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- Previously on
- The Hard Times Of RJ Berger.
2
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:12,577
Tomorrow is your daddy's
and my 20th anniversary.
3
00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:14,797
RJ, I was just wondering
if you were free
4
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,451
to spend a little time
with your old man tonight.
5
00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:18,888
- Dad, of course...
- Oh, God, oh, thank you.
6
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,933
I'm telling you,
as a veteran of divorce,
7
00:00:20,977 --> 00:00:21,804
these things never end well.
8
00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:28,593
Counted on you,
and you weren't there for me.
9
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:31,857
♪ There they go,
where they at ♪
10
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,163
♪ There they go,
where they at ♪
11
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,035
♪ There they go,
where they at ♪
12
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:36,558
♪ There they go,
where they at ♪
13
00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:39,300
♪ I pull up in the stang
like wowsers ♪
14
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,042
♪ $100 shirt
with $200 trousers ♪
15
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:43,347
♪ I'm clean as a doctor ♪
16
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,783
♪ But my name
ain't doogie howser ♪
17
00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:48,135
♪ Spitting flame like
my nickname was bowser ♪
18
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:49,266
♪ Your girl all in me face
19
00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,051
♪ I guess she want me
to arouse her ♪
20
00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:54,793
♪ Take her to me crib and
put me head all in her blouse ♪
21
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:56,752
There's a space.
22
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:59,537
Right between douche-face one
and douche-face two.
23
00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:01,670
You know, there's a very
spacious one over there.
24
00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:03,672
Seriously?
25
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:05,761
You don't want me to park here
because of the big, scary jocks?
26
00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:10,940
Check your side.
27
00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:12,246
Do I got it?
28
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:15,640
Yeah, does she have it,
homo erectus?
29
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:16,641
Yeah, you got it, Amy.
30
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,730
Ho, ho,
is your little boyfriend
31
00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:20,428
old enough to sit
in the front seat?
32
00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:24,127
Uh, says the guy
who drives alone.
33
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:27,130
Not quite,
driving miss nerdy.
34
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:32,222
My name is RJ Berger,
35
00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:36,661
and I really need
my driver's license.
36
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,931
Don't let those idiots
bother you.
37
00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:47,411
You know,
just take comfort in the fact
38
00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:48,978
that guys like Max Owens
39
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,980
either end up fat or in jail
or both after high school.
40
00:01:51,023 --> 00:01:52,938
It's not even that.
41
00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:57,029
I'm just so tired of being stuck
with my mom and freaking coach,
42
00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:59,380
or in my dad's Petri dish
of a hotel room.
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00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,990
I just need independence.
44
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:03,645
I need to be able to get out.
I need wheels!
45
00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:05,951
Oh! You're not about
to break into song or dance
46
00:02:05,995 --> 00:02:06,952
or anything, are you?
47
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:08,519
You have a lady friend
with a car.
48
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:10,042
It's kind of like
having your own wheels.
49
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,696
Thank you,
but it's not the same.
50
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:12,915
I need my license.
51
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:14,264
So you're almost 16.
52
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:19,487
Push down on the clutch
and get it in gear.
53
00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:21,141
Yeah, I apologize.
That was really stupid.
54
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:23,578
It was kind of cute.
55
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:30,411
Come on, we got to know
at least one adult
56
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,804
that would supervise
our driving practice hours.
57
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,241
My brother Chet
lost his license.
58
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,156
My mom's working late.
59
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:39,202
Hey, what about your dad
and that pimp Mustang?
60
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:43,946
Nobody say nothin'.
61
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:45,687
Got to down some mistake juice,
62
00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:48,429
and then we can get started.
63
00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,387
Roger, the almost Lily murderer,
64
00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:51,693
is our driver's ed teacher.
65
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,390
Great.
66
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:09,798
Oh, God.
67
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:11,321
Good morning, class!
68
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:13,584
It's 2:00 in the afternoon.
69
00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:16,413
What are you, like,
the frickin' tell-time guy?
70
00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:20,200
No, I'm not the...
tell-time guy.
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00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,288
All right, listen,
ass napkins,
72
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:22,767
while I'm down the hall
taking a deuce
73
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:25,074
and blowing out my "O" ring,
74
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:29,948
here's a little safety video.
75
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,211
Hit the lights, cherry.
76
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:33,474
No, no, red shirt cherry.
77
00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:45,312
Hey, kids!
78
00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:47,966
My name's Skid Mark,
the safety stain...
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00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:50,099
A magical mixture of asphalt,
80
00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:52,406
tire rubber,
and human blood.
81
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,712
Want to know how me
and my brothers get born?
82
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,105
Well, watch this.
83
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,369
I'm made
when careless new drivers
84
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,197
don't have their eyes
on the road.
85
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,724
just like that,
I have a new baby brother
86
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,422
and you're dead.
87
00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:11,120
While your family
forever suffers your loss,
88
00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:13,340
haunted by guilt
that ultimately destroys them...
89
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:21,391
my family gets a new baby!
90
00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:23,741
Even fun times
can end in tragedy.
91
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:25,569
Oh.
92
00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:27,702
Oh. Oh...
93
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:32,141
whoa...
94
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:35,318
so remember, kids,
95
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:37,233
keep your eyes on the road,
96
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,801
or we'll haunt
your dreams forever.
97
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:43,674
In hell!
98
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:48,070
That was awesome.
99
00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:01,997
- What'd you do?
- Spread too fast?
100
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:05,522
Cheerleading mishap.
101
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,916
Jennifer Swanson.
102
00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:10,048
Such a shame.
103
00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,746
As new head cheerleader,
104
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:14,531
I fully accept
your leave of absence.
105
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,794
Feel better now.
106
00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:18,622
Back off, bitch.
107
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:21,277
Go chase cars
somewhere else.
108
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,931
You two deserve each other.
109
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,585
Hmm, uh, bye-bye.
110
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,200
Thanks for
sticking up for me.
111
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:34,159
Well, us ex-Berger ladies
got to stick together, right?
112
00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:35,596
Hey, you want
to hang out tonight?
113
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:38,207
We can kind of do
a "Where The Boys Aren't" thing?
114
00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:40,340
We can drink and gossip
and talk about
115
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,559
how every single person
at this school sucks balls!
116
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,128
Okay.
That sounds fun.
117
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,782
I could actually
use that right now.
118
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:48,739
Cool.
119
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,437
Hey, Rick,
120
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,090
there's a girl on the phone
over here for you.
121
00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:54,528
- Coming.
- I'm coming. God.
122
00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:56,399
She sounds like a young one.
123
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,009
- Yeah. Great. Thanks.
- I got it. Yeah.
124
00:05:58,053 --> 00:06:00,838
Yeah.
Who is it?
125
00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:01,883
Hey, dad.
126
00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:04,538
It's RJ.
127
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,191
Oh, what do you want,
traitor seed?
128
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:07,671
How many times
do I have to say I'm sorry?
129
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:10,108
- I don't know.
- Let me think. More?
130
00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:13,242
Look, I'm not happy about
coach and mom either, okay?
131
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:15,157
But I'm not the enemy.
132
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,028
Everyone is my enemy now.
133
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:19,944
- Dad, I...
- I need a favor.
134
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:20,945
Oh, really?
135
00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:23,295
What can I do for you, son?
136
00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:26,081
Dad, this is really
important to me.
137
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:29,345
Do you still have your car?
138
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,565
Sort of.
139
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:34,132
Dude, I can't believe
we get to practice
140
00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:35,743
in your dad's sweet Mustang.
141
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,484
Hey, let's just hope
it runs, okay?
142
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:38,789
My dad's sort of gone
off the deep end.
143
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,530
- Aw, come on, RJ.
- Give him...
144
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,186
♪ Like dang diggy diggy
da-dang ga-dang dang ♪
145
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:45,709
♪ Diggy dang ga-diggy
da-dang dang ♪
146
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,016
- RJ, over here.
- It's daddy.
147
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:53,543
- Oh, my God.
- What is he doing?
148
00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:55,240
And why can't I stop staring
149
00:06:55,284 --> 00:06:57,242
even though
I'm disgusted by it?
150
00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:58,809
- Come on, guys.
- Let's roll.
151
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,595
There's no way
we're getting in that.
152
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:02,596
Uh-uh.
153
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:03,771
Give him a shot.
154
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:06,643
Look, he's trying
to be a good dad.
155
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:09,037
Besides, Berger,
if you never get wheels,
156
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,692
then you never get
to have fun in the back seat.
157
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:12,997
Well, one thing's for sure.
158
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:14,956
If we don't get in,
he just keeps honking.
159
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,699
♪ Dang diggy diggy
da-dang ga-dang dang ♪
160
00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:20,570
♪ Diggy dang ga-diggy
da-dang dang ♪
161
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,093
- Hey, Amy.
- Hi.
162
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:23,094
- Hey, bud.
- Hey.
163
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:24,487
- Hey, Mr. Berger.
- Seatbelts.
164
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:30,188
So, dad, how, uh,
how have things been?
165
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:33,453
Oh, you know, my wife
is humping my coworker
166
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,541
and my only son betrays me
167
00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:36,673
and then needs a favor
the next day.
168
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:38,196
The usual.
169
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,677
You've also got a dude's junk
as a hood ornament.
170
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:43,898
Hunkeez is Pinkerton's finest
gentlewoman's club, Miles,
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00:07:43,941 --> 00:07:45,595
and it pays
this car's lease,
172
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:48,119
provided I drive around
three hours a day
173
00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:49,730
through densely-populated areas.
174
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,296
That's the weirdest thing
I ever heard.
175
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,820
- He means good for you,
- Mr. B.
176
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:54,517
That's very proactive
and industrious of you.
177
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,955
Well, thank you, Amy.
178
00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:00,958
I also get as many complimentary
chicken wings as I want.
179
00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:03,004
Three square meals a day.
180
00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,309
So what happened
to the mustang?
181
00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:06,747
Mustang's in hock.
182
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:08,705
As is my family.
183
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,881
And my... life.
184
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:13,754
Oh, jeez...
185
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,888
- Dad.
- Dad, come on, dad.
186
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,281
It's not that bad.
187
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:22,066
It's... It's a nice car
on the inside.
188
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:24,808
- I'm so sorry, son.
- I...
189
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:27,811
- At least pull over.
- Come on.
190
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,645
Okay.
191
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,168
You're a man.
192
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,953
You're a man.
193
00:08:38,996 --> 00:08:41,564
Okay, guys, uh, so who wants
to take the first spin?
194
00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,875
- Stop, stop!
- Stop sign, stop sign!
195
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:49,790
Ah!
196
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,445
Good.
197
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:57,058
Now, uh, ease on the brake.
198
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:02,672
Hey, yes.
All right.
199
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:06,458
Uh, hands on her boobs,
son, not her butt.
200
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:08,286
Yeah, just imagine the steering
wheel is Amy back there.
201
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,592
Dad!
202
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:10,724
Hey, whatever
helps you remember.
203
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:12,900
Grope away.
204
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:14,292
Yeah, turn into
this alley right here.
205
00:09:14,336 --> 00:09:15,685
- What?
- Yeah.
206
00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:17,905
Got a little surprise
for you guys.
207
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:20,385
And cut it. Cut it.
Cut it. Cut!
208
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:23,824
Yes, cut, cut.
209
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:26,000
Okay, and stop here.
210
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:29,046
- That was...
- Jeez.
211
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,570
- Well done, bud.
- Well done.
212
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:32,223
Thanks, dad.
213
00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:33,398
Just wanted
to treat you guys
214
00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:35,705
to a little, uh,
Hunkeez buffet.
215
00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:38,360
Wait, we're at Hunkeez?
216
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:43,626
You brought us to a male
strip club for a buffet.
217
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,194
Wait, dad,
what are you doing?
218
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,412
Come on, guys.
219
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:48,500
We'll have some
wings and a soda.
220
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,154
It'll be fun.
221
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:52,635
Um, yeah,
as a female and a vegetarian,
222
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,419
there's no way
I'm going in there.
223
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:57,292
- Well, suit yourself.
- What about you boys?
224
00:09:57,335 --> 00:10:00,251
- Uh, you know, for once,
- I... agree with a vegetarian.
225
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:02,689
It's just...
226
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:05,256
- Dad, come on.
- You're embarrassing me.
227
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,519
- Fine.
- I see how it is.
228
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:08,912
You have time for your mom,
229
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:11,045
but no time
for your old man.
230
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:12,046
Dad.
231
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,745
Come on, dad.
232
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:20,881
Voila.
233
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:23,013
Are you sure about this?
234
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:25,189
It looks kind of silly.
235
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:28,628
No, this looks silly.
236
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,107
I mean, come on, Jenny.
237
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:31,326
We're having a sleepover.
238
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,632
We're doing each other's
hair weird.
239
00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:34,851
Haven't you ever
done that before?
240
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,026
Not really.
241
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,115
Well, for what it's worth,
242
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,377
you look amazing.
243
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,902
Well, thank you.
244
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:45,775
You look very pretty yourself.
245
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:48,038
You know, for the longest time,
I thought you hated me.
246
00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:49,518
Oh, I did.
247
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,563
But now that I have Hamilton,
248
00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,348
losing the battle
for RJ's bulge
249
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,393
doesn't really bother me.
250
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,700
We both lost that battle.
251
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,615
Well, look on
the bright side, Barbie.
252
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,314
At least you're still popular.
253
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:04,707
Not anymore.
254
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:12,236
Ugh...
255
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:17,720
man, we have been waiting for
an hour and a half and counting.
256
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:18,895
- All right, screw this.
- I'm going in.
257
00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:22,246
If you're going, I'm going.
258
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:24,379
Yeah, I'm totally
staying out here by myself.
259
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,033
I...
260
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:32,909
dude, is there
anything more creepy
261
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:35,129
than being in a male strip club?
262
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:37,261
Ugh. I feel like I'm gonna be
attacked by someone's Johnson
263
00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:39,350
out of nowhere.
264
00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:40,656
Now you know how girls feel.
265
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,397
- Relax.
- No one's gonna attack us.
266
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,399
- Yeah, right.
- Aah!
267
00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:45,139
Where the hell you been?
268
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:49,404
Ooh, I'd like to take a shot
off that body.
269
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:50,710
You are an hour late.
270
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:52,233
I got a room
full of horny housewives
271
00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:53,495
about to rip
this joint apart.
272
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:54,583
- Oh, no.
- No, no, no.
273
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,324
Uh, I'm just looking
for my dad.
274
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,804
I know. Daddy didn't give you
enough love growing up.
275
00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,240
That's why you
became a stripper.
276
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:00,371
I don't got time for therapy.
277
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:01,851
Get up there
and shake your snake, kid.
278
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,244
Come on.
Get up there.
279
00:12:03,287 --> 00:12:04,245
- Wait.
- Wait, I'm sorry.
280
00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:05,246
There's been a mistake.
281
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:07,727
- Hi.
- Shake it!
282
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:10,425
Kid looks hotter
than his headshot.
283
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:11,861
Who the hell are you two,
his entourage?
284
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:14,255
Buffy and Fluffy?
285
00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:16,605
And now, for tonight's
main vein event,
286
00:12:16,648 --> 00:12:18,868
the very young,
the very hung,
287
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:23,655
Brock Hard!
288
00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,396
- Take it off,
- Harry Potter!
289
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:29,705
Yeah, show us your
sorcerer's bone, baby!
290
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,968
Shake your moneymaker, squirt.
291
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:38,453
Whoo!
292
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,063
Yeah!
293
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:41,282
Leave him alone.
294
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,284
Who is that?
295
00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:45,329
Stay out of this,
chicken wings.
296
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,205
That's my son, Abner.
297
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:52,989
I don't care
whose balls he flew out of.
298
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,252
He's my dancer,
and he's not going anywhere
299
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,559
until he earns his tips.
300
00:12:57,602 --> 00:13:00,388
Let him go.
301
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:04,261
Let him go,
and I'll dance in his place.
302
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,306
- Ooh.
- Yeah, that's right.
303
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:09,353
Dad...
304
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:10,877
You?
305
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:20,538
Okay.
306
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,410
We're getting
our bathing suits.
307
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:23,150
We're getting our ba...
308
00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:25,805
We're...
309
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:26,806
Come on, Nicole...
310
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,459
I love this show.
311
00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:30,461
You know who never
used to let me watch this show?
312
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:32,681
- Robin?
- How did you know?
313
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,335
'Cause she's a bitch.
314
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:36,859
She probably doesn't let herself
watch her own favorite show.
315
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,687
You know, she used to be
my best friend,
316
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:41,472
but I guess she is kind of...
317
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,518
Say it.
318
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,868
- It's mean.
- Say it!
319
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:51,526
She's a lowdown, dirty,
sloppy second slurping bitch!
320
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,702
- You're right.
- She's a bitch.
321
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:56,270
She...
She stole my life.
322
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:57,575
She stole my boyfriend.
323
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:00,100
She dropped me on purpose,
324
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:01,841
and all the other girls
know about it,
325
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:03,451
but they're too scared
to say anything.
326
00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:06,541
I never did anything
to that stupid whore.
327
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:09,152
That skanky, bitch-ass ho!
328
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,285
- Yeah!
- Now you're talking.
329
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:12,373
I like it.
330
00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:13,722
That felt good.
331
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:17,552
Yeah, scared me a little too.
332
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:19,684
Sorry about
what she did to you.
333
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:22,296
- Whatever.
- You know.
334
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,733
Least I found out
who my real friends are, right?
335
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:27,692
Us crippies
got to stick together.
336
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:30,260
Cheers.
337
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:36,179
If your old man doesn't
make it rain dollar bills,
338
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:37,311
you're the next one
up on the pole.
339
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:42,707
Ladies and more ladies,
340
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,405
you got yourself
a treat tonight.
341
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,668
After 15 years of retirement,
342
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:49,062
Hunkeez is proud to present
343
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:52,674
Rick "The Brick" Berger!
344
00:14:57,809 --> 00:15:00,856
Whoo!
345
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,380
Haven't heard that name
in a long time.
346
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:06,427
Long...
long time.
347
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:09,734
Hey, DJ, that board
got a decent cassette deck?
348
00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,823
Uh, no,
but we got an mp3 player.
349
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:14,217
- Oh, well, that'll...
- That'll have to do, won't it?
350
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:21,398
Son, I was never able to teach
you how to catch a ball.
351
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,096
But this...
352
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:27,404
this is what your daddy does
really well.
353
00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:28,971
Hit it!
354
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:32,018
♪ I got a stripper pole
in my bedroom ♪
355
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,846
♪ And I like the way
you drop it low ♪
356
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:39,286
♪ What you trying
to do shorty ♪
357
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:41,462
- Holy bajeezus.
- Oh!
358
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:42,680
Okay, it's official.
359
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:43,943
Your family is
more screwed up than mine.
360
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,472
Whoo!
361
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:54,518
I hate to admit it, but I got
a quarter chub right now.
362
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:06,008
Half chub!
363
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:09,969
Take it off!
364
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,187
Take it off!
365
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:15,931
Oh, my God!
366
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,674
- Yes!
- Show us your penis!
367
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:25,723
Amy, I completely understand
368
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:30,511
if you never
want to see me again.
369
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:31,686
RJ, are you kidding me?
370
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:32,861
This is the most
fun I've had
371
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,558
since I found out
what the shocker was.
372
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:37,213
Plus half of my daddy issues
just completely evaporated.
373
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,699
Skills like this, kid,
they run in the family.
374
00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,396
You call me in a few years.
375
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,834
I suspect your banana hasn't
fallen far from the hammock.
376
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:08,462
Dad, that was amazing!
377
00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:09,637
Thank you, son.
378
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,726
Now, when I say "run,"
we should all run.
379
00:17:11,769 --> 00:17:13,467
- What?
- Run!
380
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:17,688
Aah!
381
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:18,950
Start the car, son!
382
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:20,387
Are we pulling
a strip and ditch?
383
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:21,605
You bet your sweet ass!
384
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:23,564
I made enough
to get the Mustang out of hock.
385
00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:25,957
Punch it.
386
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,569
- Rick!
- Rick, you son of a bitch!
387
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:30,962
Half those tips
belong to the house!
388
00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:32,355
I'm keeping
your cassette, asshole!
389
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:33,965
Grr!
390
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:39,841
Dad.
391
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,016
Hey, bud.
392
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,017
Mustang's looking good.
393
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,366
Yeah.
394
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:44,411
Not gonna park it
outside the motel, are you?
395
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:45,499
Uh, no.
396
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:46,152
My neighbors would think
I was a drug dealer.
397
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:49,764
You think you could, uh,
398
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,505
keep it safe for me?
399
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:54,073
Are you sure?
400
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:55,465
Oh, it depends
on how you did in there.
401
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:56,814
- Passed.
- Got my permit!
402
00:17:56,858 --> 00:17:59,252
- Oh! That's...
- Oh, that's great.
403
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:00,992
Oh, God.
I am so proud of you.
404
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,733
I'm proud of you too, dad.
405
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:05,997
- Proud of me?
- Why?
406
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:09,175
Yeah, I mean, I know all this
has been tough on you,
407
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:12,613
but you were
still there for me.
408
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,528
I guess I've had a lot of fun
over the last couple days,
409
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:16,660
and...
410
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:18,271
I've missed, um...
411
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:19,837
I miss...
412
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,971
I do too, son.
413
00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:25,147
So you want
to take her for a spin?
414
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:26,801
Her?
415
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:28,759
And her.
416
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,072
Here you go.
417
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:43,992
So, uh, think she's
a keeper or a clunker?
418
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:45,733
Definitely a keeper.
419
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,261
My name is RJ Berger,
420
00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:55,482
and I'm having
the ride of my life.
421
00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,182
- Next on
- The Hard Times Of RJ Berger.
422
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,096
Happy birthday!
423
00:19:03,664 --> 00:19:04,795
You didn't think I'd forget
your birthday,
424
00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:07,363
did you, tube steak?
425
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,713
- You want to bone down?
- Then man up.
426
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:13,021
Great, now I lost my shot
at birthday sex with Amy.
427
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:15,589
How about we all throw
an Anti-Max Freak Fest?
428
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:16,938
Come to the Max bash,
tonight at 8:00pm
429
00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:18,113
at the no tell motel.
430
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,246
This party's
gonna be off the chain!
431
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:23,727
- Let the real
- Max bashing begin!
29893
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