME UP! GOT YOU.

- GET ME UP. - TAKE HIM BACK TO THE VILLA.

- I'LL GO ON ALONE. - BUT GENERAL...

DO AS YOU'RE ORDERED!

ROLLER SKATES! WHAT ABOUT A CHEATER? SHE TAKES THE CAKE!

I'LL GET HER!

WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT?

HUH? WHERE'S WHAT?

THE SABLE COAT YOU ADVERTISED...

I SEE IT! I GOT IT!

LADIES, WILL YOU STOP THAT?

NO, I GOT IT. I CAN GET IT. STOP IT.

MY SABLE. STOP THAT.

NOW GIVE ME, I GOT IT! MY PRECIOUS SABLE!

$30,000 WORTH!

I'LL PAY FOR IT! OH, NO YOU DON'T!

I'LL PAY FOR IT.

THERE. HERE'S HALF. THERE YOU GO. I PAY FOR IT.

HERE IS MINE. I'LL PAY HALF!

DON'T BOTHER WRAPPING IT.

I'LL JUST WEAR MINE OUT.

HE TOLD ME TO.

THANK GOODNESS I'VE FOUND YOU.

LADIES, I'VE GOT THE GREATEST NEWS.

WELL... WHAT IS THAT BOTH OF YOU ARE WEARING?

AH, IT'S A LONG STORY.

TRI-CONTINENTAL OIL ACTUALLY STRUCK OIL.

YOU MADE A PROFIT OF $100,000!

YOU CALL THAT "GOOD NEWS"?

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE PLEASED.

YOUR PROFIT.

50,000 EACH.

THANKS A LOT.

HUH. I'M REALLY SORRY.

I'VE GOT LESS THAN AN HOUR, AND YOU GIVE ME

$50,000 TO SPEND.

AH, GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES.

HOW GOES YOUR SHOPPING SPREE? NOT SO GOOD, MR. ROARKE.

THE RICH GET RICHER. WELL, I CAME TO WARN YOU.

BE VERY CAREFUL OF YOUR BAGS.

A PURSE-SNATCHER HAS ALREADY STRUCK THREE TIMES.

- HE DID? - I'M AFRAID SO.

A... PURSE-SNATCHER, HUH?

YES.

WHERE DID THAT HAPPEN?

OH, THREE BLOCKS FROM HERE.

THREE BLOCKS, YOU SAY?

WAIT FOR...

EXCUSE ME. I UNDERSTAND THERE'S A PURSE-SNATCHER

ON THE LOOSE AROUND HERE?

- THAT'S RIGHT. - WELL, IN THAT CASE I BETTER BE VERY CAREFUL.

I'M CARRYING A BIG WAD OF MONEY!

IN MY PURSE! MONEY! HAVE I GOT MONEY!

COMPARED TO MY WAD, YOUR WAD IS CHICKEN FEED!

WHY DON'T YOU GET LOST? I STAKED OUT THIS AREA FIRST.

IT'S A PUBLIC SIDEWALK. WELL, I'M HEADING IN THAT DIRECTION,

AND I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU HEAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

I'VE GOT TO BE VERY CAREFUL!

I CARRY A LOT OF MONEY! CAREFUL!

HOW MUCH ARE YOUR PENCILS?

IT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO GIVE.

UH, CAN YOU CRACK A HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILL?

HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILL? CRACK IT?

I COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT, I COULD TAKE IT!

JUST THE MAN WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

NICE WORK, LADY.

YOU'RE REALLY FAST ON YOUR FEET.

LET'S ALL GO DOWN TO THE STATION.

WHY ME?

YOU GOT A $5,000 REWARD COMING TO YOU,

FOR THE CAPTURE OF THIS PURSE-SNATCHER.

OH, GOSH! DO I HAVE TO ACCEPT IT?

WHAT I MEAN IS, I REALLY DON'T NEED THE MONEY.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, UH...

THIS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

WHY CAN'T WE PRETEND LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED AT ALL?

UH, LISTEN. JUST GIVE MY REWARD TO THE UH, POLICEMAN'S ATHLETIC LEAGUE.

- OKAY? - IF YOU SAY SO.

OH, I DEFINITELY SAY SO. SEE YA.

THE ANIMAL MUST GET CLOSE TO ITS ENEMY,

TO USE ITS FANGS AND CLAWS.

WITH THIS CLAW, YOU CAN REACH OUT AND STRIKE THEM

AT TWO OR THREE HUNDRED YARDS.

ODDS LOOK...

THERE'S NO CHANCE AT ALL.

A RIFLE OF THIS CALIBER COULD EASILY SHOOT THROUGH THE WOOD

AND KILL YOU, MR. WESLEY.

I'D PREFER TO DO IT FACE TO FACE.

I LOVE THIS.

COME OUT, PLEASE!

CRIPPLE HIM.

WELL DONE. COME, GENTLEMEN.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MR. WESLEY?

I AM NOW.

WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS, COLONEL?

LI FOUND THIS IN YOUR DRAWER AND BROUGHT IT TO ME.

I HAD TO STOP YOU FROM KILLING HIM.

IT'S RIDICULOUS!

HE'D ESCAPED! I JUST RECAPTURED HIM,

AND WAS GOING TO BRING HIM BACK.

YOUR MEN HAVE ALREADY TOLD US THE TRUTH, GENERAL.

THEY CONFESSED YOU KNEW MR. WESLEY ONLY INTENDED

TO PHOTOGRAPH YOU,

BUT YOU WERE HUNTING HIM DOWN TO KILL HIM, ANYWAY,

FOR SPORT.

YOU SEE, MR. WESLEY,

COLONEL CHANG ALSO HAD A FANTASY:

THAT A SUCCESSFUL REVOLUTION WOULD NOT RETURN

GENERAL SUN TO POWER,

AS I TOLD YOU, THE GENERAL HAS MANY REPUTATIONS

AND MANY OF HIS PEOPLE BELIEVED

THE GOOD ONE.

THE WRONG ONE.

AFTER THESE GENTLEMEN TELL WHAT HAPPENED HERE TODAY,

I AM SURE THAT PEOPLE OF CHANG-TOO...

WILL CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE TO HEAD THEIR NEW GOVERNMENT.

I DON'T KNOW... HOW TO THANK YOU.

I BELIEVE THIS IS YOURS, MR. WESLEY.

FROM YOUR DEJECTED LOOKS, I WOULD SAY THAT

WE DON'T HAVE A WINNER, NOW AM I CORRECT?

- I'VE GOT 25,000 LEFT. - I'VE GOT NEARLY 27.

OHH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

THOUGH IT'S NOT QUITE 5:00 PM YET.

YOU WILL EXCUSE ME IF I ATTEND TO THE NEEDS

OF THESE TWO UNFORTUNATE GENTLEMEN, WON'T YOU?

YOU SEE, THEY LIVE ON A NEIGHBORING ISLAND,

AND THEIR FARMS ARE LITERALLY SINKING INTO THE OCEAN.

THEY'RE ALREADY UNDER TWO FEET OF WATER.

HOLD IT! MR. ROARKE!

THEIR FARMS, BY ANY CHANCE, WOULDN'T BE FOR SALE?

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- YOU SEE, THEIR FARMS ARE... - I'LL GIVE YOU $27,000 ALMOST,

FOR YOUR FARM... IS IT A DEAL?

DEAL.

I'LL GIVE YOU 25,000. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I SAY OKAY!

OH! OH, THERE IT IS.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A TIE.

ARE YOU LADIES ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT YOU HAVE

NO MORE MONEY LEFT?

I SUGGEST THAT YOU EACH GIVE YOUR BAGS ONE FINAL CHECK, MM?

- WHY, YOU... - ME?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

30 SECONDS LEFT, LADIES.

28...

24... NO!

AH!

GO AHEAD, ESTHER, YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO WIN.

I'M ALL RIGHT.

GOD, I HATE THE CONTEST.

WHAT ARE YOU FEELING? I'M MORE SCARED THAN HURT.

I'M SORRY.

I THINK I JUST SCRAPED MY KNEE.

I AM SO SORRY, LADIES. I'M AFRAID YOU BOTH LOST.

DIDN'T WE, MR. ROARKE? DID WE INDEED?

♪♪

WHAT WILL YOU DO FOR THRILLS, NOW THAT YOU WON'T BE

HUNTING TROPHIES ANYMORE, MR. WESLEY?

I'M NOT SURE.

I SPEND SO MUCH OF MY TIME RISKING MY LIFE,

I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO ENJOY JUST LIVING IT.

THANK YOU, MR. ROARKE. YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

TATTOO? BYE-BYE. GOOD-BYE.

WELL, GOOD-BYE, GENTLEMEN.

IT'S BEEN A VERY ENLIGHTENING WEEKEND.

NOT TO MENTION EXPENSIVE.

SEEING AS YOU WERE BOTH PERMITTED TO KEEP ONE ITEM

AS A CONSOLATION PRIZE,

UM, I AM VERY ANXIOUS TO KNOW WHAT EACH OF YOU CHOSE.

WELL, TO ME, MR. ROARKE, THE MOST MEANINGFUL GIFT

WAS THE ONE ESTHER GOT ME.

IT'S A HAND-CARVED, GOLD-INLAID POOL CUE.

BEAUTIFUL.

KIND OF A CAUGHT BEHIND THE 8-BALL SOUND.

AND WHAT DID YOU CHOOSE, MISS BOLLING?

SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL SAL BOUGHT ME.

THIS IS... OPEN IT.

A CARRYING BAG FOR MY BOWLING BALL.

MINK-LINED.

AH, BUT I'M SURE THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT OF ALL

WAS THE RESTORATION OF YOUR FRIENDSHIP, WASN'T IT?

AS A WISE MAN ONCE SAID,

WE SHOULD ALL KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIPS

IN A CONSTANT STATE OF REPAIR.

WE'LL REMEMBER THAT, MR. ROARKE.

- WELL, GOOD-BYE, MR. ROARKE. - GOOD-BYE, MISS GLOVER.

- BYE, TATTOO. - GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE, MR. ROARKE. GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE.

AH, TATTOO! I SEE YOUR HAIR IS BACK

TO ITS NORMAL COLOR, HUH?

YES. I GUESS I PANICKED A LITTLE TOO SOON.

ONE GRAY HAIR DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU GROW OLD.

WELL, OF COURSE NOT.

OW! WHAT DID YOU DO, BOSS?

NOTHING. NOTHING.

BOSS, DID YOU FIND ANOTHER GRAY HAIR?

- NO! - YES, YOU DID.

TORTURE ME. I WANT TO SEE IT!