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00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,076
Previously on The Hard Times
of RJ Berger...
2
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,544
Vote the non-douchebag party!
3
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:11,912
Why is my name on this
with Jenny?
4
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,582
You've been Max Owens' bitch
for 16 years.
5
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,884
I got nominated,
and the girl I love hates me.
6
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,686
I'm gonna ask your mother
to become
7
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,421
Mrs. Coach Jeriba Sinclair.
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00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:21,989
What the...
9
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:26,427
This started
as the best week of my life.
10
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,162
But now it feels like
my head
11
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,797
is going to explode.
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00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,665
I hardly know where to start
to fix what's gone wrong.
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00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,670
Morning, Berger.
14
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,343
Not even the sight
15
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,813
of my lifelong nemesis
kissing another guy
16
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,449
can pull me out
of this emotional tailspin.
17
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,684
Looking good, ladies.
18
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:54,255
No, the only thing
that'll save me
19
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,856
from permanent depression
20
00:00:55,923 --> 00:01:00,461
is winning back
the girl I love.
21
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,197
My name is RJ Berger.
22
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,299
And love sucks.
23
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:09,503
♪ Hey ♪
24
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:14,708
Aren't there some pills
25
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,477
you can take for this crap?
26
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,646
I mean, come on
with the moping already.
27
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:19,880
I'm sorry, Miles.
28
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,982
My heart's been ripped
out of my chest.
29
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:23,717
Agh, hey!
30
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,319
Oh, I'm sorry, Dirk Diggler.
31
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:27,755
Can we please
not do this today?
32
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,056
Oh, oh, are you too busy?
33
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:30,891
Yeah, I understand
being a loser
34
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:32,826
is a full-time job.
35
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,228
It's on.
36
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,264
Oh, dude,
they're gonna fight.
37
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,965
See, every time I think
about not kicking your ass,
38
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,700
you go and do
something stupid.
39
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,669
Like run against me
for Mr. Pinkerton.
40
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,003
You know that wasn't
my idea.
41
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,505
Sorry, Berger.
42
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,174
This is gonna hurt you
a lot more than it hurts me.
43
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,476
- Punch him in the penis!
- Come on, come on.
44
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:53,347
I know about Guillermo.
45
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,183
I saw you two
in the shower.
46
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:58,686
Whoa, whoa, what?
47
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,454
- What?
- Dude, come on.
48
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,855
- Come on, come on.
- Max.
49
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,557
What are you doing?
What the hell?
50
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,193
Kick his ass.
51
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,027
- Come on, Max.
- Oh, man.
52
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,664
Dude, that was awesome.
53
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,100
You totally just
Jedi-mind-tricked Max.
54
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:14,635
What did you say?
55
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:26,947
Look at those two.
56
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,249
I said look.
57
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:30,684
Right, cool.
Eyes on the prize.
58
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,486
Uh, not cool.
59
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:33,787
They're pretending
to be a couple again,
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00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,389
trying to take
what's rightfully ours.
61
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,990
Someone needs to smack
Berger around
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00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,659
like a hillbilly housewife.
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00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:39,827
Um, last time I checked,
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00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,295
you had your chance
this morning,
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00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,896
but you pussied out.
66
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:45,966
What are you two doing?
67
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,468
Oh, nothing.
68
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:48,969
Lily's just showing me
how to use her phone.
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00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,304
We're working out
a little somethin'-somethin'
70
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,572
just in case.
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00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,506
Oh, what are you going
to wear tomorrow?
72
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,007
We need to go over wardrobe.
73
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,343
We need to go over
your speech.
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00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,144
This year,
people are voting
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00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:58,912
after the speeches
by text.
76
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:02,316
Oh, dope.
Just like American Idol.
77
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,917
What?
78
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,354
I enjoy watching people
strive for their dreams.
79
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,521
Forget about people's dreams.
80
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,022
All I wanna know
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00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,158
is how you got Max
to back down this morning.
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00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:12,993
Yeah, I heard about that.
What happened?
83
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,596
Could we, um...
84
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,832
talk in private?
85
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,268
Yeah.
86
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:25,072
I don't know
how to say this.
87
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,741
Have you ever noticed
anything...
88
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,678
different about Max?
89
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,846
Well, he's not really
a strong reader.
90
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,182
No, like,
not that kind of different.
91
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:37,150
What do you mean?
92
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,553
I kinda saw him...
93
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:44,625
kissing someone
in the locker room.
94
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:47,628
A guy.
95
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,464
Guillermo.
96
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,899
Look, I-I came to you
because you know him
97
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,835
better than anyone,
and if I told Miles,
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00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,204
it'd be a trending topic
on Twitter by sundown.
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00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:58,772
Oh, my God, RJ.
This all makes sense now.
100
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,308
What?
101
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:01,842
There was this time
he asked me
102
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,545
to dress up
in Patterson's football uniform.
103
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,814
I don't know.
I feel kinda weird.
104
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:07,815
You look amazing.
105
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:10,050
Just...
106
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:11,719
don't forget the helmet.
107
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:17,458
His obsession
with manscaping...
108
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,993
Perfect.
Heart-shaped landing strip.
109
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,195
Whoo! Yeah.
110
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:26,767
And us never having sex.
111
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,069
Oh, my God, RJ.
112
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:30,971
Max is gay.
113
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,341
You know...
114
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,108
if we really wanted to win
Mr. and Miss Pinkerton...
115
00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:36,410
I know, I know.
Trust me.
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00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,145
I've considered it.
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00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,613
But he doesn't deserve that.
118
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,949
Max may be an asshole,
but I couldn't stoop that low.
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00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,385
And I don't really care
about Mr. and Miss Pinkerton.
120
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,019
What I care about
is winning Amy back.
121
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,187
So what are we gonna do?
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00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:48,456
Why don't you tell me
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00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:49,990
about that little
somethin'-somethin'
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00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,459
you and Lily
are working on
125
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,261
just in case?
126
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,363
Okay, well...
127
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:09,377
Amy!
128
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,945
Amy, wait!
129
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,614
Amy.
130
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,115
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Don't bother, RJ.
131
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,116
There's nothing left to say.
132
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,117
You and Jenny belong together.
133
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,686
What are you talking about?
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00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,287
I saw you two hugging.
135
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,923
Take it from a girl.
She still has feelings for you.
136
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,157
But I don't have feelings
for her.
137
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:25,258
You said yourself that
you've loved her
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00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:26,259
since the third grade.
139
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:27,695
I had a crush on her.
140
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,930
Love is vastly different.
141
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,800
I didn't even understand
what love was until now.
142
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,034
But I do.
143
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,536
Because I love you.
144
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,405
We're in high school, RJ.
145
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:40,173
Nobody really loves
anybody.
146
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,442
Wait.
147
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:43,043
Amy, Amy!
148
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,755
Good morning, Berger.
149
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:57,324
I need you to stay
at your fat friend's tonight.
150
00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:58,659
What? No.
It's a school night.
151
00:05:58,726 --> 00:05:59,660
Yeah.
152
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,095
But it's happening tonight.
153
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,231
I'm making your mama
my wife.
154
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,734
- Tonight?
- Yeah.
155
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,102
Well, you know,
when you find the person
156
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,571
you wanna spend
the rest of your life with,
157
00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:13,340
you want the rest of your life
to start right now.
158
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,909
Plus, I'm sure
to be rewarded
159
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,746
with illegal-in-48-states
engagement sex.
160
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,516
Where you going?
161
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,151
Hey, don't tell nobody.
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00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,753
I want Suzanne
to be surprised.
163
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,995
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.
We need to talk.
164
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,565
Darn tootin' we do,
Mr. Pinkerton nominee.
165
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,266
- I am so proud of you, bud.
- No, no, for real.
166
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,601
Dad, Coach is about
to ask Mom
167
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:41,669
to marry him.
168
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,714
Daaaaaad!
169
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,553
Sinclair!
170
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,689
You've gone too far!
171
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,256
Yeah, that's what
your wife said...
172
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,958
while I was giving her
the business.
173
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,795
You are marrying Suzanne
over my dead body!
174
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,263
I suggest you buy
a burial suit.
175
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,899
Holy crap.
176
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,034
Teacher fight!
177
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,169
- Yeah, yeah.
- What the hell?
178
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,071
- Well, here we go.
- Kick his ass, Coach!
179
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,707
Ding, ding.
180
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,374
You're going down, Jeriba.
181
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:22,810
Yeah, your ex-wife
said that, too.
182
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,982
Oh, no, you didn't.
183
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,518
Agh!
184
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,152
Ow!
185
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:35,623
Ow.
186
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,558
- You had enough?
- Hell to the no.
187
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,426
I'm in the best shape
of my life.
188
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,795
Making sweet love to Suzanne
is like joining the gym.
189
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,532
24 Hour Fit-N-Ass.
190
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,668
That's it.
191
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,903
Agh, my back.
192
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,371
RJ?
193
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,372
Daaad!
194
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:54,908
RJ!
195
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:58,846
Daaaaaaaaaad!
196
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,047
Face it, Berger.
197
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,315
She's moving on.
198
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,552
And the better, stronger,
and blacker man won.
199
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,123
He's right.
Your mommy made a choice.
200
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,760
Sometimes we just have to know
when we're beat.
201
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,763
Oh, everything hurts.
Okay.
202
00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:26,073
Oh, oops.
I'm so sorry.
203
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,474
I guess I didn't see you there.
204
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:28,475
That's it.
205
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,743
I've had it with your games.
206
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,045
I'm the queen
of this school now, bitch.
207
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,582
Actually, that's
for the students to decide.
208
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,983
The students?
209
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,785
You mean those stupid,
easily manipulated puppets?
210
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,888
This school is full
of pathetic losers.
211
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,055
Peasants.
212
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,456
All I have to do
is smile and wave
213
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,225
and have Max on my arm.
214
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,594
He might be dumber
than the dialogue
215
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,829
in The Last Airbender,
but he's pretty.
216
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,664
I can't believe
we were ever friends.
217
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,465
We were never friends.
218
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,102
You were the perfect
Jenny Swanson,
219
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,503
and I was your shadow.
220
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:57,905
But no longer.
221
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,173
You might as well
just drop out of the race now,
222
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,975
save yourself
the embarrassment of losing,
223
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,111
and from me making your life
a living hell.
224
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,413
God, I wanna hit you right now.
225
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:10,017
But a black eye
would cause sympathy.
226
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,352
Yeah.
227
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,355
Choke on that, Barbie.
228
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,998
Dad?
229
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,635
Dad!
230
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,138
RJ, is that you?
231
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,674
Dad, are you okay?
232
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:34,908
Yeah, fine.
233
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,910
I just took a few Vicodin
for my back.
234
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,512
- How many?
- All of them.
235
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:40,981
Dad, come on.
Look at yourself.
236
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,515
You can't just give up.
237
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:45,185
Sure I can.
See how easy it is?
238
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,087
Think you're the only one
with girl troubles?
239
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,656
All right,
Amy just dumped me,
240
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,823
but I'm gonna fight for her,
241
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,124
and you have to fight
for Mom, too!
242
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,026
I did fight, son.
243
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,127
I lost.
244
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,262
There are other ways
to fight.
245
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,297
You have to use
your strengths.
246
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,866
Use the gift
that God gave you.
247
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,668
My penis.
248
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:03,170
The other one.
Your mind, Dad.
249
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,773
Yeah, of course you lost
a physical fight to Coach.
250
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,075
He's a gym teacher.
But you...
251
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,542
you are a...
252
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,145
substitute English teacher.
253
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,614
You're right.
And I have the...
254
00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:16,884
I have the perfect thing
to get your mother back.
255
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,496
Well, that was
truly delicious.
256
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:30,664
Only the best for my baby.
257
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,033
I'm stuffed.
258
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,402
There's always room...
259
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,037
for bling.
260
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:44,311
Suzanne...
261
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,847
when I met you...
262
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:48,816
I thought you were
a hot piece of ass.
263
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:50,383
But now that I know you,
264
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:53,987
you are
the hot piece of ass
265
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,923
that I wanna spend
the rest of my life with.
266
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,491
Oh, Jeriba.
267
00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:01,561
Okay, Dad.
Breathe.
268
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,296
Try and keep it together
in there.
269
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,732
I will, son.
With you by my side,
270
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,967
I can't lose.
271
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,501
I object!
272
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,470
Rick!
RJ, what are you doing here?
273
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,572
- Dad has something to say.
- Yeah.
274
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,143
"Sweet Suzy Shapiro,
275
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,645
the hottest girl in school,
276
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,080
I wrote a little something,
277
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:21,448
and I hope you think
it's cool."
278
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,050
"I love the way you danced
279
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,985
when I took you
to Bon Jovi."
280
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,519
"I love the face you made
281
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:27,988
when I nibbled
your anchovy."
282
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,423
"But you're not just
super-freaky."
283
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,826
"You're also super-nice."
284
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,095
"Come hang at my place Sunday."
285
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:38,165
"We'll watch Miami Vice."
286
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,367
I read this to you
287
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,769
the first night
that we made love.
288
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,603
I remember.
289
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,205
We were so young and innocent.
290
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,340
We did an entire month
of missionary.
291
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,876
I can do missionary.
292
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,343
I don't mind looking you
in the face.
293
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,645
I've learned something, Suzanne.
294
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:55,248
I'm still the same boy
that you fell in love with,
295
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,117
but with the added knowledge
of a man
296
00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:01,554
who's lived five months
in a hooker motel.
297
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,991
Can we please give it
another shot?
298
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,625
- Hell, no!
- Oh, Rick!
299
00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,227
Oh, God!
300
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:09,162
Oh.
301
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,898
Good news, Berger.
302
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,966
The love that I felt
for your mother
303
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,434
has now been replaced
by the hatred
304
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,804
I feel for you.
305
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,808
I can live with that.
306
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,826
We want people
to accept each other
307
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,127
and accept themselves,
308
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,196
no matter what
their sexual orientation is.
309
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,366
It's time someone was named
Miss and Miss Pinkerton.
310
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,742
Whew, man.
311
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,311
Is there anything hotter
than high school lesbians?
312
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,413
Speaking of which,
where's Lily?
313
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,215
I don't know, man.
I been calling her all day.
314
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,584
Found her phone in my locker.
315
00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:07,154
She said she was nauseous
last night, so...
316
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,588
Hmm.
317
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,958
Probably got a good look
at herself in the mirror.
318
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:12,860
Shut up, man.
319
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:15,062
Next up, representing
Max Owens and Robin Pretnar,
320
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,864
is Robin Pretnar.
321
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:28,508
My fellow Pinkertonians,
322
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:31,178
whoever you vote for will be
the face of Pinkerton
323
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,612
for the next school year.
324
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,281
Don't you want that face
to be attractive
325
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,550
and popular
and a real couple?
326
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,887
I mean, I didn't even know
who RJ Berger was
327
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:43,556
until he dropped trou
in front of the entire school.
328
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,159
And as for Jenny Swanson,
329
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,895
well, we used to be friends.
330
00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:49,897
That is,
until she became a tyrant
331
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:52,032
and broke my poor Maxy's heart.
332
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,701
Is that really
the kind of couple
333
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,369
you want
representing Pinkerton?
334
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,539
Max and I are
the right choice.
335
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,141
The only choice.
336
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:04,077
We love you all.
337
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,285
Thank you, Robin.
338
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,421
Now it's time
for our final speaker,
339
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:15,622
RJ Berger.
340
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,124
You're gonna do great.
341
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,758
Not that this should bias you,
but it's because of him
342
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,061
I'll be spending
the rest of my life alone.
343
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,329
RJ.
344
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:27,734
Let's go, RJ.
345
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,937
Confidence.
346
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,304
I hope you choke
on the microphone.
347
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,609
Thank you, Coach.
348
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:38,845
Robin is right.
349
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,147
Everything changed
350
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,482
after the whole school
learned about my...
351
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:43,483
secret.
352
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,952
But I'm not the only guy here
353
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,786
with a secret.
354
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,759
In fact,
we all have things
355
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:56,196
that we're afraid of exposing
to the world.
356
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,998
But that's because
we're in high school,
357
00:14:58,065 --> 00:14:59,866
and high school's hard.
358
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:02,269
But it also can be great
359
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:05,172
if you have good friends,
supportive parents,
360
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,873
and most of all, if...
361
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:09,076
we're lucky enough to find
that special someone.
362
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,410
I guess what I'm trying
to say is
363
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,280
as much as I'd like
to become Mr. Pinkerton,
364
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,115
what I'd really like
365
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:19,586
more than anything
in the world...
366
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:23,456
is to be Amy Bresner's
boyfriend.
367
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,058
Amy, I realized the best thing
368
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,359
about being nominated
for this
369
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,894
is that I
can finally tell you
370
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:30,730
in front of the whole school,
371
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,632
this isn't just a crush.
372
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:35,302
You're the girl
I've been waiting for
373
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:38,105
my entire life.
374
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:41,441
Amy...
375
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:42,742
I love you.
376
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,704
Hi.
377
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,741
Hi.
378
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:18,511
I love you, too.
379
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,048
Hey, it's time to make
a move.
380
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,815
- Oh, cool.
- Let's roll.
381
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,051
You see that?
382
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,118
RJ and Jenny
aren't a real couple.
383
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,386
Disqualify them.
384
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,587
Technically, there's nothing in the rules
385
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,755
that say you have to be
a real couple.
386
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,057
And since I'd like
387
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,691
to get the hell away
from you people
388
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,493
for a few months, anyway,
get out your phones,
389
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,694
and keep your eye
on the big board.
390
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,229
You got one minute
to cast your vote,
391
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:39,366
starting... now.
392
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,177
Shh, shh.
393
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:51,411
Shh, shh, shh.
394
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,846
Right there, right there,
right there.
395
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,449
Agh!
396
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,185
Great.
It's locked.
397
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,286
No worries, homes.
398
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,322
I got a friend inside.
399
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,093
Open!
400
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:07,994
Ha, what up, homie?
401
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,463
Yo, where do I plug
this bad boy in?
402
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,099
Uh, you got me, homie.
403
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,933
Uh, w... oh.
404
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,535
Don't panic.
Okay.
405
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:16,903
My brother Chet
406
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:17,970
was in the bomb squad
over in Iraq.
407
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,206
- Okay.
- And he said
408
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,374
it's always the, um,
the red wire!
409
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,809
Okay.
All right, you got this.
410
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,244
Hey, hey.
Wait for my cue, okay?
411
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:25,278
Yeah.
412
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:26,979
Ooh, that's hot.
413
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,417
What's the cue?
414
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,289
We have a winner.
415
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:37,957
The moment you all
been waiting for.
416
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:42,629
Mr. and Miss Pinkerton 2011
are...
417
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,030
who else?
418
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:47,033
Max Owens and Robin Pretnar.
419
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:02,782
Students of Pinkerton.
420
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,016
You mean those stupid,
421
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,453
easily manipulated puppets?
422
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,321
This school is full
of pathetic losers.
423
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,889
Peasants.
424
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,158
All I have to do
is smile and wave
425
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,725
and have Max on my arm.
426
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:13,893
He might be dumber
than the dialogue
427
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,662
in The Last Airbender,
428
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,165
but he's pretty.
429
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:19,932
We did it!
We did it!
430
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,255
Max, wait.
I didn't mean it.
431
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,191
Say something!
432
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,858
Yeah, I'll say something.
433
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,295
Good-bye, Robin.
434
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:05,044
Unfortunately, in light of this revelation,
435
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:07,214
and because we're gonna have
a riot if I don't,
436
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,982
I declare Jenny Swanson
and RJ Berger
437
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:13,486
the new
Mr. and Miss Pinkerton 2011.
438
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:19,959
We did it!
439
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,229
We did it!
440
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,630
Oh, this is awesome.
441
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,398
Oh, my God, RJ,
I can't believe we won!
442
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,369
Go ahead and give
Mr. Pinkerton a hug.
443
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:31,471
Oh, Mr. Pinkerton.
444
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,240
Okay, that's enough.
Okay.
445
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,874
Berger.
446
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,876
Can I talk to you?
447
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:44,251
I want to thank you...
448
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,253
for keeping my secret.
449
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,654
Look, Max...
450
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,489
you're not gonna be able
to keep your secret forever.
451
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:52,859
And you might want to choose
some better friends
452
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:56,429
for when everyone
gets to meet the real you.
453
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,366
You might be
the better man, Berger.
454
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,634
This does not mean
that you are not
455
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,336
the better dead man.
456
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,339
Congrats, Mr. Pinkerton.
457
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,341
I expect nothing less.
458
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,412
Yo, Lily.
459
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:13,746
Where you been?
460
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,449
Babe, I've been worried.
461
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:19,619
I was at the hospital.
462
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,688
RJ, I'm...
463
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,690
pregnant.
464
00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:27,460
It's yours.
465
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,534
Hakuna matata, Berger.
466
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,168
Looks like I ain't
the only one
467
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:39,105
making your life
a living hell next year.
468
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:48,014
My name is RJ Berger,
469
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,117
and I'm going to be a dad.
31346
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