Original subtitles

♪♪

THE PLANE! THE PLANE!

GOOD MORNING, BOSS.

GOOD MORNING, TATTOO.

WHAT IS THAT YOU'RE WEARING IN YOUR EYE?

IT'S A MONOCLE.

I KNOW IT'S A MONOCLE.

PRETTY CLASSY, HMM?

MY COUSIN HUGO,

HE TRACED OUR FAMILY TREE,

AND BOSS, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

WE ARE DIRECT DESCENDANTS OF KINGS OF FRANCE.

I AM A ROYALTY.

CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR ROYALTY-SHIP.

AND NOW, SHALL WE GO AND MEET OUR GUESTS,

OR DO YOU CONSIDER THAT BENEATH YOU?

ROYALTY.

SMILES, EVERYONE, SMILES!

♪♪

BOSS, I KNOW HER!

SHE'S MAUREEN BANNING, THE RICH MILLIONAIRE'S DAUGHTER,

THE ONE THAT DETECTIVE WAS LOOKING FOR.

MM-HMM. SHE RAN AWAY BECAUSE

SHE WANTS TO MARRY THE MAN HER FATHER HATES.

HATES IS TOO SOFT A WORD TO DESCRIBE THE WAY

MR. M.V. BANNING FEELS ABOUT HIS PROPOSED SON-IN-LAW.

YOU SEE, THE GENTLEMAN IN QUESTION

IS A SELF-STYLED POET NAMED BARNABY JEFFERS.

MISS BANNING'S FATHER SEES HIM AS A PRETENTIOUS DEADBEAT

INTERESTED ONLY IN HIS DAUGHTER'S MONEY,

AND THAT'S WHY SHE'S COME HERE.

HER FANTASY IS TO MARRY THE MAN SHE LOVES,

AND SHE WANTS TO DO IT THIS WEEKEND

BUT WE HAVE TO ACT FAST BEFORE THE DETECTIVE FINDS HER.

HIS ORDERS ARE TO STOP HER FROM DOING ANYTHING FOOLISH,

NO MATTER WHAT IT COSTS.

MR. JAKE GORDON,

ONCE A SOMEWHAT FAMOUS HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER.

I REMEMBER HIM, BOSS.

DO YOU?

YES. THEY USED TO CALL HIM JARRING JAKE...

THAT'S RIGHT.

THE COLORADO CRUSHER. THAT'S RIGHT.

HE USED TO BE TERRIFIC.

HE USED TO HAVE A RIGHT AND A LEFT.

AH, HE WAS ALMOST A CHAMPION.

WELL, THAT'S A VERY EFFECTIVE STYLE, TATTOO.

AND OF COURSE, YOU'RE RIGHT.

MR. GORDON WAS ALMOST CHAMPION, AND THAT CAN BE A VERY SAD WORD,

ALMOST.

BOSS, IS THE YOUNG MAN A BOXER, TOO?

OH, HE IS, INDEED.

HE IS ALSO MR. GORDON'S BROTHER JAY.

MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE HE HAS A GOOD CHANCE

TO BE THE NEXT OLYMPIC CHAMPION, SOMETHING HE'S DREAMED ABOUT

AND WORKED FOR SINCE HE WAS A LITTLE BOY.

THAT'S NICE, BUT IF HE'S ALREADY MAKING HIS FANTASY COME TRUE,

WHAT DOES NEED US FOR?

HE WANTS TO FIGHT

FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP THIS WEEKEND.

WHAT'S THE BIG HURRY?

WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, BILLY CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER.

YOU SEE, HIS DOCTORS SAY

HE MIGHT ONLY HAVE A SHORT TIME TO LIVE.

MY DEAR GUESTS, I AM MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND!

♪♪

I HOPE YOU WILL BE COMFORTABLE HERE.

WE HAVE TRIED TO PROVIDE ALL THE COMFORTS

AND OF COURSE ALL THE REQUIREMENTS

OF A FIRST-CLASS TRAINING CAMP,

EXACTLY AS YOU REQUESTED, MR. BLAKE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, COACH, SIR?

IT LOOKS FIRST-RATE TO ME.

THE BUNGALOW HAS BEEN PROVISIONED.

THE REGULATION RING YOU SEE AND THE TRAINING AREA,

COMPLETE WITH ALL THE EQUIPMENT.

COULDN'T BE BETTER.

AH, BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, ENRICO.

YES. UH, MR. JUAN ENRICO AND HIS HANDLERS

WILL ARRIVE TOMORROW.

THE FIGHT WILL TAKE PLACE THE DAY AFTER.

THAT'S GOOD.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

BILLY, YOU DO REALIZE, DON'T YOU,

THAT EVEN THOUGH MOST BOXING EXPERTS AGREE

THAT YOU AND JUAN ENRICO ARE THE ONLY REAL CONTENDERS

FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP, THERE CAN BE NO OFFICIAL RECORD

OF THIS FIGHT OR THE RESULTS.

IS THAT CLEAR? I KNOW.

BUT IF I BEAT HIM, I'LL KNOW THAT I COULD'VE BEEN THE CHAMP.

YES.

I'M SORRY, I MUST ASK YOU ONCE MORE.

YOU KNOW YOUR DOCTORS GAVE YOU

THREE OR FOUR MORE YEARS TO LIVE,

BUT THEY ALSO SAID THAT A BLOW TO YOUR HEAD

MIGHT HASTEN YOUR DEATH, THAT YOU MIGHT BEAT JUAN ENRICO

ONLY TO DIE A FEW DAYS LATER.

I KNOW THAT, MR. ROARKE.

THE FIGHT FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP

IS SOMETHING I'VE DREAMT ABOUT EVER SINCE I WAS A KID.

YOU MIGHT SAY IT'S THE ONLY THING

I'VE GOT LEFT TO LIVE FOR NOW.

SO, IF I HAVE TO GIVE A COUPLE OF YEARS FOR IT,

IT'S WORTH IT.

YES. THEN SO BE IT.

YOUR LIFELONG DREAM COULD BE FULFILLED IN TWO DAYS.

GOOD LUCK, BILLY.

IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE YOU REQUIRE, MR. BLAKE, LET US KNOW.

AH, THANK YOU. SEE YOU LATER.

AH, HERE YOU GO, CHAMP! HA-HA!

OH, HOW BEAUTIFUL.

YES, IT IS, ISN'T IT?

AND YET, UH... MAY I?

PLEASE, YES.

AND YET, AS THE OLD ADAGE STATES,

BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.

WELL, IN YOUR OWN CASE, WHAT YOU SEE

AS ADMIRABLE QUALITIES IN THE YOUNG MAN YOU LOVE

MUST APPEAR AS DISASTROUS FAULTS TO YOUR FATHER.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

DADDY SEES NOTHING BUT FAULTS WITH BARNABY.

DO YOU KNOW THAT HE CALLS HIM "A FREELOADING, NO-TALENT,

BLOODSUCKING LOUNGE LIZARD WITH AN ALLERGY TO WORK"?

UNQUOTE.

AND HOW DO YOU PERCEIVE THE VERY SAME BARNABY?

BARNABY IS A GENIUS. HE'S AN ARTIST.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE ME.

HERE, THE PROOF, IN HIS POEMS.

"SUEDE LIPS BY BARNABY JEFFERS."

SUEDE LIPS?

YES. IT'S A COLLECTION OF LOVE POEMS, FULL OF BRILLIANT IMAGES.

OH, I SEE.

HERE. READ MY FAVORITE ONE.

ALL RIGHT.

THE, UH, "THE RUBBER PEACH."

THE RUBBER PEACH?

"THE RUBBER PEACH."

"I GAVE MY LOVE A RUBBER PEACH

TO BOUNCE IN HER FRUIT BASKET,

HOT.

'BOUNCE, YOU PEACH, BOUNCE.

OH, BOUNCE AND NEVER FEAR THE PORCUPINE.'"

NOW YOU TRULY KNOW BARNABY.

I CERTAINLY DO.

OH, I'M AFRAID WE HAVE TO POSTPONE FURTHER DISCUSSION

OF YOUR FANTASY. I BELIEVE THAT GENTLEMAN OVER THERE

IS YOUR FATHER'S DETECTIVE, ISN'T HE?

HERE? OH, NO.

YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT'S ERNIE PEEVEY.

DADDY'S PRIVATE EYE.

MR. ROARKE, YOU KNOW HE'S GOING TO TAKE ME BACK HOME

IF HE HAS TO PUT ME IN CHAINS,

WHICH HE WILL HAVE TO.

YOU PROMISED TO DELIVER MY FANTASY.

WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!

I'LL DISTRACT MR. PEEVEY,

BUT I THINK YOU HAD BETTER LEAVE THE HOTEL GROUNDS,

OR HE'S SURE TO FIND YOU IF YOU STAY HERE.

BUT WHERE WILL I GO?

WELL, IMPROVISE.

HIDE UNTIL YOUR FIANCÉ ARRIVES.

AND DON'T WORRY. I'LL BE IN TOUCH WITH YOU.

I'LL BE IN TOUCH WITH YOU. NOW GO, GO, GO. GO.

COME ON, IT'S GETTING HOT IN THE BUS.

WE GO IN 20 MINUTES. IT'S A DEFINITE NO-SHOW.

SHE'S NOT GOING TO SHOW UP, HUH? WE'D BETTER SHUTTLE OFF.

COME ON NOW, LOOK. HER LUGGAGE ARRIVED, DIDN'T IT?

THAT MEANS THAT LULU LAVERNE CAN'T BE FAR BEHIND.

MAYBE WE'D BETTER LOOK AROUND.

WHAT ARE YOU EYEBALLING IT FOR?

I MEAN, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE, DO YOU?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE.

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE.

YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A PICTURE OF HER.

NEITHER OF US HAVE SEEN A PICTURE OF HER.

SHE'S HERE. I MEAN, I'M HERE.

I'M HERE. HELLO.

MISS LAVERNE?

I'M RUSS McCOY.

IT'S AN HONOR, AND IT'S A PRIVILEGE.

WELL, LET'S GET MOVING.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU, NO-SHOW?

YEAH, WELL, SOMETHING'S FISHY.

I THOUGHT LULU LAVERNE WAS A REDHEAD.

A GIRL CAN CHANGE THE COLOR OF HER HAIR, CAN'T SHE? COME ON.

HEY, KIDS, I WANT YOU TO SAY HI TO THE STAR OF OUR SHOW,

MISS LULU LAVERNE!

ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH!

HOLD IT, BILLY.

HEY, GOOD FORM, BOY. GOOD FORM.

FELT PRETTY GOOD.

TIMING MAY BE A LITTLE OFF.

AH, NO, DON'T WORRY. LET'S HIT THE SHOWER, COME ON.

HEY, THAT'S... THAT'S JENNY!

JENNY?

JENNY COLLINS? YOU'RE CRAZY.

NO, I TELL YOU, THAT'S HER! JENNY!

JENNY!

BILLY!

HEY, JENNY! BILLY!

BILLY! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BILLY?

THAT WAS JENNY.

YOU'RE CRAZY. THAT WASN'T JENNY.

WHY'D SHE GO OFF LIKE THAT?

I WANT TO SEE HER, JAKE. I WANT TO TALK TO HER.

WHAT FOR? WE CAME DOWN HERE TO FIGHT,

NOT RELIVE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL ROMANCE WITH THAT LITTLE TRAMP.

JAKE, DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN.

YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE, BILLY.

YOU'VE GOT NO TIME FOR WOMEN.

NOW, THAT CUBAN IS NOT GOING TO BE A PUSHOVER.

WE CAME DOWN HERE TO FIGHT.

SO, LET'S FIGHT, HUH, BOY?

BOSS, BOSS! MISS COLLINS WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU.

OH, BY ALL MEANS. COME IN, MISS COLLINS.

COME IN. PLEASE SIT DOWN, WON'T YOU?

NO, THANK YOU.

IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?

I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO LEAVE THE ISLAND.

I CAN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE.

OH, IS THAT SO?

I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION WE HAD CONTRACTED YOUR SERVICES

TO WORK AT THE HOTEL FOR SIX MONTHS. UH, TATTOO?

THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS. SHE'S ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK.

A WEEK? WELL, THAT HARDLY PAYS

FOR THE TRANSPORTATION TO BRING YOU HERE, DOES IT?

I KNOW THAT.

LISTEN, WHATEVER IT COST, MR. ROARKE,

I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. I'LL SEND YOU THE MONEY,

JUST AS SOON AS I GET ANOTHER JOB AWAY FROM HERE.

CAN IT BE SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU LEAVE OUR ISLAND?

YES.

YOU SEE, I SAW SOMEONE TODAY THAT I USED TO KNOW.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET AWAY.

OH, THEN GET AWAY, YOU SHALL.

THE NEXT PLANE WILL BE IN TWO DAYS.

I'LL ARRANGE FOR YOUR PASSAGE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. ROARKE.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME, MISS COLLINS.

SHE SEEMED QUITE UPSET, DIDN'T SHE, TATTOO?

SHE IS, BOSS, SHE IS.

ALL WE HAVE TO HOPE FOR NOW IS THAT BILLY SAW HER, TOO.

MM-HMM.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES, I'M FINE.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU. THE ELEPHANT...

THE ELEPHANT GOT IN THE WAY OF THE BUS.

OH, YOU HURT YOURSELF?

NO, I... WELL, LET ME...

HEY, I'LL GIVE YOU ONE OF WHOOPEE'S RUBDOWNS.

NO, I'M NOT... OH, JUST RELAX.

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU GET ONE OF THESE THINGS,

YOU KNOW, IT PULLS A MUSCLE.

I'M FINE! BUT PLEASE, NO! WOULD YOU...

WOULD YOU GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, PLEASE?

I'M SORRY. I...

I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT.

I MEAN, AFTER ALL, YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THE CAST NOW, AND...

WELL, I MEAN, I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD TROUPER.

WHEN I WAS A KID, PEOPLE ALWAYS MADE FUN OF ME,

AND I...

I JUST LIKE TO HELP PEOPLE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE A KIND OF A GOOD SAMARITAN.

LOOK, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY.

I FEEL A LOT BETTER NOW.

OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHOOPEE

MAKING A PASS, MISS LAVERNE.

HE'S A GENTLEMAN, SORT OF LIKE AN UNCLE

TO THE GIRLS IN THE CHORUS.

OH, WELL, I'M NOT IN THE MARKET FOR A SUBSTITUTE UNCLE JUST NOW.

I'M SHEILA PALUMBO. WE WORK IN THE CHORUS.

HI. HI.

EXCUSE ME. MIND IF I SIT DOWN?

AH, I'D RATHER YOU DIDN'T.

THANKS.

I HEARD YOU TALKING WITH WHOOPEE AND SHEILA.

TELL ME, ARE YOU ALWAYS SUCH A MISERABLE, DOWNBEAT DAME?

MISERABLE...

IF YOU DON'T GO AWAY, I'LL TELL THE DRIVER

TO PUT YOU OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.

THE DRIVER WORKS FOR ME. I MEAN, SO DO YOU.

NOW, YOU KNOW, I LIKE THE MEMBERS OF MY COMPANY

TO HAVE RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER; SORT OF YOU KNOW,

ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY, AS CORNY AS THAT MAY SOUND.

SO, I WOULD APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU WOULD AT LEAST PRETEND

TO LIKE EVERYONE, MISS LAVERNE.

OTHERWISE, I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO PUT YOU OUT

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

YOU WOULDN'T DARE.

YOU WANT TO TRY ME?

I'M SORRY IF I WAS RUDE.

SO, YOU'LL TRY TO BE FRIENDLIER NOW FROM NOW ON, HUH?

YES, I'LL TRY TO BE FRIENDLY.

TERRIFIC. BY THE WAY, WHERE'S SHECKY?

ISN'T HE IN YOUR ACT ANYMORE?

SHECKY?

YOUR MONKEY. SHECKY THE CHIMP.

I HEARD THAT USED TO BE A BIG FINISH FOR YOUR ACT.

YEAH, THE BAND WOULD PLAY "ABA DABA HONEYMOON,"

AND THEN SHECKY WOULD TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF.

OH, THE MONKEY. OH, TO TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES.

UH, I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

UM, UH... WITH SHECKY, UM, UH...

SHECKY GOT SICK. HE, UH, HE ATE A BAD BANANA.

OH, LISTEN. I MEAN, IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

I MEAN, I BOUGHT MISS LULU LAVERNE,

THE HOTTEST AND THE WILDEST STRIPPER IN THE UNIVERSE.

YOU WANT TO DO THE ACT ALONE, THAT'S FINE,

JUST GREAT. IT'S OKAY WITH ME.

I MEAN, I THINK PERSONALLY THAT A SOLO STRIP ACT,

IT'S, UH, UH, UH, IT'S CLASSIER, YOU KNOW?

HEY LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME SHUTEYE, HUH?

AND, UH, THINK FRIENDLY, OKAY?

STRIPPER?

STRIPPER.

JENNY?

JENNY, PLEASE DON'T GO AGAIN.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE.

I HAD TO. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE

THE LAST FEW YEARS.

IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME.

WHY? WHY'D YOU KEEP RUNNING?

NEVER ANSWERED ANY OF MY LETTERS.

WHY SHOULDN'T I HAVE?

BECAUSE I THINK WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL.

I'M NOT YOUR INNOCENT HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART

THAT WENT OFF TO BE THE MOVIE STAR ANYMORE.

DIDN'T YOUR FRIENDS TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AFTER THAT?

YEAH, THEY TOLD ME.

THEY TOLD ME EVERYTHING EXCEPT WHY YOU DIDN'T COME HOME AGAIN.

HOW COULD I, AFTER WHAT I'D BECOME?

AFTER YOU'D FOUND OUT?

LISTEN, JENNY. I TOLD YOU IN MY LETTERS

THAT I LOVED YOU THEN, AND I LOVE YOU NOW.

IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE WHAT MISTAKES YOU MADE.

BILLY, IT'S TOO LATE.

HOW COULD IT BE TOO LATE?

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR TWO YEARS NOW,

AND BY ACCIDENT I FIND YOU HERE.

I CAN'T LET YOU GET AWAY AGAIN,

NOT NOW. NOT NOW, MORE THAN EVER.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU, GIRLS. THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, WHOOPEE. YOU READY?

YEAH, I'M READY! ALL RIGHT. HIT IT!

♪♪

THERE WE GO. YES, YES!

WELL, WHOOPEE, MY BOY, HERE WE ARE

IN BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN PARIS, FRANCE.

YEAH! WHERE ARE ALL THE PARIS SIGHTS?

WHERE ARE ALL THE MADEMOISELLES?

OOH, THERE'S ONE, THERE'S ONE.

HEY, GIRLIE. DO YOU PARLEZ-VOUS WHOOPEE?

WHOOPEE! WHOOPEE! WHOOPEE! HOO, HOO, HOO!

WHOOPEE, YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THAT.

NOW, I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO ATTRACT A GIRL IN PARIS,

YOU CAN'T BE CRUDE. ALL THE FRENCH GIRLS HAVE SAVOIR FAIRE.

THEY HAVE WHAT?

I SAID ALL THE FRENCH GIRLS HAVE SAVOIR FAIRE.

THAT'S OKAY. I'VE BEEN VACCINATED.

ALL RIGHT, WHOOPEE. WE KNOW THE BIT, WE KNOW THE BIT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? DON'T YOU WANT TO REHEARSE THE REST OF THE NUMBER?

YOU'VE DONE IT A THOUSAND TIMES. YOU'RE TERRIFIC. I LOVE YOU.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S CHANGE THE SET FOR LULU'S NUMBER.

WHERE IS SHE?

SHE'S STILL IN HER DRESSING ROOM, RUSS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WITH HER, MAN.

WE TALKED TO HER, AND SHE SAID SHE'S ABSOLUTELY NOT COMING OUT.

HMM. OKAY, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

WHY DON'T YOU RUN THE CHORUS NUMBER WITH THE PIANO?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OKAY

♪♪

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BARNABY ISN'T HERE YET, MR. ROARKE?

WELL, I'M NOT CONCERNED, MISS BANNING.

I'M SURE YOUR FIANCÉ WILL ARRIVE ON THE NEXT PLANE.

BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHAT DO I DO IN THE MEANTIME?

THEY WANT ME TO GO OUT ON THAT STAGE AND STRIP ALL MY CLOTHES OFF!

GO AWAY!

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

NO, NOT YOU. I... I HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.

HOW DARE YOU BUST INTO MY DRESSING ROOM.

GET OUT OF HERE!

HERE'S YOUR COSTUME.

GET INTO IT AND HAUL YOUR FEATHERS OUT ON THAT STAGE.

I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT!

LADY, THERE ARE A BUNCH OF HARDWORKING PROFESSIONAL PERFORMERS COUNTING ON

THIS BACKER'S AUDITION TO BE A SUCCESS,

SO THEY'LL HAVE JOBS AND INCOME,

AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANY TWO-BIT PRIMA DONNA STRIPPER

LOUSE UP THE DEAL BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE A SPOILED BRAT.

NOW, YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO GET YOURSELF INTO THAT COSTUME.

IF YOU DON'T, I'LL PUT YOU IN IT MYSELF.

I KNOW KARATE.

AH!

YOU HAVE FOUR MINUTES AND 30 SECONDS.

LULU, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON YOUR FEET!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RUSS? OH, YOU POOR DARLING.

THE DOCTOR TOLD HER TO REST AND GET LOTS OF FRUIT JUICES

UNTIL THE FEVER BREAKS.

WHAT FEVER? WE'D BETTER START THE COMPRESSES RIGHT AWAY.

WELL, UH, WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME SHE WASN'T FEELING GOOD?

LISTEN, YOU TAKE IT EASY UNTIL YOU'RE OKAY.

I'M SORRY I LEANED ON YOU!

YEAH, IT WORKED, MISS BANNING!

MISS WHO?

UH, YOU CAN STOP THE PERFORMANCE.

I GOT THE AFTERNOON PAPER. SEE?

WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU.

OH. UM...

HOW MUCH DO YOU LADIES WANT TO KEEP QUIET ABOUT THIS?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A SOCK IN THE BAZOO?

WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR MONEY.

THEN WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME?

HEY, WE'RE ALL GIRLS, AREN'T WE?

BESIDES, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A SUCKER FOR A HAPPY ENDING.

YES.

YOU MEAN YOU WON'T TELL MY FATHER WHERE I'M HIDING?

NOPE. NOPE,

BETTY AND ME BOUGHT UP ALL THE PAPERS AT THE NEWSSTAND

AND DUMPED THEM INTO THE ALLEY.

NOBODY ELSE IS GOING TO KNOW,

UNLESS WE TELL THEM, WHICH WE WON'T.

OH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

WELL, HOW ABOUT THANK YOU?

YES, OF COURSE. OH, THANK YOU.

UH, BUT WHAT DO I DO NOW?

WELL, IF YOU'RE GOING TO STAY HERE,

YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO KEEP ON BEING LULU LAVERNE.

IN OTHER WORDS, MISS BANNING,

WITH OUR HELP,

WE'RE GOING TO TEACH YOU

HOW TO BE A STRIPPER!

OH.

ATTA BOY! ATTA BOY, BILLY!

STAKE HIM WITH THAT LEFT.

STAKE HIM! STAKE HIM WITH THAT LEFT!

STAKE!

OKAY, YEAH.

KEEP MOVING TO YOUR RIGHT, BILLY.

YEAH.

BOB AND WEAVE. WATCH HIS RIGHT.

HEY, WATCH IT!

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY.

HOW DO YOU EXPECT BILLY TO CONCENTRATE WITH YOU AROUND?

I WISH WE COULD BE FRIENDS.

YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING BUT TROUBLE FOR BILLY.

THAT WAS IN THE PAST.

WE LOVE EACH OTHER.

OH, NOW YOU'VE GOT ME ALL CHOKED UP.

YOU'RE FORGETTING THAT I WAS THERE

THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "OH, I LOVE YOU, BILLY."

AND THEN YOU LEFT HIM.

HE SPENT EVERY NICKEL HE HAD TRYING TO FIND YOU.

KEEP YOUR HANDS UP, BILLY! HIGHER!

ATTA BOY!

YOU LOVE HIM, TOO, DON'T YOU?

HUH, MAYBE I DO.

THE ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE,

HE'S GOING TO GET A CHANCE

AT A DREAM HE'S HAD ALL HIS LIFE

TO BE AN OLYMPIC CHAMPION.

HE'S GOING TO HAVE THAT CHANCE TOMORROW,

RIGHT HERE ON FANTASY ISLAND,

AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO LOUSE THAT UP.

THE OLYMPICS? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HE, UH, HE DIDN'T TELL YOU?

TELL ME WHAT?

MAYBE YOU'D BETTER ASK BILLY.

I'M ASKING YOU, JAKE.

YOU SAY I'M MESSING UP BILLY'S LIFE.

NOW, WHAT'S HE DOING FIGHTING FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP TOMORROW?

WELL, BECAUSE HE PROBABLY WON'T LIVE TO THE NEXT OLYMPICS.

BILLY'S DYING?

DON'T GIVE ME THE TEARS.

THOSE OF US WHO HUNG AROUND

HAVE HAD TO LIVE WITH IT FOR A LONG TIME.

THERE'S NOTHING THEY CAN DO?

WELL, THEY SAY IF HE NEVER FOUGHT AGAIN,

HE MIGHT HAVE A FEW YEARS.

THE POINT IS, HE IS FIGHTING...

AND THE ODDS ARE,

IF JUAN ENRICO LANDS A COUPLE OF GOOD HEAD BLOWS,

BILLY WILL DIE TOMORROW NIGHT.

BUT HE WILL HAVE HAD HIS FANTASY.

HE WILL HAVE FOUGHT THE FIGHT THAT HE'S DREAMED ABOUT

FOR HIS WHOLE LIFE.

WELL, HOW'D IT LOOK?

WHAT'S THE MATTER, JENNY?

JENNY?

JENNY!

FORGET HER, BILLY.

SHE'S NO GOOD FOR YOU.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?

HUH?

YOU TOLD HER, DIDN'T YOU?

LOOK, BILLY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO. IT, IT... WELL, IT SORT OF...

STEP, HIP, STEP AND HIP.

ALL IN THE HIP, SWEETIE.

NOW, SEE HOW SHE MOVES?

IT'S NOT A WALK.

IT'S KIND OF A STRUT.

YEAH.

SHOW YOU'RE PROUD TO BE A WOMAN.

HIT IT, PROFESSOR!

YEAH! WOO! YEAH! COME ON!

YEAH! YEAH!

STEP, HIP. STEP, HIP. STEP, HIP.

STEP, HIP. STRUT, STRUT, STRUT, STRUT, STRUT AND CATCH.

HIP, YEAH. HIP, HIP, HIP AND HIP, HIP, HIP.

AH, YEAH.

YOU READY? NOW, LISTEN TO THE MUSIC.

STEP, HIP. STEP, HIP.

STEP, HIP. THERE YOU GO!

AND HIP, HIP, HIP, HIP, HIP.

WOO! YEAH, THAT'S IT! GO ON, GO ON!

STEP, HIP. STEP, HIP. STEP, HIP, STEP, HIP.

GO ON! YEAH! YEAH!

STEP, HIP. STEP, HIP. STEP, HIP. YEAH!

ENJOY IT. YEAH.

AMAZING, ISN'T IT, TATTOO?

WHAT, BOSS?

WELL, HOW A YOUNG LADY OF GENTEEL UPBRINGING

LIKE MAUREEN BANNING CAN ADAPT SO READILY

TO THE BURLESQUE QUEEN'S ART.

RIGHT, BOSS.

THAT'S IT! YOU GOT IT!

YOU GOT IT!

I LOVE IT!

COME, TATTOO.

TATTOO!

MR. ROARKE, I WAS HOPING YOU'D DROP BY.

WELL, IS SOMETHING WRONG?

WELL, YOU KNOW MY FANTASY

IS TO BRING MY LITTLE BURLESQUE TROUPE

IN THE BIG TIME. I MEAN, NOTHING RAUNCHY,

A CLASSY LITTLE SHOW THAT CAN PLAY ANYWHERE.

YES, I KNOW.

WELL, SO FAR IT LOOKS LIKE I'M GETTING EXACTLY NO PLACE.

OH, I AM SO SORRY, MR. McCOY.

DOES THAT MEAN THE POTENTIAL BACKERS YOU'VE CONTACTED

ARE NOT INTERESTED?

THEY COULDN'T CARE LESS.

EVERY ONE OF THEM SAYS THE SAME THING:

BURLESQUE IS YESTERDAY'S NEWS.

YOU KNOW, UNLESS I CAN COME UP

WITH SOME SORT OF A PROMOTIONAL GIMMICK

THAT WILL MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A FRONT PAGE TODAY ENTERTAINMENT,

I'M SUNK.

I GUESS I'D BETTER SCRATCH ONE FANTASY.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. LET'S HOPE

YOUR PESSIMISM IS PREMATURE.

UH, PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE THE PAPER.

FOR SOME REASON, THEY SEEM TO HAVE VANISHED

FROM THIS PART OF THE ISLAND.

COME ALONG, TATTOO.

WELL, HELLO, LULU!

FRONT PAGE TODAY GIMMICK.

LOOK, THIS IS RUSS McCOY.

GET ME ACE JASON, PUBLIC RELATIONS.

THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

ACE! RUSS. LISTEN,

I THINK I'VE COME UP WITH AN IDEA, AN ANGLE,

TO MAKE MY LITTLE GIRLIE SHOW THE HOTTEST TICKET IN TOWN.

NOW, LOOK. AFTER I READ THE STORY, I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.

I WANT YOU TO GET ME M.V. BANNING'S PHONE NUMBER.

RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.

THAT'S THE MILLIONAIRE WITH THE MISSING DAUGHTER, RIGHT.

THERE YOU GO!

YEAH. YES, THAT'S IT!

JENNY!

JENNY?

JENNY?

UH, I DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU'D BE HERE,

BUT I WAS GOING TO WAIT.

WELL, THEN I GUESS I STAYED JUST IN TIME.

I'M GLAD. I WOULDN'T WANT TO INTERFERE WITH YOUR TRAINING.

JENNY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT, ARE YOU PACKING?

I'M LEAVING ON THE PLANE TOMORROW.

BEFORE THE FIGHT?

I WAS ALWAYS LOUSY AT WAKES.

I'M SORRY, JENNY. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU.

GET OUT OF HERE, BILLY.

HEY, JENNY. PLEASE.

PLEASE. I LOVE YOU.

DON'T EVER SAY THAT!

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY, BILLY?

I DIDN'T THINK THAT I COULD BE HURT ANYMORE.

I MEAN, I'VE HAD EXPERTS TAKE THEIR BEST SHOTS AT ME,

BUT I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, BILLY,

YOU'RE THE BEST. YOU'RE THE CHAMP!

IT TOOK YOU TO TURN ME INSIDE-OUT.

JENNY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE.

YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME,

AND I BELIEVED YOU. FOR ONE WONDERFUL DAY,

YOU CONVINCED ME MY LIFE HAD SOME PURPOSE.

BUT IT DOES.

DOES IT? THEN WHY ARE YOU THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY?

OH, WAIT A MINUTE. JENNY, EVER SINCE I WAS 8 YEARS OLD,

I WANTED THIS FIGHT.

WHAT, DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GIVE IT UP NOW?

I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO GIVE UP ANYTHING.

I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR FIGHT AND WIN IT, BILLY.

I HOPE YOU WIN IT BIG!

YOU'VE GOT TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.

THAT'S WHAT THIS WORLD IS ALL ABOUT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, BILLY?

SEDUCE YOU?

THAT'S HOW I MADE MY LIVING MOST OF THE TIME.

AND I WAS GOOD AT IT. I WAS REAL GOOD!

BUT WE WOULDN'T WANT TO BREAK TRAINING, WOULD WE?

UM, JUST A MINUTE.

RUSS, IS THAT YOU?

DADDY!

HOW DID YOU FIND ME?

IT WASN'T HARD.

YOU'RE ALL OVER THE NEWSPAPERS AND LOCAL TELEVISION.

IT SEEMS THE WORLD'S VERY INTERESTED IN THE PROSPECT

OF SEEING A MILLIONAIRE'S DAUGHTER DOING A STRIPTEASE IN PUBLIC.

THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNEW WERE SHEILA AND BETTY,

AND THEY SAID THEY'D NE...

I GUESS THEY DID.

YOU DON'T PROPOSE TO GO THROUGH

WITH THIS EXHIBITION NOW, DO YOU?

IT'S MY LIFE, ISN'T IT?

AND THE PRICE OF LEADING IT IS THE LOSS OF YOUR MONEY.

WELL, I FORFEIT THAT WHEN I MARRY BARNABY ANYWAY, DON'T I?

NO. YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF SPUNK,

AND I ADMIRE YOU FOR IT,

BUT DON'T WASTE IT ON GARBAGE.

COME ON HOME. LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS SENSIBLY.

I AM GOING TO MARRY BARNABY,

AND UNLESS I HAVE YOUR GOOD WISHES,

I'M GOING TO GO OUT THERE ON THAT STAGE

AND GIVE THEM A VISION OF M.V. BANNING'S DAUGHTER

THEY'LL NEVER FORGET.

YOU'RE BLUFFING.

TRY ME.

DON'T YOU DEFY ME, YOUNG LADY.

YOU'RE NOT SO OLD, I CAN'T TAKE YOU

OVER MY KNEE AND SPANK YOU IF I HAVE TO.

YES, I AM.

GET HER CLOTHES, PETEY. WE'RE LEAVING.

NO, YOU DON'T, YOU SNITCH!

HEY! NOBODY TOUCHES MY STAR.

NOW, YOU AND YOUR STOOGE CAN LEAVE, MR. BANNING.

QUIET OR NOT SO QUIET, YOU MAKE THE PICK!

WHAT GOES WITH YOU, McCOY?

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME WHERE MAUREEN WAS!

LOOK, I DON'T PLAN TO REWARD A MAN

WHO GIVES ME A HARD TIME.

WE'RE NOT LEAVING! WE'LL BE IN THE AUDIENCE.

COME ON, PETEY.

YOU TOLD MY FATHER WHERE TO FIND ME?

I HAD TO DO SOMETHING TO GET UP SOME INTEREST IN THE SHOW.

ALL THE KIDS IN THE COMPANY NEEDED A HIT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LET THEM DOWN.

I HATED MYSELF FOR DOING IT, MAUREEN.

YOU PROBABLY HATE ME, TOO.

IF YOU DO DECIDE YOU WANT TO STAY,

THIS IS FOR YOU.

WHAT IS IT?

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY

IT'S THE LAST THREE GRAND I HAD IN THE WORLD.

I HAD IT MADE FOR YOU, AS SOON AS I GOT YOUR MEASUREMENTS.

LOOK, YOUR LIFE IS YOUR OWN.

NOBODY CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU.

IF YOU WANT TO CUT OUT RIGHT NOW,

AND YOU GO FIND THAT GUY THAT YOU HUNG UP ON,

IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

I WON'T TRY TO STOP YOU, AND NEITHER WILL ANYONE ELSE,

I PROMISE YOU THAT MUCH.

LIKE I SAID, YOU'RE OKAY.

OH.

AH, MISS BANNING. YOU MUST HAVE BUTTERFLIES

IN YOUR STOMACH ON OPENING NIGHT, HUH?

OH, MR. ROARKE. MY FATHER IS HERE,

AND EVERYBODY KNOWS WHO I AM.

RUSS TOLD THEM!

OH, REALLY? WELL, I AM SORRY

TO ADD TO YOUR DISTRESS, BUT IT SEEMS

YOUR FRIEND BARNABY JEFFERS FINALLY ARRIVED.

OH, NO. OH, YES.

HE'S SITTING OUT THERE IN THE AUDIENCE,

WAITING FOR YOUR PERFORMANCE.

RIGHT THERE, NEXT TO TATTOO.

WELL, IT APPEARS ALL YOUR CHOICES

ARE BEFORE YOU NOW, AREN'T THEY?

WHAT CHOICES?

WELL, YOU MAY RENOUNCE YOUR INHERITANCE

AND CLAIM BARNABY, OR YOU MAY GO HOME WITH YOUR FATHER

AND FORGET YOUR POET,

OR...

OR WHAT?

YOU ARE A CLEVER AND INTELLIGENT WOMAN, MISS BANNING.

IF THERE IS ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE,

I'M SURE YOU'LL THINK OF IT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I HOPE YOU'LL ALL STICK AROUND FOR THE PERFORMANCE

AFTER YOU HEAR WHAT I'VE GOT TO SAY.

I KNOW MOST OF YOU CAME HERE TONIGHT, EXPECTING TO SEE

MAUREEN BANNING, THE MILLIONAIRE HEIRESS, DO A STRIPTEASE.

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO GET!

HIT IT, PROFESSOR! WHAT?

♪♪

WAIT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

WHY?

WELL, LET'S JUST SAY I OWE YOU ONE.

AND THEM, TOO.

WELL... OKAY THEN.

AND NOW, DIRECT FROM THE FRONT PAGE TO THIS STAGE,

THE ALLURING, THE DIVINE, THE LOVELY

MISS MAUREEN "BOOM BOOM" BANNING!

"BOOM BOOM"?

NOW HIT IT, PROFESSOR!

♪♪

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE APPLAUDING ABOUT.

SHE DIDN'T TAKE NOTHING OFF!

BECAUSE THE WAY SHE AIN'T TAKING NOTHING OFF

IS SO ALLURING AND IN SUCH GOOD TASTE.

IN OTHER WORDS...

IN OTHER WORDS, I GOT ME A CLASS ACT,

AND YOU DID IT, MR. ROARKE. YOU DID IT!

WAY TO GO, BOOM BOOM! BABY, DON'T TAKE A THING OFF!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ANYWAY?

I'M ALL RIGHT.

OH, YOU RECKON THAT CUBAN WILL FLATTEN YOU

WITH ONE GOOD HARD LOOK. HOW DO YOU FEEL?

GREAT. I'LL TEAR HIM APART.

THAT'S THE WAY TO TALK. LET'S GO, BOY. LET'S GO.

JENNY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON THE PLANE.

I CHANGED MY MIND.

I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW LONG A LIFETIME IS,

WHETHER IT'S A FEW HOURS OR THREE YEARS,

JUST AS LONG AS YOU'RE WITH THE PERSON THAT YOU LOVE.

AND I LOVE YOU.

WELL, GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT, CHAMP.

TO THE SIDE OF THE RING FOR INSTRUCTIONS, FELLOWS.

THIS IS AN UNOFFICIAL TITLE BOUT

FOR THE OLYMPIC CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD.

NOW, FELLOWS, YOU KNOW THE RULES.

I WANT A GOOD, CLEAN MATCH, OKAY?

I WANT YOU TO SHAKE HANDS, GO TO YOUR CORNER

AND WHEN YOU HEAR THE BELL, COME OUT FIGHTING. OKAY?

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING ON?

THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED ALL YOUR LIFE, BOY!

IT'S TIME TO FIGHT!

YOU'RE THE CHAMP, ENRICO.

LET'S GIVE IT A TRY FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS.

DON'T TELL ME SHE'S GIVING UP.

SHE'S GOING BACK TO HER FATHER.

OH, NO, NO, MY FRIEND.

MISS BANNING HAS COME ALONG TO SAY GOODBYE TO HER FATHER

AND TO HER FORMER LIGHT OF LOVE,

SUEDE LIPS.

JUST PUT OUR LUGGAGE ON THE PLANE, BARNABY.

YES, MR. BANNING. GOODBYE, MAUREEN.

GOODBYE, BARNABY.

OH, BARNABY SEEMS QUITE PLEASED WITH HIS NEW JOB, MR. BANNING.

YES, I THINK HE'LL TURN OUT TO BE A PRETTY FAIR

JINGLE WRITER FOR MY SOAP COMPANY.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, MISS BANNING?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW YET, BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE

A LOT OF HELP WORKING IT OUT.

I'M GOING TO BE PART OF A TEAM!

BUT NOT ON STAGE.

YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT A FEELING THAT,

IF ANYBODY CAN SHAPE UP MY DAUGHTER AND MAKE HER HAPPY,

IT'S THIS YOUNG MAN.

YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER, McCOY.

WHEN YOU WANT TO BRING THAT SHOW OF YOURS INTO BROADWAY,

I'M YOUR ANGEL.

GOODBYE. BYE, DARLING.

BYE, DADDY.

GOODBYE, MR. ROARKE.

GOODBYE, BILLY.

GOODBYE, TATTOO. GOODBYE.

OH, AND THANK YOU BOTH FOR BEING IN MY CORNER.

YOU GAVE UP ONE FANTASY,

BUT PERHAPS YOU GAINED A BETTER ONE.

WELL, I KNOW NOW THERE'S MORE IN LIFE

THAN FAME AND MEDALS AND MONEY.

THERE'S CARING, AND THERE'S LOVING.

BUT TO DO EITHER OF THOSE, I'VE GOT TO LIVE FIRST.

OH, GREAT ADVANCES CAN BE MADE IN MEDICINE

IN THREE OR FOUR YEARS.

THANK YOU, TATTOO, MR. ROARKE.

THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME UNDERSTAND.

BYE, BILLY. THANKS.

BOSS, I WAS JUST THINKING,

WHAT A MATCH WE MISSED.

AH, BUT WHAT A MATCH WE MADE.