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1
00:00:06,991 --> 00:00:08,514
Previously on
The Hard Times of RJ Berger.
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00:00:08,599 --> 00:00:10,209
Cousin Vinny's here
to help us move.
3
00:00:10,295 --> 00:00:12,080
- You want to date this girl?
- More than anything.
4
00:00:12,165 --> 00:00:13,470
You only need one weapon.
5
00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:14,688
Confidence.
6
00:00:14,774 --> 00:00:16,602
- You and me, dinner?
- I'd love to.
7
00:00:16,687 --> 00:00:17,993
I guess I'm just really nervous.
8
00:00:18,078 --> 00:00:19,732
That's why I like you, RJ.
9
00:00:19,818 --> 00:00:20,862
You're never afraid
to tell the truth.
10
00:00:35,993 --> 00:00:38,038
Holy crap,
this is really happening.
11
00:00:38,123 --> 00:00:40,256
Yep.
12
00:00:48,254 --> 00:00:50,343
Mm...
13
00:00:50,428 --> 00:00:51,951
is something wrong?
14
00:00:52,037 --> 00:00:53,647
No, no, no, nothing.
15
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,083
Wow, they really
lock these things in, huh?
16
00:00:58,168 --> 00:00:59,778
Yeah.
17
00:00:59,864 --> 00:01:01,039
Just pull it
over her head, hon.
18
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:03,171
- Mom!
- Yeah, you gotta
19
00:01:03,256 --> 00:01:04,692
pull those little muffins
out of the oven
20
00:01:04,777 --> 00:01:06,039
while they're still warm.
21
00:01:06,125 --> 00:01:08,258
These walls
sure are thin, huh?
22
00:01:08,343 --> 00:01:09,648
Don't pay attention.
23
00:01:09,735 --> 00:01:12,172
Oh, okay.
24
00:01:12,256 --> 00:01:14,040
Did you get it?
Can you see them?
25
00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:16,345
Oh, I bet they
are fantastic.
26
00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:18,475
Let me know when you get
to the bottom,
27
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,433
I'll talk you through it,
it can be kinda tricky.
28
00:01:21,518 --> 00:01:23,912
- Mom!
- Here.
29
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:25,301
- Mom!
- Oh my God.
30
00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:27,607
You're welcome.
31
00:01:27,692 --> 00:01:32,088
My name is RJ Berger, and I
need a new make-out spot.
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00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:47,825
Whoa.
33
00:01:47,911 --> 00:01:50,130
What's with you?
34
00:01:50,215 --> 00:01:52,174
The universe keeps
blueballing me, that's what.
35
00:01:52,259 --> 00:01:54,783
I keep getting
this close, and then...
36
00:01:54,868 --> 00:01:57,175
And the universe
says, "no, RJ,
37
00:01:57,259 --> 00:02:00,131
"you must wait.
wait for tonight.
38
00:02:00,216 --> 00:02:03,132
For on this night,
you shall surely bone."
39
00:02:03,216 --> 00:02:05,044
What would make tonight
any different?
40
00:02:05,129 --> 00:02:08,219
Dude. Because it's
sophomore lock-in night.
41
00:02:08,303 --> 00:02:10,001
So?
42
00:02:10,087 --> 00:02:12,132
So... lock-in night?
43
00:02:12,217 --> 00:02:14,132
It's like
a school-sponsored orgy.
44
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,785
Scorgy! Everyone in class
gets to rub guts.
45
00:02:16,869 --> 00:02:19,176
Even complete trolls.
46
00:02:21,348 --> 00:02:23,829
Miles, this is another one
of your stupid theories.
47
00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:26,177
There's no way people
are gonna do it at school.
48
00:02:26,262 --> 00:02:28,481
Oh!
49
00:02:31,349 --> 00:02:34,613
What a night, Pinkerton!
50
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:36,786
Now...
51
00:02:36,871 --> 00:02:39,526
where is
my sexy keymaster?
52
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,525
Right here. Here I am.
53
00:02:46,263 --> 00:02:48,569
Come and get it, baby.
54
00:02:52,350 --> 00:02:54,874
Another one of
my "stupid theories," huh?
55
00:02:54,959 --> 00:02:56,221
Just like when I warned you
what would happen
56
00:02:56,307 --> 00:02:57,787
if you entered the dragon.
57
00:03:00,177 --> 00:03:02,048
Why do I feel like she can hear
every word we're saying?
58
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:03,526
'Cause she's pure evil, bro.
59
00:03:03,612 --> 00:03:04,744
Forget her.
60
00:03:04,830 --> 00:03:05,874
You moved on.
61
00:03:10,655 --> 00:03:12,179
Maybe you're right.
62
00:03:12,265 --> 00:03:14,658
Maybe tonight is thenight.
63
00:03:14,744 --> 00:03:16,267
Dude, if it does happen,
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00:03:16,352 --> 00:03:18,920
just promise me
a detailed description
65
00:03:19,005 --> 00:03:19,875
of the merchandise.
66
00:03:19,961 --> 00:03:21,528
You know,
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00:03:21,613 --> 00:03:23,876
like hardwood floors
or carpet.
68
00:03:23,961 --> 00:03:28,052
Curtains or pouty face.
69
00:03:28,135 --> 00:03:32,270
Come on, RJ.
Come to paradise.
70
00:03:36,136 --> 00:03:37,877
Mm. Oh!
71
00:03:37,962 --> 00:03:39,224
RJ Berger!
72
00:03:39,310 --> 00:03:41,312
RJ Berger!
73
00:03:41,397 --> 00:03:43,051
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
I get it, I get it.
74
00:03:43,136 --> 00:03:45,095
Oh! Dude, that reminds me.
75
00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:46,485
You gotta bring
a dessert to get in.
76
00:03:46,571 --> 00:03:49,357
See? Even the rules
are awesome.
77
00:03:49,441 --> 00:03:52,444
Tasty treats, locked in
with girls and dessert?
78
00:03:52,529 --> 00:03:53,791
Scorgy!
79
00:03:57,224 --> 00:03:59,139
So I was thinking
we'd just, you know,
80
00:03:59,224 --> 00:04:01,923
sneak off tonight after
Coach calls lightsout,
81
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,661
And find a place
like we'd pictured.
82
00:04:03,747 --> 00:04:05,661
Oh, RJ, I can't.
83
00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:07,879
- I'm so sorry.
- No, no,
84
00:04:07,964 --> 00:04:09,879
I totally understand
if you didn't... wouldn't
85
00:04:09,964 --> 00:04:13,228
- wanna do it, you know.
- Oh, RJ, not that.
86
00:04:13,312 --> 00:04:16,185
I do want to.
I really, really want to.
87
00:04:16,269 --> 00:04:19,141
It's just... my parents
won't let me go.
88
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,446
- But it's a school event.
- I know.
89
00:04:21,531 --> 00:04:23,098
Somebody called them
and told them
90
00:04:23,183 --> 00:04:25,359
how it's basically
a school-sponsored orgy.
91
00:04:25,444 --> 00:04:26,358
- Scorgy.
- What?
92
00:04:26,444 --> 00:04:28,011
Nothing.
93
00:04:28,097 --> 00:04:30,839
Anyways, I really,
really want to.
94
00:04:30,923 --> 00:04:33,012
It just can't be tonight.
95
00:04:33,097 --> 00:04:35,447
Unless, by some miracle,
my dad changes his mind,
96
00:04:35,532 --> 00:04:37,142
which will never happen.
97
00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:42,751
Don't worry about
your dad.
98
00:04:42,837 --> 00:04:44,969
- What?
- I got this.
99
00:04:52,881 --> 00:04:54,622
Jennifer's not
allowed out tonight.
100
00:04:54,707 --> 00:04:56,143
Maybe you hadn't heard.
101
00:04:56,228 --> 00:04:57,621
But, sir, please.
102
00:04:57,707 --> 00:04:59,013
We're all just
counting on her.
103
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,057
Excuse me?
104
00:05:01,142 --> 00:05:02,535
Well...
105
00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:04,317
we're supposed to
role-play together tonight.
106
00:05:04,403 --> 00:05:06,405
I knew it.
107
00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:09,406
This whole lock-in nonsense
is just a thinly veiled
108
00:05:09,490 --> 00:05:11,841
- excuse for a scorgy.
- A-A-A what?
109
00:05:11,926 --> 00:05:14,102
It's a compound word, Berger.
110
00:05:14,187 --> 00:05:18,974
Using the words
"school" and "orgy."
111
00:05:19,056 --> 00:05:22,103
Orgy? Oh, my God,
that's disgusting.
112
00:05:22,187 --> 00:05:24,319
Jennifer, what is
your father talking about?
113
00:05:24,404 --> 00:05:28,147
I don't know, someone
told him this crazy story,
114
00:05:28,231 --> 00:05:30,756
and it is gross.
115
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:33,059
Oh. I mean,
I just don't know
116
00:05:33,144 --> 00:05:34,798
who is gonna play
my Princess Pigington
117
00:05:34,884 --> 00:05:36,668
in our Excaliburcampaign.
118
00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:39,800
Princess Pigington?
119
00:05:39,884 --> 00:05:40,929
Yeah, she rolls
a plus-12 against all evil,
120
00:05:41,015 --> 00:05:43,017
- she's the magical keeper...
- Stop.
121
00:05:43,102 --> 00:05:45,669
Just stop it.
Shut up with that.
122
00:05:48,493 --> 00:05:50,017
All right, obviously,
there's some sort
123
00:05:50,102 --> 00:05:52,234
of misunderstanding here.
124
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,582
I told you, Daddy,
it's not at all like that.
125
00:05:56,929 --> 00:05:58,713
All right, sweetie.
All right, you can go.
126
00:06:01,885 --> 00:06:03,931
But you listen to me, son.
127
00:06:04,017 --> 00:06:05,975
Swear to me that you will not
128
00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:07,627
take advantage
of my daughter tonight.
129
00:06:07,712 --> 00:06:10,062
It is my sworn duty
as a knight
130
00:06:10,147 --> 00:06:12,062
to defend
all maidens against evil,
131
00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:14,062
- and chaotic beasts...
- Stop, stop, stop.
132
00:06:14,147 --> 00:06:16,846
Just shut up with that.
133
00:06:16,931 --> 00:06:18,846
- Thank you, Daddy.
- Goodnight, sir.
134
00:06:18,931 --> 00:06:22,325
Oh, my God.
You are a genius.
135
00:06:22,408 --> 00:06:24,846
I think you just earned
something special tonight.
136
00:06:24,931 --> 00:06:27,324
♪ Open up, give me some
of your coconut ♪
137
00:06:27,409 --> 00:06:29,237
♪ Damn, I think
you just woke it up ♪
138
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,063
♪ Ooh, you like it?
Soak it up ♪
139
00:06:31,148 --> 00:06:32,410
♪ Get used to this Gucci ♪
140
00:06:32,496 --> 00:06:34,368
♪ And the Prada-rockin' Dolce ♪
141
00:06:34,453 --> 00:06:35,846
♪ If your body
get you out there ♪
142
00:06:35,932 --> 00:06:38,978
All right,
listen up, superfreaks.
143
00:06:39,062 --> 00:06:41,499
The only reason I chaperone
144
00:06:41,584 --> 00:06:44,022
this sad-ass circus is to eat
your mama's cookies
145
00:06:44,106 --> 00:06:46,761
while I watch the fight
on my office TV.
146
00:06:46,846 --> 00:06:48,499
I ain't got
no cable at home.
147
00:06:48,584 --> 00:06:50,412
Ground rules are...
148
00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:53,500
stay in the gym,
don't leave the gym,
149
00:06:53,585 --> 00:06:55,936
and stay the hell in the gym
at all times.
150
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:01,588
Oh, yeah, and stay
the hell outta my office!
151
00:07:10,151 --> 00:07:12,588
This is gonna be the greatest
night of our lives.
152
00:07:12,673 --> 00:07:14,806
I think he might be right.
153
00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:25,502
Dude. Can you believe it?
154
00:07:25,587 --> 00:07:28,329
I mean, you can practically feel
the beaver mist in the air.
155
00:07:28,413 --> 00:07:31,547
There is no way I'm
not getting laid tonight.
156
00:07:31,631 --> 00:07:34,329
- What are those?
- Oh.
157
00:07:34,414 --> 00:07:36,634
I stole this giant stash of
biscotti from my brother, Chet.
158
00:07:36,719 --> 00:07:39,635
Chet doesn't strike me
as a biscotti guy.
159
00:07:39,719 --> 00:07:41,155
Oh, he's crazy about them.
160
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:42,981
He imports them
from his old war buddies.
161
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:44,416
I've seen him eat, like,
a thousand of them.
162
00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:47,722
So, where
we setting up at?
163
00:07:47,806 --> 00:07:50,069
Oh, um, actually, Miles,
164
00:07:50,154 --> 00:07:52,722
RJ and I were gonna try
and find our own place
165
00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:53,982
with a little more privacy.
166
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:56,417
Oh, okay.
167
00:08:01,112 --> 00:08:02,853
- Yeah, help yourself.
- Thank you.
168
00:08:02,938 --> 00:08:04,766
Way to go, bro.
I'm proud of you.
169
00:08:07,547 --> 00:08:10,506
I can't believe that
little blonde bitch made it.
170
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,375
Yeah. Isn't it awesome?
171
00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:14,505
- Wait.
- Why wouldn't she?
172
00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:16,810
No reason.
173
00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:19,942
I gotta go
take a major dump.
174
00:08:20,026 --> 00:08:21,897
You wanna wipe my ass, fatty?
175
00:08:21,983 --> 00:08:23,463
Hell no.
I think I'd rather
176
00:08:23,548 --> 00:08:25,115
be a human centipede between
177
00:08:25,201 --> 00:08:27,377
Biz Markie and
Justin Bieber, thanks.
178
00:08:30,549 --> 00:08:33,030
Wait!
179
00:08:33,114 --> 00:08:34,811
It was you, wasn't it?
180
00:08:34,897 --> 00:08:36,943
You called Jenny's parents.
181
00:08:37,028 --> 00:08:39,465
You tried
to sabotage RJ's night.
182
00:08:39,549 --> 00:08:40,593
And I'm still going to.
183
00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:42,551
You mechanized cockblock!
184
00:08:42,636 --> 00:08:44,029
How could you?
185
00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:46,682
If I can't have
RJ Berger...
186
00:08:46,768 --> 00:08:48,160
no one can.
187
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:57,075
Gosh, it's so creepy
here at night.
188
00:08:57,159 --> 00:08:58,508
It's creepy
during the day too.
189
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,857
Where should we go?
190
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,639
Uh, anywhere.
191
00:09:03,725 --> 00:09:05,988
I mean, it can literally
be anywhere in the world...
192
00:09:06,073 --> 00:09:08,119
Like, right there.
193
00:09:08,204 --> 00:09:11,120
No, RJ,
it's gotta be special.
194
00:09:11,204 --> 00:09:12,683
We have to find
the perfect place.
195
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,553
Okay. You lead the way.
196
00:09:14,639 --> 00:09:16,728
Okay. Biscotti?
Oh, no, no, no.
197
00:09:16,813 --> 00:09:18,772
Actually, I'm allergic
to chocolate.
198
00:09:18,857 --> 00:09:21,424
More for me.
199
00:09:21,508 --> 00:09:24,685
Whoa. Think I'm
getting a sugar rush.
200
00:09:30,205 --> 00:09:32,642
Jenner!
What'd you bring to eat?
201
00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:33,728
Time to pay the sugar toll.
202
00:09:33,814 --> 00:09:35,424
It's Biscotti?
203
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,294
Biscot... what?
204
00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:38,773
It's a delicious biscuit.
My brother learned
205
00:09:38,858 --> 00:09:40,381
the recipe in Afghanistan.
206
00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:42,599
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
207
00:09:42,684 --> 00:09:45,078
Damn, boy! Mm.
208
00:09:45,162 --> 00:09:46,729
That's some Afghani gold
right there.
209
00:09:46,815 --> 00:09:48,251
What do you got, Coach?
210
00:09:48,336 --> 00:09:49,511
I got a world-class
taste-whupping in my mouth.
211
00:09:49,597 --> 00:09:51,164
You gotta try these.
212
00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:52,774
I'm gonna take
a couple more here
213
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,382
while I make my rounds.
214
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,600
Mm!
215
00:09:56,685 --> 00:09:58,600
Oh!
216
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,035
You want one, baby?
217
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,251
Are you trying to
make me fat?
218
00:10:04,251 --> 00:10:07,167
You little prick,
these are good!
219
00:10:07,251 --> 00:10:08,775
Well, then give me one then.
220
00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:10,949
Here.
221
00:10:15,251 --> 00:10:17,732
Locking up!
222
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,819
Mm. God damn!
223
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,559
Welcome home,
you traitorous hobbit.
224
00:10:32,644 --> 00:10:35,603
- Miles?
- Enjoy your stay!
225
00:10:35,687 --> 00:10:37,777
Hope you enjoy deucing
in the dark, bitch.
226
00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:39,341
Miles!
227
00:10:40,819 --> 00:10:43,735
Miles! Miles!
228
00:10:43,819 --> 00:10:45,778
You fat bastard!
229
00:10:45,863 --> 00:10:48,474
Let me outta here!
230
00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:52,258
Miles!
231
00:10:52,341 --> 00:10:54,169
All right.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
232
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,214
Hey, ladies.
Ladies first, all right?
233
00:10:57,298 --> 00:11:02,433
Ladies with their boobies out,
double first.
234
00:11:02,516 --> 00:11:04,780
Okay, we have four winners.
235
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,169
Here you go, girls.
236
00:11:06,255 --> 00:11:08,344
Whoo!
237
00:11:08,429 --> 00:11:09,082
Give me some
of that biscotti.
238
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,866
Come on, please!
Come on, man.
239
00:11:16,821 --> 00:11:18,605
Hey there,
good-looking.
240
00:11:18,691 --> 00:11:21,738
Hell of a fight, huh?
241
00:11:21,822 --> 00:11:22,562
Who the hell are you?
242
00:11:22,648 --> 00:11:25,433
I'm you, dummy.
243
00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:27,998
Then who the hell am I?
244
00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:29,345
You the damn fool
that's high as a kite
245
00:11:29,431 --> 00:11:31,129
on Afghani gold.
246
00:11:31,214 --> 00:11:32,998
The biscotti.
247
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,303
More like
bis-got-messed-up.
248
00:11:35,388 --> 00:11:38,565
Those cookies are dosed
to the teats.
249
00:11:38,649 --> 00:11:42,261
Sugar toll.
Afghani gold.
250
00:11:42,345 --> 00:11:43,694
Uh-oh.
251
00:11:57,693 --> 00:12:00,305
This... this is
252
00:12:00,390 --> 00:12:02,609
the best lock-in ever.
253
00:12:10,391 --> 00:12:12,393
Ooh!
254
00:12:12,478 --> 00:12:15,829
I think... yeah.
255
00:12:15,912 --> 00:12:18,219
Yeah, I'm trippin' balls.
256
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:22,003
I'm trippin'
biscotti balls!
257
00:12:22,087 --> 00:12:24,394
This is amazing!
258
00:12:24,479 --> 00:12:28,526
This little piggy
went "wee-wee-wee-wee"
259
00:12:30,174 --> 00:12:32,524
All the way home.
260
00:12:32,609 --> 00:12:34,307
Feels like
a big fat weiner.
261
00:12:35,958 --> 00:12:37,786
But not as big
as yours, I bet.
262
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:42,743
Mm, these biscotti
are amazing.
263
00:12:42,827 --> 00:12:44,742
Are you feeling okay?
264
00:12:44,828 --> 00:12:46,177
I'm great.
265
00:12:46,262 --> 00:12:47,437
Let's get a look
at the legend.
266
00:12:47,523 --> 00:12:49,134
Whoa, no, wait.
Whoa, Jenny.
267
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,700
You... you're
acting really weird.
268
00:12:51,785 --> 00:12:54,483
Oh, I know what
you want.
269
00:12:54,568 --> 00:12:57,179
You want me
to show you mine first.
270
00:12:57,263 --> 00:12:58,612
Okay.
271
00:13:05,611 --> 00:13:07,613
You like what you see?
272
00:13:07,698 --> 00:13:09,962
Hardwood floors.
273
00:13:17,917 --> 00:13:21,138
RJ, this is...
this is perfect.
274
00:13:21,222 --> 00:13:23,137
Has my hair always tasted
this good?
275
00:13:23,222 --> 00:13:25,833
RJ, this is just
276
00:13:25,918 --> 00:13:27,615
exactly how I always wanted it.
277
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,398
I somehow doubt that.
278
00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:30,876
No, no, no, no, no,
279
00:13:30,962 --> 00:13:33,138
this is just right exactly
280
00:13:33,223 --> 00:13:34,746
how I want to lose
my virginity.
281
00:13:34,831 --> 00:13:36,050
Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
282
00:13:36,136 --> 00:13:38,312
- You're a virgin?
- Not for long.
283
00:13:40,789 --> 00:13:42,355
What is that?
284
00:13:45,963 --> 00:13:49,314
Clang, clang, clang,
clang, clang, clang,
285
00:13:49,398 --> 00:13:52,053
clang, clang, clang.
286
00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:53,965
Help!
287
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,139
Get me out of here!
288
00:13:56,224 --> 00:13:59,270
Get me out of here, Miles,
289
00:13:59,354 --> 00:14:01,008
or I'm gonna bite off your...
290
00:14:15,616 --> 00:14:17,836
I love you.
291
00:14:17,921 --> 00:14:19,270
But don't
we hate each other?
292
00:14:19,356 --> 00:14:20,705
We do.
293
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:25,576
Love... this is
what it's all about.
294
00:14:27,096 --> 00:14:28,837
Get in on this, everybody.
295
00:14:28,922 --> 00:14:31,795
- It's magic.
- Magic.
296
00:14:31,879 --> 00:14:33,706
Double rainbow
all the way.
297
00:14:33,793 --> 00:14:35,142
What does that mean?
298
00:14:36,705 --> 00:14:38,577
What does it mean?
299
00:14:52,706 --> 00:14:54,186
I like you, me.
300
00:14:54,272 --> 00:14:56,013
Oh, man,
I like me too.
301
00:14:57,532 --> 00:14:58,359
Ah, but guess what.
302
00:14:58,446 --> 00:15:00,013
What?
303
00:15:00,098 --> 00:15:02,144
You ain't never gonna guess.
304
00:15:02,229 --> 00:15:04,013
- Lay it on.
- Okay.
305
00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:08,667
Uh, this trip...
306
00:15:08,751 --> 00:15:11,232
is about to go
really, really bad.
307
00:15:13,882 --> 00:15:14,665
- Oh, no.
- Yeah, you better
308
00:15:14,752 --> 00:15:17,624
hide in the air ducts.
309
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,493
'Cause this piece...
310
00:15:19,578 --> 00:15:22,929
is about to go buck wild.
311
00:15:23,013 --> 00:15:25,799
He got that right.
312
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,972
- If y'all say so.
- Yeah.
313
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,536
Yeah, we think
that's a good idea.
314
00:15:33,622 --> 00:15:36,408
I think that's a good idea.
315
00:15:36,492 --> 00:15:39,321
Aah!
316
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:42,017
He ain't gonna make it.
317
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,843
Come on, let's get it on.
318
00:15:47,928 --> 00:15:49,669
Jenny, Jenny.
Please, please just take...
319
00:15:49,754 --> 00:15:51,582
hold on, take a deep breath.
320
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,495
Okay.
321
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:56,713
Oh, I get it.
322
00:15:56,799 --> 00:15:58,496
You want a little...
323
00:16:01,363 --> 00:16:02,669
Oh.
324
00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:05,410
I touched it.
325
00:16:05,494 --> 00:16:07,888
Down the hatch.
326
00:16:07,973 --> 00:16:09,017
- Down the hat...
- Wait, no, no, no.
327
00:16:11,669 --> 00:16:13,976
Jenny?
328
00:16:15,843 --> 00:16:17,453
Who's there?
329
00:16:20,322 --> 00:16:22,454
Aah!
330
00:16:22,539 --> 00:16:23,889
What the hell is going o...
331
00:16:23,974 --> 00:16:25,236
Ouch!
332
00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:29,150
Ah! Stop!
Stop, you crazy bitch!
333
00:16:29,235 --> 00:16:30,932
Ow, ow!
334
00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:47,891
Paris Hilton?
335
00:16:47,976 --> 00:16:49,107
Is it really you?
336
00:16:49,193 --> 00:16:50,891
Yes, it's me.
337
00:16:52,976 --> 00:16:54,542
You're beautiful.
338
00:16:54,628 --> 00:16:56,326
I know.
339
00:16:56,411 --> 00:16:58,195
You are so hot.
340
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,240
Really?
341
00:17:01,325 --> 00:17:04,284
Can I tell you a secret?
342
00:17:04,368 --> 00:17:06,457
Anything.
343
00:17:06,542 --> 00:17:08,588
I'm the devil!
344
00:17:24,935 --> 00:17:26,458
Aaah!
345
00:17:30,501 --> 00:17:33,896
Polly? Polly!
346
00:17:38,631 --> 00:17:40,198
Oh no, the biscotti monster!
347
00:17:40,283 --> 00:17:41,850
Aah!
348
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,373
Aah! Aah! Aah!
349
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,808
Aah!
350
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:51,896
Aah!
351
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:57,810
We're all gonna die!
352
00:17:57,894 --> 00:18:00,940
We're gonna die!
353
00:18:01,024 --> 00:18:02,547
Aah!
354
00:18:07,590 --> 00:18:09,287
Hey.
355
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,505
I'm gonna take this
356
00:18:13,591 --> 00:18:16,376
nice ...and slow.
357
00:18:19,809 --> 00:18:22,637
No! No!
358
00:18:22,721 --> 00:18:25,376
Stay away from me! Help!
359
00:18:27,852 --> 00:18:29,898
Get the hell out
of the way!
360
00:18:33,287 --> 00:18:34,767
We're all gonna die.
Somebody, please!
361
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:38,942
Stop!
362
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:47,509
- Go!
- We're free!
363
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:07,204
What the...
364
00:19:27,117 --> 00:19:28,858
Morning.
365
00:19:28,944 --> 00:19:31,077
Morning.
366
00:19:36,553 --> 00:19:37,685
Last night...
367
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:40,512
everybody got
pretty messed up.
368
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:43,295
- Did I?
- Yeah.
369
00:19:47,250 --> 00:19:49,165
Did I...
370
00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:50,686
- take my...
- Yes.
371
00:19:50,771 --> 00:19:52,381
But I put them
back on for you.
372
00:19:56,554 --> 00:20:00,080
I'm sorry, RJ,
but did we...?
373
00:20:00,164 --> 00:20:01,165
No.
374
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:05,688
But we did just spend
the night together.
375
00:20:12,381 --> 00:20:14,731
Soon, RJ Berger.
376
00:20:14,817 --> 00:20:16,949
I promise.
377
00:20:27,905 --> 00:20:29,689
My name is RJ Berger,
378
00:20:29,774 --> 00:20:31,558
and I think the universe
379
00:20:31,643 --> 00:20:33,863
is starting
to take a shine to me.
380
00:20:46,471 --> 00:20:48,996
Next on The Hard Times
of RJ Berger...
381
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,559
I've never really had
a zit before.
382
00:20:50,645 --> 00:20:52,430
- Ever?
- I'm sure you have
383
00:20:52,515 --> 00:20:55,866
so much in common
with that vapid cooz, Jenny.
384
00:20:55,946 --> 00:21:00,211
This is the worst day
of my life.
25304
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