Original subtitles

Just got time to grab a fast shave before briefing.

Yeah, well, if you're late, I'll make the usual apologies.

Happy Halloween!

And a Happy Halloween to you!

You see what I just did?

Yeah. Well, it's a good thing you're not superstitious.

Good afternoon, men.

Hi, Grossie, uh. What's in the bag? Your lunch?

Nope. Guess again.

Apple for the teacher?

Even better.

Voila.

You'll note the resemblance, of course

to our fearless leader.

Grossie, if the sergeant notes that

you're gonna be in trouble.

Ah!

What did you do?

I nicked myself.

With an electric razor? That's not easy.

So far today, he's ran with 13 black cats

walked under a ladder, and now this.

Superstitious nonsense.

On the contrary

as a student of the occult

I find it fascinating.

You would.

Uh, well, Ponch isn't superstitious

so what difference does it make?

Right. What difference does it make?

Well, I'm glad you feel that way, Ponch.

Because if I were you, I'd be worried.

Briefing in two minutes.

I'll be there.

'Uh, tonight, in addition to your normal freeway beats'

you'll be responsible for patrolling

the adjacent surface streets as well.

Quite frankly, I'd rather see you get the witches

and the goblins home safely than write a fistful of cites.

What about the hobgoblin, sarge?

Uh-huh! Well, I'm glad you asked that, Baricza.

Because tonight I am treating the hobgoblin

as a separate item.

'Which brings me to the point I wish to make'

'the radio is to be used for official business only.'

Now, I will explain for the benefit of any new men present.

Sergeant?

Cahill?

Policepersons?

Ha ha!

I'll explain for the benefit

of any new policepersons present.

We have a joker in our midst.

On Halloween, he or she thinks

it's funny to broadcast certain original material.

Now, I don't happen to care for my very own hobgoblin

'so this year I plan to do something about it.'

Which is my way of telling the hobgoblin to think twice

before he or she takes the air.

Okay, that's it.

Uh, wait a minute. Uh, check signals.

Uh, whose is this thing?

I made it, sarge, for you.

You call this a jack-o'-lantern?

Where's the candle?

You can't have a jack-o'-lantern

without a candle inside it.

Get one.

You got a candle?

- No. Have you? - No.

I do, in my locker.

Now, listen, what are you doing with the..

Never mind. I don't even wanna know.

Well, what do you think?

It's not bad, hon.

It gets better. Watch.

Wow! You look like death warmed over.

Nobody will ever recognize you.

That's the idea, isn't it?

Alright, let's see the whole thing now.

I wish I'd have never let you talk me into this.

Honey, when I married you

I said for better or for worse.

Now, we need that money.

You want those goons to break your other arm?

Now, look, we're lucky. It's Halloween.

Nobody will think twice about someone in a costume.

Come on, Eddie.

Tomorrow you can pay those sharks off

and we can start fresh.

Look on the bright side.

You are a good lady.

I know.

'Get your time for the hobgoblin broadcast.'

It's fun, it's free, it's easy.

Baricza

Cahill...person

Ponch.

Here you go, Jon.

Pretty organized there, Grossie.

A simple plan, well organized.

That's the key to my success.

Yeah, well, good luck tonight.

And good luck to you, my friend.

Step right up

'and get your hobgoblin times.'

So I get to play hobgoblin at 11:30 tonight.

Oh, I'm early. I'm at 6:15.

Trick or treat, officer.

You got me, son.

Well, what's it going to be, trick or treat?

Uh, you're about three blocks too early. See me later, okay?

'No treat? Then it's got to be a trick.'

Now, that wasn't very nice, son, not even on Halloween.

Gonna arrest me?

Oh, I don't know. What do you think, partner?

Should we put the handcuffs on him?

Come on, Tommy, let's go.

The old water pistol filled with perfume trick.

Hey, Ponch, uh, would you do me a favor?

Yeah.

Ride downwind.

All I want to know is, why me?

I live right, and I'm kind to old ladies.

Yeah, well, you hassle black cats, walk under ladders

and you cut yourself shaving.

Did I tell you about the mirror?

No. What about it?

Don't ask.

We have to take the entire lawn. I'm getting nervous.

He emptied my entire pool, didn't he?

Fair is fair.

Yeah. By next year, if you're smart

you're gonna sell your house and leave town.

That could be.

But this was too good an opportunity to pass up.

I've seen a lot of sod being put down

but, uh, never any being taken up.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Well, that ought to take care of last year and then some.

Remind me, man, never to play a joke on you.

Phew.

Uh, there's two cops coming up behind us.

- You think they're after us? - Who else, pal?

So-so stop. It-it was only a joke. We'll explain it to 'em.

It might have been a joke to us, but not to them.

Oh, no, don't do it, Reed. You're gonna get us killed.

This baby's got power. I can lose 'em.

That's enough. Stop this thing.

Not on your life, buddy.

Hey, you're crazy, Reed, well, look, we're in a truck

and they're on motorcycles.

They haven't caught us yet.

Keep the faith, pal.

Just a Halloween prank, fellas.

- No crime intended. - A prank, huh?

50 miles an hour through a residential area?

You guys got some sense of humor.

My-my friend here panicked there, officer.

I assure you, it was just a prank.

Last year, the guy that owns that house drained my pool.

'It was a year ago tonight, Halloween.'

Now, you can't blame a guy for trying to get even.

I can't, huh? Let's see what your friend says.

This ought to do it till midnight, huh?

Uh, yeah, I should think so.

You get hungry, speak up. Ha ha ha!

You the one who threatened to put my son in jail?

Oh, the kid who squirted me with perfume.

Yeah, my son Tommy Stone. He's run away.

Julie here told me what happened.

He said he didn't want to wear handcuffs

or go to jail.

Hey, look, I'm sorry

but I was just joking with him.

Fat lot of good that does now.

Well, look, have you reported him missing?

Just now.

Well, every officer in the area will be looking for him.

He'll be found.

The very idea, telling a little kid

that you're gonna put handcuffs on him.

What's the matter with you two, anyway?

You know, wait a minute, mister.

Look, on Halloween, there's a lot of kids your son's age

that should be escorted by an adult.

'Now, if you would've been there this might not have happened.'

And it was a joke.

Yeah, you know, like perfume in a water gun.

Yeah, well, it may have been a joke to you two

but not to my son.

Now he's run away, and you're the cause of it.

Come on.

Kids, you got a minute?

Listen, you kids happen to know Tommy Stone?

Yes, sir. We all know him.

Have you seen him in the last 15 minutes or so?

We haven't seen him at all today, have we?

Uh-uh.

Look, if you see him, would you please

tell him to go home, because his mom and dad

are really worried about him.

Oh, yeah, speaking about adults

you kids should have brought one along with you tonight.

Come on over here.

There you go, son.

Hey, what are you, some kind of wise guy?

Huh?

They brought an adult along.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I didn't realize, uh--

It's okay. No hard feelings. Trick or treat.

A treat for everybody.

Listen, if you kids see Tommy Stone

be sure and tell him to go home, alright?

'Be careful. Watch out.'

'The hobgoblin's near'

'to warn you of sergeants who approach from the rear.'

Who's that?

Oh, that's the highway patrol's very own hobgoblin.

You got your own ghost?

Are you guys for real?

Ah, he's just pretending. That's a policeman.

Alright. Time to go, kids.

Goodbye.

Bye.

You heard that broadcast?

It wasn't us, sarge.

I know.

I had you under surveillance from the corner.

Uh, you found that missing kid yet?

Uh, he's too young to have gone very far.

We figure he's hiding.

Oh, and by the way, Poncherello

that aftershave you're using? Change it.

You know, my luck must be changing.

Yeah? What makes you think so?

Because it was my time to play hobgoblin

but I forgot.

I wonder who's, uh, filling in for me?

Uh, who else? Grossie.

Yeah. Remind me to speak to him about his poetry, eh?

Oh, hey, Paula, we've got company.

I've almost got it. Another sec.

You haven't got another second.

Hello, officers.

Nice evening.

Oh, nuts.

Hello, ladies. Having fun?

I can explain, you see, we're on this scavenger hunt

and we have a list of things and--

And on the list is a street sign.

Yeah? Well, that sign is city property.

Come on, jump down.

Straight into the arms of the law.

Now, that wasn't bad, was it?

No. No, it wasn't. Thank you.

My pleasure.

'We were going to'

'return the sign tomorrow.'

You believe me, don't you?

As a matter of fact, yeah, I do.

Well, not only that, the sign is still in place

'so there's no real harm done, is there?'

Well, see, it's not that simple.

There's still intent.

Right, partner?

Uh, yes, definitely.

Look, if you promise to forget the scavenger hunt

or at least this part of it

I suppose we can overlook intent.

Oh, yeah, well, maybe just this once, I suppose.

Tell you what, fellas.

How would you like to come to a party later tonight?

See why this is my favorite holiday?

Whoo! Looks even more spooky tonight.

Yeah, I remember well.

On Halloween, haunted houses seem twice as spooky.

How come they don't tear the old place down?

I don't know. Neighborhood wouldn't be the same.

Well, I'll tell you, partner

this is one great place not to be on Halloween.

Now, you're sure you want me to wait that far away?

We've gone over this time and time again.

'All anyone's gonna remember seeing'

is a ghost running down the street.

- Here's your change. - Thank you.

Good evening.

Have you found what you're looking for?

It depends, darling.

On what?

On whether or not you believe I've got mace in this thing.

Now, if you don't, just say the word

and I guarantee you'll end up flat on the floor.

I believe you. I believe you.

Look, ju-just don't hurt me, okay? I got a wi--

I know. You got a wife and kids.

I know all about them.

Put the money in the sack.

Every man who's ever been held up has a wife and kids.

It's common knowledge among us crooks.

That's it.

Now, just follow me. Right this way.

That's right.

Now, come right over here.

That's it.

Now, you stay right here. Turn around.

And stay put.

Happy Halloween.

See that?

Yeah. Fastest ghost in the west.

Help! Police! Wait! Wait!

I just been robbed by a ghost!

Down there.

Oh, boy.

Boy, oh, boy. Here you go.

You alright? You hurt?

Yeah, I'm okay. Did you see it?

The mo-most beautiful thing I ever saw.

A pink elephant in a white nightie.

'When eavesdropping sergeants are around and about'

'your alert hobgoblin says "over and out."'

Grossie, better watch it.

Getraer's gonna be closing in on him.

If Grossie's half as smart as our pink elephant in PJ's

Getraer hasn't got a chance.

What are you.. What are you doing?

What're you doin'?

Where were you two minutes ago?

We could have used you then.

What's the trouble?

'Well, this woman pulled up in her car'

jumped out, grabbed a bag of candy

from one of the kids, and tore off.

Did you see what kind of car it was?

Oh, a small car, but what difference does it make?

She must be miles away by now.

Well, maybe and maybe not

but we'll keep our eyes open, alright?

Who lost their candy?

I did. She stoled it from me.

Come here, skeleton.

Come here.

Dig in there and grab a couple of handfuls.

It's candy, good stuff.

Alright!

Come on, kids.

Go ahead, kids. Take some.

That's really nice of you. Thank you.

We have enough?

One thousand and twenty-two dollars.

Hey, we did it. We actually did it.

Honey, I love you.

After we pay those goons 1,000

we'll have $22 left over.

Susan, I've seen that look before.

I don't like it.

Look, you're off the hook.

Nobody's gonna break any more of your bones

but we still do need eating money.

Why don't we make sure we have some insurance?

some extra cash?

Susan, we've got away with it so far.

It can't last.

Sure it can. One more time for our future.

'We'll just take enough for a couple of weeks'

'until you get a job.'

One more, please?

Alright. This is the last one, you promise?

Promise.

'The hobgoblin's warning to patrolmen out there'

'remember the schedule.'

'This just isn't fair.'

Forgot. It's my turn to broadcast.

Everybody must be busy tonight except Grossman.

Yeah. Well, we'd better have a look.

We've checked everyplace else out in the neighborhood.

Yeah.

If Tommy Stone is holed up in this place

I'll say this.

The kid has more guts than I had when I was his age.

Yeah, well, think about it.

I mean, if it were Halloween, which it is

and you were a little kid who didn't want to be found

where would you go and hide?

If I were a kid, I wouldn't be caught dead in here.

Well, at least it wasn't black.

What happened?

Uh, I just put my foot through the floor up there.

Tommy?

What a mess.

You're gonna arrest me?

Oh.

No, Tommy, no. We're gonna take you home.

- Officer? - Yeah?

Will you be mad if I tell you something?

No, of course not. What?

You smell funny.

Think they came back and took it?

That's exactly what I think.

Well, in that case

I say they had a lot of moxie.

Well, in that case, we could skip the party

because I don't want to spend the whole night

cataloging stolen goods.

Now, wait a minute.

They're innocent until proven guilty.

I say we give them the benefit of the doubt

and go to the party.

You talked me into it.

'Your hobgoblin's peeved'

'as he fades out of sight'

'cause his pals let him down'

'on this Halloween night.'

You know, it sounds to me like Grossie's a little bit upset.

What do you think?

You got to hand it to him, though.

He got away with it again.

Hey, Ponch!

I can't wait to hear what this is all about.

Yeah.

Hey, Ponch.

Well, I knew it had to be sometime. Come in, gentlemen.

Ma'am, we're gonna get right to the point.

What's this all about?

Well, it's not some overdeveloped sweet tooth

if that's what you're thinking.

Well, there goes my theory.

I lost something, and the thing I lost

is in some kid's candy bag.

Kid dressed like a skeleton?

Yesterday, at a lovely luncheon

my fiance gave me this beautiful engagement ring.

It was loose.

When you've waited 26 years for a diamond, gentlemen

when you get one, you wear it.

I'm beginning to get the picture.

He will be so upset.

He wanted to take it back to the jeweler

and I said, "No way.

Once it is on the finger, it's never coming off."

And you thought you lost the ring

while you were giving candy out to the kids, is that it?

The last time I remember seeing it was just before

some kid dressed in a skeleton suit came to my door.

You scared a lot of kids tonight, lady.

You should have called the police and asked for help.

There's no time, gentlemen. There's no time.

He is due here at any minute. We're going to a party..

...or we were.

Before you passed out candy

you had to reach in here, didn't you?

Oh, my lord. I never thought of that.

Well, what do you say we have a look?

Oh, could I? Would you mind?

Ju-ju-just let me do it.

Please, oh, please let it be here.

Please let it be here. One last chance.

Here, let me help you here, now.

It's got to be here. Please.

'Be there somewhere, anywhere.'

Is this it?

Oh! Oh, you..

You blessed man, thank you.

'Oh, thank you!'

Look, if I was you, I'd get that sized

'first thing in the morning.'

Aren't you going to arrest me?

Well, look.

We haven't had any formal complaints as of yet

but maybe you better keep your fingers crossed.

Ah, if you're superstitious, that is.

Personally, I'm not.

'To all units..'

'A 211 just occurred at the market'

'corner of Whitsett and Capistrano.'

'Suspect is female, dressed in white and wearing ghost makeup.'

'Last seen running south on Capistrano from Whitsett.'

'Units responding, identify.'

LA 15, 7-Mary 3 and 4.

Turning north on Capistrano from Haines.

10-4, 7-Mary 3 and 4.

I told you we were pushing our luck.

Never mind. Move this thing.

Come out with your hands up.

I can't! I think I got two broken arms!

You're kidding.

No.

Okay, get out.

Put your hands up.

If it hadn't been for those dumb kids

we'd have still been honking.

Yeah, lady. Happy Halloween.

Hi there. Come on in.

Karen and I thought you guys weren't going to show.

Are you kidding? This is my favorite night

and the night is still young.

You guys are late.

Some people you may know are already here.

Come on. Let's join the party.

If you guys hadn't gotten here

we would have lost the scavenger hunt.

Incidentally, about that sign

you know, we thought the intent was..

I told you they'd think we took it.

Somebody else took it, but we'll never tell.

Hmm. How did you do on the scavenger hunt?

'We won it.'

Every team was supposed to bring in

one police officer, but our team has two.

Uh, can I buy you guys a drink? Ladies?

Sure.

Ah. Here you go.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Come on, Metcalf, don't be shy.

- Thank you. - There you go,

Jon.

- Oh, thank you. - There you go.

Listen, did you catch the hobgoblin, sarge?

Ah, yes.

Could I have your attention, please?

Uh, with the kind permission of the hostesses

I would like to propose a toast to the members of my shift.

Hear, hear.

Um..

...to Sindy Cahill..

...whom, it would seem

uh, neglected to broadcast at 8:15.

And to good Jon Baker..

...who plain forgot

'which makes his life a happier lot.'

And, uh..

Poor Frank Poncherello..

...who missed his turn

and left poor Grossman to make me burn.

And to Artie Grossman..

...who planned the ball

then goofed in a fashion that cost him all.

As he wrote out the times on a pad at the station

on the page beneath, he left an impression.

So help me, friends, in a glass of wine

as I toast the demise

of a friend of mine.

The Highway Patrol's very own Halloween hobgoblin.

Happy Halloween.