Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,449 --> 00:00:07,363
- Previously on
- The Hard Times Of RJ Berger.
2
00:00:07,406 --> 00:00:09,016
Morning, Berger.
3
00:00:09,289 --> 00:00:11,305
- Oh, my God!
- What are you doing here?
4
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,434
RJ, is that any way
to treat a guest?
5
00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:15,740
Are you asking me out
on a date?
6
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:17,294
Yes, I am.
7
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:35,100
I suppose you're here
to tell me
8
00:00:35,139 --> 00:00:36,035
to stay away from your mother.
9
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:37,850
You suppose correctly.
10
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:38,975
And if I don't?
11
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:40,219
Then, Mr. Sinclair...
12
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,680
life becomes extraordinarily
difficult for you.
13
00:00:48,075 --> 00:00:50,425
A threat.
14
00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:51,208
A promise.
15
00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:57,079
There are quite a few secrets
rattling around
16
00:00:57,169 --> 00:00:58,064
that skull of yours.
17
00:00:58,930 --> 00:01:02,169
Secrets that the school board
or your parole officer
18
00:01:02,369 --> 00:01:03,680
might find rather interesting.
19
00:01:04,529 --> 00:01:06,244
With all due respect,
Mr. Sinclair,
20
00:01:07,129 --> 00:01:08,509
you have no choice
but to obey.
21
00:01:10,669 --> 00:01:12,669
- With all due respect,
- Mr. Berger,
22
00:01:12,669 --> 00:01:13,725
you can kiss my black ass.
23
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,434
What the...
24
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:36,748
No, no, no,
not yet!
25
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:51,981
Damn it, Miles.
26
00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:53,705
You pulled me out too soon!
27
00:01:53,849 --> 00:01:54,510
I had him!
28
00:01:55,410 --> 00:01:57,934
- Five minutes.
- Not a second more.
29
00:01:58,250 --> 00:01:59,490
Those were your instructions.
30
00:02:01,884 --> 00:02:02,972
I had him.
31
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:04,730
Look at you, man.
32
00:02:05,050 --> 00:02:06,285
You're coming apart
at the seams.
33
00:02:06,849 --> 00:02:08,490
If I wanted a sermon,
I'd go to church.
34
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:10,570
Have you been cooking bacon?
35
00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:14,284
Miles, what the hell
were you doing?
36
00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:15,989
The only thing that'll make
you see the light.
37
00:02:28,741 --> 00:02:30,133
Ugh!
38
00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:34,089
- Wakey, wakey.
- Eggs and bac-y.
39
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,104
Your mama made us breakfast.
40
00:02:38,289 --> 00:02:39,464
My name is RJ Berger.
41
00:02:39,929 --> 00:02:42,790
And every morning I wake up
to the same nightmare.
42
00:02:56,891 --> 00:02:58,893
Mm, deeeelicious.
43
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,160
Deeelighted to hear it.
44
00:03:01,210 --> 00:03:02,149
Well, I'm ghost.
45
00:03:02,839 --> 00:03:03,660
Gotta let the golf team in
46
00:03:03,703 --> 00:03:04,910
for their morning workout.
47
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,091
Want a ride to school, son?
48
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,079
- No, I'll...
- I'll take the bus.
49
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,009
This is, um,
surreal enough already.
50
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:10,950
Eh, suit yourself.
51
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:11,575
I'll see you later.
52
00:03:11,619 --> 00:03:15,057
Mm, hmm-hmm-hmm.
53
00:03:19,453 --> 00:03:20,410
Mm!
54
00:03:20,454 --> 00:03:21,411
Damn!
55
00:03:21,455 --> 00:03:23,500
Yeah.
56
00:03:23,544 --> 00:03:27,069
Whoo.
57
00:03:27,113 --> 00:03:28,070
Mm.
58
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,190
- RJ, honey, we have to talk.
- I agree.
59
00:03:32,419 --> 00:03:33,630
Should I change the locks,
or should you?
60
00:03:33,673 --> 00:03:34,805
What, Jeriba?
61
00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:36,070
Oh, no, honey.
Don't worry about him.
62
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,669
He's just a warm body
to fill the void.
63
00:03:38,229 --> 00:03:40,235
No, it's that tomorrow
64
00:03:40,610 --> 00:03:42,925
is your daddy's and my
20th anniversary.
65
00:03:42,969 --> 00:03:44,089
Oh.
66
00:03:44,139 --> 00:03:46,114
So I was hoping you could be
here in the evening.
67
00:03:46,158 --> 00:03:47,569
Okay, what for?
68
00:03:47,619 --> 00:03:49,500
So mommy doesn't have to be
alone with the sad monsters
69
00:03:49,699 --> 00:03:50,535
that live inside her heart.
70
00:03:50,779 --> 00:03:51,899
Why can't he hang with you?
71
00:03:52,111 --> 00:03:53,895
- RJ, we've discussed this.
- He can't do Friday nights.
72
00:03:53,895 --> 00:03:55,897
- Community service.
- Community service.
73
00:03:55,897 --> 00:03:57,899
It'll be fun.
74
00:03:57,899 --> 00:03:59,814
We'll order Armenian
and play Pictionary.
75
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:01,649
But mostly we'll just...
76
00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:02,650
not cry.
77
00:04:02,693 --> 00:04:04,042
- Okay.
- Okay.
78
00:04:05,957 --> 00:04:07,350
♪ Keep your head up
79
00:04:07,394 --> 00:04:10,136
♪ Even when you're
falling down ♪
80
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:13,855
Have you ever hit pause
when the Asian guy's naked
81
00:04:13,990 --> 00:04:14,545
in The Hangover?
82
00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:16,675
I mean, that's gotta be
the world's smallest penis.
83
00:04:16,718 --> 00:04:18,198
- Miles, I...
- Dude, seriously.
84
00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:19,699
You can't even see it
through the pubes.
85
00:04:19,869 --> 00:04:21,410
My life is falling apart,
86
00:04:21,670 --> 00:04:23,069
and this is what
you wanna talk about?
87
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,310
If you were a superhero,
that little Asian guy
88
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:26,344
would be your arch-nemesis.
89
00:04:27,029 --> 00:04:28,900
He'd be the Ying to your Wang.
90
00:04:28,950 --> 00:04:29,584
Let me see your hand.
91
00:04:30,309 --> 00:04:31,509
- What?
- Let me see your hand.
92
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:36,125
How long it take you
to write that?
93
00:04:36,169 --> 00:04:36,952
All morning.
94
00:04:36,996 --> 00:04:39,119
Damn, girl.
95
00:04:39,119 --> 00:04:40,200
If you didn't already have
a limp,
96
00:04:40,359 --> 00:04:41,299
I would give you one.
97
00:04:41,299 --> 00:04:42,314
I am gonna hump
98
00:04:42,519 --> 00:04:45,105
your overdeveloped brains
out your skull.
99
00:04:45,149 --> 00:04:47,368
Mm!
100
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:48,674
Ugh.
101
00:04:48,717 --> 00:04:50,458
Unbelievable.
102
00:04:51,540 --> 00:04:52,985
Robo-troll has a boyfriend.
103
00:04:53,619 --> 00:04:55,735
I can't even buy a second look
from a blind girl.
104
00:04:56,299 --> 00:04:57,919
That's it, man.
I'm gettin' in shape.
105
00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,364
Miles, you do this
every couple of weeks.
106
00:05:00,579 --> 00:05:01,980
You say you're gonna get
in shape.
107
00:05:02,140 --> 00:05:02,610
You go home.
108
00:05:02,899 --> 00:05:04,454
You jog half a mile.
You vomit.
109
00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:06,110
And then you spend the rest
of the afternoon
110
00:05:06,179 --> 00:05:07,020
writing jokes on your hands.
111
00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,150
Look, I love you, buddy.
But you have the self-control
112
00:05:09,299 --> 00:05:10,294
of Lindsay Lohan's nostrils.
113
00:05:10,338 --> 00:05:11,556
No, I'm serious.
114
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,645
I'm gonna get in shape
this time.
115
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:13,994
I'm gettin' in shape.
116
00:05:14,037 --> 00:05:17,084
RJ, you...
117
00:05:17,127 --> 00:05:19,042
Got a minute?
118
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,784
Okay.
119
00:05:21,828 --> 00:05:23,438
Whew.
120
00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:26,407
Is everything okay?
121
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:27,214
Uh, not really.
122
00:05:27,679 --> 00:05:28,919
But, hey,
I got my first paycheck
123
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,014
as a substitute teacher.
124
00:05:30,399 --> 00:05:32,219
Although after taxes
and a week's rent,
125
00:05:32,263 --> 00:05:33,786
it comes to 23 bucks.
126
00:05:34,399 --> 00:05:35,940
Although you'd be surprised
at how far that goes
127
00:05:35,984 --> 00:05:36,909
at 7-11.
128
00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:38,194
- I gotta get to class.
- Right.
129
00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,029
RJ, I was just wondering
if, uh,
130
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,110
if you were free to spend
a little time
131
00:05:42,190 --> 00:05:43,050
with your old man
tomorrow night.
132
00:05:43,220 --> 00:05:45,070
- Oh, actually, I've...
- I've already made...
133
00:05:45,230 --> 00:05:47,325
It's just that
I don't trust myself to be alone
134
00:05:47,579 --> 00:05:49,314
on my first anniversary
away from mommy.
135
00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:50,199
I'll be honest, son.
136
00:05:50,470 --> 00:05:52,516
$18.50 of that $23 went
to five bottles of red wine.
137
00:05:53,910 --> 00:05:56,169
Right now they're the only,
uh, company I've got.
138
00:05:56,212 --> 00:05:57,170
Yeah, dad.
139
00:05:57,230 --> 00:05:57,704
Of course I'll...
140
00:05:57,747 --> 00:05:59,445
- All right!
- Oh, thank you so much!
141
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:01,899
Oh, you have made
a sad, sad man
142
00:06:01,899 --> 00:06:03,514
just a tiny, tiny bit
less sad.
143
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,135
This is gonna be great.
144
00:06:05,540 --> 00:06:07,044
Now, I'll...
I'll fire up the hot plate,
145
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,610
and I'll whip up
some franks,
146
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,879
and I've got this little
doohickey from radio shack
147
00:06:10,890 --> 00:06:12,760
that lets you hook up
a VCR to a TV,
148
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,440
so we can watch
our favorite tape together,
149
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,370
just like old times.
150
00:06:36,174 --> 00:06:37,610
Miles...
151
00:06:38,510 --> 00:06:41,190
I need you
to come hold me.
152
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:45,005
Oh, you're so strong.
153
00:06:45,899 --> 00:06:46,865
Being a male cheerleader
154
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,500
is like having
McDonald's and Burger King
155
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,571
all at once, Miles.
156
00:06:52,059 --> 00:06:54,304
First you see
the golden arches.
157
00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:57,070
Then you have it your way.
158
00:06:57,113 --> 00:06:59,507
Oh, Miles!
159
00:06:59,551 --> 00:07:00,813
That's amazing.
160
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,495
- Hands off, bitch!
- He's mine!
161
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:06,187
- Uh-uh, girl.
- He's mine!
162
00:07:07,144 --> 00:07:08,580
Whoa, whoa.
163
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:09,929
Easy.
164
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,024
There's plenty to go around.
165
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,075
God gave me ten fingers.
166
00:07:13,118 --> 00:07:14,772
Keep your hands off him.
167
00:07:14,816 --> 00:07:15,773
Gonna get what I want.
168
00:07:15,817 --> 00:07:18,602
Yeah, baby!
169
00:07:18,645 --> 00:07:21,344
Spirit fingers.
170
00:07:22,269 --> 00:07:24,009
So great, instead of one
clinically depressed parent,
171
00:07:24,059 --> 00:07:24,774
I get both of them.
172
00:07:25,399 --> 00:07:26,480
Guess if I leave my mom's
early enough,
173
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:27,720
I can make it over
to my dad
174
00:07:27,899 --> 00:07:29,974
before he weeps his way through
our old vacation photos.
175
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:32,115
I'm telling you,
as a veteran of divorce,
176
00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:33,460
these things never end well.
177
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:34,615
Yeah, I know,
but what am I supposed to do?
178
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:35,595
I can't let them both down.
179
00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:37,134
- Are you kidding me?
- They let you down.
180
00:07:37,178 --> 00:07:39,310
Listen, RJ, I know what you're
going through.
181
00:07:39,354 --> 00:07:40,442
Believe me.
182
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,159
And I know
how tempting it is
183
00:07:42,279 --> 00:07:43,019
to play the nice guy.
184
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,680
But you have to stop trying
to please everybody else
185
00:07:44,790 --> 00:07:46,034
and start taking care
of yourself.
186
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:47,524
Your parents are grown-ups.
187
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:48,860
- Not really.
- Okay, well, maybe not.
188
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,360
But I do know
that it is their job
189
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,190
to take care of you,
and not the other way around.
190
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,550
So are you still planning
on doing this alone?
191
00:07:55,989 --> 00:07:57,595
Well, I... I don't really think
I have another choice.
192
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,260
Well, I could maybe
go with you
193
00:08:00,519 --> 00:08:01,475
for moral support.
194
00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:05,075
You are aware
that my mom and coach are...
195
00:08:05,119 --> 00:08:05,809
Crazy.
196
00:08:05,859 --> 00:08:08,644
And completely self-absorbed
and psycho.
197
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:09,750
Yeah, I totally know that.
198
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:10,744
But that is divorce, RJ.
199
00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:12,055
My parents went
through the same thing.
200
00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:14,524
Except, actually, it was my dad
that left for a black guy.
201
00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:15,699
Yeah.
202
00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:17,939
The point is,
sometimes everybody needs
203
00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:18,755
a little support.
204
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,454
So my mom's apartment, 6:30.
205
00:08:21,497 --> 00:08:22,455
It's a date.
206
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:24,892
♪ Oh oh-oh
oh oh-oh ♪
207
00:08:24,936 --> 00:08:26,285
♪ Oh oh oh
208
00:08:26,328 --> 00:08:28,548
♪ Oh oh-oh
oh oh-oh ♪
209
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,984
♪ Oh oh
210
00:08:30,028 --> 00:08:31,290
♪ Wham bam, here I am
211
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:32,769
♪ Gonna start a plan
212
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,902
♪ And raise hell, yeah
213
00:08:34,946 --> 00:08:36,382
♪ Got you eating
out of my hand ♪
214
00:08:36,425 --> 00:08:38,471
Stop, stop, stop!
215
00:08:39,129 --> 00:08:39,904
What was that?
216
00:08:40,448 --> 00:08:42,829
Um, Robin,
what are you guys doing?
217
00:08:43,369 --> 00:08:45,204
What does it look like
we're doing?
218
00:08:45,247 --> 00:08:46,958
We're practicing?
219
00:08:47,008 --> 00:08:48,563
- I'm team captain.
- I lead practice.
220
00:08:49,008 --> 00:08:50,343
Well, you were late.
221
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:51,793
And we got tired of waiting.
222
00:08:52,129 --> 00:08:53,224
- Oh, really.
- Hey!
223
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,195
What the hell?
224
00:08:55,590 --> 00:08:56,547
'sup, chicken heads?
225
00:08:56,591 --> 00:08:57,548
♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh
226
00:08:58,500 --> 00:08:59,355
Anybody need a lift?
227
00:08:59,399 --> 00:09:01,357
♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh
228
00:09:01,401 --> 00:09:02,358
♪ Oh oh oh
229
00:09:05,143 --> 00:09:08,408
♪ I can feel it
230
00:09:08,451 --> 00:09:10,975
♪ Do you feel it
231
00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:13,151
♪ I can feel it
232
00:09:13,195 --> 00:09:15,023
Morning, bud.
233
00:09:15,549 --> 00:09:16,759
- Hey, dad.
- Can we talk about something?
234
00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:19,090
Look what I've got.
235
00:09:20,549 --> 00:09:21,898
- Sir homie, The Brown Knight?
- No way!
236
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:23,869
It's one of the few things
your mom sent me
237
00:09:23,869 --> 00:09:24,409
that I didn't burn.
238
00:09:24,789 --> 00:09:25,419
- That's good.
- Yeah.
239
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:26,590
Uh, hey, about tonight.
240
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:27,819
Hey, look,
I gotta tell ya.
241
00:09:27,869 --> 00:09:28,790
If I didn't have this
to look forward to,
242
00:09:28,909 --> 00:09:30,144
if I didn't have you
to depend on,
243
00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:32,169
I... I might die
of a broken heart.
244
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:33,605
- Dad, don't say that.
- No, no, it's true.
245
00:09:33,750 --> 00:09:34,850
And someday I'm gonna go
to Israel
246
00:09:34,989 --> 00:09:36,644
and plant a tree in your name
247
00:09:37,309 --> 00:09:38,445
because you saved
a life today.
248
00:09:38,489 --> 00:09:39,707
No, well,
listen to me babble on.
249
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,289
Um, you were gonna say
something, sorry.
250
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:43,859
Go ahead.
251
00:09:43,909 --> 00:09:45,044
I was going to say...
252
00:09:46,510 --> 00:09:49,449
I have something
to do earlier in the evening,
253
00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:51,170
so I was kinda hoping
we could meet up
254
00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:51,845
a little later on.
255
00:09:51,845 --> 00:09:54,979
Oh, so when you say
something,
256
00:09:55,023 --> 00:09:57,764
you really mean someone,
huh?
257
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,069
Huh?
258
00:09:59,069 --> 00:10:00,287
- Uh...
- Yeah?
259
00:10:00,287 --> 00:10:01,549
Someone.
260
00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:04,030
Attaboy!
261
00:10:04,030 --> 00:10:04,975
Sure, we can meet later.
Absolutely.
262
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:12,885
So in other words,
you pussed out.
263
00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:15,149
- He was desperate, Miles.
- What else was I supposed to do?
264
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:15,904
Wait, wait a second.
265
00:10:16,150 --> 00:10:17,550
So y'all mean to tell me
I'm the only one here
266
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:18,670
whose parents
are happily married?
267
00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:22,384
170 IQ with a stable,
upper-middle class home life.
268
00:10:22,428 --> 00:10:23,472
Ha!
269
00:10:23,859 --> 00:10:25,060
Who's your stereotype now,
homie?
270
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,458
Well, you are dating
a white girl with a huge ass.
271
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:28,749
True.
272
00:10:28,799 --> 00:10:30,395
If I were you,
I'd call his bluff.
273
00:10:31,219 --> 00:10:32,475
I mean, what's the worst thing
that could happen?
274
00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:33,730
Uh, I don't know.
275
00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:34,929
I mean,
he could kill himself.
276
00:10:35,099 --> 00:10:37,615
Bingo! And you got a spare dad
waiting in the wings.
277
00:10:37,919 --> 00:10:39,894
Miles, I don't want coach
to be my dad.
278
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,920
I don't even want him
to be my coach.
279
00:10:42,219 --> 00:10:43,820
All I'm saying
is give the guy a chance.
280
00:10:44,390 --> 00:10:45,239
He's friends with pimps.
281
00:10:45,282 --> 00:10:46,249
- Mm.
- Wow.
282
00:10:46,299 --> 00:10:47,479
Another selfless act
of friendship.
283
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:49,614
You know, you'd be a lot cuter
if you didn't talk.
284
00:10:49,614 --> 00:10:50,980
Oh, and you'd be
a lot smarter.
285
00:10:51,030 --> 00:10:51,987
Ooh.
286
00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:53,925
I like this girl more
every day.
287
00:10:53,969 --> 00:10:55,009
Me, too.
288
00:10:55,059 --> 00:10:56,380
Well, I think it's time
for me to get
289
00:10:56,419 --> 00:10:57,335
to cheerleading practice.
290
00:10:57,979 --> 00:10:59,630
I am gonna have McDonald's
291
00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:00,650
andBurger King today.
292
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,375
And how is that different
from any other day?
293
00:11:02,419 --> 00:11:03,376
Ohhh!
294
00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:05,117
- Ohhh!
- Hey!
295
00:11:06,379 --> 00:11:08,163
Well played, baby.
296
00:11:15,910 --> 00:11:17,172
Jeriba.
297
00:11:17,216 --> 00:11:18,173
Hey, Rick.
298
00:11:20,437 --> 00:11:22,090
Ohhh.
299
00:11:22,419 --> 00:11:23,594
How's it hangin'?
300
00:11:23,739 --> 00:11:25,566
- Oh, you know.
- Alone.
301
00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:26,501
Big plans for this weekend?
302
00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:27,459
- Me?
- Yeah.
303
00:11:27,459 --> 00:11:28,140
Nah.
304
00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:29,496
Not a damn thing.
305
00:11:30,929 --> 00:11:32,914
Well, unless you count
leavin' my mark
306
00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:34,409
on some fine white ass.
307
00:11:35,714 --> 00:11:38,369
And you?
308
00:11:38,413 --> 00:11:39,675
Oh, actually,
I'm getting together
309
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:40,734
with RJ tonight.
310
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,534
Gonna have some old-fashioned
father-son bonding.
311
00:11:43,179 --> 00:11:43,645
Is that so?
312
00:11:43,688 --> 00:11:44,950
Mm-hmm.
313
00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:45,715
Good luck with that.
314
00:11:47,891 --> 00:11:48,500
♪ Are you ready
315
00:11:50,198 --> 00:11:51,721
♪ Are you ready
316
00:11:53,549 --> 00:11:55,029
♪ If you don't like
317
00:11:55,072 --> 00:11:56,595
♪ How I talk
318
00:11:56,639 --> 00:11:59,772
♪ Just know I'm walkin'
my walk ♪
319
00:11:59,816 --> 00:12:01,296
♪ And baby you can
320
00:12:01,339 --> 00:12:03,472
♪ K-I-S-S my derriere
321
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,778
♪ - lere,
my, my derriere ♪
322
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:08,914
- Oh, my God.
- I'm doing it!
323
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,400
- Ready to come down?
- Yeah.
324
00:12:10,443 --> 00:12:12,706
One, two... Ah.
325
00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:13,707
- Whoo!
- Yes!
326
00:12:13,751 --> 00:12:14,926
Shut up and do it again.
327
00:12:14,969 --> 00:12:15,927
Okay.
328
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,049
Oh, no, wait, wait.
329
00:12:18,099 --> 00:12:19,579
Whoa, everybody stop.
330
00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:20,784
What the hell, Meredith?
331
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:22,804
I have girl cramps.
332
00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:24,225
Like I care!
333
00:12:24,630 --> 00:12:25,925
Get over there
and do it again!
334
00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:27,405
Maybe we should let her
take a break.
335
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,659
Maybe you should let me
instill some discipline
336
00:12:29,909 --> 00:12:30,429
in these girls,
337
00:12:30,669 --> 00:12:32,745
since you're obviously
not capable.
338
00:12:33,469 --> 00:12:34,745
Meredith, do it again.
339
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:35,746
- Are you okay?
- Mm-hmm.
340
00:12:36,239 --> 00:12:36,949
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
341
00:12:36,993 --> 00:12:39,169
One, two, three, four,
342
00:12:39,212 --> 00:12:40,170
five, six, seven, eight.
343
00:12:40,213 --> 00:12:41,867
Oh.
344
00:12:41,911 --> 00:12:43,564
Cheerleading rocks.
345
00:12:43,608 --> 00:12:45,871
Heh, heh, heh.
346
00:12:49,179 --> 00:12:51,007
Agh, blood!
347
00:12:51,050 --> 00:12:52,008
Ohhhhh!
348
00:12:52,051 --> 00:12:53,705
Oh, my God.
349
00:13:00,799 --> 00:13:01,975
Dude, it's just blood.
350
00:13:02,019 --> 00:13:03,629
Just blood?
351
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,529
Period blood isn't just...
352
00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:10,447
Period blood
isn't just blood.
353
00:13:10,447 --> 00:13:12,982
Period blood is what the devil
makes terrorists drink
354
00:13:12,982 --> 00:13:14,418
in hell.
355
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:16,420
Yeah, well, you're gonna give
yourself a blister.
356
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:16,940
Who cares?
357
00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,144
I probably need
a full face transplant!
358
00:13:18,187 --> 00:13:19,449
Damn it!
359
00:13:20,469 --> 00:13:21,970
Why can't anything
just go right for me?
360
00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:23,230
- Come on, Miles.
- Seriously!
361
00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:25,050
I just wanted
to lose some weight
362
00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:26,385
to get girls to like me.
363
00:13:27,109 --> 00:13:29,629
Now I'm gonna be hearing
vampire jokes
364
00:13:29,799 --> 00:13:30,564
the rest of my life.
365
00:13:30,608 --> 00:13:31,739
Miles.
366
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:32,615
Buddy, come on.
367
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:36,175
When a girl likes you...
368
00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:37,835
For real, likes you...
369
00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:40,679
It's not because you're skinny
or attractive
370
00:13:40,722 --> 00:13:41,830
or chiseled.
371
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,300
It's because you're you.
372
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:46,235
You're funny, you're cool,
you're sincere.
373
00:13:46,919 --> 00:13:48,700
The kind of guy who spends
an entire morning
374
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,959
writing jokes on his hand
to make his buddy laugh.
375
00:13:51,003 --> 00:13:53,092
Look.
376
00:13:56,159 --> 00:13:59,064
I know this is supposed to be
a nice friendship moment.
377
00:13:59,260 --> 00:14:00,144
And don't get me wrong.
378
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,770
I really appreciate it, man.
379
00:14:02,190 --> 00:14:02,814
I really do.
380
00:14:02,858 --> 00:14:04,555
But, uh,
381
00:14:05,849 --> 00:14:08,895
I had a girl's period blood
on my face.
382
00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:10,870
Yeah, we should get back
to scrubbing.
383
00:14:10,914 --> 00:14:13,394
Put some elbow grease in it.
384
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:16,397
♪ Hey
385
00:14:18,922 --> 00:14:20,575
♪ Hey
386
00:14:20,619 --> 00:14:22,577
Five, six, seven, eight.
387
00:14:22,621 --> 00:14:24,754
Lift, one, two, three, four,
388
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:27,582
five, six, seven, eight.
389
00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:29,337
You call that a lift,
bitch tits?
390
00:14:29,381 --> 00:14:30,338
Stop shaking!
391
00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:32,020
I can't help it.
392
00:14:32,619 --> 00:14:34,554
My goggles are so fogged up,
I can't see anything.
393
00:14:34,597 --> 00:14:35,450
Awww.
394
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,875
I know it's hard lifting
that cow up in the air,
395
00:14:38,059 --> 00:14:40,145
but we don't want
to drop her, do we?
396
00:14:40,189 --> 00:14:42,060
Keep it up, girls.
One, two, three, four.
397
00:14:42,104 --> 00:14:43,932
Five, six...
398
00:14:43,975 --> 00:14:46,673
Ow, that hurt!
399
00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:50,469
Are you serious?
400
00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:53,685
- Oh, no.
- Are you hurt, Jenny?
401
00:14:53,728 --> 00:14:55,034
My ankle.
402
00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:59,159
Hey, what do you think
you're doing?
403
00:14:59,369 --> 00:15:00,375
Practice isn't over.
404
00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:02,202
I'm taking her to the nurse,
you psycho hose beast.
405
00:15:02,245 --> 00:15:03,812
You do that,
406
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:05,520
and you're both off the squad
for good!
407
00:15:05,859 --> 00:15:07,480
Oh, I'm really gonna miss
the period blood
408
00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:08,255
all over my face!
409
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:10,126
- Oh!
- You're finished, Swanson!
410
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:12,085
God.
Back to one!
411
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,560
What are you looking at?
412
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,580
Mmm, look at that, huh?
413
00:15:18,630 --> 00:15:19,730
Oh, that meat looks fantastic.
414
00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:21,890
Yeah, wait till you see
the real thing later.
415
00:15:23,587 --> 00:15:25,198
Mom.
416
00:15:25,241 --> 00:15:29,898
Surprise, mother[bleep]!
417
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:31,310
I thought you had...
418
00:15:31,450 --> 00:15:32,224
What, community service?
419
00:15:32,770 --> 00:15:33,225
Yeah, I know.
420
00:15:33,530 --> 00:15:34,640
I slipped a crack head
five bucks
421
00:15:34,770 --> 00:15:36,165
to clean that synagogue
for me.
422
00:15:36,809 --> 00:15:37,799
'sides, I thought it'd be
a good idea
423
00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:39,064
if we spent some quality time
together.
424
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:40,849
You know,
some family time.
425
00:15:41,072 --> 00:15:43,372
Aren't you just
the sweetest thing?
426
00:15:43,372 --> 00:15:44,765
Oh, I just wanna ungh!
427
00:15:47,289 --> 00:15:49,005
so, RJ, why don't you
and, um...
428
00:15:49,409 --> 00:15:50,064
Oh, I'm sorry.
429
00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:51,959
Uh, mom, coach,
430
00:15:52,770 --> 00:15:53,335
this is Amy.
431
00:15:53,379 --> 00:15:54,979
- Amy.
- Hi.
432
00:15:54,979 --> 00:15:57,130
- So you're the older woman
- RJ's been telling us about.
433
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,679
You are just as cute
as a button.
434
00:15:58,979 --> 00:16:00,659
And I can see what RJ meant
when he said
435
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:01,980
you have the curves
of a video vixen.
436
00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:03,575
- What? No, I'm...
- I never said that.
437
00:16:03,619 --> 00:16:04,924
- Uh, no, that was me.
- Oh, that was him.
438
00:16:04,968 --> 00:16:05,925
- Mm-hmm.
- Coach Sinclair.
439
00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:07,725
- Hi.
- How you doing?
440
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:08,640
You can call me Jeriba.
441
00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:09,929
Okay.
442
00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:12,054
- Mm, okay.
- Have a seat.
443
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,692
I, uh, cooked up
some of papa Sinclair's
444
00:16:15,179 --> 00:16:16,034
famous skirt steak
445
00:16:16,179 --> 00:16:17,649
and bought a few bottles
of the good stuff
446
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:18,490
to go with it.
447
00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:19,929
And RJ,
448
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:20,780
if it's okay
with your mama,
449
00:16:21,539 --> 00:16:23,159
you and Amy can drink
as much as you want.
450
00:16:23,409 --> 00:16:24,104
Yeah, a few sips.
451
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:25,569
Let's pretend we're French
for the evening.
452
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:48,780
Then the cop looked me
dead in the eye,
453
00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:49,549
put down his flashlight,
454
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,726
and said,
"you sucked how many?"
455
00:16:57,020 --> 00:16:58,760
Honestly, that story gets funnier
456
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,284
every time I hear it.
457
00:17:00,327 --> 00:17:01,763
Oh, God.
458
00:17:01,807 --> 00:17:03,374
Oh.
459
00:17:05,376 --> 00:17:08,248
♪ Stop
460
00:17:08,292 --> 00:17:13,209
♪ This is where
you get off ♪
461
00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:16,996
♪ You can rattle your bones
462
00:17:17,039 --> 00:17:19,825
♪ But the hammer will drop
463
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:24,133
You don't know how I feel.
464
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:28,181
I can't believe it!
465
00:17:28,224 --> 00:17:29,965
I'm... in...
466
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,294
Oh, these are tears
I don't mind crying.
467
00:17:34,338 --> 00:17:37,254
Tears of laughter.
Yeah, laughter and camaraderie.
468
00:17:38,429 --> 00:17:41,475
- Awww.
- Yeah.
469
00:17:41,623 --> 00:17:43,146
Ah, chin-chin.
470
00:17:51,849 --> 00:17:54,634
Yahhhhh!
471
00:18:01,597 --> 00:18:02,729
We're sorry.
472
00:18:02,729 --> 00:18:04,409
Your cellular account
has been suspended
473
00:18:04,729 --> 00:18:05,335
due to nonpayment.
474
00:18:05,379 --> 00:18:07,294
To speak...
475
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:25,984
Hey, keep it down!
476
00:18:25,984 --> 00:18:27,986
Ow.
477
00:18:29,336 --> 00:18:30,730
I love that I just, like,
caught RJ
478
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:31,425
eating his own poopy.
479
00:18:32,719 --> 00:18:34,485
- Mom, enough.
- You ate your own poop?
480
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,260
- Oh, that ain't right.
- It was thanksgiving.
481
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,455
You know,
I think my little gobbler
482
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,045
just wanted a pre-turkey snack.
483
00:18:39,449 --> 00:18:41,599
- Okay, mom.
- Goddamn, son.
484
00:18:41,599 --> 00:18:43,160
Well, remind me
never to kiss you again.
485
00:18:43,839 --> 00:18:45,475
I honestly thought
it was pumpkin pie.
486
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:46,960
But what are you gonna do?
487
00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:48,235
11-year-olds, you know?
488
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:50,914
- Uh, you were 11?
- It was a bad year.
489
00:18:50,958 --> 00:18:52,829
- It was.
- It was a bad year.
490
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:53,990
Well, it's getting
kinda late.
491
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:55,992
Um, we should be...
492
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,554
Opening up another bottle.
493
00:18:58,039 --> 00:18:58,905
I completely agree.
494
00:19:04,605 --> 00:19:06,520
Pray tell,
495
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,380
what strange manner of dress
is this?
496
00:19:09,991 --> 00:19:10,992
Oh, snap!
497
00:19:11,035 --> 00:19:13,255
I done ended up
in olden times.
498
00:19:16,301 --> 00:19:17,476
Hey, quit it!
499
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,348
No!
500
00:19:25,443 --> 00:19:27,140
I'll get it.
501
00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:28,775
If that's the neighbor
telling us to keep it down,
502
00:19:29,099 --> 00:19:32,015
I'll kick...
I'll kick his damn ass!
503
00:19:32,059 --> 00:19:34,191
I bet you will.
504
00:19:36,411 --> 00:19:39,283
Dad.
505
00:19:40,239 --> 00:19:42,779
- I counted on you, RJ.
- Son of a bitch.
506
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:45,505
I counted on you,
and you weren't there for me.
507
00:19:46,469 --> 00:19:48,428
- Good evening, Amy.
- Hi, Mr. Berger.
508
00:19:48,471 --> 00:19:50,560
- Jeriba.
- Mm.
509
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:51,824
Guess who's coming to dinner.
510
00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:53,954
You're drunk, Rick.
511
00:19:53,997 --> 00:19:55,390
- Ohhh.
- Now, honey.
512
00:19:56,479 --> 00:19:57,490
You're pretty [bleep]ed up
yourself.
513
00:19:57,533 --> 00:19:58,680
Jeriba, please.
514
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,080
Dad, I understand
that you're mad.
515
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:00,695
I'm not mad.
516
00:20:00,739 --> 00:20:02,175
I'm just...
517
00:20:02,218 --> 00:20:03,568
broken-hearted.
518
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:04,639
Dad, I'll go with you
right now,
519
00:20:04,719 --> 00:20:05,434
and we'll watch the movie.
520
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,934
- Don't bother.
- You have a new brown knight now.
521
00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:09,029
Hey!
522
00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:10,030
That's some racist bull
523
00:20:10,074 --> 00:20:10,988
right there, Berger.
524
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:12,610
Dad, it's not like that.
525
00:20:12,653 --> 00:20:14,176
Mm.
526
00:20:14,689 --> 00:20:15,234
Enjoy each other.
527
00:20:20,689 --> 00:20:21,907
Well, one thing worse
than a run-in
528
00:20:22,839 --> 00:20:23,589
with your drunk daddy.
529
00:20:23,632 --> 00:20:24,429
That's a run-in
530
00:20:24,479 --> 00:20:26,351
with your drunk daddy
and a cold skirt steak.
531
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:28,804
My name is RJ Berger,
532
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:31,609
and please let me wake up
from this nightmare.
533
00:20:37,109 --> 00:20:39,195
- Next on
- The Hard Times of RJ Berger.
534
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:40,110
I need independence.
535
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:41,399
I need to be able
to get out.
536
00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:42,385
I need wheels.
537
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:45,465
RJ, let's roll!
538
00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:47,370
My dad is giving us
driving lessons
539
00:20:47,709 --> 00:20:48,419
in the dongmobile.
540
00:20:48,469 --> 00:20:49,601
If you never get wheels,
then you never get
541
00:20:50,069 --> 00:20:51,419
to have fun
in the backseat.
542
00:20:51,469 --> 00:20:53,209
Hands on her boobs, son,
not her butt.
36101
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof