Original subtitles

Come on, everybody. Follow me. You too, partner.

- You'll see. Come on.

Behold.

- 'New car.' - 'Nope, an old car.'

Wait a minute, that's not that burned-out hulk

you picked up a few months ago for 83 bucks, is it?

- Bingo. Yeah. - 'No kidding.'

You mean, you built it back up yourself?

Oh, with a little help from his friends.

From the ground up.

- I'm really impressed. - I thought you might be.

You know, I read somewhere that a man's car

is not so much a means of transportation

but more of a extension of the male ego.

Oh, Sindy, please. Enough of the female chauvinism, huh?

Hey, police persons.

Could we give the state a fair shake for a change?

Hit the bricks.

Hi.

I like your car.

Uh, thanks. I don't think we've met.

Oh, Kim Balford. I moved in a few days ago.

Oh, well, uh, welcome to the garden spot of the Marina.

I'm Frank Poncherello, apartment 127.

In case you ever need a cup of sugar.

- I'll remember that. - Alright.

- Piece of cake.

Would you believe it?

That little baby can go from 0 to 60

in 8.6 seconds.

Would you believe in 6.3 seconds

I'm gonna fall asleep unless you change the subject?

You got it. What do you wanna talk about?

I don't know. How about the Middle East crisis?

Okay, two to one, my car can go from Tel Aviv

to Suez Canal in less than an hour and a half.

Yeah, that '77 Corvette's carrying old plates.

Yellow and black, they stopped handing those out

eight years ago.

LA, 15, 7 Mary 4 on road. 10-29. Sam Adam Ocean. 476.

'15, 7 Mary 4. 10-36 on Sam Adam Ocean. 476.'

' - 7 Mary 3, 10-4.

We're southbound harbor at Santa Barbara.

'10-4, 7 Mary 3.'

Ponch, you alright?

Oh, man, what's the old expression?

Another day, another dollar?

- Yeah, I think so.

How about you guys? You alright?

Yeah, those crazy kids, they could have killed us.

Everything's cool now. Would you guys please clear the sidewalk?

Yeah, sure. And thanks, both of you guys.

LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4. Uh, code four on the pursuit.

We lost the vehicle.

Hey, wait a minute. I thought you said you were alright.

I am. I'm fine. I just banged up my finger a little.

Yeah, well, come on, we're going over to county receiving

and, uh, I don't want any back talk.

Hey, sarge.

I wanted to report a missing officers' lounge.

Cute, Baricza. If you wanna laugh, call me Tuesday, huh?

Hey, look who's here.

I thought a fallen hero was supposed to be

carried home on his shield.

- Very funny. - Let me guess.

You'll never play the piano again.

Uh, Poncherello, you wanna step into my office, please?

Hey, what's going on around here, huh?

Didn't you read the bulletin board?

They're putting in a women's locker room.

- Orders from Sacramento.

Another blow for women's lib.

Poncherello.

Uh, yeah.

Oh, boy. As if I don't have enough problems.

Okay, now, Poncherello, what's the story?

Um, to quote the doc

"A severe hyperextension of the fourth phalangeal."

You have my sympathy. Just what's the bottom line?

Downtime, sarge. Light desk duty for at least a week.

What

I have half my regular staff

stacked up out there in the halls.

Yeah

Looks like I'll just have to climb on the old bike

and make the best of it, right, sarge?

Wait a minute.

I have a better idea.

If my memory serves me correctly..

If I can just get to it..

Here we go.

'Uh..'

Just like I thought.

We have a chance to make both of us happy now.

I don't follow.

You got five days vacation time coming.

Look, if you don't use it, you're gonna lose it.

You'll just be in the way around here.

Hey, look, Ponch, if you don't want it, I'll take it.

No, no, no. As long as I got 'em coming.

'I guess I'll go to the locker room, change clothes'

and plan out my trip.

I'm just not used to having the sarge wrapped around

my little finger, you know?

Ah, Sergeant Getraer.

Yeah.

Oh, this is really great for digestion.

Yeah, perfect time to go on a diet if I wasn't so hungry.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Lucky.

Guess where I've been. How about that, huh?

One quick trip to the Auto Club

and I got my whole vacation laid out.

Oh, great. I don't think I can stand it.

San Francisco?

Can you think of a better way

to break in that little bronze beauty of mine?

And on the way, of course, I'll, uh, hit Big Sur

Carmel, Monterey.

Do you wanna get married and take me away from all this?

- Sorry.

- Me too.

Oh, no. My wallet's gone.

Hey, anybody see the duty roster?

You check your locker?

Well, maybe you left it at home.

When was the last time you saw it?

Maybe I ought to just put in for early retirement.

Thanks for the lift home, partner.

Hey, no sweat.

Hope you don't mind watching my motor while I'm gone.

Oh, but I would like to check out your patio for my wallet.

'Maybe I left it up there.'

Oh! I'm sorry, old buddy.

I know what you must be going through.

Oh, well, it was worth a try.

Oh, uh, that's Kim.

'Kim Balford. A new addition around here.'

Boy

Hey, come on, Jon. Shape up.

This is a whole new age. They got their rights too.

Right.

Oh, by the way, can I use your phone?

I gotta stop three blank checks I was carrying just in case.

Sure, man. Be my guest. I got some packing to do.

That's right, you're gonna split first thing in the morning.

Yeah, by noon tomorrow, my bomb and I will be somewhere

north of San Luis Obispo floating on cloud nine.

Hey, Ponch, what happened?

Don't tell me you're into rebuilding taxicabs.

Easy, now. That's it.

Now, don't scrape the door.

Hey, sarge. You're not gonna believe this.

Uh, it will have to wait, Frank. I'm busy now.

My car's been stolen.

Okay, do you wanna put it over there?

Yeah. Right up against the wall.

Hey, Jon, guess what.

I didn't lose my wallet.

I lost my entire identity as a human being.

'I lost my driver's license, Master charge card'

social security card, department charge plate

and oil company credit card.

Jon, my car was stolen. Ripped off!

- Of course.

I had a black-and-white out there in five minutes.

Oh, no. I even lost my medical plan card.

I don't believe this.

That's right. Max Kinneman. He's my insurance agent.

Well, uh, when he gets back, please have him call

Officer Poncherello at the CHP.

- Thank you. - Hey, Ponch, I'm sorry.

Look, uh, I was wrapped up in my own selfish little world.

About your car, I mean, it just didn't sink in.

- Yeah, it's the pits.

Hey, you guys.

I'm not running a social club here.

Man's all heart.

Oh, by the way, Poncherello

I expedited your stolen car report in the teletype

and I'll make it a special item at the next briefing.

Hey, thanks, sarge. I really appreciate it.

Now, will you go home and relax?

'Those of us who, uh, aren't on vacation'

we'll take it from here.

That will be the day.

Ooh, Sindy.

I thought you were on your way to San Francisco.

Me too, until my car got ripped off.

- Oh, no. - Oh, yes.

And I'm in need of some wheels fast.

Can I borrow yours?

Well, I don't know. Can you ride a bike?

Oh, sorry. Real rotten timing.

Sure. Keep it as long as you like.

- I can always bum a ride. - Oh, thank you.

- Yeah. Bye-bye.

Where else? Auto Theft.

Jon, so help me.

I'm going to get that car back if it's the last thing I do.

I'll see you later.

Alright, here's the breakdown on those truck parts

our old friend, Fast Freddy is supposed to be bringing down

to that Orange County swap meet.

Excuse me. I must be in the wrong place.

I was told there's some hard-working officers here.

Ponch, you son of a gun.

How's my favorite tar jockey?

On vacation... by popular demand.

Ouch. How did that happen?

I was practicing, uh, slides

and I forgot to get off my motorcycle.

I'm sorry about that. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?

Sure.

So, tell me.

If you're on vacation, what are you doing down here?

- I came to help. Help who?

- Help you find my car.

Last night or this morning at the Marina.

Marina, huh? That's interesting.

- Well, the Marina's the worst.

Yeah, right now, we're losing

six to eight high performance jobs a day down there.

- 'Oh, no question.'

Except for a few joyriders

there's a major ring working the Marina.

Only trouble is we keep coming up empty.

Well, that's all gonna change now that I'm at your service.

- Bill, please.

I got my life's blood poured into that car.

Alright, I read you, so just back off and give me

a little room and I'll see what I can come up with.

Oh, come on, Bill. What's with the fast shuffle?

I'm offering you my services free of charge.

Just point me in the right direction.

You're on.

Straight ahead.

Oh, come on, Bill. You can't do this to an old buddy.

Hey, look, Ponch, if you wanna help, check out your neighbors.

Maybe they saw something. You never can tell.

Okay? Then we can talk.

Okay. See you.

' - Your neighbor.

- Frank Poncherello. - 'The door's open.'

Hey, you shouldn't leave the door unlocked.

'Oh, we don't worry about things like that in Minnesota.'

- Hey, hello down there. - Hi.

Hey, listen, if I'm interrupting you, I can come back later.

Oh, don't be silly. I was just relaxing.

Ah, Kim, listen, apparently last night, someone stole my car.

And I was hoping maybe, uh, someone around here

might have seen something, like a stranger, a car

or a person who didn't belong, hmm?

Oh, that's a shame, Frank.

Um, I was studying a script all last night. I'm sorry.

- Oh, I'm working on it.

Well, you must be doing alright. I mean..

Sheer luck, I hit town when blonde hair

and blue eyes, and long legs were in demand.

It's too bad about your car.

Can I get you something to drink?

What do you got?

Buttermilk and organic apple juice.

Buttermilk's really good for your complexion.

Uh, no, thanks. Uh, you go ahead.

I'll take my chances.

- Yeah. In better days.

Daddy's been in a VA Hospital for over a year.

I'll bet they're really proud of you though.

I mean, making it in Hollywood.

Uh, that's got to be some accomplishment.

What, for a small town girl?

Well, at least daddy is not angry at mommy anymore

for making me tap-dance at every family party.

You too? You mean, uh..

- One, two, three, four. - Yes.

- We'll do it together. - Here. Let's go.

Oh!

So, anyhow, after them paying my bills for so many years

I can pay a few of theirs now.

That is very nice.

So, what do you do for a living? Show business?

No. I'm a highway patrolman.

Oh, that's interesting.

Uh..

Oh, I have to make an eight o'clock reading

for a new play at the Music Center.

It's really groovy, it's this, uh, rock groupie

who gets strangled in the second act.

Listen, I don't mean to be impolite.

I'd love to hear more about your work..

...and you.

Sounds like a barrel of fun.

Maybe later at the end of the week sometime?

Oh, hey, you got yourself a deal.

Okay. Come on.

- Bye.

'I must have talked to 15 neighbors'

not to mention the manager and the handyman.

- Uh-huh. - Nothing. Nobody saw a thing.

Well, I told you, if we're talking an organized ring

like I think we are, they're real pros.

So what do we do now?

That's easy, I follow what few leads I've got

and you go home and take two aspirin.

One for you and one for me.

Hey, wait a minute. You got company.

They just nailed a '78 Jag at the same location.

I was on the phone so much today canceling credit cards

I'm surprised Getraer didn't put me on probation.

Well, at least you had something to do today.

Me, I'm going nuts trying to make myself useful.

I thought you weren't hungry, man.

Oh, well, I forgot I didn't eat lunch today.

I was down at Motor Vehicles getting a temporary license.

Kim.

Oh, Ponch, hi.

Come on. Grab a seat and join us for a cup of buttermilk?

Yeah, by all means, why don't you grab--

Uh, no, really. We just had lunch. Thanks.

So you'll keep us company.

Hi, I'm Ponch, and, uh, this handsome fellow is Jon.

Oh, this is Melodie Fisher.

Listen, we were just on the way home to rehearse a scene.

- Yeah, it's my big break.

- Oh! - Really, Ponch.

Some other time? We gotta run.

Nice meeting you, Jon.

- Bye. - Okay, bye.

A career. Always the career.

Well, let's face it. It's just not our day.

What was that all about?

You know the talkative one to the left?

Just happens to be a cop looking for a stolen car.

- Cop! - His stolen car.

A cop! What did you pick on a cop for?

Then I didn't know he was a cop.

Oh, God.

Hey, that's funny. I could have sworn Kim had a 280z.

Oh, man. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Well, listen, don't look at me.

You're the one that wanted to stop for a hamburger.

Alright, it looks like we're going to have to use plan B.

Come on, get your clothes off. Get 'em off!

Let's go. Come on!

- Okay, I'm ready. Let's go. - Okay, okay.

Tell me I didn't see what I thought I just saw.

Anybody aboard?

Oh!

Well, well, well.

- Oh! - I think we've had it.

Oh, I didn't know we were that far from the beach.

I hope this isn't any inconvenience.

Oh, not at all. Welcome aboard.

Oh, thank you.

- The answer is no.

Whatever it is that you're gonna bug me about this morning.

Now why would I bug you?

And if I do, why would it be about anything about my car?

And if it is about my car, what's new, man?

Ponch, I gotta level with you.

It's time to call in your insurance man.

If we don't come up with a vehicle in the first four days

you can usually figure it's a total wash.

Good, that gives us another 24 hours, doesn't it?

Why me?

Where did you get this thing?

Oh, we just recovered it from 16 feet of water.

- And zero.

We lifted a perfect set of prints off the rearview mirror.

- But they just don't check out. - Meaning a rank amateur.

Yeah, except that, uh, rank amateurs don't use

a slide hammer to yank the ignition lock.

No, these, uh, these cats just don't have any priors.

Now how and why? I don't know.

- Nah. No way.

I doubt it, but, uh, this neighbor of mine, an actress

she normally drives a 280z but yesterday, I saw her

and a friend climbing into a Lincoln.

That's interesting.

Yeah, your buddy, uh, Grossman tried to make a routine stop.

And he indicated that he thought that the, uh

two occupants were young women.

- You're kidding. - No.

You think you can get me a set of prints?

You know, now that you've, uh, made yourself

a full-fledged investigator.

Come on, Bill. It's probably just a coincidence.

She comes on like a pretty nice lady.

Well, you know, whatever, but, uh, why don't you jot down

her name and address just in case?

Wait a minute. What do you mean you can't accept it?

- It's my own personal check. - I know.

But your account has been flagged, we're stopping

all your checks on your old account at your own request.

Look, uh, thank you.

I would love to write a check on my new account but you told me

it would be two weeks before I get my new checkbook.

Maybe if I get the manager, Mr. Baker

he might be able to help you.

Yeah.

Jon, I'm glad I found you. I need your help.

Oh, look if you wanna borrow money, forget it.

I'm a man without a bank. I mean, they won't even--

Listen to this. You know my friend, Kim?

Busy, little actress?

The Screen Actors Guild never even heard of her.

And when I checked with the Music Center

they laughed at my face.

Yeah, well, she's probably blowing smoke your way. Ma'am?

Maybe so, especially when I start to think

of those binoculars she was using.

Oh, yeah, the better to see the boys with.

Or spot the cars with. Jon, they were 50 power.

That's more than Keith Jackson needs in the Superdome.

What's that have to do with me? I mean, I wanna help you, but--

You and I are gonna find out for sure if she's legit.

- First thing tomorrow. - Ponch, tomorrow's my day off.

I need a little objective support.

I'm sorry, Mr. Baker, but Mr. Kline is out to lunch.

Can you wait?

I can't win. Come on.

Remember, once we get a set of her fingerprints

on the glass, we can split anytime.

Ponch, you realize how much I could

accomplish on my day off?

Yeah, but you got to admit this is different, huh?

Intrigue, suspense, cherchez la femme,huh?

' - Ponch and Jon.

To brighten your day.

Just a second. I'm not dressed.

Hey, look at it this way. I'm doing you a favor.

Helping you to take your mind off losing your wallet.

Oh, it's not that I'm ungrateful.

Okay, bright eyes, rise and shine. Time to celebrate.

Yeah, today's Ponch's birthday.

And you have been selected by me

to join in the festivities.

Listen, guys. Not right now.

I'm really not in the mood.

Hey, Kim, what's the matter?

I just got a phone call from home.

My dad passed away last night.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry.

Look, uh, if there's anything we can do..

No. I'll be okay, really.

You just caught me in a really bad time.

At least you brought him a lot of happiness.

He had to be very proud of you.

I mean, with the career and everything.

My career?

It's a big fat lie.

A year and a half ago, I handed Johnny Carson

a bottle of shampoo, that's my career.

- Yeah, but doing all this--

Oh, I've done it all. Slinging drinks in the singles' bar.

Cosmetics door-to-door. A little modeling here and there.

You name it, I've done it.

Oh, man. I really let dad down.

Look, uh, why don't you have a glass of 100 percent

pure apple juice?

Ponch tells me it's your favorite, right?

There you go.

Uh, we better go.

I'm really sorry. I don't mean to be like this.

Look, Kim, you got every right to, and listen.

About you not cutting it as an actress, get off it, okay?

With what you got on the ball, something will come along.

Yeah, look, uh..

When it comes right down to it, it's just a job, right?

No, your things. You forgot them.

Oh, uh, enjoy the juice. I'll pick it up tomorrow, okay?

Bye.

Look, uh, we really pulled that one off, didn't we, Sherlock?

We got a beautiful set of prints right in there on the glass.

I know, but I just couldn't feel right about it, Jon.

Look, feeling sorry for Kim is one thing

but Bill Ross needed those fingerprints.

So that's Ross' problem.

Okay.

- My, my, what a performance. - You were great.

Call Oscar and tell him to get the cars ready.

- We're moving to Arizona. - I don't get it.

Well, the phone call that she got wasn't from back home.

It was from a friend from the Music Center.

Those cops have been checking up on her.

Yeah, they might have connected me with that Lincoln

we drove off the pier. They might know a whole lot more.

'Call Oscar. We're pulling out!'

Okay.

My Firebird is as good as gone. Ask anybody around here.

Ponch, ask at my office.

There's a 30-day waiting period before we can pay off.

Officer Baricza.

Yeah, has anybody seen the, uh, 1975

What am I supposed to do for wheels?

I don't know. You see, you didn't have extended coverage.

If you had, I could give you a full use of a loaner

until your car is recovered.

I told you, cancel the car.

It's either in a thousand pieces by now

'or it's, uh, on its way over the state line.'

We'll know that in 26 days, won't we?

Finally, I can go home now and relax

and make up for lost time.

What did you do? Pick up all your new credit cards?

Yeah, great, huh? I can go out.

And start, uh, spending next month's salary

like the rest of the world.

One moment, please. Hey, Ponch, telephone.

'Ross over at Auto Theft.'

- Thanks, Bear. - Yeah.

Let me guess, you spotted my car going east on Route 10

but there's not a thing you can do about it.

Yeah, we just ran a surveillance on your friend, Kim Balford.

- And, uh, we hit pay dirt.

Yeah, we connected her with a base for a big operation.

It's Kim. Ross thinks he has her nailed.

'Now, the sheriff is gonna cooperate with a stakeout'

beginning at 3 p.m. and there's something that you could do.

- Name it, Bill. - 'Drive by there.'

If you see your car on the premises, give me a call.

- It will help. - You got it.

Don't blow the stakeout, Ponch.

'And you'll need an unmarked vehicle.'

Uh, just a minute.

Uh, there's something we can do for Ross, okay?

What do you need me for? - I don't. I need your pickup.

Oh, no way. You're on your own. I gotta go home and relax.

You got it, Bill. I got Jon's pickup for as long as I need.

Let's go!

- Oh, Arizona, here we come! - Whoo!

- Yeah, I did.

And I told them they better have our money ready.

- Oh, yes. - Here we go. Come on.

That carrier, Jon. My car's on that carrier.

Only 2:30. Ross missed his timing.

Yeah, something must have tipped 'em off.

Wanna stop and call Ross?

No, let's just keep them in sight

and hope for a break.

He's still there.

'Who'd be tailing us in a pickup truck?'

I don't know, all I know is he made

a very fast U-turn back there.

Step on it. Go a little faster, Kim.

I am going faster. This isn't exactly a sprint car, you know.

A cop!

Hey, who said you can't find a cop when you need one?

It was a tail. He stopped that cop.

'Now what are we gonna do? We can't outrun 'em.'

Outsmart 'em. Whatever it costs.

Tell Ross you're making a run for it.

Get whatever assistance you can get.

We'll back you up, alright?

LA 15, 7 Mary 5, advise Auto Theft and all units.

Suspect's fleeing Pershing Road south.

- I don't see any carrier, Jon. - It can't be going that fast.

It must have made us and turned off. Catch Grossie.

Backtrack, Grossie! They turned off!

You got it.

Kim, look!

- Three women. - It's Kim.

Let it go.

Kim, stop!

Hold it right there.

10-97 Bryant Lane with two in custody.

And notify Auto Theft that Baker and Poncherello

are following a third suspect in a brown Firebird.

I hope we get help pretty soon.

Yeah, we could catch her if we had a police unit.

Look at that baby corner. Isn't that something, huh?

- Oh, my God. - I don't understand this, Kim.

Why, huh

I told you. I'm not a very good actress.

There's no way I was going back to Minnesota.

And all that guff about your father passing away

that was baloney, right? Was it?

- Yeah. - I don't get it, man.

With what you've got going, intelligence, personality

there were so many other ways you could've gone.

It seemed so easy.

And you can't beat the margin of profit.

Oh, man. That's really sad.

- Yeah.

Oh, it's too bad I couldn't find a nice, young man to take

care of me in the style that I was becoming accustomed to.

Oh, I...I'm really sorry about your car.

Yeah, me too.

Come on, Ponch, why don't you help me

move my truck out of the way, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, reach back there and give me my jacket, would you, please?

Sure.

- Here you go, man. - Thank you.

Oh!

- Oh, no, don't tell me.

My wallet. It's been here all the time.

Hey, the night that you helped me move my patio furniture

you were wearing that jacket.

Congratulations, man.

I mean, after all I went through changing things around

this is awful.