Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:36,280
We now return to Hung Sheldon.
2
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:41,450
I don't think I have to say smart stuff anymore.
3
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:43,830
Bazinga.
4
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:47,580
Hello, family. Just wanted to give you guys a heads up
5
00:00:47,670 --> 00:00:49,960
that I have catastrophically clogged the toilet.
6
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,760
Catastrophically clogged?
7
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,840
Well, let's just say your dress shoe couldn't scoop it all out.
8
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,430
And the Emmy goes to...
9
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,680
Bob's Burgers.
10
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,140
Stupid thing's political.
11
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:07,520
Ugh! I guess everybody will just have to make
12
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,570
a family trip to Starbucks.
13
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:12,230
Well, I can't leave without my bathroom-reading material.
14
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,070
I'm gonna bring my pick-up artist book.
15
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:15,280
I'm learning how to neg.
16
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,110
You can read that when you get home.
17
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,580
You know, you're pretty for a broad with small boobs.
18
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,040
I got to read Chapter two.
19
00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:28,420
God, this place is sad.
20
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,540
Look at that loser working on his screenplay.
21
00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:33,340
- Oh, that's Brian. - Interior...
22
00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,340
Space Brothel... Day.
23
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:36,800
You know, I think it has potential.
24
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,970
Why do we always come to a coffee shop
25
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:40,680
when our toilets don't work?
26
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,180
Well, coffee shop toilets are strong.
27
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:44,770
They're stress-tested daily
28
00:01:44,850 --> 00:01:46,440
and are guaranteed to be able to flush
29
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,190
a homeless man's pants.
30
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,280
What you're picking up is Pop-Tarts
31
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,320
and a hint of mango White Claw.
32
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:56,450
No...
33
00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:58,200
Is that... No!
34
00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:59,410
It can't be.
35
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:08,830
Pumpkin spice latte is back?
36
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,460
But it's a day early.
37
00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:13,340
I have a Google alert on my phone for that
38
00:02:13,420 --> 00:02:14,590
and Luke Hemsworth.
39
00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:15,880
I wanna be the first one to know
40
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,760
when he becomes a successful actor.
41
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,760
I also see you had a pap smear today.
42
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,390
Yeah, my pap is still a little tender.
43
00:02:22,470 --> 00:02:25,390
Anyway, two pumpkin spice lattes, please.
44
00:02:25,470 --> 00:02:27,520
You can say I like those a lot-te.
45
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,110
Cool beans, huh?
46
00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:34,230
What brew-tiful news!
47
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,490
Okay. You got to give me something here.
48
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:37,570
I live in my car.
49
00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:39,490
Oh. Way to make it all about you.
50
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,990
Meg, it's the start of pumpkin spice latte season!
51
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,040
- What's that? - A very special day
52
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,370
for white women everywhere,
53
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,540
even bigger than Martha Stewart's birthday.
54
00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:50,830
- August 3rd. - Honey,
55
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,710
there comes a day when every white girl
56
00:02:52,790 --> 00:02:54,590
must become a white woman.
57
00:02:54,670 --> 00:02:56,340
Today is that day.
58
00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:51,100
You don't tell me to connect the dots.
59
00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:52,270
You connect your own dots.
60
00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:54,480
Oh, my God! It's a giraffe! Lois, look!
61
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,110
I thought it was going to be a palm tree,
62
00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:57,860
but the antlers were a dead giveaway.
63
00:03:57,940 --> 00:03:59,780
Hey, bitch. Let's get PSLs.
64
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,610
Mama wants to nut some megs.
65
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,320
Oh, honey, it's been a month.
66
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,780
Pumpkin spice latte season is over.
67
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,870
Over? What do you mean over?
68
00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:09,950
Well, it's a seasonal beverage.
69
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,580
I mean, this is why I always have withdrawals this time of year
70
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:15,290
and quickly lose patience with family and friends.
71
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,880
I told you, no straws in the living room!
72
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,050
Let me make you something fall-adjacent
73
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,470
that will help tide you over.
74
00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:27,600
- Mama? - What the deuce, Stewie?
75
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,510
Ah! That's where that comes from.
76
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:31,600
Here you go.
77
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,690
A nice cup of green tea you can drink
78
00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:35,850
until it's the same temperature as the room
79
00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:37,310
and then leave half full.
80
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,950
Hi. I'm Green Tea.
81
00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:51,160
I have an extra ticket to see Three Dog Night
82
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,540
at the fairground this weekend.
83
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,210
It's none of the original members
84
00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:55,920
and none of the original fake members.
85
00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:00,000
What do you say we Shambala over around 06:00?
86
00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:01,590
This sucks.
87
00:05:01,670 --> 00:05:03,800
Hey, can you guys stop going on drug trips?
88
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:06,050
I haven't had my diaper changed since October.
89
00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:08,760
I'm sorry, Meg. It's just the way it is.
90
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:09,930
You'll get used to it.
91
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,770
I'll tell you exactly what it is.
92
00:05:11,850 --> 00:05:13,060
Misogyny.
93
00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:15,100
This is them taking things away from women.
94
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:18,100
Why can't the patriarchy let us have this one thing?
95
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,400
Hey, my dudes.
96
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,150
On today's agenda, we're deciding what women can and can't have.
97
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,490
We're in Q4,
98
00:05:27,570 --> 00:05:30,450
so pumpkin spice lattes are out.
99
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,950
And where did we land on reproductive rights?
100
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,200
They gone!
101
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:35,710
Before we go any further,
102
00:05:35,790 --> 00:05:38,250
would anyone like to yell an Anchorman quote?
103
00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:39,920
Milk was a bad choice.
104
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,090
Whale's vagina!
105
00:05:41,170 --> 00:05:44,010
Right on. Now, let's take a quick stand break
106
00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:46,340
to unstick our testicles from our legs.
107
00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:49,340
Yeah.
108
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,640
This arbitrary cutoff is BS.
109
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,100
I bet they have all the ingredients
110
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:54,850
just sitting there in some storage room.
111
00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:56,350
You know what?
112
00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:57,730
What are you doing?
113
00:05:57,810 --> 00:05:59,650
This table has a very strict weight limit,
114
00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:00,730
and you're testing it.
115
00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:03,480
We need to rise up and take back our country...
116
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,320
I mean, seasonal beverage.
117
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,450
- Are you in? - I'm in.
118
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,620
Hey, Chris, can you stop using me as your recovery email
119
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:14,700
for Pornhub?
120
00:06:14,790 --> 00:06:15,910
You don't need an account.
121
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,910
You do to post comments.
122
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,580
Pornhub, join the conversation.
123
00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:26,840
Guess our many pandemic hobbies
124
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,590
are finally paying off.
125
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,050
All right, since we have more time on our hands,
126
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,010
we're gonna get into social justice.
127
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,140
And I got a Black Lives Matter sign to put on our lawn.
128
00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:37,560
Ooh! We should also put up a sign
129
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,440
in support of the trans community.
130
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:40,850
I don't know, Meg.
131
00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:43,060
Suddenly, everything's sounding very cluttered.
132
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:46,940
Mom's high school swimming records are getting shattered.
133
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,280
Meg, I found it!
134
00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:56,700
Nice! Up top, bitch.
135
00:06:56,790 --> 00:06:58,620
Can you stop calling me that?
136
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,790
Whoa! What's this?
137
00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:03,290
Starbucks used to sell a lot of CDs.
138
00:07:03,380 --> 00:07:05,630
They propped up Michael Buble for years.
139
00:07:05,710 --> 00:07:08,590
Joni Mitchell, Alanis Morissette...
140
00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:10,260
The Diana Krall?
141
00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:12,430
What's this really tall stack?
142
00:07:12,510 --> 00:07:16,850
Oh! It's the audio book for Kamala Harris's The Truths We Hold.
143
00:07:16,930 --> 00:07:18,560
Well, now I'm just sad.
144
00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:27,820
- Cheers. - Cheers.
145
00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:32,070
Coming up... my adult nephew's band "Forged in Steel"
146
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,320
will be playing at the Cat Club on Friday.
147
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,120
Is that enough uncle-ing for you, Denise?
148
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,990
But first, a brazen robbery occurred
149
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,790
at a Quahog coffee shop last night,
150
00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:42,540
with the assailants stealing a proprietary spice blend
151
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:44,830
used to make pumpkin spice lattes.
152
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,500
An eyewitness reports seeing two people fleeing the scene,
153
00:07:47,590 --> 00:07:49,920
a woman he quote, "Would like to jump,"
154
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:51,300
and a second woman.
155
00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:53,720
We now turn to local cop Joe Swanson,
156
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,640
who is taking this very seriously.
157
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,600
I'm now going to answer some questions from reporters
158
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,640
that this microphone is not picking up.
159
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:03,850
No, not at this time.
160
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,020
We're monitoring that.
161
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:11,700
Yes.
162
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:17,030
About 45 minutes at 375 degrees.
163
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,040
We have to keep a low profile.
164
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,200
Good thinking.
165
00:08:20,290 --> 00:08:22,040
I'll go on social media and let everyone know
166
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,120
I'm taking a mental health break.
167
00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:26,710
Meg, no one cares. Just don't post.
168
00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:27,920
I think they do.
169
00:08:30,630 --> 00:08:31,840
Oh, right.
170
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,680
I forgot to unfollow her.
171
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,890
Good God, woman.
172
00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:47,110
Hi, Lois.
173
00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:50,150
I just wanted to say I noticed how your windows have been looking.
174
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,820
Windex is on aisle 9.
175
00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:53,820
Wow. That's like the woman equivalent
176
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,410
of getting stabbed in the face.
177
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:57,570
Well, I appreciate that, Bonnie.
178
00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:59,990
You know, maybe you should focus on your hydrangeas.
179
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,660
They're looking a little pale.
180
00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:06,170
Hmmm. What interesting perfume you've got on!
181
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:10,380
Nutmeg, clove, a little bit of brown ginger?
182
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:13,380
I'd say that smells like pumpkin spice latte,
183
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:16,010
but... ...that would be crazy.
184
00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:18,930
Well, Jamaican me crazy.
185
00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:20,100
Embarrassing.
186
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:23,560
Coffee without creamer, insulator sleeves,
187
00:09:24,140 --> 00:09:25,390
pregnancy test?
188
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:26,520
That's for me.
189
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,150
Veronica from baby piano is late. Again.
190
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:30,900
That's why the rosary beads are there too.
191
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:36,570
It's you.
192
00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:38,410
You're the coffee shop thief.
193
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:41,200
Shh! Okay, what do you want? You want money?
194
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,450
I want in.
195
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:47,370
Otherwise, I can't guarantee what I may or may not tell Joe.
196
00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:50,500
All right, fine. But you can't tell anyone else.
197
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,050
I'm very discreet.
198
00:09:52,130 --> 00:09:54,670
I take every secret to my grave.
199
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,760
Like, for example, did you know that Tom Hanks has a passion
200
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,180
for vintage typewriters?
201
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:01,550
Bonnie, I read that in Parade Magazine.
202
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,140
Well, they didn't hear it from me.
203
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,770
Give me the pumpkin spice latte.
204
00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:15,030
I... I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about.
205
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:16,490
I saw the bat signal.
206
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:17,780
We all did.
207
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:22,330
Bonnie.
208
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:26,290
I know you have some. Give it to me right now. I am filming you.
209
00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:29,330
And I'm filming you because this is how I deal with conflict.
210
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,960
And I'm filming you filming her
211
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,800
because I have a TikTok about women who don't support women.
212
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,840
Ladies, I'm sorry, but I just don't--
213
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,550
Pumpkin spice! Pumpkin spice!
214
00:10:38,630 --> 00:10:41,470
- Pumpkin spice! - I borrowed this from my white husband.
215
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:43,180
Pack the bags, Donna.
216
00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:44,560
Pack the bags, Neil.
217
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:45,680
Oh, no.
218
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,180
Pack the bags, Dennis.
219
00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:49,850
- Mykonos? - Well, we hadn't been in three weeks.
220
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,520
You get the mesh bag of sandals
221
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,690
and I'll get all our Greece greases.
222
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:55,940
Pumpkin spice! Pumpkin spice!
223
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,070
Okay, okay.
224
00:10:57,150 --> 00:11:00,320
We can get you all pumpkin spice lattes tomorrow.
225
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,410
Okay, Meg. We got 24 hours to replenish our supply.
226
00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:04,910
Mom, what are you doing?
227
00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:08,160
Don't worry, Meg. I know exactly how we can monetize this.
228
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,460
I took the Bill Gates Masterclass.
229
00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:12,630
I was never on Epstein's plane.
230
00:11:12,710 --> 00:11:13,710
And if I was,
231
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:16,170
it just a routine flight for my charity.
232
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:17,630
But I wasn't.
233
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:19,260
Microsoft.
234
00:11:26,890 --> 00:11:29,180
- Password? - Dressing on the side.
235
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:35,480
Ooh!
236
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:38,740
We accept cash, Venmo or Etsy gift cards.
237
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,200
We prefer Etsy gift cards.
238
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,450
Actually, we only take Etsy gift cards.
239
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,750
There goes the neighborhood.
240
00:11:50,830 --> 00:11:54,790
Hummingbird feeders and those damn free libraries everywhere,
241
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,790
constant smell of banana bread.
242
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,170
Look at them. Eating granola like it's cereal.
243
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,840
It's supposed to be sprinkled on top of something.
244
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,430
It's too calorically dense, otherwise!
245
00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:06,970
Tom's of Maine is owned by Colgate!
246
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,100
Liar!
247
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:09,470
Look it up!
248
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,270
Seventh one this month.
249
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,980
Guys, we really need to find some evidence
250
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,490
so I can have stuff to say at the next press conference.
251
00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:23,360
I knocked it out of the park at the last one, and...
252
00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:25,160
people are expecting a lot.
253
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,870
I can't believe someone would do something like this.
254
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:28,990
It's disgusting.
255
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,040
Starbucks is more than just a coffee shop.
256
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,620
It's a place where people come together
257
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,460
and post flyers advertising their bad improv shows.
258
00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:39,250
By the way, can you come see my Malcolm in the Giggle show next Wednesday?
259
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,380
I would, but I'm going to a Gimprov show.
260
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:43,010
We're reclaiming that word.
261
00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:44,930
We're looking for a suggestion from the audience.
262
00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:46,510
Does anyone have an occupation?
263
00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:47,850
Former acrobat.
264
00:12:47,930 --> 00:12:49,600
Great. How about a location?
265
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,270
C6, c7 between two vertebrae.
266
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:59,770
Fellas, I think we just got a break in this case.
267
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,110
This isn't for the case, but I'm taking these napkins for my car.
268
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,660
The other day I had to drive home blind after a wet sneeze.
269
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:13,870
There's a three-week backlog at the lab.
270
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,370
Thought you might be able to help.
271
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,790
You've come to the right place.
272
00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:19,590
I have a database of every woman's foot in Quahog.
273
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:20,960
I call it The Footbook.
274
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,550
Drop the "The". It's cleaner.
275
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:30,350
Yeah. Uh-huh.
276
00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:32,390
You stop it right now.
277
00:13:32,470 --> 00:13:33,890
Are you talking to the footprint?
278
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,060
The footprint and I are having a conversation.
279
00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:37,400
It's a little like Harry Potter.
280
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,310
The admirer doesn't choose the foot.
281
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,070
The foot has to choose the admirer.
282
00:13:41,610 --> 00:13:42,730
Let me just cross reference.
283
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:45,030
- And, oh... that's very sad. - What?
284
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:48,160
It's a discontinued Payless shoe from 2009.
285
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,120
A shoe so sad can only belong to one woman.
286
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,160
Olivia Wilde?
287
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,290
She must be pretty sad.
288
00:13:54,370 --> 00:13:56,250
Tabloid culture overshadowed a movie
289
00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:58,120
the cast and crew worked so hard on.
290
00:13:58,210 --> 00:14:00,000
- No Joe. It's Lois. - By the way,
291
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,880
you could read more of my movie reviews on my Letterboxd.
292
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,340
Did you know the cast of Oppenheimer lived together
293
00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:07,130
- while they were filming? - Uh-huh.
294
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:09,300
Cillian Murphy spent a lot of time on his own.
295
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,140
Kind of a lone wolf.
296
00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:12,600
- Okay. - Of course, by then
297
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,180
most of the cast had seen his penis.
298
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,680
You know that scene with Einstein?
299
00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:17,600
Originally, they had both their penises out.
300
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:21,150
Actors sometimes do that to break down their emotional walls.
301
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:24,690
Thank God, he's gone.
302
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,150
I've been holding in a major fart.
303
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,240
Everything's hard for me, cat.
304
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:44,000
Thanks, Quagmire. This is the smoking gun we needed.
305
00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:46,130
- We're gonna nail Lois. - Really?
306
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,590
Can... Can I go first?
307
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,260
No. I mean, we got to slap the cuffs on her
308
00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:50,800
and throw her in the back of my car.
309
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:54,220
Get her in her room and drill her till she breaks.
310
00:14:55,890 --> 00:14:57,560
See how she likes it in the can.
311
00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:04,860
I'd like to see one of those strong female attorneys
312
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:06,360
try to get her off.
313
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,580
Everyone get in position.
314
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,710
- Roger that. - Copy.
315
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:25,920
Jerry, please acknowledge.
316
00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:29,470
He's not acknowledging. I'm going in.
317
00:15:31,050 --> 00:15:33,390
Let's get this debutante ball started.
318
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,850
Be professional, Jerry.
319
00:15:45,270 --> 00:15:46,770
Hello.
320
00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:48,440
I am a white woman named Kayhla,
321
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:51,400
and I spell that in a very complicated way for zero reason.
322
00:15:51,490 --> 00:15:53,740
Well, aren't you a cool glass of water?
323
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,580
Why don't you come on in for a nonconsensual shoulder rub?
324
00:15:56,660 --> 00:15:58,160
I just want to speak to your wife.
325
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,620
Wife? We've been drifting apart for a long time.
326
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,080
So, is there a Mr. Kayhla?
327
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,420
There was. My husband was a wrestler.
328
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,550
His doctor told him he couldn't wrestle anymore.
329
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:08,800
But he loved it so much
330
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,630
he wrestled one last time and died.
331
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,590
Telling him not to wrestle was like telling him not to breathe.
332
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,390
That's so sad. That's, literally, exactly
333
00:16:16,470 --> 00:16:18,350
what happened to Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler.
334
00:16:18,430 --> 00:16:19,680
No, it's very different.
335
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:20,770
Unlike Mickey Rourke,
336
00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:22,770
my husband's face was completely disfigured
337
00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:24,480
by too much plastic surgery.
338
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,520
Kayhla, you have got to watch this movie.
339
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,150
It's so similar to your life.
340
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:29,610
Is Dad okay?
341
00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:32,110
It's brain fog from having Covid 12 times.
342
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,200
What do we do now?
343
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,820
Look, we always knew this time would come.
344
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,950
Grab the pumpkin spice from the garage and run.
345
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:39,450
I'm sorry to be so forward.
346
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,370
It's just that you're, literally, any woman
347
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,330
other than the one I'm allowed to have.
348
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,460
Getting your own daughter involved?
349
00:16:51,550 --> 00:16:53,720
You're a sick woman, Lois Griffin.
350
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,300
Joe?
351
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,840
I'm sorry, Peter.
352
00:16:56,930 --> 00:17:00,010
But for what it's worth, Kayhla found you very attractive.
353
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,100
No. That's all right.
354
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:04,310
I'll just work out this sexual confusion in my porn searches later.
355
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,810
I have an account if you wanna leave a comment.
356
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,440
Pornhub, fun for the whole family.
357
00:17:16,110 --> 00:17:18,660
Oh, my God. We're like Thelma and Louise.
358
00:17:18,740 --> 00:17:20,160
I've never felt so alive.
359
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,740
Meg, unpair your phone.
360
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:23,750
I'm driving. So we pair my phone.
361
00:17:23,830 --> 00:17:25,580
Seriously? Ugh! Fine.
362
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:26,830
Go ahead.
363
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:30,340
I can't connect until you disconnect your phone.
364
00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:32,210
You have to forget device.
365
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,170
Go to settings, general,
366
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:36,630
network, Bluetooth, find "Car",
367
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,550
then hit "Forget my device".
368
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,760
Argh! We can't do it while you're driving.
369
00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:42,180
The car has to be stopped.
370
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,310
Siri, forget device.
371
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,150
Coming to you live.
372
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:51,980
We are in pursuit of two fugitives
373
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:55,150
identified in the gruesome pumpkin spice latte robberies.
374
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,780
As you can see now, they're headed down Route 95 .
375
00:17:57,860 --> 00:18:00,870
Oh, yeah, right past that exterminator with the big bug on the roof.
376
00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:02,240
Oh, Look. There it is.
377
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:03,660
They do a nice little job.
378
00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:06,460
It appears they're slowing down.
379
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,460
Siri!
380
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:11,590
Forget my device!
381
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:12,960
Yep. Just what I thought.
382
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,210
Classic Bluetooth-pairing problem.
383
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:18,180
Okay. It appears they were able to safely pair the phone.
384
00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:20,260
But it looks like the police cruiser is pulling over
385
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:21,430
for similar reasons.
386
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:23,850
Listen, I don't know what they're teaching you at the academy,
387
00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:25,310
but this is day-one stuff.
388
00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:27,600
Go to settings, general, network...
389
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,650
Oh? You got an Android?
390
00:18:29,730 --> 00:18:32,360
So you're the green idiot on the group text.
391
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,150
Peter?
392
00:18:39,110 --> 00:18:40,530
I can't find the remote.
393
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,700
Did you check under the table?
394
00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:43,870
Yeah.
395
00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:45,410
No. Hold on.
396
00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,750
Okay, I found it. Thank you.
397
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,430
I'm sorry, Meg.
398
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,850
I never meant for things to get so out of hand.
399
00:19:10,940 --> 00:19:11,980
Me too, Mom.
400
00:19:12,060 --> 00:19:13,520
But I gotta say,
401
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:15,730
I enjoyed spending time with you.
402
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,830
Should we go out in a blaze of eternal glory?
403
00:19:25,910 --> 00:19:27,910
I'd like that very much.
404
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:30,580
Uh, can I get a vote?
405
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,290
I've been here since you went to Target
406
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,040
two days ago.
407
00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:40,680
I guess this all could have been avoided
408
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,430
if there was another seasonal beverage
409
00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:44,640
that followed the pumpkin spice latte.
410
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,640
Well, there is the peppermint mocha,
411
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,430
but there's no comparison.
412
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,100
I mean, yeah, it has candy on top of...
413
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,520
of rich peppermint cream
414
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,810
and basically tastes like Christmas in a cup, but...
415
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:57,530
Actually, that doesn't sound that bad.
416
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,530
Are you me?
417
00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:00,610
Turn around!
418
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,200
It's too late.
419
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,870
I'm buckled in. This should be fine.
420
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,300
We've changed our minds!
421
00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:20,260
Oh, we made emotional decisions!
422
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:21,920
Please save us, men!
423
00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:23,680
We got 'em, boys.
424
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:24,840
I guess all that's left
425
00:20:24,930 --> 00:20:27,850
is for the husband to give an emotional press conference.
426
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,560
It's time we forgive Kevin Spacey.
427
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:34,230
That will be my only statement at this time.
428
00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:35,480
Thank you.
429
00:20:44,990 --> 00:20:47,030
I already joined three prison gangs.
430
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,700
We got community service.
431
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:49,990
Yeah, I know.
432
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,540
I was getting ready just in case.
433
00:20:53,330 --> 00:20:55,080
Joe told 'em about The Footbook.
434
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,290
Drop the "The". It's cleaner.
31528
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof