Original subtitles

THE PLANE! THE PLANE!

- GOOD MORNING, BOSS. - GOOD MORNING, TATTOO.

WELL, YOU SEEM RATHER LIGHT ON YOUR FEET THIS MORNING.

I KNEW IT, IT SHOWS ALRIGHT.

OH, IT DOES INDEED... WHATEVER "IT" IS.

I'M TAKING DANCE LESSONS.

DANCE LESSONS...

BY MAIL! IT'S FANTASTIC! THEY SAID THAT IN 10

LESSONS, I WILL BECOME JUST LIKE FRED ASTAIRE.

REALLY?

LOOK AT THIS, BOSS.

MHMMM...

RECOGNIZE IT?

THE HULA.

RIGHT!

WATCH MY HANDS, THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO TELL A STORY.

I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOUR HANDS AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY JUST TOLD ME?

WHAT?

THAT WE ARE GOING TO MISS OUR INCOMING GUESTS, UNLESS WE LEAVE HERE RIGHT NOW.

SMILES EVERYONE! SMILES!

MR. BRIAN KEHOE, ALL THE WAY FROM TEXARKANA, TEXAS.

MR. KEHOE IS A RODEO CLOWN.

BUT FOR THIS WEEKEND, HE WANTS TO BE A STAR OF THE RODEO

WITH ALL THE TRAPPINGS THAT GO WITH IT.

I KNOW WHY HE WANTS TO BE A STAR.

WHY?

BECAUSE THEY GET THE GIRLS.

MR. KEHOE WANTS TO IMPRESS SOMEONE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THEN THAT, TATTOO.

HE WANTS DESPERATELY TO IMPRESS HIS 11 YEAR OLD BOY, TOMMY.

YOU MEAN, HIS SON DOES NOT KNOW THAT HE IS A RODEO CLOWN?

I'M AFRAID NOT. YOU SEE, FATHER AND SON HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER IN 9 YEARS.

AFTER MR. AND MRS. KEHOE WERE DIVORCED, MRS.

KEHOE KEPT HIM FROM FROM EVER VISITING THE BOY.

HMM, THAT'S SAD.

YES, IT IS. BUT TOMMY KEPT IN TOUCH WITH HIS FATHER

BY USING AN OLD FRIEND OF MR. KEHOE'S AS A GO BETWEEN FOR THE LETTERS.

UNFORTUNATELY, MR. KEHOE WANTED TOMMY TO BE PROUD OF HIM,

SO HE TOLD MANY UNTRUTHS IN HIS LETTERS.

UNTRUE, YOU MEAN LIKE IF HE WAS LIKE A RODEO STAR?

AND NOW HE WANTS YOU TO MAKE IT COME TRUE?

BOSS, IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER?

SHE'S DRESSED LIKE SHE JUST ARRIVED FROM THE NORTH POLE.

THAT IS NADINE WINSLOW AND HER HUSBAND HARVEY.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE GOOD WOMAN LIVES IN A PERPETUAL STATE OF INFLUENZA.

ALSO, GOUT, HEARTBURN, SHOOTING PAINS,

ALLERGIES AND AN INCREDIBLE ARRAY OF SYMPTOMS

WHICH HAVE DEFIED DIAGNOSIS AT SOME OF THE FINEST MEDICAL FACILITIES IN THE WORLD.

YOU MEAN, SHE'S A HYPOCHONDRIAC?

YES, BUT SHE SINCERELY BELIEVES HER ALIMENTS ARE REAL,

SO FOR YEARS SHE'S LIVED A LIFE OF NOBLE SELF PAIN.

THAT MUST BE A BUMMER FOR HER AND HER HUSBAND.

PRECISELY WHY HER FANTASY IS TO FIND A CURE FOR HER MANY ILLNESSES

AND THUS BRING HER MISERY TO AN END.

BUT BOSS, HOW CAN WE FIND A CURE, IF SHE ONLY THINKS SHE IS SICK?

MY DEAR GUESTS! I AM MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST...

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND!

THE BOYS MOTHER DIED, THEY AH, WELL THEY SENT TOMMY TO LIVE WITH HIS AUNT.

POOR LADY HAD TO LISTEN TO 2 MONTHS OF THAT BOY, PLEADING JUST TO SEE ME.

WHEN I LEARNED SHE FINALLY GAVE IN I, I KIND OF FELT LIKE

THE STEER NEXT IN LINE AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE.

I MEAN ONCE WE MET, THAT WOULDN'T TAKE THAT BOY LONG

TO FIGURE OUT THAT I'VE BEEN LYING TO HIM ALL

THIS TIME ABOUT MY BEING AH... A BIG HOT DOG.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WE WILL CERTAINLY DO OUR BEST

TO SEE THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY.

SHALL WE GO IN MR. KEHOE?

YEAH.

WOW! WOO, HEY, AIN'T THIS SOMETHING!

IS EVERYTHING TO YOUR SATISFACTION, MR. KEHOE?

ARE YOU KIDDIN? I AH, I NEVER UH, I'VE NEVER

SEEN A PLACE LIKE THIS. MUCH LESS, STAY IN ONE.

OH, I'M VERY PLEASED.

OH BY THE WAY, CALL ME BARRELS, EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.

OH MR. KEHOE! ON FANTASY ISLAND, YOU ARE A MAN OF CONSIDERABLE STATURE.

YOU WILL NOTICE THE CHAMPIONSHIP EMBLEMS AND TROPHIES ARE ENGRAVED WITH YOUR NAME.

OH, NO ONE WILL BE CALLING YOU BARRELS HERE. NO.

WHAT ABOUT MY BOY, WHEN'S HE GET HERE?

TOMMY'S ALREADY ON THE ISLAND AND VERY ANXIOUS TO MEET YOU.

HE IS, HUH?

YES, I'LL TAKE YOU TO SEE HIM IN AN HOUR AND MEANWHILE, IN THE CLOSET,

YOU WILL FIND A WARDROBE BEFITTING A RODEO STAR.

- OH YEAH? - OH YES.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, AH...

IF THAT WOMEN HADN'T HAVE BEEN SO HATEFUL,

GOD REST HER, UM, NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD TO WRITE ANY OF THEM LIES.

YES, I WILL SEE YOU IN AN HOUR. WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?

GESUNDHEIT, MRS. WINSLOW.

THANK YOU, OH, I HOPE MY FANTASY COMES TRUE.

I HARDLY HAVE THE STRENGTH TO GO ON ANYMORE.

MR. ROARKE...

YES.

MRS. WINSLOW...

GESUNDHEIT.

I'M VAN HELSING AND I'VE JUST COMPLETED MY PRELIMINARY

EXAMINATION OF YOUR CASE HISTORY.

YES, AND?

AND I FIND IT QUITE INTERESTING... SIT DOWN PLEASE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY WHAT ALL THE OTHER SO CALLED EXPERTS HAVE SAID.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

I SUFFER, SUFFER, SUFFER AND NOBODY CAN FIND ANYTHING WRONG OH...

WILL YOU CROSS YOUR LEGS, PLEASE?

NOW TELL ME PLEASE IF THIS FEELS LIKE A SHARP PAIN OR A DULL THUMP.

SHARP PAIN.

DULL THUMP.

SHARP THUMP.

NO, NO, NO, NO, THUMPING SHARPNESS.

OH...

WHAT IS IT? YOU FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME, CAN YOU?

ON THE CONTRARY DEAR LADY, THIS NEARLY CONFIRMS MY PREVIOUS DIAGNOSIS.

I'M AFRAID I FIND A GREAT DEAL WRONG.

IN FACT, I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T HAVE LONG TO LIVE.

WHAT?

DR. VAN HELSING, SURELY THERE IS A GROSS ERROR.

DO YOU THINK THAT I WOULD BE MISTAKEN IN A MATTER AS SERIOUS AS THIS?

IF SHE TAKES CARE OF HERSELF, PROPER DIET, REST AND SO FORTH,

MRS. WINSLOW HAS PERHAPS AS MUCH AS FIVE OR SIX WEEKS.

MY POOR DEAR LADY, ALL THOSE YEARS OF AGONY AND YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG.

YES! I SAID I WAS SICK AND THIS IS THE PROOF! I'M GOING TO DIE!

YOU CAN'T GET SICKER THAN THAT.

OH, I GOT TO THINK.

EXCUSE ME!

WELL?

YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT!

I THINK SO TOO! YOU KNOW IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY FANTASY TO PLAY DOCTOR

AND TO BE ABLE TO INFORM A PATIENT OF A FATAL

ILLNESS. THAT WAS THE ICING ON THE CAKE!

YOU WILL, OF COURSE, INFORM THE POOR LADY

THAT THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH HER.

OH, OF COURSE! OF COURSE. BUT UM, I THINK FOR THE MOMENT

WE SHOULD LET HER LUXURIATE IN HER SORROW.

AND NOW I BELIEVE YOU HAVE OTHER PATIENTS DUE TO ARRIVE, DR.

OH YES, A WHOLE CHORUS LINE WITH CHEST COLDS.

I SURE FEEL LIKE A GUSSIED UP ROOSTER.

IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD TRY TO RELAX A LITTLE, MR. KEHOE.

THE FATHER YOUR SON IS EXPECTING, THE KING OF THE RODEO.

I WOULDN'T BE NERVOUS. AND THERE HE IS.

HE'S A MUCH FINER LOOKING LAD THEN IN THE PICTURES MY SIDEKICK SENT ME.

INDEED HE IS. WELL...

WELL, AREN'T YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE US OR SOMETHING?

OH, I DON'T THINK THAT'S NECESSARY. DO YOU?

TOMMY?

DAD!

HOW ARE YOU BOY?

GOOD TO SEE YOU, DAD?

GOD, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, BOY.

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS A LONG TIME.

KEVIN, THIS IS MY DAD I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT.

HE'S THE BEST BRONC RIDIN, BULL DOGGIN, BULL RIDING COWBOY EVER.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, SIR.

WELL, NICE MEETING YOU, KEVIN.

I PROMISED KEVIN, YOU'D TELL US ABOUT THAT TIME IN DALLAS

WHEN YOU WON ALL FOUR EVENTS.

WELL, NOW MAYBE KEVIN DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HEARING ABOUT THAT RODEO AND STUFF.

HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE!

THAT'S CASEY WEST.

I HIT THE GROUND, SLID ACROSS IT LIKE A SLATE ROCK ACROSS THE SWAMP.

NEXT TO MY DAD, HE'S JUST ABOUT THE MOST FAMOUS RODEO RIDER IN THE WORLD!

HEY BOYS, LET'S JUST TAKE A LITTLE WALK AROUND THE HOUSE HERE.

BRIAN! I WAS HOPING I'D GET TO SEE YOU.

HOW YOU DOING?

JUST A... JUST FINE.

I'M JUST DOING FINE. NICE TO SEE YOU BOYS.

WELL NOW, WHICH ONE OF THESE YOUNG BRONCOS IS THE ONE YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT?

OH WELL, THIS IS MY SON. MY SON TOMMY!

AND THIS IS HIS FRIEND KEVIN.

- HI, TOMMY. - HOWDY.

KEVIN, HOW YOU DOING?

IT'S A REAL HONOR TO MEET YOU, SIR.

WELL, VERY NICE COMPLIMENT FROM A BOY WHO'S FATHER IS AS FAMOUS AS HE IS.

SAY, I WANNA THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME TO COMPETE, BRIAN.

I MEAN IT'S A PRIVILEGE. BELIEVE ME, IT'S A REAL PRIVILEGE.

MR. KEHOE, IT'S A REAL HONOR TO RIDE AGAINST A MAN LIKE YOU.

ME TOO, MR. KEHOE.

IT SHOULD BE A LOT OF FUN.

- COME ON! - ALRIGHT, I'M COMING.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, OKAY.

AH... AH, FELLAS... JUST A MIN...

HEY LOOK, YOU BOYS WHY DON'T YOU GO ON OVER THERE ME A MINUTE.

I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YA.

MR ROARKE...

HEY A... WHAT'S GOING ON? I MEAN, THOSE

BOYS ARE SOME OF THE BIGGEST NAMES IN RODEO.

WHAT IN BLAZES ARE THEY THANKING ME FOR?

FOR INVITING THEM TO COMPETE IN THE BRIAN KEHOE INVITATIONAL.

WELL IT SEEMED ONLY PROPER THAT ONE OF THE ALL TIME GREATS WOULD PUT ON HIS OWN RODEO

AND INVITE ONLY THE BEST TO COMPETE AGAINST HIM.

COMPETE AGAINST ME? I...

LOOK MR. ROARKE, I USED TO BE A FAIR BRONC RIDER ABOUT A DOZEN YEARS BACK OR SO,

BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT ALL BUSTED UP.

THAT'S WHY I TURNED TO CLOWNING. IT WAS ALL I WAS GOOD FOR, YOU KNOW.

THERE'S JUST NO WAY IN THE WORLD I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO COMPETE AGAINST THOSE GUYS.

HAVE FAITH, MR. KEHOE.

YEAH.

ENJOY YOURSELF UNTIL THE RODEO. AND GET TO KNOW YOUR SON.

I INTEND TO DO THAT.

WHOA, HEY.

HEY "T", LOOK AT THAT.

NEATEST LOOKING WATERFALL I EVER SAW.

COME ON, PAL.

SET, 18... 12... HIKE!

NOW!

HEY, THAT A BOY! COME ON, BRING IT IN FOR A TOUCHDOWN.

OH!

I GOT YA THAT TIME, TIGER.

OH, DAD.

HARVEY, HARVEY, HARVEY.

HARVEY, 15 YEARS IT'S BEEN JUST YOU AND ME.

PRETTY SOON IT'S GONNA BE JUST YOU AND YOU.

I AM SO SORRY I WAS DELAYED.

MRS. WINSLOW, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE ALONE IN YOUR TIME OF TRIBULATION.

BUT BOSS, SHE WAS NOT ALONE, I WAS RIGHT HERE...

FIXING MANY OF MY FAMOUS COCONUT BOOM-BOOM.

I CAN TELL YOU'VE REGAINED YOUR COMPOSURE

SINCE DR. VAN HELSING GAVE YOU THE TERRIBLE NEWS.

YOU MUST BE A VERY, VERY STRONG WOMAN.

ME? YES, I MUST BE STRONG, ALRIGHT.

BUT I'M ALSO PRETTY SELFISH.

- NO, I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT. - YES...

- SELFISH... - NO.

WHEN THE DR. TOLD ME I WAS THROUGH, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT MY HUSBAND.

I MEAN, WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO POOR HARVEY WHEN I'M...?

HE'S SUCH A SWEET, INNOCENT, ADORABLE MAN.

SOME GOLD DIGGER IS GONNA SINK HER CLAWS INTO HIM

LIKE A HAWK NAILS A TURTLE.

TRUE, LOSING YOU WILL CREATE A LARGE VOID IN HIS LIFE.

IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT HE WILL BE VULNERABLE AND PERHAPS UNWISE.

YOU KNOW IT, CHARLIE.

HE'LL PROBABLY WIND UP GIVING AWAY OUR EXPORT-IMPORT BUSINESS TO SOME FLOOZY.

TATTOO, HIT ME AGAIN.

OUI MADAME, VOILA.

WELL UH, THERE IS A WAY TO PROTECT HARVEY.

REALLY?

TELL ME PLEASE, I'M DESPERATE.

WELL, I'M SURE YOU KNOW THAT HISTORICALLY THE CROWN HEADS OF THE OLD WORLD

HAND PICKED THEIR SUCCESSORS

TO INSURE THE CONTINUITY OF THEIR POLICIES

AND THE SAFETY OF THEIR KINGDOMS.

PERHAPS A WOMAN OF YOUR COURAGE, COULD DO THE SAME.

YOU MEAN, I CAN PICK HARVEY'S

NEXT WIFE... BEFORE I CHECK OUT?

HOW?

WELL, PERHAPS TATTOO AND I CAN HELP IN THAT RESPECT.

YOU SEE, TONIGHT IN THE GAME ROOM AFTER BINGO,

THERE WILL BE A VERY SPECIAL EVENT CREATED JUST FOR MRS. WINSLOW. AND HER HUSBAND.

THERE WILL?

UH, MRS. WINSLOW...

BEAT YOU AGAIN. HA-HA.

YOU'RE GETTIN TO GOOD FOR ME, YOU KNOW THAT.

BOY, THIS IS THE BEST DAY I'VE EVER HAD IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

I KINDA HAD FUN MYSELF.

I WISH MOM WAS ALIVE.

SHE'D SEE HOW WRONG SHE WAS FOR KEEPING US APART.

HEY, NONE OF THAT NOW.

YOUR MOM DID WHAT SHE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT.

YES, SIR.

COME ON, IT'S YOUR MOVE.

- DAD? - UM HUH?

I CAN STAY WITH YOU ALL THE TIME NOW, CAN'T I?

YOU'D WANT TO DO THAT?

PLEASE...

WELL... I, I DON'T REALLY KNOW.

I'M ALMOST 12, YOU KNOW. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

I WOULDN'T BE ANY TROUBLE.

YOU'RE A BIG BOY, ALRIGHT.

THERE'S STILL SCHOOL AND ALL THAT STUFF, THAT KIND OF THING.

WELL, I'M TRAVELING AROUND THE COUNTRY ALL THE TIME...

MAYBE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS, HUH?

HEY, IT'S... GETTIN PRETTY LATE.

WHY DON'T YOU HIT THE SACK. WE GOT A BIG DAY TOMORROW.

YES, SIR.

- TOMMY... - YEAH?

THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WOULDN'T UH...

WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO COME VISIT YOU DOWN AT YOUR AUNT'S PLACE

WHENEVER I HAVE THE CHANCE, YOU KNOW.

SURE.

GOOD NIGHT, DAD.

GOOD NIGHT, SON.

GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY A NEW GAME THAT SHOULD BE

VERY POPULAR WITH THE GENTLEMEN IN THE AUDIENCE.

IT WILL GIVE ONE LUCKY MAN THE CHANCE TO CHOOSE HIS FANTASY FEMALE.

A WOMAN WHO IS FANTASTICALLY RIGHT FOR HIM IN EVERY RESPECT.

IS THE BLINDFOLD IN PLACE, TATTOO?

BLINDFOLD IS ON, BOSS.

THEN LET'S GO IN TO THE AUDIENCE, AND PICK TODAY'S CONTESTANT AT RANDOM.

- NADINE... - HUH?

WHY DON'T WE LEAVE AND TAKE A WALK AROUND THE LAGOON.

OH NO.

HURRY NOW, TATTOO. HURRY.

THE SOONER YOU MAKE YOUR SELECTION, THE SOONER SOME

FORTUNATE GENTLEMAN WILL GET TO MEET NOT 1, BUT 3 GORGEOUS CANDIDATES TO CHOOSE FROM.

YOU MUST MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION, TATTOO.

THERE ISN'T MUCH TIME LEFT.

I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM!

I NEVER SAW YOU BEFORE IN MY LIFE, RIGHT?

WRONG, I MET YOU THIS MORNING.

THAT DOESN'T MATTER. HERE THE GAME IS EVERYTHING.

TAKE HIM TO THE STAGE, TATTOO.

FIND YOUR FANTASY FEMALE.

LET'S HOPE, 1 OF THE 3 CANDIDATES MEETS WITH YOUR APPROVAL, MRS. WINSLOW.

IF I SEE ONE I LIKE, I'LL GIVE YOU A THUMBS UP.

ALRIGHT, LET'S HAVE A NICE ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR CONTESTANT.

AND NOW, TO MEET HIS FANTASY FEMALE... NUMBER 1.

SHE IS PUNCH OPERATOR WHOSE HOBBIES

ARE WATCHING TELEVISION WHILE DOING HER NAILS.

AS AMBITIOUS AS SHE IS BEAUTIFUL,

CONNIE WOULD LIKE TO STUDY MARINE BIOLOGY

BECAUSE SHE LOVES MARINES.

ALSO SAILORS, AIR FORCE MEN AND LONG-HAUL TRUCKERS.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT, HARVEY WINSLOW?

PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE. CONNIE IS A VERY LOVELY YOUNG LADY. ISN'T SHE, FOLKS?

AND NOW, LET US FIND OUT WHO IS BEHIND DOOR NUMBER 2.

SHE IS MS. LUREEN BAKER. A LAWYER AND REGISTERED NURSE

WITH AN INTEREST IN ANCIENT LANGUAGES.

HER FAVORITE COMPOSER IS BEETHOVEN, AND SHE HOPES ONE DAY

TO RECORD HER PERSONAL ARRANGEMENT OF HIS SYMPHONY NO. 9 ON THE NOSE FLUTE.

LET'S HAVE A NICE WARM WELCOME FOR MS. BAKER.

AND NOW. CONTESTANT NUMBER 3.

LET'S HEAR IT FOR MS. MONICA JOHNSON.

MONICA IS A GYM TEACHER AND PHYSICAL EDUCATIONIST AT HEPAWHITE SCHOOL FOR GIRLS.

SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT BRAWN ALONE, IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR BRAINS.

THEREFORE, SHE MADE AN IN-DEPTH GRADUATE STUDY OF MEDIEVAL COUNTRIES.

HER MASTERS DISSERTATION ON ELIZABETHAN CHAMBER POTS

IS RECOGNIZED AS THE DEFINITIVE WORK ON THE SUBJECT.

SHE LIKES TO THINK OF HERSELF AS A GOOD GUY.

AND NOW, IT IS TIME TO CHOOSE

YOUR FANTASY FEMALE, HARVEY WINSLOW.

ONE OF THESE LOVELY YOUNG LADIES WILL BE JUST RIGHT FOR YOU.

TIME IS RUNNING OUT QUICKLY. YOU MUST CHOOSE NOW.

WILL IT BE CONTESTANT NUMBER 1?

NUMBER 2?

OR NUMBER 3?

I DON'T NEED A FANTASY FEMALE. I'VE GOT A WIFE SITTING OUT THERE.

AND NUMBER 3 IT IS!

MONICA JOHNSON IS YOUR FANTASY FEMALE.

MR. KEHOE, DO COME IN.

I TRUST YOU AND YOUR SON ARE ENJOYING YOURSELVES?

YEAH, YEAH. WE'VE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER REAL EASY LIKE.

- GOOD. - THE BOY IS ASLEEP NOW.

- I SEE. - I HAD TO TALK TO YOU.

OH, OF COURSE. SIT DOWN, PLEASE.

PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

MY FANTASY. MY FANTASY IS WHAT'S WRONG.

YOU WANTED TO BE A RODEO STAR.

THAT IS WHAT WE MADE YOU, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT I WANTED.

BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA STAGE A

RODEO... THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO COMPETE IN IT.

DON'T YOU THINK THAT IF I...

WAS STILL... ABLE TO COMPETE.

THAT I WOULD? INSTEAD OF BEING A CLOWN.

LOOK MR. ROARKE, I'VE BEEN ALONE MOST OF MY LIFE.

THERE WAS TOMMY'S MOTHER, BUT THAT WENT BAD A LOT OF YEARS BACK.

AFTER THIS WEEKEND, I GUESS I'LL BE ALONE THE REST OF MY LIFE.

MY KID TOMMY... I'D GIVE THE WORLD FOR HIM.

HE... HE CAN'T KNOW THAT I'M JUST A CLOWN.

A LOSER. YOU PROMISED ME THAT.

I AM WELL AWARE OF WHAT I PROMISED YOU, MR. KEHOE.

AND AS I ASSURED YOU BEFORE, THIS IS FANTASY ISLAND.

YOU MUST HAVE FAITH IN US.

HARVEY DEAR, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DON'T GET INTO YOUR SWIM TRUNKS

AND TAKE A LITTLE DIP.

OH LOOK! THERE'S THAT NICE MONICA.

SHE'S GOING IN TOO.

I BET YOU AND MONICA COULD PLAY A GREAT GAME OF WATER POLO TOGETHER.

NADINE, I WISH YOU'D STOP TRYING TO PAWN ME OFF ON THAT GIRL.

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO PUSH US TOGETHER OR SOMETHING.

OH, NONSENSE. I JUST HATE TO SEE A VITAL, SPORTY GUY LIKE YOU

HAVING TO SIT AROUND WITH AN OLD STICK IN THE MUD LIKE ME.

LOOK, I LOVE YOU. ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

OF COURSE IT IS.

UH, HONEY... DO YOU THINK YOU CAN REACH BACK AND GET ME MY SUNGLASSES?

SURE.

HEY!

HE CAN'T SWIM!

IT'S OKAY.

WHAT HAPPENED?

THIS LOVELY YOUNG THING, JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE.

THANK YOU, SWEETHEART. I'LL SEE THAT YOU GET A MEDAL.

EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BUNGALOW AND PUT ON MY WET SUIT.

ALRIGHT, DEAR.

MONICA... CAN WE SPEAK FRANKLY. WOMAN TO WOMAN.

I DON'T KNOW WHY NOT.

GOOD. I'D LIKE YOU TO MARRY MY HUSBAND.

UM... EXCUSE ME, I REALLY HAVE TO GO IN.

NO, NO. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU THINK.

YOU SEE I'M GOING TO DIE. YES, VERY SOON.

AND YOU LOOK TO ME THE KIND OF GIRL THAT WOULD MAKE HARVEY VERY HAPPY.

WELL, I'M VERY HONORED THAT YOU WOULD PICK ME, BUT...

OH, BUT IF YOU GOT TO KNOW HARVEY, YOU'D JUMP AT THE CHANCE.

FOR 10 YEARS, WE WORKED SIDE BY SIDE.

IN OUR EXPORT-IMPORT ANTIQUE BUSINESS. BEFORE WE STARTED MAKING IT.

WE WERE SO HAPPY.

I DIDN'T START GETTING SICK, UNTIL I STAYED HOME... BEING A LADY OF LEISURE.

I DON'T SEE REALLY, HOW I COULD BE OF ANY HELP TO YOU.

FATE WILL FIND A WAY.

NOW LOOK, YOU'VE BEEN AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW

THAT YOU DON'T JUST GET BACK IN TO BRONC RIDING IN ONE DAY.

BESIDE, REMEMBER WHAT THE DR. SAID WHEN YOU QUIT.

I MEAN, YOU GET BUSTED UP ONE MORE TIME AND YOU MIGHT NOT WALK AWAY FROM IT.

SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!

IT AIN'T NOBODY'S BUSINESS.

LOOK, I GOTTA AT LEAST TRY. DON'T I?

YEAH, I GUESS YOU DO. GO AHEAD.

JUST RELAX A LITTLE BIT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, I'LL BE FINE.

GOOD LUCK.

- ANYTIME, FRANK. - OPEN IT UP.

HEY!

AHHH!

YOU ALRIGHT?

AHHH!

HE JUST CAN'T DO IT, MR. ROARKE.

WELL, I'M AFRAID LIKE IT OR NOT, MR. KEHOE

WILL HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH OUR ALTERNATE PLAN.

COME ON. SKIPPY MONKEY, COME ON.

PUT YOUR FEET TOGETHER.

GOOD.

1, 2, 3.

EH, TATTOO?

THE FLOOR, ALL THOSE PAPERS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M TRYING TO LEARN THE WALTZ, BOSS.

THIS IS LESSON NUMBER 4.

WELL, I HATE TO BE CRITICAL, BUT IT APPEARS YOU'RE NOT SUCCEEDING TO WELL.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT, BOSS. IT'S THE FAULT OF THIS STUPID MONKEY.

HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS LEFT FOOT FROM HIS RIGHT FOOT.

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T BE OUTDOORS TOO LONG, YOU GET THE CHILLS.

AND IT'S 2 WEEKS IN BED WITH THE CROUP.

WHY DON'T WE STAY BACK HERE AND SEE A MOVIE?

OH NO, I'D ENJOY A NICE BOAT RIDE AND A PICNIC.

HURRY UP! THIS IS THE LAST BOAT.

WHY MS. JOHNSON, WE'RE SHARING THE SAME BOAT! ISN'T THIS NICE?

YES, ISN'T IT.

ALL ABOARD!

- GO ON, GET IN DEAR. - OKAY.

BLESS YOU.

THAT REMINDS ME, I FORGOT MY INHALER.

- YEAH, I'LL GET IT. - OH NO, NO, NO.

YOU STAY HERE, DEAR. I'M NOT DEAD YET.

IT'S JUST AN EXPRESSION. SIT DOWN, DEAR.

HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON? STOP THIS THING, SOMEBODY.

WAIT! YOU FORGOT YOUR OARS.

WHAT DO I DO?

THEY WILL BE ALRIGHT, WON'T THEY?

YES, THEY WILL BE. THE TIDE WILL TAKE THEM ALL AROUND THE ISLAND...

TO A PLACE CALLED LOVER'S COVE.

LOVER'S COVE?

PERFECT!

- COME IN. MR. ROARKE. - OH, THANK YOU.

I HOPE I'M NOT INTRUDING, MRS. WINSLOW.

ONLY ON MY THOUGHTS, MR. ROARKE.

I JUST KEEP THINKING ABOUT GIVING HARVEY AWAY TO THAT OTHER WOMAN.

IT IS A FAR, FAR BETTER THING YOU ARE DOING MRS. WINSLOW, THAN E'ER YOU HAVE DONE.

I SUPPOSE SO, MR. ROARKE. HARVEY DOES NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.

THAT WILL BEE WAITER, EXCUSE ME.

YES, COME IN.

I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF ORDERING YOU SOME OF TATTOO'S COCONUT BOOM-BOOM.

- COCONUT BOOM-BOOM? - YES.

EVEN THAT WON'T HELP.

WELL PERHAPS IF YOU HAD SEVERAL.

JUST SET IT RIGHT DOWN HERE, WAITER.

YOU... YOU CAN'T BE A WAITER. YOU'RE DR. VAN HELSING.

NO, MADAME. DIDN'T MR. ROARKE TELL YOU? I'M

JUST A WAITER WHO HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A DR.

AND MR. ROARKE HELPED ME DO IT.

THEN IF YOU'RE NOT A DR., THEN YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU MIGHT SAY THAT, YES.

AND I'M NOT GONNA KICK THE BUCKET, RIGHT? RIGHT?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW? I'M ONLY A WAITER.

WHAT IS THIS? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME MY FANTASY

TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME AND CURE ME.

AND SO I DID, MRS. WINSLOW.

BY CONFRONTING YOU WITH THE ACTUAL POSSIBILITY OF YOUR OWN DEMISE,

I CURED THE ONLY THING REALLY WRONG WITH YOU.

YOUR MORBID CONCERN FOR YOUR HEALTH.

YOU MONSTER! I SENT MY HUSBAND OUT TO LOVER'S COVE WITH THAT SEX BOMB,

BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS DOOMED.

HOW DO I FIND LOVER'S COVE?

ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE ISLAND.

NOW, THE BEST WAY TO GET THERE, IS BY BOAT.

- BUT THAT WILL TAKE HOURS. - HOURS?

OR YOU CAN GO OVER LAND, THROUGH THE WOODS.

BUT THAT'S QUITE A RUN.

POINT ME!

OUT THE DOOR AND TO THE RIGHT.

DOES THIS MEAN I WON'T GET MY TIP?

TO YOU, MONICA.

I FEEL VERY COLD.

I BROUGHT SOME BLANKETS.

I'D LOVE IT.

THANK YOU.

DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?

WHAT?

WHAT I FEEL.

I THINK SO.

HOLD IT!

GET ANY CLOSER TO MY OLD MAN, I'LL BUST YOUR CHOPS.

- NADINE! - I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK.

I'M NOT GONNA DIE JUST YET. GIVE ME A KISS, HARVEY.

YOU'RE A VERY LUCKY GIRL. HE'S A SWEETHEART.

ALRIGHT, NOW HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

- I RAN. - YOU RAN?

HARVEY DARLING, THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE WELL AGAIN, LIKE YOU USED TO BE?

UH HUH. AND I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHY.

I THINK I WAS JUST SO WORRIED THAT SOME LADY WAS GONNA SNAG YOU

OUT FROM UNDER MY RUNNY NOSE. A BEAUTIFUL MAN LIKE YOU.

BUT I... I KEPT GETTING SICK SO I COULD KEEP YOU TIED TO ME.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BE SICK TO KEEP ME TIED.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN YOURS. AND ALWAYS WILL BE.

HERE IS FRANK FIBBS, THE BULL RIDING CHAMPION ON TWISTER!

APPROPRIATE TO HAVE FRANK COME OUT HERE AT

THE BRIAN KEHOE INVITATIONAL ALL STAR RODEO.

FRANK FIBBS RIDING TWISTER! HE'S A FEROCIOUS ANIMAL.

DAD, LOOK AT THAT!

LOOK AT THIS, THERE'S PATCHES THE CLOWN HOVERING RIGHT BEHIND.

BOY THAT WAS SOMETHING, DAD.

LET'S DUST HIM OFF A BIT, PATCHES.

I DON'T THINK RODEO CLOWNS ARE SO FUNNY.

CLOWNS AREN'T JUST FOR LAUGHS AT RODEOS, SON.

THEY SAVE LIVES.

THEY LOOK LIKE JERKS TO ME.

READY, MR. KEHOE?

ALL SET.

TOMMY, WHY DON'T YOU AND TATTOO STAY HERE.

IT'S VERY DANGEROUS IN THE CHUTE AREA.

BESIDES, THIS IS THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE.

MR. ROARKE IS RIGHT, TOMMY. I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING HURT.

OKAY, DAD.

ONE OF THE MOST FEROCIOUS HORSES I'VE EVER SEEN!

HOW ABOUT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

FOR ONE OF THE GREATEST COWBOYS OF ALL TIME.

THEY ARE WAITING FOR YOU, MR. KEHOE.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

TRUST ME. DON'T FORGET THE BANDANA.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE MAN WHO IS CONSIDERED TO BE ONE OF

THE BEST ALL AROUND COWBOYS BORN... HE'S WON EVERY TITLE FROM PENDLETON

TO CALGARY, AND MOST IN BETWEEN.

HE'S BROUGHT TOGETHER THE FINEST COLLECTION OF COWBOYS EVER.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE MASKED COWBOY, BRIAN KEHOE ABOARD ROLLER THUNDER.

COME ON DOWN HERE. GET DOWN HERE, LET'S GO.

COME ON, GET DOWN HERE.

POINTS ARE AWARDED ON THE SKILL

OF THE RIDER, AND THE DEGREE AND DIFFICULTY

AND SPIRIT OF THE BUCKING HORSE.

THEY'RE JUST ABOUT READY TO COME OUT.

BRIAN KEHOE, ON ROLLER THUNDER!

ISN'T HE TERRIFIC, TATTOO?

FANTASTIC!

HE'S GOT IT! HE'S GOT THE RIDE, A PERFECT RIDE!

ALRIGHT, LET'S MAKE THE SWITCH.

GO ON, GET OUT THERE.

BRIAN KEHOE. THEY WANNA SEE HIM.

THEY WANT HIM TO COME OUT.

COME ON OUT, BRIAN. COME ON OUT.

TAKE A BOW. HERE HE IS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. BRIAN KEHOE!

TOMMY!

YOU WERE GREAT, DAD!

I'VE DONE A LOT OF CRUMMY THINGS, BUT I GOTTA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,

I'VE NEVER FELT SO ASHAMED IN MY LIFE.

REALLY? BUT YOUR SON THINKS YOU'RE A GREAT RODEO STAR.

YEAH.

IT'S ONLY FITTING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT WE END THE BULL RIDING

WITH THE MOMENT WE ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.

BRIAN KEHOE CHALLENGING LOCOMOTION.

THERE ISN'T A BULL MEAN ENOUGH TO THROW BRIAN,

AND NO MAN HAS EVER RIDDEN LOCOMOTION.

SO HERE WE ARE, THE CLIMAX OF THE WHOLE AFTERNOON.

BRIAN KEHOE ABOARD LOCOMOTION.

STAY WITH HIM, DAD!

BRIAN IS DOWN!

THAT BULL IS FEROCIOUS. LET'S GET THE BULL OUT OF THE WAY.

LOOK OUT! THE BULL HIT BRIAN!

NOW THE BULL GOT PATCHES! PATCHES IS DOWN!

BRIAN, GET OUT OF THERE! GET MOVIN!

GET SOMEBODY OUT THERE, QUICK!

GET THAT BULL OFF OF BRIAN!

DAD!

BRIAN IS DOWN, HE'S HURT! HE'S HURT!

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO STOP THAT BULL!

PATCHES IS HURT, BRIAN IS HURT.

WATCH OUT, THE BULL IS GONNA CHARGE AGAIN!

HEY BULL!

HEY!

THERE'S SOMEBODY COMIN... WHO IS THAT?

THAT LOOKS LIKE BRIAN KEHOE, BUT IT CAN'T BE.

HE'S AN IMPOSTER.

QUICK, GET THE BULL. GET THE CLOWN OUT OF THE WAY.

LOOK OUT!

GET THAT FELLOW OUT OF THE ARENA!

GET HIM OUT OF THERE! GET HIM AWAY FROM THERE!

GET OUT OF THERE! WHOEVER YOU ARE, GET OUT OF THERE!

GET OFF THE GROUND, HURRY!

HE'S OVER, HE'S GOT IT!

THE CLOWN IS OKAY. HE SAVED THE CLOWN, HE SAVED PATCHES.

HE SAVED BRIAN KEHOE!

I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT COWBOY WAS, DRESSED AS BRIAN KEHOE,

BUT WE SURE OWE HIM A VOTE OF THANKS

FOR SAVING 2 LIVES HERE TODAY.

DAD, I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE RIDING THE BULL.

YOU KNOW... I WEREN'T SON.

AND I WEREN'T RIDING THE BRONC EITHER.

IT WAS ALL STAGED FOR YOU.

SEE I'M... I'M NOT REALLY A BIG STAR. I'M JUST A...

BROKEN DOWN OLD RODEO CLOWN. THE KIND OF BUM YOUR MOTHER ALWAYS SAID I WAS.

I'M SURE SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, BOY.

I AIN'T GONNA BE BOTHERING YOU ANYMORE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR DADDY, SON,

BUT ALL I CAN SAY IS THERE'S NOT A MAN AMONG US

WHOSE LIFE HE HASN'T SAVED MORE THAN ONCE.

THAT'S RIGHT, BOY. THERE NEVER WAS A TIME WHEN I NEEDED KEHOE, THAT HE WASN'T THERE.

A MAN DOESN'T LIVE TO BE A CHAMPION WITHOUT THE HELP OF THE CLOWNS.

BUT HE LIED TO ME!

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT HE WAS WORRIED THAT YOU MIGHT NOT LOVE HIM

IF YOU FOUND OUT WHAT HE REALLY IS.

THAT PLANE... MR. ROARKE SAID YOU WERE ON IT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO GO.

I HAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

MAYBE YOU'LL JUST MAKE ME GO AWAY.

BUT... I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A RODEO STAR,

OR A CLOWN OR ANYTHING ELSE. YOU'RE MY DAD. AND I LOVE YOU.

I AH...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, BOY.

SAY THAT I CAN STAY WITH YOU. THAT WE CAN BE A FAMILY.

PLEASE...

I LOVE YOU.

BUT I AIN'T GOT ANYTHING.

I AH... NO MONEY.

I AIN'T EVEN GOT A...

WHOEVER SAID THAT A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A FATHER AND SON

DEPENDED ON MONEY OR MATERIAL WORTH?

LOOK INTO THAT BOY'S EYES...

AND YOU'LL REALIZE YOU HAVE EVERYTHING, MR. KEHOE.

PLEASE.

WELL I...

I GUESS I CAN TRY. CAN'T I, SON.

DAD.

- THANK YOU. - MY PLEASURE, MRS. WINSLOW.

WE WANT TO THANK YOU FOR FINALLY CURING ME, MR. ROARKE.

AND TO THE FULFILLMENT OF MY FANTASY TOO.

YOU HARVEY? YOU HAD A FANTASY TOO?

- YEP. - WHAT?

ONE THAT CAME TRUE IN THE LAST 2 DAYS.

WE WERE ABLE TO HAVE A SECOND HONEYMOON THAT WAS AS GOOD AS THE FIRST ONE.

OH HARVEY, YOU HANDSOME RASCAL.

- THANK YOU. - YOU'RE WELCOME, MRS. WINSLOW.

MR. WINSLOW.

SON...

WELL MR. ROARKE, I SURE DO WANT TO THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

IT WASN'T EXACTLY WHAT I EXPECTED, BUT IT SURE TURNED OUT

A LOT BETTER THAN I EVER THOUGHT IT WOULD.

IT SURE DID. I GOT ME A FULL TIME DAD NOW.

A REAL CHAMPION TOO.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF EACH OTHER.

YOU CAN BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR ON THAT ONE.

RIGHT, PARTNER?

RIGHT, DAD.

COME ON, LET'S HEAD FOR THE BARN, SHALL WE?

TELL ME, TATTOO. HOW GOES YOUR DANCE LESSONS?

I JUST FINISHED LESSON NUMBER 5, AND I QUIT.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE THE NEXT FRED ASTAIRE?

YEAH, BUT HE ALWAYS GOT THE GIRL AT THE END OF THE MOVIE.

SO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

I GOT A BETTER IDEA.

1, 2, 3, KICK.

1, 2, 3, KICK.

1, 2, 3, KICK.