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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,481 --> 00:00:08,091 - Previously on - The Hard Times Of RJ Berger. 2 00:00:08,132 --> 00:00:09,307 Happy birthday! 3 00:00:09,350 --> 00:00:11,004 I have a really special gift for you tonight. 4 00:00:11,046 --> 00:00:13,092 It comes in a box. 5 00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:14,831 Come to the Max bash tonight. 6 00:00:14,872 --> 00:00:16,483 - You want to bone down? - Then man up. 7 00:00:17,959 --> 00:00:18,917 - Thank you. - Thank you. 8 00:00:18,959 --> 00:00:20,178 I've had enough of this! 9 00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:20,830 What did you call me? 10 00:00:20,873 --> 00:00:22,571 Here's to you, RJ Berger. 11 00:00:22,612 --> 00:00:23,526 You manned up. 12 00:00:23,569 --> 00:00:24,483 We're totally doing that again. 13 00:00:26,047 --> 00:00:30,617 Last night I had sex with the most amazing girl. 14 00:00:33,221 --> 00:00:35,310 A girl who wasn't in a coma 15 00:00:35,352 --> 00:00:37,310 and who didn't die afterwards, 16 00:00:37,352 --> 00:00:40,311 which, for me, is a first. 17 00:00:40,352 --> 00:00:42,049 - Oh. - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 18 00:00:42,091 --> 00:00:44,223 - Harder. - Yeah. 19 00:00:44,265 --> 00:00:47,921 Even the fact that my mom is boning my guidance counselor 20 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,571 at this very moment 21 00:00:49,613 --> 00:00:52,050 can't take this smile off my face. 22 00:00:55,743 --> 00:00:58,136 - You hate this, Berger. - Stop smiling. 23 00:00:58,178 --> 00:01:00,441 Even Max can't stop this smile. 24 00:01:04,307 --> 00:01:05,657 Miles can't either. 25 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,571 Hey. 26 00:01:07,612 --> 00:01:08,744 Yo! 27 00:01:08,785 --> 00:01:10,308 Dude, snap out of it. 28 00:01:10,351 --> 00:01:12,614 I got problems I need you to listen to me bitch about. 29 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:13,830 Sorry, Miles. 30 00:01:13,872 --> 00:01:16,309 I've just been thinking about dropping... 31 00:01:16,350 --> 00:01:18,744 the wordon Amy. 32 00:01:18,785 --> 00:01:21,092 The... Oh! "Anal"? 33 00:01:21,132 --> 00:01:23,352 No! Theword. 34 00:01:23,392 --> 00:01:26,483 Oh. Oh! 35 00:01:26,523 --> 00:01:28,307 No. 36 00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:30,307 I like my word better. 37 00:01:30,349 --> 00:01:32,264 My name is RJ Berger, 38 00:01:32,304 --> 00:01:35,438 and I think I'm in love. 39 00:01:46,346 --> 00:01:47,869 Hey, RJ. 40 00:01:47,911 --> 00:01:49,521 Oh, no. 41 00:01:49,563 --> 00:01:51,042 Dad, are they kicking you out? 42 00:01:51,084 --> 00:01:53,347 - Oh, no, no, , no. - I'm kicking myself out. 43 00:01:53,388 --> 00:01:54,825 There's big plans afoot for your dad. 44 00:01:54,866 --> 00:01:56,433 Big plans. 45 00:01:56,475 --> 00:01:58,433 - Oh, you... Okay. - That... That's really... 46 00:01:58,475 --> 00:02:00,520 Uh, what... Where... Where you going? 47 00:02:00,561 --> 00:02:01,953 I'm moving back in with mommy. 48 00:02:01,995 --> 00:02:03,605 What? Dad! 49 00:02:03,647 --> 00:02:05,213 Oh, my God, dad. That's terrific. 50 00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:06,822 Mom didn't mention anything to me. 51 00:02:06,863 --> 00:02:08,952 Oh, 'cause she doesn't know about it. Yet. 52 00:02:08,994 --> 00:02:11,997 When I saw her at your party last night, 53 00:02:12,036 --> 00:02:15,431 everything... Everything just came back into focus for me. 54 00:02:15,471 --> 00:02:17,647 That's the power, RJ. 55 00:02:17,687 --> 00:02:21,517 The power of love. 56 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,295 Hey, dad? 57 00:02:26,815 --> 00:02:30,993 What would you say if I was to tell a girl 58 00:02:31,031 --> 00:02:32,293 that I love her? 59 00:02:32,335 --> 00:02:34,772 Son... 60 00:02:34,813 --> 00:02:37,250 if I were the old, smelly, world-hating me, 61 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,162 I would say, "Don't do it. 62 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:42,510 Love is a lie, and women are spider whores." 63 00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:44,508 But the new me? 64 00:02:44,549 --> 00:02:47,073 The new me says, "Shout it from the mountain tops!" 65 00:02:47,113 --> 00:02:48,724 Oh, my boy. 66 00:02:48,765 --> 00:02:51,159 ♪ 'Cause it feels so good, so good ♪ 67 00:02:51,199 --> 00:02:52,636 ♪ That you're by my side 68 00:02:52,677 --> 00:02:55,550 ♪ Oh it feels so good, so good ♪ 69 00:02:55,589 --> 00:02:59,332 ♪ That I can't sleep at night ♪ 70 00:02:59,370 --> 00:03:01,285 It's 11:19. 71 00:03:01,326 --> 00:03:02,675 Do you know what that means? 72 00:03:02,718 --> 00:03:04,981 - No. What's... - What's that mean? 73 00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:07,719 It means we have exactly 11 minutes till our next class. 74 00:03:07,759 --> 00:03:10,501 Just enough time to sneak away to someplace private. 75 00:03:10,541 --> 00:03:12,717 That's amazing, 76 00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:15,717 because I have a big present for you. 77 00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:19,018 It's a snickerdoodle cookie. 78 00:03:19,059 --> 00:03:20,321 Know how much you like them. 79 00:03:20,363 --> 00:03:23,366 Oh, that's so sweet of you to remember. 80 00:03:23,406 --> 00:03:24,581 I love... 81 00:03:24,623 --> 00:03:29,932 I love you too. 82 00:03:29,969 --> 00:03:32,232 - Oh. - Yeah, well... 83 00:03:32,271 --> 00:03:34,491 um, no, I was actually gonna say 84 00:03:34,532 --> 00:03:37,230 that I love... snickerdoodles. 85 00:03:37,269 --> 00:03:39,576 - Yeah, I knew that. - I was joking. 86 00:03:39,617 --> 00:03:43,011 Yeah, well, um... 87 00:03:43,050 --> 00:03:45,922 I forgot I have to study, so... 88 00:03:45,962 --> 00:03:47,354 Wait, Amy, 'cause I just... 89 00:03:47,396 --> 00:03:50,007 I didn't mean it to come out... 90 00:03:50,048 --> 00:03:52,398 And then it just slipped out. 91 00:03:52,438 --> 00:03:54,788 RJ, the goal is to be slipping things in. 92 00:03:54,828 --> 00:03:57,048 Well, I said it, and she freaked out, 93 00:03:57,088 --> 00:03:58,699 so now what am I supposed to do? 94 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,741 Act like a German in 1948 95 00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:02,306 and pretend it never happened. 96 00:04:02,346 --> 00:04:03,957 Fight the future! 97 00:04:03,998 --> 00:04:06,305 Vote the non-douchebag party. 98 00:04:06,345 --> 00:04:07,825 Non-douchebag party? 99 00:04:07,867 --> 00:04:09,695 Doesn't Max usually run opposed for this type of thing? 100 00:04:09,735 --> 00:04:11,694 Well... 101 00:04:11,734 --> 00:04:13,780 typically. 102 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,735 What? 103 00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:18,692 Well, I... Max and Jenny usually run unopposed, 104 00:04:18,731 --> 00:04:20,298 but now the "douche-verse" split in two. 105 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:26,947 What the hell? 106 00:04:26,988 --> 00:04:28,729 Why is my name on this with Jenny? 107 00:04:28,771 --> 00:04:30,076 'Cause you got nominated. 108 00:04:30,118 --> 00:04:32,163 By who? 109 00:04:32,204 --> 00:04:33,945 - The... - Uh... 110 00:04:33,985 --> 00:04:35,509 - Student body. - Student body. 111 00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:37,465 But Jenny and I broke up. 112 00:04:37,506 --> 00:04:39,421 We're not a couple anymore. 113 00:04:39,461 --> 00:04:41,289 Oh, my God. Amy's going to kill me 114 00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:42,941 when she hears about this. 115 00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:44,722 RJ, no matter what happens with Amy, 116 00:04:44,764 --> 00:04:46,722 it won't be as bad as the next two years 117 00:04:46,763 --> 00:04:50,419 if Max and Robin win this. 118 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,763 the day after Max and Robin 119 00:04:51,804 --> 00:04:54,459 won Mr. And Ms. Pinkerton, 120 00:04:54,499 --> 00:04:56,414 the douchebags became self-aware. 121 00:04:56,454 --> 00:04:58,935 School became a nightmare for anyone 122 00:04:58,974 --> 00:05:02,543 who didn't have flawless skin and perfect teeth. 123 00:05:02,582 --> 00:05:04,322 the outcasts were hunted from above, 124 00:05:04,364 --> 00:05:06,975 rounded up and terminated, 125 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,321 while Max and Robin were worshipped as gods. 126 00:05:09,361 --> 00:05:11,798 Long live the jocks! 127 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:13,754 Long live the jocks! 128 00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:15,492 Oh! 129 00:05:19,183 --> 00:05:21,315 - Get him! - and the one boy 130 00:05:21,356 --> 00:05:22,792 who could've stopped them 131 00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:25,097 could only watch as Pinkerton high 132 00:05:25,136 --> 00:05:27,225 became a hellish a-jock-alypse. 133 00:05:27,266 --> 00:05:31,705 - RJ! - Why didn't you listen? 134 00:05:31,743 --> 00:05:35,616 Amy! 135 00:05:35,654 --> 00:05:38,570 Aah! 136 00:05:38,609 --> 00:05:41,917 Okay, I think you're slightly exaggerating. 137 00:05:41,955 --> 00:05:45,916 Junior year is not going to look like Terminator Salvation. 138 00:05:45,953 --> 00:05:48,782 It will if we don't do something about it. 139 00:05:48,822 --> 00:05:51,041 Pinkerton needs you, RJ. 140 00:05:51,082 --> 00:05:53,780 Now more than ever. 141 00:05:55,601 --> 00:05:57,429 Come with me, RJ. 142 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,209 Behold the enemy. 143 00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:05,991 Yo, yo, free sneakers. 144 00:06:06,031 --> 00:06:08,120 Vote Max and Robin. 145 00:06:08,161 --> 00:06:09,902 Vote for Robin and Max. 146 00:06:09,943 --> 00:06:11,728 There you go. 147 00:06:11,768 --> 00:06:13,030 Yeah. 148 00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,596 There you go. 149 00:06:15,637 --> 00:06:18,117 - No! No! - Absolutely not! 150 00:06:18,157 --> 00:06:19,724 There's no way... 151 00:06:19,765 --> 00:06:21,027 I've already messed up with Amy once today. 152 00:06:21,069 --> 00:06:22,375 There's no way I'm... 153 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,418 Dude, you're missing the point. 154 00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:27,287 You've been Max Owens' bitch for 16 years. 155 00:06:27,327 --> 00:06:29,155 Don't you want to get even? 156 00:06:29,195 --> 00:06:31,023 Yeah, I do, but not enough to jeopardize what I have with Amy. 157 00:06:31,064 --> 00:06:33,501 No, Miles. For real. 158 00:06:40,887 --> 00:06:42,889 - Did you see Dancing With - The Starslast night? 159 00:06:46,232 --> 00:06:48,016 It was really good. 160 00:06:53,707 --> 00:06:56,231 Ooh, RJ, you're home. 161 00:06:56,271 --> 00:06:59,013 I have some exciting news. 162 00:06:59,053 --> 00:07:01,490 - Oh, my God. - Is dad moving in? 163 00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:02,487 Ta-dah! 164 00:07:02,530 --> 00:07:03,618 Holy Jeribus! 165 00:07:03,660 --> 00:07:05,793 - That's my boy. - You hear that, Suzy? 166 00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:07,531 - He's already calling me daddy. - What? 167 00:07:07,571 --> 00:07:09,921 Uh, RJ, Jeriba and I have been talking, 168 00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:13,966 and we decided it's time to take the next step. 169 00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:15,265 But you guys have only been dating a few weeks. 170 00:07:15,307 --> 00:07:17,657 - I know. - I know it seems rushed, 171 00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,743 - but Jeriba got evicted. - Yeah. 172 00:07:19,784 --> 00:07:22,961 And we've been spending so much time together. 173 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,393 Moving on up, Berger 174 00:07:24,435 --> 00:07:29,135 to a deluxe apartment in the sky. 175 00:07:29,171 --> 00:07:30,477 This ain't the makings of a sit-com, 176 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:31,651 I don't know what is. 177 00:07:31,693 --> 00:07:32,563 Right? 178 00:07:36,604 --> 00:07:38,693 - This is serious, Miles. - He's moving in with me. 179 00:07:38,733 --> 00:07:40,648 What's the big deal? 180 00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:42,605 So what? Coach's gonna be dropping deuces 181 00:07:42,645 --> 00:07:44,473 and getting his mail at the same address as you. 182 00:07:44,515 --> 00:07:45,777 How bad can it be? 183 00:07:45,818 --> 00:07:50,780 Son! Son! 184 00:07:50,816 --> 00:07:52,035 Hey, son. 185 00:07:52,077 --> 00:07:54,428 Forgot your lunch. 186 00:07:59,292 --> 00:08:01,207 Hair muss coming. 187 00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:05,467 Ah, damn that's nice. 188 00:08:09,202 --> 00:08:11,900 Okay, that was pretty bad. 189 00:08:11,941 --> 00:08:13,856 - Now can we get serious? - Fine. 190 00:08:13,896 --> 00:08:16,072 I'll come up with something brilliant and diabolical. 191 00:08:16,113 --> 00:08:17,288 That sounds promising. 192 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:18,810 I'm gonna go find Amy 193 00:08:18,852 --> 00:08:20,723 and try to explain this whole Mr. Pinkerton thing. 194 00:08:20,764 --> 00:08:22,243 Okay. 195 00:08:27,110 --> 00:08:28,938 RJ... wanna explain? 196 00:08:36,021 --> 00:08:38,066 So you and the beauty queen 197 00:08:38,108 --> 00:08:40,371 are running for boyfriend and girlfriend of the year. 198 00:08:40,412 --> 00:08:42,239 Okay, look, I was meaning to talk to you... 199 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,760 Oh, right, right. 200 00:08:43,802 --> 00:08:45,456 I guess you were just too busy dropping the I-Bomb on me? 201 00:08:45,498 --> 00:08:46,673 What? 202 00:08:46,714 --> 00:08:48,977 Listen, RJ, I need to know something. 203 00:08:49,018 --> 00:08:51,150 Um, did you just say "I love you" 204 00:08:51,192 --> 00:08:53,412 to me yesterday so I wouldn't be mad 205 00:08:53,452 --> 00:08:54,540 about the whole Mr. And Ms. Thing? 206 00:08:54,583 --> 00:08:56,062 No. 207 00:08:56,104 --> 00:08:59,455 Amy, what you and I shared the other night 208 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:01,975 was... amazing, 209 00:09:02,016 --> 00:09:04,061 and... And... 210 00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:06,452 it... It's much more than any popularity contest. 211 00:09:06,493 --> 00:09:08,190 If you want me to drop out, I will. This... 212 00:09:08,231 --> 00:09:09,276 RJ, you're a big boy, okay? 213 00:09:09,319 --> 00:09:11,233 I'm not gonna tell you what to do. 214 00:09:11,275 --> 00:09:14,887 Don't expect me to like watching you and Jenny parade around. 215 00:09:14,927 --> 00:09:16,058 Hey, it's not like that. 216 00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:18,494 I want to believe you, RJ. 217 00:09:18,535 --> 00:09:19,493 I really do. 218 00:09:19,534 --> 00:09:22,276 But it just feels like that. 219 00:09:24,839 --> 00:09:26,754 I think I just need... 220 00:09:26,794 --> 00:09:29,667 a little time. 221 00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:31,056 Amy. 222 00:09:38,750 --> 00:09:41,361 This is your brilliant, diabolical plan? 223 00:09:41,402 --> 00:09:43,752 Break into coach's office? 224 00:09:43,793 --> 00:09:46,361 Come on. 225 00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:47,533 Are you kidding me? 226 00:09:47,576 --> 00:09:49,534 Look at this place. 227 00:09:49,576 --> 00:09:51,360 It's like a storage room 228 00:09:51,402 --> 00:09:52,838 filled with illegal and incriminating stuff. 229 00:09:52,879 --> 00:09:54,925 Here. 230 00:09:54,966 --> 00:09:56,533 I wouldn't be a bit surprised 231 00:09:56,575 --> 00:09:58,403 if we found, like, prescription pills. 232 00:09:58,445 --> 00:10:01,056 Gambling receipts. 233 00:10:01,097 --> 00:10:03,186 Maybe even some porn. 234 00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:06,274 Oh! Bingo. 235 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,969 Gentlemen, start your boners. 236 00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:10,316 That's not what we're looking for. 237 00:10:10,358 --> 00:10:11,403 It's what I'm looking for. 238 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,837 Come on... Come on! 239 00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:15,969 Whoa! Hold on! 240 00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:18,795 Look! There's, like, dozens of naked pictures 241 00:10:18,836 --> 00:10:20,011 of the same chick here. 242 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,272 Can't see her face. 243 00:10:21,315 --> 00:10:22,968 Face, "shmace." 244 00:10:23,010 --> 00:10:24,316 Nice dark hair, though. 245 00:10:24,358 --> 00:10:25,838 That a reptile? What is that? 246 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,100 Oh! 247 00:10:28,141 --> 00:10:30,143 Last time I saw something that nasty, 248 00:10:30,185 --> 00:10:31,491 Boba Fett was falling into it. 249 00:10:36,272 --> 00:10:38,318 Dude, look at the date stamp. 250 00:10:38,359 --> 00:10:40,970 Says this was taken last week. 251 00:10:41,012 --> 00:10:43,101 Miles, this is it! 252 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:45,144 Coach is cheating on my mom with another woman 253 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,448 and we have proof! 254 00:10:46,491 --> 00:10:48,797 Yep, we show your mom these pictures, 255 00:10:48,839 --> 00:10:51,407 coach is out of your house and your mom forever. 256 00:10:51,448 --> 00:10:53,755 Come on. We gotta go. 257 00:11:03,059 --> 00:11:04,191 Oh, hi, boys. 258 00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:06,018 I was just making some Pierogi. You hungry? 259 00:11:06,059 --> 00:11:07,539 Surprisingly, no. 260 00:11:07,582 --> 00:11:09,845 And in a minute, you won't be either. 261 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:12,628 Mom, we have something to show you. 262 00:11:17,584 --> 00:11:19,673 Boys, where did you find these? 263 00:11:19,715 --> 00:11:21,151 They're coach's. 264 00:11:21,194 --> 00:11:23,022 We found them in his office. 265 00:11:23,063 --> 00:11:26,284 He took pictures with another woman, last week. 266 00:11:26,326 --> 00:11:28,632 Yep, another woman and a bearded dragon. 267 00:11:28,674 --> 00:11:29,936 Boys... 268 00:11:29,979 --> 00:11:31,764 Mom, I'm so sorry. 269 00:11:31,805 --> 00:11:33,372 I just... You know, we thought you should know. 270 00:11:33,415 --> 00:11:36,026 I'm so sorry you had to see these. 271 00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:38,374 When Jeriba and I took these shots, 272 00:11:38,417 --> 00:11:39,635 they were meant to be a private thing 273 00:11:39,678 --> 00:11:41,854 between two consenting adults. 274 00:11:41,896 --> 00:11:42,854 And a reptile. 275 00:11:42,896 --> 00:11:45,508 Wait... what? 276 00:11:45,549 --> 00:11:48,552 I never ever meant for you to see them, RJ. 277 00:11:48,594 --> 00:11:50,639 I know this must be really traumatizing for you. 278 00:11:50,682 --> 00:11:51,726 This is you? 279 00:11:57,946 --> 00:11:59,948 - Shh. - It's okay. 280 00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:01,949 Let it out. Let it out. 281 00:12:11,518 --> 00:12:14,825 RJ, you all right? 282 00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:18,392 It's been a tough week. 283 00:12:18,434 --> 00:12:21,001 You want to talk about it? 284 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,481 I think this particular nightmare started 285 00:12:23,524 --> 00:12:26,265 when I accidentally told Amy that I love her. 286 00:12:26,308 --> 00:12:29,616 Oh, RJ. 287 00:12:29,657 --> 00:12:33,357 Oh, that's wonderful. That's not a problem. 288 00:12:33,399 --> 00:12:36,924 - No, actually it is, mom. - It's horrible. 289 00:12:36,966 --> 00:12:38,359 She looked at me like... 290 00:12:38,402 --> 00:12:41,579 Like I showed her a picture of my mom's vagina. 291 00:12:41,622 --> 00:12:45,452 All right, can we just forget about that? Okay? 292 00:12:45,493 --> 00:12:48,583 All right, RJ, your first love, 293 00:12:48,626 --> 00:12:50,323 it's a beautiful thing. 294 00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:52,020 Something to cherish. 295 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,457 It was humiliating. 296 00:12:54,499 --> 00:12:56,196 No. 297 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,676 You should never be embarrassed by love. 298 00:12:57,719 --> 00:12:59,503 I don't care what anyone says. 299 00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:04,552 Because if you hide your feelings, you hide yourself. 300 00:13:04,594 --> 00:13:07,075 This would be a much better conversation if I hadn't... 301 00:13:07,117 --> 00:13:08,380 You hadn't seen my hoo-ha today. 302 00:13:08,423 --> 00:13:11,078 I know that, sweetie. I know. 303 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,557 Sorry. 304 00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:17,343 My sweet boy. 305 00:13:24,088 --> 00:13:26,482 Hamilton, do you want to come to my house after school today? 306 00:13:26,524 --> 00:13:29,962 My mom's at adult gymnastics until 4:00. 307 00:13:30,006 --> 00:13:32,356 And I have my own floor routine I want to show you. 308 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,227 Yo, I love you, baby. 309 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:34,924 Oh, I love you more. 310 00:13:34,967 --> 00:13:36,229 I love you most. 311 00:13:36,272 --> 00:13:37,229 Oh... 312 00:13:37,273 --> 00:13:40,929 Oh, come on. 313 00:13:40,972 --> 00:13:43,888 Could you guys please cut that out? 314 00:13:43,932 --> 00:13:45,107 Thanks. 315 00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:47,196 - Whoa. - RJ, are you okay? 316 00:13:47,239 --> 00:13:49,285 - No. - No, I'm not okay. 317 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:52,331 I got nominated for this stupid Mr. Pinkerton thing, 318 00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:54,899 and then the girl I love hates me, and... 319 00:13:54,943 --> 00:13:56,988 And on top of that, I saw my mom's... 320 00:13:57,032 --> 00:13:59,208 Ugh. 321 00:13:59,251 --> 00:14:02,341 Never mind. 322 00:14:02,385 --> 00:14:04,169 RJ... 323 00:14:04,214 --> 00:14:07,347 there's something you should know. 324 00:14:07,391 --> 00:14:08,827 What? 325 00:14:08,871 --> 00:14:12,962 The student body didn't put your name on the ballot. 326 00:14:13,006 --> 00:14:13,572 We did. 327 00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:21,233 - You what? - Oh. 328 00:14:21,276 --> 00:14:22,930 It was all of us, RJ. 329 00:14:22,974 --> 00:14:25,106 We all collected names to put your name on the ballot. 330 00:14:25,151 --> 00:14:26,761 I forged mine. 331 00:14:26,805 --> 00:14:28,371 How could you do this without asking me first? 332 00:14:28,415 --> 00:14:29,416 'Cause if we asked, you'd say no. 333 00:14:29,461 --> 00:14:30,462 And what about Amy? 334 00:14:30,505 --> 00:14:32,638 She's this close to dumping me now. 335 00:14:32,681 --> 00:14:35,118 Well, we would have nominated her, but she's a junior. 336 00:14:35,163 --> 00:14:36,730 Besides, Jenny was born to be miss Pinkerton. 337 00:14:36,774 --> 00:14:38,863 Yeah. 338 00:14:38,907 --> 00:14:40,430 Come on, dude. 339 00:14:40,475 --> 00:14:42,346 All we ever wanted was to be popular and important. 340 00:14:42,389 --> 00:14:43,739 Is that so much? 341 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,829 You're the only one who can make that happen. 342 00:14:45,872 --> 00:14:47,134 Hey, yo, he's right, dog. 343 00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:49,311 All right? You just throw a kick-ass party. 344 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,097 And now that Jenny's running on your ticket, 345 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,402 we've got a real shot. 346 00:14:52,447 --> 00:14:54,971 Listen, if there was ever a time to challenge Max, 347 00:14:55,016 --> 00:14:57,409 this is it, homie. 348 00:14:57,454 --> 00:14:59,282 RJ, if we do this together, 349 00:14:59,326 --> 00:15:02,199 we can take Max and Robin down once and for all. 350 00:15:02,243 --> 00:15:04,289 The line must be drawn here! 351 00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:05,987 This far. No further. 352 00:15:08,339 --> 00:15:11,647 Look, everything you're saying makes sense, but... 353 00:15:14,218 --> 00:15:15,828 I gotta talk to Amy first. 354 00:15:17,832 --> 00:15:18,790 Can I have the rest of your sandwich? 355 00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:19,704 Yes. 356 00:15:22,317 --> 00:15:23,274 Amy. 357 00:15:23,319 --> 00:15:25,016 Hey, hey, hey, look. 358 00:15:25,061 --> 00:15:27,367 I know you're angry at me, but you have to listen. 359 00:15:27,412 --> 00:15:28,979 It was my friends. The whole time. 360 00:15:29,023 --> 00:15:30,634 They planned the whole thing. 361 00:15:30,678 --> 00:15:31,636 They were trying to help me out. 362 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,422 I had no idea. I swear. 363 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,730 So your friends hate me, 364 00:15:35,773 --> 00:15:37,166 and it was their idea to break us up. 365 00:15:37,210 --> 00:15:38,821 Great. 366 00:15:38,865 --> 00:15:40,563 - No, no, no, that's... - That's not it at all. 367 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,348 They were trying to help. 368 00:15:42,393 --> 00:15:44,221 They... I mean, come on. 369 00:15:44,266 --> 00:15:46,398 Weren't you the one who told me to man up and take Max on? 370 00:15:46,443 --> 00:15:48,576 Manning up doesn't always apply to Max, RJ. 371 00:15:48,621 --> 00:15:49,840 And it definitely doesn't mean 372 00:15:49,884 --> 00:15:51,843 do whatever your friends tell you to. 373 00:15:51,887 --> 00:15:53,454 I mean, one minute you tell me you love me 374 00:15:53,498 --> 00:15:54,935 and the next you're running 375 00:15:54,979 --> 00:15:56,415 in some stupid competition with your ex? 376 00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:58,505 Hit the brakes on the soap opera, RJ. 377 00:15:58,550 --> 00:16:02,249 I want to get off. 378 00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:03,863 Amy. Wait. 379 00:16:06,302 --> 00:16:07,999 RJ freaking Berger. 380 00:16:08,045 --> 00:16:10,264 And Jenny frickin' Swanson. 381 00:16:10,309 --> 00:16:11,440 This is what happens 382 00:16:11,485 --> 00:16:13,792 when you let the morons at the school vote. 383 00:16:13,836 --> 00:16:15,621 God, if we lose, Max, we're ruined. 384 00:16:15,665 --> 00:16:17,232 Do you get that? Ruined. 385 00:16:20,499 --> 00:16:21,805 Hello? I'm talking! 386 00:16:23,896 --> 00:16:25,114 Why do I even bother? 387 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,005 I can't believe you did this to me. 388 00:16:39,049 --> 00:16:41,486 - I know. - I'm so sorry, RJ. 389 00:16:41,531 --> 00:16:42,619 Really, I... 390 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,887 That makes two of us. 391 00:16:47,932 --> 00:16:49,281 Look, you're gonna get her back, okay? 392 00:16:49,324 --> 00:16:50,891 - Yeah? How? - How am I gonna do that? 393 00:16:50,936 --> 00:16:52,764 Tell her that you love her. 394 00:16:52,807 --> 00:16:55,070 I tried that already with disastrous results. 395 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:56,072 Thanks. 396 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,074 No, RJ, I mean really tell her. 397 00:17:01,819 --> 00:17:05,780 Look, I know that we messed up 398 00:17:05,823 --> 00:17:07,956 by nominating you for Mr. Pinkerton, okay? 399 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,436 I'm sorry. 400 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:13,571 But you're gonna have to talk to the entire school 401 00:17:13,614 --> 00:17:16,574 at this awards assembly. 402 00:17:16,617 --> 00:17:20,578 Including Amy. 403 00:17:20,621 --> 00:17:24,713 A guy like you can do big things with a stage like that. 404 00:17:24,755 --> 00:17:26,104 If I didn't know any better, 405 00:17:26,148 --> 00:17:29,020 I'd think you were manipulating me, Jenny Swanson. 406 00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:32,806 I'm smarter than I look, RJ Berger. 407 00:17:43,072 --> 00:17:44,900 Yep. 408 00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:50,249 You wanted to see me? 409 00:17:52,292 --> 00:17:54,164 Have a seat, son. 410 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,208 I'm not your son. 411 00:17:56,250 --> 00:18:00,167 Well, I been meaning to talk to you about that. 412 00:18:00,207 --> 00:18:02,906 You see, as your guidance counselor, 413 00:18:02,946 --> 00:18:05,166 I don't want to make things harder for you. 414 00:18:05,207 --> 00:18:08,167 But as a man, 415 00:18:08,207 --> 00:18:10,514 well, I just can't quit your mama. 416 00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:12,948 But that ain't gotta be bad. 417 00:18:12,989 --> 00:18:14,338 The way I see it, 418 00:18:14,379 --> 00:18:15,990 we both done been up in your mama's honey pot. 419 00:18:16,031 --> 00:18:17,685 You came out, I went in. 420 00:18:17,727 --> 00:18:20,207 It's the circle of life, Berger. 421 00:18:20,247 --> 00:18:22,162 Hakuna Matata. 422 00:18:25,331 --> 00:18:28,726 Son, the point is, 423 00:18:28,764 --> 00:18:30,679 I've decided to stop dating your mother. 424 00:18:30,719 --> 00:18:34,418 Oh, thank God. 425 00:18:34,454 --> 00:18:37,501 And I'm gonna ask her... 426 00:18:37,538 --> 00:18:39,932 to become Mrs. Coach Jeriba Sinclair. 427 00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:44,924 Can I call you "son" for real? 428 00:18:50,914 --> 00:18:52,481 Yeah, think on it. 429 00:20:14,782 --> 00:20:16,523 My name is RJ Berger, 430 00:20:16,566 --> 00:20:19,482 and what the [bleep]? 431 00:20:21,832 --> 00:20:24,313 - Next on - The Hard Times Of RJ Berger. 432 00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:26,707 Take it from a girl, she still has feelings for you. 433 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:29,187 - I love you. - We're in high school, RJ. 434 00:20:29,231 --> 00:20:30,754 Nobody really loves anybody. 435 00:20:30,798 --> 00:20:34,584 Could we, um, talk in private? 436 00:20:34,628 --> 00:20:36,847 Moment you all been waiting for. 437 00:20:36,891 --> 00:20:38,806 Mr. And Ms. Pinkerton 2011 are... 29918

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