Original subtitles

It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV.

But where are those good old -fashioned values on which we used to rely?

Lucky there's a family guy.

Lucky there's a man who, a new man who, all the things that make us laugh and

cry. We are Family Guy!

What is this? It's incredible.

It's like, I mean, one must presume the car was on the way to eat at home, but,

you know, because restaurants have a reputation of convenience and

deliciousness, the driver was forced to veer away, putting other drivers at

risk. But that just underscores how much better restaurants are than home.

That's what makes it funny. That's why we're all laughing.

Have you never seen a meme?

A meme?

What the devil is that?

People take an image and put some stupid little text on it and think they're

funny. Memes are basically Mad Libs for personality.

Take it easy, they're free.

No, they take zero thought or effort, like movies for Kevin Costner.

Okay, so your character's in a cowboy hat looking way off in the distance.

What if it's just kind of off in the distance?

Uh, sure. And you're having a really hard time. What if it's just kind of a

time? That should work. Oh, and the leading lady is young, but I'm guessing

prefer kind of young?

Nah. I won't push back on that one.

Ah, never gonna have a better opportunity.

Excuse me, sir?

Okay, you're out on the water. Settle a bet between me and Cleveland.

Is the Little Mermaid black?

I don't know about that, but I'm a Navy SEAL, so I'm legally required to inform

you that I killed Bin Laden.

If that's true, what's his first name?

Osama. This guy's the real deal.

Do you think whales ate him by now?

Actually, based on where we dumped him and the way the ocean historically

he could be near Quahog.

Wait a minute, guys.

If we got a boat and found Bin Laden, we could charge people five bucks to kick

him in the balls. Or the butt. Yeah, sure, balls or butt. Who's in? In. In.

Thank you for your service.

Oh, I'm not a sailor. I'm just a Brazilian guy in my everyday clothes.

Oh, then thank you for your outside dancing.

It's nothing. I'll see you outside.

Samba, samba, samba.

Hey, Bri, are vegans known for, like, always talking about being vegans? Uh,

yeah, I guess.

Click on that.

This makes zero sense.

No, because vegans are always, like, telling you they're vegan, right?

Okay. And see, it says nobody because, like, nobody asked, right? But this guy,

our protagonist, he doesn't care. Oh, no, he doesn't care about the nobody.

just going to jump on in there and give you his two bits. But, like, nobody

asked, right? That's why it says nobody up top. Is that hilarious?

Yeah, I'm trying to work.

Yeah, I should get back to work, too.

Forwarding memes isn't work. Well, the Internet begs to differ. I'm getting a

lot of likes on my posts.

They're not your posts. You're not doing anything original, says the guy writing

a script called Barbie 3.

Yeah, because somebody's probably already doing Barbie 2. Yeah, I think

doing the same level of original.

Look at this one!

It's based on the game Rock, Paper, Scissors. That's why it's funny. But

baby? Like, I'm already laughing.

Can you even?

So this was your idea?

No. But you found the pictures?

No. Well, you must have come up with the text. No, but I knew the perfect time

to hit send. That's what it's all about.

You didn't do anything.

Brian, it's like this. The mean is the plane, and I'm the pilot. Right, so

sometimes the plane goes on autopilot, but I'm still at the controls drinking

Diet Coke.

So you're the autopilot of comedy? I get you from not laughing Rhode Island to

laughing Rhode Island. It takes one hour to drive diagonally across the entire

state. I should have said Texas.

You know, Lois said it's stupid to look for Bin Laden's corpse because a drunk

guy at a bar said to. But look at us.

I'm getting kind of hungry. What'd you bring for eats, Peter?

Wheat thins and Costco muffins. That's all guys need. Peter, that is a home

Out of the park.

I was smiling as soon as you said it. Lois looked sad when she saw the food.

That was good food. You did really good.

Wives just want us to do what they want.

Say less, King.

You know, it's so easy and fun with you guys out here. Sometimes I wish the

world was just guys.

Oh, my God! We've been struck by lightning!

I think I possibly took the brunt of it.

Oh,

my

God! The boat!

Yeah, we might be out here for a while, so someone needs to carry the

conversation. Did you guys know that Triscuit...

is short for electric biscuit.

Also, there are no raccoons in Alaska.

Let's just all drown quietly to ourselves.

How's that?

Joe was a true friend.

I'm going to miss him so much. And we should probably start sorting out who's

going after Bonnie. Nice try, Weisenheimers. Joe, how'd you make it

floats. How about you guys?

We clung to old graduation balloons and one turtle who was caught in the ribbon.

A little help with the ribbon? We're not supposed to touch you because then your

mom won't take you back.

My mom died before America was formed. Oh, yeah, you guys live a long time,

Yeah, I was in the Turtle Brigade in the Civil War.

Which side? Don't ask which side.

Does anybody's phone work?

No. Negative.

We need to find shelter for the night.

Oh, my God! A house!

It looks like a villain's lair.

Yeah, it's like Robocop's beach house from the 80s future.

Word of caution, if you run around in socks in this place, you are definitely

slipping, my friends.

I'm zonked. I'm in a crash.

Yeah, me too. I call the master bedroom.

It's called a primary bedroom now.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll be in the bedroom primary baiting.

Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.

Coming up, one side of a local news station falling into a sinkhole. But

wreckage from a quahog boat was just spotted a few miles off the coast of

gay party spot Fire Island.

I wonder if that's Peter's boat.

Damn, right to voicemail. Hey, this is Pete, single and ready to mingle.

There we go. That ought to break someone's ankle this summer.

Dogs and holes.

Name a more iconic duo. I'll wait.

What? No, I'm just saying, this is a mood.

How is this a mood?

Elaborate. No, I'm just saying, I was today years old when I learned dogs are

vindictive. Why are you talking like that? I'm in my meme phase, Bri. When I

can't see them, I talk like them. My man talks like a internet now.

Well, stop it. It's stupid.

Cranky writer upset at friend's fun.

Didn't have that on my 2026 bingo card.

Bingo card is so good.

What bingo card? Show me the card.

Well, it's more about what's not on the bingo card.

Yeah, it's what's not on there, Brian.

Also, don't bingo cards just have numbers and not entire phrases?

Yeah, you kind of have to be funny to get it. All right, I'm going in. You're

making no sense. I think what you mean to say is the math ain't mathin'.

Full stop.

Yeah, you don't have to say full stop. That's what a period is. Yo, we talking

about periods?

Let me let you in on a little toothbrushing secret.

Crest. How is crest a secret?

This was all there was in the closet.

Yeah, same here.

Do we look chic? What's chic?

OMG, look at all us chic -ass boys.

I'll check on our phone.

Still nothing.

I can't believe this.

Wait, do you hear that?

These must be the island natives.

They clearly have a proud culture of music, dance, and flavored vodka.

Wow, everybody's just doing what they like. Those hefty bearded guys are

watching the Mets game.

And those shiny little jack guys are playing underwear volleyball.

Yeah, and everybody else is drinking, dancing, and horsing off in the pool.

Is it possible this is Kokomo? It's checking too many boxes.

Wait, don't you see? On the boat, I wished for a world that was just guys,

then we got struck by lightning.

I manifested this place into existence.

Come on, we gotta fit in with the locals.

Hi, I'm Peter. Our boat crashed here, and we slept in a future house with

toilets and white couches.

Julian, we all get to the island in our own way, but you're here, and you

belong. Are there any women on the island? Just one. Her name is Molly, and

sits in your mouth. Say, hello, Molly.

Hello, Molly.

My God, it feels like Christmas morning. On Fire Island, every day is Christmas.

Spike the drinks with pills of molly, fa -la -la -la -la, la -bo -win -yang.

Lid -la -bet and pot and dolly, fa -la -la -la -la, la -bo -win -yang.

Don, we now are gay apparel, fa -la -la -la -la, la -bo -win -yang.

My, just roofie, carl and furrow, fa -la -la -la -la, la -bo -win -yang.

With the ladies, we don't bother.

Fa -la -la -la -la, Bowen Yang.

Give us to a leap of water.

Fa -la -la -la -la, Bowen Yang.

Bravo is our only cable. Fa -la -la -la -la, Bowen Yang.

Eight mimosas for the table. Fa -la -la -la -la, Bowen Yang.

And Pete Buttigieg.

Hey, Stewie, what is all this?

My memes have been getting so much attention that I got a book deal.

What? You just forward other people's pictures and words.

Yeah, the biggest reward for winning new media is getting to do old media.

Drake meme here.

Boston cop slide meme here.

Willy Wonka here.

Kermit sipping tea here. This is ridiculous.

You're not an author.

Yeah, that's not what Harper Collins thinks.

Either Harper or Collins just sent a clip from my audio book. We used Morgan.

Don't you just love Morgan?

Chapter two.

We see Will Ferrell with a mustache. The caption reads, me shopping with my

wife. It looks to me like he'd rather be anywhere else.

What a day. Riding bikes in town, being so loud at restaurants that people

leave, sending food back before we even saw it. Thanks for taking us in. Of

course. Of course. We're a community here.

Everyone pulls weight and helps in their own way. A lot of us don't feel

supported in our regular lives.

That's exactly how I feel.

My phone works.

Peter, you're alive!

Not only alive, I'm thriving on a magic island I wish for that's just guys who

are nice. I want you to meet Timothy, Michael, and Robert.

Hi, Tim, Mike, and Rob.

No! For some reason, we only use full names here. It's like the only thing we

get mad about. You're on Fire Island, Peter. It's just a place for Wall Street

guys and regional weathermen to be gay.

Lois, you're embarrassing me. None of these guys' wives are calling them.

enough. You need to come home.

No, it's too fun here.

When dessert comes out, we say we'll only have a bite, but we have more than

bite. Then we call Chef Mario a devil.

You know what happens when you tell our secrets, Peter.

Don't do it. Don't do it, Timothy.

I'm going to tickle you.

I'm starting to think Chef Mario's not the devil. You are, Timothy.

Peter's having a great time.

He's definitely not being tickled too much.

I'm alive, I'm fine, and I'm staying.

Gotta go, Lois. I'm driving.

Bye.

Dad's safe.

He's on Fire Island.

We haven't paid for anything yet. Can we chip in for brunch?

Robert is tallying the weekend costs so you can settle up all at once.

Oh, okay.

$5 ,000 each should do it.

I'm sorry, $5 ,000?

I didn't even have a bed.

Yeah, slobs sleep on couches.

You guys owe $5 ,000 too?

No, I'm hot, so I don't have to pay.

I thought this was a community where everyone takes care of each other. Yeah,

I'll go pay for hotties. Why should hot people pay?

That's gross.

Do you not have $5 ,000?

No. Why?

Because I have a wife.

Ew.

Perhaps there's another way we can pay.

Well, my house does need a new roof.

Perhaps something else?

Okay, I cut our debt in half, but we gotta get the hell off this island.

I hope you have an escape plan, Peter. Don't worry. We just got to think

the box. That's how those guys came up with the log flume ride.

All right, Madsen. I need a new idea for a ride or you're fired.

Got it. Have you ever taken a bath and wished you were going slowly uphill?

I think everyone has.

And you know how people love to get soaking wet and then not be able to go

for five hours?

Yeah. And don't you think the second word in a ride should be a word you've

never heard before in any other context?

Maybe. What's the word?

Flume. Madsen, we're gonna be rich.

Thank you all for coming. Sorry you had to watch me whisper -fight my publicist

for getting the wrong tea.

Too late, Tiffany.

All right, chapter one.

So women take a long time to get ready, but this guy takes it way further.

This skeleton, who starts presumably as a regular human guy, thinks his wife is

almost ready.

Cut to him being a skeleton and all of us laughing.

I love how he called the guy a human guy. Very quirky, very funny.

This isn't clever, and it's not comedy. Brian, this is comedy now.

Oh, it's a shortcut for people who aren't actually funny to seem funny.

Well, I like to think I'm capturing a relatable feeling and sharing it with

You forward -reheated soundbite leftovers to idiots doing the same

all idiots.

Congrats on your stolen comedy valor.

Uh, sir, this is a Wendy's.

That's from online.

And this guy's done adulting.

So good.

So good.

OK, so the plan is, when they use the blender, we move.

Put on these rollerblades. Next blender, we're through the gate.

Those freeloaders are getting away!

Beach game, activate!

Weren't you trying to get away from us?

Julian, I meant the boat. Sorry, I'm twisted.

YMCA occupation gaze, activate!

Peter, the deer!

I already got bit by kids.

That's the last ferry of the day.

It's too far.

Wait, Peter.

Do you still have that cocaine locket that Julian gave you? Yeah, but I wanted

to save it for a special night with my family.

Peter.

Oh, my God. We made it.

Bye. Have a fun trip.

Aren't you mad at us? We're guys.

We get over stuff fast. Come back next summer for our PJ party.

We'll bring our families.

No, don't. Don't bring them.

Morning, Stewie.

What is this? What are you doing? Well, I can't get you to stop doing memes, so

this exorcism will rid you of them.

I won't recycle images from the office and add my own text to it. I won't

recycle... Oh, Bri, you sweet summer child.

This isn't going to work.

We have other ways.

Chris, but I thought you were on my side.

Well, I'm Gen Z and loyal to no one. Bet you didn't have that on your bingo

card. What is that?

You're getting a lobotomy. When I flip the switch, all memes will rush into

brain and explode out of you.

No, please!

It's working!

First world problem.

Cringe. Weird black, but okay.

Stewie, can you talk as yourself?

Am I... am I doing it?

Oh, thank God, you're back.

I wonder where all those memes went.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Where do you come up with this stuff?

Home again, home again, giggity -gig.

Peter, I'm so happy you're home.

Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry. I guess I learned that both men and women are

bitchy when money is involved.

That's what you learned?

And that I'd rather get yelled at by a woman than get yelled at by a guy.

Oh, a thousand percent. It's safer.

I love you, Lois.

Oh, Peter, I love you, too. I'm glad you're home.

I thought you'd be more mad at me.

Oh, I could be mad and have a dozen unopened jars, or I'll forgive you, have

open the jars and start my soup.

Start with the big Rao's one.

I will, Lois, even though that one always hurts my hand. I'm just so happy

back in a world with women.

Good, because I had the craziest dream last night, and I'm going to tell you

about it. Okay, so follow me here. It's complicated.

Here's $5 ,000. I want back in.

Sorry, Stewie. I just need to make sure all that meme nonsense is done.

See, he's smirking because he's so proud of himself for ordering a pizza.

Funny, right?

No, not funny or clever.

Good to have you back, buddy.

Said no one.

It's funny because it's just like ordering a pizza. That expression is

too big for just ordering food to a place you usually wouldn't.