Original subtitles

THE PLANE! THE PLANE!

WELL, TATTOO.

HOW'S OUR MAIL ORDER HABERDASHER THIS MORNING?

VERY GOOD, BOSS.

DO I HAVE A GREAT BARGAIN FOR YOU.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A GREAT CASHMERE SUIT

FOR ONLY $43?

$43?

YES.

FOR CASHMERE?

YES.

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY SELL AT THAT PRICE?

WE WORK ON A VERY LOW MARGIN.

FOR ONLY A FEW DOLLARS, YOU CAN GET ALL THE EXTRAS.

IT'S ALL RIGHT IN HERE. LOOK.

TATTOO, YOUR COMPANY CONSIDERS BUTTONS,

POCKETS AND SLEEVES AS EXTRAS?

NO. THAT WAS MY IDEA.

I CALL IT THE LOW BALL SALES APPROACH.

OH, I SEE.

WELL, NOW TELL ME WHAT WOULD THE SUIT COST

WITH SUCH FRILLS AS ZIPPERS, LAPELS AND PANT LEGS?

THAT ALL DEPENDS, BOSS.

IF YOU WANT LAPELS OR SLEEVES ON BOTH SIDES OR NOT?

I CONSIDER THIS INCIDENT CLOSED.

BOSS.

BOSS!

BOSS, WAIT FOR ME!

HEY, BOSS!

SMILES, EVERYONE. SMILES.

WHO ARE THEY, BOSS?

THAT GENTLEMAN IS THE RIGHT REVEREND HIRAM HOLLISTER

OF CLEVELAND, OHIO.

YOU MUST BE KIDDING. WHAT'S HIS FANTASY?

THE REVEREND WISHES TO SPEND THE WEEKEND

ON THE FONDLY REMEMBERED FARM WHERE HE WAS RAISED.

WHICH UNFORTUNATELY IS NOW A SHOPPING CENTER

IN THE GREATER CLEVELAND AREA.

AS YOU CAN SEE, HE'S BROUGHT HIS DAUGHTER WITH HIM.

THEY DON'T LOOK TOO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

OH, I'M SURE IT'S JUST NERVES, TATTOO.

PERHAPS THEY DON'T LIKE FLYING.

YOU SURE HE'S A REVEREND?

HE LOOKS A LITTLE SHIFTY TO ME.

INDEED.

PERHAPS THERE IS SOMETHING WORRYING HIM.

OH, HERE IS SOMEONE WHO SHOULD INTEREST YOU, TATTOO.

MR. TED CAVANAUGH OF SAUSALITO, CALIFORNIA.

HE'S QUITE A CELEBRATED PAINTER.

YOU DON'T MEAN THAT PAINTER?

THE ONE WHO LET THE WILD GORILLA LOOSE

IN HIS ART SHOW?

A PET GORILLA, TATTOO.

MR. CAVANAUGH SAID HIS APE APPRECIATED ART

AS MUCH AS ANYONE.

WHAT'S HIS FANTASY?

OH, VERY SIMPLE.

HE WISHES TO BECOME A ROMANTIC, ADVENTUROUS

SWASHBUCKLING PIRATE.

HIM? A PIRATE?

WHAT FOR?

TO SWEEP THE LADY HE LOVES, HIS FORMER WIFE,

OFF HER FEET AGAIN.

HOW ROMANTIC.

IS SHE HERE? I DON'T SEE HER.

OH, SHE'S ON THE ISLAND ALREADY.

BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE QUITE AS EASY

AS YOU MIGHT THINK.

YOU SEE, THE LADY IS SCHEDULED TO BE MARRIED TO ANOTHER MAN.

TODAY.

BOSS, NOT THAT WEDDING.

OH, BOSS.

THOSE PEOPLE PAID A LOT OF MONEY FOR THAT WEDDING.

MY DEAR GUESTS,

I AM MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS PLACE IS?

I DON'T KNOW.

LOOKS LIKE SOME KIND OF RESORT.

BOY, PICKING THE POCKET OF A PREACHER

REALLY GOT US IN THE SOUP THIS TIME.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ME?

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT PUT THE STALL ON HIM.

WELL, HOW DID I KNOW WHAT HE WAS?

HE WASN'T WEARING NO COLLAR.

BESIDES, YOU DIPPED HIM, AND THAT'S BAD LUCK.

I'D A SLIPPED IT BACK,

BUT I SAW THAT BUNKO COP BEARING DOWN ON US.

COME ON, HARMONY. COULD BE WORSE.

TICKET IN HIS WALLET GOT US HERE, DIDN'T IT?

YEAH, BUT I'M WORRIED, PETEY.

YOU KNOW THAT COP WANTS TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU.

WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE

BEFORE THOSE CREEPS FIGURE OUT WE'RE RINGERS.

OK, OK, BUT WE NEED A STAKE FIRST.

AND THIS PLACE IS LOADED WITH PIGEONS.

YOU SURE YOU WON'T FOUL UP AGAIN?

FOUL UP? ME?

I'M THE SMOOTHEST CANNON IN THE BUSINESS,

AND YOU KNOW IT.

THEN HOW COME SERGEANT BROYLAN'S BUSTED YOU FOUR TIMES?

THE BREAKS. JUST THE BREAKS.

LOOK AT THOSE.

THOSE AREN'T HANDS, THEY'RE INSTRUMENTS, RIGHT?

COME ON, BABY.

WHO'S THE BEST DIPPER?

WHO, BABY?

OH, YOU ARE.

AND WHO LOVES YOU?

WELL, IF YOU EVER GET DOWN TEXAS WAY

I WANT YOU ALL TO BE SURE AND GIVE ME A CALL.

WOULD YOU DO THAT?

ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT SOMETHING OVER HERE.

WOULD YOU MIND GIVING THESE LADIES A NICE DRINK?

WHAT ARE YOU HAVING?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, LITTLE LADY?

GEE, I'M REAL SORRY.

DON'T GIVE IT ANOTHER THOUGHT.

ENJOYING YOURSELF, MR. HOLLISTER?

WHAT IS THAT?

AH, I JUST PICKED IT UP.

WHERE IS YOUR LOST AND FOUND DEPARTMENT?

OH, HOW VERY CONSIDERATE, REVEREND.

BUT UH, THE GENTLEMAN WHO LOST IT

IS RIGHT THERE.

MR. WATSON? I BELIEVE THIS IS YOURS.

OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

OH, NO, NO. REVEREND HOLLISTER DESERVES THE THANKS.

WELL, I'M IN YOUR DEBT, PARSON.

IF IT'S NOT AGAINST YOUR PRINCIPLES,

I'D LIKE THE HONOR OF BUYING YOU A DRINK.

WHY NOT?

I UH, TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND

ON SINNERS AND TAX COLLECTORS.

I'M UH, CURIOUS.

JUST UH, WHAT IS A PARSON'S FANTASY?

FANTASY?

REVEREND HOLLISTER'S FANTASY

IS ONE TO BE ADMIRED, MR. WATSON.

HE WISHES TO RETURN TO THE SOIL.

TO SPEND THE WEEKEND IN A FARM LIKE THE ONE HE GREW UP ON.

ONCE AGAIN MILKING COWS, PLOWING FIELDS.

SLOPPING PIGS.

ME AND DADDY ARE SURE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, MR. ROARKE.

GOOD. WHY DON'T YOU ENJOY SOME LUNCH,

AND IN AN HOUR, I'LL PICK YOU UP AT YOUR BUNGALOW

AND UH, YOUR BARNYARD FANTASY WILL BEGIN.

WILL YOU EXCUSE US. TATTOO.

TALK TO YOU LATER.

WHAT'D YOU TELL HIM THAT FOR?

I'M NOT GONNA WORK ON ANY FARM THIS WEEKEND.

WELL, MAYBE NOT A WHOLE WEEKEND.

BUT I GOT A FEELING YOU BETTER AT LEAST

MAKE A STAB AT IT.

UNLESS YOU WANT THOSE PEOPLE TO FIGURE OUT

WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

IS IT ALL RIGHT TO WEAR WHITE, MOTHER?

I MEAN, ISN'T THERE A TRADITION ABOUT WEARING BLUE

THE SECOND TIME AROUND?

WELL, IN YOUR CASE,

THE FIRST TIME WITH THAT MANIAC SHOULDN'T COUNT.

I KNOW HE'S A THOUSAND MILES AWAY,

BUT SOMEHOW I ALWAYS EXPECT HIM

TO JUMP OUT OF A TREE OR SOMETHING.

MOTHER, IF HE DOES, I'LL PERSONALLY KILL HIM.

MR. ROARKE, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE SOME OF THE CRAZY THINGS

CAVANAUGH USED TO DO.

OH, INDEED.

MR. ROARKE, THAT MANIAC HAS SCARED OFF EVERY MAN

WHO'S EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN MY MARY.

ALL EXCEPT FOR DONALD GIDDING, OF COURSE.

AND THANK GOD, HE'S THE PRIZE.

AND IN JUST 5 MINUTES, YOU WILL BE MRS. GIDDING.

IF ONLY YOUR FATHER WAS STILL ALIVE.

YOU'RE FORGETTING. DADDY LIKED CAVANAUGH.

WELL, I MEAN, NO ONE IS PERFECT.

UH, SHALL WE, MRS. DEVERE.

UP THERE. GET ME UP.

OK...

HERE I GO. HOLD IT.

MY DEAR FRIENDS.

WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY,

TO JOIN MARY AND DONALD

TOGETHER IN HOLY MATRIMONY.

IF THERE IS ANYONE PRESENT

WHO KNOWS WHY THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED,

LET HIM SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER...

I KNOW WHY NOT!

DID SOMEONE SPEAK?

THEY SHOULDN'T GET MARRIED

BECAUSE DONALD GIDDING IS A POMPOUS, 14-CARAT TURKEY!

IT'S HIM. IT'S HIM! THE MANIAC!

OH, MY GOD. IT'S CAVANAUGH.

DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE CALLED ME?

SOMEBODY STOP THAT LUNATIC!

AHA!

I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT!

THAT'S YOU BEHIND THAT EYE PATCH,

ISN'T IT, CAVANAUGH?

SOME CALL ME THE SEAHAWK.

MASTER OF MY OWN SHIP. BUT...

YOUR SERVANT, MY LADY.

DO YOU REALIZE, SIR, THERE'S A WEDDING GOING ON?

YES. YES, I DO.

AND I MUST SAY, A VERY FINE CHOICE FOR A BRIDE.

VERY FINE.

COME, MY DEAR.

BRING HER ALONG.

PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!

HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?

HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?!

BOSS, IF THEY EVER FIND OUT

THAT YOU SET UP THE WHOLE THING...

STOP, BLACKHEART, STOP!

MADAM, I'M JUST AS DEEPLY SHOCKED AS YOU ARE.

SHOCKED!

HERE IT IS.

LIKE YOU DESCRIBED IT IN YOUR LETTER.

THIS IS REALLY NEAT.

FIELDS WAITING TO BE PLOWED AND SEEDED.

A PEN OF PURE BRED HOGS.

CHICKENS TO BE FED, AND EGGS TO BE COLLECTED.

THIS IS THE HOUSE WHERE YOU WILL BE STAYING.

LOOKS JUST LIKE I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WOULD.

AS YOU REQUESTED,

EVERYTHING REQUIRED FOR A VIGOROUS WEEKEND

OF FRUITFUL LABOR IN GOD'S COUNTRY

HAVE BEEN PROVIDED.

OH, HOW I ENVY YOUR TASTE

FOR THE BEAUTY OF SIMPLICITY, REVEREND.

THIS WAY.

AFTER YOU, REVEREND.

EVERYTHING YOU DREAMED OF, HUH, DAD?

HOW LONG ARE WE IN FOR?

I MEAN, HOW LONG CAN WE STAY?

OH, UH, WE WON'T DISTURB YOU

TILL MONDAY MORNING.

WE'D BETTER HURRY, BOSS.

THERE IS A NEW YORK DETECTIVE COMING ON THE NEXT PLANE.

HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

UH, YES.

WELL, ENJOY YOURSELVES.

AND REMEMBER, OUR DINING ROOM

WILL BE HAPPY TO BUY ANY EGGS OR VEGETABLES

YOU CARE TO SELL.

HAVE A BLESSED AND GLORIOUS WEEKEND, REVEREND.

HARMONY.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE STUCK HERE.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I TOLD YOU BEFORE,

I'M NOT ABOUT TO WORK MY CAN OFF

SLOPPING HOGS.

NOW COME ON, LET'S GO FIND THAT MARK.

NO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IF IT IS BROYLAN ON THAT PLANE,

FARM'S THE LAST PLACE HE'LL LOOK FOR US.

PETEY, THAT ROARKE'S NO DUMMY.

IF WE DON'T PLAY THE PART,

HE'LL CHECK AND FIND OUT WHO WE REALLY ARE.

COME ON, PETEY. WE GOTTA MAKE IT LOOK GOOD.

OR ELSE.

ALL SHIPS AT SEA.

ANYTHING ELSE, CAPTAIN?

UH, NO, THANKS, BENTON.

I STILL SAY IT'S WARMER DOWN BELOW.

IN YOUR CABIN? I'D RATHER WALK THE PLANK.

HEY, YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE KIDS,

WE USED TO PLAY PIRATE ON THE LAKE?

WE WERE CHILDREN.

AND THAT OLD BARGE.

IT WAS FILTHY.

AND I WAS THE CAPTAIN, AND YOU WERE MY FIRST MATE.

BOY, THOSE WERE MAGIC TIMES.

THEY WERE THE BEST.

THE WORST.

THAT'S WHEN YOU FIRST LOVED ME.

CHILDHOOD ILLUSIONS, CAVANAUGH.

THAT YEAR WE GOT MARRIED, WE WERE JUST BIG CHILDREN.

ISN'T THERE ONE MOMENT YOU REMEMBER WITH ME FONDLY?

OF COURSE.

I'D BE LYING IF I SAID NO.

SEE? WHAT IS IT?

THE DIVORCE.

SMART ALECK.

DON'T YOU GET IT, CAVANAUGH?

I HATE YOU, AND I ALWAYS WILL.

HEY, THAT'S PRETTY STRONG LANGUAGE.

OH, MILD.

I ACTUALLY DETEST YOU.

WELL, I'M YOUR HUSBAND.

YOU ARE NOT! WE'RE DIVORCED.

A TECHNICALITY.

YOU'RE ALREADY UNDER COURT ORDER

TO LEAVE ME ALONE, CAVANAUGH.

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU CAN CARRY THIS OFF

BEFORE THE POLICE CART YOU AWAY?

CART ME AWAY?

THE SEAHAWK FEARS NOTHING.

CAVANAUGH, YOU'RE NOT ERROL FLYNN.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. NOBODY IS ANYMORE.

I GUESS THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD.

YOU KNOW, I CAN SEE YOU WANTING TO GET MARRIED AGAIN.

YOU ADMIT IT. YOU ADMIT WE'RE NOT MARRIED.

BUT TO A STIFF LIKE GIDDING.

THAT'S CRUEL, CAVANAUGH.

AND IT'S NOT VERY FAIR.

DONALD IS A... WELL, HE MAY BE CONVENTIONAL,

BY YOUR BIZARRE STANDARDS,

BUT HE'S STRONG, AND DEPENDABLE.

AND I HATE YOU FOR RUINING MY WEDDING.

MARY...

MARY, IF YOU REALLY MEAN THAT,

THEN LIFE HAS NO MEANING FOR ME.

I MEAN IT.

OK. OK.

OK.

YOU HAVE SEALED MY FATE.

GONNA JUMP, CAVANAUGH? HOORAY!

AU REVOIR, DARLING.

THIS IS GOODBYE.

GOODBYE, DARLING.

THIS IS IT.

MAN OVERBOARD! MAN OVERBOARD!

TED! TED!

YOU CALLED ME TED.

ANOTHER TRICK. I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.

YOU WANT TO PLAY ROUGH, HUH?

AH... OH...

AH... AH...

ARE YOU OK?

OF COURSE I'M NOT OK.

EVERY MUSCLE IN MY BODY HATES ME.

I AM ONE MOUNTAIN OF PAIN.

AND JUST LOOK AT THESE. THEY'RE RUINED.

PROBABLY MONTHS GETTING THEM BACK IN SHAPE.

YEAH. THE WHOLE THING'S BEEN A BUMMER.

BUT MAYBE A GUY COULD GET USED TO IT.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

OH, I DON'T MEAN US.

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING.

NOT MUCH. BUT SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR IT.

ISN'T THERE?

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS DUMB, PETEY.

BUT DOESN'T THIS PLACE REMIND YOU OF SOMETHING?

WHAT?

REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LITTLE?

YOU USED TO SAY WE'D HAVE A PLACE LIKE THIS SOME DAY.

REMEMBER?

OH, BOY.

I'M IN AGONY, AND YOU TELL ME JUNK LIKE THAT.

IT WAS JUST A BEDTIME STORY

TO MAKE YOU SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP.

BOSS, THE NEW YORK COP. HE'S WAITING OUTSIDE AGAIN.

SHOULD I LET HIM IN,

OR SHOULD I TELL HIM YOU'RE STILL BUSY?

NO, HE'S BEEN WAITING LONG ENOUGH.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD SEE HIM.

OH, AND TATTOO, PLEASE, PLEASE.

IT'S NOT COP. IT'S POLICE OFFICER.

COME IN, POLICE OFFICER COPS.

THANK YOU.

HELLO, MR. ROARKE. SERGEANT BROYLAN.

NYPD BUNKO SQUAD.

YES, YES, SO I UNDERSTAND.

SIT DOWN, SERGEANT. PLEASE. SIT DOWN.

WELL, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

WELL, I THINK IT'S MORE WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU

IN PROTECTING THE VALUABLES OF YOUR GUESTS.

OH?

YOU SEE, MR. ROARKE,

I HAVE TRACED A NOTORIOUS PICKPOCKET

TO YOUR ISLAND.

HIS NAME IS PETEY RAVEN.

PICKPOCKET?

NOW THIS CANNON USUALLY TRAVELS WITH HIS KID.

HE'S TRAINED HER TO BE HIS STALL.

I SEE.

UH, TELL ME SOMETHING, SERGEANT.

ISN'T IT RATHER UNUSUAL

TO CHASE A PETTY THIEF SO FAR?

IT'S BECAUSE A KID'S INVOLVED.

YOU SEE, MR. ROARKE,

UNDER THE HABITUAL CRIMINAL LAW,

THE JUDGE HAS CAUTIONED PETEY

THAT HE'LL PUT THE GIRL IN A FOSTER HOME

IF HE EVER SLIPS AGAIN.

I SEE. SO UH, YOU ARE DOING IT FOR THE CHILD'S OWN GOOD.

MM-HMM. FOR THE CHILD.

FOR SOCIETY.

YES, SERGEANT. THESE TWO ARE HERE.

WELL.

SHOW ME WHERE THEY ARE, AND WE'LL MAKE THE COLLAR NOW.

OH, NOT SO FAST. NOT SO FAST.

I MUST REMIND YOU THAT THE NEW YORK POLICE

HAVE NO AUTHORITY ON FANTASY ISLAND, SERGEANT.

I DON'T GET YOU, MR. ROARKE.

ARE YOU TRYING TO HELP THEM IN SOME WAY?

HARDLY.

COMING HERE UNDER FALSE PRETENSES,

THEY HAVE ALSO DEFRAUDED ME.

BE ASSURED I'LL SEE THEY GET WHAT'S COMING TO THEM.

LET'S SEE, ANIPUS, YELLOW WHITE,

ARTURIS...

HARAWORN.

REGAL.

COOL BLUE WHITE.

THEY ALL LOOK WHITE TO ME.

NO, NO, THAT'S AN ILLUSION.

YOU GOTTA SEE 'EM THROUGH A TELESCOPE.

YOU'RE A FUNNY MAN, CAVANAUGH.

THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU,

YOU WERE DEEP INTO VAN GOGH.

HIS FRIENDS CALLED HIM VINCENT.

THIS STARRY NIGHT GOT ME INTERESTED.

AND YOU GOT MY VERY BEST STARRY NIGHT REPRO,

REMEMBER, ON MY 30TH BIRTHDAY.

I REMEMBER.

YOU DO?

YOU FOUND A GRAY HAIR.

YEAH, WELL, TAKE A LOOK. IT'S GONE.

I CUT IT OUT. ROOT AND BRANCH.

NO GRAY HAIR.

CAVANAUGH, YOU'RE CERTIFIABLE.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

HOW COME YOU ONLY CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME

WHEN YOU THINK I'M DEAD?

I GUESS IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ARTIST.

LAST NAME SIGNATURES.

MMM.

YOU REMEMBER WHEN I SOLD MY FIRST PAINTING?

YOU WERE THERE.

A COFFEE SHOP?

I GUESS IT WAS A SALE.

OH, YEAH, IT WAS A SALE.

I MEAN, THEY TOOK IT FOR GOOD AND VALUABLE CONSIDERATION.

ONLY BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY

TO PAY FOR THE HAMBURGERS WE ATE THAT MONTH.

I GUESS IT WASN'T ALL BAD, CAVANAUGH. YEAH.

YOU WANT TO DANCE?

YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE ME, CAVANAUGH?

NO, NO. JUST A DANCE.

I WOULDN'T TRY THAT.

COME ON. NICE MUSIC.

OK. BUT WE'LL JUST DANCE.

JUST DANCE.

JUST A NICE, FRIENDLY DANCE.

I DID LIKE YOU ONCE, CAVANAUGH.

MM-HMM.

BUT ONLY IN YOUR SANER MOMENTS.

MM-HMM.

I MAYBE EVEN LOVED YOU A LITTLE.

YEAH? WELL, I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO.

I KNOW.

YOU WANT ME TO MOVE INTO YOUR CABIN WITH YOU, DON'T YOU,

AND SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT.

NO.

I ALMOST COULD THE WAY I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

MMM... WHY DON'T YOU?

BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO DONALD.

DONALD?

DAMN.

TO HELL WITH DONALD.

DONALD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU.

ALL DONALD CARES ABOUT IS THE MILLIONS HE INHERITED.

I CARE ABOUT YOU.

YOU'RE NOT BEING FAIR.

SUPPOSE I DID STAY WITH YOU TONIGHT.

COMES THE MORN, FAIRY MAGIC GONE WITH THE CHAMPAGNE

AND WE'D BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS AGAIN.

WELL... I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN.

BUT THEN AGAIN,

WE'RE NOT ROSES, ARE WE?

CUTE.

YOU KNOW, CAVANAUGH,

IF YOU TRULY LOVED ME, YOU'D LET ME GO.

OK. UH, I UH...

I'M SORRY, I UH...

I THOUGHT I COULD MAKE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN.

CRAZY THOUGHT.

I'LL TAKE YOU BACK IN THE MORNING.

MORNING GLORY, THIS IS SPOTTER.

COME IN, MORNING GLORY.

WHAT IS IT, BENTON?

WE GOT THE PIGEON WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

PIGEON? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THERE'S A GAL ABOARD SHIP

WORTH A COUPLE MILLION TO SOMEONE.

COME AND PICK HER UP.

OH, I AM SO PLEASED TO SEE

THAT THE FARMING LIFE REALLY AGREES WITH YOU TWO.

OH, YES, IT'S JUST PEACHY.

WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.

UH, TATTOO, MAY I BE OF ANY SERVICE?

NO, THANK YOU, BOSS.

I TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS

WITH THE REVEREND AND HIS DAUGHTER.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.

THAT'S 12 CARTONS OF EGGS.

TRIPLE A AND SUPER FRESH.

JUST LIKE THOSE RADISHES.

THEY DON'T LOOK FRESH TO ME.

THEN YOU'RE LOOKING WRONG.

I PICKED 'EM THIS MORNING.

YOU'RE LUCKY TO GET GOODS LIKE THESE.

ALL RIGHT. THAT MAKES SIX CRATES,

PLUS THE EGGS, THAT'S UH...

$37.

I CAN OFFER YOU CASH OF $60 IN TRADE.

TRADE FOR WHAT?

A FULL, REAL CASHMERE SUIT FOR YOUR FATHER.

THANKS, BUT WE'LL TAKE CASH.

COME ON. WE GOTTA GET BACK.

WE'LL COLLECT LATER.

I MAKE THE SAME OFFER IN SHOES.

GOOD MORNING.

DID YOU SLEEP WELL?

YES.

AHOY! YOU, IN THE SMALL BOAT. GIVE AWAY!

IT MUST BE DONALD SAVING ME.

GET OUT OF HERE!

MAN THE YARD ARM, OR STAND BY TO REPEL.

WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?

THOSE GUYS ARE SHOOTING REAL BULLETS.

LOOK OUT.

ABANDON SHIP!

LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

THIS IS ONE OF YOUR TRICKS, ISN'T IT, CAVANAUGH.

I WISH IT WAS.

JUMP! HELP!

EN GARDE!

I GOT A BETTER ONE FOR YOU.

STICK 'EM UP.

CAVANAUGH.

NO, DON'T BE SCARED, MARY.

SHUT UP. GET IN THE BOAT.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. MOVE ALONG.

COME ON, YOU, TOO, LET'S GO.

THANKS A LOT, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

OH, MR. ROARKE. MR. ROARKE.

AH, MR. JOHNSON, AND HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

HOW AM I, HE ASKS.

THEN I CAN ASSUME YOU ARE PLEASED

WITH THE FULFILLMENT OF YOUR FANTASY.

PLEASED IS HARDLY THE WORD.

HOW CAN I EVER THANK YOU?

YOUR HAPPINESS, MR. JOHNSON, IS MY REWARD.

THANK YOU.

MR. JOHNSON. WHAT'S YOUR FANTASY?

WELL, YOU SEE, MY FAVORITE TV SHOW

WAS THREE'S COMPANY.

THAT'S WHERE THIS YOUNG MAN

SHARES AN APARTMENT WITH THESE TWO UH...

LUSCIOUS BEAUTIES, AND WHAT FUN THEY HAVE.

AND YOU WISH TO DO THE SAME?

RIGHT AS RAIN, TATTOO.

GIRLS, RIGHT THIS WAY, PLEASE.

HELLO. WATCH YOUR STEP.

AH, AH, AH, EXCUSE ME. ALLOW ME, ALLOW ME.

ALLOW ME. HELLO. WILL YOU EXCUSE ME.

BOSS, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

ON THE TV SHOW, THERE ARE TWO GIRLS.

I COUNTED FIVE.

HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?

HEARD WHAT, BOSS?

INFLATION, MY DEAR TATTOO.

INFLATION?

INFLATION.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE ACCOMPLISHING?

WELL, YOU SAW BROYLAN.

I GOTTA GET MY HANDS IN SHAPE

SO I CAN HIT THAT MARK.

WE NEED A STAKE TO GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, HARMONY, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

MAYBE WE COULD STAY HERE. IT'S A THOUGHT.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

I DON'T THINK IT'S SO CRAZY.

YOU WANT TO LIVE ON A FARM?

OK, I'LL ARRANGE IT.

I'LL SEND YOU TO YOUR AUNT LAURA'S.

WE GOTTA GET OFF THIS ISLAND FIRST.

HARMONY, I'M NOT A FARMER. I'M A PICKPOCKET.

IT'S THE ONLY THING I DO WELL.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I WAS PLAYING A DUMB, KID GAME

WITH THESE DUMB THINGS.

NOW WHAT GOOD DID THAT DO?

IT HELPED ME MAKE UP MY MIND.

LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY HANDS.

I'LL HIT THE MARK FOR US.

YOU? WITH BROYLAN AROUND? TALK SENSE, HARMONY.

YOU'RE YEARS AWAY FROM BEING A PASSABLE DIP.

FACT IS, YOU'RE NOT EVEN A GOOD STALL YET.

OH, YES, I AM.

AND I CAN DO IT.

HARMONY, COME BACK HERE.

HARMONY, OPEN UP!

COME ON NOW. I'M YOUR DAD.

HARMONY?

I AM WHAT I AM BECAUSE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE.

DAMN IT, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

I DON'T WANT YOU TO GROW UP TO BE A THIEF.

HARMONY!

I'M GETTING REAL PUNKED OFF.

HARMONY, NOW OPEN THIS DOOR.

OK, YOU WANT TO GET STUBBORN? STAY IN THERE.

LET'S GO. COME ON.

YOU EXPECT US TO STAY IN THIS DUMP?

JUST UNTIL HER BOYFRIEND PAYS THE RANSOM.

RANSOM?

WHAT RANSOM?

WHAT IF HE DOESN'T PAY, WHAT THEN?

NOTHING.

YOU BOTH JUST SIMPLY DISAPPEAR.

MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.

YOU CAN BE THANKFUL NOW THAT I MARRIED SOMEBODY

AS PRINCIPLED AND DEPENDABLE AS DONALD.

HE'LL SAVE YOUR MISERABLE HIDE, TOO.

THIS MADNESS CATCHING, CAVANAUGH.

YOU ALMOST HAD ME GOING THERE AGAIN.

WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE LEFT ME ALONE.

I'D BE MARRIED NOW, AND ON MY HONEYMOON.

I'M REALLY SORRY, MARY.

I NEVER MEANT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN.

YOU NEVER DO.

JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME, OK?

WHENEVER YOU'RE NEAR ME, THERE'S TROUBLE.

HARMONY?

YOU BEEN IN THERE AN HOUR. GET OUT HERE.

OH, BABY. DON'T TRY IT.

YOU WANT A GRAPE?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A GRAPE?

WANT A LITTLE GRAPE? THERE YOU GO.

WELL, YOU DRINK AND BE MERRY. ISN'T THAT GOOD TASTING?

WANT ANOTHER ONE, YEAH?

HOW ABOUT THAT, ISN'T THAT GOOD?

WANT ANOTHER ONE? HERE YOU GO.

WANT SOME? YEAH, THAT'S GOOD ISN'T IT, HUH.

THERE YOU GO. MY GOODNESS SAKES.

HAVE SOME MORE. YEAH. THERE YOU GO.

HEY! GOT YOU!

LET ME GO!

NOT VERY LIKELY, LITTLE LADY.

HERE YOU ARE, SIR.

SO HE'S GOT YOU DOING THE WORK FOR HIM NOW, HUH?

PLEASE, I COULDN'T LET PETEY DO IT.

I HAD TO DO IT MYSELF.

WELL, MR. ROARKE.

DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE CHARGE NOW?

OBVIOUSLY YOU ALREADY HAVE.

PLEASE HELP ME, MR. ROARKE.

I'M SORRY. THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

DON'T TAKE ME, BROYLAN.

PLEASE.

COME ON.

LET ME GO! LET ME GO!

I'M SORRY, PETEY.

I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING.

THEM IS THE BREAKS, KID. JUST THE BREAKS.

NO. IT WAS ALL MY FAULT.

BEING HERE. YOUR HANDS.

GETTING YOU ON THAT FARM.

NOW I'M BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU.

OH, WILL YOU STOP BLAMING YOURSELF.

CAN I TELL HIM, MR. ROARKE?

YES, I THINK YOU SHOULD.

TELL ME WHAT?

MR. ROARKE WAS HELPING ME.

NOTHING THAT HAPPENED WAS AN ACCIDENT.

THIS WAS ALL MY FANTASY FROM THE BEGINNING.

WHAT IS SHE SAYING?

THERE WASN'T EVEN REAL PREACHER.

HE WAS JUST A GUY I HIRED TO PLANT THE TICKET ON.

SO YOU COULD STEAL IT.

IT WAS ALL JUST TO GET US HERE.

HERE TO FANTASY ISLAND.

IS THIS TRUE?

YES, MR. RAVEN. EVERY WORD OF IT.

HER GETTING CAUGHT?

BROYLAN COMING HERE WAS ALL PART OF IT, TOO?

NO. AS YOU SEE, THOSE WERE JUST THE BREAKS.

WHY?

I KNEW I'D BE TAKEN AWAY NEXT TIME YOU TUMBLED.

YOU'RE GOOD, PETEY.

BUT THERE'S ALWAYS THE BREAKS.

AND THE GRABS CAN GO SOUR.

THEN I REMEMBERED YOUR BEDTIME STORIES.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE MEANT THEM JUST A LITTLE.

YOU COULDN'T GET IN TROUBLE WORKING ON A FARM.

I JUST WANTED US TO BE TOGETHER, PETEY.

I HAVE REALLY LET YOU DOWN.

ALL ON THE LINE.

ALL YOUR LIFE.

IT'S TIME TO GO.

SEE YOU, PETEY.

TED?

TED, WHERE ARE YOU?

SHH. SHH.

UNLESS YOU WANT TO WAKE HIM UP.

HOW'D YOU GET THESE OFF?

CAVANAUGH?

I HAD A PALETTE KNIFE HIDDEN IN MY BOOT.

I'VE BEEN SCRAPING ROTTEN ADOBE ALL NIGHT.

OK, GET THESE ROPES.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

WHERE?

WHERE? ESCAPE.

WE'RE ESCAPING. LET'S GO.

AND GET SHOT AT?

YOU'RE CRAZY AS USUAL.

I'LL WAIT HERE UNTIL DONALD COMES WITH THE MONEY.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

DO YOU REALLY THINK HE'S COMING WITH THE MONEY?

AND IF HE DID, DO YOU THINK THEY'D LET US GO?

COME ON.

WHY SHOULDN'T THEY? I'M STAYING.

I HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO ARGUE. WE'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.

NO. YOU'RE NOT KIDNAPPING ME AGAIN.

I AM NOT KIDNAPPING YOU.

I'M SAVING YOU. NOW, COME ON.

LOOK, I'M THE GOOD GUYS. THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT THERE.

LET'S GO!

HELP! HELP!

NO, PLEASE! DON'T DO THAT!

WHAT... ARE YOU CRAZY?

WHAT'S THE MATTER, DON'T YOU LIKE THE ROOM?

NO. IT'S THE SERVICE.

WHAT TIME WILL MR. GIDDING BE HERE FOR ME?

HE WON'T.

MR. GIDDING RADIOED HIS REGRETS

AND SENT HIS DEEP LOVE.

BUT HE SAID IT'S AGAINST HIS PRINCIPLES

TO PAY RANSOM.

HE SAID YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND.

IT TAKES A STRONG MAN

TO STAND UP FOR HIS PRINCIPLES.

EVEN WHEN IT HURTS.

I ADMIRE HIM FOR THAT.

WONDERFUL.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

IT'S TIME TO DISAPPEAR. COME ON.

BENTON!

BENTON! BENTON!

COME ON, THEY GOT AWAY. THAT WAY!

HURRY UP!

THERE THEY GO.

NEVER MIND. FORGET IT.

WE BLEW IT.

GROWING FOND OF THE CHICKENS, MR. RAVEN?

WELL, IT'S NOT A LOVE AFFAIR YET,

BUT THEY'RE NOT AS BAD AS I THOUGHT THEY WERE.

I HAD MY CHANCE HERE TO TURN IT ALL AROUND.

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

MOST OPPORTUNITIES ARE LOST BECAUSE THEY AREN'T RECOGNIZED.

I'D DO ANYTHING TO KEEP HER, MR. ROARKE.

ANYTHING.

EVEN GIVE UP PICKING POCKETS?

I GAVE THAT UP BACK IN THE VISITOR'S ROOM WITH HARMONY.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT CAVANAUGH ANYMORE, MUMSY.

AND AS FOR YOU, DONALD,

IF MARY CAN STAND YOU, I WASH MY HANDS.

I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NO GENTLEMEN, CAVANAUGH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE LUCKY WE DON'T PROSECUTE YOU.

GOODBYE, MARY.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OFF THIS DREADFUL ISLAND.

WELL, THE CEREMONY WILL BE SIMPLE,

PROPER AND BRIEF.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, DARLING? HOW DOES THAT STRIKE YOU?

WITH JUST A FEW DOZEN CLOSE FRIENDS,

THE RECEPTION AT HOME.

WOULDN'T IT BE MUCH BETTER? I CAN ARRANGE IT.

WELL, I WANT TO THANK YOU

FOR GIVING ME THE SHOT, MR. ROARKE.

IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT I BLEW IT.

OH, IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

I JUST COULDN'T ACCEPT THE FACT

THAT SHE DIDN'T LOVE ME.

ONLY MY OVERSIZED EGO MADE ME THINK SHE EVER DID.

MARY.

YOU'VE BEEN WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE, CAVANAUGH.

LET'S NOT SPOIL A PERFECT RECORD NOW.

OH, MARY. OH...

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M DOING THIS.

HIS CRAZINESS MUST BE CATCHING.

IT IS. IT'S DEFINITELY CATCHING.

MY MOTHER AND DONALD REALLY THINK

CAVANAUGH HAS KIDNAPPED ME AGAIN?

AS SOON AS THE PLANE IS IN THE AIR,

I'LL SEE THE SEARCH PARTY'S CALLED OFF.

SEARCH PARTY?

AS I FIGURED,

THEY SHOULD BE SEVERAL MILES INTO THE JUNGLE BY NOW.

MR. ROARKE, HOW CAN WE EVER THANK YOU

FOR HELPING US GET AWAY?

GOODBYE, MR. CAVANAUGH.

BYE. GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

SEE YOU.

COME ON, YOUNG LADY. LET'S GO.

SERGEANT, MAY I HAVE A WORD.

CERTAINLY.

UH, I'M VERY, VERY EMBARRASSED TO TELL YOU,

BUT I'M AFRAID THERE'S A PROBLEM.

I HAD A LONG TALK

WITH THE CHIEF MAGISTRATE OF THE ISLAND,

AND OH, HE'S SUCH A STUBBORN MAN,

HE JUST WON'T LET YOU TAKE THE YOUNG LADY

FROM THE ISLAND.

WHAT?

SOMETHING ABOUT EXTRADITION PAPERS.

AND UH, YOU DON'T HAVE THEM.

WHAT ABOUT HARMONY? WHAT'S HE GONNA DO WITH HER?

HE'S TALKING PAROLE.

BUT OF COURSE IT'S CONDITIONAL.

IT SEEMS WE HAVE NO ONE TO RUN THAT FARM.

SO HIS HONOR THOUGHT YOU TWO MIGHT DO IT.

IT DOES SOLVE THE PICKPOCKET PROBLEM,

DOESN'T IT, SERGEANT?

THINK WHAT IT WILL DO TO HIS HANDS?

WAIT A MINUTE. WHERE IS THIS JUDGE?

I WANT TO TALK TO HIM.

YOU ARE, SERGEANT.

YOU ARE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU TWO?

I MEAN YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

ON A FARM HERE.

RIGHT OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, DO YOU?

HUH? HUH?

WELL, MR. ROARKE,

I DON'T THINK I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN.

I DON'T THINK YOU'LL SEE THEM AGAIN EITHER, SERGEANT.

THANK YOU. ADIOS.

GOODBYE.